Best books about attention deficit disorder according to redditors
We found 243 Reddit comments discussing the best books about attention deficit disorder. We ranked the 58 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
He can't lose credits for any reason at all, he simply doesn't earn more credits. This changed things from yelling to things of reward. So instead of there being yelling and punishment, the house was a mad, it turned into a nurturing system. If he misbehaved "Oh well, you can earn some more credits tomorrow, no big deal buddy, new day new day!"
This is a great book on the approach: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0967050707/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1 "Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach"
Edit: oh also, he can spend the credits on anything. They convert to hard cash. 1 credit a day would be 1 dollar a day for doing all the right things. I didn't micro transaction, he had to be good for the day in school, got a credit, took care of trash or whatever earn .5 credit. I purchased monopoly money on Amazon so he had something tangible to take to his safe, I got him a little play safe, now he has a real one with real cash. So he could spend it on a movie, a toy, whatever. I didn't make him spend it on "daddy time" or whatever since that should always be free.
Edit 2: Ah deeper. He has over $2000 now and won't spend it. This system also taught him a valuable skill in money management. If he wanted something he had to remove his cash, he really started to hate that. As a result he saved and saved. $2k for a 16 year old is pretty darn good, $20 bucks a week is his max earning from me. Plus christmas money/birthday from people, I also reward him for As every half a year, $20 an A. Damn it's expensive now.
I’ve been reading a book on organizational strategies for people with ADHD (I think it was this one, but I don’t have it with me at the moment, so I’m not 100% sure), and it said something that seemed pretty profound to me: if you struggle with organization, it’s okay to stop trying to do things the “right” way, and instead do them the way that’s right for you.
So, for example (a few ideas based on what you wrote):
I don’t know if any of those suggestions would work for you (and I definitely don’t want you to feel pressured to try any of them, or buy that book!), but maybe there are similar shortcuts you could find that could help you use the systems you already have in place (like tons of dirty clothes ending up on the bathroom floor) and convert them into something that doesn’t cost any more effort or time, but changes the way you feel about your home (like placing a laundry basket where the clothes will get tossed anyway).
His doctors may also be hesitant to treat his ADHD effectively because many of the drugs that do also cause mania and mania is much more dangerous and harmful than not getting shit done for a while.
I'm ADHD and bipolar and it's a fucking train wreck. You sound so pissed off about this, I'm sure he reads that and when someone is always mad a you regardless of how hard you try it's pretty easy to just quit trying.
My doc used this example:
Two sets of parents both had kids with ADHD who had shitty grades. One set of parents told their kid they would take away their phone, their car and ground them if they didn't get their grades up in a month. The other set of parents told their kid that if they got their grades up they'd get him a new car.
Which kid do you think actually got their grades up?
Neither kid did. It just wasn't in the kids power to do it, no amount of punishment/reward would help the kid because they were asking the kid more to do more than they were capable of doing.
Read [Driven to Distraction] (http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375056151&sr=1-1) to get a better perspective of what he's dealing with.
But mostly remember that the biploar and the mania treatments work against each other. Maybe as his moods become stable his doctor will step up the ADHD treatment but I can't imagine a doctor trying to treat mania and ADHD at the same time. It's always mania first then, when someone's been stable for months, treat ADHD.
Didn't think it was real, my dad never put much thought into ADHD. Wasn't until a couple years moving up in my career, someone called me out on it and told me about a book called "Driven to Distraction". Year or so after listening to that audiobook finally went to the doctor. That dude was reading a crystal ball when it came to some personal habits yadda yadda yadda....
Sometimes I invite people over just so my place will get clean... jk but also it's kinda true.
I throw this book out here on this sub constantly (still waiting for my kickbacks...) but Susan Pinsky's book for organizing with ADHD literally changed my life. I'm still a hot mess, but everything is easier to clean and keep organized. I started going crazy when I transitioned to working from home full time. I need a clean environment to work but everything in my nature works against that. Her book really seriously truly helped me get things to a better baseline.
I can't link for some reason in-text, but here's the amazon link https://www.amazon.com/Organizing-Solutions-People-Revised-Updated-ebook/dp/B007ETD7GO
Everyone experiences the things you are describing some of the time. However, it sounds like you experience all of these things a lot, and it also seems like these experiences are getting in your way at times. When your everyday experiences are interfering with your day-to-day life, it is a great idea to see a specialist. You can start with your regular doctor, or you can go to a psychologist or psychiatrist. If neuropsychological testing is indicated, your doctor or psychologist will refer you if needed.
It's not a good idea to speculate about diagnosis via the internet. But it is perhaps worth mentioning that you spontaneously self-described many of the symptoms of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. It may make sense to bring up this possibility with your doctor or psychologist.
If you are looking for more information, you might try:
Good luck! If you need more books or websites, let me know and I'll do my best to direct you to good resources.
I borrowed this book from the library a while ago and it had some time management strategies. I remember one I practiced was making a list with 3 columns. In the first column, write a to do list of tasks. In the second column, estimate how long each will take. Then time yourself doing each task and write the actual time in the third column. It’s to help you notice actual time.
Extra videos for you to watch.
Books and CBT
Barkley has two books about this and he is considered the leading ADHD book author on Adult ADHD. Barkley actually has far more than 2 books but the below two are the ones meant for normal people. He has 200+ scientific journals articles/medical textbook chapters to his name and his treatment handbook for ADHD has 6136 scientific cites of his treatment handbook for medical practitioners that came out 10 years ago (2005), and only 1 paper on his theory of Executive Function (1997) has 4898 scientific cites. A very old book on his about ADHD and self control (1997) has 2220 scientific cites. To put this in context there is about a 1000 scientific research papers each year on ADHD
The other authorative author on ADHD is Dr. Hallowell (Driven to Distraction, Delivered from Distraction) are considered the authoritative books on Adult ADHD
Barkley recommends 3 CBT programs by these people. They have books on amazon (I have not read them). I recommend you read these with a therapist for much of it is geared not to you but the therapist who then practice these techniques with yout.
A short while ago, someone on here recommended this book to me. It actually turned out to be really good!
Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, 2nd Edition-Revised and Updated https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007ETD7GO
I don't have a lot of advice, but just wanted to pop in to recommend a book called Smart but Scattered, which gives you a very clear, methodical approach to supporting and scaffolding executive function skills in kids. I've found it a really useful insight into my son (and myself!). Good luck!
You're not an idiot. It's possible you may have problems with attention - some form of ADD.
See if you can relate to some of these types of ADD in this book.
If so, it's pretty eye-opening about what you might be going through:
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-ADD-Revised-Breakthrough-Program/dp/0425269973
We have a 7 year old daughter who is very similar. We had this book recommended to us. https://www.amazon.com/Smart-but-Scattered-Revolutionary-Executive/dp/1593854455
Honestly, we haven't read it yet so I can't give you a first-hand review, but you literally used both of these words in your title, so it clearly has your son in mind...
Glad you got diagnosed and are doing so much better now.
Similar story for me. I wasn't diagnosed until ~29, though. I sometimes sit and wonder how much better life would have been had I been diagnosed back in college, or even in HS. But instead I just exhausted practically every SSRI and SNRI that my doctor would prescribe, to no avail.
Some 8 counselors / psychologists and 4 psychiatrists later, I got diagnosed and life has been night / day better ever since.
One book recommended to me was "Driven to Distraction" by Hallowell and Ratey: http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
It isn't exactly the most well-written book ever, and it is hardly perfect by any means, but never have I ever read so many accounts and experiences that I completely related to. It was very eye-opening.
edit: I should add that none of my psychologists and psychiatrists up to that point even mentioned or considered Adult ADD as a diagnosis. Furthermore, I was actually part of the group that thought, "ADD isn't real. People are just lazy. etc.". With the advent of that diagnosis at 29, I even laughed at my counselor and said that I thought ADD was a joke. I pushed forward anyway, because I had tried everything else. I was pleasantly surprised and have since reversed my stance since.
Please read this book!! I know people on both sides of the medication fence and only you and your son and his doctors/teachers can make the right decision. I'm glad you are being proactive about this now, you sound like a caring and attentive parent.
Anyway, I'm a teacher and this book helped a lot with my understanding of people with attention issues, including myself! Driven to Distraction
There's a possibility you might not convince her at all since she's made up her mind already. That's usually the issue with old school mentality that do not want to keep an open mind and no matter how much proof you bring to their attention they will not budge.
I highly recommend buying Driven to Distraction by Dr. Hallowell and try to have her read some of it. If you haven't read it I also recommend you read it too since he covers a lot about parents convinced that the person is just lazy.
My son has a generalize anxiety disorder. He has been having panic attacks since about 1st grade (he is in high school now). It took us years and a string of about 9 mental health professionals before we have gotten it mostly under control. We got some very bad advice through the years including one therapist that told me that needed to send him off to a "home".
I would be very dubious about admitting an eight year old to a psych hospital unless she was suicidal, homicidal, or seriously harming herself. A psych hospital/ward is terrifying for adults. I can't even imagine the distress that it would cause a child. Anxiety disorders can often mimic ADHD. Kids who have panic attacks with their anxiety often get misdiagnosed. Panic attacks at a young age can look like temper tantrums or they can bottle it up and sort of zone out or act out in inappropriate ways to avoid situations that make them anxious. Either way it is hard on the parent. The advice you get in a lot of parenting books ( things like tough love or "logical" consequences) just make the behavior worse.
My suggestions based on what worked for us:
I'm not a mental health professional, just a mom that went through this with her son. I've come to the realization that anxiety is not well understood by most people. Folks think it is just like the regular sort of anxiety which they deal with. But a disorder gets a person's brain chemicals out of whack and they can't be reasoned with or control themselves when the panic or anxiety is high. It can put a huge burden on families.
Good luck with everything. I hope everything works out well for you and your daughter.
Good luck... I hope you are able to get appropriate diagnosis and treatment!
If you are not, that doesn't necessarily mean you can't get any help... here are a few things that can still be helpful:
Hey dude.
I can relate quite a bit.
I have the attention span of a gnat on cocaine, so I can definitely relate to the overall tone of your post.
I am going to give you a different perspective than all the other commenters...
Here are my initial impressions:
1.) I am guessing your job is not 100% predictable and there's a decent amount of unpredictability in the day to day activities? That's probably why you are doing fine in that role. Also, since you also run the risk of losing your paycheck (i.e: loss aversion) if you don't perform provides you with a decent incentive to keep showing up and producing results.
2.) Regarding your difficulty of learning and motivation: This provides more evidence about your ADD tendencies. It's not that you are not motivated or don't want to learn, it's just that your brain is wired to chase shiny objects. If you are not stimulated in conversation, work, or any other task at hand - no matter how important others deem it to be, you simply TUNE OUT.
3.) Based on everything you've said thus far, I am going to put forth the following theory:
You grew up in a very dysfunctional / precarious family environment and your relationship with your parents aren't the best. If anything, this was certainly the case in the first few years after you were born. ADD/ADHD is not a disorder, rather, it is a phenotype.
Actually, it's more accurate to say attunement deficit disorder than attention deficit disorder because one of the biggest factors of it is from your mother not giving you proper attention as a baby.
I am also going to guess that you have underdeveloped emotional circuitry as a result of emotional neglect as a child.
This is all related to ADD/ADHD. The area of your brain (pre-frontal cortex and orbitofrontal cortex) that deals with emotional regulation is heavily underdeveloped.
How do I know all of this shit? Because I've spent a decent amount of time trying to understand my own characteristics and it sounds quite similar to yours.
To confirm these theories, I highly recommend that you read or listen to the audiobook version(s) of these books:
..Especially Running on Empty by Jonice Webb.
Here's why: Unlike physical or sexual abuse, it is extremely difficult and subtle to know if you've been emotionally neglected as a child. The reason is that the former is an event that happened (i.e: my dad spanked me) and the latter is an event that didn't happen.
Since you have no reference or experience of what emotional assurance feels like, you don't know if you've been neglected emotionally as a child AFTER you are an adult.
Rather, the symptoms show up as being distracted, ADD, depression, alienation, loneliness etc..
Take this test and if any of the above books confirm my theories, look into the work of Alice Miller and listen to everything she says.
With that said, DON'T GIVE INTO THE UNREALISTIC PRESSURE OF WANTING TO BE AN ENTREPRENEUR.
Because, in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal. Not only that, when you read /r/Entrepreneur and see a 23-year-old making half a million dollars from a business he started 6-months ago, you are going to feel even shittier if you are so attached to being an entrepreneur.
Remember:
On and on....
Take care of your mental health first.
And remember, ADD or being distracted is NOT a disorder, it's a phenotype. (or as I like to call it: Multifocus) -- What you need to do is figure out how to use your tendencies to your benefit and design your life around it.
We have sensationalized the idea of being an Entrepreneur so much so that, all we hear about are successes (i.e: Survivorship bias).
What no one talks about is the psychological toll and the number of suicides that happen as a result of the unrealistic (self-imposed) pressure of wanting to succeed as an Entrepreneur. For example, Austen Heinz was running an incredibly successful startup and abruptly killed himself.
Your happiness and sense of self should be 100% derived from within.
The moment you start basing that on external factors, you are likely going to go down the wrong road.
