Reddit reviews The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples

I've had to navigate similar situations in my own life -- if you care about these people, but they're making you miserable, you need to find a way to keep them in your life while ensuring your own happiness and wellbeing. I have a few recommendations that helped me. One note: I don't call them SJWs, I call them hostile extremists. There's a TLDR at the end.

1. Read Kristin Neff's book on self-compassion.
   It might sound like a silly new age concept, but there's a ton of scientific research that shows that there are tangible health benefits to practicing self-compassion. It's different from self-esteem -- it's not about believing that you're awesome, but about recognizing that you're human and that it's okay to be imperfect. Hostile extremists have trouble with compassion. If you intend on keeping them in your life, you will want to cultivate self-compassion so that their emotional abuse bounces right off of you. We're human. We want to be accepted by the people in our lives (and by society at large). Extremists use that against us by employing humiliation, shame, and harassment in order to control our behaviour. They want power over us. Self-compassion helps inoculate us against emotional coercion. When you accept yourself 100%, you don't respond as strongly to shame and humiliation.
   
   
2. Practice metta meditation, also known as loving-kindness meditation. If you intend on keeping these people in your life, you will need to learn how to enjoy their company despite the fact that they can sometimes be raging jackasses. There are people in my life that I love in spite of how awful they often are. Metta helps. It's like lifting weights at the gym -- except instead of building muscles, you're strengthening neural patterns in your brain that turn off your body's fight-or-flight response in the face of threatening situations. After three months of metta meditation, instead of feeling depressed when someone craps all over you, you'll be much more likely to brush it off and get on with the business of living. You'll see the person behind the hate, and it'll soften your response to their hostility and contempt. There's a lot of research that's been done on the benefits of metta meditation. Studies show that metta meditation improves vagal tone, which is, among other things, the bodies "grace under fire" mechanism. Once again, this might seem silly and you'll probably feel like a dork when you first start doing it, but it works. It takes time, though -- you're rewiring your brain's response to stress. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen.
   
   
3. You need to fix your flatmate situation. Either move out, or fix your relationship so that she's no longer creating a hostile environment.
   
   You deserve to live in a healthy environment surrounded by people who respect you, NO MATTER WHAT. If you care about these people, it's fine to want to keep them in your life, but do NOT live with someone who disrespects you. The only reason you should live with people who yell at you/belittle you/look down on you is because you're training to be a buddhist monk/stoic who has perfect emotional control. Not willing to move out? Read John Gottman's book "The Science of Trust". Gottman has spent the last thirty years studying human relationships. He's an expert on why marriages fail (and why they succeed). What's true for marriage is (mostly) true for other kinds of relationships. His book is about marriage, but you can apply some of his advice to your flatmates. If you can't establish a healthy relationship with them based on mutual respect, get out. Don't give hostile people control over your wellbeing -- when you're living with them, it's impossible not to. You should consider living somewhere that will prioritize your emotional wellbeing.
   
   
4. Establish firm boundaries and enforce them ruthlessly.
   
   Find out what you're willing to put up with -- and then shut down anything you're not willing to deal with.
   
   
   TLDR:
   
   1 - Cultivate self-compassion
   
   2 - By practicing metta meditation
   
   3 - Read John Gottman's The Science of Trust, apply his advice to your relationship with your flatmate. If you can't establish a relationship based on mutual respect, move out or kick them out. Do not live in a toxic environment.
   
   4 - Establish boundaries and enforce them ruthlessly.