Reddit reviews What to Expect the First Year

Ok, I realize this going to against everything everyone is ever going to tell you, and my experience is a little different because our kids were planned, but I wish someone -anyone- had told me this 15 years ago. Yes, it is a lot of work. Yes, they're expensive. Yes, it changes your relationship with your SO. And the relationships with your friends. And your family. Hell, even your work relationships change. Here's the thing though. IT'S NOT AS BAD AS EVERYONE TRIES TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE. I would have had kids years ago I had known what it's really like.

The relationship with your SO? Talk about the big things now, before Little One is born, and make sure that you're both compromising, that both of your feelings and beliefs are going to be reflected in how you intend on raising them. How are you going to go about religion? How do you both feel about punishment, both what should be punished and how? Childcare? How often do you intend on going out with friends after baby's arrival? Are you comfortable with all your friends being around your kid (seriously, a lot of our friends turned out to be people who though we enjoyed their company, were absolutely not people we wanted around our daughters)? How about family members? How about food? How often is too often for burgers and fries, do they get soda before they're 10? Have these conversations now, before they're actually an issue, and revisit them often, because things change once you get into the swing of things. Know that there will be days where one of you is 'done', and be willing to be tagged into extra duties for those days. It's OK to get burnout, it doesn't make you -or her- a bad parent, and it's so much easier to deal with if there's two of you having each other's back.

They are work. Sleep sucks for those first couple months, and that old saying that everything takes longer with kids, hahahaha....you have no idea. But you're going to find out. And it'll be ok. They sleep a ton those first few months, the first week is terrifying, but after that the adjustment is gradual, and by the time they're awake for any amount of time, you'll have already forgotten about how things were before they came along. Even the worst colicky screaming babe grows out of it eventually, and becomes a normal lovely child, it's just a matter of waiting it out. Unless you're exclusively into extreme sports, you'll figure out how to include kiddo in your hobbies and past times. Sure they might change a bit, daylong hikes become family friendly hour long jaunts, grand strategy computer games become Monster Loves You, but the feeling you get when they enjoy something that you've made them a part of is just, indescribable. You're gonna be surprised how fulfilling a good game of peekaboo is.

And those expenses? There are going to be costs you can't avoid (helloooo childcare! Also, spring for a brand new crib and carseat), but for the most part, you don't have to sell the family cow to get by if you don't want to. Babies don't care if their clothes and toys came from Goodwill. Food banks have baby food, but really all you need is a blender, there's not really a reason they can't eat what you eat. Things might get tight sometimes, but you'll always have resources available to you, your kid isn't going to go hungry. And if you two can keep your chins up, and smiles on your faces, and not stress out, your kid will never know. You're both in school, by the time your kid is in social situations where they can compare their socioeconomic status to those around them you'll all be in a much better place. So don't sweat the small stuff.

You have more resources available to you than any parents ever before. Books, doctors on call, parent groups. Read the books together. A chapter or two every night laying in bed. /u/cedarhouse1377's advice was spot on. What To Expect When You're Expecting is a great read and easily digestible. What to Expect the First Year is also very good. Your Baby's First Year is dry, but very informative. Babycenter.com has answers to a lot of the questions you have for the next few years. When you feel yourself start to panic, don't discount the value of Dr.Google. The internet is always awake, and we're always here for you.

That's your kid. They're going to be ok. You and So are going to be ok. You're smart. You're capable. You got this.

Most of all, congratulations. It's worth it.


*Edited to give proper credit to /u/cedarhouse1377. Sorry I misspelled your username!

What to Expect in the First Year is the one I have always been recommended. I found it at my local used bookstore in like-new condition for only $3!

Someone gave my wife What to Expect the First Year when we had our first child. I found so much comfort in that book. It answered a lot of my "is this normal" questions.

Edit: Hmm.. After reading some of the reviews on Amazon, I'm wondering if this book is relevant anymore. I see a lot of people saying there's better information online. It kinda makes sense since the book was given to me almost 13 years ago. I guess the world has moved on.

