(Part 2) Best books about abuse according to redditors

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We found 1,730 Reddit comments discussing the best books about abuse. We ranked the 206 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 21-40. You can also go back to the previous section.

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Top Reddit comments about Abuse Self-Help:

u/8365815 · 66 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

OK, go right now and download the e-book version on kindle of Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself by Shahida Arabi

While the author primarily wrote it from the perspective of getting out of romantic relationships with a Narcissist, it still will help you TREMENDOUSLY and she even says it's for all narcissists. It also has links at the end of every chapter if you want to drill down into the author's own research on any particular topic, so the whole book is almost like a college level course on setting boundaries, recognizing abusive behavior, and then disengaging from an abuser.

And yes, you are looking to disengage from an abuser. YES therapy is a GREAT idea. You've literally had 28 years of an unhealthy relationship with an abusive primary caregiver, not saying it will take another 28 years to UNDO all that you've been indoctrinated with and brainwashed about... but you will want to go for at least 8 sessions to start with. CAll your insurance company, get a bunch of referrals, and then call each one and do a preliminary screening - you want someone who specializes in adults recovering from childhood narcissistic abuse, and make very clear, you WANT to go No Contact - you are not there if the point of their practice is "to mend the rift" type of philosophy. The only tears you are looking to mend are in yourself, not save a toxic relationship with an abuser.

This:

>I want to tell her I don't want to pursue a relationship with her and basically formally excommunicate her.

Is what is known as No Contact. And Narcs, losing control of their Nsupply (that's what your relationship gives her) have VERY extreme reactions when their Nsupply is cut off. It IS their heroine, it is the blood the emotional vampire lives on. So before you do it, it's best to PREPARE to do it. To outmaneuver her and to make your ending contact on YOUR terms. As Maud D'ib once said, "He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing." (And you, on your own, can end this relationship. You don't require her agreement, cooperation, or even understanding.) However, when it comes to Narcissists getting put on No Contact, their standard reaction is usually, "Well, if I can't control a thing, I will DESTROY a thing." (The Thing being you, as N's objectify people and only see others as toys or dolls to play with and entertain and please themselves). So before you do initiate No Contact, you're going to want to MAKE contact with the people in your life who she acts as a gatekeeper for - aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends, etc. Luckily, you have a nice, fresh Thank You Note list for everybody. That's great. Plan to send out holiday cards this year, always keep them updated on your changes of address, and generally make sure you observe the social obligations of maintaining contact directly.

Finally.... plan your No Contact,a nd then do it. Read everything you can about it and N's reactions "Nrage" to No contact so you are mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and LEGALLY prepared.

u/madpiratebippy · 33 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

Honey, he's broken. His Dad was a physically abusive junkie but his Mom kept him in that situaton because she was getting something out of it.

Old book call enablers co-abusers, and until he realizes that she CHOSE to abuse him, and isn't the 'good' parent, he's going to have problems. The bog standard, boring, suite of issues that every child of addicts deals with, but shitty boundaries is one of them, and that's what you are dealing with here.

He's also stuck in the appeasement cycle, it sounds like.

Here's a video I made about being stuck in an appeasement cycle with an abusive parent. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lDhOA_Unpw

Part of what she might have been getting out of the chaos of the relationship with her husband is that her son wouldn't have any CHOICE but to primarily bond with her- and that the possibility of loosing that bond would keep him in line.

If there are adult child of alcoholics meetings around you, it might be worth going, or reading Toxic Parents- it's one of my favorites, and really helpful for people who had an addict in the family.

Here are the books that I think will give you the knowledge of what's going on, and tools to manage it.

  1. Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. This was THE BOOK that started to set me free. It's a must read book for people with narc/abusive parents and their partners, in my opinion.
  2. Toxic Parents is a classic about how to see the manipulative patterns from abusive parents and get free of them.
  3. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing by Dr. George Simon. Man has a PhD in manipulation, and breaks down what the manipulators DO and how to shut it down. He's studied this for 20 years and it's AMAZING.

    If you read these three books, you'll be so far ahead of the game it's not even funny.
u/actibus_consequatur · 23 pointsr/AskWomen

(Note: I'm a guy and a dude.) This hit me hard because it's exactly the point I've hit in the past couple weeks. I was dumped for legitimate reasons that I owned up to, repeatedly apologized for (without any hope of regaining the relationship), and felt awful about. After the relationship ended, I continued to throw love and support her way and ignored myself. With some other added statements and events, the breakup literally broke me.

And then I started learning, at first about my mental disorder (ADHD), and it explained some of why things happened. But that lead me to start reading and researching more and more - her diagnosed disorders (depression, anxiety, PTSD), along with half a dozen other things (e.g. social and facial cognition deficits in all of the above), but most importantly vulnerable narcissism.

Let me just say that holy shit, finding this website's signs of a vulnerable narcissist in particular kicked me right in the head - nearly everything listed, I experienced with her or witnessed in her. And then coming across this website about phrases narcissists use, I experienced some of them nearly word for word. The thing is that all of this massively factored into the things I did that caused the breakup.

Don't get me wrong, I still own my mistakes - my fuck ups never should've happened and I still feel shitty about them, but I'm also learning, growing, and healing from the WHY they happened.

I tried talking to her first about my shit and was met with: "I don't care, it shouldn't have happened. You should've just dealt with it" (some of my research wasn't published until two years ago, other stuff my mental health professionals weren't even aware of). Then I tried to even talk to her about how we fed into each other from our diagnosed disorders and she essentially said she wasn't in a place to discuss it with me (this is four months after our seven year relationship ended and roughly "a month" into her dating somebody new).

I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt though, especially believing all the horrible trauma stories she told me. I even tried to write off against this published case study about major depressive disorder barely distinguishable from narcissistic personality disorder.

Then I reread her last emails to me. I have a crazy awesome memory especially when it comes to words and one thing she has done repeatedly over the years (since the very beginning) and again in those emails was challenge things she said or did, saying they didn't happen, I misunderstood, that I should've known otherwise, etc. So I started looking into books on healing from narcissistic abuse, and in the first one (I believe it's written by Shannon Thomas? I'll edit when I go find it - Edit: here's a link to the book) the intro talks about the importance of knowledge and learning about narcissism to the healing process, and one quote just drove the final nail in for me: "I wanted a soul mate, not a degree in psychology." That very morning, my psych med specialist had told me that she thinks I now know more about some of those disorders than she does.

The book (and other sources) also emphasized no contact and not giving pity to them - and finally that switch just flipped in me. I'm not completely okay, but I know I will be. I know I did wrong, and I'll be better about that in the future. I'm reclaiming my story and my reality, and I started with taking one of the things said that hurt me most and making it mine (translation of my username) to work on loving myself again.

The second thing I did? Reached out and apologized to friends I had pushed away during the relationship, including two that she denied ever being jealous of; the two who I "had nothing in common with. But if [I] wanted to go hang out with hot, younger girls, fine. See if [she] fucking cares." The same two who were long time friends and both in super long term relationships; I did go out that night, but it was the was the last night I did with them in the relationship - my ex didn't talk to me for two days after going out.

And I'm super thankful I reached out - after text catching up, we made plans to hang out this week. And I remembered that I do have a lot in common with them. I have plans with another friend next week. And this is the most hopeful about the future in years. Years.

I really did forget how much I actually like me - I'm not amazing and I have my faults, but I love completely, care too much about others, and try to stay positive. All in all, I forgot that I'm a pretty decent human being and an alright dude.

Edit: Added link to book and fixed a couple typos

u/TheHermioneStranger · 17 pointsr/actuallesbians

Lori Girshick wrote the book on woman-on-woman rape; it's more academic than a guide for survivors, but has a lot of women telling their stories about being raped by another woman.

If you call your rape crisis hotline, they might have someone who can go to the hospital or police station with you and advocate for you, if that's something you're interested in. Depending on your state laws, you might also have the ability to do a rape kit anonymously and then decide if you want to file charges later (like within 6 months or something).

Fwiw, I believe that she was acting predatory, and that you were raped.

u/againey · 15 pointsr/aspergirls

> I don't want a diagnosis via internet forum, but does it make sense to go against my therapist (who won't ever diagnose me with Asperger's because I can communicate OK with him one-on-one) and pursue a diagnosis from a specialist?

