(Part 2) Best parenting books according to redditors
We found 1,176 Reddit comments discussing the best parenting books. We ranked the 331 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 21-40. You can also go back to the previous section.
My wife and I also suffer from a bit of helicopter parenting, so I've been through this myself. Let's be honest here - they probably identified her as a helicopter parent from day one, and her questions are probably annoying or even offensive to them because they reveal her inherent distrust and skepticism of their abilities or professionalism. But because it's their job, they try to soldier through it. The jump to kindergarten, which I am just making myself, is tough because the teachers are focused on educational targets, not satiating overzealous parents.
Your wife sounds well meaning, but we all need to learn to not over-parent. We are going to create a generation of neurotic young adults who need constant hand-holding and assistance. It's really unhealthy.
I would recommend you buy your wife the book How to Raise an Adult. It's written by the Stanford Dean of Admissions, and is required reading for every helicopter parent out there.
There are lots of studies linking screen time to developmental delays and behavior problems, especially when screen time is introduced as the higher brain functions are ‘wiring up’ (before age 3).
An excellent read that goes in depth through multiple studies and meta-analyses is Bright from the Start. If you want a more detailed breakdown of why screentime is detrimental I suggest picking up this book.
Some of the more robust research shows negative effects on attention span, weight gain, emotional variance (higher highs and lower lows), and aggression/frustration.
The big thing to remember is that an infant or young child doesn’t have the same brain function you, as an adult, wield. In fact our brains don’t really reach ‘maturity’, or full development until into our twenties. Screen time has been shown to have an effect on HOW a young brain wires itself, changing the structure and later development.
Imagine you are building a brick wall and you lay every brick on the first layer evenly, except one brick in the middle. That one brick is an early developmental issue. It’s not such a big issue at first but as you lay down more layers of bricks, each new layer has more and more uneven bricks, until at the end you have a large deformation in your wall. This is the type of effect an early developmental deviation can have on the later adult.
We have a tendency to overlook the detrimental effect our screens have on our own dispositions (imagine being away from your phone or computer for a month) and our neurological wiring is already fairly set in stone. We haven’t evolved with our technology, it just sprang up suddenly in the recent past and we’ve had to adjust to it. We are really just figuring it out as we go, but one thing is becoming clearer: our children are not equipped for the task of parsing out what our screens bring into our lives.
Edit: spelling
The same way that these are:
Rush Revere and the First Patriots
Help! Mom! There are liberals under my bed!
Raising Boys Feminists Will Hate
My Parents Open Carry
It appears to be real
> Parent, if you have a young son and you want him to grow up to be a man, then you need to keep him away from pop culture, public school and a lot of Nancy Boy churches. If metrosexual pop culture, feminized public schools and the effeminate branches of evanjellycalism lay their sissy hands on him, you can kiss his masculinity good-bye because they will morph him into a dandy. Yeah, mom and dad, if – if – you dare to raise your boy as a classic boy in this castrated epoch, then you’ve got a task that’s more difficult than getting a drunk to hit the urinal at Chili’s. Read this bold and hard-hitting guide by Doug Giles, the politically incorrect master, on how to raise your son in a world which more and more seems to hate masculinity.
There are no words.
My two favorites have been:
Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina
How Toddlers Thrive by Tovah P. Klein
​
I listened to both via audiobook, narrated by the authors.
Medina is a neuroscientist and totally geeks out about the long term studies and advice that can be pulled based on observable and repeatable outcomes.
Klein runs a research facility that doubles as a daycare/preschool connected with a university that studies early childhood behaviors.
​
Both are clearly experts in their field, and their advice is rather similar, but both bring a fun perspective. They're both parents as well, and very clearly love their kids as well as put their money where their mouth is!
​
Sort of a partner in crime, back in the day. Thompson would wave a copy of Grossman's magnum opus around on various talk shows.
Marmakoide has been thorough, here is our experience, live.
Have our first 6 months old, living in UK, many people are asking us what we do right; we're not so sure.
We breastfed until 4mo, started solid about a month ago, pureed potato, brocoli, carrot, apple (introduced one at a time), no salt. Will move to chicken soon. One meal with solids a day so far.
She sits in high chair and is spoon fed ; lately she's able to grab the spoon to her mouth. No toy, no playing, same with bottles.
