Reddit reviews The Male Brain: A Breakthrough Understanding of How Men and Boys Think

Idk what's "wild" about it, but sure, here you go.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22208110
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21319910

Covers the, "men fall faster and harder" claim

http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767927540

Covers the brain development claims

As far as men being pressured to hide their emotions and not go blurting out that they're in love 2 weeks in...I really don't feel the need to source that.

And I flat out admitted that I didn't know what it was like for women, and was only guessing.

To be fair, it's possible that most or all of these differences could be the result of differing socialization instead of differing genetics. And of course it could be a combination of genetic predisposition and environment.

There's a multitude of evidence demonstrating that on the whole men and women have differently structured brains and process information differently, but the problem is determining how much of this is due to genetics and how much is due socialization.

In case anyone would like a recommendation for books discussing these sorts of differences:

[Male Brains] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767927540)

[Female Brains] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Female_Brain_%28book%29)

The Female Brain
and The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine was a really good book that I didn't feel like it really needed much knowledge of neuroscience to understand.

I read that in high school because it was in the library, and I was interested in the brain. I might have been 14 or 15 the time, and both books kept my ADD teenage brain interested long enough to read it before I got distracted by another book, video, or something else on history, biology, chemistry, astronomy, science fiction, eta.

It is about gender differences in the brain, behavior, and psychology.
It is has both psychology and neuroscience in it. This is something that might be more interesting
then a general book about the brain.
By reading it, I definitely learned about at least the macro level of the brain. You have to talk about the general in order to explain the differences well. If I read a book about the differences between red wolves and gray wolves, I will learn a lot about wolves in general, too.

>I don’t regret having one, just extremely ashamed of being sexual and communicating it to girls and also showing it to the world. Attracting girls’ attention and whatnot isn’t very hard but progressing things to dating, holding hands and eventually sex is impossible. I can’t even call them or message them on Facebook or Whatsapp because I just feel like an idiot for doing so. Making a move in clubs and bars is also difficult although I once got close to leaving with a girl but she didn't want to. I got made fun of a lot growing up for not having a girlfriend and this made me feel like i do not deserve one. It doesn't matter if I've got the green light to go ahead I just feel really ashamed do it. Even something like looking at a fit girl wearing a short skirt makes me feel bad for checking her out and that I shouldn’t be doing it.


I know what you mean. I've been there myself, but even when I was there I was entirely self-aware of my shame and I was skeptical of the validity of my emotional reactions; I realized they were ingrained. Being aware of your emotional reactions allows you to be emotionally proactive. Your sex-negative problem is mostly an emotional issue, and not much else, right? I've been there. I wouldn't doubt that you are also decent looking and have both latent and actualized social skills. Most intelligent introverts have a lot of potential to be who they want to be because they know themselves more deeply than others. You must use your introverted nature to your advantage and recognize the differences in others and yourself. In all honesty, there are an infinite number of unwritten rules; everyone's abstract/emotional logic is different. Many of them are foundational and predictable, however; including yours and mine. Like anything else, being emotionally predictable is not a black/white issue. It is a grey area, and you have to balance your reliability with creativity.


Being made fun of for not having a girlfriend is just as sexist as being made fun of for not having a boyfriend; gender equal too. Were you ever shamed for not having a boyfriend? It's clearly a matter of groupthink and extroverted style; not for everyone. Dating relationships, for extroverts especially, are often attention-getting and showy. They wear their relationships like trophies won. Usually introverts prefer a more private relationship because they have less social desire and are often shamed because of it. Introverts are “themselves” more often in private. Extroverts are “themselves” more often in public. There is no shame deserved either way, regardless of popular opinion. Both styles have their strengths and weaknesses, and you should try to introject some of the traits that you enjoy in others; regardless of type. That is how you become balanced.


>I’m receiving counselling from a pastor who advocates the whole “no sex before marriage” thing and believes that people should only date to get married and sex is only for making kids which is stupid IMO because I do not plan on getting married anytime soon.


Counseling from a Catholic pastor? Watch out, that is one of the most notorious sex-negative societies out there. They own the abstinence-only charade while they parade horribles. Marriage is not the answer to anything; it is an institution of the state. Anything else attached is sentimental.


If you haven't already, I recommend doing an in-depth study of animal sexual behaviors; especially the most intelligent animals. All animals have sex for pleasure, but some animals are only driven to have sex at certain times of the year; humans are on a 24/7 system.


>I’ve tried the no fap route and gotten very high days counts but that hasn’t really helped me at all.


Sexual frustration doesn't help anyone. If you are mindful, then you can use your libido to further your goals, but it is not an all-cure.


>Got any sources to help overcome sex-negative perspectives? I’m interested in recreational sex not baby making sex.


Absolutely. I recommend starting with actual sex science and learning about male and female psychology and neurology. Then work your way into reading about sex culture. You should also study developmental psychology as you will probably need the clinical context in order to objectively self-evaluate your childhood influences; it is necessary for self-therapy. The best therapy will always be self-therapy; no one will ever know you better than yourself.