Yes, it absolutely makes sense. I've seen so many reports from others who have been in a similar situation, diagnosed multiple times with various conditions, with the possibility of Asperger's/autism repeatedly dismissed on superficial grounds, as if the mind isn't full of layers, many of which are hidden beneath the surface.

> Could it be that I flew under the radar for so long?

Indeed. Especially as a woman, there's a strong bias to attribute your behaviors and qualities to anything other than Asperger's. This bias exists both in general culture (for example, hormones are used to explain away so many female behaviors without any real consideration) and in the culture of the mental health profession (largely due to the original research decades ago focusing on male children, almost completely ignoring both females of any age and adults of any gender).

I'm a male myself, but it wasn't until recently, when the profession started to wake up to the possibility of Asperger's being just as prevalent in women as it is in men, that I started finding resources that I really connected with. Thus, I suspected I had Asperger's when I was 24, but it was only once I was 32 and revisited the subject that I found all the stories by other "under-the-radar" aspies, many of them women, and could truly connect with those experiences, learning from them and learning about myself more deeply. I certainly have some male stereotypes too, but the stereotypes have done a lot of harm, causing many people to go unrecognized for so long.

> And does anyone have tips for pursuing a diagnosis?

I just got done reading the book I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults, and I think it could be a useful read for you. Some of the details of the middle chapters are US-specific, so their usefulness will depend upon your location, as the diagnosis process differs quite a bit throughout the world. It's also a quick read. (I should have gotten this book a while ago; I had read the author's second book on the subject, Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate, over a year ago and loved it, as well as many articles on her blog Musings of an Aspie, and her first book indeed had the same quality.)

A somewhat longer book which I'd also recommend, with more of a focus on the reflective and emotional side of the diagnostic process, and less on the concrete details, is Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder): How Seeking a Diagnosis in Adulthood Can Change Your Life.

I'd also recommend considering finding a therapist/counselor who specializes in adult Asperger's/ASD, without necessarily focusing on an official diagnosis, at least in the short term. If you can relate to the experiences shared by adult aspies, and you feel like you are obtaining deeper self-understanding and highly applicable advice from books and online, it only stands to reason that you could find similar help from a counselor who is willing to approach your situation from that angle. I found a great counselor by very cautiously reading through the descriptions on the Psychology Today therapist search page. Might've gotten a little lucky that my first pick was a good pick, but it worked for me. Also, insurance might complicate this; I paid out of pocket, so I was free to go wherever for whatever reason.

So yeah, that's the essence of my advice: Self-directed research through books, blogs, and online communities, a sympathetic counselor regardless of current diagnostic status, and plenty of time and space for introspection. Also, be liberal with the self-love; when a person internalizes the perceived expectations of the society around them and feels like they are always failing to satisfy those expectations, it can be brutally debilitating, and can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Learning how to wisely choose and live by my own expectations was one of the best things I've ever done.

u/BubbaRWnB · 11 pointsr/tifu

Even if you don't get an official dx it is worthwhile to understand how Autism has manifested in your life, and educate yourself on the specific traits. It can help you understand yourself and your sons better. Understanding why you(or they) do certain things or behave in certain ways can reduce stress and misunderstandings. A book I would recommend is Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder), it has been very enlightening.

u/Duckbat · 9 pointsr/climbing

Hey, that sounds really hard and really frustrating. I'm sorry you went through that.

I commented on another post awhile ago where someone was having trouble dealing with fear while lead climbing, and I suggested seeking out a counselor who could help them work on techniques for managing the fear and negative emotions that come up while climbing. I think a good counselor can help with climbing related trauma as well.

I've struggled a lot with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder over the last year, and working with my counselor has been a life saver. The technique we mainly focused on is called mind-body bridging, and it's one of many mindfulness-based stress reduction approaches out there. Many of these same techniques are successfully used to cope with trauma too.

Of course non-mindfulness-based techniques are great too, like cognitive behavioral therapy and rational emotive behavorial therapy. They're all good tools in your psychological arsenal.

If this sounds like something you'd be interested in trying, a useful starting place is Psychology Today, which has a "Find a Therapist" menu at the top. In a counselor's bio, I might look for keywords like evidence-based, results/goal-oriented, and maybe mindfulness-based. This shows that they're interested in therapy approaches that have been shown to work for a lot of people, and in helping you develop practical, useful skills for coping with difficult emotions and situations.

The book I've been using for anxiety is this one, and this one is the version that's geared more toward trauma.

I hope you find things that work for you, friend. I think it's always possible to heal.

edit: I know my bias is in the direction of learning practical techniques rather than a more conversation/unpacking oriented style of therapy. I don't mean to suggest that my way is the best way or the only way. It's a way that has worked for me. Others might find the greatest comfort in more psychoanalytical or conversational therapy, or something else entirely. What I mean to say is: if you go the therapy route, just follow your instinct and find the person who's the best fit for you. yer gonna do great.

edit 2: and please PM me if you want to!

u/McDuchess · 9 pointsr/aspergers

Wow. I think that you need to arrange a time that both of you are calm and rested, and sit down and talk about this. Because the attitude that she displayed to you last evening was appalling.

I would ask her what her actual understanding of Aspergers is. I would not tell her to look things up, but offer specific resources to her. This book may be good: https://www.amazon.com/Diagnosis-Asperger-Syndrome-Spectrum-Disorder-ebook/dp/B00M7D714Q/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1522764429&sr=1-3&keywords=aspergers+in+adults

I haven't read it, but the reviews are excellent. Because I'm a woman, most of the books/blogs/videos I have used have been about the Asperger experience as a woman.

If you live in an area where there is an Autism Society branch, they will have resources for both of you, too.

But, as we both know, the bottom line is that her attitude can't continue, or you'll end up divorced. And then she'll have no say over your decisions about your daughter, when she's in your care.

I'm sorry that, just a short time after you found that piece that puts the puzzle together, she turned on you. The fact that she's probably afraid of what this means is no excuse. Keep in mind, though, that there is a lot, and I mean a LOT of bullshit online about how uncaring, robotic and other asinine adjectives men on the spectrum are.

If she's found those, resentment is ALMOST understandable.

u/prajna_upekkha · 9 pointsr/CPTSD

Some people experience a shift in thinking -I did and have witnessed it in others- when understanding the ramifications of the C-PTSD construct and what follows from integrating its supporting science into one's aware interactions, perceptions, cognitions.

CPTSD is NOT just another diagnostic construct. CPTSD is putting a name to what has been most frequently referred to throughout the last millennia as 'the human condition', specially so in the West.

C-PTSD is the name put to the mass dysfunction that's spread almost world-wide (I'm not sure how it began; there might be some History there..); you know how everyone seems to have an intuition that things are not quite right anywhere, that humanity as a whole is in an unnecessary state of self-inflicted pain and things like this; C-PTSD is finding the whys and hows of this so-called 'human condition', which I'd best describe as the [post-]'traumatic human conditioning'.

C-PTSD comes into the diagnostic world as just another diagnostic construct, but the science that supports this is by no means 'ordinary' -recently overemployed- profit-driven pseudo-science; not only that, the science behind this leap in understanding human physiology and human experience in general means a revolution in the Paradigm on Self, Other, and World, as one will probably understand upon reading (and 'testing') the Polyvagal Theory as well as anything coming from the 'somatic therapies' side. Not to mention all the previous revolutions that this supporting research has brought about such as the Structural Dissociation model, endless insights on human physiology and psychology, or said somatic therapies.

Final thoughts on this, the whole global mess of 'emotional oppression' has needed this long wreaking havoc in order to catch the researchers' attention, and over 50years of dedicated research to start being unveiled for what it is; but, let's make no mistake: people from 'radically' different cultures are able to easily see this dysfunction as it occurs, being transmitted interpersonally and intergenerationally without need for any 'science' whatsoever ('crazy white man' is a phrase I've sincerely and spontaneously muttered many many times, by which I mean I've been able to see it AND experience it directly, and I was only a kid; I'm 'white' btw); we've needed this science crutch because we gave away our own Observation and Deduction rights -and use- as we were acculturated; mostly every human being in this society has lived blind right from the start. But one doesn't need science to know this, nor to understand what things work towards helping with it and which do towards destabilizing a person further. The good thing is that now this wisdom is 'manualized' and even the skeptic modern mind will then be likelier to benefit from it; it's what happens in a society where 'official' institutions approve of what one's been told –and one relies on it to validate one's own experience.

