Reddit reviews To Be A Jew: A Guide To Jewish Observance In Contemporary Life
We found 22 Reddit comments about To Be A Jew: A Guide To Jewish Observance In Contemporary Life. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Basic Books AZ
It helps to have more specific questions, but of course, having specific questions usually requires some basic level of knowledge.
jewfaq.org is pretty good. we have some decentish resources in our wiki. there's a judaism stackexchange, but like stackexchange as a whole it tends a bit towards elitist, high-level, and unfriendly to beginners.
The standard book recommendations when this situation comes up is To Be a Jew and Jewish Literacy.
Also possibly relevant, depending on your tastes, This is My God by Herman Wouk. Was reminded of this book by this Ask the Rabbi, which also recommends Partners in Torah -- possibly relevant, depending on your level of investment in learning more (sets you up with a weekly study partner)
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did a quick google, this looks relevant: https://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/found-out-jewish-ancestry-in-20s
So does the book Suddenly Jewish, which I found via this article
oh and there's this post from a day ago: judaism for beginners
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also, for your perusal, the search results for "found out jewish" on this sub
>I've read the wiki
I think I'm going to cry.
Recommended Reading:
To Be A Jew: A Guide To Jewish Observance In Contemporary Life
On Judaism: Conversations on Being Jewish
Judaism for the Rite Reasons
Becoming a Jew
This Is My God
Just to start off, its shabbos in much of the world so you won't get so many responses for a bit.
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Lots and lots of people grew up with some Jewish identity, didn't do much, and later became religious. Seriously, its a whole movement. Of course everyone's situation is unique, but you aren't the first to struggle with this kinda thing. Thankfully, that has meant a ton of books and resources for people in your shoes, who want to learn more and do more but didn't grow up with it. Some of the biggest resources online are Aish and Chabad, I just found NJOP but it doesn't have as much on the site.
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Now, as you know, the first step is to find a synagogue. I'd recommend looking for a Chabad or a young adults organization like a Young Jewish Professionals type of thing. They will have lots of classes for people from all sorts of backgrounds and will be super happy to help you find good resources, to teach you, etc. Chabad especially is everywhere, the joke is that only Coca-Cola and Chabad are worldwide. Next weekend is actually The Shabbos Project, which brings together people from all sorts of background to do a shabbos in a community. Actually one of these helped me really finalize my decision to become religious. And there are people here from all over who can recommend places.
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So there are lots of basic books out there. One thing I would definitely recommend is to get a Chumash, I'd recommend the Stone Edition since its the most common but the Steinsaltz one also came out recently. A Chumash has the whole Torah and the Haftorot (the section from the Prophets read in synagogues every shabbos) with commentaries. Both the ones I linked have stuff from all sorts of commentators that help explain the text. One section of Torah is read every week on shabbos, so it makes for a great reading guide.
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A good beginner book is To Be a Jew by Rabbi Hayim HeLevy Dovin. That one is absolutely classic. He also has another one, To Pray as a Jew, that's also excellent. Rabbi Joseph Telushkin also has a great one, Jewish Literacy, that goes through everything from Bible stories and characters to Jewish historical figures and writings. R' Teluskhin has tons of good stuff, I also have his A Code of Jewish Ethics, Jewish Wisdom, and a daily study book The Book of Jewish Values, they are all great learning resources. I'd also recommend Exploring Jewish Tradition, it really gets to the basics of Jewish practices. The 'Jewish Book of Why' set is also good, there are two volumes. There's no need to dive full on into halacha (Jewish law) and like books on Talmud right away, take the basics and then explore what is interesting to you. People sometimes burn out if they try too much too quick, but others love to just jump in full on and learn a bunch really quick (I'm the second but know people in the first category, both are totally ok ways to be).
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If there is any specific thing you would like to read more about, I can recommend more stuff after shabbos. Its only been a year since I decided to become religious so I know the position you are in. And if you have any questions, there are lots of great resources online and lots of knowledgeable people here. Of course, as I'm sure your mother can attest, there are unhealthy Jewish communities. But I firmly believe for every bad one there are far more great ones. I'm pretty new to it but the couple places I have been are both very welcoming and I have made friends from most of the major areas. It does not have to be suffocating, and there's nothing wrong with learning and doing more at your own pace. If its ever too much, slow down and reassess before jumping in further. If you listen to what your neshama (soul) is saying it'll guide you right!
Check out This is my God by Herman Wouk and To Be A Jew by Donin HaLevi.
Yup Jewishness passes purely along the maternal line.
Time for you to learn more about your people and heritage. And stick around this sub. Welcome home.
Recommended Reading:
To Be A Jew: A Guide To Jewish Observance In Contemporary Life
On Judaism: Conversations on Being Jewish
Judaism for the Rite Reasons
Becoming a Jew
This Is My God
Check out Torah Mates or Partners in Torah.
Where do you live? Check out your local chabad(they are everywhere) if you don't live in a place with a big Jewish community. Otherwise go to your local shul (synagogue) and talk to the rabbi.
