Reddit reviews Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life
We found 49 Reddit comments about Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
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So to recap, you were miserable --> moved 2,000 miles --> still miserable.
The problem is with you. Someone suggested counselling and that's a great idea.
See if this book resonates with you...
https://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-There-Are-Mindfulness/dp/1401307787
"life is suffering" is a pretty poor translation. The four noble truths are mentioned in several suttas - the Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta probably being the most famous.
The first noble truth more literally translates as "there is dukkha" - "dukkha" in this case being the term for a chariot wheel that was out of alignment causing an uncomfortable, bumpy, unsatisfactory ride. What the Buddha was essentially trying to say is that worldly existence is predicated upon dissatisfaction and suffering. The goal was to find release (escape if you will) from the cycle of birth and death (samsara) that the prevailing Vedic spiritualties of the time taught. The second, third and fourth noble truths tell us that there is a way to do this. The eightfold path is the Buddha's prescription for doing this.
If you are interested in Buddhism from a more secular or atheistic viewpoint, Stephen Bachelor's Buddhism without Beliefs may appeal to you. Be aware though that it does skip some of the central tenets of Buddhism and verges on not really being Buddhism at all.
The other way to approach the path while avoiding the metaphysics is to focus on the mindfulness and compassion practices. With that in mind, John Kabbat Zinn's Wherever you go there you are is a worthwhile read.
You might also try the books of Pema Chodron. She has a no bullshit way of bringing Buddhism to bear on real life.
>Shepple
Did anyone else enjoy the amusing coincidence that her name is one letter from the Internet-word for "unwitting follower"?
>developed a script for masculinity that I was comfortable performing
Would you mind elaborating on this a bit? Or pointing towards a source that might help me make sense of the "everything is performative" mindset in less than 10,000 pages of overblown prose? Perhaps there's some factor to it that is fundamentally impossible to communicate, but I've long found that phrasing strange and uncomfortable, likely because I associate it with performing-as-acting, and thus as-lying.
>I wonder if there's some kind of body or gender dysmorphia that leaves certain people uncomfortable with whatever body they find themselves in
Almost definitely. I think a dose of Haidt's Happiness Hypothesis or maybe even Irvine's Guide to Stoicism would do people with this "generalized discomfort" much more good than the solutions they're finding (and regretting) now. Or since you mentioned the title phrase, John Kabat-Zinn's famed guide to mindfulness meditation. I say that as someone who found these books quite helpful over the years, dealing with my own concerns, and retrospectively quite glad of the culture in which I was raised rather than one more "do as thou wilt."
Edit: Thank you for sharing your story.
I don't have kids nor do I have any explicit advice. However, in his (great) book Wherever You Go, There You Are Jon Kabat-Zinn talks a little bit his practice after he had children. I remember him saying when his child was still a baby he would often meditate while holding her, as it was the only time he had free to practice. When she got older he continued to sit, and once in a while she would sit next to him.
Talking with younger people after meditation retreats I've heard from some who said their parents never forced them into anything, or indoctrinated them. The parents simply meditated and did their thing, and when curious the children asked.
>THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT because any book that talks about meditating to reach a higher being, to see pretty things is not what I'm looking for.
That is wonderful! Because, despite what some people imagine, that's not what real meditation is about.
Meditation addresses the cause-and-effect of the thinking; in particular, how to get out from under the false ideas we make or that are implanted in us by parents, society, and other conditioning factors, and how to instead be able to see things plainly and accurately — before opinion filters the view.
You are very fortunate to have this yen for simple, observable effects; and you are very fortunate to understand that you need to reset. Furthermore, it is good that you can see some of your own patterns and how they might get in the way of your success. Resetting is indeed the practice: coming back to zero.
Zen Master Seung Sahn used to talk about "pressing the Clear button". When you use a calculator, you need to be able to return to zero in order for the calculations to come out correctly. If you keep entering calculations without resetting, they go further and further from the accurate result. Similarly, if we are to function correctly we need to be able to clear away the previous results and start from zero. So meditation means we press the Clear button. Then, how that clear point functions in life is the next step.
