Best books about mental health according to redditors
We found 3,683 Reddit comments discussing the best books about mental health. We ranked the 1,158 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 3,683 Reddit comments discussing the best books about mental health. We ranked the 1,158 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
There's a great book called "Achilles in Vietnam" by psychiatrist Jonathan Shay, who compares PTSD symptoms seen in his patients (Vietnam vets) to the descriptions of Greek soldiers experiencing psychological trauma in Homer's Iliad. It's a really interesting book -- the two main points are that PTSD is not a modern ailment but has been affecting soldiers since the beginning of history, and that honoring soldiers' experiences in a heroic narrative promotes psychological healing in numerous ways.
There is a book called The Body Keeps the Score
It talks distinctly about how sometimes talk therapy can open wounds rather than heal them. Sometimes the body is so caught up in the wounds that the mind isn't ready for traditional therapy. It makes a whole bunch of suggestions on how to deal with trauma in other ways. Perhaps this may give you some of the relief that you desire.
You have every right to be angry. I hope that no-one judges you. And if they do, then they obviously haven't the foggiest notion what you have been through.
I watched a one man play last year that, more or less, talked about this. It was just him talking about his experiences in war and how it effected him. But also how he sought comfort in reading and then performing Shakespeare. The most interesting part is the concept of the "berserker" as a form of PTSD. A seeking requirement towards death that leads one down a destructive path. Hence the concept of removing armor and rushing into the melee.
His concept was that Margaret of Anjou was, effectively, a P.O.W and...goes berserk later. I'm not 100% sold on it, but researching it did lead me to read Jonathan Shay's novel "Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character". Which was pretty amazing to read. Comparing Achilles fall into madness to PTSD and veterans was quite interesting and helpful to me.
Here's a link to an article written by the playwright mentioned and link to the book in question
It's because he (rightfully) feels much more threatened by normal people supporting normal academic thought. It's sorta like Eric Hoffer's True Believer, which talks a lot about how communists were more easily led to being fascists than centrists and fascists were more easily led to being communists than centrists.
/u/Prince_Kropotkin feels more "threatened" (lol because these people already won, idiot) by regular folks than extremists because he thinks at least extremists want extreme change, he just needs to convince them that his way is the best way to do so. Normal people who are like "I don't really like this thing, and we need to change it incrementally using the systems already in place, but not burn it down and replace it with a totally different system" anger him the most, and I think that's cute.
A philosopher named Eric Hoffer wrote a really good book about this sort of phenomenon called The True Believer.
A quote:
>The quality of ideas seems to play a minor role in mass movement leadership. What counts is the arrogant gesture, the complete disregard of the opinion of others, the singlehanded defiance of the world.
The truth is that there's no carefully thought out plan. It's anger and bluster. And historically, these movements have not ended well.
The problem with that viewpoint is that white often made the same sorts of attempts with the natives where they would try to 'civilize' native captives...with almost complete failure and almost always ending in the captive escaping at the first chance. Why this dichotomy? One theory is that we humans have an innate need for simple living and for close ties that is being provided less and less as society progresses and we humans are expected more and more to act like individual automatons. A good book on the subject is Tribe by Sebastian Junger.
I know this isn't an easy road, but I want to congratulate you for bravely stepping onto it. Feeling alone, outcast, and alien is a near universal symptom of trauma...just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
r/ptsd
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1537026534&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score
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I don't know your personal outlook on life, nor what preparations you made before you decided to carry a weapon. But I do know one thing: it is better that you are still breathing than the guy you killed.
If the guy was interested solely in money, he wouldn't have returned. He would have gotten the money and left. You saved yourself and your coworkers by doing what you did. Its an unbelievably shitty thing to have to do, but you did it for the right reasons.
You're getting therapy, keep at it. Many of my firends have gotten therapy for PTSD, and there's no shame in it. After our deployment, my best friend dove straight into a bottle and didn't come out for better part of a year. His job performance and live spiraled out of control, but he got better eventually.
That being said, your therapist may not be the best one... Don't be afraid of getting another; go to your local VFW, explain what happens to any veteran there around age 25-35 and you have better than even odds that they have a therapist to recommend, one that's used to PTSD from folks having shot at people.
Last thing I'll recommend. There's 2 book out I recommend for any servicemember before deployment, and if they have any issues with post-deployment life. Both are by Dave grossman.
On Killing Basic Premise: That killing is fundamentally destructive to the psyche, and to overcome our natural disinclination towards killing, the military has created training programs that help circumvent this and allows them to kill. This training does nothing to alleviate the PTSD killing causes. (You could skip this book, but it shows the mechanism of why you are hurting and that may help you. It has lots of stories for you to see that you're not alone, which is also helpful.
[On Combat] (http://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8) Basic Premise: If you buy everything said in 'On Killing', that killing tears at your soul and psyche, then this is a book for Soldiers and Police to minimize the hurt and pain they are going through with what society asks of them. Some of the stuff would have been good to know before you killed the guy, but lots of it can be applied now.
Keep your chin up, and know that memories will fade. You did nothing wrong and your life is more important than the man who was going to kill you.
PM me if you want to, I may not have the PhDs your therapist does, but I've got life experience and come tons cheaper comparatively.
Source: Army Officer. Deployed to Iraq in 2003. Came back and joined Reserves and went to a CSC (Combat Stress Control) unit while doing college to become an officer.
Bra tekst, men det er flere faktorer her, og dette er ikke særnorsk; vi er uten tvil del av en vestlig trend. F.eks. så snudde nedgangen i selvmordsrate i USA rundt år 2000 og har steget hvert år etter det. Selvmord blant unge jenter har virkelig økt de siste årene, og de starter nesten å ta igjen guttene.
Jonathan Haidt har skrevet en veldig interessant bok[1] om disse trendene.
Faktorene som nevnes er bl.a. endring i barneoppdragelse til mer overbeskyttende foreldre, mindre uorganisert lek uten oppsyn, og sist, men ikke minst, fremveksten av sosiale medier.
Resultatet blir at en stor gruppe ungdommer ikke har lært seg å takle motgang, ikke har lært seg konflikthåndtering, og i tillegg er psykologisk nedbrutt av å ha levd de formative årene på sosiale medier.
Hjelper vel heller ikke at disse ungdommene vokser opp i en Verden som blir mer ustabil og segmentert, og hvor effekten av klimaendringene begynner å bli synlige.
Det hjelper vel heller ikke at de vokser opp i et sekulært og nihilistisk samfunn med enormt fokus på individualisme/hedonisme. De får ingen hjelp fra religion eller ideologi, de må selv finne en mening i en kaotisk Verden.
Vanligvis skal vel vi gamlinger se ned på nyere generasjoner og skryte over hvor hardt vi hadde det, men slik situasjonen er nå ser det ut som GenZ kommer til å ha mye hardere liv enn oss. Iallfall vi som er millenials som akkurat slapp unna SoMe i ungdomstiden.
[1] https://www.amazon.com/Coddling-American-Mind-Intentions-Generation/dp/0735224897
I just read the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kerk and found it immensely helpful. You mention an abusive childhood, the effects of which are covered extensively in the book and include anxiety and depression (particularly of a kind that simply trying to reframe your thoughts cannot help). Traumatic events leave their mark on our bodies as well as our minds and hearts. I highly recommend checking it out. It's even on sale on Amazon right now: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_3HRqDbJ8YCPFA
(33F here. I have similar feelings)
Yeah, /u/Electr0freak is correct. I have both CPTSD and ADHD. The ADHD presents as my inability to focus on tasks, auditory processing issues, inability to schedule, think or plan for the future, frequent forgetfulness, and inability to manage time. The CPTSD, on the other hand presents as my inability to be in close proximity to people for very long (minutes at a time, tops), due to an instinctive protective mode from blows from others, an acute inability to self-regulate emotions such that if I am having an attack, I hit/punch/elbow, choke, scratch, bite and pull my own hair. I tell people curious about it that the sensation is a hot "cold sweat" and the internal sensation of being held down against my will, and to escape I will do anything, and my body interprets that as "Skin yourself alive. Cut your own throat. Choke yourself to death." That's not ADHD. My brother, also diagnosed with ADHD did not have these symptoms growing up either. I am now taking Lamictal to counter these symptoms, which is an anti-convulsive med used often to treat people with BPD. This is all very recent, the new med is about 3 weeks in and I have never felt better, I never get the body sensations that I was getting causing me to react like that. I'm 29, and have been doing these things since I was 6 or 7, and my father left when I was 5, which I attribute the majority of my emotional self-blame to, followed closely by corporal punishment as a child. Read the book The Body Keeps The Score. If someone thinks CPTSD is not a thing, they're wrong.
I'm so so sorry, this is a tough thing to go through. As others have said, the biggest thing is finding some professional help. Be patient with yourself, there is no magic thing that will make this less challenging to walk yourself through. But you absolutely will, and you are not alone.
Reading your post was like something I could have written myself a few years ago. I'm still working on it. Learning to have respect and patience for where I was at in the process was a thing I really struggled with, because I just wanted to be done with it and put it behind me. When I couldn't afford therapy, I read a lot of self help books and these two really resonated with me: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. Please feel free to PM me any time if you want someone to talk to.
I warned that Trump is a sociopath already during primaries.
The most common response was "Are you a professional?".
Then came the arguments that you can't diagnose without having examined him professionally in settings.
The denial was absolutely astounding even into his presidency. Of course many could see it as easy as I could, but there were many that simply refused to see it, even when it was pointed out with numerous examples, and even after a book was published by professionals that warned about it too.
https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459
Trump is delusional, and he is a malignant narcissist and sociopath. But not just that, he is a very bad form oof one. I've met many diagnosed criminal sociopaths, but very few are as bad as Trump.
And yes he is absolutely dangerous, and there are alarming rumors that are absolutely believable, because Trump has zero empathy and zero decency or regard for norms or the law.
Texts and Reference Books
Days in the Lives of Social Workers
DSM-5
Child Development, Third Edition: A Practitioner's Guide
Racial and Ethnic Groups
Social Work Documentation: A Guide to Strengthening Your Case Recording
Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond
[Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life]
(https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3ZW7PRW5TK2PB0MDR9R3)
Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model
[The Clinical Assessment Workbook: Balancing Strengths and Differential Diagnosis]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0534578438/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_38?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ARCO1HGQTQFT8)
Helping Abused and Traumatized Children
Essential Research Methods for Social Work
Navigating Human Service Organizations
Privilege: A Reader
Play Therapy with Children in Crisis
The Color of Hope: People of Color Mental Health Narratives
The School Counseling and School Social Work Treatment Planner
Streets of Hope : The Fall and Rise of an Urban Neighborhood
Deviant Behavior
Social Work with Older Adults
The Aging Networks: A Guide to Programs and Services
[Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415884810/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy
Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change
Ethnicity and Family Therapy
Human Behavior in the Social Environment: Perspectives on Development and the Life Course
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Generalist Social Work Practice: An Empowering Approach
Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents
DBT Skills Manual
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets
Social Welfare: A History of the American Response to Need
Novels
[A People’s History of the United States]
(https://www.amazon.com/Peoples-History-United-States/dp/0062397346/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511070674&sr=1-1&keywords=howard+zinn&dpID=51pps1C9%252BGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch)
The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Life For Me Ain't Been No Crystal Stair
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Tuesdays with Morrie
The Death Class <- This one is based off of a course I took at my undergrad university
The Quiet Room
Girl, Interrupted
I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
Flowers for Algernon
Of Mice and Men
A Child Called It
Go Ask Alice
Under the Udala Trees
Prozac Nation
It's Kind of a Funny Story
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
The Yellow Wallpaper
The Bell Jar
The Outsiders
To Kill a Mockingbird
You should check out this book The Coddling of the American Mind. It talks about just this! There's basically three untruths that people are clinging to: (1) what doesn't kill you makes you weaker, (2) always trust your feelings, and (3) life is a battle between good and bad people. There's this mentality that everyone is so inherently fragile that we must be protected all the time. Couple this with the fact that people conflate their feelings with reality. This is the exact opposite of what cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) teaches people who are recovering from anxiety disorders. Just because you think something is scary/wrong, doesn't mean it actually is.
I agree that just a u-turn back to the Hard Knocks method probably isn't right, but we need to teach people that it's OK to feel uncomfortable and anxious sometimes. It isn't always reality and it's rarely the end of the world.
I'm neutral to the Gary V. inspired 'hustle' 'grind it out' attitude.
Reality is that your baseline socio economic status gives you your set point, both with physcological wiring and also resources, skills, networks, mentors and life lines (read: poor people = none)
My mom is dead. And my dad is a dead beat living with a crack head who has 3 children in subsidized public housing. My 'step mom''s 3 kids, to no fault of their own, are all fucked. I watched them go from 10 years old - 20 years old, and get into drugs, jail, deliquency. When people at your housing project are regularly in jail, it's normalized. When your mother and father are drunk all the time it's normalized.
You know the strangest observation I've had? Poor people don't have desks, they have couches (because why would they need to sit at a desk? That's for learning, or creating, or reading, or getting organized)
Now I have rich friends. Centi-millionaire rich. Also I live in nice areas of Vancouver and have friends who are young yuppies / lawyers. Guess what - half their parents are also lawyers.
What wonderful advantages you can provide your kids. Even if it's not financial, it can be psychological resilience.
I don't know how I got so lucky, because my siblings all had similar struggles and didn't make it out okay. I guess I had the right set of factors to still be positive enough, but also be really fucking pissed off.
I do yoga every day, otherwise i'm too angry. Vipassana did a lot for me too. I've done three 10 day silent retreats, and certainly overdue to do another. For anyone traumatized as a child, or with rough upbringings you gotta sort it out because the market - the world doesn't care (I care- I want to help you, but it's a difficult problem to solve)
This book changed my life in finding a more peaceful way of living (all emperical up to date scientific literature on a tough subject:)
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Reading a lot helps too.
But also, I'm YMCA + Public Library + Canned Tuna proof. I have been so bitterly down and out, I have no fear of failure. Some people can't make cold calls becuase they are nervous. Or they are afraid of confrontational high tension conversations HA. FUCKING HA. What a joke, I'll fucking steam roll you if you can't pick up a phone and make someone like you then give you money (but I learned how to do it)
Look at this guy. In a library late at night, learning something - doing something. Not getting 100 emails a day. Using free public services. Big consolidated blocks of time to explore. WOW. If you shower at the YMCA and eat canned tuna, you can do this (more complicated with kids though). But failure, the worst case, is in a way liberating because you're free again to explore:
https://imgur.com/a/wWC3swP
Also one note - if you TRULY go hard, every year you should be getting poached. I've turned down multiple offers to be CMO or director of marketing over the years. The offer rates go up. Headhunters make loose offers for 400k comp packages to parachute in as CEO to a different company (FUCK that, it's so easy to discount domain expertise, I would be a terrible CEO in any industry but this one, for the time being) But it's just itneresting.
So, what makes me think I can sell Dildos better than anyone else? Because I'm a fucking monster.
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I've slept on concrete floors outside gas stations, dumpster dived to eat, hitchhiked. I put myself through university playing internet poker. I ate canned tuna and wonderbread for as long as I can remember. I've worked every New Years eve and Christmas for the last 15 years. Because I've been bootsrapping since I was 15, and I have no backup. No parents basement. And now I have a daughter and a family, so I have to double down and I cannot let them down.
But also not so much having a chip on my shoulder, I have overwhelming gratitute most of the time. Especially for everyone on our team. I love our team and respect everyone equally. I'm more lenient and generous with our bottom staff and a lot harder on people the more they get paid, but we have no willful turnover, and most people say this is the best most exciting job they've ever had and they are just grateful to be part of the ride.
AND, at least in sex toys - there's not a lot of competent executives in this industry. Not many people have put in the requisite 10,000 hours in the industry AND done so from a systems perspective but also been in the trenches picking up customer service phone calls and talking to 1000's of customers
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Your last comment is not accurate because we do have extensive data on the willingness of military professionals to kill. Data exists demonstrating changes in American military training leading to a higher kill rate. In the past, a lower percentage of shots hit the enemy than they do now. Even accounting for changes and weapon accuracy, it is more likely there was a change in training that made killing the enemy more attractive. See the work of Lieutenant Colonel David Grossman and his theory of killology. A book link for the curious.
https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316330116/qid=973195800/104-1614587-2282360
Informed consent and participant protections are terrible for science. We would make so much more progress if we could do whatever we wanted to the human bodies of willing and unwilling participants. We have so little evidence on medical treatments for children because no one wants to volunteer their children for experimental treatments. Imagine a world in which we could say 50% of people who walk through the door of a Cancer Treatment Center are getting a new experimental drug at varying concentrations and the other 50% get the conventional treatment. Think of a world in which prisoners could donate their bodies for real life experimentation. Though one could argue the type of people who end up with life in prison do not accurately represent the rest of the country. But you have to start somewhere right?
We believe in bodily autonomy in this country, so I'm certain that is going to change, and so the idea of experimenting on people against their will is somewhat anathema. And of course many of us in science have morals. But in my little heart of hearts, I deeply wish we could do more human experimentation.
Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief by Jordan B. Peterson
Think of a baby and how they have object permanency. When you walk out of the room you are no longer in the baby's frame of existence. Well you as a human being never really lose this frame phenomenon psychologically. As you grow older it just grows larger. Every piece of knowledge, every place you've traveled, very technique, person, thing, entity you've ever meet or learn expands your frame of existence.
However your frame of existence is totally dynamic every second. Like right now you're reading TRP, your frame is concentrated to the screen. You're not thinking about that fly sitting on your wall, or what color is the shoes you are or what your dad is doing right now. But the mere fact that I said these things means they are now inside your frame because you're thinking about them. Your frame is dynamically changing every second and it has since the day you were born. Random thoughts are coming in and out of your head, events are happening all around you, in your house, on your street, in your city, your state government, people are moving and things are happen every second but somehow your mind knows what to focus on at any given moment, totally autonomously.
As far as artificial intelligence goes, computers always try to calculate every possible parameter they are giving to solve a problem. The classic example of Frame Problem is place a sentient AI bomb defusing robot in a room and tell it to defuse the bomb before it goes off. Well, that robot will sit there till infinite trying to calculate every possible outcome and it's probability of happening. It will figure the likelihood of touching it one way, will it explode? What if the walls change colors, probability of explosion? What's the probability of the wall changing color? What if it backs up an inch, what's the probability? It will try to calculate everything it can unless programmed otherwise.
From the moment a human is born it can dynamically adjust their frame and egocentricity. This is one of the reasons we have consciousness and we do it totally subconsciously. There are deeply rooted networks in the brain that tell you what you need to be focusing on at any given moment. Cortisol levels connect to fear and danger. Oxytocin will make you focus on those you care about. Dopamine will make you more or less erratic(ADD). And there a million other things that all control and change your frame at any given moment. And that's not even getting into were thoughts generate in the mind or how memory recall and memory reassociation works. Have you ever thought about were your thoughts come from? Go through the day and start paying attention to why the hell you just though what you did? Do your thoughts just come out of thin air or was their a trigger or cascade effect to bring you to where you are right now?
This is a... confusing and hard problem to recreate with AI. The Frame problem was discovered in 1969 and it still hasn't been solved.
If you're interested in this stuff I highly recommend watching Jordan B Peterson in the link above. He's a Pychologist who has pretty much spend his entire life trying to figure this out. He ever wrote a very extensive book on it called "Maps of Meaning: The Architeture of Belief". That book he also teaches as a class in the university of Toronto and you can access all his lectures on youtube. He posts every one of them for the semester. I even believe you can get the syllabus and worksheet stuff on his website.
What's interesting is you'll start to see The Frame Problem explained in many different ways, by different people and at different time periods. I'm a big fan of studying every genius that's ever lived. Inventors, physicists, chemists, etc. Einstein, Van braun, Richard Feynman, Tyson, Hawkings, etc. and pretty much every hyper intelligent individual will tell you that you are and always will be an idiot. What they are referring to is you can never know everything. No matter how large of a frame you grow, no matter how much information, experiences or things you can possibly attain physically or mentally, there will always be more you don't know or haven't experienced. This is an extremely useful thing to realize, one it humbles you and people like humility and two, your options are now limitless. If you become curious about something, you can imagine how deep that rabbit hole could possibly go, but you won't truly know till you start exploring.
Another example in history and probably one of the first times the frame idea was written down was Epictetus and Stoicism. The first line of Enchiridion which is the stoic handbook and condensed version of Epictetus: Discourses writings, says,
>
> "There are things which are within our power, and there are things which are beyond our power. Within our power are opinion, aim, desire, aversion, and, in one word, whatever affairs are our own. beyond our power are body, property, reputation, office, and, in one word, whatever are not properly our own affairs."
Epictetus was a student of Crate and Crate was a Student of Socrates. This was probably the first time the Frame Problem was idealized in writing. Or at least the first one to be preserved till today. In fact stoicism pretty much entirely revolves around learning your frame and controlling what you can. Any time you spend on things outside your control is considered time wasted, which you can never get back. So it's half learning frame and half improving time efficiency.
Self improvement is in a way is an active expansion of your frame, even if the subconscious mechanisms that drive it you didn't think about till I just explained it to you.
I searched for some older threads that might help you:
One
Two
Three
Four
There are more out there.
Read the WPATH SOC if you haven't already. Past versions of the SOC gotten people killed and many people are hostile toward WPATH, but the current version is alright IMO. I am still bitter though because I feel that past versions contributed significantly to ruining my life.
In the past, I've been really turned off or upset by doctors that didn't have a good understanding of how to properly do HRT (i.e. refusing my request to have my hormone levels checked via blood test, using nonstandard medications before mainstays, setting arbitrary max dosage limits such as 100mg spironolactone), that didn't understand the effects of HRT (i.e. being told it would change my sexuality to only liking men, being told it would give me a maternal instinct), that commented on my appearance (I was told that I will never pass), and that knew nothing about what being transgender is.
A lot of trans people become extremely anxious when going to the doctor. If the clinic you're at is gatekeepy, things are going to be 100x more difficult as far as building rapport goes. I could never trust a doctor at a clinic that didn't follow the current SOC and that had gatekeeping measures in place.
It might a good idea for you to familiarize yourself with trauma if you aren't already familiar with it just because so many trans people have dealt with it or are dealing with it. The Body Keeps The Score is a good book on it.
\> I know they say you have to be okay on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship- but it seems like a tall order if you have no support. Just wondering if anyone else can relate.
I used to believe that you have to be okay on your own, but now I disagree with statement. Based off of my personal experience and information knowledge of trauma and attachment, I've revised my belief: Even if we don't need one (1) human to be our other half, we need the right social circle and the access to the right resources to have a solid foundation in order to have the skills, motivation, and support make progress toward their goals, feel secure, and be happy.
While I'm not a professional psychologist, what's working for me is trying to be vulnerable but being careful about who I do it with. There needs to be some thought about who I share it with, like what am I trying to do by sharing it with *this* specific person. Am I feeling some inner pain that I believe this person can ease? Am I sharing an experience that I think they will understand? If they don't understand, am I sharing this because I still trust them and I want to bond with them?
I believe healthy relationships is a balance of *relying* (as opposed to needing) on the *appropriate* people depending on the situation (as opposed to relying on the same person for every situation). Sometimes we will take risks and be let down. Over time by doing so, you refine your radar to know who is the best person for a feeling, situation, or experience.
Wishing the best in your healing.
Cats are nice I guess.
But they have litter boxes.
I prefer my dog...
I have been lurking here for about three months, since my therapist gave me the book Understanding The Borderline Mother and everything came into sharp clarity.
Last week my mother argued with me and said to my father (who was in the room as a referee, useless ass that he is) “the root of all our conflict is because u/thebenegesseritwitch insists! on setting boundaries!! Whenever she disagrees with me it is just so disrespectful!
I was dumbfounded that she actually vocalized that in her world setting boundaries and expressing a different opinion = disrespect.
She seemed to realize how absurd she sounded and tried to shift the focus from me/my boundaries/her lack of respecting my boundaries/ to a more global dislike of boundaries. She went off on a rant about how boundaries are the reason the millennials have so many problems and how boundaries are why the country is in such a horrible state these days. (and to his credit my father did ask about five or six times “so when BGW disagrees with you, you automatically feel disrespected, even though as a grown adult in her own house, she is allowed to disagree with you?” “So you take offense simply because she disagrees with you?” She tried to avoid answering, because I do think she was having some cognitive dissonance....and when she did it was always “no she’s allowed her own opinion of course but it is just so hurtful since I’m coming from a place of love! I would never have disagreed with my mother, so yes I’m hurt and offended that BGW disrespects me by holding to different opinions!”)
I told my dad later that her ability to vocalize her issues with me setting boundaries while simultaneously holding to her willful inability to recognize how fucked up her thinking is about boundaries terrifies me.
ANYWAY. All that to say, thank you for this. I’m sending it to my sister.
Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging. I'm starting this comment off with this book because it is, far beyond the shadow of a doubt, the most important book that every man should read. It is primarily meant for soldiers in the US military but god damn dude every fucking male on this planet needs to read this fucking book, plus it's less than 200 pages. If someone comes up to you and tells you that you can only read one more book ever again let it be this one. If you buy any book recommended here today, it absolutely needs to be this one. If you're one of those dudes that is in a sort of "melancholy" where you're not "living" life, you're just sort of "existing", this book can really help you sort things out. Fuck, buy this book even if you're one of the women of /r/AskMen.
The book question gets asked from time to time in this subreddit and I actually bought some of the books that people were recommending. Most of them (in my opinion) suck sweaty ass but a few were actually good. Here's a general run down of the books I bought from a thread asking the same question.
From best to worst. Keep in mind that this is just my opinion and shouldn't be treated as the law of the land.
Man's Search for Meaning. Written by a Jewish man who survived Nazi concentration camps. Unlike a lot of concentration camp books it doesn't go over the physical torture aspect of it. He talks about what was going through his mind and the way that other prisoners acted. The talks about his mental state and what got him and others through one of the most devastating crimes against humanity. Craziest part is when they get liberated. The prisoners are allowed to go into the nearby town and most of them think to themselves "this isn't real, this is bullshit" at which point they head back to the concentration camp.
The Tao of Pooh. The author conveys the lessons of Buddhist Taoism through Winnie the Pooh stories he made with commentary in between the stories. Started off good but I skipped the Pooh stories and went straight to the commentary, having to read excerpts that are meant for 3 year olds got old really quick. The book spirals into a steaming pile of shit towards the end. Te author starts inserting personal opinion into the commentary and talking shit on types of people he doesn't like. He talks shit on scientists for studying birds (let the birds be birds), joggers (all that running and they never go anywhere), and people who try to develop cures for diseases (let nature run its course). He tries to back all his opinions up with this totally bullshit story about a Chinese man who lived to be 250 years old. I don't know how sheltered and naive you have to be to think that you can live to 250 by "going for brisk walks" and "eating only vegetables" but the author makes himself look like a complete asshat by putting faith in the story.
The Stranger. The book tries to convey that the universe is indifferent to you and your problems (which it is) but the author presents it in a painfully boring manner.
The Meditations. A Roman emperors diary and notes on stoicism. Super fucking hard to read. "I thank my mother for teaching me motherly things. I thank my father for teaching me fatherly things. I thank my teacher for sharing knowledge. I thank my friends for being there for me." I couldn't make it to page 10. Shit was just too fucking repetitive.
My kid just started at Montessori pre-school last month. We had all of the same concerns and observations. I can add a few things, all anecdotal...
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TL;DR: lots of qualitative data; no quantitative data; long-read
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Part 1: My oldest
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First, I have a college aged kid and a toddler (life is crazy). When the 20yr old was pre-k aged, I was essentially broke and sent her to a pretty normal, school-based, pre-k. The pre-k was in the basement of a Montessori school and was probably influenced by it, but was definitely not Montessori. From there she went on to a parochial Kindergarten and then to suburban public school for the rest of her pre-college career. She now is a 3.6-ish GPA junior at U of I, so academically, she did fine (not outstanding, but good enough).
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The issue, however, in my opinion, was all of the non-academic stuff: low self-esteem, a seeming lack of stake in the outcomes, an inability to make life choices or long-term plans, lack of functional skills (i.e. knowledge of banking and credit, time management) and a general fragility a la Haidt. I was not pushing college on her, but it ultimately seemed like the right call, partly because there was no other plan, but largely because she needed to get out from under her parents and take some responsibility for her future. So far it seems that this has been effective in that she has really started blossoming into a person who has interests and takes initiative and hasn't had an issue with her academics.
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The difficult thing to suss out is if any of her success or failure modes had anything to do with pre-k. Maybe? A little bit? Most of the difficulty in her teenage years might be due to a healthy dose of normal juvenile issues coupled with a major personal disruption during her high-school years with her mother's living situation. She definitely seemed to regress somewhere around 14 or 15 and I'm happy that she's getting back on-line, so to speak.
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Part 2: My Youngest
That said, my plan for the current kid is a bit reactionary, but largely influenced by my personal circumstances. First, I'm in almost the opposite financial situation and able to absorb both college and pre-k costs, which, 20 years later seem to have sky-rocketed across the board. All formal options (excluding home day-care/pre-k) in my area seem to be in the range of $1-1500/mo. There are probably more affordable options but I haven't researched them. The Montessori was less expensive than the day-care she had been in from 9 months to 2.5 years.
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Second, I have a lot more experience with kids and raising them this time around (in addition to child rearing, I've also been a teacher and a youth worker--I like kids and generally prefer them to adults). I'm able to envision the whole school career in a way I couldn't before, therefore it's easier for me to see where the mile-markers are. Also, my wife, child and I have a pretty good, high trust relationship going on. Everyone has a stake in the family functioning and there's little fussing, disobedience, or histrionics; it's really mostly pleasant and fun. I think this has a lot to do with us being older parents who are able to easily align ourselves with the child. To contrast, when my other daughter was little, I was 25 and in a rock band...I had goals and desires that weren't always aligned with hers. My guess is this will have a far bigger impact on my youngest daughter's outcomes than pre-school or even elementary school. Stable home life is no joke!
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While, it will be another five years before I have a reasonable gauge of how it went, it seems ok right now, but not amazing. The teacher we were going to have left the school suddenly just prior to us starting and the school's founder and administrator is running the classroom. For some reason my kid has a beef with her and it's a bit of an issue. (It's also an opportunity where I get to teach my toddler that one of the most valuable skills we can learn in life is how to get along with people we dislike). We're going to stick it out and see what happens next, but if my kid still seems to hate it a few months from now, we're going to try something else.
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Part 3: What Other People Have Told Me
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I've heard plenty of good stories about Montessori, I've also heard that it doesn't work for all kids and the school will tell you if they think your kid needs the structure a more formal school provides. That said, I have two other direct examples of Montessori education.
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The first is my coworker who attended Montessori as a kid in the 90's. His trajectory was Montessori pre-k, public school k-12, State University with Masters in CS to a cushy programming gig in the financial sector. He was also an Eagle scout, plays a musical instrument, is an avid gamer and, IMO, a very thoughtful, if soft spoken fellow. He seems to be popular in his group of friends and possibly even the Alpha of his pack (just an observation from going to a few of his parties--he's no 'Alpha' in the strict sense).
He said that he doesn't remember much about it but that it was fun and easy. He thinks his parents had more to do with his upbringing as they were very focused on him hitting certain age appropriate goals (ex. Eagle scouts). My take-away is that there's no telling if it had any benefit.
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A second, ex-coworker has his daughter in Montessori at either Kindergarten or 1st grade level and they intend to continue with her at least through elementary. They are avid fans and the mom is very active with the school. Their daughter loves school so much she now takes supplemental classes--on the weekend-- at Northwestern University. In their area, there are Montessori High Schools, so it's possible for their kid to stay in Montessori all the way through to college if they so choose.
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The anecdotes they told us were that once some sort of Montessori inflection point is reached, if the kids are put back into public school, they are so far ahead of their peers in terms of discipline and precociousness that school becomes a boring mess where they are surrounded by buffoons. I have no idea how true this is, but I can imagine that if Montessori were successful this would be the expected result.
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Part 4: Conclusion
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To sum up my feelings about all of this, I'd say that let your wallet be your guide. In terms of pre-K, I sincerely doubt that Montessori will forever impact your child in such a way that you'd regret not sending them. Other pre-k programs seem to be just fine at acculturating children for school and the long-term academic and personal benefits seem modest at best; I'd rank things like diet, rest, exercise and family cohesion as higher.
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That said, if your plan was to keep the child going through some sort of alternate education system (i.e. alternate to U.S. public schooling) then you might see some real gains starting around elementary school and possibly rolling off around middle school. These benefits would be mostly in terms of personal development, which should prepare them for more rigorous academic study in a field of their choosing.
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There seems to be little downside to Montessori, but the upside is hard to gauge at the pre-k level. If placing you child in Montessori causes familial strife, ex. long commutes, financial burden, then I doubt the cost outweighs the benefit. It's also important to understand that Montessori has fairly high expectations of the parents and your buy-in is important as well.
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Let this little rant be the first entry in my diary of a Montessori educated child circa 2020 and I can follow up with observations in a few years after I've accrued some more experience and data.
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I'm a DBT therapist working for the LA County Department of Mental Health. I would recommend purchasing the DBT skills manual http://www.amazon.com/Training-Treating-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898620341 and reading through Dr. Linehan's conceptualization of the disorder, as well as her evidenced based rationale for engaging in both skills group (more like a class) and individual treatment. It is important to note that if you aren't doing BOTH skills group and individual treatment, you are not engaged in DBT - to the best of my knowledge, the research demonstrating efficacy has been conducted using BOTH skills group and individual treatment. DBT is an intensive and complex treatment, but it has been demonstrated to be very effective targeting and reducing impulsive, maladaptive, self harm and suicidal behavior. Essentially, treatment involves balancing change with acceptance and a non-pejorative view of current behavior, and replacing emotion regulation behavior that results in undesired consequences (i.e. self harm, substance use/abuse) with skillful behavior that promotes desired outcomes.
Mindfulness provides the basic framework for both change and acceptance strategies - very briefly, mindfulness (in the DBT context) refers to observation and description of internal processes in order to build in space between urge/impulse and action/behavior. This space allows for consideration of alternative behaviors, acceptance and tolerance of distressing cognitions/emotions, and use of skills based coping behavior.
The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome is the best I've found, though it's geared more towards the parents of an Asperger's child. It's also the only resource I've seen that explains Asperger's in females and there are considerable differences between the characteristics in females and males. Relevant to me because my mate is also Asperger's.
You can also use Wikipedia's ability to view earlier versions. Look back about 8 years.
Childhood sexual abuse and assault, like he experienced, is often a huge issue for people's sexuality later in life. Especially when their body responds to the sexual stimulation as a child, even if they didn't consent to it (and that is extremely common)
It can be harder for boys, because of societal beliefs that they should be happy and grateful for this kind of sexual attention from adult women.
There are a lot of therapists who help people heal from sexual trauma like this, and some great self help books out there too, if he wants to go that route.
Edit:
This is my go-to list of rape recovery and sexual abuse recovery self-help books, including some of the precious few books for male victims, as well.
The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault by Aphrodite Matsakis
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The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz
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Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines
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The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Laura Davis & Ellen Bass
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Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child Laura Davis
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Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect by Ruth Cohn
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk
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Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew
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Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuseby Mic Hunter
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Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys by Michel Dorais
They sit directly in front of us (we go middle/aisle with them in middle aisle in front of us). Because youngest is "6 and under", we get family boarding still.
In terms of "Chester", I don't fear that at all. Are some people weird? Sure. But the odds of "Chester" having the seat next to my kids is so infinitesimally small it's not something I concern myself with.
The Coddling of the American Mind by Jonathan Haidt (the same guy who wrote The Righteous Mind) is a must read for parents. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Here is their Atlantic Article that was the primer for the book; but the book is significantly better and addresses over-coddling/overprotection of kids much more in depth than this article (which focuses primarily on the academics).
Hi! I'm sorry to hear about your struggle, it sounds like you're going through a lot of emotions related to her.
The go to treatment for people with bpd is dialectical behavioral therapy, or otherwise known as DBT. I very much recommend that you try to get your daughter into a DBT program. As for how to deal with her, I think the validation section of the dbt workbook would be incredibly helpful for you, and also interpersonal skills such as SET and DEAR MAN.
Best of luck to you and your daughter!
https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459
read this a few months back. it's fucking terrifying. it's actually outdated, but when you read it, you start comparing those events to present day chaos, and it magnifies the conclusion: the man is a dangerous combination of textbook narcissist and pathological liar. And his performance to date has done absolutely ZERO to detract from this conclusion, if anything, reinforced it's validity at every turn.
so here we are today. an entire party aligned behind this man who's not only wacky af, but actively working with foreign powers to subvert our own goals and destroy our historic alliances.
mueller save us, please.
27 psychiatrists and mental health experts wrote a book on it
This is mentioned in the book about trauma called The Body Keeps the Score. The author points out that even though memories can be fabricated, the visceral terror that goes along with true trauma cannot be faked. Find the book here.
I turned my life around in my 30s - abuse by family of origin, mental illness, depression.
It sucks, but it will get better. Find a job, then find a therapist who can help heal from the PTSD. Maybe find a support group for other men with trauma.
The Body Keeps the Score is a helpful book on how to heal from PTSD... at least it helped me a lot.
It's not too late. Keep healing.
> There is no evidence of repressed memory being a real condition, and it can in fact be dangerous to believe so.
You're wrong about this, please don't spread this kind of misinformation to abuse survivors in this sub. Repressed memory of abuse is real and has been documented extensively. --
"There have in fact been hundreds of scientific publications spanning well over a century documenting how the memory of trauma can be repressed, only to surface years or decades later. Memory loss has been reported in people who have experienced natural disasters, accidents, war trauma, kidnapping, torture, concentration camps, and physical and sexual abuse. Total memory loss is most common in childhood sexual abuse, with incidence ranging from 19 percent to 38 percent"...
..."[Dr. Linda Meyer Williams] interviewed 206 girls between the ages of ten and twelve who had been admitted to a hospital emergency room following sexual abuse. Their laboratory tests, as well as interviews with the children and their parents, were kept in the hospital's medical records. Seventeen years later Williams was able to track down 136 of the children, now adults, with whom she conducted extensive follow-up interviews. More than a third of the women (38 percent) did not recall the abuse that was documented in their medical records, while only fifteen women (12 percent) said that they had never been abused as children. More than two-thirds (68 percent) reported other incidents of childhood sexual abuse. Women who were younger at the time of the incident and those who were molested by someone they knew were more likely to have forgotten their abuse."
~ The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, pgs 192-193.
This book is an excellent resource and I encourage everyone with any kind of interest in the subject to read it. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Citations included in the above text:
B. A. van der Kolk and R. Risler, "Dissociation and Fragmentary Nature of Traumatic Memories: Overview and Exploratory Study," Journal of Traumatic Stress 8 (1995): 505-25
J.W. Hopper and B.A. van der Kolk, "Retrieving, Assessing, and Classifying Traumatic Memories: A Preliminary Report on Three Case Studies of a New Standardized Method," Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma 4 (2001): 33-71
J.J. Freyd and A.P. DePrince, eds., Trauma and Cognitive Science (Binghamton, NY: Haworth Press, 2001), 33-71
A.P. DePrince and J.J. Freyd, "The Meeting of Trauma and Cognitive Science: Facing Challenges and Creating Opportunities at the Crossroads," Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma 4, no. 2 (2001): 1-8
D. Brown, A.W. Scheflin, and D. Corydon Hammond, Memory, Trauma Treatment and the Law (New York: Norton, 1997)
K. Pope and L. Brown, Recovered Memories of Abuse: Assessment, Therapy, Forensics (Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 1996)
L. Terr, Unchained Memories: True Stories of Traumatic Memories, Lost and Found (New York: Basic Books, 1994)
E.F. Loftus, S. Polonsky, and M.T. Fullilove, "Memories of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Remembering and Repressing," Psychology of Women Quarterly 18, no. 1 (1994): 67-84
L. M. Williams, "Recall of Childhood Trauma: A Prospective Study of Women's Memories of Child Sexual Abuse," Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 62, no. 6 (1994): 1167-76
L.M. Williams, "Recovered Memories of Abuse in Women with Documented Child Sexual Victimization Histories," Journal of Traumatic Stress 8, no. 4 (1995): 649-73
edit: formatting
The Perilous State of the University: Jonathan Haidt/Jordan B Peterson
>I recently traveled to New York University to talk with Dr. Jonathan Haidt about, among other things, disgust, purity, fear and belief; the perilous state of the modern university; and his work with Heterodox Academy (https://heterodoxacademy.org/) an organization designed to draw attention to the lack of diversity of political belief in the humanities and the social sciences. Dr. Haid is Professor of Ethical Leadership at New York University's Stern School of Business and a social psychologist. He studies the psychology of morality and the moral emotions. He has been described as a top global thinker by both Foreign Policy and Prospect magazines. Dr. Haidt is the author of three books: The newest is The Coddling of the American Mind: How Bad Ideas and Good Intentions are Setting up a Generation for Failure (http://amzn.to/2AN87a6). The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion (http://amzn.to/2yOOQnU) The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom (http://amzn.to/2hJ0TzT) His writings on diversity viewpoint for the Heterodox Academy are at (http://righteousmind.com/viewpoint-di...)
Real talk, I have a mental health issue. I'm seeing way too many ignorants on FB post shit like "I have depression. If you want to spread awareness, of mental health issues, cut and paste my status!"
No. Don't do that. It trivializes some serious shit. If you actually wanted to, you could post up helpful shit, like toll free crisis lines, or coping mechanisms, or links to books that help people cope, like this one.
It just really pisses me off.
You need to read Achilles in Vietnam. What you have described is the textbook psychological warfare campaign of a modern insurgency - tailored to disrupt the ability of a counterinsurgent to win a "hearts and minds" campaign.
While I've never experienced ground combat (and never hope to), this is what I wish every gung-ho "shoot dem towel-heads" agitator knew about war. War is hell. It is the most disruptive thing you can do to the mind of a civilized human being, and no amount of training can prepare for it.
That is war - where you know your enemy, you know how you are likely to die, and there are gross outlines of where there is and where there is not war. It is the sort of war we fought for hundreds of years, with battle lines, battalions, artillery fire, and tanks.
It has nothing to do with Iraq or Afghanistan. Both wars were counterinsurgency conflicts, where asymmetric strategies were were in play. I those conflicts, if you can drive enemy soldiers - frontline troops, on the ground - insane, you can win. They will become a burden to their own chains of command, and harm civilians, which can turn the populace against them. They become a drain on their societies - the psychological trauma makes it difficult to reintegrate into normal society, even normal military duty. Popular support for the war weakens - mothers and fathers see their sons and daughters come back broken and shattered. Friends see their buddies as distorted shadows of what they used to be. Other soldiers begin to fear deployments downrange.
Those strategies were implemented imperfectly, by ill-trained forces. It could have been worse, and I thank whatever gods will listen that it wasn't. Our nation is still healing from Vietnam, and it will take even longer for Aghanistan and Iraq to scar over.
Most of all, I hope you have people you can talk to. War buddies, Tricare mental health professionals, preachers, priests, girlfriend(s), boyfriend(s), wife, husband, parent, grandparent, whatever. Too many soldiers and marines die over there and don't realized till they get back. Don't be one of them. It sounds like you've got yourself together, so I'm not overly concerned, but it's something that always needs to be expressed when people come back from downrange - especially actual downrange, in the dust and dirt.
>Triggered - I am fine, I just want to bully you with fake distress.
This is an interesting one. It seems like some younger students in universities are experiencing genuine mental illness because they've been told, from a young age, that they live in a hateful and dangerous world where words can be dangerous, where offence is given and not taken, and where emotions are fragile and even minor slights or "microaggressions" can be fundamentally debilitating. Certainly there are bad actors who abuse this discourse -- the majority, probably -- but there also seem to be genuine cases of people whose mental health is being harmed by the diffusion of these new beliefs.
Jon Haidt and Greg Lukianoff (CEO of FIRE)'s article on The Coddling of the American Mind discusses the "fragility" and "anti-fragility" phenomenon. For a deep study, Frank Furedi's new book What Happened to the University? is an incredibly detailed study of the weaponization of emotions, purification of language (words-as-diseases), and the disciplinary actions used to control thought on campuses. Haidt and Lukianoff's new book on this topic -- which promises to be the leading text on the subject -- will be released in September.
TL;DR Dieting and fasting changed the appearance of, but did not solve, my disordered eating, food addiction, or food obsessions. No matter what, make sure you are being gentle and kind to yourself!
Personally, I turned to keto as a solution for my binge eating issues - One can only eat so much straight butter before one really feels 'done' after all ;) - but I recently saw a post on one of the keto subreddits that may resonate with you. The post suggested that "solving" disordered eating via a restrictive diet wasn't really a "fix" for those disordered attitudes towards food. Instead it's like a floppy band-aid: it might work at first but you have to heal the underlying wound, band-aid or no. And I'll be damned if for me, that wasn't absolutely right. I have had to be honest with myself: For some of the 3 or so years that I've been eating keto, my disordered eating didn't disappear, it only looked different. Since I started keto, it has looked like obsessive thoughts about food with sprinkled instances of my previous disordered patterns. I thought perhaps this would resonate for you with what you mentioned about ending your fast with a candy binge.
For me, I'm now experiencing a tension between "I would prefer to reduce my carbs to keto levels because I legitimately do feel better physically and physiologically when I don't eat carbs on a regular basis" and "but demonizing carbs hasn't actually caused me to recover, and I still turn to food for things that really aren't about hunger or nourishment." It's a fine line: I found myself obsessing over keto just as much as I had ever obsessed about food while in the throes of my unhelpful eating patterns.
Since this realization, I've found a couple tools that I hope will be useful. One is that I have cultivated the habit of using a handful of mood and behavior tracker apps, which help me be honest and mindful about how I am feeling on a given day. Pacifica is popular, and I also use BoosterBuddy. Booster Buddy prompts you to do 3 self-care tasks each day. It sounds trivial, but for some reason it really does lead me to be mindful of ways I can nurture myself, and ultimately I find I nurture myself more often and more effectively. Trackers won't by themselves cause your food obsessions to go away, of course - but I've been finding that if I start my day with a couple gentle, low-investment nudges towards self-care, then other good things tend to follow.
Another tool I'm using is DBT (dialectal behavior therapy.) Basically, it is a behavior-based therapy that is rooted in mindfulness without judgment of self or others. It has a few core tenets, which include the idea that 1. all behaviors are caused and 2. everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have at any given time. You might be able to find DBT groups locally (and I really do recommend them in a group setting!) or you might be able to find a therapist for DBT one-on-one. I'm hopeful that an honest look at the role of my eating habits will enable me to find more effective solutions to the problems for which I have been using food. This is the specific tool that I used during my first experiences with DBT. It's meant to be used in a therapy setting, but I'm trying it out by myself. It includes worksheets to help you identify the specific patterns you are trying to change, as well as alternative strategies for situations that might trigger problem eating. DBT has been found to be effective for many folks with eating disorders.
Sorry for the wall - I really empathize with what you have written. For what it's worth, I believe in your ability to move through your eating disorder with compassion and in a way that feels good to you. :)
You took the first step posting here. On behalf of your hubby...thank you.
They may not have told you this, but here's the facts: SSRIs, like Prozac, can and very often will induce mania in bipolar individuals if not balanced against a mood stabilizer like depakote, lithium, etc. This almost certainly contributed to your husband's mental state.
I very, very strongly recommend buying The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide. This gave me so much footing to stay grounded on when I was diagnosed in November. It has information about bipolar, triggers to mood states, coping strategies, mood tracking/managing strategies, a section devoted to how to support your bipolar loved one as a family member or friend, seriously. Buy this book as soon as possible. The author has years of experience working with bipolar individuals and brings that in full force to the book.
Lastly, post here. Talk to us about what's happening, questions, frustrations. This subreddit isn't just for bipeeps, it's also for their loved ones. Have a seat at the table. You and your family have taken the first step towards stability and getting your husband the help he needs.
Not who you were talking to but...
Unfortunately no. I'm on the spectrum myself. Just high enough where I can pass as neurotypical most of the time. The English language alone can be convoluted; many words having multiple meanings when used in conjunction with other words.
What doesn't translate is my inability to read physical cues such as discomfort or agitation. Words only mean so much when you can't pick up the underlying "feel" of the person saying them. For example, "That's nice" can be used as a phrase for trying to end a conversation or encouraging the conversation to continue.
A book I'd recommend, if you get the chance, is The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood. It's helped me to cultivate a deeper understanding of how I work along with finally giving me a bit of closure as to why I process things the way I do.
The best analogy I can come up with, at the moment, is handing someone a hammer and telling them to "go hammer". You might have given them the tool but that doesn't mean that they can use it properly without prior knowledge.
His doctors may also be hesitant to treat his ADHD effectively because many of the drugs that do also cause mania and mania is much more dangerous and harmful than not getting shit done for a while.
I'm ADHD and bipolar and it's a fucking train wreck. You sound so pissed off about this, I'm sure he reads that and when someone is always mad a you regardless of how hard you try it's pretty easy to just quit trying.
My doc used this example:
Two sets of parents both had kids with ADHD who had shitty grades. One set of parents told their kid they would take away their phone, their car and ground them if they didn't get their grades up in a month. The other set of parents told their kid that if they got their grades up they'd get him a new car.
Which kid do you think actually got their grades up?
Neither kid did. It just wasn't in the kids power to do it, no amount of punishment/reward would help the kid because they were asking the kid more to do more than they were capable of doing.
Read [Driven to Distraction] (http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1375056151&amp;sr=1-1) to get a better perspective of what he's dealing with.
But mostly remember that the biploar and the mania treatments work against each other. Maybe as his moods become stable his doctor will step up the ADHD treatment but I can't imagine a doctor trying to treat mania and ADHD at the same time. It's always mania first then, when someone's been stable for months, treat ADHD.
Didn't think it was real, my dad never put much thought into ADHD. Wasn't until a couple years moving up in my career, someone called me out on it and told me about a book called "Driven to Distraction". Year or so after listening to that audiobook finally went to the doctor. That dude was reading a crystal ball when it came to some personal habits yadda yadda yadda....
Also called "battle fatigue", "combat neuroses", and so forth. I've been reading Achilles In Vietnam. It shows the similarities in the experiences of both Vietnam Vets and the characters from the Iliad.
https://www.amazon.com/Coddling-American-Mind-Intentions-Generation/dp/0735224897
Deeply sorry to hear about your struggle. This sounds like a monumental amount of effort to deal with. Id highly recommend checking out this book to get a better understanding of trauma. Do you have a good support system?
Absolutely. It is a topic that was covered extensively in our adoption education training as adoptive parents. Regardless of age when adopted, it is a traumatic event and can lead to a lot of feelings of loss/grief throughout life. I haven't read this book personally, but I've heard a lot of people recommend The Body Keeps the Score on the topic.
According to what I have read, only about four percent of all the military in the army actually enjoys being in war.
I guess there's quite little talk about it because I have a feeling news stations don't really want to show the people who brag about how many kills they have and how they tortured people to death.
There's actually written a few books on that very few even fires at the enemy in wars to begin with.
Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide will help so much.
What are your thoughts about the current generation of emerging adults having poor resiliency and self-regulation skills, and its impact on mood disorders? This has been suggested in some recent pop-psych books, such as The Coddling of the American Mind. What do you think can be done to combat this?
Tell her she's doing the right thing. A lot. She should not let someone abuse her, she is a mother now herself and it's not her job to let her Mom hurt her so that she can manage her life- she has her own kids that need her time, attention, love, and money, Her Mom isn't all alone at this point because she's some poor, sad, abandoned waif- she hurt everyone who ever loved her over and over again until they had to walk away for their own safety!
AKA play bitch games, win bitch prizes.
If appropriate, please send her my post history- even as awful as Fucking Linda was I still wavered and almost broke NC. That might help, seeing how hard it really is, that she's not weak for wanting a Mom, but the person who should have done that for her left a Mom-shaped hole inside of her, and it sucks and it's not fair, but it's OK at the same time.
I have my reading list I'll post, you can get her these books, with an extra suggestion for her:
Understanding the Borderline Mother this one, read the reviews- it's why I thought of your sister. Lots of "I was finally able to let go and realize I'm not bad, and it wasn't me!"
Here are the books that I think will give you the knowledge of what's going on, and tools to manage it.
If you read these three books, you'll be so far ahead of the game it's not even funny.
Technically, it's not a straight copy/paste. (it's a slow day at work so, let's compare!)
From the IG post:
> I didn’t write this in the book because it happened while I wrote the book. The last six weeks of writing the first full draft of ENOUGH, I had hundreds of hives all over my chest and abdomen when I started to write for the day. Four times my lip swelled up, along with half my face, so I had to stop to go to the clinic, the emergency room, the fire station, to make sure I wasn’t in danger of losing my breath. It always calmed down after an hour or two away from the computer. I had allergy tests, specialists looking at me, and it all came up with no answer. It was terrifying, again.
❤️
At least 8 or 10 times I’ve had occasions like this, mostly focused on severe abdominal pain. And most of those times, there was nothing wrong, at least on tests. I never had anyone suggest it could have been the trauma in my body talking to me.
And, from the "Leaving LA" newsletter:
>I didn’t write this in ENOUGH because it happened while I wrote the book. The last six weeks of writing the first full draft, I had hundreds of hives all over my chest and abdomen when I started to write for the day. Four times my lip swelled up, along with half my face, so I had to stop to go to the clinic, the emergency room, the fire station, to make sure I wasn’t in danger of losing my breath. My body calmed down after an hour or two away from the computer. I had allergy tests, specialists looking at me, and it all came up with no answer.
>
>At least 8 or 10 times I’ve had medical mysterieslike this, mostly focused on severe abdominal pain. And most of those times, there was nothing wrong, at least on tests. I never had anyone suggest it could have been the trauma in my body talking to me.
I bolded the differences. (I love that one of the differences has a typo, too!)
The next paragraph IS 100% copy/paste.
IG:
> My doctor, a wonderful woman who trained under the doctor I mention in my book, sat me down about a month after my manuscript was in. And she told me that idiopathic uticaria (hives for no reason) is generally stress, deep body stress. My body, hardwired to protect my mom and keep the secrets, was trying to make me stop writing. I persisted.
Newsletter:
> My doctor, a wonderful woman who trained under the doctor I mention in my book, sat me down about a month after my manuscript was in. And she told me that idiopathic uticaria (hives for no reason) is generally stress, deep body stress. My body, hardwired to protect my mom and keep the secrets, was trying to make me stop writing. I persisted.
