Reddit reviews Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World

Don't bother. It's not worth it.

If you're not happy being extroverted, it is unlikely you ever will be. Introversion and Extroversion are partially genetic traits, and there's things like stimulus sensitivity that play a role. If you don't like loud places with lots of people, you will probably never change that. You can learn to deal with it/tolerate it, but it will always drain the shit out of you. That in some cases is enough for some people to just say "not doing it."

http://www.amazon.com/Loud-Bright-Fast-Tight-Overstimulating/dp/0060932929

Is a good book to read if you're an introvert and want to understand why the United States in particular seems so insane to you. It's not a coincidence. There are countries on the planet that are the complete opposite and have more introverts than extroverts. Currently the estimate is something like 2/3 people in the US are extroverted.

Another book, more specific to introverts: Quiet, by Susan Cain.

The suggestion here in America is always to be like the extroverts (Dale Carnegie pushed this) "fake it until you make it" which ultimately just makes you feel insecure and might as well be genetics-shaming. You build confidence by owning who you are - not by trying to be something that you're not. You might not have the networking ability, but as an introvert, you have a lot of other qualities extroverts have a very hard time developing. You probably make better decisions as a whole with your life, are more risk-averse (which can be great in almost any context), and can handle tasks and jobs that require a lot of focus without a lot of stimulation. Extroverts get bored quickly in an environment that isn't fast moving, flashy, stimulating. Introverts don't.

You might consider trying to get specialized training in a trade, or studying a technical skill/discipline that is more intellectually focused. Or you might find that you're happier in a basic role in a company where you can zen out and complete your day without worrying about politics. There's lots of options - you don't have to settle with a McJob.

YES! Well, I don't get sleepy, it's more like a wired-tired horrible feeling.

Basically, you're like me and skew heavily on the sensory sensitivity side of things. My ADHD meds also help a ton, but yes, there are some environments that are still just too much.

I've just in the last month or so been looking at r/spd to get some more insights. A lot of them recommended this book: https://www.amazon.com/Loud-Bright-Fast-Tight-Overstimulating/dp/0060932929 so I read it, and yeah, some of it is a little psuedosciency to be taken with a grain of salt, but she's overall right that you can find your own best sensory diet, and if you need to go to the mall, you'll want to set aside some sensory prep time to get you feeling really great, and that will last you about 2 hours.

So far, I figured out that I like weighted blankets, exercise, a jetted bathtub, and a few of the binaural beats on youtube. I also really like the gaba supplement to chill the peripheral nerves (though if you try that start really small on the dose, too much will make you feel disconnected and agitated, and way too much will make you feel numb!)

If you go to the mall by yourself (don't need to chat with anyone) then bust out some noise canceling headphones.

When all else fails, shop online instead, and invite your friends to hang out in your comfortable turf: home, a quiet cafe, a library, whatever feels okay to you. Your friends care about you, and will want to support you in feeling well.

Research "sensory defensiveness," "sensory processing disorder," or "sensory integration dysfunction." (All different names for basically the same thing.) I have this. I like being touched very much in certain ways, but I cannot stand being touched gently at all. Not a gentle caress (not even from my fiancé), not my skirt brushing my leg gently, nothing. It makes me panic.

(That's the basic gist of sensory defensiveness. Any sensory input goes through an initial filter in your brain before it gets to your higher level thinking part of your brain - at the very beginning, your brain decides if something is friend or foe. If it's benign or if your fight or flight instinct should kick in. With sensory defensiveness, otherwise benign sensory inputs incorrectly induce this panic response, so you can find yourself seemingly nonsensically freaking out over a gentle touch, over the sound of a whistle, or any number of other things nobody else seems bothered by.)

Also, despite the extremely hokey title, this book was a total game-changer for me. It was suggested to me by my therapist. Sensory integration dysfunction is a condition that's only come to be understood to any extent in the past ten to fifteen years, and nearly all the research has been related to children. The author of this book is one of the few researchers who has aimed her research and outreach specifically to adults.

Edit: I just saw /u/JanJaJanJanJan's response, that you said was the best one. I'm talking about the same stuff she's talking about, and I think the book I suggested will really help you dig deeper into that.

First off this may be a good read for you. At least Peek inside.

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Second.... even after Googling I still dont know what a patellar is.

Occupational therapist here (with SPD myself).

Feeling extra sensitive (and wondering if you're imagining new sensitivities) when you first discover SPD is totally normal. You've just discovered a new lens to view yourself and your experiences in the world! In my personal experience, the intense sensitivity/over-analysis phase lasts a little while and then things settle back to normal. I still have moments fairly often where I notice new sensory issues, which is actually really great because it provides an opportunity to understand myself and my needs better. I'll also add that depression/anxiety and SPD can have a pretty close connection (and a kind of chicken-or-the-egg thing): I'm sensitive to x, which makes me feel anxious/contributes to my depression, which heightens my sensitivity to x, etc. So, you might find that, over time, addressing your sensory needs can help alleviate some of your other issues.

SPD is definitely real, and it's extremely frustrating that it has yet to be recognized by the larger medical community. I think it's actually starting to be taken more seriously now, as more and more research supporting it is published. It almost made it as a diagnosis in the DSM-V--so, here's hoping for the DSM-VI!