There's all the needed science to understand it, and change it. And yet...

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Look at the global picture, you'll see that the common element in every household regardless of culture, period, economic status, etc etc etc, is the emotional oppression upon newborns and developing 'children'. That is the core of this thing that 'modern' science comes to call 'C-PTSD'. That's how frequently the phenomenon you mention occurs.


The latest science is also coming to see the link between addiction and trauma. I spotted this when I was around 6y.o. and was sure beyond possible doubt by age 14; started smoking at 25 after a parent almost died twice. Good that science is catching up, though.

This is to say: TRUST YOURSELF EVERY SINGLE STEP OF THE WAY. Trust what your body-mind reveals or implies, trust it in why/how it conceals and distorts what it does. You'll find it was -all of it- in order to protect you, to care for you(rself), and guide you, all along. Therapists and peers can be lifesaving, though ultimately it's all up to you and your determination to creatively resolve whatever challenge this journey brings along. Your intuition (your body's ancient built-in system to make you aware of what the body truly needs) is a 'skill' to nurture; first by listening, a lot, without acting or interfering; eventually you'll just know whenever your organism is kindly requesting you to this or that.

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Who knows how long it'll take you, but yes it can -and likely will- get better.
Please make searchs for specific questions since there's a lot of invaluable information and conversations in this sub. Best wishes on this journey.

u/Cleverusername531 · 8 pointsr/legaladvice

Please talk to a lawyer but also get support.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship is the best book I’ve come across about verbal abuse. It gives examples of the types of verbal abuse there are, the fact that you and your partner are operating in two different realities (you’re being reasonable and he’s trying to gain power, so anything you respond to as a reasonable person is going to be twisted so he can maintain power over you); it breaks down the various categories of verbal abuse and gives scripts on how to respond/shut it down. It helped me to stop second guessing myself: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004GUS7OG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect

Second, The Hotline can help you make a safety plan, and supportive chat. There is also a link here to emotional safety planning, which is important: https://www.thehotline.org/help/path-to-safety/

I’m sorry you’re in this situation and I wish you all the support in finding peace.

u/paradoxia · 7 pointsr/Christianity

Don't let anyone talk you out of feeling the way you do. Unfortunately no one without direct experience of a similar situation or significant professional experience in counseling cases like yours is going to have all of the answers that you need.

However, I would strongly recommend seeking counseling before getting involved in any serious relationship and reading through Rid of My Disgrace as a starting place.

You don't have to wait until marriage to start working through the grief/healing.

EDIT: And sorry. That's the truth. So sorry.

u/bunny_sleeps · 6 pointsr/getting_over_it

Childhood emotional neglect and attachment trauma can be present despite material wealth. These experiences can be damaging to children and may cause mental health problems that endure into adulthood and until they are dealt with. If either of these ring a bell with you, then you might want to look them up.

The following books may also be helpful

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536758061&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=adult+children+of+emotionally+immature+parents&dpPl=1&dpID=51aZz7vsiHL&ref=plSrch

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Not-Price-Admission-relationships-childhood/dp/1517683408/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536758108&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=not+the+price+of+admission&dpPl=1&dpID=61BgEJgbp2L&ref=plSrch

(In particular, page 45 of the latter explains how emotional neglect may affect a developing child. Please be aware that the video it links to may be triggering if you have experienced these issues in your life)

No one here can say whether these things happened to you or not but talking about your feelings and their origins with a good therapist might be a good start to working out why you feel this way and how you can start feeling better.

As someone else said, there are people with judgemental attitudes out there, but we have the choice to approach ourselves with kindness and compassion throughout our efforts to recover. Wishing you all the best in your recovery.

u/Sageleaf · 6 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Start by being kind to yourself, and making sure YOUR basic needs are met as Priority #1... so no, you can't completely break down in front of your kids, and they depend on you, but honey as the mom of a 16 year old - your kids will be better off with YOU being genuinely better off, not slapping a Happy Face on misery. Go ahead and give yourself permission to call in a babysitter for regular blocks of time for you to be able to let your feelings out for the next few months, whether that's a good cry, or journalling, or in a therapists office or a workout or painting, what ever your healing process is, and if something isn't helping, find what does.

Your kids might adore your dad, but y'know what? They REALLY aren't as much of a big deal in the 5-minute-attention-span life of a little kid. So give yourself permission to not let yourself be twisted by fear, guilt, or obligation (F.O.G.) about the kids. Your father can also be on a time out while you take time to heal. You aren't in a place, mentally or emotionally, to be able to mentally picture, let alone communicate, what a healthy relationship with boundaries would look like so that he can be in your life WITHOUT you breaking NC with your Nmom,... but you will eventually be able to work that out. It can take as long as it takes, and that's OK.

Read Becoming the Narcissists' Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself Kindle Edition
by Shahida Arabi


Read Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts by Regena Thomashauer and let your Inner Bitch out to party more often. You'll be glad you did. So will your kids, your husband, and everyone else.

Read Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic, and find whatever creative thing you like to noodle away at as your art, and go do that - not for money, not for fame, but just because it fills up your spirit.

If you need to zone out in video games tending a garden or killing orcs or amassing yoru empire, that's ok, but watch hwo many hours you spend zone out being entertained, instead of learning anything new or creating something new yourself.

Eat good food, get more sleep, take your vitamins, make sure you break fresh air and sunshine in more often.

Unless you actually DO feel happier, stronger, and better on a diet, let yourself say "fuck it" about dieting for a while (sometimes people like to feel more in control and have something to depend on when everything else is going to hell, sometimes, you just need a brownie. Or a bottle of wine.)

Plan some nice thing for yourself each week, a little treat. Like an hour of guided meditation on YouTube, with a pretty candle lit, or take a bubble batha nd get a body massage from your husband (not sexual, just pampering), if you want a piece of chocolate, go ahead and buy the Ghirardelli, not the damn kiddie crap. Call a personal chef service and have them whip up a bunch of family friendly casseroles for your freezer so some nights you can just have a great meal with no damn work.

u/crushedviolet · 6 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

I agree, it's an excellent book. It deals very comprehensively with the global trauma epidemic and is quite academic in style. The symptoms really just point to causes, that too often individuals, families, society, parents and the media wish to avoid or deny.

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Shannon Thomas' (social worker) discusses the concealed nature of narcissistic abuse in 'Healing from Hidden Abuse' (cover quote) :

‘Psychological abuse leaves no bruises. There are no broken bones. There are no holes in the walls. The bruises, brokenness and holes are held tightly within the target of the abuse’.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological-ebook/dp/B01JR4ST9S

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Also check out:

Dr Judy Rosenberg's YouTube channel - Dr Judy WTF (What the Freud!) is rich resource for those wishing to understand and heal from narcissistic abuse. Dr Judy hosts a weekly online radio show. Check it out:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOJvZ0gxCu_G5ufZjsI3TCw/videos

Before healing can happen we firstly need to shine light on our wounds and understand their cause.

And her book: Be The Cause: Healing Human Disconnect - Dr Judy Rosenberg

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Be-Cause-Healing-Human-Disconnect/dp/1514793032

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POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse By Shahida Arabi.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/POWER-Surviving-Narcissistic-Collection-Narcissism/dp/1945796324

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Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA by Pete Walker is a book that helped me make sense of my past and its impact on me.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=complex+ptsd+walker&qid=1558114813&s=books&sr=1-1

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The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame also by Pete Walker

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tao-Fully-Feeling-Harvesting-Forgiveness-ebook/dp/B017I3NRRO/ref=pd_cp_351_3/262-3610686-0428419?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B017I3NRRO&pd_rd_r=eed98e8c-78cb-11e9-9794-6b186da2a7c7&pd_rd_w=NVyx0&pd_rd_wg=PxcGS&pf_rd_p=01704ebe-a86a-4b47-8c36-0f9f5bbc2882&pf_rd_r=2749HYE9SAVA0ZTDQQ5E&psc=1&refRID=2749HYE9SAVA0ZTDQQ5E

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Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor's Guide to Healing and Recovery.

