Reddit reviews Vagina: Revised and Updated

That's a tough spot, but I'm glad you are super supportive and actively looking to improve your relationship.

1. This book might be of help Girl Sex 101. It's about all kinds of girl sex but a good amount of words are dedicated to trans people. It enlightened me and is a fun and quick read.
   
2. You have to defer to her and her preferences. Communicate about triggers, what deepens her dysphoria, what is an absolute no. If you communicate about what specific acts or parts are fair game or at least open to debate you'll probably find some safe space.
   
3. It might be worth making a want/will/won't list. You can find out what she is into, maybe explore new spaces and definitely find out the absolute nos. This is often a great tool for communication.
   
4. Don't leave out the lead up. It is often underestimated how effective some playful teasing touches, sweet words, make out sessions, and a bit of time in between can be. Extended play can add anticipation, desire, need, and may even lower inhibition. It can also greatly increase orgasm intensity. It certainly does for me.
   
5. You might try to get to the bottom of what bugs her about sex. For me, the main factor in sex was performance anxiety from taking on a male role. When I stopped being masculine at all in the bedroom, a lot more touches felt good.
   
6. Consider abstaining from porn. In Vagina by Naomi Wolf, she talks about how overuse of porn or chronic masturbation (especially with a vibrator) can leave you feeling desensitized. Many people in the book talked about having to get in their head or have more intense sex for the same feelings. After stopping their over consumption normal touch started to feel good again. My experience was it took about a month before the walls came down and normal interactions began feeling great again.
   
7. Tantric massage might be worth looking into. It is all about creating a safe space to be vulnerable and open to receiving pleasure. Sometimes it is used for healing trauma.
   
8. Hormones can also dramatically lessen dysphoria. I'm not sure how far along she is, but once I started taking hormones a lot of problems melted away.
   
   
   For me it was about finding safety and comfort in my own body, stepping out of expected but unwanted roles, and cutting off my porn consumption for a while to reclaim sensation. Every person is different and it may take a lot of experimentation before you find the right thing. I wish you the best of luck. Reach out if you need some more ideas or resources.
   

So, the author of this book had a very similar thing happen. She saw a doctor and discovered that she had a pinched nerve in her pelvis that was preventing her from achieving a full sexual release. Please consult a doctor, review your medical history, and make sure that everything is OK neurologically with you.

I've just started reading, on the recommendation of a client, Naomi Wolf's Vagina, which I'm finding wonderful and which seems like something people across the gender spectrum should read. It's incredibly valuable and empowering information about the neuro/sexual workings of women's bodies, information which has so often seemed so suppressed and taboo. And it weaves together in fascinating ways with some of the conversations that transgender women are having about our bodies and about transfeminine sexual experience in general.

I'm curious whether other people have read it and what they think...especially given that I've only read the first few chapters so far.