Reddit reviews Unified Protocol for Transdiagnostic Treatment of Emotional Disorders: Workbook (Treatments That Work)

Speaking personally, dissociative anger and anxiety is a problem many of us have to deal with as a part of our disorder (C-PTSD for me) and for me it helps to be constantly aware of my own state of mind so I don't lash out at my SO (or worse, my kids) just because I'm having an episode or on the verge of one. Specifically, the technique that's helped me somewhat is "present minded non-judgemental awareness" which is useful to help get me out of my own head, which during an attack is thinking/feeling like I'm back in the place I was traumatized, and realize that I'm not there in that horrible place, I'm here in a safe environment and the things/people around me are not trying to hurt me.

You can find the specific technique in chapter 7 of the workbook "Unified Protocol for Transdiagnostic Treatment of Emotional Disorders" by David H. Barlow, et al. Since your SO is a vet, he should be able to get a copy, I would think, from the VA if he asks for it or if his therapist is willing to try it, but here's the Amazon link just in case.

It can't all be just you, he needs to work on things on his end, and you can help, which you already are just by being there for him. Patience is a must, obviously, you have to know that the anger is usually a reaction to the anxiety he feels because of his state of mind, it has nothing to do with you personally (it's dissociative, after all) so just keep remembering that and let him know that you know. Ask questions about how he's feeling, and that whatever he's feeling is OK and just listen, let him tell you and encourage him to tell you (provide some feedback if he needs it, but really just listen and be very careful not to judge or give the appearance of judgement). It'll help anchor him in the present, safe place that he's in rather than the dangerous scary place his traumatized mind thinks/feels he's in. That's what I tell my wife, anyway, and it's helped her to better help me.

Lastly, another sufferer posted on here a few weeks ago a "cheat sheet" he/she uses with their SO on things to do when an attack comes on. It's definitely helpful. Here's the link. Good luck to you I hope it helps you both in the healing.