I think you may like some of Zen Master Seung Sahn's writing, and you may dislike some of it. His teaching is very well organized. He also often appealed to the scientific mind (he would sometimes teach by using mathematics, for instance). But also some of his writing includes points that you may not have the patience for, and includes deep teaching you probably won't understand (not until you have practiced for several years); so you may not like that part of it.
~
But this raises an important point for you. Despite the fact that you seek very clear, no-nonsense teaching — which is, I think, commendable — there is also a sort of selfish, demanding, entitled tone to your post. You have to realize that nothing is perfect. Your situations become satisfactory or unsatisfactory based on your own mind and your own relationship to things. So if you keep a demanding and entitled attitude, there is no teaching that will help you.
Right now, you are saying that you are going to stay where you are, and that all the teaching should come to you, in exactly the way you want it. Sure, we all want things our way; but that's not really a mature approach. You have to come at least half way. If you take down some of the unnecessary doubt and armoring, and take some steps toward the teachers, then naturally the teachers will respond and the teaching can be assimilated by you. If you only stand where you've always stood, holding on to your narrow view out of fear of entering new territory, then nothing will change for you.
This is also cause and effect.
~
One writer you may appreciate — I don't know, you'd have to check him out — is John Kabat Zinn. He offers meditation practices in a non-religious context. Probably his most famous book is his first bestseller, Full Catastrophe Living, which looks at meditation for stress relief and treatment for illness. The follow-up book Wherever You Go, There You Are is more focused on meditation itself, and may be a good start for you. He has several books, videos, and mp3s available.
Here's an excerpt from a user review on Amazon:
>A family member bought this book. I found it sitting on a shelf, glanced at the cover and involuntarily thought to myself "uh oh, granola time," and came within a heartbeat of dismissing the book out of hand. Luckily, I did not. Instead, I read the introduction, and then found myself -- almost in a state of disbelief -- reading on and on. I was amazed to find that the book is not just one more new age book muttering away about a world none of us really lives in. To the contrary, the book is written by someone with a profound understanding of everyday reality, who is astonishingly good at sharing that understanding.
r/meditation
Mindfulness in Plain English
Wherever You Go, There You Are
Wherever You Go, There You Are
I, myself, am a sufferer of Anxiety and Depression. I've been diagnosed for over ten years. However, I never took steps to help myself until 3 years ago.
That being said, the things that I found that helped my Mental Well-Being the most was finding the right doctor for me, that lead me to Mindful Meditation and he helped prepare me for my weightloss and eventual journey into running.
I cannot say enough good about Mindful Meditation. It alone helped me stave off some of the worst moments in the last year or so. I started by reading a recommended book, Wherever You Go, There You Are by John Kabat-Zinn, and that lead to sessions being led by my therapist and then now it's a full solo activity I engage in multiple times weekly.
I've not had an anxiety attack in over 6 months, I can manage my stress 100% better now and this has allowed me to do many things I considered just "off limits" for me. I highly recommend it just for basic Self Care and Well-being.
Also, interested.
I picked up a couple of books at the library that I have been meaning to get through. Only partially started one...
Genuine Happiness: Meditation as the Path to Fulfillment, I just started this one...
And this is the other I am going to be getting to: Wherever You Go, There You Are
I found "Whereever you go there you are" by John Kabat-Zinn very helpful for managing stress and depression: http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-Go-There-Are/dp/1401307787
I've found books by John Kabat-Zinn to be very helpful - Full Catastrophe Living http://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Wisdom-Illness/dp/0385303122 and Wherever You Go There You Are - http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-There-Are-ROUGH/dp/1401307787/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239627287&sr=1-1
"Wherever You Go" has more references to traditional Buddhism.
Title of this post is also the title of a book I constantly read to help me stay in the moment
I did a 6 week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course last year which covered a number of different relaxation and meditation practices and I find it helpful to mix them up; they include body scans, yoga and sitting meditation.
