Reddit reviews The Storms Can't Hurt the Sky: The Buddhist Path through Divorce

The Storms Can't Hurt the Sky: The Buddhist Path through Divorce https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003P9XDKC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_lFAxzbQX9YCED

Kindle form even. Keep an open mind to it. A lot of the concepts really do make some sense. Not saying you gotta buy an orange robe or anything, and I'm damn sure not giving up bacon, but this book really helped me put a different perspective on things. It beats killing your liver, and might even get you some of that relief you are really yearning for.

Hey there, I feel like I'm in a good place to respond to you. I'll give you my story and then some advice. I hope this helps. =)

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My Story

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I'm 27M, my wife of 7 years told me back in May that she wasn't happy, didn't know what made her happy, and that the best time she remembered having was while I was in Afghanistan. Within 3 weeks, she moved out, and that very same day she moved out, she got into a relationship with a guy. She moved in with him a couple of weeks ago and might even move out of state with him. She initially blamed it on me. I'm not abusive, I'm not a cheater, I did a lot of stuff for her. It just wasn't enough, or maybe it wasn't in the right love language.... As time went on, I've started to learn it was really a fundamental incompatibility between the two of us. That's a hard pill to swallow, because in a lot of ways, we made an excellent team. We met in high school, JROTC, I joined the Army, we dated through my basic training, and my tech school. A year after coming back, we were married. 5 Months later I was notified I would be deploying to Afghanistan. I was overseas for our 1 year anniversary. It was hell on me, so much so that in 2015 I signed the paperwork to leave the active-reserves, and in 2016 my contract expired. I left because I wanted to focus on family, on her, and on getting ready to have a child. In April of 2017 we bought a house. I was so happy. The end of that year we started trying for a kid. It never panned out before she asked for a divorce. We're filing "pro se" no lawyers. We agree on everything, the cars are paid off, and as long as the house sells for enough, we are just going to split the proceeds 5050. She doesn't want support from me, she just wants a clean cut. Because she was having trouble figuring out the forms and such, I went ahead and filed. It was the toughest week of my life. I always said "I will never file the paperwork, I'm in this in the long haul and I feel like we can overcome whatever is thrown our way." It felt like I was going against my own ideals. But as time went on, I found that it made less sense to force her through that gauntlet when I'm better suited to knocking it out. It certainly didn't make sense to keep her around, she clearly didn't want to stay.

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First of all, take a couple of breaths. You're going to be alright, I promise. Since she told me we wanted to leave, I've put the house up on the market, set up an apartment lease that I move into the end of November, and I've got a better outlook in general.

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Secondly, and I can't emphasize this enough. No guy worth his salt, worth your time, and your love, is going give a damn that you were divorced. I'd like to think that I'm a smart enough dude to know that divorces are multi-faceted, complicated as all hell, living nightmares. Divorce doesn't define you. It shapes you into the person you are going to become. That being said, it's entirely up to you weather the person you become sees this divorce as a springboard for growth, or an opportunity for self-pity. That's a big deal, at least for me. I could care less if you are divorced or not. It's how you handled it that will matter to me.

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You will be able to love someone else again if you approach this with introspection, positive growth, and even a little bit of kindness to the world (including your ex.) Hell, I didn't want this, she blindsided me, but the other day she reached out when we put the house up on the market, and I was able to have a decent conversation with her, without it going sour, and without getting a rush of the "couldhavebeens." It felt like a huge stepping stone for me, she said a lot of stuff that really hurt, but using some of the tools I've learned over the last few months, I was able to understand that was simply her talking from her perspective, and I can't really take that personally.

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Remember, the love you felt was in your own head, and in your heart. While it feels like some kind of ethereal connection, it's created from within you. What you are going through right now is a lot like a drug withdrawal, your brain is telling you that you need him. You don't. Not because he's necessarily a bad person, or couldn't give you what you needed, it just means that you are a human being, completely and totally capable of providing your own happiness. It will be tough learning how to do it on your own, but your potential for happiness, love, and a rich life, expand exponentially when you learn how to love yourself and generate your own happiness.

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I'll leave you with this. I'd highly recommend this book; The Storms Can't Hurt the Sky by Gabirel Cohen. It's tagline is "the Buddhist path to divorce." I'm not Buddhist, but there is some seriously good stuff in that book, and it really did give me an "aha" moment with my situation.

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I'm more than happy to keep chatting with you, feel free to shoot me a DM if you want to keep it private. You got this girl, your life is far from over, and in reality it's just getting started. Turn this situation on it's head and make this the beginning, not the end.