Reddit reviews The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind

> if you didn't do what you were told, you got a smack.

Hugs I think you're a brave parent for facing your fear and asking for help!

From your background, it sounds like you grew up in a very unstable household. Our childhood does affect how we parent, no matter how much we want to deny or prevent it from happening. But if you are determined, you can stop the cycle. I'd get counseling as soon as possible. Also, if you can take a look at this book: Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman, see if you have the symptoms described. If so, you need a counselor experienced in complex-trauma, very important! You don't need to be severely injured to be traumatized. Daily fear is already traumatizing for a child.

This book also helps: [The Whole Brain Child] (http://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child-revolutionary-strategies-developing-ebook/dp/B004J4X32U) by Daniel Siegel

So I don't have a quick solution for you. (lots of good suggestions by others here already) And there will be a lot of hard work ahead of you. But it is worth it. Work on yourself and everything else will follow.

Source: my own experience

First off, the fact that you are asking this question here shows me that your kid is going to be fine. It shows great awareness. That is awesome.
I can related a little because i grew up lower-middle class to uneducated parents but have gotten lucky breaks here and there which have helped me moved up in the world. As with your situation, I had to work a bit harder as I wasn't taught things that are normally taught in educated households. Don't think for once that a lot of money is necessary to raise a great kid. Your kid doesn't need extravagant gifts for xmas to know he/she is loved. Your time and attention matters so much more than material things - they will remember you doing arts and crafts and throwing a ball around more than you getting them the latest video game system.

The existence of the internet has greatly democratized things. There is so much information that is free to access that wasn't available for my parents.

My suggestions.

1. Read parenting books. Seriously, by just reading these books, you'll be a better parent than the more affluent, yet clueless parents that I know. There's so many topics to cover: nutrition, discipline, etc. Some of it might be very obvious, but it at least puts in all in the forefront of your mind. Some books:
   https://www.amazon.com/Caring-Your-Baby-Young-Child-ebook/dp/B00R5KWXU8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492457183&sr=8-1&keywords=american+pediatrics+baby
   
   https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen-ebook/dp/B005GG0MXI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492457006&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+book
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies-Developing-ebook/dp/B004J4X32U/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1492457006&sr=8-3&keywords=parenting+book
   
   Also read books on personal finance, saving for college, taxes and so on. There are too many to name but I'm sure you'll find them all at the library. It'll be overwhelming but you need to do it all at once.
   One thing you've probably already realized is that raising a kid is ultimately a self improvement endeavor. You have to work on yourself and make yourself a better person in order for your kids to be better, directly and indirectly.
   
   
2. Talk to your kids all the time and be patient in answer questions. Talk to them in the manner you'd like to see them talk to your grand children when they become adults. By talking all the time to them, they will have a much better language skills.
   
   
3. Take them to the library as much as you can. It's something that my mom did all the time and it helped developed my curiosity.
   
   
4. Find them mentors. I grew up not really knowing any adults who were in skilled professions so my outlook starting college was limited - I didn't know what was out there. I didn't know what jobs paid well and so on. I know it's going to be more of a challenge because of the folks you are surrounded by, but you can do things like have them participate in team sports, after school activities, work friends, etc.

I know Daniel Siegel talks about processing traumatic experiences in the Whole-Brain Child, within the first couple chapters. I think he explains the process with slightly older kids (preschool/kindergarten age), but maybe it can still help?