Reddit Reddit reviews The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life

We found 12 Reddit comments about The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

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Self-Help
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life
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12 Reddit comments about The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life:

u/dystopika · 6 pointsr/gimlet

I'm sorry for your loss. An excerpt from a book on abandonment that I've found helpful in the past:

> Society, unfortunately, does not assign bereavement roles when someone is abandoned. There is no funeral, there are no letters of sympathy. Rather, you are seen as someone who has been dumped.
>
> Abandonment survivors are left to wonder if perhaps they caused their own problems. Maybe it was their fault the relationship ended, perhaps they shouldn't feel such pain, perhaps it's a sign of emotional weakness. These self-recriminations add another layer of shame, forcing us farther into emotional exile.

But you've asked specifically about podcasts.

Podcasts can be great solace.

I've found "The Mental Illness Happy Hour" to be rewarding, in the past.

But sometimes, misery doesn't love company. I've enjoyed "CRIMINAL". They're about a half-hour each, generally. Reminiscent of "This American Life", which is one of my favorite podcasts (and which seems to spawn all other podcasts). It's a crime podcast but it isn't as intense as many of the true crime podcasts you'll find.

When I'm going through a breakup, I just like to get lost in other stories that don't remind me of the loss.

u/ceebee6 · 6 pointsr/datingoverthirty

Oh, I'm definitely in the same boat. And it's a work in progress. I don't have the answer, and I'm sure that I will continue to deal with it when triggers come up and such. For me, it was important to me to own my baggage--so good on you for doing that already with seeing a therapist. The rest of this is just a jumble of thoughts, so I apologize in advance:

I'm naturally a trusting person, and part of it has been more about my own identity. I don't want this experience to have stolen something that was so vital to who I am as a person. I've been reading The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, which has really been helpful so far. And one of the things that resonated with me is that some people are abandoners/cheaters, and some are not. There are some people who have it in them to do this, and some people who do not. It's a comfort to know that not everyone does this. I choose to focus on success stories of long, happy marriages, instead of stories of cheating to help me focus on the positives and possibilities. Even hearing from people who have had bad marriages or dead bedroom situations, yet were still faithful. It's also conscious choice to step forward little by little, as well as open up little by little to someone new. As well as a conscious choice to not put this on someone else who hasn't done anything to hurt me--why should they pay the penalty for my ex's choice? And ultimately, it comes down to trusting myself. It was the hardest thing to be blindsided like I was in what I fully believed (and was led to believe) to be a happy marriage. But, with the love and support of my family and friends, I have survived it. And I know that I'm okay, and I will be okay no matter what else happens.

My best friend put it this way. It may take a while to find someone you want to trust and who will earn that place in your life, and that's okay. But at some point, you may meet someone awesome. And while you may not know what the future holds or whether they will cheat or leave or get cancer or any number of things that could happen, you'll know that they're worth that risk.

u/Single_mom_and_Proud · 3 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Lately, I've been reading this book, and I think it will do you good:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship/dp/0425172287

There is a section on "shattering", which is the pain experienced after abandonment. There are exercises to keep you centered through this phase. I hope you read it.

u/MeloraJagger · 3 pointsr/Anxiety

For now, remember to breathe and be good to yourself, sweet one. Your mind may be racing with the freshness of this wound but you need to keep in mind that you need to BE GOOD TO YOURSELF. Lean on friends as much as you can. Friends can be an immense comfort in the short term trauma.

I highly recommend the Susan Anderson book The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. This has helped me immeasurably in the past.

Excerpt, pg. 124:
> "Society, unfortunately, does not assign bereavement roles when someone is abandoned. There is no funeral, there are no letters of sympathy. Rather, you are seen as someone who has been dumped.
>
> "Abandonment survivors are left to wonder if perhaps they caused their own problems. Maybe it was their fault the relationship ended, perhaps they shouldn't feel such pain, perhaps it's a sign of emotional weakness. These self-recriminations add another layer of shame, forcing us farther into emotional exile."

u/vileeh · 3 pointsr/ENFP

[This book] (https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287) might help.

Believe it or not, you are addicted to the strife. It's what makes you fall in love with someone and bond. You say the comments hurt you a lot and then in those small moments of connection your body releases so many chemicals to your brain that this surge is addictive.

