I'm sorry dude, but you are getting a lot of terrible advice here, and I would know.

The way you describe this, it sounds like all the aspects of you that make you a man have been sucked out or worn away. I'm not saying that in some sort of men vs women situation, but rather speaking purely from an attraction point of view. Women are attracted to men. Particularly manly men, but not in the stereotype you might be thinking. Masculinity. Your wife doesn't initiate? And doesn't come? Part of that is probably because of her job. It is probably stressful and a lot of work.

But if you feel like this:

> I feel trapped and soul-sapped. I feel powerless. I feel like pre-cancer-diagnosis Walter White. And, at the same time, I feel guilty for feeling like this

Don't you think she would pick up on that? I'm not saying she won't/doesn't love you, but how could she be attracted to you when you feel like that?

So now how to fix it. Firstly, this book is a lifesaver: http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Read the reviews. There's nothing hugely wrong with your life choices themselves, or the way you treat your wife. To the contrary of what the top upvoted posted said, a weekend to reconnect with your wife is going to do jack all. It might make you two feel better for 3-4 days. Like I said, jack all.

You need GOALS. You need to have ambitions, be working towards something. Passionate, ambitious men are attractive. Getting in shape can help tremendously if you aren't. Testosterone levels can help too, and there are lots of natural ways to raise testosterone levels(What did you think she was attracted to if not testosterone?). Does this mean you can't be a stay at home dad anymore? Maybe, maybe not. Not all goals are work/professional.

You need to be more assertive. Fill your life with things and activities. Pick fun stuff to do, then invite HER along. Don't make your life revolve around her. Your life should include your children, but it should not revolve around your children, at least not if you want to rebuild attraction. Filling your life with more things will build confidence. Giving yourself more options so that your life does not resolve around one limited set of things(Wife, children) will give you more confidence.

Confidence. Is. Attractive. Confidence is the most important piece here, but I listed it last because telling you to "be more confident" helps no one. Telling you ideas of how to BECOME more confident helps.

Get back into a metal band(Passion). Aim to become a world class chef(Goals). Start doing MMA or Krav Maga(Fitness & Testosterone). You can do this. And she won't know it/know why, but she will love it.

Read this:

The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011

Don't have another child with her whatever you do. Whether you want it or not, your marriage is likely to end, and supporting one kid will be bad enough.

http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

MMSL is about men improving themselves in a way that leads to more and better sex in marriage. He expresses a few ideas better than I've seen elsewhere:

• Comfort and attraction are related but different. Many men in \DeadBedrooms are good at comfort but not attraction and make the mistake of thinking that comfort generates attraction.
  
  
• Attraction has a big physical and instinctual component. Attraction is triggered by strength, confidence, charm, aggressiveness, status, physical build, when they are displayed in the context of the rest of your relationship.
  
  
  MMSL has specific suggestions for a good man in a good relationship to deliver better attractiveness cues.
  
  No one else is giving advice to nice-guys about the actual practice of a good physical relationship. MMSL advises how to approach their GFs for sex, or how to handle sexual rejection. Consider http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/2010/01/sexy-moves-ten-second-kiss.html for example.
  
  MMSL is often rejected for being unrepentantly pro-sex, focused on men, simplistic, and taking an evo-psych/game view. If that bothers you, skip it.
  
  There is a book, which is a convenient and better-organized version of the content of the blog plus maybe 20% more. http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331320784&sr=8-1
  

I wish there was good, easy to link advice to give the thousands of men on /r/deadbedrooms besides red pill stuff.

There is red pill "light" in the form of

• No More Mr. Nice Guy
  
• Married Man Sex Life Primer
  
• Mindful Attraction Plan
  
  These are very watered down but already labeled as "abusive".
  
  And of course there is PUA stuff for what it's worth. Much tamer than red pill but already carrying a stigma in the mainstream.

This whole situation is your fault. You have turned into a whining pathetic creature who your wife despises. That is why she does not want to have sex with you.

If a woman does not fear losing you she will take you for granted. Note that it does not matter that your leaving would be a disaster for you (and your children). All this stuff operates at an unconscious level where such considerations do not matter.

You are the one who has to change. Then she will respond.

Read
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/03/27/dread/

And
http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

I married at 18 and have been married for 10 years.

