(Part 2) Best books about happiness according to redditors

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We found 3,794 Reddit comments discussing the best books about happiness. We ranked the 814 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 21-40. You can also go back to the previous section.

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Top Reddit comments about Happiness Self-Help:

u/kathalytic · 1420 pointsr/AskReddit

A few books on personal relations don't hurt either. My younger self needed to stand up for herself more, and in better ways.

Edit: Several people are asking for recommendations. These are some I have found extremely helpful:

I have a few I really recommend:

Thanks for the Feedback is one of the best I have read that incorporates info I have heard from other books all in one place with practical examples. If I could give a copy of this book to every person on earth I would. (The same people wrote a book called Difficult Conversations, but I have yet to read that.)

Edit to add Consious Business. This is the one I meant to add as the second recommendation; it is mostly about working with others in business but really applies to working with anyone in all relationships.

Emotional Intelligence is another I recommend, giving guidance on how to understand emotions. (Read this, then go re-watch Inside Out.)

10% Happier is an exploration into meditation as a non-spiritual thing. See Dan's video.

59 Seconds is about little things we can do to make our lives better (all science study based).

And Stumbling on Happiness is about understanding our own motivations better (also research study based).

Some of these books are clearly about "self help" but understanding ourselves is a key to understanding our interactions with others. And I try to only recommend books that are based in science and research.

I also like Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, Incognito by David Eagleman, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, How Children Succeed by Paul Tough, The Hidden Brain by Shankar Vedantam, Nudge by Richard Thaler, and Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahnerman. Oh, and anything by Malcom Gladwell; I may not always agree with him, but he is thought provoking and well researched. (I have an Audible account and have found that a good way to get through books while doing other things like exercise, long car trips, or cleaning the house.)

More Adds; Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely, The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz, Nurture Shock by Po Bronson, My Age of Anxiety by Scott Stossel, Far From The Tree by Andrew Solomon, The Charisma Myth by Olivia Cabane, How We Learn by Benedict Carey, and I generally like anything by the Freakanomics guys.

Edit: And thank you kind stranger for the gold!

If anyone would like to make recommendations to me based on the above list, please do so! I always have a growing reading queue :-)

u/ExtremePopcorn · 462 pointsr/2meirl4meirl

It wouldn't do any harm to read, many people have found it helpful. Just don't get involved with him or the community, it's rage porn escapism that'll leave you mentally worse off. Just look at how awful the posts in his subreddit are - leftists are just as miserable, but generally more out of despair and empathy than rage. (There are many exceptions, I know, I've been one more than a few times.)

A friend recommended this book: https://smile.amazon.com/Make-Your-Bed-Little-Things/dp/1455570249. Probably gets the same point across but in half the pages.

The only one I've found helpful is The Antidote. The author's accent is pleasant, it's a good audiobook to walk around with if it hasn't yet gotten too cold where you are. Or just to play mindless video games like Diablo or Katamari Damacy with. Here's a 30min talk he did, worth giving a shot if stoicism has ever resonated with you.

And I might as well throw this talk out as well. Not necessarily productive, but it was very comforting and validating for me after having been long burnt out on Alan Watts platitudes.

But back to jbp - again, the book resonates with a lot of people (I think he functions as a stand-in father figure for many), I'm sure you can pick out what's helpful and leave the rest if you want. His cultural criticism is laser-focused on diversity and his fan base is continually upset, though, so I think there are more constructive writers out there.

This is getting way too long, sorry, but adding one more link: for anyone who feels they might be in an upswing right now and receptive to "you should try harder" advice, I enjoyed this blog post.

u/RollingRED · 190 pointsr/getdisciplined

Aside from the suggestion to check for ADHD, you may also want to see if you are being hindered by perfectionism.

It sounds like you have an issue with procrastination. Is it just a lack of focus or is it because you psyche yourself out with your tasks?

I know quite a few people in your situation and I was one myself. We were called "gifted" or "talented" when young because we're able to coast through life at a young age. We then internalize those expectations and believe that because we're so smart (supposedly) that:

  • Working hard tells people we're not as gifted as they think we are
  • Everything we produce should be effortless and wow-worthy from the get go
  • If we work hard and fail it means we're actually dumb and worthless (since so much of our self-image is based on other people's perception of our talent)

    These ultimately lead to procrastination. Any tasks that present mid-difficulty or above will seem overwhelming because it would mean we have to put in more to produce an exceptional result. We procrastinate because it seems like so much effort is needed that it's overwhelming.

    The longer you procrastinate on a task, the more difficult it will seem and the more you feel pressured to give an exceptional result to show people it's worth the wait. That adds pressure and stresses you out everytime you think about it so you procrastinate some more.

    Rinse and repeat. Now you are weeks behind a supposedly simple deliverable.

    If that is what's happening to you I would suggest the following:

  1. Break tasks down into small manageable chunks that you can accomplish in 15 - 20 minutes (the Pomodoro technique)
  2. Put your tasks down on a To-Do list so when you check things off you can give yourself a sense of accomplishment. I personally like Asana but any tool can do.
  3. Learn to adopt the growth mindset (link goes to 10 min TED talk), which will help frame intelligence and success in a more positive way — you're always growing so failures don't define you— than what you've internalized until now
  4. Use positive visualization (imagining your desired outcome vividly) to clarify goals, overcome stress and build confidence

    I also highly recommend the book
    Psycho-Cybernetics, which is about how visualization will aid your subconscious to solve problems for you, including any self-image or confidence issues. Its techniques will also help you figure out what you really want from life and yourself.

    With the above tools and resources, plus a lot of reading and self-reflection, I was able to fix most of my procrastination problems and become the most productive member on my team. I hope they work for you as well. Good luck.
u/NoiceDayToday · 59 pointsr/EDC

Outdoor/indoor gaming stuff:

  1. Playing cards

  2. A figurine from Roblox: I usually play around with it while walking, it's very therapeutic.

  3. Fidget spinner

  4. Nintendo 3DS XL: I usually play it on the subway to pass time.

    Student stuff:

  5. Backpack: given to me by my brother, not sure about the brand, doesn't say, not good quality.

  6. Lenovo Miix 510 laptop

  7. Swell brand water bottle: Given to all High School students in NYC.

  8. Ultrasone HFI-580 S-Logic headphones

  9. America's Pencil brand pencils.

  10. NYC Vote pens.

  11. Field Notes - Coastal edition

    Muslim stuff:

  12. Prayer rug: Used as a soft surface while praying. Common misconception: they aren't really holy in any way, they're just rugs, many Muslims pray without them.

  13. The Qur'an: The holy text of Islam, written in both English and Arabic.

  14. Kufi: A type of hat worn by Muslims, traditionally worn by the early followers of Islam. Usually worn with or without a turban. I wear it during prayer sometimes.

  15. Miswak: A Muslim toothbrush essentially. Many Muslims carry them around all day and use them after performing ablution (wudu'). It's been used for thousands of years and predates Islam, and is made from the branches of the Salvadora persica tree.

  16. Ittar: a fragrance oil perfume used in many Muslim countries.

  17. Misbaha(prayer beads): used to keep track of tasbih, a supplication done after praying.

  18. Copy of the U.S. Constitution: Given to me by my Political Science professor. I recommend every American to read the constitution in its entirety at least once. It's one of the best constitutions written. Comes in handy when you're having political arguments. I keep it handy so I know my basic rights.

  19. Prayer & Purification book: A guide to how to pray, types of prayers, and how perform wudu' and ghusl.

    Survival stuff:

  20. Outdoor knives my dad got for me from Amazon. Not sure about brand The brand is Cross Fire.

    Disclaimer: Possessing knives outside your home is heavily restricted and regulated in NYC. I usually only take the knives when hiking. Check local laws.

  21. $10 Casio watch

  22. Alpine Swiss wallet, a gift from my brother

  23. LG Aspiro phone

  24. Volkswagen car keys

    New York stuff:

  25. Yankees hat: Too small for my head

  26. Metrocards: Used for subway and busses

  27. Pocket change for small snacks at the deli/bodega.

  28. Books: Reading material for my commute on the subway to pass time. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne, and You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero.

    I am happy to elaborate on any of these items, including the brands, if you want to know more.
u/badman_pullup · 46 pointsr/DoesAnybodyElse

You are not your brain.

Real talk:

This book was written by a doctor who specializes in helping mental health patients deal with OCD. It is a watered down version of another famous book of his known as "brain lock".

Basically.. What you are describing are known as "intrusive thoughts"... thoughts we don't want, but our brain has thought about anyways. By us consciously identifying these intrusive thoughts as "intrusive", rather than just naturally occurring, healthy thoughts passing through our brain, our body starts to enter "fight or flight" mode because the thought is perceived as a threat. How people deal with this perceived threat is different, but it usually manifests itself in some form of a "compulsion", or "check".

For example, if you or I were to touch something that was "dirty". Our brains would say "that was dirty, you are dirty, you should clean yourself when possible", and we would reply "ok thanks". Whereas someone who has obsessive thoughts about being clean's brain would respond differently... they have alarm bells ringing in their head, and the only thing they could do to alleviate the feeling or stress (because their body is now in fight or flight mode from the perceived "threat" they are under) is to wash their hands. Constantly. Every time they think something is "dirty", which is all the time, because their brain is now constantly scanning for "threats". People literally start to fear their own thoughts... and the "scarier" the thought, the harder it is NOT to think about it.

Its a vicious cycle if someone's brain gets caught up in this thought pattern, but completely normal... and not a big deal if dealt with. The longer you're caught up in this kind of thought pattern, the more deeply embedded in your day-to-day way of thinking it can get.

By the way... I'm by no means a doctor... but I have dealt with mental health issues in the past, and can honestly say this book saved me from myself.

u/ludwigvonmises · 37 pointsr/outside

Yeah, sure thing. These were helpful for me. No doubt there are other, maybe even better resources out there.

  • Skill books on overcoming addiction
    • Recovery (Russell Brand's unique AA-style approach applicable to everything)
    • This Naked Mind (on alcohol)
    • Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking (on tobacco)
    • These are willpower-free approaches, meaning they don't ask you to muscle through some tough initial period. They simply reorient your mind towards your desire for these things, so you never desire them again.
  • Online tutorials for understanding your psychology
  • Other resources
    • The X-Effect - a subreddit that uses a 50 day method to eliminate your association with an activity
    • Nightly journaling - Writing down your experiences with your issue, how you felt, how you overcame it, why you succumbed to it, what you plan to do next time, etc. Articulating yourself on it over and over.
u/bleeding_hertz · 30 pointsr/dating_advice

No problem! To be fair, though, we don't really know if your recent relationships are falling apart because of this, or some other factor. But it's really something that will be important for you to work on.

There's definitely a certain aspect of "fake it til you make it" here. What I mean is, fixing your self-esteem won't happen overnight. But while you work on it, do your best not to SHOW it to your dates. Don't tell them you have low self-esteem. Don't tell them you're working on it. Try very hard to recognize when you're tempted to react to that inner voice and resist it.

For example, you're texting your date and he suddenly goes silent. If you have thoughts there of "what if he's losing interest?" "what if he's texting someone else?" etc. etc., a lot of times that sort of thing can lead you to making self-destructive decisions that really hurt you. Like, you demand to know if he's seeing anyone else, etc. Now even if he ISN'T seeing someone else, he's got it in his mind that you're THAT kind of woman, who is going to be all up in his business whether he's doing something or not. Now he's going to be on high alert looking for more, similar behaviors to confirm what he just saw. And people with that sort of self-esteem issue often deliver by doing the same sorts of things over and over. That sort of stuff can quickly cool the ardor of any guy...

I found this book pretty helpful: https://www.amazon.com/There-Nothing-Wrong-You-Self-Hate/dp/0971030901/
Quick and easy read, mainly about how to stop beating yourself up.

Good luck!

u/PatricioINTP · 27 pointsr/INTP

I am borrowing some of my knowledge of the Enneagram Type 5, which correlate well with INTPs, though not all INTPs will fit with Fives. Still, the correlation is strong.

http://tap3x.net/EMBTI/charts.html#CHART3A

A healthy INTP/Five will like to master something. When he starts to do this, he will gain confidence, perhaps finding his niche, becoming focused and innovative. This fuels his basic desire to be capable and competent, to have something to attribute, while becoming observant and perceptive. Self-actualization will occur when he let go of a particular self image and realize he is separate from the environment. From this he will start participating and potentially become a visionary.

The INTP/Five basic fear is that of being helpless, useless, and incapable. His secondary fear is his perceptions are insufficient to give him direction. When he fears he has nothing to contribute, or is unprepared, he begins his fall.

The 'defense mechanism' is to retreat into his mind. But when others start demanding more, his inner world will start to feel threatened. He starts to shut out outside invasions by retreating further. When others starts to question his niche or competency, he wants to scare off such individuals. Then he starts to fear he will never find his place in this world or with other people.

Now the unhealthy aspects begins. He wants to start cutting off connections to the rest of the world, as the world close in on him. He tries to fend them off, but fear due to incompetency that he can't. So he seeks to leave reality, to break away. Meanwhile he realize his basic fear is now realized.

As such, unhealthy INTPs/Fives tend to be schizoid, avoidant, or they might develop schizotypical traits thinking they can by his 'niche'. Eccentric at best, suicidal (to escape) at worst.

Source: http://www.amazon.com/Personality-Types-Using-Enneagram-Self-Discovery/dp/0395798671/

List of personality disorders: http://ptypes.com/overviews.html

u/saltylife11 · 26 pointsr/GetMotivated

I would first suggest reading one of these books just to see if the teachings and mindset are something that speaks to you. They are all easy quick reads.

http://www.amazon.com/There-Nothing-Wrong-You-Self-Hate/dp/0971030901/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8


http://www.amazon.com/Suffering-Optional-Three-Keys-Freedom/dp/0963625586/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8


http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Feel-Like-Resistance/dp/0961475498/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8



In the past there was more of an informal process of selecting visiting monks based on people who had already participated in previous retreats and things and weren't new to practice. That's not meant to be elite, it's just being new practice is a different ball game than having been with it for a while. Being a visiting monk can be a rather strenuous commitment. It's also not really appropriate for the resident monks to be around someone new. It's hard to explain but there is a kind of stress that occurs for more senior practitioners around new practitioners for that length of time. Senior practitioners love to teach and have infinite patience, but as a visiting monk you are in their lives much more frequently on a day-to-day basis as opposed to when teaching a workshop that ends and everyone drives home. Now they require everyone to go on a specific retreat as a pre-requisite. See the forth program down on this page: http://www.livingcompassion.org/schedule

u/rob_cornelius · 20 pointsr/EOOD

Judging yourself by your perception of other peoples "standards" of living is always a route to the place where you are now. No one is perfect and the people who appear perfect are just hiding their fuck ups that tiny little bit better.

The only things in the world you can control are your own thoughts and responses to events. Everything else you have no control over. You can't even stop your body getting unwell. That probably sounds scary but its incredibly liberating as it means that if you can't control something you don't have to let it concern you.

Someone has bigger muscles than you? You can't control that so why bother about it. You can be glad for them and admire the hard work they have put in to get there but there is no reason for you to feel bad about yourself as your muscles are smaller. Someone is "funnier" than you? Watch and learn from them but don't bring yourself down that you can't be as funny.

If you have gone through CBT or DBT (Cognitive or Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) this will be very familiar to you. Take a look at this book Stoicism and the Art of Happiness for an easy introduction into all this.

You can change the way you think with effort. You can become a better person with effort. It's not easy but you have plenty of time, the rest of your life.

Finally.... if you are currently not getting any medical help for your mental health please go and see your GP. They will sort out something for you. If you are in a really bad place then call the Samaritans on 116 123 as you are in the UK.

u/runeaway · 20 pointsr/Stoicism

> I feel like I don't stand for anything, I don't have an identity I feel confident in.

That requires a lot of self-reflection, thinking about what you value and how/if you act according to those values.

> the person I was in high school seems alien to me now.

In a few years, you're probably going to feel the same way about the you right now.

> in the age of social media it feels like everyone's eyes are on me

Most people are too concerned with what other people think about them to spend much time thinking about you.

> I can't control what they think of me

It's good that you realize that.

> but I can't help but feel like most see me as a goofy, disinterested nice guy

Maybe they do, maybe they don't. There's no way for you to know what other people think about you. Even if they say they think you're goofy, there's no way to know if they're telling the truth. If you choose to believe everyone else thinks you're goofy, you can do that, but it's a choice you've decided to make. Your time is better spent trying to be the sort of person you want to be than on worrying about what other people think of you.

> When I push away those fears I instead become an asshole and don't think before I speak.

That's another choice you make. No one forces you to speak without thinking. No one forces you to act like an asshole. If you want to be a kind, virtuous person, that's in your control.

> I've read Meditation and checked out the sidebar on the topics but I'm having trouble implementing the ideas into my daily life

We generally advise that new people do not start with Meditations, as it wasn't intended as an entry point to Stoicism. It's the working journal of an advanced student, and Marcus assumes the reader is already familiar with all of the concepts.

Here's a short list of recommended places to start:

  • Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson is a practical introduction on what Stoicism is and how to implement it in your life.


  • Epictetus - Discourses, Fragments, Handbook translated by Robin Hard is a book containing the lectures of the Stoic teacher Epictetus. Marcus Aurelius studied Epictetus specifically and quotes him several times in Meditations.

  • Seneca's Dialogues and Essays, especially the essays "On The Shortness of Life" and "On the Happy Life" and Letters from a Stoic contain Seneca's useful writings on a number of topics and is another popular place to begin learning about Stoicism.
u/pretty_en_pink68 · 20 pointsr/AskWomen

I am in the middle of reading a book called, "make your bed". He says how making your bed every morning is the best way to start your day. You started your day by completing a task before even leaving the house.

u/Nezteb · 18 pointsr/productivity

> Start small to build regular routines.
>
> Wake up at 6 am before trying 5 am ⏰
>
Exercise 2 days/week prior to 5 days/week 💪
> Read 15 min/day preceding 60 min/day 📚
>
Meditate for 5 min before tackling 20 min 😌
> * Pack a healthy meal 3x/week ahead of daily 🍎

via Todoist on Twitter

A good book on this subject is The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy.

Another is Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, although it's longer and more technical.

Both books exist in audiobook form as well.

u/LiterallyAnscombe · 16 pointsr/enoughpetersonspam

>he expresses about taking control of your life and “cleaning your room”

A lot of his self-help tips are probably based on early 2000's ephemeral internet trends that can be found elsewhere. And as Contrapoints makes clear, there are subjects he talks about that are worth considering, like moving past considering yourself a victim. He does not develop these very far and obviously does not practice any of these principles himself, only hopes to weaponize them against his political opponents.

>for me his politics are rather a secondary thing to me.

The majority of his time is overwhelmingly spent on political campaigns at this point, so it's extremely difficult to separate the politics from the man anymore.

u/shx0082 · 15 pointsr/AirForce

Have you read Make Your Bed? It's based off of this speech, but goes a little deeper. I wouldn't say it's a life-changing book, but a good reminder of things we should probably be doing in our lives. It's a short, easy read. I read it in one sitting.

u/PingPing88 · 15 pointsr/pics

Maybe you'll get something nice when it comes. I got a book on how to improve myself and a foreign CD with 3 songs on it. The only thing I own that has a CD drive is my Xbox. That CD is never going to feel the tickle of a laser reading its soul.

EDIT:

For reference, these are what I got...

http://www.amazon.com/Search-Inside-Yourself-Unexpected-Achieving/dp/0062116932/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1418955254&sr=8-2-fkmr0&keywords=improve+yourself+book+google

http://www.amazon.com/Sounds-India-Ravi-Shankar/dp/B0012GMURW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418955089&sr=8-1&keywords=indian+music+cd

u/valbaca · 15 pointsr/getdisciplined

I would say, but you probably won't finish it /s

Oddly enough The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck was a really round-about way of achieving discipline. By building up the practice of saying NO to others, I also built up the ability to say NO to myself ("NO, you don't get five-more-minutes of sleep, you need to get up and work-out")

http://amzn.com/0316270725



The Obstacle Is the Way is another solid one. While a cliffnotes version would be preferable, the gist is akin to JFK's quote "We choose to do these things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard" (paraphrased)

http://amzn.com/B00G3L1B8K

u/ImJayJunior · 14 pointsr/TeamfightTactics

Yet you felt the need to, sit there, think of the idea, look all those stats up, screenshot them, edit them, put them all into a photo editor and combine this 'whatever it is' together, then you actually let that file take up space on your computer, opened reddit, came here and posted it..

I seriously hope you don't have a job, kids, animals, girlfriend, friends, family or even a mirror, because if this is what you do with your spare time, then i seriously feel sorry for anyone around you that you come into contact with because the time, effort and the fact that you decided to even think of doing this let alone doing it and posting it here, just shows, that you must be very, very sad and lonely. That being said, I have found some links of interest for you -

​

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/dealing-with-depression/

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/

https://www.indeed.co.uk/

https://www.adoptapet.com/?geo_range=50

https://www.amazon.co.uk/You-Are-Badass-Doubting-Greatness/dp/0762447699

​

I hope life gets better for you bud, really do.

u/introspeck · 12 pointsr/INTP

No. What I find painful is being in situations where false jollity is required. Perhaps that's what you're describing, I don't know.

My times of genuine happiness are probably the reason I'm still alive. If I were never happy I'm sure I would have offed myself decades ago.

As the philosophers say, happiness is not an end state in itself; it is a side effect from doing other things. Whether that is performing useful work, or conjuring up useful theories, or being truly present when you share time with your significant other or children, doesn't matter. It will vary from one person to the next. But too many people think "well if I just do X and Y and Z, I will be happy someday", as if it's a destination at the end of a train ride.

Edit: I believe you'd find this book useful: The Antidote - Happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking. I recommend it highly, especially to INTP folk. From the review: "...they argue that in our personal lives, and in society at large, it’s our constant effort to be happy that is making us miserable. And that there is an alternative path to happiness and success that involves embracing failure, pessimism, insecurity, and uncertainty—the very things we spend our lives trying to avoid."

u/GreyFreeman · 12 pointsr/Stoicism

I consider "Stoicism and the Art of Happiness" to be a pretty straightforward read, and the "Resources" section of our excellent faq has a few more suggestions.

u/mr_minty_magoo · 12 pointsr/simpleliving

You might appreciate this

Personally I find looking at it like a puzzle to solve is sometimes helpful. People do things, and you can't control them. You can try to influence, and some ways work better than others. At the end of the day, if things don't go your way, you still (probably) have a job, and you've learned something for next time. Why sweat it?

u/theMediatrix · 11 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

OMG -- you want to start a photography business? Honey, let's make that happen! I can tell you that this is where you begin.

If you are going to kill yourself, I want you to put the plan on hold for five years and focus on the photography business first.

First, let's get some stuff out of the way...

  1. What city are you in? PM me if you don't want to post it here.
  2. Let's name your business! What do you want to call it? (I'm great at naming things and I can help if you want.) Then, research that name to be sure it's not also a porn shop or human trafficking business or some other thing you don't want to be associated with. ;) If your research pans out, buy the url.
  3. Depending on your state, you'll need to register as a sole-proprietor, and LLC or a corporation. The cost is usually minimal. Look here to get an idea: www.legalzoom.com (If you got SSI, you can form a business. It's very little paperwork.)
  4. Then you go to city hall and get a business license. It's like 20 bucks if you don't have employees, which you won't. I cannot TELL you how GREAT you will feel when you walk out of City Hall having done this. You are now a BUSINESS OWNER, and a professional "creative." Yay, YOU!
  5. Let's get you a tumblr and choose a great photo template from theme forest. If you want, I'll help you with the copywriting and give you some art direction if you feel you need it. If not, just have at it.
  6. Samples. Pick your best photos and put them online!
  7. Start small while you build your confidence, and capital. Put an ad on Craigslist or Facebook local. Take on one gig at a time, and kick ass at them. Leave space in between gigs for reflection, and move at your own pace.
  8. KEEP GOING.

    There is that saying, "When you're going through hell, keep going." It is so true!

    Believe me, you are AHEAD of the game. You are 28, which you don't realize right now is very young. You ALREADY know your parents are fucked up narcs. I didn't know this about my parents until LAST YEAR and I'm 40! But my life is still awesome.

    I've been working through my procrastination, perfection, self-esteem issues, etc. in therapy for five years, and am only now just starting to feel very chill about everything. But despite not having it figured out, guess what? I was able to make huge strides creatively, in marriage and in my career. I worked at NPR, founded a huge annual art event that just celebrated it's 12th anniversary, worked in theatre, and have established an independent business that I'm super-proud of -- without getting my family shit figured out until basically just now. So if I can succeed at shit anyway, you DEFINITELY can, because you figured stuff out so much younger than I did.

    Also, the last time I moved back in with my parents, I was 27. I immediately thought: holy shit, what have I done???

    Anyway, I can SO SO SO help you if you want to start a photo business. I know all about getting something like this off the ground, because I've done it the wrong way, and the right way. If you'd like, we can have a 20 minute phone consultation and I can help you get started with all of this.

    Bottom line is this: there is hope. TONS of hope. You deserve love, happiness and creative fulfillment.

    Get this book and you will feel better as soon as you start reading it: http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Badass-Doubting-Greatness/dp/0762447699

    Who gives a shit what your small-minded parents think. You walk your own walk, and carve your own path. It's up to you and you can do it! We are here for you on this sub. We want to help you succeed and be happy!
u/reckoner133 · 10 pointsr/LosAngeles

I feel you, winter always gets me in these positions. I started recently reading this (maybe a fit for you, maybe not) might be worth a shot: http://www.amazon.com/The-Antidote-Happiness-Positive-Thinking/dp/0865478015

With summer coming and a little more physical activity in my life, things seem to be looking up after a good year or so in a slump. I hope the best for you.

u/usrnmsux · 10 pointsr/leanfire

Sure. There's a bit of a story arc where I came to my senses first, then discovered I wanted to unfuck my life, and leanfire principles is a part of that.

The one that started it all was The Art of Happiness. I was miserable and herein the Dali Lama shocked my life with his assertion that the goal of your life is to be happy. I had a mindset that I had to suffer in order to be worthy of good things in life.

Then, if I recall correctly were non buddhist books, but in the realm getting your head straight:Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life: I saw this man's TED talk.

& How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything

These two go great together to discover that its all in your head and you can change that. I had a terrible inner dialogue and was able to be rid of it. Life Changer!

The I think I read The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety probably 10 times over the last 4-5 years & listened to the audio book when falling asleep. This one really underlined how miserable we make ourselves striving for security that isn't to be had. There is wisdom here that constantly reveals itself long after having read it.

The Pema Chodron Audio Collection was a constant go to also.

My most recent listening are lectures by Ajahn Brahm of Buddhist Society of Western Australia - These lectures really turned me around to moving past the pain, fear & worry about changing my life.

\^\^ I really like listening to these while falling asleep or with a nap on the couch on Sat/Sun afternoons.

Some other notables:

Fuck It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way : Saying Fuck It when you're miserable due to expectations and attachments has a real emotional response vs the above which can be very cerebral.

Man's Search for Meaning: Sometimes it's hard to grateful when wrapped up in our own lives. I read this once a year as a refresher. When I'm being ungrateful I try to remember what others have put up with and it calms down my complaining mind.

The Art of Disappearing: Buddha's Path to Lasting Joy : more from Ajahn Brahm - There is a better way to live our lives and not be miserable. Simplicity and lean fire go really well together.

More minimalism than buddhism, but they jive well together:

Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life

Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism

Above all I feel these are all about snapping out of the nonsense mindsets & habits many of us have.

Good luck.

u/8365815 · 10 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

Great book OP:

The Life-changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k

It's NOT a parody. It's more an homage to Marie Kondo's brilliance about organizing the physical, translated into organizing the emotional and spiritual.

Sorry, editing because I hit post before I meant to.

You didn't think she cared enough to get off her ass and come there. Good news/bad news... her near death experience slapped the bitch upside the head, in ways that were, of course, profoundly meaningful for her. Not enough to make her respectful, appropriate, or remorseful. Oh, perish the thought!

What happened was that, at the momentous crisis that woulda-coulda-shoulda been her passing... the throngs of morners gathered around her deathbed to weep over her, and thank her, and bless her, and give her attention, damnit did not materialize. Hours and hours went by, days and days... and to her immense shock and anger (Nrage) for much, if not most of that time, the throngs of loving sycophants did not camp out in and around the hospital, praying, day and night.

But, (oh, you poor bastard), you did show up.

And, like any junkie, she would have gitten a fix anywhere, from anyone... but YOU? holy shit BREAKING NO CONTACT??? Oh, Bella... YOU are her particular brand of heroine.