The last two paragraphs have only one slight difference:
IG:
> She diagnosed me with complex PTSD from my childhood. She put me on an SSRI for the first time in my life. And I started a deep dive into reading (please read @nadineburkeharris”s book and The Body Keeps the Score) and acting on what I know now. I’m still learning how to take care of myself. I will probably write about this journey too.
❤️
I know how to admit to myself when I have had enough now. When I found my jaw was clenched most of the time in LA, I knew it was time to come home.
Newsletter:
&#x200B;
>She diagnosed me with complex PTSD from my childhood. She put me on an SSRI for the first time in my life. And I started a deep dive into reading — if this resonates with you, read The Deepest Well and The Body Keeps the Score — and acting on what I know now. I’m still learning how to take care of myself. I will probably write about this journey too.
>
>I know how to admit to myself when I have had enough now. When I found my jaw was clenched most of the time in LA, I knew it was time to come home.
I'm a psychology major (on top of dealing with my own trauma issues) and I mostly became interested in body-oriented work through some practice-oriented classes I had on "focusing". It's a technique developed by Gendlin. Focusing is something you do with two people. One person is focusing, and the other guides the experience. While focusing, you pay attention to your body and zoom in on what's grabbing your attention the most. Then you focus on this experience and find a way of expressing this feeling (like in an image or something, not in "rationalized thoughts"). You can read a bit more about it here. You can also focus on a specific emotional topic. I recently finally made the decision to take a 2-day course which now allows me to focus on my own, with a partner who also took the course. You don't need to have a psychology degree to be able to do a focusing course and find a focusing partner, although when you're going to focus on something trauma-related I would suggest to try it out with a licensed therapist (at least the first few times), in case you would get triggered.
After having this experience with "focusing" during my own studies, and having some problems with CBT, I explicitly looked for a therapist stating that she did body-oriented work. I think the method that my therapist uses is developed by Albert Pesso. I hadn't heard of it before I met her, but a quick google scearch brings me to this website. I'm now also starting emdr with my therapist. They're not really sure how emdr really works, but I think that they assume that on a neurological level it also engages the body while thinking about the trauma.
The body keeps the score should also be a good book about the effects of trauma on the body, although I haven't read it myself.
I generally feel that a lot of different therapeutical views agree on the importance of the body on a theoretical level. However, apart from focusing, emdr and the method my therapist uses, I haven't found any therapies that use the body-oriented work in relation to themes you really struggle with. CBT has mindfulness for example, but -in my opinion- they don't really use it on specific themes. It's more like "be aware of your body and accept it", while with focusing and the method by Pesso, you're looking into how your body feels when thinking about something specific and what might "help" you in that situation. Although, I do believe that mindfulness has some merits. I use an app, Youper, who has mindfulness (and CBT exercises) in it. There's one exercise that I like where you try to create a sense of gratitude and pay attention to how that feels in your body. You van also track your daily emotions, and even trauma-related symptoms with Youper.
I'm finishing a PhD on how we process emotions, and the role of paying attention to the body... So from a theoretical point of view I could keep on discussing this :-) But I think these resources will probably be the most interesting if you're looking for something you can apply.
Edit: sorry for the long post. I just get excited when I can talk about this
Hey bud, I know you said you're struggling without a support network right now, can you find some low/no cost meetups with people who enjoy doing what you do? There might even be one for emotionally traumatized people (https://www.meetup.com/San-Diego-Emotional-Trauma-and-PTSD/).
Like you said, arguing is a coping skill for you, to cover/deal with whatever particular blend of emotions you might be dealing with in the moment. I also tend to trigger my wife when I'm triggered, and it's been a huge learning curve for both of us to deal with each other and be able to be present enough to not instantly react to each other with our respective dysfunctional coping mechanisms.
I saw you mentioned Body Keeps the Score in the other thread that one's good. There's also CPTSD from Pete Walker. My personal favorite though is Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller. It seems to be the most systematic, step-by-step explanation I've been able to find of what's necessary for us to heal.
I posted a semi-review/explanation of Laurence Heller's theory of developmental trauma here.
Other poster mentioned
>This place has treasures but you've gotta find them
Totally agree with that. Be patient, read, and engage in discussion like what you're doing, what don't expect any miracles from the sub.
>Unfortunately in the unfair real world no one really cares for damaged obnoxious underdeveloped underprivileged peopleThat is society. I don't know how you haven't learnt this yet, perhaps you are privileged race and gender and otherwise, but this is soemthing that you just need to accept.
A very harsh truth. Perhaps you haven't been able to accept this because you haven't be able to accept and grieve your own losses yet. If you do have DTD, you've had many things taken from you, including childhood innocence. It's a rough place to be, but healing is possible; just very, very slowly. It's a 3 steps forward, 2 steps back situation.
You would find [this book] (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748) fascinating. I highlighted so much of it! It changed the way I think about my PTSD and body. I can't recommend it highly enough.
You can't get it for anxiety. You can probably get diagnosed with PTSD though if your anxiety is a product of trauma. Recent thinking is way more people have PTSD than previously thought so I'm not telling you to lie: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3VNXGWZSQI8T5&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1573084604&sprefix=the+body+%2Caps%2C171&sr=8-2
The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk MD. I cannot recommend this book enough.
Sebastien Junger wrote a really great book about that called Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging. It is fascinating. Along the same lines I heard a comedian talking about how he wished they would release tigers into neighbourhoods so that neighbours had to band and together to face the common threat together, or parish as individuals.
It is a really interesting area of study, and one that will be extremely relevant as we move further into the digital age.
My PhD thesis was on some of the core challenges with integrating a model of emotion (based on appraisal theory) with general AI like cognitive architectures.
Yes! The first two points reflect what others have stated that (and I think are spot on) and I'll introduce a 3rd point.
The exact nature of this is still under active investigation, but it's at least worth noting that evolution has developed emotion as a central aspect of our thinking for some reason. It also appears to be present in many other animals (though if that's true is up for debate), and its clear that those with impaired emotional processes cannot make complex decisions rationally.
In the simplest of cases, perhaps AI should understand when it does something you don't like by being able to detect when you're pissed off. More broadly, having an ability to understand and express emotion will do things like allow for an emotionally visceral experience while speaking with a robot, allow an automated customer service robot to understand when you are angry and thus change strategy (like route you to a live manager), or help older lonely patients feel like they're still needed in the world.
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In summary how it affects us is 2 ways:
Your life isn't pointless. Right now you may be at a low point, even the lowest point you have been in. I believe that struggling in some way, or being sad/depressed/angry/hurt/etc means that you care about something. Something feels like it's not right to you and you want it to be better. Even if it's a vague feeling, or you are struggling because you actually feel nothing at all, this says something. I'm not sure what you are going through since you didn't post many details (which is totally fine), but I wanted to let you know that there have been many times that I have struggled greatly. Due to my past trauma I've had terrible physical problems, emotional problems, dissociation, anxiety, depression, difficulty making and maintaining friendship and connection with others....and on and on. There were times when I was in so much pain (either mentally, emotionally or physically) that I couldn't get out of bed or even barely move for long periods of time. That is a very desperate feeling. I have felt utterly and completely alone in this world, as if I had nothing and no one, and that I would be broken forever.
One thing that really helps me is reading. It was a long journey for me to learn to recognize my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. There are still some areas where I can struggle with this, but I have made so, so much progress it's almost unbelievable to me when I think back to the person I once was. I couldn't identify my own emotions or thoughts, but when I read about scenarios and other peoples emotions/thoughts in certain situations, I could tell when it felt right. Like, "Yes! That is how I felt when _____ happened to me." A few books that really helped me are The Body Keeps Score, and Running On Empty. Other resources that have helped me immensely are hypnosis (one in particular was Michael Mahoney's IBS Audio Program 100 (this cured the IBS I had had for ~25 years, since I was a child)), and Annie Hopper's Dynamic Neural Retraining System. The very first book that I read that gave me hope that I could change my life was The Brain that Changes Itself. I read that book 9 years ago and it set me on a path of real change. It gave me inspiration and hope and the belief that I could really change and improve my life. If you want any other book recommendations let me know, I've read a lot of books and I have even more favorites that have helped me.
There are still areas of my life that I am working to improve, but I am nowhere near the person I was before I started reading and learning. Working through this stuff, and figuring out how to even do it, are very challenging and difficult tasks. But it is so, so worth it. I wish I could really show you and explain to you the profound changes we can make as people. Every epiphany I've had about myself and my life has been amazing and life changing. To me it almost feels like the essence of what it means to be human. I'm not sure if people who don't go through trauma get the chance to experience such profound epiphanies, realization, and change. Maybe I'm just rambling now, but I want you to know that there is hope. You may not have it, but I have it for both of us right now. Read. See a therapist. Learn. Practice. Journal. Seek support. Seek out ways to make a change. It doesn't have to be profound or monumental. Go at your own pace, just be sure that you are going.
My favorite resource is thriveafterabuse.com. Dana has been through it herself and speaks in practical terms. She has a Youtube channel too. On the site there are support groups and reading lists.
Lisa Romano is also on Youtube and another good resource.
The books that really resonated for me when I realized what was going on were about self care. The Body Keeps the Score was very helpful. So was Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.
It takes time. You will be ok. Take care!
Something something my rant about Crossfitters thinking they're "warriors."
http://www.reddit.com/r/fitnesscirclejerk/comments/kzvxs/crossfit_a_rant/
Edit: I would further like to add to that rant the following:
Just because someone is physically strong or a trained "martial artist" doesn't mean they're capable of stopping any sort of violence; either before or during it occurring. With the thousands of dojos around America you would think that there would be a greater amount of citizen intervention in day to day crimes. But there isn't. Why? Because being physically able to stop or prevent something is entirely different than being mentally capable of it. Sure, someone can be a "trained" fighter, carry with them all sorts of skills and wear a fancy colored belt in the ring, but when there isn't a judge or ref around it changes the situation quite a bit.
There are two types of people in this world. Those who know violence and those who know of it. They are not one in the same. People who know violence can use it on demand for the benefit of themselves or others; or for the destruction thereof.
Those who know of violence cannot bring themselves mentally close enough to that edge of brutality where self destruction and self defense are often one in the same.
For a little taste of this concept read the following:
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316330116
>Why would you call out something that doesn't exist. This whole left wing censorship crusade is just something to get the right wing base frothing at the mouth and nothing more.
There is a lot of evidence that there is an authoritarian culture, with a lot of power, on the left.
This David Pakman video has multiple examples.
Exiting the Vampire Castle, written by Mark Fisher, criticizes leftwing authoritarianism from a communist perspective.
The Grievance Studies affair highlights postmodern academic disciplines where many authoritarian ideas are coming from.
The books The Tyranny of Opinion and The Coddling of the American Mind also each have multiple case studies of authoritarianism.
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>You MUST acknowledged a right wing propaganda talking point
It's true that the right is having a moral panic about this issue, but that doesn't mean that the problem isn't real.
Read Grossman's On Combat, that'll help you a lot. What happened is what's known as audio exclusion, it's very common in shootings: the gunshots will sound muffled or far away, everything happens in slow motion, sometimes guys will hear their partner's gun firing but not theirs or they won't hear the muzzle blast of their own weapon but they'll hear the shell casings hitting the pavement...humans do weird, weird shit under that kind of duress. Again, I can't recommend highly enough that you read that book and the other one called 'On Killing' that came before it.
I would be happy to influence police procedure, as I am very interested in police reform. If you paid attention to the totality of the article and my response, you'd find that I'm actually on your side of enhancing police accountability and transparency.
It's important to understand that police officers are put through scenarios that produce the same perception-distorting effects as proper combat. Remember that combat can include most any kind of attack or fight, not just OIS scenarios. Can you site your resources that indicate what percentage of officers have encountered perception-distorting scenarios? I was not able to find something quickly, but you seem to know the figures with your assertation of "almost none".
A couple years ago I read this book, which I can point to as a source:
https://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549
Google searches can give you an idea as to what those effects are (see table 1):
https://nij.gov/journals/253/pages/responses.aspx
Stressful situations hamper perception, and police go through those stressful situations.
>Well then enlighten me on how chemistry works than
While I'm at it, would you like me to explain calculus too? How about string theory? Macroeconomics?
Short answer: drugs can have similar names and have very different effects.
Long answer: read a psychopharmacology textbook.
Social Media and less social interactions. Great book that breaks it down below.
The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0735224897/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_BzD1BbYJW4KM4
It's not just conservatives either. For the most part, I actually am politically center-left. I'm not a Republican. I didn't vote for Trump. I don't even like half of the Republican platform. But I certainly can't vote for today's Democrats either. They've become a platform based purely on identity politics.
And it's not that identity politics is wrong in itself, as a lot of politics is really identity politics. In the book The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure, the authors present a case that there are multiple types of identity politics. There's Humanistic Identity Politics, i.e. let's unite everyone because we all belong to a larger group. And there's Common Enemy Identity Politics, i.e. you're either with us or against us. And I've become classified as an enemy to the New Democratic Party.
As far as what's considered an unpopular opinion, there is a silent majority. During the 1960s, there was a poll about the Civil Rights Movement, that found out, even in the South, most people were for equality. What was disliked was the speed the movement was taking. And it turned out most people just assumed the majority were against it, because the loudest voices were against it. And that's how I hope that America sees this new SJW mental illness that's swept the country. The mainstream media has gone insane, our universities have gone insane, and corporations are going insane. But is America really going insane, or is it just a few, very loud people who need to be institutionalized who are presenting a specific narrative?
Understanding The Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson.
Anything from Oliver Sacks always worth reading imo.
not really neuroscience, but interesting imho:
*(hopes formatting works)
Anime is always weird when it talks about "emotions" or "emotionless" people; they usually still do obviously have "emotions", just not very strong or socially disruptive ones. Scientifically speaking, any actual failure of the brain systems that produce emotion would make rational decision making and value judgment impossible.
So I don't know if the word they use connotes something different in Japanese than it does in English.
van der Kolk notably the author of The Body Keeps the Score, best selling book on CPTSD.
edit: more personal note; I dealt with abuse and emotional neglect in childhood, also some physical and sexual abuse from classmates. What is interesting is that I am transgender but at a certain point in childhood I somehow forgot and stopped understanding this about myself. I previously thought that I might have CPTSD, most specifically because I often deal with depersonalization and derealization, but it turns out that is extremely common in gender dysphoria. And more importantly, childhood trauma causes that splintering of the personality, or impairment in describing emotional states and their meanings. That is to say, for many years I could no longer recognize that gender dysphoria I was experiencing came from being internally female, rather than arising out of apparently nowhere.
There is a whole new branch of mental health treatment taught through qualified and well-trained yoga therapists who specialize in trauma. If you're interested in it, the current gold standard for trauma treatment is laid out in some books:
The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Koch, MD
The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity by Nadine Burke-Harris, MD
Overcoming Trauma through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body by David Emerson
Yoga for Emotional Balance: Simple Practices to Help Relieve Anxiety and Depression by Bo Forbes
It's becoming apparent that yoga is actually a massively useful tool in rooting out and treating trauma, which is often at the root of mental illness.
I get that you were making a comment about the way people tend to dismiss the pain of mental illness by saying "suck it up", but yoga therapy really is a great course of treatment.
Think about how breathing acts during bouts with anxiety or panic. Practicing yoga conditions and trains your body to slow down and bypass the trauma triggers and subsequent bodily response to keep you breathing instead of passing out or going into panic mode. And that's just one small benefit of practice.
Trauma is just now beginning to be understood by the greater medical community, and yoga with a trained therapist can make a world of difference.
Programs like this one are beginiing to help millions of people.
So the "get over it" part can go fuck itself, but if you suffer from anxiety, depression, or trauma-related mental illness, you really should keep hydrated and do yoga.
> If this goes on for days, I progressively end up in a more depressed/helpless state. Making decisions gets difficult, even something as simple as picking an item off a menu. Confidence at work or with any other hobbies gets low enough that I stop doing or achieving much of anything.
This is a very classic "freeze" response, also known as dissociation. Basically, if you're pushed into fight/flight long enough or persistently enough, you'll start freezing up. That makes it difficult to concentrate, difficult to connect to other people, and even difficult to take concrete actions like picking something up. It's one end of trauma-related emotional disregulation, with the other being fight/flight/anxiety/anger. It's very common for unchecked verbal aggression to put people into a state like that. It's also decently likely that you have some form of trauma history that made you more vulnerable to freezing up like that, and that made it difficult for you to get angry enough to push back when she becomes verbally aggressive with you. I'd suggest reading In An Unspoken Voice to learn more about how we get stuck in these fight/flight/freeze responses.
> The only consistent recommendation I see, besides medication, is DBT. What does that mean, for someone without good access to medical care? Buy her a workbook and tell her to read it?
You could try to do that, but it doesn't sound like she has either a lot of insight into how her behavior is harmful or a strong motivation to change. Most likely the best thing that you can do is to focus on improving your own ability to advocate for yourself, to understand what's happening in this situation, and to get clarity about your own conscious and unconscious patterns of thinking and reacting that keep you stuck in this situation. This is unfortunately a "put your own oxygen mask on first" kind of situation.
On another note, DBT might actually be really helpful for you. One area it covers is emotional regulation, or learning to work on your emotional responses so that you can respond in a way that fits the situation. That includes learning about the different basic emotion types (Anger/Shame/Fear/Guilt/Envy/Happiness/Sadness/Love/Jealousy), learning when they fit the facts of a situation, and also learning to recognize when you're skipping past the appropriate emotional reaction and jumping to another one. For example, it sounds like when your wife gets angry at you over nothing, you skip right past anger and into fear/shame/sadness. If you can afford it or are covered, it might be worth finding a DBT therapist to help you work on that. If you can't, this is the workbook that my therapist used with me.
> What can a person like me do to be more resilient to verbal aggression/abuse?
Learning to set boundaries for yourself is probably the key skill to get started with. There's a lot of confusion about boundaries out there. Sometimes it sounds like it's something that other people are responsible for ("they should respect my boundaries"), or that they're responsible for enforcing them once we communicate them. Instead, a boundary is an action that we commit to take ourselves in order to maintain our self-respect and ability to function. It could be something like "If someone is yelling at me or calling me names, then I will leave the area." Frequently, it's helpful to have a series of planned boundary-maintaining actions so that you don't have to take drastic action off the bat -- so in that example, you could plan to first ask the person to stop yelling, then leave the room if they won't stop, then leave the house if they follow you and keep yelling, then stay somewhere overnight if they keep yelling when you come back, then move out temporarily if they won't stop when you come back, then end the relationship if you can't come back without being yelled at.
Other times when people talk about boundaries it sounds like we should just already know what our boundaries are, when in reality it's a really messy difficult heart-breaking process to discover first that something is unacceptable to you and then that you're willing to enforce a boundary to prevent it. There may be significant new emotions or memories of past situations that you have to become comfortable with in order to -- for example, you may be deeply uncomfortable with the idea of being alone or seeing someone else suffering when they claim that it's your fault, and it may be related to difficulties in your childhood or past that seem similar.
There's also a significant chance that you've internalized at some level that you're responsible for your wife's emotional reactions, or that you've done something wrong, or that this is normal. So there's a significant ongoing rediscovery aspect where you'll revisit past relationship conflicts and go "Wait, that's not my fault at all!"
The other thing you can do is to look into whether you might be exhibiting codependent behaviors or in a trauma bond. No More Mr Nice Guy is a decent guide to working on this, although it's a little bit much to handle if you're still in the thick of it emotionally. You can also read When I Say No I Feel Guilty.
> What's the healthy approach towards me getting some kind of support system/network?
Keep on posting here regularly, for one. You can also take a look at /r/Divorce (I've been assuming from the comments from your friends that you're married -- apologies if I'm getting that wrong). I assume you've seen /r/BPDlovedones/ , but it might be worth reading their recommended resources. Work on exercising regularly, see a therapist or couples therapist if you can, try talking to any friends you have that haven't been dismissive before. A light 10-20 minute/day meditation practice might be helpful with learning about your thoughts and emotions, but there can be complications with large amounts of meditation if you have a trauma history or are in a stressful situation (see this book and this guide if you want to pursue that route).
Also just spend time with friends and social groups even if they're not resources for talking about your relationship. It can be important to remember that social relationships can just be fun/light and to provide a counterbalance.
> So... is there any healthy middle ground between "suffer through it, don't talk about it, relationships take work" and "run away, AWALT, borderlines are crazy"?
The middle ground is to work on asserting your boundaries, understanding and accepting your emotions, building a healthy set of activities and friends, and getting clear on what's acceptable to you. If it turns out that you have a trauma history, then something like somatic experiencing or EMDR can help you start to heal from that and become more confident. As you become more confident and assertive, set more boundaries, and work for the kind of relationship that you want, then you'll see w
Do you have kids together? If you don't, the standard answer to just go ahead and leave is probably "right" -- there doesn't sound like there's much good happening for you here. But the problem with "just leave" is that it's all or nothing, and doesn't provide you with an incremental path to building the skills and self-knowledge that will allow you to actually leave.
If you do have kids together, then "just leave" is definitely a bit tougher. This sort of situation can be a kind of crucible that allows for immense personal growth, or can just beat you down.
A couple resources that may help with clarifying the stay/leave question are:
Good luck and we'd love to keep on hearing how you're doing!
I think for most people some parts are obvious but it would be easier if we all knew it and used it as a playbook. If you’re interested you can find the workbook on Amazon: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_nhcFDbDRAYEDQ
I went through it as part of treatment for an eating disorder, although less formally than usual. I think traditionally you do a lot of group meetings in a short, intensive period of time. But reading it at my own pace is helpful too.
Edited to add: the interpersonal skills section is essentially exactly like what my company pays good money for someone to come and teach us as “leadership training”
Its tough to really say. I'll try to explain it to you and keep an open mind. From your post I'm guessing you haven't served; not judging just work with me here, this is going to sound VERY "you just don't understand US".
Military members have seen and done things that others have not, to such a degree that we have a very hard time connecting with someone who hasn't. Doesn't even have to involve combat. I can recall sitting in the defense, up to my knees in water, in 11 degrees. Its 2 AM, I've been up for days, I am far beyond miserable but I am driven by the desire not to let my people down. So I fight the fact that I can't feel my feet, I punch myself in the face to stay awake and I struggle to maintain every fiber of my will, so my buddy can get some shuteye. After a while, you just feel broken inside. I can't even get into words how absolutely gut-wrenchingly awful that experience is, the toll it takes on you. This episode will repeat itself EVERY DAY for the remainder of your career. I tell you this because, when life gets bad (money problems, girl problems, life problems, psych issues from combat WHATEVER) and you REALLY need to connect with someone and talk it out, YOU FEEL UTTERLY ALONE.
I would come home to my family and friends and really just need to pour it all out and let them comfort me, but I couldn't. Because they just didn't understand. I could walk into a crowd of people, and feel so completely alone. Imagine being the only man left on earth, but you are surrounded by people.
Now what about other service members you ask? You're right, those people could very well understand me and I COULD talk to them. EXCEPT for the mentality that is built into the very FOUNDATION of military service: mental toughness. Only now is the military even scratching the SURFACE of taking this problem on. When I got out (2 years ago) we had a guy who very clearly needed help (unstable, flashbacks, intense nightmares, pulling knives on people) and I was forced to take it up the chain to our battalion commander (probably 20+ years in, in charge of 1000+ Marines, WAY up there) to get him help. Even then it was a half-assed effort.
Military service can be so incredibly damaging to your psyche that it forces you into that dark part of your mind where you can't take it anymore. When you see the only option is the out, and you are virtually surrounded by weapons all the time....its a tough cross to bear.
I suggest you also read a fantastic book called "On Killing" which should provide you with the psychology behind the damage done from combat. VERY informative book.
I'm sorry this rambles, and I don't think I really answered your question at all. Writing this really brought back a lot. More than I want. Hopefully I helped.
First of all, you're fantastic. Seriously. She's very lucky to have someone who understands there's a problem and the problem isn't her true self, it's this THING that's wrapped around her. CPTSD is basically a massive web of defense networks to protect the true self, unfortunately the web is so thick and sensitive it is often difficult to separate the true self from this THING that's wrapped around it. Even for the person in the web, it can be hard to know what's a true self reaction from a CPTSD reaction because it is so close and woven through you and at the same time hates you. It's like having an enemy living in your own skin who is bent on destroying you so much that they will viciously and mercilessly protect you from others in order to keep you to themselves.
CPTSD doesn't respond to the same therapy as PTSD, it's a lot more insidious and can even leave the brain damaged (it did for me, for example) and takes a lot longer to deal with. But as hopeless and difficult as it feels now, it IS totally manageable. With time and work she can get it under control and you can also learn how to both support her and manage your own reactions to her as well. Here's some resources to start with:
http://www.outofthestorm.website/ - one of the best information sites and online communities for CPTSD, I recommend your GF read the forums and if she can join them. Lots of experience and support there. Lots of good info for you as well and a forum section for supporting those who are with someone with CPTSD (your care is as important as hers!).
Knowledge of self contributes a HUGE amount toward healing CPTSD. I recommend she take the time to learn as much about this condition as she possibly can, it gives you a tremendous amount of power. Just being able to put what's going on inside into context can lead to major self improvement steps.
Books:
One of the best is by Pete Walker, his website has a ton of info and the book is easy to find. I strongly recommend it, it's not an easy read but it's very profound and illustrates a lot of what she's going through and puts things in a lot of context - http://www.pete-walker.com/complex_ptsd_book.html - again, a lot of good stuff for both of you on the website and in the book. For example, I had no idea till I read the book that very subtle facial expressions could trigger a flashback. I thought I was just an over-emotional angry emotional asshole. Once you know about a trigger, you can manage your reactions and be in control of them instead of at the mercy of them. You start to be able to filter your genuine self out of flashbacks and trauma reactions instead of just being this chaotic mess.
Another excellent book is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk - https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938 - not directly about CPTSD specifically, but about how intense trauma effects the brain and body, and how to start down the path of healing.
Videos:
My favourite coach is Richard Grannon, he's very informative (almost overwhelmingly so) and personally experienced with CPTSD & PTSD - https://www.youtube.com/user/SPARTANLIFECOACH/search?query=cptsd - he's also very blunt and clear in explaining things - the one flaw with him is that he will go on a million tangents, there's always fantastic information to be picked up from his tangents, but some people find his them frustrating.
Another great youtube speaker on CPTSD is Shrinking Violet - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzJxW0L4JQpLj0u-9buFXjA/featured - she's very informed and easy to listen to.
There's actually a lot of good coaches on YouTube, by all means try a few of them and find the ones which give you the most info that you can absorb.
Real Life Support
Therapy is very important. It can take a while to get to the point that you can take it because it can be confronting, but it's worth it. Make sure you find a therapist who understands what CPTSD is, just going to a PTSD therapist won't really help, the treatments are similar but not the same. If money is an issue, look up NAMI.org and see what services they have in your area, but also online therapy is a totally viable option, you can find a lot of therapists who offer text & skype sessions - I won't recommend any because therapy is SUCH a personal journey, and the person who works for me may not work for you. Just google CPTSD and therpist and you'll find lots of resources to go through. I would recommend starting with the youtube & book study first, it will make it a LOT easier to deal with with a therapist one to one.
If you or her have questions, feel free to shoot me a msg. I have CPTSD and a couple of psych degrees, I'm not a professional but I'm happy to share whatever info I have.
About Kratom, what pain did your GF have?
(Thanks for thinking of me u/dragonbubbles <3)
First of all, you need a plan. ADDers require a lot more structure than others, so you need a system of organizing tasks/time management that you think you can work with.
Second, medication. If you aren't diagnosed, see a psychiatrist and get diagnosed (make sure it's a psychiatrist, psychologists can't prescribe meds). If you are diagnosed, go see a doctor and talk about what meds are available. Medication will help you stick to the plan, and stay on task long enough to complete what you're working on.
Third, get a "Coach". This is a person who will keep you accountable. It can be a friend/co-worker/parent/spouse/whatever. Their job is to check in with you for a few minutes each day/two days/week and keep you on track. All they need to do is cover 4 topics, with the acronym H.O.P.E
H - Help, What do you need help with?
O - Obligations, What obligations do you have in the near future?
P - Plan, What is your plan to meet your obligations?
E - Encouragement, You're doing a good job!
I'd recommend some reading too.
Books that have really helped me are:
Driven to Distraction - Gives a thorough explanation of what ADD/ADHD is and isn't.
The Now Habit - Gives a really good plan to work through procrastination, but most importantly to deal with the guilt and anxiety that go along with it.
These are available in audiobook too. I find it easier to listen while driving/running/waiting in line/etc than to force myself to sit and read.
There are lots of resources to help, and your psychiatrist can answer a lot of your questions too.
Hope this helps :)
http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Recognizing-Attention-Childhood/dp/0684801280 has been the most influential of the ones I have read
I’ve been an emotional mess all week. Two months after going no contact with my personality disordered parents. There is no end to my physical health ailments.
Have you heard of this book? Might be something you’d be interested in:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology
Looks like they have a new addition out too... (edit: it occurred to me the older versions might be cheaper since you're a student and all. But it's worth every penny.)
Dr. Stahl has plenty of books, but if you just get one get this one. It's mostly pharmacology of prescribed drugs, not much in there on recreational stuff but there is some. But maybe what you are interested in since you mentioned antidepressants -- depression meds probably get the largest chapter. Also has background on general brain neurotransmission before he gets into the meds. Hope this helps.
The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood they have a kindle version! I have loved his lectures/videos and has a LOT to say about how it's different with girls. Book seems more like a study/university class material, but good info!
I'm not sure if this would work or not, but I would try redirecting people who have conservative or right-wing leaning views at least toward better thinkers than Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson and toward optimistic views of the future of society, to cull some of the us-vs-them and zero-sum thinking that plagues these discussions.
Sometimes it feels like men, especially, feel existentially threatened by other modes of thought, so being at least sympathetic to the good bits of their ideas and offering something similar but that promotes openness and liberal ideas may help.
Hans Rosling's Factfulness presents a pretty optimistic view of the world. It's all getting better! Seriously!
Jonathan Haidt (and Greg Lukianoff for the first book)
I had worried that the first book would be a reiteration of right-wing talking points around safe spaces, but I was surprised to find it a good listen so far. It mentions several cognitive distortions and how cognitive behavioral therapy can overcome them as well. The second book is sympathetic to conservative views and gives a good tour of moral psychology. Really recommend.
Steven Pinker's The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined is also good. Seriously, the world is getting better! Pinker is heavier on the nature side that most lefties, so knowing that may make people more receptive if they won't receive an gender argument without some mention of biology.
Thought this twitter thread by Jonathan Haidt was interesting. Also curiously looking forward to his new book this summer.
You very clearly need a break.
You may end up facing charges if she chooses to file. That cannot be helped at this point.
But, none of this changes the fact that you got there through severe abuse, and need to get out. Let this be a wake-up call. Don't let yourself get driven to this point again.
Find some way to detach. Find an outlet for the anger. Find an outlet for the sadness, and someone to hear your story. Begin detaching the hooks she has in you and allow yourself to focus your life on finding peace, in whatever form it comes. Likely, you need NC if things are this bad.
You can take responsibility for something that you did that was wrong, while still also being the victim of something, yourself. That's allowed, and does not reduce either. Things are not black-and-white in the real world. But, you need to take responsibility for your own needs and feelings, and learn to fulfill them in a healthy way, if you are ever going to heal - that means getting the help that you need and breaking that drama triangle, even if that requires physically removing yourself from the situation.
Just remember, always:
You are, fundamentally, good.
(edit: added another link).
Ooh, this is the post I've been waiting for! I've found bibliotherapy to be very helpful in my healing.
For understanding abuse: Understanding the Borderline Mother
This NPD website
For healing yourself: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
Adult Children of Abusive Parents
And, what you were really asking for: Full Catastrophe Living
Complex PTSD
You wrote:
>Still, I can't maintain a positive or calm feeling state for more than a few minutes, I feel constant anxiety, I am easily provoked, I get easily upset or angry, and I stay upset for hours or days to come, despite all the work I've put in.
This sounds familiar. What I've learned is that it's hard to build new neural pathways when you're stuck in the old feelings of panic. Re-wiring the brain means practicing being in a state of calmness, and the more time you spend there, the easier it will be to get back. So anything that makes you feel calm, even momentarily, is something you should practice. It's ok if you can only feel it for a short time!
My therapist used to tell me, "Get yourself calm, by ANY MEANS NECESSARY!" I think he was suggesting I get high. ;-) What worked for me was to a little meditation, yoga, and spiritual practice, and a lot of locking myself in my house alone with all the blinds drawn. It was the only way I could feel safe for a long time. I wonder if all the activities you've been doing are, paradoxically, stressing you out more? Maybe giving yourself permission to do less would help?
Hope my super long post is helpful! Good luck, OP.
Have you heard of the book On Killing?
I think that zombies aren't exactly a metaphor in the literary sense, but rather, a paradigm example of how to "other" people in preparation to kill them.
I think it's no accident that most zombie movies have a main character "turn", such that their former friends have to kill them or at least support their suicide. It's strategically important to prime people for this sort of emotional transition long before actual conflict begins, and popular culture is an easy way to do so. Zombies can later be assigned to anyone the leadership chooses: a certain kind of foreigner, or a certain kind of American.
This is part of why Shaun of the Dead is so subversive: it shows friendships and marriages repaired following the conflict.
> Most humans will kill innocents if authority asks them too. Look at the military.
Actually, no. David Grossman discusses what makes soldiers kill in On Killing and he cites ample evidence that healthy people have an innate revulsion to killing another human being -- a revulsion that is greater than the impulse for self-preservation in many instances.
He lists a number of factors that influence soldiers to kill, and among them is the presence of an authority figure. But it is by no means automatic or reflexive under normal circumstances (though he discusses modern training methods and conditioning, and how they significantly lower the psychological barrier to killing).
First of all:
>If my mom tries to kill herself again, will it be my fault?
NO. Absolutely not. You do not own her choices.
Second, you might want to investigate a therapist who specializes in trauma. Some things can't be worked out with CBT. I'd encourage you to look at a book called The Body Keeps the Score (which is excellent, but should have trigger warnings all over it, btw). Not related to trauma necessarily, but Toxic Parents is another really good book (though people disagree over whether the confrontation idea at the end is really a good idea).
Hugs if you want them. You've come a long way, and you should be proud of that. :-)
Everyone here is saying some good stuff, but it misses the point a little. Meditation has lots of benefits for everyone, the risks that you will have complications are minimal, and very people who meditate will experience these complications. That being said, all the things that you're describing, namely, feeling empty, going psychotic, 'dark nights of the soul' are all dangerous side-effects of meditation that may happen to you. Your risk is potentially higher because of your history of mental 'instability'. These are definitely not things you want to have happen to you if you could have avoided them, and can cause serious damage.
Of course you should decide if this is the right path for you, and it's good that you recognize that your anxiety prevents you from doing things that are probably safe, but how about some resources to help you understand how these negative side-effects happen and try to avoid them. To be honest, it's easy to jump on the bandwagon "mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness solves all your problems!!" but there's are risks to everything. Let's try to understand them to make informed decisions. Why should people with poor mental health be careful with meditation? Why can a long retreat be a bad idea? How do you know if you're safe or not?
The one person seriously studying these "adverse effects" of mindfulness is Willoughby Britton, at Brown. Read about her work here and here. I would watch the videos and do some research on the Cheetah house website.
The biggest risk you have of having adverse effects is basically if you have large unprocessed trauma in your subconscious. These things can be repressed and forgotten and manifest themselves as constant tension, worry and depression without knowing the cause. This is quite confusing and disorienting. Why am I so fucked up?
What can happen is, if you're on retreat, or even if you're meditating at home, you will be meditating, and the trauma will resurface. This giant emotional beast that you did you best to contain in order to survive when something terrible happened to you will rear its hard. The severity of these emotions cannot be understated -- normal fear is nothing compared to traumatic fear. Think nightmares and flashbacks and constantly paranoid. This can be very startling and can re-traumatize people pretty badly or cause them to loose their minds or go psychotic.
The reason the trauma existed in the first place was because it was too much for the mind to handle, and it may be too much if it comes up too strongly. I would read "The Body Keeps the Score" which makes a convincing argument that almost all mental health problems result from unprocessed trauma and the subsequent inability to feel safe and build strong loving relationships.
The second response to resurfacing trauma is "dissociation" whereby the pain is too much to handle, so instead of the mind breaking, the mind separates from the body and imagines itself floating away. This again is quite an effective coping mechanism if terrible stuff is happening but not exactly the state you want to be in long term. This leaves the subject feeling empty and like he isn't even real. Read about dissociation and the importance of connecting to the body here and [here](http://www.wikiwand.com/en/Dissociation_(psychology)
This is not to say that mindfulness is bad. In fact for these sorts of traumatized people, and most people with mental health problems at all, mindfulness of the body, "reconnecting" with emotions, staying balanced in the face of distressing feelings are exactly the path to recovery and healing. But tackling these things on your own can be unsafe in proportion to the severity of the trauma and also proportion to the depth to which you enter the mind which are both compounded if you're isolated interpersonally. Hence the warning to see a therapist and avoid retreats.
My advice? Start mindfulness meditation, take it slow, see what happens, if you sense super agitating emotions come up (not just anxiety, you'll feel these things somatically when they manifest) you could decide to see a therapist or have the support of people close to you who can help you through the emotional difficulties. Therapists trained in trauma resolution will use "somatic experiencing" basically a form of mindfulness combined with talking to the person anyways. Whatever happens you're going to have to feel uncomfortable, but if it gets to be too much, back off. Otherwise, keep going, to enlightenment and beyond. Remember that happiness isn't just about stoic meditation, but involves love for yourself and others. As much as we hate to admit it, we need each other.
Best of luck and much metta.
The Body Keeps the Score
This might be of interest to you:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
There are also some good presentations from Bessel Van der Kolk on Youtube on the same subject.
Peterson is missing the elephant in the room, IMO. The real enemy is not neo-marxism, it is neo-calvinism. Barbara Ehrenreich wrote about this to some extent, and I think it is culturally in America's collective blindspot. Here I am defining neocalvinism as the idea that "work will set you free," or similarly "work will get you to heaven." JBP pushes this as "sort yourself out."
Notice that JBP never talks about Wilhelm Reich or his ideas. Adam Curtis covered this issue in the century of the self. Reich wrote a book The Mass Psychology of Fascism which, in a nutshell, talks about how fascism/authoritarianism is a fear-driven attack on sexuality. Notice how in US politics, since the cultural/sexual changes in America driven by them damn librul hippies on the left, the right has gone increasingly more insane, fanatical, disconnected from reality, authoritarian, and violent.
JBP's solutions to psychological troubles are usually about establishing more order through willful action and understanding. This is one version of "work will set you free." Notice the nazis had "arbeit macht frei" (the same phrase in German) at the gates of Auschwitz. Thanks to folks like Peter Levine,Lowen,Perls,etc., the psychotherapy world is now understanding the neurobiological underpinnings of the phrase "lose your mind and come to your senses." JBP once stated that catharsis does not heal old wounds, coming to understand what happened is what heals. That is the basis for his self authoring suite. The problem there is that the catharsis piece is necessary, as that brings memory fragments from the hippocampus into consciousness in the frontal cortex. See Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score.
The point of all this is that JBP seems to be politically and ideologically on the right, as are his followers. Notice how he attracts Trump supporters, far right types, nazis, etc. He disowns the nazis but doesn't seem to try to understand why this happens. The nature of his work is repressive of vulnerability, of existential terror of mortality, of sexuality and spontaneity.
Notice how the right believes so much in rugged individualism, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," "I'm not responsible for my fellow americans because everyone should be personally responsible for themselves." Humans don't work that way, humans are social, our nervous systems respond to other people's pain whether we are conscious of that or blocking it, we need social contact. "Sorting oneself out" requires a positive relationship with another person (see Carl Rogers, object-relations theory, Allen Schore, etc) yet JBP and his followers seem to think they can think their way out of this by themselves, and that any particular "truth" is more important than getting along with others. Using "the truth" as a cudgel to attack/berate others is a particular pattern that Freud would have recognized, and seems common among JBP and his followers.
The literature suggests that it is exactly that - being in a good place and a secure/healthy relationship - that is allowing you to deal with the sexual impacts of the trauma now. Embrace it, its a good sign, I think.
As others have, I strongly recommend enlisting the help of a therapist as soon as you can deal with it financially. If you're going to go it alone, I'd recommend the following additions to your library:
Amazon: The Body Keeps the Score
Amazon: The Courage to Heal
Amazon: Healing Sex
A classic https://www.amazon.com/True-Believer-Thoughts-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915
There's a good book about that
>I strongly believe consciousness is like a WiFi signal, our personalities are like software and our bodies are the computer. I reject with all my being that consciousness is only a program the computer runs.
I'd suggest (and there's good science supporting this) that the body IS the mind, the computer IS the software. I can highly recommend the book Descartes' Error by Antonio Damasio.
>For anyone to say they know for certain is a lier.
Science doesn't deal in certainties. It forms theories (models of reality) that can make accurate predictions given the evidence we have at the time. When new evidence comes to light, old theories can always be disproven. While it cannot provide certainties, it does provide far more accurate predictions about the universe we live in than any system of knowledge we had before science.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Glad you got diagnosed and are doing so much better now.
Similar story for me. I wasn't diagnosed until ~29, though. I sometimes sit and wonder how much better life would have been had I been diagnosed back in college, or even in HS. But instead I just exhausted practically every SSRI and SNRI that my doctor would prescribe, to no avail.
Some 8 counselors / psychologists and 4 psychiatrists later, I got diagnosed and life has been night / day better ever since.
One book recommended to me was "Driven to Distraction" by Hallowell and Ratey: http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
It isn't exactly the most well-written book ever, and it is hardly perfect by any means, but never have I ever read so many accounts and experiences that I completely related to. It was very eye-opening.
edit: I should add that none of my psychologists and psychiatrists up to that point even mentioned or considered Adult ADD as a diagnosis. Furthermore, I was actually part of the group that thought, "ADD isn't real. People are just lazy. etc.". With the advent of that diagnosis at 29, I even laughed at my counselor and said that I thought ADD was a joke. I pushed forward anyway, because I had tried everything else. I was pleasantly surprised and have since reversed my stance since.
Please read this book!! I know people on both sides of the medication fence and only you and your son and his doctors/teachers can make the right decision. I'm glad you are being proactive about this now, you sound like a caring and attentive parent.
Anyway, I'm a teacher and this book helped a lot with my understanding of people with attention issues, including myself! Driven to Distraction
I'm sure this varies by Marine, but for me, I don't think it would be an issue. They don't train you on the psychological effect per se, but many things are geared toward getting you prepared to do it. On the rifle range (we go qualify every year) everyone pulls targets (they're protected by a big dirt berm) and gets used to the sound of bullets going by. An enlisted Marine is trained from day one to be obedient to orders and perform repetitive tasks (muscle memory, they call it). I think it would be something that would happen automatically, from training, then the individual would sort it out mentally later.
As an officer, you could potentially give an order that would lead to another Marine firing a shot...that could also prove to be something the officer would have to deal with later on. If you're curious about the mental ramifications of warfare, I'd read On Killing by Dave Grossman.
It isn't theory. Only 15-20% of soldiers fired at the enemy in WW2 but that increased dramatically to 95% by the Vietnam war. The book I linked below brings up the reasoning behind that. Training changed to make killing a human more mentally possible through the use of silhouettes instead of a bulls eye.
http://youtu.be/JRAOANK__r4
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316330116/warcatslair
>Drawing on interviews, published personal accounts and academic studies, Grossman investigates the psychology of killing in combat. Stressing that human beings have a powerful, innate resistance to the taking of life, he examines the techniques developed by the military to overcome that aversion. His provocative study focuses in particular on the Vietnam war, revealing how the American soldier was "enabled to kill to a far greater degree than any other soldier in history."
He has a lot of dumb or at least very over-simplistic political ideas, but his actual academic work is kind of interesting (I came across his book before he started getting into the political stuff), he basically takes the Jungian concept of the psychological "archetype" and argues that they can be seen as symbolic versions of certain kinds of social roles or behaviors, with stories and myths involving these archetypal roles being a way for society to guide people towards valuable behaviors and away from socially destructive ones.
Also one thing I discovered googling him and "sort yourself out" is that he sometimes uses the phrase in the context of the mindset needed to get through a psychedelic drug experience...I doubt Garrison would ever take a psychedelic drug or sympathize with someone who does, though it'd probably do him a world of good.
Don't know about Shakespeare, but other premodern storytellers appear to have dwelled on the subject of combat trauma's effects.
I am reminded particularly of The Wanderer and The Iliad.
Also very relevant is this book comparing the experiences of Vietnam vets with the character and behavior of Achilles in the Illiad, and to other attestations of the "berserk state" throughout history. I recommend it enthusiastically.
Jonathan Shay has written two really excellent books on the topic, focusing specifically on how the depictions of the characters of the Iliad and Odyssey portray a then-unrealised form of PTSD: Achilles and Vietnam, and particularly Odysseus in America. I'd recommend them highly - both are very well written, and accessible even if you aren't a student of psychology/Classics.
Thanks for your openess, I recognize your username from the sub and will do my best to summarize a pretty big issue down to a digestible size and will pop some resources at the bottom.
So Bret Weinstien was a evolutionary biologist at Evergreen state college down in the states. Since the 1970's that super leftist college has been doing radical things like having a day of absence that is designed to show how important People of Colour are to the campus by having all POC not show up on a particular day. In like 2017 (maybe 2016) the student organizers tried to switch it up to an all non POC don't come to campus day. Bret was objecting to this saying that it does not demonstrate the same message as the original protest. It takes it from how important POC are to isloating out non POC. IMO it took it from pro to con, which is never a great way for anyone to feel.
Bret wrote some staff emails about how he thinks they should shift it back to the old system and the student body goes wild. Start calling him racist, threatening him, threatening his wife who is also a professor there, demanding his resignation. Fast forward a few months and there are protests about him. Students are militarizing, holding university administration and making them listen to their demands, and being what can only be described as to an academic as radical.
That book I mentioned when through like 4 examples of things just as wild. The biggest thing I fear is that almost all of the targets that these radicalized call our culture folks are going after are fellow left learning people who were not towing the new party line. Layers who worked for the ACLU, Deans who started LGBT clubs in the 90's, and I just fear that it's people like me who since highschool have been out there grinding for progress.
The book I mentioned by Jonathan Haidt who also wrote great books in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, and what makes people become polarized is 100% the most important book for people to read right now. It goes over a 3 point outline of why the campus culture is so damaging to future progression. The website to support the book also has tons of great reading about how we can redirect it positively.
https://www.thecoddling.com/wiser-kids
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bret_Weinstein
https://www.amazon.ca/Coddling-American-Mind-Intentions-Generation/dp/0735224897/ref=asc_df_0735224897/?tag=googleshopc0c-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=234376523249&amp;hvpos=1o1&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=1315636621752488639&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvdev=c&amp;hvdvcmdl=&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=9001621&amp;hvtargid=pla-293946777986&amp;psc=1
Certainly open to discuss it more, I think it's super neat, but does scare me.
Male here, but I have to recommend this book whenever I have the chance: Tribe by Sebastian Junger.
Junger is war correspondent, documentary filmmaker, writer, etc. He's seen way more than most of us ever will, and this book really drove home some points for me about what it means to be part of your community, part of society, and how we treat each other.
This review on Amazon sums it up very well:
"Tribe focuses on the growing disconnect we’re experiencing with one another as a society, and the far reaching consequences of that disconnect. It’s an eye-opening letter to the American public that politely reminds us that we’ve lost our way when it comes to being a closer knit community as a whole.
Not always, of course. In his book, he touches on how tragedies such as 9/11 brings us closer - albeit briefly. But once the dust settles, we fall back to our old ways.
This is not a book about war, the military, or PTSD. It’s about the loss of belonging, caring for our fellow man as we do about the ones closest to us. He uses a parable about a brief encounter he has with a homeless man as a young adult. The man sees that he’s on a backpacking trip on his own and asks if he has enough food for his trip. The young Junger, afraid of being mugged for his supplies, lies and tells the man that he has just a little food to last him. The homeless man tells Junger he’ll never make it on what he has and hands him his lunch bag that he more than likely received from a homeless shelter - probably the only meal the homeless man would have the entire day. Sebastian feels horrible about himself after that, but uses that lesson as a parable for Tribe.
Think of your fellow man before thinking of yourself. Because without that sense of humanism, togetherness, belonging, we’re all dead inside."
I think you are on to something with the sense of belonging.
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381
Yes. Very helpful. It’s good for anyone who’s been through traumas. My son and I are both in separate therapy programs based on DBT. I suggest you get this book and explore; its great to have professional guidance, but the book is very common sense and practical so you can get a lot out of just the book.
DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_u1R2CbM1383VN
Hang in there. Even when your SO are discharged, it will take months if not years for the brain to heal. Also with meds, it keep those highs at bay and he'd have to adjust to the new normal. Explain to him that the meds are to prevent another relapse and hospitalization, each relapse damages the brain.
Basically if you go to therapy session, they'll say the same thing as these books, so reading them prior will help reinforce the treatment plan and help your SO through recovery.
Caution: There are good therapist and bad therapist , your gut feeling will tell you! Seen a few bad ones which made the situation with SO worse. So if therapist say things that contradicts these books, I'd have serious concerns and will seek 2nd opinion.
Ask your therapist: How many years of experience in Mood Disorder and have he/she handled bipolar patients, what is the general outcome of these patients. If he/she claims 100% success, then they are lying since some cases are untreatable. Sad to say that some will continue seeing you and take your money, despite not knowing how to treat mood disorder.
During therapy session: Do take notes and write everything down. Sometimes your SO may interpret things differently and those notes will clear any confusion. If SO insist otherwise, bring the issue up in next session.
tl;dr: Read those books and shop for suitable therapist, take notes.
Edit: Just read your previous posting. Ya, even with Zyprexa, my SO relapsed into a major episode requiring 6 weeks hospitalization. And with current meds, she still has a few minor episodes yearly!
Here you go! You recommended everything I was going to recommend so I thought I'd make your links easier to click.
>All of these are useful:
>
>An Unquiet Mind
>
>Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide
>
>The Bipolar Workbook: Controlling Swings
>
>The Mindful Way Through Depression
>
>The last book describes a self-guided therapy that I used to lift myself out of a mixed mood a few years ago. I was willing to do anything to get better and that included doing things that I had little to no faith in but I still had to try. It worked despite my skepticism. I believe in it now.
>
>and then there is the bible of the illness and its treatment. It's massive and very technical (written for medical professionals) but you might find parts of it useful.
>
>Manic Depressive Illness: Bipolar Disorders and Recurrent Depression
>
How are you a professional psychologist, without any resources or training in the field you're going to be working in?
Autism is a very broad spectrum, I don't see how you can advice others in a professional setting, just by reading a layman's book or two.
That said, my understanding is that this is the single best book on Asperger's:
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698
First of all, understand that autism is complex. Everyone is different and everyone is going to have unique ways in which their autistic traits are expressed, as well as unique ways that they cope with them and pass.
I [M31] would say that I'm at the "mild" end of the spectrum, though that glosses over a whole of of nuance and complexity to how it effects me and my life. If you want to know what that's like for me, here's a link to my blog where I've been documenting my diagnosis and evaluation process over the last several months.
If you're interested in other stories from people at the "mild" end of the spectrum, I'm personally fond of Musing of an Aspie.
So those are two personal perspectives, but neither is really comprehensive. If you want a higher level view of the subject, I would recommend The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome, by Tony Attwood. It's less personal, more clinical, and probably a bit harder of a read. But it's going to give you a very comprehensive view of the subject, and may cover traits that your boyfriend has but myself and others don't.
Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome
I bought it for my girlfriend and entire family when I "came out."
I'm so sorry. This sounds so painful. She sounds sadistic. BPD manifests somewhat differently in every person. Have you read this book: Understanding The Borderline Mother? She describes a "Witch mother" archetype who is sadistic. My mom definitely falls into this category. She was violently physically abusive when I was a small child. https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319
So you're story is not unique. My mom used me as an emotional garbage disposal for her toxic feelings of rage and disgust but she wouldn't call me if she lands in the ER and she rarely shares vulnerable feelings of sorrow or fear. She has told me repeatedly that I shouldn't have children because they're too much trouble and not worth all the "work." And she has zero empathy for me and lives for controlling me in every possible way: financially, emotionally, and logistically. If she can dump on me all her self-hate, violent rage and desire to punish the world for her pain, then she feels all is right with her corner of the world. So, no, you're not alone.
Okay, first I'm going to recommend Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Lawson.
Next, you didn't do anything to cause this. I couldn't see this myself until I had distanced myself so much from my mother that there was literally no way I could've prompted her outbursts (and mine also told me my dad tried to beat her until she miscarried me and later "attempted suicide" by overdose at least twice). You cannot help your mother. There are things she could do that could help her in terms of her mental health, but you cannot do them for her, and telling her about them will probably just make her angrier (e.g., "You think I'm CRAZY?! My only problem is having such ungrateful CHILDREN!" etc.). Your dad and Laura want you to spend time with her to "end the drama," but it won't end anything. It will just reset the cycle, if you're lucky. What you do today won't make or break anything, so take heart. But the only way to improve your situation with her long term is boundaries and distance. Boundaries didn't work with mine, but distance has been a lifesaver.
There are lots of great resources out of there. For example, the book "Understanding the Borderline Mother" was a great help to me.
https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319
Also, the website BPDCentral is a great resource:
http://bpdcentral.com/
And, Out of the Fog:
http://outofthefog.website/
But if you truly want to heal yourself and live your best life, you're going to need to find a therapist. Your BPD mother trained you all your life to deny that you were a person in your own right, so much so that you no longer understand your own wants and needs. You're going to need personal guidance to find your way out. You need to find those hooks that your mother put in you and remove them. It hurts, and its hard work, but its the only thing that will allow you to heal fully.
I think the difference between boys and girls being raised by borderlines (depending on your mother's own special brand of abuse) is basically just what society puts on either sex, plus bonus points for BPD. But a therapist will help guide you out of the woods for your needs specifically.
This is a great group also. Read and vent as necessary. We've all been through it. You're not crazy and you're not alone. Hang in there and good luck.
