Reddit reviews Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion

I had a long response written, but my browser crashed and ate it.

Write down all the times this has happened, THEN go to your union rep.

Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Judo-Gentle-Art-Persuasion-ebook/dp/B003YCOOJY

It's geared for law enforcement, but it is a great resource for how to handle conflict communication and maintain a level of unflappibility.

There are a few popular versions of the LEAPS acronym for de-escalation. My personal favorite is:

• Listen
  
• Empathize
  
• Ask (for clarification)
  
• Problem-solve
  
• Summarize
  
  
  Also popular is HEAT:
  
  
• Hear,
  
• Empathize
  
• Apologize
  
• Take action
  
  If you make a mistake and the problem escalates, use corrective action AAA:
  
  

1. Acknowledge: “Jim, I can see that mentioning your medication is a real sore point.”
   
   
2. Apologize: “I’m sorry to have upset you. I didn’t mean to.”
   
   
3. Try Again: “I want to help, not upset you, so let’s try something else.”
   
   
   Things to remember about YOU:
   
   

• Keeping a level head is paramount. stay calm, cool, and collected. This takes practice and confidence.
  
  
• Your goal is not to be declared right. It is to find a solution to the problem. So… Ignore challenging questions or statements. You don’t need a power struggle. Don’t try to argue or convince. Try to collaborate. Try to see past what someone is saying to what is actually causing the crisis.
  
  
• Try to get agreement on a course of action. Repeat what the plan is and what is expected.
  
  
• Meet reasonable demands when possible
  
  
• Contain and control the environment. If you can limit the confrontation to one on one, without distractions, the better for you.
  
  
• Showing signs of anxiety will only make things worse. Minimize body movements like excessive gesturing, pacing, fidgeting, etc. practice controlling your vocal pitch and speed in a crisis. Speak slowly and confidently (low pitch, steady breath).
  
  
• Keep it simple and concise.
  
  
• Repetition is essential.
  
  
• Most violence comes with instructions to avoid it. “wipe that smirk off your face or I’ll wipe it off for you!”. If possible, just follow the instructions.
  
  
• Avoid clichés like “Calm down!”. No one calms down when being either patronized or yelled at. It doesn’t help.
  
  Things to remember about the aggressor:
  
  
• Empathize and validate their feelings (I can understand why you’re frustrated…etc) but don’t ask them how they are feeling (it’s patronizing)
  
• Allow them to vent. Some people just want to be heard. Listening can go a long way sometimes.
  
• Always leave them a face-saving way out.
  
• Acknowledge any any attempt to cooperate.
  
  
  “A soft answer turns away wrath,
  but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
  Proverbs 15:1
  
  Bonus material:
  
  ConCom: Conflict Communication by rory miller
  
  verbal Judo by George Thompson