RELAX.
You got plenty of time.
This ain't a sprint.
It gets better if you understand exactly what it means to have ADHD. You'll feel empowered if you read up on the subject.
I recommend you
There are lots of misconceptions about ADHD out there, so it's hard to understand exactly what to expect or do next until you listen to the experts.
Check out p. 27 here
In her diagnostic interview, an ADHD woman says:
>I was slow to learn how to read, but once I did, I was a voracious reader. Little Women, The secret Garden, Hans Brinker-these were my books. On top of the water tower, under the kitchen table, wherever I could find a spot to be left alone, I'd tug a book out of my pocket and read.
It is NOT true that if you can concentrate and focus enough to read, you cannot have ADHD.
Source: Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward M. Hallowell M.D. & John J. Ratey M.D.
Edit: formatting, grammar.
Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate
Thorough, engaging background information w/ an underappreciated view on the origins behind ADHD and, most importantly, comprehensive 'what to do' chapters at the end.
One of Maté's main and least known points is that our bodies remember our early childhood experiences much better than our conscious awareness in the present-day. He was an early pioneer of the idea that ADHD is strongly related to attachment during infancy, back when most MD's thought it was predominantly genetic.
Anyway, hope that helps and best of luck with whatever resource(s) you go with.
The first edition of this book was fantastic for me! (I didn't know there's a new edition.. Something to check out!)
Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, 2nd Edition-Revised and ... http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007ETD7GO/ref=cm_sw_r_udp_awd_Ty92tb18D9BS9
Pick your poison:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Adult ADHD: Targeting Executive Dysfunction by Mary V. Solanto
The Art of Procrastination: A Guide to Effective Dawdling, Lollygagging and Postponing by John Perry
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
I find it disappointing that medication for most people seems to be the only method of treatment that most people are aware of. Medication is a viable treatment but on it's own is somewhat limited. I can tell you first hand that medication isn't really a solution for me since it just changes the problems that I have.
I've spent a lot of time learning about the biological issues that surround ADD and let me share some of what I've discovered. ADD is generally caused by poor functionality, generally in the prefrontal cortex of the brainl. This area of the brain is related to planning, self control, attention and executing function among other things. When you look at a SPECT scan (shows cerebral blood flow) of an individual with this disorder you see that when the person trys to focus, there is actually a decrease in the blood flow to that part of the brain. On an EEG which measures the electrical signals produced by brain waves you will see that the ratio between theta waves (low frequency daydreaming waves) and beta waves (high frequency attentive waves) is lower particularily in the frontal region of the brain.
For a period of time I had the idea in my head that ADD was just a label and wasn't really based on anything medical related and had more to do with maladjustment of certain individuals such as myself to our increasingly unhealthy system in which we bring up children. I was mainly caught up on the term "attention" because for me, I didn't have too much trouble with maintaining attention so much. Learning about how this actually relates to the brain and how it actually affects individuals has been illuminating for me.
Since medication doesn't really solve my problems and really only shifts my problems from one to another, I've been trying to find alternatives. I've done a lot of experimentation with supplements. The two that I recommend are Omega-3 (well know as an ADD supplement) and Tyrosine. I take these daily. Excercise is one of the best treatments available. There are numerous neurological benefits that excercise will bestow. For one, it increases cerebral blood flow. I've heard that 20 - 40 minutes of intense aerobic excercise 5 times a week is recommened and I believe that's a good figure. Looking at diet should certainly be taken into consideration. High protein diets are good for people with ADD. Carbs are not. Getting proper nutrients is of course important too.
One book that I recommend for anyone looking for alternatives to drugs is by Daniel Amen. He does clinical spect scans so he can see objectively what treatments are working and what isn't working. He's found 6 different patterns in brain scans that he's broken down into different types of ADD and gives specific treatment options for each one. http://www.amazon.com/Healing-ADD-Breakthrough-Program-Allows/dp/0425183270
One radical treatment that I recently begun is neurofeedback. This is a means in which you can become aware of the brainwaves going on in your brain and through software you can strengthen the desired frequency bands. It is expensive, but it is worth investigating in. I purchased my own EEG unit to save on the long term costs and I'm also seeing a neurofeedback practioner to give me initial guidance so that I'm on the right track. I have encountered some skepticism from some people, but my impression was that any sort of radical medical treatment gets met with skepticism whether there's science behind it or not. Since I'm primary treating myself, I've read a few books on the subject and the main issue is not lack of solid science on the subject but lack of funding for things like double blind studies.
Well, you're definitely going to see your application take longer, as answering yes on any of those questions just automatically flags your application for review.
Honestly, as someone with the same diagnosis and even the same medication, I just wouldn't have even answered yes to that. As others have mentioned, that question is actually much more specific than just "mental health."
>16d) During the past five (5) years, have you threatened or attempted suicide, or have you suffered from or been diagnosed or treated by a medical practitioner for: depression; alcohol, drug or substance abuse;behavioural problems; or emotional problems?
ADHD isn't any of those things. Its a mental... impairment, maybe? Learning disability? Its not really any different than having bad eye sight. It negatively impacts your ability to get things done, but can be helped somewhat by medication. Its certainly not a behavioral or emotional problem.
If anything I'd say it would make you more safe with guns... the weird thing about ADHD is that while its very hard to keep attention on things you have no interest in, you can get super attentive with things you really like. If you really like guns and shooting, your brain is going to be in that second mode when handling them. To me, ACTS and PROVE isn't just stuff you have to do, its weirdly entertaining and cathartic to me because I'm interested in firearms.
Absolute worst case, the CFO might make you get a letter from your doctor saying you aren't a threat to yourself or others. Do let us know... I hope I don't have to go through some nonsense when I renew the PAL.
Sidenote unrelated to guns, check out this book if you haven't already. Its been very helpful to me.
I was diagnosed at 5 and thought I grew out of it.
I did not. Instead I was just barely coping. Always in trouble at work, always half-finished projects, all my bills paid late, moving every 6 months. Getting help has changed me from being someone who is chronically late to someone that's 5 minutes early.
To all my ladies with ADHD. YOU ARE NOT A FUCKUP OR A FAILURE.
What's changed my world is understanding how my brain and body work and creating sustainable routines in my life. The way I think is different and I have learned to work with myself instead of against it.
You may needs meds, or counseling, or a combination. But you are not a shitty person. Help is out there.
Recommended reading:
Driven to Distraction:
Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder
Link to Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
Here is a helpful resource I have bookmarked. Amazon's top selling books on ADHD http://www.amazon.com/gp/bestsellers/books/598622
I have read all of the books in the top 14 (except the ADHD effect on marriage) and they are all good.
My favorite is More Attention Less deficit: Success strategies for adults with ADHD.
Reasons:
Others I recommend are:
Driven to Distraction: THE classic. Really jump-started adult ADHD awareness.
The disorganized mind: While reading this and doing the life inventory I realized I wasn't passionate about computers and instead wanted to help people (I was in tech support). This led me to becoming an ADHD coach. Great book for self-coaching.
You mean I'm not lazy stupid or crazy: Humorous at times and very enlightening. Helps educate ourselves on the various ways ADHD manifests in our lives.
***
Websites to show others:
TotallyADD.com - By the makers of the PBS show ADD and Lovin' it this offers a humorous look at ADHD with an excellent blog, forum community, and videos on Youtube.
Youtube clips of Russell Barkley (playlist I created) - 13 videos all under 5 minutes each which are powerful and enlightening.
***
I have access to nearly every book on ADHD due to my volunteer job and would be glad to start doing quick reviews on various books. I will also complete a Google Doc with my favorite books, fidget toys, and resources to put in the sidebar.
I'm 31. I've always knew I was lazy, a terrible procrastinator, not able to focus on tasks for a long amount of time, etc. I just thought I was a "smart slacker". At 27 I definitely knew something was wrong but I had no idea what it was. I didn't know what ADHD was (I thought it was the super active 12 year old from my school days). About a year ago, I saw something on reddit that made me learn a bit about ADHD-Pi and I realised I had many of the symptoms.
I procrastinated maybe 3 months, then spent 3 months doing research. I read More Attention, Less Deficit which is a very easy and satisfying read, even for us ADHD'rs. I also read Dr. Brown's A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults. This is a very technical book but it allowed me to convince myself that there is scientific consensus about a) ADHD is a real disorder that can severely effect your life and b) that medication (ie, stimulants) really is a safe and effective treatment. I'd recommend the first book for anyone and the second book if you'd like to learn about the latest in ADHD science.
The next 3 months I spent finding and working with a psychologist. She was great. She gave me a diagnosis. It was a huge relief. I was finally able to know why I had certain behaviors I didn't like and she gave me motivation to work on them. Just discussing my problems, ie "talk therapy", actually really helped. She helped me find a great psychiatrist. It took me another 3 months to get in and I'm working with him now. He has me on a low dosage (5mg dextroaphetamine) and we're working on increasing it. I've already seen huge results. I procrastinate less, I'm able to focus, I'm less distracted, my mood has improved, my anxiety has gone done, I've become more social.
This was a long process. The system is set up to work against people with ADHD. You'll need to do research, book appointments, keep appointments, research insurance options, find doctors. This is not easy for an ADHD'r to navigate! However, even though its taken a year, I am so incredibly glad I've taken this journey. I've made huge gains already and I'm very optimistic for the future.
I think you could probably make huge improvements in your life if you worked on this. I'd recommend using a psychiatrist (over your GP) to make sure you really get a correct diagnosis, address any comorbidities and get a treatment plan that works for you. Although I'm happy to be improving at 31, I wish I had treatment at 27 (or you know, 12!).
Break it down into small steps:
Is the above a lot of work? Yes absolutely. It may be costly too. You know what though, your quality of life will increase. You'll become a better employee and maybe get that big raise. You'll become better at relationships which lead to a happier life. And you could make serious gains by this summer. Think how fast summer is going to be here!
My apologies for the wall of text. Hope this gives you some motivation and direction. /r/ADHD is rooting for you!
Absolutely:
Living With Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and the Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents and Adults
Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students: Helping Kids Cope with Explosive Feelings
Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults: ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Asperger's, Depression, and Other Disorders
If your daughter also exhibits anxiety symptoms (mine sure does, and it's often tied in to giftedness because their little heads can think of things they're not emotionally ready to handle) there's also:
Freeing Your Child from Anxiety
Helping Your Anxious Child: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents
And for executive function deficits, there's:
Coaching Students with Executive Skills Deficits
Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary "Executive Skills" Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential
I can't tell if your difficulty is trying to get him to regulate his own behavior -- i.e., you want him to pay attention more in school when he's there? or you are trying to get him to do homework with you at home? I think these things are different.
I have 8 year old twin boys, one adhd, one autistic. One thing I've come to realize recently is I've had a tendency to have inappropriate expectations. One book that helped me understand that was this one: http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-ADHD-Third-Edition/dp/1462507891. It is for adhd, but I found this aspect of it definitely applied to my autistic son also.
Dr. Barkley talks a lot about executive functioning, and how when that is impaired or immature, you can't expect your kids to fix certain things by tell them over and over or by punishing them, etc., because their whole problem is that they don't have the ability to "make themselves" do things. It was spot on.
I don't know why it was hard for me to see it, but my son has no ability to "make himself" do anything. this makes perfect sense, because my own ability is incredibly limited (I have ADHD), and he is only 8!!
So, I can teach him the rule, and he can know the rule, but he still may not be able to FOLLOW it. This is really key. This really does apply to both my ADHD and my autistic son. honestly, it applies even MORE to my autistic son.
He requires "scaffolding" I think Dr. Barkley called it. He only does well with immediately, on-the-spot help to do whatever it is he needs to do.
On top of that, Dr. Barkley talks about how our brains get exhausted and we just can't focus on something for very long. We require breaks, with some extra glucose etc. And then maybe we can come back and do a tiny bit more.
So long stretches of sitting and doing nothing or long stretches of forced work are not going to get you anywhere, I think.
The book Delivered from Distraction is excellent and I highly recommend it: https://www.amazon.com/Delivered-Distraction-Getting-Attention-Disorder/dp/0345442318
There's also a fantastic documentary called ADD & Loving it , which helped my husband understand how my ADHD brain works.
The book that I'm reading is Driven to Distraction, one of the authors (Hallowell) also has a podcast about ADHD.
The book was recommended to me by my therapist, from there I found the podcast on my own.
I hope it helps. :)
Oh man do I get you. I've been there/am there and there's great news for you. There's so much you need to hear that will help. I don't have a ton of time and a lot of this you will learn on your own with time so I'm just gonna run though the highlights.
1)You think you need to be somebody else. You're not that person, stop living up to expectations that don't define your reality. Be who you are, not who you think you are. Your thoughts and judgments about who you ought to be are real but they are not reality. In other words. focus on what is and not what you think it should be. That's a recipe for constant struggle throughout your life. I'm 33 and still struggle like you with many of the same issues. It's a good sign that you've caught it this early. Be patient with yourself. Don't love the person you want to be. Love who you are. Be a good friend to yourself and accept that you're not perfect.
