Reddit reviews You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.: What Everyone Affected by Addiction, Abuse, Trauma or Toxic Shaming Must know to have peace in their lives

Thanks for the advice

Since I've been reading about Co-Dependency I can see how it affected me. This is huge for me and I really think I can begin training myself to think differently now. I'm only seeing for the first time things I didn't even realize about myself.

There are moments despite everything when she's ok. It's those times that I wonder if I even have any problems but then I remember all the pain, shame, manipulation, anxiety and guilt and all those experience that gave me the problems I have today.

I would rather have a healthy relationship with her if possible. But I am beginning to see that if certain decisions I make are going to upset her I'm not going to let it make me guilty. I've already started doing this. It used to make me anxious when she started complaining about her friends and people she imagined hurt(or were out to get her somehow) her even though it had nothing to do with me I felt responsable for her when she felt that way. Now I know its not my problem and its not my job to fix her. Either way I'm not going to do nothing anymore.

There's a long line of Alcoholism and Codependency in my family and if I ever have kids I don't intend to pass either on to any of them.
This book helped me a lot.
I related to almost every word in that book.

I want to wish you good luck with your mom too. Knowing sombody else has the courage to go through this helps

Got a book for you:

You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent: What Everyone Affected by Addiction, Abuse, Trauma or Toxic Shaming Must know to have peace in their lives

Seriously. It will explain probably the ENTIRETY of your "family" -- yes even including your Mom and the reasons (ingrained behavior patterns) around why she CHOSE "such a shitty dude" to marry -- AND your sex/gambling maniac brothers... and probably yourself too.