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https://www.amazon.co.uk/Close-Encounters-Worst-Kind-Narcissistic/dp/1973915626/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=close+encounters+of+the+worst+kind&qid=1558114864&s=books&sr=1-1-catcorr

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Waking up from the trauma that is narcissistic abuse can feel lonely but there are literally millions of us! You're not alone. Happy healing. 😀

u/aradthrowawayacct · 6 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

I have a long, sad, history of incest and sexual abuse that I've written a bit about here: https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/7kmaeg/question_for_hls_about_negative_sexual_experiences/drfm5a0/


I had a more uninhibited response to my abuse, which is just as normal and common, as an inhibited response.

Therapy was a tremendous help to me. I can't encourage you enough to stick with it, even when it gets very difficult.

Mike Lew's classic, Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse was an incredible resource for me, as well.

Feel free to PM me anytime. I wish you the best in your healing.

u/contents_may_vary · 5 pointsr/autism

For those who mentioned being interested in books in this thread:
[Asperger Syndrome Employment Workbook] (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Asperger-Syndrome-Employment-Workbook-Professionals/dp/1853027960/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468747819&sr=8-1&keywords=Asperger+Syndrome+Employment+Workbook)

Survival Tips for Women with ADHD - Suitable for more than just women, and more than just ADHD.

[Build Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide for Individuals with Asperger] (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Build-Your-Own-Life-Individuals/dp/1843101149?ie=UTF8&ref_=asap_bc)

A Field Guide to Earthlings

Been There. Done That. Try This!: An Aspie's Guide to Life on Earth

The Guide to Good Mental Health on the Autism Spectrum

Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Understanding Life Experiences from Early Childhood to Old Age

Autism Equality in the Workplace: Removing Barriers and Challenging Discrimination - Some parts are more for employers or those supporting autistic people into work but others are more for autistic people.

Sensory Issues for Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome

Living Sensationally: Understanding Your Senses

Aspies on Mental Health: Speaking for Ourselves

The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment

Asperger's Syndrome Workplace Survival Guide

The Complete Guide to Getting a Job for People with Asperger's Syndrome

Unemployed on the Autism Spectrum

Asperger Syndrome and Employment

I'm going to stop there, though I could add loads more books. No single book has all the answers obviously and some are better than others in their presentation and approach. I've read most of them, but there are a couple that are still on my "to read" list so I won't make a sweeping comment about the usefulness of all of them - but the ones I have finished have contained useful advice.

u/HubbleSaurusRex · 5 pointsr/TrollXChromosomes

Similar situation here, where I thought it was my fault and couldn't get away from the rapist colleague.

This book helped me call it like it was: https://www.amazon.com/Rape-Distortion-Blaming-Fueling-Acquaintance/dp/161374479X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1522814884&sr=1-1&keywords=%22rape+is+rape%22

It reviews the definitions of rape and talks a lot about denial and victim blaming. Denial and victim blaming help us maintain the illusion that we live in a safe world in which people who behave well don't get raped. Nit picking victim behaviors and dress is a desperate grab for illusory shreds of safety and control.

This book helped me heal:
https://www.amazon.com/Resurrection-After-Rape-transforming-survivor/dp/0615209661/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522813967&sr=8-1&keywords=resurrection+after+rape

u/TranZeitgeist · 5 pointsr/asktransgender

Similar. Someone said being abused doesn't make us trans, but being trans might make us vulnerable to abuse.

I see my abuse and the reactions stemming from it as having caused me to repress my sexual orientation and identity. I see my attempts to relive my abuse with others as my past outlet for those parts of me.

I've used victims no longer for some self led healing, though I've also worked with a therapist. I would recommend working with a trauma specialist.

u/CORNDOGCOMMANDO · 5 pointsr/confession

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. i went through something like that and as a male it sucks, there are few resources on the subject but if you need help this book helped me a lot. what happened affects you in ways you may not realize yet, good luck on the recovery

u/sheriff_doubletree · 5 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Though a completely different case, your panic attacks and feelings sound similar to my PTSD symptoms from a terrible car/motorcycle accident I was severely injured in. My therapist recommended this book for me, and it's been pretty helpful (and I don't even use it like you're supposed to), if you're interested. I'm really sorry that this happened to you and I'm sending you all the good vibes I can!

u/kevinnoir · 4 pointsr/politics

Here is a book about cults, and a checklist from the book regarding cult behavior which is essentially a checklist of Trump die hards behavior.

Characteristics Associated with Cultic Groups - Revised
Janja Lalich, Ph.D. & Michael D. Langone, Ph.D.



Concerted efforts at influence and control lie at the core of cultic groups, programs, and relationships. Many members, former members, and supporters of cults are not fully aware of the extent to which members may have been manipulated, exploited, even abused. The following list of social-structural, social-psychological, and interpersonal behavioral patterns commonly found in cultic environments may be helpful in assessing a particular group or relationship.

Compare these patterns to the situation you were in (or in which you, a family member, or friend is currently involved). This list may help you determine if there is cause for concern. Bear in mind that this list is not meant to be a �cult scale� or a definitive checklist to determine if a specific group is a cult. This is not so much a diagnostic instrument as it is an analytical tool.

‪ The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader and (whether he is alive or dead) regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law.

‪ Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.

‪ Mind-altering practices (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, and debilitating work routines) are used in excess and serve to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s).

‪ The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (for example, members must get permission to date, change jobs, marry�or leaders prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, whether or not to have children, how to discipline children, and so forth).

‪ The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members (for example, the leader is considered the Messiah, a special being, an avatar�or the group and/or the leader is on a special mission to save humanity).

‪ The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society.

‪ The leader is not accountable to any authorities (unlike, for example, teachers, military commanders or ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream religious denominations).

‪ The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary. This may result in members' participating in behaviors or activities they would have considered reprehensible or unethical before joining the group (for example, lying to family or friends, or collecting money for bogus charities).

‪ The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt iin order to influence and/or control members. Often, this is done through peer pressure and subtle forms of persuasion.

‪ Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group.

‪ The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.

‪ The group is preoccupied with making money.

‪ Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.

‪ Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.

‪ The most loyal members (the �true believers�) feel there can be no life outside the context of the group. They believe there is no other way to be, and often fear reprisals to themselves or others if they leave (or even consider leaving) the group.

u/chunkyrice13 · 4 pointsr/OkCupid

See, I knew I liked you. Much credit to you for being willing to say that there are things you need to learn more about. I, on the other hand, understand basic science so poorly I am living most of my life based on pure faith that somebody understands how airplanes, nutrition, the internet, etc work.

I called in the cavalry and asked a friend who's very well read on the subject for something good. They recommended The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and and How All Men Can Help by Jackson Katz. The book's main premise is that we have to change the culture, and that this is about not just women protecting or empowering themselves, not just about men not actively attacking women, but that men have to make certain kinds of behavior socially unacceptable for their peers. Here's the same guy talking briefly on the subject if you'd prefer: youtube.

u/Ryanair · 4 pointsr/todayilearned

Dude. First google result for Genie: A Scientific Tragedy.

u/egoneminem · 4 pointsr/NRelationships

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01B01O3PA?ref=aw_sitb_digital-text


That's a really shit situation. I have zero experience with stalking, but the book in the link talks about it and might help some with your PTSD as well.

u/amphetaminesfailure · 3 pointsr/OneY

What he seems to mean by "reshaping" masculinity is eliminating it.

I refuse to buy into this "gender is a social construct" bull.


His book:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Macho-Paradox-Some-Women/dp/1402204019

>Katz is cofounder of the Mentors in Violence Prevention Program (MVP), and his focus is on prevention—his intended audience is not violent men who need help changing their ways, but all men, who, he says, have a role to play in preventing male violence against women. His basic assertion is that rape, battering, sexual abuse and harassment are so widespread that they must be viewed as a social problem rooted in our culture, not as the problem of troubled individuals. He urges men to directly confront the misogynistic attitudes and behavior of their peers. Some men may find Katz's advice occasionally baffling: he is full of directions about what not to do (such as paternalistic actions that deprive women of their autonomy). He wants to bring men into the larger discussion of pornography (which, he points out, has been dominated by women) and get them to look at its impact on themselves.