Watch this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYlCVwxoL_g
2)Your parents love you. But you don't love them in the same way. It never will be. You can't comprehend the lives they lived before you came along and what it meant to them for you to be in their lives. It's an unequal relationship. It's a pay it forward system. You can appreciate them and show them how much it means to you, but you won't really understand until you have children. One day you will pass that kindness and guidance on to someone else, and they won't return it to you either at least until they are old enough to understand (which tends to be far into adulthood). Be grateful for them, but realize that you are not them. You are not what they want you to be, or even what you want you to be. You are you. Be you. Warts and all.
3)You are procrastinating because you realize subconsciously that you don't have the attention span or the desire to open that can of worms and sort it all out at that moment so you push it till later. It's normal, and lots of people do it because its easier to see the path than to walk the path. You see the route you need to take but you aren't doing anything about it because you are mistaking your intelligence for understanding. Always choose the harder path. Your ability to suffer through the things that you want to do despite them being difficult or uncomfortable will be the single greatest skill you ever learn. Hard work always beat talent when talent doesn't work hard. You are smart enough to see this problem, that most people never even notice. But you haven't learned self discipline yet. It takes years of study and practice. Sometimes it takes lifetimes. Settle in for the long haul. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Be patient with yourself. The only way out, is through. And the only way to make progress is one step at a time.
Read these The Most Important Question of your Life. https://markmanson.net/question
Procrastination https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html
How to beat procrastination https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/11/how-to-beat-procrastination.html
4)You need to be honest with yourself. You don't know anything about yourself. Like seriously. You know NOTHING compared to what you are going to learn in the next 20 years. How could you? You've only just started being self aware a few years ago. You are just starting your path and that is the most wonderful place to be because you get to make mistakes and learn. You try to fail you learn. The difference between the master and the novice is that the master has failed more times than the novice has ever tried. You write as though you've been failing for years. Stop kidding yourself. You don't yet realize how far you are going to go on your journey. All that failure is learning. Be happy for failure. It teaches you WAY more than success ever will. All that failure is so good for you, but you push it away because it feels uncomfortable, because you don't LIKE it. What I'm saying here is you need perspective. You should realign how your looking at this problem. You are on the path little brother. You're already doing what you need to do, relax. Give it lots of time and fill your life with wondrous experiences and you will start to see that this problem you are having is just part of the journey. It's necessary. Learn to love the struggle. Learn to love the fight and not the victory. Your perspective will color your whole mindset about the problem. You seem so worried about fixing the problem, about being better, about acting how you think you SHOULD, but all of that is focusing on the FUTURE! None of that is going to help you get there, focus on what you are doing now and you will be able to get there. Just looking at your destination on the map doesn't help you get there. Take a step. Then another. Repeat. Keep your focus on the step you are taking. Chip away at it. You'll get there.
5) You should seriously consider going to therapy. It's super helpful. They aren't there to fix you. They are there to help you fix you. To be a mirror for you to bounce ideas off of and their job is to reflect what you are doing and saying and show it back to you so you can SEE yourself from the outside (a little bit). They aren't your friend or your parent. They are impartial. They don't care. And that lets them tell you the truth about you. It's seriously one of the best steps you can take for this kind of problem. But remember, they can't do it for you. You have to do the work. Going to therapy doesn't help if you don't take it seriously. It's an active step towards helping yourself.
6) Consider for a moment, that you might be wrong a bit about your depression. You might not be far into it but this struggle is really common for people with depression. In fact it's even more common in people with ADHD, which often leads to depression. Fuck what everyone on the internet and tv says about it. Read for yourself and decide for yourself if the dots line up. I was 27 before I realized I had ADD. It's crazy how you can go your whole life looking through life with tinted glassed and not realize you were wearing them the whole time. Depression is like that too. You don't even realize you've got it until you do some reading. Learning about it will help you deal with it, prevent it, manage it.
Watch this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o
Read the book Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell M.D. and John J. Ratey M.D..
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
It's the book that blew the doors open about the subject in the 90's and showed how prolific is really is. Both authors are doctors who have ADHD. This book changed my life. I had no idea how much I needed it. Even if you don't have ADD this book will help you understand tons of behaviors like procrastination and many of the feelings you described. It's cheap you can get a used copy for like 4 bucks. You may not think it's for you, but in my opinion, I see many of the same feelings and thoughts in your post that I had before I knew what my struggle was.
Final thoughts. You are alive. Enjoy it. Don't let this shit get to you. It's not important. You're only real responsibility in this world is to exist. You don't have to understand it. In the long run everybody's gonna die and eventually the whole planet will be swallowed by the sun. There isn't a great purpose or task of life. The purpose of life is to live. Like dancing. You don't pick a spot on the floor and say you're going to end up there. You just do it. You do it just to do it. Just wiggling because it feels good. Reveling in the fact that your alive. Celebrating for the shear joy of movement, vibrancy and life. There is no purpose. You are free. You are already holding the jewel in your hand. All you have to do is realize it. It's a choice. Happiness is a choice. Love is a choice. Love yourself. Be happy.
Peace
Edit:: If I took all this time to write this to you, then you should take the time to read the readings and videos I sent. Decide right now. I'm going to do these things. Do it now. If you can't do it now, then right now take out your calendar and schedule a time to examine these resources. That's the last thing I forgot to tell you. SCHEDULE YOUR LIFE!!!! IT HELPS SO MUCH! TIME MANAGEMENT IS SUPER IMPORTANT!!!
Time Management from a person with terminal cancer : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTugjssqOT0
The different types of ADHD medications work differently, and ADHD can come about by several different mechanisms. As such, if Ritalin isn't working, it could be worth trying a different medication.
Also, diet, sleep, overall stress, and overall health can play a big role in not only how bad your symptoms are, but how well some of these medications work. Other medications can also interfere or interact.
Many people also opt to not use medication, either because their ADHD is controllable without it, or the medications just aren't tolerable for other reasons.
That being said, some generic are also just better quality than others. I've certainly felt differences.
I'd say - listen to your body if this medication isn't working for you, and demand that your doctors take your concerns seriously (you don't need to wait the full month between appointments - I've set up emergency appointments after a week when it was clear my new Rx was causing problems), but don't give up on your diagnosis just yet. I know how frustrating it can be to try a bunch of medications that don't work or make matters worse, meanwhile life still needs to go on around you. It's very hard. Do your best to educate yourself on how these drugs work and what other drugs are out there. Perhaps Adderall, a nonstimulant drug, a anti-depressants, or a big green vitamin smoothie and a jog every morning, will be better for you. We're all different :)
I can recommend a great book, if you're interested:
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-ADHD-Tool-Kit-Facilitate/dp/0415815894/ref=mt_paperback?_encoding=UTF8&me=
You typically get a referral to a psychiatrist from a family doctor. However, a lot of family docs will write prescriptions for the non-addictive meds. I have had a long-standing prescription to one of the more addictive/potential for abuse ADHD medications, so I have to get mine from a psychiatrist.
I highly recommend the book "Driven to Distraction"
http://www.amazon.ca/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and dealt with it from kindergarten through college, I'll be the first to say that medication is, at best, a "band-aid." There are practical solutions and strategies one can implement to help live with ADHD that don't involve medicine. Depending on severity, this can take years of practice, but it's ultimately worth it.
First, of course, you need to make sure you're diagnosed correctly by a doctor who specializes in working with patients who have ADD or ADHD. ADD/ADHD can be confused with all sorts of different disorders (e.g. auditory processing disorder, etc.) If you're looking for a book, I'd recommend Dr. Edward M. Hallowell's Driven to Distraction. Personally, I worked through some of his books (among others) while seeing a psychotherapist who specializes in ADD/ADHD. Take your time finding a good one or get a recommendation from a friend if possible.
Girl, I am in exactly the same position as you. Actually created an account just to comment on this b/c it really struck a chord with me. I did get to a psychiatrist to officially diagnose me -- but couldn't afford to keep seeing him every 3 months to renew the prescription, so I am now medicine-free again :/
Here are some things that I've been working with over the past year:
That is the sum total of my current low-cost ADHD self-care system! If I am consistently implementing all those things, and engaging supportive and helpful friends as coaches, I feel really good about my life. I am still a space cadet, but the important shit gets done and more importantly, I don't hate myself so much. Er, too real? No we're cool. Keeping on keeping on.
Good luck!
Check out the book Smart But Scattered. It's directed towards those with ADHD, but focuses on the same executive function skills and really helps to assess which skills are affected most and offers practical suggestions on how to scaffold those weaknesses for greater success.
Try Driven to Distraction
http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
Audio book is on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdQH9i5-aUo
Yup.
SPECT scans show remarkable differences in an ADD/ADHD brain versus non-ADD/ADHD brains.
As the one with ADD in my relationship, I highly recommend you get a copy of Driven To Distraction. It has a chapter specifically dedicated to relationships, and it's for both the one "afflicted" and the one "inflicted" if you get my meaning. ;) I don't know if it's worth owning, so check it out from your library if you can. It has a lot of insight to the kinds of questions you're asking and it says things a lot better than I ever could.
A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults: Executive Function Impairments by Thomas E. Brown is one of the first books I read after I got diagnosed (by the author actually). He's considered a pretty big authority in the field. The ADHD Advantage: What You Thought Was a Diagnosis May Be Your Greatest Strength by Dale Archer is also another good one that I'm getting through.
The Adult ADHD Tool Kit has personally been very helpful.
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-ADHD-Tool-Kit-Facilitate/dp/0415815894
Let me also just say that I've never liked "self-help" books (on any topic not just ADHD) because they tend to be wishy-washy feel-good bullshit. This book is not. It's direct and to the point and has actual ideas and strategies for building good habits and curbing bad ones.
I was just reading this book which was recommended on this subreddit (thanks guys!) and I found it kinda mind-blowing. The basic thesis of the book is that for people with ADHD, it's okay and maybe even a very good idea to sacrifice some aesthetics for efficiency. This means:
With your guest bathroom, there might be a middle-ground solution (if you can afford the $10 I'd look in the section of the book under craft projects rather than under bathrooms, which is more about getting your bathroom routine down to the minimum possible and is aimed at folks for whom make-up is more functional and less of a "project", for lack of a better term).
I found this a lot more relatable than Konmari, with its emphasis on kind of a devotional approach to housekeeping. I tried that sock and underwear folding method and like -- I'm glad I learned it (esp. for packing!) but as far as daily routine goes, it's the kind of thing that's out the window the second I get preoccupied with something else. Also in general we tend to be kind of hard on ourselves because our "resumes of failure" with organization/mess are kind of long, so it was really great to hear someone say "hey there are other options between Real Simple/Dwell centerfold and total grungey chaos and it's OKAY to use them!"
Hey sorry to hear about your troubles but we all here appreciate you taking the time to talk and ask about your husband and what he's going through. To answer your questions...
Wake up, take meds, have a protein filled breakfast, internet, shower, study, chores, exercise, dinner, video games, bedtime.
Everyone on this sub uses different tips and tricks to help get through their day. Some use alarms and sticky notes to remind them of appointments and meetings. I keep my wallet and my keys in the same place so I know where they both are when I go to leave.
3
There's a wonderful book called Driven to Distraction written by a psychiatrist with Attention Deficit Disorder. It's a critically acclaimed novel filled with personal stories of different people who all have ADHD and what their lives are like. I bet if given the chance, your husband would find himself in one of those stories.
Lastly, ADHD requires a saintly level of patience. We are not easy people to deal with. We're absentminded, forgetful, late all the time, sometimes messy, and always distracted. We stare off into space, get lost in our own heads, and need to be told things repeatedly. We are not lost causes though. People with ADHD can surprise you, it just takes us a little longer than the rest of us :)
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I am the same way. I worked for myself for a long time and had a rotating list of public places (coffee shops, library etc). It is fine once in a while, but there are a lot of limitations if you need to do a full day of work everyday.
(Apologies in advance for the long-windedness. I wanted to explain the background, so you can brainstorm ideas that will work for you.
The 2 resources I have spurred my thinking on this are:
The book talks a lot about using visualization and right brained thinking to help create routines. The article really got me thinking about my Mise en Place (set up routine for tasks) and Mise en Space (how do the visuals support my goals).
The first thing I realized is that I have no set-up routine for anything and it really derails me from forming habits. So as I was trying to think about creating set-up routines for everything in my life (get out of bed routine, sit down and do some copywriting for my website routine, etc). The book really made me think about how my stress is all very left brain. It completely blocks me from getting to my right brain, which is where I do amazing work.
So, here are some questions that incorporate those ideas to help you think of some ways to create a great space:
When I started to really think about the tasks I was struggling to accomplish, I came up with some ideas for things that really helped. One example, I applied the Mise en Place to my computer. I set up 4 different user accounts. (work, productivity (to-do list/budget management), research, play) For each, downloaded desktop wallpapers that would inspire me for that task and I got the software Fences to layout the exact things I need to accomplish those tasks.
So, now, every morning for the last week, I have been working on creating the habit of logging into my productivity desktop first. Just that act is really helpful. As soon as I log in, my budget app, to-do list are right there. I have a really exact routine. I look at my bank balance, update my budget software, go to my to-do list. find the 3 things I am going to do that day. I write them down and think along with a timeframe for each. Then, I log out and log in to my 'work'.