Your husband sounds beaten down and depressed. Besides the obvious good diet, plenty of sleep, sunshine, etc be mindful that he is going through a lot. It's really hard living with a person like this and it's really hard being this person. Just keep trying to show that you love him and support him.

Femininity attracts masculinity. Submission attracts dominance. The best way to help him become this person is to make space for him to become this person and make him want to be this person.

> I know part of the problem is that he feels emasculated and unappreciated at his job.

Make sure he feels masculine and appreciated at home. Thank him a lot. Not just verbally. Show your gratitude for all that he does for you.

I suggest reading the MMSL Primer and The Surrendered Wife

This book, The Married Man's Sex Life Primer, will give you a LOT of insight on how to stimulate attraction in your mate. I read it in hindsight after a failed relationship, and it really made it blatantly obvious why things didn't work out (totally different reasons than yours, though). I wish I had read it sooner.

He could give him https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Leave now. It's over. Unrepairable without significant change by both you and her, and still will leave you feeling like you were betrayed in the worst possible way. I know you still love her right now, but there are still a few things that you need to get through:

1. They already fucked around. Talking fantasies openly, or emotionally charged = they fucked around. Which also means that she literally has a dopamine rush with this man in so many ways that would take a while to write out. Just know that her brain is rewarding her for seeing him, and it's an extreme uphill battle.
   
   
2. You don't have to tell her that you snooped, especially since it's fucked up. She argued pretty hard against the smallest amount of snooping, so that's a pretty good clue that she is guilty anyways. Don't tell her anything, just leave. You don't owe the person who fucked you over anything, not even an explanation. However, you need to divorce, so maybe you should be more active in trying to attain evidence so you can avoid her trying to get anything that's yours. She is going to flip shit if she finds out she was caught with her hand in the cookie jar and is going to make you out as the bad guy. She will probably hit you and tell you everything that you are insecure about and tell you horrible, horrible things. Her brain is going to be out to piss you off and hurt you. Don't listen to her. You are not the one fucking someone else in the most cowardly way. You are not the bad guy. She is the bad guy, and she won't be able to accept that fact, nor will she ever acknowledge it.
   
   
3. Do not try to get her to acknowledge that she was wrong, she never will. It is wasted energy. Just walk away.
   
   
4. You are really worried about this woman leaving you, even though she is fucking you over and your generosity to this man. Think about that. I don't know you and I wouldn't even do that, and this is someone who supposedly vowed to put your life as a priority above all else. That is not a good person. That is not a person you should be with. Unfortunately for humans, we bond with those who we invest in, even when we invest in shitty people. You still feel pulled to this girl, so the first step is to stop thinking about her and stop doing things for her, and stop thinking that you didn't do enough for her.
   
   
5. You sound like you have a lot to unlearn. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy", "Married Man Sex Life Primer, and "Time Warrior". These should be good about changing your mindsets about a lot of things. But most importantly, they will help you deal with your insecurity and feelings of unworthiness which is your biggest obstacle right now.
   
   

   YOU GOT THIS!!
   

   
   -----------
   
   This is the advice I keep posting. It's had great results for males, maybe I'll make it a post to help out others. Anyways, here it is.
   
   Lose the shock value of imagining her having sex by thinking about it over and over, because it's already happened and it's going to help you get over her. Do this while exercising and running. Every time you start to think about it, go run or exercise. Do not contact her. Cut off all forms of her checking on you. You can still think about her, but only as motivation for pissing you off and exercising and getting better. When you are depressed instead of pissed off, find great friends and tell them not to bring up anything about the relationship. Don't drink, keep your energy levels high with sleep, and don't be alone (unless you are exercising). And don't you dare fucking contact her.
   
   (ONE MONTH LATER) Spend some time alone thinking about who you want to become. What are your dreams son? What would you die for. Become the man you were destined to become. You are the only one responsible for your happiness, start acting like it. No more sacrifices for anyone. Time for you to be completely selfish. Fuck'em all is the motto. Work on your dreams, and don't let anyone get in the way. Start documenting this so you can refer to how much of a badass you were (will be great motivation for later in your life).
   