You need to pick up a copy of "What To Expect in the First Year."

It's really helpful.

http://amzn.com/0761181504

The major problem with your quest is that there are so many people that have raised children all with their own anecdotes informing their own firmly held BS. That, combined with the variance in children, a relative lack of rigorous scientific study, and the replication crisis means you'll constantly find contradictory advice with equally terrifying consequences (Our parents were told babies will choke and die if they sleep on their backs. We are told the rate of SIDS is 10x higher if they sleep on their stomachs).

99% of being a father isn't about knowing what to do, it's about having the patience, commitment, and time to do it. The most accurate advice I got was from my grandma: it doesn't take much, but it takes it all the time.

That said, my wife and I liked the what to expect series. They have different books at different stages of development and seem to do a pretty good job of sorting through the BS.

It's scary as hell! However, there is a lot of advice out there as to how to handle it. Some of it is good and some of it is bad, but experience can help weed through it.

As a new parent you probably don't have a lot of experience and in that case you can do what my wife and I did: Talk to parents. My parents, her parents, aunts, uncles, and so forth down the family tree. We talked to parents who are total strangers. Just gather as much second hand experience as you can.

Also, the book What To Expect When You're Expecting is a great resource for the pregnancy and What To Expect The First Year is another good one.

Our hospital had pre-birth bonding classes that covered a lot too and I found it to be super handy.

Two things that no one mentioned to us: Stretch marks may be prevented or reduced with liberal daily doses of Vitamin E lotion. Despite having two kids, my wife has zero stretch marks afterward and we believe it is because we used Vitamin E lotion.

After birth, your wife will bleed. Stock up on pads and something to protect your mattress. It goes away quickly, but we were unprepared for that our first time out.

And these days you can gather more info from the internet. I kind of envy you that option. We could'ved used that resource back in the pre-internet days.

Get a good book, and read it. Often your OB/Midwife will suggest one. The "dad guides" are fun light reads, but honestly if you want to be an equal partner in raising your kid, you may want something a bit more serious than how to make a diaper with a sock.

This is the one my OB suggested for me amazon.ca. Also can I suggest /r/daddit and /r/predaddit? Nice little community there.. less for the info, more for the cute baby pics, random questions, and support (if you need it).

Not an area I have expertise in but this one seems exceedingly well recieved:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761181504/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_tDbQzbKEH9JQN

Sophie the giraffe

Check out this item at Target https://www.target.com/p/sophie-la-girafe-teether/-/A-15286048



If formula fed

Joovy Boob Formula Dispenser, Clear https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PLYSCK0?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share



For the parents

What to Expect the First Year https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761181504?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share



lols of pacifiers—we lose so many of them.



For bath time.

Skip Hop Moby Baby Bath Tub 3 in 1 Smart Sling, Blue https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AFQI3J8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_NTXvCbC1DS3AH


A good sleep sack, we used

Halo Sleepsack 100% Cotton Swaddle, Heather Gray, Small https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XYJ34CZ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_MVXvCbG132SZZ


Nose Frida

What to Expect: The First Year It's kind of a roadmap to baby development. The book is organized by the baby's age in months (chapter 1 = one month old, chapter 2 = two months old, etc). When you get your copy go to the start of each chapter and write the dates that your baby will be going through that stage. It will save you a lot of date calculation later on.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0761181504/

What to Expect the First Year https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761181504/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_h44U5QAr2fIsi

boy or girl, let them decide if they want to surgically alter their genitals, remember babies are designed to survive new young parents, and this book is real helpful the first time around:

https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-First-Heidi-Murkoff/dp/0761181504

When you do have time to read, this book was incredibly valuable for us in the first year:

https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-First-Heidi-Murkoff/dp/0761181504

Also, because you appear to care so much - that is the most important thing to have. In that sense, you are doing great. Be assured that all of us were this scared too, and that we did ok. You will do great, even if you don't believe that you are.