If your mother has BPD, I'm very sorry for everything you have undoubtedly been through. This is one of those disorders that makes even the most experienced, educated and competent of shrinks absolutely dread the career they've chosen, so don't feel bad that you've been unable to manage. The way I've coped is to learn as much about the disorder as I can. It helps me feel less responsible for all of her madness (which is what the BPD mother instills in her children from birth). It has also helped me forgive her, understanding that she didn't choose to have this disorder and can't ever escape from it the way that we can. Some really good books that I've found to be very helpful in terms of learning about this disorder and how to cope with this are:
http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Family-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/1592853633/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1280355017&amp;sr=1-4
http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1280355076&amp;sr=1-1
Therapy has also been invaluably helpful. Best of luck to you, from one BPD kid to another.
In no particular order:
The Gift of Fear
Meditations on Violence
Facing Violence
Verbal Judo
Surviving Armed Assaults
On Combat
The Little Black Book of Violence
Street E & E
I could probably come up with 10 more if I looked through my library.
Whichever system you decide on, the tactics in these books will be important. Reading them before choosing a school will help you know what to look for. Sadly, some self-defense school will teach things that are either not practical, or will have devastating legal consequences for you (like how to take a knife away from someone, then use it on them).
He has a few books. In particular:
No. You miss a simple point. Everyone is treated with suspicion because literally anyone can and has killed police officers. Therefore, officers handle all situations in ways most people would consider to be paranoid. We call it "Officer Safety" and it has saved many lives.
Everyone reacts differently after deadly force situations. Once the adrenaline subsides in a perceived deadly force situation, all sorts of autonomic responses can come into play. Some people in combat/and or police shooting incidents void their bladder without even knowing it. It is simply part of the body's natural response to critical situations. I would advise you, should you be inclined to educate yourself rather than spout uninformed, emotional responses to read 'On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace' by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman.
I won't hold my breath though, because it looks like you'd rather make wild assumptions like 'he was a piece of shit cop' or 'he clearly knew he fucked up because he was crying.'
Or, 'he was shot because the cop was anti-gun.' I can guarantee you the massive majority of cops are pro 2A in a bigly way. But we know people are dangerous, unpredictable, and can and will kill you. So, we do our best. Sometimes we fuck up. But people like you sure as hell don't help the situation one bit.
Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology provides a wonderfully detailed background to disorders and meds: https://www.amazon.com/Stahls-Essential-Psychopharmacology-Neuroscientific-Applications/dp/1107686466
Also, Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology-Prescribers Guide is a pretty useful clinical handbook: https://www.amazon.com/Prescribers-Guide-Stahls-Essential-Psychopharmacology/dp/1316618137/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=1316618137&amp;pd_rd_r=401c320d-e9d7-11e8-b8bf-2d5ac68107a8&amp;pd_rd_w=MuVum&amp;pd_rd_wg=pWcoB&amp;pf_rd_i=desktop-dp-sims&amp;pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;pf_rd_p=6725dbd6-9917-451d-beba-16af7874e407&amp;pf_rd_r=64E9CSETY8NTEVKCH2N3&amp;pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&amp;pf_rd_t=40701&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=64E9CSETY8NTEVKCH2N3
Also pretty sure there is a Stahl's guide to child/adolescent psych, but I haven't read it.
There is one book that helped me heal a little in life from all the trauma I experienced. The Body Keeps the Score was written by the first doctor to prescribe Prozac in America. He worked with Vietnam Vets and was part of the team who came up the PTSD diagnosis. He's worked at rape crisis centers, and at war refugee camps. He is possibly one of most trauma informed people in the world and most definitely in America.
I've experienced a lot of trauma in my life, and I've read a lot of self help books because of that. Most self help books suck. They're terrible in general, but not The Body Keeps the Score. It was, is, and has been actually helpful to me.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_4ckNDbTTQWWXX
Have you read "The Body Keeps The Score"? It's about PTSD. I haven't even finished the book, but it's been extremely helpful to me. I feel like the author gives enough facts that you can share with nonbelievers that someone else might "get" it. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Y6oPzbS1S77H4
You may have C-PTSD and as a sufferer of this, I would highly recommendThe Body Keeps the Score and Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Pete Walker's website is also a good, free reference. I have been fortunate to have access to a great counselor as a grad student and have recently gotten into the C-PTSD work, and meditation (mindfulness of breath and body scans) is an essential tool for my recovery.
Curious to know if the psychologist community has a high/low opinion of this book, as it is about the phenomena OP describes:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
this looks interesting
I am searching for the title of a book I read in school. In it she explains how all emotions are are a mix of hormones and cells have hormone receptors so why wouldn’t our bodies “hold our emotions” in a way. I will look through my books from school - I know I wrote the title down. I believe the author was a woman that passed away since authoring the book - if that narrows it down at all lol. I’ll post if I find it!
☺️ here is a book worth a look: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Read The Body Keeps the Score. It discussed this exact topic from a psychological perspective. I’ve definitely had a traumatic childhood. This book really changed the way how I deal with it now: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
There's a possibility you might not convince her at all since she's made up her mind already. That's usually the issue with old school mentality that do not want to keep an open mind and no matter how much proof you bring to their attention they will not budge.
I highly recommend buying Driven to Distraction by Dr. Hallowell and try to have her read some of it. If you haven't read it I also recommend you read it too since he covers a lot about parents convinced that the person is just lazy.
Also see if you can find free pdfs (they're around) of:
http://www.schematherapy.com/id202.htm
https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Edition/dp/1572307811/
Tomorrow or something I'll dig up those files from whatever Fb group I found them on and put them on dropbox or something :)
I haven't been diagnosed yet, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
With that said, I am 99.99% certain I have Asperger's. My wife agrees. The .01% would be taken care of by a diagnosis. Which I'm in the process of getting. I was diagnosed with other things in the past couple years but despite everything else getting better, something was still off. I came across a comment here about Asperger's in an unrelated sub, and when I started reading about it...everything made sense.
As far as I see, one of the main advantages of coming to terms with the fact that you have Asperger's is being able to recognize and eventually overcome a lifetime of negative feelings in response to knowing you're different, and others knowing you're different, but not being able to pin down why just leaves everyone frustrated. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone, some people have led successful and fulfilling lives I'm sure even undiagnosed. It's possible that if I didn't have my other health issues, I'd be better off.
But it's allowed me to forgive myself for a lifetime of self-criticism and guilt. It also allowed me to understand so many things about myself and others. It's given me a roadmap to find a little direction in a confusing world. There are guides and tips on how to navigate a society that is seemingly hostile to people on the spectrum. Strategies on how to better engage people, finding and keeping jobs that work for you, on whether or not to reveal your diagnosis, how to do so, etc.
Also, if you go back to a doctor and get therapy not only will it help with the Asperger's but they may treat some other underlying or comorbid thing like ADHD or anxiety.
I'm not saying you'd be eligible, I don't know enough about you. But depending on what country you're in, there are safety nets. In the US, while the programs are forever at risk, you can apply for disability if you haven't been working for awhile due to your health. You would meet with a disability lawyer and if they determine you may have a case, they help you get everything together including medical records. They'll help you apply as well. Some may ask you to apply the first time by yourself, because the first attempt is usually denied. The appeal is usually when the lawyers come in, and it's usually still denied. Then your lawyer will appeal again and you'll eventuallyyyy get a court date assigned. If you win, you get a certain amount awarded each month. You also get back pay: so if you get a $1000 a month, and you initiated the disability process 10 months before, you would get $10,000 in back pay. Your lawyer would get a percentage of that back pay, about 1/3. These are hypotheticals and ball park numbers, but that's the general idea. Definitely look it up. There are also state programs like temporary disability assistance.
There's also food stamps and Medicaid, etc.
I wouldn't force the job thing if you're not healthy. Really evaluate it. If you get a job, lose it , get another, lost it, not work for awhile... And so on? Especially if it's within a short time. But even if it's not in short time, look it up. That's not sustained employment which is what social security looks at to determine if you're eligible. So you may have a case.
Two things I'd recommend. Read this list (it's supposed to be for girls, but hit home with me):
https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/
And get this book, and read it:
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698
Those are just springboards.
As far as being alone, once you get better or in the midst of it, you can join support groups and go to community events, join Facebook groups, etc. there are meetups and other groups that get together to allow people with Asperger's and Autism to meet with others in a nonthreatening setting.
Also, sorry about your parents. Stay strong !
Wish you the best! And good luck on your journey. If you have any other questions I'll try my best to respond and help.
I'm on mobile btw, so I apologize for spelling/grammar/formatting lol.
You made me google something and now there's another book I have to read. Jerk.
One of the best resources I've come across about trauma is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.
OP, grief is how we accommodate loss in a world where one constant is change. From this POV it's a really powerful sentiment. I'm wishing you peace.
Also, maybe for next time, try to focus on what's happening in the rest of your body as well. For me personally, I know that a situation or a person is causing deep stress when the area between my cervical and thoracic spine literally feels hot...like someone is putting a little tiny cattle prod on it.
Thanks for pointing this out. Meditation, specifically vipassana, is not designed to clear you of thoughts. It is designed so one can see the three marks of existence: anicca, anatta, and dhuka. And that requires three facets: being present, self-awareness, and surrender. With Western McMindfulness, surrender is often lost, because it has been repackaged as a tool for stress reduction, clearing thoughts - really, as one pierces into the true nature of their mind, is antithetical to what the Buddha taught.
As we become more mindful of the body, we will feel emotions in different areas of the body. As Bessel van der Kolk discusses in The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, when we are in a traumatic situation, often as a child, our usual fight or flight responses are hijacked. We suppress the emotions. We are traumatised. This is called C-PTSD.
The body remembers. And being mindful of the stored pain in the area, of the muscle retention, will make us reconnect with the memory in a visceral sense. Things like the estoerically termed 'Kundalini' may come into play here, a mind-body link, and some Jungian manifestations may come to conscious in the psyche. Hence, it is paramount that this be done with mindfulness and compassion - and likely with a trained therapist.
I've just come out of what I would call my 'Dark Night of the Soul' on February 12, having experienced hands free orgasms and a surge of buried energy. This has required years of vipassana, Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance, Sam Harris Waking Up, an appreciation of Jungian concepts, yet still maintaining a materialist idea of the brain and mind. After doing a lot of mindfulness and feeling buried energy in the body, I would inevitably release it via a hands free orgasm. I finally got it out via deep, buried crying on February 12. And with my own mindfulness, spaciousness, Buddha nature of love, like consciousness itself caring for the inner child, I had to cry as my 12 year old self. I never grieved the death of my mother.
I...respectfully disagree with Jordan that a breakup can cause PTSD. Rather, underlying schemas (filters and deep beliefs that get activated according to different stimuli) might get activated by a breakup, such an abandonment schema, but I think it rarely happens that a breakup by itself causes PTSD, and Jordan says it happens "all the time". Previous trauma that has otherwise become latent can also resurface with a breakup. Here are the criteria for PTSD, fwiw. Also, shrink here.
His treatment idea using situational analysis is very good advice, though. He's trying to get to the common belief present in PTSD -- and probably one of the main if not the main cognitive perpetuators of this disease -- that whatever terrible stuff happened is my fault. This is why PTSD, in addition to being understood as an anxiety disorder, often involves intense shame, the person thinking something defective (another schema) about them caused them to be responsible for the negative situation which precipitated PTSD -- which, nota bene, is different than trauma per se, and there are vast differences between the sexes with regard to who develops PTSD from a traumatic experience, women basically doubling men in this regard presumably given their increased sensitivity to stress, reducible to a large degree perhaps to the fact that estrogen stimulates sympathetic nervous system activation (but progesterone and allopregnenolone from which it's synthesized can moderate this) whereas testosterone cools it. I know, unfair, but it has its evolutionary reasons.
But PTSD breaks down to two things: avoidance of the memory (or memories) of the abuse, and avoidance of challenging beliefs relating to the abuse (such as "it's my fault"). So treatment has two parts:
The first is helping the hippocampus (responsible for memory and organization of events chronologically) and amygdala (responsible for fear), which stop "holding hands" under moments of extreme stress, to begin to "hold hands again", which is done through narrative work, such as writing down the trauma and really "going there" when you're writing it down, because dissociation is part of trauma (protective in nature) that can prevent healing if you're in this state, which is why therapists pay close attention to look for markers for dissociation in the face or body language of clients when counseling them. Clinical social worker Babette Rothschild compares productive trauma work to quickly slightly twisting open and then twisting close an upset carbonated drink; if you open it all at once, you'll get a mess, but if you do this slowly by twisting open and shut, you "fizzle out" the trauma.
This narrative work can be done through narrative therapy, also considered part of a very strongly supported form of therapy called cognitive processing therapy, where you discuss the cognitive model (it's out thoughts/beliefs which determine our emotions, not the things themselves "out there"), cognitive distortions, have the client write an impact statement (which answers the question, "how did this trauma[s] affect the way you see yourself, others, and your past/future", and constitutes the second part of PTSD therapy, changing key beliefs and avoidance related to them), and then two narratives, the second with more detail than the first. The client can then read the impact statement and narratives in session (which by itself eradicates a lot of shame, an emotion you can't often just "reason away" but needs to be "felt through" in the presence of another understanding and accepting human being, and I've found it to be incredibly helpful to use immediacy clients, meaning we analyze our relationship in the moment to help them access feelings of shame so I as a therapist can say with my words and actions "no, you're normal, you're strong, you're good"). This writing down (which allows for taking as much time as you want, and is often done in longhand so the client can't "speed through" recalling the event as she's writing it) by itself and reading the narrative(s) causes the physiological changes involved with helping the amygdala and hippocampus work together again, which resolves the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts (and nightmares, etc.) which are really the brain's way of wanting to process and organize something that it can't, and nobody naturally wants to intentionally go into the lion's den of their fears.
Another form, which I don't like much at all except after narrative work is done (or while it's being done), is classic imaginal exposure therapy, where the client literally closes her eyes and imagines the traumatic event(s) until they lose their power. What I hate about this approach is that so many therapists seem to think it's just the event(s) itself that causes the trauma, and through focusing on telling and again and again miss that it's the beliefs that are also central, and without addressing these the "retelling" involved with imaginal exposure can take much longer (and be more likely to be overall unsuccessful) than if the beliefs were also addressed. This is why I prefer CPT more, but still add my own flavors, as any good therapist would do, as opposed to just "going by the book," which unfortunately so many therapists working in hospital or MHMR settings don't just voluntarily do but are expected to do.
Sometimes just focusing on the key beliefs can be unimaginably helpful. I had one client whose depression decreased 50% in direct proportion to how much her belief in the thought, "it was my fault I got raped" also decreased according to 0-100% scaling, and this just in a matter of a few sessions by only using an impact statement and having her answer questions on a handout regarding the hindsight bias, usually a central belief involved with PTSD work.
Oh, and I went a bit out of order. The first thing is to really ensure that the client is safe (e.g., not involved with a potential abuser), and then work on emotion regulation skills (deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, exercise, counting to 10, etc.).
Pardon the length, but I love my job (trauma is my specialty). And we haven't even talked about developmental or complex trauma (look up the work of the luminary Bessel van der Kolk, including his unimaginably good book, The Body Keeps the Score for stellar info written for professionals and laypeople regarding classic PTSD but also developmental trauma), its own more complicated beast than PTSD, the latter which tends to involve one specific event which "tips a person over the edge."
Sounds familiar. I was about that age when I had a few episodes that had me convinced I was possessed. (Turns out Naught thinks it's funny to switch to Latin and screw with abusive then-boyfriend. Have been exorcised, 0/10, do not recommend.)
Obviously we can't diagnose you, so speaking with a therapist or psychologist is your best bet. If you have trouble finding one, maybe try going through the guidance counselors at your school and see if they have anyone that they can recommend. Your primary care doctor may also be able to refer you.
That said, going through therapy as a minor, you'll need to be aware that your guardians may have access to your records. You can address this specifically with your therapist - they may be willing to keep the actual physical notes very limited and not discuss things directly with your guardians. Your mom may also be able to seal your records from other people. Depends a lot on your therapist, but their goal is to build trust with you, so chances are if you tell them you're concerned, they'll look out for you.
One of the things generally recommended is journaling often and consistently. Encourage these other parts of yourself to do so as well, and periodically review to see if "anyone else" decided to write to you or if unexplained handwriting shows up. Even if you don't have a dissociative disorder journaling can be useful to record and process your emotions about this stuff. (PTSD is kinda the low end of dissociative disorders, DID being the high end of the spectrum.)
Another thing you can do is read. Read up on trauma. (Not specifically DID, but just general dissociation and stuff can be helpful as a base understanding.) I recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" which is a little dense, but explains how your body reacts to trauma in depth, "Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation, the Hidden Epidemic" which does a reasonably good job of explaining different types of dissociation and has little mini-tests that you can use to gauge your experiences for severity. You might also find other subs like /r/cPTSD helpful.
Anyway. Best of luck to you. Hope you're safe and well both now and in the future. :)
(ETA : sorry, was trying to get this written before therapy and had to come back to it!)
Hey dude.
I can relate quite a bit.
I have the attention span of a gnat on cocaine, so I can definitely relate to the overall tone of your post.
I am going to give you a different perspective than all the other commenters...
Here are my initial impressions:
1.) I am guessing your job is not 100% predictable and there's a decent amount of unpredictability in the day to day activities? That's probably why you are doing fine in that role. Also, since you also run the risk of losing your paycheck (i.e: loss aversion) if you don't perform provides you with a decent incentive to keep showing up and producing results.
2.) Regarding your difficulty of learning and motivation: This provides more evidence about your ADD tendencies. It's not that you are not motivated or don't want to learn, it's just that your brain is wired to chase shiny objects. If you are not stimulated in conversation, work, or any other task at hand - no matter how important others deem it to be, you simply TUNE OUT.
3.) Based on everything you've said thus far, I am going to put forth the following theory:
You grew up in a very dysfunctional / precarious family environment and your relationship with your parents aren't the best. If anything, this was certainly the case in the first few years after you were born. ADD/ADHD is not a disorder, rather, it is a phenotype.
Actually, it's more accurate to say attunement deficit disorder than attention deficit disorder because one of the biggest factors of it is from your mother not giving you proper attention as a baby.
I am also going to guess that you have underdeveloped emotional circuitry as a result of emotional neglect as a child.
This is all related to ADD/ADHD. The area of your brain (pre-frontal cortex and orbitofrontal cortex) that deals with emotional regulation is heavily underdeveloped.
How do I know all of this shit? Because I've spent a decent amount of time trying to understand my own characteristics and it sounds quite similar to yours.
To confirm these theories, I highly recommend that you read or listen to the audiobook version(s) of these books:
..Especially Running on Empty by Jonice Webb.
Here's why: Unlike physical or sexual abuse, it is extremely difficult and subtle to know if you've been emotionally neglected as a child. The reason is that the former is an event that happened (i.e: my dad spanked me) and the latter is an event that didn't happen.
Since you have no reference or experience of what emotional assurance feels like, you don't know if you've been neglected emotionally as a child AFTER you are an adult.
Rather, the symptoms show up as being distracted, ADD, depression, alienation, loneliness etc..
Take this test and if any of the above books confirm my theories, look into the work of Alice Miller and listen to everything she says.
With that said, DON'T GIVE INTO THE UNREALISTIC PRESSURE OF WANTING TO BE AN ENTREPRENEUR.
Because, in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal. Not only that, when you read /r/Entrepreneur and see a 23-year-old making half a million dollars from a business he started 6-months ago, you are going to feel even shittier if you are so attached to being an entrepreneur.
Remember:
On and on....
Take care of your mental health first.
And remember, ADD or being distracted is NOT a disorder, it's a phenotype. (or as I like to call it: Multifocus) -- What you need to do is figure out how to use your tendencies to your benefit and design your life around it.
We have sensationalized the idea of being an Entrepreneur so much so that, all we hear about are successes (i.e: Survivorship bias).
What no one talks about is the psychological toll and the number of suicides that happen as a result of the unrealistic (self-imposed) pressure of wanting to succeed as an Entrepreneur. For example, Austen Heinz was running an incredibly successful startup and abruptly killed himself.
Your happiness and sense of self should be 100% derived from within.
The moment you start basing that on external factors, you are likely going to go down the wrong road.
RELAX.
You got plenty of time.
This ain't a sprint.
It gets better if you understand exactly what it means to have ADHD. You'll feel empowered if you read up on the subject.
I recommend you
There are lots of misconceptions about ADHD out there, so it's hard to understand exactly what to expect or do next until you listen to the experts.
Check out p. 27 here
In her diagnostic interview, an ADHD woman says:
>I was slow to learn how to read, but once I did, I was a voracious reader. Little Women, The secret Garden, Hans Brinker-these were my books. On top of the water tower, under the kitchen table, wherever I could find a spot to be left alone, I'd tug a book out of my pocket and read.
It is NOT true that if you can concentrate and focus enough to read, you cannot have ADHD.
Source: Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward M. Hallowell M.D. & John J. Ratey M.D.
Edit: formatting, grammar.
I found Driven to Distraction helpful. The author has also written a few more books. I haven't read them yet, but they are supposed to be very good.
> I, of course, asked her why she felt that way. She said, "Because you said you did well in school. You got good grades, finished college, etc." She chose to ignore, of course, the 5 major-changes, 2 times I dropped out of college, 2 times I changed colleges, 35 missed days of my senior year of high school and the fact that I sporadically attended class in college.
Wow are you me? This is exactly what happened when I first asked my doctor about ADD. She literally said "You wouldn't have graduated college if you had ADD." I was fuckin pissed when she said that, and when I tried to calmly explain my symptoms, she just dismissed them saying "That sounds more like depression, let me talk to another doctor real quick about prescribing you Lexapro." I protested I wasn't depressed, she left the room anyway. She ended up not giving me Lexapro because she didn't want to give me anything without me talking to a psychologist first.
Around this time, I also moved to the other side of the state, and since I was (and still am) having issues finding a job -or more or less FOCUSING on finding a job -I decided to go to a new doctor in the area and went in with the approach that I was just seeking a referral for a psychologist, she asked why, I explained my symptoms, again she thought maybe depression yadda yadda yadda, BUT she gave me a referral anyways.
A week later I found myself in a psychologists office and I spent two or three weekly sessions explaining my issues, read a couple ADHD books, and took a few ADHD tests. It took about a month of this before she prescribed me anything, but I hung in there knowing the results would be well worth it. And it totally was worth the wait. The 'depression' I had been feeling went away within a few weeks of being on Vyvanse because my head felt clearer and there weren't as many random thoughts going through my brain.
I highly, highly recommend you read Driven to Distraction by Hallowell because it does an absolutely amazing job at describing exactly how it feels to have ADD from childhood to adulthood. Force yourself to read it, I know reading with ADHD is torture sometimes, but there were so many "HOLY SHIT THAT'S ME" moments that it was hard to put it down. Everything was explained from my wild childish imagination to why teachers wrote what they did on report cards ("She's smart but doesn't apply herself!") to why I'd skip class. EVERYTHING.
TL;ADD: I'm serious, read Driven to Distraction by Hallowell!!!!!!!! Armed with the knowledge you get from that book about yourself and your symptoms, you should be able to not only give a more effective 'argument' as to why you think you have ADHD and not depression, but you will also learn a lot about ADHD and why it effects you the way it does.
This was me, and I know exactly why in my case. I had undiagnosed ADD and the brain chemicals that are triggered by the stress of an impending deadline actually allowed my brain to focus.
While there are benefits
>Yeah, and it has worked out well for me recently. I did a ten page single-spaced paper in one eleven hour session the night before it was due and got an A. Also, I put off five weeks of reading until the night before a final and set the curve.
it can also be very troublesome.
>This was me in school, and this has been me in my few-decades-long software engineering career. It's really a problem on self-directed projects where I set the deadline. Things never get done.
As a teacher who was diagnosed with ADD during grad school, I have learned that while it is majorly over-diagnosed in some populations, it is woefully under-diagnosed in others. Extremely intelligent people without the hyperactivity component (which generally leads to diagnosis by driving teachers crazy) generally can do so well in school and work situations by utilizing the last minute focusing ability, that they never get diagnosed.
In some cases, undiagnosed people are perfectly happy to continue on enjoying their time between deadlines and then cramming. Many people, however, no matter what they have achieved, always feel this overwhelming sense that they are not living up to their potential, that they could have done better if only they could have focused themselves. This constant feeling of under-achievement can lead to depression.
I would suggest that anyone who identifies with this do some research about ADD and decide if maybe they should be evaluated -- it saved my life. An excellent book, which includes the DSM-IV criteria for diagnosis in adults is Driven to Distraction.
When I got treatment for ADHD as an adult, it was as simple as finding a psychiatrist (psychologist? The one more focused on medical treatment than talking about your childhood.) that took my insurance, talking about my issues, and then getting on Ritalin. I think you can even go to your GP for it, which I didn't know at the time. It wasn't a long term fix for me but definitely helped me get it under control to the point that I could manage it without medication and I've been off Ritalin now for almost a decade.
This book was also an enormous help to me. Highly recommended.
Best of luck to you. Getting my ADHD under control was a gigantic turning point in my life.
Related to this thread: The Coddling of the American Mind
Jo reminds me a lot of my mother, from whom I'm estranged. Growing up with her was a lot of overwhelmingly inappropriate behavior that turned into sexual abuse (not saying Jo will do this, but it's the same pattern that escalated). I ended up going to therapy about it, and my therapist recommended I read up on borderline personality disorder, which she thought my mother had/has. The inappropriate behavior was never about sexual arousal, she just didn't understand normal boundaries but insisted that she did (so she never wanted to get therapy for it). My father was in sort of a semi-denial about how serious her behavior was - it was only a problem when her behavior negatively affected him. Even if your FIL were healthy, decades of depending on an unhealthy dynamic is difficult to break in a marriage; impossible if he's also physically dependent on her.
For now, I'd recommend visiting your FIL individually without the baby, so you can still check in with him and keep Jo away from your daughter. Any interaction with her and children involved will have to be supervised by other people aware of her issues. This means don't leave her alone with kids and any other family members who see her quirks as no big deal.
For the long-term, I'd suggest you go with your husband to a family therapist to discuss ways to handle your in-laws in regards to Jo. Her behavior isn't normal, so it makes sense that most people don't know the normal reaction to her. I'd also recommend "Understanding the Borderline Mother", which helped me immensely.
Good luck!
So much to say...so much to say. I'll attempt brevity. I'll likely fail.
>I was strong willed growing up. I talked back a lot as a child and would cry anytime my mom left. I deffinitely had abandonment issues after us leaving my bio dad I guess and I was always afraid that the next time she left would be the last time I saw her. So I wasn't perfect. I'd complain about cleaning my room, or yell at her if I got upset about something.
Show me a kid that likes cleaning their room and I'll show you a FREAK. Show me a kid that didn't assert their independence/identity by yelling at their parent and I'll show you a FREAK. Not really but...you sound like a perfectly normal kid.
>Growing up I was a trigger for my mom I now see. Which is completely understandable given that my bio dad is her ex alcoholic, abusive, rapist, husband. So... I'm sure this played a part.
Maybe. But pwBPD lie like they breathe. She may or may not have been raped. Even if she was, you are not the trigger. Your existence is not the reason she behaves the way she does. She behaves the way she does because she is ill and rather than recognize that her behavior hurts others and seek treatment she blame-shifts, demonizes, and gaslights.
>If I stood and listened she would tell me how she could see the evil in my eyes, that I was so cold and heartless and that she had only seen that look on my bio father and I was going to be just like him, that I only cared about myself.
I think you have a BPD "witch" on your hands. I had a BPD "warlock" (my dad). Almost verbatim these words. This kind of situation. It really fucks with your head. Especially as a child. As you do your work when you get back to therapy try to recognize this shit as "tapes". Tapes can be over-written and replaced with better music. Sounds like at the end of your post some people have been giving you some new tapes. Listen to those new tapes often.
>Growing up she always let people have or borrow my things.
They have no respect for boundaries. What is yours is theirs. I could tell you stories...
>I once, stupidly, decided to nicely tell my mom in a conversation that I thought she might have BPD and that she should look into it.
Right? Because maybe the problem is that she doesn't know and now that she does she'll go fix it. You'd fix it? Why wouldn't she? Who doesn't want to solve a problem? She doesn't. She'd rather make her problem your problem. Most books you read on the subject will caution against ever doing this since, as you discovered, it doesn't really go the way you hope it will.
>She claims she doesn't remember the horrible things she has said to me growing up. She tells me she is worried for my son because she thinks that my mind is slipping and that there is something wrong with me.
There's a whole thread here about this. It really is best to "just not remember" for people that don't want to accept responsibility for their words and actions. More gaslighting. I would go ahead and trust your memory. It happened. Memory is weird, so maybe it didn't happen exactly the way you remember but it happened.
Example: I have this memory of my mother giving me a...well...horrible sweater. It was sleeveless, argyle print on the back, and it had an ice-skating bear on the front. I was like...24 going on 25 at the time...so completely inappropriate and I was never going to wear it. I couldn't accept it. I gave it back to her asking her what was going through her mind at the store when she thought her 24 year old daughter would actually want this. She needed to get her $$ back for it. This is one of my "funny" memories. Anyway...I remember the bear having a little flip up skirt. When cleaning her house this past thanksgiving (see post history if interested) we found that sweater. The sweater is pretty much how I remember it...just no flip up skirt.
So yeah...whatever you remember is probably the actual truth.
>My whole life I was her therapist. Not my other siblings, because I was the oldest so I could handle it.
I learned a new term here. Emotional incest. This whole paragraph resonates but especially that last bit "I was the oldest so I could handle it". I have said, felt, expressed those words VERBATIM. I even carried this in to my adult live where I figured anyone in psychic pain really should go ahead and give it to me cos I can handle it better than they can. I know what I'm doing and they are clearly in need. Yeah, I'm not a fucking therapist so I don't do that anymore. This is a boundaries thing. Absorbing the pain of others is not your responsibility. Accepting this and not automatically stepping in to assume the pain will take some practice, and your future therapist can help you with it.
So welcome member of the tribe. I'm sorry you've been separated from us for so long but you're here now with your family. We are big and we are strong. So get yourself something to eat. Read through this sub and anything you can get your hands on for as much as you need it over the next couple of months until you can get back to therapy.
People will recommend many books. My favorite was Understanding the Borderline Mother. A lot of us here have read it. It goes through the various manifestations of BPD from the witch to the waif. Waifs can have their witch moments just as witches can have their waif moments so while the book draws distinctions it is likely you'll see aspects of you mom in all the archetypes.
My comment is now almost as long as your post. I wish you well and perhaps we'll see you around here moving forward. BIG HUG!
The question you posed is perfectly valid and totally allowed to be posted here. :) The rest of the community may also have some great ideas to help you, here are some of my suggestions.
You could ask your therapist if she was comfortable reviewing some of the exercises with you. (Some therapists will not go this route though if they are uncomfortable with it.. but it can't hurt to ask.) Purchase one of the DBT books, Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder (this is the first edition but has handouts at the back of the book, and is less costly than the 2nd edition which is split into two books) or The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. Use them it a guide, and do the exercises. This may give you a bit more accountability in keeping with them.
Another way that some people have suggested is to print out a 'cheat sheet' (example 1, example 2 example 3) of the skills and keep it in a highly visible place in their home (bathroom/bedroom/kitchen).
You could also try doing a diary card every day to get into the habit of 'checking in' Either on paper or there are apps that also do this (although I don't know how great they are)
Try to not get discouraged going it on your own. I've had personal accounts from people who are in the same or similar situations as yourself who have had success with self study.
It comes from this book
The basic idea is that there are wolves, sheep, and sheepdogs. Wolves are the criminals, sheeps are civilians, and sheepdogs are police/military I think.
The sheep live happy lives and don't like having the sheepdog around, until the wolves come by. Then they beg for the sheepdog to save them.
Personally, I think it's really dumb. But that's where it comes from.
It really depends on the tone you're going for in your writing. If you want it to be realistic, I'd recommend checking out "Violence: a Writer's Guide" by Rory Miller. Other good sources would be "On Combat" and "On Killing"
http://www.amazon.com/Violence-A-Writers-Guide-ebook/dp/B004EYTBNA/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912178&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=violence+a+writer%27s+guide
http://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912249&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+combat
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912264&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=on+killing+the+psychological+cost+of+learning+to+kill+in+war+and+society
> have an avid interest in medicine, especially those that treat mental and emotional and neurological disorders.
Just buy this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Stahls-Essential-Psychopharmacology-Neuroscientific-Applications/dp/1107686466
The real TL;DR is that, as much as we like to think we know about the way antidepressants work, we really don't understand the whole picture. If you don't respond to one SSRI, you may respond to a different SSRI. There's a lot of rules of thumb about side effects and potency related to the neurotransmitter targets, but if you're looking at receptor binding profiles in an attempt to tailor therapy you're venturing outside the bounds of the demonstrated clinical effects of the medications in this class. We're not even at the point where we understand the implications of all the receptors involved, much less tailoring therapy using pk parameters to individuals.
Dette er et fryktelig skummel global (vestlig) trend, og det ser bare ut til å bli verre.
Et nytt studie viste nettopp at polariseringen i USA er verre enn mange tror. Og det blir ikke bedre med det første.
Tverrpolitisk samarbeid er ikke-eksisterende, fiendskapet er ekstremt, det hagler med merkelapper og skjellsord, det er ikke rom for nyanser, det er ekstrem vi-mot-dem-tankegang. Mye er svart-hvitt.
Se f.eks. på Kavanaugh-høringene nå. Twitteren min koker iallfall enda.
Leser Coddling of the American Mind av Jonathan Haidt nå, som ser ut til å toutche litt i innpå noen av fenomene man ser nå. Det gjelder kanskje først og fremst den nye generasjonen (iGen) som nå er kommet opp på universiteter, arbeidsliv og politikk.
Det er trist, mange snakker om polariseringen og ønsker å gjøre noe med det, men ingen ser ut til å vite hva som skal til.
Kanskje forby sosiale medier? :)
I think Frenchy needs to be on Uni grounds during student elections. There are some A Grade dickheads who make the campus a very unpleasant place to be
In any event, rather than wasting time on a stupid code, University Academics should read The Coddling of the American Mind
There’s some interesting points the authors make on Academic institutions not supporting discourse.
It's great that she has a diagnosis and is willing to work on it. That's a good sign. You should consider in your decision making related to your family that you have made not only a commitment to your wife, but also to your child. As the non-BPD parent, it is your utmost responsibility to protect your child from emotional and physical abuse that a BPD mother can inflict on him or her. I'm not saying that your wife is abusive now, or that she will be in the future. I'm just saying that if there is abuse at any time, your commitment to your child(ren) must take precedence over your commitment to your wife.
Beyond abuse (which, again, I'm not saying is happening or will happen), your children are going to face the emotional challenge of dealing with a borderline mother. You might be able to handle her ups and downs and her wild escapes from reality, but your child is not born with those coping skills. Because your child is exposed to this on a day to day basis, I strongly recommend that you read this book: Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship. I am a child of a borderline mother, and this book describes my childhood relationship with my mother so accurately that it is unnerving.
Hi! Welcome to the club. Mine disowned me for having the temerity of getting married. Refused to make any plans with me to meet my husband and then complained that he's a stranger. It was the last item in a long list of whacko behaviors while growing up.
If your college library can get their hands on it, I recommend reading "Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship" Cliff notes version here
The disowning is what she thinks is her biggest weapon in her arsenal. She is holding the financial sword over your head. Do not engage. Do not reward bad behavior with a reaction. Ignore it. You have a stepfather and an aunt to help you through this and confirm that you are not the one acting in bad manner.
She has shown you a pattern of saying bad things and then "apologizing" for them later. Writing you out and canceling your ticket is going to cost her money, so I doubt she will follow through with what she is threatening.
Will finishing college get you finally out of her control? (which is a big issue for her, no doubt) How long do you have left? Can you just grit your teeth and chug towards graduation?
Good luck and much love.
> IMHO that and not enough training is contributes to so much inaccuracy.
I was in the NYPD academy in the early 2000s. I don't know about the Glock trigger because I was issued a Sig Sauer P226k....but I can tell you, scarily, that it's pretty damn easy to "qualify" to department standards.
That and we studied the Diallo shooting in class. While it was clearly a bad shooting (meaning not justified) there were two key elements to the controversial "41 shots". The first...and really the worst element was that one officer had his finger on the trigger while he was moving forward (poor trigger discipline)....tripped and fell. The other officers simultaneously hear the shot, see the officer fall and believed that he was shot...so they returned fire. The reason they fired 41 shots...was because we were told that at the time, the procedure was not "double-tap and reassess"...but rather fire until the threat is neutralized...and if you run out, perform a combat reload.
Now I am not a tactician, not a forensic expert, not a criminologist....or anything closely resembling any of those things. I'm not even a police officer (I resigned from the academy). I only know what I was taught while I was there (rather, what I can remember from what I was taught) and the bit I've read on the physiology of the brain during a combat situation. On Combat by Dave Grossman is an excellent read.
Now I want to stress that I'm not not making moral commentary on the shooting itself....other than to say it was not a justified shooting. But if you do some reading on the subject (since most of us lack combat experience) is that you can understand why things happen the way they do. I really do suggest that people read that book. That one and The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Experts Assess a President
Apparently, there's a lot of influential people saying he is crazy/dangerous.
I wish I was joking.
>No they aren't.
Yes. They are.
https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459
https://www.salon.com/2019/02/22/yale-psych-prof-if-trump-werent-president-he-would-be-contained-and-evaluated/
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2019/04/09/does-donald-trump-have-dementia-we-need-know-psychologist-column/3404007002/
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/06/the-mind-of-donald-trump/480771/
https://www.baltimoresun.com/opinion/columnists/dan-rodricks/bs-roughly-speaking-a-psychologist-warns-trumps-narcissim-could-lead-to-fascism-20181109-htmlstory.html
https://psychcentral.com/lib/donald-trump-and-the-narcissistic-illusion-of-grandiosity/
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/09/donald-trump-not-well/597640/
You might call these sources biased or the psychologists in them unethical, but that doesnt change the fact that the presidents menthal health is in question by professsionals.
I wont pretend to know as much about clinical diagnoses and the ethics of psychological evaluations, especially if you are who you say you are. But cant you admit that there are signs that cause concerns? Especially in regards to his narcissistic personality disorder? Dont you realize that inherently people with narcissistic personality disorder dont seek help, how can you diagnose it if they never actually sit down in a clinical setting?
This book breaks it down well, from a variety of psychological perspectives.
Godddamn, can you not be such a sucker? "A fountain of psychological information regarding this administration." LMAO. trump and his followers are absurdly simple organisms, and trump's mental instability has been examined and explained AT LENGTH by very well-qualified experts.
There is absolutely nothing complicated about the trump phenomenon. Each faction within the republican party is fueled by their primary ideology, be it abortion, racism, xenophobia, corporate greed, preserving power, etc... and trump, a colossally corrupt con man is simply lying about absolutely anything and leveraging their hatred, fear, greed and stupidity to rip the country off, stay out of prison and avoid the repercussions of displeasing Putin, who has a staggering amount of kompromat against him. That's pretty much it, dude. You don't need some slimy Wall St. fuck to tell you what should be painfully obvious.
I hate Trump a fair bit, and that goes back to well before he was elected. He's a garbage human.
That said, there is really good body of evidence that he is just not well physically, and most likely has dementia or Alzheimer's. The anonymous op-ed in the Times is only the latest confirmation of it, not the first time it's been pointed out.
I mean, there have literally been books written about it. As much as it pains me to say it, Donald Trump is not completely to blame for every horrible thing he does because some of it is caused by a medical condition that affects him mentally.
What's important about that is that he shouldn't be serving as President because he's not able to do it, and everyone paying attention, especially everyone who interacts with him, knows it.
The other thing is that people shouldn't mock someone for medical problems or mental illness, even if that person is Donald Trump. I have great confidence that Trump would be just as shitty even if he didn't have dementia, but since he does I just want him to stop endangering the country, get help, and be taken care of. Get him out of office, let him watch as much Fox & Friends as he wants and rant on Twitter all day. It's what makes him happy, apparently.
I know what it's like to see people disappear slowly over time due to dementia, and it's horrible beyond imagining. I would not wish it on anyone. Not even Donald Trump.
He does a lot of horrible things, but he's also old and sick. If he was just some guy in a nursing home it would be just another Wednesday. The difference is he 's in the highest office in the land, so that needs to be removed from the equation.
He's unfit and has dementia.
Also a whole boatload of psychiatric conditions.
''The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Experts Assess a President'' Hardcover – October 3, 2017
Sounds like you've encountered a True Believer.
From the wiki about this book:
>"mass movements appeal to people who want to escape a flawed self by creating an imaginary self and joining a collective whole. Some categories of people who may be attracted to mass movements include poor people, misfits, former soldiers, and people who feel thwarted in their endeavors. Hoffer quotes extensively from leaders of the Nazi and communist parties in the early part of the 20th Century, to demonstrate, among other things, that they were competing for adherents from the same pool of people predisposed to support mass movements. Despite the two parties' fierce antagonism, they were more likely to gain recruits from their opposing party than from moderates with no affiliation to either."
>"The book also explores the behavior of mass movements once they become established (or leave the "active phase"). With their collapse of a communal framework people can no longer defeat the feelings of insecurity and uncertainty by belonging to a compact whole. If the isolated individual lacks vast opportunities for personal advancement, development of talents, and action (such as those found on a frontier), he will seek substitutes. These substitutes would be pride instead of self-confidence, memberships in a collective whole like a mass movement, absolute certainty instead of understanding."
1984 is phenomenal, one of my very favorite books. Orwell was a genius of sociology. However, some of Orwell's best ideas are obscured by the fact that this is a novel.
If you want to have your mind truly blown, please, please, please get a copy of The True Believer.
A work of genius about the sociology of mass movements, short, written in extremely clear, unacademic language.
The show definitely explores themes of trauma, how it can linger and influence us even when we aren’t aware of it. I’m a therapist and was doing a trauma informed training last year when it was on plus working with a lot of clients who had experienced complex trauma. Since I couldn’t talk about them with my bf, I tried to get him interested in discussing the characters but he wasn’t interested (he works with computers). It is interesting to hear someone else’s take!
Off topic but this is a great book for anyone living with PTSD the body keeps the score
Remember you are not your diagnosis. It doesn't mean you will be depressed and anxious forever. It means that's what you are dealing with right now. Maybe the anxiety and depression were indicators that you really needed to get out of that relationship. They are symptoms of your life at the time. So getting out of that relationship was possibly the best thing that could happen because it's a step in the right direction. One of the best things you can do in this time is read a good relationship book or listen to one. There are really good books for help with trauma experiences as well.
It's tough being on your own but being alone and working on healing is better than being with someone who pushes you down. Work on healing and being confident and comfortable being alone. If we switch the terminology, don't worry about being alone, work on being alone without being lonely. Remember Superman's fortress of solitude. Sometimes being alone is the best way to think and to decompress and to find that quiet space where we're comfortable with ourselves and the universe.
Consider keeping a journal of your thoughts to help you work on your anxieties but also to rediscover who you are. You don't have to write a lot, just enough to remember the persistent ones you're working on or things you would like to prioritize. Use the journal to plan things you want to do. It helps to do one small thing each day. Check out bullet journal and poke around r/bujo as a means of personal organization and discovery.
Who were you before this toxic relationship? Can you remember parts of that person you can reconnect with? You don't have to go back to that but it can help be a guide to who you are now and will be tomorrow. We have experiences and then we look back and evaluate them. The goals we have today are what we use to do that. If your goals change, how we view the past changes. You are changing and that's the best thing that can happen if you were recently in a negative place. Protect your "area", wave your arms over your head and around you and say "this is mine." Claim your space. Get your power back.
Online therapeutic classes can be expensive but there are several you can take here after a one time $10 registration fee. Take notes in your journal on what seems like it helps. Don't make it all work. Watch movies and read books you enjoy. Most of all be kind to yourself while you are figuring it out. Don't judge yourself harshly or beat yourself up about anything that happened. It's all in the past. Focus on today and tomorrow. Hang in there!
I am very sorry to hear about that, your experience is the opposite of what should happen and it really sickens and saddens me.
We got aware of our system about a year ago, our abuse was mainly caused by our father aswell. We spent long time in denial, infact we still get in denial sometimes. How ever the more I've gotten to know myself, better our communication has gotten, and more accepting I have been towards ALL the parts, more whole and strong I have felt.
When we get depressed about the past, or worried about the future, we remind ourselfs how lucky we are; we get to experience childlike joy about things, and its definatly not only a bad thing to feel like a teenager every now and then
We will never be alone
It really must suck the therapist broke your trust like that, but dont let it prevent yourself from getting help, can you live a good life without therapy? Maybe, I cannot answer that for you, but we know we tried to deal with everything by ourselfs way too long before getting help, only to realize we do deserve and need it.
Now it might take a while to find a good therapist, meanwhile, knowledge is power, I highly suggest the two following books;
https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks-ebook/dp/B006B7LORY?crid=1EDLIHIN9K5UB&amp;keywords=dissociative+identity+disorder&amp;qid=1536309996&amp;sprefix=dissoci&amp;sr=8-4&amp;ref=mp_s_a_1_4
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748?keywords=trauma+book&amp;qid=1536311130&amp;sr=8-1&amp;ref=mp_s_a_1_1
Now they are not something you should read in a day. Or something you can read in a day. I spent months myself, sometimes only reading a page at the time, but they both provided me with alot of information that really helped me.
Also, try journaling, for us its been an amazing way to communicate, for start it was a bit scary, but inner communication is the key
All of your alters togeather with you make you
All of them are capable of learning and growing
Every one of them is there for a reason
Give them the love and understanding you would had deserved as a little, and not only the little ones, the angry ones too
Therapy is absolutely worth it imo. BUT and the big but is that you need to find the right kind of therapist. There are many, many different types of therapy out there. Personally? I felt like I wasted thousands on talking therapy in the beginning and I just kept rehashing and reliving the trauma with pretty much no progress.
The therapies that I got the most out of because of my trauma was 1. Havening - had the quickest most immediate response to this so therefore it ended up being the cheapest 2. Hypnotherapy - I got a lot out of this because while I logically knew a lot of truths but so much of it wasn't being accepted by my subconscious for some reason. Hypnotherapy sorted that 3. EMDR - also great.
Now I do talking therapy for current stuff going on in my life to get a sounding board and unbiased opinion. That was just me - but talking to 'fix' was the biggest waste of time and money for me - however, talking to maintain has been great. Ultimately you need to find your own therapeutic path. It's pretty frustrating because there isn't a one size fits all. Then on top of it, especially with talking therapists you need to have a connection. So you are constantly having to give the whole story over and over. I found the other therapies had a much better effect on me and allowed me to connect with a therapist much easier once I felt I was more in maintenance mode vs crisis mode.
Im not sure where you are but I feel like there are probably websites out there that review therapists.
Also: some really great books that helped me (and are much cheaper) are:
Good luck!
This is not a direct answer to your question, but I can't help it. In terms of PTSD, have you heard of or read the book, "The Body Keeps the Score"? It's a book which is mentioned frequently on this sub for survivors of trauma and the people around them. I am finally just now reading it, and the book is mind-blowing <--- and I have had years of therapy, aggregate, largely related trauma. Please look into it. I hope you don't mind my mentioning it. I feel like one of those people who, when you say you suffer from migraines, start telling you ways to cure/avoid migraines, all of which you already know/have tried. I find this book to be exceptional. Just thought I'd mention it. Good luck!
I am normally a lurker here because my "JustNos" are actually my mom's JNparents and have passed away. I'm posting as an adult child of someone who survived abuse, to share a bit of longer term perspective. My JNGF physically and verbally (not sexually I don't think) abused my mom. My JNGM (who was abused by her father, my GGF) did nothing to stop it and was generally an enabler/conflict avoider/rug sweeper. My mom refused to even consider the possibility of having children for a long time because she was afraid that she would subject them to the same abuse that she experienced.
After a lot of therapy, she and my dad decided to have kids (my brother and I). My mom was not perfect. I may have residual issues from her (anxiety which is more of a family trait than just from her). However, she was nothing like her parents. In fact, I've had one of the best/calmest childhoods of almost anyone I know. I have told her this many times, and she still worries that she somehow scarred me irreparably (spoilers: she didn't).
Recently (at around the age of 60), my mom has gone back to therapy to continue to deal with the trauma she suffered. I think it is helping, and I hope some day she will be able to see that she did a great job and to remember that I am lucky to be her child. Until then I will just gently remind her she is great whenever she worries that she is responsible for all the bad parts of me and I am responsible for all the good parts of me.
People are (almost) never all one thing or another. The times you are angry do not invalidate the times you are patient. Obviously we would all love to be all amazeballs all the time. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that, so we try our best and go to therapy when we need help. Remember that you developed these instincts (of judgement, of going NC) to deal with situations that put you and those you love in danger. It is completely unrealistic to expect yourself to immediately divest of these instincts the minute you don't need them. That, like everything else in this world, takes time
A Happy Postscript: My mom's JNparents did actually reform into Mostly yes grandparents. I'm not sure what changed (I suspect it was that all of their children grew up refused to tolerate their crazy). But regardless all of my cousins and I were able to have good relationships with my maternal grandparents. Now this is not to say that this is the usual outcome, and you are ABSOLUTELY justified in being skeptical of real change. I just wanted to say that people change as they get older, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. There may be a time when you are able completely let go of your survival strategies. However, until then, you don't need to feel guilty for having them.
Book Recommendation Post Script: The Body Keeps the Score. I think this was posted on a book list somewhere, but I cannot recommend it enough times to people who experienced any kind of trauma in their lives.
About CPTSD in general? This book by Pete Walker is a pretty seminal work.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492871842/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_ZHsPCbTPKG205_nodl
This other one also helped me a lot, because the physiological crap that comes along with CPTSD is every bit as terrible as the emotional component:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=URYXV0O6HWS6&amp;keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&amp;qid=1554327719&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=the+bidy&amp;sr=8-1
Ultimately though, therapy and journaling are going to be your best starting points for your personal recovery. If you can find a therapist that has experience with trauma, that’s your best bet. I would also recommend seeing a general practitioner and a psychiatrist because of the aforementioned physical issues.
Been loving the responses so far! My own preferences have been changing, and I've been reading a lot more non-fiction than I used to. It has really opened the doors to a lot of books I would not have considered reading before!
On my reading list:
The Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley - this is what I'm almost finished with now. It has been a really insightful read on how little prepared society is for disasters, and the steps we should take to help fix that.
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - I've seen this mentioned on reddit a few times and it's in the same vein as the book I'm currently reading.
Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King
The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce D. Perry
The Lean Startup by Eric Ries - I'm currently working in the startup industry, and have read similar books to this.
The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz - same as the book above. This is currently going around my office right now so I should be reading it soon!
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. - this was recommended to me by a friend when he learned I was reading The Unthinkable and The Gift of Fear. Honestly really looking forward to reading this one!
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society
Books I'd recommend:
Blink by Malcom Gladwell - all about the subconscious mind and the clues we pick up without realizing it. Pretty sure reading this book has helped me out in weird situations.
Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future by Ashlee Vance - amazing read about how Elon Musk works and the person he is.
The Circle by Dave Eggers - just don't watch the movie :)
> Why do I miss it?
I recommend this book that discusses it:
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1520387903&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=tribe+sebastian+junger
Reading: Tribe, by Sebastian Junger. Already half way through it. Introspection on society and war and anxiety/PTSD/depression... It's just wild.
Watching: Ozark on Netflix. Wild show, and pretty engaging.
Listening to: CONVERGE, "Eve." probably give most people an aneurism, but CONVERGE is one of the most talented and influential bands of it's genre. Totally get disimssing it as "ah, screaming" but they teach their album Jane Doe at Berklee College of Music. Their lead singer Jacob Bannon does all the art too, which... The cover for Jane Doe is iconic
Anyway, I listen to everything from Ravel to Rammstein to Red Hot Chilli Peppers to Rihanna (okay maybe not Rihanna), but that harcore/metal has always had a special place in my heart, and their new album sounds amazing.
Are you familiar with Dialectical Behavior Therapy? It was based on CBT and has a large mindfulness component. It's an empirically supported treatment for many presenting problems, as well.
This book and [this book] (https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Solution-Intense-Emotions-Personality-ebook/dp/B0197SJPDI/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1523374715&amp;sr=8-5&amp;keywords=dbt+book) might be helpful and along the lines of what you're looking for.
THIS book has everything you need. I would recommend starting with mindfulness (the book has all of the skills and handouts as well as the worksheets/homework associated with them). Then work through the other modules (Emotion Regulation, Interpersonal Effectiveness, and Distress Tolerance) in any order. If you're in a bad place now I recommend starting with Distress Tolerance because that is the most immediately useful.
Most DBT classes introduce one skill per week and assign the associated worksheet(s) as homework. You can work through the skills at any pace you'd like but I like having a whole week to focus on practicing and using a single skill.
DBT stands for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It is a treatment developed by Marsha Linehan, originally to treat chronically suicidal patients and those with Borderline Personality Disorder. It has since been shown as an effective form treatment for many other diagnoses as well, such as those with PTSD, substance abuse, mood disorders, eating disorders, and ADHD. Those who seek DBT are frequently those who experience intense emotions and emotional distress. It is made up of four components: mindfulness, emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance. A typical DBT program consists of a once-weekly 2 hour DBT group that lasts 6-12 months, a once a week therapy session, and the ability for the client to have access to their therapist via phone for phone coaching.
Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any more questions!
I approach therapists the way I do online dating. Instead of looking for things I want, I look for red flags and stop the conversation there.
I think not wanting to be on meds shouldn't be something to focus on if your mind is set, and if they seem like they want to push on that, it's not going to be productive.
Does the therapist talk more then you do? For me, that's a deal breaker. I don't want to hear anecdotes or a long explanation of their credentials. I want to be guided, not lectured. Maybe personal preference.
Note how "challenging" the therapist is with you. Do you want someone who will push back against you/call you out (this is extremely helpful in many cases), or do you want someone with a more subtle approach? I'm personally sensitive to criticism so I need a lighter touch.
Does the therapist seem to have negative attitudes or limited experience regarding groups you belong to? LGBT, POC, bipolar patients (I once had one for couples therapy whose ex husband was bipolar; that didn't work out), age, gender, etc.
In your sessions, with a tight budget, you want to maximize efficiency. You need to target the most impacting areas of your life so you can get the most overall improvement from your time there.
They're going to want to know what your current most pressing issues are. Bring a little list of ways your bipolar has impacted your life.
Also see if you can identify the most important/relevant details from your life history so you can quickly give them background information. "I was raised in city, my family was generally supportive/dysfunctional/close/etc., I've had these experiences with therapy in the past, these three events changed the course of my life, I was diagnosed years ago, my worst manic/depressive episode was like this..."