   (TWO MONTHS AFTER BREAKUP) The sting has lost its burn, but you still hate her. You are in a lot better shape, and have some great projects going on, and great friendships. You should stop thinking about her entirely. Get a rubberband, and snap it everytime you think about her, and then immediately shift your thoughts to something detail oriented that you love to do. Slowly you'll break the habit of thinking of her (maybe even a whole day without one thought of her!). Learn that she changed completely, the person you dated has essentially died. Don't resent your relationship, just mourn the loss of who that person used to be. The new person she is should be un-interesting to you. She's not nearly as good as you are at the things that matter (because you're working on your dreams, and you're getting better at them and found out that you are good at them). One more thing that makes your ex less interesting for your brain to think about.
   
   Also, now that you are in better shape, go get a rebound girl. Liberate yourself sexually from your ex. The first time will feel forced or sad or awkward. Keep going. Do it ten more times, and one of those girls will be a legitimate connection. The sex will be mindblowingly better than with your ex. Another thing that your ex is less interesting in, so your brain stops thinking about her. You are well on your way to being completely over her.
   
   This process is called:
   
   Man the fuck up
   
   Don't avoid any of the steps, they are all required eventually. This process is the only proven way for a man to be truly happy and respect himself. If you need help, just send a message, but I'll warn you now that I'm going to be brutally honest.

The married man's sex life primer by Athol Kay. Buy it. Read it. Live it.

Also, r/deadbedrooms

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1460981731?pc_redir=1406627557&robot_redir=1

Have you read Married Man's Sex Life Primer, How to Get Your Wife to Have Sex With You, 5 Love Languages and The Sex Starved Marriage ?

I have no idea how to convey the terror that is being in a sexless marriage. I question everything about myself and my life. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. If you had a magic button to push, I would GLADLY give you the contents of my bank accounts & 401k.

If you don't have any experience with this, I can't imagine that your advice will be that practical. My wife stiffens if I touch her. Do you understand?

Poor sexual rapport would be something that I'd like to attain, I'd liken our situation to ABYSMAL sexual rapport. Literally, she will speak to her mother our our daughter in a nicer tone of voice, or will hug & kiss them without a care the way I wish she'd do for me.

I know where you're coming from here. I'm HL, (my guys is maybe he's LL-ML perhaps actually) but we haven't been intimate in god I don't know.. months? maybe over a year at this point. And that's typical... months if not years between attempts. Some weird pattern of complacency. Like... it's not going to get better if you never try but what you going to do.

Something broke somewhere and we haven't been abel to fix it. It was my first 'proper' relationship and his second, so that has a real big part to play in it too I think. And I've certainly tried to fix it - I lost weight, found loads of stuff online, books from here etc Sadly he found the books 'crass' so that wasn't helpful - but - I've collected loads of tips and guides and things to try and figure out how to fix things. HAsn't helped though... there is a gear to this and we've definitely both fallen out of it. We'd periodically talk about it - I'd always initiate these and he'd say that he agreed completely, that "things would change" and then nothing ever does of course.

And I say similar to you because he spends all his free time with a headset playing games (he's literally sitting next to me right now doing this), chatting to other people... awake till 4am online and mouthing me a "goodnight" while shooting some guy on Rust while I go to bed alone. I am pretty certain he 'takes care of himself' after I've goner to bed too... and really that sort of does its own damage. Not gonna lie, I do the same thing myself now... and that's the weird pattern we've fallen into. We're affectionate and caring don't get me wrong, but there's a giant black hole where physical intimacy should be and that is so so damaging. It's like our relationship is quietly eroding from the core and no amount of hugs will fix that >_>

Our issues likely like in several places - but one of them is the mismatch between how you get in the mood and how he does. Like you I prefer some sort of build up - it would be nice if we spent time doing something together for example - and like your guy, my guy just sort of occasionally jumps on me all guns blazing and expects instant reciprocation. And by instant I mean if I don't want him inside me after 2 minutes of a back massage "I don't find him attractive" which isn't true but he's 28 now - and teaching him foreplay is a legitimate thing is proving surprisingly difficult. I guess that's both the cause of and the result of 5 years of nothing and porn ironically (like I said, we were both new to this whole Relationship thing when we started). Deadly spiral, don't do that.

Anyway... gosh intimate ranting, the worst kind of ranting... sorry!