Evolutionary Science and Morals Philosophy:

The Selfish Gene

The Moral Landscape

The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined

Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do?


Sex Psychology, Science, and Neurology:

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

The Female Brain

The Male Brain

Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love

What Do Women Want

Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)

Sex: The world's favorite pastime fully revealed


Behavioral Psychology and Abstract Economics:

How Pleasure Works

Freakonomics

Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking

Thinking Fast And Slow

We Are All Weird


Developmental Psychology:

Nurture Shock

Hauntings: Dispelling The Ghosts That Run Our Lives


Empathy Building:


Half The Sky

The House On Mango Street

Me Before You

The Fault In Our Stars

Also check out James Hollis' Understanding The Psychology of Men lecture if you can find it.



Movies: XXY, Tom Boy, Dogtooth, Shame, Secretary, Nymphomaniac, Juno, Beautiful Creatures, and The Man From Earth.



All of these things are related, but it is up to you to make the connections; pick and choose which material suits your interests best. These are the things that came to mind first, and they have all influenced my perspectives.

> This is the third time this has happened in the past five yeas. The exact same procedure. And it will happen again.

Not necessarily. It depends on the chemistry between you. A man's chemistry especially changes when he becomes a father

http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767927540

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1502317/
Here you go. TIL it's called part of the dude version of menopause and is called andropause.

The "grandpa is lovier than dad" anecdote is from this book: https://www.amazon.com/Male-Brain-Breakthrough-Understanding-Think/dp/0767927540

Being a male does mean something and hormones do effect our minds and behavior. There's pretty solid research on the topic, though you'll never hear it brought up in a gender studies course.

The Male Brain

The Female Brain

If you're interested, check out these books. They're easy but very interesting reads, and I was astonished by some of the differences between men and women.

The Male Brain: http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767927540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373722766&sr=8-1&keywords=the+male+brain

The Female Brain:http://www.amazon.com/The-Female-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767920104/ref=pd_sim_b_1

Here's the book... not that anyone here really cares haha.

> There are differences in brain structure even at birth.

Are you referring to these books by Louann Brizendine? Because her books theorize the brain structures are different, they do not prove that clinically. However there are plenty of studies which show men and women do act differently, we're just not sure if the physical brain structures are different.

• The Female Brain (book)
  
• The Male Brain (book)
  
  I'd be happy to see studies that do prove brain structures are physically different if you have them.
  

While nothing will give you all the answers you seek, this book is really interesting.

Explains all about testosterone levels at different ages and why males behave the way they do. I'm not 100% subscribed to it of course but it was a fascinating read. I do agree with your body doing what it's supposed to do provided you have a reasonably healthy lifestyle. i.e. you're supposed to have testosterone decline as you age and testosterone injections aren't necessarily a good idea to fix that.

Unless you have dreams of being Mr. Olympia in your middle age, I think you'll be ok.

Also, the hormonal changes can come with obesity and other health issues that affect more and more men these days - studies like to focus on one thing and ignore so many other factors, the news likes to scare people. In short, you know what to do to maintain a healthy lifestyle, keep that up and it's the best preventive medicine ever!

https://www.amazon.com/Male-Brain-Breakthrough-Understanding-Think/dp/0767927540

Go nuts. We're talking about examining actual brain patterns, not how people act.

You know, the should make a 'social science' student run for the hills.

All I'm asking for is one culture where males do not approach problems with a problem-solving mentality. You can't provide one, and you're desperately strugging to come up with some nonsense social theory for why. Trouble is, the answer's already out there; we know that the empathy centers in the male brain don't light up when faced with an emotional problem the way female brains do.

Regarding research, you may want to check out a book called The Male Brain (or pirate it, I'm not the police). It's only a couple hundred novel sized pages but it's an amazing primer into brain, hormones, and anything you want to know about the male brain. It covers the topic in an easy-to-understand fashion and I know there's a specific section on testosterone and its effect on the male sex drive. I'd recommend it to anyone but it seems particularly good for your partner's situation (and it also has a great companion book called The Female Brain if you end up liking it).

The reason I disregard testosterone is that if he has doctors regularly checking his blood and he has erection problems, that'd be one of the first things they'd already have checked. Low T is a common side effect of chemo therapy so it's not unusual to them and it's a relatively inexpensive test ($100 maybe) that's straightforward to fix with drugs. Hard to imagine them missing it.



Realistically, the most likely thing I can think of would be having a history of sexual abuse. After 8 months together I'd assume he'd be comfortable having sex with you by now. If a woman displayed those signs like extreme anxiety because of their partner of 8 months was acting sexy with her, or a panic attack when receiving oral sex, or needing to have sex sneak up or she gets extremely anxious... one of the default assumptions would be past sexual abuse. Just because he's a guy doesn't make it any less likely.

Have you talked to him about that and do you think he'd answer you truthfully if you asked? (Also /r/relationships would probably be better able to cover this topic.)