Reddit reviews Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life

What you're doing is called mobilizing and it's a core skillset for cognitive behavior therapy when dealing with depression. Keep it up, I'm making my own list.

EDIT - Typo

EDIT EDIT - Sweet Christmas, this blew up. For those of you asking, here is book I got this from - https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087

If you want a little more information about mobilizing specifically as it relates to that book, click here.

I completely agree with this assessment. Really, any rules/boundaries/etc. should be based on not being a shitty human being, not what some guru says. If you want to deal with jealousy, which seems to be the most common problem, there are better books written by real psychiatrists. Jealousy and other negative emotions may have a foundation that isn't even related to your current relationships, but to childhood trauma or baggage from past relationships. My therapist recommended this workbook and I'll pass it on here. https://www.amazon.ca/Thoughts-Feelings-Taking-Control-Moods/dp/1608822087

Texts and Reference Books

Days in the Lives of Social Workers

DSM-5

Child Development, Third Edition: A Practitioner's Guide

Racial and Ethnic Groups

Social Work Documentation: A Guide to Strengthening Your Case Recording

Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond

[Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life]
(https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3ZW7PRW5TK2PB0MDR9R3)

Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model

[The Clinical Assessment Workbook: Balancing Strengths and Differential Diagnosis]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0534578438/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_38?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ARCO1HGQTQFT8)

Helping Abused and Traumatized Children

Essential Research Methods for Social Work

Navigating Human Service Organizations

Privilege: A Reader

Play Therapy with Children in Crisis

The Color of Hope: People of Color Mental Health Narratives

The School Counseling and School Social Work Treatment Planner

Streets of Hope : The Fall and Rise of an Urban Neighborhood

Deviant Behavior

Social Work with Older Adults

The Aging Networks: A Guide to Programs and Services

[Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415884810/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)

Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy

Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change

Ethnicity and Family Therapy

Human Behavior in the Social Environment: Perspectives on Development and the Life Course

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Generalist Social Work Practice: An Empowering Approach

Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents

DBT Skills Manual

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets

Social Welfare: A History of the American Response to Need

Novels

[A People’s History of the United States]
(https://www.amazon.com/Peoples-History-United-States/dp/0062397346/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511070674&sr=1-1&keywords=howard+zinn&dpID=51pps1C9%252BGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch)


The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Life For Me Ain't Been No Crystal Stair

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Tuesdays with Morrie

The Death Class <- This one is based off of a course I took at my undergrad university

The Quiet Room

Girl, Interrupted

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

Flowers for Algernon

Of Mice and Men

A Child Called It

Go Ask Alice

Under the Udala Trees

Prozac Nation

It's Kind of a Funny Story

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Yellow Wallpaper

The Bell Jar

The Outsiders

To Kill a Mockingbird

(Just by way of background, I'm a father of a young child and a person who used to struggle with discipline due to depression.)

Your son probably struggles with discipline because he has anxiety and depression, not because he's unaware of the fact that discipline is a good idea or that you would like him to be more disciplined. I'm not sure what good could come out of a discussion like the one you're envisioning. He already knows you want him to be more disciplined and trying to tell him that for the hundredth time or hold his tuition over his head as a threat is just going to make him feel judged, unworthy, and anxious.

Being depressed and anxious means that he already has a voice in his head that's constantly telling him he's not good enough, that he's lazy and undisciplined and that he's basically a worthless piece of shit. That's how depression works. And the way anxiety works is that the voice also tells him that it's completely hopeless, that all the things he has to do are too much and that he's never going to be able to manage. Also that everybody he knows especially his parents see that he's lazy and worthless, etc. So when you come along, no matter how tactfully you try to put it, and point out that he's not as disciplined as you like, you're just confirming all those horrible, DEMOTIVATING thoughts that he has. When you add the threat of withdrawing his tuition (which seems like a horrible idea anyway IMO) you're adding a whole layer of anxiety on top of that.

You need to counteract those voices rather than confirming them. He needs to hear that he is worthy, that he can do it, that he is accepted, etc. and it's going to be hard for him to believe that because he has a CONSTANT voice in his head arguing the opposite.

I would suggest that you take a different tack entirely. First, you have to really understand, deep down, that he's not just lazy or doing this to spite you or whatever. Things are just harder for him. Being undisciplined is not a choice he is making, it's a result of the negative thoughts he has because of depression and anxiety (and also that he doesn't necessarily yet have all the tools to counteract those thoughts.) Empathize with him instead of judging him or pushing him. He doesn't need a push, he needs acceptance and love and support.