If you want to get into DBT, read about the four major aspects about it and see if you can identify the part you want to focus on the most. I highly recommend getting the official manual. Using part of your budget on this will help you further your therapy along on your own between sessions, making therapy more targeted to your needs based on your own progress. (Sorry for formatting, I'm on my phone.)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572307811/ref=sxts_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1501518111&amp;sr=1&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65
Good luck!
We're all a little nuts here :) I'm happy that you, too, are trying to work on it and improve your life, and I wish you the best of luck!
If you're interested, my husband started DBT a few months back with his therapist and has been using this workbook, which seems to be helping him. We also just discovered this series of posts, which helped him express some things to me and helped me to conceptualize what's going on in his head and what I can do.
I recommend The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide. It's a great book for both of you to go through together. It help my husband understand me a little better and gave him ways to help me more.
There's also this site that has a lot of articles on it and they are really helpful and informative.
I was diagnosed at 5 and thought I grew out of it.
I did not. Instead I was just barely coping. Always in trouble at work, always half-finished projects, all my bills paid late, moving every 6 months. Getting help has changed me from being someone who is chronically late to someone that's 5 minutes early.
To all my ladies with ADHD. YOU ARE NOT A FUCKUP OR A FAILURE.
What's changed my world is understanding how my brain and body work and creating sustainable routines in my life. The way I think is different and I have learned to work with myself instead of against it.
You may needs meds, or counseling, or a combination. But you are not a shitty person. Help is out there.
Recommended reading:
Driven to Distraction:
Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder
Link to Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
The book that I'm reading is Driven to Distraction, one of the authors (Hallowell) also has a podcast about ADHD.
The book was recommended to me by my therapist, from there I found the podcast on my own.
I hope it helps. :)
Oh man do I get you. I've been there/am there and there's great news for you. There's so much you need to hear that will help. I don't have a ton of time and a lot of this you will learn on your own with time so I'm just gonna run though the highlights.
1)You think you need to be somebody else. You're not that person, stop living up to expectations that don't define your reality. Be who you are, not who you think you are. Your thoughts and judgments about who you ought to be are real but they are not reality. In other words. focus on what is and not what you think it should be. That's a recipe for constant struggle throughout your life. I'm 33 and still struggle like you with many of the same issues. It's a good sign that you've caught it this early. Be patient with yourself. Don't love the person you want to be. Love who you are. Be a good friend to yourself and accept that you're not perfect.
Watch this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYlCVwxoL_g
2)Your parents love you. But you don't love them in the same way. It never will be. You can't comprehend the lives they lived before you came along and what it meant to them for you to be in their lives. It's an unequal relationship. It's a pay it forward system. You can appreciate them and show them how much it means to you, but you won't really understand until you have children. One day you will pass that kindness and guidance on to someone else, and they won't return it to you either at least until they are old enough to understand (which tends to be far into adulthood). Be grateful for them, but realize that you are not them. You are not what they want you to be, or even what you want you to be. You are you. Be you. Warts and all.
3)You are procrastinating because you realize subconsciously that you don't have the attention span or the desire to open that can of worms and sort it all out at that moment so you push it till later. It's normal, and lots of people do it because its easier to see the path than to walk the path. You see the route you need to take but you aren't doing anything about it because you are mistaking your intelligence for understanding. Always choose the harder path. Your ability to suffer through the things that you want to do despite them being difficult or uncomfortable will be the single greatest skill you ever learn. Hard work always beat talent when talent doesn't work hard. You are smart enough to see this problem, that most people never even notice. But you haven't learned self discipline yet. It takes years of study and practice. Sometimes it takes lifetimes. Settle in for the long haul. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Be patient with yourself. The only way out, is through. And the only way to make progress is one step at a time.
Read these The Most Important Question of your Life. https://markmanson.net/question
Procrastination https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html
How to beat procrastination https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/11/how-to-beat-procrastination.html
4)You need to be honest with yourself. You don't know anything about yourself. Like seriously. You know NOTHING compared to what you are going to learn in the next 20 years. How could you? You've only just started being self aware a few years ago. You are just starting your path and that is the most wonderful place to be because you get to make mistakes and learn. You try to fail you learn. The difference between the master and the novice is that the master has failed more times than the novice has ever tried. You write as though you've been failing for years. Stop kidding yourself. You don't yet realize how far you are going to go on your journey. All that failure is learning. Be happy for failure. It teaches you WAY more than success ever will. All that failure is so good for you, but you push it away because it feels uncomfortable, because you don't LIKE it. What I'm saying here is you need perspective. You should realign how your looking at this problem. You are on the path little brother. You're already doing what you need to do, relax. Give it lots of time and fill your life with wondrous experiences and you will start to see that this problem you are having is just part of the journey. It's necessary. Learn to love the struggle. Learn to love the fight and not the victory. Your perspective will color your whole mindset about the problem. You seem so worried about fixing the problem, about being better, about acting how you think you SHOULD, but all of that is focusing on the FUTURE! None of that is going to help you get there, focus on what you are doing now and you will be able to get there. Just looking at your destination on the map doesn't help you get there. Take a step. Then another. Repeat. Keep your focus on the step you are taking. Chip away at it. You'll get there.
5) You should seriously consider going to therapy. It's super helpful. They aren't there to fix you. They are there to help you fix you. To be a mirror for you to bounce ideas off of and their job is to reflect what you are doing and saying and show it back to you so you can SEE yourself from the outside (a little bit). They aren't your friend or your parent. They are impartial. They don't care. And that lets them tell you the truth about you. It's seriously one of the best steps you can take for this kind of problem. But remember, they can't do it for you. You have to do the work. Going to therapy doesn't help if you don't take it seriously. It's an active step towards helping yourself.
6) Consider for a moment, that you might be wrong a bit about your depression. You might not be far into it but this struggle is really common for people with depression. In fact it's even more common in people with ADHD, which often leads to depression. Fuck what everyone on the internet and tv says about it. Read for yourself and decide for yourself if the dots line up. I was 27 before I realized I had ADD. It's crazy how you can go your whole life looking through life with tinted glassed and not realize you were wearing them the whole time. Depression is like that too. You don't even realize you've got it until you do some reading. Learning about it will help you deal with it, prevent it, manage it.
Watch this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o
Read the book Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell M.D. and John J. Ratey M.D..
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
It's the book that blew the doors open about the subject in the 90's and showed how prolific is really is. Both authors are doctors who have ADHD. This book changed my life. I had no idea how much I needed it. Even if you don't have ADD this book will help you understand tons of behaviors like procrastination and many of the feelings you described. It's cheap you can get a used copy for like 4 bucks. You may not think it's for you, but in my opinion, I see many of the same feelings and thoughts in your post that I had before I knew what my struggle was.
Final thoughts. You are alive. Enjoy it. Don't let this shit get to you. It's not important. You're only real responsibility in this world is to exist. You don't have to understand it. In the long run everybody's gonna die and eventually the whole planet will be swallowed by the sun. There isn't a great purpose or task of life. The purpose of life is to live. Like dancing. You don't pick a spot on the floor and say you're going to end up there. You just do it. You do it just to do it. Just wiggling because it feels good. Reveling in the fact that your alive. Celebrating for the shear joy of movement, vibrancy and life. There is no purpose. You are free. You are already holding the jewel in your hand. All you have to do is realize it. It's a choice. Happiness is a choice. Love is a choice. Love yourself. Be happy.
Peace
Edit:: If I took all this time to write this to you, then you should take the time to read the readings and videos I sent. Decide right now. I'm going to do these things. Do it now. If you can't do it now, then right now take out your calendar and schedule a time to examine these resources. That's the last thing I forgot to tell you. SCHEDULE YOUR LIFE!!!! IT HELPS SO MUCH! TIME MANAGEMENT IS SUPER IMPORTANT!!!
Time Management from a person with terminal cancer : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTugjssqOT0
Actually a person who is mentally ill can more easily shoot you than a sane person. The military has poured tons of money into figuring out how to get average young men to kill each other.
If your interested in the topic a book called "On Killing" is a must read.
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316330116
The book Delivered from Distraction is excellent and I highly recommend it: https://www.amazon.com/Delivered-Distraction-Getting-Attention-Disorder/dp/0345442318
There's also a fantastic documentary called ADD & Loving it , which helped my husband understand how my ADHD brain works.
I can't even really formulate a coherent response to this because it's late and my meds have worn off, but I'm the exact same way. I THRIVE in high stress, very intense situations or emergencies.
I'm also curious if you've ever read the book Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell? Reading it was a huge turning point for me and my wife and it has really helped a lot.
Read Coddling of the American Mind and get back to me. The universities have been historically left leaning but recently they have become echo chambers. Intentionally or not, they are taught to further their cause rather than try to find the truth. This is not your grandpa's civil rights movement, it is a trojan horse.
I'm posting a link to a great book about ADD if anyone is interested. It provides a lot of comfort and help when it comes to dealing with Attention Deficit Disorder. Driven to Distraction
Sounds like me a few years ago! Not sure what country you’re in because it means different access levels. My GP in Canada sent me to a specialized adhd clinic for rigorous testing which cost me a cool $1000. My bf managed to find a psychiatrist who was covered by the provincial drug plan and cost nothing. So you could ask your GP for a referral to a psychiatrist, conversely you could try asking for a referral to a psychiatrist at a walk in clinic.
This will be a tough road and honestly it’s going to come with a lot of judgement because you’re still “school aged” and even when you’re not, because the medication is a controlled substance you’ll get judgy reactions from pharmacists, insurance companies etc etc because they’re jerks and they just think we’re trying to get high on a medications we rely on to get through the day. Obvs not all are like that. I’m only saying this so you can be prepared to stand your ground and remember it’s ok that you’re seeking treatment to better yourself.
So until you are able to secure a diagnosis (keep pushing because it’s so important for your success if you do have adhd!) there are a few resources that really helped me you can check out:
I always want to be where I’m not: https://www.amazon.ca/Always-Want-Where-Not-Successful-ebook/dp/B00K1LGMJG
Fast minds: how to thrive if you have adhd or think you might: https://www.amazon.ca/Fast-Minds-Thrive-Think-Might/dp/0425274063
Driven to distraction: https://www.amazon.ca/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
I hope you find a bit of peace in a few of these things, and remember that you know yourself the best, keep pushing until you find someone that will listen to you.
Read "On Killing" by Dave Grossman.
Dave Grossman does a very good job of explaining this in his book On Killing.
Paraphrasing, they aren't so much celebrating the fact they just killed someone as they are celebrating that they successfully completed a task they had been trained to do.
Consider it this way. If you spent 6 months of your life training to kick a field goal, and finally its game time and you get to kick a field goal. If you succeed, you are thrilled that you accomplished your goal. If you miss, even if it doesn't cost you the game, you are disappointed in yourself. This feeling is natural regardless of the action you are performing. You can actually see both reactions in the video, the "nice shooting" comment and the "Sorry" when the gunner missed his second volley.
It may seem cold blooded in a soldier, but its just human nature.
So I thought a bit about these comments while I was lifting, and before I address your post point by point and where I agree, and where I disagree, I wanted to say the following. It seems to me that you want to paint Jordan Peterson as being all bad, that he has no redeeming qualities or ideas, and everything about him is repugnant. You seem intelligent to me, so surely you see the problem with this type of thinking, right? Almost no one (I said almost) is ALL bad or ALL good. I like AOC, but I could tell you things I don't like about her. I support Bernie for president, but he has some policies I don't care for. I like Joe Rogan, but there's many things he says I really don't like. I love my dad, but there are things I don't like about him. Do you see what I'm getting at? Virtually every single thing I'm pointing out to you about why people like Jordan Peterson, you're trying to negate and say he's all bad, then you're left confused as to why millions of people adore him. I just wanted to address that beforehand. You seem to be approaching the subject with it already made up in your mind that everything about Jordan Peterson is bad.
>It's not even an "overgeneralization", it's just a completely absurd, out of thin air idea that is grossly misogynistic. He's claiming to read the minds of millions of women and suggesting that they are all masochists that want to be... I dunno raped and killed, I guess... but fundamentalist Muslims? It's just ugly on so many levels.
Aren't you taking his comments a little too far? I mean... he didn't say that. You're just putting words in his mouth and taking his comments further than they actually were. Big Dick Bernie (viva la revolucion) once penned an essay about a woman fantasizing about being raped. Are we going to nail him to a cross for a lifetime for that?
>But that doesn't discredit his work on social justice. That's just a personal failing between his marriage agreement with his wife. There's not really much to talk about there. Same story with Clinton and his blow job. Something like that should have little to no bearing on orthogonal areas of his life.
No it definitely does not discredit his work for social justice. It just adds to my earlier point about the complexity of people, and how no one is all good or bad. It's not completely unrelated, because it speaks to MLK's character, and that's what we're talking about here - people's character. So just like Peterson may say some stupid shit about feminism, or environmentalism, it doesn't have much to do with his work in psychology.
>You're equivocating. It's one thing to think that the world is flat, it's another to think that women can't think for themselves and should be subservient to men.
This is quite confusing to me. You think someone saying the earth is flat would have MORE credibility than someone saying women can't think for themselves? By the way, you're going to need to source that. I have listened to hours and hours of Jordan Peterson's lectures and podcast appearances, and I have definitely never heard him say anything close to what you're asserting here.
>One has very clear socioeconomic downstream effects, while the other is just nonsense. Not only is Peterson a pseudointellectual, he's also mean and unethical in his statements towards women, LGBT and other minority groups.
What has he said that disadvantages minority groups? On this claim I'm going to have to say the following: you're either lying, or you're misinformed. Again, I have listened to hours and hours of him talking, and I have NEVER heard him say a disparaging or mean thing about minorities. In fact, his writing program helps minorities more than it does whites. Here's a piece that NPR did on him about this topic before he became the scary alt-right boogie man:
https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2015/07/10/419202925/the-writing-assignment-that-changes-lives
"He co-authored a paper that demonstrates a startling effect: nearly erasing the gender and ethnic minority achievement gap for 700 students over the course of two years with a short written exercise in setting goals."
So, here NPR is espousing this neat little writing program that he published an academic paper on and how it helped close the academic achievement gap between minorities and whites, and you're telling me he's "mean and unethical towards minority groups". Do you see the lack of congruence here? It doesn't add up.
>How do you know? Based on what you said above, it sounds like there's a whole lot you don't know about his record.
I've read his book, I've listened to every appearance he's made on Joe Rogan, including the one with Brett Weinstein, I'm listening to the audiobook version of 12 rules for life, I watched his Munk Debate appearance, I've listened to hours and hours of his U of T classroom lectures that he's posted on youtube, and I'm about halfway through his lecture series on the psychological significance of the bible. All of this over three years more or less. I have a very, very solid grasp of what JBP believes/thinks and what he doesn't. A much more solid grasp than you do, I'm willing to wager, based on the facts I've just laid out in this paragraph.
>He also denies climate change, despite not having ANY background in the field. None. Not a single day spent as a climate change scientist or a related, interdisciplinary field. Not a SINGLE shred of credibility on the issue... and yet he PROCLAIMS that climate change is a hoax. This is another enormous red flag regarding his ability to intellectualize on wordly matters.
Again, this is another completely unfounded claim, that I have NEVER heard come out of his mouth. This is beginning to get tiresome to have to repeatedly address things that you're claiming he has said or done, that he has actually never said or done.
Here's what wikipedia says on the matter:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_Peterson#Climate_change
"Peterson doubts the scientific consensus on climate change.[129][130] Peterson has said he is "very skeptical of the models that are used to predict climate change".[131] He has also said, "You can't trust the data because too much ideology is involved".[132][130]"
While his take on climate change IS bad, there is very clearly a world of difference between "climate change is a hoax", and "I am skeptical of the models being used". Surely you can agree that those positions have worlds between them, right? So, here again, you have made strawman characterizations about him that I have again demonstrated are wrong/fabricated/whatever. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're not lying, and that you've been mislead.
>Oh, come on. His self help book is just repackaged ideas that you could find on any Tony Robbins tape. His academic work in psychology is not particularly offense but, from what I understand, is not particularly remarkable to other psychologists (there's a fairly large thread about this in the AskPsychologists sub). What is so brilliant about him?
Well, when you consider that going by academic citations, which is a fairly good metric for evaluating an academics credibility and success, he is in the top 1% of the world's publishing social scientists. I mean, regardless of ANYTHING else about his academic career, surely you can acknowledge that being in the top 1% of publishing social scientists by academic citations, is pretty impressive.
Have you read his book? Because at this point its starting to seem more and more like you've actually consumed/read/listened to very very little of his work, and you've let other people characterize his works for you, and you assumed those characterizations were accurate. See: the other examples in this post where I have demonstrated that you inaccurately characterized him.
If you continue to mischaracterize him and not take a good-faith approach to analyzing his works, you're going to continue to fall flat on your face in understanding why his book sold over 3 million copies in two years, why thousands of people are attending his lectures, and why millions of people are tuning into his video and audio content.
If you want a dense psychology work from him, check out his book "maps of meaning".
https://www.amazon.com/Maps-Meaning-Architecture-Jordan-Peterson/dp/0415922224
It's a much denser, more complex philosophical/psychological work. 12 rules for life was not written for Cambridge or MIT professors. Or even general lower level academics. 12 rules for life was written for the common person. IMO, he does a solid job of synthesizing some of the great ideas from a selection of the great thinkers of the 19th and 20th centuries (Jung, Freud, Dostoevsky, Nietzsche and others), while bringing them into the 21st century and making them easily digestible for the common person, while adding his on take on top of it all. What do you feel is more reasonable: that it's just "tony robbins" self-help fake motivational bullshit, or the complex and nuanced view of the book I've just given? Come on.
You can read more about this in my detailed breakdown of the story
I began reading one of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's books that he recommended, the Gulag Archipelago. After that, I think I'll read his book, Maps of Meaning.
Hey. I know your feeling exactly. In fact, Pete Walker talks about it in his book, that feeling when you realize after all the diagnoses you've been collecting that explain your problem except not really and you've found the actual fucking answer. It's a great feeling in a sea of not so great feelings.
The books in the sidebar are amazing reads.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
http://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/
The first book devotes almost fully the second half to treatments.
I personally burned out on shitty therapists before I had my own mind blown so I've not gotten professional help. However, I have see people in this subreddit rave about EMDR and Somatic experiencing.
Bessel Van Der Kolk says mindfulness is key but that there is no easy solution. So, mindfulness meditation, yoga, tai chi, things like this are a great idea to start doing right now.
Belleruth Naparstek - Invisible Heroes
Bessel Van Der Kolk - The Body Keeps The Score
I recently read a book called "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma." (My library had it, so I borrowed it for free.)
It talks a lot about the connection between the body and trauma, anxiety, and depression, and discusses a lot of body-based treatments. There's a whole section on yoga! They mention other specific types of treatments, including EMDR, which my therapist is trained in and offers. It has been tremendously helpful to me, whereas cognitive-behavioral therapy only offered temporary relief.
My therapist said to me that the longest distance in the world is the one between the head and the heart. So while I can change my thoughts through CBT, which can be helpful, it's much harder to change the body or the emotions. Treatments like EMDR, neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, and others can help. Doing things to give yourself a sense of connection with your body will help. Yoga, dance, theater, and massage are all discussed in the book as helpful, scientifically-proven options. The guy who wrote it is an M.D. who runs a trauma clinic.
Link to the book, if you'd like to learn more: http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
Harvard article about yoga for anxiety and depression: http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/yoga-for-anxiety-and-depression
Mindfulness meditation is another proven way to reduce anxiety. More information about how to practice it is available here: http://www.lionsroar.com/how-to-do-mindfulness-meditation/
Here's an article summarizing the results of a meta-analysis of the effectiveness on mindfulness meditation on treating anxiety and depression: http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/01/07/260470831/mindfulness-meditation-can-help-relieve-anxiety-and-depression
ADHD/f, 35 years old here.
If you've asked her what is wrong and she told you nothing, then don't treat her like she's being dishonest about it. (Not saying you are! Just saying - don't keep asking.) Even if there is something wrong, she may not be ready to talk about it or she may not even know quite how to articulate it yet. Just let her know that you're there for her anytime she wants to talk or needs help, no matter how trivial her problems might seem to her, and leave it at that.
I've had boyfriends that thought the answer to this kind of situation was to shower more attention on me, which I then felt obligated to respond to when there was already an increased demand on my time and focus, which stressed me out even more!
So respect her personal space, both physical AND mental. If she needs some extra time to herself during stressful periods, then that's the best thing you can do for her. Try not to take it too personally, especially since you mentioned she's applying to med school. My best friend applied to law school this past spring and she was an absolute mess from the time she started narrowing down schools until she got accepted - we're talking months here - and she doesn't even have ADHD.
I think it's great that you're dedicated to keeping your relationship healthy. I would strongly recommend that you read Driven To Distraction by Edward Hallowell if you haven't already. It gives a generally useful overview of ADHD but also talks about relationships. I think it would give you some additional insight that might be helpful.
Good luck!
In Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the undoing of moral character, Dr. Jonathan Shay examines the additional situational elements that are predictors of the likelihood an individual will develop PTSD.
LtCol Grossman has also written on this subject in On Combat and On Killing.
Shared experience, supportive debriefing, command climate, fatigue level, witness to/participation in crimes or atrocities, cover-ups, moral conflict, relationship to wounded/killed... all of these things shape the experience.
A well-trained warrior may have no regrets or disturbances at having killed numerous enemy troops or even losing comrades if he was well cared for and supported by his command and unit.
But an under-prepared & overly fatigued warrior who saw injured children, or was involved in actions that terrorized civilians, while a member of an abusive command and separated from his buddies may experience moderate to even severe PTSD.
There is much more to PTSD than the volume of fire to which one was exposed or the MOS and duty assignment that may be reflected in paper records.
It seems like you're confusing morals (the right thing to do in a situation) with a blend of justification and psychological consequence. Your example of someone killing another and feeling subjectively justified does not show that killing is moral or immoral. There isn't a connection between the two. Feeling justified in killing may reduce the occurrence of psychopathological conditions such as posttraumatic stress disorder, but again, this does not mean it is moral. (For an interesting, although mostly anecdotal, account of a link between justification in war and posttraumatic stress, you might want to check out Jonathan Shay's book, Achilles in Vietnam.
The people pointing to the philosophy forums are correct, you're looking more for a philosophical argument regarding ethics/morals than a psychological one.
Depending on when you went to college, the guy might've stolen the idea a bit because Jonathan Shay wrote a pair of books published in the mid-90s to early-00s titled Achilles in Vietnam and Odysseus in America which are academic works about the Iliad and the Odyssey using them as a lens to understand psychological illnesses in veterans who saw combat.
This helped me a lot with my childhood trauma. Mindfulness, meditation, yoga, breathwork, therapy and EMDR as well.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Dissociation is a self defense mechanism of your brain that occurs when a stressful situation becomes too overwhelming for you to handle. It is often caused by trauma, chronic stress, drugs, or head injury. It is a part of the fight or flight response and specifically happens when you can neither face the danger in front of you or run away from it which results in you dissociating from there here and now(the present). It often results in emotional and physical blunting and cognitive problems.
This book will offer you a great deal in understanding trauma, dissociation, and treatment options: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
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If you want the short version of treatment options from the book and can't be bothered to read:
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Meditation, mindfulness, EMDR, neurofeedback, yoga/martial arts (types of mindfulness), microdosing MDMA. Also, human connection helps but if that triggers you then connections to animals may help too. I may have missed some, read the book, it has a story of someone with DID becoming cured.
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r/CPTSD reddit might be more helpful to you as dissociation is often a symptom of PTSD.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_XWpvCbGF8E8ZD
I think Bessel van der Kolk talks about that in The Body Keeps the Score, too.
It's the Trauma. Get marriage counselling ASAP. Make sure the therapist is trauma informed. Somatic and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) would be key words to look for. Your wife has a brain injury. Check out The Body Keeps the Score and Supportfor Partners:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
http://www.supportforpartners.org/
It would be a good idea to add a section about Trauma, since so many JWs not only experienced religious trauma but also family dysfunction at different levels of severity.
This book in particular Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is a must read. It's available in English, German and as of this month in Spanish as well.
The Emotionally Absent Mother is another great one.
And finally, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
A section on helpful resources for rebuilding your life could include this book:
The Power of Habit , out of everything I read, this book, along with meditation, played a major role in helping me break the patterns of depression so that I could get my energy back and become productive again.
And finally, a section on finances might be another good idea. I haven't really dived into that yet myself, but I'm sure it would be extremely helpful for a lot of ExJWs. Maybe others have good recommendations.
As for fiction, this book had me crying for days. It's specific to the Dominican, Latin American experience but I think anyone, especially young women, with dreams and an unsupportive, religious fanatic of a mother can relate.
The Poet X
That depends on your past! If you've gone through some trauma it can be very difficult to reconcile the things that have happened in your life. If that's the case for you I would highly recommend trauma therapy (if you can afford it) and/or the book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
Exactly - PTSD and CPTSD are as much physical as mental or chemical.
The Body Keeps the Score
You're the one experiencing your life, not all of us commenting here. You are the authority on your experience - there are many roads to healing, and not everyone is lucky enough to be in a position where they have the resources, support, money, stability, time, and safety to do that work.
You typically get a referral to a psychiatrist from a family doctor. However, a lot of family docs will write prescriptions for the non-addictive meds. I have had a long-standing prescription to one of the more addictive/potential for abuse ADHD medications, so I have to get mine from a psychiatrist.
I highly recommend the book "Driven to Distraction"
http://www.amazon.ca/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and dealt with it from kindergarten through college, I'll be the first to say that medication is, at best, a "band-aid." There are practical solutions and strategies one can implement to help live with ADHD that don't involve medicine. Depending on severity, this can take years of practice, but it's ultimately worth it.
First, of course, you need to make sure you're diagnosed correctly by a doctor who specializes in working with patients who have ADD or ADHD. ADD/ADHD can be confused with all sorts of different disorders (e.g. auditory processing disorder, etc.) If you're looking for a book, I'd recommend Dr. Edward M. Hallowell's Driven to Distraction. Personally, I worked through some of his books (among others) while seeing a psychotherapist who specializes in ADD/ADHD. Take your time finding a good one or get a recommendation from a friend if possible.
Girl, I am in exactly the same position as you. Actually created an account just to comment on this b/c it really struck a chord with me. I did get to a psychiatrist to officially diagnose me -- but couldn't afford to keep seeing him every 3 months to renew the prescription, so I am now medicine-free again :/
Here are some things that I've been working with over the past year:
That is the sum total of my current low-cost ADHD self-care system! If I am consistently implementing all those things, and engaging supportive and helpful friends as coaches, I feel really good about my life. I am still a space cadet, but the important shit gets done and more importantly, I don't hate myself so much. Er, too real? No we're cool. Keeping on keeping on.
Good luck!
Try Driven to Distraction
http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
Audio book is on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdQH9i5-aUo
As the one with ADD in my relationship, I highly recommend you get a copy of Driven To Distraction. It has a chapter specifically dedicated to relationships, and it's for both the one "afflicted" and the one "inflicted" if you get my meaning. ;) I don't know if it's worth owning, so check it out from your library if you can. It has a lot of insight to the kinds of questions you're asking and it says things a lot better than I ever could.
Honestly, it's going to get easier, and then it's going to get harder. Expect to take a few months (at least) to figure out the appropriate meds and the right dosage for you, to learn what the meds can fix and what they can't, and to learn how to deal with side effects like insomnia and irritability. Then you'll need to come up with strategies for stuff the meds won't touch, because as half the people on this sub will tell you, Adderall can just as easily be used to keep you focused on homework as it can be to spend seven hours sorting everything in your living room by color. It helps. It helps so much. But it's not magic and you have to point it in the right direction.
If you've got any kind of student health coverage, you might have access to a therapist who has ADHD-specific experience who can help you explore coping mechanisms like planners, calendars, checklists, etc. and sort real tasks from small distractions. (In my experience, therapists who don't have ADHD experience aren't much use. If I had a nickel for every one who told me to study harder, I'd have at least 15¢.) If not, read the books Taking Charge of Adult ADHD and Driven to Distraction.
Source: I was diagnosed halfway through college, and even with medication, it took me an extra two years to get my undergrad degree. (The meds also fucked with my sleep something fierce.) My undergrad capstone project came out all right, but I ignored all my other coursework and scraped by with a 2.3 in-major GPA. Years later, I'm working in industry and have put together a suite of checklists and calendars to get me through the day-to-day, but long-term planning and prioritization are still rough.
It took me about 10 minutes to read the first article (pausing twice for reflection) and eight minutes to get through the second. So 18 minutes. I commend you for the accuracy of your estimate!
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That said, I am going to leave a fragmented response, because it is what I do...so let me make sure I address you central questions first.
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>To what extent would you agree that society has moved or is attempting to move to a moral framework which prizes "victimhood" as the most effective means for rallying support?
"Us" vs. "them" is central to politics, no matter your political alignment. As a supporter of our President, I am highly skeptical of a framework that prizes "victimhood." I agree with George Will's assessment that "victimhood" is a "coveted status." In the article where he advanced this idea, he talked about how people who allege that they are victims of sexual assault self-apply the label "survivor," and how this is never questioned, and how questioning it is seen as regressive. But he made the very good point that the language itself pre-judges circumstances, in a way that anyone who wants to put serious thought into this very serious issue ought to think about. I agree that the left uses the mantle of "victimhood" to rally support and to dismiss what I view as fair critiques of anyone who claims this status. It has a polarizing effect that is counter-productive to the notion that people on the left and right can find common ground.
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>Does the statistic that 80% of Americans oppose political correctness as it currently operates seem accurate to you and where do you see yourself in the categories presented:
I see myself as a moderate. I'm sympathetic to a lot of progressive ideas (we should strive to reach equal outcomes and discrimination does exist). I am repulsed by identity politics and the notion that equal outcomes are a by-product of (conscious nor non-conscious) "oppression." I don't think people on the right want to keep others down. I believe they want everybody to be held to the same standard. Since we are different, that isn't always possible. But I have an abiding belief that the way to reach sustainable positive outcomes is to focus on fairness, not strict equality.
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The rambly part:
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Anyone who is interested in the ideas in these two articles should definitely check out Johnathon Haidt and Greg Lukianoff's new book The Coddling of the American Mind. It goes into much greater detail about the issues raised in these essays, and includes a section on "honor culture" vs. "dignity culture." One of the most important ideas that can be drawn from it, that isn't mentioned explicitly here, is how the left weaponaizes shame in a way that I find completely dishonorable and completely unacceptable.
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One of the most frustrating things for me, as a moderate who has great sympathy to conservative points of view, is how we do not properly mark progress in issues that are important to those who are not troubled by "Political Correctness." PC-believers seem to constantly be portraying our current society as a backward sliding one, where the original sins of slavery and discrimination threaten to consume minorities. But opportunities for minorities have actually grown exponentially in the last thirty years. When I was younger, there were no female sports casters. A few weeks ago, we had a broadcast of a football game that ONLY featured female sportscasters. To quote Uncle Joe Biden, "This is a big fucking deal!"
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Also, I don't care for the ahistorical perspective of a lot of people who insist on PC culture. Also within the last 40 years, we have seen the argument that black football players could not make successful quarterbacks because they were not intelligent enough (yes, that was an actual valid argument that was put forth until it was destroyed by Doug Williams winning a Superbowl as quarterback of the Washington Redskins in the late 1980's (!!!!)) put to rest. Now we live in a time where the blatant racism of our past is constantly before us, but many on the left insist on "dogwhistles" and "microagressions."
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In 1987, Baseball Executive Al Campanis gave an interview on the TV program "Nightline." You can view a relevant clip from that program here. He was promptly fired from Major League Baseball for suggesting that the reason that there were not more black managers and black pitchers in the game was because of "certain deficiencies." I personally agree with his firing, and I'm only referencing it here, because I think Radio Personality (and master of offensive humor) Steve Dahl really captured the zeitgeist of the multiple disciplinary actions and outright firings of people who said things that were far less inflammatory in a wonderful song he recorded called, "Al Companis of the Week." (Can't find a version of this song online, unfortunately, or else I would link it.) The relevant lyrics epitomize disgust with PC culture, so I want to share them from memory:
>It's not what you say/It's about who you say it/That's just no way for a white guy to play it..."
And I'll summarize my disgust this way: we are not moving toward a society where your race, gender, and other things that you DO NOT chose do not define you. We are rushing headlong into a society where they PREdefine you, irredeemably. That is a mistake.
I'm in the middle of a book on a similar subject to this called The Coddling of the American Mind. I discovered it through an interview with the author on the Waking Up with Sam Harris podcast. The book doesn't really explore gender, but it does explore some of things you've mentioned. It has some interesting stuff to say on how risk aversion, political polarization, social media, and overprotective parenting are contributing to mental health problems among young people.
Yep, if anyone is interested to learn more, I suggest reading The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure
My mom (nc for 13 years) is diagnosed borderline, and also has something called cyclothymia. You have my sympathy. This book, while unusually expensive (even in Kindle form), is valuable to people like you and me. Unfortunately, it's also very upsetting. After I got through the part about the Witch-type borderlines, I was unable to continue reading. Maybe I'll pick it up again someday, but for now it's emotionally exhausting.
The worst part is that I kept identifying with what they were saying, only not the way the borderline personality reacts toward those feelings. It's like there's The Event, and the borderline personality will react one way, while I react in the exact opposite direction. It terrified me, because I don't want to be like her. Even though I am definitely not BPD, it still scares me every time I read it.
My mom is likely a witch-type. She tried to kill me once, possibly twice. The times she put my life in danger are innumerable. The only way for me to find peace was to cut her out completely. I've been much better since, though I don't think I'll ever be normal. PM me if you ever want to talk.
Understanding The Borderline Mother
I found this book to be pretty good for me. My therapist recommended not showing this book to my kids until after puberty. Like 18-20.
One of the hard things for is me is that she seems to take most of it out on my oldest. I suspect that my younger boy may never understand why we are getting divorced.
Hey I was looking for the book. There's a Surviving the Borderline Parent and there's Understanding the Borderline Mother Which one is it? Thanks! 💜
(sorry, I don't know how to create links with descriptions)
Edit: 4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhOotNCqg2E
Someone mentioned CBT, which is similar to DBT, which is what I came here to recommend. DBT is an AMAZING resource, and you should be able to find a weekly group to get her in NOW, and it will be more affordable. I'm positive there are at least a couple DBT groups running here. All Souls might be able to direct you to one, or maybe even Mission knows who you should contact. Without insurance, it'll probably be around $100/week, but you could ask about a cash discount perhaps.
Also, order the DBT workbook and read some of it each night with her. It's a wonderful resource and the information is SO helpful, that I personally think the curriculum should be taught in schools to the general population.
Workbook
Editing to add: Doing a daily mindfulness exercise is very helpful, too. It calms the nervous system and really helps to reset things. Some meditations include tensing and relaxing your body in order from top to bottom or from bottom to top, watching the flame of a candle for a few minutes while letting thoughts leave your mind as quickly as they come in, doing a sound meditation where you close your eyes and hyper-focus on sounds around you, counting your breaths until you get to 10 then starting over again, and envisioning a warm disc of light glowing in your chest and warming you with calm light.
Also, for immediate "distress tolerance", taking a bath can help, walking a dog or snuggling with a cat, distracting her with TV or a movie, putting lotion on your arms or legs, writing your worries/thoughts in a journal, even screaming into a pillow.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts tonight, and PLEASE PM me if you need any more info or support.
Here is some basic info about DBT. It is such a wonderful approach.
Much love and light to both of you tonight.
First, you can start DBT by yourself right away by buying Marsha Linehan's workbook. The workbook is very powerful all by itself and if taken seriously and practiced diligently, it will help right away. You can find additional books by Linehan on Amazon.
I don't think there's a cure for BPD but there is a lot you can do to ensure that it interferes as little as possible with your life. I think Buddhism is the best practice because it is a see for yourself guide to happiness. Above all else, it helps by teaching mindfulness. Mindfulness will be your greatest ally throughout life. It will help to mitigate strong negative reactions to triggering events. Most importantly, it will make it possible for you to know yourself and to be compassionate towards yourself, greatly reducing self-hate.
My sister has been struggling with BPD most of her life. A couple days ago, we were talking about an incident that took place a while ago during which she attacked me viciously and kicked me out of her home. I told her how I remembered the incident and why I left and she told me she remembered it entirely differently claiming that I was the one who got angry and left of my own accord.
Now I'm left wondering if people with BPD occasionally have psychotic episodes during which they are not in touch with reality in any way. I have never suspected her of being psychotic but this would explain many terrible events in our past. My question is, do people with BPD experience psychosis under great stress so that they can have completely different memories of past events. [forgive me for asking a question instead of offering more help, but I really need input on this. I tried posting this question yesterday but my post wasn't made public for whatever reasons reddit has for doing this sort of thing.]
There's a book called "On Combat" concerning combat stress. In the book the author goes very in-depth about how common it is to actually shit your pants in gunfights. Having been shot at (but retaining my bowels), I can easily understand how it happens. I'm an adrenaline sport guy, but that immediate, unexpected dose of terror is completely different high than what I've gotten elsewhere. There's a reason lots of combat vets have a love/hate relationship with firefights.
No book will prepare you for law enforcement, it has to be touched, smelled, heard, and seen. If you're already a cop then the best thing you can do to be better is to be a well rounded human being and books can help with that.
Here's the recommended reading from some of the prior threads I was able to find in the sub.
I've read a good portion of the above listed. I highly recommend Emotional Survival and going to see one of Gilmartin's talks if he's in your area. Below are a few of my personal suggestions.
As a serious answer: They hold it that way not to shoot, but to point and look threatening. Generally, having a higher position and forcing someone else to look up at you gives you psychological leverage over someone else. Gives you an aura of authority and dominance. Makes you appear bigger and more threatening and the other person is more likely to back down. So lets assume your gangbanger is a typical human being who isn't actually interested in killing anyone and would rather make a display of animal dominance and just get what he wants. This is how most every animal on the planet deals with members of it's own species and humans by and large are no exception to that rule. So you pick up your threatening weapon and you point it at someone in a way which causes them to have to look up to view the threat, and give yourself a more dominant appearance. Take your standard handgun, hold it maybe 6 inches above your head, and now turn it so your barrel points at your imaginary victim. You'll notice it's hard to do while maintaining a normal vertical grip. So you turn your wrist to a more natural angle to flex and voila! Sideways gangbanger grip.
If you watch humans do this in the wild, you'll notice that's exactly what they're doing. They're trying to be intimidating. They're pointing with their weapons. Trying to appear threatening. Often the gun will be above their head rather than in line with their eyes. If it is more level with their eyes, they're often turned away from their opponent, trying to put at much perceived distance between them and the gun, using it as a psychological shield to hide behind. It's the same grip for the same purpose, they're just being scared young men facing lethal violence at that point and stretching their arms out further from them rather than holding it higher as they normally would.
If you see some of the lesser trained soldiers in say, parts of Africa holding their AKs sideways and above their head, it's both a function of dominance, and fear. They're trying to look and sound scary with their guns and hope the enemy runs away rather than fights back. Often they're be behind some piece of cover and shoot over it without looking. Holding your gun above your head makes a sideways grip more comfortable and secure feeling hold on your weapon. Since they're either unaware of what sights are for (some are) or too scared out of their minds to care, the grip makes sense to them. It's all primal responses to fear and violence.
Source: Soldier who has a little understanding into the minds of untrained combatants facing violence. Col. Grossman is a good read on the subject.
Edit: spelling and formatting
I won't push any guns on you(look at my flair if you want to know what I carry.) Do not walk into a shop and just buy a gun. Go to a range and rent guns, go with a friend that owns guns, ask everybody you can what their opinion on their guns are. If at any time someone seems emotional while bashing a brand then stop listening to them. I don't buy Glock because they don't feel right in my hand, but it is still one of the most popular guns because it is reliable. Find what works for you and then buy.
Hickok45 - He is great. He uses a wide variety of guns and ammo and he has a few episodes where he compares guns.
Legal Carry
Massad Ayoob - One of if not the best in the business. Read anything and everything you can find from him.
Shoot to Live(1/8)
Judicious use of Force(1/2)
Make the time to watch these videos and the rest in each series. These are mobile YouTube links if they don't work for you I will edit them when I get to a computer.
Lt. Col. Dave Grossman Get his books and read them.
On Combat
On Killing
Storage Where is your gun going to be when not in its holster? All of my pistols are in a safe.
Home Defense Handguns aren't the best for home defense because of the possibility of shooting friendlies and bystanders through walls. Think about shotguns for that.
Holster and Placement I have a Crossbreed Supertuck for my .45 and a Galco basic ankle holster for my .380. If you know people that own and carry you could ask them if you can try their holster/gun combo around their house(unloaded.) At ranges or shops ask what others use and why. There are multiple places you can carry a gun(shoulder, pocket, ankle, hip.) The hip has the most variety because you have your whole waist for placement as well as looking at inside the waistband(IWB) and outside the waistband(OWB.)Look them up and practice drawing from those areas. What feels more natural? Sidenote: If you carry in your pocket then buy a pocket holster. It blocks the trigger guard so nothing(pens or keys) pulls the trigger while its in your pocket.
Ammo Certain guns can shoot any brand others can not. Buy a box of each brand in the caliber you end up getting. Do some research first! Some brands straight up suck. Pick out the weeds and try what's left. While practicing use basic ball ammo. When carrying you should be using hollow points. These will add stopping power and help lessen the chance of over penetration.
Laws Look up your local laws. Learn them and memorize them. Ignorance is not an excuse and you will get charged for breaking laws. Find a local attorney that does cases involving guns(self defense or accidental discharge.) You don't need to put them on retainer but get their card so if something ever happens you can call a lawyer that knows what they are doing.
This is a list of treatments that have been shown to work for the depressive side.
Light therapy might help, but it also has the risk of triggering manic episodes. You should be an a mood stabilizer before you try it and it should be monitored closely by a psychiatrist.
Social Rhythm Therapy has shown to be the most effective talk therapy/lifestyle intervention which is effective in treating bipolar disorder. All others aren't very effective unless you've been stabilized.
Getting the medication right is an extremely complex interplay of neurobiology and pharmacology. If you can, you should be seeing a highly competent psychiatrist, or if you have the ability, read up on psychopharmacology yourself. Here's a prescriber's guide too. That second idea is dangerous and intellectually demanding, only use it as a last resort and only if you can consult with a physician.
Stahls Essential Psychopharmacology is a great comprehensive introduction to the field of psychopharmacology. Will look up other stuff when off mobile.
Here you go.
Also this.
And this too.
I'm reading a book right now called "The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements". It spends a lot of time delving into what might be the motivation behind people who join any ideological group. The author has some interesting ideas about why. Fear can be one of the motivators, but other possible motivations for joining a mass movement (and adopting their ideology) are:
Anyway, I'm probably butchering the concepts from the book, but the point is that it delves into these questions and comes up with some pretty interesting theories.
FenderJazzbass (OP, deleted), first, congrats on your sighting - but be careful not to jump to alien conclusions too soon, as there may just be a mundane explanation for your sighting. Always be on the lookout for confirmation bias in your thinking! There is a great book you might want to check out called The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements (http://www.amazon.com/The-True-Believer-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915)
I'm guessing you are fairly young and relatively new to the subject of UFOs, and your posting history certainly seems to indicate a "desire to believe". You're going to get called out again and again, if for no other reason than your commenting history seems fairly uncritical and leans heavily toward the true Believer end of the spectrum, and, more importantly, relies pretty regularly on ad hominem attacks and ad hoc retractions of posts. This is all very suspicious behavior, if you are really looking to take this subject seriously, and have others take you seriously.
This is not an attack on you. Please take it as constructive criticism and keep looking up!
> The parallels I see are.......spooky.
there are parallels, but could also apply to lots of authoritarian movements or cultish groups. though superficially different, these groups tend to use the same tactics and strategies. even when groups are opposed and in conflict, there's usually more in common than not. e.g., Catholics and Protestants fighting throughout European history. In early 20th Century Europe the communists and fascists were fighting in the streets, but always trying to convert each other: both hated capitalism (had different approches for dealing with it), both hated democracy, both believed individual rights were less important than society, etc
great book:
https://www.amazon.com/True-Believer-Thoughts-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915/ref=sr_1_1/146-9344767-0472412?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1502838684&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=true+believer
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_True_Believer
>does the corporation produce those goods, or do the people who work for the corp produce them? I don't want to trade with the CEOs and the middle-managers; I want to trade with the people whose hands formed the product.
Who knew Karl Marx was so computer savvy, AND has an Atari?
The value is only created by the downtrodden worker, and the rest of the people in the company are but parasites :)
A couple more gems:
>But the fact is is that the economic value of lying and other unethical behavior so far outstrips the value of anything else it gives the liar/scumbag almost total control over ethical players in the market.
Only unethical players succeed in the free market - thus, all rich people are thiefs, thus we need to get our money back from them.
Added bonus - the market is stupid and cannot figure out who consistently lies as time goes by.
>You never truly have a "free" market - that would be a power vacuum, which nature abhors. It's either regulated by a government entity, or if is de facto "regulated" by the strongest player in the market.
I've never said that before on Reddit, but you, sir, are a true believer. I'd highly recommend reading this before you become cannon fodder for the revolution. It might just save your mental health and self-respect (and the conveniently provided amazon link saves you the need to leave the house and see all those scary people outside). Oh, and there is no associate code on the link - you do not have to be concerned about a worthless parasite siphoning off the fruits of your labor. After all, we all agree that information has NO value.
No, I don’t know of any other online “cheat” sheets although I’m sure there are some out there. And I mean no offense to the noble efforts of the OP, but I think that a revision of the list would be kind-of pointless.
To be honest, it requires both a comprehensive understanding of the bible and a good understanding of the psychology of the fundamentalist mind in order to effectively crush their absurdist arguments. I’ve actually experienced the most success when I take one of their own absurd positions beyond the realm of the absurd and into the realm of pure insanity, where even they cannot deny it. (When you get them to the point that they are attacking their own beliefs, they usually get very upset and bolt for the nearest exit.)
Here’s a reddit I wrote up 4 months ago.
See what I mean? Stuff like that makes their heads go boom.
But, that being said, it would be a waste of time to study the bible in order to disprove it. I don’t need to read Peter Pan to disprove the existence of fairies.
One book that I highly recommend is “The True Believer” by Eric Hoffer. It explains the mindset of the fundamentalist with such insight and simplicity that it will leave you feeling stupid for not seeing it beforehand. It’s my favorite book of all time, written by a longshoreman in 1951. I’ve had the book for over ten years but I still pick it up and read it to this day (on my third copy). I guarantee that you will see the world differently after reading it - It's that good.
> will never have them
I really wish I had time to write a lengthier comment, because this question is an interesting one that's the subject of a lot of active research.
Some books you might be interested in, all of which are accessible to the general reader (with a few scattered technical bits here and there):
https://mitpress.mit.edu/books/affective-computing
https://mitpress.mit.edu/books/vehicles
https://www.amazon.com/Descartes-Error-Emotion-Reason-Human/dp/014303622X
> No, people of all political positions come to hold their beliefs because of emotions, rather than rationality.
It's "rational" to pay workers as little as you can so that more profit can be made for shareholders. But I would argue that it's morally abhorrent. That's a political belief informed by ideology - even if it's rational.
I also think you're discounting emotion entirely - and that's really not something you should do.
Try this: https://www.amazon.com/Descartes-Error-Emotion-Reason-Human/dp/014303622X
And remember:
>You aren't allow to criticize something you haven't read.
Here is another good source of what Descartes got right and what he got wrong.
https://www.amazon.com/Descartes-Error-Emotion-Reason-Human/dp/014303622X
Your family sexually abused you. She violated your body, your boundaries. She ignored your protests. She gaslighted you. She mocked you. As an adult, she failed to protect you. This is not okay, not then, not now, not ever. That is sexual abuse, and it was wrong of her to do. I am very sorry you had to go through this. I am angry for you.
Went through a similar experience with my family, and you’re not alone. Feeling like you’re gross, dirty, nauseated, silenced... it’s sadly all too common with sexual abuse survivors. I’m sorry. I went through EMDR & therapy to work through my trauma which has helped a lot, so I’d def suggest that. Also try to get your hands on this book and this book . <3
Although I'm sure there are some shamans that could potentially help you, seeking a shaman might not be the best modality for healing.
>I have gotten a strange feeling of dark hopelessness from the meeting, I cannot quite explain
It sounds like your encounter triggered memories of your assault which certainly makes sense. Right now you don't need someone encouraging you to open up sexually; you need someone supportive who makes you feel safe and who will make you feel empowered.
I'd suggest learning more about trauma so you can better understand yourself, your feelings and what healing would look like. I'm currently listening to the book 'The Body Keeps The Score' and I would highly recommend it. Here are a few links for the book: Amazon, free audiobook with annoying music, lecture by author.
There are some AMAZING resources here, so I'll just throw in a few others:
The Body Remembers
The Body Keeps the Score)
Enrique's Journey
Crossing Over
The Devil's Highway
Random Family
Lost Children of Wilder
There are several modern psychotherapists in the Jungian school that take this seriously. You probably won't find a whole lot outside of this discipline, apart from probably some Eastern or alternative medicine practices. The opinion of most modern psychotherapists don't matter much to me though compared to the Jungians, but that is just my opinion and experience. A few of the local Jungian Analysts in my Jungian Society that I've had the opportunity to attend seminars with use bodily therapy for some of their patients with apparently a high level of success, if the patient is open to that sort of treatment. A lot aren't. Personally, I had a swallowing condition earlier this year and this passage that you quoted really made me think when I was first read it, which just so happened to be around the time that the symptoms were occurring. Even if you want to be skeptical about the mind-body connection, which I honestly don't think the connection is much of a stretch, it is helpful to ask yourself such questions regarding your condition. "What is it that I cannot stand or cannot swallow or stomach, etc.?" It can only increase consciousness. If you think about it, if you can't walk, there are probably a whole lot of things that "you can't stand" and bringing those contents into consciousness can be very therapeutic. My swallowing condition was caused by adverse side effects of medication prescribed for an eye condition, so I then asked "what is it that I am not seeing?" Regardless if the causes if the conditions were psychological in origin or not, those are powerful questions to ask and there are always answers there what ever the question is.
I haven't read either of these two books, but they are on my list. They might be worth checking out if the subject interests you:
https://www.amazon.com/Skin-Disease-Perspective-Psychosomatic-Dermatology/dp/1853437484
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Have you done any reading on trauma healing? I found Judith Lewis Herman and Bessel van der Kolk very helpful. It took a couple years, but I had more backed-up years of trauma effects than you do. Six months could be enough time for meaningful progress.
Counsellors and therapists never helped me, either, and I've been to quite a few, none great. I agree with you no one really wants to hear about the trauma and those that are willing to listen at all are few and tend not to stick around. Just my personal experience.
I'm not a minority. I'm a culture of one. I have an inkling of your pain.
I hope you're also getting trauma specific therapy.
Your comment strongly suggests that it is necessary.
Give this a read, if you haven't already:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/
Good luck.
> Can I die from LOA
Nope. Never. If one could die from the thoughts of suicide & death, I wouldn't be here posting this. :)
> violent childhood horrors I have PTSD and OCD
Seek a therapist. Also check these books,
>Which is also why many soldiers, IMO, have PTSD.
Well, I'll have to disagree with this opinion. Other than a physiological problem that varies from person to person and therefore, effects how they react to stress, I think the biggest reason for much of what people categorize as "PTSD" comes from the existential dread of returning to society. That is not to say that maybe a few don't experience what you wrote but rather that there's a social aspect that is missing in today's understanding of combat veterans (the topic's article even hints at it).
This video, "Why Veterans Miss War" does a decent job explaining it.
Essentially, many soldiers enjoy war. They don't enjoy the death and decay but they find the adventure and action quite exhilarating. There's a sense of fulfillment being there with your brothers in arms as you fight the enemy that is out to get you.
It's not limited to these recent wars or solely from an American perspective either. I've read/seen WWII veterans, Vietnam veterans, and Iraqi commandos fighting ISIS in the worst of conditions express this sentiment.
In that sense, as the video points out, the soldier returns to a society that doesn't understand that experience. Meanwhile, the soldiers never really get this "best time of your life" type camaraderie back. It is abrupt and culturally shocking to be pushed back into "regular life".
A lot of veterans point to that grocery store scene in the Hurt Locker as being somewhat of an accurate portrayal of what they face when they come home. Such choices being made there seem meaningless compared to the choices being made in combat (or even just taking care of your fellow troops in general).
This becomes even more apparent when the soldiers experience little to no closure. They lose touch with the friends they made, they don't get updated on the outpost they stayed at and the villagers they may have shared tea with, they may have their own guesses but they don't know what will happen to the geopolitical landscape they helped shape.
As a result, depression and feeling isolated can occur. Addiction to drugs, alcohol, or reckless action can be one way to substitute for this emptiness. The trolley problem, as insane as it may seem, that one might experience in war seems much simpler and meaningful than the vast meaninglessness of society.
The Warriors: Reflections on Men in Battle by WWII vet and philosophy professor Jesse Glenn Gray does a good job explaining the philosophy of wartime experience and I think it's worth checking out alongside the book Tribe by Sebastian Junger (the speaker in the TED talk above).
Dialectical behavior therapy, mentalization based therapy, transference focused therapy - all created for people like us. With the diagnosis you can now know that other people suffer in the same ways you do, it's not hopeless, and you're not doomed to a life of being alone. I was in therapy for 10 years before confirming the diagnosis and starting DBT - I've made more progress in the last year than I ever did in those 10 years. I think probably there's nowhere to go but up.
DBT workbooks:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_JBD3zb2DPCBBR
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_qnD3zb1J2N742
When I was waiting for therapy to start I soaked up as much info as I could in video form on youtube, which I actually found more helpful than DBT in terms of feeling real validation and emotional healing.
I found a torrent of From Chaos to Freedom which is basically Marsha Linehan (creator of DBT) teaching the skills herself. I like her, she’s pretty weird. Here’s a clip: https://youtu.be/Im3aLArs2nc “If it lasts forever and you think it’s a crisis... it’s your life, it’s not a crisis”
Tons of short videos of experts talking about borderline and DBT:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0RQwa3uLto4y2R8Eg1hKTg
This one is full of lectures (many by the same experts) on more specific topics that I really liked:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDSIYTQX_dk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvfe3n2SGow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ux8-7EniZBM
This is the one I used
DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_0m80AbYQFE8AA
It sounds like living with your dad might be the best of those 3 options. You'll still be in contact with the girl you like but you wont be challenged with as many changes. BPD is EXHAUSTING, I know. I find that the solution that is driven as equally as possible by both logic and emotion fits best. Suicide may seem like a good third option, but remember that there is always a possibility for even more options than you listed. I would sometimes confront that idea with "I''m pretty sure I've explored every option and angle and this is all I got", and I did....with the information I had at the time. Group therapy helped me with finding more options to help solve my problem from my peers and from the ppl running the group. I think it's important to be open to gathering up more information on what you can do and what support you can get. This forum is the perfect place!