Violence against women and rape social and cultural problem, not the problem of troubled individuals. Porn is evil and degrading. All men are misogynistic....

This guy is just your typical 3rd wave feminist.

u/mr_throwaway_70 · 3 pointsr/asktrp

A breakup with my NPD ex is what brought me here. I have fairly high confidence she's NPD (borderline/histrionic don't fit), and she stopped identifying with feminism before I met her. To everyone doubting OP's diagnosis of NPD: yes the base rates rates are against, but you don't know his ex, and there are still 1.5 million NPD women in the US hurting their partners.

The basic RP vocabulary of shit tests, hypergamy, branch-swinging, etc is a useful model, but it is not the end-all be-all of understanding female behavior. For women with personality disorders, you need some new concepts, which the literature on narcissistic abuses is happy to provide.

"Idealization/devalue/discard" is not hypergamy. That would imply that the new guy is somehow higher status than the old guy. For NPD and borderline people, that's not the case: they will discard him too as soon as the spell wears off and jump to their new source of validation, who may very well be lower status. They care less about status vs. getting their fix of narcissistic supply and having control over men.

The devaluation phase may include shit tests, but it itself is not have some things in common with shit tests, but they are not shit tests. For a shit test, if you pass, she will feel a wave of relaxation/attraction. In the devaluation phase, her loss of attraction is inevitable; she's having a visceral "ick! flawed human" reaction. And that's a good thing; get out!

This book is the best out of half a dozen or so I looked at on narcissistic abuse: https://www.amazon.com/POWER-Surviving-Narcissistic-Collection-Narcissism/dp/1945796324 . Unusually for a book on NPD, most of the chapters are written in gender-neutral language too.

I'm happy to talk at length over PMs.

u/skippedrecord · 3 pointsr/RBNRelationships

This is super common for ACONs, there are books (Not The Price Of Admission, Why Does He Do That?). But the real solution might be therapy, it's difficult and sucky and you should probably be single while you work on yourself but there isn't really an easy answer to this one.

u/devoNOTbevo · 3 pointsr/Reformed

The word "biblical counseling" is really really ambiguous and going to differ from group to group (or counselor to counselor). I'm a big advocate of applying the truths of the gospel to the soul and mind, but I think ultimately "counseling" requires many different tools for different situations, some biblical (strictly speaking), some medical, some psychological, some spiritual (of the Spirit and of your spirit), some relational, etc. It's extremely important, but ought to be ensured that it's done well.

Our elders and deacons have counseling and care ministries and everyone is trained in many ways, such as with Redemption, Voice of the Heart, Rid of my Disgrace, and Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands, among many other resources. Even with this, they will often bring in certified pyschologists, counselors, sexual therapists, marriage counselors, etc as ways of handling situations. So I don't think it's like one school of many and it's exclusive to the others. The human soul has many facets.

u/shawnusaurus · 3 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

I very rarely read non-fiction, but I'm reading Genie: A Scientific Tragedy at the moment.

I became interested in her story when we briefly covered feral children in sociology and she was mentioned. It's easy reading, though obviously a sad subject but I'm enjoying it.

u/[deleted] · 3 pointsr/ptsd

I would suggest starting slow, maybe even just with a sponge bath or baby wipes in your room. Then maybe try washing your hair and your face in the sink. After that, you could try moving on to a sink bath in a t-shirt and shorts, and go where you are comfortable from there.

If this is interfering with your life to the point it’s affecting your basic needs like hygiene, I am really not sure why they would tell you you’re not eligible for therapy. I would argue that’s grounds to put you at the top of the list. Therapy is to give you coping techniques and tools to make stuff like showering easier. In my (fairly extensive and repeated) experiences with intake workers, whatever they have on your file is not you, or your life. You know best what you need.

Would you be comfortable speaking to your family doctor (not necessarily in detail) about your anxiety/PTSD and asking for a referral? Sometimes doctors can help fast track you to support services. Would you be comfortable bringing someone with you to advocate for you and try to get in to see someone again?

If you’re having a very difficult time with access and cost is a factor, workbooks can be helpful. The wait list is only as long as it takes to get the book, you can go at your own pace, repeat steps, and when you do find a counsellor you can work through some of the exercises with them too. You can find them online or at bookstores like Indigo and Coles in the mental health section. This is the one I have, it’s focused on skill building, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and self-acceptance. I also have this one that’s trauma specific. There are many, many others and I recommend that if you haven’t had a lot of experience worth different types of counselling that you should try going in person to find one that you like. These books are kind of like therapists themselves, there’s lots to choose from, some of them are exactly what you need, and some of them aren’t.

You’ve got this. You can heal, you can access the tools you need to feel better, you can move forward, and you don’t have to listen to some awful intake worker who doesn’t know you. You deserve the best that life has to offer.

u/duckandcover · 3 pointsr/pics

Obviously, I can't prove it but consider this:

  • The core reason why this happened to the Catholic Church is probably a combination of celibacy, easy victims, and an institution, as institutions are want to do, protecting itself.

  • consider that this abuse happened independently all over the world.

  • There has been well documented sex and other criminal behavior over centuries.

  • In previous centuries, in particular before the nation state took power from the church, it was completely untouchable.

    Add that all together and you have a recipe for abuse stretching back centuries. It would be shocking if it wasn't the case.

    Googling around:

    http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Priests-Secret-Codes-Catholic/dp/1566252652/ref=la_B001JS147K_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1343015063&sr=1-1
u/Gonegirl27 · 3 pointsr/exjw

Bonnie has updated the book to be more inclusive of people exiting various high control organizations.

Here

u/Real_Prince_Myshkin · 3 pointsr/BPD

Read this book, especially if you have a history of childhood trauma. It helped me a helluva lot navigate my budding relationship. The relationship still went to shit, but it was not my fault this time :) the book played a great role!

https://www.amazon.com/Not-Price-Admission-relationships-childhood/dp/1517683408

u/Meganekko_85 · 3 pointsr/exjw

I am really sorry you are in a dark place at the moment. I feel being part of this community is like a brace I can lean against when I'm feeling too weak to stand on my own. I hope you can find some relief here.

May I make some recommendations for your consideration? They are not specific to JWs, but to high control groups:

The Challenge to Heal: After Leaving a High-Control Group

https://freedomofmind.com/bite-model/

u/kanuk876 · 3 pointsr/SuicideWatch

I'm sorry nobody visited you in the Hospital. Everyone deserves a visit in the hospital.

> Nothing in life has colors, for me everything is bland, black and white, everything bores me ... I really don't have any motive

It's the internet -- I cannot make a diagnosis, and I'm not a therapist -- but what you describe above matches my understanding of depression.

> I've always felt like I'm the third wheel in everything and they probably just include me out of courtsey.

Other people's response to you, and your interpretation of their response to you, are both heavily influenced by how you view yourself.

> I don't want to think about suicide because if I do, I'm afraid I might actually do it ... I want it to end somehow, I just don't want to be the one who causes it.

We can think and talk about suicide without actually doing it. Lookup suicide ideation. I've had suicide ideation for over 30 years.

Have some faith in yourself.

If your experience of life sucks, it's not unreasonable to seek an escape. Obviously suicide is one way to do that. But you haven't given up on life yet -- or you'd already be dead. Fortunately for you (and me), there are other solutions...

> I want to change my way of life,

At the age of 18, you're at the perfect age to start healing work. You have your teen years mostly behind you, and your 20's and 30's lie ahead. Any improvement you make now will last your lifetime, with compounding interest.

You have plenty of time to foster the types of relationships you seek -- you're just emerging from the gauntlet of childhood -- not entirely unscathed it would seem.

Since this is reddit and not (entirely) a support group, I'll end with some recommendations:

  • you need someone to talk with -- a good listener. Not someone who's going to try and solve your problems for you. I strongly recommend a therapist you feel comfortable with; a real-life person is best, if possible. Just a few sessions to help you with a diagnosis would help. Also try on-line forums; don't be afraid to sign up to forums for survivors of trauma or child abuse. Poke your nose into different places and see if anything sticks to you. Healing work is healing work, independent of the instigating trauma.