And she wants another hit.

And her reality is completely Twilight Zone... she successfully identified a way to have contact and ... and this is a big one.....

All the effing people who she's been getting Nsupply from in your absence, to her mind, deserted her in her hour of need. Because, even if they actually had been incredibly attentive, giving, and solicitous during her health crisis... to a narc they don't have "lives offstage". Everone else only exists in relation to the Narc. So every minute she experienced, that she didn't have The Entire Supporting Cast surrounding her.... or (gasp) endured alone... she resented the fuck put of. Narcs do not grasp the concept of other people having their own needs, as normal people do when in the hospital and loved ones need to go home, shower, maybe take the trash out or pay bills or do a load of laundry, and can't just sit attentively and adoringly at the bedside.

So... this is all her. This isn't you. Not even for her junkie shakes of coming to you for Nsupply. You did the decent, honorable thing that honored your own Truth... and by resetting the boundary, you are HONORING THAT HIGHER TRUTH. But its sooooo textbook predictable on her part. But, again, that is NOT your responsibility.

u/HailStormBuffalo · 10 pointsr/getdisciplined

Well, I have been in this situation for decades, but I've been paying attention to the problem and finally I feel like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

​

There is a theory called "The Rider, the Elephant and the Path". you can watch a video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9KP8uiGZTs.

​

I would make a slighty change to that theory. I would not name it "The Rider, the Elephant and the Path", but "The Rider, the Elephant and the Destination". For me, being aware of the destination is more important that making the path easier. According to the Stoic philosophers, you cannot change what is outside of you, but only what is inside. Thus, you cannot change the path, but you can change the picture in your mind of your destination. What I am learning is that having a picture in your mind of your destination is very important. Is your goal.

​

My recomendations to read:

  • The Parkinsowns law. It is about how we manage time.
  • The Will to Die (Dorothea Brande's book: "Wake up and Live") find it in Amazon.
  • The Strangest Sectret, by Earl Nightingale (do not confuse it with "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne)
  • As a Man Thinketh by James Allen
  • Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
  • If How-To's Were Enough We Would All be Skinny, Rich and Happy by Brian Klemmer
  • Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers

    (I am not receiving any commision from amazon or anyone by recomending this resources)

    ​

    I am sharing with you all the resources I am using. You have to be realistic and understand that It will take some time for you to change your ways. For me its been around three or four years, but it does not have to be the same for you.

    ​

    When I read a book I do not finish it and begin to read my next book. No, I don't do that. I jump to other books and come back and learn. My goal is not to win a trophy for reading a lot of books, but to understand how they are linked to each other. To illustrate this, watch this video from Tai Lopez recorded way before he was famous. I've read and listened to the audio version of "The Strangest Secret" multiple times, more than 20. I still turn my car stereo and listen to the audio version from Amazon during my commute. It is a small but very powerful teaching.

    ​

    I recomend for you to begin with "The Stranget Secret" and stick with it for a few months. It is not about you noding and then go and read your next book. In the book "As a man Thinketh" there is a powerful line: You have to learn how to "watch, control, and alter your thoughts." If you can do that, you are in the next level.

    ​

    Use a journal, and try to write anything you learn and the connections you made with the material you read.

    ​

    After "The Strangest Secret" I read "Wake up and Live". In the meanwhile I was also reading "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". It is very intersting how you can read along two or three books and link the ideas together. The book "If How-To's Were Enough" is very powerful too. It will show you the real reason behind why you do not finish your work.

    ​

    I hope you take at least a month to read and follow what is in this entry in Reddit. It took me three or four years to digest those books and videos. Please do not watch one after another. Take your time to reflect and make notes in your journal. Write and make drawings of all your thoughts. You will need them later, when trying to make conections between recources.

    ​

    I leave you with one of my favorite videos on the subject, Think BIG.

    ​

    Cheers!

    ​

    ​
u/[deleted] · 9 pointsr/hinduism

First let me say that Hinduism is by no means a single religion, in fact it contains within it a variety of beliefs more numerous than the entirety of the Abrahamic religions, so my answers will ultimately not capture the entire corpus of Hindu beliefs.

  1. There are broadly speaking three views about God in Hinduism

    A) Polytheism: Hindu polytheism constitutes a belief in, and worship of the many deities of the Hindu pantheon. I would say most Hindus who are not interested in learning about Hindus philosophy fall into this category by default, not that it is a bad thing by any means. These deities include many beings, examples of some are: Vishnu, Shiva, Devi, Ganesha, Surya, and many others. India is a very big place and there are even deities that are only worshiped in a certain part of the country.

    B) Monotheism: Under this view there is only one God, who has a personality, and has created the universe. There are three main branches of Hindu monotheism, Vaishnavism (Worship of Vishnu), Shaivism (Worship of Shiva), and Shaktism (Worship of the Goddess). Each of these branches believes that their deity is the supreme, and had religious texts supporting their belief. The Puranas are a group of texts which illustrate this mode of thinking the most. If you follow Vishnavism, then the Bhagavad Purana tells of Vishnu being the supreme, or if you follow Shaivism the Shiva Purana would be a go to text.

    C) Monism: Under this view God is not a person but is rather the entirety of the universe. God in this view is called Brahman, a concept that is outlined in the most important texts in Hinduism called the Upanishads. The Hindu pantheon in this view are parts of Brahman, as are we. The Upanishads describe how, after intense spiritual practice in the form of Yogic meditation, we come to the realization that the universe is one interconnected being. This philosophy is called Advaita Vedanta, one of the most influential systems of Indian thought.

    To qualify this even further is the fact that these views are not rigid as people can freely take ideas that makes sense to them from these categories, for example a Hindu might be monistic and believe that the true nature of the universe is Brahman, but will worship the Gods in a polytheistic manner, with the belief that these deities are manifestations of Brahman.

  2. Depends on who you ask, some will say Shiva created the world because he is the supreme God, some say Vishnu did because he is the supreme. Others will say the universe created itself. The most prominent creation stories are outlined in the Puranas, texts which deal with stories.

  3. Hindu, Jain, and Buddhist cosmology all agree that there are infinite universes. However there are many other aspects of Indian cosmology that are very foreign to modern science, as one would expect.

  4. I'm not sure what you mean by this.

  5. To be free from suffering. I don't think you have to be a pessimist to understand that the natural inclination of human existence is toward pain and misery. Spiritual practice can help us, even in this life, live in a state of happiness and bliss. How is it achieved? Yoga and meditation.

  6. This is my own understanding. The modern studies around meditation and their implications in western psychology have significant parallels with Indian philosophy, most considerably in the realms of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism. Thought it isn't strictly about Hinduism, this book does an excellent job illustrating how Indian philosophy is very closely related to a modern understanding of the human experience.

  7. The oldest texts in Hinduism are the four Vedas, very ancient scriptures that sing about the glories of the Hindu pantheon, although many of the Gods in the Vedas aren't even worshiped anymore, and the ones that are, are only mentioned briefly in the Vedas. For example, even thought Shiva is one of the most widely worshiped deities today, there are very few mentions of him in the Vedas, whereas the most significant deities in the Vedas such as Indra, Varuna, Agni, Mitra and others, have almost no worship today.

    The Upanishads are texts which constitute the last part of the Veda, and are probably the most significant when it comes to Hindu philosophy. These texts deal with the nature of the self and with Brahman. It is in the Upanishads that the basis of Hindu philosophy is expounded, there are about 13 primary Upanishads and they mostly deal with the meditative revelation that the self is no different from the universe.

    Texts that deal with the epic stories of Hinduism include the Mahabharata, the Ramayana, and the Puranas. The Dharma texts are books that deal primarily with morality and ethical codes.

    There are thousands of books from hundreds of traditions, these are just the major categories.

  8. Most Hindus believe in free will.

  9. Some Hindus are very superstitious and believe in all sorts of magic, and some, not so much.

  10. There are Christian zealots who would point out that the Dharma texts have passages saying a woman can never divorce a man, but Hindus do not have the same relationship with religious texts that the Abrahamic religions have. If a text does not meet the mark of our knowledge and understanding Hindus are free to use their discretion when ascertaining whether it should be taken seriously or not.

  11. Details depend on who you are, but generally most Hindus believe they have duties to support their family, to uphold justice and social wellbeing, and to avoid harming another living being.

  12. Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism are all Indian religions and consequently are have many similarities. If you want to know exactly when and how these religions formed I recommend Indian Philosophy by S. Radhakrishnan, probably the best text on Indian religion.

  13. Ignorance, there is no such thing as evil.

  14. Depends on who you talk to, to some people the world is filled with spirits and elementals, and to others not so much. Some believe the stories in Hindu texts are symbolic and some believe them literally.

  15. Anything

  16. Similar answer to 10, you can find some dusty old book saying "men are superior to women" but most modern Hindus would agree then men and women should both be treated with respect, and that a man should treat his partner with the utmost respect and devotion.

  17. Depends on who you ask, although it might be killing a monk or Brahmin.

  18. Absolutely. Even those who commit the worst kinds of acts can eventually find redemption.

  19. Read immensely and practice, and don't stop exploring.

  20. By questioning everything and listening to all kinds of teachers with an open mind. and the moment you think you definitely, certainly, 100% have the truth, look up the counterarguments and read those too.
u/Sennmeistr · 9 pointsr/Stoicism

>Combatting depression

Quoting a recent comment of mine:

>You might want to look into cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), if that isn't what you already did.

>Recommended books:
The Philosophy of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and
Unshakeable Freedom.


>Also: Recommended Post.

 
>Philosophy and Stoicism

Apart from the Enchiridion and the Meditations, the primary reading list includes letters and essays from Seneca as well as Cicero or the fragments from Musonius Rufus. Modern books include How to be a Stoic, A guide to the good life and Stoicism and the art of happiness. The FAQ has a nice list which is worth checking out.

>Books about changing the way you think (false thoughts vs. truths)

This might not be Stoic, but you might be interested in Thinking fast and slow.

>Identity

Might not be exactly what you were looking for, but reading The mind illuminated and implementing meditation as a practice, changed the way I think about myself and my thoughts on a daily basis.

>The ego

A favourite of mine is the eight page-long article by urbanmonk.

A good starting point for thought provoking and self-help books is the sub /r/BettermentBookClub. If you search for thought provoking articles, /r/Foodforthought or /r/philosophy is the way to go.

u/Astartes_Pius · 9 pointsr/Stoicism

I think, your past failures are not in your control. So, they are not bad nor good. You can only practice virtues and vices in the here and now. "That is my past, not me in this moment."

I think the journaling has only a limited effect, because we need to see that specific moment in an other aspect than our vice-blurred-vision. I think a very short, concise "error-log", or "debugger's journal" at the end of the day can help. With points like this:

  • I ate too much for lunch, so I couldn't concentrate afternoon.

    And after awakening you can read these practical experiences during your morning meditation.

    You can use self-help CBT books to correct your behavior. Just remember, only the wise person/Sage is truly in control of his behavior. I think most of vices are in our lives in the form of bad habits, and not because we are evil or intrinsically bad persons. I have many bad habits / vices and not because I am bad. I am working on them for years, because they are "habits". Stoicism is about reclaiming out brain. And in this century we know so much more about our brain, and our unconscious behaviour, than our ancient ancestors. I think Don. Robertson's book has a very good aspect about the modern day's applied philosophy (he is an experienced therapist.)
    http://www.amazon.com/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-Teach-Yourself/dp/1444187104

    Btw.: I know very well this kind of self-judgement. This is the main ingredient of the laziness which has a fancier name: procrastination. It is my life-long vice too. Even my first readings of the Stoics was some sort of procrastination, but they are always sending me back to my study with harsh words :D :D

    But I think it is a far more specific problem which has a very good literature:

    http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

    http://www.amazon.ca/Solving-Procrastination-Puzzle-Concise-Strategies/dp/0399168125



    (edit. a couple addition...)
u/IronWoobie · 9 pointsr/Stoicism

Stoicism and the Art of Happiness has many exercises, which is written by our own /u/SolutionsCBT. Stoic Spiritual Exercises attempts to re-construct specific meditative practices as well.

u/arrsquared · 9 pointsr/childfree

It is common use in english at this point, not much use correcting it because its already been accepted and popularized within the 20-30 crowd.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnbeckett/2016/01/adulting-is-an-indictment-of-society-not-of-millennials.html

http://www.amazon.com/Adulting-Become-Grown-up-Easy-Steps/dp/1455516902

u/TinkleThief · 8 pointsr/seduction

"Just stop giving a fuck" is something that gets parroted around here quite a bit. It's not bad advice, but it's a bit like telling someone who aspires to be a guitarist to just start learning guitar. It's not wrong, but it's not very useful advice on it's own.

In the context of seduction, not giving a fuck really boils down to not caring about the outcome of a given interaction, or overcoming the fear of rejection. If you think about it, if you didn't fear rejection, picking up women would be a walk in the park.

So yeah, it sounds great, but it's not something you can just decide to start doing on a whim. The fear of rejection is pretty deeply rooted in a lot of guy's minds, and the usual way to get over it is by doing. Going out there, hitting on women, getting rejected, and going through a lot of pain and discomfort.

Another option is to adopt a philosophy at a core level. That is, adopting the core belief that shit like picking up women is insignificant compared to some other big belief you have, be it spiritual or otherwise. For example, believing that your existence is a result of endless random things going perfectly right, and the very fact that you're alive is a god damn fucking miracle. You live your life in fucking AWE, thankful for every moment that you're able to breathe air and live a life. If you adopt this at a core, fundamental level in your mind, you open yourself up to endless joy, bliss, happiness, and you better believe that being rejected by a woman won't faze you in the slightest.

Obviously it takes time to get to that point, but that's essentially the philosophy of Stoicism for you. There are exercises (much like meditation, which in it's own right is extremely useful for not giving a fuck) that will help bring you to that point. If you're interested in the stoic philosophy, I would be happy to recommend some great books. This is seriously life-changing stuff, but it's not something that happens overnight.

Edit: Here are a couple great books to get started with:

  • Stoicism And The Art of Happiness

  • A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

    I recommend reading those in order (Art of happiness first). It is a fantastic introduction and high-level overview of stoicism and introduces you to some exercises to start adopting the philosophy. A guide to the good life is also a beautiful book, but gives you a lot more history on stoicism, which isn't necessarily required, but it's extremely interesting and gives you a lot more context to the subject material.
u/Tall_for_a_Jockey · 8 pointsr/ForeverAlone

Right now someone you don't know is reading about your troubles and hoping you feel better. If you are suicidal, please tell someone. Recreational drugs are best for recreation, not solving problems. Have you looked into meditation? I know this sounds silly, bit if you spend five minutes on YouTube, you can learn to meditate. If you take another five minutes to meditate, you might find some answers that give you the strength to carry on. I'd strongly recommend this book.

u/seb693 · 8 pointsr/askwomenadvice

Read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-Expanded-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0399176136

It’s about a plastic surgeon who discovered that some of his patients would still remain unhappy with themselves/ how they looked even after plastic surgery. He began to study the beliefs and thought patterns behind this.

I think it might be a good read for you. I hope you discover self love, because for some people plastic surgery does help them feel better about themselves and for other people, it does not.

You can also read in that book how people felt after getting plastic surgery that went “wrong” and how they dealt with the guilt of choosing a surgery that was supposed to help them look & feel better, but didn’t.

I think reading this book may help you feel better about yourself and help you discover self- insight

u/Jaja1990 · 7 pointsr/Meditation

Search Inside Yourself is probably the best book for beginners.

u/ASAP_IKER · 7 pointsr/asktrp

Feel the fear and do it anyway is a really good book. It changed my life and the way I perceive my fears.

u/CaptainCruiser · 7 pointsr/AskMen

I'm also a writer with a mild speech impediment. Same kind of thing. Funny coincidence! The difference between you and I though is that my voice is quite deep; even as far back as the third grade, people were remarking about my deep voice, I remember.

I started stuttering around the time I began puberty. That lasted a long time. I've also had trouble with mumbling and slurring my words. I also had a knack for being "the quiet guy". These are all issues I've dealt with since childhood. I've mostly overcome it by:

  • Speaking deliberately. Think about what you want to say, take your time. Imagine you're in a movie and act a little if you have to, fake it until you make it (I find movies to be inspiring, but that's just me). There's no rush.

  • Speaking confidently. This is easier said than done, ironically. Confidence has something to do with it. For me, I started with thinking of myself as an honest person. "I'm an honest person", I told myself, "I tell it like it is". Once I'd begun thinking of my self-image as an honest person, I started speaking my mind more often, and I was no longer the guy who either doesn't speak or can't speak! Just don't overdue it, use moderation, nobody likes a blunt asshat. Self-image goes a long, long way.

  • Practicing talking. I know it's stupid. I know. But really, practice talking. Talk to the dog if you have to, let your neighbors think you're crazy, doesn't matter. Speculate about future conversations when you're alone in your car, what you'd say in a specific argument, narrate your thoughts, whatever. I find that I enjoy talking about things I'm passionate about, like movies and video games, so I like to pretend as though I'm explaining a game I love to someone who hasn't played it.

u/highstrungbarbie · 7 pointsr/relationship_advice

I tell people this a lot, and it really depends on the person, but I'll try to make a list! To focus on ourselves basically means to better our confidence and our general well-being. Focusing on ourselves is basically keeping busy while improving ourselves at the same time. Because at the end of the day, we can't rely on others to lift us up. It helps to have people there, but we will always have ourselves. Focusing on ourselves means just living our lives and not worrying about trying to find another person to help fill the empty void in our hearts, but at the same time, while doing our own thing and just living life, this is when we may meet other people or potential future partners along the way. So either way, it's a win-win situation.

  • write, journal, let everything out. Hold nothing back. There's a lot of cool notebooks to choose from out there specifically tailored to give you topics to focus on, like writing prompt journals, or there's gratitude journals as well
  • which leads me to my next point, write out a list of what your grateful for
  • write out a list of your current goals or any improvements you would like to make, then look at it every day or post it somewhere you can easily see in your room
  • Friends have recommended the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" (I still haven't read it but I heard it's good)
  • I also heard this book is really good too "You Are a Badass"
  • hike, pick a trail, set a goal to make it to the top of a hill to help build your endurance (I have a friend who also loves to do this while making videos of himself talking to himself and just reflecting on life)
  • go to social events like parties or shows
  • focus on your career and work on that promotion, or if you still don't have one yet or you're unsure, this is the perfect time to figure that out and make a list of what you really love and have passion for
  • remind yourself that you are awesome and deserving of the best, every day or at least once a week
  • remain humble and never cocky
  • depending on your age, go to bars and hang with friends and also depending on where you live, go to a barcade if you like video games or old arcade-style games while drinking
  • hang with friends and have on one one convos with them about life (you really learn a lot)
  • learn how to cook something that you can see yourself enjoying for the rest of your life (cooking is a great skill to have, and many women really love men that know how to cook)
  • get a new hair cut, or buy some new clothes, a new video game, a new anything. Treat yo self
  • become your own best friend (it's really not as lame as you think)
  • pick up a new hobby, whether it's an outdoor or indoor activity, like photography
  • if you're still in school, maybe join any groups or clubs
  • definitely exercise since it helps build muscle, keeps you fit, and helps boost those endorphins making you feel better in the long run
  • if you're the artsy type, go to art galleries, and if you feel so inclined, even invite a female friend to join you
  • take a mini road trip with your friends if possible
  • write a short story
  • Dare yourself to try a new foreign dish for the first time and live life on the "edge"
  • help volunteer somewhere
  • pay a stranger a compliment
  • do one good deed for someone every week or month
  • visit some place you've always wanted to go to

    I know there's so much more you can do, but I hope some of these can help for now! Basically just go out there and live your life and have as much fun as possible.
u/HellhoundsOnMyTrail · 7 pointsr/OkCupid

> 2 weeks ago, He decided that he wanted to be exclusive after a few dates.

Mistake numero uno.

> I was creeping his Faceook

Numero dos.

> Should I be worried about not being as pretty as his ex?

Très. No, why would you?

You're not going to get the therapy you need from a reddit post. But remember, there is nothing wrong with you

u/blorence · 7 pointsr/femalefashionadvice

My old roommate gave me Adulting, which has some tips that were super obvious (how to do dishes, how to pay bills, how to find car help, etc.), but also some that were like "how to tell your parents that you love them and you are not going to follow their advice this time." It's sooorta like a Guide to Being 23. Then again I am not a success story, as I've read the book many times and I have yet to escape my quarter-life crisis.

u/cleomedes · 6 pointsr/Stoicism

> I am sure that this question pops up frequently.

Indeed it does, so it is in the FAQ.

Edit:

I have an abbreviated version here. The longer version in the FAQ is better, though.

quoting it (the abbreviated version) for the lazy:

> Good options are:
>
> The Enchiridion of Epictetus is short and easy to read. It was written as a "cheat sheet" of sorts for Epictetus's Discourses, reading the Discourses as well can be very helpful for clarifying what is being said.
>
Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, a personal journal. There are several out-of-copyright translations online, none of which are very good. Hard and Hays both have much better translations popular with readers here.
> Selected essays and letters by Seneca the Younger, particularly De Tranquillitate (On Tranquility of Mind) and De Brevitate Vitae (On the Shortness of Life).
Moses Hadas's [
The Stoic Philosophy of Seneca](http://openlibrary.org/books/OL13549785M/The_stoic_philosophy_of_Seneca) is a good printed source for these and other writing by Seneca.
>
De Officiis (On Duties) by Marcus Tullius Cicero.
>
> Recommended modern accounts include The Stoics: A Guide for the Perplexed by Andrew Holowchak and A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Irvine. The later is notable for being popular, easy to read, and controversial; some (including myself) find that he departs significantly from several fundamental elements of Stoicism (see here and here).
>
> I think any of these can be a good starting point, and any of them can be valuable on its own, but each only offers a partial glimpse of Stoicism as a whole.
>
> Most of the ancient sources above are good for browsing, picking random pages and reading a little bit here and there. Each has its own distinct character. A good approach may be to find copies of the Enchiridion, Meditations, and a selections of Seneca, and spend a little time browsing through each, and then focusing on the one that appeals most. Then, pursue supporting material to help give context, unpack references, and otherwise improve interpretation. For the Enchiridion, the best source for this would be the Discourses, and Long's Epictetus: A Stoic and Socratic Guide to Life is also helpful, in different ways. For the Meditations, Stephens' Marcus Aurelius does a good job of explaining context, references, and interpretation.


Edit 2: This book, more recent than the FAQ, is also with reading, and the author posts here sometimes.

u/turiyamoore · 6 pointsr/Meditation

My guru found me. I was not looking for a guru or a spiritual path. I didn't believe in or have faith in God, religion, spirituality, or any teachers.

I was looking for self understanding and happiness. I was handed a couple of books with a yogic perspective. One was The Art of Happiness, by the Dalai Lama, and the other was Where There is Light, by Paramhansa Yogananda. I resonated with both of these.

In my early readings of Yogananda I remember him saying that "Belief won't save you, you need to know God if you would be free." With all my wisdom, it struck a cord in me that this guy is saying that belief is not what it's all about and that there is some way to KNOW GOD. I thought this was really interesting, because I had assumed all religion and spirituality was a bunch of belief oriented stuff to help weak people make it through the day. I had no idea what was laid out before me.

He said to meditate and I learned how from someone who followed him. He said that God would come to us an any form we called out to, if we would call with deep sincerity and with love. I was ready to try.
I used his techniques for about a year or more, and tried every day. One day I was answered. God is real. Meditation is real. The help of a guru is the greatest blessing to fall on man.

Everything in my life changed. I gave my life to Yogananda. I'll never walk alone again. He is as alive (more alive) than any pile of flesh and bones walking this earth. I know him. He knows me. My life is full of miracles, little and big. The greatest miracle of all is Joy and the Love I feel for God, life and man. I would never have known how good life is if it was not for what Yogananda has done for me.

Understand that the ego is what lies between you and Bliss. That is it, there is nothing else in the way.

Those who say, Oh, an external teacher... or the guru is within... and basically are guiding themselves, I understand, but there is a better way. It's not black and white. The guru IS within, but the guru is not your own mind or thoughts or feelings. He/She is behind all of them. Watching, praying and waiting for you to recognize their presence in your life.

If you want to know your guru. Pray for that awareness to come to you once you have become prepared to receive what the guru can offer.

The guru is not here to get you a job, a girfriend, or an easy life. The Guru comes when you are over it. When you are ready to put it all down and want God alone.

When this is what you want, and you are really clear, when you are desparate as St. Anthony, or St Francis, or Sri Rama Krishna, the guru will cry for you in your heart and will arise in your life.

and still, you'll have to choose. You'll have to overcome doubt and fear to receive him.

and it will be the most glorious day of your life when you really know, you have never been alone.

love and joy to all

u/ryanwalraven · 6 pointsr/NonZeroDay

Here are some quick recommendations from my list of favorites for those who are interested (I hope mods are OK with links to make looking easier, otherwise I'll happily remove them). These books engaged and inspired me and my imagination:

The Alchemist:

>The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho continues to change the lives of its readers forever. With more than two million copies sold around the world, The Alchemist has established itself as a modern classic, universally admired.

>Paulo Coelho's masterpiece tells the magical story of Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who yearns to travel in search of a worldly treasure as extravagant as any ever found.

The Three Body Problem is a Chinese Science Fiction novel that has recently become popular in the West thanks to a good translation (I recommend reading my synopsis and not the Amazon one, to avoid spoilers):

>Set against the backdrop of China's Cultural Revolution, a secret military project looks for signals in space from alien civilizations. Meanwhile, in the present day, a physicist joins a grizzled detective to investigate why famous scientists are all committing suicide.

Fahrenheit 451:

>Guy Montag is a fireman. In his world, where television rules and literature is on the brink of extinction, firemen start fires rather than put them out. His job is to destroy the most illegal of commodities, the printed book, along with the houses in which they are hidden.

The Art of Happiness (by the Dalai Lama):

>Nearly every time you see him, he's laughing, or at least smiling. And he makes everyone else around him feel like smiling. He's the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet, a Nobel Prize winner, and a hugely sought-after speaker and statesman. Why is he so popular? Even after spending only a few minutes in his presence you can't help feeling happier.

Snow Crash:

>Hiro Protagonist delivers pizza for Uncle Enzo’s CosoNostra Pizza Inc., but in the Metaverse he’s a warrior prince. Plunging headlong into the enigma of a new computer virus that’s striking down hackers everywhere, he races along the neon-lit streets on a search-and-destroy mission for the shadowy virtual villain threatening to bring about infocalypse.

u/furysawa · 6 pointsr/simpleliving

On finances:

First of all, it's a common misconception that income is ever stable, because it never is! I may only be a few years older than yourself, but from the perspective of someone who has always held full-time positions, I've been laid-off twice and have worked 5 jobs and 2 small freelance gigs (software/web developer). I'm about to start a new job tomorrow actually! My dream is to become a full-fledged freelancer so I can have the freedom to choose what to work on, when and where. It's a lot of self-management, takes a lot of time to establish relationships and build clientele but for me, I'd rather deal with that extra overhead than work for someone else who has authority over me and tells me what to do. I used to be more passionate and in love with my career, but my increasing nihilistic perspective and working for a terrible boss had changed my view on this. Especially in my industry, a lot of the app development and whatnot can really start feeling pointless and un-impactful so I'd rather do something that I'm content with. Anyway, as long as you have your financials in order (you make more than you spend, build an emergency fund of at least 3-6 months living, invest the rest in an IRA if possible, etc), I think you have an incredible opportunity that I personally would not pass up!

Also, I know this goes without saying, but try to pay off that loan as quickly as possible!

On wellness:

I think I've always been dealing with some form of depression too--some months its worse and some better. Over the years I've spent a lot of time studying philosophy (mostly Stoicism), positive psychology, and buddhism in the form of reading books, joining/participating in subs, reading studies, and meditation/contemplation. I'm not discrediting therapy or psychiatry but for me personally, I don't feel advice, even professional advice, can bring me inner peace (as you might notice, I have a problem with authority :P). I've also read accounts of a lot of people dealing with depression who had found that Buddhist teachings had helped them (for me, it's Stoicism) so maybe it could help you too. I recommend Art of Happiness, as it is a synthesis between Buddhist teaching and western psychiatry that is very relatable. I often find myself referring to it when my depression gets particularly savage.


From my perspective, you really have a lot going for you so if there's any advice to give in light of living simply, it's to keep doing what you're doing. If you think your life is pretty great as you say, there's no need to change it. Simply appreciate it!

u/bw2002 · 6 pointsr/AskMen

The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama.