Also, Dialectical Behavioral therapy (DBT) is extremely usefull in treating BPD. You can find a number of online resources and workbooks to help you. There are also DBT group therapies out there that take insurance or do sliding scale. I'll link the books below. Some of the worksheets inthese books can be found on forums or other websites for free, uploaded by wonderful ppl that just wanna give ppl access to something helpful.
Book 1: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_C12QybM6GZ5PF
Book 2 (my personal fav): The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_w22Qyb6Y42T7S
You can just google it but here it is
There could be cheaper options but that’s the price I paid for mine.
There's a therapy called DBT. You can buy the book from Amazon (there's a manual and a workbook most people recemmend from Dr. Linehan). but here's a pdf that someone from this group linked up (can't recall who or I'd give them daps) that looks like a nice overview and it's free wooo lol. Learning about this therapy has given me soooo much hope. I hope it does the same for you!
If you buy this book, you can get all the pdfs from the workbook for free through Guilford Press.
I haven't read this one, but it seems to be the recommended book if you want to learn more about DBT conceptualization.
There's a lot of literature available these days;
These three come to mind, the most frequently recommended ones. I've read the first one and it explains a lot of how someone who suffers from BP I (or manic-depressive illness) leads his or her life.
Other than that, reading about other People's Experience that have lived and live with this illness may prove helpful as well. You can find a lot of very useful insight into what bipolar disorder really implies in this subrredit.
Finally, above all, take your time to listen to her, truly do, and do your best to understand what is going through her mind. We experience very complicated feelings and emotions, incredibly extreme at times, so be aware of that. This doesn't mean we are crazy though, it only means we are more "sensitive", if you will, which means being understanding, compassionate, loving and caring play a huge role in a relationship.
You'll catch the drift quickly enough, trust me, and then it'll be just like any other relationship, with the possible hiccup here and there.
Few people care to understand this illness, glad you're doing so. An example to follow, if I may.
Drugs will help with all those and it sounds like you know you need to take them.
Your parents are going to need to educate themselves. I always recommend Stephen Fry's BBC documentary on bipolar. His diagnosis process is filmed as part of it, so they can see what that's like - "they just ask a bunch of questions" - and why it can take only an hour. There's a section on childhood and adolescent bipolar that might be helpful. One caveat. Fry decides not to take his meds at the end of it, something he has changed his mind about after another suicide attempt. It's free on youtube. Part 1 and Part 2
Kaiser recommends The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide which would be good for you and them to read. Meds are essential to treating bipolar, but there's other stuff you should be doing as well - mood tracking, planning ahead to deal with episodes, CBT...
You might want to see if there are any friends and family DBSA groups in your area they could go to. (Or a DBSA peer group for yourself) You can look that up here. Good luck.
For me psychoeducation has been key to improving my insight. I am a reader, so I'll recommend two for you, if you're interested.
First up, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00I33KQGY/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;btkr=1
This one is a workbook that helps you figure out what your symptoms look like, what your triggers are, and presents some strategies for coping with them.
https://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Guide-Second/dp/1606235427
This is a pretty comprehensive book. Have just started it, but I see it often recommended around the bipolar subreddits and I like it so far. It covers everything from medications to therapy methods, warning signs to strategies.
All of these are useful:
http://www.amazon.com/An-Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Madness/dp/0679763309/ref=pd_sim_b_1
http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Guide-Second/dp/1606235427/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1344813038&amp;sr=1-5&amp;keywords=bipolar+workbooks
http://www.amazon.com/The-Bipolar-Workbook-Controlling-Swings/dp/1593851626/ref=pd_sim_b_5
http://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-through-Depression-Unhappiness/dp/1593851286/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1344813575&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=mindful+way+through+depression
The last book describes a self-guided therapy that I used to lift myself out of a mixed mood a few years ago. I was willing to do anything to get better and that included doing things that I had little to no faith in but I still had to try. It worked despite my skepticism. I believe in it now.
and then there is the bible of the illness and its treatment. It's massive and very technical (written for medical professionals) but you might find parts of it useful.
http://www.amazon.com/Manic-Depressive-Illness-Disorders-Recurrent-Depression/dp/0195135792/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1344813893&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=manic+depressive+illness
Bipolar survival guide:
http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Second-Edition/dp/1606235427
Pretty much covers everything
BP 2, here. Is your gf on any kind of medication? Honestly, it doesn't sound like it, or if she is, she needs a higher dose.
There is a TON of info about bipolar disorder, and a large amount of information for loved ones who have a family member with bp. You just gotta look a bit harder.
Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder
and
The Bipolar Survival Guide: What You and Your Family Need to Know.
These are both great books. I can attest for the latter, especially. It has helped my mother and sister understand me a bit more.
Also, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness is truly an amazing book. It was the first time I felt like there were other people who got it, who understood. I highly recommend it for both you and your girlfriend. I wish I could emphasize just how much I recommend that book. It is really wonderful.
Most of all, your girlfriend needs to take a bit of responsibility for what is going on with her. Medicine and therapy.
Bipolar disorder is not something that goes away. But it is manageable. It took me almost 10 years to get my meds right, and find a place where I am improving - but you know what? I AM improving. Every day is a fight. But it is a fight worth winning.
I wish you all the luck. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.
Edit: After re-reading your post, I question if maybe you aren't spending too much time with your friend. I get he needs support, but you can't be his crutch. I could definitely understand if you're girlfriend is feeling a bit of resentment.
Get this book, please, it will be very helpful to understand them better.
Tony Attwood. The complete guide to Aspergers syndrome.
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698
If you're looking for a book to read, I would suggest this. I'm not sure whether or not it goes into the baby/toddler stages, but it's a really good wealth of information, and some of it may help you even if she's not diagnosed with Autism.
Honestly, the regression, and the inability to focus on sounds like Autism. For some of us, making eye contact is extremely overwhelming. Also, there can be a 2-3 second gap between when we hear something and when we "understand" or "translate" it (this is hard to describe, think of it like the message getting delayed between the ears/eyes/whatever to the brain because it has to be translated to what we can understand) which makes focusing when lots of people are talking difficult, which is why she might not be following. Regression is also a coping tactic that some people have, I myself included.
How does she react to sound? I don't mean a single loud sound, but like a constant, large amount of sound, like a crowd in a supermarket? It's quite easy to focus on the television, even for a toddler, but Autism makes it hard to block out things we don't want to hear which may result in meltdowns and shutdowns.
Meltdowns appear like temper tantrums, or covering the ears, crying, ect. while Shutdowns are when the person in question does unresponsive and non-verbal.
Another thing for you to look at would be her response to foods that have certain different type of textures. For me, having something slimy like sushi in my mouth makes me want to spit it out immediately.
Long post. ಠ_ರೃ I got too into it, sorry.
When looking for valid information about asperger syndrome on the internet lookout for 2014-to this day, or DSM-5 related. Otherwise you might end up reading not up to date stuff that has no more scientifical value. Autism changed dramatically in tbe last few years.
Tony Attwood is an up-to-date psychologist. You can't go wrong with him. He is the Asperger's whisperer of our era. You should definitely get his book:
The complete guide to Asperger syndrome
It existed but except for those with TBI's (brain permanently damaged) it was likely not as bad as it is today. Most PTSD is treatable (be it from rape, combat, car crash, etc.) through strong support systems and time. Aside from death rates from injuries being higher (infections and antibiotics weren't a thing back then) those that survived traumatic experiences were less likely to be isolated from their peers that experienced similar circumstances than today. Non-TBI related long term PTSD certainly exists but if you look at traumatic events like the survivors of the blitz in WW2, the 2011 tsunami, and other similar things you'll see fewer cases of it. Maybe because of poorer record keeping/diagnosis but
¯\(ツ)/¯ it's not the worst theory. If PTSD stuff interests you /u/Booty_Buffet I recommend checking out the following book (from the journalist who made Restropo)
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1523160453&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=book+tribe
Also Tribe.
What about the "research" by Sebastian Junger, presented in the book "Tribe"?
He does provide many sources in the back, but it's not an actual scholarly work.
We're social creatures. It's literally been bred into our DNA for millions of years, spanning species upon species. By our basic biology humans (like the other apes, with the exception of orangutans) are geared towards living in groups from the moment we are born until death.
We were never really meant to be alone. We've learned to be more solitary as overpopulation and population density increases. However that's for comfortable scenarios. Introduce new stimuli (traveling, going out among other humans, etc.) then that instinctual heritage we have expresses itself over our learned behaviours. We seek out the familiarity of tribe and connection.
I'm an anthro nerd if you couldn't tell. You may be interested in this book. It touches a lot on this subject,
The book is Tribe and it's all about humans, namely war vets and all and how they behave during war and their readjustments into society, touching briefly upon the author's grander view upon the status of modern society and how the average person functions within it. Wasn't... a type of book that really appealed to me, in that the way it was told was kind of more emotionally appealing and told the stories and anecdotes rather than tossing out numbers and dwelling on a thinking/logistic process (which I guess I prefer :p), but it was a solid and well written book anyway.
And thanks for the well wishes :), I'm stressed usually most of the time subconsciously but it becomes a real problem when I start noticing it and I stress out even more, so I think I'll just have to wait for it to die down and get back into a healthy cycle of life. And I get the eating thing too, I always know that I'm full and I don't need to eat but I still do and then I worry about that and it's ust a feedback loop of death
I just read Tribe. I can't recommend it enough
Further more... for fun or food for thought.
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381
https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3/142-5728848-3469104?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=0061707813&amp;pd_rd_r=9533ee40-3006-416a-9497-bce791e1c24d&amp;pd_rd_w=r8koV&amp;pd_rd_wg=qKPNg&amp;pf_rd_p=6e6afc8a-fbbd-4649-97cf-4e08f5113612&amp;pf_rd_r=M1ZJKQDJ3QVCEFFVSQV9&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=M1ZJKQDJ3QVCEFFVSQV9
https://www.amazon.com/Civilized-Death-What-Lost-Modernity/dp/1451659105/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_2/142-5728848-3469104?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=1451659105&amp;pd_rd_r=e030bc0f-f8ae-471c-9ca7-f847e7eaf38d&amp;pd_rd_w=2G4uW&amp;pd_rd_wg=ssT2m&amp;pf_rd_p=6e6afc8a-fbbd-4649-97cf-4e08f5113612&amp;pf_rd_r=MKKB2P33TB0A4HYAJVMQ&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=MKKB2P33TB0A4HYAJVMQ
https://bigthink.com/think-tank/how-to-make-love-like-a-caveman
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.allure.com/story/gang-bang-sex-fantasy/amp
http://upriser.com/posts/in-the-wodaabe-tribe-women-can-have-any-many-sexual-partners-as-they-wish-and-they-celebrate-an-annual-wife-stealing-festival
We can all struggle with that, so it is a normal thing to question our own value in my opinion. It's not normal in that situation to "realize" you are of "no value" and then trust that realization without reference... This is the equivalent of asking a dog about quantum theory and trusting the answer, but inside our heads this is what we in effect do. The emotional feeling of being worthless barks at our intellect, and our intellect interprets this as a truth, absurd when analyzed, so disregard it.
The Drama of the Gifted Child may be a good book to look at for you, interesting perspectives.
The moral emotions is an interesting read about why anger (or despair) can be so addicting and seem so "right" when it is happening.
The Happiness Hypothesis also by Jonathan Haidt is a great read about our emotions vs our intellect...
Tribe is a good read on finding where you fit, more related to soldiers and post combat, but apply it to your current situation and find your tribe.
Glad you are still with us, and no matter what you feel, you are not alone.
Edit: authors name from autocorrect purgatory...
First of all, sorry for responding so late. I saw your comment, but didn't have time to really sit down and give it the attention it warrants. Here is my reply:
This is an excellent and one of the most important points. Unfortunately, health care in America sucks in general and this is even worse for mental health due to a lack of understanding on the part of insurance companies about the nature of mental illness.
I do not have a great answer to your question because I've never really looked into it. There were some sites that seemed like good places to start that I found by Googling around:
NAMI HelpLine
SAMSHA
These are just other general thoughts/ideas:
-If you have insurance and are not really sure what's covered, call them and ask. You'll get a good idea of what's covered, what the copayment is likely to be etc. Even if the copay is more than you can afford, that is not necessarily the end. Many mental health practitioners operate on a sliding-scale which means they have some flexibility in terms of copayment.
-Look into universities or hospitals in your area. They often have clinical trainees or researchers who can see you for a reduced fee or even for free (e.g. in exchange for participation in a research study).
-I was going to say go to your local place of worship, but I am not sure how connected to mental health resources temples and masjids are.
-If you're a student with or without insurance, go to your campus counseling center and talk to them. They usually know practitioners they work with who have cheaper rates for students.
-If you don't have insurance and you aren't a student, there are hotlines or centers that might be able to help you get health insurance. I am not knowledgable of this process, but Google or asking on other subs could help.
-Depending on where you live, there can be support groups offered in the community. It isn't ideal, but you'll receive some form of support and it may help connect to other resources.
-Finally, sometimes seeing a therapist is just not an option. Whether it's due to just not being able to afford it, or maybe you live in an area that lacks mental health resources. In those cases, I could think of a few things.
You can find support groups on the internet. Not necessarily Reddit, but there are entire forums dedicated to people who experience depression, anxiety, substance abuse issues, etc. I'm sure there is a range of variance on the quality, but you should never discount the power of social support, even if it's not through a physical medium.
The other approach is self-education about mental health. Even though I put it as the last option, this is definitely one of the most powerful ones. There are a lot of great books and research papers out there on mental health, understanding specific disorders, and full clinical manuals. Some of these are not really accessible to people outside the field, but a lot of these are meant for the average consumer. You need to be careful because there is a lot of crap out there too. Check reviews, make sure the source is evidence and research based. This one is so critical. Through decades of research, we have a good understanding of many disorders, as well as the treatment approaches that are effective for them. It's important to consume content that is based on these scientific methods. If you need help deciding which books are good, again Google around or perhaps go to a psychology-focused forum and ask for opinions. One good approach is to read books written by the people who actually developed the therapies! Here are two good examples I like:
CBT for Depression
DBT
I fully realize that when you're struggling with a problem, you may feel that you don't have the physical or psychological resources to try to take this approach. But you should always know that this choice is available to you. It's something that you can try. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't. But it will definitely not hurt you.
Even though I've worked with a therapist throughout my entire healing journey so far, she did encourage me to do DBT self study with this book: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811
It concentrates a lot on mindfulness and emotional control. It's been really helpful, and probably something you could do successfully on your own.
This is the DBT course with the handouts I'm working through at my university. So it depends what you're looking for. https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=pd_cp_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=R1574PF8PDV1BQKJ85KA
I have this http://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1464376228&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=dbt+handbook
It's a workbook. It's supposed to be group therapy type of class, but I could not do that (I went to a few sessions), because DBT is the recommended treatment for BPD, so I'm guessing there were people with BPD there, and the group sharing just set me on edge and didn't feel safe for me to share and heal.
I have that workbook. It’s super helpful. My therapist also recommended the one by Linehan , who created DBT, I believe. It’s the one my therapist uses. It’s in my Amazon shopping cart right now so if you buy it first, let me know if it’s worth while! I’ve done several pages out of it but I haven’t flipped thru the whole thing yet (obviously, since I haven’t bought it yet lol)
Number one, take a deep breathe and tell yourself that you are still you. You haven’t suddenly changed into someone else, you haven’t lost you’re identity. You aren’t bpd. You have bpd.
Number two, but these two books: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_Uk80Ab8EPAW4R
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner: 365 Days of Healthy Living for You... https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1936268868/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_tl80AbV4W8531
They will be super useful for your dbt. And make sure you do dbt! It’s life changing and is honestly the biggest, best treatment.
Number Three: ask yours loved ones to do their research. There are tons of great books out there, if they can understand your disorder they can be a support for you.
I hope this helps. I just know those are things I wish I had known a lot sooner.
> Schizophrenia - Hood - Unpredictable - Bipolar - Intense
I'm being snarky. I have bipolar disorder and this is part of the homework I have to do for my counselor. It's not a very interesting aesthetic.
Sounds good! I think it's extremely beneficial to learn with professionals. I have worked with several counselors at my IOPE setting and a few therapists on my own. In IOP they were using this book: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811
I bought a copy myself and have continued to study/reflect/practice the techniques. Opposite action in Emotion Regulation has been the most useful to me.
Certainly! CBT is really helpful too, and there's a bit of crossover between it and DBT.
DBT is a pretty intensive program, usually to do it the way Linehan sets it out requires individual therapy and group therapy but the literature has recently shown some benefits to just the skills portion (the work that's usually done in an individual setting) of the program.
This is what we used for ourselves and clients when I was learning about DBT DBT is pretty proprietary so a lot of the stuff is way more geared towards training therapists, but the skills manual is probably the easiest to grok as a client-recommendation.
Talk with your therapist too about incorporating DBT, they might have more ready access to the materials needed. ACT is a little more user friendly in regards to accessibility for clients and personal work and covers pretty similar ideas.
Oh and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulnesses Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (MCBT) also cover some of the same ground too, and are easier to work into a running CBT program. Those might be helpful to bring up too.
I'm in a DBT group and we learn skills from this book https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1495915692&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=dbt.
I learn the skills more in a group than from the book itself. But I've never encountered anything spiritual.
Part of DBT treatment is learning to accept things as they are (as opposed to how you think they should be) ... so perhaps choosing to ignore the spiritual aspect and focusing on the parts that work best for you is a DBT skill in itself.
Do you have this one ? From what I've seen, it seems to be the gold standard of DBT workbooks. It's by Marsha M Linehan who apparently struggled with BPD herself before going on to pretty much found DBT as we know it. I'd recommend starting with that.
My therapy group uses DBT Skills Training Manual by Marsha Linehan
I asked my therapist for the name so I could see about getting a copy for myself.
Edit, there's also a companion book that's just the worksheets that are used. These are activities and homework we get assigned. link
The two I found the most useful are This one which is the first one I started with. Once I went through that book I then got This one along with the manual. I then got myself this diary to keep track of using the skills.
I didn't find all the activities helpful, I think it's about picking and choosing what feels good/works best for you.
A type of CBT that has been very helpful for me is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Instead of "therapy," it's called Skills Training. This book has worksheets that walk you through the process. https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1536895624&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=DBT+Skills+Training+Handouts+and+Worksheets%2C+Second+Edition
Disclaimer: I'm not a therapist. If anything comes up that is too much for you, get in touch with a professional. This may be something you shouldn't do in your own.
However, this is more for the emotional side of things, Reactive Dysphoria, etc. So, YMMV.
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_cE1KBb34H8RG9
It’s not a “game” book and it’s not a “help” book it’s a fact driven very helpful book. Different skills apply to different people but it’s for sure worth a look. Maybe even take a class for real and get all that nasty shit out of your system. For real, you deserve someone in your life dude.
Hi there again, I checked with the people who brought out the German DBT book I told you about. They recommended this and this one I really believe and trust that they know what they are doing.
best DBT book according to my psychiatry friends: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=pd_sbs_14_1/139-5353406-3502968?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1572307811&pd_rd_r=4fb2861d-38c1-4afc-be43-6fae090049ac&pd_rd_w=Xf2WI&pd_rd_wg=bBImX&pf_rd_p=52b7592c-2dc9-4ac6-84d4-4bda6360045e&pf_rd_r=DX6BXR3YASDREKBZ4EBE&psc=1&refRID=DX6BXR3YASDREKBZ4EBE
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i'd recommend breaking up with him on fb, or even better, breaking up with facebook. life will be better that way.
i wish you way more than luck, be well!
http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Second-Edition/dp/1606235427/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1370455292&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=bipolar+disorder+survival+guide
The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide, Second Edition: What You and Your Family Need to Know https://www.amazon.com/dp/1606235427/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ktUXAb7NERF76
This book had been incredible for me (BP2) and my wife. Has good info, steps to take, things to remember, descriptions of medications... This has helped a great deal
Bottom line is to establish clear boundaries with the BipolarSO and stop yourself being dragged back into this unhealthy environment. I'd prefer to cut off all ties, however we have a teenager son, so she visits often and we exchange pleasantries.
Helped my bipolarSO recover from 3 major breakdowns and had to deal with 3-4 yearly minor episodes for over a decade. Her last mania episode, she committed adultery, even deny it when confronted. Finally she admitted her infidelity, claims it was a mistake, went for a separation and continued seeing new men.
I honestly won't know how I'd react if she has her next major breakdown. I only hope that my teenage son would not be around to witness the mom in full psychosis, to be restrained by the cops or locked in a fully padded room. Lets pray that the meds will keep her stable.
Agree with gdobssor, quote: "...how terrible his choices were and how little responsibility he took for them, I would still let him back whenever he wanted". Lesson here is: Learn to be selfish since all the self-sacrifice won't cure or save your bipolarSO, it only drains your mental health.
Books that helped somewhat:
> I'm not sick...
> Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder
> Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide
Having read them, I can recommend the following:
The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide
Bipolar 101: A Practical Guide to Identifying Triggers, Managing Medications, Coping with Symptoms, and More
Treating Bipolar Disorder - This one is more clinician based, but interesting.
Mindfulness for Bipolar Disorder
Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder
Edited for layout.
I cannot comment on 'The Bipolar Workbook' but "The Bipolar Survival Guide " has been a lifesaver! It is very well written and oraganized.
Springtime and to a lesser extent fall are especially tricky times for people with Bipolar.
Has she signed releases so you can talk freely with her caregivers about your concerns? It helps to form an alliance with them and develop a crisis plan in advance. I would push her Doctors to discuss a broader range of options. If you doubt them, I would ask for a medication second opinion referral. In most regions there are Doctors who are known to be specialist in different illnesses. You might have to pay out of pocket for this but it may bring some peace of mind that you have educated yourself on all options.
Most of all I recommend joining local support groups for these two organizations.
[National Alliance for Mental Illness]
(http://www.nami.org/) for friends and family
For people with mood disorders I recommend:
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
I live in New England and both organizations are very helpful in providing emotional support and ideas for how to cope. Best of all they are free so your Insurance company can not limit access.
The best books I have read on management of Bipolar are: [The Bipolar Workbook]
(http://www.amazon.com/The-Bipolar-Workbook-Controlling-Swings/dp/1593851626/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1333669671&amp;sr=1-1) by Monica Ramirez Basco
and with more of a emphasis on relationships:[Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide] (http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Second-Edition/dp/1606235427/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1333669671&amp;sr=1-3) by David J. Miklowitz PhD
I would suggest using the library to make sure they are a good fit.
One last resource I recently ran across recently, is a hour plus lecture on relating and understanding someone with Bipolar. I have not read Dr. Jay Carter's books yet but I did find this video helpful to understand how sometimes very good, loving, solid people can act really irrational when manic, mixed or depressed. There is some dance elements that I found cheesy but hey, its free to view!
[Bipolar Insights with Dr. Jay]
(http://bipolarlight.com/index2.html)
Good Luck and take care of yourself!
Sure! These are just a few that I've read...
They're not all completely geared toward adults with ASD and talk about kids too, but they do address adults at some point.
The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome https://www.amazon.com/dp/1843106698/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_qQ5IxbWGWAG3D
The Way I See It, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition: A Personal Look at Autism and Asperger's https://www.amazon.com/dp/193527421X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_yT5IxbVXQE7BR
Twirling Naked in the Streets and No One Noticed: Growing Up With Undiagnosed Autism https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615801439/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_4W5Ixb5QJMGZ7
Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder): How Seeking a Diagnosis in Adulthood Can Change Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1849054339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_TM5IxbSRTX1HR
I'm doing this on a throwaway account, but I just wanted to say I also have aspergers and it doesn't mean you can't be a productive member of society. I've graduated college, am certified to teach high school social studies, and worked as a substitute teacher for a semester before entering grad school. Other jobs I've had included temporary park ranger (summer position), target (doing carts, my first job), and data entry. I've never really been outgoing or had many friends, and had some problems in school, but this hasn't stopped me. There's no need to live a life of hell just because of aspergers syndrome. To the op: I'd suggest 2 things. 1 finding an online community, smaller than reddit related to your interests (don't tell people you have aspergers there) to post and interact with. 2, if you aren't already getting meaningful exercise in some way - start going to the gym - its amazing what increased fitness can do for self confidence.
Here's a couple books that might help, or let those interested learn more:
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1302796022&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Pretending-Be-Normal-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1853027499/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1302796022&amp;sr=8-12
best of luck
So long as you aren't suicidal, nothing wrong with self-education. The professional community is lacking in ASD as a whole.
Being forced to NT standards, and then burning out because of it sounds common.
Here are some resources that I know of... I was just diagnosed, and some of these were recommended by the psychologist who made the diagnosis. I am a man, but I have mostly female stereotyped manifestation/traits of ASD.
Pretending to Be Normal: Living With Asperger's Syndrome by Liane Holliday Willey
https://www.amazon.com/Pretending-Normal-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849057559/
The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698/
And for free you can check out Cynthia Kim's Blog:
https://musingsofanaspie.com/about/
She has a book too:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1849057575/
Interesting. You are the first person my age who has shared this, so thank you!
I did not remember much of my childhood until I started reading Dr. Tony Attwood's book. I recognized some traits and it got me to flash back to certain events. I think my brain suppressed most of my childhood and early teens because they were such negative years for me.
The book: https://www.amazon.ca/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698/ref=pd_sbs_14_9?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1843106698&pd_rd_r=93f5b6d3-d069-4a74-b84a-32f47ac219f8&pd_rd_w=zoaC2&pd_rd_wg=94MbY&pf_rd_p=5a0f6968-18a5-43ab-a560-10f088b58e7e&pf_rd_r=VWWGB40M0WDQBHHZTGZ0&psc=1&refRID=VWWGB40M0WDQBHHZTGZ0
For some years I have not been interested in making any friends as I loose them all, just like my jobs. When I retired five years ago, I determined to isolate myself. We now live in the country in a small village by a lake and a mountain and it is Aspie Heaven!
My wife and I have told most of her inner circle that I have AS and everyone has been very accepting. Most have known us for over 30 years anyway and they have always accepted me as I am. I have cut myself off from my past and former colleagues and family. I am better off for it. Not having to work and being a pensioner has made a great difference. My mental and physical condition has actually improved since we moved here in May!
This is the closest I have ever come to happiness, and I hope you are happy too!
OK. Well thanks for replying. Maybe posting here will help you out. That's certainly why I'm reading through this board. Also, I've just started to unravel myself with this book: The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome
I've only just started it, but fingers crossed. I hope you find something to help.
Get this. Atwood says therapy doesn't help Aspergers. The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome https://www.amazon.com/dp/1843106698/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_fNm9ub0GWKPMH
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1843106698/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_fNm9ub0GWKPMH
Maybe have her read The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood, or read it yourself so can explain your situation more effectively to her.
This is probably the best book I've read on AS. Reading through this, it all made sense. Try to get a copy, it will be helpful.
Here’s some great books I’m reading/have read recently that I recommend:
The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure
Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst
Columbine
On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century
And here’s my favorite book about writing ever:
Invisible Ink: A Practical Guide to Building Stories That Resonate
Two general thoughts, not related to the specific news item:
You might like this
https://www.amazon.com/Coddling-American-Mind-Intentions-Generation/dp/0735224897
The victim culture is definitely a problem but mainly because we swung too far for it trying to compensate. (humans am i right?)
Hopefully we reach equilibrium to make a good balance
Just read a great book, Very Interesting. Don't let the title turn you off.
The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure
https://www.amazon.com/Coddling-American-Mind-Intentions-Generation/dp/0735224897
A review of The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt, Penguin Press (September 4, 2018) 352 pages.
Oh man...I know all about the self blame game! But it’s hard not to when you have someone pretty much any wrong doing in their life was your fault! 🙄
I’m not a huge reader but I found this book to be extremely helpful: Understanding the Borderline Mother
And thank you! We had a little scare over the weekend so this little girl could actually be here sooner than December! Ahh!! 💜
This is a good resource too:
http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319
My mom did almost the exact same shit to me just prior to my wedding. I think it's the fear of separation that causes it. Do yourself a favour and read this book. I had SO MANY "holy shit moments" whilst reading it. Confirmed my Nmom has BPD and explains everything I've been going through. Hope it helps.
http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319
If you haven't already, read "Understanding the Borderline Mother." It has helped me immensely. It was emotionally difficult to read this book, but it has really helped me to heal in the long term. It has also helped me learn how to negotiate a relationship with my mother, and come to terms with her disability.
Being the child of an untreated borderline is painful, but ultimately isolating - how can people possibly understand?
And, it's normal for the children of boderlines to struggle with identity - where does mom end, and where do I begin? This is something you and I will struggle with for a lifetime, I'm afraid.
Please feel free to PM me. You are not alone, and things will get better.
P.S. I'm a bisexual agnostic. Sooo, yeah.
This book has been the one that helped me see things more clearly the most. Because there's always degrees to mental illnesses, and not every person with BPD or NPD will fit perfectly into one category. Understanding the behaviors overall and that there can be a range to them, and that a person can sometimes fit into two categories or swing back and forth, makes things a lot clearer. It did for me at least.
Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship
You have to order this book right now. It changed my life -- seriously. Before reading that book, I was convinced to my core that there was something deeply wrong with me that caused me to have anxiety, eating and extreme conflict-avoidance issues (seriously, I'd grill my best friends for hours about "what was wrong with me" and thought they were lying when they told me "nothing")...and that book made me realize that all of my psychoses were reactions to her behavior and my way of coping with them, rather than a sign that there was something wrong with me.Instead, there was something wrong with her. All of the issues I experienced were just my brain/body's unconscious way of finding a way to cope with the chaos and instability that her disorder caused. When I first realized she was borderline, I broke down in the shower crying because for the first time in my life I actually believed that there wasn't something deeply flawed about me.
Feel free to PM me off-board for support. It's a hard road ahead -- and I really, really don't suggest telling her she's BPD but instead maneuvering around it -- but it's probably a lot easier than what you've already been through.
EDIT: Forgot to add, there are different types of borderlines -- hence why your friend might be easier to deal with. And if she's medicated/treated, that's a huge step. (Plus, being a mother seems to bring out BPD tendencies much more dramatically than a friendship.)
EDIT 2: I also felt really guilty at first that I was "surviving" my relationship with my mother instead of having a "real" relationship with her. But then I realized that if she is unwilling/mentally unable to get treatment, this is the only way to have a relationship with her at all. Yes, it isn't genuine, but I like to think that the fact that I still interact with her even though it's somewhat staged actually shows a lot of effort on my part to make it work. And besides, a "genuine" relationship is what I tried to have with her growing up, and that only ended in fear and emotional trauma for me. I'm an adult now and have to protect my own emotional well being first (and that of my husband and my child now).
One of the hardest parts for me in reconciling her BPD is the fact that she isn't terrible all the time. I've come to realize that, deep down, she is a good person who means well and WANTS to be generous and kind but can be overtaken by a demon she has no capacity to realize is there. I try to bring that good person out and that requires navigating around her triggers -- admittedly rocky waters.
It might be hard to deal with the guilt of manipulating her and strategically maneuvering around her disorder, but you're doing the right thing by at least trying -- it's much easier to just walk away.
Here is the mobile version of your link
These are the resources that helped me:
After Psychotherapy -- Blog run by a psychotherapist. I particularly like his theory that the source of all mental illness is hiding shame. Find your shame and accept it. I haven't found an instance that debunks this theory.
Why do I do that? -- Book written by the same author as the blog above. Again, his insights are very helpful. I really enjoyed this book to help me understand other people so I wouldn't get angry at them. My issue is abandonment, so when someone does something to trigger it I A) know it's just a trigger, and B) know it has nothing to do with me personally because of whatever issue that person has. I haven't read any of his other books, but I would guess they would be helpful, too.
Attached -- Details of attachment theory. I personally don't like attachment theory too much, but my boyfriend thought this book was wonderful and that it helped him understand things better. My psychiatrist gave him this book after I brought him in for a group session. A lot of people believe in attachment theory, so I'd recommend reading it.
Jungian Psychotherapy -- I believe in jungian psychotherapy instead of CBT. How I view it, psychotherapy uncovers and heals your hidden shame, while CBT helps you to better cover it up. If you have serious problems, I just don't think CBT is going to work.
Now, the rest are more about borderline personality disorder, which I believe I have. If you have emotions that you feel just aren't regulated and keep bursting out, then you will likely benefit from looking at BPD resources.
Understanding the Borderline Mother -- This book changed my life. I got the book because of my mother, and after reading this realized I have BPD, too. I'm the hermit, based on her classification, and I'm even dating a huntsman! I had to keep putting it down as it blew my mind and made my world, my family, my past make so much more sense.
Putting the Pieces Together -- The author's account of working through recovery, what helped her along with details of BPD itself.
Books authored by Marsha M. Linehan -- She has BPD herself and is a psychiatrist, so she has intimate understanding in what the problems are and how to best fix them. She invented DBT.
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook -- DBT is a type of therapy that focuses on emotion regulation skills. I actually haven't read this book -- I started doing so well, working on my mental health got lowered in priority. But, it's well recommended and could be very helpful.
I was in therapy on and off for 14 years. It wasn't until I started doing my own research into psychology and read all of the above that I finally started making huge strides in progress. I'm now pretty stable.
The body tries to protect itself by hiding things even from you. It make take awhile to widdle down those defenses so that you can self analyse thoroughly enough. Reread things and you may find you'll find "new" stuff.
It's a lot of work, but well worth it.
Understanding the borderline mother: helping her children transcend the intense, unpredictable, and volatile relationship by Christine Ann Lawson
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Training-Treating-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898620341/ref=pd_sim_b_2
I did a year of group dbt therapy (also with individual therapist), in the uk, and really we just worked our way through the book above, so have a wee look and see what you think. Best of luck.
No, but I have been through the DBT program a few rounds, mostly back in 1998-2002.
The textbook for the program I was in, was Marsha M. Linehan's Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder.
That in itself is a useful book to be able to review from time to time, but as I said, it's kind of annoying to get to since I tend to keep most of my similarly sized books in storage.
I haven't read the eBook on offer in this thread, but I'm familiar with DBT. I just wanted to make sure people understood that DBT was 'real mental health stuff'.
> Rex Grossman wrote of the
Rex Grossman did no such thing.
You're referring to LtCol Dave Grossman's book "On Killing"
On Combat, The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace, there's a good starting point.
>Yes, he's an exception, but there must be a slight 'enabling' element there.
Anyone who wants to look into the 'enabling' effect should read Dave Grossman's books On Killing and On Combat. The author probably overstates the effect violent media has, but it's nonetheless a very good read.
Like say the US Marine Corps' Professional Reading List? I think all branches have reading lists.
One's I've actually read::
I'm particularly fond of The Village by Bing West.
There's Power To The Edge which is more modern
Also yes, Sun Tzu's The Art of War, also Nicolo Machiavelli's Art of War, On War by Clausewitz, On Combat by Grossman even though I have some issues with it.
Hope this helps.
EDIT: I can't believe I forgot The Book of Five Rings by Musashi
If you haven't already, please read this. It may help you understand how scenarios like this affect you physically, psychologically, spiritually, and socially.
And thank you for making the right decision. It was your responsibility to make the right decision at the time with the facts as they were, and you did. It was never your responsibility to keep everyone in your jurisdiction safe; that would simply be unreasonable.
On Combat by Dave Grossman is an amazing book. It's about what (likely) goes on in your mind, and how your body will (likely) react, in a life-or-death situation. As Grossman puts it "Forewarned is forearmed." People need to know this.
Mindfulness by Ellen Langer is about life on autopilot. How it happens and how we can live to avoid falling into routines and such. People need to know this.
Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely is clever stuff.
I'm not entirely sure if this is something you're looking for, but Lt. Col. Dave Grossman is a psychologist and a veteran who has specialized in researching what makes shooters tick. His two (the only ones I'm aware of at this moment ... both great reads) works are titled On Killing and On Combat.
If anything they may be able to point you in the right direction of more research and studies that have already been conducted.
Never, ever count shots. You pull the trigger until you see results that mean you're no longer in danger. That could mean one shot or three mag reloads. Same thing.
In the past, police were taught to shoot X string of fire, watch for results, then continue if necessary. This resulted in a lot of officers getting injured or killed when the shots didn't have the intended effect in enough time, even when the officers had good hits on the target. A human body can take a lot of damage in certain situations and keep functioning long enough to be dangerous.
Training has been revised over the years to an indefinite "shoot to stop the threat". That means whatever it takes. You continue to do work until the threat is done being a threat.
If you're interested in the subject, start with the FBI memo Handgun Wounding Factors and Effectiveness
On Combat is a great resource as well.
On Combat, by David Grossman. All about the psychological and physiological affects of combat. Great read for anyone who's just going in (like me).
Well if you are looking for a good psychopharmacology book Stahl's should do it.
https://www.amazon.com/Stahls-Essential-Psychopharmacology-Neuroscientific-Applications/dp/1107686466/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_sims?ie=UTF8
Now Opiod addiction is such a big deal for our body needs to be continuously releasing our endorphins in the right amount. Not too much, not too little. Furthermore we need to release endorphins at the right time and the right duration. Endorphin like substances that last too long in the blood stream can confuse the body.
Note it is not just endorphins but your body has other signal neurotransmitters and hormones to determine when you are in pain or not.
So what does this have to do with Opiod Addiction. Well if you give Morphine to a person who just had recent surgery they will not get an addiction. But give it too many days after the recovery period and they can get an addiction. And give it to a normal human being who is not hurting and they can get an addiction.
Why do they get the addiction? Because you confuse the body and the body re calibrates the number of endorphin receptors on various nerve cells and non nerve cells. And now you need to use an outside source instead of relying on the inside source.
That said opiod drugs are wonderful drugs when used correctly. With the right duration, the right total dosage, the right timing, and so on.
But we now have other drugs that can treat pain conditions via working on different type of receptors and ion channels. For example the serotonin system, the norepinephrine system, the alpha d receptor that influence ion channels, endocannobid system ndma receptors, and so on. Furthermore things like certain types of exercise like Yoga treats pain via affecting the vagus nerve and acetylcholine, we are thing about using direct electrical stimulation of specific brain regions and nerves to fight pain and so on.
It will probably long term we will be using multiple medicines and non med treatments for pain, and we may be using medicine A for x days of recovery and then swap you to medicine B or C for the tapering period. Or we use two medicines that work in different manners and you use lower doses of these two medicines instead of a single medicine and a very high dose or a medium dose.
Right now we are in our infancy stage, much like how we were in our even earlier infancy stage when we used Morphine to treat shock in human beings where we had to chop off limbs to prevent infections from gunshot ruins, but without the morphine the surgery killed in higher amounts, but with morphine we saved lives but we did not know we need to taper the morphine off and prevent healthy people from getting the morphine in the US Civil War and other wars of the 1800s or else we create morphine addicts.
I will stop now and not continue more with science stuff. If you want to read more about this I recommend these two books.
and this book
I believe Stephen Stahl's Prescriber's Guide for psychopharmacology may be what you're looking for.
It gives dosing ranges for each disease state, how to initiate dosing, and tidbits such as whether it might be used as an augmentation agent. I have his Essential Psychopharmacology book, and I absolutely love it. He's a great writer - clear, but thorough.
I find that Essential Psychopharmacology: A Neuroscientific Basis and Practical Applications is a very good resource for acidpHarm's line of questioning
Thanks. I fear Trump will take us into a war. I even worry a demented narcissistic delusional rage could destroy us all. The fact a president can stay in office even when 27 psychiatrists sign off on him being mentally ill is deeply disturbing.
https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459
Per this book, rates of suicide go down during wartime. Also an interesting tidbit that during the 1700's and 1800's American expansion west, Western settlers would often voluntarily renounce American society and integrate into Native American societies. The reverse very, very rarely happened. Indians only integrated into the West when forced by circumstance.
Driven to Distraction
Delivered from Distraction
It's good that you are aware of it! I wouldn't have called myself a worrier until I learned about hidden anxiety as an adult. I first learned about it in relation to ADD in Driven to Distraction as one of the possible symptoms from their suggested criteria for adult ADD:
"Tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with inattention to or disregard for actual dangers. Worry becomes what attention turns into when it isn't focused on some task." (92)
This is especially true in those who have ADD with anxiety or OCD who use worry as something to organize around. I personally find waking up to be very disorganizing, so I'm trying to be more meditative in bed as opposed to ruminative. Sometimes worrying just makes me want to go back to sleep to escape the chaos, but I'm learning to talk to myself kindly and start the day slow. Instead of chugging coffee and jumping into a daunting task like clearing my email inbox, I try to eat something, read, go for a walk, or meditate.
When it comes to support, they suggest that you shouldn't have to worry alone. Recently I've attended a self-help group and am planning to attend a group for women with ADD as well. I hope you are able to find support where you live!
I got that same epiphany after reading this book.
http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/ref=sr_1_10?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376139869&amp;sr=1-10&amp;keywords=Adhd+books
Just tagging on as a fellow ADHD-head: one of the best techniques that I've found for studying (avec medication, natch) has been to build in breaks. It sounds obvious and simple, but the way our brains are wired, we have seriously diminishing returns over long stretches. So, every 30-45-60 minutes (whatever works for you), get up and go do something that uses a different part of your brain. If you're reading and doing critical analysis, go for a walk, get a cup of coffee, watch 20 minutes of tv or something. When you come back, you'll be fresher and sharper to continue the work.
Also, the book Driven to Distraction has some excellent ADHD study techniques like this... particularly helpful because the self-driven nature of grad school means we really need to be our own supervisors.
Driven to Distraction was recommended to me and I'm cracking it open this week.
The best way to manage ADHD is to develop strategies to overcome your weaknesses. For example, I forget where I'm parked in the car park every day. So I developed a location system and log it in my phone so I'll remember at the end of the day. I'm horrible with doing chores.. so the first thing I do when I get home is chores for 15 minutes.. or sometimes I go until I get bored. I suck at paying bills on time.. so I developed a spreadsheet that I check every morning that has the monthly bill amounts, date due and balances owed. I've turned tracking bills into a game.
It all depends on where your weaknesses lie as it is different with everyone.
Your first point, I'm not suggesting that American Police Officers are serving in the military - rather I suspected that they signed up for law enforcement after leaving the military. Apparently this is not the case, but I'd love to see some actually statistics on police officers involved in these instances and prior military experience.
Secondly, this book makes the claim that in WWII only a very small percentage of soldiers fired their weapons in anger, and a smaller percentage again were actually aiming to kill their adversary. Since that time, American military training has gotten better and better at breaking down those psychological barriers against killing. Of course, you haven't won a war since then either because that behavior has alienated every single native population you've dealt with. In fact, the better the USMil has gotten at killing, the more extreme the local reaction against it - the only recorded suicide bombing in Vietnam was against the French (though there were other suicide missions). And on top that the suicide rates of returning vets from Vietnam and now the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, exceed the number of soldiers KIA. So doing well in combat seems to involve winning, instead of staying alive. Patton's phrase regarding the purpose of war being "...not to die for your country, but make the other bastard die for his." seems to be lost in this mentality, seeing that ex-servicemen are dying for their country anyway, just not in battle. So while the USMil does well at infantry combat, they're not good at winning wars, or staying alive afterwards.
As to your third point, that's a straw-man argument. I'm not decrying the need for force; police officers in the UK, France, Australia, and Canada also deal with gun crime and violent criminals, yet their appearance in these youtube and liveleak videos seems far rarer (I'm not saying that it doesn't happen). That may be because of smaller populations, but their rarity should then increase their impact and exposure. I'd direct your attention to the context of our conversation, which is the execution style killing of an (apparently) safe animal.
Anyway, if someone was a sociology or psych researcher, I think it would be very valuable to gather those stats and see if there's a correlation.
TL:DR You said you didn't understand my question - then wrote an essay anyway, so I answered you.
There's a great book by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman which describes the conditioning which is used to turn civilians into killers.
It's eye-opening and well worth a read.
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316330116
On Killing by Dave Grossman.
> you should accept you may die doing so.
Yeah... so what? This has nothing to do with whether it is right or not. I accept that I may die in driving my car to school today... Does that make it okay for someone to take me off the road? (This is analogous only to the extent that "accepting" something doesn't make it okay.)
Nevertheless, people don't give up their right to life just because they steal from you. If they are imposing a threat, that's a different story. But if the first thing an intruder does when you see them is run or surrender, your claim that your life was in imminent danger would be highly dubious. If you proceed to kill them, you've committed an execution.
If a justice system doesn't have some sort of proportionality with regards to the crime and punishment, then it would be a bit chaotic, don't ya think?
You're effectively saying that you're above that idea of proportionality...
On a side note, check out On Killing. Talking about gunning someone down is a lot different than actually doing it.
(I feel I must be clear. If the intruder is coming at you or imposing a threat, then I would certainly agree that deadly force may be okay.)
Real World Survival: What has worked for me. By Walt Rauch.
Without a doubt:
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society. By Dave Grossman
There is a fantastic book on this subject called On Killing. One of the more incredible books I've read on War.
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316330116
You're actually in the minority. Most people can't bring themselves to knowingly kill another human being.
This is why history has "execution by firing squad" instead of "execution by single gunman." It's not to be certain of execution (death is certain with a single bullet at close range) - it's because they found time and again that a single person doesn't want to shoot another person. It's only when in a group and feeling the diffusion of responsibility that people can bring themselves to shoot the prisoner - because there's comfort in not knowing if it was really their bullet that dealt the final blow.
Most people don't want to hurt another person, and would have huge moral qualms even when faced with the situation you describe. You're in the minority, but one that's celebrated.
You are incorrect good sir, Humans have an innate aversion to killing their own kind. this book, http://amzn.to/dwHhDx is required reading at paris island and at west point. It explains the whole topic in great detail. Everyone should read it.
When you say source you mean an academic study/research? If thats what you mean then no. However there is a superb book called Delivered from Distraction which is where I massively improved my understanding about ADHD, the treatment options and the medication (plus other things). This is where I learnt that untreated ADHD causes other issues.
Glad to hear it, I hope that it's as helpful for you as it was for me!
Talking to a psychologist or mental health counselor is also extremely important: if medication is the tool, the counselor is the one to show you how to use it and make the most of it!
There's a great book called Delivered From Distraction that was also a phenomenal help.
Young and poor beats out old and rich every time.
Fortunately you are young.
If you have ADHD, dealing with it involves a lifelong strategy. And, it is important to focus on the fact that ADHD is not all bad, in fact, having ADHD is a huge advantage in certain life skills (such as creativity and entrepreneurial skills).
My advice is to learn as much about ADHD as you can. Go to the library and check out books and learn. This book gives a great overview of how to make your life better.
Man, been there, kind of am there but way better than I was. The symptoms of ADD and depression perpetuate each other and can make it feel almost impossible to claw my way out sometimes. Have you tried doing CBT? I can't recommend it enough. Just being mindful of your thoughts and impulses as they happen can have a huge impact on your ability to take the wheel. 3 years ago I was close to dropping out of college and toying with the idea of offing myself, now at 25 I'll be graduating with a 3.8 GPA. CBT (or whatever else you find works for you; exercise and diet play a huge role) and taking some time to Think About Shit can really do wonders. It's never too late.
We've never really interacted, but I've appreciated you from afar in my ~4 months here. All the best, buddy.
EDIT: Check out this book. It's what jumpstarted me into action, and I almost feel as if everybody should read it.
I hear ya.
Look into this book: Delivered from Distraction. Even if you don't think you have adhd, there is a lot of great and helpful information there.
Obviously you know no one here can diagnose you for sure. Only doctors can. But to me at least it definitely sounds like you do have it.
Without medication it certainly is harder to treat your ADHD but you still can. First thing is, in order to be able to treat your ADHD, you have to first understand it. You should grab something like Ed Hallowell’s book Delivered From Distraction. There’s actually an in depth self assessment in there in one of the earlier chapters!
He’s got a lot of great advice on how many ADHDers successfully manage their symptoms!
But know: it can be hard work figuring out how to balance your life with ADHD even if you are medicated. It’s the trouble of actually acting on those wonderful plans you probably will make.
I have ADD too but mine has become almost unobtrusive. I can even take advantage of it now, like for example, obviating shit and details and focusing on the nitty gritty to get things done. I've used Aderall, it does help lots and if you can by all means use it; however, myself and other people I've met have ceased to need the meds as bad as we once needed to. It has to do with self management, something you will learn the bad way if you hit rock fucking bottom in everything like I did.
Please, don't wait until you hit rock bottom and life jolts you awake. You could be close to losing all your college opportunities, losing your friends and your fiancee. You have to toughen up by becoming responsible of yourself and your ADD.
It's good you already started. Keep going to counseling, get a prescription for the meds and read on ADD as much as you can. There are really helpful books on the subject such as this one. Here's a hint, the way to manage ADD is through establishing reliable systems that get things done for you, like for example, study three hours every day at the same time, attend all your classes, implement something that works for you so you won't forget things, like a GTD software, maintaining clean spaces, asking lots of questions in conversations to keep yourself engaged, keeping lists of things, storing boxes, detailed notes, that sort of things. Once you find systems that work for you, you stick and follow through them regardless of how you feel and things will get taken care of and surprisingly, you'll have more time available to do the things you want, be it sleep or whatever; otherwise, if left to whim, everything spirals out of control and becomes unmanageable and it drags you down with it. Good luck!
used one https://www.amazon.com/Maps-Meaning-Architecture-Jordan-Peterson/dp/0415922224
https://www.amazon.com/Maps-Meaning-Architecture-Jordan-Peterson/dp/0415922224
Heads up /u/canarduck
> Why is that?
Because people should think for themselves.
> But you cannot judge a man based on one work.
Good point. If you want a bit more meat, Peterson also wrote a book called Maps of Meaning which is supported by his class on YouTube.
Maps of Meaning.
I've seen mention of his book "Maps Of Meaning - The Architecture Of Belief" Wikipedia section here and Amazon reviews here.
I haven't yet read that book, nor watched the corresponding video lectures (partway down on this youtube page).
I'd be interested to hear what those on this subreddit who are philosophically minded think about Jordan Peterson's ideas.
---------------------
Edit to add: You can download a free PDF, 400 pages, dated from 1999 (while page 1 says "PDF version with figures - May 2002"), at this blog page.
There are subreddits: /r/Maps_of_Meaning and /r/JordanPeterson
In my view it is because of a few factors.
The first factor is stress. When you're advanced enough to realize how precarious your hold on life is you begin to wonder at how to exert some level of control on the forces of nature that dwarf you in terms of power and baffle your understanding. In order to relieve the stress of the absolutely unknown you posit the existence of god(s)/spirit(s)/foo that you might be able to placate in order for your people to survive. In short, you trade the incomprehensible and uncontrollable for the capricious but negotiable gods of your society's collective unconscious.
The second factor is death. Humans morn their dead. Some animals mourn their dead. Humans have rituals associated with death. Early homo-sapiens, other hominids like homo neanderthalensis, and modern all exhibit very similar proto-religious behavior. In short: once you're smart enough to know you exist, wonder about the future, and come to the conclusion you won't always exist, you begin to wonder at what happens to you after your body dies.
Story telling. Humans love to tell stories around camp fires. Cultures quickly learn to adapt these stories to teach lessons from the past. Once this process advances through enough iterations cultures start to tell stories about their ideals. If you get an important enough ideal or an especially beautiful one, it's quite possible that ideal might grow into a god(ess) in your culture and be venerated. If you really want to understand how this works over the long haul, read: Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief.
A friend of mine had chronic headaches and saw a whole series of specialists who had him do a bunch of tests, including an MRI. They suspected he had a brain tumor that could be giving him these daily, chronic headaches. And then it turned out he had Generalised Anxiety Disorder, making his neck and back muscles tense all the damn time - which of course gave him endless headaches.
What I mean by this is that what's happening to you is normal and very common, for all sorts of anxiety-related conditions. IDK about the specific circumstance but feeling strong, overwhelming emotions can cause some people (eg. me) to instantly develop a headache, stomach pain, nausea, etc.
EDIT: http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
Please don't fall into thinking he has borderline personality disorder and will need to go back to a group home. He needs you to believe in him. He needs you to have hope, even if the facts seem hopeless.
I was sexually abused as a child and had a lot of behavioral and mental health problems as a result. Being labeled as "borderline" was incredibly harmful. My personality is who I am, and to say that my personality is the problem made it hard to conclude that there was any point in trying to get better or even continuing life at all.
Did I fit borderline criteria when I was 16? Sure. But the issue was the trauma, not my personality. It took many years of therapy, but I've been able to work through the trauma, and no longer fall into those "borderline" behaviors. I'm so grateful to my 16-year-old self for rejecting the diagnosis and insisting that my personality was just fine, and my real problem was trauma. It made it possible to heal. Your son can heal too. He will have a much better chance if you believe that healing is possible for him.
Finally, I cannot recommend highly enough, this book on trauma and recovery from trauma: http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
I would start with learning the basics of trauma and some of the biology behind what it does to our brains/body.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0670785938/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5a0LDbXXEM1FC
Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, an... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1476748365/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awdo_t1_4c0LDb5CB0806
Good luck!
For anyone dealing with the aftermath of abuse, I cannot recommend highly enough:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
It is written for both professionals and lay people. It lays out a great deal of the relevant information that your therapist has about trauma, so you can have it too. I think it would help you understand the impact the abuse in your childhood had on you, as well as give you a great deal of hope for healing from it.
This Honestly Hits home for me. I am sensitive to meds.
I recommend you read Driven to Distraction , Skip the first parts about diagnosis, and get to the living suggestions.
There are a few CBT guides that help with ADD, I recommend this one it worked for me. + if you can afford it a therapist trained for ADD would be a good resource.
Here is the desktop version of your link
http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Recognizing-Attention-Childhood/dp/0684801280
Driven to Distraction. It's by a couple doctors who help patients with ADHD, and one of them has ADHD himself. It really goes in depth, and uses examples from some of their patients. The medications that they suggest may be out of date, as it was published a while ago, but the advice is solid. It's helped me and my entire family out many times.