The jury is still out for me on whether the 4 accounts is too much hassle (file sharing, setting up apps for each user etc), but the concept so far is working great. Fences can actually set up the different desktops and you can just swipe to move to the next one. I am not sure I am disciplined enough to stick to my rules. The act of logging out forces me to make an active choice about what i am doing. Also, I will probably block some sites from users (ie - the 'work' user can go to reddit, facebook etc)
I know that is long winded, but I hope it spurs some ideas for you to really personalize your space in a way that will support your work.
tl;dr: visualize your daily routine, how you will get your mind into a great space and how your environment will feel. Tie them all together to brainstorm ideas.
You're not alone. I highly recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/More-Attention-Less-Deficit-Strategies/dp/1886941742
It turns out parents are people that can be wrong, sometimes horribly wrong.
Keep pursuing it on your own despite their protest. What is the appointment for? ADHD testing? Psych eval? other?
Good for you for pursuing this on your own.
I like passages from this book: https://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates/dp/0452279631 It's an old book, so you might be able to get it from your local public library.
Honestly, it's going to get easier, and then it's going to get harder. Expect to take a few months (at least) to figure out the appropriate meds and the right dosage for you, to learn what the meds can fix and what they can't, and to learn how to deal with side effects like insomnia and irritability. Then you'll need to come up with strategies for stuff the meds won't touch, because as half the people on this sub will tell you, Adderall can just as easily be used to keep you focused on homework as it can be to spend seven hours sorting everything in your living room by color. It helps. It helps so much. But it's not magic and you have to point it in the right direction.
If you've got any kind of student health coverage, you might have access to a therapist who has ADHD-specific experience who can help you explore coping mechanisms like planners, calendars, checklists, etc. and sort real tasks from small distractions. (In my experience, therapists who don't have ADHD experience aren't much use. If I had a nickel for every one who told me to study harder, I'd have at least 15¢.) If not, read the books Taking Charge of Adult ADHD and Driven to Distraction.
Source: I was diagnosed halfway through college, and even with medication, it took me an extra two years to get my undergrad degree. (The meds also fucked with my sleep something fierce.) My undergrad capstone project came out all right, but I ignored all my other coursework and scraped by with a 2.3 in-major GPA. Years later, I'm working in industry and have put together a suite of checklists and calendars to get me through the day-to-day, but long-term planning and prioritization are still rough.
I can't speak for your side, medication issues, etc. but my husband has ADHD that was undiagnosed until about 8 months ago. So, I'll try to explain how your wife feels and what's worked for us.
When you're with someone with ADHD it can be extremely frustrating, which you seem to get. It's frustrating to have to pick up the little things that get left behind or act as a reminder system for someone who, without ADHD, wouldn't need the help. There's a fundamental difference in a non-ADHD brain and an ADHD brain and sometimes, the compassion for an ADHD brain gets lost. It's like constantly fighting to be heard over the other stimuli coming in and the distractions. Often, at least for me, it leads to me not feeling like I have emotional support or a partner in my marriage.
So, here's what worked for us:
-Marriage counseling with someone who understands ADHD: our counselor helps him realize what are his ADHD symptoms and gives him the tools to lessen the effect it has on our marriage. The counselor helps me realize that he is not ADHD, he has ADHD. She helps me take a step back and focus on myself while still being supportive of him making his own progress. She helps us communicate with one other and bridge the gap that exists between his brain and mine.
-Books: Personally, I recommend ADHD Effect on Marriage to help understand how it impacts your marriage and More Attention, Less Deficit as a guidebook for different methods to try to cope with the symptoms.
-Breaks: take a weekend apart, not a relationship break but go on separate vacations, go visit family, take a day-cation apart. After a while, dealing with the ADHD symptoms can get overwhelming. Taking a break helps both of us decompress and come back focused and ready to take on whatever else life can throw at us. We appreciate each other more, good and bad.
I know it's tough for both spouses in an ADHD marriage. It's frustrating and tense and stressful. But, it can work. Work as a team and be open with each other.
Try reading this
http://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Difficult-Child-Nurtured-Approach/dp/0967050707/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261443165&sr=8-4
My wife and I found it helpful with both of our children who displayed varying degrees of the same behaviors.
We also engaged a child pyschologist, who pointed us to this book (and one who is prone to avoiding medication). The book is probably a good starting point, but it sounds like you may want to look for a local program for dealing with difficult children.
All in all a mixture of the advice from the psychologist and some of the techniques in the book brought our general household back into a mostly normal state. Outbursts are at a minimum, and tend to only occur during periods where structure is unenforceable (thank you long stream of holidays...)
Sounds like me a few years ago! Not sure what country you’re in because it means different access levels. My GP in Canada sent me to a specialized adhd clinic for rigorous testing which cost me a cool $1000. My bf managed to find a psychiatrist who was covered by the provincial drug plan and cost nothing. So you could ask your GP for a referral to a psychiatrist, conversely you could try asking for a referral to a psychiatrist at a walk in clinic.
This will be a tough road and honestly it’s going to come with a lot of judgement because you’re still “school aged” and even when you’re not, because the medication is a controlled substance you’ll get judgy reactions from pharmacists, insurance companies etc etc because they’re jerks and they just think we’re trying to get high on a medications we rely on to get through the day. Obvs not all are like that. I’m only saying this so you can be prepared to stand your ground and remember it’s ok that you’re seeking treatment to better yourself.
So until you are able to secure a diagnosis (keep pushing because it’s so important for your success if you do have adhd!) there are a few resources that really helped me you can check out:
I always want to be where I’m not: https://www.amazon.ca/Always-Want-Where-Not-Successful-ebook/dp/B00K1LGMJG
Fast minds: how to thrive if you have adhd or think you might: https://www.amazon.ca/Fast-Minds-Thrive-Think-Might/dp/0425274063
Driven to distraction: https://www.amazon.ca/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
I hope you find a bit of peace in a few of these things, and remember that you know yourself the best, keep pushing until you find someone that will listen to you.
English isn't my 1st language.
Ok so vyvanse is a stimulant. It the little brother of Adderall but you can't abuse it because the neurostimulant isn't in the pills. The pills work as a catalyze for you liver to produce the right amount of neurostimulant for you brain.
So if you have a lot of protein when you take your pills you will get a better boost of energy.
First month are like heaven. Limitless like... until it come to a point where you feel all the secondary effect. Depends on your body but me my skin was so tight, my teeth was sensible and I had to drink a lot of water...
Those effect are not strange to an overdose of amphetamine ... vyvanse is an amphetamine.
I stopped using it because the benefits didn't outweight the drawback.
I was put on concerta since then.
But a pills ain't a magical remedy you need to work on yourself and to understand ADHD.
ADHD is like diabetes ... instead of your blood lacking insuline you're lacking dopamine receptor.
This video will start you on understanding more ADHD/ADD : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyDliT0GZpE
I recommend reading : Healing ADD form Dr. Daniel G Amen.
But don't purchase is home healing kit it's retarded as fuck. His home healing kit are for stupid mom who put there kids too early on ritatin or think that because her boy's can't stand still and prefer to play videogame they must certainly have adhd.
Get a good psychologist. One that work with other ADHD people. I'm followed by one and it's like my self-development mentor. He's there to help you even if you need to pay him but it will help you. I see him really like on of the only person that I can talk about the struggle that I have with being productive or dealing with emotions. Like this subreddit instead of talking about sexual strategy you talk about self-development)
Clean your lifestyle.
Videogame or everything that come close to instant gratification when you day is just starting it's a no no ... especially at the beginning of your treatment. Your Dopamine is like your willpower. It isn't infinite. An ADHD person don't have a lot of it or can't produce at a faster rate. Everything that is instant gratification is your worst enemy in the long run. As said in the video : You're the most high-tech rocket on the planet earth with the most powerful computer... but you have no fuel. You can't move....
But you will say ( especially under vyvanse ) but dude i'm super productive I found all the info I needed for my paper way faster than before ... or some shit like that... You will start being productive at being unproductive. I was able to teach myself a shitload of thing about dieting/nutrition/fitness ... but I forgot to do my school assignment... I was productive at being unproductive.
What was the most useful to me at that point was getting good grades not reading about nutrition, that can come after I've done my task. It's like taking a shit but not pulling your pants down ... you get thing done ... but not in the logical order.
How do you know you're moving in the right way ?
Be accountable.
Start scheduling your life. Put the big rock 1st etc... This will give you an idea : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VNmIxkyHd8
Be A-C-C-O-U-N-T-A-B-L-E
Ex : I keep a pen&paper log for my gym session ... multiple time I thought I wouldn't need it ... 2-3 day later I found myself skipping gym day. There is something that push me to go back and get stronger in writing down the number I just lifted.
It will develop a good quality that men's of today lack : Rigorousness and discipline.
The think is to have the habits of scheduling your day and start doing what you scheduled when it pop-off on your phone/agenda/computer/what ever. I had the bad habits of scheduling my day but pressing ''snooze'' on the even that keep popping up.
Summary : By scheduling you have more control over your life. More control = less anxiety and less screwing around. We ADHD can't see the consequences in the future. We have a great skill to see the big picture but don't feel it. I'm sure you are like this when you start a team project ... you wait before everything fit in the big picture before starting the 1st step ahaha. 2nd great skill is : You can be overfocused ( on the wrong thing ) and achieve thing faster than everyone else. By scheduling you gain control day by day instead of doing a sprint at the end. Life is a marathon.
2nd worst ennemy : " I don't feel like it"
I still struggle with this one.
You're weapon : you need to trick your brain.
Need to study or start the research for a paper or w/e ... ADHD have a problem with estimating time ... When people ask me how much time it will take me ... I DON'T KNOW ... It will take the time that it will take ...
So to trick my brain I schedule 15min ... yeah just that
What it will do :
In 15min you will have time to understand the problem you have in front of you. You will have the good informations to guess how much time it can take you to achieve your task, information that you didn't have prior to that. In 15min your anxiety will rise and plateau. That feeling of not being able to finish something and feeling of being overwhelm by the task will seem much smaller now. You gain control of the #1 survivability skill that your ancestor gave you : Connecting the dots.
When the hunter saw the footprint on the grass he connected the dots between seeing the footprint but not seeing the prey, and estimating that there was something there and it's now gone. You're brain connected the dots from previous experience and future outcomes and came up with prediction... what we call instinct/guts in some case.
When you start nothing you're in an illusion of control. You can't have feedback if you're not doing the actions and it's much simpler to imagine the outcomes. That is where procrastination gain is power, in the illusion of control. Much simpler to learn about stupid shit on reddit than to learn what you saw in class. The same "pathway of neurone" (By that I'm illustrating the fact that you brain gain the same satisfaction, you're brain is always developing himself) are used but one give greater outcomes than the other.
You become stronger by Feedback Analysis Further reading on that : Managing Oneself by Peter f. Drucker
BUT BE CAREFUL !!!
Do not become Rigid ... this is where discipline come into play.
Rigidity in a lifestyle come from having your standard way to high. You need to hit the ball before scoring home-run.
What do you do if you didn't start where you needed to start ? You reschedule in the hopes that the next time you will feel better and be more prepare or you try to use the rest of the time you schedule and try to use it as much as you can ?
I struggled with that and I still do but I have a better control over it.
I found myself skipping gym session because I didn't feel I would be able to do my Strength Set and after my Hypertrophy set ... so I didn't go to the gym...
One is better than zero.
Now when I feel exhausted or my anxiety is too high I say to myself : OK just go there and do your Strength set and call it off. So I go there do my set and.... magically my brain is in the right mood and I finish what I needed to do ! MAGIC ... not just science.
Note : The program I'm using is 5/3/1 from JimWendler.
In summary : Once your task is scheduled but you don't feel like it or there is an ''emergency'', Try to at least start something or do the One thing that give you the best outcomes. In my exemple : Strength is what build muscle, hypertrophy are just for aesthetic so I needed to at least do my strength set. Lower your standard so you don't feel overwhelm but the anxiety and start ASAP the task you needed to do.
I lost my line of thought will post this for now and come with everything I feel is missing.
I tried to write for an ADHD person and for a normal person. My english isn't perfect but everything seem fine.
TL:DR : Hey you weaktards there isn't a TL;DR. Feel the pain of reading a wall of text or maybe you're just not that interested in learning more about ADHD and you can go back touching yourself over GW or liking Cat picture over imgur.
No it's fine, I wouldn't have responded if I wasn't ready for questions. It is extremely schedule-oriented, almost annoyingly so. And it might not be that way for everyone. I had to write down journals for weeks about what I did and when I did it and how often/long. That was tricky to stay on top of. I just had to grit my teeth so to speak and make a point to sit down and do it in a context where I wouldn't get anything else to distract me. I had to switch from digital journals to physical ones so I wouldn't end up wandering the internet for hours instead... If I had to guess this is where most people would find the most difficulty. But what we learned is that I am a creature of habit. Routine. My day has to start with me eating and then showering and getting dressed, and doing it out of order or oversleeping and being unable to do so because I might be running late for work really throws me off. I am trying to add physical exercise to the end of my morning routine but it is difficult in my current living situation. I have actually regressed significantly in my own opinion as my roommates are very... unorganized and constantly wish to wrap me into their impromptu plans and aren't really interested in my reasons as to why that doesn't work for me. It has gotten to the point where I am disrupting that neat and needed schedule to avoid them being able to further disrupt me. However, I am going to be living on my own soon and will be able to dictate my own schedule as needed and be the master of my domain. Or at least that is what I am wish to achieve for myself.