You can heal it, and it takes a lot of effort. Good luck!

u/juwells · 2 pointsr/Divorce

Here's one:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0986472107/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

This one really helped me through the worst parts of my divorce:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship/dp/0425172287/ref=pd_sim_b_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=0MKZHBKAZ2SHWF4EYWX6

She should really file those divorce papers, if anything, just for herself to move on, she can always stop the proceedings should he become mentally stable again. She cannot help him if he doesn't want to help himself, and of all things, she needs to help herself step out of this nightmare. Good luck to your sis.

u/Apology-Girl · 2 pointsr/FreeCompliments

You are a remarkable individual and please, please, please do not let these setbacks make you think otherwise.

I've dealt with some serious abandonment issues myself. This book by Susan Anderson was a revelation to me.

Some excerpts that meant a lot to me in my struggles with abandonment:

pg. 34
"For some, suicidal feelings, while not to be acted upon, can serve a purpose. They can help to shore up your ego during this stage. The idea that we could end the pain if we wanted to restores a sense of control that we have temporarily lost..."

pg. 36
"Many of these uncomfortable and unsettling sensations respond to the effects of a well-known drug—one that is legal and readily available—alcohol. Because alcohol is a depressant, it can dampen tensions and the edginess you feel. Even the most moderate of drinkers tend to overmedicate with alcohol to help themselves fall asleep or relax..."

pg. 71
"... The more time that passes, the longer your needs go unmet, the more your body and mind ache for all that you've lost. No matter how hard people try to hold themselves together, a profound sense of loss intrudes on every waking moment.

"The effects of withdrawal are cumulative and wavelike. They often have to get worse before they can get better, a point lost on friends who expect to see your desperation dissipate, not mount day after day."

pg. 74
"Even if a relationship had only been a date or two, your hopes for the future and your need for love were invested in that person. When hopes don't materialize, your disappointment can be profound; it puts you right back where you were before: alone. Your sense of loss may be no less painful than if you had been married for many years."

pg. 124
"Society, unfortunately, does not assign bereavement roles when someone is abandoned. There is no funeral, there are no letters of sympathy. Rather, you are seen as someone who has been dumped.

"Abandonment survivors are left to wonder if perhaps they caused their own problems. Maybe it was their fault the relationship ended, perhaps they shouldn't feel such pain, perhaps it's a sign of emotional weakness. These self-recriminations add another layer of shame, forcing us farther into emotional exile."

u/BaesicDogGirl · 2 pointsr/abusiverelationships

You are worthy of love, you're just not going to the right people to get it, and most importantly you're not loving yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, at all.

Take a step back from seeking out love from other people, and work on loving yourself. The rest will come. I know because I've been you.

My ex already had another girlfriend by the time he broke up with me. It was truly devastating. I had very dark days and blamed myself for not being good enough for him to stay and let him walk all over me even after the breakup. That was three years ago. Today, I am so happy with who I am and I am also in a healthy relationship for the first time in my life with a loving and giving partner.

I recommend this book on abandonment and this one on codependency.

​

Keep your head up! You are worthy of so much in life. You have enough. You do enough. You are enough.

u/whatadayholytoledo · 1 pointr/Divorce

I can already see that you’re getting a ton of “reality check” responses in here, so let me just offer you some support. I know exactly what you’re feeling. It’s happening to me now. I have a young child, too. I’m very sorry.

It’s a terrifying feeling. Feels like you’re losing control. And you are, to a certain extent. You’re losing control over the life you imagined you would have. It’s a deeply sad place to be, especially for a parent. There is a real mourning that needs to take place. Sounds like you’re in it.

Remember, though:

You DO however have control over your decisions now, today, and moving forward. This is still your life. She didn’t take it away from you. You’re living it right now. You can either exhibit your rage to your family, or you can acknowledge it and deal with it in a way that makes you stronger.

I encourage you to let out those emotions in a way that’s healthy for you, and doesn’t involve your ex or your child. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should be feeling, but listen closely to those who have good ideas about how to deal with feelings in a smart way. The decisions you make right now about how to deal with you pain and loss will likely impact the rest of your life. Spend the time to learn what the smart decisions are.

There is a light path... and a dark.

I recommend Susan Anderson’s book on abandonment recovery to everyone I know who was left behind by their spouse. It really helped me. Here is a link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0425172287/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_CkoDDbQ1TNAG7

Again, I’m very sorry. And you’re not alone. And this doesn’t define your value as a person and a father, unless you let it. You’re the captain.

u/hispter · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

This book helped me tremendously when I was going through a similar situation. Please trust me that you will be OK - you will get through this and be happy again. But it will be hard to even understand that for a while.

http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287

u/turtleplop · 1 pointr/Divorce

This book really, really helped me. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287/ref=nodl_

u/iEuphoria · 1 pointr/relationships

Best wishes to you. I gleamed this exercise from this book: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: by Susan Anderson.