I'm in a similar boat, my parents don't quite believe it. I just bought and read the book "Driven to Distraction" and it's awesome, there's a lot in there that will help you come to terms with your new diagnosis. It was originally published in 1994 so there have been a lot of changes in the field since then, but there are a lot of case studies in there so you get to hear other stories that are similar to yours. It addresses so much of the issues that you're mentioning here and will help you come to terms with your diagnosis. I'm going to give it to my parents to read next, so we'll see how that goes.
Edit: My psychiatrist also suggested that I just wait until the people around me are really able to see the change in me. Your parents are mostly worried about you so once they see that you're happier and are functioning at a higher level then they will probably become more receptive.
Get in touch with the other adults supporting him (with the parents' permission, of course). You communicating with his teachers can help all of you work together to help him out.
Does he already have a planner or assignment book or something, but forgets to use it/uses it inefficiently? Or does he have nothing at all?
Kudos to you for working to support this kid. It might help him with the way he feels about himself if you share that you have ADD and have had trouble getting organized, too.
I recommend you read Driven to Distraction, which talks about both child and adult ADD. (Might even give you some insights into your own brain, too.) It's an accessible read and I found it really valuable.
A woman who was close to your age wrote a post exactly as you described a while back ago so I'll give you the same advice I gave her, I hope this helps.
Let me break down a few things so you can gain some perspective, and I apologize for my broad speculating here because I don't have a lot of detail from you to reflect on. But I'll do my best to give you some analysis so you can more or less gain insight and introspection into what he is experiencing right about now, because I've been there my friend, believe me...
Men are prideful by default, we bottle all of our emotions because of societal pressures convince us that it's a sign of weakness if we do, and it's just silliness. Your husband I'm sure has known about this for a lot longer than you might have imagined, and he's at the stage where his pride and ignorance has turned into fear and depression because the years of failure and self-doubt has profound psychological and emotional devastation that is only natural for many people first discovering they learn they have a disorder. And it's not just the learning deficit which has fractured his self-esteem, but the impact ADHD has on the ones closest to him. It's a vicious cycle to deal with.
To admit to himself he has ADHD (like so many others who subscribe to /r/adhd) is to admit he is a broken clock that can't be fixed; that is a huge blow to anyone's self-esteem. It is equally frustrating for him to understand because it is so complex and can take years of incite and self introspection to fully grasp all of the nuances of this disorder; many individuals dismiss it as an excuse for being lazy or simply being dumb, and unfortunately many buy into that narrative of being dumb or lazy. So it could be possible (assuming he in fact truly has ADHD) that he's afraid to express to anyone what is going on inside him for the fear that they will marginalize his problems or worse, judge him. And if that is the case I wouldn't be suprised if he's already experienced that with his family or close friends. The unfortunate reality though is people will judge him, you ask anyone here and you will get a story about how people look at you differently when you openly tell them you have ADHD. So part of his fear of expressing himself to others is warranted.
The other fear is actually seeing a psychiatrist. To open yourself up completely to a stranger is one of the most difficult and uncomfortable situations someone can experience. Simply being there exacerbates your anxiety, what you might or might not say, or how the psychiatrist will react. Thoughts and emotions are racing at a million miles per hour that it becomes almost impossible to think clearly. Picturing that situation is terrifying for him because facing that infinite void of uncertainty reinforces his innner self criticism. It makes him feel inadequate and helpless as a husband.
First off, it is really courageous of you actively looking for guidance, it is a strong indication that you do love him and are already looking to tackle the issue head on, so my hats off to you. Second, like many of some of the other comments have already said, start watching YouTube videos of Dr. Russell Barkley because he breaks down the complexities of ADHD into a digestable clear form. Also, consider reading the book Driven To Distraction because it's usually my go to book for anyone wanting to learn more about the disorder.
There is a reason why ADHD is one of the most misunderstood disorders is because how easily people misinterpret it, so knowing where the ADHD ends and the real person begins is absolutely critical for a relationship to work because it will not only help you understand him more, but also shows him that you're his emotional rock because it is so easy for him to give up on himself which is one of the hallmarks of ADHD. You'll soon learn (if you haven't already of course) how easy your husband can lose control of his emotions and why it is easily confused with Bipolar, because the symptoms are co-morbid and are easily criss-crossed, that is also why you need to educate yourself on the disorder.
This is not going to be an easy battle, in fact you will have a lot of ups and downs in the coming future but being mentally prepared will ameliorate those turbulent times when they do come. Remind him that having ADHD isn't the end of his life, it's a daily struggle but there are millions of Americans who are also in the same boat as him, and that he needs to understand he has you to support him. But in the end only he can decide if he wants to fix himself, and even with all the love and support that you throw at him, he ultimately has to decide if he wants to seek medical help because if it is truly ADHD then you are simply out of you depth on this one and it requires professional help. Just remember the context of what he is experiencing and don't pressure him too hard because it can sometimes backfire if he feels like he is being put in a corner, but he is your husband so you know all his idiosyncrasies and where to draw the line, trust your instincts.
Here are a few examples that I've compiled over the years on this sub-reddit that are consistent to what me and many others experience on a daily basis, use these as a templatesu to compare with your own experience and analyze so that you can a wider perspective. However, I mustt emphasize this one point more than anything else because if there's anything I want you to take away from this mother fuckin' long ass rant is this: everyone can exhibit or display the symptoms I'm about to write below. The key distinction between a neuro-typical individual vs. someone with ADHD is that these symptoms negatively impact every aspect of their lives. Additionally, not everyone is equal in their situation like I said before but in many cases including my own there's a big correlation of these symptoms, so it's all about context here as well:
• Working Memory Problems
• Impulsive
• Sleep disorders
• Extremely talkative when engaged
• Can’t finish sentences
• Difficulty doing basic chores: brushing teeth, cleaning room, hygiene as a child
• Constantly interrupting people
• Can’t sustain an argument or debate because of working memory problems
• Financial problems
• Inattentive
• Opposition to authority i.e.: managers, bosses, etc.
• The constant starting and never finishing of any project
• Education breakdown and exhaustion with studying for long periods of time
• Severe lack of motivation either through boredom, frustration, or distraction.
• Can only focus on the big picture and not the details
• Little or no motivation for work, relationships with friends or family, or goals for that matter
• The failure to act on ideas and goals, and be actually self-aware of it
• Everything you learn you can’t use it as effectively as other people can
• Can’t do what you know. IE: reading an instruction manual or learning new facts but unable to apply what
you learned because of dysfunctional working memory
• Under report the symptoms due to not writing it down when you need to and eventually forgetting over time
• Long term memory is also faulty due to working and short term memory, so you remember things in an
unclear way. In a "you know you're right, but you can't explain why" kind of way.
• Feels like the brain is some sort of web browser infected with mal-ware popups occurring every second.
• Satisfaction in aggregating tons of data and information in my head all at once but unable to put into long-
term storage
• Impossible to stay on a single task because by the 4th or 5th distraction you can’t remember what you were doing in the first place, hence the broken neuron theory (working memory)
• Difficulties in all areas of the executive functioning of the brain
• Working five times harder than everyone else but to do as half as well
A great book on the topic is 'Achilles in Vietnam' by Jonathan Shay.
https://www.amazon.com/Achilles-Vietnam-Combat-Undoing-Character/dp/0684813211/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=achilles+in+vietnam&amp;qid=1569532271&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=Achilles+in+viet&amp;sr=8-1
He compares the depiction of ptsd in the Iliad with accounts of Vietnam veterans, where their experiences align and where they differ.
In a chapter that is fresh in my memory he argues people may have suffered less from ptsd in wars like the Trojan one because of how the enemy was seen among other things. A subhuman thing, vermin in Vietnam, as opposed to an equal, noble opponent in antiquity.
I'll just leave this here: Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character; Odysseus in America: Combat Trauma and the Trials of Homecoming.
Why they react the way they do?
They react the way they do because their themis, what their cultural context and way of ordering the world views to be "correct", as described by Jonathan Shay, holds that women are either saints or whores by virtue of their sexual conduct, and when they have a sexual experience, they feel used up, like Elizabeth Smart did. Here she is explaining why she didn't try harder to run away:
>"I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh, I’m that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.’ And that’s how easy it is to feel like you know longer have worth, you know longer have value...Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value.” She said she felt so dirty and filthy after being raped, and that alone, can keep someone who is a victim of human trafficking or sexual violence, from trying to escape or run for help.
The problem is that these feelings can come about from any sexual experience, because any sexual experience other than sex in a marriage violates the girl's themis, absorbed from the culture and then internalized. It says nothing about mens rea, but instead frames things in terms of "strict liability", when only the outcome matters. As such, consensual sex that's regretted, drunk sex, sex that results from poor communication or no communication, any and all of these things can engender feelings of being "a chewed up piece of gum" and destroy the girl's identity and sense of belonging in the world.
Then, after the conservative fundamentalists are done with the girl's brain, the liberal radical feminists get in there and enshrine her feelings of brokenness and worthlessness, because it is politically expedient for them to have martyrs to use to whip up a public outcry and generate more fundraising. Never mind that this might not be psychologically best for the recovery of the people who they claim to advocate for.
>Though some feminists regard “rape equals devastation” as sacred fact, the notion that a man can ruin me with his penis strikes me as the most complete expression of vintage misogyny available.
The real problem isn't men or the male sex drive, or even rapists. The real problem is elements of a culture, promulgated by both men and women, that slut-shames and tells women that their self-worth is dependent on what happens with their vaginas.
No, the problem is society itself, at both ends of the political spectrum, and as long as these poor girls are being told by everybody that a normal place and identity no longer exists for them, that they can only be whores or martyrs, social propriety can be damned.
So while you are perfectly free to disagree with me, you would do well to make fewer assumptions about other people's efforts and observations, before you try to silence them.
eh, i feel like part of PTSD requires you to know you wont respawn. While dying in a game has consequences that do invoke a pavlovian reaction, they dont hit as primal of an instinct as "DONT DIE". Then again, I have no experience in psychology, so I could be totally wrong.
Though if anyone is interested, there is a book called Achilles in Vietnam that really breaks down root causes of PTSD into simpleton terms for idiots like me. There was a follow up book called Odysseus in America, but I never read that so i can't say to its value.
https://www.amazon.de/Coddling-American-Mind-Intentions-Generation/dp/0735224897
Cartea vorbește la un moment dat de screen time la adolescenți si cum sunt influențați de el. It's a good read.
Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving and The Body Keeps the Score are great places to start.
This book may be helpful.
This is strange, I've just watched a webinar on treating trauma that mentioned this exact question. The webinar is a series of modules that are designed to help practitioners better treat their clients when it comes to trauma. I'm not a practitioner but I find the information in the modules very enlightening and in addition to regularly seeing my therapist it's helped me understand trauma more, just in general.
One of the questions that was posed in today's module (which I believe is being broadcast again thursday, that link will take you to a page where you can do some maneuvering to find the times) was how to tell whether clients have ptsd or bpd. Many of the symptoms are the same, but one practitioner said that there's a tell. It has to do with sleep. Someone with BPD in a manic state has a lot of energy and won't need to sleep as much. They won't feel tired despite their lack of sleep (or just needing 2 hours of sleep). But someone suffering from trauma, who gets very little sleep or has disruptive sleep, doesn't feel rested. They feel more lethargic.
Like I said, I'm not a practitioner. I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone with anything. I'm simply parroting back what I saw in that webinar. If you think you might have ptsd, I'd like to recommend a book that my therapist recommended to me when I first started seeing her; The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Like the webinar, it's helped me understand the nature of trauma and it gives wonderful ideas to jump start the healing process.
I'm sorry you've struggled for so long. I wish you the best of luck in recovering from your troubles. Know that you have support from an internet stranger <3
There is a book you should check out. It's called the Body keeps the Score. It explains how trauma gets stored in our bodies and the types of therapy that can resolve it. Here is a link to it.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/
There is a study by the CDC called the Ace Study that shows that kids abused (sexually, physically etc) have something like a 90% chance to become morbidly obese.
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/index.html
I too was sexually abused as a kid and my parents are just as fucked up. PTSD as a kid is no joke. At my heaviest weight I was almost 600lbs. My family doctor sat me down and explained to me that a lot of my issues were mental health issues. He recommended the book and told me getting better was all up to me resolving childhood trauma no drug or diet or surgery could resolve what I had been through. It's been 2+ years of EMDR therapy (EMDR therapy is specifically designed for PTSD) and as of today I have lost 165lbs and my life is a MILLION times better. I can communicate and not trigger. I have healthy relationships.
He will likely experience PTSD in one form or another - the seemingly strangest things can trigger it (a smell, a song that was on in the background, hell, locking a door could be a trigger since it sounds like it was one of the last things he did before finding his friend). This may be a helpful read for you, so you can be aware of what he might be going through, understand what to possibly expect, that sort of thing.
So sorry for your husband's loss, and good luck to you as you navigate helping him heal.
I relate to what you are dealing with - it took me so long to see that I was not at fault. What she told you probably resounds with the child inside you. All children take on the blame of a parent's chaotic behavior - we are genetically programmed to do this (Van ser kolk)it's like Stockholm syndrome. Of course it feels wrong to believe that you are faultless, but you truly are. She was sick.
I don't know that I'm navigating life all that well, but some little things have helped and why not share with the class? I think I have underlying mental health issues (depression, anxiety) worsened by trauma (rape, attempted rape which morphed into PTSD, I think) and a narcissistic dad.
Here are a few helpful ones:
Sexual healing, literally https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Healing-Journey-Guide-Survivors/dp/0062130730
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933/
PTSD and trauma: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/
Shitty men: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/
Shitty parents: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407/r
https://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/
A Buddhist reminder that to live is to suffer: https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Anniversary/dp/1611803438
Brene Brown, duh: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Vulnerability-Teachings-Authenticity-Connection/dp/1604078588
(All the eating disorder books I read have been useless, and I am probably depressed and I'm certainly anxious but the literature on that never quite fits.)
Okay, that's prob good, right?
Could you be having sleep paralysis? If you're not sleeping well, maybe when you think you're awake you're actually drifting in and out and it's causing the hallucinations and paralysis.
I struggle with sleeping and feeling anxious at night, too. I got a dog and it really helped, and having white noise like a fan, table top water fountain, or something soothing like classical music on low works for me. If you're a person of faith, prayer can be really useful. If you were a kid, I'd suggest making Monster Spray.
Also, idk if you're in treatment but have you tried EMDR? It's great for traumas. Other things to try are TRE and Somatic Experiencing. Check out some of these vids- they might have some helpful insights/suggestions.
What should you expect from therapy
What makes a good therapist
5 signs you are seeing a bad therapist
Which type of therapy is right for me
Choosing your mental health professional
How to start and what to say
How do I stop being afraid to fall asleep?
How can I fight my bad thoughts at night?
How can I stop having nightmares?
How to get sleep
4 tips for better sleep
Sleep paralysis
Psychosis
BPD
anxiety playlist
depression playlist
trauma playlist
PTSD playlist
There's also a book called The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk that extensively talks about trauma's effect on the body and how it can manifest (scientific, but very readable and relatable).
In any case, I'd definitely talk to your doctor about it. Hope you find an answer, take care!
The emergence of repressed emotion is actually a sign that the meditation is working. If repressed emotion isn’t allowed to emerge and release itself in this way, it will physically tire you and decrease the level of positive emotion you can experience, among other negative effects. Although the raw experience may be negative right now, it’s very, very good that you’re able to bring up these emotions through meditation. From a Buddhist perspective, this is a critical part of meditation that cannot be skipped.
The 10 points practice and other practices on that page will help you to heal these emotions and relax the body and mind regardless of what you’re feeling. For more meditation techniques that work with emotion as it’s stored and expressed through the body, Your Breathing Body is a great resource. I recommend these techniques for all Buddhist practitioners whose meditation lacks a body awareness component, and they may be especially useful in your case.
To supplement your meditation practice, I strongly recommend that you try one of the therapeutic modalities that work with emotion stuck in the body, like EMDR, Hakomi, or Somatic Experiencing. I personally found EMDR effective. A therapist can guide you in ways that you wouldn't be able to figure out yourself. Your quality of life will improve as the therapy heals these emotions and helps you create positive mental habits.
Never harm others in response to emotional pain. If you feel overwhelming anger, it’s very wise to exit the situation as you have done. If you can’t escape the situation for whatever reason, you can focus on relaxing your body or focus on the breath. To release anger in general, you can scream into a pillow if it’s possible to do this without disturbing others--this may provide significant relief.
If the emotions you feel are overwhelming, you can take a break. Seek professional help if you’re thinking about harming yourself or others. Safety is paramount.
If you want to better understand the relationship between trauma and the body, The Body Keeps the Score is a classic guide.
The amount of repressed emotion stored in the body is finite. Once it’s exhausted, life will still have its challenges, but you will experience positive emotions and a sense of freedom most of the time. You will also be better disposed to serve others.
What you are experiencing sounds really awful and yet it's entirely normal. The basic principle of the brain is "what fires together wires together". When you had that very intense experience combining orgasms and suicidal thoughts because of medication, it simply made a literal connection in your brain. You can break it, and any good therapist can help you (doesn't have to be a sex therapist).
This can be treated like an OCD symptom where you are having intrusive thoughts triggered by a stimulus. There are great books on how to do this and I highly recommend them:
https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346
https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786
Mind you, I'm not saying you have OCD, or any disorder. But your brain is "locked" in linking these two parts of your life in a very unpleasant way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you and this could happen to anyone who was set off with nasty side effects of medication.
You may also approach this like an experience of Post Traumatic Stress, which can also show up with intrusive thoughts. Good resources for that exist too:
https://www.amazon.com/PTSD-Workbook-Effective-Techniques-Overcoming/dp/1626253706
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
You didn't do anything wrong and you can definitely get past this. The harder you try to fix a mental association the more you can strengthen it, so you need some techniques. Tools for OCD and PTSD are designed just for you in that regard.
I'd buy all 4 books and then find any good therapist to work through them with.
Good luck. I know with the right tools and practice you can separate these two aspects of your experience and get back to enjoying sex, which you deserve.
Huh. This is a pretty powerful episode. Even includes stories about PTSD.
Watching this as an adult was a bit strange. Wish I were a kid again. They all seem to have quite a bit of support and a safe community. I've gone through some trauma and there were a few parts of this episode that I related to quite a bit. [Spoiler](#s "When Arthur's dad tells the story about the trash can and paper. When Binky has a flashback... Trauma is pretty rough stuff.")
PBS is a pretty great resource. In honour of PBS being the topic... If anyone wants to learn more about trauma I'm reading a pretty great book at the suggestion of my therapist. It's called The Body Keeps the Score
Check out The Body Keep the Score by Bessel van der Kolk MD. It is incredibly insightful as to the way the mind works with trauma, the differences between PTSD and CPTSD, and research he has been doing on the disorder for over forty years.
So there are lots of good posts already here, but I just want to say that you are living in this world as a traumatized person. This is the book that can help you understand why you feel like you're stuck in the same patterns over and over again, that you're lonely and empty inside - it's trauma working within you.
Because of what trauma does to the brain and to our nervous system in general, it makes it very hard to just dust ourselves off from our traumatic past and move on. That trauma gave you a blueprint for all your other relationships - how you assert boundaries, how much you value yourself, how you form new relationships and break off old ones. All of that is influenced by your traumatic past.
But here's the good news. You can get help. A lot of the best trauma therapies are body based (see the book I linked to) but talk therapy is good too. You can't control other people's behavior, but you can control your responses to their behavior and the feelings they "trigger" within you. This is how you start to heal, by having a box of tools to work with when things get hard. Is my life awesome? Nope. But do I have 10 things I can think of at any given time to help me work on my problems? Absolutely.
Read up on it--there are lots of resources online, forums like this, or MyPTSD forums, and one good book that's good at explaining things from a standpoint of decades of combined psych and medical research is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, MD. Good luck to you, remember that you are not alone.
This author is at the forefront of research on CPTSD, I've read plenty of his research though not this book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_sim_14_4?ie=UTF8&amp;dpID=41G819O2SVL&amp;dpSrc=sims&amp;preST=_AC_UL160_SR106%2C160_&amp;refRID=020X024T287E1XK5A14T
This is the basis of my own issues as well. A lack of safety, security and emotional attachment during childhood means I'm now solidly avoidant. I'm in my 40s now, estranged from my parents (which i don't mind at all) single and have no friends outside of work. All of it comes from my trauma in childhood including multiple deaths. I would recommend the usual books that you'll see posted here a lot:
The Body Keeps the Score
Attached The chapter describing avoidance is surprisingly accurate.
Complex PTSD
Ffs. I didn’t realized how offended I could be by this. I knew the “science” behind the argument was bollocks, but to attribute all those things to injections causes more damage than even just allowing deadly diseases to proliferate. The ones that bother me most are those often associated with early childhood trauma - OCD, autoimmune disorders, (edit to add) chronic fatigue, speech delays. Then there’s scoliosis, which also runs in my family, going back to before the polio vax, even. Jfc.
Edit: For more information on the biological effects of trauma, I can’t recommend this book enough: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. While it’s fascinating, I must also recommend it with a TRIGGER WARNING.
I picked up The Body Keeps the Score when I was done with Surviving to Thriving. It's more technical, so it may be what you're looking for. I found it extremely useful when he explains how different parts of the brain interact, and how imbalances of activity in stress response areas affect other functional areas.
It also doesn't get too clinical, due to frequent use of his personal anecdotes as illustrative case studies. It makes the technical parts very accessible.
You should check out this book it’s great.
I haven't read this book, but it may answer some questions for you
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143127748/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1499643396&amp;sr=1-1&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&amp;keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score
> I never really understood why I would want to hurt myself because im mentally hurting.
It's not the same for everyone, but when I was deep in a many, many years cycle of self-harm I found that what I felt was (to me) indescribable, all-encompassing, perpetual mental/emotional pain, and that, for some reason, transferring that into real tangible injuries that I could inflict, control, and watch heal gave me some way to deal with intangible horrors. Not a recommended approach haha, but the brain has strange ways of coping with extreme stressors. Sometimes it's these strange mechanisms that are the only thing keeping us from suicide, no matter how unhealthy they may be. For myself personally, as a female survivor of some seriously bad shit (please feel free to message me for details of if you wanna chat - sounds like we've had some similar experiences in life), I actually found that martial arts (muay thai, aikido, and kendo) have helped significantly. Practice helps me feel more in control of myself and my environment (and my head), and oddly I've found sparring to help a lot with my self-harm urges - no need to hurt myself when someone else is already beating the crap outta me (with appropriate gear and supervision!) lol! I've also recently started the book The Body Keeps the Score (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143127748/ref=tmm_fbs_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1556857316&amp;amp;sr=8-2); I'm only about a quarter of the way through, but so far it's a fascinating exploration of how trauma affects both mind and body, and how the two manifest the affects of trauma together. The author is great at making the material very accessible and easy to understand. I truly hope the best for you; it's a bullshit, fucked up, rocky-ass path we're on, but it honestly helps to know we're not on it alone. Internet stranger hugs (if wanted; friendly wave if not lol)!!!
No it's fine, I wouldn't have responded if I wasn't ready for questions. It is extremely schedule-oriented, almost annoyingly so. And it might not be that way for everyone. I had to write down journals for weeks about what I did and when I did it and how often/long. That was tricky to stay on top of. I just had to grit my teeth so to speak and make a point to sit down and do it in a context where I wouldn't get anything else to distract me. I had to switch from digital journals to physical ones so I wouldn't end up wandering the internet for hours instead... If I had to guess this is where most people would find the most difficulty. But what we learned is that I am a creature of habit. Routine. My day has to start with me eating and then showering and getting dressed, and doing it out of order or oversleeping and being unable to do so because I might be running late for work really throws me off. I am trying to add physical exercise to the end of my morning routine but it is difficult in my current living situation. I have actually regressed significantly in my own opinion as my roommates are very... unorganized and constantly wish to wrap me into their impromptu plans and aren't really interested in my reasons as to why that doesn't work for me. It has gotten to the point where I am disrupting that neat and needed schedule to avoid them being able to further disrupt me. However, I am going to be living on my own soon and will be able to dictate my own schedule as needed and be the master of my domain. Or at least that is what I am wish to achieve for myself.
And I don't necessarily have to eat the same thing every day or anything like that, but the breakfast and meals need to be similar in the time the take to prepare at the time I elect best to do so. When I was at my peak progress a few months ago my hardest issue was keeping to a consistant sleep schedule and waking up around the same time as I sometimes just can't sleep. But I am actually quite proud of myself as only some nights I have trouble with that as opposed to most nights. I am hoping once I am set up at the new location I can try to allot some time for... meditating, something I have never been capable of. I hope to use the skill of 'clearing my mind' (whatever that means) to facilitate falling asleep more quickly. Sometimes I stay awake for hours because I am not done thing about whatever happens to enter my thoughts- so nothing in particular so much as the gears just don't wind down when I want them to.
But my biggest growth I have made is not giving myself the 3rd Degree if I slip up or something happens. I have always been worried about being lax with myself that I found I might be more critical of myself that what would be considered healthy.
I had go try a few therapists before I found one that worked for me and was interested in my desire to try a non-medicated approach. If you want to try it I have to say that the journals were honestly the hardest part, but once I could view my own habits as data, I made a lot more sense to myself. But for now it is a serious WIP. And know that life happens and you might find yourself in a situation where it is hard to impossible to provide yourself with the environment you need. But do not give up. Persistence is the name of the game.
Kinda ranted a bit but for once I am actually quite tired and I think I will be able to put my head on my pillow and get right to it. I will be happy to answer more questions.
And lastly, consider this book. It is a great tool for understating yourself and relating to others like yourself, without connecting to the internet and risking extreme distraction. But also make time for goofing around because that is healthy too.
My dad got this for me when I was diagnosed (he read it I didnt because im lazy but will get around to it some day). I just flipped through the whole book and it only talks about ADD and not ADHD. Good luck with your son and don't be frustrated.
I literally read this passage this morning
>An important, and often overlooked part of both learning disabilities and ADD is the social consequence of having them. ADD can interfere with one's interpersonal life just as dramatically as it does with one's academic or job performance. To make friends, you have to be able to pay attention. To get along in a group, you have to be able to follow what is being said in the group. Social cues are often subtle: the narrowing of eyes, the raising of eyebrows, a slight change in tone of voice, a tilting of the head. Often the person with ADD doesn't pick up on these cues. This can lead to real social gaffes or a general sense of being out of it. Particularly in childhood, where social transactions happen so rapidly and the transgressor of norms is dealt with so pitilessly, a lapse in social awareness due to the distractibility or impulsivity of ADD can preclude acceptance by a group or deny understanding from a friend.^1
You're in high school right? high school is a difficult time to be introverted, because everyone demands you live your life a certain way and act a certain way, and anything else makes you an outcast. Get through it. It is difficult, but life isn't like high school. In the real world you won't be interacting only with people within 2 years of your age. you won't be interacting only with people who want to go do things or judge people all the time. There are lots of types of people out there and high school is not a good slice of them. Get through high school, and head to the rest of your life.
It took me a while to realize that being an introvert is fine. Mostly because my fiance is one too. We sat down one day and both said "It's annoying that everyone wants to do things with us, why can't we just be alone with ourselves?". we are both introverts, and we enjoy it this way. Other people may not understand it, but we have fun, we enjoy life, and we have friends. we just don't need to jump every time someone mentions a movie or thing. We just don't need people the way other people do. It is hard to accept, but we came to understand it and are happy with it. It is hard for other people to accept, but we don't really care about that anymore. WE are happy, and that's all that matters.
^1 Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell, MD and John J Ratey MD^2: i'm only a chapter in and its a great book. find it and read it.^3
^2 The authors are psychologists and also live with ADD (at least one does, I haven't gotten very far). But they are considered the defining accessible sources on living with ADD.
^3 If you can't focus on a book like this very well, get Answers to Distraction this one is made in a FAQ format in smaller pieces.
Meds, CBT, and and ADHD coach can totally help you figure this out.
Also — read this: https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152 (Or, get it from Audible)
Read the book Driven to Distraction.
It's a very easy read and not very long - almost as if the author knew his intended audience.
It really helped me understand what adhd actually is, and it helped me fully understand the role of medication in treatment.
i was diagnosed late in life, your doctor could refer you to a psycho therapist, however there is still a stigma around adult treatments, and unless its changed, the best i was offered was group therapy and i hated it. ive done very well on my own without treatment, but that is just me. everyone is different. i also suggest picking up the book driven to distraction. https://www.amazon.ca/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
just make sure you are being treated for the right reasons, adhd in adults leads to other issues such as depression, that doctors treat without treating the root cause, so make sure you communicate well with them.
I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was 23 and began treatment within six months. It changed my life; six years later and I am a confident expert and leader in my field, with a level of self-esteem and joy that I never thought achievable before.
If nothing else, do yourself a favor and read Driven to Distraction!
My doctor recommended a book, and after reading it everything clicked. You should give it a go: https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
The book Driven to Distraction helped me a lot. Here's the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Recognizing-Attention-Disorder/dp/0307743152
Now you're either thinking fuck books, I wouldn't finish or you are reading 12 already like me. Just start the book. You aren't alone and ADHD sucks a lot, but you can learn our "gifts" that normal people can't do as well as we can. Back to the book... I started to hyperfocus during the first chapter of this book. It is one of my faves.
it's making the front page daily, many are True Believers (READ THIS PLEASE) and I can prove it's turning would-be Trump voters away...and is closely tied to the extreme alt-right and antisemitism.
Read a book called The True Believer by Eric Hoffer. It will tell you where this kind of thinking comes from. Any library would have this.
https://www.amazon.ca/True-Believer-Thoughts-Nature-Movements/dp/0060505915/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1495212440&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+true+believer
The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements
A lot of people are on here oddly
True believer. There's a book about it
https://www.amazon.com/True-Believer-Thoughts-Nature-Movements/dp/0060505915
How about you go read a history book or a book on geopolitics or psychology. This violence has little to do with Islam and a whole lot to do with other things. Heck, go listen to Osama bin Laden's speeches for the political causes, or here's a CIA analyst who's book was recommended by ObL.
this is another great one
extra interesting because the dud is self educated, but unlike most self educated people isn't a fool.
I think you can use it either way, I originally quoted from this book and I think he makes a good point that both theists and atheists, if they absolutely believe God exists or doesn't exist, both rely on a kind of faith since neither can be proven.
https://www.amazon.com/True-Believer-Thoughts-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915
Or read this book.
I also recommend Eric Hoffer's [The True Believer](The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature ohttps://www.amazon.com/dp/0060505915/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fPNmyb4156PRT) - I am having my US History students read it this term. (This is a coincidence, albeit a sad one.)
The True Believer is good. Just go in with the understanding that this covers a lot of what make negative social movements as well(i.e. Nazism) win as well.
I have an odd story behind my finding the book I'm going to recommend. Have you seen the movie Serenity? You know, the Firefly movie from Joss Whedon? Without giving too much away, the hero is being pursued by an assassin who works for the (overbearing, tyrannical) authorities. Our hero is in conversation with a friend-counselor of his, discussing his plight, and the friend warns him about how intractable the assassin is. The assassin is a zealot of the regime. The exact words are: "He's a true believer."
The line, "He's a true believer," was delivered so meaningfully that it struck me, while I was in the theater, that there was something behind this. I went home and looked on Amazon for the title. I found this: The True Believer, by Eric Hoffer.
I read the book's description and then ordered it right away. I honestly don't know if Whedon was referring to this book or if this was just a coincidence and my mind jumping to conclusions. But the book is fascinating, and at 192 pages, how can you go wrong?
Filed under the "anything is better than what I have today" idiot category.
It's right next to "change is always better than status-quo, no matter which change we're talking about" file.
Seriously - please spend a few hours of your life reading The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements by Eric Hoffer - it will help you understand why your post above is so misguided.
P. S. Please skip the "I got positive Karma and that implies I'm right" argument if you care to reply to this post, as popularity has nothing to do with being right.
Here part 1
Part 2
http://www.amazon.com/Descartes-Error-Emotion-Reason-Human/dp/014303622X
I sometimes find it helpful to draw a mental line between the actual research on the one hand, and the researchers interpretations of their results on the other. One can often find many possible interpretations of a given experiment.
>What Im wondering about is if humans having little or no control over our actions is the standpoint scientists are generally taking now that a lot of new research exists to support it.
I can't comment as to whether the majority of neuroscientists would endorse this view, but I can see another interpretation that jibes well with the research I've read: we do have control over a number of factors and situations (e.g. ducking when somebody throws something at you shows control), but control amounts to a mishmash of both conscious and unconscious factors. Where others see research showing that we don't have control, I see research showing that conscious awareness has a more limited scope than was previously believed. I would not call conscious awareness an "illusion" as such, because clearly we have awareness, but I think we do have illusions about the scope of that awareness and we underestimate the importance and power of unconscious processes.
>I could add that the paper Im writing is on the emergence of Descartes dualistic theory and how it is proven or disproven in todays scientific and religious world.
You might check out Antonio Damasio's book Descartes' Error.
In the additional list in the article I really enjoyed Stephen Pinker's The Language Instinct
One of my own favorites; Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain by Antonio Damasio
The biggest thing to realize is that you have to realize that your body is the problem and is distorting your outlook, so you need to learn to
ignore and not trust your own judgement so much on a good manythings... in other words: Be skeptical of your own thoughts and feelings and challenge them by ignoring them and experimenting (doing things).
If you want to make your life better know that work is not really fulfilling most of the time and is just a grind, what makes your life fulfilling is the kinds of people you have around you and lack of debt...
So you want to get enough money to not be so stressed out and you want to find good people to hang around with... those should be primariy goals now to get there...
Knowing yourself and growing your vision of how to see the world is half the battle...
People are driven largely by unconscious biases and processes
they don't understand so to build up your confidence and how to see the world I would recommend learning about how people aren't
really in control of themselves (so you don't take anything personally)
First see this video (you can find the rest by googling "orwell comes to america")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYmi0DLzBdQ
Most people operate under the assumption that when we talk logically and make rational arguments while we communicate via language other people will understand... this is NOT true and science says so, its good to know this just so you know that each persons mind is it's own universe and each persons interpretation of the world is limited to their own inner world defined by the structure of their biology.
These are good tests just to show you your own biases, and why trying to go against human biases (looks, etc) is a fools game because biases are unconscious
Bias tests:
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/
If you really want to get a more informed view of the world and how much people have no clue about how they reason and function get and read this book (even if you don't understand all of it theres bound to be stuff you can learn about human beings just by reading it)
http://www.amazon.com/Descartes-Error-Emotion-Reason-Human/dp/014303622X/
Just sharing a bit of my own wisdom since I've been through the process of what you are going through.
Much of what you describe is just describing a basic take on human health and the life history of the person you see around you and interact with.
You would enjoy Sam harris I think:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri_hruUhJUw
http://www.samharris.org/
Not to be a downer but I'd read up on neuroscience/research papers on human behavior. You should look for roots of instincts/feelings across species because if we have some instinct there most likely will be other examples in the history of life.
Just one example:
http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/features/rev-0000020.pdf
Also:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/014303622X/
On reason and emotion:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYmi0DLzBdQ
Hi Pink, yes, most of us with C-PTSD have been burdened with plenty of mis-diagnoses before arriving here.
A couple of great books I highly recommend are:
From Surviving to Thriving
and [The Body Keeps the Score] (https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1483926427&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score)
You might be interested in learning about TRE if you don't already know about it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tension_%26_Trauma_Releasing_Exercises
There's also a really amazing book called "The Body Keeps the Score" that talks about how our bodies remember and store the trauma energy. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this pain. I have had dreams trigger flashbacks like this before. Everyone finds different things that help, but if you haven't already, I highly recommend checking out the information on flashbacks on r/CPTSD. Basically, flashbacks aren't always visual as in a dream or a hallucination, or auditory/taste, etc. They can also bring up the emotions we felt during the event or shortly after leading to feelings of fight/flight/freeze even when we are presently safe. I am not a therapist, but your dream reminds me of my own visual flashbacks and the feelings you've been dealing with since seem reminiscent of the emotional flashbacks. There's a reason it's so hard to shake those feelings-- your brain and body truly believe you are in danger again and are trying to protect you.
All of the behaviors you listed are normal trauma responses, but are also super, super hard to face alone. If you are able, please consider speaking with a trauma informed therapist. Many women's shelters even offer group therapy to the community for free. Or, Universities often have discounted rates if you are ok working with a PhD student who is nearing certification.
Another great resource is the book The Body Keeps the Score. It really dives into the effects of traumatic events on our bodies and how they manifest in different ways throughout life if not processed. It is written by an MD who pioneered research in PTSD for war veterans and then found that the effects on people who experienced other traumas (like rape) were very similar. I wouldn't start reading this now while you are currently triggered, but when you are ready to process things a bit more this could be very helpful. (It was a big turning point for me.) There are also some free audiobook versions on YouTube.
You are not disgusting or awful for your dream. We cannot control whether the pleasure centers of our brains are activated, especially while sleeping. I know it is very disconcerting when our brains still derive pleasure from experiences that are also rooted in such depraved violence and betrayal, but you have done nothing to be ashamed of.
As for things you could do tonight to feel better, I have had good results with the suggestions on this page https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/firstaidkit as well as https://www.joondalupcounselling.com.au/joondalup-counselling-blog/2016/2/11/28-popular-effective-grounding-techniques
Give yourself grace as you deal with this. I'm glad you got to go out for a bit and try to distract yourself. Be mindful of your stress levels and take steps back when needed. Sometimes staying busy is helpful, but sometimes we also need to take time to rest.
I hope you find peace and comfort soon. Please reach out whenever you need.
Don't worry, I get that too. Intrusive thoughts cause physiological reactions because it triggers your nervous system which has a kind of memory. This book gives a really good explanation of all this and might help you normalize your feelings:
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_HjdsDbCFDF0G6
I'm sorry that your provider didn't prepare you for the reality of a medication abortion - the pain and seeing the sac are both things that can be traumatic even if you do expect them. It's okay to have complex feelings about your abortion. Especially with all the news and the rhetoric, it's hard to not have internalized stigma. Maybe you would have rather saved the sac and buried it - you can always do that if you do need another abortion, and the only way to find out these things is going through them, unfortunately. Next time you want your boyfriend's support, you know to ask for it. You did your best with the information and the circumstances. Be kind to yourself. You are a strong, brave, beautiful person, learning as you go just like the rest of us.
This workbook on emotional and spiritual healing after an abortion might help: https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/emotional&spiritual.htm. There is a section at the end for healing partners that you can give to your boyfriend and your therapist. Your therapist may also be able to work through the workbook with you if you would rather do it with them than alone.
Another book I'd recommend is Pleasure Activism by adrienne marie brown. There is a chapter on pleasure after sexual trauma that is incredible. The chapter is based on this piece that she wrote called "I Want You, But I'm Triggered". (She also talks about it a bit in these interviews, and more on sex after #metoo in this one.)
The body keeps the score (another good book!) and it makes sense that physical trauma would be resurfaced from such a physical experience as the abortion. Healing is possible and you deserve all the love and support in the world.
"The body keeps the score" by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1466011790&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=trauma
It's an interesting read about trauma (mostly in PTSD vets and victims of child abuse) but it still reflects a LOT on depression and the state of a depressive mind and ways to heal.
It's helped me, but i've also been traumatized.
Here is an article that gives a general overview of trauma-informed care. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk and The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry are essential reading. They are relatively cheap and well-known.
I know very little about EMDR, so I can't really speak for its efficacy. As far as trauma-certifications go, I would urge caution. There are a lot of certification programs out there that promise access to a lot of knowledge and skills, and they offer a shiny little certificate with your name on it upon completion. However, in my experience the knowledge and skills they impart are nothing that you couldn't learn yourself with a combination of dedicated self-study and careful oversight by a competent supervisor. Also, these certifications sound impressive, but they aren't always recognized as anything special by the field at large. So they won't help you get a job, get a promotion, get a raise, or anything else but an impressive-looking piece of paper.
My recommendation is to be more assertive in your interest with your supervisor about learning trauma-informed theory and practice. If they cannot offer you the supervision you feel you need, ask them if there is someone in your organization that can. Identify resources that you can study that will help you find concrete ways to implement trauma-informed strategies into your work, and discuss this during supervision.
Thank you for posting this... your explanation of how fibromyalgia works was very enlightening. You may find this book to be helpful: The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
Do you do guided meditations or do you just sit quietly and breathe with no particular agenda? This is what pops into my head when I consider your situation: You are not your body; it's a physical manifestation which allows you to maneuver through this world/plane. I don't have fibromyalgia but I can relate because I'm a hypersensitive empath. Every sensation is magnified and can be incredibly overwhelming. Try to dispassionately separate yourself from the idea that you are the body... it is a barometer which draws your attention to areas that need to be healed. Get yourself a special little blank book in which to record your thoughts/feelings about this issue and meditate with the intention of having information revealed to you through your guides/higher self. In my experience, the epiphanies sent by my guides are rarely revealed in a direct fashion. They pop up later in unexpected ways and they catch my attention by repeated synchronicities (example: I kept seeing references to giraffes all over the place only to discover upon talking with a friend that she too had been seeing them. Turned out that she had the information I needed and the giraffe references brought us to common ground. Weird huh?).
You're viewing this as a problem which needs to be solved and you're searching for the perfect formulae... totally understandable. Try to take your mind to a state of neutrality in which the answers can be revealed to you. Leave a blank space inside yourself with the intention of allowing your guides to reach you. Pay attention to synchronicities and the people/situations which are nearby when they happen. They can act as a trail of breadcrumbs, leading you to unexpected places/answers.
Good vibes to you friend, I'll ask my guides to send help... know that you're never alone.
Please dont feel that way, that is your trauma talking. You are worthy of so much more than that. God/spirit/the universe put you here to learn and grow and through your pain will come such strength and light.
Please do whatever you can to try and heal the pain.
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there is an amazing book i just finished called "The body keeps the score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1564307062&s=gateway&sr=8-1
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please try and read it. It is not an easy read, but as someone who has suffered trauma myself, it helped. Do whatever you can to be good to yourself, to heal. However long it takes, promise yourself you will try. Please reach out any time if you need to.
You are not alone,and worthy of SO much more than you believe.
It really has more to do with upbringing.
Here's some recommended reading.
This is more about how the science behind developmental trauma:
This is more examples of kids that have been abused and how they turned out. Some monsters, others got help in time and got better. I'm basically Ted from chapter 8 of this book, except that he got help as a teen and I'm twice his age with no support. 😞
Sounds like this book might be helpful to you.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_W4jzzb809CWN0
Also check the website of Simon Baron Cohen.
Just wanted to validate... I have CPTSD and it's hard... I've been w my husband for 8 years and I feel so bad because he has to deal with my baggage. Trust, I wish I wasn't like this and I always feel bad after conflicts. ☹️
Moving is a big deal. So try and be understanding of that- she was uprooted from wherever you were so that can stir up stuff...
The thing I have learned is we PERCEIVE things as threatening that aren't... So then the tendency to react in situations is overly intense...
"The body keeps the score" is a really good book as well.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_VcVzCbAQY2FSN
Trauma informed therapy is SO important and EMDR is super helpful.
TL/DR Google grounding skills
I would recommend going to abcbooks.com and typing in the type of psychology you are interested in and start reading textbooks. Coursea also has free classes you can take that can broaden your perspective. One of my go to books is The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5oZ1BbMDFHZYR
Best of luck!
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>How did you deal with the initial drug side effects?
Cannabis, talk therapy, and my dog. Couldn't really do anything to address S/E except for trying a new drug.
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>What strategies did you use to communicate to others that you are the same person
I had to pretty much sit people down and explain. Frankly, I think my poor speech during these conversations explained it pretty well on its own. For my parents/family, I gave them a book, "The Body Keeps the Score." It was very hard to explain, but again the physical manifestations did most of it for me. I also explained to them that to me, the world was entirely different than the first 25 years of them knowing me. I explained it can be like I am bipolar at times.
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>At a future point, did you determine yourself that the drug no longer worked and it was time to switch? Did someone else have to "convince you" that a change in drug regimen is needed?
I am lucky in that it only took two tries to get a drug I liked that stopped seizures and had tolerable S/E. But actually, I had to be the one to convince my medical team; it took a ton of moaning and arguing. Most doctors stop trying, IMO, once the main issue (seizures) is solved. I never kept a diary.
Yes--I can identify although I am sure there are differences. Sorry to hear you are struggling. I have tried to find meaning and connection in relating to others. I run daily. I also try to eat healthily. I wish you the very best. I find alanon meetings helpful and addiction was a part of my family life history. Some friends swear by individual and group therapy as well as EMDR and/or EFT. Individual therapy helps me as do alanon/ACA or ACOA (Adult children of dysfunctional or alcoholic families) meetings
I had experienced a recent traumatic event that was associated with many difficult emotional flashbacks. I wish you the very best and please know you are not alone.
I have read Judith Herman's book, Trauma and Recovery, plus she discusses stages of recovery.
I find Peter Walker helpful.
Also The Body Keeps the Score by van der Kolk has been insightful.
Meditation, yoga and breathing exercises are on my to do list--sonner rather than later.
I hear you, and I believe you. You have lived through an incredible amount of trauma, It sounds like you deal with a lot of pain. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience a moment of any of this. It’s not fair, and I’m no way it is your fault. It really sucks to hear you don’t have a supportive system around you. It’s hard not the feel crazy when you are surrounded by crazy. Please know that it does get better. There are a lot of good human beings in the world that will listen to you and hear your pain. You are not alone, though I know the feeling of your brain screaming at you that you are alone. I wish I had known this at 14, but the brain has a way of lying to you a lot of times. I dealt with manipulative parents growing up, and for years I never ever felt good enough. If I wasn’t perfect (which I’m incapable of being), I wasn’t enough. I’ve been reading a book called The Body Keeps the Score , and it’s really starting to explain why I’ve felt the way that I have, and how it has impacted my body physically. See if you can check it out from your local library or something.
Please take good care of yourself. You deserve to feel good about yourself.
First of all I would tell you you're not a bitch.
Then I would send you here: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B00HJBMDXK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;btkr=1
And here: https://www.amazon.ca/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_aw_sbs_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=0143127748&amp;pd_rd_r=7e90c6c3-cd8d-11e8-a739-33eb8bfc8d81&amp;pd_rd_w=fvtUY&amp;pd_rd_wg=5Jpj5&amp;pf_rd_i=mobile-dp-sims&amp;pf_rd_m=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&amp;pf_rd_p=3fa2d334-7ab1-47df-a46b-3a607fd250e3&amp;pf_rd_r=W87BC8E2G23BJCBYYWYJ&amp;pf_rd_s=mobile-dp-sims&amp;pf_rd_t=40701&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=W87BC8E2G23BJCBYYWYJ
They're awesome. Really amazingly helpful.
I agree with Freakonomics, but more than that I think you should read:
True Believer by: Eric Hoffer
https://www.amazon.com/True-Believer-Thoughts-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915/
You are clearly a “true believer” in your own system, because you are defending an abstract concept with passion and vigor. Not necessarily a bad thing, but own up to it, because that's what you're doing and that's what you advocate; a non-existent system; you know, like heaven or nirvana. With that said, let’s try to grapple with a couple chunks of your reasoning.
First off, it's not bullshit. You are advancing a theoretical model that has, by your own admission, never existed. So then, how is one supposed to critique this model in a way that you can't defend in some equally rhetorical way? One probably cannot, therefore it's on par with a religious ideology. However, I’m going to give it a try, because I like to think people have the ability to change positions when confronted with new arguments.
On the Roman bit, I’m not critiquing that you didn’t write a thesis, I’m saying you lack nuance because you clearly don't know what you're talking about, yet insist on debating me on the particulars of a system of which you lack a sufficient amount of knowledge; again much like a religious argument against something like evolution.
Patronage was the dominant societal glue that transcended the fall of the republic into the era of empire. That’s not just my position, that’s the position of almost every Roman scholar who has written on the topic. Further, the only scholars that I’ve read who disagree are also the ones who also believed in the genetic inferiority of the “barbarians.”
“Corruption” is like the devil/Satan of your way of thinking. It’s a throwaway term that can be used to vilify everything, but actually means nothing. On that note, monarchy is still the norm, and I'd bet you'd agree, but the problem is that you agree for the wrong reasons. A strong executive branch was central to the Roman Republic and it is central to our own system, because the framers were essentially obsessed with the Roman model. In fact, the attendees of the Constitutional Convention debated the merits of a triumvirate, when figuring out how the Executive branch would function. So, in saying it was outside the scope of the debate, I was attempting to allow you to politely bow out of a topic in which you are outclassed. It is well within the scope, but I just don’t suppose that the finer points can be debated meaningfully until you attain more knowledge on the topic. Rest assured “corruption” is not really the answer you think it is.
So, you see, your understanding of Roman history doesn't require a thesis, but guess what? Corruption is baked into the entire system. The Constitutional framers knew it, just as the Romans did. Corruption is part of the political process, and arguably is the political process itself.
Now, let’s move away from Rome, and talk about your proposition itself. Am I defending our democracy as it stands? Of course not; it has many problems. However, you’re seemingly more interested in rhetoric than logic, so let’s play the rhetorical game. Democracy is bullshit, because the people don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. Guess who ordered that Socrates be put to death? Guess who wanted to maintain segregation in the south? Guess who has stood in the way of LGBT rights? It wasn’t a monarch, the corporate system, or any other abstract evil; it was the people.
Now more rhetoric: What system has higher quality? I’d say your model is totally lacking in quality, because it would assure majority rule. You think of the people in highly vaunted terms, but you should not. The people are every bit as tyrannical and misguided as the leaders that they elect, and that’s the true problem with our current system. Our government is designed, in part, to safe guard the minority against the very system you advocate. Could the civil rights bill have been passed with your system? No. Nor could any of the other laws founded on progressivism. The majority doesn’t know shit about shit. PERIOD. Your majority rule concept is shallow, but that’s no matter, because you know in your heart of hearts that you’re right. You know; just like the religious.
“actually, yes it does. my approval +50% of people.” Okay, so do I really need to point out the flaw here? You say we don’t have a democracy, then say you plus 50% is required for approval. I struggle to articulate the silliness of this statement, so I guess I’ll merely say that you know exactly what I was saying. You advocate a non-existent system, yet democracy has and does still exist. Therefore, your definition is completely irrelevant. Also, what if me plus 50% agreed you’re totally wrong? Would you still be wrong, or would you suddenly advocate Gandhi’s position that “the truth is still the truth in a minority of one?” Hmmm…
So, have I come across as a condescending dick? Yes. Is there a purpose behind it? Yes. I believe a lot of the same things you do, but when you run around talking about invisible chains and the subverted will of the people, you make progressives look just as dogmatic as ultra conservatives, because you are advancing a belief, not a logical argument. Below is a list of books I’d suggest you read, if you really, REALLY want to know about the topics upon which you currently so freely expound, and the ones which have informed my viewpoint. Your dogmatic tone and the fact that I have little faith that your viewpoint is changeable makes me trust that you’ll need to have the last word on the topic, so I’ll give it to you. However, I do implore you to actually allow the holes in your way of thinking to bother you… at least some day.
Here’s the list
http://www.amazon.com/Fall-Roman-Republic-Penguin-Classics/dp/0140449345
http://www.amazon.com/The-True-Believer-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915
http://www.amazon.com/Brilliant-Solution-Inventing-American-Constitution/dp/0156028727
http://www.amazon.com/The-Fall-Roman-Empire-Barbarians/dp/0195325419
The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements by Eric Hoffer. I would say it is the book that changed me the most.
In all seriousness, as I've posted a few times, Bitcoin enthusiasts largely fit a profile outlined in one of the best books outlining mass movements.
http://www.amazon.com/The-True-Believer-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1411180962&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+true+believer
It should be mandatory reading in high schools imho, the US would be a better place.
Seriously - no one said 1984 yet? It's an amazing comment on humanity and the collective's extreme desire to suppress the base desires that give life meaning. It's an astute commentary on the nature of bureaucracies, the legal system, and sadly the direction in which society seems to be heading.
Besides that? Six Frigates by Ian Toll is a great read if you care about American military history - it's about the first six frigates commissioned by Congress, the birth of the Navy, and the war against the African pirates (of "to the shores of Tripoli" fame).
Candid by Voltaire is exceptional as well.
If you haven't read it The True Believer is one of the few books that caused a paradigm shift for me. It explains mass movements (religion / populist movements / political movements) and why some people are so extreme in their desires. It changed the way that I view the political / religious system and redefined how I interact with people.
The True Believer was written about you.
This book analyzes it nicely as well:
http://www.amazon.com/True-Believer-Thoughts-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1453406490&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+true+believer
Even if I agreed with your opinion on what causes political/religious violence or how much the individual carrying it out "owns it," its still extremism either way which is what Im getting at.
Also you're really underestimating how much terrorists, regardless if their motive is religion or not, have some kind of believe in an intangible higher power or cause that justifies their actions.
If you have the desire I'd recommend checking out this book about the nature of fanaticism, it makes a pretty convincing argument that fanaticism is about losing your individually regardless if your a religious/political/nationalist fanatic. http://www.amazon.com/The-True-Believer-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915
To summarize the idea is that fanatics are people who've become so sickened by their lives and the world that they resort to things like revolution/terrorism. Such individuals aren't eager to reinforce their individuality, instead they want to abandon it and join whatever "Holy Cause" is offering them new meaning for their lives. So for example the guy who shot up San Bernadino was probably someone who was so disgusted with himself and his life he decided to abandon that and recast himself as a "holy warrior." But it applies to more than just religious individuals young Germans in the 20/30s were often swept into communist or nazi organizations for the same reasons.
The book makes a good case for the argument in my opinion that there's little difference between fanatics regardless of how different their ideologies notionally may be. So thats why I say extremism and fanaticism is the real problem.
I recently read Eric Hoffer's The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements which he wrote in 1951, so a fairly short time after the Second World War. It is insightful to understanding the appeal of these groups, the ease with which you can win some people over to your cause however abject. And how violence can be an integral and 'natural' part of that cause. The book is still in print and can be had fairly cheaply on Amazon for instance. Even though it's over half a century old, this book even helps understand groups like IS.
Yes; I think the surrounding circumstances and history matter a lot, as described in The True Believer.
Es triste que tengas razón en lo que dices, de que la TV abierta es el medio más popular por que es el que todos pueden acceder, cuando es el más manipulador de todos los medios. Independientemente de quién sea el dueño, o cuantos canales haya, la TV siempre tendrá ese poder manipulante. La diversidad en la TV se busca, no para reducir el poder de la TV, sino para distribuirlo y evitar que se concentre.