And I don't necessarily have to eat the same thing every day or anything like that, but the breakfast and meals need to be similar in the time the take to prepare at the time I elect best to do so. When I was at my peak progress a few months ago my hardest issue was keeping to a consistant sleep schedule and waking up around the same time as I sometimes just can't sleep. But I am actually quite proud of myself as only some nights I have trouble with that as opposed to most nights. I am hoping once I am set up at the new location I can try to allot some time for... meditating, something I have never been capable of. I hope to use the skill of 'clearing my mind' (whatever that means) to facilitate falling asleep more quickly. Sometimes I stay awake for hours because I am not done thing about whatever happens to enter my thoughts- so nothing in particular so much as the gears just don't wind down when I want them to.
But my biggest growth I have made is not giving myself the 3rd Degree if I slip up or something happens. I have always been worried about being lax with myself that I found I might be more critical of myself that what would be considered healthy.
I had go try a few therapists before I found one that worked for me and was interested in my desire to try a non-medicated approach. If you want to try it I have to say that the journals were honestly the hardest part, but once I could view my own habits as data, I made a lot more sense to myself. But for now it is a serious WIP. And know that life happens and you might find yourself in a situation where it is hard to impossible to provide yourself with the environment you need. But do not give up. Persistence is the name of the game.
Kinda ranted a bit but for once I am actually quite tired and I think I will be able to put my head on my pillow and get right to it. I will be happy to answer more questions.
And lastly, consider this book. It is a great tool for understating yourself and relating to others like yourself, without connecting to the internet and risking extreme distraction. But also make time for goofing around because that is healthy too.
When you say source you mean an academic study/research? If thats what you mean then no. However there is a superb book called Delivered from Distraction which is where I massively improved my understanding about ADHD, the treatment options and the medication (plus other things). This is where I learnt that untreated ADHD causes other issues.
This one claims to be written for the ADHD brain More Attention Less Deficit. I definitely found it easier to read and understand than the Barkley and Hallowell books even though Hallowell has ADHD himself. I like "So you mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy?" too. It is real different from the other books and kind of controversial but I liked it. Both of the authors also have ADHD and are ADHD coaches. The style is much more casual and personal.
Glad to hear it, I hope that it's as helpful for you as it was for me!
Talking to a psychologist or mental health counselor is also extremely important: if medication is the tool, the counselor is the one to show you how to use it and make the most of it!
There's a great book called Delivered From Distraction that was also a phenomenal help.
My dad got this for me when I was diagnosed (he read it I didnt because im lazy but will get around to it some day). I just flipped through the whole book and it only talks about ADD and not ADHD. Good luck with your son and don't be frustrated.
I literally read this passage this morning
>An important, and often overlooked part of both learning disabilities and ADD is the social consequence of having them. ADD can interfere with one's interpersonal life just as dramatically as it does with one's academic or job performance. To make friends, you have to be able to pay attention. To get along in a group, you have to be able to follow what is being said in the group. Social cues are often subtle: the narrowing of eyes, the raising of eyebrows, a slight change in tone of voice, a tilting of the head. Often the person with ADD doesn't pick up on these cues. This can lead to real social gaffes or a general sense of being out of it. Particularly in childhood, where social transactions happen so rapidly and the transgressor of norms is dealt with so pitilessly, a lapse in social awareness due to the distractibility or impulsivity of ADD can preclude acceptance by a group or deny understanding from a friend.^1
You're in high school right? high school is a difficult time to be introverted, because everyone demands you live your life a certain way and act a certain way, and anything else makes you an outcast. Get through it. It is difficult, but life isn't like high school. In the real world you won't be interacting only with people within 2 years of your age. you won't be interacting only with people who want to go do things or judge people all the time. There are lots of types of people out there and high school is not a good slice of them. Get through high school, and head to the rest of your life.
It took me a while to realize that being an introvert is fine. Mostly because my fiance is one too. We sat down one day and both said "It's annoying that everyone wants to do things with us, why can't we just be alone with ourselves?". we are both introverts, and we enjoy it this way. Other people may not understand it, but we have fun, we enjoy life, and we have friends. we just don't need to jump every time someone mentions a movie or thing. We just don't need people the way other people do. It is hard to accept, but we came to understand it and are happy with it. It is hard for other people to accept, but we don't really care about that anymore. WE are happy, and that's all that matters.
^1 Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell, MD and John J Ratey MD^2: i'm only a chapter in and its a great book. find it and read it.^3
^2 The authors are psychologists and also live with ADD (at least one does, I haven't gotten very far). But they are considered the defining accessible sources on living with ADD.
^3 If you can't focus on a book like this very well, get Answers to Distraction this one is made in a FAQ format in smaller pieces.
Young and poor beats out old and rich every time.
Fortunately you are young.
If you have ADHD, dealing with it involves a lifelong strategy. And, it is important to focus on the fact that ADHD is not all bad, in fact, having ADHD is a huge advantage in certain life skills (such as creativity and entrepreneurial skills).
My advice is to learn as much about ADHD as you can. Go to the library and check out books and learn. This book gives a great overview of how to make your life better.
Man, been there, kind of am there but way better than I was. The symptoms of ADD and depression perpetuate each other and can make it feel almost impossible to claw my way out sometimes. Have you tried doing CBT? I can't recommend it enough. Just being mindful of your thoughts and impulses as they happen can have a huge impact on your ability to take the wheel. 3 years ago I was close to dropping out of college and toying with the idea of offing myself, now at 25 I'll be graduating with a 3.8 GPA. CBT (or whatever else you find works for you; exercise and diet play a huge role) and taking some time to Think About Shit can really do wonders. It's never too late.
We've never really interacted, but I've appreciated you from afar in my ~4 months here. All the best, buddy.
EDIT: Check out this book. It's what jumpstarted me into action, and I almost feel as if everybody should read it.
Meds, CBT, and and ADHD coach can totally help you figure this out.
Also — read this: https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152 (Or, get it from Audible)
I hear ya.
Look into this book: Delivered from Distraction. Even if you don't think you have adhd, there is a lot of great and helpful information there.
I worked with an ADHD specialist at my university after being diagnosed and he shred lots of things from this book
Basically challenging your thoughts and behaviours in specific ways.
Talking Back to Ritalin: What Doctors Aren't Telling You About Stimulants and ADHD
It is frustrating and heartbreaking. But that's reality. It sucks. And your son knows it to. He knows what he is bad at. But he also knows how to do it right. That's the crucial thing in adhd.
We(with adhd), we know how it has to happen, we know what we need to say, we know how to do be normal. Except we are physically Incapable of it. Trust me when I say that he has the most struggles in him self. Than that he actually shows or manifestates. Try to imagine you are in a wheelchair but and paralyzed from the hips down. You know how to walk except you can't.
(No offense to those paralyzed, it's just a metaphor)
This is how it is for us. Now try to imagine people(parents, friends, teachers, bosses) that are continuingly asking you to get up and walk a bit. It's tiresome and confronting that you can't walk. If there is so much pressure on it than anyone would explode in a rage. Like 'shut the fuck up already, I told you time and time again I can't do it' right? As a kid this is can be inducing anxiety, fear of failure, ODD, bad self esteem and even on later ages depressions and suicidal tendencies.
Now don't be afraid. Your kid is 12 and you don't know how lucky you are to have him diagnosed at this age.
^actually ^getting ^a ^bit ^emotionally ^here
I am 27 and got diagnosed this year with the PI variant. After 16 years of having a misdiagnosis of nvld(non verbal learning disorder) so I know what a label can do.
The brain develops social skills and other executive functions until the age of 25. After that you can't help him much more. Talk to his doctor about these. And see if you can get him some training in this. His brain at this age is still moldable and susceptible to changing his coping mechanisms. Learning the right way to handle these is key. It can help him tremendously.
A book tip to add to your stack smart but scattered teens edition
Note:I am not affiliated with that book
I recommend to read it and consult the Doc if you have questions about them and get your son trained in this with the Doc. By all means I am no expert and are just figuring my life out myself.
Tuckman has two books on adult ADHD:
More Attention, Less Deficit: Lots of text but split into bite-sized chapters to make it easy to dip in and out, whatever sections interest you. If you read it all the way through it will seem repetitive, but that's intentional. Still my favorite general book on adult ADHD, maybe tied with the Ramsay/Rostain book The Adult ADHD Toolkit.
Understand Your Brain, Get More Done: A workbook, with much less text and lots of space for writing to do the exercises. I haven't gotten that much out of it since it contains basically the same strategies as the first one, but doing exercises can help you tailor them to your own life and get your thinking clearer. Maybe I should give it another chance.
By all means read Hallowell/Ratey! Hallowell is very enthusiastic, but he really knows what he's talking about and doesn't go overboard like the people going on about hunters and farmers, all the advantages of ADHD, we are just right and the rest of the world is wrong, etc.
Tuckman, Barkley and Ramsay/Rostain all emphasize the problems and challenges of ADHD more (and in more detail what to do about them). Whether you call that "realistic" or "pessimistic" may be a matter of perspective.
This is a copy paste of an email I've sent a couple of friends. My child has dyslexia and I found these resources useful. The Amazon links are not affiliate links or anything, just links to the books. The first two books were especially intersting and useful, and will apply even as an adult!
Dyslexic Advantage - by Brock and Fernette Eide
Overcoming Dyslexia - by Sally Shaywitz - the first part of the book is the most interesting - it's the science of dyslexia - the second is strategies for teaching/learning
Some other books:
I read them all - at least mostly - but I can't separate the info in my memory to remember which was best at what
Some good websites:
Read the book Driven to Distraction.
It's a very easy read and not very long - almost as if the author knew his intended audience.
It really helped me understand what adhd actually is, and it helped me fully understand the role of medication in treatment.
i was diagnosed late in life, your doctor could refer you to a psycho therapist, however there is still a stigma around adult treatments, and unless its changed, the best i was offered was group therapy and i hated it. ive done very well on my own without treatment, but that is just me. everyone is different. i also suggest picking up the book driven to distraction. https://www.amazon.ca/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
just make sure you are being treated for the right reasons, adhd in adults leads to other issues such as depression, that doctors treat without treating the root cause, so make sure you communicate well with them.
Healing ADD (Heal the 7 types of ADD) Dr Amen
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-ADD-Revised-Breakthrough-Program-ebook/dp/B00C1N97EO/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Healing+7+types+of+ADHD&qid=1558923863&s=books&sr=1-1
It breaks down ADHD into 7 types which helps you get more detailed info on your own types.
Obviously you know no one here can diagnose you for sure. Only doctors can. But to me at least it definitely sounds like you do have it.
Without medication it certainly is harder to treat your ADHD but you still can. First thing is, in order to be able to treat your ADHD, you have to first understand it. You should grab something like Ed Hallowell’s book Delivered From Distraction. There’s actually an in depth self assessment in there in one of the earlier chapters!
He’s got a lot of great advice on how many ADHDers successfully manage their symptoms!
But know: it can be hard work figuring out how to balance your life with ADHD even if you are medicated. It’s the trouble of actually acting on those wonderful plans you probably will make.
Does he have adhd?
Even if he doesn't, it sounds like he's having trouble with executive function. You should look into the organizational and homework resources for adhd. They may help.
This book in particular:
https://www.amazon.com/Smart-but-Scattered-Teens-Executive/dp/1609182294/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=GAT796H6VFGPKR6C9XK9
Sure!
I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was 23 and began treatment within six months. It changed my life; six years later and I am a confident expert and leader in my field, with a level of self-esteem and joy that I never thought achievable before.
If nothing else, do yourself a favor and read Driven to Distraction!
My doctor recommended a book, and after reading it everything clicked. You should give it a go: https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
ADD is where you need help. Here http://www.amazon.com/Healing-ADD-Breakthrough-Program-Allows/dp/0425183270. Read this. Have a long lasting and healthy relationship. Case closed.
The book Driven to Distraction helped me a lot. Here's the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Recognizing-Attention-Disorder/dp/0307743152
Now you're either thinking fuck books, I wouldn't finish or you are reading 12 already like me. Just start the book. You aren't alone and ADHD sucks a lot, but you can learn our "gifts" that normal people can't do as well as we can. Back to the book... I started to hyperfocus during the first chapter of this book. It is one of my faves.
Welcome to our sub! Just so you know, AD(H)D can absolutely be a factor in causing hoarding behaviors. Research shows that hoarders tend to have higher rates of ADHD (inattentive type).
I suggest that you take a look at these resources:
Also, ADDitude Magazine has some helpful articles geared towards folks with AD(H)D:
And see also:
ADHD Podcast: ADHD Support Talk Radio - Clutter, Hoarding and Adult ADD / ADHD
/r/ADHD is a support sub for people living with A(D)HD and may be able to offer advice on decluttering.