I read it when I was 18 and learned that I can choose to let things bother me. Now I'm pretty good at letting things roll off my back.

u/AmaDaden · 6 pointsr/compsci

There are several different pieces of advice you'll get when you ask this, you'll basically need to take all of them to some degree. There is no magic bullet, and you'll never be done.

  • Hate your own code. Based on your post this one is going well! This is important because it'll drive you to do things to improve, like ask /r/compsci for advice. You can always do better, but don't underrate yourself too much. There are TONS of horrible programmers out there who would NEVER bother to even look at a site like this, never mind ask a question here.

  • Mind your tools; both digital and physical. The goal here is make it easy to do awesome work. For digital tools learn about your IDE, repository, OS, and any other tool you use a lot. Don't go nuts, just learn enough to make work as easy as possible. For your physical tools make sure you have a desk and chair that's not gonna kill your back. Also think about 2 or 3 monitors and upgrading your PC with more RAM and a SSD. You would be surprised how much a fast PC and better interfaces can improve your productivity.

  • Read documentation. It will teach you all the nice tips and tricks most people don't know about or you don't properly understand. It's dry and painful but having a deep understanding of your language and tools is incredibly valuable. Just be warned, the deeper the documentation goes in to the details the more dry and painful it is.

  • Read books about programming wisdom. Every book I see here is a good candidate for this. The difference between these and documentation is that the documentation will focus on stuff you can't learn without being told about it, while these can be learned through practice and thought but it's much better to just get the idea by reading what someone else learned. These books are amazing shortcuts to good style and maintainable code but they are useless unless they help to show you something you're ready for. It's best to reread and skim these as you progress.

  • Practice. Pick something, ANYTHING and work on it. Even if it's something that will never be used it'll help you practice what you've been reading up on. Without practice you'll just slowly forget what anything you've learned.

  • Get a better job. /u/alienangel2 is right. I just got a job at a company that actually cares about making good software. I've learned more in the past few months then I learned during YEARS at other places. My best advice for this is to aim for large companies that are doing well and depend on the software you'll be working on. Consulting companies and small companies both tend to lack the time, resources, and motivation to keep their code well written. Remember to ask the place you're interviewing for if they do any of the cool things you've been reading about. Interview them while they interview you. Lastly don't settle for a job if it will not challenge you, NO MATTER HOW WELL IT PAYS (unless you can't survive on that salary, that's way different).

  • Physical exercise. Surprised? There's lots of research on this and you can read lots about it if you search around, but the short answer is that a bit of exercise will help you think faster and focus better.

  • Exercise your mind. Ok, this may sound even weirder then the last one but if the research is right you can expect to hear more about this as time goes on. Science has found that meditation actually works really well to improve just about everything you do. I recommend Search inside yourself, It was written by a Googler and comes at mediation with self improvement based on the latest research.
u/bethelmayflower · 6 pointsr/exjw

First of all I totally get how you feel. I felt the same way about my parents, it is all comming rushing back now, and I'm 63.

I did not renounce the JW's until my 30's and I didn't have autism. I find it interesting that my experience was so similar to yours even though the two big things that are damaging your relationship with your parents were not in play with me.

It leads one to believe that the problem is much deeper than JW's or autism.

Some people can't dance, some can't play the guitar. Some people are just not good parents.

I do have some tricks for you that maybe will let you have a more pleasant few months until you can leave.

  1. Read the information on this site http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/. You will need the tools to help you deal with difficult situations.

  2. Change your expectations. Your parents are not going to be nurturing and loving. You deserve it of course but it is not likely to happen. Do you know what happens when you try to teach a pig to sing? You will not be successful, pigs can't sing, and in trying you will probably annoy the pig.

  3. Become an anthropologist and watch and learn from your interaction with the natives. Put yourself in the mind of your parents and try to figure out what is really going on with them. If they are terrified that their son is going to die at Armageddon as an atheist reassure them that you have a good heart and that Jehovah can read hearts and we are not saved by works anyway and if their is a god you have a pretty good chance of making the cut. The autism might help you here. God might give you an autism pass.

  4. Never, ever engage. Never yell, cry etc. You are a professional observing the behavior.

  5. Keep a journal of what you learn. You are not trying to change anyone except yourself. You are just trying to understand.

  6. Experiment with different behavior patterns. If they scream about the last dish look at them with complete composure and take care of it and offer to mop the floor. What will they do if you change how you respond. Be aware they may respond better or worse, I don't know but be sure to write it down.

  7. Learn how to meditate. http://www.amazon.com/10-Happier-Self-Help-Actually-Works-A/dp/0062265423. You will need it.


    In short the skill you need to acquire is to have complete control over your own emotions. If you are under 25 that will be particularly hard as your brain is not fully developed yet. But you can make progress. It is a lot of fun to develop this skill, it is like a super power.

    Here is another mental exercise that might help. Lets say a close family member had nervous breakdown and had to be hospitalized in an mental institution. Sometimes when you visited she would be nice other times she would froth at the mouth and scream the vilest vulgarities at you and try to kill you and the guys in the white coats would have to restrain her. What would you do? How would feel about it. Would you take it personally and scream back and have it ruin your day. Of course not, she is sick, under care and not herself.

    When you think about it the whole world is one big insane institution. Your parents, the people at the KH they are all at different levels of nuts. You and me too. You have make big progress lately but probably have a way to go. So stop fighting and trying to make other people behave the way you want them to. Work on your behavior, it is the one thing you have some control over though even that not 100%.

    I feel for you bro. it has been almost 50 years and I can still remember the hate.

    PS:
    They are still alive and still suck at being parents. I called my dad a couple weeks ago and told him he had a new great, grand son. His comment:
    "Well that is a big deal for you but it doesn't affect us much". I asked him if he wanted some pictures. He said: "I don't do computers and I would want to bother anyone at the hall but if you want to print a couple out it is up to you."

    So little dude, I'm not saying your parents are a bad as mine but remember the story about the pig.

    You are smart and focused and are going to have a wonderful life.








u/jdstrong21 · 6 pointsr/GetMotivated

I would one up the practice in mindfulness. I don't think the thoughts will ever go away, in my experience it's just a fact of repositioning who is running the show...is it my thoughts or is it me.

Being mindful flips the switch for me, puts me in a state of accepting the reality of what is going through my mind...choosing to let it be but not let it control my direction.

Fear can be a good thing, it's all how it is perceived. I use it to drive and fuel my efforts towards the goals and aspirations I have as a husband, father, and businessman.

Yes, like the squeaky cog, they can't get loud, but that's when I start doubling down on being mindful, staying in the moment, and practicing discipline.

If it helps, here are a few good resources I have personally used in an effort to better myself in the ongoing power struggle happening in the 'ol brainskies:

10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story - https://www.amazon.com/10-Happier-Self-Help-Actually-Works/dp/0062265431

Calm: Meditate & relax with guided mindfulness meditation for stress reduction - https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/calm-meditate-relax-guided/id571800810?mt=8

I hope that helps!

u/lotusflowerjasmine · 6 pointsr/exmormon

>My dating profiles say "I'm looking for no-pressure, casual experiences in both dating and sex." Is that not clear?

I would read this to mean you’re looking for casual sex and immediately swipe left no matter what you look like or anything else you might have said. There’s nothing wrong with casual sex, if that’s what you want. But understand the pool of women in their 30s looking for that is smaller, and those who are open to it are probably going to expect something in exchange.

>I've been on both of these for months. Maybe a year. I go weeks at a time without getting a single match. Even when I do get a match they almost never message me. This is really the crux of my rant. So many people were telling me on my other post that I should have no problem meeting women, and yet I can't meet women. How is that not going to fuck with my head?

I have a theory that online dating is dying. I think most people play it as a game these days and aren’t investing any real time or effort in finding something genuine. The documentary I mentioned more or less confirmed this — you seriously have to watch it ASAP. Also, most of us have been at it a lot longer than you have, and we’ve been on so many bad dates that it’s hard to take it seriously anymore. My friends and I prefer to meet people offline and have all quit online.

>This is the main thing I haven't given significant effort yet. I admit it. Because I'm terrible in group situations. I'm too fucking shy and introverted. Even if I try these things I'll still be too much of a coward to try and make a move. Please understand: I'm working against inertia that's been built up over my entire life. I can't think of a single dating experience I've had that I can look back on and tell myself "I did good."

I get it. I’m a not-at-all-shy introvert. I can turn on the social skills when I need to, but I find it exhausting after a while. Stop thinking about it as dating or making a move, and just go make friends. Practice socializing with men and women with whom you share hobbies or other interests. And if even that sounds hard, seriously look at meditations for social anxiety. There are thousands of free ones online, and they will help. Also consider seeing a therapist to help you get started.

>Have I made the impression that I think this? I barely talked about sex at all in this post. Yes, sex is one of my goals because thinking about taking a woman home without knowing what to do causes a shit ton of anxiety. I'm just trying to figure out an unknown.

Stop being so defensive, stop thinking about sex as a goal, and stop worrying about how to handle it when the time comes. You’ll more likely than not be with someone more experienced, and she’ll be happy to take the lead. Read this: https://medium.com/@JessicaLexicus/give-virgins-a-chance-395b02527435?source=linkShare-511ae20bf0bc-1537596023

>I have a real problem with this word. I've always understood it to include the idea that the guy is angry and hateful toward women because they won't give him what he thinks he's earned or deserves. That is not me. I don't get angry at women for rejecting me. I've never given anyone a hard time for not being interested. I always try to be polite.

That is exactly what the word means, and I’m very glad to hear it doesn’t apply to you. But it’s not good to beat yourself up over your perceived lack of success with dating either. There are plenty of us who are older than you, happily single and still open to whatever may come in the future. It’s all a matter of perspective. Another great read for you: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062265431/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_WVDPBbGFWQBK3

>I appreciate your words and advice. Thank you for trying to help. But I still feel like no one is actually reading what I write. It's just reinforced the idea that I'm somehow inhuman, like I'm incapable of being understood by normal people. So I guess I'm sorry for posting this.

Again, please stop this! We’re reading, we’re listening. But you need to listen too. You are waaaaay too hard on yourself. Inhuman because you aren’t immediately perfectly understood on reddit? You are a good person going through a hard time and probably some depression. You’ll get through it. Please see the resources I and others have pointed you to. It will get better.









u/over-my-head · 6 pointsr/selfimprovement

You're welcome. My dad's a G.P. and he got copies of these for every one in my family. They are amazing.

Other good ones to look at are:

u/sorryimdrunkstill · 6 pointsr/LawSchool

I found out my live-in SO was having an affair the night before my first 1L exam. It was absolutely brutal. Get a therapist ASAP. Workout (a lot). Lean on your family and friends. Read the book You Are a Badass. Stay off dating apps. I know the distraction seems appealing but they are a complete time suck and in my opinion, absolutely toxic. DM me if you need support or have any questions. It gets better. I promise.

u/LinenEphod · 6 pointsr/AskMen

The Four Agreements

>1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

>2. Don’t Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

>3. Don’t Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.


>4. Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

u/Grillburg · 5 pointsr/exjw

I am so sorry to hear about the trouble your son is going through. I'm glad you're turning your life around and trying to support him.

I don't know if this will help, but maybe. I am not gay, but for many years after I left the JWs I still suffered from depression, a lack of self-esteem and suicidal thoughts because I was convinced that {I} was wrong for leaving the JWs. I must not have been good enough.

It was thanks to a lot of self-help resources from many places that I started to get over that. There's a big gap between realizing you're being lied to and realizing that you are a valuable person on your own. When you've been told you're worthless for so long, even when people keep telling you that's not true, it takes time for you to start believing it.

A big help for me (your mileage may vary) was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Learning to recognize "self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering" and replacing them with "agreements" that you make with yourself worked wonders.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005BRS8Z6/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Good luck to you and your son, and I hope he recovers.

u/Tosticated · 5 pointsr/sgiwhistleblowers

>Visualizing Success Can Actually Lead to Failure

I completely agree! You're setting yourself up to fail, over and over again, because you'll rarely be as good as you visualize yourself to be, and just end up feeling like a failure every time.

I much rather like the Stoic practice of negative visualisation with the approach of hoping for the best but be prepared for the worst by visualizing the worst than can happen. Just as the very best rarely happens, the very worst also rarely happens. Things almost never turn out as bad as you imagine, so you're setting yourself up to succeed all the time realising that things are actually not that bad, making you feel better about yourself, instead of worse.

As it turns out, research has shown that the happiest people are the ones that are best at dealing with things that go wrong in life, not the ones that think most positively.

I recommend this book: The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking.

u/SurrealSage · 5 pointsr/news

Others have mentioned Thich Quang Duc, but I figured I'd give a recounting of one of the most famous self-immolations in recent history.

In South Vietnam, the US backed government lead by Ngo Dinh Diem started to institute a number of rules to prevent Buddhists from practicing and expressing their faith. He and some of his friends pulled up to a busy intersection, set down a cushion, sat on it and was doused in gasoline. He said:

"Before closing my eyes and moving toward the vision of the Buddha, I respectfully plead to President Ngo Dinh Diem to take a mind of compassion toward the people of the nation and implement religious equality to maintain the strength of the homeland eternally. I call the venerables, reverends, members of the sangha and the lay Buddhists to organize in solidary to make sacrifices to protect Buddhism."

He then lit a match and immolated himself. (Fair warning, this is the picture!) It was said by reporters that "As he burned he never moved a muscle, never uttered a sound, his outward composure in sharp contrast to the wailing people around him."

Interestingly, it seemed like the pain had no real hold over him or his actions. What it did do was shock the rest of the world. John F. Kennedy remarked on the image, put pressure on South Vietnam, and before the end of the year the immolation occurred, Diem was deposed.

As for the pain side of it, an interesting thing can happen for those who meditate and train their minds: Pain can be dampened by a great degree. A book I have been reading recently talked about this. The author had a friend who wanted to test the extents of the dampening of pain while holding himself in a meditative state. So this friend had a cavity filling procedure done with no anesthetic. It is described that the pain was there, but it wasn't painful. It was like recognizing without reacting, and in doing so, the pain didn't "hurt" in the same way it would if one identified with it. The person judged afterward that the feeling of it was still better than being stuck with anesthetic in his face for the few hours following. It's a good book, I recommending giving it a read: Why Buddhism is True by Robert Wright (also the author of The Moral Animal, might have heard of that). He talks about how this stuff works in terms of evolutionary psychology. It's pretty neat.

u/SolutionsCBT · 5 pointsr/Stoicism

Hi, I'm the author. I'm glad you like the book. As someone mentioned, it's an academic text that focuses on the historical context and the relationship between Stoic practice and modern CBT, rather than a self-help guide. I've just written another book, due out soon, called Teach Yourself Stoicism and the Art of Happiness, published by Hodder. It's a completely different type of book, which is much more aimed at describing Stoicism in terms of practical exercises that modern readers can follow.

http://www.amazon.com/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-Don-Robertson/dp/1444187104/

u/xynix_ie · 5 pointsr/financialindependence

I was more clueless about life when I was 18 than I would have cared to admit at the time.

However when I was 18 I was already running my own business and making good money at it, something called a BBS (bulletin board system) which was a precursor to the WWW. I was already using the Internet way before the WWW and transferred my business to the Web when it was viable to do so. I eventually sold it in 1998.

Here's some advice, not that you asked for it.

Make a personal mission statement. This will change throughout the years, review it every year or a couple times a year. Google "make a personal mission statement" and start getting ideas. No rush here, spend a few days thinking about it. It's a living document of your purpose so feel free to change it as changing fits. I keep my mission statement tacked behind my work laptop and have it memorized by now.

Next you'll want to make goals. I have yearly goals I make at the start of each year, due by Feb 1. Then I make 10 year goals for the decade. By your age I had a goal sheet, which I accomplished, to get me to the age of 30. This is a good primer for it: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newHTE_90.htm this appears to be a paywall site but allows you to look at this article without paying.

We had a meeting a couple years ago, about 120 of us in attendance, and a retired Navy Seal was giving a group of us a motivational speech and provided content. He asked who had goals written down, about 20% of us raised our hands. He asked who had 10 year goals, about 10 people raised their hands. Then he asked who had 100 year goals and I was the only one who raised a hand.

I suppose he wasn't expecting anyone to claim a 100 year goal list, but here I am. A top earner in the room and a leader in the same respect. He asked me what the 100 year goals included and I told him "Legacy" which is funny because his next slide was about legacy, so I queued him up for a win. My answer was "I'm not just doing this for me, I'm creating a legacy and I want my great great great grandchild to get a check some day to pay for a house, or pay for college."

When I was 18 I didn't want kids. Well, now I have 3, and it's funny how life does that to you. Legacy is about taking care of your future after you die. Whether that's a charity, family, or something else you're interested in. Make your 100 year goals, yes you'll be dead, that's irrelevant. "You can't take it with you!" is a stupid phrase I've always frowned at. You can't take anything with you, but you can leave behind an enduring legacy, even if small.

So get your goals squared away and you'll start to feel less clueless about life, by the way, as a guy in my mid 40s there are plenty of things I'm clueless about. My son is about to turn 18, just graduated high school, I've given him the same advice as you. I'll be mentoring him through summer until he starts college.

Try to find a mentor, even if it's a college student only 2 years older than you. Surround yourself with smart able people. Make friends with people better than you. I've always had some older friends and today I have several in their 60s/70s. Retired CEOs, CIOs, guys who ran giant fishing fleets, guys that ran giant telcos, surgeons, politicians, etc. People I can learn from.

Never be afraid to be the youngest and certainly never be afraid to be the lowest on the ladder. This is how we learn and grow by surrounding ourselves with success.

Always read. It doesn't have to be a book about anything but always read. I go between fun books, historical books, and motivational or educational books. Start here: https://www.amazon.com/Make-Your-Bed-Little-Things/dp/1455570249

Good luck my man. You've got this, we need you.

u/TheLagbringer · 5 pointsr/Stoicism

How do you measure the success ? Wealth ? Fame ? Both are not worth pursuing and you already know that, since they don't bring happiness to life. Two things come to my mind:

  1. Instead of comparing yourself to your "more successful" peers, try to compare yourself to those "less successful". Practice negative thinking, image how would your life be without the things you have, the things you take for granted. Take this even further and sometimes practice living without those things (practice minimalism), if possible. This way, you will start to value more and want things you already have, instead of things you could have. This is what I try often and what works for me. I've got this from my favorite Stoic book: A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy . Read the corresponding chapter to understand more :) the author is so good at explaining these ideas. I definitely recommend to read it whole, it is an amazing book.
  2. Practice more compassion and empathy. Approach any human interaction with compassion in mind. Try to understand and listen to others, what makes them happy, what are their worries. No matter in what position the others are, try to connect with them on a very deep level. You will soon realize, we are all the same and we face the same problems in life. No matter what our wealth or fame is. Those two things do not relate to happiness at all. I believe that as a byproduct of this empathy practice you will naturally stop comparing. When it comes to compassion, I recommend: The Art of Happiness, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Handbook for Living . I have only started reading the book, but I like it very much so far ! It focuses more on importance of compassion and understanding others (instead of focusing on yourself as in Stoicism). I feel that I started being more compassionate and empathetic naturally with age, but I definitely agree, that it makes me incredibly happy. And not only during the communication, but overall in life ! However, before, I had no idea what empathy means, or better said - I had completely wrong idea. This book helped me to understand what exactly it is, and how it is done correctly: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life . Basically it means just to listen and from time to time to ask about feelings. Not giving advice, or making things sound easier, or giving your similar experience. We do this so often, it sounds like empathy, but instead it disconnects us from others. Very much recommended read !

    Hope this helps man, good luck ! You are already doing a massive good job by being super honest with yourself and sharing this problem and all its details. This is not an easy thing to do and requires a lot of ego-gymnastics.
u/kelhamisland · 5 pointsr/Meditation
u/rbegirliegirl · 5 pointsr/financialindependence

After using the Headspace app for 10 days, you will be prompted to purchase to continue using it and unlock everything. You can buy month to month, for a year, etc.

Last year, I bought a year and did use it all year, but this year I won't renew it. Andy is great about explaining things and it is pretty cool, but I'm going to transition to something else like the Insight Timer.

There is also a Headspace book that you could buy pretty cheaply or borrow from the library if you want to learn more about his process. I also enjoyed the book 10% Happier.

u/im14 · 5 pointsr/QuotesPorn

Please read this book! It's improved my life tremendously and it could help you just as much! <3

u/SignorHolmes · 5 pointsr/desabafos

A primeira coisa que eu tenho a dizer é: não se rotule.

Você disse que foi diagnosticado com fobia social severa. Daí a tendência é você usa isso como um paradigma e, ainda que implicitamente, no fim das contas, você acaba agindo como alguém que tem fobia social, mesmo quando poderia agir de outra forma. Em vez disso, pense em algo mais saudável, por exemplo, em vez de pensar "eu tenho fobia social" pense "eu tenho curiosidade sobre a dinâmica da interação social e vou me empenhar para suprir esse necessidade, vou aprender o máximo que eu puder sobre isso e aplicar o que eu aprendi".

A segunda dica que eu dou é: coloque-se em situações em que as pessoas (i) têm interesses em comum com você e (ii) têm que interagir entre elas. Faça isso de forma gradual, sempre tentando ir um pouco além do seu limite a cada vez. Pode ser um esporte, um curso... acredito que aulas de teatro seriam excelentes no seu caso. Pode ser até mesmo uma coisa que você já faça sozinho, e que você pode passar a fazer com outras pessoas. Se for uma coisa que você faça bem, melhor ainda, pois as outras pessoas vão reconhecer seu valor e você vai se sentir mais à vontade.

Uma coisa que me ajudou foi ter feito curso de inglês, porque havia momentos em que eu tinha que interagir com as outras pessoas. Mas como ninguém lá sabia falar inglês direito ainda, todos acabavam ficando um pouco inseguros na hora de interagir e ninguém ia me julgar pela minha insegurança já que eles presumiam que seria por eu ainda não dominar a língua. Daí eu tomei gosto por estudar inglês, virei o melhor da turma e, como resultado, muitos dos meus colegas vinham interagir comigo espontaneamente e de forma amigável, as mulheres também. No fim das contas, fiz alguns bons colegas com quem mantive contato mesmo depois de ter saído do curso.

A terceira dica que eu posso dar é, se você sabe ler em inglês, estude o livro Psycho-Cybernetics. E eu disse estude de propósito, que é para vc ler com calma, sempre pausando para fazer anotações e relacionar com a sua vida. Apesar de ser um livro publicado há muito tempo, tem ensinamentos utilíssimos. (se não souber ler em inglês, tente achar a versão em espanhol na internet). Se for ler mesmo esse livro, saiba que algumas opiniões do autor são meio que ultrapassadas, mas a ideia central é válida. Esses dias mesmo eu estava assistindo a uma palestra do Miguel Nicolelis e teve um momento que ele falou algo que é, praticamente, a premissa centra do livro.

Outro livro que também é muito útil é Como fazer amigos e influenciar as pessoas. Esse livro dá ensinamentos práticos de como interagir com os outros. Ele me ajudou MUITO!

Uma analogia possível de se fazer sobre esses livros é a seguinte: se em vez de aprender a lidar melhor com gente, você pretendesse aprender a escrever textos melhores você precisaria (i) aprender a ter ideias mais criativas e (ii) aprender boas técnicas de escrita para por no papel o que você criou em sua mente, certo? No seu caso, o primeiro livro ensina como ter ideias criativas a respeito de você mesmo. Ele ensina a construir uma imagem melhor de você mesmo, para que você tenha mais segurança na hora de agir. Já o segundo livro ensina as técnicas sobre como expressar quem você é perante as outras pessoas, de modo que seja mais agradável para todo mundo.

Mais um livro que eu posso indicar é A mente vencendo o humor. Esse livro ensina técnicas de Terapia Cognitivo Comportamental para você aprender a controlar e alterar seus pensamentos e suas emoções. Como você disse que tem fobia, acho que vai ser muito útil. Se for ler esses livros que eu estou indicando, comece por esse aqui!!

AAhhhh uma dica prática que eu já ia esquecendo. É o que eu chamo da "regra do 'e você?'". Para puxar conversa com alguém vc pode falar sobre qualquer coisa, mesmo que seja corriqueira, vc expressa seu ponto de vista e termina dizendo, "e você?". Isso impede aquele silêncio constrangedor, que faz agente pensar que falou besteira ou que a outra pessoa não está nem aí. Vc faz isso e presta atenção à reação da pessoa... vê se ela está tentando corresponder à interação, se está investindo na conversa também... não se julgue nem se puna se isso não acontecer. Deixe as coisas acontecerem e faça os ajustes necessários ao longo do caminho. Tente também prestar mais atenção ao que a outra pessoa tem a dizer do que aos seus pensamentos, ou ao que você acha que deve falar em seguida. Mas também não vire totalmente passivo. Volta e meia faça um comentário, diga "que legal" quando achar algo legal, se a pessoa contar algo de que ela se orgulha dê um hi5 (um "bate aqui na minha mão")

Eu digo isso porque o nosso cérebro e um algoritmo de Inteligência Artificial funcionam de forma mais ou menos semelhante (aqui vai mais um livro em inglês. Esse, porém, é um ebook gratuito e se chama Boundless Mind). Portanto, naturalmente, nas primeiras tentativas você pode fazer o papel do cara chato, esquisitão, pode ficar sem saber o que falar, etc., mas se prestar atenção, aprender, corrigir e repetir, meio que como um mantra mesmo, o que eu disse lá no começo (eu tenho curiosidade sobre a dinâmica da interação social e vou me empenhar para suprir esse necessidade, vou aprender o máximo que eu puder sobre isso e aplicar o que eu aprendi), você vai melhorar aos poucos.

Acho que é isso. Se eu pensar em mais alguma coisa, volto aqui para complementar. Boa sorte!

u/dehmise · 5 pointsr/Stoicism

That's a good question about brain chemistry. Yesterday I was actually wondering about how people with a chemical unbalance in their brain and to what extent they could be Stoic. And then I questioned myself if I could have a chemical unbalance and realized that if people put off trying to learn about Stoicism and put it off based upon the assumption it would not work because they think or know they have a chemical unbalance then they would not reap any benefits from it. If you had a chemical unbalance in your brain any Stoic teachings may still be very beneficial to you regardless. That turned into a little rant, but back to topic - I think it was good that you came off anti-depressants and decided to combat your negative moods by expanding your own mind. As a word of advice, if you ever find it hard to change your old depressive habits, and this goes for anyone else too because this is of up-most importance to have knowledge of, in my opinion, that you should study the power of the subconscious mind to change old errors you have inputted into your mind and stray away from your old self image. It is key to know how your subconscious mind functions when trying to incorporate new habits and a new mind set. I recoccmend these 3 books for starters

1)ISBN-13: 978-0671708825


2) ISBN-13: 978-0399176135

3) ISBN-13: 978-1614270195

Edit: I may make a post about why learning about your subconscious mind is very beneficial to anyone and also why it helps much with the teachings of Stoicism.

u/picnicsinthesky · 5 pointsr/AskWomen

This is an awesome question, and good for you for identifying what you need and reaching out to others. For me, it is so validating and encouraging to hear that I am not the only one struggling with my sense of self-esteem and self-worth, and I hope that you also feel less alone by reading the answers in this thread.

A year ago, my low self-esteem was debilitating.I couldn't work, I was living in state of fear that the people I loved would stop loving me, and I spent a lot of time being disgusted with myself. Today, I am slowly and deliberately learning to love myself more everyday, and I am seeing positive results in my life as a result of my efforts. For instance, my relationships are healthier, I feel anxious less frequently, I feel more competent in my work and hobbies, and I am more willing to take risks. Here are a few practical things that I have worked for me so far:

  • Therapy. The first day I walked into my therapist's office, I told her I had anxiety issues. Within 15 minutes of listening to me, she was telling me to go buy a book on self esteem for our next session. Reading that book was like reading a record of my inner life; I couldn't believe how accurate it was. My therapist worked through the book with me and helped me reflect on my thought patterns. I can't afford therapy anymore, but the dozen or so sessions that I went to made a huge difference to me.
  • Journalling. The process of writing down my thoughts forces me to turn them into logical sentences. This is important for me because a lot of the time, my internal narrative is illogical and not fully formed. Putting those thoughts down on paper helps me look at my thinking more objectively and wholistically. I also do things like make lists of things that I am good at, my positive traits, my accomplishments, etc. Making these lists gives me ammo when I feel bombarded by negative thoughts.
  • Asking my friends for help. During a particularly low time, I asked my closest friends to write me a letter about why they liked me, ways I inspire them, etc. I read these letters regularly, which means that I remember their words when I feel low.
  • Learning about Psychology. Learning about how my brain works, both physiologically and psychologically, has helped me look at my self-esteem more scientifically.
  • Practice. This is the most important thing. Just like any skill, you've got to put in the time if you want to see results. This doesn't happen overnight. Whatever you do to help you love yourself and think more realistically (yoga, journalling, meditating, relaxation, reading, exercise, etc), do it regularly. Behaviours leading to unhealthy self-esteem are habits, and you've got to work to override those habits. The best way is to train your brain when you feel good so that you are stronger for when you feel low.

