Reddit reviews Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion, Updated Edition
We found 25 Reddit comments about Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion, Updated Edition. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
William Morrow Company
Read "Verbal Judo by George J. Thompson & Jerry B Jenkins". It's a book full of deescalation techniques meant to calm down angry people. one of the authors was an ex cop that taught these to cops across the country to avoid the use of force.
edit: link added & spelling
I've started reading Verbal Judo, written by a (now deceased) police officer with a Ph.D in English- also a black belt in two martial arts.
Many years ago, ten days into his first role as police officer, he and the partner he was studying under get called in to a domestic disturbance down in "the projects." His partner- with years of experience- walks in without knocking despite the argument going on inside. He walks between the righting couple, and seats himself at the kitchen table, and picks up the newspaper, starts reading the classified ads.
The couple continues to argue, despite being bewildered by what's going on.
Suddenly the policeman stabs at a newspaper ad and yells "Wait! A 1950 Chevy pickup truck in excellent condition! [The story was from the 1970s.] Where's your phone?!"
The man is interrupted from his argument, shows him the phone. The officer calls. It's 2 AM. Nobody answers. He calls again. Still no answer.
"Can you imagine that?" he says. "It's two AM, and this guy doesn't want to pick up his phone and hear me!"
[I'd like to think the officer put his thumb on the hook and didn't actually connect the calls.]
After a few more comments that thoroughly derail the argument (and having made it clear in an oblique fashion that nobody wants to hear fighting neighbors at 2 AM), the two officers leave.
You read the stories from old-timers and how they'd intervene without Tasing or shooting someone, and you wonder how any of them lived to retirement.
Anyway, I'm not far into the book but it's very informative.
Lets just answer all your comment history questions since clearly you're fishing for a direction in life:
>Sexy cologne that's attracts girls ?
Smelling good is only a small portion of what makes you attractive. Shower regularly, brush your teeth, wear deoderant. But as a cheap option that smells pretty good, this is a pretty good cologne.
>Does L dopa turn into dopamine no matter what?
Don't bother with this shit. Same with L Tyrosine and Ashwaghanda. They aren't the answer to your problems. You're not going to improve yourself through substances.
>How much alcohol makes you confident
Alcohol doesn't make you confident. It just removes your inhibitions. There's a massive difference. Confidence comes from belief in self, and competency in aspects of life that are important to you.
>Good movies with motivational endings I can watch ?
I'm not normally a fan of preachy movies. But in terms of movies that have a good message, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Creed.
>Whats the best martial art for self defense without any weapons
Running/not being there in the first place. After that, de-escalation tactics. I recommend reading this book. After that, Muay Thai, BJJ, Wrestling, or Judo. Be sure to read up on your local self defense statues so you understand when and where you can use force, and its worth talking to a lawyer to have it explained to you.
>If I have no fighting experience, can I learn how to fight from shadow boxing ?
No.
>Tips for first fight w no experience
Don't fight. Get experience in a safe sparring environment with a good instructor.
>Fought this kid at in class today. How do I hit someone pushing me?
You report him and move on.
>Will phenibut counter fight or flight mode?
No. You don't counter fight or flight. It's a subconscious automatic response. You learn to deal with it through consistent repetitive training which can ingrain learned behavior that takes over instead of the default fight or flight. It's also a fucking stupid idea to try and use substances to prepare yourself for a situation where Fight or Flight is likely to happen.
>Can i beat someone who's 5'8 untrained and has some weight due to fat while I'm 5'6 and trained in muay thai?
Depends on how much training you have.
>Can i beat someone in a street fight 1v1 no other people and no weapons who's 5'8 untrained 180 pounds if I'm 5'6 130 pounds and trained in BJJ
If you're a purple or brown belt, then maybe/probably. Otherwise unlikely.
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion
Its a great book. One of my CCW permit instructors recommended the book to his students. Its a good read for anyone, not just cops.
If physical tools of defense are not allowed, the only option for anyone, especially a physically small person, is mindset and awareness.
Learning how to talk to someone without escalating the situation is a valuable skill. Verbal Judo is a good book on the topic. ( A slightly different version - Verbal Judo )
Being able to recognize and process the sources of uneasiness and fear lets you react in a calm and planned manner instead of fear based panic. This is often enough to keep the potential Bad Thing^tm from happening at all. The Gift of Fear can help you recognize ways Bad People^tm try to manipulate 'nice' people into bad situations.
Verbal Judo may help, but ultimately there are going to be some unpopular decisions and actions on your part.
These books have helped me tremendously through the hiring process so far. I took recommendations from friends and acquaintances in law enforcement and from searching through previous threads on this subreddit.
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316040932/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_GNK.ybMTBZKVX
Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_EOK.ybR4XSKZY
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion, Updated Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062107704/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_EQK.yb1MWMEPV
No book will prepare you for law enforcement, it has to be touched, smelled, heard, and seen. If you're already a cop then the best thing you can do to be better is to be a well rounded human being and books can help with that.
Here's the recommended reading from some of the prior threads I was able to find in the sub.
I've read a good portion of the above listed. I highly recommend Emotional Survival and going to see one of Gilmartin's talks if he's in your area. Below are a few of my personal suggestions.
http://verbaljudo.com/
Actually just check out the book: https://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Judo-Gentle-Persuasion-Updated/dp/0062107704
Verbal Judo by Dr. George J. Thompson - Teaches you how to talk to people.
A Mind for Numbers by Dr. Barbara Oakley - Teaches you how to learn effectively.
This has good reviews:
Verbal Judo
As someone who grew up in a house where I was hopelessly outnumbered by women - let me give you a little advice:
Look at this time as practice. You're may very well be experiencing a daily siege of passive aggressive attempts to chip away at your self esteem. Use this to harden your resolve. Use this time to learn that you're on your own when it comes to sticking up for yourself.