Some folks with A(D)HD have found that using phone apps to tidy and stay organized helps, so you might try these:
As a general rule, you want to START SMALL. You didn't get into this mess overnight, and you won't get out of it overnight. Rome wasn't built in a day. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Etc., etc.--my point is, it's admirable if you want to sail in and tackle it all at once, but that's a very, very tough thing to do, and not a recommended strategy.
Big successes are built on top of little ones, so focus on the things you can do in under a few minutes. You'll notice that most of the tools listed above have you doing 10, 15, or 20 minute tasks. That's because bite-sized tasks are what help you feel a sense of accomplishment, which in turns helps you stay motivated.
Personally, I'm a fan of the 40 Bags in 40 Days De-Cluttering Challenge. 40 Bags in 40 Days is a forty-day period where you declutter one area a day. It's an easy goal that's also easy to remember. The official challenge runs annually and coincides with the 40 days of Lent, but some people find it useful to schedule the challenges for themselves during other times of the year. See this post to learn more.
Driven to Distraction
Delivered from Distraction
I'm glad I could help. Sounds like you're attacking the problem from all angles, which is great. I found this book "Scattered"
by Gabor Mate (https://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates/dp/0452279631) a helpful supplement to my therapy. It examines ADHD from an emotional and developmental perspective, rather than a chemical perspective, so it was useful to me in better understanding my own behaviors and reactions to events.
It's good that you are aware of it! I wouldn't have called myself a worrier until I learned about hidden anxiety as an adult. I first learned about it in relation to ADD in Driven to Distraction as one of the possible symptoms from their suggested criteria for adult ADD:
"Tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with inattention to or disregard for actual dangers. Worry becomes what attention turns into when it isn't focused on some task." (92)
This is especially true in those who have ADD with anxiety or OCD who use worry as something to organize around. I personally find waking up to be very disorganizing, so I'm trying to be more meditative in bed as opposed to ruminative. Sometimes worrying just makes me want to go back to sleep to escape the chaos, but I'm learning to talk to myself kindly and start the day slow. Instead of chugging coffee and jumping into a daunting task like clearing my email inbox, I try to eat something, read, go for a walk, or meditate.
When it comes to support, they suggest that you shouldn't have to worry alone. Recently I've attended a self-help group and am planning to attend a group for women with ADD as well. I hope you are able to find support where you live!
I have ADD too but mine has become almost unobtrusive. I can even take advantage of it now, like for example, obviating shit and details and focusing on the nitty gritty to get things done. I've used Aderall, it does help lots and if you can by all means use it; however, myself and other people I've met have ceased to need the meds as bad as we once needed to. It has to do with self management, something you will learn the bad way if you hit rock fucking bottom in everything like I did.
Please, don't wait until you hit rock bottom and life jolts you awake. You could be close to losing all your college opportunities, losing your friends and your fiancee. You have to toughen up by becoming responsible of yourself and your ADD.
It's good you already started. Keep going to counseling, get a prescription for the meds and read on ADD as much as you can. There are really helpful books on the subject such as this one. Here's a hint, the way to manage ADD is through establishing reliable systems that get things done for you, like for example, study three hours every day at the same time, attend all your classes, implement something that works for you so you won't forget things, like a GTD software, maintaining clean spaces, asking lots of questions in conversations to keep yourself engaged, keeping lists of things, storing boxes, detailed notes, that sort of things. Once you find systems that work for you, you stick and follow through them regardless of how you feel and things will get taken care of and surprisingly, you'll have more time available to do the things you want, be it sleep or whatever; otherwise, if left to whim, everything spirals out of control and becomes unmanageable and it drags you down with it. Good luck!
I was diagnosed a few years ago (I'm 40 now) but my doc at the time was one to throw drugs at me and tell me good luck. One thing I've found (as I've been to a few doctors now) is that it's really helpful to find one that doesn't just treat you but educates you on what is and isn't affected by ADHD.
I recently picked up the book More Attention, Less Deficit and there are literally parts that almost make me tear up (extremely manly tears, of course) as it hits home so much and I can trace my ADHD back to childhood and see how it affected my life.
ADHD affects so many things that people don't realize, not just your ability to pay attention. I highly recommend you and your girlfriend looking at the book mentioned above, not only will it help her to identify and address the issues she's facing but might also help you to understand what's going on with her brain and how it affects her life and your relationship.
It really does take a book to fully describe ADHD and what it does. However I did read a great description recently where someone said it is like walking into Best Buy with that wall of TV's and every one of them is on a different channel. Now you have to focus on just one channel and comprehend what's going on, with 100 other channels playing at the same time. Imagine the channels as things like listening to a lecture, doing homework, doing chores, remember to pay bills on time. You may watch the "Pay Bills Now" channel very intently but it wears you out trying to focus on that and eventually you cave and that channel slips away.
I hope that makes sense somewhat. I think it's very cool that you care enough about your girlfriend to seek out info on ADHD. I was in a marriage for 10 years where my wife did not extend the same courtesy.. it will do both of you a lot of good.
Please feel free to message me if you have any other questions, I don't want to get 'too' long winded in your thread.
This book was an awesome read on ADHD and general relationship formation/detachment.
Unstuck and on target
https://www.amazon.com/Unstuck-Target-Executive-Curriculum-Flexibility/dp/1598572032
Smart but scattered
https://www.amazon.com/Smart-but-Scattered-Revolutionary-Executive/dp/1593854455
Flexible and focused (written by Adele Najowski, a behavior analyst)
https://www.amazon.com/Flexible-Focused-Individuals-Specialties-Behavioral/dp/0128098333
Don't be afraid of medication. For most of us, they are the best and most important foundational tool we have available. I'm sure you've heard the horror stories, but those represent a very small minority of people with ADHD. For most of us, meds are very well-tolerated and if there are any side effects, they're generally mild and manageable. Just like there are people with missing limbs or paralysis that need prosthetic limbs or wheelchairs to help mitigate their impairments, we need medication. Medication is our prosthetic.
You should watch this lecture by Russell Barkley, one of the foremost ADHD experts of the past 40 years. He talks about what ADHD is, how it affects those who have it, how to treat it, and the consequences of not treating it. He's also written evidence-based books for parents and teachers on how to manage ADHD at home and school. They're based on his 40 years of research and clinical practice.
I got that same epiphany after reading this book.
http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/ref=sr_1_10?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376139869&sr=1-10&keywords=Adhd+books
I like this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006POAWCQ/
It might not be immediately obvious, but some of the difficulties you mentioned do count as social skills as well. For example he'd have to use perspective-taking and flexibility to follow directions that seem "objectively pointless" to him.
Also anything by Tony Attwood. He has a lot of parent-friendly resources that include specific strategies.
This is another good one. It goes through how to do the "chore chart" approach and expand it to cover other aspects of life. (For example, for HW, instead of earning $1 like he does for chores, he can earn extra free time on top of some daily baseline, or for showing he's responsible by doing XYZ he can earn the trust to be independent on some other activity, etc.) It says it's for ADHD but the strategies work for ASD as well (and really for any kid who struggles with executive functioning): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CKP1XFE/
"4 Weeks To An Organized Life With AD/HD"
http://www.amazon.com/Weeks-To-Organized-Life-With/dp/1589793269
Ostensibly a self-help book, but the first half or so talks about case examples from the authors' lives and really delve into some of the issues associated with not only having ADHD but not getting properly diagnosed and learning to be confident with your abilities.
There may be a link, but I think its still a little controversial. I read a book describing 6 types of ADHD, (based on brain scans if I remeber correctly) and I believe type IV or VI could be caused by an injury. The 6 types were:
Type I: Classic ADD (hyperactive, restless, distractible, impulsive) treated with psychostimulants.
Type II: Inattentive ADD (Space cadets, daydreamers, couch potatoes) treated with stimulants and stimulating anti-depressants
Type III: Overfocused ADD (Trouble shifting attention, stuck, obsessive and argumentative) , treated with SSRI/SNRI
Type IV: Temporal Lobe ADD (Aggressive, memory problems, headaches): treated with anticonvulsants
Type V: Limbic ADD (Depression, negativity, negative internal filter), treated with stimulant anti depressants
Type VI: Ring of Fire ADD (Angry overal sensitive, moody, oppositional) use of bi-polar meds.
Link to book
Just tagging on as a fellow ADHD-head: one of the best techniques that I've found for studying (avec medication, natch) has been to build in breaks. It sounds obvious and simple, but the way our brains are wired, we have seriously diminishing returns over long stretches. So, every 30-45-60 minutes (whatever works for you), get up and go do something that uses a different part of your brain. If you're reading and doing critical analysis, go for a walk, get a cup of coffee, watch 20 minutes of tv or something. When you come back, you'll be fresher and sharper to continue the work.
Also, the book Driven to Distraction has some excellent ADHD study techniques like this... particularly helpful because the self-driven nature of grad school means we really need to be our own supervisors.
This is nonsense, there is no "brain scan" that can detect ADHD with reliability and specificity the way you can find a tumor. Your mind and personality including your capacity for attention and excitability have a neurological basis, obviously, because people's consciousness is grounded in our brans. But this doesn't mean that the symptoms labeled as AHDH are organic in origin, nor that there is anything inherently pathological about them, nor that it is in any meaningful way a natural set.
People don't have ADHD in France because its a diagnoses that was invented, not discovered, to serve a particular social need of teachers and parents in the US, and a need by pharmaceutical companies to create a diagnosis that they could use to sell their products (psychiatrists receive a ridiculous amount of money from pharmaceutical companies).
Source:
See also: Talking Back To Ritalin: What Doctors Aren't Telling You About Stimulants By Peter Breggin MD
Driven to Distraction was recommended to me and I'm cracking it open this week.
The best way to manage ADHD is to develop strategies to overcome your weaknesses. For example, I forget where I'm parked in the car park every day. So I developed a location system and log it in my phone so I'll remember at the end of the day. I'm horrible with doing chores.. so the first thing I do when I get home is chores for 15 minutes.. or sometimes I go until I get bored. I suck at paying bills on time.. so I developed a spreadsheet that I check every morning that has the monthly bill amounts, date due and balances owed. I've turned tracking bills into a game.
It all depends on where your weaknesses lie as it is different with everyone.
This actually sounds a lot like me. I always kind of had the feeling I was a little different than other people, and that socializing and forming relationships never came naturally to me. Turns out I have inattentive ADHD, hence the addictive personally, depression, and total lack of self awareness. I'm not trying to diagnose you or anything, I'm just putting the thought out there. Getting help seriously changed my life. This book is what really got me going on a road to recovery from all this. The specific kind of ADHD I have is called Limbic ADHD, which is inattentiveness, mixed with depression and the tendency to be socially isolated. I wish somebody had told me about it earlier in life, I got diagnosed at 19. Just something to think about...
Is that this book?
Some of the resources I've found helpful in understanding my ADHD are
(These videos hit so amazingly close to home in me relating to the content. Was great insight into my ADHD)
I found it really good for ideas about focusing, prioritising, itemising tasks, outsourcing and automating the things I'm bad at.
But for me probably the best thing has been to just understand how ADHD effects me and how I work with it.
I'm on medication for it, but I also have discovered that's there's tasks and certain things I do that my ADHD is actually beneficial for, and some things that it's really shit for.
Understanding what is what and what/how I can use strategies in my week areas and what areas I can let me be me has been very useful.
Good luck. It's a hard slog but after trying so many different employment options starting and growing my own business has been the most enjoyable thing I've done.
Fucking hard thou but I wouldn't be doing anything else now!
Edit: Meditation!!!
Learn to slow that brain down and learn to choose to respond to stimuli when YOU want to, NOT when the ADHD see's something shiny.
Good starting point is the Headspace App
Are you getting any treatment aside from medication? If not you might want to combine your medication with ADHD therapy/coaching and/or focus on developing coping skills.
There's this mindfulness for ADHD workbook and also this Cognitive Behavioral Therpay for ADHD workbook. I haven't used them but they look like they might be useful.
The book 4 Weeks to an Organized Life with AD/HD was very helpful to me when I read it several years ago. The second half of the book is a 4 Week program that gives one simple task a day to help build skills to cope with ADHD (you don't have to read the first half of the book, you can just do the program). If you choose to do this, you might want to ask someone to help remind you to do the daily exercises and be your accountability buddy.
As far as reading goes, I find that writing a paragraph summarizing what I read right after reading helps me to stay interested in what I'm reading. I would guess it might help with other hobbies too.
I'm an engineer with the exact same experience. We might have ADHD. Some suggestions:
Evernote: phone, computer syncing note app. Keep all your action tasks on one note. You can have other notes/notebooks for projects etc.
Any.do: another to-do list app. Look at your to-do list as often as possible.
Recognizing you have a problem helps: More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD http://www.amazon.com/More-Attention-Less-Deficit-Strategies/dp/1886941742
Frequently update and log your time in your company time system or just a MS OneNote. The log helps you focus.
Listen to soft soothing music or sound effects via computer or phone to tune out other stuff: e.g. Elmnts for Chrome, your favorite Film Score (Lord of the Rings), etc.
Imagine you're a special agent in NCIS and always getting stuff done.
Talk to your boss and co-workers often to set deadlines, schedules, etc.
Make things a priority to get done quickly and well done.