Apparently we let her complain more than others before we interven.
Many French moms report these praises of well behaved kids.
We made sure she was able to be by herself or with other people very soon. Knowing that we are not always nearby probably help her only call when there's an issue. So far it's kind of working.
Our British friends swear by bringing up bébé or [French children don't throw food](
https://www.amazon.co.uk/French-Children-Dont-Throw-Food/dp/0552779172/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=DYQFRN2DNTF1S7J9Q0KQ). Haven't read them.
It seems to me to boil down to "you're not the king of me". Treat your baby like a drunk friend, there are things you would do to help them, but there are points where they need to hear "now you're just being a dick!".
Oh, and no screens.
Bedtime routine is: around 8pm, put in bed in already dark room, the end. Maybe come by once to put the dummy back.
Edit: exception to no screen rule is Skype with grandparents.
Read and follow this book. If you are diligent, it will change everything. It takes work. Hubby needs to be on board.
Raising Your Spirited Child, Third Edition: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062403060/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9o71BbPH5QVCB
Bottom line: you are in control, you just need to remember that, and find the method of behavior modification that works with your SS.
My kids aren't yet 2yr, and we don't spank, but I have a few ideas. First, it seems your son is seeking your attention (negative or positive) by acting the way he does. He now knows if he doesn't put his toys away, he'll get your attention. I have twins so they get to play with each other for part of the day, but if they are not sleeping they want/need attention from an adult. I used to try to get a bunch of chores done in the morning before I left for work. I found myself getting agitated that my boys wanted to be picked up or played with while I was doing the dishes or sweeping or whatever. So now I'll get most of that stuff done after they go to bed at night, so my mornings are way less stressful. I can give them the attention they want which negates the need for them to escalate bad behavior to get my attention. I'm in a better mood because they are in a better mood. Also when they do behave badly we do timeouts and try as best as possible to contain our anger( no yelling, just convey disappointment in a calm way) . It helps calm them down by being calm yourself. Also folding clothes can be a chore both of you can do together (it will be slow going, but he will be getting your attention while you get some work done.)
Also we don't negotiate with terrorists! If they want something and we say no, no amount of pleading/begging/ tantrums will get them what we said no to. They learn really quickly that dad/mom will capitulate if they just yell long enough, kick their feet, cry, etc. I used to be the lightweight/push over, not anymore. Never give in.
Check out the book, "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child", from the library or order a used copy from Amazon. He has a lot of good ideas that could help. Good luck.
>Read a book.
Okay then.
https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2008/02/06/correlations-of-iq-with-income-and-wealth/
Being smarter is correlated to a higher income.
http://www.bc.edu/content/dam/files/schools/cas_sites/psych/pdf/critique_income_.pdf
"Consider that both school attainment (mean
number of years of schooling completed) and intelligence
are highly heritable, both heritability coefficients (h2s)
between .60 and .80"
https://www.amazon.com/Selfish-Reasons-Have-More-Kids/dp/046501867X
This is a good book that goes into depth on how many of our traits seem to be tied to our genetics.
Happiest Baby on the Block is a great book for anyone/everyone.
Baby Brain Rules is one both my SO and I enjoyed, lots of science there.
We did not really read any books on the childbirth topic, just internet and a 5 week course at the hospital. I wish you luck!
Here's my 2 cents on the subject. First, I'd give up on the idea of debating. Most of the debating I see is nothing more than verbal warfare--how productive is that? Well, it probably depends on what your objectives are. Are you out to belittle people and make yourself feel better? Than verbal warfare is the way to go. Are you out to improve knowledge or discover truth? Then debating probably isn't the route to take. Whatever, I'd establish the objective upfront. I'd recommend simply asking questions and providing sources.
So what are some questions involved in the spanking subject?