  • Read some psychology books. I recommend anything by Alice Miller like "The Drama of the Gifted Child", but really anything that piques your interest. You don't have to read them cover-to-cover -- I tend to scan them and read the bits that catch my interest. Your local library likely has a mountain of psychology and self-healing books. Don't take anything as gospel or truth (especially the pop-psyche books <shiver>); everything is a potential mirror to help you understand yourself more.

  • I don't know if this will do anything for you, but... Imagine there's a mute person in your head, watching, listening to everything you say... and they control your emotions (ie: what you feel). You must call a truce and make peace with this person. "I hate myself" is better said as, "I hate my experience of life". "I am weak" becomes "I feel weak". These word games may not seem important, but it's important to validate and acknowledge your feelings, not just feel them and go "yuk, this sucks" and push them away.

    Self-healing cannot make you into Brad Pitt, but it can help you accept yourself and lead to a greater sense of contentment. And all the energy that goes into your self-hating can instead be directed to enjoying and improving your life.

    Best of luck.
u/--13 · 2 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Read this: Rid of my Disgrace.

u/MNGopherGirl89 · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

You're so welcome. Therapy is expensive, I know. After I left my rapist, I began reading books about recovery. My favorite has been Resurrection After Rape - it was incredibly helpful to dissect and understand what had happened to me. I hope you find comfort and solace, and continue to heal and grow. All the best <3

u/lilacshrieks · 2 pointsr/autism

Sure! These are just a few that I've read...
They're not all completely geared toward adults with ASD and talk about kids too, but they do address adults at some point.


The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome https://www.amazon.com/dp/1843106698/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_qQ5IxbWGWAG3D


The Way I See It, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition: A Personal Look at Autism and Asperger's https://www.amazon.com/dp/193527421X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_yT5IxbVXQE7BR

Twirling Naked in the Streets and No One Noticed: Growing Up With Undiagnosed Autism https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615801439/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_4W5Ixb5QJMGZ7

Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder): How Seeking a Diagnosis in Adulthood Can Change Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1849054339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_TM5IxbSRTX1HR

u/amorphousobject · 2 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

I was contemplating purchasing that last night actually but ended up going with Healing from Hidden Abuse, which is so far excellent.

u/HotBedForHobos · 2 pointsr/Catholicism

Perhaps you could read The Verbally Abusive Relationship?

u/M4ver1k · 2 pointsr/AspiePartners

Not really a couples book, but I read Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. I'd recommend it if your husband is still figuring out what this all means to him. I found I relate immensely to the book, but I've not been officially diagnosed.

u/everythinglikesuchas · 2 pointsr/NarcissisticAbuse

I've read this book a few times and it's helped - POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse https://www.amazon.com/dp/1945796324/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_mANBDbV7P50GS

I'm also going to try EMDR myself bc I find that I still carry a lot of trauma in my body and mind, even after 2 years.

u/esorous · 2 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

I like Perfect Daughters though it's for Adult Daughters of Alcoholics, alcoholism can easily be swapped for general dysfunction.

My therapist recommended Healing Your Emotional Self which I'll be digging into soon.

You might want to look into DBT, too - it's a very help yourself kind of therapy, since you can only get so far in it with someone else. Maybe look up some of the worksheets and lessons.

u/rev_sin · 2 pointsr/MonoHearing

I had a fascination with feral children a while ago after hearing the story of a girl they found that had been neglected/abused in total isolation for 13 years. She was never taught to walk or talk. She had no appreciable human contact. A terrible thing for sure, luckily she was found and rescued, her being a minor they couldn't release her real identity so they gave her the nickname Genie. However unfortunate the circumstances of how she was raised, it does give science a rare chance to learn about how our brains are pre-wired to develop language, the critical periods in human development where language can be learned and when it decays, etc. She was never able to learn to string together more than 2-3 word sentences as too much damage had been done from neglect during those crucial years. Very sad story.

Be prepared for some heavy reading as all three sources are straight out of academia. Was certainly over my head at times but learned a lot trying to!

http://ling.umd.edu/~omaki/teaching/Ling240_Winter09/Curtiss1974_genie.pdf

http://www.amazon.com/Genie-Scientific-Tragedy-Russ-Rymer/dp/0060924659/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1458789961&sr=8-2&keywords=genie+linguistic

http://www.amazon.com/Genie-Psycholinguistic-Perspectives-neurolinguistics-psycholinguistics/dp/0121963500/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458789961&sr=8-1&keywords=genie+linguistic




u/silverbiddy · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

I have a major addiction problem with food. I was anorexic as a teenager and I have swung to the opposite side of the spectrum since. I am finding two books to be very helpful at the moment:

[End Emotional Eating] (http://www.amazon.ca/End-Emotional-Eating-Dialectical-Relationship/dp/1608821218/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1420336121&sr=1-1&keywords=end+emotional+eating) by Jennifer L. Taitz
It applies to all addictive thought processes. It's helped immensley with my sober life, and to get a handle on the processes of addiction and recovery.

[Healing your Emotional Self] (http://www.amazon.ca/Healing-Your-Emotional-Self-Self-Esteem/dp/0470127783/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1420336179&sr=1-1&keywords=healing+your+emotional+self) by Beverly Engel

Extremely helpful for depression and for helping to examine the underlying issues behind maladaptive behavior.

Maybe this kind of reading is not your thing, but it's worth a mention. Take care.

u/heiferly · 2 pointsr/TrueReddit

This story just takes my breath away. I've read about Genie and worked with/read about children/adults (respectively) who, due to being born deaf in countries where attitudes about special ed are vastly different, had no concept of language whatsoever. I hope that this girl is able to develop a successful means of communication, whether that be PECS, some form of signing, speech, or some combination thereof. Life is so much more difficult for those without a means to effectively communicate.

u/Super_Dork_42 · 2 pointsr/aspergers

Just today I came across a book on amazon that is literally about that exact subject.

u/incredulousbetty444 · 2 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

I haven't read it, but I've read articles that refer to it, and it seems to be impactful. It's called House of Mirrors? Also I just came across this book on Amazon too, and there are other suggested titles i think are worthy of exploring listed below it. Some light summer reading lol?

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological-ebook/dp/B01JR4ST9S/ref=pd_sim_351_5/140-6231168-9414410?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=6JGTWCREAG8ARAT7QA09

u/FreyjaSunshine · 2 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

THIS! I found that book after I got out of my 21 yr abusive marriage, and it validated my experiences. Hey, I wasn't the crazy one after all!

Here is a link to the book for anyone who thinks this might apply to them. Worth every penny, easy to read, will open your eyes and let you know that you are not alone.

Seriously, this book did wonders for me, OP.

u/Barnard33F · 2 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

How about a helping hand:
[snip snip glue glue]

Here are the books that I think will give you the knowledge of what's going on, and tools to manage it.

  • Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. This was THE BOOK that started to set me free. It's a must read book for people with narc/abusive parents and their partners, in my opinion.
  • Toxic Parents is a classic about how to see the manipulative patterns from abusive parents and get free of them.
  • Wolf in Sheep's Clothing by Dr. George Simon. Man has a PhD in manipulation, and breaks down what the manipulators DO and how to shut it down. He's studied this for 20 years and it's AMAZING.

    If you read these three books, you'll be so far ahead of the game it's not even funny.
u/scuczu · 1 pointr/conspiracy

"Easy to understand. Written for the survivor of cult life and abuse. I would recommend this book. You may have lost years to a group. Be kind to yourself and don't give up; you owe it to yourself to understand." amzn.to/2DzafVx

u/the_tickles · 1 pointr/howtonotgiveafuck

Would you be willing to read a book that might help? Healing Your Emotional Self might be really good for you. The subtitle is "A powerful program to help you raise your self-esteem, quiet your inner critic, and overcome your shame." And those sound like good things, right? Imagine if you didn't have that inner critic kicking your ass after every interaction.