Here as some of the recommended books from the course
Being Zen
Wherever You There Are
There is a whole series of talks and practices available for free @
Audio Dharma
BTW, this is my first post to stopdrinking - sober for 12 days
The only thing that seems unclear to me is how your physical energy may be interacting with your mental energy. Lethargy and lack of energy is something that is often accompanied with feelings of depression but the way you're describing it, it seems more that you're just tired and don't have much time due to your schedule. That is very different from the former!
There's no one solution, but one growing field that I am very interested in is mindfulness. It's basically a totally new way of relating to your own thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental and kind way. It has a lot of therapeutic applications, but it also has a physical component including yoga and lots of meditation. It's something that will take time and months of practice and training, but once you do...countless people have stated it's totally changed their lives and how they perform activities and respond to stress, and even feeling like they have freed up more time to do things. It's very interesting.
I can recommend a starting book, by the father of mindfulness himself: Jon Kabat-Zinn
I'm currently in Monk Mode myself. I'm probably only going for at most a 3mo. term at this (Started Dec. 1st). It sounds like you have a good plan. I'm focusing on the following things:
For learning to cook I highly recommend this book.
For addressing approach anxiety I recommend The Rules of the Game.
This is an excellent book on habit change. (OP this is how you start to break down those "masturbatory" habits)
Also, Monk Mode is basically an exercise in stoicism. This book is awesome.
Since you'll have plenty of time to read here are some other Books I recommend:
"No More Mr. Nice Guy"
"Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty"
"The Talent Code"
"Man's Search for Meaning"
"Flow"
Final thoughts OP. 6 months is definitely a worthy goal however studies show that 90 days is usually what it takes to create new habits and routines. You have to be consistent though. Just food for thought.
(Edit: I suck at formatting)
I recommend Wherever You Go, There You Are and Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn. They're about meditation and mindfulness to reduce stress.
To the best of my knowledge, one of the causes of depression is rumination (spinning). Depressed people keep having the same negative thoughts over and over and feel exhausted, with a bleak outlook on things.
From my own experience, the way I got out of there was by progressively realizing that my thoughts were not a good representation of reality. They were negatively biased. I would think along the lines of "my personal situation will never get better; why bother trying to improve it? I'm useless and I'll never be able to do it". Guess what? I was completely wrong :)
At some point I realized that a different person facing the same challenges and circumstances could be happy. I had a family, some good friends, etc. It was my own perspective of things that was making me miserable.
If you have the chance, I recommend you to have a look at two booklets that I've found very insightful. They don't talk about depression but rather about life and the origins of suffering. You can probably find them in your local library if you don't want to purchase them. They are short and sweet :)
Wherever you go, there you are.
Peace is every step.
This...shit therapist. Period.
Couple of suggestions from a professional working adult with adhd.
Mindfulness is NOT a panacea. It has been shown in small studies (mobile at the moment so no link) to have beneficial effects to both the adhd particpants and their extended relationships.
A small quote that sums up the practice of Mindfulness that I just ran across this morning "breathing is the act of stringing moment together mindfully".
http://lidiazylowska.com/book/
This is a book which does a good job of making the practices in the small scale studies available. It is methodical if a little tedious. Remember, mindfulness doesn't take "practice" it is practice. However, this book may be useful.
The second book is by a doctor who is related to the notion of mindfulness as a remedy. Kabat-Zinn is an early adopter off the notion that mindfulness CAN help people. He wrote http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-Go-There-Are/dp/1401307787 and it is a wonderfully simple approach to the idea and moment by moment practice of Mindfulness.
Rest assured, it's sometimes a challenge for adhd people to learn then practice, but it is an important element of treatment that when combined with exercise and proper therapy, allows us to self manage more effectively.
You can do this. But it does take work and effort. Maybe these other resources can help.
