Reddit reviews When Bad Things Happen to Good People

The question of why God allows bad things to happen to good people is one of the most difficult to answer in theology. The aptly named book When Bad Things Happen to Good People is by Rabbi Harold Kushner who was trying to find the answer to this himself after his 3 year old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. It's been a really long time since I've read it, but it's supposed to be a good start for how someone could find solace and comfort in a god who seemingly created the tragedy they are going through.

Here's a few skills which may help you(cause I've been there too...and it's a crappy place to be.) You know you best, there have been days where I've called it a win if I've gotten out of bed, eaten a decent meal and into clean clothing.

Exercise (cardio) helped me a lot with anxiety and feeling out of control. I started feeling better when I incorporated running/brisk walking before my therapy sessions

You say you're resistant to completing a task... think about why are you resistant? What's holding you back? For this I would suggest two skills.. specifically
Willing vs. Willful #1

Willing vs. Willful #2

and Opposite Action. (Or the Nike equivalent of 'Just Do it')

Opposite Action #2

If you like movies there are two movies that cover this in a humourous way, (at least I found them funny and relevant during a pretty dark time in my life. I am in no way suggesting these movies will fix anything... but comedy can be helpful in the face of misery and tragedy.) Yes Man with Jim Carey - Willing vs. Willful and What about Bob with Bill Murray - Opposite action / babysteps.

As for other skills, distress tolerance stuff when you feel like you're pushed over the edge and can't deal with it anymore. Emotion Regulation skills (eating right/exercising/sleeping/self care) helps things from getting worse/declining and Mindfulness skills help slow things down (so you don't go from zero to 100).

Other things that can factor into your wellness, (and are not limited to)

• Time and Practice. Sometimes you just need to keep trying and keep working what you've got the best you can. If you're already doing that.. just keep going. Be kind to yourself. Change takes time. :)
  
  
• medication (if you need a medication change, you've recently changed meds or are not taking your medication as directed) I recall trying DBT when I was doing a medication change / washout and.. it just did NOT work because I was too damn sick from the change of meds.
  
  
• Toxic or invalidating people / relationships (if you live with /work for someone who is invalidating you all the time, hateful family member, abusive partner) This does not help, you may want to change your relationship with said person. I left a job where my boss was a total asshole, and removed an aunt from my life who was a thief/liar.
  
  
• Tragic Life Circumstances - Sometimes, life is just shitty. And for that I suggest this books When Bad things happen to good people and The Tao of Pooh. There are bunches of others.. but generally be compassionate to yourself and take care of yourself if this is the case.
  
  Hang in there!
  

I'm not trying to plug religion but this book helped me through some shit.

https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

From a religious perspective (the one in which I agree with) there is When Bad Things Happen to Good People. From a critical perspective there is God's Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question--Why We Suffer

Why Bad Things Happen To Good People is a wonderful written by a rabbi from Natick, Massachusetts. It was a very big seller years ago, but it holds true still.

He should know.
http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Any book that talks about people in crappier situations than you...a pick-me-up: http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

I'm glad to hear that you already have someone you're comfortable with. If I could, I'd like to suggest the following books that have helped me a lot in understanding the unique grief for very young widows:

https://smile.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://smile.amazon.com/Im-Grieving-Fast-Can-Widowers/dp/0882820958/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://smile.amazon.com/Wasnt-Ready-Say-Goodbye-Surviving/dp/1402212216/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

You might get a lot out of this book: "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"

https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

A great book for anyone who's ever asked that question (for both religious and non religious people as long as you're not an extremist in either direction):
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1400034728?pc_redir=1414479233&robot_redir=1

I have been seeing the proverbial light as of late, that aside read
book

edit: more description on the 'light'- Been watching a lot of Neil deGrasse Tyson -- nough said --

It's nothing, new, really.

For many the first exposure to faith was presented by the Narc parent. This can color our faith - or eliminate it. As we grow we begin to see that that things are different. Good book on the topic:
When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner
http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

Rabbi Kushner's book is a great resource for people trying to answer this question and one's similar.

Disclaimer - my background is Roman Catholic.

> One mentioned something about the judgement and that the world wasn't going to be around forever, or something, which again really shocked me. I thought these people were trying to do good to the world, but apparently not. Just "saving souls" or whatever. Seems most of the answers I've received in this thread are along the same lines.

Ah interesting, yeah I mean we are trying to save people's souls, but for me it mostly means just sowing and sharing the Gospel. Because I have no idea how people will respond to it (I've heard stories of people replying hostile, but then later did really think about the message and even came to Church after!).