The main point that stuck out for me is that when we're children we treat our parents as mirrors for who we are, because we don't have the self-awareness to know ourselves at a young age. So if mom and dad are loving, that means you're lovable; if they act like you're a nuisance, it's because you're a nuisance - as a child you're not equipped to see the situation any other way. Sometimes we carry that into adulthood, and the book talks about how to heal from that. I think you mentioned shitty home life, so this might be useful. (By the way, good for you being so honest in this thread.)

u/Psuffix · 1 pointr/Feminism

"The Macho Paradox" by Jackson Katz is an excellent book, and was one of my first intros to feminism.

u/tigalicious · 1 pointr/survivorsofabuse

Personally, I'm very indebted to self-help books. It may sound silly, but that was seriously more helpful than any therapist has been for me. They give me a way to process new information without having to feel vulnerable in front of someone right that minute, you know? The most useful to me, that relate to your post at least, was The Verbally Abusive Relationship. It helped me to wrap my head around what happened, and helped me feel strong enough to give new relationships a shot. For me at least, that book helped to draw me out of the fear and other symptoms that I was living with.

I think, in the end, the struggle we go through will eventually make us stronger people; more empathetic, more able to see the difference between subtle bad signs and good ones, and more equipped to support other survivors. It just takes a lot to turn us into those people... But the future is there. Eventually, this will all be just a story that you'll tell about the life experiences that gave you your wisdom and strength.

u/islander85 · 1 pointr/CPTSD

Yep shame is the poison that isn't talked about. Depression and anxity get all the lime light but shame kills and wreckes lives just as much or even more.

Sexual surragacy is illegal here. Sex work and therapy are legal but not togther. It got to the stage that paying was the only option left, I was thinking about it for 10 years before it happened and it took my therapist encouraging me to get there, it was rough. Luckly the escort I chose is really good and she's had lots of other beginners so it went really well. I can only afford it like twice a year.

The pressure of knowing how sex, dating, flirtling works after we get past our early 20's is immense. It's super hard to deal with and I've also found it super hard to find help with. I ended up talking to a therapist that specializes in sexual abuse, she also said she doesn't work with many men. She's really good but also expensive, for me anyway mostly due to currency exchange rate. The videos are mostly geared towards women but it all applys to men as well.

The trap I'm trying not to fall into now is thinking that the only way for me to get affection is to pay for it. Wishing you all the very best, it's heart wrenching I know. I cannot find words for how hard it is really.

I highly recomend his book if you haven't read it

u/Fredredphooey · 1 pointr/relationship_advice

That's classic narcissism as is her recent behavior and claiming that her feelings and actions are out of her hands.

Here is a book suggestion Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01B01O3PA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_pQuVBbTAZ9JY7

You can Google "narcissist divorce" to find a lot of books that could help you.

u/6DT · 1 pointr/lifeinapost

As a member of that forum for years, /r/NoFap has become a cesspool. It was actually mentioned a few times recently in /r/askmen about "places you unsubbed because it changed for the worse" thread. /r/pornfree is much better, if you change your mind and want to stop

If you do have faith, I recommend reading God Loves Sex and Rid of my Disgrace. If you are willing to read them, but are not able to buy or borrow them, please sent me a private message. (that goes to anyone reading this comment, from now until indefinitely/forever)

u/kmoneyg8 · 1 pointr/AbuseInterrupted

Mind Body Bridging Workbook for PTSD

This has helped me so much. It teaches you mind-body bridging practices that help lessen the intensity of PTSD symptoms. Highly recommend.

u/MellaMusic · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

I added it to my shopping cart! Might I also suggest "Healing Your Emotional Self" by Beverly Engel. It doesn't focus on physical abuse (which I know too many of us have suffered as well) but instead focuses solely on emotional abuse and the impact it has on adult survivors. I had so many mind-blowing moments where I had to set the book down and breathe. There are also journaling exercises that help you make connections to what she's saying. Really incredible stuff! Here is a link if you want to check it out:

https://smile.amazon.com/Healing-Your-Emotional-Self-Self-Esteem/dp/0470127783/ref=sr_1_2?crid=AR031PRGHZVG&keywords=healing+your+emotional+self&qid=1558752196&s=gateway&sprefix=healing+your+em%2Caps%2C150&sr=8-2

u/GodoftheStorms · 1 pointr/CPTSD

So, this is mostly a repost of something I made a thread for on /r/DecidingtoBeBetter, but I thnk this is a more appropriate place for this. This is my experience with a therapy called Accelerated Experiential Dynamc Psychotherapy (AEDP).

This artcle from The New York Times helped get me in the right direction.

I came across this article at some point last year, and I immediately identified with the description the therapist gave of her patient "Brian", and her description of the concept of "chronic shame." I had suffered from "depression" for almost fifteen years. I put quotation marks around "depression" because, although I had all the DSM symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder, the depressive symptoms themselves were more the result of deeper emotional issues that I hadn't known how to deal with.

In January, I started working with a therapist in the same style of therapy as the author of that article (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy). This is the first time I've had a psychodynamic style of therapy. Before this, I've only done cognitive-behavioral therapy. But it has been an intense, but absolutely life-changing experience. The work is not easy: my therapist has me deeply experience, in my body-mind complex, feelings that I had tried to distract myself from for many years. I have spent weeks at a time where I have crying spells, where realizations and experiences sort of well up within me, crying out to be met with compassion and understanding. But in the last three months, my depression and social anxiety seem to be vanishing fairly quickly, and I finally have a sense of myself as perfectly acceptable, loveable, and valid, for the first time ever. These are feelings I have never before had in my life. I never even knew it was possible to feel unconditionally self-accepting at a core level like this.

If the article above resonates with anyone, I'd highly encourage seeking out a therapist who practices some form of experiential therapy. It may be that CBT might not get at exactly what is going on for you. AEDP isn't the only one out there. There are also Emotion-Focused Therapy, Schema Therapy, and some modern psychodynamic therapies. There's a book I've read that covers a lot of the stuff I did with my therapist called Healing Your Emotional Self by Beverly Engel. Also, the classic Homecoming by John Bradshaw.

If this sounds familiar to you, know that you aren't alone and that there is a way out of the darkness. :)

u/not-moses · 1 pointr/cultsurvivors

Find a licensed, professional psychologist who knows...

  1. who Bonnie Zeiman, Madeleine Tobias and Janja Lalich are,

  2. what Complex PTSD is, and

  3. who most of the people are who are listed in the very first paragraph of this earlier post.

    Section seven of that earlier post will help you find the professional help you need.

    See also:

    Can People truly Recover from Cult Indoctrination and Manipulation?
    and

    Treating Cultism as an Addiction.
u/shockjockeys · 1 pointr/adultsurvivors

I think this is it. I'm going back to the library on Monday and I'm gonna recheck who it's by.

u/milkmaid666 · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

Yes – I strongly recommend that you read “not the price of admission“ by Laura brown. We have to learn how healthy relationships actually work before we can have them. You can totally do this!

https://www.amazon.com/Not-Price-Admission-relationships-childhood/dp/1517683408

u/courtcasepending · 1 pointr/rapecounseling

Maybe check out some of these books which could help her work through the process that is provided in therapy in a self-guided way. What I would recommend is that she set aside an hour or two a week to devote to this to keep herself consistent, but not overwhelmed by over-reading:

the sexual healing journey

overcome trauma and ptsd

the PTSD workbook

the PTSD sourcebook

Then these are not workbooks - but might help provide her insight and healing:

quest for respect

resurrection after rape

u/Jwmcd2 · 1 pointr/offmychest

http://www.amazon.com/Victims-No-Longer-Classic-Recovering/dp/006053026X this is probably the best

http://www.amazon.com/Joining-Forces-Empowering-Survivors-Thrive/dp/1401941346/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1451773459&sr=1-1&keywords=joining+forces+empowering+male+survivors+to+thrive

This is another pretty good book

And you could try googling "rape resorce center" or "crisis center" and hopefully find some resources that way as well.

www.1in6.org also has some info that may help

u/remembertosmilebot · 1 pointr/exjw

Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!

Here are your smile-ified links:

https://smile.amazon.com/Challenge-Heal-After-Leaving-High-Control/dp/153531382X

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^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly bot

u/_Boo_ · 1 pointr/RBNRelationships

A few days ago someone recommended this book around here. It answers your question.

u/Autodidact2 · 1 pointr/DebateAChristian

Here's an excellent source. This is also helpful. Also this. Have you read any of these?

u/QEDLondon · 1 pointr/atheism

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia excommunication can be used to correct bad behaviour. in practice it looks like it is used mostly on people who disobey dogma and/or the hierarchy.