    Be patient with yourself, and take the time to find things that help you individually. Building new, awesome life-long habits takes a lot of work. The progress can feel really slow--I know it sure does for me. However, it's totally doable and lots of people have made this happen for themselves. You can do it! Here are some resources that have helped me so far:

    Breaking the Chain of Low Self Esteem. The book I read in therapy.

    The Upward Spiral. For learning about how your brain works. Highly recommend.

    You are a Badass. Quirky encouragement.

    The Gifts of Imperfection. Lots of practical advice in here.

    Excel at Life While this site is ugly and disorganized, the content is quality.

    The Power of Vulnerability TED talk by Brene Brown

    The Healing Power of Self Compassion A podcast about the science of self-compassion.


    Thanks for reading my giant post-- I'm really passionate about self esteem :) And as a general call-out: I don't know many other people who struggle with self esteem and self compassion, so if anybody wants message back and forth and talk about it, I'd love that :)
u/livkhaleesi · 5 pointsr/xxketo

Good morning keto friends! Down 0.8 lbs today, only 2 more lbs until I'm back at pre-vacation weight. Take that, shark week >:)

Lots of goodies coming in the mail from our supreme overlords at Amazon today, including: powdered peanut butter (never tried it but heard great things), a bullet shaker thing, Quest protein powder, and this book. I'm hoping that it can be a positive step in my new quest for wellness. Has anyone read it? Did it help you at all, or did I just waste $10?

u/jemne_perliva · 4 pointsr/Nootropics

I started with the recommended books on the right side in /r/meditation.

Mindfulness in Plain English - Vipassana for begginers. I tried it for a bit.

Then I did the "Just the simplified version, please" from FAQ and stayed with it for a couple months.

And somewhere along the line some redditor recommended Search Inside Yourself by Chade-Meng Tan. Basically, it's a book written by an engineer from Google. It has lots of comparisons to computer science so it's fun and easy to read. It includes lots of easy and practical exercises to keep you motivated. It really helped me with my meditation practice. I finally understood how to breathe, how to use mindfulness in everyday situations etc. It's based on MBSR.

And what sold the book for me is the lack of all that esoteric stuff the other books have. It's grounded in science. There is no talking about salvation or revelation. Just hard facts and how to use them for your own benefit.

u/ithinkchaos · 4 pointsr/Meditation

I literally wrote this comment yesterday that you might want to check out...

But basically, I think you should really check out Meng Tan - he was one of the first software engineers at google (something like employee #100!), but he got out of that and basically went full time into teaching mindfulness. He wrote a book that I think is really worth a read and gave a talk about said book.

Anyways, I think that's a good place for you to find some answers...hopefully. Cheers!

u/sushi-zen · 4 pointsr/nova

May I recommend a book? I've meditated for years and never really 'got it' until I read a book called "10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story" by Dan Harris
https://www.amazon.com/10-Happier-Self-Help-Actually-Works/dp/0062265423

For some reason it clicked for me. I've been doing mindful meditation for a few years now and it's changed my life.

u/MrParker12 · 4 pointsr/Anxiety

He wrote a book on his experiences. Basically the years of high stress jobs and some drug use just led to really bad anxiety. Therapy and meditation helped him enormously. If anyone is sceptical about meditation his book is for you. No hippy dippy stuff, just facts.

http://www.amazon.com/10-Happier-Self-Help-Actually-Works-A/dp/0062265423

u/OliveWildly · 4 pointsr/TheGirlSurvivalGuide

If you're a reader, I recommend two books or audiobooks:

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

Choose Wonder Over Worry

You can find both at most libraries and the audiobooks are just as good as the hard copies.

They will kick your ass and make you feel empowered to take on the world. At least IMHO.

u/xdisk · 4 pointsr/CaregiverSupport

I haven't read this one yet but its on my list.

The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MUEYL0T/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_PanwCbH3G8MS5

While its not about caregiving, I would also recommend

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005BRS8Z6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_8bnwCbV5WCPZM

u/famiry_feud · 4 pointsr/getting_over_it

I'm currently reading The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking
by Oliver Burkeman. I think the title says it all, but so far I found it to be a very down to earth book that states that trying to constantly stay positive is self-defeating and can actually sabotage your goals as well as make you more depressed when things turn for the worse.

u/Hexlie · 4 pointsr/Twitch

As someone who also struggles with self confidence and worth, I feel like it's important to say that regardless of whether or not you ever stream, you have to try and face these issues.
It's not healthy to be so critical of yourself all the time. It's not fair to yourself and you're only getting in the way of your own happiness an success.

I've only just started streaming and trust me, it hasn't been easy! I got my setup together a good while before I actually launched for the first time. I would make the same excuses as you - too ugly, too weird, too bad, whatever.
Until you work on it, you will never feel good enough. You will never think that you're ready.

Thankfully I had my husband convince me to do it on impulse one night and honestly, it was a huge relief. Even just getting that first stream under my belt, I felt infinitely more okay with the situation.
In the few times that I've streamed, people have been incredibly kind and supportive. Plus it's been a lot of fun! No one has noticed any of the negative things that I constantly pick out about myself. You have to stop overthinking it. As they say, we are our own worst critics. And if someone doesn't like you, so what? There will be plenty of other people that will.

Here's the thing, everyone has their moments of self doubt, but you can't let it consume you. Try and make a conscious effort to stop being so negative towards yourself. That doesn't mean you have to give yourself compliments all the time, because that may feel disingenuous. But instead, just try to halt the insults when you can.

If you have the time, I really recommend the book There is Nothing Wrong with You. It's like $9 on Amazon and it helped me a lot.
I still have a lot of issues, but I'm working on it. And if you ever wanna talk about this stuff, I'd be happy to listen.

Good luck!

u/ImaMojoMan · 4 pointsr/samharris

I haven't read it yet, but Robert Wrights book [Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment] (https://www.amazon.com/Why-Buddhism-True-Philosophy-Enlightenment/dp/1439195455) might be right up your alley. He also appeared on the podcast #102 Is Buddhism True?

Sam's recommended reading list might be a good resource to sort through too. Good luck!

u/FuckyouAvast · 4 pointsr/TheRedPill

This is a good intro to Stoicism that I would recommend before reading Meditations.

u/StoneChimes · 4 pointsr/Stoicism

I recommend starting with a modern work, such as Donald Robertson's Stoicism and the Art of Happiness: A Teach Yourself Guide. Once you have the basics down, you can dig into the classics with less chance of misunderstanding.

The [Stoic Week 2014 Handbook] (https://ukcognitive.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/stoic_week_2014_handbook.pdf) is a good, shorter introduction, as is the [FAQ] (http://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/faq) for this subreddit.

The Meditations is a classic, but it will be hard to know what the hell he's talking about without some background.

u/fouljabber · 4 pointsr/Stoicism

> I like to think of tranquility as the base from which everything else is built. Is that wrong to think of it that way?

That seems to be in accordance to reason and the surviving Stoic works. Have you looked through the FAQ. The FAQ has recommendations for readings and Stoic exercises.

In case you or anyone else reading this wants advice about learning Stoicism, I am just going to throw about my personal recommendations. I don't think that the Meditations is a good resource to start with, because Marcus isn't exactly explaining his bold statements. I think that Donald Robertson's Stoicism and the Art of Happiness, Andrew Holowchak's The Stoics: A Guide for the Perplexed (I'm currently working through this right now to fill in gaps in my knowledge) would be better resources for a beginner, because these books interpret ancient texts and present their interpretation in a digestible form. If you want to improve retention of the information, I suggest creating concise flashcards and then loading these flash cards into anki.

Stoicism involves practice a lot of practice as well. You may have the knowledge, but constantly applying the knowledge is very difficult. Create an exercise based on the knowledge that you have read from a section of the previous text and then do this exercise daily, or you could choose an exercise from the FAQ. Either way, consistent daily practice is the key.

u/Integralds · 4 pointsr/neoliberal

I liked it more when it came from McRaven.

u/POTUS_PENIS · 4 pointsr/getdisciplined

Like the others have said, there are a variety of reasons why you might be doing this. One potential problem is that you place to much value on what others think of you, and think that lying will raise yourself in their esteem. It probably won't be an easy fix, but it's good that you're willing to make a change. Check out "Lying" to learn about why people lie. Try The Four Agreements for a practical guide about how to make improvements in your life (one of the agreements is to 'always be impeccable with your word')

u/chorro73 · 3 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

People have also failed miserably because they vastly overestimated their chances of success. People have achieved amazing things without overestimating their chance of success.

This sub is so lost. Y'all need to read The Antidote

Not giving a fuck is not about being positive all the time; needing to be positive all the time IS GIVING HUGE FUCKS.

u/XOmniverse · 3 pointsr/entj

The Happiness Hypothesis - More or less a "best of" of self-help and positive psychology that focuses on tried and true stuff that actually works and not mystical mumbo jumbo. Haidt deliberately draws on a combination of modern psychology and ancient philosophy and does a great job of it. This is actually my go-to book to recommend to people for self-development.

The Antidote - A great book on how to cultivate happiness without denying the negative or unpleasant aspects of life and experience.

Happiness is a Serious Problem - Politically I often disagree with Dennis Prager but this book has fantastic practical advice on living a happier life.

u/the_talking_dead · 3 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Can I give you a little perspective from someone that has been down a similar road.

Unless you make peace with the worst parts of yourself and just accept that they exist, you are going to have a very hard time making positive progress.

All the things that you categorize as awful: "selfishness, greed, egotism, laziness, compulsive behavior, lying, cheating, manipulating " are things that actually serve an survival and evolutionary purpose.

Many of these things, for example, are rooted in trying to take care of yourself first and foremost and ensure that you come out on top. You mention being scared and a direct reaction to being scared is self-preservation.

If you are scared that people will not love you if they knew the "real" you, then you might lie and manipulate to make yourself look better than you feel on the inside. If you are scared of failure it might manifest itself as laziness because if you don't do anything, then you can't fail.

That shadow-self is part of you and without it, you will not be whole. You open with a bible verse and I don't know if you come from that world but one hard part of coming from Christian theology is the concept of the sinful nature and the war with it. It can promote a very dualistic mindset. The good you and the bad you and they are at odd with each other.

Let's go really base with it. If you are a straight male and you see a beautiful woman, your first impulse might be something lustful. Then "good you" chastises yourself and your depravity... but that impulse still continues.

The problem is everything in your being is wired to want to sleep with the hot woman you just saw. You aren't fighting against a sinful evil version of yourself, you are trying to deny things that are built into the most primitive parts of yourself!

The balanced version would be seeing the beautiful woman, recognizing that yes, you would love to sleep with her and then deciding what to do with that impulse. If your faith or beliefs or life situation do not allow it, then you make a choice to live according to those beliefs.

What you have now done is recognize the impulse, accepted it, you did not moralize it in either direction, and you made a choice of what to do with that impulse based on your values and choices for your life. You walk away just a normal person, feeling normal things, and making the decisions you want in life.

This is the healthy way to improve.

I am sure you can see how this applies in other situations as well!

All the things that are a part of you, the things you see as negative, depression, instability, are all things you can learn to accept and life with. I know this because I have lived this.

I spent a lot of time wishing I was just magically different. Guess what changed? Nothing. But while I wish I were wired differently and that, at my core, I didn't have such a capacity for being awful, I've made peace that those are the cards I was dealt and I can take control of my life from my impulses. I can make the right choices because I have already accepted the desire to make the wrong ones. I don't have to "react" when I've already thought it through.

Look into the concepts of Stoicism and you will find that there is a "negative" path to contentment in life and it comes from accepting things as they are instead of wasting the energy wishing it were different. A good starting point would be "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking." This book serves as a good primer for some of the bigger concepts. I personally really enjoyed the audiobook if you are a listener and not a reader.

This isn't to say that you can't take Stoicism way too far and rob life of joy and happiness, but it is a good mental exercise in framing what is happening in your life as just being how it is. To tear away all things we build up to make things look better than they are so we don't have to face that reality.

But first and foremost, you, exactly as you are, do deserve love and acceptance from yourself and others. There are always ways to improve but you are not a broken thing. Give these two talks a listen by Brene Brown (The Power of Vulnerability and Listening to Shame) to get some perspective.

The worst parts of yourself, as you see it, are just things that exist in most of us that you only need a little practice in redirecting. Think of a child.. they are selfish, little assholes whose world revolves around themselves... yet no one faults them because they have learned to exist beyond that mindset. Some of us take a little longer to get there but we all can. Accept your where you are, and start your journey.

u/SchoolSupernintendo · 3 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Book recommendation: "There Is Nothing Wrong With You" by Cheri Huber. It's a very accessible "self help" style book about Zen meditation and awareness practice. Huge breakthrough moment for me with regards to combating shame/self-hate/self-doubt. I had it on a wish-list for years and failed to buy it because my brain was like "Clearly there is something wrong with you" but it ended up being the first meditation guide I found that felt possible/do-able for me. Worth a shot yo.

https://www.amazon.ca/There-Nothing-Wrong-You-Self-Hate/dp/0971030901

u/boumboum34 · 3 pointsr/self

This is the very typical thought pattern of clinical depression, and it is a common consequence of experiencing bullying and abuse and mistreatment while growing up. When you feel bad, you begin to think you are bad. The bad feelings and negative thoughts creates a vicious
circle. It becomes habitual so it can be hard to break.

I can relate. I was an abused kid and I have depression problems to this day. I'm much better at handling it now though than I was.

Therapy can help greatly. So can anti-depressant medications (they tend to work best for people who don't have an obvious cause for feeling depressed). So can understanding how it works, so you can change the thought patterns that cause the depression.

If getting therapy for her is a problem (it's very much a trial and error thing), there are books that can help. Two that have helped me the most are:

There is Nothing Wrong With You by Cheri Huber.

and Learned Optimism, by Martin Seligman.

You can help her by letting her know "just because you feel bad, doesn't mean you are bad." You have to replace her belief patterns with new ones. She's so used to thinking poorly if herself that criticisms are automatically believed and taken personally. Compliments tend to be not believed and dismissed because they conflict with her self-image, and they make no sense in her belief system. You need to back up the compliments with WHY the compliments are true. Give her reasons.

If she's wonderful, tell her why. What's wonderful about her? The more reasons you can give her, the more it will help. Treating her really well will help too, over time. She has to learn to believe all the abuse and mistreatment wasn't her fault, she did nothing to deserve it, it was just others being cruel. Let her know that even when she feels she's at her worst, you still think she's wonderful, depression and all. She'll have difficulty believing you at first. "he's just saying that to make me feel better"...then "okay, he actually believes it, but it's not true"....but eventually it'll be "wow....he's right...it IS true...it's just my head messing with me, that's all." You have to be steadfast, and your actions have to match your words.

She needs to learn how to nurture herself, especially when she's feeling down and the dark part of her mind is attacking her. It's an illness. it's not something she has conscious control over. It can be treated.

u/Miller-STGT · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

The problem is much deeper than you think. And it´s also way easier to fix than you think. If you are truly passionate about something, you wouldn´t have these problems. And if you MUST do something that you aren´t passionate about, you always have to see the bigger picture and just get it done. Every time you get shit done, it will get easier the next time.

It´s not about how you act when you are motivated, it´s how disciplined you are when you are not.

I can recommend you this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Why-Buddhism-True-Philosophy-Enlightenment/dp/1439195455

Yes it is about Buddhism, but the author really does a great job in giving you an outside view on your own problems. Even if you don´t meditate or are interested in getting into Buddhism.

This book has made me a much calmer and collected person in the last couple of months. I get more shit done, only by truly reflecting on my feelings.

u/illegalUturn · 3 pointsr/Stoicism

Hi /u/mcnelton - I hope you read this comment because none of the so far suggested books come from an academic approach.

I would recommend the (perhaps poorly titled) Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson.

It's extremely well sourced and references a significant number of modern of academic and psychology texts as well as ancient ones. Each section contains practical exercises, and the book covers the whole historical context as well as the modern development of psychology treatments such as REBT and CBT which are based on the Stoic tradition.

If you want to take a step further in the academic direction but away from the practical, I would recommend the truly excellent Stoicism by John Sellars.

u/Eric_HOFmer · 3 pointsr/askphilosophy

Massimo Pigliucci is a big part of the resurgence of Stoicism, along with Donald Robertson.

Massimo wrote a book entitled How to Be a Stoic available here:

https://smile.amazon.com/How-Be-Stoic-Ancient-Philosophy/dp/0465097952/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8&sa-no-redirect=1

Donald wrote a book called Stoicism and the Art of Happiness available here: https://smile.amazon.com/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-Teach-Yourself/dp/1444187104/ref=pd_sim_14_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3SXSFTKVEAPPFGRZA2GN

I myself have spent a lot of time in Stoicism and have enjoyed it tremendously. I'm truthfully moving a bit away from it more towards Epicureanism and Buddhism, but it has served me well in every way.

If you'd like more resources let me know. Feel free to message me any time.

u/StoicBeCuZ · 3 pointsr/Stoicism

SENECA by a mile, or Robertson's 'teach yourself' book on
Stoicism: http://www.amazon.com/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-Relationships-Self-Help/dp/1444187104

u/wanderedoff · 3 pointsr/femalefashionadvice

I think as far as decoration inspiration goes, Pinterest can be helpful as to generate some jumping off points.

I'm reading Adulting, by Kelly Williams Brown and in the section on your living space/moving/decorating, she suggests looking to ones own closet for inspiration. It might not be the be-all-end-all or anything, however chances are it will provide a direction. Is your wardrobe entirely monochrome? Start in that direction. Is your wardrobe filled with blues? Maybe that's a good place to start.

Personally, I don't consider room decoration to be under the "fashion" subtitle, but I do think it belongs under the "personal expression" subtitle, which is sort of parallel to fashion as they are both under that umbrella. My apartment in the past has really reflected who I am but it depends how much time I expect to spend in a space [the longer I intend to stay, the more I will personalize it].

u/Paul_Swanson · 3 pointsr/AdviceAnimals
u/jayelsie · 3 pointsr/suggestmeabook

There's a book called Adulting.

u/WarSport223 · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

A. Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...And Maybe the World https://www.amazon.com/dp/1455570249/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_vHE3AbY88JWM8

I have the book (actually its my wife's) haven't read it yet, but basically the main premise is to make your bed first thing after you get up for the same basic reason of having made one small accomplishment.

B. Re: water: if you know you aren't drinking enough water, you're probably chronically dehydrated. If you think you're drinking enough, you still probably aren't. Remember the general rule of thumb has long been 8, 8-oz. glasses each day, which is 64 oz or half a gallon.

I drink between 1-2 gallons each day and really cannot overstate the benefits it's had for me. The biggest thing for me is I used to have chronic neck & shoulder / upper back pain, which usually devolved into an almost crippling headache just about each day.

Turns out I wasn't getting enough water. 🙄

I like my water COLD, so I got myself a 64 oz. stainless double walled jug off amazon - a generic one - the HydroFlask brand are stupid over priced and they're really all the same. Keeps my water ice-cold until its ready for a refill from one of 5, 48 oz. nalgenes I keep in the fridge at all times.

That's how I count my water intake too, since I know the main jug is 64 oz.

I also found a really cool carrier for it: GoNovate 64 oz Pouch / Sleeve with Carrying Handle for Hydro Flask Bottles, w/ 2 Pockets and Adjustable Shoulder Strap https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019COFX3S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_-ME3Ab437CY64

Needless to say, anytime I'm going to be out of the house for more than 30 min, I bring this puppy along.

u/incotb · 3 pointsr/NoFap

Thank you man, I'm also going to start reading this book http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Not-Your-Brain/dp/1583334831

Thanks for the advice :)

u/suntower_guy · 3 pointsr/pornfree

>I can read the above and think that it all makes sense but my brain is trying to convince me otherwise!

I know exactly what you are saying. I recently got this book called You are not Your Brain. It talks about how the brain transmits deceptive messages about yourself and the techniques you can you to combat them and put your brain to work for you. A lot of bad habits stem from taking the deceptive messages seriously and succumbing to to self-destructive habits as a result. I will post a review from a porn addict's perspective when I am done with it.

u/HereticBastard · 3 pointsr/LifeProTips

I'd also recommend a book based on interviews with Dalia Lama - The Art Of Happiness

It goes through the principles of being happy. A constant mindset of opting a positive view. It's like the opposite of How Not To Give A Fuck. But I found it good to see both sides.

It takes practice and I often feel depressed but over the years I've been getting better at staying positive, which really helps dealing with the self-blame and self loathing that OP is describing.

u/frondoad · 3 pointsr/psychology

Yes, absolutely. Knowledge is key.

Consider this analogy: A clinically depressed person, is an individual who is in an unfamiliar land, a depressive land. And psychological knowledge, and philosophical knowledge serves as the map with which the individual may become better acquainted with their surroundings, feeling more comfortable there, and the map can direct them towards roads/highways/bridges to leave that place and venture to other states of mind.


I was depressed to the point of cutting myself each night and considering suicide on a weekly basis. And so I checked myself into a clinical psychologist and it was the best decision I ever made in my life thus far.

I realize you have financial constraints, and so I will tell you that I benefited wonderfully from therapy thus far through my therapist's book recommendations. I've since become very interested in philosophy. And you will find that philosophy and psychology are like neighbors really.

u/damaged_but_whole · 3 pointsr/Buddhism

I had this problem, but it eventually wore itself out, but not until I has some genuine understanding of what it was I really had come to believe. Now, I mostly practice and don't think much about all the abstract stuff. And I don't get attached too much to apparent revelations when they present themselves anymore, either. The fact is, until you reach the point where you know for sure, it just doesn't matter all that much. Learning how to exist without struggle in everyday life is what matters and practice is what helps this. Practice also spontaneously causes revelations and a base state of happiness. As Google author Chade Meng Tan said in Search Inside Yourself, the natural state of your mind is happy by default.

I overheard a real NY Italian mafia-type guy the other day talking about religion and he said he doesn't bother with Church and he's not sure about God and he doesn't really care if there is or isn't. "What difference does it make?" he said, "Whether God's real or not real, I'll never know because He's certainly not going to tell me." But, he said he's a very religious person because, "when you talk to God, what are you doing? You're really talking to yourself." And he went on to explain that he does a lot of work with kids and charity work, etc. because that's what makes him feel good and by feeling good, he knows that what he's doing is right for him. Other people don't matter. What they believe doesn't matter. He went on for quite a while like this and it made me think about mystical traditions and how they differ from the exoteric religions. All the exoteric ones, really, you pray to an external deity for help. All the mystical ones recognize that at least some aspect of that deity is within you, which is why you have to work for it: the amount of effort you put into it reflects what you get out of it. This is in many different mystical/esoteric/occult traditions; some believe the deities really exist, other times you invent these entities from whole cloth, knowing that belief and effort are the keys to getting a result from your prayers / magical working / meditation / whatever.

I think that a lot of the general ideas about how reality works have been explained to death from various points of view and you can spend years trying to figure out which paradigm you really believe. It can be a real waste of time. The reality we know is right in front of our faces, so we can analyze that and interact with that and not worry so much about what we can't know. How are you ever going to know the Truth with a capital T until you experience it yourself? How will you ever experience it through thinking, writing and reading? You can only experience it by letting go of concepts and letting experiences happen, learning from those experiences, but letting go of that, too, because the reality is always going to be bigger than your current set of concepts... until you finally reach that point where you really KNOW, if you ever do.

So, I like what the Italian guy said. You have to do what feels right to you and not worry about other people and their ideas. There really is no god but man and no philosophy that is divine as far as we'll ever know, so you have to steer your own ship and be true to yourself. You can't be true to yourself if you're always looking for some philosophy to tell you what to do. If you find a philosophy that resonates with you, then that's great.

Read Meng's book and just try to be mindful for a while with mindfulness meditation practices.

u/drippyhippie · 3 pointsr/yoga

I love this book for understanding the physical practice
http://www.amazon.com/The-Key-Poses-Yoga-Scientific/dp/1607432390/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1396563465&sr=8-2&keywords=yoga+pose+books

For the ethical/discipline base of yoga, this is a short, easy, and really helpful read. Non-harming, non-clinging, etc.

http://www.amazon.com/Yamas-Niyamas-Exploring-Ethical-Practice/dp/0974470643/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1396563657&sr=1-1&keywords=the+yamas+and+niyamas+by+deborah+adele

For the pure philosophy, I'm a fan of this book on Tantra(where yoga came from). It's overwhelming the first time through, but there is so much powerful knowledge locked up in here
http://www.amazon.com/Tantra-Illuminated-Philosophy-Practice-Tradition/dp/0989761304

This is a great book on mindfullness with some applicable meditation techniques framed for the modern day, but it's all based on ancient teachings

http://www.amazon.com/Search-Inside-Yourself-Unexpected-Achieving/dp/0062116924/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396563508&sr=8-1&keywords=search+inside+yourself

Also, the Chakra system is fascinating and Anodea Judith offers some guided meditations. This book is really helpful and accessible

http://www.amazon.com/Wheels-Life-Chakra-System-Llewellyns/dp/0875423205

And, diet. This book helped me shift my diet in a way that's been extremely helpful
http://www.amazon.com/Eat-Taste-Heal-Ayurvedic-Cookbook-Modern-Living/dp/0976917009/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1396563932&sr=1-1&keywords=eat+taste+heal

These have been some of the most influential books in my practice. Hope they help!

u/MyronMGaines · 3 pointsr/steroids

Just being aware of your own emotions is often enough to defuse them. This book is a little hokey, but you might benefit from the general concept: teaching yourself awareness of your emotions.

u/tinybird · 3 pointsr/Meditation

The author of the article, Chade-Meng Tan, who works for Google, also has a book out. I've read it and liked it a lot. I passed it on to my boss after I read it. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062116924?pc_redir=1395259554&robot_redir=1

u/galleyest · 3 pointsr/OCD

We go through the same thing. I worry that I have a deadly disease all. the. time.

But recently I've found meditation/mindfulness and allowing myself to allow the thoughts to exist without feeding them helps. Its not fool-proof (yet) but its helping a little.

Don't wish cancer on yourself.

Also, enjoy the fact that magical thinking doesn't actually affect the outside world. You can do 1,000,000 compulsions to turn a pink rose blue, but it will still be pink.

I know I haven't quiet figured out how to safely ignore all of my thoughts, but I'm getting there. I'm certainly better than when I was a kid.

Check this book out for some great tips: https://www.amazon.com/Search-Inside-Yourself-Unexpected-Achieving/dp/0062116932/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1510090361&sr=8-1&keywords=chade+meng+tan

It gets better.

Break a leg!

u/60secs · 3 pointsr/ZenHabits

Thanks for the list. I also recommend Search inside yourself. It explores meditation, emotional awareness, mindfulness, attention and unlearning. It's from a Google employee who created their mindfulness program.

http://www.amazon.com/Search-Inside-Yourself-Unexpected-Achieving/dp/0062116932

u/KRex228 · 3 pointsr/Meditation
  • Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana. Probably the best beginner's introduction to what mindfulness is, why it is important, and how to practice.

  • [10 Percent Happier] (https://www.amazon.com/10-Happier-Self-Help-Actually-Works/dp/0062265423) by Dan Harris. More of a memoir than a how-to guide (he also has a new how-to guide called Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics), but I personally loved this book for its honesty about what mindfulness can and cannot do for you. It's also hilarious and entertaining, so it's usually the number one place I recommend people start if they are at all interested in meditation.

  • Waking Up by Sam Harris--Although not explicitly about mindfulness, some excellent, realistic background information on the practice and what to expect.

  • Lots of other great books out there, but a lot of this comes down to personal preference: Jack Kornfield, Joseph Goldstein, Sharon Salzberg, Tara Brach, and Jon Kabat Zinn are all names to look into to see whose materials speak to you. Some of them put more emphasis on the Buddhist side, whereas the others are more science-based and interested in the mental health implications of the practice.
u/einherjer · 3 pointsr/Meditation

I was in a similar situation and I found that reading stories of others (non-fiction) helped me get a better understanding of the world. By reading someone else's story, you get insight on that person's view on things which allows you to re-evaluate your own thinking.