Jon Kabat-Zinn should be exactly what you're looking for. He's a biologist who runs a stress reduction clinic based on mindfulness. He was among the first to bring mindfulness meditation practice into mainstream medicine. Being a scientist, he shouldn't tickle your skeptical side. I find he's both very inspirational and very practical at the same time. Go take a look at Amazon's customer reviews of his best book.
What about nonfiction? There's two books that have really guided my thinking and helped shift me towards a more conscious, healthful way of thinking and lifestyle.
Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn
8 Weeks To Optimum Health by Andrew Weil
The deep breathing exercises that Dr. Weil introduces have had an amazing impact on my life by leading me down the path to meditation. Kabat-Zinn talks a lot about Emerson's Walden in his book as well.
Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn
http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-Go-There-Are/dp/1401307787
really a good book and very easy to read
I'm not knowledgeable enough to really expound on the differences, but I'll throw down some resources that helped me:
If this all piques your interest, I really recommend attending a MBSR class to learn a bunch of different techniques and to discuss it with other people who are doing it at the same time. It's similar to exercise in that you can get started on your own, but if you want to get more "skilled" you should look to find a mentor to help you process and suggest new techniques that might help you improve.
Your family being upset should not trump looking out for your own mental/emotional well-being. Their strong reaction (or threat of a strong reaction) is another manipulation technique to keep people from escaping the clutches of religion. You are responsible for your life and well-being first and foremost.
That said, hanging in there until you can fully support yourself is probably wise.
I'd recommend reading Wherever You Go, There You Are. It could help with managing the emotions of your current situation so you don't go crazy.
Oh for sure then, Rick Rubin (through his recorded interviews) was the one the introduced me to mindfulness in general and by extension to my interest in Tibetan Buddhism.
Last october I listening to an interview where he mentioned the Tao Te Ching along with this book (https://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-Go-There-Are/dp/1401307787). I read both and they have had a profound impact on my life to be honest.
Man its like my number 1 dream right now to one day work on a track with Rick Rubin.
Mindfulness Meditation
Book
This can be done anywhere: airport, pumping gas, waiting on a microwave, anywhere anytime. It's about Now, and how utterly amazing now is. Your life is a boggling number of nows. Remember to breathe calmly.
Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn
I took classes, but meditating is soooo simple (and yet difficult as a result hahaha) that you can do it on your own. Here's the book we used. Basically, you start off by sitting in an upright position with your feet planted firmly on the ground and your hands on your lap. You set a timer for 10 minutes and you focus on your breath for those ten minutes. When your focus starts to fade (and it will), you just "slowly bring your attention back to your breath without judgment" (don't beat yourself up for not getting it, part of the point is learning how to deal with that frustration so you can deal with your other emotions...once you accept it, it becomes manageable). The book has moments of spirituality that I didn't agree with, but the pragmatic stuff is helpful.
I how it has felt for you, but I had points where the future seemed meaningless and I thought everything fucking sucked and I couldn't do anything to change that. With one-on-one therapy, group therapy, meditation and exercising (mmmm yoga), I realized that I wasn't the only one feeling this way, and it turns out that I can do a whole lot to change my disposition to life, to myself, to everything. By focusing on the present and being okay with things not always going how I want because I could always feel okay with it and taking it little by little, things just became manageable. All of a sudden, working on myself was my new favorite hobby. Taking it little by little makes it easier to deal with the bigger picture. One of my problems was that I would put way too much pressure on myself with dating, with teaching, with doing research...and all that stuff would just cripple me...and when I got depressed, I hit rock-bottom in an emotional sense. I stopped being myself (usually very gregarious) and I actually felt hopelessness...the scariest feeling I've ever had. It was like everything was cold, empty, devoid of meaning, and somehow indifferent to me. To get out of this, I had to take it easy, prioritize myself, and take comfort in doing things little by little...being okay with 50% success instead of 100% and redefining things so that my view of "100%" was actually "ridiculously unattainable" and 50% was "A step in the right direction toward something I'll be satisfied with and when I get there I'll stop." By doing that, you can overcome the feeling of wading through molasses, feelings of panic (which is what I would feel when the pressure was on), feelings of inadequacy and shame...basically, you stop being your own worse enemy. If you need anything else, let me know!