Here's sources for those interested in studying the issue instead of yelling at each other:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbiq2-ukfhM
http://www.alfiekohn.org/index.php
http://www.amazon.com/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338338284&sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Discipline-Compliance-Alfie-Kohn/dp/1416604723/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338338349&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_17?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=punished+by+rewards+by+alfie+kohn&sprefix=punished+by+rewar%2Cstripbooks%2C256
http://www.amazon.com/No-Contest-Case-Against-Competition/dp/0395631254/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338338440&sr=1-2
http://nospank.net/
http://www.rie.org/
http://www.wholechild.org/vision/documents/TheEffectsOfImprovingCaregivingOnEarlyDevelopment.pdf
http://www.echoparenting.org/
http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/hp.html
http://drgabormate.com/
http://www.committedparent.com/
http://www.janetlansbury.com/
http://www.regardingbaby.org/
http://www.eileensclasses.com/
http://www.mindfulparentingnyc.com/Mindful_Parenting/Welcome.html
http://www.riemiami.com/
http://www.amazon.com/Dear-Parent-Caring-Infants-Respect/dp/1892560062/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338339719&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Self-Confident-Baby-Encourage-Abilities/dp/1118158792/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338339719&sr=1-3
http://www.amazon.com/The-RIE-Manual/dp/1892560003/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294253451&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Skinned-Knee-Teachings-Self-Reliant/dp/1416593063/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1298050770&sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ruth+anne+hammond&x=0&y=0
http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Parent-You-Want-Sourcebook/dp/0553067508/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294253521&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Life-Toddler-Alicia-Lieberman/dp/0028740173/ref=pd_sim_b_2
http://www.amazon.com/Theories-Attachment-Introduction-Ainsworth-Brazelton/dp/1933653388/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1298051329&sr=8-10
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000XR2CGU/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1C1SJ1BR2T4ADEN9VMJM&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846
http://www.amazon.com/Unfolding-Infants-Natural-Gross-Development/dp/1892560070/ref=pd_sim_b_1
http://www.youtube.com/user/stefbot/videos?query=parenting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyNQFG7C8JM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjxXuDYdBzY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONNRfflggBg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1GJsCa_4G8
Check out Bright From the Start, by Dr. Jill Stamm, co-founder of New Directions Institute for Infant Brain Development at Arizona State University.
Bright from the Start: The Simple, Science-Backed Way to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind from Birth to Age 3 https://www.amazon.com/dp/159240362X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_EAPCybQYA6Z71
I’m a big believer in The Kazdin Method by Dr Alan Kazdin PhD. He is the head of the Yale Parenting Clinic and head of Child Psychology at Yale University. He takes an evidence based approach and uses what’s been proven effective. The gist of his approach is: 1) focus on the positive opposite, in other words tell the child what you want them to do, 2) coach and practice the behavior with them in a non stressful environment and offer up specific, enthusiastic praise, 3) que them up to help set them up for success and 4) always offer specific and enthusiastic praise when they are performing the behavior.
For example, let’s say you want your child likes to run off around the house. Instead of telling your child to “stop running” you would use the positive opposite of “walking.” Once you’ve identified the behavior you want, you would take a minute to coach them on it when it isn’t stressful! allow them to practice, and praise them for walking. Throughout the day when you see them walking, praise it. If they’re running then you can que them up with “walking” and praise them when they comply. If they have a habit of running into the home when you get home, then you can que them up while you are pulling in, “remember that we walk inside the home...” and then praise when they walk. You can also utilize a “sticker chart” or when they get older a “checklist” to help, but praising is the important thing.
With regards to unwanted behaviors, his advocates for “extinction.” How do you extinguish a behavior? By not giving it any attention. Extinction, in and of itself, is not the strongest way to change a behavior, but when you couple it with reinforcement of the positive opposite, it can be a powerful tool. For example: just ignoring your child’s whining is not as effective as doing this but also being very alert to when your child makes a request, without whining, and saying “please”, and rewarding this accomplishment. Granted, you aren’t going to just ignore a child running with scissors, but hopefully you get the idea.
You would really need to be on the same page with your SO for any strategy to work, because you definitely don’t want to send conflicting messages. If you have an unhealthy and/or abusive relationship with an SO then I would suspect there are bigger issues that need to be addressed and professional help will be required to help any child process it.
My little one used to have tantrums regularly. Not anymore. I read a book that helped a lot.
The book is called
Raising a Spirited child
I read probably half of the book and found enough useful information that I could implement right away that I never actually read the whole thing.
You must have missed this last year...
http://www.amazon.com/All-Joy-No-Fun-Parenthood/dp/0062072226
Just a little protip: for reddit use, trim your URLs to the simplest form that works (http://www.amazon.com/dp/159240362X/) and/or link readable text (like this) so your formatting isn't hideous and it doesn't take a moment to check whether you're spamming us for Amazon referrals.