> I've always thought of heaven and hell as metaphorical conditions of life. I.e. if you do good and are good, your life has the highest chance of being good, which is like a heaven of sorts. On the contrary, if you do bad your life will become hell (imagine going to prison, or having to live with yourself after perpetrating grievous sins). TBH I'm quite surprised Christians don't really see it this way?

Aha, yeah I used to also think this way, but then I started wondering why do 'bad things happen to good people?'. Don't get me wrong, I used to think just like that and thought that if people were/are good, then good things will happen. But then I started seeing around me (and to myself), that bad things started happening, or bad things happening to people without any influence of their own. Now I don't consider myself a 'good person' anymore, but before I was Christian I did. I noticed how bad things can happen to everybody, regardless of how good or bad that person lived. I read this book and it totally changed my mind on it. A small spoiler, the guy in the book lives a completely 'good' life and then his daughter dies of a disease in her young years.. why does something so terrible happens to him, who always lived a good life?

And there are many more questions! Like; if we call ourselves good, by which standard? By our standard, or God's standard? Goodness and badness must have a certain standard, otherwise it's meaningless. If I use my own (subjective) standard (or yours), I can never actually call myself 'good', because it's based on a subjective standard, so then the question becomes; Am I good? And by which standard of goodness? And the same goes for 'bad', what qualifies as bad and by which standard?

See, if we take God's objective standard, then we are all not good, because God is perfect and we can use His objective Law (10 commandments) to measure our own 'goodness'. But when we do, we notice that we fall short of it, if we're honest with ourselves. This is why Christians (and myself as well of course) believe that no one is 'good enough' by God's standard. That's why we can only get to Heaven if we believe in Jesus Christ that he died and rose, then we are saved by faith in Him and not by our own 'good' works. We are then saved by God's grace, not by our own 'goodness'.

Oh and I when I speak of speak of something objective, I mean something that exists outside out our own opinions. So God's standard is an 'objective' standard, because God's standard is the same regardless of our own opinions.

Does any of this makes sense to you?

You reminded me of an excellent book I read years afo.

https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728 Kushner provides a masterclass on this one.

For Humans to have free will, they cant always just choose the good option. They must be able to freely choose evil. God is still 3O's because he did not create that evil but rather Humans did as they could always choose the good option but did not.

Here are some links for the product in the above comment for different countries:

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Your question has no easy answer, but it is still a question worth asking.

Here's an orthodox answer: God is omnipotent but, for reasons we don't understand--and perhaps some that we do (i.e., testing us, part of his plan for us, respect for our agency, etc.)--He does not always intervene when his children experience extreme suffering through no fault of their own. A proponent of this view might argue that our inability to understand the purpose of our suffering does not mean that there IS no purpose, in the same way that a baby getting vaccinated may not understand the purpose behind the painful shots it receives. Some things, including the suffering we experience as a part of (or by-product of) God's grand designs, are beyond human comprehension.

The alternative that you propose, which is fleshed out well in the Jewish rabbi Harold Kushner's When Bad Things Happen to Good People (which is an excellent, inspiring read, by the way)--that God does not always alleviate our suffering because doing so is not always in His control--is helpful in explaining God's seeming failure to intervene in the most painful parts of our existence, but it is problematic insofar as it fails to articulate the boundaries of God's influence. If we assume that God is unable to cure my 12-year-old's cancer because even God is subject to natural law, then what is the mechanism/natural law that allows him to (at least) provide emotional solace to my son and me? Allowing for a God that is bounded in power raises the thorny question of where those boundaries lie.

My personal view is somewhere in the middle. In some circumstances, we may suffer because it is part of God's plan that we do not understand, and in others, we may suffer because it is out of God's power to stop it. I've seen the former born out in my life, where painful circumstances have seemed, in retrospect, to be divine stepping stone to something better than I could or would have chosen for myself. The rational part of me realizes, however, that even God must have limits on his power. He cannot, for example, create a stone that is too heavy for even Him to lift, to cite one omnipotence paradox. Another boundary on God's power is raised in Alma 42, which, discussing justice and mercy, asks, "do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God" (verse 25). Assuming this scripture is true, we can conclude that God may be able to allow mercy to rob justice, but He cannot both (1) allow mercy to rob justice and (2) continue to be God. Even he cannot do that.

> And all the unnecessary pain and suffering that comes along with it. I'm sure the people dying of AIDS in Africa are thrilled to have free will.

A rabbi, Harold S. Kushner, wrote a whole book on the subject, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"

I don't understand all of human suffering. Some comes as a result of our bad choices. Some just happens. I have faith that all of the suffering is a part of God's plan, although it's our obligation to relieve what suffering we can.

He doesn't.

edit: try this if you actually want a real answer to what I think you are trying to get at through the lens or religious people. - Oops I originally linked to the wrong book of same name...

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=pd_sim_b_1