Remember, I'm cheering for you ; )
I'm glad I could lift your spirits man.
Meditation is tough and can seem bland, especially after we've been bombarding ourselves with such pleasurable stimuli for years now. Like anything, starting is the hardest part, and you've gotta start somewhere. I actually haven't done it in a long while, and it's probably part of the reason I've relapsed recently.
If you are interested, I recommend reading the book
Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat Zinn. Some of the stuff he says is a bit hippyish, but it's a good place to start if you want to learn mindfulness and meditation.
Take up meditation. It's helped me manage those same issues, as well as many others. I recommend Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn, as well as Wherever You Go There You Are by the same author. Those were recommended to me by a man I respect immensely.
Be patient with it; meditation won't change you overnight. I hesitate recommending it in this manner because it can't be thought of as a fix for your problems. If that's what motivates you to begin, that's all good, but meditation is not a search for results. Those books are an excellent starting place and will serve you well.
Mindfulness training will give you the confidence to be detached enough from circumstances to have a more objective view. This objectivity will allow you to consider situations rather than react to them. Wherever you go. there you are.
For zen I recommend Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life.
That's the book I started with, and after 10 years of studying doctrine and experimenting with various practices it's simple message is what I've returned to.
This guy, Jon Kabat-Zinn, brought meditation into mainstream medecine. He's a really interesting guy. He's just one of hundreds of mindfulness/meditation sources out there but he's a doctor and understands it all scientifically, and thats great for those like me who can't relate to the hippie type meditation that most people think of when they think of meditation. That and he's very good, better than a lot of the stuff out there imo. He's written books and you can get audio cds of his guided meditations. I do these regularly and find them very good! Leaves me feeling peaceful relaxed and mindful. Best of luck!
His book Wherever You Go, There You Are was my introduction to meditation. I would recommend it, though I am not sure exactly how much it would bring to the table that would be fresh to you, since you already have a practice in place. Maybe someone else who has read it can chime in on that.
I absolutely love to sleep and my body always wants 8-9 hours at the minimum. I also have trouble going to sleep, history of depression and anxiety, etc.
If it is aaaaany consolation to you, forcing myself to get up earlier has gotten easier as I've gotten older. I'm only a bit older than you probably (graduated from college 4 years ago) but my ability to wake earlier has increased significantly in the past year or so.
One of the main things that helped was reading books about mindfulness (This one is a fave and is pretty cheap used on Amazon) AND, oddly enough, not guilting myself for my love of sleep. Or letting anyone else give me grief about it. We are sleepy people, and that's okay.
If you feel up to it and will try very hard to give yourself positive self-talk (to quiet the negative), setting your alarm for literally 2 minutes earlier at a time might help. If you can wake up for a week at 8:28, then try 8:26. The key is being nice to yourself, though, which is also the hardest part sometimes. I wish you so much luck!
i can very much relate to that feeling. you're actively changing things to shake it all up, but it's like wherever you go, whatever you do, you hit quicksand at some point. you start to slow down and eventually feel so stuck, you can neither go forwards nor backwards.
occupying your brain may be a short term remedy for this, but it seems like that's what you've been doing. what i need in those phases is to find a stable space inside, without having to rely on distractions or outside influences.
i think anti depressants maybe the proverbial canon used to shoot sparrows. there are so many things you can do to establish a baseline of healthy living, before being driven to taking pills.
are you sleeping enough?
do you eat healthy?
are you getting enough vitamin d? (vitamin d-deficiency has been linked to low moods. produced by the body when exposed to sunlight. can be an issue for people who are used to be outside, when they're suddenly holed up indoors. )
are you physically active? if you can't afford a gym and it's too cold outside, try out some bodyweight-exercises you can do at home with minimal gear. exercise for me has been the most effective and only 100% reliable anti-depressant for many years. working up a sweat once a day for 30 minutes did wonders for my mental clarity and physical wellbeing. if your body feels good, your mind will appreciate it.