Go for a walk at lunch.
Get to work early, leave early, get back to living your life.
We can harness our energy if we try a little. We can reward ourselves later when we're off the clock.
Break up your day with tiny breaks to read something interesting or pray. It can even be an e-book on your phone.
Talk to your doctor about ADHD (I've been putting this one off).
The ADD could be a reality for you ... and one interesting thing to note is how caffeine effects you. Do you find yourself having more focus and concentration? Then a psycho-stimulant may be for you. Check out the book Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell. It could help you understand ADD a bit better. Also, you don't need to know your career path now. Keep being curious and try things. Do an internship in a field you might be interested in ... and then decide if it feels right. All the suggestions on this thread about talking to a guidance counselor or social worker is great advice. Take it. Don't be alone in this.
Um, in all seriousness, that actually sounds like it could be ADD. We get comments from teachers like that a lot. Do some research, this book is the classic. You very well might be just bored and lazy, but if you do have ADD, you will save yourself a lot of trouble by finding out and learning about it early.
If I could go back to my 15 year old self, I would say "You have ADD. It's not your fault." Would have changed everything.
I was diagnosed at age 32 myself. At first, I felt a combination of emotions. First, there was relief that there was a name for what I'd been dealing with. This was then followed by feeling like I was somehow defective. Another guy at church recommended a book to me, and I want to recommend it to you. Attention Deficit Disorder: A Different Perception by Thom Hartmann!. It helped me see that I'm not defective but wired differently.
Another great book that I browsed was Driven to Distraction by Ed Hallowell!.
For me, meds just help turn down the static and are part of a wholistic approach to taking care of myself. I have noticed, as you shared, that I seem to get more done when I not only remember to take my meds but also am getting enough sleep, eating the right kinds of foods, and getting exercise.
Welcome to the world of Hunters! :)
Mental Health care for poor children Isaac Trojan Horse: The War Against Children of Color: Psychiatry Targets Inner City Youth
http://www.amazon.com/War-Against-Children-Color-Psychiatry/dp/1567511260/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1461878006&sr=8-1&keywords=War+against+children+of+color
Talking Back to Ritalin: What Doctors Aren't Telling You About Stimulants and ADHD
http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Back-Ritalin-Doctors-Stimulants/dp/0738205443/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1462421894&sr=8-11&keywords=Peter+Breggin
http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Back-Ritalin-Doctors-Stimulants/dp/0738205443/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1462421894&sr=8-11&keywords=Peter+Breggin
I am no expert on any, but both are a spectrum disorder and has many faces. Delivered from Distraction has a brief but good chapter on bipolar vs AD(H)D.
Also, this may help understanding the differences: http://imgur.com/qLc3zRH
Edit: wording
Healing ADD by Daniel Amen has a lot of great tips for using natural products. I haven't used them personally though.
I was reading this book. https://www.amazon.com/Healing-ADD-Revised-Breakthrough-Program/dp/0425269973
I took it back to the library so I can't remember exactly what was said. I liked it though. Might be worth reading.
I definitely think CBT with a therapist is something you should pursue. Before I had even made the connection that I might have adult ADHD, I started seeing someone who specialised in meditative therapies, his background being in Buddhism. I was a bit hesitant at first because, well, it sounded a bit hokey to me but it was actually very helpful. Something he said that is the perfect description for our condition (at least for me) is that "your mind is like a stallion running wild. We want to tame it--not break it--so you can take control of it". For whatever reason, that outlook helped a lot. Unfortunately, I had to stop seeing him because my insurance ran out but I would go back in a second.
Fast forward about a month and I have been formally diagnosed and am getting on medicine (its a clinical trial, 3rd phase--so we will see what happens) and until I get back on insurance I plan to use a couple books I found via a video that was actually posted by u/roland00 on another thread. (BTW that video was a lecture by Russell Barkley and was immensely helpful, so thank you very, very much u/roland00) Anyway there are a bunch out there but I went with this one and this one. Check the "customers also bought" section for others. Good luck on your journey!
This is all very familiar, you’re in good company.
Expectation can be a bit loaded. I’d encourage you to be open and receiving with your doc. Tell them everything you shared with us, don’t hold back - you might even bring your wife along, as she might have different insight to the situation to share with the doc.
If you’re curious to do your own homework, I’d recommend the book, Healing ADD by Dr. Daniel Amen M.D.
I was a little intoxicated earlier so I might have been mixing up the details.
I assume you really hated your old job then lol. Must be hard finding something you enjoy and I assume it might be because you are pretty intelligent; fast learner? And I assume a lot, but not statements as matter of fact or what I really believe about you, but more to bounce the idea off of you and look for your corrections in my assumptions. So sorry if I seem a little direct in what I’ve been saying.
And me? I’m just a starving artist with a relatively useless film degree. Living check to check to pay rent and credit card bills. Not where I wanna be by a long shot. But I have my ups and downs too. Right now I feel a bit manic in that I could probably accomplish all my goals in the next year. Sad.
What keeps me at my peaks are my hobbies though. You have any?
Edit: https://www.amazon.com/Fast-Minds-Thrive-Think-Might/dp/0425274063
This book is about ADHD, but instead of looking at it from a psychiatric lens, it looks at it more from a humanistic standpoint. Not saying you have ADHD as I’m not qualified, but based off some of your key points, you seem to have traits of a “fast mind.” Haven’t read it in a bit so my assessment may be off. Still a good read regardless.
Pretty good summary: https://rachelgold.com/book-insight-fast-minds/
It's my favorite book on ADHD, written by a pair of doctors who themselves both have ADHD and specialize in the treatment of it, one of whom benefits from medication and one of whom does not.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307743152/
EDIT: One person to whom I recommended it informed me that it's also available in audiobook form, in case that's of interest. And I suspect it would help your husband understand you better. If you do get him to read it, I'd be interested in knowing if I'm right about that.
https://www.amazon.com/Delivered-Distraction-Getting-Attention-Disorder/dp/0345442318
I recommend this book. Also. most Public libraries in the US have digital media on their websites where you can borrow Ebooks and Audiobooks (yes!!!) for free.
The book goes through diagnosis, testing, medications, and techniques and methods to use with and without medication. It's one of those "I wish someone had told me about this" books.
I'm using this book to help me figure out the right dosage and medicine. Started on 50mg of Vyvance, now I'm trying 20 mg of Adderall XR. I'm suspicious that they doc is pushing Vyvance on me.
Most of what I "know" or understand about ADHD is really a synthesis of hours and hours of personal research, as well as experience. As you might imagine, I am not big on details or keeping up with where I got the information :) If you're looking for a good general resource, I would recommend Edward Hallowell's Delivered from Distraction. It's well worth the money. The author himself is a psychiatrist with ADHD, who specializes in ADHD, and therefore has a lot of personal experience to draw on. This book helped me link behaviors of mine I had no clue were related to my ADHD brain, such as how the ADHD preference for conflict (=high stimulation/novelty) ties in to behaviors that keep me depressed. It provides a lot of information in really short chapters with an overall focus on informing you how to better treat your own personal issues through lifestyle changes and a little cognitive behavioral therapy rather than just medication. He also has a pretty comprehensive chapter on various medications to help people choose. If nothing else, the book has a chapter that is a sort of self-test that you could check out in the bookstore even if you don't want to buy it.
Honestly, if you feel like this describes you, then you have a good reason to think you have ADHD. While "normal" people experience distractibility (which is basically what I described) throughout their lives, they rarely define themselves by it. I spent years dealing with external as well as internal pressure to be less lazy and more productive. I spent most of my life infuriated by the label because I didn't feel lazy. I knew that given the right circumstances (which I did not realize at the time always involved intense interest or stimulation) I could work for hours without pause or distraction. So I guess my point is, if you feel like you've been lazy or told you were lazy your whole life, when you know there is evidence to the contrary, then ADHD is a good thing to consider. That said, depression and anxiety both have symptom profiles that lead to attention and executive function deficits, and while these are distinct from the symptoms of ADHD, they can cause some of the same problems with accomplishing tasks and focus. Depression robs you directly of your capacity to self-motivate, down to making it physically harder to move your body. Anxiety over-juices some of the same systems as ADHD, and leads to a survival reaction that locks your brain and body down, which in the long term manifests as an aversion to action. ADHD, in contrast, affects motivation through learned behavior; you learn subconsciously to avoid any task that requires high amounts of organization or focus because of past failures and discomfort. Schizophrenia also has effects on executive function, but these are A) subtle before the manifestation of the disease and B) usually only become debilitating after it manifests. I don't have any personal experience with schizophrenia but from what I have read, motivation is affected in similar ways to depression but with numerous other cognitive deficits that make schizophrenia very distinct.
tl;dr: Read Edward Hallowell's book and make sure to research anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia in the context of executive dysfunction in order to better understand the potential explanations for your particular issues.
I would rate the book 6.5/10. Here is an Amazon link if you would like to read more reviews.
If you haven't read many self-improvement books and lack a basic knowledge of ADHD then it is worth a read. The book has worksheets following each chapter and can be helpful in identifying behaviors and offering ways to correct them. I found the worksheets to be more micromanaging than I would like. This book would be a great read for a family member that does not have ADHD and would like to know the conditions impacts their loved one's life.
I definitely had ADD when I went, I've had it my entire life, but because I lack the 'hyperactive' part, no one would believe me when I said I thought I had it. After reading a bunch of books on the topic, every little thing kept clicking - from my over active imagination, teachers comments on 'she's smart, she just doesn't apply herself,' my dabbling in drug in college...everything! I remember asking my mom in my sophomore year of high school to take me to get tested for ADD but she didn't think I needed to, I just 'needed to study.' I can't help but wonder these days had she listened and took me to the psychologist back then how much differently my life would've been and my career.
To determine if I had ADD, basically I went to the doctor and explained why I thought I had it, and she then recommended a therapist to talk to which I did for about 3 months before I was actually prescribed Vyvanse, and it was another 2 months before we got the dosage right. They made me take some little tests, but mostly it was reading books and telling them what I learned about myself.
I highly recommend you check out "Driven to Distraction" by Halowell - it was the book my therapist told me to check out and after I read it I think I had highlighed like, every line of the book. It was a great determining factor in getting the help I actually needed.
Like I said before, part of getting help is helping yourself and not letting your ADD rule you - which, trust me, I understand is much easier said than done. I have worse days than others where my ADD is almost unmanageable, but I don't let it define who I am or the quality of the work. I just understand it is something about myself that I don't necessarily have control over, and may never have control over, but as long as I accept that, I think I have found a little bit of happiness from it.
I just read an awesome book by a Doctor who is an ADHD father with ADHD kids. It is Scattered:How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It by Gabor Mate He talks a lot about the various ways to help beyond just "get them organized" and medication (which he discusses briefly at the end of the book). The main point is to be there for them and love them unconditionally. But you may want to read the book to see what he means by that. I found it in my local library.
Anyone who is interested in this and feels like the may have ADD should read two books: Healing ADD by Daniel Amen and Nutrient Power by William Walsh.
Both kinda say the same thing from different viewpoints... if you figure out what your specific type of ADD is through brain scans or reading Amen's book, or determine where your body is deficient through blood testing matched with basic behavioral analysis (Walsh's book) you can come up with a treatment plan that in many cases will eliminate the need for the drugs or lower your dose to where the side effects are eliminated. Both books are game changers and I believe will change the course of treatment for most psychological issues over the next 20 years.
tl;dr: common drugs can be very helpful very quickly for a lot of people but have side effects. long term treatment with supplements targeted to your specific biochemistry can reduce or eliminate the need for drugs and eliminate the side effects.
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-ADD-Revised-Breakthrough-Program/dp/0425269973/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1496929989&sr=8-1&keywords=healing+add+by+dr+daniel+amen
https://www.amazon.com/Nutrient-Power-Heal-Biochemistry-Brain/dp/1626361282/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1496930047&sr=8-1&keywords=nutrient+power+by+william+walsh
Hey- teacher, medicated for ADHD and parent here. I've taught upper elementary for 8 years with my current assignment in 4th grade. I've had countless discussions with parents in your same situation. They are very reluctant to medicate their children with the fear of turning them into a zombie or significant loss of weight due to certain stimulants. Some have proceeded with the medication route, some have gone 504 plan, therapy treatment or nutritional changes route. The most drastic (for the better 90% of the time) have been the medication route. I have seen complete 180* turns in students.
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In my profession experience, it is often evident when a student has extensive potential that is being restricted by something such as ADD or ADHD. They seem lazy, disorganized, disheveled, lost in thought, restless and constantly in motion; but when I sit with them one-on-one and hold a conversation, their thought progressions, interests and demeanor reveal tons. It just feels like there is so much more than what I see in a classroom of noise and chaos.