Creo que en clase de Ciencias Sociales, en lugar de enseñar frivolidades como los mitos de los niños héroes y la independencia de México, deberían enseñarle a los niños a pensar críticamente, a ser algo rebeldes, a debatir, y a que no los manipulen. Irónicamente, dirigir el odio contra los manipuladores también es una forma de manipular! Lo mejor sería enseñarles a detectar una manipulación y a poder reirse de ella, a saber que no son inmunes, y que, mientras sean ellos los que decidan si seguir o no la propuesta, con sus pros y sus contras, eso es lo que cuenta.
En otras palabras, creo que temas como "economía", "finanzas", "historia financiera de México", "Teoría de Juegos", "Neuromarketing" e "Inteligencia Emocional" deberían de ser los temas de la educación básica en ciencias sociales, en lugar de irrelevancias como "historia de México", "arte", "civismo", y esas tonteras sin profundidad...
Por cierto, sobre el tema de la manipulación de masas, te recomiendo el libro "The True Believer" de Eric Hoffer...
I should have added that everyone believes things at least partially for non-smart reasons. There are no real life Dr. Spocks or Cmdr. Datas. As Damasio points out, all reasoning is partly emotional and those unfortunate individuals who have brain damage to the emotional areas involved in reasoning are actually terminally indecisive not super-rational.
>I'd argue that the idea that consciousness is non-material is our basic intuition.
And that is all you have to go on. Intuition is not a terribly reliable source of information about the nature of real reality. By intuition the sun rises in the east, travels across the heavens, and sets in the west while the earth remains stationary.
I pointed to books in links above that show the material basis for consciousness. I'm not going to be able to reproduce it here. But if you want to credit intuition there seems to be enough information about the universe being material and none about it being non-material to intuit that consciousness is also material.
Some Books:
I Am a Strange Loop; Godel, Escher, Bach; Philosophy in the Flesh; The Feeling of What Happens; Descartes' Error; Self Comes to Mind
>Holy shit, how many times do I have to say that I think that the physical brain plays a vital role in consciousness before you stop trying to argue as if I was asserting something to the contrary?
How many times do I have to say that physical brain is the only thing in evidence? If it is the physical brain and something, produce the "and something". I can produce the physical brain. So it seems my task is done and yours has yet to begin.
Do you have to demonstrate the non-material scientifically? Well of course you do. You say you can't, yet at the same time want it to be the controlling stuff. How can it do that with no connection? And if it has a connection to the material, then you should be able to study it scientifically.
Sorry but you don't understand that reasoning is unconscious it's been proven. That means that you don't literally understand what I'm saying you're attempting to reconstruct it using your own unconscious mind. This is why say religious people and secular people can't get along because they are using different dictionaries entirely.
That TED talk was made by a scientist, you do know that right? If you study the medical literature there are huge numbers of articles with regards to when our body breaks down that are statistically significant. i.e. repeated events regarding damage to that brain structure produce the same effects.
http://www.amazon.com/Descartes-Error-Emotion-Reason-Human/dp/014303622X/
Just face it, you lost. You're just not anywhere near informed enough to understand what I'm talking about, I've got years of read medical papers under my belt, you got none kid.
>Science on reasoning, I mean no offence but this the best link you can provide to information on cognitive thought process?
Go pick it up and have a read when you have the time.
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https://www.amazon.com/Descartes-Error-Emotion-Reason-Human/dp/014303622X
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> Studies relevance to the Canadian political system?
All capitalist states work the same, you have to understand that canada is a vassal state to the US empire, you don't seem to have any understanding of history, when trump was doing negotiations for the new agreement, do you really think justin and freeland were protecting Canadians? The reality is we are all in the US political sphere of influence because we buy and use products from companies headquartered in the US.
https://www.amazon.com/Descartes-Error-Emotion-Reason-Human/dp/014303622X
You might want to read more deeply into the notion that reason and emotion are "easily separated." See, e.g,
Robert Burton (neuroscientist), On Being Certain (see also this for a short intro to Burton's book)
Antonio Damasio (neuroscientist), Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason and the Human Brain and The Feeling of What Happens
There really are a few people with neurological disorders or brain injuries who don't use any emotion or gut instinct to make decisions. They are totally rational people because they are disconnected from their emotions.
Rather than being Spock (or, I suppose, a full Vulcan), they are people who are paralyzed by decisions that the rest of us make quickly without thinking. Sure, it's one thing to try to make economic policy decisions without emotion, but try using pure rationality to choose between a blue tie and a red tie. They can't do it, and they get hamstrung by it.
If you are looking for something written for a popular/lay audience, a few good starting points:
Making up the Mind by Chris Frith:
http://www.amazon.com/Making-Mind-Brain-Creates-Mental/dp/1405160225
Older but particularly relevant for emotion and consciousness- "Descartes error"
http://www.amazon.com/Descartes-Error-Emotion-Reason-Human/dp/014303622X
If you want something from a less mainstream perspective dealing with embodiment and consciousness, you may enjoy Brainstorms by Shaun Gallagher:
http://www.amazon.com/Brainstorming-Views-Interviews-Shaun-Gallagher/dp/1845400232
Hope these help!
Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain
Benzo's are some of the worst things to ween yourself off, even deadly in some cases, avoid them altogether as that it like putting out a fire with petrol, coming off one addiction to another.
I would suggest looking at and addressing the pain/trauma underneath your addiction. The Body Keeps The Score is an excellent intro into this https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
A break of some kind in rehab may be necessary just to clean your system out. Good diet removal of sugar, refined carbohydrates, processed foods. Juice fasting can be helpful too.
Support groups are valuable to air your challenges and past griefs.
Meditation/Mindfulness can be a helpful aid to rewire the brain and bring a underlying peace to your life.
Exercise is a powerful anti depressant, especially when quitting any substance.
Many people have benefited from using the African medicine Iboga https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabernanthe_iboga
It has a powerful ability to reset drug addictions within the brain an cure even the hardest addiction, but if the underlying trauma, peer groups and social circles etc are not addressed most people will fall back into their old patterns of addiction. There are people who run treatments in Australia if you look hard enough, there are some legal clinics in NZ I believe now, as they have big meth problems there. Stay away from the refined form of Iboga which is Ibogaine (unless under medical care) as a number of deaths have attributed to this. Look for some Iboga videos to see how powerful this can be.
Good luck :)
The Science of How Our Minds and Our Bodies Converge in the Healing of Trauma (article) https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/06/20/the-body-keeps-the-score-van-der-kolk/
Healing Back Pain, John Sarno. Look for the most recent, updated version. It isn't only about back pain. It's about somatic pain. I just finished reading it this week. I've been following the recommendations and feel better than I have in years. I feel loose and comfortable in my body. https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Back-Pain-Mind-Body-Connection/dp/0446557684
Back in Control: A Surgeon’s Roadmap Out of Chronic Pain (He has a personal history of childhood trauma and chronic pain) https://www.amazon.com/Back-Control-Surgeons-Roadmap-Chronic/dp/0988272997/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1517499746&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=back+in+control Website here: http://www.backincontrol.com/ And here: https://www.drbredesen.com/
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (He also has a history of childhood trauma; he is involved in the struggle for official recognition of C-PTSD) https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
The Body Never Lies - The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting (Alice Miller, so not new, but good) https://www.amazon.com/Body-Never-Lies-Lingering-Parenting/dp/0393328635
Good luck!
Therapy with a trauma-informed therapist helped a lot. The more I talked, and the less I see or interact with my mother--at my therapist's recommendation--the less pain I have had.
After a few months I started EMDR. My body feel different. I can't explain it to you actually. But I do have less pain.
I have been through a lot of conventional treatments and am not inclined to believe in "alternative" approaches to disease. I was very, very angry early in my pain journey when a few doctors suggested that I see a psychotherapist. I thought they were shuffling me off because they couldn't' help me, and that pyschotherapy was to learn to live in constant pain. I didn't know it could END the pain.
20 years in- still ruminating and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her and how to stop being her daughter. this book is great https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1GOZL3SZ9AK91&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1562714843&s=gateway&sprefix=the+b%2Caps%2C198&sr=8-2
I think realizing it's a normal reaction to trauma and I became like this from her programming me as a child helped me get a little perspective on it. learning a musical instrument and playing in bands helps- partly the drama of bands ;-) and partly using those halves of your brain together drowns out her voice in my head. going to practice now instead of obsessively reading this reddit thread!
I would say keep at it with the physiotherapy and psychotherapy. If it helps for a couple days maybe if you keep it up the effect will start to last longer.
I recommend the book The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. Especially if you have any history of traumatic stress in your life.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512013132&amp;sr=1-1
Not sure if this is the slant you’re looking for but it touches on many different aspects.....Ive found The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk very helpful.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. He uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists....
The Body Keeps Score
Try this. You, like MOST people, probably have unresolved trauma.
because it lives in the body and is stuck in the brain, literally. i know it's abstract but it's been scientifically studied for decades now (thankfully). it's like an injury to our nervous system. i highly recommend reading the body keeps the score:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Read The Body Keeps The Score. It will help you immensely...it helped me! You will discover why you feel the way you do, what your body/brain are REALLY doing to make you feel the way you do and what you can do about it (both personally and professionally). I promise, it will change ur life.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2JKIDbS4E3975
yes, its a violent offense. Saying it's incurable is like saying diabetes is incurable but advances in science are making it happen. It's hard to treat because of the stigma it has for society. Not much funding is going into a "Cure" nor is it going into actual understanding of why pedophilia develops. The current mandatory therapy is broken because it aims at avoidance, not confronting heart of the problem of the behavior or mental state. From what i have read trauma in childhood changes the way the brain develops. In adults it changes the way the brain works. This book i'm linking talks about the vicious cycle of abuse and how to heal it. I hope you take a look because it really dives into what people have done to others but also how to help the victims and prevent further abuse. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
The recidivism is high for any offense because the justice system as a whole is broken. But the statistics is there but i'm just trying to explain why.
My unsolicited but well-experienced opinions:
The benefit that people seem to get from psychedelics towards their mental health issues is not dissimilar to the process of mental recovery during dreaming.
If you read up on EMDR therapy it attempts to do similar things
(I've very recently been through this for complex trauma and anxiety and I cannot believe how well it worked. I went from weeks of having constant intrusive thoughts of nausea and feeling like I was about to throw up, including right up until the cab ride to my appointment, to ... it just being gone, two hours later. It's been 5 days and it's just no longer there.)
This is somewhat analogous to the type of therapy seen in the recent Netflix show, Maniac (with Jonah Hill and Emma Stone). Trauma is tangled up in our brains in a pattern of thinking that is impossible to break without intervention. You constantly relive them; are removed from time and space and sent back into a quasi-world where your trauma is playing out again and again. This isn't something evil on your brain's part - it's a fault in your brain that is trying its best to process something that happened to it.
There are many drugs and techniques that can be used to move on from these types of things. I'd HIGHLY suggest reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk if you haven't already; it's a must for anyone who wants to understand PTSD and/or complex trauma.
As to your other point:
> However most of what I've heard is that if you suffer from some mental illnesses like this it can be a bad thing to try them
It can be. There's a very real possibility that your minds might go down some difficult paths, which can be scary and even re-traumatising. The best thing you can do is to arm yourself with as much information you can about the drug and what is actually happening in your brain, and 100% be in control of your setting and surroundings. Know how to snap out of a bad trip - "Change the music, change the trip!" - and realise the immense power of your focus. Having activities that you can get absorbed in - get milk and food dye and dish soap and make some gooey colours, draw in a notepad (my favourite), write down some stuff but don't try too hard to articulate what's happening in your head with your words because it'll just confuse you and may give you anxiety/thought loops :)
So in short, I'd investigate therapy first and not look at LSD as a cure-all. It's definitely a short-cut. Short-cuts can sometimes be reckless but if things go south it's almost always anxiety and not anything actually bad happening. Also a "bad trip" is not a death sentence for your brain (I should know - I had one once where my girlfriend and I, both double-dosed with the universe dripping around is, came home from a walk in a beautiful park to find that we'd lost our keys and had no way of getting inside, and had to try to break into our house, while reality was shifting around us, terrified that someone would see us and call the police!)
Other random tips for you:
>I was raised by a crazy narc mother, and for the first four years of my life my mother and father were in a bad relationship. I know from my earliest memories how much fighting and violence and arguing there was, and I know my mother managed to hurt my older brother so much he had to go to hospital.
Read "The Body Keeps Score..."
Hi there. I'd say that the symptoms you describe are a normal reaction to what should be an abnormal event; at the same time, it's no way to live. You shouldn't have to struggle with these thoughts and feelings every day.
It sounds like you are managing incredibly well, especially given how much your daily life is affected by what you've been through. Seriously, well done.
Personally, after I was hurt I poured even more energy into my work (it was my first 'real' job out of uni). I moved to a new neighbourhood, had terrible nightmares/flashbacks and constantly had the event on my mind, but at the same time I actually excelled in the work sphere. I was promoted several times and given raises etc... however, as you say, I was tired. Eventually, at about the three-year mark, I became so drained that I couldn't keep it up, and the situation began to reverse - my work suffered more and more and my personal life all but disintegrated. It was a profound exhaustion like I'd never known. By the time five years came, I was at the end of my rope. I had to take a full year off of work to focus on processing the trauma and rebuilding my life.
The reason I'm sharing this is to let you know that you're not alone, but also to warn you that if it is still affecting your day-to-day life this much, it's unlikely to go away on its own without some kind of intervention. Please do keep living your life and be very proud of everything you are accomplishing, but also be cautious of burnout. Even the strongest, most intelligent person has a limit to what they can endure.
Therapy can be really helpful if you have access to it, but as you mentioned it's not within everyone's budget. This is more of a long-term plan, but when you are looking for jobs, look closely at their benefits packages - many do include mental health funding/support services, at least where I am. In the meantime, it might be worth reaching out to your school and your local rape crisis centre to see what they might offer in terms of free counselling.
Outside of that, I'd recommend getting a few books to guide you through. Some that could be helpful are:
At least a couple of these are also available as audiobooks, if that interests you (I use Audible).
Good luck with everything; it sounds like you are on a great path. You will get to a place when what happened to you feels more past than present... just be sure to address it and treat yourself with kindness and compassion along the way.
It's totally normal and ok that this is tough for you, but it doesn't have to be this way forever. You're so much more than what happened to you. 💙
Read about how trauma effects the body in “non-verbal” ways. Implicit memory vs explicit memory. Trauma that occurs preverbal gets stored in our bodies as emotional memory (implicit) it won’t always have a cognitive beginning. The Body Keeps the Score by Dr Bessel Van der Kolk
I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserved better in your life. I wanted to mention this. I hope it helps.
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https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539353941&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score
>I know I sound super desperate for help, sorry about that.
All good. Doesn't read like that to me, more someone encountering a difficult unprecedented situation in their experience and not knowing how to help or proceed :)
>is there any way for me to obtain a therapist's knowledge so I can even remotely help her?
Well you can probably gain some insight by reading and learning about how trauma influences and manifests psychologically and behaviourally, bringing that to the dynamic with your girlfriend, but short of training in psychotherapy, which is years long, it's not a straight forward process of gaining knowledge in this case. Read what you can (or watch vids if that is a preference. Though books on this subject will probably contain more information and details), really listen and be present to your girlfriend. If possible, cultivate patience and tolerance for the the more exasperating aspects of your gfs behaviour. Compassion helps; keep in mind there is pain somewhere even if your gf isn't consciously aware of it. Maybe take notes, make observations, build an operative framework to embed understanding in, specific tactics or methods etc. I dont know; those are suggestions, not prescriptive.
>study material
A couple of books come to mind: The Body Keeps the Score:Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, and another, more symbolic and depth psychological oriented in its approach
Trauma and the Soul: A psycho-spiritual approach to human development and its interruption. These may be helpful. There's a lot of research and books out there in this territory though, so well worth looking around online and seeing what you can find.
>standard operating procedure
Safety is paramount for those who live with trauma, safety in the environment and with others they're relating to, but more importantly, safety in relation to ones own feelings and embodied states.
Trauma takes up occupancy in ones body in an unconscious (emphasis on unconscious) energetic, emotive sense. It can seem like ones own feelings, thoughts, dreams and sensations are the enemy and attacking ones sense of self out of and through the very ground of that sense of self, acting out by themselves with little conscious control. A weird reversal of normalised associations with ones own experience can be present, as can various psychological defenses, such as dissociation and repression. Profound shame may be existent somewhere, exerting influence, alongside self-loathing and self-doubt. These qualities, as belief, as operative paradigms of psychological orientation, bind and entrap. Trauma and its psychology is complex, entangled.
It's perhaps significant to keep in mind that trauma of the kind your gf has experienced is a rupture in terms of a developing self; somewhere, somehow a break and splitting has taken place. Those split off parts of self still exist somewhere, and all of the original pain associated with them. The aim is integrating these extant parts towards a different kind of wholeness and integrity.
The process I've experienced through a therapeutic alliance has involved re-experiencing these 'splinter psyches' and the attendant affect qualities in a safe and trust based context. I've had to relearn how to be present to my own body and emotions in ways I wasn't familiar with. It was a very painful and confrontational process, long and slow, encountering and metabolising bits and pieces in small chunks, using dream, memory (or lack of), daily relational contexts as leverage, through questioning, into contact with feeling, image, re-embodiment. Learning how to just exist and be with myself in my body, learning acceptance. So lots of grounding and attention to breathing, posture, tension being held, etc.
Not sure if that's really all that helpful, and I'm not a professional.
Imo, trauma doesn't heal by itself and it never goes away until its worked with consciously.
Good luck! It's strenuous and problematic, what you're in.
So I found some dissertations in my college's library database but I can't publish them here (I think that's illegal, lol) but if you'd like to PM me your email address I could send the files that way.
If you don't feel comfortable with that, no worries - in that case I will recommend purchasing the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. Here's the link to the book on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
There is a growing field of research in psychology surrounding the utilization of massage therapy, yoga, reiki, and other body work modalities in the treatment of trauma disorders. Although it is relatively new in the mental health fields, massage practitioners have always known that we carry trauma in our tissues and muscles. The first time I ever got a massage, the therapist touched my shoulder blades and I immediately started sobbing. It was such a visceral reaction from a deep place of hurt that I didn't even know was there.
It really sucks that her past trauma is creeping up afterwards (I've been there and it's really rough) but I don't think you need to feel guilty about her emotional state. She is engaging in sex with you because she wants to.
Rather than saying sorry, ask her what you can do to make her feel safe right now. Hold her? Give her some space? Bring her some blankets to cuddle with or put on her favorite show and rub her back?
Acknowledge her struggling and be supportive - but don't be apologetic for giving her what she wanted. Just make sure to support her as she works through it. It might be worth suggesting that you two get a book to read through together (perhaps on PTSD or healing from trauma). This could help open up new ways of talking about your struggles and finding better coping strategies and support methods. I just ordered "The Body Keeps the Score" because it was highly recommended by a friend. i haven't read it yet but it gets excellent reviews: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=80GX99JJZFXSE8WDS76V
For any Trauma Listen to the book Body Keeps Score on YouTube and/or purchase book. Your Brain stores trauma and he provides simple was to rewire through Yoga, Drumming, drama, play therapy, etc...Here’s link: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
🙏✌️♥️
Both you and your wife need to read this book. There are coping tools for you, and tips for her dealing with you. It will also help her understand why you are the way you are... why she has to keep reminding you to take out the trash every Thursday etc.
It might also help shed some light for her, if she might need to be tested for ADHD as well.
this. the single biggest help I had in understanding my own ADHD when i was diagnosed. http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/
the book was given to me by my (very excellent) psychiatrist for that exact purpose, and is very well respected.
It sounds like you're American, so things might be different than in Canada, but I'm fairly certain that Concerta has gone generic recently. According to my doctor, the generic's extended release doesn't function quite as well for whatever reason, but it's probably gonna be a looooot cheaper.
This book is also a really good read. Written by two doctors who have ADHD themselves.
There is good advice here as long as the ADHD partner is willing to acknowledge their shortcomings and take actions to reconcile the pain they will unintentionally cause their non-ADHD partner. In particular, making sure that any counselor or doctor has a specialty in ADHD.
Only OP is in a position to judge, so I'll add that if the ADHD partner is not committed to improving, the solution is not for her to be even more accommodating. That just sets up more of a parent-child, nagger-nagged dynamic. He has to be willing and able to learn to live like an adult despite the challenges of ADHD.
Some additional links:
ADHD and relationships:
http://www.drhallowell.com/overview-of-how-adhd-affects-relationships/
Driven to Distraction gives a pretty clear explanation of what ADHD is and is not; has a section on ADHD and relationships; and distinguishes ADHD from comorbid conditions.
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
I was in exactly your situation. Driven to Distraction and You mean, I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? both helped me.
Sleep a lot. Remove as much sugar as you can from your diet. Drink ALL the water. Have some loving support. Good luck.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in 3rd grade and never received treatment until I was 19. I took medicine off and on, been in therapy for 7 years and finally had a full psych eval done almost a year ago.
If appropriate, suggest a full evaluation to your spouse. Sometimes it's covered by insurance, other times (in US) the school district may pay for it, if he has trouble in school.
Once you get an evaluation, there are many different directions listed here. There are some doctors (and parents) who will go straight to medicine and others who use it as a last resort. Personally, I enjoy both medicine and therapy now that I'm older, but wish I had CBT when I was younger. I do often forget to take my medications...
Favorite ADHD Book: Driven to Distraction
I honestly think one of the worst parts is he was psychiatric casualty and he was told he would get punished for seeking treatment? I thought the military knew better then this at this point. Infact I know they know better than that. Jesus.
There's a world of difference between going on deployment, and killing innocents.
Military history is full of conscientious objectors. Try out On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society, by Lt-Col. David Grossman. The first widely published (only?) study on the psychological impact of killing, Grossman interviews a number of American combat veterans and the results are both fascinating and surprising. The most striking figure is the sheer number of non-firing, non-killing combat veterans. Many veterans would specifically pride themselves on the fact they made it all the way from D Day to VE Day without ever killing anyone.
I could literally go on -- citing sources the whole time -- for days, talking about anecdotes from soldiers throughout WWI on who had close contact with a member of the enemy forces who brought no harm to each other. A US Army tunnel rat in Vietnam encountering an NVA eating rice -- turned away, left each other alone. A group of Germans helping a Canadian medic retrieve his wounded on the blasted mud of the Somme. The Christmas Truce on the fields of Flanders. Germans who refused to kill civilians and consequently joined them in front of the Nazi firing squad, Italians who hosted American paratroopers. A Pashtuun village in the mountains of Afghanistan offering refuge to a wounded Navy SEAL. An American who adopted a thirteen year old Iraqi boy with cerebral palsy -- shit, most American thirteen year olds end up aging out of the system.
I've got other shit to do though, and these aren't exactly unknown or unpublished events. Hell, most of them were in history class.
So is there or isn't a reference to humans and does the post not revolve around killing within the same species ? So what exactly have You had to guess or mind-read ? Or are You only interested in verbs ? Look, once again – comparing spiders to humans in terms of the Self is just wrong on too many levels to enumerate. I tried to show You why, and that is because You focus mainly on basic patterns (eat, pray, mate - whatever) and a philosophical zombie is well in place for that. If You still like to argue then show me a neurobiological study on spiders which would prove me wrong. Otherwise You have to reexamine that which You consider one’s Self.
Concerning the things You listed – I just don’t get why You omit the fact that from the very beginning I was stating that the reluctance to kill members of one’s own species can be overwritten. But the fact that a policeman or a soldier has to be preconditioned in order to be able to perform such a task is in itself in accordance with what I state, isn’t it ? I would gladly check out some of the tons of up-to-date resources that prove me wrong, but all I find are articles or books like:
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316330116
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/heart/themes/prep.html
http://www.amazon.com/On-Aggression-Harvest-Book-291/dp/0156687410
http://www.kcl.ac.uk/kcmhr/publications/assetfiles/historical/jones2006-thepsychologyofkilling.pdf
From the last link: More recently, support for the hypothesis that soldiers enjoy killing came
from Theodore Nadelson, a psychiatrist who treated US ex-servicemen at the
Boston Veterans Administration Hospital.Based on the testimony of 24
anonymized cases, Nadelson concluded that true killers in Vietnam were ‘ordi-
nary men’ before enlistment. He argued that once an initial resistance had
been overcome in training, soldiers became addicted to the excitement and
sense of freedom created by the licence to kill, while the act itself could assume
the quality of sexual arousal or drug-induced ecstasy. Given that the veterans
he had interviewed all suffered from intractable psychiatric disorders, includ-
ing post-traumatic stress disorder, Nadelson implicitly rejected any suggestion
that killing protected against mental illness.
If You could support something of substance that proves You right it would be great. Bottom line - what You are saying is: we don’t know that killing other humans is bad unless we are told so. So who the hell told us that in the first place ? Maybe God did ? Morality obtained by natural selection just fist, clicks, works. And I have yet to see evidence to the contrary.
Loved the episode, you guys work really well together. Just thought I'd mention a great book I read in regards to war and having to kill each other, is called On Killing by Dave Grossman (https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316330116) it goes into allot of the psychology, in how it relates to different soldiers in their respective roles (ground troops, pilots, sailors) would strongly recommend it!
Not OP, but he's probably referencing this book.
Killing often, and especially in this case, means that the individual must see the victim as "other"/"different from me"/"alien". The moment that this imagination collapses there can not be justification for it anymore. You can look at what military has invented in order to get around human's natural tendency to NOT kill another human.
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316330116
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society - by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman
If you haven't read this book, it's truly brilliant.
No you fucking retard. Read a book. A good start would be On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman
And I quote:
>Grossman's argument is carefully researched and methodically laid out. He begins by filling in some historical details, discussing the statistics for shots fired per soldier killed for the World Wars and the American Civil War.
>The book continues on then, detailing what steps the US Army took to increase the percentage that they could get to actually fire upon their enemy. By studying precisely what the soldier's ordinary reactions were, the officers were able to change the scenario of war in order to avoid the most stressful of situations.
So go fuck yourself you stupid retard flag waving hick.
It's actually more complicated than that, but he's not completely off point.
I highly recommend reading "on killing". It's a really insightful read on how our brains prevent us from killing each other, and how hard armies work to overcome it.
One of the steps, btw, is getting soldiers used to shooting at human shaped targets.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0316330116/ref=redir_mdp_mobile
On Killing has some interesting material in it.
Do research. Hobbes was wrong.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316330116/warcatslair
You can find the stats in a lot of places. I've never seen a stat that said more than 25% of soldiers shot at the enemy (not shooting to kill, just shooting towards the enemy). If you're looking for a book on the subject, try On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by Dave Grossman. You can read bits of it on Amazon, but it's worth reading the whole thing.
Modern armies train you to shoot to kill. In the past, when training with weapons, you'd shoot at a circular target. When you got to the front, you could aim, but you weren't mentally prepared to actually kill another human, so most soldiers didn't. In a modern army, they train you to shoot before you can consider the human you're killing.
Some of the resources I've found helpful in understanding my ADHD are
(These videos hit so amazingly close to home in me relating to the content. Was great insight into my ADHD)
I found it really good for ideas about focusing, prioritising, itemising tasks, outsourcing and automating the things I'm bad at.
But for me probably the best thing has been to just understand how ADHD effects me and how I work with it.
I'm on medication for it, but I also have discovered that's there's tasks and certain things I do that my ADHD is actually beneficial for, and some things that it's really shit for.
Understanding what is what and what/how I can use strategies in my week areas and what areas I can let me be me has been very useful.
Good luck. It's a hard slog but after trying so many different employment options starting and growing my own business has been the most enjoyable thing I've done.
Fucking hard thou but I wouldn't be doing anything else now!
Edit: Meditation!!!
Learn to slow that brain down and learn to choose to respond to stimuli when YOU want to, NOT when the ADHD see's something shiny.
Good starting point is the Headspace App
I am no expert on any, but both are a spectrum disorder and has many faces. Delivered from Distraction has a brief but good chapter on bipolar vs AD(H)D.
Also, this may help understanding the differences: http://imgur.com/qLc3zRH
Edit: wording
https://www.amazon.com/Delivered-Distraction-Getting-Attention-Disorder/dp/0345442318
I recommend this book. Also. most Public libraries in the US have digital media on their websites where you can borrow Ebooks and Audiobooks (yes!!!) for free.
The book goes through diagnosis, testing, medications, and techniques and methods to use with and without medication. It's one of those "I wish someone had told me about this" books.
I'm using this book to help me figure out the right dosage and medicine. Started on 50mg of Vyvance, now I'm trying 20 mg of Adderall XR. I'm suspicious that they doc is pushing Vyvance on me.
Most of what I "know" or understand about ADHD is really a synthesis of hours and hours of personal research, as well as experience. As you might imagine, I am not big on details or keeping up with where I got the information :) If you're looking for a good general resource, I would recommend Edward Hallowell's Delivered from Distraction. It's well worth the money. The author himself is a psychiatrist with ADHD, who specializes in ADHD, and therefore has a lot of personal experience to draw on. This book helped me link behaviors of mine I had no clue were related to my ADHD brain, such as how the ADHD preference for conflict (=high stimulation/novelty) ties in to behaviors that keep me depressed. It provides a lot of information in really short chapters with an overall focus on informing you how to better treat your own personal issues through lifestyle changes and a little cognitive behavioral therapy rather than just medication. He also has a pretty comprehensive chapter on various medications to help people choose. If nothing else, the book has a chapter that is a sort of self-test that you could check out in the bookstore even if you don't want to buy it.
Honestly, if you feel like this describes you, then you have a good reason to think you have ADHD. While "normal" people experience distractibility (which is basically what I described) throughout their lives, they rarely define themselves by it. I spent years dealing with external as well as internal pressure to be less lazy and more productive. I spent most of my life infuriated by the label because I didn't feel lazy. I knew that given the right circumstances (which I did not realize at the time always involved intense interest or stimulation) I could work for hours without pause or distraction. So I guess my point is, if you feel like you've been lazy or told you were lazy your whole life, when you know there is evidence to the contrary, then ADHD is a good thing to consider. That said, depression and anxiety both have symptom profiles that lead to attention and executive function deficits, and while these are distinct from the symptoms of ADHD, they can cause some of the same problems with accomplishing tasks and focus. Depression robs you directly of your capacity to self-motivate, down to making it physically harder to move your body. Anxiety over-juices some of the same systems as ADHD, and leads to a survival reaction that locks your brain and body down, which in the long term manifests as an aversion to action. ADHD, in contrast, affects motivation through learned behavior; you learn subconsciously to avoid any task that requires high amounts of organization or focus because of past failures and discomfort. Schizophrenia also has effects on executive function, but these are A) subtle before the manifestation of the disease and B) usually only become debilitating after it manifests. I don't have any personal experience with schizophrenia but from what I have read, motivation is affected in similar ways to depression but with numerous other cognitive deficits that make schizophrenia very distinct.
tl;dr: Read Edward Hallowell's book and make sure to research anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia in the context of executive dysfunction in order to better understand the potential explanations for your particular issues.
I read this one, which was recommended by my therapist: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0345442318/
I plan on reading more books about it. It's really a somewhat cleansing experience, in my opinion.
His follow-up book, Delivered From Distraction, is also great and definitely a well-worth read.
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I would recommend you watch bitch Russell Barkley videos and read Hallowell books. Barkley speaks a lot more about the theory and reasons behind why ADHD people function the way we do, but Hallowell's are a perfect addendum because they contain a lot of patient stories. Especially in Driven To Distraction, the majority of the book is patient stories, which are evergreen content (up to date as they relate to timeless experiences from individuals suffering the same as us).
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Regardless, Barkley is the top dog, but Hallowell's books are great runner-ups for the throne. Delivered From Distraction talks a lot more about ADHD in adults and how to cope/organize your life around it.
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I know we're "lazy" and struggling with maintaining focus, but to anyone capable of consuming both Barkley AND Hallowell, you'll be far better off than simply sticking with one or the other.
I had no idea that I had ADHD in college, just that I could not make my life work when I got there.
What made me succeed is that I ended up in a major where my professors were more like mentors: creative writing. If I hadn't found that I probably would have dropped out. In retrospect I always succeeded best when I had a mentor or good coach.
I'm an English professor today, so it stuck. (And no, I'm not judging anyone's grammar.)
Anyway, the book Delivered From Distraction http://amzn.com/0345442318 has a chapter on preparing for college with ADHD. Here's the quote about mentoring:
>Research done by Richard Light at Harvard shows that one of the key determinants of a successful undergraduate career at any college or university is the student’s finding a senior faculty member she can make a close, mentoring relationship with. Doing this requires luck or boldness or both. . . . Especially if a student has ADD, it is also important that someone at home—a parent, other relative, former coach, someone—remains closely involved, keeping tabs on what is going on at college day in and day out.
>Ratey Md, John J.; Hallowell, Edward M. Md (2005-12-27). Delivered from Distraction (Kindle Locations 3674-3679). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
I was more on the "luck" side. I was good at writing, and the creative writing faculty created a strong community there. I stuck around for the an MFA as well.
Also, "Maps of Meaning," by Jordan Peterson, if you want to see how deep the rabbit hole goes on the 12 Rules.
Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief https://www.amazon.com/dp/0415922224/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_nDtjDbJM9MPKD
https://www.amazon.ca/Maps-Meaning-Architecture-Jordan-Peterson/dp/0415922224
> I mean that's why cultures form isn't it? Norms are established and enforced either through societal/cultural pressure or law.
"I am free, and you are my slave." Yup, nothing to see here!
> It was long. That's kind of a red flag right there.
https://www.amazon.com/Maps-Meaning-Architecture-Jordan-Peterson/dp/0415922224
564 pages.
> Apparently, police should ignore statistics and focus their limited resources more on people who aren't actually committing the majority of crime. Yeah - that makes a lot of rational sense doesn't it?
Are you encouraging police to go after people of color? Because that would be unconstitutional, right? Altho I guess that doesn't matter once we decide "black people are bad"
>I've tried to figure out what an institution would look like if all the alleged "systemic" racism was removed.
not like this https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/27/us/paul-weiss-partner-diversity-law-firm.html
> nor do I know in what way it's specifically "white"
https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/8/29/17793104/white-house-intern-picture-summer-2018
Oh, this video, it's been a while since I've touched on this one. I've already touched on this video a few times before since it came out, it's missing many things and makes broad accusations against, and using simplifications of systems that are more complex than the weather to justify it.
Look, this conversation is going to be pointless, I know it, and I suspect you know it given your name. You have bought into ideas and shaped your identity around them, asking you to let go of those ideas is like asking you to jump your ship in the open ocean during a hurricane, hoping that someone else will pick you up rather than just staying with the boat you have. I can't change your mind, even if we knew each other as best friends and you trusted me implicitly, it would take me months and months of talking to you, showing you evidence, and even then it might not work.
The best thing I can do for you is to give you a list of books to read, and hope you read them, which I'll do while I explain where each of them fit in Badmouse's video.
>Black Book's Estimations
This estimation is an average between other estimations. It's difficult to really understand this number until you start looking at the error bars. Democide under communism has been estimated by many different people, but the range of these numbers is from 40 Million, which is accounting basically for the minimum Stalin killed, and the minimum that Mao killed, which is 28 and 5 million respectively, and then adding bits and pieces from the other regimes. Adding other events, like the Cambodia Killing Fields, North Korea, and many African countries, can put this number well above 100 million, and if we take the highest estimations and assume they're correct, the total number comes out to be just under 260 million. This number could be further inflated, as if killing anywhere between 40-260 million people needed an inflation, to something much higher given that communistic regimes often start wars and turn their countries into meat grinders for the conflict.
>That's not real socialism
At this point if you think that your ideas have nothing to do with theirs then there's no saving this conversation. That would be like a young fascist, wanting to bring about the perfect form of government, claiming that Hitler was really a socialist, or a capitalist, and had nothing to do with fascism. Sometimes people go so far off the reservation that you just can't reason with them because their morality is orange (as in the fruit) and blue. instead of right and wrong. All I can say is read The Gulag Archipelago, Solzhenitsyn spends three books explaining why the USSR, one of the two big serious offenders, was socialist, and why it went down the way it did. If it's too much for you, listen to the audio book.
Peterson isn't wrong when he says the thinking is that the person apologizing for socialism and it's regimes assumes they could have done it better, Lenin, Stalin, and Mao were in the right place and did the worst thing possible and so it's blamed on them, that's why is wasn't socialist. But that assumes that there could be a person who could do it right, and given that there isn't a ready example given, it's assumed the person apologizing is making that claim.
>Deaths
This assumes these problems could have been stopped, which Badmouse does not know that, and neither do you. You don't know how to run an economy, and the people who have tried killed millions of their own people trying.
Getting a burger in your house on a plate is much harder than you think. Multiple people are needed and multiple steps have to go correctly: The beef farmer has to have a good stock of cows, the wheat farmer has to have a good crop, the lettuce and tomato farmers need to have a good crop, the wine maker needs to have good vinegar for things like mustard, the baker needs to be on time, needs to have sleep, needs to eat, and needs to make good bread on time, then the butcher needs to not waste the meat by making bad cuts, or know when the meat is spoiled, then needs to make a good grind for the burger, keep the grinder clean and so on. Then the cook needs to know how to cook, needs his sleep, his own food, and the spices to make the burger right, a grill to cook it on, oil to make sure he doesn't make a mess. Then the manager of the restaurant needs to make sure he watches out for people lagging on safety, ensure orders are correct, disputes with customers are resolved, fills in for the cooks when the cook is sick or needs help, order the buns and meat and condiments for the burger so that the cook has the things he needs to make the burger. Then the driver need to know where to take the burger, need to know how to drive in any conditions, need to have insurance, need to have food, sleep, and so on, and lastly, they need to know how to treat the customer.
And that's not even half the steps, and accounting for most of the usual scenarios, and that's just one burger, the steps for more complicated things that make that process possible, like Mack Trucks, are even more complex.
Anyone who claims that they have the answer on how to distribute wealth has no idea what they're talking about. These systems are incredibly complex and is the equivalent of a retarded child wanting to drive the helicopter. I'm sorry little Timmy but Collins here spent 5 years just getting his license and has been flying since '72, you barely know how to tie your shoes, let alone how to fly this thing.
Taking on Crusades like this is historically bound to end in failure. Yes, horrible things happen, I know you think you can save them but you really can't. The best thing we can do is to keep what little patch of street we have clean. The moral pleading is there to manipulate people into dismissing those who have looked at the process and come out of it saying "we're literally doing all we can, things have gotten amazingly better, what are you complaining about?"
When the doctor says "you have cancer, and with any luck you'll have a few more years to live with little to no pain if we work on it." you don't stand up and scream "You're just dismissing the problem! you're benefiting off my suffering! You're wrong! I could be a better doctor!" You sit there and accept that even if this person is wrong, he's probably not that far off from the truth, and at the very least you got back what little time you could.
I'm not going to go into a comment chain with you, I might answer a few questions, but I've done that too many times with people to want to really get into one right now. It's a waste of time, and you're better off reading the books that I provided and having an open mind instead of this reactionary, socialist insistence that there must be a better way.
This book, although written well after, is a gentle introduction to
'Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of belief'. Which is much more dense/less accessible but well thought out.
https://www.amazon.com/Maps-Meaning-Architecture-Jordan-Peterson/dp/0415922224
ABrokenBeing did say it was how he personally views it so he's not projecting it onto others. I was pulled out of nihilism by Peterson as well, and have to remind myself why. If you watch his videos where he will make these points much more clearly and thoroughly you will see he challenges people to think at the extreme ends, existentialism (everything has some meaning) and nihilism (nothing has meaning). For nihilism he points out that we can prove to most people that life has meaning because everyone will experience pain. It is universal that everything that experiences pain will move away from it and avoid it at many costs. Even a nihilist will avoid something of greater pain than another. So you may stick a knife in your hand to you don't care and ignore the pain, but light it on fire slowly, good luck trying not to react. Hopefully, this is the 'inherent truth' that you're looking for that shows there is at least one thing in the universe that is meaningful. If there is one thing that is meaningful (avoid pain) then you can't be completely nihilistic without deluding yourself.
Also, he wrote a book Maps of Meaning for much, much more information: https://www.amazon.com/Maps-Meaning-Architecture-Jordan-Peterson/dp/0415922224/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1520058558&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=maps+of+meaning
You can order it on amazon. Here is the link. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415922224/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=jordanbpetery-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=0415922224&amp;linkId=795c3c95060be4b74bd66af8726b2d00
Ya, Trauma sticks with you as soon as you're capable of experiencing trauma. Fortunately, there's plenty to be done, but unfortunately it's going to cause some issues. Top that with it being his parents and that impacts his attachment formation which has numerous consequences.
http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/preprint_dev_trauma_disorder.pdf
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938
Van Der Kolk is the gold standard for Trauma.
Sure, you can research David Emerson who's involved at Kripalu, or there's Bessel van der Kolk who is a badass, you can listen to a great interview with him from the show On Being. There's also Stephen Levine.
Here's a Kripalu article that quotes van der Kolk.
And there's psychologists that talk a lot about somatic holding, or at least subconscious holding patterns. An easier read would be stuff from Daniel Siegel(I know it kinda looks like pop psych but it's actually pretty good), one of my favorite authors on trauma is Donald Kalsched, which is a bit more dense and more about work through talk psychotherapy. But often I find myself applying his concepts in yoga classes as a way to understand what's going on inside mentally/emotionally that's connected to my physical experience. Also sheds some light on how I relate to other students and the teacher.
Then there's the bodywork stuff, cranial sacral therapy or somatic body work but there's too much misinformation for me to guide you. All I can say is that I have a yoga teacher that also gives me bodywork sessions that supplement my yoga practice, and the inner growth I've experienced has been profound.
Out of all of this, if you're going to research anything I would highly suggest the van der Kolk interview, which you can download and listen to.
You might be interested in reading this book
http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
this book will help you understand your trauma
the body keeps the score
http://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1418011159&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score
and transcendental meditation
the less effort you put into it the better the effect
Bessel Van Der Kolk, The Body Keeps The Score
This book from the sidebar is probably right up your alley.
While clinical anxiety is treatable with medication, it's up to a trained psychiatrist to say whether or not you need it. It's never a clear cut case. There are several ways to treat the physiological component of anxiety without medication.
If you're interested in the subject, the best book on the subject is Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk's book: The Body Keeps Score. In it, he covers way in which to treat PTSD without medication. Mindfulness, Yoga, EMDR, Neurofeedback, Acting (yes, acting), are some of the techniques he describes in the book to help people who suffer from PTSD. These are all techniques that can be used to help anxiety as well. He even says in the book, that professionals have a tendency to just treat the symptoms with medication, without trying other methods first.
I suggest you and your SO read the book Driven to Distraction and work on a plan to remedy the situation. If she is a part of creating the plan, she'll be a lot more involved and positive about it.
Are you on meds?
I wasn't diagnosed until college, but I have the extra distracted form of ADHD and not the hyperactive version so I never had to deal with those problems. Read this, it should be helpful.
Learn as much as you can about ADHD. Get books, look up stuff online.
Definitely exercise. Plan things out so you don't go awry when you want to do certain things.
they had this (link at the bottom) at my local barnes and knobles, and I couldn't put it down. and I HATE reading. It gave me a great insight, and changed my views so much. Also made me feel better about things. http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Recognizing-Attention-Childhood/dp/0684801280
You should read the book: Driven to Distraction
Every page was like reading my life story. You could also get the audio book.
I read this book as an undergrad in a military history class. It focuses on Vietnam but I think the same thing could be said for today. The book has its flaws but it makes the point that due to a lack mourning time the shock of battle is delayed until the surviving combatant is distant and far away from the site of death, particularly the death of his comrades.
Edit: tl;dr The advent of fast transport took the mourning process away from the battle field. The book looks at the Battle of Troy where Greek soldiers mourned the death of their soldiers instantly versus the Vietnam war where injured soldiers were taken off the field of battle often times within hours. Their fellow soldiers only felt, realized, or knew of their death hours, days or weeks and sometimes months later.
Read "Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character," by Jonathan Shay. Shay is a psychiatrist who worked closely with Vietnam vets, and he makes a pretty convincing case that Homer is doing his best to describe PTSD in the Iliad. His advocacy caused a sea change in the Pentagon's treatment of veterans with PTSD.
This book does an amazing job of exploring the things mentioned in the post. It brings humanity and a better understanding of our war veterans. It's completely changed the way I see our vets.
Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character
Achillies in Vientam
http://www.amazon.com/Achilles-Vietnam-Combat-Undoing-Character/dp/0684813211
It's about the mentality of soldiers in combat and combat, using Homers Illiad as a way of showing that PTSD and combat stress is the same no matter the era. It's nuts. My highschool english teacher was a Green Beret and it was literally the only book or published work of any sort he deemed appropriate for recalling Vietnam. Pretty grim.
Read a pretty good book on this topic in grad school if you're interested: Achilles in Vietnam
According to psychiatrist Jonathan Shay, very much so. He is noted for the following books comparing Homeric myths with PTSD:
Achilles in Vietnam
Odysseus in America
https://www.amazon.com/Coddling-American-Mind-Intentions-Generation/dp/0735224897
Circling back, I think this is the book I had in mind. Was quick in audiobook format, think I got through it in a workout or two at the gym.
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/
If you're interested,Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger could be helpful.
Remember often times people miss that with trauma there is also Post Traumatic Growth as well, it requires a focus on improvement.
Learning or doing new things is hyper critical to stop Post Traumatic Stress post trauma. Also, there is a book out by Restropo's Sebastian Junger on rituals we had historically post trauma that are absent in modern society to reset the brain and start the new path. https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381 It is mainly responsible for not seeing the upside of processing and going beyond trauma and tbi.
So it's important that anyone whom experiences trauma to get into a new skill, learning etc and it helps restore functionality as well as growth.
> I honestly don't understand how conservatives can handle this level of cognitive dissonance
Recommended reading. There's a reason the right is so obsessed with culture warrior shit. Humans are deeply susceptible to tribalistic thinking and us-versus-other posturing, things that kept us alive for tens of thousands of years. The right uses wedge issues as totems to build up a 'Murica mythos that's tied to masculinity, heterosexuality, psychonormativity, and racial identity. They can push all the antisocial policy they want as long as their base thinks a vote for R is a vote for being a straight, white male.
Between that and general ignorance/apathy, and holy shit I've never met a population so disengaged and apathetic, you've got a recipe for disaster. There is no reconciliation possible because they see you as a subhuman, there's no reeducation possible because that would require either common media or them picking up books, even violent confrontation is pretty well fucked because they own most of the guns and we're in a 1936 Spain scenario where the right is mostly unified and the left is divided and at-odds with domestic and international media.
Copied from my other comment in this threat. "If you havn't already, check out Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger: https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381. There is some hope offered there."
I agree, CBT is the way to go, or DBT, a sort of cousin to CBT, depending on your needs. DBT works better for, say, someone suffering from narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder, which is often accompanied by some form of depression.
This book can work well if you can't afford a therapist. What state are you in? If you have some kind of health insurance, you can check Psychology Today's therapist search tool and find someone near you who takes your insurance. Search for your insurance and CBT/DBT specialists.
We've come a long way with understanding the brain and how it works, and CBT/DBT is the culmination of decades of good research and study. It's not a new-age-y get-healthy-quick thing, it's a real method for healing emotional unwellness and it's worth your time to learn about it.
I totally resonate with this. I just started DBT interpersonal effectiveness, and the first part was about understanding what my goals are in any interaction. I mean to tell you what, that information itself was life changing for me. If something is bothering me, I now have tools to go down a checklist and decide if it is something I want to address with the other person. And tools to do it effectively so that I can get my needs met in a healthy way. Your feelings are always valid, but not always the best guidance for what you want to achieve. If you can, look into DBT groups in your area, and if not, even just get yourself the workbook by Marsha Linehan and start reading it. The stuff is super simple (so far) and I have had so many lightbulb moments. Here is the book I have: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1519038450&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=dbt+workbook
I haven't heard of that! It sounds like a good resource. It's awesome that you have people in your life with the knowledge and awareness to suggest something like that. I would have loved to have had that kind of support from the people around me as a teenager.
I've been using this workbook.. I really like it and find it useful. There aren't really explanations for the purposes or research behind the various exercises in the book, but it's great for building practical skills for "crisis management" and diverting damaging thought patterns.
https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=dbt+skills+training+linehan&amp;qid=1565178986&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1
this?
I have this book and I have purchased this one as well: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_O8XmDbZZSRVZM.
I found it to be very helpful as well. It can be bought with the manual but I found it to be unnecessary as it seems to be mostly for the doctor who is using the workbook with clients.
In my experience DBT has a lot of handouts and worksheets. We use these in our DBT class:
DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_0CWIDb9C5AVHD
That being said, your therapist will help you work through that past trauma. Don’t worry, it will come with time.
I’ve really enjoyed this book as it uses real world examples to apply DBT skills to. It’s geared towards women but works for anyone:
Stronger Than BPD: The Girl's Guide to Taking Control of Intense Emotions, Drama, and Chaos Using DBT https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626254958/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_IEWIDbVCQ3RCW
No problem! If you’re interested in looking over some of the material beforehand, you could check out this book. It’s the skills worksheet book for DBT by Marsha Linehan, who invented DBT
I used this one, her skills book and the videos (took a look, but not sure where the whole package is) Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/0898621836/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_DI03wbY8QRFNJ
This one is I think more general DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_UJ03wb5V1P12Q
There's a lot of controversy here, I won't lie. People are pretty divided over her efficacy. All I know is that I was diagnosed at 17 with BPD, in recovery at 19 and missing most traces of the issue by 21.
Oh, this was the wrong link. This one is better: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811
The handbook is more for therapists, and the worksheets are for actual DBT practice.
Hope this helps.
Can I link to amazon?
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1462516998/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_pDDSzbAZH6YEN
Edit: So this is the manual I linked here first, but I actually have the workbook
Workbook:
DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition The Gui... https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awdo_.BHSzbMNT5YF1
I have been diagnosed with BPD officially for a year now. Prior to that I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar 2. Honestly my experience with medication hasn't been great. I totally hear you about feeling like a lab rat. Currently I am on Guanfacine, which is normally an ADD/Autism med meant to curb impulsivity. I have been on anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, and anti-depressants all of which were minimally effective and had shitty side effects. However, I HAVE SEEN MARKED IMPROVEMENT since I have started a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy program. DBT is similar but different than CBT, and was specifically designed for BPD. It is essentially Buddhism meets Western psych. I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT HIGHLY ENOUGH. I went through an intensive CBT program before starting the DBT program and didn't see any results despite a lot of effort. The entire point of DBT is learning skills to manage your reactions to triggers. You can control your brain not the other way around. I linked to the wiki page about DBT in another comment, but here's kind of the run down. A PROPER DBT program will consist of two parts, group therapy and individual therapy. In group therapy you discuss and learn skills meant to help you regulate emotions, increase stress tolerance, decrease vulnerability to triggers, and improve interpersonal relationships. You use a textbook, current edition here: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=FY8PYY4YF8P0KGPYH603
and you work through the worksheets and diagrams as weekly "homework". Mindfulness exercises are also a part of group therapy, often in the form of a guided meditation. In individual therapy you work through problems you are facing in your life and see when/how to apply the skills you are learning in group. Focus is on how to deal with current issues and triggers rather than digging really deep into why you have BPD, so if you have co-morbid PTSD you should be ok ( although it does deal with how to apply skills to thoughts/feelings brought up by past trauma). Again, I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT ENOUGH. Also, be careful of half-ass programs. Like I said a proper program with have both Group and Individual therapy. Often, there are Group programs floating around on their own, which are more support groups than skills training. Do your research on a the place providing the therapy before diving in to ensure it is the full skills training. I also recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X it was very inspiring.
I have anxiety, OCD AND ADHD!
seems like there's some info being omitted. in any case, read this book, both of you:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/
"Skills for improving mindfulness, interpersonal relationships, emotion regulation, and more"
Typically DBT is supposed to use group and individual DBT therapy in concert, so if they're not doing that, they're already doing less than the
ideal setup.
Here's the book we used at the DBT place I went to - which was a yearlong committment of individual and group every week. The book actually delineates that as well. It sounds as if they're not quite doing DBT in the most effective way, so you may want to look into another office.
I strongly suggest using DBT still if possible - It really is designed for our sort of issues (aka learning to adult after shitty parents ruined everything), and after the full year program, I don't need meds anymore. I'm still not 100%, but I'm fairly certain I never will be. But not needing meds was a huge improvement for me!
So, to avoid future confusion, CBT is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and DBT is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (usually used for people with personality disorders). Maybe using the full names instead of the acronyms will help clarify for them? CBT would be in the style of Ellis, where DBT is from Linehan, if they know about theoretical founders. The two are incredibly similar.
DBT does require quite a bit of training to do properly, and it's done in groups, not individual sessions. However, you can send him to this book which will provide him the resources he'd need for using this piece of the treatment. Also, it depends what qualifications your therapist has- when he goes to do his continuing education credits, he can specifically look for CBT-based sessions.
Psychodynamic is quite different from CBT or DBT. I'm surprised you found a psychodynamic provider who takes Medicaid, honestly. Usually psychoanalytic and psychodynamic are out-of-pocket only. Psychiatric hospitals tend to have something called "Intensive Outpatient Programs" (IOP) which accept Medicaid and will train you in these skills. Another resource, if you really want to try that approach and your therapist does not provide it is to go to Psychology Today and they will let you enter your zip code, type of therapy requested, and which insurances you need the provider to accept, and it will tell you who is available in your area.
Email me [email protected] if you need someone to talk to about it. It hard for my family to do so.
The book I referred to as "my bible" is The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide . My therapist has also given me chapter every week of another book. I will try to get that title if you interested
The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide, Second Edition: What You and Your Family Need to Know
In my own way, I'll become fixated on an idea or concept - maybe its for a book, or for a website, and I'll write all these notes and stay up late outlining for a project I'll never complete. Recently it was for a podcast with a friend, I walk around brainstorming names and catch lines and what we would cover in the first 10-15 episodes, even though I've never podcasted in my life.
In my unprofessional view, your lack of need for sleep, energy/irritability, outgoing/bubbly personality, and "delusions" of what you can accomplish are what truly throw this into the manic category. The "what" of the studying may change next time, but when you start catching yourself with the other symptons, time to call the Doctor or work on your prevention of cycling up too hard. I recommend the BiPolar Survivor's Guide: https://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Guide-Second/dp/1606235427
It is possible. One thing I would recommend is to start out by reading books written for people with bipolar actually before doing like a google search. Books like that seem to have a "you can do this" attitude and can give you a good foundation of understanding in a slightly separated way. (Recommendation: http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Guide-Second/dp/1606235427/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1414328331&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=bipolar+survival+guid) A lot of what's online is a snapshot of someone desperately searching for help in their most troubling moments, with little follow-up on how the issue was resolved, so I think there's more room for potential triggering. Obviously I find this forum very helpful, but if you are in a very fragile state, you might want to post your own problems and not read others, then use it to relate to others and pay it forward when you are in a more stable place. I do think it's good to talk things out, but you have to be very careful to only talk to people who are supportive and understanding about mental illness.