have you tried meditation? you sound like you have some downtime, then this could be a good first step. check out this book: http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-Go-There-Are/dp/1401307787/ref=la_B000AQ12GA_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1451140325&sr=1-1
it's a very pragmatic and pretty non-spiritual description of how and why it makes sense.
none of these things have been a one-stop remedy for me, but they helped me feel better, be more active, formulate wishes, dreams, plans and lead to more fulfilling activities.
be patient and don't be too hard on yourself or those around you. we all struggle. good luck.
>but oftentimes I fall asleep during my attempts
"Sit with dignity" said Jon Kabat-Zinn in "Wherever You Go, There You Are" which is IMO the second most essential book after Mindfulness in Plain English.
Your back should be up and shoulders back, like you're relaxed but still projecting power.
If you're still sleepy, fix your sleep schedule first.
This I liked, and is something I'm reading currently too.
As for meditation, Osho's book of secrets lists out around 1001 techniques for meditation. But that's a dense read, and I'm exploring the cliche myself.
Btw, what is audible credits?
If think you'll always anything you're wrong
Also this is a book for anyone wondering and albeit a bit wordy at times a fantastic philosophical tool in learning Mindfulness.
I highly recommend this book: Wherever You Go, There You Are. It has helped me a lot, particularly in finding meaning in the mundane things in life. Mindfulness isn't some magical, drug-free panacea to all mental conditions. Rather, it is a way of approaching life, making small philosophical adjustments that are compatible with basically all of major religious/philosophical affiliations. Really, starting with reading the book, and just doing it for 3 minutes a day helped me during some rough times. I highly recommend it, even if you don't stick with it. Try doing it in the morning when you have your first cup of coffee during the day. Really appreciate the taste and smell of you're coffee, the warmth of the cup in your hands. If you're anything like me, you'll find yourself naturally drawn to more.
If that's the approach you prefer (it's mine too) he's right up your alley.
I also think AudioDharma is a really good resource. Although they have a Buddhist tinge to their stuff, it's mild and easy to ignore. They certainly don't force it in any of their materials that I've read/heard.
Sorry for the delay on this.
A great beginner book with many guided exercises:
https://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-There-Are-Mindfulness/dp/1401307787
A deeper look at how our conscious shapes our lives
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/140195247X/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I haven't used it for weight loss, but meditation has been the most important tool for overcoming sexual addiction. In fact, mindfulness in particular has a lot of research behind its value for working with addiction.
Stress eating may not be a full blown addiction, but you can be sure it's in the same ball park.
Regular mindfulness meditation, in my experience, helps you to be more aware throughout the day, aware of your physical needs, like hunger, thirst, the need for solitude and quiet, and more subtly, aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
When you start getting into the habit of mindfully asking yourself "What am I feeling right now? Is there something I could do to make my situation better right now?", you will certainly start to notice the thoughts and feelings that spring up right before your craving for food.
With time, you start to recognize the triggers, and as you become more familiar with them, you start to learn how to counteract them.
I would recommend Jon Kabat-Zinn's Wherever you go, there you are if you want to learn more about mindfulness specifically.
A good way to start would be to just sit down in a quiet place, if only for five minutes, and become aware of the sensations of your breath. Don't count, don't expect anything. Just be aware.
Awareness of breath is the most basic mindfulness meditation of all, but its power for transformation is incredible.
I hope this helps, good luck!
I found
Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn to be a good intro and didn't get too much into the religious side. I'd call it a more practical approach. There's also r/meditation but I think they can be a bit dogmatic at times and get too caught up in their specific qbrand of meditation. The FAQ there is a good place if you want something you can look at right this minute.