According to this book, written by catholic priests the church doesn't even follow its own internal rules under cannon law for disciplinnning paedophile priests: Sex, Priests and Secret Codes

u/GhostOfTheNet · 1 pointr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

I like pizza. I like ladies. I like panties. ;]

I love to have this book. It should really help me better understand myself.

u/bogan · 1 pointr/atheism

I think you made cogent points in your posting.

Regarding sexual abuse of children by members of the clergy, the problem of child abuse by priests is not just a recent phenomenon. It has existed in the Catholic Church for many centuries, but the problem is not confined to the Catholic Church.

>The Penitential of Bede (England, eight century) advises that clerics who commit sodomy with children be given increasingly severe penances commensurate with their rank.

Sex, Priests, and Secret Codes: The Catholic Church's 2,000 Year Paper Trail of Sexual Abuse by Thomas P. Doyle, pages 18-19

Bede (672/673 - May 26, 735), also known as Saint Bede and the Venerable Bede, was a monk who was also an author and scholar. His most famous work, Historia ecclesiastica gentis Anglorum (The Ecclesiastical History of the English People) gained him the title "The Father of English History".

Paragraphs 6-8 of A VERY SHORT HISTORY OF CLERGY SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH by the same Rev. Thomas Doyle discusses how the response of church leadership to such revelations almost a thousand years ago has similarities to the responses of some church leaders today.

Unfortunately, molestation of children has not been confined only to the clergy of the Catholic Church, however.

  • Independent Baptist Fellowship International

    >Additionally, the increasing isolation of fundamentalist Baptists from the mainstream of theology, including conservative and historic Protestant theology, has narrowed the base of churches from which the I.B.F.I. can draw students and support. Since 1993, scandals in fundamentalist Baptist churches, including those perceived to be leading churches in Fundamentalism, has damaged the credibility of the independent, fundamentalist Baptist cause. Since the Jack Hyles-Jenny Nischik scandal, several notorious cases have been made public, the most recent of which was the Trinity Baptist (Jacksonville, FL) legal battles, in which 23 adults came forward alleging that they were molested by former pastor Bob Gray, with the knowledge and collusion of the deacon board.Cases like these, no longer able to be silenced, seem to be sounding the death knell for the smaller fundamentalist Baptist schools

  • Sexual abuse scandal in the Anglican Diocese of Sydney

    >However, the ordinances which applied to clergy sexual abuse for nearly the whole of the 20th Century (1904–1996) proved as much of an obstacle to deposition of offending ministers as a help.
    >
    >...
    >
    >Furthermore, any complaint had to be lodged within twelve months of the date of the offence. This provision ensured that almost no child sexual abuse complaints would be lodged with the Tribunal, given the length of time which usually occurs between an offence and the victim becoming sufficiently aware of his/her rights to pursue a charge.
    >
    >...
    >
    >However, the fact that the victim's father had complained to the church as early as 1985, with no action taken, led Ms Paddy Bergin, Counsel Assisting the Commissioner, to insist that Archbishop Goodhew admit that the church's handling of the complaint had been "a disgrace", and that it was completely unacceptable for the minister concerned to have continued in ministry without any investigation having been conducted.

    The Catholic Church court cases helped change the policies of the Anglican Diocese in Sydney, Australia.

  • Episcopalians defend bishop’s decision in clergy sexual abuse case

    In the above case their have also been accusations that church leadership mishandled the matter, though that is disputed by the Episcopal Church and the extent of the problem does not seem to be anywhere near as great as with the Catholic Church.

    Nor is it a problem confined to Christianity. Rabbis have also been involved in child abuse. Abuse has occured by Orthodox Jewish rabbis.

    >That's not a swipe at Orthodoxy. It's simply a reflection of the fact that in past years, every major case of sexual abuse by rabbis, both in America and in Israel, has involved Orthodox rabbis. Because I identify as Orthodox, that act causes me great pain.
    >
    >It must be admitted because it is probably no coincidence that sexual abuse by clergy seems much more prevalent in communities with stricter guidelines about sexuality. I am not suggesting that one causes the other. But it is not something that we can afford to ignore, either.
    >
    >I also appreciate that there is no central authority for Jews that parallels that of the Catholic Church. We do not have the kind of institutional structure that can control problems in the same way, even if it wanted to. That is why it becomes especially important to get everything out in the open as quickly as possible.

    Source: Abusing Children: Not Just For Catholic Priests

    >His 10 years of outspoken activism have made him many enemies in the haredi community to which he belongs. He has, in particular, exposed incidents of the abuse of boys by men in yeshivot and mikvot.
    >
    >More disturbingly, Rabbi Rosenberg has shown the lengths to which community leaders will go to cover up these crimes.

    Source: Rabbi: Sexual abuse of children a problem

    You can find articles related to other religious leaders involved in instances of child sexual abuse at List of religious leaders convicted of crimes

    But I don't think that one can present that as a problem due to religion. Pedophiles are often attracted to positions that give them access to children and a position of authority and trust in relation to children. Some go into coaching children's sports. I think it would be grossly unfair to look with suspicion at adults, the vast majority of whom genuinely want to help children, their own as well as others, who coach children. Similarly, those clerics who use their positions of trust to abuse children are reprehensible, but they also represent a small fraction of those who become clerics. Unfortunately, there are too many church leaders, though, who would prefer to sweep the misdeeds of members of the clergy under the rug, or who are more interested in ensuring that word of the incidents does not spread than addressing the problems, but that isn't a problem confined to the Catholic Church, though the Church's insistence on celibacy for its clergy may exacerbate the problem.
u/thrfscowaway8610 · 1 pointr/rape

And if you're looking for something more scholarly, this, I believe, is still the state of the art, although it's now getting just a little dated.

u/motoxer4533 · 1 pointr/Christianity

@jetjetjet-

The fact that you want to forgive speaks volumes into the Holy Spirit's working in your life. My prayer is that you know the Lord is with you in this time.

I would highly encourge you to read Rid of My Disgrace by Justin & Lindsey Holcolmb. I read as much as I can of Justin's and he is an absolute champion for the grace of God. PM me if you can't afford to buy the book - I'll get it for you. I believe it can be that healing.

u/lucifernox · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

I'm highly considering buying the book that's linked at the bottom. It's only $13.50...


Link

u/_keelyn · 0 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

I don't know how to start this response, so this is my first sentence. I helped a friend deal with a rape a couple years back who held onto it for about 5 years. IT was hard because she wouldn't see a therapist. So we followed a book and it seemed to help her a lot although she still struggles. Each response to a traumatic event is unique but the book we got was amazing. [1]

A therapist is a good option if you can find a good one, and sadly it's not always easy. Going through the book can help a lot but won't match a therapist. Further still I would suggest EMDR. It helped me, it's helped others. It's a nifty mind hack that seems to work.

The hardest part for you is approaching her. She's held onto it for over a decade and is reluctant to talk about it. You'll have to find the delicate balance between pushing her to try and finally process this trauma, and giving her space to step up when she is ready. Buying the book and giving it to her one day with a really great supportive note might give here a sincere kick that helps her get motivated. The key thing to remember here is that if she doesn't want to get help, she won't. She has to be ready and your only job is to be supportive and motivational without causing her undo stress. I'ts a tricky job. I think that's part of what loving someone is about.

This information doesn't change your relationship, and don't let it infect your mind by attributing all her behaviours from it. We are all highly complex and part of you helping her is not creating a database of actions you think are caused from not dealing with this. Since it seems like you learned this recently, use this opportunity to try and prod her just a bit into considering processing it. But if she doesn't budge, tread lightly, and possibly, get your own therapist to help you out. They can sometimes help you figure out ways of helping her. But always be careful with therapists. Playing with the mind is a dangerous game.


[1] http://www.amazon.com/Resurrection-After-Rape-transforming-survivor/dp/0615209661/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1409612441&sr=8-1&keywords=resurrection+after+rape

u/DudeFaceofAmerica · -5 pointsr/pics

So profoundly sad. There is so much abuse and pain behind these pictures. Here is the answer