Reddit reviews Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens

Hello! Cei here. Thank you for your question and for your willingness to learn and grow for your community!
Question 1.a. If you are providing a space (a group, a confirmation class, a retreat, a bible study, a weekly potluck, a movie night, etc) for these young people to be themselves- to use they name they choose, to use the pronouns that fit for them, and to create norms where the other youth in the space must be respectful of these identities- then you are creating a safe space for the youth to go through the process of self-actualization in their identity. Ideally the church congregation would also be asked to affirm these youth in their identity. Depending on your comfort level, you could address the congregation and explain that you would like the church to be a sacred and safe space for all, and that in the interest of achieving this goal, you would ask them to respect names, pronouns, and gender expressions of all congregation members. b. One of the best ways to advocate for young people to their parents is to explain that the young person is happy, responding well, and thriving in environments where they are allowed to be themselves. If you have a young person who comes to your group/bible study/etc. who is using the name they choose, the pronouns that fit their identity, and is affirmed by the group around them and they are thriving, tell the young person's parents so. It may be that at home the parents see a kid who is struggling and sad and they are scared that being gender diverse will make things harder for their already unhappy child. To show that gender affirmation can radically improve a kid's quality of life is often the best motivator for parents to adopt affirming language.

2. Here are links to a few resources that we've found helpful over the years: Trans Bodies, Trans Selves, The Transgender Teen, The Genderquest Workbook, Confi's Article on Gender, Families In TRANSition.

I hope this helps, and thanks again for advocating for the gender diverse people at your church!

Hi, I'm an adult who came out and transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth.

Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then not letting him get a binder, or not using his name and/or pronouns, or telling him he has to wait until he's 18 to pursue medical transition. That isn't support. If he doesn't feel supported, he's in the stat group of unsupported youth.

This is more of a general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD. I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . Your son would love Camp Aranuti'q.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good.

Run, don't walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for you there, even if you're already supportive. On Facebook, you can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

The nice folks at the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you're not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

Hi! I'm a cis-gendered (meaning I identify with the gender I was assigned at birth), NT Mom of an autistic daughter (13) and trans son (14).

For you: the transgender teen was such a great resource for me. I bought copies for my autistic daughter's therapists as well, as they started asking me lots of questions about how to talk to my daughter about her brother's transition.

As far as talking to your child about it-- does he know that there are gender options? Does he know about transgender, nonbinary, and genderfluid people? He may not have the vocabulary to go with his feelings. I don't know what his ability level is as far as reading, but there are books/videos to explain these things at many levels of age/understanding.

You sound like an awesome parent. I'll suggest that you check out /r/asktransgender as a semi-safe place to get advice, as well as /r/cisparenttranskid, which is a tiny but supportive group here as well.

(hugs)

Always My Child: A Parent's Guide to Understanding Your Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, or Questioning Son or Daughter - Kevin Jennings

The GENDER Book - Mel Reiff Hill

The Gender Creative Child: Pathways for Nurturing and Supporting Children Who Live Outside Gender Boxes - Diane Ehrensaft

Gender Diversity and Non-Binary Inclusion in the Workplace: The Essential Guide for Employers - Sarah Gibson, J. Fernandez

Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents - Irwin Krieger

The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens - Stephanie Brill

Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children - Rachel Pepper

You might want to get this book! A lot of parents of transgender teens have found it really helpful. https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Teen-Professionals-Supporting-Non-Binary/dp/1627781749

Here's a bunch of stuff someone gave me. Enjoy!

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD. I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . You'd love Camp Aranu'tiq.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you're not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

My FTM son came out to me at age 14.

Scene: In the car, coming back from a therapy appointment.

Him: “So... uh... mom... I’m a dude.”

Me (already suspecting he was LGBTQ+): “Oh! Ok. Thanks for telling me! Do you want to talk more about it?”

Him: The floodgates open and it all spills out. He’d been questioning forever and sure for a year, and had already told his friends and therapist.

Me: Feeling sad that he didn’t feel he could share it with me sooner, but trying to hide it. “A year? Did something change that helped you feel ready to tell me now?”

Him: “Well, I knew you’d be OK with it, but you’re very action-oriented. And I wasn’t ready for action. But I am now.”

Me: Laughing, because he nailed it. I would have rushed him. “Yeah. You weren’t wrong. So do you have a plan I can help with?”

He just wanted his correct pronouns at home and school, to talk about new names, and figure out everything else. So that’s what we did.

Now, more than a year later, he has socially and legally transitioned, and just started on T two months ago. All is well.

Good luck! ((Mom hugs))

And if you want to share this with your parents, this book was very helpful for me:

The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens https://www.amazon.com/dp/1627781749/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_e44HDbSF620E1

Actually to me he sounds like he doesn't even know that much. Which is actually a positive thing; if he's ignorant, rather than somebody that knows things that ain't so, them maybe he can be educated. If there's really no other options, I suggest getting him a copy of https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Teen-Professionals-Supporting-Non-Binary/dp/1627781749 and telling him this book confused you so and you really need a professional to explain it to you. If you can get him to actually read it...

I haven't read it, but this book is a counterpart to one I did read for younger children (by the same authors), and which is widely recommended for them. I imagine this one is similar, just focused around your age group instead.