So, told, my guy does tech - right. He plays all hours, he spends more time chatting with online people than me, more time with them than me by a long long margin. I get it... and I imagine it's a replacement pure and simple. A distraction. And, like you, I've had enough, too. So... we have a choice here. We have identified we are unhappy - that's step one, and it's important. And very very likely we're not alone - our partners are also not happy. So we have two, well actually three options.

• fix it
  
• don't fix it, continue as before
  
• leave
  
  Having established you're in the "fix it" camp you really need to talk to him. Honestly and completely about what you just told us. Because sure you may have had these conversations before but that didn't change anything so you need to have another. And it needs to do something different, because last time didn't work.
  
  In my case I had the latest one of these about a week ago. I laid out everything (again) and he quietly agreed with everything (again). Key thing. Realism.
  
  In one way or other I said this: "look we need to fix this because we're both unhappy and I don't want my future to be like this. I can't imagine a future like this". He agreed (he felt the same too.) "nothing we tried before has worked" he also agreed. He said he was afraid of trying and failing - because failing would mean it couldn't be fixed and that scared him. Part of the inactivity and complacency was actually procrastination. The outcome: we need to go to a councillor. All the reddit archer advice and internet help and chats have done not one thing. I don't know where to go from here, I just don't - so we need to run this by somebody who does. He did actually agree to doing this in the new year. I'm not entirely convinced - like the promised dates and time spent together it's likely to be forgotten I should think. But it's worth trying.
  
  Time is a precious thing. It's a finite thing. You either spend time fixing it or you call it quits and find somebody who makes you happy. Ideally you fix things, of course, and marriage counsellors exist for a reason. But it's worth looking at it like that - and mentioning to him that things are this serious - because they really are. Something fixable now might not be fixable couple of years down the line. Take if from somebody 6 years down the line more time does not solve anything (only perpetuates it) - but only actions will change things.
  
  Two books I found helpful you may also find useful.
  
  Come as You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life - I am reading this atm, though this sub I think - and it's really really interesting. From what you've said I think you would find it really insightful too and highly recommend it.
  
  The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts - this might be useful for you too - you can find summaries online that tell you the basics though. This is such an important thing - and might be a useful way into the deeper conversation you need to have.
  
  EDIT
  
  You mentioned feeling resentment about rejection and I totally see that. Rejection cuts both ways - and does its own sort of damage. Time only deepens those wounds, so be careful of that. What this boils down to though is that you both need to be putting 100% into fixing things. This isn't some "you need to do this so he will do that" stuff. That just causes resentment - you feel you've been hurt and are still expecting to put your heart on the line again - and I imagine that's how he feels too. This is your relationship which is the combination of you both. You can't fix it with imbalance - imbalance is what broke it. You need to get off the ride (communicate openly) and restart it (councillor for example) and both go back into it together. Spend time together (for your side of things) and intimate time (for his side of things). even if it doesn't end... completely... if you see what I mean - sometimes these things need ramping up and the intimacy you both need should be built gradually. I'm almost looking at it as trying to see it as a new relationship - because those are the sort of things you're rebuilding.
  
  
  
  

"...pushover..."

http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342054884&sr=8-1&keywords=athol+kay

Now. RIGHT now.

I've got something that hardly anyone ever reads, but it way shorter than a book...

It's a bit dry... But if you want to know what science has discovered about male/female attraction (and know how to use google scholar to follow up areas of specific interest from the citations it uses) it's a great starting resource as it's the meta-analysis of the field.

Evolution of Human Mate Choice

OTOH, if you actually want a book. The best resource I ever found about female sexuality attraction (focussing on the long term) was

Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay

You need to read this.

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

>My wife and I have been married for 16 years.This April my wife told me she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore and all intimacy has stopped. I didn't know how to take this as I am in good shape, better than when we met. I have my hair still, I haven't lost my sense of humor, I still work hard make good money and take care of our kids. I don't drink, smoke, gamble, cheat, blow money, or abuse of any kind. I have tried making life really special for her for the last six months with lots of dates, trips, gifts, compliments, surprises, back scratches(all normal activities for us but i increased the frequency)...etc you name it. None of this seems to be working to help restore her attraction.