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Personally, I had a similar experience to another poster. My parents admitted to me when I was in my mid-20's that they always knew I had ADHD but the diagnosis wasn't "in" in the early 90's. My school work was mediocre, writing was a terrible time for me. I had difficulty with reading comprehension, the words just had no meaning when my brain couldn't dial in long enough to put significance to the sentences and paragraphs. Socially, I had friends but I would legitimately be told that I couldn't go to birthday parties because I was too hyper. That being said, I got through undergrad and a masters' program without ever studying. Papers were always completed last minute and projects typically had glue drying as I turned them in. I sought out treatment in my early 30's and have been on medication in conjunction with therapy for almost a year. The difference has been incredible. Lesson planning for the week used to take me 4-5 hours (I teach math so really I'm planning 5 lessons for a week), where as the medication has helped me to the point of completing the same task in an hour. My students from previous years have even made comments about how much more organized and "together" my classroom has become. My professional evaluations have even been boosted because of my improved planning and implementation.
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As a father of a 2.5 year old, I am very aware and attentive to what I have ahead of me. My son exhibits the same exact behaviors I did growing up. My parents remark on a weekly basis that he is a carbon copy of each me- which scares my wife. She recoils at the idea of putting him on medication. His last daycare made comments about his inability to stay seated for lunch, sit still during circle time, or be able to lay down for a nap without being rocked (they're two year olds mind you- and his class was mostly girls). He is now at a new daycare with kids just as rowdy and energetic as him that he loves attending. He gets rave reviews for how inquisitive he is and how much personality that shines through.
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I've reassured my wife that medication does not have to adversely affect his life if we choose to go down that road. There is new research coming out monthly on therapies and strategies to help kids experiencing difficulties with focus or attention. The big two- Adderall and Ritalin have been around for decades, and aren't always the best route. There are anti-depressants and non-stimulant medications used to effectively treat ADHD. Yes, amphetamines do have a risk of dependence, I've worried that I'll fall into this, but I've been fine so far. It is not societal or educational norms that you should be focused on, but how does your son feel about his own academic performance and overall life standing. By 5th grade, he is probably aware of his tendencies and behaviors. I would start by having a candid discussion if you haven't already, asking him if he believes this is a problem. Get his input, medication wouldn't only affect his education but his general functioning. The book "Driven to Distraction" was recommended to me by my therapist and put a lot of perspective into the decision to take medication.
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https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/ref=asc_df_0307743152/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312750113425&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14839575934987710473&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007210&hvtargid=pla-331017318230&psc=1
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If you do not experience ADHD or difficulties with attention it can be tough to understand the fog that others have described. The first days of having medication were really frustrating, I felt as though I had wasted years of my life just coasting without really utilizing my potential and I was initially resentful of my parents. Sitting here today, I've moved past the resentment and decided to put my focus on helping and supporting my students who have their own struggles. Whatever you decide, just continue to be in constant communication with you son's teachers and support them as much as you can.
Sorry, I get the appeal of sharing tools you find helpful, but I do not want anyone in this community to get in trouble for sharing a book that is not theirs to share. It being a PDF does not mean you can freely share it - it was probably part of your diagnosis cost in some way.
If you would like to view or purchase a copy of the book, please visit your local library or bookseller. Here's a link to the Amazon US store: http://smile.amazon.com/The-Adult-ADHD-Tool-Kit/dp/0415815894
That's a great book but you need to read Driven to Distraction.
If you do have ADD it's going to be like reading your life. If that's true then you need to see a Psychiatrists that practices in ADD.
They can find a drug that will work for you. They do work too. Even if you don't think they do. Try it for a month and then ask your family, co-workers, and friends if they noticed a difference in you. They will all say yes.
So preferential seating (sitting them in the front) may help. There are two books I would recommend looking at. I think its good to look at a book on ADHD for kids because it will put it in language they can understand and it will put it in language you can explain to them. Which is helpful. The first is The Survival Guide for Kids with ADHD
If you have kids with executive functioning problems (constantly lose stuff, can't organize stuff, forget to turn in homework, etc), I'd suggest getting Smart but Scattered
First, in my opinion (from an ADD guy, so probably biased), it's not anything wrong with you. I definitely do things like that, and medicine helps a lot.
Even if it's just you, and it's a lack of willpower or whatever bull people say about it, if medication helps you focus, then it really doesn't matter. If it helps, it helps.
My psychiatrist gave me a survey to fill out, and did some tests that required concentration. I failed every one, but it probably would be hard to fail them in the right way if you weren't ADHD.
I read this a while back, and it gives really good information on what ADHD is, and what it isn't.
http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152#
Let us know what you end up doing. I'd start with that book and making an appt to see your psychiatrist.
While this book is for parents with kids it has a lot of great info on exec skills and functioning, migh be helpful.
http://www.amazon.com/Smart-but-Scattered-Revolutionary-Executive/dp/1593854455/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1420913265&sr=1-1&keywords=smart+but+scattered
There is this one too
http://www.amazon.com/Smart-but-Scattered-Teens-Executive/dp/1609182294/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y
Have you read the Adult ADHD Tool Kit?
It's meant to be a client's companion to CBT, and the writers are both super well respected experts. I can't really recommend it enough. Most importantly they explain their reasoning behind each strategy, so it doesn't have that feeling of 'do it because I said so' which is normally so frustrating.
More attention, less deficit https://www.amazon.com/More-Attention-Less-Deficit-Strategies/dp/1886941742
It's written for people with ADHD in mind. It's broken up into lots of self contained sections. So you can skip around and read as you wish.
Both you and your wife need to read this book. There are coping tools for you, and tips for her dealing with you. It will also help her understand why you are the way you are... why she has to keep reminding you to take out the trash every Thursday etc.
It might also help shed some light for her, if she might need to be tested for ADHD as well.
Don't forget that www.yourbrainonporn.com is very popular because it shows WHAT, but not why. We know "what" as far as the interaction of a superstimulous, but not why people medicate. The addiction part. The trauma part. That's what's important,
The origin is trauma.
Check out this amazing theme...on attention defecit disorder:
http://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates/dp/0452279631
Essentially a psychologist or psychiatrist asks you lots of questions. There isn't a scan or biological test, the diagnosis is based on your behaviour and history.
I think the one my doctor used was the Wender-Utah rating scale - it's a lot of questions but only some of them are relevant to the diagnosis.
http://www1.psykiatristod.se/Global/Psykiatristod/Bilagor/ADHD/WURS_ADHD_.pdf
edit to add: actually the first thing I did, a year before getting formally diagnosed, was get a copy of the Adult ADHD Toolkit which really helped me, and continues to help.
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-ADHD-Tool-Kit-Facilitate-ebook/dp/B00N3SUGLO
I really recommend this book https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Therapy-Adult-ADHD-Dysfunction/dp/1462509630 . A lot of the techniques seem simple such as keeping a daily planner, but they've made a huge difference in my life the past month.
Hiya! Perhaps you could ask your psychiatrist for a referral to someone who practices Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I have a book by Mary Solanto that's meant for group therapy, but it has some really fantastic skill building tips and exercises for time management and the organizational garbage we struggle with here. I've been meaning to see get into a group so I can have accountability, but procrastination comes with the territory. Heres a link to the book anyway and hope it helps! https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Therapy-Adult-ADHD-Dysfunction/dp/1462509630
I am coming to this thread really late - but everything you describe matches ADD closer than you think. I highly recommend this book (not self-help, dont worry ;)
http://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates/dp/0452279631
Anyone reading this who relates will be floored by reading this.
http://www.amazon.com/Healing-ADD-Breakthrough-Program-Allows/dp/0425183270
Based upon this book, which has helped me tremendously there are 6 types. I am personally type 3, and I also have many of the symptoms that you do.
this. the single biggest help I had in understanding my own ADHD when i was diagnosed. http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/
the book was given to me by my (very excellent) psychiatrist for that exact purpose, and is very well respected.
Here are some citations. It was discussed in Dr. Thomas Browns A New Understanding of ADHD and here is a link to the article he cites page 37. In the article there are further citations to studies based on clinical experience in prescribing stimulants to ADHD patients.
It sounds like you're American, so things might be different than in Canada, but I'm fairly certain that Concerta has gone generic recently. According to my doctor, the generic's extended release doesn't function quite as well for whatever reason, but it's probably gonna be a looooot cheaper.
This book is also a really good read. Written by two doctors who have ADHD themselves.
There is good advice here as long as the ADHD partner is willing to acknowledge their shortcomings and take actions to reconcile the pain they will unintentionally cause their non-ADHD partner. In particular, making sure that any counselor or doctor has a specialty in ADHD.
Only OP is in a position to judge, so I'll add that if the ADHD partner is not committed to improving, the solution is not for her to be even more accommodating. That just sets up more of a parent-child, nagger-nagged dynamic. He has to be willing and able to learn to live like an adult despite the challenges of ADHD.
Some additional links:
ADHD and relationships:
http://www.drhallowell.com/overview-of-how-adhd-affects-relationships/
Driven to Distraction gives a pretty clear explanation of what ADHD is and is not; has a section on ADHD and relationships; and distinguishes ADHD from comorbid conditions.
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
I was in exactly your situation. Driven to Distraction and You mean, I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? both helped me.
Sleep a lot. Remove as much sugar as you can from your diet. Drink ALL the water. Have some loving support. Good luck.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0452279631/qid%253D962679148/sr%253D1-2/scatteredmind-20
Sorry, I'm Canadian -- looks like the American title is different. That Amazon page says it's in stock. There are lots of good books out there, but I found that this one covers a lot of aspects that others don't get into much.
I read this one, which was recommended by my therapist: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0345442318/
I plan on reading more books about it. It's really a somewhat cleansing experience, in my opinion.
His follow-up book, Delivered From Distraction, is also great and definitely a well-worth read.
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I would recommend you watch bitch Russell Barkley videos and read Hallowell books. Barkley speaks a lot more about the theory and reasons behind why ADHD people function the way we do, but Hallowell's are a perfect addendum because they contain a lot of patient stories. Especially in Driven To Distraction, the majority of the book is patient stories, which are evergreen content (up to date as they relate to timeless experiences from individuals suffering the same as us).
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Regardless, Barkley is the top dog, but Hallowell's books are great runner-ups for the throne. Delivered From Distraction talks a lot more about ADHD in adults and how to cope/organize your life around it.
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I know we're "lazy" and struggling with maintaining focus, but to anyone capable of consuming both Barkley AND Hallowell, you'll be far better off than simply sticking with one or the other.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in 3rd grade and never received treatment until I was 19. I took medicine off and on, been in therapy for 7 years and finally had a full psych eval done almost a year ago.
If appropriate, suggest a full evaluation to your spouse. Sometimes it's covered by insurance, other times (in US) the school district may pay for it, if he has trouble in school.
Once you get an evaluation, there are many different directions listed here. There are some doctors (and parents) who will go straight to medicine and others who use it as a last resort. Personally, I enjoy both medicine and therapy now that I'm older, but wish I had CBT when I was younger. I do often forget to take my medications...
Favorite ADHD Book: Driven to Distraction
I had no idea that I had ADHD in college, just that I could not make my life work when I got there.
What made me succeed is that I ended up in a major where my professors were more like mentors: creative writing. If I hadn't found that I probably would have dropped out. In retrospect I always succeeded best when I had a mentor or good coach.
I'm an English professor today, so it stuck. (And no, I'm not judging anyone's grammar.)
Anyway, the book Delivered From Distraction http://amzn.com/0345442318 has a chapter on preparing for college with ADHD. Here's the quote about mentoring:
>Research done by Richard Light at Harvard shows that one of the key determinants of a successful undergraduate career at any college or university is the student’s finding a senior faculty member she can make a close, mentoring relationship with. Doing this requires luck or boldness or both. . . . Especially if a student has ADD, it is also important that someone at home—a parent, other relative, former coach, someone—remains closely involved, keeping tabs on what is going on at college day in and day out.
>Ratey Md, John J.; Hallowell, Edward M. Md (2005-12-27). Delivered from Distraction (Kindle Locations 3674-3679). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
I was more on the "luck" side. I was good at writing, and the creative writing faculty created a strong community there. I stuck around for the an MFA as well.
I (44m) was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD and for me what goes through my mind is ..... Everything... all at once.... over and over and over again. Often the thoughts are then punctuated with a feelings of guilt for being such a fuck up under achiever. I can’t remember anything I’m not interested in and I find it impossible to finish almost any task. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety previously and I believe both are a direct result of my ADHD. I was so relived when got a the diagnosis as it allowed me to feel a bit “less” guilty for my personality. It’s nice to know that there is some sort of reason for the way I have always been. Definitely an emotional relief to realize that I am different then most others and that there is an actual reason why am the way I am. The ADHD meds seem to help with focus, but there are a lot of tactical things I still need to address in order to live my best life. The diagnosis was just the start of my journey and I have a long way to go. I would take a look at FAST MINDS by Surman/Bilkey if you would like to understand more about how folks with ADHD operate and practice methods to change that operation.
https://www.amazon.com/Fast-Minds-Thrive-Think-Might/dp/0425274063/ref=nodl_
First, diagnosises can be wrong. It's also possible you have ADHD. People with ADHD often associate with other ADHD people simply because they find regular people boring. Second, ADHD is a misleading name for the condition. There isn't a deficit of attention. It's more of an inconsistency of focus combined with weaker self control than it is the inability to focus.
I recommend reading a book on ADHD. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0307743152?cache=9e63ced07072ae963391cba2d4468b08&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&qid=1405869392&sr=8-4#ref=mp_s_a_1_4
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