Wherever you go, there you are I think it's only running away if you believe that moving will automatically make everything better. You have to change you. No amount of external influence will make you better or worse.
In practical terms, will you need to leave town if you lose your job, in order to get another good job? If you can keep this job it seems like an excellent turning point for your life - an opportunity instead of a disaster.
Along this line, I found this book helpful
Oh god yes. I confessed all the time. I went on my mission without a whole lot of conviction but during it did my best to obey so I could be worthy of the spirit and a testimony. Boy, was this a perfect recipe for psychological distress. I constantly wondered whether my thoughts were prompting from the spirit or not and I always wondered why I wasn't getting the testimony and burning conviction I'd been promised. "Well, better step it up," I'd think. Probably because I spent 45 minutes instead of 30 minutes writing email. Probably because I thought sexual thoughts. Probably because I had Josh Groban on my iPod. And later, probably because I have an iPod. I kept stepping it up. I wanted so bad to be worthy of god's prompting and dod everything I could to merit it. When I didn't measure up to these unrealistically high expectations, I would step it up. I was ALWAYS confessing and whenever I felt a huge wave of relief, I would think it was the spirit. Nope. Just OCD. I would "sin" like maybe seeing something scandalous on late-nite TV that was sexually arousing. But I wouldn't feel guilty about it, true contrition. So I took seriously D&C " 42 Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.
43 By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them." So I would confess in order to create embarrassment, shame and guilt so that I could feel godly sorry and truly repent of my seems because after all "...our words will condemn us, yea, all our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn us; and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God; and we would fain be glad if we could command the rocks and the mountains to fall upon us to hide us from his presence." (Alma 12:14)
OCD/Scrupulosity can be a real bitch but it is possible to overcome.of this, I testify (without hesitation). : ) It will take work. Expect to do a lot of reading. In addition to these books below, I recommend finding a therapist.
Learning about mindfulness really helped. I recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Eight-Week-Finding-Peace-Frantic-ebook/dp/B005NJ2T1G.
I also recommend this: http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-Go-There-Are/dp/1401307787.
This: http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Not-Your-Brain/dp/1583334831
This: http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235
And this one:http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234
That Mormon Stories podcast really helped me. I think there's a few of them. It put a name to something I'd just thought was normal. I just remember thinking "That's me!" If only someone had had the wherewithal to say "Young man, all this confessing isn't ok. Let's get you some help." I was consumed by guilt and shame all the time, never measuring up. So I'd step it up. The idea of "worthiness" was incredibly harmful to me. We are all worthy of love, of respect, and acceptance.
I also struggled with assertiveness so for what it's worth here's a discussion and some book recommendations and a discussion from last week.
Recovery is possible. I have completely gotten over all that guilt. I learned o get over that nagging guilty feeling or even that feeling like "oh shit! I left the stove on". I've had so many of those. But now I don't. I just started ignoring them. "Fuck it. Let my house burn down." What I once thought was the spirit, I now know was just my brain. Now I don't feel that. My brain has rewires so that those feelings don't come up anymore. And now I have done everything I always feared and "far worse"--I've had sex outside marriage (I was never married) and so broke my "covenants" from the temple, I've smoked weed, drank (though I don't anymore). No guilt, no shame. I'm not saying you need to do those things to get better, I'm just saying that if you'd known me a decade ago, you'd have not believed I would have ever done anything so "wicked".
My point is there's nothing objective about that guilt and shame we felt. It's only because it was instilled in us from an early age. It's a learned response and can be unlearned. We just took the Church and its truth claims and hell and punishment seriously.
Best to you. Feel free to PM me any time. Know that there's hope.
https://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-There-Are-Mindfulness/dp/1401307787
Your request just perfectly described the outcome of mindfulness meditation. It's immensely valuable. If you're looking for great light book on the subject, check this out. I've read it twice already.
https://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-Go-There-Are/dp/1401307787
Wherever you go there you are
https://www.amazon.ca/Wherever-You-There-Are-Mindfulness/dp/1401307787