First. You need to take a deep breath. You’re doing great.
if you are worried about a meal tonight find A Chabad in walking distance call and email the Rabbi ASAP. Chabad specializes in people with very little background and will love to have you for dinner
Second this is a life long journey. Consult with a Rabbi you like and trust on which siddur to buy as well as the direction of your study.
As far as code of jewish law start more basic that that probably with To be a Jew https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0465086322/ref=tmm_pap_used_olp_sr?ie=UTF8&condition=used&qid=&sr= five dollars shipped A kitzur is nice but may not be applicable to your community depending.
Another good book for neophytes is Jewish literacy for less than ten dollars shipped https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B001F0R9HQ/ref=tmm_hrd_used_olp_sr?ie=UTF8&condition=used&qid=&sr=
Again, take a deep breath, you’re doing awesome.
I'll defer to Hillel's answer when he was asked this: "What is hateful to yourself, do not do to your fellow man. That is the whole Torah; the rest is just commentary. Go and study it."
EDIT: Just to clarify, there are a lot of details and it's hard to know where to begin explaining. But this is a traditional summary.
Some books you may want to check out are To Life http://www.amazon.com/To-Life-Celebration-Jewish-Thinking/dp/0446670022/ref=pd_sim_b_17 and To Be A Jew http://www.amazon.com/To-Be-Jew-Observance-Contemporary/dp/0465086322/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335446823&sr=8-1
Personally, I found To Life resonated with me.
You may want to read "To Be a Jew" by Hayim Halevy Donin, it offers a very good overview.
>However, several people have told me that I would never "truly" be accepted as a jew due to my not having been raised in the culture.
This is not true.
> Also where are good places to get further information on conversion
The side bar FAQ
This reading list is pretty good but overwhelming
>but would like more practical info
To be a Jew is a good place to start and you can get a copy for four dollars after shipping from Amazon (not to mention it's probably in your local library)
> Why are customs the way they are?
It would depend on which specific custom you had in mind. Many practices are quite a bit more than "custom" actually, and are required as a matter of Halakha. The two major classes of Halakha are biblical (d'oraisa) and rabbinic (d'rabanan).
> How come people who leave Judaism do not talk about it?
There are people who unfortunately leave Judaism and are rather vocal about it... however if I wanted to generalize about those who refrain and/or evade discussion of Judaism, I'd say most likely they were stigmatized in some way and that the same reasons they sought to abandon Judaism in the first place is the same reasons they seek to avoid discussing it in the present. It probably brings up memories and emotions that they find too painful to confront within themselves.
> I want to know the deeper meaning behind everything... Just anything and everything.
A proselyte once asked Rabbi Hillel (c.110 BCE) to teach him the entire Torah whilst standing on one foot... God-willing with patience and time you will come to understand quite a bit in greater depth :)
> Why do some families keep kosher and some do not.
With the advent of the Haskalah (the Jewish Enlightenment) in the 18th/19th c. many Jews for the first time had the doors of Western society open to their integration. Many Jews seeking acceptance simply abandoned Judaism altogether, others sought to reform Judaism in order to facilitate greater acceptance within modern society without given up everything (this is where the origins of most of the liberal denominations can be traced back to). Accordingly during this period many Jews stepped away from Judaism's traditional practices, including the dietary laws. This in addition to the eventual deep and profound trauma of the Holocaust which has contributed to the face of modern Jewry largely not reflect the practices of their ancestors.
> Wikipedia has not been helpful at all.
Unless you have a very specific topic in mind, wikipedia can indeed be too daunting a source to get any kind of real comprehensive view. A general introductions to Judaism can be found in Hayim Halevi Donin's book "To Be A Jew: A Guide To Jewish Observance In Contemporary Life." I've heard that it is very good and very accessible (an easy read). I see that you can find used copies on Amazon for as little as a penny! A work like this or something of a similar nature would probably be the best place for you to start. If you read something you don't understand there, or would like to understand in greater depth, feel free to let us know :)
To be a Jew and maybe Chabad.org are good starting points besides jewfaq.org as SF2K01 said.
Then again there are many different kinds of minhogim etc.
>It seems like a lot of people refer to themselves as Jews but really just have a Jewish last name and not much else aside from celebrating a few holidays.
Yes, sadly most jews are irreligious.
> I want to learn more about what it means to be a Jew.
Great I have some books for you to read to start you off.
Recommended Reading:
To Be A Jew: A Guide To Jewish Observance In Contemporary Life
On Judaism: Conversations on Being Jewish
Judaism for the Rite Reasons
Becoming a Jew
This Is My God
To Be A Jew: A Guide To Jewish Observance In Contemporary Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0465086322/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_UyAACb6FYNFXB
If you're interested in this issue, but can't stomach the idea that God would command you to do something for reasons that you can't comprehend, I recommend that you study some of the other approaches listed (but heretofore ignored by you) in this thread. Read To Be a Jew, Horeb, or R' Hirsch's commentary on Leviticus.
If you can't stomach the idea that God could come up with something that you can't comprehend, then I think your quarrel with Judaism is much larger than just the purpose of dietary laws.