How old is your daughter? I know of a few books that might be able to help.
http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Second-Edition/dp/1606235427/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&amp;refRID=185VDHE67X9K5HTZHGCD
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Child-Bipolar-Parent-Parent/dp/1930085060
http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Bipolar-Disorder-Understanding/dp/1608822192
http://www.amazon.com/The-Bipolar-Teen-Child-Family-ebook/dp/B005D5ASL8
Have you considered counselling? Often, the people supporting the person with bipolar need support just as much as the person with bipolar does. There are also support groups that exist for family members and loved ones.
Good luck!
I'm not a dr but maybe they meant the combo is not used? I am on lithium and I had thought it was still one of the most research-backed meds for treating BPD (when effective). Lithium was recommended to me 2 years ago by a couple psychiatrists I trust as being the "gold standard" (their phrase not mine). Also, this book as a good chapter on meds. Not sure how up to date it is though: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1606235427/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1468942616&amp;sr=1-1&amp;pi=SY200_QL40&amp;keywords=david+miklowitz&amp;dpPl=1&amp;dpID=41oMwdu2SDL&amp;ref=plSrch
I've found this book incredibly helpful. It includes instructions on creating a plan when you or your friends and family recognize escalation. I'm new to this whole thing and am grateful I got myself a copy.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1606235427/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1398827150&amp;amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;amp;pi=SY200_QL40
Edit. Personally I've had to stay away from drugs and alcohol and found that a regular exercise routine stabilizes me and lessens the depression (unless of course it's really bad). I got me some kettlebells and do the workouts at dailyburn.com at home.
The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide was recommended by our counselor and it seems pretty good so far. It's relatively cheap and, even better, it's on audible.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1606235427/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1418269682&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=AC_SY200_QL40
I highly recommend "The Bipolar Suvival Guide"
http://amzn.com/1606235427
Understanding bipolar is a long process and should be treated as an ongoing education, not a quick fix. I recommend you and your loved one read through this.
ASD here as well. However, I'm not going to directly answer your question, rather look at your example. First, comparing between yourself and your brother is more likely to get false results than some non-related person. Second, and more importantly, the brain processes different information differently. For instance tools are processed as their function. If I say HAMMER, you would most likely picture it hammering a nail (or respond with TIME). This isn't true of non-tool objects/concepts.
I read The Complete Guide to Asperger's (Tony Atwood), but it was years ago I don't recall how he described it. But, I really don't care either. Any "difference" you can point to is going to a difference of magnitude. I'm me, and that's enough. If it isn't, oh fucking well. Deal.
(But it's a good question that - assuming it hasn't been answered - needs an answer, particularly to develop educational strategies.)
There isn't?
http://www.zazzle.com/flappy_happy_t_shirt-235660970405064707
http://portal.wpspublish.com/portal/page?_pageid=53,190663&amp;_dad=portal&amp;_schema=PORTAL
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/002-8452392-8940808?url=search-alias%3Daps&amp;field-keywords=Aspergers&amp;x=0&amp;y=0
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1216825309&amp;sr=8-2
http://www.amazon.com/Look-Me-Eye-Life-Aspergers/dp/0307396185/ref=pd_bbs_3?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1216825309&amp;sr=8-3
I've read his book. It was interesting. I will check out the video, thanks for sharing.
Well done on getting your diagnosis, I hope it's at least some weight off your mind to know that some of your 'odd' perceptions/experiences are 'only to be expected' (if you see what I mean). I felt relieved when I got my AS diagnosis at 29 since I too was really struggling with anxiety/depression, and I found out how 'normal' it was for undiagnosed Aspies to feel the same.
I'm happy I got an Aspergers diagnosis because (amongst other things) I was able to identify causal links between particular situations and personal responses/outcomes that had not occurred to me previously (e.g. - social events make me really tired really quickly, and interpersonal communication problems were causing me to drink more than I should).
It also (crucially) gave me a 'solid reason' why I want to be on my own a lot of the time. This stuff was making me feel really guilty, because I was concerned that others would think I hated them. I was beating myself up, depressed and anxious. Since I got the diagnosis I can say "I'm sorry, I just need to take some time out here", or "I'm sorry, I'm going to take a rain check on that, but I'll message you later".
TL;DR: It makes me feel less guilty to know there is a structural difference in my brain that makes me think/feel/need certain things.
I would recommend starting out by reading Steve Silbermann's book 'Neurotribes'. If you're female, there are books like 'Aspergirls' by Rudy Simone which may be of particular interest. I'm a big fan of Prof Tony Attwood; he's got a huge book out called 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome', which is a great reference guide. I'd also recommend checking out some of his talks on YouTube, especially 'Could it be Aspergers?'.
If you want me to expand on any of this info, please let me know and I'll see what I can do. Good luck with everything; it sounds like we're in a very similar situation :)
EDIT: I wrote some general stuff about coping with anxiety in this thread over on r/anxiety.
This is an excellent read.
https://www.amazon.ca/Coddling-American-Mind-Intentions-Generation/dp/0735224897
Also, recent discussion with the authors on Youtube with Jordan B Peterson. I think the discussion was regarding their book (no affiliate) on Amazon.
touche! i was trying to find a link to this book, when I posted, but instead found that old Atlantic article. i am trying to figure out if this book and the article are related. https://www.amazon.com/Coddling-American-Mind-Intentions-Generation/dp/0735224897
they are teaching students to nurture a kind of hypersensitivity that will lead them into countless drawn-out conflicts in college and beyond. Schools may be training students in thinking styles that will damage their careers and friendships, along with their mental health.
The Coddling of The American Mind
https://samharris.org/podcasts/137-safe-space/
For Skepticism:
> an attitude of doubting that claims or statements are true or that something will happen
I don't think that is what you're looking for either.
> What word should i be using if i want to say cynicism but it's not about self interest?
I'm not really sure, you'd have to explain more about what you're trying to describe.
> disenchantment
> the state of no longer feeling enthusiasm for somebody/something; a lack of belief that something is good or worth doing
I think this is the closest so far and helps clarify why you said, "defend yourself against having to put in effort."
Maybe a little pessimism too?
> a feeling that bad things will happen and that something will not be successful; the tendency to have this feeling
For
> . Better to say everything is just… silly, or pointless
That sounds like nihilism:
> nihilism is the philosophical viewpoint that rejects, denies, or lacks belief in any or all of the reputedly meaningful aspects of life.
Without a proper definition and just a vague maybe slightly incorrect sense for how we're defining cynicism, it has left me unsure of what view it is that you're exactly trying to change.
For example, if we go wild and define cynicism using a snippet from the lecture as:
> the refusal and the fear of dealing with complexity
Then, by definition, those people would fear complexity.
Anyway, if you're really trying to get at what is driving some of the issues with modern society (while I'm sure there are a million people that will give you a million different answers) the source I'd recommend is the book "The coddling of the American mind" or you can also read the original article the book was based off of by the same name.
Well, she trained you since birth to be her enabler. It's not your fault. You figured it out now, and that's what's important. I guarantee you if she'd found an LTR when you were a kid, that person would have only been an enabler, but her head enabler. Less of the emotional labor would have fallen on you but it wouldn't have made you mother any more functional or emotionally healthy.
I haven't read this book, I've only read about this book, Understanding the Borderline Mother. Sorry for the shitty quality of this site but it's the best explanation I found of the 4 "types" discussed in the book. The Witch, the Queen, the Waif, the Hermit, although a person can be more than 1 type. It sounds like your mother, if you think she may also have BPD, is definitely "the waif".
My mother, from my experience with her, has enough of the symptoms on the list of narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder to be classified as both. Per that book's types, she's a witch & hermit.
Also, there's a drama series from American premium cable in the early 00's called "Six Feet Under" about what is obviously a Waif BPD mother and her 3 adult children. You may like that one if you haven't seen it, or want to re-watch. Your description of your mother made me think of that show.
Do NOT put anything past them: she came to my workplace to assault me, breach the no contact conditions a bunch of times, lied to my kids saying that I sexually abused her during our 19 years together, .. they will stop at NOTHING.
It can turn into a fucking nightmare but it's all worth it in the end, I see a faint light at the end of a tunnel and a bright future for me. My kids have never been so happy and relaxed. Which brings the question: you will likely lose custody if you leave the kids behind with her. ie: "if it was so bad with her, why did you leave the kids there?". What do the kids think? Do they want to move with you? They are old enough to have a voice but may not know what they want at this point in time since they have lots of empathy for their mom.
Do NOT give her a heads up. Act first. It will be explosive no matter what but at least she won't be able to sabotage your plan. Prepare for the worst as I've pointed out, and if it doesn't happen consider it a bonus.
Plan for some counselling for the kids, and read this to see how she'll fuck them up if you don't act: https://www.amazon.ca/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319
At some point you'll feel guilty of going it and have doubts so buy this book https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/1442238321 and read it ASAP. It will clear up the fog a bit. You are not alone.
Seriously: RECORD EVERYTHING. It will be what saved my kids and what saved me.
Hi there. I think you need to make this decision yourself while understanding the ramifications of being 15 years old and having to support yourself entirely.
As far as living with your dad, it might be worth trying family counseling.
As for your mom, borderline personality disorder is a rough disorder but with treatment and help things do get better.
My professor recommends this book to kids of mom's with borderline personality disorder. Hopefully it helps you.
Good luck!
Then you can afford therapy, which was one of your concerns. Most therapists are willing to negotiate a lower fee if you are a college student, unemployed, or without insurance.
It is wise to be careful about which therapist to see. Finding a good therapist is hard. A big mistake that I kept making was going to the first therapist that was close to me and had an opening for an intake. Don't do this!! I wasted years doing this, because I ended up feeling guilty about leaving a therapist when things were not working out. My guilty response here was very codependent.
You want to research therapists online and find one that looks like a good match. You can google "codependency therapists" along with your local city to see which therapists are available. You can also use psychology today:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?&amp;city=New+York&amp;state=NY&amp;spec=503
Codependency is very common, and there are therapists that treat it in almost any major city. It might also be helpful to find a therapist who has treated BPD patients since you said your mom was BPD, like mine. These therapists would have a much better idea of what you have been through. Here is a book that helped me:
http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319
Good luck!
Of course I don't mind! I just finished Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem. I highly recommend that one. It has exercises throughout the book that I'm finding extremely helpful . I just started Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship. This one is pricey but it seems to be a favorite for a lot of people. I'm only at the beginning, but I think it's going to be really good.
I suggest:
http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Borderline-Parent-Boundaries-Self-Esteem/dp/1572243287
http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/157224108X/ref=pd_sim_b_shvl_title_1/104-2767515-3307100
http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-2767515-3307100?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1191868828&amp;sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319
I bought as many books as I could on DBT and ACT not all at once only when I could afford it.
I started by reading http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Treatment-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898621836/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1408057792&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+for+bpd
&
http://www.amazon.com/Doing-Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Individualized/dp/1462502326/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1408057888&amp;sr=8-1-spell&amp;keywords=doing+dialectical+behavioural+therapy
to get a better understanding of BPD and DBT. and right now I am working with these workbooks:
http://www.amazon.com/Training-Treating-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898620341/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1408057792&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+for+bpd
and
http://www.amazon.com/Expanded-Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Training/dp/1936128128/ref=pd_sim_b_6?ie=UTF8&amp;refRID=1H69WV6FGR18FCSQ5TSQ
and I have just ordered this one.
http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1408057792&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+for+bpd
the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy book I got is (I have yet to start this one):
http://www.amazon.com/Acceptance-Commitment-Therapy-Second-Practice/dp/1609189620/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1408058093&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=acceptance+and+commitment+therapy
I do what is on the workbooks and I also do further research on the skills online so I can understand it better and see what works and what doesn't for me and I test them out forcing myself to do exposure sessions ( or try to get used to using them in the moment they are needed or helpful) and I write down everything so I don't forget and kind of monitor myself and my progress.
If you have a good rapport with your current therapist, maybe she would be open to getting a workbook that the two of you could work through together. I've used this workbook. I haven't used this but that is a reputable publisher (New Harbinger) and looks good.
DBT is a very "manualized" treatment; meaning it's standardized and books and workbooks are used. There is a clear structure and process for DBT. All DBT includes the same basic principles. It's pretty standard stuff for a therapist.
DBT was originally conceived by Marcia Linehan as a group therapy model, but it's been adapted to individual therapy. There are specialized training courses in DBT, but as far as I know, any licensed therapist can use the basics of DBT as long as they've done some reading and understand it. You can read more about it on Dr. Linehan's website.
Even if you're not totally convinced of the BPD diagnosis, the skills in DBT are really excellent for emotion regulation, tolerating distress, and relating better to the other people around you.
I would talk to your current therapist and see what she says. She may be willing to do this with you, but she may not. Ultimately, you'll have to rely on her to be the judge of whether or not she feels comfortable working with DBT with you.
http://www.amazon.com/Training-Treating-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898620341
I recommend this book highly. Borderlines have to basically relearn how to react to things. We are extremely emotional. Stay strong and remind yourself you are not your illness
Oh yes there was, though I received photocopied dittos. http://www.amazon.com/Training-Treating-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898620341
Here is a good recap of the skills: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_skills_list.html
I also read the manual that they give to therapists wanting to administer DBT. It helped. Made me see myself through the therapist's eyes.
This is a sample o f a diary card: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/diary_card_1.html
I would recommend two books, and highly recommend to look for a few more.
This book has changed my life and several friends, all with varying disorders. Saved my best friend from bulimia, helped my husband greatly with BDP, and my brother come out of meth addiction.
Man's Search for Meaning https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807014273/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_RcS3CbEF3R10K
This is to work through BPD and I know it’ll help you define if that’s what’s going on:
Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/0898620341/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_pbS3Cb2EDVHH8
You should definitely seek out a therapist. Be empowered to call places locally. It’s so great to figure out what’s going on, especially early.
Woah buddy you have a lot going on! First off, deep breath!!!! You have taken the biggest step - asking for help. If I were you (and I kinda was, at 25 (29 now) I was diagnosed as Bipolar II, Generalized anxiet, and BPD traits), I'd make sure I was seeing that psychologist as much as possible, I'd be looking at seeing a psychiatrist for medication, and on top of all else, looking for a strong DBT program.
I'd also talk to your gf, be fully honest with her. Let her know this is a process and the prognosis is good if you fight (which it seems like you want to) but you need her help and understanding. It may be best to consider taking a break to shield her until you work through some of this treatment - I know that option sounds shitty, but trust me, had I listened to that advice when I was 25, my life would have been drastically different.
If you can't get into a DBT group quickly, pick up a book such as this one - This was the book I used in group. It makes WAY more sense with a group, but reading it yourself may help. The author actually created the DBT model.
More than anything else, remember the single best part of being bipolar: you may be one mood now, but that mood always passes.
You can PM me if you want to chat too. I promise, it can get better.
BUY THIS BOOK ASAP!
Even if it's a bit expensive, it is worth all the money you spend on it. Order it today and start using it right away. It will change your life radically right from the time you start using it. DBT combined with talk therapy is most effective treatment. Consult a psychiatrist. You may benefit greatly from medication if you are able to use it responsibly.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0898620341?keywords=the%20skills%20training%20manual%20for%20treating&amp;qid=1458305187&amp;ref_=sr_1_1&amp;sr=8-1
You are most definitely not alone. I read a book recently called "On Combat" by LTC Grossman, it help me understand some of the reasons I feel the way I do since I've been home. With a book title like that I thought it might dredge up some shit I've been trying to deal with, but it helped me learn how to heal a little.
We will never be cured of the wars that we saw, but maybe we can heal our wounds into scars that we can carry with us.
Good luck to you on your path and remember that it is going to be ok.
http://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1398483476&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+combat
I haven't studied in this particular area extensively enough to call myself an authority.
I will say, however, that On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace would be an excellent starting point for you. It's not history. It's psychology. The author, Dave Grossman, says that the fear of death is the "universal phobia." I think that much of his theory could be applied to medieval battles.
If you are into reading books, this book is a good read concerning the mental effects of having to fire your weapon.
Army field artillery, enlisted and officer, for 34 years. Welcome home, brother. Infantry was some of my favorite customers ... always so appreciative.
These books have helped me understand the process.
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
https://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549
Sure thing. If you like that philosophy, if you haven't read it, I'd pick up this version of Sun Tzu's The Art of War. The commentary is very interesting, and it has other works other than Sun Tzu as well. I enjoy it because it compares The Art of War it to the Tao Te Ching (as well as other similar documents), and the author gives an interesting interpretation of the piece that you don't get from the document alone. Another good one is On Combat, The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace. The title describes the book, but if you have any loved ones who have been in the military, or you're just interested in physical conflict, this is a good read as well.
Oh great, another scumbag piece of shit we have to watch out for...
that being said, kick some ass in the Academy and welcome to the Family. :-)
This and This are absolutely great reads. The first one would be more for close family (like a GF or wife) but is still very good otherwise.
Again, congrats and go kick some ass.
Never in any military, but these are some that I've read that I enjoyed.
On Combat and On Killing by Dave Grossman.
Something a bit more fun. the SAS survival handbook.
I've heard that some military studies include the book of Joshua in the Bible.
I recommend reading the book "On Combat, The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace". It covers how soldiers who are not physically injured are affected long term by actions taken in combat. The author presents his case pretty well.
One of the relevant points is that Soldiers and Marines reframe how they think about the things they did. So you get a choice. The phrase
>"shot the fuck out of the aggressive red Toyota that was riding way too low to not be a VBIED so my battle buddies don't get blown the fuck up"
can either become
>"Shot an incent kid forced by fuckheads to commit suicide so his family doesn't get executed"
or it can become
>"Lead injections to stop bad things from happening. Side effects may include bleeding and death."
One of those is more likely to cause night terrors.
In short, go fuck yourself.
I liked Paxil (paroxetine). It is the most potent SSRI. I think I even took it with bupropion for a while. Why did I stop Paxil? I developed flat affect.
Alas, I've never found an SSRI, TCA, atypical, or MAOI that has much effect on dopamine.
Let me direct you at this point over to r/Anhedonia_Recovery to read my comment on this post - Pramipexole (Mirapex) For Anhedonia And Treatment-Resistant Depression: Guidelines, Studies, And Success Stories..
The drugs that have effects on dopamine agonism are pramipexole (Mirapex) and ropinirole (Requip). Of the two, pramipexole looks more promising for depression (and anhedonia). Pramipexole is primarily a D3 agonist, with some D2 and D4 agonism. Pramipexole is primarily a Parkinson's drug; ropinirole is for restless leg syndrome.
Anyhow, I think you may be overthinking things a bit, like the other commenter suggested. It may be that "Drug X" looks great on paper, but if you take it and it makes you nauseous, you won't like it. The clinical experience of your psychiatrist is also important for figuring out the right treatment for you.
Otherwise, get a copy of Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology: Neuroscientific Basis and Practical Applications 4th Edition by Stephen M. Stahl. I think you'll like it. You can reference some of it online at Stahl Online.
Not a TV show, but a book I bought that I really like is Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology. Not a light read, but very accessible without already being knowledgeable on how drugs work.
Good points /u/westlax34! Geriatric psychopharmacolgy/polypharmacy can be quite daunting indeed! (I found a nice supplementary reference text to echo your thoughts which I'll mention below).
/u/abutali, in addition to /u/tlbtc's suggestion of First Aid for Psychiatry being a notable companion, I personally found for diving real deep into psychopharmacology nuances (e.g. for presentations/curiosity), anything written by Dr. Stephen M. Stahl to be amazing! This is far from being a mandatory must and certainly not worth an out-of-pocket medical student expense whatsoever unless you're entering the field of Psychiatry at some future point (e.g. residency) - if interested, see if you can find/borrow a copy from your medical school library/etc:
---
Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology: Neuroscientific Basis and Practical Applications
https://www.amazon.com/Stahls-Essential-Psychopharmacology-Neuroscientific-Applications/dp/1107686466
I recommend Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology
Haha dude, I can tell you're taking stimulants. :P
I think you would really enjoy these two books if you don't already reference them:
I love these. I have read Essential Psychopharmacology cover to cover and it's such a great introduction. I used to reference the prescriber's guide all the time, especially when I was taking an MAOI. I was feeling so bad when I saw you typed all that stuff because you could have left it at "neurotoxicity risks" and I would have gotten it, but you're clearly into it, and other people find it helpful.
One thing though: 2-3 hours for Vyvanse to kick in? That's a joke, to me. I can't believe so many people accept that?
Make sure you have your fundamentals down, otherwise the rest will be noise (or worse, appear to be simple),
[Introduction to Neuropsychopharmacology (Iversen, Bloom, & Roth)] (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0195380533/)
[Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology: Neuroscientific Basis and Practical Applications (4e)] (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1107686466/)
Here you go:
https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459
Reading this book has given me so much more insight than I ever really wanted. I'm still thinking it's a personality disorder with a dash of dementia.
Is that quote supposed to support your assertion? The 27 psychiatrists who wrote this book disagree. Trump is the prime exemplar of malignant narcissistic personality disorder.
>Are you a psychologist?
https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459
These people are, and they think he's nuts.
There's also a book in which many mental health experts agree on his mental impairment. https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459
https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459
Snapshots:
^(I am a bot.) ^([Info](/r/SnapshillBot) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=\/r\/SnapshillBot))
In the book Tribe, Sebastian Junger says that an Apache interviewee insisted he refer to them as "American Indians" rather than "Native Americans." Different people have different preferences. https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/ref=pd_sbs_14_t_0/160-7427488-3304434?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=1EEG1RQ01TV3V5DQ23EP
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8
People have done that, over and over throughout the course of modernizing history.
There are, of course, shades of grey. You are falsely attempting to put people in two categories here, 'happy' and 'unhappy', and claiming that anyone not 'building a shelter in the woods and fucking in the mud' would be in 'the unhappy category' by my logic. This is a pretty ridiculous reduction, and does not account for the basic pleasures of survival that are still attainable in a modern society
I highly recommend doing something productive, like reading/listening to a book on a topic that you think about, instead of being an ignorant tool on reddit.
It'll work out way better for you, in the long run.
You should listen to this episode of NPR or read the book the segment is about: Tribe: On Homecoming And Belonging. It really struck me that our society is completely screwed up and isolating us, whether on purpose or not.
Can you corroborate your claim regarding slurred speech and PTSD?
I’ve recently been reading ‘The body keeps the score’.
Your claim sound shaky, based on everything I’ve learned about PTSD through this book.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Stay in your home, read this book and slowly work toward recovery and healing. Do yoga. Maybe find a therapist that works with psychedelics. You can read about that here. Not really interested in hearing all the reasons you think that won’t work. Besides, your resistance is stuff you should work through with your therapist, not on Reddit. Go heal. Yeah it’s hard. Walk through the fire and get to the other side.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=mt_paperback?_encoding=UTF8&amp;me=
A composição química do seu cérebro não é uma coisa aleatória, ele não acorda um dia e resolve para de produzir serotonina e dopamina só de zoeira.
No momento, não tenho como entrar em mais detalhes. Além disso, você ainda não parecer estar disposto a aceitar a realidade da sua situação, então tudo o que eu escrever aqui acabaria sendo ignorado.
Mas recomendo o seguinte livro, para você e quem mais quiser entender as origens da sua depressão/ansiedade e as suas consequências físicas: The Body Keeps The Score.
Not sure if you've had therapy for this, but here are a couple books. On Killing is mostly about killing in combat but the impact is universal. The Body Keeps the Score is an instant classic on dealing with trauma. Good luck to you, take care of yourself.
Interesting concept. I just started reading [“The body keeps the score”] (https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=asc_df_0143127748/?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=312049124368&amp;hvpos=1o2&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=2228263904069159418&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvdev=m&amp;hvdvcmdl=&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=9003303&amp;hvtargid=aud-801381245258:pla-434690707169&amp;psc=1&amp;tag=&amp;ref=&amp;adgrpid=61851652213&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvadid=312049124368&amp;hvpos=1o2&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=2228263904069159418&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvdev=m&amp;hvdvcmdl=&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=9003303&amp;hvtargid=aud-801381245258:pla-434690707169) and there was a study done on the idle brain, (which is when you try to not think of anything) where trauma victims were able to shut off literally everything in their brain except the "gps" unit. Normal people had activity in many other areas, of mostly self reflection and body functions. Since what they were doing is essentially meditation, it made me wonder how trauma can shape us to be more gifted in other ways.
“THE BODY KEEPS SCORE” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. (brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma)
this book is FASCINSTING. I’m only a few chapters in and it’s a pretty heavy read (in the best way possible) as it is very informative (but not in the boring textbook way) and really opens your eyes and perspective on the brain, trauma, depression, those who struggle with it, etc.
A great read for those struggling AND for those that are loved ones of the ones struggling.The Body Keeps Score- Amazon link
I'm reading a fantastic book right now, The Body Keeps the Score, about healing PTSD and childhood traumas. It goes into depth about how the reptilian brain both aides and abets our growth. Check it out, really well written by a renowned researcher in the subject.
This book was rec'd here a while ago, and it goes into a great deal of detail on the how's and why's:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Have you read The Body Keeps Score? Do you have any thoughts about the book or how it may relate to the crisis?
As other's mentioned, you need a therapist. This isn't something you can work through alone and no one can tell you everything you need to know on a subreddit. But the one thing I see in others comments and I'll echo myself, what you are experiencing is very common for anyone who has survived sexual assault - even though it's really confusing mentally your body doesn't process things mentally, your body processes all of its experiences physically and the human body is designed to respond to sexual stimulation. Full stop. Even when you don't consent to it.
Rape is rape because you did not consent to it. You were exposed to sexual imagery and assault before you were mentally mature enough to comprehend or consent. It is perfectly normal and natural for sexual assault victims to feel, do and experience what you have been going through - because like I said, the body processes things differently, the mind however doesn't understand and has trouble reconciling how your body reacted to something you didn't want to happen and it creates a state of cognitive dissonance and the brain further tries to solve this "problem" by making mentally boxing it into one category or the other - but it's just not that simple.
You will find very few answers to the problems this has created for you by thinking it through. So much of the process is physically in your body where the assault occurred and emotionally where you responded to the assault - it's a long complicated process that must be overseen by a professional - think of it the same you would as if you needed physical therapy after breaking your leg. You wouldn't really know what you needed to do to heal from that, what exercises would strengthen and hurt - you need someone to guide you through the process.
I am so sorry that this happened to you and that the fallout is affecting your ability to have intimate and satisfying relationships as an adult. You're not alone - others have walked down this path too and it does get better with time, therapy, and self-care.
You can talk to someone now at RAINN: National Sexual Assault HotlineCall 1-800-656-4673 and they can help you find a therapist experienced in assault in your area.
She does sound unsavable and it is not your responsibility to change her. However, you need some help man. You have been through a lot. You need to unpack that and heal before you jump into ANY other relationships.
Old trauma can and does cause illness. The general rule is that if something that happened more than 18 months ago still makes you angry, still makes you cry, or still makes you afraid, then you have not resolved it and it is not in the past – even if you never think about it consciously.
So here’s what you do: start at the beginning and Think about memories in your life. When you get to a memory that causes strong emotion, write it down. After you’ve made your way through a few pages of memories, look over each one of them. Figure out what went wrong. Sometimes we hold on to pain just because we were young and misunderstood what was actually happening. Work those ones out. Sometimes
We went through truly unacceptable events.
Your mind holds onto memories in order to prevent pain in the future. So it’s important that you look at what happened, acknowledge the horror, and try to figure out what you need to learn from the situation to prevent it from happening again. Going over this a few times should make the memory no longer hurt you.
It might mean hours of crying, but eventually it will be freedom from the past. Sort of diy therapy. The body keeps the score https://amzn.to/2Wyl4R3 explains how illness can be caused by trauma and may be helpful to you.
Educate yourself about trauma. This is the go to book these days. www.amzn.com/0143127748
The ADD could be a reality for you ... and one interesting thing to note is how caffeine effects you. Do you find yourself having more focus and concentration? Then a psycho-stimulant may be for you. Check out the book Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell. It could help you understand ADD a bit better. Also, you don't need to know your career path now. Keep being curious and try things. Do an internship in a field you might be interested in ... and then decide if it feels right. All the suggestions on this thread about talking to a guidance counselor or social worker is great advice. Take it. Don't be alone in this.
Um, in all seriousness, that actually sounds like it could be ADD. We get comments from teachers like that a lot. Do some research, this book is the classic. You very well might be just bored and lazy, but if you do have ADD, you will save yourself a lot of trouble by finding out and learning about it early.
If I could go back to my 15 year old self, I would say "You have ADD. It's not your fault." Would have changed everything.
I was diagnosed at age 32 myself. At first, I felt a combination of emotions. First, there was relief that there was a name for what I'd been dealing with. This was then followed by feeling like I was somehow defective. Another guy at church recommended a book to me, and I want to recommend it to you. Attention Deficit Disorder: A Different Perception by Thom Hartmann!. It helped me see that I'm not defective but wired differently.
Another great book that I browsed was Driven to Distraction by Ed Hallowell!.
For me, meds just help turn down the static and are part of a wholistic approach to taking care of myself. I have noticed, as you shared, that I seem to get more done when I not only remember to take my meds but also am getting enough sleep, eating the right kinds of foods, and getting exercise.
Welcome to the world of Hunters! :)
It's my favorite book on ADHD, written by a pair of doctors who themselves both have ADHD and specialize in the treatment of it, one of whom benefits from medication and one of whom does not.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307743152/
EDIT: One person to whom I recommended it informed me that it's also available in audiobook form, in case that's of interest. And I suspect it would help your husband understand you better. If you do get him to read it, I'd be interested in knowing if I'm right about that.
Hey- teacher, medicated for ADHD and parent here. I've taught upper elementary for 8 years with my current assignment in 4th grade. I've had countless discussions with parents in your same situation. They are very reluctant to medicate their children with the fear of turning them into a zombie or significant loss of weight due to certain stimulants. Some have proceeded with the medication route, some have gone 504 plan, therapy treatment or nutritional changes route. The most drastic (for the better 90% of the time) have been the medication route. I have seen complete 180* turns in students.
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In my profession experience, it is often evident when a student has extensive potential that is being restricted by something such as ADD or ADHD. They seem lazy, disorganized, disheveled, lost in thought, restless and constantly in motion; but when I sit with them one-on-one and hold a conversation, their thought progressions, interests and demeanor reveal tons. It just feels like there is so much more than what I see in a classroom of noise and chaos.
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Personally, I had a similar experience to another poster. My parents admitted to me when I was in my mid-20's that they always knew I had ADHD but the diagnosis wasn't "in" in the early 90's. My school work was mediocre, writing was a terrible time for me. I had difficulty with reading comprehension, the words just had no meaning when my brain couldn't dial in long enough to put significance to the sentences and paragraphs. Socially, I had friends but I would legitimately be told that I couldn't go to birthday parties because I was too hyper. That being said, I got through undergrad and a masters' program without ever studying. Papers were always completed last minute and projects typically had glue drying as I turned them in. I sought out treatment in my early 30's and have been on medication in conjunction with therapy for almost a year. The difference has been incredible. Lesson planning for the week used to take me 4-5 hours (I teach math so really I'm planning 5 lessons for a week), where as the medication has helped me to the point of completing the same task in an hour. My students from previous years have even made comments about how much more organized and "together" my classroom has become. My professional evaluations have even been boosted because of my improved planning and implementation.
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As a father of a 2.5 year old, I am very aware and attentive to what I have ahead of me. My son exhibits the same exact behaviors I did growing up. My parents remark on a weekly basis that he is a carbon copy of each me- which scares my wife. She recoils at the idea of putting him on medication. His last daycare made comments about his inability to stay seated for lunch, sit still during circle time, or be able to lay down for a nap without being rocked (they're two year olds mind you- and his class was mostly girls). He is now at a new daycare with kids just as rowdy and energetic as him that he loves attending. He gets rave reviews for how inquisitive he is and how much personality that shines through.
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I've reassured my wife that medication does not have to adversely affect his life if we choose to go down that road. There is new research coming out monthly on therapies and strategies to help kids experiencing difficulties with focus or attention. The big two- Adderall and Ritalin have been around for decades, and aren't always the best route. There are anti-depressants and non-stimulant medications used to effectively treat ADHD. Yes, amphetamines do have a risk of dependence, I've worried that I'll fall into this, but I've been fine so far. It is not societal or educational norms that you should be focused on, but how does your son feel about his own academic performance and overall life standing. By 5th grade, he is probably aware of his tendencies and behaviors. I would start by having a candid discussion if you haven't already, asking him if he believes this is a problem. Get his input, medication wouldn't only affect his education but his general functioning. The book "Driven to Distraction" was recommended to me by my therapist and put a lot of perspective into the decision to take medication.
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https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/ref=asc_df_0307743152/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312750113425&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14839575934987710473&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007210&hvtargid=pla-331017318230&psc=1
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If you do not experience ADHD or difficulties with attention it can be tough to understand the fog that others have described. The first days of having medication were really frustrating, I felt as though I had wasted years of my life just coasting without really utilizing my potential and I was initially resentful of my parents. Sitting here today, I've moved past the resentment and decided to put my focus on helping and supporting my students who have their own struggles. Whatever you decide, just continue to be in constant communication with you son's teachers and support them as much as you can.
First, in my opinion (from an ADD guy, so probably biased), it's not anything wrong with you. I definitely do things like that, and medicine helps a lot.
Even if it's just you, and it's a lack of willpower or whatever bull people say about it, if medication helps you focus, then it really doesn't matter. If it helps, it helps.
My psychiatrist gave me a survey to fill out, and did some tests that required concentration. I failed every one, but it probably would be hard to fail them in the right way if you weren't ADHD.
I read this a while back, and it gives really good information on what ADHD is, and what it isn't.
http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152#
Let us know what you end up doing. I'd start with that book and making an appt to see your psychiatrist.
First, diagnosises can be wrong. It's also possible you have ADHD. People with ADHD often associate with other ADHD people simply because they find regular people boring. Second, ADHD is a misleading name for the condition. There isn't a deficit of attention. It's more of an inconsistency of focus combined with weaker self control than it is the inability to focus.
I recommend reading a book on ADHD. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0307743152?cache=9e63ced07072ae963391cba2d4468b08&amp;pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&amp;qid=1405869392&amp;sr=8-4#ref=mp_s_a_1_4
There's not a single deleted comment in this whole thread, what the hell are you talking about? Are you sure you're not mixing me up with someone else?
Anyways as to meaning, I think it's self evident meaning exists. Outside of that, I defer to the work Maps of Meaning as my reference on this claim. It's a brilliant work, you can read the summary of it here https://www.amazon.com/dp/0415922224/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_TU3OzbN877A4R and the author has posted a free to download PDF on his researchgate.
Anyways I seriously study meaning from multiple academic fields. I know a thing or two about it, and enough to say it exists. Don't agree with me? Read the literature and then make up your mind. I mean, what is your foundation on this subject, huh? Armchair philosophy? Rick and Morty?
I didn't tell suggest to two people to go to therapy because they disagreed with me, otherwise I would have told everyone that. The people I did say that to seem obviously unwell, one much more than and other and extreme nihilism is debatable as to whether or not it can be considered "unwell". Anyways I didn't give a diagnosis. If you actually knew what a diagnosis is I wouldn't have to explain this to you.
I claimed happiness and materialism is meaningless. I never said you people live meaningless lives. Only that meaning is better than materialism and in of itself happiness. Additionally if you don't believe in meaning, why is it a bad thing to live a meaningless life??? Are you even hearing yourself? Jeez.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Maps-Meaning-Architecture-Jordan-Peterson/dp/0415922224
That ones not even in the top ten ...... Apparentely "words mean different to you coz you special" brainless.
That was an unsatisfying answer, I suppose. You want me to make a genuine play before we continue, fine, I'll give it a shot. But the supposed delineation between literal and symbolic is the first thing you'll have to discard. It is entirely wrongheaded. It's not even wrong. On one end a literal interpretation has Christians eat the body of Christ and drink his blood, and you end up painting them as vampire cannibals. Which was probably your agenda anyway. On the other, everything is symbolic and the new testament might aswell be referring to Jesus' covert war against clown reptiles. These answers are silly because the question is silly.
In the early 20th century, mathmetician Kurt Gödel set out to create his incompleteness theorem. The theorem was originally intended to show Russel and Whitehead's system for working with natural numbers as complete. This is important, because what use is an incomplete system? Not only did he end up proving the system as incomplete (humiliating two people he actually admired), he ended up proving no consistent system of logic can ever be complete, and vice versa. Neither can the system prove it's own axioms, any more than you can lift yourself by pulling your hair. Why is this crucial to a debate about religion? Because divinity is complete.
Source: Godel, Escher, Bach by Douglas Hofstadter.
So math and science arrive at what religion already knew. All is one. Duality is false. Symbolic and literal interpretations do not exclude one another, they show aspects of the same complete divine thing. They are shifts in perspective. An unsolved rubix cube does not disprove the solution. One implies the other.
And so the singular divine splits itself into male and female. One becomes two. And the coupling of two will beget a third. But duality is false, division is false. Man is fallible and incomplete, so he stifles the world through his ego. The benevolent king becomes the tyrant. The mighty creator becomes Holdfast, the enemy, the dragon.
It's been awhile since I've actually seen a bible, but as I recall the new testament does not start with Mary or God. It was Herod who called the census and set the whole thing in motion. The bad, unjust king strangles the land in an attempt to secure his reign. Thereby his actions create the very thing he fears most: the hero.
The tyrant-father is just a different face of the holy creator. When the arch-enemy holds the entire world in his stranglehold, new life springs from the void itself. The story of the savior is the story of every single human being. It shows the hero ascending the dominance hierarchy, dethroning the evil tyrant, slaying the dragon and reuniting with the divine. The hero's special weapon is the ability to tell good from evil in all their different guises. And again good and evil are just a perspective shift away from being truth and untruth. What difference does it make if the dragon is an actual dragon, mankind's sin, or the duality of all existance itself? All of it is symbolic. And in the sense that all of us are heroes, all of it is real.
Source: Hero with a thousand faces by Joseph Campbell.
>Clearly we can infer the Apostles and many early Christians believed that these things literally happened, and whether or not you think this is zealotry, the number of Christians who believe this literally is greater than those who see this symbolically.
This part brings a particular quote to mind, and besides there's a third book that I can show off as having read:
>The sun signifies first of all gold. But just as philosophical gold is not common gold, so the sun is neither just the metallic gold nor the heavenly orb...Redness, heat and dryness are the classical qualities of the Egyptian Set (Greek Typhon), the evil principle which, like the alchemical sulphur, is closely connected with the devil. And just as TYphon has his kingdom in the forbidden sea, so the sun, as sol centralis has its sea, its "crude perceptible water" and as sol coelestis its "subtle imperceptible water." This sea water (Aqua pontica) is extracted from sun and moon...
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>We can barely understand such a description, contaminated as it is by imaginative and mythological associations peculiar to the medieval mind. It is precisely this fantastical contamination however that renders the alchemical description worth examining- Not from the perspective of the history of science, concerned with the examination of outdated objective ideas, but from the perspective of psychology, focused on the interpretation of subjective frames of reference...The alchemist could not sperate his subjective ideas from the nature of things, from his hypotheses (emphasis by prof. Peterson)...The medieval man lived in a universe that was moral- where everything, even ores and metals, strived above all for perfection.
Source: Maps of meaning by Jordan Peterson.
In the Podcast your friend brought up (2) theories.
Beck's and "Next model", no attribution but it is the concept of early childhood attachment and developmental problems , lack of proper mirroring from primary caregivers, early death of a parent during childhood, and there are a whole lot more....
But your friend then does not follow through with what therapies may be used to help people who are adults but who carry childhood trauma and attachment issues. Hint: CBT does not work on these issues or else is no more effective than a placebo. ref: Bessel Van Der Kolk, "The Body Keeps The Score" (2014). http://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1421707450&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=van+der+kolk
My critique of your friend's Podcast is simply that he spreads the false premise that CBT is the end-all therapy when in fact it does not help a multitude of people who have early childhood trauma and developmental and attachment disorders. And he does a double disservice by mentioning the Childhood Issues as a source of depression and implies that CBT answers them.
I would respectfully request that he remove the reference to early childhood issues as source of depression or else leave it and then offer alternative theories of treatment. Have him look up "Childhood Relationship Trauma"; and books by Bessel Van Der Kolk, Peter Levine, Allan Shore, Robert Scaer, Stephen Porges...... or else rephrase his pitch to say "ONE modality of treatment for depression is CBT".
Hyperfocus is actually a trait of ADD. Source: Driven to Distraction, written by a psychiatrist.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0684801280/ref=redir_mdp_mobile
True believers.
https://www.amazon.com/True-Believer-Thoughts-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915
User binary_search_tree mentioned a book i should read, and here i mentioned that i was having money issues so i'd have to get it later.
He sent me an Amazon gift certificate for the book. It arrived yesterday :D
Reddit is awesome :D
> even if the neuroscience he refers to is correct, his analysis seems flawed.
Nope, where do you think religion comes from? Religion is overwhelming evidence that people don't reason correctly. People live in an abstraction and emotion by and large not in reality, what you're seeing right now is an abstraction imposed on you by your unconscious processing. The noise you're hearing right now where you are is all generated for you by unconscious processes.
You can go get this book and look at the medical cases from science.
http://www.amazon.com/Descartes-Error-Emotion-Reason-Human/dp/014303622X/
Well, there's so little context here so it's hard to say if everyone was ok with the situation.
I'm not sure laughter is enough to say everything is ok. Sure, the person tripped is laughing - but laughing is also a defense mechanism... like when you do something embarrassing like trip. Laughing doesn't necessarily say he's not hurt for 100% sure.
Just to review:
People I'm commenting have said: It's rude to open a door when someone is cleaning the glass and they deserve the increased risk of getting hurt.
I say: regardless of how rude your perceive someone to be, you shouldn't set them up to possibly hurt themselves, like this person fake cleaning the door.
I'm with you about taking offense - we would all do well to try to both take less offense and give less where we can. Lots of good reading on that here: https://www.amazon.com/Coddling-American-Mind-Intentions-Generation/dp/0735224897
Of course this short clip is missing a lot of context. Is he not hurt? He looks to be limping at the end. We can't actually ask him.
I actually don't think it matters if he's hurt or not. If he came on here and somehow authenticated himself saying "I'm the guy that tripped and everything is fine" - that's not the point.
The point is that if you repeated this situation X number of times - someone would get hurt - especially with that step up from the door. That's why I say the guy fake cleaning the window is in the wrong.
I also think it's fair to say everyone should be offended if they are hurt by someone playing a prank on them. Whether it happened in this video or not doesn't even matter - the guy pulling the prank is increasing risk of injury.
There are literally books written by expert psychologists on Trump’s mental state.
Here’s one
>27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Experts Assess a President
https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459
Lähinnä nettikeskustelun tulevaisuudesta. Jos netin julkista keskustelua ja siellä tapahtuvaa vainoamista ei jotenkin hallita, eivät tavalliset ihmiset uskalla sanoa mielipidettään vainon pelossa.
Myös jatkuva dehumanisoiva vihapuhe voi madaltaa kynnystä väkivaltaan. Kerääppä vaikka 50 hengen joukkio ja mene paikalliseen ostoskeskukseen vaatimaan ja kannustamaan tietyn ihmisryhmän tappamista ja raiskaamista. Samalla voit huudella tiettyjen yksityishenkilöiden nimiä ja vaatia heidän tappamistaan tai raiskaamistaan. Takaan, että et saa toimia kovin pitkään. Jos teet saman netissä, voit tehdä sitä rauhassa vuosia. En itse näe että tämä on täysin johdonmukaista tai järkevää.
Hieman arveluttaa mitä tien päästä löytyy jos vaikka 90-luvun laman olosuhteet toistuvat ja kiihotus on tätä tasoa. Ja se tilannehan toistuu vastaavana tai pahempana ennemmin tai myöhemmin.
Aihetta sivuaa muuten mielenkiintoinen kirja jos haluaa lukea väkivallasta ja psykologiasta: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0316330116?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=themanpro-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0316330116
https://www.amazon.ca/Maps-Meaning-Architecture-Jordan-Peterson/dp/0415922224/ref=sr_1_3?hvadid=74629409468670&hvbmt=bp&hvdev=c&hvqmt=p&keywords=jordan+perterson&qid=1562453628&s=gateway&sr=8-3
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https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Jordan_Peterson2
If this is a serious post--and I certainly hope it isn't--I suggest you read Jordan Peterson and change your own mind:
https://www.amazon.com/Maps-Meaning-Architecture-Jordan-Peterson/dp/0415922224
It's a problem of not knowing the impact it has within a persons life, and as stated by several others so far, sometimes tossed out too quickly by non-professionals.
It turns out all the men in my family, including myself, are diagnosed with ADHD (or ADD) to some degree. The thing is, we're all adults, and we weren't diagnosed with it until then. If you've ever met someone who's charismatic, has insane drive to do things, is always picking up new projects, and must have the latest toys, they're probably ADD to some degree. Our culture here in the US doesn't help this at all, as the culture itself also helps drive this behavior.
For me, ADD exposes itself in terms of "new experiences", so I'm constantly consuming new media, usually video games, and music, and seeing what I can do to contribute as well. On the work side of things, it means I usually like working on my own, at my own breakneck pace, because working with others slows me down, and I get antsy when people can't consume and process information as fast as I can.
For me (and my father and brother), ADD isn't a disorder. It's more a conditional Perk. We consume and process information incredibly fast, and can make accurate decisions based on that in a fraction of the time most take to make the same call. However, the downside to this is short tempers, acting on impulse all the time (trying to keep money in an ADD person's pocket is like trying to keep water in a wire mesh basket. It just doesn't happen) and totally missing social queues.
I'm an impulse buyer. Like, half my savings impulse buyer. I've thankfully tempered this quite a bit, so now I can actually save money, by putting all my impulse "wants" on a list, and coming back to the decision sometime later. My wife helps a ton here too.
During conversations, I tend to have two other streams of thought going at the same time, and my attention drifts everywhere. I have zero issues inturrpting someone to go check out a noise or flashy thing, even if the subject is important to me. I'll go fix the thermostat in the middle of an important business meeting because I see everybody's too cold, even if I'm the one being directly addressed.
In school, this impacted my life because I hated paying attention to the teacher, and typically just read the text book cover to cover. I didn't care about social cliques, so I basically just ignored people, and was a social outcast for high school. People liked me, but I didn't belong to any 'group' aside from ones that were academically driven.
I could go on and on about this. I do know that I suspected that I had ADD back in college, when my life basically fell apart due to a lack of "something" (which turned out to be schedule structure" and I fell into massive depression. Same thing happened to my dad and my brother, in that we all dropped out of college. I stuck it out the longest, and returned the fastest. Of my immediate family, I'm the one who got the degree the fastest (and incidentally, ADD influences my life the least of my family).
If you have honest questions, or suspect that you or a loved one may possibly have ADD or ADHD, I would recommend picking up Driven to Distraction, written by the doctor who set the psychiatric world straight on this disorder back in the 1980s, and is technically the foremost expert on it. It answers the OP's question regarding the social stigma with the disorder, and also answers many others, from "how does this affect people" to "how to deal with people who have it." I'm still finishing it up myself, but it's this book that lead my entire family to go see the shrink and literally change my dad's and brother's social lives for the better for good.
My brother went from being a college dropout who couldn't hold down a job, to a crack accountant at a fairly large non-profit, all because he got on ritilin. Who woulda thunk?
I've known a fair share of Scientists in my life and I can tell you, they are no more immune to political bias than you or I. My father recently retired from his 22 year career with NASA as a Biomedical Scientist, and my mother has been teaching high school level Earth Science classes for nearly as long. In case you're wondering, both of them agree that anthropogenic global warming is very likely but neither is willing to admit absolute certainty, just like the rest of the scientific community, including your own beloved IPCC. Your kind of faith is reserved for the True Believer.
The dangers of extrapolation.
This book was a good read, I think you'll find quite relatable and helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Good luck with your journey!
On the contrary, the article lays out quite clearly the context in which this takes place, and presents a list of actions already taken by Trump. Whether a Trump administration does or doesn't institute more sweeping dictatorial and authoritarian methods of rule remains to be seen, but the groundwork is being laid, and has been laid for some time now. With every successive president we find ourselves closer and closer to living in an actual police state. And your response is: Trump, the duplicitous and stupid pseudopopulist conman didn't explicitly state his intentions, so there's no reason to think he'd do anything so drastic.
We all thought W Bush was a dummy blowhard, too, but that didn't stop his administration from carrying out (probably) 9/11, illegally invading Iraq, the Wolfowitz Doctrine, passing the Patriot Act, illegal surveillance, opening Guantanamo, normalizing torture, and every other anti-democratic measure you can think of.
The point is, this kind of structure isn't erected overnight. It's built brick by brick, day by day, until one day the capstone locks in place and then it's too late. As the article states, presidents aren't flippant with language, and when they are it cannot be ignored or shrugged off as whimsy, or whatever.
Chris Hedges wrote a pretty good article on Truthdig last year called "Signs of Creeping Fascism Are All Around Us", which I think is worth a read. In it, he looks at a book called "How Fascism Works: The Politics of Us and Them", by Jason Stanley.
Stanley examines how modern authoritarian and nationalist—“fascist,” if you like (Stanley obviously does)—politicos have used and subverted purportedly democratic electoral politics to gain power. He finds 10 common themes animating fascist ideology and propaganda:
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>1. Invocation of a mythic national past marked by racial, ethnic, religious and/or cultural purity—a supposedly glorious history to which the nation needs to return.
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>2. Propagandistic use of outwardly virtuous ideals (including anti-corruption, democracy, liberty and free speech) to advance abhorrent ends that contradict those ideals.
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>3. An anti-intellectual assault on education, universities, science, expertise and language, accompanied by charges of Marxism and “political correctness” against liberal and leftist enemies and the advance of simplistic nationalist and authoritarian ideals. This is fertile soil for the deadly denial of climate change that has occurred and for such absurd claims as the notion that whites are now more damaged by racism than are black, Latinx and Native American people in the U.S.
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>4. An insidious attack on truth and on people’s ability to perceive and agree on truth. Regular and repeated obvious lying is combined with the advance of conspiracy theories and the promotion of “news as sports” and demagogic strongmen as “stars.”
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>5. An ugly faith in natural hierarchies of worth and a rejection of equality as dangerous, unnatural, Marxist and liberal delusion.
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>6. An aggrieved and counterfeit sense of victimhood among dominant “us” groups (racial, ethnic and/or religious) that feel threatened by having to share citizenship, resources and power with minority groups (“them”). This ironic victimology feeds an oppressive nationalism devoted to maintaining “natural” hierarchies and uniting “chosen” but supposedly oppressed racial, ethnic, religious groups (whites in the U.S., Christians in Hungary, Hindus in India, and so on.) against the supposedly false claims and unjust demands of “them”—those designated as “naturally” inferior others.
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>7. A stern embrace of law and order that targets minority others (“them”) as criminal threats to the safety and security of the majority (“us”).
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>8. Sexual anxiety about the threat supposedly posed by minority, criminal and alien others to “our” traditional male roles, status and family values.
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>9. A loathing of cities seen as racially and sexually corrupt, ethnically impure, sexually perverse, parasitic criminal zones loaded with a polyglot mass of some inferior, nation-weakening “them.” By contrast, the rural countryside is lauded as the noble wellspring of virtue, strength, self-sufficiency and racial-ethnic purity. The rural heartland/fatherland/motherland/homeland is the sacred and foundational “blood and soil” preserve of “us.” It is the noble native soil of the “volk”—the true ancestral people who embody the spirit of a once-grand nation that needs to be made great again through the defeat of liberal and supposedly leftist elites who have been giving the nation’s resources and power away to naturally inferior others (“them”).
>
>10. A sense of the chosen-people majority (“us”) as hard-working, upright, virtuous and deserving, combined with the notion of demonized minorities and others (“them”) as lazy, dissolute, shifty and undeserving.
Is Trump’s narcissism a problem for his backers? Not really. As psychologist Elizabeth Mika noted last year in an essay titled “Who Goes Trump? Tyranny as a Triumph of Narcissism”:
>The tyrant’s narcissism is the main attractor to his followers, who project their hopes and dreams. The more grandiose his own sense of self and his promises to his fans, the greater their attraction and the stronger their support. … Through the process of identification, the tyrant’s followers absorb his omnipotence and glory and imagine themselves winners in the game of life. This identification heals the followers’ narcissistic wounds, but also tends to shut down their reason and conscience.
If that sounds anything like “creeping fascism,” that’s because it is. As political scientist Anthony DiMaggio recently observed:
>There are too many red flags in public sentiment to ignore the threat of creeping fascism. Ominously, one of the strongest statistical predictors of support for Trump is the desire for a strong leader who will ‘crush evil’ and ‘get rid of the rotten apples’ who ‘disturb the status quo.’ Half of Republicans say they trust Donald Trump as a more reliable source of information than the news media—more reliable even than conservative media outlets. Nearly half of Republicans think media outlets should be ‘shut down’ if they are ‘broadcasting stories that are biased or inaccurate,’ raising ominous possibilities regarding precisely who will act on such allegations. … The cult of Trump is not an abstract phenomenon, but one that has real implications. … The danger of fascist creep is also seen in the support from most Republican Americans for shutting down the 2020 election, so long as Trump declares it necessary to combat fictitious voter fraud. Conservatives’ acceptance of this conspiracy theory continues, unfortunately, despite the president’s own ‘voter fraud commission’ being disbanded after failing to find any evidence of it.
You'll have to forgive me if I take these things a little seriously.
today on 2 degrees of joe rogan:
you need to listen to the below comments , if you have this problem go see your doctor, is really important. But if you want to stop taking it then that is great but be sure to be controlled by your doctor. After that start working on yourself, you can cure this shit without any medical help, i would strongly recommend to you this book ''https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748 '' where you can find out why this is happening and how to stop it naturally. For me it was morning ritual, meditation, yoga, kickboxing, pushing yourself to the limit, have you meaning in what is happening . As well great book to anchor your day is Miracle Morning.
it depend on you if you want to take the easy way ( prozac) or the hard way ( working on yourself ) that will create character and life without depression