One book that changed my life (and talks about meditiation too) is this one.

u/tre11is · 3 pointsr/Meditation

Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion by Sam Harris. He's a outspoken atheist and neuroscientist, so he discusses it in a very scientific context.

10% Happier by Dan Harris (no relation). He is a news anchor and war corresponded who discuss a more personal view of meditation.

Both are great.

u/willg117 · 3 pointsr/giantbomb
u/niton · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

Alright. This is going to be hard for you but with a little initiative and courage, you can become the individual you want to be. Here are a few resources to get you started:

  • TED Talk: The power of vulnerability - Don't be afraid to make yourself look bad. You will only learn societal conventions and form your own responses to them by expanding your comfort zone.

  • Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway! by Susan Jeffers - A book based on the same principle of "put yourself out there!" Doing crazy things also means you get stories to tell when talking to others.

  • Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazi - All about networking and building relationships.

    I used to be very shy and pretty awful at partying, interacting with women or just basically having a life. I now work at a job where my ability to communicate (and generally be interesting) is my chief marketable skill (no small feat for someone who was shy and boring). All the resources I suggested above were integral in helping me translate my desires into action. You already know what you want to achieve. It's just a matter of actually getting out of your comfort zone.

    Good luck!
u/Atrix621 · 3 pointsr/malelifestyle

AHWOSG is a great book. Read it last winter.

Also check out Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and Awareness. Two favorite reads of mine.

u/FinalDoom · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

This book has a lot of stuff about controlling your emotions. Some of the basic premises I remember most: They're your emotions. You have to get to know them. Labeling them helps control them. You can't blame your emotions on other people, because they're your reaction to a situation. If you understand what you're feeling, and why you're feeling them, you can step back from the situation before you act automatically on your feelings.

That said, split second intuition and resulting action is often more correct than carefully analyzed decision making, but that doesn't seem to be what you're asking about. You don't need to put your feelings aside, you just need to learn what and why, and how to step back for a moment. It takes practice.

u/Mayor619 · 3 pointsr/aspergers

I've bought a lot of time by studying different personalities. The most credible system and the one that seems to be most true and the most developed seems to be the Enneagram system. I only trust books written by the creators Dr. Riso And Hudson. I pretty much have gained all of my knowledge from one book. I have read other books with the same system and they seem to miss by a long shot. It has helped me understand others to a certain degree and at times I can kind of morph other qualities from different personalities with some success. I have learned what might annoy or threaten others and it has buffered them from some of my awkwardness that I might not have recognized before. I also have developed what people look like from different personalities and can tell someone's personality simply by appearance for the most part. I taught my daughter about personality traits after understanding this like the back of my hand just by drawing pictures of people with these different personalities. The way to gain a quick interest is to identify your own personality and read about it to see how close it hits home. This book has helped me to get through life with less confusion by understanding things about people I could never understand before. It is a very deep read so it should be read several times and then kept as a reference. Whenever me and my wife talk about someone the other doesn't know we will refer to them by their personality or we will ask what personality they probably are. Kind of a language for us.

u/anodes · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

you sound like an enneagram type 5 - which i identify with as well.

i have personally found the enneagram theory to be extremely helpful in understanding/accepting my introversion, as well as others' differences in this area.

this book is the most approachable; this one was the first one i read, followed by this one.

while the theory is often dismissed as being some sort of astrology or numerology it really has nothing to do with anything esoteric and is purely observational (though some authors add various misinterpretations, including 'spiritual' ones which i typically find less than useful).

u/TerracottaSoldier · 3 pointsr/istp

This was where I got it from. Good read, VERY descriptive explanations. He gives information on childhood experiences that can promote a specific enneagram. He also gives very detailed patterns of behavior you could expect in just about every mood you could think of. In the back, there are the "cheat sheets;" they are a lot more complex than the simplification above.

u/Pokebalzac · 3 pointsr/Enneagram

Personally my preferred first book on enneagram:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0395798671/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_3?pf_rd_p=1944687502&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0970382405&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0YZZ2AN1MGNJAGWWYWQX

The only downside is it can come off as having a somewhat negative focus on the pathological sides of the types, with the healthier states seeming very idealized. Nonetheless invaluable in my opinion.

u/firesnakeprophecy · 3 pointsr/conspiracy

You don't need to be a psychic because everyone already is a psychic.

As far as practice, it really takes 3 weeks before most people will see improvement with any new skill. I would even say give it 3 weeks for the shock of change to wear off and more like 3 months to really feel comfortable. (Kind of like going to the gym). This M.D. talks about the 3 weeks thing early in this book.

An interesting take on psychics currently employed in government is when Robert Monroe talks about bumping into a secret service agent in the astral when the President was visiting his town (I think it was his first book. You gotta wonder if those secret service agents are being trained in all forms of security detail - including psi attacks.

And if psychics in groups can do defense work, I"m sure they can do offensive work as well. This is the conspiracy forum and I don't have any hard evidence, but you gotta wonder how someone like Tiger Woods falls off so hard. Gets caught in a scandal where he loses billions of dollars in sponsors.

You think the guy down the street gets pissed losing a few thousand on NFL Sunday? Imagine how mad sponsors would get after losing billions? (You can't exactly lay physical hands on a figure as prominent as Tiger Woods - very similar to all the "meltdowns" we see from pop music stars all the time - Kayne, Britney, etc).

How many back surgeries is Tiger going to have? Someone needs to tell this guy he needs a witch doctor not a surgeon. And he's been "cursed" by a powerful CEO sorcerer with even more powerful military wizard friends with lots of cool top secret toys.

It's not that much of a leap to imagine corporations like Nike or AT&T have access to classified government technology either. Colonel Corso in "The Day After Roswell" even says this is how they keep reverse engineering secret. The tech gets farmed out to private corporations and reported to the public as "breakthroughs" or "discoveries" from a Boeing or Dow or whoever.

Mind control tech would fit right in with athletes or musicians or actors (Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Scientology, etc). Nothing becomes popular or gets to the top of any charts that will reach millions of people without first having to confront this very real reality of thought control and influence.

Tiger Woods father was a very smart man. He didn't say his son would be more important than Gandhi without good reason. I just don't think his father knew the specifics of how the impact would play out.

Also, the topic is not remote viewing, but I do cover the surface layers of it in a videocast I just did about aliens. I had promised in an earlier thread I would eventually get around to telling that story so here it is if people are still interested: Part 1, Part 2 - and I hope to have Part 3 next week.

u/Jack0fDiamonds · 3 pointsr/TheRedPill

Sorry for the previous reply-yes I'm an asshole-I had no idea what GAD abreviated was.

Take medication for this condition if you are not already-and keep switching them until you find one that works for you and with side effects you can manage without more scripts, and only use homeopathic/herbal remedies.

I would also highly recommend reading or listening to anything by Anthony Robins https://www.tonyrobbins.com/. He'll teach you how to break down your problem with anxiety, and start from an easy step by step process and overcome it.

I also recommend reading this book for further control over your anxiety https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-Expanded-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0399176136/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=WTJAW2YCQ7HAV202W2H2

u/ifyouonlyknewwhywedo · 3 pointsr/AskWomen

Psycho-Cybernetics - I read this book when I was in grade 11 to 12. I don't even know how I came upon it, was probably walking through a bookstore aimlessly looking for some direction. This was years ago.

I guess here is a coles notes version of it. I think alot of it I had applied it to my life subconsciously. I probably didn't really understand all of it at that time.

Anyway, proof is in the pudding. Fast forward 20+ years later, I am successful in my profession though I am an extreme introvert at heart but for my profession, I appear to be way more out going that I am. My motto has always been fake it til you make it, well I made it, but there are days I still have the faker feeling. *shrug - it's life*

u/rw3iss · 3 pointsr/simpleliving

This book, "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz, talks a lot about this, and coincidentally I'm 6 hours into the audio version at the moment (which you can find if you're clever):https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-Expanded-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0399176136/ref=sr_1_1?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1527054666&sr=8-1&keywords=psycho-cybernetics

u/spider_sauce · 3 pointsr/stopdrinking

This book is a life saver(I used the audiobook off audible). Literally changes how you view drinking. No 12 steps. No bs. Just logic.

This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525537236/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_83tHAbXE7SZFD

u/caged_dragon · 3 pointsr/stopdrinking
u/Foxeatingtoast · 3 pointsr/USMilitarySO

Because you have extra time for yourself at the moment, I would strongly suggest you work your self. Read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Badass®-Doubting-Greatness/dp/0762447699

All you have to gain is confidence and improving your own self. This will only strengthen and improve your relationship.

It’s ok to feel scared and doubtful sometimes. But don’t make your whole identity your relationship. You are an important and strong person too.

u/LordTomBrady · 3 pointsr/infj

I read The Four Agreements recently and one of the things it discusses is not making assumptions. I think it helped me out with an issue similar to yours. Maybe check it out and see if any of it sticks for you.

u/Velsheda8 · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

"In The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love."

That might be a little too obvious, but, it is one of the most life changing books I've read.

https://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom-ebook/dp/B005BRS8Z6

​

​

u/HafsaBekri · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Je te le à book that can help toi. I wish toi thé Best

https://www.amazon.fr/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom-ebook/dp/B005BRS8Z6

u/ggqq · 2 pointsr/getting_over_it

I would recommend this book if you are still trying to read!

https://www.amazon.com/Antidote-Happiness-People-Positive-Thinking/dp/0865478015

u/Stoic-Mentat · 2 pointsr/Stoicism

The best example of modern Stoicism I’ve ever come across was out of The Antidote. An older couple, Jocelyn and Keith, both had PHDs and a promising future in academia. But Jocelyn, at a fairly young age, ended up with a chronic disease that left her unable to care for herself. Keith basically became her full time care taker, money quickly dried up, and you can imagine what sort of life they have. By all hedonic measures their life is shit, yet they were happy. Their example is so unglamorous; fortune had fucked them over. Such an important lesson for me.

u/abhi8192 · 2 pointsr/IndiaNonPolitical

what /u/apunebolatumerilaila recommended and if that do not sound good, try https://www.amazon.in/Antidote-Happiness-People-Positive-Thinking/dp/0865478015

waise rone mein kya burai hai, aankhe saaf ho jaati hai, mann halka ho jaata hai. Rooo aur rone do should be the new moto.

u/GSnow · 2 pointsr/science

The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman. It's an interesting and impressive argument. I find it more compelling than Chopra's missives, possibly because Chopra's work is aimed at a broader audience, but also because Chopra seems to limit his research and foundations to a rather narrow historical, philosophical, and cultural canon.

u/under_the_pressure · 2 pointsr/Meditation

For those who feel that Tolle has a "fake" or "woo woo" tone, I would strongly recommend Cheri Huber's "There Is Nothing Wrong With You". It's not nearly as well known but she powerfully goes through and breaks down disidentification with negative self-talk (Egocentric Karmic Conditioning, as she calls it) in a completely rational, matter of fact way. Amazing book.

u/sunshine682 · 2 pointsr/BPD

This book (recommended by my psychiatrist) has helped me with my self talk:

There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971030901/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_oHWIDbC3W8T1R

Basically, any voice in your head that doesn’t come from a place of compassion and kindness, say to it, I hear you, but I choose not to believe you.

These are the things I say to myself (try to):

Way to go!
I’m awesome!
I have made so much progress, I’m so proud of myself!
I love you (to myself)
I have worked hard for this and it paid off

Also...way to go! You rock!

Edit: if/when you “mess up,” maybe say to yourself, I’m human and it’s ok when I mess up, what matters is overall progress and that I’m still trying.

u/gettingzen · 2 pointsr/socialskills

If you are seriously considering suicide, as you said in your comment, please seek help. Call your mom, or a suicide prevention hotline.

I suggest reading this book There is Nothing Wrong with You, by Cheri Huber. The font is absolutely horrible in it, and it looks kinda cheesy, but you'll find some profoundly helpful advice. It has a Buddhist slant but you don't need to be Buddhist to get something from it and it's respectful to other beliefs.


u/tanaciousp · 2 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

There is nothing wrong with you. Let me say this again, there is nothing wrong with you. Now repeat this to yourself: "There is nothing wrong with me."

Modern society raises us with this idea in our heads that we're constantly, yet subtly told that there is something wrong with us. It's simply not true. When I get down on myself, as you're struggling with I read this book and remind myself "There is nothing wrong with you".

u/poorbadger0 · 2 pointsr/askphilosophy

I'm unfamiliar with Schopenhauer's work, especially as it relates to Buddhism, but I have read a few books on Buddhism, the best of which was Rupert Gethin's The Foundations of Buddhism, which I highly recommend as an introduction to Buddhism.

It is worth noting that some Buddhists reject rebirth, and have a more "non-magical" take of the Buddha's teachings. Interestingly the truth of karma and rebirth is said to be discoverable when one is developed enough in their meditative practices, and indeed that is how the Buddha is supposed to have discovered it, along with everything else he taught.

Buddhism has some very interesting things to say about the human condition, much of which I can see manifesting itself in my own life, and in some ways many of those truths are being discovered by modern science. See here and here.

u/Agrona · 2 pointsr/Christianity
u/sir_timotheus · 2 pointsr/secularbuddhism

The Five-Minute Mindfulness Journal by Noah Rasheta (host of the Secular Buddhism podcast, which I also highly recommend) has been super helpful to me in building my mindfulness and helping me become more in touch with myself. This is probably the most relevant recommendation I have for your specific situation.

Why Buddhism is True by Robert Wright covers the psychology and science relating to Buddhism and meditation, and at least for me it really helps to know the science behind things. So maybe that would help you too.

And of course meditating also helps restructure your thought processes. I would specifically recommend mindfulness meditation to help you better understand yourself and loving-kindness (metta) meditation to help you find compassion for yourself and others.

u/zryn3 · 2 pointsr/politics

Faith in God has been a very difficult problem for intellectuals since the enlightenment. Mathematicians, especially French ones, have tried very hard to rationalize their faith in God and have failed. Faith in God resulted in Einstein getting many things wrong toward the end of his carrier (things like his instance that the universe was static - it is expanding - and his instance that the universe is locally deterministic - it quite simply is not). Incidentally, Einstein was a great enough man that he admitted he was wrong on both counts when experiments proved him wrong, deprecated himself for his "blunders", and made very substantial contributions to quantum mechanics nonetheless.

If you think about it rationally, faith in God is no more reasonable than faith in the Easter Bunny. There is no evidence for the existence of a sentient power controlling the universe and if we start believing in things that we like with no evidence behind it because they're convenient we might as well believe in something like this.

On the other hand, much of the universe is beyond human comprehension. Even our own minds are likely too complex for a human to fully understand. That makes the idea of a higher mind very appealing to many of the same people who have serious objections to faith in God because it absolves them of their own limitations.

Fundamentally, I do think religious faith is a failure for anybody who considers themselves any kind of intellectual. I myself am religious, but I know it's more about my own arrogance and fear of death than it is a worthwhile venture. That doesn't mean I think everybody that's religious (including myself) is feeble-minded, but I think it's a flaw of human nature. There's a very fascinating book out there about how evolution created humans to have flawed thoughts and emotions by a professor at a theological seminary. Faith is in my mind too complex a part of the human condition to dismiss a person for being religious or for being atheist.

u/abzurdleezane · 2 pointsr/secularbuddhism

If you are truly curious here is a link to "Why Buddhism is True" by Robert Wright.

In it he focuses on what psychology, philosophy and modern science including recent neurology can teach us about meditation. Just that, no god stuff no past life stuff just a thoughtful, skeptical assessment of what modern science and personal experience can tell us about our minds written by a superb author.

u/brojangles · 2 pointsr/AcademicBiblical

But Buddhism doesn't really start with any precepts. It's actually kind opposed to the idea of precepts. It's purely experiential. Meditation is really just about learning how to pay attention to your own mind. Meditation, per se is no more religious than doing pushups. If there is anything like a doctrine, it might be the Four Noble Truths, but you don't actually have to accept those and none of them are supernatural.

Edit.

If you're at all interested, there's a book called Why Buddhism is True by Robert Wright, who is an evolutionary psychologist. The book explains the neuroscience of what goes on with Buddhist meditation. There's nothing religious about it, and the practice does not depend on any starting beliefs. It's just brain exercises.

u/miyatarama · 2 pointsr/Stoicism

I doubt the in-depth assistance you seek will be found in a post or a few paragraphs. A book or a course is more likely to give you the tools. There's the StoicWeek manual for instance, or Donald Robertson's Stoicism and the Art of Happiness.

u/megazver · 2 pointsr/AskMen

With philosophy, it's often a good idea to read a modern author's summary and explanation first, instead of going straight for the source material.

I recommend you read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph or Stoicism and the Art of Happiness: A Teach Yourself Guide and see if you want to move on to the actual Stoics.

That said, Stoicism is one of the most useful and applicable schools of philosophy and well worth educating yourself about, even if you're not that interested in philosophy in general.

u/Surtinerfe · 2 pointsr/Stoicism

https://www.amazon.com/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-Teach-Yourself/dp/1444187104/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
This is the first book i read on stoicism and it did the trick for me. I'm not saying is the best but it works.

u/staple-salad · 2 pointsr/Advice

I'm reading this book right now: http://www.amazon.com/Adulting-Become-Grown-up-Easy-Steps/dp/1455516902

I've found it pretty inspiring, and the collection of advise is pretty universal. While most of it isn't directly related to your situation, I think it might help you find the mind to "grow up".

Also, maybe you could go to your supervisor and ask for advice. An employee coming up and saying "hey, I get the feeling I could be doing more around here but I genuinely am having a hard time finding things to do" stands out in a positive way. Don't be afraid to ask for more work if you find yourself idle.

u/bulba5aur · 2 pointsr/selfhelp

Perhaps you would be interested in the book Adulting by Kelly Williams Brown? (Admittedly I haven't had a chance to read it yet, she also has a blog http://adultingblog.com/)

http://www.amazon.com/Adulting-Become-Grown-up-Easy-Steps/dp/1455516902/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1453137916&sr=8-1&keywords=adulting

Also, I think if you can imagine it, your subconscious can find a way to do it. If you can picture yourself as looking and feeling more competent I'm sure it will happen.

u/Talorca · 2 pointsr/Showerthoughts
u/capt_airlock · 2 pointsr/internetparents

Sorry if this is too old a post to care about.

The book [Adulting] (https://www.amazon.com/Adulting-Become-Grown-up-Easy-Steps/dp/1455516902) has some good concepts in it even though its not directed at people who've gone through troubling times.

u/withmoxie · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

I love the advice he gives in his book, Make Your Bed. The other piece of advice that stuck out to me was: If you want to change the world get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward.

u/MxMoss3 · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated
u/generalblie · 2 pointsr/changemyview

Making your bed has other benefits than looking nice. There may be a psychological benefit.

Admiral McRaven wrote an entire book about it. (https://www.amazon.com/Make-Your-Bed-Little-Life/dp/1455570249). The army insists that you make your bed every morning. Why? His assertion is that it sets you on a good path for the day. You set an easy goal - make your bed. You accomplish that goal first thing. That small accomplishment will (hopefully) lead to an attitude where you want to (and do) accomplish more.

u/t1mman · 2 pointsr/seduction

I personally got into meditation after reading this book:
https://www.amazon.ca/You-Are-Not-Your-Brain/dp/1583334831

Meditation will help you dissociate from your thought, put you in the space behind the water fall, sort of speak. I used to have a hard time getting out of my head because I use to “personalise” the thought. You have to learn that the voices in your head are not part of you, they are “suggestion”, not truth. And , like any suggestion, you have the choice to accept or reject them. But first, you have to realise the thought themselves.

If you believe that the voice that tells you “you are a worthless and ugly”, no matter how many hours of meditation you do, you’ll still believe it. What meditation does is get you out of the “storm of thought” and re-enter yourself in the “here and now”.

u/mheim · 2 pointsr/seduction

To be honest: I'm not a great fan of weed. It amplifies psychological problems like anxiety or depression. I had my fair share of them and one important step to recovery was to quit (If you are interested r/leaves).
If it hinders the process? I don't know to be honest and frankly there could be no answer on this question, because it could depend on the person.

What you could do about your thoughts is pausing Transformation Mastery for a while and reading this book: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy .
This book will help you get rid of these thoughts and will give you a jump start.
Another one, which is not nearly as important as this amazing book is: You Are Not Your Brain.
And if you're really really ambitious this one The Happiness Trap too.

If you can't afford these books pm me.

u/RelevantGrapefruit1 · 2 pointsr/AskTruFemcels
u/inshead · 2 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Try reading. Several years ago I found myself in a similar mindset (and still do on occasion) and stumbled across a book that the Dalai Lama co-wrote called “The Art of Happiness“ that really changed my perspective and outlook on a lot of things. I go back and reread through it every couple of years still. It’s not in a “self help” style of writing like so many books I’ve read since are which may be why it’s stuck with me so much.

u/Vystril · 2 pointsr/psychology

I'd recommend (just off the top of my head):

u/gingysnap · 2 pointsr/Wishlist

Is it good so far? Another two that helped me a few years back when I was struggling with similar issues were Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart and the Dalai Lama's The Art of Happiness, if you might like to check those out :)

I'm currently reading Frank Herbert's Dune. I'm trying to read more this year... I used to read quite a bit, and then fell off when I was in college. So my goal is a book every two weeks.

u/remembertosmilebot · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!

Here are your smile-ified links:

The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama

---

^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly bot

u/Franks2000inchTV · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

There's a great book coming out on April 24th called Search inside Yourself. It's by Chade-meng Tan from google, and it's distilled from Google's mindfulness meditation program that they teah to their employees.

Full disclosure: Meng is one of the investors in my company, but even if he wasn't I'd still recommend the book.

http://www.amazon.com/Search-Inside-Yourself-Unexpected-Achieving/dp/0062116924

I got started with meditation by attending a beginner's meditation course at my local zen temple. If you can do that, it's also a great way to get started.

Meditation is surprisingly simple, and you don't need to sit in the lotus position to do it. You can meditate anytime, anywhere! It's really just about concentrating on your breath.

There are also a number of apps on the market that will teach you meditation. Headspace and Buddhify are the two with the best design.

u/reorder_ · 2 pointsr/socialanxiety

Mindful mediation can help get you get back to a period of calm, at least for a short while. Search Inside Yourself is a pretty good book on the subject. If you are short on money, you can get the gist of the book just by googling "mindful mediation". Basically, just sit down, relax, and focus on your breathing. Don't try to avoid or stop any emotions that arise, just let them run through you. After a while, you become really relaxed. Of course, this isn't an end all solution, but it definitely helps.

u/lSl · 2 pointsr/Mindfulness

Check out Search Inside Yourself by Chade Meng Tan. He was a Google engineer that went full time into running a mindfulness program at Google. It's one of my favorite books on mindfulness because it's super practical, and it includes a lot of great stuff on workplace mindfulness (and lots of great stuff on outside the workplace mindfulness). I remember a few sections on how he taught managers mindfulness and how it benefited everyone involved.

u/ryants · 2 pointsr/self
u/FabesE · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

Disclaimer: My comment is not providing material that will be a good guide to Buddhism / how to be a Buddhist. But they are my go to recommendations for people with no background/prior knowledge of Buddhism who are looking for a some secular thoughts that are Buddhist inspired.

  • Dan Harris's 10% Happier (Also check out his podcast with the same name)

  • After Buddhism by Stephen Batchelor

  • Siddhartha by Herman Hesse

    And for good measure, you should absolutely read The Dhammapada.

    I am biased (or maybe hopeful is the right word), but I really believe that we're on the precipice of a new thought-movement in reaction to the consumerist culture we live in. I don't think it will be Buddhist, but I believe it will be Buddhist inspired to an extent.
u/TransPhoria · 2 pointsr/asktransgender

Meditation/mindfulness practice (Dan Harris has a great book about that called 10% Happier. I'd also recommend more rest and more sleep and avoiding TV/Movies/friends/internet forums with a lot of drama.

u/napjerks · 2 pointsr/Anger

Yikes, I'm sorry you were in an accident!

You can still do some yoga. Do everything you can either laying on your back in bed or on the couch. And you can meditate if you already were doing that. Five, ten minutes a day. Try the Shavasana (corpse) pose. It's a mixture of both and very, very relaxing.

Since you're artistic, have you heard of bullet journal? Like bullet points. They have them at some Barnes & Noble stores or you can order direct from their site. It's a 'fast' way to journal. But you can also embellish the pages with drawings, doodles and such. Create calendars and ways to track your day. You can create mood trackers too. Food and good habits trackers, etc.

Try reading Thriving with Social Anxiety, The Dance of Anger or 10% Happier.

Do stuff that makes you feel better!

u/misterlight · 2 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Check out the book "10% Happier", it's very well written and explains it clearly.
Non affiliated Amazon link

u/momentary_mori · 2 pointsr/malementalhealth

I have fought this dragon, I have some weapons to share. It's a big dragon, and detailed examples help, so this is a long post. For even longer-form content, here are some books I can recommend:

  • The Defining Decade
  • Feeling Good
  • The Inconsequential Child: Overcoming Emotional Neglect
  • 10% Happier

    Here are your weapons, in no particular order.

    First: understand that you are not broken.

    You are having a tough time deciding on a course for yourself. That's okay. You are having a tough time finding joy. That's okay too. You don't think "anything is worth it". That is okay, and it presents you with a goal: to find enough meaning that the effort will be worth it. That goal probably seems far fetched, but it is possible.

    I used to think that I was broken. I used to think that the things people had done to me and the circumstances of my life had left irreparable harm. I was wrong, and you are wrong too. You are imbued with the same worthiness as every other human being, no matter what. You are worthy of love and happiness, you are worth respecting, you are worthy of having a supportive group of friends, your opinions are worth hearing. You deserve sincerity and honesty and you are allowed to fuck up.

    You're also 20, and it is understandable if you don't know how to do most things, as you have never done most things more than once or twice, if ever. You can learn and improve yourself through effort. You are not broken.

    Second: understand the difference between thoughts and actions and feelings.

    When we have thoughts, they are not a direct experience of the world, they are a projection of reality into language. Thoughts are "said" by your internal narrator, which is part of you, but not all of you. Deliberate or practiced (i.e. automatic but not reflexive) actions are the physical equivalent of thoughts.

    Feelings are a direct experience of your physical body: you feel hungry, you feel tired, you feel a tight muscle in your back, you feel anxious. Babies without language feel these things too. These feelings are part of you, but not all of you, because they are temporary.

    If you have never paid attention to your thoughts vs. feelings, that's okay. But self-awareness is a powerful ability, and will make your life a lot easier, and it can be learned.

    Third: upward spirals.

    Feelings naturally become thoughts and actions. We practice it all our lives. An aching pain becomes "Ow, I should stop.", a feeling of abandonment becomes "They don't want to talk to me". Your mapping is not fixed and can be improved with practice: marathon runners translate their aches into "I should change my form," social people translate their feelings of abandonment into "I miss them, I'll reach out and see if they want to talk".

    No feelings->thought translation is "better" or "worse" than any other, there are only "upward" and "downward" spirals. Upward spirals are mappings where negative feelings lead to thoughts and actions that tend to lead to positive feelings; downward spirals are mappings where positive feelings lead to thoughts and actions that tend to lead to negative feelings.

    So, you want to learn to work in upward spirals. This means you need to be willing to try difficult things, and risk failure, which is scary but not fatal, and infinitely rewarding. If you are risk-averse, that's okay. You can take as small a risk as you are comfortable with, it will develop a sort of meta-confidence about your ability to handle future risky situations.

    cont...
u/okalyssa · 2 pointsr/NoStupidQuestions

I really like the book 10% Happier by Dan Harris (Amazon). I actually just started it again today. Dan Harris is an anchor with ABC News, so smart phones, the internet, and social media are all totally in his realm. The book reads less like a traditional self help book, and is more about this one guy’s journey to becoming, you guessed it, 10% happier.