None of that creates any sexual desire or attraction, it only provides comfort.

Look, you are doing EVERYTHING the world tells you to do and none of it is working. You are the picture perfect husband, the world says they are attractive and their wives want them but here we are. She dosent and it's getting worse. She wants you even less.

>Here is what I want to know. Has anyone else gone through this and come out with a better marriage, either with therapy or without? I especially want to hear from the wives

This is a problem. You don't ask fish how to catch a fish. You want the wives to answer? How about you ask a man who has turned something like this around.

>reading this so I can better understand. And the second part is, what can I do?

stop trying. You come across as needy and sexually thirsty. It's very unattractive.

>I am in love with this woman and have been since the first day I met her

And yet she cares so little for you a task that takes less than 30 min, is important to You, and feels good is out of the question.

>and although she tells me she loves me too, this cannot continue like this

That's because she dosent love you. Love is when a person's interest and desires match their partners. If she loved you and desired you she would be fucking your brains out. Her desire is to stay married because she wants to maintain her lifestyle

>Any advice or experience please! I can answer any questions as well.

Yes read this book. You might hate some of the stuff in it. It will explain why your wife lost her desire and attraction to you and how it's your fault. The good news is you fucked yourself that means you can unfuck yourself.

https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Linked this like 5 times today. This is a very common problem. I have been on both sides of a deadbedroom.

http://www.amazon.fr/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

So while she isn't being attentive to your needs (putting out, as it were) you're going two or three extra miles to be the perfect partner in an attempt to "earn" some sex from her. What incentive is there for her to change? The relationship's inertia is in her favor; to have to wrapped around her little finger he just has to do nothing.

I'm currently reading 'The Married Man Sex Life Primer' and it's speaking to me. I can work on myself and get more/better sex by being worthy of more/better sex. If I'm in shape and a better rounded person and she still doesn't take my needs into consideration then I guess I'll have a hard choice to make.

I would recommend picking up the Married Man Sex Life Primer and reading it twice. After that, continue reading resources on the web.

After reading and continuing my education on this subject I recognize mistakes I have been making as a matter of course in my marriage. I'm now working on making myself a better person and regaining control of my relationship.

Time will tell if I am able to revive my marriage or not, but one thing is for sure: I now have a clear plan towards getting what I need in a relationship, even if that means leaving my wife. Even having a clear path forward is a huge relief, even if the end result seems like a foregone conclusion.

Monogamous marriage with a male head of household (ie patriarchy) has two main aims:

1. Solving the prisoners dilemmas with male-female relations
   
   
2. Giving men an incentive to contribute to society and civilization, rather than smoking pot, playing video games, drinking, gambling, whoring, and otherwise doing the minimum necessary to eat and fornicate.
   
   The male optimum is to have a loyal wife at home raising kids, but then spread his seed a lot on the side. Once the kids are raised and the wife is old, dump her for a younger wife.
   
   The female optimum is to have a provider husband, but then to screw around with higher status men when hubby is not watching.
   
   A woman has highest value during her most fertile years, 18-33, but loses value later on.
   
   A man has highest value during his early 30's, and his value declines much more slowly.
   
   Additionally, each person might have varying value during life based on health, job loss, etc.
   
   Based on the above patterns, we can build the four quadrants of the prisoner's dilemma
   
   The defect-defect/lose-lose situation is that woman screws around during her 20's, then when is older no one wants her and she lives a lonely life. The woman-defects, male-sucker situation is that the woman screws around in her 20's, then gets settles for a provider husband who went with very little sex during his 20's, and now has second dibs, and maybe gets cuckolded to boot. The man-defects, woman-sucker situation is the woman gets married young, gives her best years to her husband, then gets unceremoniously dumped for a younger woman.
   
   The way out of the prisoner's dilemma is to create a permanent contract - the monogamous marriage. The man and woman get married, permanently, while both are still young, and are loyal to each other and raise a family together. This puts man and woman in the cooperate-cooperate quadrant, which is a lot better for both than the defect-defect.
   
   So one question - in the 21st century, why is the cooperate-cooperate better than defect-defect? Maybe a woman will get more utility from screwing around while young, then raising children by herself. Maybe the two parent family is neither necessary nor desirable.
   