Tell him that you are proud of him for the progress he has made and that you support him entirely. Let him see that you recognize that it's hard for him to do these things and that you empathize but that you know he can do it and if he ever needs help with anything that he can come to you and you will not judge him. (I wouldn't expect him to believe you at first, but if you mean it and you actually start living that way, he will notice the change.)

Encourage him to continue therapy and meds (assuming that's what the doctor and/or therapist are recommending.) Maybe you can very lightly suggest that he talk with his therapist about the kind of challenges he will face in college. Maybe you could give him a book like Thoughts & Feelings or Feeling Good: A New Mood Therapy and let him know that you read online that it can help people who have anxiety and depression learn how to handle things a little better.

tl;dr: Less expectations and threats, more acceptance and support.

As somebody who is suspicious of psychoanalysis, because of longterm nature of it, here's my favourite CBT workbook! I think a book can teach it, absolutely, and I think I first learnt about it through this website, when it helped me out during highschool. But, of course with all stuff, mileage varies, because people are all different.

Most fundamentally you want to be sure there aren't any schemas that are causing a lot of this tendency to experience negative emotions. Schemas are enduring negative patterns that determine how we see the world (they're basically what you could also call "core beliefs"), and are usually formed in childhood, often (but far from always) at the hands of parents. The psychologist Jeffrey Young created Schema Therapy, and pointed out 18 different schemas, which can be found here: http://www.davidbricker.com/clientsguideSchemaTherapy.pdf (note: ignore the first few pages which talk about personality disorders). If you find any of the 18 that really hit home, then I'd highly recommend the best "self-help" book I've read as a therapist, Reinventing Your Life by Young and Klosko, which delineates eleven of the eighteen schemas, including a presentation of how your life might be like (including interpersonally), how schemas form, and how they can be changed.

Schemas are ultimately deep belief filters that get activated by relevant stimuli (e.g., a person experiences intense anger because of underlying hurt -- anger almost always being secondary to a softer primary emotion -- at a person's neutral statement which was interpreted to mean this person was incompetent or a failure, which stands for the failure schema). In psychology cognitions are the roots of emotion, so to attempt to change emotions you have to look at cognitions.

You also have to look at physiological and behavioral ways of managing your emotions, like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation (technically a cognitive approach, and one that needs 10-20 minutes of sitting and if needed walking practice in order for it to generalize to everyday life situations), exercising, leaving the room (when angry), asserting oneself (particularly one's needs if one has a difficulty doing this, which can lead to resentment, anger, isolation, etc.), and being more socially involved with others.

Another overall excellent workbook that covers a myriad of emotions and cognitive ways at changing them is Thoughts and Feelings by McKay, Davis, and Fanning (two of whom are PhD psychologists).

For another great book more focused on the relaxation response (which will overlap at least a bit with the book just mentioned), check out The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook.

Does that seem like a lot of work? It really isn't. Even if you identify with a few schema and get the Young/Klosko book, that book and the other two aren't meant to be read cover to cover, and you can easily get by with reading half of each book at most to get the best parts that might be most applicable to your emotional needs.

Clinical/mental health counselor, MA, LPC here. This shit works.

This is the one that was recommended to me: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1608822087?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

Hope it helps!

A great book on CBT someone in TFAB recommended me, I am doing a lot of the anxiety exercises. It's the Uk link I'm afraid but it is on Amazon.com as well: Thoughts and Feelings, Fourth Edition: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1608822087/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_kpfgzb7KNK7TB

Also! If the internet and horror stories are getting you down, take yourself away from them.

Looking at your post history, it's seems like you want the data to improve your own treatment. Unfortunately, even if you had all the data, it wouldn't help much - if you know the drug worked in 60% of people you still don't know if you're in that 60%. You really can't hack this one out. There are a few ways to improve the odds - if a drug has worked for a blood relative, that makes it more likely to work for you - but overall we're stuck with mainly guess-and-check.

I'm sorry that you've not been able to find a treatment regiment that works for you without excessive side effects. I imagine the process of trying different things must seem endless, but hopefully progress is being made, even if slowly.

The medication vs. therapy argument is different for different conditions. Some absolutely need medication (Bipolar I), but most others are decided by patient needs. If you're able to get some relief from talk therapy, you may be able to reduce or eliminate your medication usage.