It’s about 220 pages, a quick, fun read. I definitely recommend it.

u/JackGetsIt · 2 pointsr/JoeRogan

Highly recommend this book as well.

https://www.amazon.com/10-Happier-Self-Help-Actually-Works/dp/0062265431

The narrator came back from war reporting in Afghanistan and had some similar aimlessness that he drowned out with cocaine. Which of course didn't help but the books about him crawling out of drug addiction and depression in productive ways. Joe had him on his show as well.

u/mindsnare · 2 pointsr/australia

Agreed again! Although not all are terrible. I actually got into it after reading 10% Happier. Written by a skeptical drug taking news reporter with anxiety disorder. https://www.amazon.com/10-Happier-Self-Help-Actually-Works/dp/0062265431. Great read, and that's coming from someone who hates these kinds of books. The book also spawned a website with a getting started guide with guided meditation, which I didn't pay a cent for, but it definitely got the ball rolling. Once the basics are down you can kind of take it from there.

u/Absentmindedfool · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

Can I recommend The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don't Have with People You Don't Like Doing Things You Don't Want to Do (A No Fcks Given Guide) by Sarah Knight to you. Some simple and sometimes humorous tips to reduce anxiety from giving too many fcks or giving the wrong sort of fcks.

u/lavida_v2 · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

The Life Changing Magic of not giving a fu*k

It’s practical,funny ,simple to follow quick read that makes amazing sense! I read it on a flight and came out with a clear mindset of not caring about people and their petty shit


https://www.amazon.com/Life-Changing-Magic-Not-Giving-Spending/dp/0316270725

u/smuckola · 2 pointsr/childfree

I wouldn't want to contribute to the possibility that you will be somewhat paranoid, spiteful, or even just jaded about your brother. You sound pretty darn levelheaded, but I'm just asking you not to file the following comment into those negative buckets.

But these people don't sound like they are capable of appreciating anything you did, and may be just as likely to contrast it negatively with all their favorite premium garbage that they have been inexplicably gifted with. I would expect them to see its lack of designer label. I hope I'm somehow wrong, but in the big picture, it doesn't matter because you are right to cut them.

So yeah you can store the blanket for the time when your nephew (or someone else) is able to appreciate it, just as easily as they can.

This sucks so bad, but you did your best. Your response makes me think of this book which I just stumbled upon.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0316270725

u/sarrahhhhm · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don't Have with People You Don't Like Doing Things You Don't Want to Do (A No Fcks Given Guide)

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0316270725/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1517957369&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=the+art+of+not+giving+a+fck&dpPl=1&dpID=41CKz3db7wL&ref=plSrch

u/ElectronGuru · 2 pointsr/Showerthoughts

Book people have you covered

Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway https://www.amazon.com/dp/0345487427/

u/Sysserin · 2 pointsr/relationships

Oh believe me, plenty of people said different pieces of what I just wrote, to ME almost verbatim, long before I realized it. You can logically agree and follow something, without truly realizing it for a truth. You can also reasonably disagree with a lot of things and then come to realize that they were truths. It has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence and all to do with receiving the correct tools while being open to hearing, listening and following new ideas, sometimes to very dark places.

It was not an easy or painless journey getting my shit together (and in fact, I've come to accept that LIFE is getting ones shit together and we will always be on this journey!) but it is definitely worth it and anyone can do it. Doubt is the greatest poison ever concocted, but I realized after that philosophy class, that doubt can ALSO be the greatest tool, the greatest ally. Against doubt, ALL illusions must fold eventually, truth alone can prevail. If you follow thoughts long enough, if you question broadly enough, if you think of enough possibilities and argue each enough, you will be able to crumble illusions in your fist. But ONLY if you are willing to do so and believe me when I say that half the time, you will be very reluctant to relinquish the illusions.

I forget myself still, on occasion. Especially when I am being extra female for the month, the irrational hormonal derp I go through with the cycle is absolutely ridiculous and I've fallen into pits of depression before simply because I forget that I am only feeling like a piece of shit due to being on the rag XD No one is perfect, but it will be a great gift to yourself to explore these routes of yourself.

Guilt and fear are gigantic poisons, and they are almost always synonymous. In fact, it can be argued that the only time they are not synonymous is when there is a primal fight or flight response. Guilt often catalyzes fear. There are a good amount of books and things I have studied that helped me develop different lines of thinking, and I will link you to the least controversial: http://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-It-Anyway/dp/0345487427/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372058733&sr=8-1&keywords=feel+the+fear+and+do+it+anyway

Now listen: I hate hate hate HATE HATE HATE self-help books. I hate them with a burning and terrible passion. I ooze poison and fire out the side of my mouth at the mere THOUGHT. But I had to read one for a class I took last semester and I read that one. And while pieces of it are hokey and there are a few disagreements I have with it, the book did change my life. It came to me at a very pivotal time and helped me deal with decision making. It's about fear, but fear is in just about everything, so really it is about realizing what you want, weighing each side and making choices, and it has diagrams and examples and explains things real well sometimes. Also it is a quick read I think. Lots of diagrams.

Yeah that person below is right. Also, I've come to play with the idea lately that love is synonymous with acceptance. Also, you can provide yourself with everything you need to be happy, healthy and free. It is a great experience and privilege to share life with somebody else, but they cannot control your happiness and if they ATTEMPT TO CONTROL your happiness, or any PART of your life, no matter how well-intentioned, you should consider leaving if you have a chat and they refuse to allow you to make your own decisions. You can love and accept a thousand people without conditions, but you also deserve the same.

Also, my ideas are always fluid, take nothing I say too seriously, but know that I genuinely mean anything I say. And you might discover different truths than I have. And that's okay too. As long as we remain on the quest for truth, as long as we embrace doubt instead of hiding from it (even though it is the scariest thing there is), we will all be okay. Vigilance!

u/GoRedBad · 2 pointsr/seduction

Look if it just comes down to "too afraid", then you'll either have to grow some balls and do it anyway, or not. And the second option means not getting any pussy, it means BEING a pussy. Your choice.

Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'

'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.

I was scared the other day when I told an aggressive guy at work that he had to wait and closed the door on him. I was scared when I did a firewalk. I was scared every single time I went on stage to sing and play, and I did that more than fifty times. But I did it anyway because I know you either do it or you don't and not doing it is NOT an option.

You know on some level that there is nothing to fear. I have just given you a way to remove the pressure of winning.

The only way you will remove the underlying emotional fear is by proving otherwise repeatedly. And nothing will make that happen except doing it. In some cases, the underlying fear NEVER goes away.

Too fucking bad. Welcome to being a man.

u/oO0-__-0Oo · 2 pointsr/mentalhealth

ok

Firstly, if you are not seeing a trauma specialized therapist I highly suggest you consider seeing one. Just from your description it sounds like your issues are above the pay-grade of your current clinicians, or they are not putting in the proper amount of effort. The fact that you have so many complicating issues and your clinicians are not understanding why you having these shutdowns is a big red flag that something is amiss with them. I presume that you are being open and honest with them about all of your current issues, and that they know about your history of abuse/trauma.

You should also definitely do some reading about borderline personality disorder.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but absolutely, positively stay away from any drugs, even legal ones like alcohol. You are a perfect candidate for death by addiction, unfortunately.

Here are a few books that you might find useful:

https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-Anyway/dp/0345487427

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Workbook-Mind-Body-Regaining/dp/1623158249

https://www.amazon.com/Unspoken-Voice-Releases-Restores-Goodness/dp/1556439431

https://www.amazon.com/Pocket-Guide-Polyvagal-Theory-Transformative/dp/0393707873

I strongly suggest you try to get some serious headway on your issues BEFORE you try going to college. It might be worth taking a year or two off and just working and going to therapy/working on issues before you attempt to go to college full time.


Do you happen to live in a very religious area? Do you have a very religious family?

u/ReverendEntity · 2 pointsr/WeAreTheMusicMakers

Feel The Fear...and Do It Anyway. You probably don't even have to buy the book - "the title alone gets two snaps up".

u/battlelegitimate · 2 pointsr/LifeProTips

> That's... That's not how brains work...

No, really. It's a hard choice, but it's a choice. Recommended reading include:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning

Wherein this Holocaust survivor lays out exactly that, and encourages us to come to terms with our feelings about whatever situation we found ourselves in and take ownership of it. You can say he's wrong, but it's still a much more proactive and less whiny way to go about life.

And this:

https://www.amazon.com/Awareness-Opportunities-Reality-Anthony-Mello/dp/0385249373

Wherein a half Catholic priest, half Buddhist monk encourages us to understand that feelings we experience aren't necessarily "us", they're just moods that are washing over our ego, and something to be observed just like anything. "Oh, my wrist is sore today" and "Oh, my pysche is feeling blah today". It's not you and the faster you internalize that, the more content and less stressed out you'll be in life.

u/Namtaru420 · 2 pointsr/DebateReligion

lineage texts and technically none of them are holy since zen masters reject that stuff. first guy on the list, bodhidharma, told the emperor of china that his buddhist temples had no merit and the ultimate way is 'vast emptiness and nothing holy'

i also just started reading awareness by anthony de mello, really good so far. plenty of parts i disagree with but definitely saucy enough for me to recommend. i've got a dead tree edition in my shopping cart rn, it's that good. but there's a pdf online

u/urbster1 · 2 pointsr/Enneagram

7's are some of my favorite types! Eric Andre is probably my favorite 7w8. Here are the sections from Personality Types about 7w6 vs. 7w8 (warning: very long)

The 7 with a 6-Wing: "The Entertainer"

The traits of the 7 and those of the 6 are in a certain amount of tension with each other: 6s are oriented toward people, while 7s are oriented toward things and experiences, quite capable of fulfilling their own needs themselves. In both types, however, there are dependencies; 6s depend on finding approval and security from others, while 7s depend on the environment to make them happy. People of this subtype will attempt to find satisfaction for themselves, while looking to other people as additional sources of stimulation and happiness. 7s with a 6-wing are perhaps the most gregarious and outgoing of all the subtypes. The adventurous search for experience in the 7 combines with the desire for security through connection in the 6, and the mix produces individuals who enjoy encountering and interacting with other human beings. 7s with a 6-wing are more relationship-oriented than 7s with an 8-wing, who tend to be more
experience-oriented.

Healthy 7s with a 6-wing are highly productive individuals with an infectious joie de vivre. They can be noticeably playful, childlike, engaging, silly, and despite difficult experiences, tend to retain a certain innocence and belief in life's goodness. They can also be highly creative and entertaining—as the subtype nickname suggests—and tend to have a more positive outlook on the world (like Nines) than the 7s with an 8-wing. They often have quick minds and an inspired sense of humor, but when, healthy can utilize the 6's discipline, cooperative spirit, and organizational abilities to accomplish a great deal. While they are essentially assertive, they also want others to like and accept them. If they have money, they tend to be generous with others, particularly in their socializing, party giving, and traveling. They use their optimism and high spirits to connect with others and forge bonds with them. People of this subtype have a soft, sweet side which can be very appealing. They are a kaleidoscope of contrasting traits—ingratiating and sassy, vulnerable and resilient, spontaneous and dependable, adult and childlike.

Average 7s with a 6-wing may still be productive, but the 6-wing's fears fuel the tendency of the 7 to lose focus and become scattered. They have problems with insecurity and are more aware of their anxieties than the other subtype. 7s with a 6-wing can often appear to be nervous and flighty, revved up and fidgety, and they tend to have more trouble with follow-through than 7s with an 8-wing. Average people of this subtype are defensive and impulsive. They want approval and are afraid of being anxious or alone, and have high expectations of their paramours. They want to be loved and they fall in love easily. But they also fall out of love easily as soon as the romance has worn off. Being in love is a powerful experience, which average people of this subtype enjoy having: they are always either in a relationship or looking for one. They can still be quite funny, but an underlying note of anxiety is closer to the surface. They may act like cheerleaders, attempting to rouse others and create a more exciting environment, but often become excessive and, to others, tiresome in the process. When others do not meet their expectations for stimulation, the 6ish tendency to sulking and pessimism may come out. Lower average 7s with a 6-wing become caught between the 7's desire to move on to "greener pastures" and the 6's fear of losing their safe connections with others. They are gregarious but insecure about what people think of them; impulsive but anxious about their decisions; extravagant yet anxious about money. As their anxieties increase, people of this subtype tend to become increasingly insensitive toward others, without being aware of it. They also become self-centered, demanding that others help them through bouts of anxiety. Thus, for better or worse, while the 6-wing softens the 7's aggressive nature, it also reinforces its anxiety. As in the 6 with a 7-wing, there is a strong propensity for substance abuse

Unhealthy 7s with a 6-wing display the erratic, manic qualities of the unhealthy 7 along with the fearful, clinging qualities of the 6, and engage in a restless search for "playmates"— people who will be "coconspirators" in their misadventures and keep them distracted from their mounting fear and distress. They want to have the approval and affection of others, and will likely experience acute problems with inferiority and anxiety, traits which are problems for each of the component subtypes. They will turn to other people, tearfully but obnoxiously demanding that others solve their problems for them. They may stay up night after night, staying on the telephone or hanging out in nightspots with anyone who will talk to them. If this does not work, people of this subtype become hysterical and helpless, alternately thrashing around and lashing out, driving away others and seeking to bring them back to their sides. This subtype is also highly prone to self-destructive behaviors and dramatic, masochistic episodes, such as suicide attempts. Eventually, overwhelmed physically and emotionally, they succumb to addictions or completely break down.

The 7 with an 8-Wing: "The Realist"

The traits of the 7 and those of the 8 produce a personality combination which is very aggressive, since each component type is aggressive. Persons of this subtype are aggressive in two ways: in the demands they make on the environment and in the strength of their egos to enforce those demands. No one frustrates people of this subtype without hearing about it. They are extremely assertive and industrious, and are also more goal-oriented, pragmatic, and ambitious than the other subtype. They use their drive and high energy to maintain an intense, active lifestyle, and are less worried about having others around for the ride. Their ego strength is considerable, and the 8-wing provides more focus on tasks and objectives.

Healthy people of this subtype are exuberant and enthusiastic, since they are fundamentally 7s. They are people who truly enjoy the world and the things it offers—materialists in the broadest sense of the word. They enjoy the good things of life and combine the 7's avid intelligence with the 8's daring and drive in a way that often results in material success. The 8-wing adds elements of self-confidence, willpower, and self-assertion to help them overcome obstacles and endure whatever hardships might be in their paths. This subtype also has a capacity for leadership. Persons of this subtype who are leaders are known for their quick minds and the brilliance of their personal style. They are noticeably adult, earthy, businesslike, persistent (especially with difficult tasks), tenacious, and give an impression of bemused worldliness. 7s with an 8-wing know that they can get what they want from life: they think strategically and can rapidly reorganize their internal and external resources in pursuit of something they want.

Average people of this subtype are more practical, worldly, and cosmopolitan than 7s with a 6-wing. They apply their energies in many directions, multi-tasking or even "multi-careering." The 8-wing adds a degree of workaholism not as evident in the other subtype. They seek out intense experiences of all sorts, enjoying the rush of adrenaline they supply. There is also a stronger desire to accumulate possessions or "toys"—new cars, fine clothing, jewelry, stereo equipment, TVs, and other gadgets. The subtext is "I'm worth it!" Of course, 7s with an 8-wing also enjoy travel and new experiences, but focus more on activities than on socializing with others. People of this subtype are certainly not immune to romance but tend to be hard-nosed realists about their relationships. They are not afraid of being alone, and are very clear about their needs, expectations, and weaknesses. Their directness can verge into a crude bluntness in the lower Levels, and less healthy 7s with an 8-wing are not above "pushing to the front of the line" to get what they want. They make their desires known, and pursue them with less regard for the needs, desires, or feelings of others, and sometimes without regard for law or morality. Individuals of this subtype do
not try to avoid conflicts; indeed, the reverse is usually the case: they are stimulated by confrontations because of the excitement which conflicts produce. They begin to adopt a jaded, world-weary attitude in contrast to the childish, hyperenthusiasm of the 7 with a 6-wing. They are also stronger willed, resisting anything that might control them, and are therefore somewhat less likely to succumb to substance abuse than the other subtype. At the same time, they tend to be more hardened and willful than the 7 with a 6-wing.

Unhealthy 7s with an 8-wing suffer both the 7's compulsive mania and the 8's destructive antisocial tendencies. They tend to involve themselves in dangerous scenes in the search for escape from their anxiety. Gambling, involvement with the underworld, extreme sexual practices, and "living on the edge" rapidly deplete their physical, emotional, and financial resources. They can become ruthless, particularly if they believe someone has what they want, whether a person or a thing. Because unhealthy 7s fly out of control and unhealthy 8s overestimate their power, unhealthy people of this subtype are extremely reckless and dangerous. They may become physically destructive when they act out, with possibly devastating effects for others. Their erratic behavior can quickly lead to circumstances which result in either death or mental breakdown.

u/pick1already · 2 pointsr/INTP
u/freezerfrost · 2 pointsr/Enneagram

I recommend "Personality Types : Using the Enneagram for Self Discovery" by Don Riso and Richard Hudson. https://www.amazon.com/Personality-Types-Using-Enneagram-Self-Discovery/dp/0395798671

u/SnausageDawg · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

I 100% understand the fear of saying you will not drink and then falling back into the same old cycles that we want to break free of. Maybe approaching it by saying something like, "I am trying my best to stay away from alcohol for the near future because (insert pertinent reason here)". That way it is not so definitive as, 'I am never drinking again.'

Honestly, how many of us here can actually say that we will never touch alcohol again? I do not know if I will NEVER again drink but, I know I am not going to drink TODAY. Sometimes, it is: I know I am going to avoid alcohol for the next hour or two...until I find something better to which I redirect my energy.

I recommend getting a copy of This Naked Mind. I and many others here have found it an incredibly helpful book. https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness/dp/0525537236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1517871205&sr=8-1&keywords=this+naked+mind

Keep us all posted! You have people from all over the world rooting for you!

{Edited for shit grammar}

u/2ndal · 2 pointsr/askMRP

There's a lot going on here. You have seven ten question marks in your post:

  • What exactly should I want?
  • I have read a lot about motivation and I think most people are motivated by social status. They are aiming to gain social rank. For me the problem is that social status only exists if you interact with people. That is, if they treat you inferior or superior, right?
  • People cannot treat you as superior or inferior if they hardly interact with you, right?
  • Therapy for stopping drinking?
  • Better treatment for depression and drinking at the same time?
  • I am at my fourth psychiatrist, just how long should I shop around?
  • What would change if I was super obese?
  • Similarly, what would change if I managed to get actually fit?
  • Maybe my sex drive would return. Maybe. In which case what, divorce wife?
  • Cheat on her?

    Look, I'm not sure you're going to find the right answer here on this forum. Answers here, in fact, might be dangerous. You need to be treated for alcoholism and depression. Or if you feel you can't find someone to treat you, you need to focus yourself on improving in those areas through your own study. Start to make headway there and other things will start to fall into place. Have more days sober than drunk, have a will to live, bring some hobbies, drive, and passion back in your life, and then maybe we start thinking about how to improve your marriage.

    I'll leave you with a book that helped me reframe my thinking about alcohol. I've recommended it here before and most men agree. This Naked Mind.

    Good luck.
u/ReadyRoad · 2 pointsr/pornfree

I'm in the same boat, trying to quit porn and alcohol at the same time. I find Annie Grace's book 'This naked mind' super helpful with the alcohol side:

https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness/dp/0525537236

u/upsidedownonacross · 2 pointsr/alcoholism

It is possible to do alone. I've been to (court mandated) AA and NA and I simply cannot stand it. One sob story or wild tale of drunken adventure after another, the same stories week after week...everyone with tears in their eyes, a good 40% of people in there saying they are sober when the reality is that they have just switched up to something else (weed or pills generally). All the God and Jesus bullshit. I hate everything about it, even the camaraderie/people pretending to care about you

I wanted to become sober and I have. books like these X X help me put things into perspective and realize that there is much more that I want to do in life than get home and get wasted and then feel shitty the entire next day.

I was a monster...I'd do any drug under the sun, I'd drink a fifth of vodka every night and I was able to stop with my own willpower eventually

u/dvzhinbege · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

Have read this? Try reading this it might help yiu get over the hump. It helped me. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525537236/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_s2MVAb4AXQGS1

u/thatoneguywhogolfs · 2 pointsr/WeightLossAdvice

My best weight loss was when I wasn’t drinking. I am indulging now and weight loss is very stagnant. Been stuck around 202-205 for some time now. When I wasn’t drinking I read this book that talks to your subconscious. It was very interesting and I would highly encourage you to read it if you plan to give up alcohol.


https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness/dp/0525537236

u/sloanluxe · 2 pointsr/lawofattraction

Not having a specific picture of what you want to manifest can prevent a lot of this resistance, and attachment, because you have not yet set your sights on anything in particular. Don’t feel pressure to formulate some picture or some super-specific desire; don’t worry about coming up with a very specific visualization overflowing with detail.

LoA will forever be something you study and apply to your lifestyle. You will have to spend some time getting to know you. I have a book I want to recommend. I was having the same issue as you are now. I didn't really know what I wanted to do with life. I read this book and it forever changed me. It helps you deal with so many different things.

https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Badass-Doubting-Greatness/dp/0762447699

u/PoisonPeel · 1 pointr/ADHD

i started with search inside yourself by Chade-Meng Tan.

http://www.amazon.com/Search-Inside-Yourself-Unexpected-Achieving/dp/0062116924

u/jtcchan · 1 pointr/productivity

THIS!

http://www.amazon.com/Search-Inside-Yourself-Unexpected-Achieving/dp/0062116924

This book is fantastic. It's written by a Google engineer who did a fantastic job on introducing other engineers (!) to meditation and how it improves their daily lives.

u/theMrDomino · 1 pointr/Meditation
u/hnag409 · 1 pointr/Meditation
u/YoungOldMan · 1 pointr/Meditation

From way down deep in the article:

> ... practical training in mindfulness [that] teaches the basics of meditation.

And you can buy the book:

Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace).

u/ElvarP · 1 pointr/getdisciplined

Try to keep it interesting I reccomend practising these muscles for 5 seconds every day. Focus on one muscle.

You have multiple muscles in youre brain, The muscles im specialising in at the moment is the attention muscle - I used the book Search inside yourself> path to achivieing success, happiness and world peace. You also have a decision making muscle which you can practice with hard and decisive decision, every decision can be hard and decision no matter how small of an impact it has on your life. This muscle has helped me the most on my journey through starting a company and taking on music as my next goal. My psychiatrist also told me that that you can practice memory, with your memory muscle, just like you practice muscle memory

Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace): https://www.amazon.com/Search-Inside-Yourself-Unexpected-Achieving/dp/0062116932

u/random-answer · 1 pointr/selfhelp

it's the question that drives us. (The Matrix) - What do you want to achieve with your post and your video's?
I partially agree with what you write but most of all fail to see the part in which you ask your question.

I get the impression that you are seeking and think that you might be interested in the book from Meng-tan (a google engineer). The title is search inside yourself. It's available on Amazon for as little as 13:59 (link) http://www.amazon.com/Search-Inside-Yourself-Unexpected-Achieving/dp/0062116932

and also for free as a pdf from here:
http://www.randomhouse.de/content/edition/excerpts/346837.pdf

About the Author, he's a really cool guy from Singapore !
https://siyli.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/The-Sun-01-08-2012-p21-Search-Inside-Yourself.pdf

Some other sources.
Here is a far out book,
https://wahiduddin.net/thinketh/as_a_man_thinketh.pdf
You become what you think about most of the time.

Bob proctor:
I think that his model of the mind is really good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Urun_rE79_Q
Book: You were born rich.

Richard Bandler:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExGTdhOueCg
Bob Proctor talks about programing the mind, Richard Bandler is the 1st man to study when your interested in that.
Book: frogs into princesses & how to make a great life.

Best of luck & let me know if you find this information usefull to you.

u/Man-IamHungry · 1 pointr/relationship_advice

At first I thought, maybe he’s in shock & hasn’t snapped out of it yet, but the more I read he just sounds like an asshole.

You need to put together a support system & stay organized. Reach out to anyone & everyone for help. Do not be shy about it, now isn’t the time to tip-toe or hesitate.

  1. Get organized. Buy a giant calendar & dedicate it to only your stuff. Aside from appointments, use it to track your medications & symptoms. Keep a notebook to jot down questions to ask your doctors & also to summarize what was discussed in your appt.

    Some cancer planners I got:
  • Cancer101 The best bang for your buck at $25 & they send an extra section regarding the type of cancer you have. It also includes an accordion folder to help keep track of paperwork which is great.
  • ReadyForRecovery Much pricier at $50, but it looks nicer & I like the way they organized it.
  • CanPlan Cancer Planner I bought the inserts for $18.95, but there’s a printable PDF option for $9.95. There was a lot of depressing information at the beginning of this pack which turned me off, but there’s a daily tracker section that is nicely organized & a positivity section that was cool to include.

  1. Audio record your appointments! A lot of information can get tossed around when speaking with a doctor & you might find things going in one ear & out the other. Use a voice memo app just in case.

  2. Get a therapist. I don’t know what kind of insurance you have, but ask if they will cover sessions. If not, ask if they know of any free options.

  3. Find a local cancer resource center. The one I’ve been to offers support groups, social workers, reiki therapy, nutrition classes, art classes, wigs, books, etc... all FREE. Plus they can help you access other resources like financial assistance, rideshare programs, etc.

  4. Find drivers. Who do you know that would be willing? There are also free ride services for cancer patients. Usually it’s for within a certain distance, but it’s better than nothing.

  5. Meal prep. Make a few soups/stews/etc & freeze them for the days when you have zero energy to cook. We probably had 20 adult servings to start & it was a lifesaver. Ask someone to help you cook (or if they can do it) so you’ll never run out.

  6. Stay hydrated. Drink a LOT of water all day long, especially on chemo days. It could help reduce symptoms from the meds. Find a pharmacy that sells Drip Drop & add a pack to your water on treatment/follow-up days.

  7. Food. Tell your doctor you’d like to see a nutritionist. Avoid processed sugar as much as you can & try to incorporate the following: +cruciferous vegetables +dark purple food +orange food +zinc (?). I can’t remember that last one but I feel like it was zinc. Get the good stuff too, now’s your chance to hit up the farmer’s markets, etc. If you have a sweet tooth stock up on healthier alternatives. I found a company called ‘Modern Popsicle’ that has zero added sugar. They were the only ones in my store that actually were only made with “real fruit” as advertised.

  8. Aim for ‘okay’ days. On occasion you’re going to feel pretty damn good & find yourself cleaning the whole house, chasing your kids around, meeting up with friends, or whatever. DON’T give in to this momentary burst of energy! It will absolutely kick you in the ass afterwards & it will take you so much longer to recover. It doesn’t mean you can’t do anything, just keep it reasonable. You don’t want low days or high days, you want ‘okay’ days.

  9. Meditate. Mind over matter dude. I still struggle with this one, but I’ve seen it be really helpful in this situation. I recommend “Mindfulness” by Mark Williams & Danny Penman & “Search Inside Yourself” by Chade-Meng Tan.

  10. Fuck cancer.

  11. Fuck your husband’s shitty attitude.
u/DoesNotMatterAnymore · 1 pointr/TheRedPill

This is more related to confidence:

From Search Inside Yourself.

> Earlier in the self-awareness chapter, we talked about how self-confidence can arise from deep understanding of our failure mode and recovery mode. In my engineer’s mind, I think of skillfulness in self-regulation as an upgrade to my recovery mechanism.

>By knowing exactly how a system recovers after failure, I can be confident in it even when it fails because I know the conditions in which the system can come back quickly enough that failure is inconsequential. If, in addition to that, I can upgrade the recovery mechanisms such that it can recover much faster and more cleanly (that is, causing fewer problems), then I can have even more confidence in it and can subject it to even more interesting and challenging environments. We can think of the practices in this chapter as upgrading our recovery mode.

u/DiscoStu44x · 1 pointr/Mindfulness

I'm about half way through this, pretty solid so far. It teaches you mindfulness techniques that is taught at Google.

Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062116932/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_XK-PCbMT0AZ0E

u/n-dee · 1 pointr/Stoicism

Hello, I had similar thoughts. I started my stoic journey at the beginning of this year with reading the Daily Stoic and writing the related journal. But I'm meditating since 3 years on a regular basis.

To me, the aspect of stoicism to always live in the present moment was already familiar. Before I discovered meditation I often felt anxious, uncertain and unfocused. This became better and better over time. I can't imagine a life without it anymore.

I'm not sure if it is feasible to quieten your mind by reading books and try to apply it logically into your daily life. It's hard to fight thinking with thinking. I believe that meditation or other kinds or mindfulness practices helps a lot to achieve a calm and present mind.

When I started meditation I was not particularly religous or spiritual. I discovered it through the book Search Inside Yourself which explains meditation for rational thinking beings. This totally changed my life.

Later I discovered Headspace, which became my favorite mediation app. I use it daily for almost 2 years now. Headspace provides guided, semi-guided and unguided meditations which focus on different aspects of life.

Currently I'm meditating every morning for about 15-30 min before I start journaling.

u/ItsYaBoey · 1 pointr/ADHD

To avoid getting yelled at you can improve.

http://www.spring.org.uk/2009/05/how-meditation-improves-attention.php -attention

https://eocinstitute.org/meditation/meditation-for-concentration-improving-your-focus-from-a-quiet-mind/ -attention

http://www.lifecoachspotter.com/how-to-find-life-coach-guide/
-organizing and finishing tasks if basic apps and calendars dont work

If youre at a stage where depression prevents you from progressing try convincing your mom to take you to therapy or be more open about your feelings with her or someone around you.