   My answers:
   
   
3. As society becomes more mobile and atomized, the nuclear family unit becomes more and more important. It's nice to have one person that won't move to another city, won't forget you when you are old. Furthermore you will get a lot more visits from kids and grandkids if they don't have to split visits between mom and dad, and can visit both at once.
   
   
4. The economic contribution of woman is grossly overstated. Most everything is still built by men - cars, buildings, machine tools, plumbing, electrical work, software systems, search engines, operating systems, etc. etc. I think the evidence points that this is a result of nature, not environment source and source. Woman mostly either work in bureaucracy make work jobs, or work in traditional roles of care-taking or gossiping. The only way a woman can raise a child with any level of comfort or security is with the arm of the state taking the resources of men and giving it to woman via affirmative action, welfare, subsidized services, bureaucracy jobs that don't select based on talent, child support, etc.. This removes the incentive of men to work hard, which leads to the decline of society. Furthermore, since state power ultimately rests on male military power, this is a very unstable situation.
   
   
5. I think it is inherently very stressful for women to run a household. The families that seem happiest are where the man is in command, the man provides the stability and firm hand, and the wife acts as first mate.
   
   Why the male head of household? Woman are naturally hypergamous, they are attracted to men of higher status and command. Thus if the man is not in charge, the woman will hen-peck him and lose sexual interest. This book is one of the finest on the subject. Furthermore, due to natural hypergamy, and due to average differences between the sexes in abstract reasoning, the man in any given relationship will generally be better than his wife at making long-term, unemotional, rational decisions. Finally, a woman's natural tools of power are manipulation, not command, so to make the male the head is not at all to render the woman powerless.
   
   Why not polyamory, polygyny or group marriage?
   
   Polygyny is bad because it would leave a lot of men without ability to get wives, which means those men would have no incentive to do anything useful for society.
   
   Due to female hypergamy, polyamory seems to turn into polygyny in practice.
   
   I'm skeptical that group marriage could ever be stable. Seems like there is too much incentive for defections of various types. Furthermore, men might not know who their children are, thus less incentive to invest in them. If one locality wants to try to make it work, they should go for it, and should figure out what sort of norms and laws would be needed to make it stable. But it would be ridiculous to optimize society around such an unproven idea.
   
   So, overall, I think that monogamous marriage is still the best solution to the hard and messy problems of man, woman, and raising children.
   
   Note that monogamous marriage is not easy. Marriage is work. Civilization is work. The complex societies that our ancestors built, that having been built, our survival now depends on, are not easy. The human brain is complicated and of conflicting motivations. Making monogamous marriage successful takes the coordinated efforts of social pressure, law, and cultural conditioning.
   
   So yes, in modern times we see many unhappy marriages, many marriages that end in divorce. I would argue that leftists broke marriage, then claimed it didn't work. Some ways marriage was broken:
   
   
6. No fault divorce laws. In effect, these laws made the traditional marriage illegal. These laws make it impossible for a man and a woman to solve the prisoners dilemma together by creating a lifetime contract that prevents either from defecting.
   
   
7. The co-opting of the churches and traditional Christian education by the public school system. The public school system does not teach you how to make a marriage work, how to pick out a good husband, how to be dutiful wife, etc.
   
   
8. The ending of courtship, the removal of the role in parents in selecting worthy husbands for daughters.
   
   
9. The destruction of traditional knowledge about how to make a marriage work, and the replacement with quack counselors, Hollywood myths, and the padlum of Oprah. Men and woman are given a lot of terrible guidance about how to make a marriage work. Woman are taught to rely way too much on feelings, are no longer taught about duty. Men are taught that if there are problems, they should communicate more. In reality, most men need to grow more of a spine, be more masculine, go to the gym, and wife will start being attracted to them more. Both men and women are taught that their spouse should be their best friend, that they should "feel in love", which puts too much pressure on the relationship, and is not realistic in many cases.
   