I would definitely seek an OT to help you identify your unique sensory profile and potential coping strategies. If that's not possible, I second the suggestion to find a mental health professional with experience working with people on the spectrum (who tend to experience SPD in very high numbers). I'm assuming you're a woman, so I'll add to that last suggestion: if possible, try to find a professional who has experience working with adult female aspies, who will likely have more similar experiences to yours as compared to children or adult men on the spectrum.

As you've discovered, most publicly available information about SPD is focused on kids. Unfortunately, this skewing also occurs in terms of treatment--so it might be difficult to find an OT who works with adults. You'll probably have better luck finding an independently operating OT, rather than an OT sensory clinic (which is usually 100% pediatrics). I know there's one pediatric clinic in Los Angeles that also works with adults, as well as the Star Institute in Denver. The Star Institute has a lot of good information about SPD, including adults.

For more in-depth reading, there are several books written specifically for adults with SPD, such as Living Sensationally and Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World.

Finally, if you feel comfortable sharing (here or in a private message), I'd be happy to give you some off-the-cuff tips that might help you in the short-term.

Her credentials don't seem up to par with the claimed results of this books. This one seems more credible

yes, it's taken me decades to figure this out too. Fabric type is extremely important to me so much so I find myself shopping based on this and I can end up with some funny looking clothes because of it but if it's cotton, soft and fits me then I'm probably buying it (thrifting makes for even weirder clothes). Things too tight or bulky are a no-go, synthetics are mostly a no as well though it depends on the particular fabric and time of year when I would wear it. Things must be soft, seams are a deciding factor as well, I have to be able to move easily, nothing tight around my chest, midsection, thighs, or calves. Pajamas - I had no idea until a few years ago that my pajamas were waking me up. They wouldn't slide against the sheets and I would get tangled and -bam- I'm awake. slippery pj's or none is how I sleep now. These are just a few but there are many, many more in my world but I won't bore you with the details. I'm reading a book about sensory processing disorder HERE It's a little old and there might be better info now but it has described me to a tee and given me some aid in working through some of it.

I don't know if the tactile (texture) triggers could be classified as misophonia, but it certainly sounds like sensory defensiveness to me. An interesting book about that topic is Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight.

Since you said she has sensory issues, have you read this book? I found it really helpful. The Highly Sensitive Child is also good but this one is specifically about sensory processing disorders.

http://www.amazon.com/Loud-Bright-Fast-Tight-Overstimulating/dp/0060932929

Here's one that my therapist recommended to me years ago. I'm an HSP, but don't suffer from the types of sensory processing issues that this book deals with, so it wasn't totally up my alley. Might be very helpful to some, though!

Does your boyfriend do anything to reduce his general sensitivity? Like a weighted blanket, skin brushing, one of those sensory socks ect? That might make life more pleasant for him in general, and also make sex a lot better.

Also I have ADHD and am super sound sensitive so I use soothing sounds to help me regulate, there is a great app called relax melodies. If that works for him, you guys could try having soothing grounding background noise during sex.

There are a few goods books about ADHD and sex out there, as well as this gem https://www.amazon.com/Loud-Bright-Fast-Tight-Overstimulating/dp/0060932929 which you may well have already read.

Sensory issues are tricky. If you have the resources, talk to an occupational therapist. I read this book and it taught me a lot about sensory issues: https://www.amazon.com/Loud-Bright-Fast-Tight-Overstimulating/dp/0060932929

Here is the mobile version of your link

are you sensory defensive? it sounds like you are often overwhelmed by sounds. Consider this book. I have it and it helps the ever living ships out of me.

There are supposedly ways to cope better with it. This book is supposed to be good. It would probably make his life easier if you read it as well. For example, if he asks you to turn down the volume on the TV, think about the fact that it's not really that big of a deal to you, but if he has hypersensitivity it is a huge deal to him. It is physically difficult to deal with.

OP have you read This book

Its something Ive been suffering with since a frontal lobe injury in 2006.

Head injuries can be tricky, because on the outside you seem perfectly "normal" but people cant understand or even comprehend to terror that is going inside, the daily struggles, the anxiety, and fears.

In time you learn how to deal with things but you never get the old YOU back.

Just please, dont let ANYONE tell you there is nothing wrong with you...they tried that on me, nothing angers me more that "professionals" that dont know the right questions to ask. Describing what you are going through is hard, its hard to put it in words, professionals should know this.

They say the brain heals itself over time, its been 11 years for me....I live in a bubble.

I honestly truly wish you a speedy recovery, or at least a good support team who understands your struggles.

Here are some that have helped me:

One book I listened to is called Energetic Boundaries by Karla McLaren. It's only available on disc, I got it from my library on the Overdrive app.

This is a good book for the sensory portion: https://www.amazon.com/Loud-Bright-Fast-Tight-Overstimulating/dp/0060932929

Here's a good one and website for being highly sensitive: http://hsperson.com/books/

I haven't read many others on being an empath, I just have to be really careful to conserve my own energy, not take on others problems and to protect myself. I'm good at listening to my needs now. It can be hard, but if I take care of myself I feel much better.