Stand your ground, draw clear boundaries, enforce those boundaries, and never ever let them see that they are getting to you. Do not engage in pointless bickering. Do not be drawn into any drama. Do not try to justify your words or actions to them unless you know you have done something wrong. Remain 100% impartial and unmoved. Do not, under any circumstances, seek their validation for anything.
This will be difficult at first. They will try to break your resolve. The more unmoved you are, the harder they will come at you. Recognize that they're ultimately incapable of doing anything to truly harm you. As time goes on, it will get easier. But recognize that this will be a constant process.
Look at family drama as though it is a play being acted out on stage. You are sitting in the audience. If they want your attention, let them fight for it. If you do this long enough, they will eventually respect you.
Use this time at home as a way to harden your resolve and self-confidence. It's like having constant access to sparring partners. A book a highly recommend for helping you deal with this is Verbal Judo by George Thompson. It's like a ready-made guide for knocking down conversational attacks.
The ones I always suggest are Way of the Warrior, 400 Things Cops Know and then pick up a book on shooting techniques. I recommend Combat Shooting by Massad Ayoob. Another one is Verbal Judo, though I haven't read it yet.
/u/FlynnRetriever I'm going to tag you too so you definitely see this because I looked up links and everything for you fam.
Verbal judo is not about how to insult people or attack them. Conversely, it's about using empathy to persuade, and to build/maintain relationships even with total strangers.
link
It's literally called verbal judo lol
Keep the change ya filthy animal
For de-escalation in general: Verbal Judo is a great starting point. I also likedthis book by Mark Macyoung for more "broad strokes" of situational awareness and de-escalation.
In terms of if it's too late and you're being mugged: Ramsey Dewey gave pretty good advice for this during his "MMA fighters try out women's self defense techniques" videos. He lived in Argentina for a while and said he was robbed at gunpoint 6 times. The important thing to remember is that a simple mugging (no second location, etc) is basically a transaction-- you give them what they want (wallet), they give you your safety. Ramsey's answer was to keep your hands high, move slowly and do as you're told. Sudden movements or attempting to resist will get you shot.
Absolutely! Here's a short list of non-magic books that I commonly see recommended to magicians.
Understanding Comics - Scott McCloud
Purple Cow - Seth Godin
Delft Design Guide - multiple authors
An Acrobat of the Heart - Stephen Wangh (shouts out to u/mustardandpancakes for the recommendation)
In Pursuit of Elegance - Guy Kawasaki
The Backstage Handbook - Paul Carter, illustrated by George Chiang
Verbal Judo - George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins
Be Our Guest - Ted Kinni and The Disney Institute
Start With Why - Simon Sinek
Lots of common themes even on such a short list. What would you add to the list? What would you take away?
You're going to want this book.
Verbal Judo by George J. Thompson, Phd.
The alternate title to the book could've been "How to motivate people to do the right thing without being a massive cunt."
Cannot recommend highly enough... and as a boss, you're going to need it.
You're asking a simple question with a complicated solution as there are many factors that go into conflict, stress, and decision making under pressure.
I think the first thing you could do is positive self-reflection. Recognize that stress and adrenaline diminishes your cognitive abilities, and impacts your ability to make rational and logical decisions. That's a biological response and you're simply being human. You said you were concerned about them getting violent, it was already tense, and I assume all three of them were against you. I would be reasonably concerned as well.
If you find this difficult, you need to stop beating yourself up. Ask yourself a simple question: Did you accomplish your goal or solve the problem? If the answer is yes, it's win and it's positive. Unless you broke a law or policy, it's all a learning experience and you can examine the situation to consider what you might do better next time.
You could take time to imagine yourself in future situations and how you would approach it successfully next time, mentally preparing yourself to act. Learning how to control your breathing can help to lower your heart rate and keep yourself more relaxed. Reminding yourself that the people you often deal with are mad at the situation, or what you represent, and not necessarily making it personal (unless you choose to) can help.
Having sufficient training and experience can help your confidence and inoculate you from some of the negative effects of stress, as mindset is a huge piece of the puzzle. Responding with a partner who has your back will also help.
There are a lot of things you can do, and there's no one single fix. If it's useful to you, two books I would recommend are Verbal Judo by George Thompson, and Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. As both touch on some strategies that might help you.
Best of luck and you're welcome to PM me if you want some resources and I'll see what I can drum up.
This. https://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Judo-Gentle-Persuasion-Updated/dp/0062107704
Mandatory reading:
Mandatory practicing, for people watching:
Mandatory practicing, for getting the PHB to agree with you:
Hey, mods how about putting these in the sidebar?
https://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Judo-Gentle-Persuasion-Updated/dp/0062107704
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo6GZLR0MRU&list=PL57B44827AA6EE588
Seriously OP. Read the book, memorize it, understand it, and then watch all of the online videos. And then take actual Judo for take-downs and a bit of grappling, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for a more focused approach on ground control, and if you're a real go-getter go learn a nice striking art as well if you've got the spare time. Something like Krav Maga or Muay Thai, from a good dojo that cares about teaching and not about milking you of every penny in exchange for a quick belt.
https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9b6bn1/what_is_the_bible_of_your_field_of_study/e510m40/
The book is Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George Thompson
https://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Judo-Gentle-Persuasion-Updated/dp/0062107704
Can you do verbal judo at some point?
Learn how to deal with people with mental illnesses.
Edit:
If you're getting swung at for telling them to get out, here's a book you should read called verbal judo. It was originally ment for law enforcement and prison officers but if you're having that reaction, the fault is with you not having any tact.
Someone gave me a copy of it because my mouth was getting me in a lot of fights. I never violated any policies but I had something that needed to be worked on.