   
10. The ending of anyway of disciplining partners for violations of the marriage contract, besides divorce. People are imperfect, people are going to make mistakes, going to cheat. But right now, the only punishment for adultery, is divorce. This "punishment" might not even punish the cheater, but it will punish the family as a whole, and have devastating effects on the children. If a man hits his wife, the only available punishments are separation or jail. Again, this might be net worse for the family. The traditional way is that if the man cheats or hits his wife, the man gets flogged. You need to punish the offense, but breaking up the family over one bad act does not help anyone. Note that if you want to write a marriage contract, with actual non-divorce sanctions for breaking the contract, such a contract will not be legal, will not be enforceable. Thus again, the marriage contract is illegal.
    
    Now, marriage will never be for everyone. People will not be perfect, there will always be rakes and whores, spinsters and single moms.
    
    But because civilization is hard, a society must pick out the best known guide-plan for life we got, and teach people how to follow that plan, and it make it high-status to follow that plan, and low-status to not follow that plan. If technology really does make this standard life plan obsolete, experiments in alternative living can be spun up in isolated geographies, and then expanded if they prove successful. Instead, our society has made the best known guide-plan illegal, has destroyed knowledge of how to make the plan work, with predictably disastrous results.
    
    

Have you ever read the book "Married Man's Sex Life" by Athol Kay? It's very unconvential and has great advice in it. I recommend his youtube series as well.

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOM7soH3_cDJ5XWd4S1ni4g

A friend of mine used his coaching services, which it sounds like you could use. http://atholkay.com/2-coaching/

Best of luck. PM me questions if you want.

Are you me? I really feel your pain. Have you read a book like:

https://www.scribd.com/document/317641132/Sex-God-Method-2nd-Edition-pdf

This helped. Another book that helped was reading:

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

It goes into what kinds of things you can do to actually increase your wife's libido, as well as improving your daily life.

I really feel your frustration. My wife has poor interest in reading new books or having any initiative in improving our sex life, or her own sexual skills.

You are not in a good place. She is treating you like a child and you're acting the part.

You need to improve yourself.

Read this book before getting married: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1460981731/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_PEXIzbF56572W

Read it.

Why would you be in a commited relationship with a woman who does not want to have sex with you?

All your answers are here: https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Watch porn together. Maybe get some reading material (not fap stuff, but real sexuality stuff).

He might find this useful (I'm serious): http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

I went through something very similar. The information found at this link resolved the problem for me in my mind, and in my relationship. The solution itself required a lot of hard work to implement, but it was worth it. Good luck.

EDIT: *Don't cut your dick off. Seriously... what a waste. You'll thank me.

This helped me:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1460981731/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1372648834&sr=8-1&pi=SL75

I don't agree and would suggest this

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1460981731

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1460981731/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Dude this book is for you. It deals with your problem to a T.

I am in the middle of reading this book for other reasons but your exact scenario is described, treated and hopefully cured.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=la_B00788530Y_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347286745&sr=1-1

Married Man Sex Life Primer.

Male Action Plan: as defined by this author, in The Married Man Sex Life Primer:

The book is a common-sense, realist exploration of obtaining a sexual marriage when said marriage seems to become sexless or approaching sexless. The long and the short of it is that the man does all the right things and by virtue of improving himself, he gets more sex from his wife, or ends up very ready to have a sexual relationship post divorce.

It all starts with the MAP.

I had a pretty RP two weeks. They are of course mundane events (as the OP suggests), but big for me nonetheless, as I'm only about two months into TRP and Game.

• I got complimented out-of-the-blue by a female friend and (later) by a random girl on my standing posture. I've always been a sloucher, and since I started TRP and Game, I've been working on it.
  
• I got my brother into TRP stuff; he was in disbelief, but I gave him a well-planned (on my part) list of readings (a lot of sidebar stuff), and now he is on board.
  
• I finally made out with a female friend that I was always close to but never physical with. Sure making out isn't huge, but I was stuck for three years trying to make moves. I was (am) always physically attractive to her, but I was too beta to make a move. I'll see her again soon, and hopefully finish what I started.
  
• I gave MMSLP to a recently married close guy friend. He just began it, and he loves it so far. His wife isn't super against it either; she's apparently willing to see how it goes after he's implemented the strategies in the book.
  
• I broke all my weightlifting PRs. It's not red pill, but I'm proud.
  
• I became good friends with two guys that I used to think (in my beta days) were "misogynistic, womanizing scumbags." Turns out, I was a beta bitch, and they're super cool guys.