In addition a book that my psychiatrist suggested to give you tips for a lot of things to improve your mental state and productiveness

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062116932/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

u/chiablo · 1 pointr/exmormon

If you're looking for self-improvement, 10% Happier has made the biggest impact on my daily life. Especially if you prayed regularly, replacing that time with meditation can do surprising things to your mental well being.

u/kmikz · 1 pointr/self

A great book that really helped me understand why I was nitpicking at everything was 10% happier. After I understood that a quieter mind is a happier mind I started to quiet the mind when I went to sleep by focusing on my breath. No special positions, no chanting, no candles. Just focus on the breath. It helped me get faster to sleep and significantly improved my quality of live because of that (I used to turnover for half a night and be miserable at work the day after). Also I'd recommend The power of now by Eckart Tolle. It says it's a guide to spiritual enlightenment, but what I took from it was that you have to live for today, not tomorrow. Always planning ahead is quite exhausting. And it really opened my eyes about perspective.

u/red_reflection · 1 pointr/TheRedPill

Dan Harris wrote a book about meditation and its great because from the beginning he explains that he doesn't like all the religious bullshit that is always brought up with meditation. He interviews a lot of people and explains how to meditate like a rational person.

u/eyeamtheonewhoknocks · 1 pointr/Fitness

10% Happier is also a good mindfulness book to get started with .

Video here

Book here

u/ManuelThrowItAway2 · 1 pointr/AskMen
u/3udemonia · 1 pointr/aspergers

I bought this book recently. Haven't had a chance to read it yet but when I read the preview on Amazon it seemed like a worthwhile read. Maybe people on this sub would benefit from it. http://www.amazon.com/Life-Changing-Magic-Not-Giving-Spending/dp/0316270725

u/phforNZ · 1 pointr/newzealand

A book I found on this, that helped me a bit. It's draining giving a fuck about everything, save them for the things that do matter.

u/messyentrepreneur · 1 pointr/ADHD

Yeah, you're getting a rush out of it. I used to debate with people back in the day but I realized one day it was a waste of time.

Here is a good / funny guide to go though when you're about to do something.

http://www.smh.com.au/cqstatic/gmim1c/FckFlowchart.jpg

You have to read the book The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fck to understand the fck budget (or just google it)

https://www.amazon.com/Life-Changing-Magic-Not-Giving-Spending/dp/0316270725

u/Fitzzz · 1 pointr/witcher

I'm actually currently reading a book on not giving a fuck what other people think as well as how to budget my fucks and measure fuck worth against Joy vs Annoy levels.

Pretty great so far. As someone who grew up fat, bullied, deceived and used it turns out I really needed it.

Great for people like me who spend their life trying to make everyone else other than themselves happy.

u/offGRID5 · 1 pointr/wholesomememes

If you need an entire book about it - https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-Anyway/dp/0345487427

u/reigorius · 1 pointr/ZenHabits

> It is not from a bestselling book — indeed no publisher would want it: even the most eloquent management thinker would struggle to spin a whole book around it.

I'm quite positive a lot of publisher and writers do it and did it. Per example. Another life changing short sentence: 'Feel the fear and do it anyway'.

I like the article. Fits well with the journalling I'm occasionally doing, but put of because I always want to capture all the details.

u/rjudd85 · 1 pointr/confidence

My sympathies! I struggle with this too, so I know how much it sucks. I've recently been able to get a bit better with self confidence, though, and you definitely can too. I think you'll get useful advice that should, among other things, help you boost your self confidence out of this MOOC and this book.

u/ValentineSmith22 · 1 pointr/Advice

Is it the job itself or the company you worked for, or a combination of both?

Your next few steps are good and you might think about going to see a vocational counsellor who could help you segue into another career that might be more suitable to your temperament and life goals. This is a major stress time for you but you will weather the storm because you won't go under.

I often recommend a book to people who have fears about certain things that they are unable to deal with. You might check it out, as well. It's called, Feel the Fear, Do it Anyway.

https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-Anyway/dp/0345487427/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483076727&sr=1-1&keywords=feel+the+fear+and+do+it+anyway

Good luck. You will be fine.

u/big_red737 · 1 pointr/Anxiety

When I was in college I did go on anti-depressants for a couple of years. Took awhile to find the proper dosage that worked for me but after having taken them for awhile I definitely felt like it was helping with the physical symptoms of the depression and anxiety. The medication helped even out my moods and helped calm the physical symptoms of anxiety like the butterflies and the sweating and the jitteriness. What it didn't do however, was fix the negative thought patterns going on in my head. I had almost hoped when I started it that it would be almost like a magical bullet to fix all the problems. It is not. I saw a therapist 2 or 3 times through my college and she was helpful at the time to help with immediate things I was struggling with, school work, life, etc. but it was not in depth enough or long enough to really attack the underlying problems. Also at that age, 21, 22, I didn't even have a full grasp on what was going on inside my head. I didn't understand why these things were happening, what contributed to me feeling this way, or any of that so I don't think you can really fix or attempt to fix the problem until you start to unwind it all in your head on how you ended up where you are at.

There have been 4 distinct moments in my life where I was hit with the strongest anxiety attacks I've ever had. Moving from home in a small town to go to college on my own (this new place, being on my own, having to rely only on myself, everything was so overwhelming), the day I came out to my family (I was so numb with anxiety there are moments where I cannot remember what happened but I did feel so much better. No matter what their reaction the "secret" was finally out.), the time I got summoned for Jury Duty (I had no idea what I was doing or walking into and the notion of being picked as a juror was terrifying to me, the whole thing was just so terrifying and there was nothing I could do to avoid it), and finally when I moved into my own apartment on my own for the first time (which was just 2 years ago at the age of 31. Before that I had always had a roommate who I could lean on and rely on to help me with things).

Just before I went in for Jury Duty, I read a book called Feel the Fear...and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. It teaches some ways to try and cope and move forward when dealing with anxiety and similar issues. She has other books and it's not really in depth enough that it fixes everything but it was helpful. There was a passage in it that I liked and has been helpful for me to remember. It was something to the effect of:

"No matter what comes your way, you can handle it."

No matter what's on the other side of that thing that's giving us anxiety, we can handle it. We may not know what it is or what we are doing but we'll figure it out as we need to and will be able to move through it. That may not necessarily be the case all the time but for the most part it holds up, that's essentially what she is getting at. I was still anxious as hell for jury duty but I made it through. I happened to get EXTREMELY lucky though and my juror number didn't get picked in any of the courtrooms I had to go into so I never had to face the lawyers or judges. There were a few of us in the same boat and as the week went on and there were fewer and fewer of us left we were joking that we were playing Survivor: Court Room Edition to see who would be left. The whole thing was terrifying but I made it through.

To tie back to those specific incidents, the same holds true for those as well. I was extrememly anxious and overwhelmed, often so numb that I was basically on autopilot. I was a nervous wreck I made the people around me irritated by my behaviour and the things I talked about, the constant worrying, the countdown to the day where I had to actually face the thing I couldn't avoid, but in the end though, when I faced the thing the scared me and walked through it, I made it through to the other side. I faced it and was able to deal with whatever happened. When I moved to college, eventually once I got used to living in residence, and I got all my paperwork sorted out for student loans and bank stuff, and I got to know my way around the school, I was able to start meeting people in my classes and gained new friends (one of whom became my best friend, we still see each other regularly some 11 years after graduating) and I was able to settle in and be more comfortable and the anxiety wore off. With coming out to my family I gave them all letters and then sort of talked with my sisters and mother that day and they were all accepting (parents were a little slower but they came around) and my sisters ended up throwing me a coming out BBQ that summer to celebrate. Nothing bad happened to me or the people around me when I finally did the thing that scared me and the anxiety wore off. When I finally moved into my apartment, the building managers were all very helpful with me filling out my paperwork and getting everything all set up. They were friendly and everything went smoothly. My biggest worry about living on my own was keeping everything budgeted and paying my bills, paying rent on time, and taking care of myself. It took probably 6 or 8 months before I really finally settled in and everything wasn't so stressful anymore but eventually I figured it all out and I'm doing OK. The anxiety wore off once I knew I had faced the unknown and scary things about living on my own and figured it out.

u/dreamUnraveler · 1 pointr/Dreams

What it means? I would have nothing to add to what pamiamb already wrote.

What to do?... I recommend reading Feel the fear and do it anyway.

u/erikhensarling · 1 pointr/Christianity

You will make mistakes and fail at various things in life. Accepting this and understanding He died for your mistakes is all you need to know.

Just understand that Jesus will never stop pursuing you even when you stop pursuing Him.

Lastly, this book by Anthony de Mello is awesome; it is written for all people and all religions. You will hate and love it at the same time. http://www.amazon.com/Awareness-The-Perils-Opportunities-Reality/dp/0385249373

u/buoybuoy · 1 pointr/IWantToLearn

awareness has changed my perspective in life. It's a nice light read that i've read several times over the past few weeks.

u/bing_bong · 1 pointr/AskReddit

just one that had a gigantic impact awareness by anthony de mello

u/Celebrimbor333 · 1 pointr/fleet_foxes

Check this book out . It is, in a sense, about you being all that you need

u/redditacct · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

There is an essential part of life and meaning that has been hidden from the modern Western life, especially for men.

In the past, life included tasks that allowed meditation and connection to life and the universe. Chopping wood, clearing land, building and fashioning useful implements with your hands. In the East, art and simple daily household chores were part of meditative life. Many of those things are now relegated to the poor, foreign factories and powered appliances.

I don't know the answer and a bunch of people will chime in and say go talk to someone, etc. but I think part of the answer is that small things, possibly tiny things are what gives life meaning and noticing and celebrating those are part of the key to changing the outlook.

There is stuff like this, it might make a connection:
http://www.amazon.com/Awareness-Opportunities-Reality-Anthony-Mello/dp/0385249373

u/zezozio · 1 pointr/psychology

Two things that helped me:

  • What is, is

  • The world as we know it is based on a general agreement (things are the way they are, because we're globally fine with it).

    Some people have the drive, the will, the calling to change the general agreement. I recognize myself as one single ant in an ant colony, and decided to start from myself and little by little, slowly by slowly to radiate toward others, may they be family, friends or people who cross my way.

    It starts from the center. It is what it is. You are what you are. And you are enough, at your center, you are enough. As theoretical as it may sound, first take care of you, then radiate. It starts by taking time to enjoy small things, to walk in parks or forest.

    This book helped me tremendously on that path.

    Have a safe trip, brother.
u/band_in_DC · 1 pointr/askphilosophy

What part of Nietzsche talks about existence being a "movement toward something?" Before reading EofA, I reread Genealogy of Morals.

I have definitely had Nietzsche on my mind while reading this. IMHO, his amoral attitude is an epistemological demand for truth, revolting against conditioned perspectives on existence. He once said something like, "In England, they are allowed to get rid of Christianity only if they keep its morality. In Germany, when we get rid of Christianity, we have no right to its morality."

So, De Beauvoir is writing a treatise on why her brand of atheism- existentialism- is a moral philosophy. It seems super important in answering his question. De Beauvoir is writing for Zarathustra.

I have also pondered upon the meaning of the maxim, "He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee." This seems to define existence as a negative, a reciprocal.

Incidentally, the quote before is: "Comparing man and woman generally, one may say that woman would not have the genius for adornment, if she had not the instinct for the SECONDARY role." This seems to foreshadow Beauvoir's next book.

I also noticed that the personality types are similar to something I saw on a youtube Kierkegaard video. I have also noticed that the way she writes about the personality types is similar to Don Russo's book on the Enneagram However, I must understand that this isn't a psychology book. The types are not even personality types, but states of mind. "Concretely, men slide incoherently from one attitude to another." She even uses the word, "dialectically" at least two times, in describing the types. This makes me wonder if she is trying to argue that these are possible attitudes, a-priori.

Also, have been skimming "Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals" and noticed a ton of similarities. the concept of a rational will is talked about in both. If I"m not mistaken, Beauvoir is arguing that the appeal to the rational is an externality and so it is dangerous because it can value systems over human life. This concept aligns with my reading of Reichenbach, who also challenges Kant because he believes there is not logical faculty of the brain- that all knowledge is based on experience.

u/4seriousaccount · 1 pointr/getdisciplined

I know books can't solve everything, but they sure do help get you started, and they can give you a sense of direction as well. I'd STRONGLY recommend reading this book: Personality Types .

I think you would find a LOT of relatable information, I only know because I was in a similar situation as you; the bi-products of living my life in a similar way were very similar to yours. Messy house, I didn't care about much, I felt as if many of the college classes I HAD to take in order to get to the ones I wanted to take were pointless, I was lazy, and I had some pretty bad habits that really fucked with my personal improvement (like video games, PMO, unhealthy habits, et cetera).

Anyway, that book gave me a much needed boost to kickstart my life and start getting my shit together because it hit SO close to home. I would say that it described me at about 80% accuracy. I've always been skeptical of these types of books, but this one hit home in a big way.

u/darknorth · 1 pointr/Enneagram

I'm curious about what kind of answer you're hoping for. I'm really not being critical of it. I've just noticed that you post about relationships a lot on /r/mbti, /r/enneagram, /r/infp etc. and it's always questions of a similar nature.

Sort of related: if you haven't read it already, I highly recommend this book. The section on 4s is pretty great and definitely provided me with a lot of insight. Fair warning though, the section about how 4s develop in childhood and the information about the unhealthy levels may make you feel a bit of despair about our type. It threw me off for a few days.

edit: sigh what's with the hair-trigger downvoting?

u/BasicBarbarian · 1 pointr/mbti

http://www.amazon.com/Personality-Types-Using-Enneagram-Self-Discovery/dp/0395798671/ref=pd_sim_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=0QW0J2HS72X2DKKWB5Q3

That was the book I read on the Enneagram, and it went pretty deep into the downward spirals people can fall into, with a little about getting out of them. Reading about the patterns that people display made me more self aware about my own behaviors, the negative ones.

Once you figure out what your negative behaviors are, and you've got something you want to change, I would step out side of the MBTI network, so you're not limited in potential resources. Learning to exchange unhealthy defense mechanisms for healthier ones is just a matter of trial and error.

Honestly, the real problem here is that to complete a goal you need a starting point A, a finishing point B, and a path to connect the two. You have no point B because you don't know what you want to become. You have no point A because you're unsure of what to measure.

It is just way more efficient to fill in the path once you have your points. Asking for a path without those points? At best, everyone is going to fill you with well meaning crap that might not even apply to your situation. At worst you become a meandering wanderer who chases self help books and new age bullshit while they get further and further from solidifying an actual identity with every step.

u/churlishjerk · 1 pointr/AskWomen

The one I reccomend the most is Psychocybernetics, it's a book about having a positive mental self-image.

u/throwaway444235183 · 1 pointr/selfhelp

Part 2

As for figuring yourself out, I am still in the process. I've been told its a life long one. But I've learned more in the past couple months than the rest of my life. And here is what helped. Reading self help books. Various, but I'll list the ones with the biggest impact. Also personality typing books helped a lot. They may not be 100% accurate but they have accurately targeted thought processes that we all have and seeing them fully explained in a way that matched a majority of my life was chilling and revelating.

I'll warn you that spirituality and religion is rampant in self help books. Earlier in my life I found this repulsive and rejected a lot of things that could have helped me because I was a firm atheist. You know, I was a logical little kid and I believed in what I could see. I was calling bullshit on the whole god deal in junior high without any outside influences. I even used to go to church and I live in a very religious area, it just didn't jive with me. But I have realized that while spirituality often manifests itself in the form of religion, it is something that we all will have. Spirituality put simply is meaning in a seemingly meaningless universe. And you will want it. Before you die, you will want to know that it all mattered. For a lot of people they turn to religion. For other people they try to help others(HEY LOOK AT ME). As such a lot of the people that write self help books are religious and they insert God heavily into their texts. This does not invalidate anything they have to teach you. If you put down a book because the writer is religious then you are only hurting yourself. I do not extend this opinion to televangelists and the like. There are snakes in the field pretending to help people because its an easy way to make money. But mostly, the self help field is powered by people who really want to help others and who gives a fuck what they believe IF they can actually help people. The universe is fucking crazy if some people need religion to deal with it so what.

Personality typing is what I got to first.. it helped me recognize some of my motivations for the actions I take and the books on the personality types themselves are self help books. I prefer the enneagram to others and the best book to start with for that is Personality Types by Don Richard Riso. I've moved on a bit from this as I have more pressing concerns like finding a fitting occupation that I like but I will definitely return and explore. In understanding yourself, you can understand other people better. https://www.amazon.com/Personality-Types-Enneagram-Self-Discovery-Richard/dp/B00DO8TFAG/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482784672&sr=1-1&keywords=Personality+Types%3A+Using+the+Enneagram+for+Self-Discovery+revised

Psycho-cybernetics Updated and Expanded by Maxwell Maltz. Once you understand a bit about how you work and what you want, how do you make yourself get there? This book is how. The whole book is based around one thing and how to apply it - what you think you become. It sounds kinda dumb but it is a truth. A man thinks about building a house, then he builds one. Everything that we've done started as an idea. We pull from the metaphysical(feelings, thoughts) to build from the physical(the universe). This includes our mind and body, because somehow the mind is (seems) metaphysical yet clearly relies upon physical matter that can be changed. So the mind can change itself. There is a section of the mind that operates autonomously, the sub conscious. This book aims to teach you about it and how to operate it. https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-Expanded-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0399176136/ref=pd_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=WBE8PSVGHBSQ7QSB80XT

Now I am working through the audio book of https://www.amazon.com/Days-Work-You-Love-Preparing/dp/1433669331 Its been very good so far and has a very practical workbook for figuring out what you really want to do. There is much philosophical thought on what work should be and really opened my eyes to what it could be. Before, I just needed money. I wanted something tolerable that made adequate dollars. But that may not be the way. As well it has much information on actually getting the job once you know what you want.

These may not resonate with you. Nobody made this list of books for me, I had to find it myself. I did read reviews and look at recommendations, but nobody said read this, this and this, and you'll be good to go. I don't think it works that way, but these are definitely great books.

You are reluctant to stop the weed because you were already like this before. What does that have to do with anything? If my foot is already hurting, and I go kick a door, it is just going to hurt worse. Regular weed use decreases motivation, its a fact. You can read studies if you need to see it to believe it. Slight impairments in pretty much all areas, which you definitely do not need if you are ADHD. Also some studies suggesting it can alter brain development for the worse. And not to mention the smoke.. You need your brain and lungs at 100%. You think these 19 years have sucked? Well you have a lot of years left. Conclude what you will. As for the anxiety and insomnia, I suggest ashwagandha. Its a godsend with no side effects. https://examine.com/supplements/ashwagandha/ If you get it, you need to make sure it says KSM 66 as that is the more effective version. It also varies per vendor but swanson is a good brand and the one I use.

Okay! You read my essay what now. Go to the doctor and get medicine. Yes they have side effects, yes they suck. But they work. First one doesnt work or the side effects too strong? Do not be complacent, change dose or change medication. Dose can be extremely important. On viibryd 40mg I have sleep paralysis and wake up after very short time leaving me extremely exhausted. Also insomnia. I've been on viibryd 20mg for 8 days and nearly all the negative effects have vanished. I just cut my pills in half, no need to go back to the doc just to test dosages.. although perhaps that was a bad idea because the reason I made this throw away account was to vent during a huuuuuuuuuge mood swing. That morning I was out walking listening to self help audio books planning my future. And all of a sudden I was slumped down asking myself why I ever thought I could achieve anything. Withdrawals can be rough.

My straterra, an adhd medication, the only side effect it causes is that its a little harder to urinate. Grants me a lot of control. Someday, I hope to be well enough to not need the viibryd. But I will never not need the adhd medication. My mother smoked while pregnant and breastfeeding and it damaged my brain. It sucks, its a fact.

How I broke my loop -

  1. Desperation
  2. Ayahuasca/mindfulness
  3. Time/letting my brain mature and the adhd to taper off a little more
  4. Medicine
  5. Self help books

    Also don't assume that the mushrooms did nothing. It took awhile for me to realize what ayahuasca had done and how I could use it, I'm talking months. Although I haven't done them(I am interested in that though. Heard good things).
u/McLuhanSaidItFirst · 1 pointr/malefashionadvice

The guy who popularized the modern use of what we call 'affirmations' was a plastic surgeon who had a patient who was horribly disfigured in an automobile accident. He made her face beautiful again but when she looked in the mirror she saw an ugly person. He helped her see her own beauty again.

PSYCHOCYBERNETICS

> a person must have an accurate and positive view of him- or herself before setting goals; otherwise he or she will get stuck in a continuing pattern of limiting beliefs. His ideas focus on visualizing one's goals and he believes that self-image is the cornerstone of all the changes that take place in a person. According to Maltz, if one's self-image is unhealthy or faulty — all of his or her efforts will end in failure.

Imposter Syndrome

I recently started wearing a tie every day even though no one around me does. People treat me better, I feel more like myself when I wear a tie so I'll keep doing it because I like it.

u/tqrNcGFlNSgHC3Hf · 1 pointr/asktransgender

I think some part of you already knows the answer. I think the edge of the word "alcoholic" is that even a doctor is never going to give you a straight up answer. It's one of those words that take on more and more power the more and more you wonder. But if you're wondering that's a sign of the direction you're headed in. Maybe ask yourself how long it has been a bottle of wine a night. Before asking yourself if you can have a night off - I mean that might not be convenient, timing might be bad, fuck it, whatever y'know. But just try and remember the last few months, or the past year even. How many nights a week usually? And try not to lie, if a number of nights is in question, round upwards, what've you got to lose, you can always estimate a low number later. Brag about it. I got 10 years minimum on the daily, can you beat that? I can round upwards to 15 maybe. Anyway, whatever you say ain't going to scare me is all I'm saying. I mean that sounds bad eh? So if some stranger on the internet told you the same number you come up with, what would call them?

Truthfully, the term "alcoholic" is out of medical vouge.. they've got a sliding scale of "alcohol use order", with eleven points and you're just ranked on a scale. Scroll down to see a chart comparing the old Alcoholic with AUD

For me I think i was doing pretty good with beer, but a diagnosis of gout (which I was all but positive was triggered by the excessive alcohol of sugar of years) had me switch from beer to whisky and shit took on a whole new level. I wanted to keep drinking beer forever because it didn't get me drunk.. so i told myself.. oh fuck i drove drunk with the kids man. jesus eh? what the fuck. but i digress. anyway, I just kept sliding down that honey pot, like a venus fly trap getting sucked in closer

Probably the most helpful book, which get's recommended on /r/stopdrinking (which is an amazing sub by the way, check it out), is This Naked Mind (website ~ Audiobook ~ first 40 pages ~ Amazon). I did the audiobook and it really helped me get a clearer perspective. I think it's got a lot of fascinating things to say about a substance that is advertised everwhere, served everywhere, seen everywhere. I think it deserves as much attention as the place cigarettes did in our society a few years back. go back and watch an 80s move - everyone's smoking. Now nobody smokes. Societal norms impact that and we've got a really big blind spot when it comes to Alcohol. Anyway, so, really really great book and it's not a "quit drinking" alcohol book unless you need it to be. It's about getting control of alcohol in your life which for me was ending it's consumption. I handle alcohol much better when it stays out of my body. Some 15 days in to some stretch of trying to quit (it wouldnt be the first) and I was like "hey this is easy" (it wasn't) "what else should I do to keep it going, maybe I'll read this book all the /r/stopdrinking folks are talking about" So I already knew where I was going, but even if you don't have a problem I think it was really really well done.

Sorry for rambling on but just in case you're kinda close to what I felt like back in the day, I figure you might be okay with me going on a bit.. Anyway, thanks for following me to this comment, that's a pretty big complement. I'm really glad you liked what I wrote. I really liked what you wrote about the cubes on ketamine, that sounds amazing. I'm happy to read anything you want to write back

u/Piczoid · 1 pointr/alcoholism
u/HMontana777 · 1 pointr/alcoholism

Hey,

​

Welcome! You have come to the right place. You are not alone. Read "This Nake Mind" by Annie Grace. It will set you free.

https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness/dp/0525537236/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1556289466&sr=8-1

​

Audioable has free trial promo. Sign up and start listening to the book now! Will change your life.

https://www.audible.com/

​

You got this. It's not you. Alcohol is ADDICTIVE period but you have to change your beliefs around this popular drug.

u/RPeed · 1 pointr/marriedredpill

This is the go to book for drinkers on the quit drinking Reddit:

​

https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness/dp/0525537236/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=this+naked+mind&qid=1554735806&s=gateway&sr=8-1

​

Worked for me. I don't miss drinking. I miss wanting to drink now.

​

As for the fat. Prime candidate for this big guy:

​

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/b6yn4l/60_dod_week_2_diet_part_3_fast_and_painful/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

​

Keto is just another way to fuck around and avoid counting calories.

u/rhack05 · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

Quite fittingly, the book “You Are A Badass” You Are a Badass

u/audiojota · 1 pointr/learnpolish

My humble opinion... it sounds like you judge yourself even more than others judge you, and you need to address that more than your pronunciation (especially if you're already B1!).

I'm a total beginner in Polish, and whenever I speak I totally butcher the language with my Neanderthal skills, but I still always get the feeling that people are very friendly and smile, even if I just somehow puzzled together a few words with no declination or anything. The worst that can happen is that they don't understand, and while that might be a bit bad on the self esteem, I'm always sure the universe still doesn't mind much. And the best thing that can happen is that they understand, but I think that regardless, they always appreciate I'm trying to make an effort to communicate in their language.

Think that you wouldn't judge a kid for making mistakes while speaking, but we do it with adults (and ourselves) all the time, as if it was fine.

I'd say read a book that can help with your self confidence, whilst I don't know many on that specific topic, I'm sure you can search on Amazon and just pick one with lots of 5 star reviews.

Sort of related, on the topic of performance and not being judgemental: "The Inner Game of Tennis" by Timothy Gallwey. Outstanding, and whilst using tennis as an example, it's not really about tennis but about performance, and you can apply it to any field. It spawned a series of "Inner Game of..." other things, but I'd stick to the original. Such a great book.

Also, a quick Amazon search tells me "You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life" has almost 5,000 five star reviews - might be an interesting read, even if the subject might initially sound a bit too cheesy for you.

Sorry if I'm going too off topic, hope this helps!

u/Esmereldista · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

I've heard You are a Badass by Jen Sincero is supposed to be really good. I am about to read it myself. Supposedly it's not "self-helpy." I can check back in after I finish it if there's interest. Alternatively, has anyone else here read it?

u/iiiCronos · 1 pointr/confession

Here's a good book too! Or two. Or four! No More Mister nice guy + The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck + You Are a Badass + Declutter your Mind

They all will apply to Men or Women and are full of great advice and insights! E books available for cheap too. Suppose you can pirate them if you don't have the funds :)

Much love, hit me up if you need some friendly advice! I have been through a lot and am only now seeking what I feel I deserve in life :D

u/chocolate_muffin · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

You are a Badass By Jen Sincerio

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolie

I recommend the first one, its easy to read, funny, practical and less spiritual.

u/raziphel · 1 pointr/TrollXChromosomes

is this it?

u/AwesomelyHumble · 1 pointr/pics

Can I recommend a book for her? "You Are A Badass" by Jen Sincero. I've gifted this book to several friends. Here's an awesome podcast interview with her (to get an idea of how she is and what she talks about).

u/HornsOfApathy · 1 pointr/marriedredpill

>Need more reading suggestions - focusing on OI / DNGAF.

and

>My beta shit goblin keeps popping up and I keep telling him to STFU.

I'm only a bit through The 4 Agreements - but if you liked WOTSM this might be good for you. Warning, it's hippie, but there is an entire agreement on defeating your beta shit goblin. It's literally a 1/4 of the book. Audiobook is only 2.5 hours.

>On the topic of sex, I have been initiating less (2x last week, 1 success). Two reasons for this. 1) I was sick with a sinus infection and was worn out. 2) I am purposefully not initiating if it's validation seeking. Only if I really want to fuck and I truly DNGAF if she wants to or not. This has helped me be OI and the one rejection I had, I didn't care (not just pretended I didn't care... I really felt no different). Kissed her, read, and went to sleep.

It wasn't too long ago I was grinding on the separation of validation and sex. Keep it up... I think you're close. When i got this part down cold the needle started to move.