I don't know what your experience with talk therapy is. Therapists use different techniques and some are a better fit than others. However, cognitive behavioral therapy, behavior therapy, and mindfulness approaches have all been shown to be effective treatments for depression/anxiety and to reduce the debilitating effects of migraines. (I don't know exactly what your issues are, I just quickly scanned your post history.) If you're not able or willing to talk to a therapist, you can try to teach yourself these techniques using a book. Look in the self-help or psychology section of a bookstore or library. Check the cover to see if the author says the approach is based on any of the following: cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive therapy, CBT, behavior therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, DBT, acceptance and commitment therapy, or mindfulness. Look for a book that has specific excercises or activities, like this one.

Good luck to you and I hope you're able to find something that works for you.

Well hey there, sister in shutting down rather than talking about feelings! It's cool, you got this. I did this for the longest time, and only really started getting over it in my late 30s, so if you are younger than me, you've already reached the awareness stage of the solution waaaay before I did.

First, realize that your SO isn't going to dump you if you say that you feel badly about something or if you disagree with him. It's not a world-ender like it is with N parents - its actually super healthy couples communication. If you can view it as being good for your relationship rather than bad for your relationship (which I know is hard) that will help you towards the not getting the shaking-in-your-voice OMG anxiety whenever you state a need or disagree.

Sometimes, if your SO does something that really pisses you off, you'll have a delayed reaction. The best way to handle that is to try to acknowledge that you are pissed off in the moment, but tell him you need time to process. Then, when you have the "it's good for my relationship not bad for my relationship to talk about this" inner dialogue with yourself enough times, talk to him.

My only real problem when I first started doing this was to go the opposite way and really fly off the handle. It was like when I gave myself permission to be pissed off, I reacted the way my N parents did, which is unsurprising considering that it was the only example I had. Try to react like a normal person - there may be a little yelling to start, but when you realize you are doing it control your volume and communicate like you were talking about a more innocuous subject.

Before you start healing this aspect of yourself, you may want to sit your SO down and tell him that you have faulty coping mechanisms for dealing with anger, disagreement, or asking for something that you want. That way if you start to get weird, he can check you before you wreck you. And yeah, therapy is a great way to get through this, but ultimately everyone can't afford it.

Here's a good book my therapist recommended to help de-internalize emotions. While you may think it's more for people who need anger management, it actually works on both sides of the spectrum (those who overproject emotion and those who underproject emotion). It was really handy for me because at the beginning of my journey I did both of those things.

https://www.amazon.ca/Thoughts-Feelings-Taking-Control-Moods/dp/1608822087

This is a good article with links to other reading and a link to a quiz on your attachment style:
http://www.whatiscodependency.com/change-your-attachment-style/

And, it doesn't relate directly to attachment theory, but many of my friends have been helped through difficult emotions by this workbook:
Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life
http://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Taking-Control-Moods/dp/1608822087/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1462973403&sr=8-1&keywords=thoughts+and+feelings

Best wishes to you.

Feeling Good by David Burns as recommended by /u/cactusflowers is good. It reads like a conversation to teach you ideas about CBT. Once you're more familiar with CBT techniques, I would highly recommend Thoughts and Feelings by Mckay, Davis, and Fanning which reads like a condensed exercise book. It summarizes all the ideas and focus on giving you concrete worksheets to do, which is 90% of all CBT. I use this book almost daily, and it is indeed a book more focused on being used than being read.

Highly recommend this one

I use this a lot with my clients, though it is actually designed to be a self-help book. It’s super user-friendly and has lots of good activities in it. I also really like how it will give you the chapters you need to work through based on your symptoms. Can’t recommend enough; this has been a staple of my practice for years.

Sometimes we all need to offload some baggage. If you ever want someone to message, feel free to message whenever.

I've been through around a decade long depression. I get it. If you need more concrete help, I recommend looking into a mindfulness and/or CBT practice. I used these two books on recommendation of my psychologist.

It helped, eventually. Took a little while, and I still slip up. There will be a few days or even weeks where I don't practise and I slip into another episode. Then I pick it back up. It gets easier to pick back up each time though, and the periods of relapsing get shorter.

What you're doing is called mobilizing and it's a core skillset for cognitive behavior therapy when dealing with depression. Keep it up, I'm making my own list.

EDIT - Typo

EDIT EDIT - Sweet Christmas, this blew up. For those of you asking, here is book I got this from - https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087

If you want a little more information about mobilizing specifically as it relates to that book, click here.