You are changing the course of your ship. So I'd say "Steady as she goes, Cap'n."

I have a 6 year old daughter. She and I differ on opinion on many things. She thinks that potato chips make a great healthy meal. I do not. We don't "fight" over this topic. I make dinner and we both eat it. She can voice her preferences for a bowl of sugar with a cherry on top, but we are having chicken with rice instead. My daughter respects me and accepts what I decide.

Fighting with my daughter, even if I win, hurts my position of respect. If a fight is inevitable and unavoidable, then I face it full on and I make damn sure I win, but I don't go seeking out the fight.

From your description it sounds like you are honestly on the path to a life of happiness. You're not there yet, since sex isn't plentiful yet, but you're moving in the right direction.

Recommended readings include:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Method-2nd-Edition/dp/0557036488

It may be that her low libido and poor self image is a reflection of your leadership in the marriage or lack thereof. Desire cannot be negociated, bartered, or bought. She has to intrinsically feel it or be led to it by your actions. A short vacation may be a nice start, but realistically it requires more time and changes. Furthermore it may add extra pressure for her to "be romantic" because of all the effort you put out.

Most of the advice in this thread recommends actions which will make it clear to her that you place her on a pedestal. While that makes for good storybooks, most of the time it ends up building guilt and resentment.


Spend a little cash and read Married Man Sex Life Primer.

Cheers!

I had a bit of success after reading through the Married Man Sex Life Primer

The book is quite over the top, so take everything in it with a grain of salt.

That said, the book uses an evolutionary biology perspective to explain what the typical woman responds to.

For example, a male complaining about a lack of sex is a huge turn-off to most women in addition to upping performance anxiety. The book specifically recommends to not do this. Instead, the book suggests creating opportunities to have sex and confidently asking for it. If she doesn't respond, brush it off like no big deal.

The book has a whole list of things you can do to slowly get your wife more excited about getting back under the sheets. The number one suggestion is to get in better shape. Not only does it make you look more attractive, but it will help you feel better and more confident, which are also turn-ons for typical women.

Interesting situation to be in, as long as you keep doing the things that demonstrate your value to her, you should be fine. Again, here's the link for the book:

https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Very good reading and advice. He has a blog too and a coaching service if you're interesting in deeper self improvement.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Here's a better one.

Please read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

It describes exactly your situation and can tell you exactly what you need to do. The author has a website here also: http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

It doesn't have to end in divorce. Hope that helps.

these will help you understand what is going on. buy both and read ASAP

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1

http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_1

Read MMSL (the book) (this is apparently the only thing I post). I've found it empowering, gives me something to do while on the path to decision making.

Learn from TRP what you can, learn LTR game, and read The Married Man Sex Life Primer. http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1397174567&sr=1-1&keywords=the+married+man+sex+life+primer

Have you read a book like Sex God Method?

​

https://www.scribd.com/document/317641132/Sex-God-Method-2nd-Edition-pdf

​

It sounds like you have trouble building attraction, which no amount of talking will fix. Athol Kay's Married Man's sex life is another good book.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

​

Another option is if your wife has been molested or sexually assaulted. It really screws a person up.

You should read MMSLP.

I think it will help.

Ok your story is not unique, I have heard it a million times. First read this:

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Then when you are done, read this:

https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900

After you finish those, you will be a new man.

You might even leave her.

If you want to stay married throw this one in aswell:

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Fix you, you are the problem. You might have picked the wrong woman.

Honestly, you need to read 3 books:

​

1. No More Mr. Nice Guy
   
2. Married Man's Sex Life
   
3. Sex God Method
   
   Chances are there are a whole host of unnattractive behaviors you're doing.

I'll bite. So, the last book of many relationship books I read was this one:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Secrets-Happily-Married-Men/dp/0787994146

Standard advice like the majority give: be helpful, attentive, do more dishes, be ok with her taking your labors and not giving a shit about you. Accept that the moon and mercury have to be in alignment for sex to happen. 20 years of doing it the way society says. Nothing.

I got this book in November:

http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408725149&sr=1-3&keywords=Athol+Kay

December was an excellent month.

Delved further into RedPill concepts.

January was even better.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post links to consumer products or not, but seriously, dude, buy/read this book.

http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1323308097&sr=1-1