>My only fear currently is if I can keep this up without falling back into my emotions and feeling sorry for myself.

Beta shit goblin strikes again.

Keep up the good work dude.

u/zerodashzero · 1 pointr/japanlife

I mean its the internet. Someone is always gonna get mad. Just be honest with your word and that's what really matters. How people perceive it is on them not you. I recommend the book The Four aggrements sometime. Its a quick read with some strong ideas.

u/Path_of_change · 1 pointr/CrimsonBookClub

Book name: The Four Agreements

Author: Don Miguel Ruiz

Why you think this book should be read by our book club:

Is the book available online? Where?

Amazon.com - kindle

Scribd.com - read online

u/fun-fetti · 1 pointr/stepparents

Good points on all! Maybe I need to go re-read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz again, and revisit this. :)
(A great, easy read and #1 book I highly recommend! http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom-ebook/dp/B005BRS8Z6/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1421457689&sr=1-4)

u/a7h13f · 1 pointr/atheism

I don't think that reliance upon anyone else's opinions is a productive way to live your life. That being said, I don't see the harm in letting other people's opinions influence me.

If you're just looking to read, I would suggest Lying by Sam Harris or The Four Agreements by Miguel Perez

u/Blaat1985 · 1 pointr/ForeverAlone

The way to overcome it is not the positive thinking mumbo jumbo that is over adviced. When you aren't wired like that it will only make you feel more miserable. A good book on how to not let your pessismism/negativity hold you back is The Antidote.

He describes it here www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOJL7WkaadY
The book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Antidote-Happiness-Positive-Thinking/dp/0865478015

u/B000urns · 1 pointr/philosophy

'The Antidote: Happiness for people that can't stand positive thinking'

This an entertaining read (nothing too dry), a newish book that delves into Stoicism (amongst other things).

u/gruush · 1 pointr/relationship_advice

So, first off, I'm sorry you've had it rough. I'm male and undoubtedly quite a bit older than you are, so I've been around the block plenty of times. Hopefully some of this will help.

  1. Self-esteem is definitely one area where "fake it 'til you make it" can be helpful. Half of the battle is re-training yourself not to always put yourself down or think negatively about yourself. As you have found out hard way, showing your insecurities to men is a great way to scare them away. It's totally normal to HAVE insecurities, I just think one of the first steps is trying hard not to show them in ways that get you in trouble. Ironically, one of the best ways to end up with a partner who doesn't make you feel insecure is to pretend like you don't give a fuck whose social media he likes, etc.

  2. Check out this book: https://www.amazon.com/There-Nothing-Wrong-You-Self-Hate/dp/0971030901 Inexpensive, easy read, basically talks about how to work to change self-hating behaviors.

  3. Probably obvious, but please consider therapy. Faking it is a potential first step towards avoiding really obvious blow-ups like the one you mentioned above. But at the heart of it, your lack of self-esteem is going to cause you LIFE-LONG issues, especially in relationships but also extending to school, career, and so on. If you want this to get better, you need to commit to figuring out and addressing the root cause of your self-esteem and anxiety issues. Therapists are TRAINED to help people with problems like this. It's pretty much their entire purpose.

  4. Self-esteem is one area that I feel is best kept (mostly) private. Here's what I mean: People like to talk about being able to share anything with a partner. That's certainly a great ideal. But the truth is, self-esteem and related anxiety are persistent things that you struggle with every day. If you tell your partner every time you think of it how much you hate yourself, or hate when he likes someone's stuff on Instagram, or talks to a cute girl, etc., over time it will absolutely to change how they view you, even if you have a solid relationship to start. They will start to respect you less and get more and more frustrated with your lack of self-esteem. There's definitely a certain amount of "If she hates herself so much, then why do I bother liking her?" So, if you get into a relationship with someone, it's perfectly fine to tell them that you struggle sometimes with a lack of self-esteem. And of course I hope they will be supportive. But try to TEMPER your expression of that when you are around him or even others like good female friends, because the more you do it, the more it will impact how people feel about you.

  5. Finally, to a certain extent, you can't avoid competition when you are dating. But you can't let it rule you. These days, it is certainly common when you first start seeing someone, for them to potentially be seeing others. You can't worry about them, and you have to retrain your brain not to obsess over every little thing, especially the stalker-ish type stuff like monitoring their behavior on social media or dating apps. I have good female friends my age who KILL themselves stalking people they like and trying to analyze what it means. They say things like "He liked his ex-wife's photo on Facebook" and "We are chatting, but I see he's online on Tinder!!" Could stuff like that be a potential problem? Absolutely. Are there assholes out there? Absolutely. Should you be worrying about this after dating for a week? Not in the slightest (IMHO). My point is, I believe you have to start from a point of trust, and believing what a person says and does directly with you. If we didn't have social media or dating apps, like previous generations, you would never even know about any of this stuff. And somehow those people still found partners eventually.

    These are just a few things I learned over my way-too-long life of dating. Not sure this will help, but I hope so!
u/eeltiak · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

For some reason a book is coming to mind that I wonder if you might enjoy... I have read a LOT of "self help" / psych books but one in particular does stand out in my mind right now :

There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971030901/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_44KVAb9HRG24Y

I'm more into fiction these days but if you're interested in book recommendations I'd be happy to review more of the ones I've read and share them with you.

u/iliketulips · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

Just don't get caught up in "I will love myself if/when I __". You have to practice it now, just as you are. I used to just say "I love you" in the mirror. I felt like a complete idiot at first. But it helped. I also recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0971030901/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1418232614&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SY200_QL40

u/spinozasrobot · 1 pointr/samharris

I think this book is a great start: Why Buddhism is True

u/Geovicsha · 1 pointr/Meditation

> First I don't agree that the sense of self is a feeling. I'd rather use "phenomenon of the mind" o maybe "construct" for lack of a better expression.

This is really just semantics, no? We can definitely supplant the word 'feeling' with words such as phenomenon, construct, sense, belief etc. I would argue that mind is a lot more encompassing than self, and it would be fallacious to conflate the two. The mind clearly exists, thoughts clearly exist.

The sense of self is encompassed in the mind, but the mind encompasses mental phenomena which we don't usually associate with the volitional self/ego, like dreams (funnily, though, the sense of self still exists in dreams). Thoughts are like dreams. Pay close attention, and they come in and out of consciousness without our volition. But the sense that there is some "controller" of these thoughts is illusory -- and we can see this if we meditate effectively, or take psychedelics. Indeed, since you seem to be a materialist, it would follow for you then that thoughts are a manifestation of the brain itself -- and we do not choose the construct of our brain, or how our innumerate amount of neurons inter correlate.

Indeed, the paradox that we think our thoughts becomes apparent in any beginners meditation practice. Beginners invariably complain that they can't meditate since they can't stop thinking (which is actually great they can observe this!). But, the phenomenon of the self (to use one of your words) is defined as being the controller of thoughts. If we were this controller of thoughts, wouldn't we just decide to stop thinking without any difficulty whatsoever?


> Second, because you can "turn it off" or detach yourself from it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

One facet of this illusory sense of self is the belief that it is always there and stable. The fact that there are significant moments in one's consciousness where it doesn't exist at all completely counteracts our conceptual understanding of the ego/self.

> Third, and this is a very complicated matter, what does it mean "to exist"? Would you say that a cultural value does not exist? That a convention does not exist?

To exist means to be real. Cultural values and conventions surely have conceptual truth, but they don't exist in objective reality. Jordan Peterson and Sam Harris had a really interesting podcast where they debated truth for over two hours. Maybe check out Buddhist ideas on relative truth and ultimate truth as well?


> Would you say that a magic trick is not real or does not exist just because it's not what it appears to be?
>
> The magic trick is indeed real, even if your perception makes you see beyond the actions of the magician.

Hmmm. No. The illusion of magic can appear real, but that doesn't mean the magic is real. I feel this analogy, if anything, just substantiates my point.

I cannot stress enough I am not making these claims based on religious dogma or pseudo science, but on scientific inquiry and experiential observation. They are increasingly investigated in scientific realms.

You seem like an intelligent and thoughtful individual, and I'm not explaining these points as clearly as I can (I'm very sleep deprived) or, indeed, as others do far better. Do check out Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality without Religion by prominent nueroscientist Sam Harris and/or Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment by evolutionary psychologist Robert Wright.

If you ever end up doing so, I'd be really curious in your reflections -- especially if you still disagree that the self is an illusion. :)

u/hypnosifl · 1 pointr/ChapoTrapHouse

There can be materialist ideas that are pretty close to "mysticism", like the Russian cosmists, or the simulation argument. And on less cosmic versions of "mysticism", there are also plenty of attempts to connect the subjective elements of "mystical experiences" to materialist understandings of the brain in ways that argue the mystics might be intuiting deep truths about the basic dynamics that give rise to consciousness, as in Zen and the Brain and Why Buddhism is True.

u/monkey_sage · 1 pointr/canada

It's interesting that you bring up Buddhism because the book I referenced is called "Why Buddhism is True" by Robert Wright.

So far in the first chapter he's talking about how evolution "designed" the brain in such a way to motivate us to get our genes into the next generation by finding ways to motivate us to do things toward that end. He talks about how we are programmed biologically to feel good when we do things that further procreation (when we eat, have sex, hunt) but also that this pleasure is brief so we keep pursuing these things instead of just basking in the glow of the good feels. In other words: We're biologically programmed to feel good, but only temporarily, when we eat good food but the pleasure is very brief so we keep looking for our next meal and we also derive more pleasure from anticipating the food than we do from actually eating it.

This locks us into this cycle of jumping from one pleasure to the next, never finding satisfaction. He then shows how this very principle is described in Buddhism's core teachings on the Four Noble Truths.

u/Spock_Here_Captain · 1 pointr/Stoicism

Stoicism is an inward thing, not so much an outward thing. So by definition, having a good job and a good education wouldn't be requirements for happiness or even routes to that goal necessarily. Instead the road to Happy Valley would be paved with right judgments, actions benefitting the greater good and a sense of one's place in an infinite space/time continuum.

So it's possible that you and Stoicism aren't on the same wavelength. If you wanted to find out for sure, you might try Donald Robinson's free online Stoic mindfulness class, which starts Sunday: http://modernstoicism.com/announcing-stoic-mindfulness-and-resilience-training-smrt-2017/

Or you might read his book: Stoicism and the Art of Happiness -- https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1444187104/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1500071577&sr=1-1&keywords=donald+robertson

u/cheshire26 · 1 pointr/personalfinance

There isn't much advice I can give but just to wish you good luck with you and her situation.

I really really really recommend buying this book because it kind of taught me a lot about "adult-ing." It might be helpful to your sister too. https://www.amazon.com/Adulting-Become-Grown-up-Easy-Steps/dp/1455516902/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1496024810&sr=8-1&keywords=adulting

u/YesIStick · 1 pointr/bodybuilding

I highly recommend the following books:

[Make Your Bed - William McRaven](Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...And Maybe the World https://www.amazon.com/dp/1455570249/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_kW-CAb5EC4KXD)

[Discipline equals freedom - Jocko Willink](Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250156947/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_TX-CAbTVPW96J)

u/SoDatable · 1 pointr/virgin

> I challenge the condescension style of the post I am not promoting any purity or holiness concept.

I read this differently:

>[Virgins] undergo a trial of humanity that some never face they the non virgins appease their weakness in others never facing an isolation

...

> But I will call the Virgin quite possibly the most tested emotionally as a human.

As for this:

> they just say be strong man up b.s.

I completely agree. Using sex to define the masculinity of a man is bullshit. It's a weak and arbitrary metric, and to drive that point, the same metric is sometimes applied to women to define how immoral they are. If we're going to give way to stereotypes, then why have men, who have apparently always wanted all the sex, worked so hard to shame women into avoiding sex at all costs?

If we didn't give any fucks about who fucked who, then there wouldn't be any virgins. No, not in the sense that everyone would have sex, but in the sense that the word would have served no purpose: to put value on women as objects that could be sold.

> self confidence can help you achieve things even if they are rejected for a sexual relationship

Again, I agree.

At the risk of projecting a little, I think that we often conflate a lack of sex with a lack of confidence. Confidence lets you ask people out. It lets you ask people for drinks, then over to your place. It's knowing that rejection doesn't mean you're the problem but that it's just a thing and it's not personal. It's being able to push through the possibility that rejection might happen and taking a chance to hear "ok, lets do the thing".

The reason I tell people to buy condoms is because it helped me become comfortable with seeing myself as a sexual object. The stigma around buying condoms for me wasn't that condoms were the stigma, or that sex was, but that seeing myself sexually felt weird. Getting past that barrier (heh) helped me to feel ready to say yes when the time was right - there was even one time where having condoms in my backpack absolutely came in handy.

But that sense of preparedness could translate to preparing for a vacation, having extra birthday/christmas/third day of Chaunukkah cards, or whatever. Being organized and being ready is adult. Want to see yourself as adult? Confident? Ready? You never know when the moment will come, so plan for it. Figure out what that means to you in the context of the things you want to be adult about: make your goddamn bed.

u/LillyEpstein · 1 pointr/JordanPeterson

Check out this book, change the world by first making your bed. It helped me. I haven’t changed the world yet, but my bed looks a lot better!

https://www.amazon.com/Make-Your-Bed-Little-Things/dp/1455570249

u/Scrybblyr · 1 pointr/needadvice

I felt about the same at your age. It's amazing how much better life gets later. Granted, I do take an SSRI now, and they are not recommended for people your age. Do whatever you have to do to graduate from high school at the very least.

Start by making your bed. Get up and make your bed. And that one little act will help fuel you for the rest of it. Starting the day with that one accomplishment can set the tone for the rest of the day and provide motivation.

Don't assign too much importance to what other people think of you. You are you, you didn't choose to be you, you are playing the game with the hand you were dealt, which is all anyone can do. You got dealt a worse hand than some people and a better hand than some people. You have strengths and weaknesses. You have a good command of English, which will serve you quite well. Anyway, I see too many young people worrying too much about what too many other people think about too many things. It's nice that they have opinions, but so do you, and yours are just as valid. In a world of fools, a wise person appears foolish.

Be thankful for what you have. You are not in China or North Korea, where the boot of the government would be on your throat, telling you what you can do or say or think. You're free. You have access to the Internet. You are smart. One recipe for misery is to compare oneself to other people who seem to have it so much better. "If I only had so-and-so's life" "So-and-so has it made." That kind of comparison is absolutely pointless and can make a person miserable. It's so easy to just think about it in a different way. "Thank goodness I am not struggling with [whatever disease]." etc. Be thankful for what is good. Help other people if you can. That goes a long way towards lifting you up to a higher plane of existence.

I hope things will go better for you, you are doing the right thing to ask for help and advice. If you can go to a church, even if you are not Christian, a good church with a good pastor will have people who are taught to accept and love people unconditionally. At my church, we would welcome an atheist who just came for human contact and companionship.

Good luck, I hope you get some good advice from people here and make good decisions as a result.

u/runnerman8 · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...And Maybe the World https://www.amazon.com/dp/1455570249/

u/funnyish · 1 pointr/books
u/Mungbunger · 1 pointr/exmormon

Oh god yes. I confessed all the time. I went on my mission without a whole lot of conviction but during it did my best to obey so I could be worthy of the spirit and a testimony. Boy, was this a perfect recipe for psychological distress. I constantly wondered whether my thoughts were prompting from the spirit or not and I always wondered why I wasn't getting the testimony and burning conviction I'd been promised. "Well, better step it up," I'd think. Probably because I spent 45 minutes instead of 30 minutes writing email. Probably because I thought sexual thoughts. Probably because I had Josh Groban on my iPod. And later, probably because I have an iPod. I kept stepping it up. I wanted so bad to be worthy of god's prompting and dod everything I could to merit it. When I didn't measure up to these unrealistically high expectations, I would step it up. I was ALWAYS confessing and whenever I felt a huge wave of relief, I would think it was the spirit. Nope. Just OCD. I would "sin" like maybe seeing something scandalous on late-nite TV that was sexually arousing. But I wouldn't feel guilty about it, true contrition. So I took seriously D&C " 42 Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.
43 By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them." So I would confess in order to create embarrassment, shame and guilt so that I could feel godly sorry and truly repent of my seems because after all "...our words will condemn us, yea, all our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn us; and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God; and we would fain be glad if we could command the rocks and the mountains to fall upon us to hide us from his presence." (Alma 12:14)

OCD/Scrupulosity can be a real bitch but it is possible to overcome.of this, I testify (without hesitation). : ) It will take work. Expect to do a lot of reading. In addition to these books below, I recommend finding a therapist.

Learning about mindfulness really helped. I recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Eight-Week-Finding-Peace-Frantic-ebook/dp/B005NJ2T1G.

I also recommend this: http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-Go-There-Are/dp/1401307787.

This: http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Not-Your-Brain/dp/1583334831

This: http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235

And this one:http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234

That Mormon Stories podcast really helped me. I think there's a few of them. It put a name to something I'd just thought was normal. I just remember thinking "That's me!" If only someone had had the wherewithal to say "Young man, all this confessing isn't ok. Let's get you some help." I was consumed by guilt and shame all the time, never measuring up. So I'd step it up. The idea of "worthiness" was incredibly harmful to me. We are all worthy of love, of respect, and acceptance.

I also struggled with assertiveness so for what it's worth here's a discussion and some book recommendations and a discussion from last week.

Recovery is possible. I have completely gotten over all that guilt. I learned o get over that nagging guilty feeling or even that feeling like "oh shit! I left the stove on". I've had so many of those. But now I don't. I just started ignoring them. "Fuck it. Let my house burn down." What I once thought was the spirit, I now know was just my brain. Now I don't feel that. My brain has rewires so that those feelings don't come up anymore. And now I have done everything I always feared and "far worse"--I've had sex outside marriage (I was never married) and so broke my "covenants" from the temple, I've smoked weed, drank (though I don't anymore). No guilt, no shame. I'm not saying you need to do those things to get better, I'm just saying that if you'd known me a decade ago, you'd have not believed I would have ever done anything so "wicked".

My point is there's nothing objective about that guilt and shame we felt. It's only because it was instilled in us from an early age. It's a learned response and can be unlearned. We just took the Church and its truth claims and hell and punishment seriously.

Best to you. Feel free to PM me any time. Know that there's hope.

u/go_ask_alize · 1 pointr/short

Believe it or not, you are more than halfway there. Not because you happen to have a girlfriend, friends, a good life, etc., although those are indeed important trappings. But because you understand that you have it good; you understand that your anxiety and poor self-esteem is irrational; you understand that thinking that the world is miserable for short folks is bullshit; you want to change.

I think doing something that will give you more confidence like lifting, martial arts (just for exercise and confidence when your or your girl's life is in danger; do not become someone who fights, including because someone "said something to her," because of this), dancing, or whatever, would be a great start.

You are almost home because you already know you must think of yourself as a person with a self-esteem problem, not really different from anyone else with one for any reason. You don't have to be convinced--at least on some level you don't--that your problem really is your height. You know it's bullshit. Really, I can't emphasize how hopeful your situation is.

I recommend a book called You Are Not Your Brain, which is a guide to breaking bad habits in general, not about "positive thinking" so to speak. Your irrational thought process, at its core, is just that--a bad habit--and you know it, and you should train yourself to break it as you do any other. But your biggest "good habit" should be being constantly on the lookout for trying different methods of self-improvement that look good to you. Be a student.

u/GrammerNotC · 1 pointr/Showerthoughts
u/ftwk12 · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

Yes, lots. These are the ones that have worked best for me:

  • Distract yourself mentally. Distraction techniques might include: counting backward from 100 by sevens; naming animals that start with the letter A (or similar - think road trip games); reciting a prayer or a poem in your head, etc.

  • Run cold water over your wrists or splash it on your face. This activates your diving reflex, which can help to short-circuit anxiety.

  • Relax your entire body, especially your abdominal muscles.

  • Try breathing exercises.

  • Try practicing mindfulness. The trick is to practice when you aren't in an anxious state of mind, then apply what you have learned when the anxiety does arise.

  • Don't fight the panic, but let it wash over you like a wave. Tell yourself that this is a temporary feeling and that it can't harm you.

  • Write down each of your anxious thoughts, then write a rebuttal for each one - basically a "script" that you can use to counter these thoughts when they arise. Think of it as pairing your "junk thoughts" with "facts" about the situation, i.e., what you know to be true (even if you don't feel it) - that you will be okay, you don't need this person from your past, etc. Reread your list of facts whenever you are feeling anxious.

  • Try your best not to leave the situation that is making you anxious, if you can. Stay with it for as long as possible. When you are anxious, you go into "fight or flight" mode. Your body (erroneously) senses that your life is in danger and triggers the release of adrenaline and other chemicals that help you to deal with an impending attack either by fighting it or fleeing. However, this response can only be sustained for a short period of time - it will go away if you wait it out. If you give in to the urge to flee, you are basically confirming that your life was in danger and training your brain to respond in a similar fashion the next time it is in a similar situation. If you stay in the situation and your life does not end, your brain "learns" that there is nothing to fear from this situation and will adjust accordingly.

    The key idea here is that neurons that fire together wire together. Right now your brain has certain entrenched habits and thought processes, which make it difficult for you to get out of a cycle of negative thinking. The more you work to counter negative thoughts with facts, and anxiety with relaxation methods, you will create and then strengthen new neural pathways in your brain. You can't just turn off anxiety - you have to teach your brain to react differently.

    If you still find yourself suffering from anxiety attacks, I'd definitely recommend seeing a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. It's best to nip it in the bud. Anxiety responds very well to treatment and you will have an easier time the faster you get it treated. If therapy isn't possible for whatever reason, there are books on CBT that can help you to learn the techniques.

    The Anxiety Coach is a really great online resource.

    You Are Not Your Brain is the only book on CBT I've read and IMO the only one you really need.

    Hope this helps, best of luck.
u/SecondRyan · 1 pointr/bodybuilding

Do you have racing thoughts? Do you get anxious or panicky? Sometimes those symptoms don't respond well to exercise alone. You should talk to a doctor. But definitely do light cardio every day as suggested by jimbosz07. Even a walk on your lunch break is sufficient. That will help your general sense of well-being. Also, check out this book, You Are Not Your Brain:

http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Not-Your-Brain/dp/1583334831

And this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Erroneous-Zones-Step-Step/dp/0060919760

If you see a psychiatrist, you might get prescribed an anti-anxiety med or an antidepressant. Be open-minded but steer clear of any doc that wants to give you more than one med at once or suggests a huge dosage.

Finally, if your thoughts are relentless and draining you, it's probably linked to depression or anxiety; you're not "going crazy."

Hang in there.

u/OpenBookExam · 1 pointr/stopdrinking

Is this the book you're reading, and do you recommend it?

u/mythofhappiness · 1 pointr/offmychest

Same boat here. Well, not same. Similar. I think everyone has "custom pain". You can "relate", but you can never really know what that person is going through.

I'm suicidal as well, but somewhere along the lines, I used to cry and get upset about it, but now I don't even flinch when it crosses my mind.

Have you tried therapy? Medications? For me, these never worked. For years I tried. But I think that isn't the case for most people. I understand the idea behind it all. I've had better results being on track with the gym, and eating right. Have you tried that?

I'm still struggling. I read a lot of self help books. One book I've recommended to a dozen people, and have even bought copies for people on hard times would be https://www.amazon.com/Art-Happiness-10th-Anniversary-Handbook/dp/1594488894/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1485693756&sr=8-1&keywords=the+art+of+happiness It's not really buddhist preachy. It's been a long time since I've read it. I need to go back and re-read it, I think. All I truly remember from this book is that I walked away with a smile on my face, when I finished reading it. And a smile in my life is a very rare thing. I haven't read that book since it came out, but I still remember how good I felt after I finished it. So I recommend that.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not a religious person, and that isn't a religious book. It's co-written by a shrink, and it's written for "everybody", not just buddhists.

Other then that... Spend some time online looking up funny clips. You may not have my sense of humor, but here are a couple I like. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8VrxPrkkiA, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vROdVsU_K80, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enOHraf3LEk,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gabzGnu6w9A

Keep in mind, some of those are nsfw.

Good luck to you. I hope this helped.

u/Sakred · 1 pointr/whattoreadwhen

It's not fiction, but it changed my life.

http://www.amazon.com/Art-Happiness-10th-Anniversary-Handbook/dp/1594488894/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=&qid=

Also, I hear they're making great advancements with micro-doses of psilocybin in regards to PTSD, you may want to look into it.

Good luck.

u/exreditorbibek · 1 pointr/Nepal

>conditions apply)

Of course. Happiness comes with a condition: practice.
https://www.amazon.com/Art-Happiness-10th-Anniversary-Handbook/dp/1594488894

u/rang-rig · 1 pointr/Buddhism

Sometimes contrast helps: try The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama

u/hotknifethrubutter · 1 pointr/relationships

Start by reading books on self-esteem and such. No one I know has not read at least one such book, whether you call it self-help or a text on psychology.
Try The Art of Happiness or search for "self-esteem" on amazon. My first book, among many afterwards, was Awaken the Giant Within. It wasn't the greatest book, but it was good and led me on to many other good books.

Why read? Because one needs to contemplate who one is, you need to know who you are. Books help steer your mind toward self-reflection and honesty, and maybe as you are guided toward yourself, you can take the rest of the necessary steps to self-knowledge and compassion.

u/HeatherAine · 1 pointr/spirituality

Thank you for your courage and taking the time to write this all out; you are on an incredible journey.

I have always believed that life was like school; if we don't learn the lesson in this life, we have to come back and repeat the "grade" next "year". I'm certain your intuition is telling you important things right now, most notably that this life has the potential to turn out in a similar fashion to a previous one if you are unable to find the insights and wisdom you need to push past the particular obstacles facing you this time.

It sounds as though your Mom needs healing just as much as you do, but you have absolutely no control over her spiritual process. The best you can do for yourself and your whole family is to become a trailblazer leading the way to a happier life, and it most certainly can be done. We are not doomed to repeat past mistakes, that is just the "autopilot" mode running in the background until we wake up and take the wheel.

It sounds as if it would be very beneficial for you to specifically focus on healing, shifting your focus and attention from anxiety and feeling like you already know the future (it's really not written in stone) to how you will heal and release the pain you are carrying. The pain we carry not only accumulated in this life, but also in the lives of our ancestors and this can get passed down to us as well, so when we begin to focus on our own healing, we can also pay respect to our ancestors by acknowledging their suffering and sending them love and peaceful thoughts (this includes your mother).

While anxiety may be an unavoidable part of BPD, we can make our own anxiety worse by obsessively focusing on it. When we shift the focus to healing, the anxiety doesn't necessarily go away but we are no longer giving it ultimate power in our lives. As we form this habit more and more, anxiety slowly fades in prominence. It is healing, not anxiety, that gives us feelings of peace and enjoyment in life, so if you do want more peace and enjoyment, and to find a new path forward, then it seems that moving your focus toward healing will be a helpful way to feel better on some level.

I'll recommend several books and hopefully at least one will spark your interest. You might be able to get a few of them from the library if you don't want to buy them, and most are on Amazon/Kindle to read on your phone.

The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield: this is an easy read that gives people more insight into the underlying energy exchange happening in our personal/family relationships as well as the interplay between ourselves and our religion (in this case, Catholicism). There is a "control" paradigm clearly on display here, and I sense those very same undercurrents happening around you as well, so this is an easy read that brings those ideas more into focus so that you can move to the next book...

The Empowerment Dynamic: The Power of TED, David Emerald: one of the single most important books a person can read when they are struggling with relationships. In every conflict, we can identify one of three roles being played out; a Victim, a Persecutor, or a Rescuer. A person can even swap between several roles in the course of one argument, moving from the aggressive persecutor to the slighted victim the moment someone stands up to their bullying behavior. It's so incredibly important to be able to identify this behavior in real time so that you can stop responding to it in the same old habitual ways. This book illustrates how to shift your perspective so that you no longer have to have those arguments. The most important point here is that you don't read this book to have an idea of how to change others; you read this book to have an idea how you relate to others, and in many cases, others begin to relate to you differently because your behavior changed, but you did not specifically change them (nor should you try).

The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz: this is a beautifully simple little book that encapsulates four principles of Tol'tec wisdom, which mesh well with any other religion.

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Sacred Contracts, Caroline Myss: this one will really speak to your spiritual path and your spiritual connection with others, and why we reincarnate back into similar situations so that we can ultimately resolve chronic spiritual issues.

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The Pocket Thich Nhat Hanh, Thich Nhat Hanh: powerful, simple stories from a beloved Zen Buddhist monk. Comforting, illuminating, loving and compassionate.

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Sending you love and support, wishing you peace.