I understand some of your situation pretty well. I came from a background of no religion at all and a negative feeling of what I thought organized religion was about before becoming a Jew. Also my wife came from a very traditional Buddhist background before becoming a Jew and she also shared concerns about this "getting in the way of a normal life".
The rabbi we first met with insisted that if I was interested in the conversion process that even before starting I had to bring her to meet with him because so much of being a Jew is family oriented so if I wanted to do this, his condition was that we both had to learn. He happens to be Conservative but of the old school variety, closer to what we would now call Modern Orthodox. The thing was that I was very fortunate that my wife was at least willing to learn with me for the sake of learning what this thing I was interested in was about. Even more fortunately she came to her own conclusion that this was for her as well. I cant say if this will be the same for you and your partner or not, but if you two communicate well then perhaps they may be willing as my wife was to see what is what just because it is important to you. As it turns out we ended up affiliating with the local Orthodox community as time went on but thats another story.
The books LazarA mentioned are all great. All I might add would be:
If you live in an area with several types of Jewish communities, I'd say meet with several rabbis if possible. Even you think now that you might look at Conservative Judaism, there's a range within that as well as within Orthodoxy and I assume but dont know for myself about the other flavors as well.
Feel free to ask us here any and I do mean any questions you may have as well. I'm also available to answer questions by PM as I'm sure are several other of the regulars here in case you feel you dont want to ask in public. You may get conflicting answers but that is perfectly normal. We have a saying to the effect of if you ask two Jews you will get three opinions.
I apologize if anyone is coming off as rude. The mention of kabbalah just touches a lot of nerves around here. Here are a few books that I think most of us here would agree are good places to start:
I remember reading in To Be a Jew that taking care of one's health is a mitzvah, but I don't see how a state of being could be a sin. I think it would be like pregnancy outside of marriage: the act of having sex is a sin, but the state of being pregnant is not.
To Be a Jew
Do I look like a Rabbi to you?
https://www.amazon.com/Chumash-ArtScroll-Haftaros-Commentary-Anthologized/dp/0899060145
https://www.amazon.com/Be-Jew-Jewish-Observance-Contemporary/dp/0465086322
https://www.amazon.com/Jewish-Book-Second-volumes-slipcase/dp/0824603141
To be a Jew by Rabbi Hayim Halevy Donin:
To Be A Jew: A Guide To Jewish Observance In Contemporary Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0465086322/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_BXb6CbRCT04QN
Check out this book: https://www.amazon.com/Be-Jew-Jewish-Observance-Contemporary/dp/0465086322
Don't drive yourself too crazy about it. I went in full speed and spent many boring shabbos days by myself with nothing to do because I didn't live near a shul or other Jews. No reason to go in 100% at first, especially if you are a convert-to-be so there's no actual prohibition for you now. If you can go to a synagogue, do so! Don't stress about not knowing what is going on, just go and listen and absorb the atmosphere.
My recommendation is to focus on the spirit of Shabbat rather than the nitty-gritty, especially for the first time. Light your Shabbat candles at the right time, crack open a bottle of wine, have some bread, eat some dinner, and read read read. You are starting to observe Shabbat but aren't sure all of the details, so might I suggest a book about Shabbat observance? The Sabbath by Heschel is also a beautiful poetic book about Shabbat that may help you get into the spirit of it. To Be A Jew, To Pray as a Jew, and Becoming a Jew are all great beginner books, the last geared towards converts. They all explain various aspects and details of observance, including Shabbat observance. You say you've read all you can, but these books all include very detailed information on exactly the timeline of events.
Since I became observant with no synagogue nearby, I found my Shabbat mornings to be much more meaningful when I would go outside to pray (in whatever capacity I was able-- either in Hebrew or English or just from the heart). There is something lovely about the Californian sunshine in that regard, I guess! Shabbat days are really long and boring by yourself, and I'd have non-Jewish friends come visit me and we'd take walks or just hang out in the backyard. I wouldn't do anything I'm not allowed, and they would obviously do whatever. We just wouldn't pick our activities as anything electronic-based, money-based, etc.
I wouldn't worry too much about details like blessings unless you want to say them in English. I felt really awkward doing that at first, but maybe you won't. If you know something isn't allowed, try not to do it. If you know something isn't allowed but it's really a burden and taking away from the spirit of Shabbat this weekend (like you left your bedroom light on), deal with it, but acknowledge that when you are 100% shabbat observant you can't do that. No reason to be miserable your very first Shabbat, or maybe you'll get a bad impression :) It gets easier the more comfortable you are with it. Depending on how this week goes, next week, add one or two more observances.
To answer your question about specific dinners, well, my husband and I eat anything on Shabbat. We are not stringent to only eat meat or fish, so sometimes we eat dairy. To me, the food you have on Shabbat should be a delight, something you are excited to eat or something you don't eat often. We make very normal typical dinners, usually, and I never ever make cholent or most of the 'traditional' foods. This week (for just the 2 of us) I am making shredded chicken build-your-own tacos for dinner and a big pasta salad full of lots and lots of veggies and grilled chicken for lunch. When we have company, it would be more traditional a meat-starch-2 or 3 vegetable meal.
If you have any more specific questions, I'd be happy to answer as someone who has kind of been there and done that!