Eeee, so excited for you!
As a kid, I thought that kids had a lot of things geared toward them, but it was ultimately a grownup's world (mature TV shows, freedom of mobility, etc.). I wonder if times are changing. Like, we kids had our fun and our parents put us first, but we were given boundaries, rules, and taught lessons that come with parenting. We learned that kids don't have to be included in everything, and we could only attend certain events when we were older. And if we did go to an event for the parents (Idk, like if we were dragged to a Tupperware party), we would bring a book/video game and quietly entertain ourselves or play with the other kids without disturbing the adults. There was a book I've been wanting to read here that pertains to this issue.
Edited for grammar.
I highly recommend that you read the book "All joy and no fun: The paradox of modern parenting. " I think it does a good job of trying to puzzle out why the research seems to show that having children makes people unhappy, and yet people also say that having children is one of the best things that has happened to them. I found the book overall reassuring, but I do think it's good to go into having children with the understanding that the first few years are especially hard (including the pregnancy! Not to mention possible miscarriages and infertility) and will put stress on the relationship, especially if you can't afford to hire people to do a lot of the child care and house work.
There's all sorts of unpleasant things to talk through about having children. Would you ever terminate a pregnancy for medical reasons? What happens if one of your children dies, at any age? What if they're in critical condition with brain damage? Would you "pull the plug" or keep them on support and potentially have a changed child to take care of indefinitely? Does the answer change depending on how old the child is? You don't need to have answers, but it's good to touch base and have some idea of where each other is coming from.
http://www.amazon.com/All-Joy-No-Fun-Parenthood/dp/0062072226
I was having similar thoughts and questions when my DD was around that age. Bought the e-book version of All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood by Jennifer Senior. It addresses this very topic with great real-life stories and insights. She also has a TED talk on the subject you can find on YouTube.
(Not actually my opinion).
Playing violent video games consistently for a prolonged period of time does cause aggressive behavior (in children aged 10 - 16).
In Grand Theft Childhood, Lawrence Kutner and Cheryl K. Olsen, the authors, found that middle school children who had played at least one game rated 'Mature' were over one and a half times more likely to have hit or beat up a classmate than those who did not. Several studies in both the United States and Japan have shown that, controlling for prior aggression, children who played more violent video games during the beginning of the school year showed more aggression than their peers later in the school year. A 2005 FBI report includes playing violent video games in a list of behaviors associated with school shootings.
How many more of these links will have to be made before we realize the impact of what we teach our children - whose minds are moldable and have such great potential...for both good and evil. It is our responsibility, not only as concerned citizens of this great nation, but also as neighbors, and teachers, and friends to take a stand.
The negative effects of video games are generally caused by a multitude of nuanced factors at work when younger teens play violent games. I will approach two of these from a psychological lens b.c. lazy and time.
(1) Operant conditioning
Operant conditioning, sometimes referred to as instrumental learning, is a method of learning that occurs through rewards and punishments for behavior. It encourages the subject to associate pleasure (positive) or displeasure (negative) with the type of behavior.
Several studies have shown that violent video games cause players to associate pleasure and happiness with the ability to cause pain in others.
In fact, video games often reward players for simulating violence, and thus enhance the learning of violent behaviors. Studies suggest that when violence is rewarded in video games, players exhibit increased aggressive behavior compared to players of video games where violence is punished.
Playing violent video games causes the development of aggressive behavioral scripts. A behavioral script is developed from the repetition of actions and affects the subconscious mind. An example of a common behavioral script is a driving script that tells drivers to get in a vehicle, put on a seat belt, and turn on the ignition. Similarly, violent video games can lead to scripts that tell youth to respond aggressively in certain situations. Violence in video games may lead to real world violence when scripts are automatically triggered in daily life, such as being nudged in a school hallway.
This is especially potent for the age group we are discussing as children are more likely to confuse fantasy violence with real world violence, and without a framework for ethical decision making, they may mimic the actions they see in violent video games.
Violent video games require active participation, repetition, and identification with the violent character. With new game controllers allowing more physical interaction, the immersive and interactive characteristics of video games can increase the likelihood of youth violence. This immersion only cements the negative effects of operant conditioning that have always been present.
(2) Desensitization
Violent video games desensitize players to real-life violence. This is generally because it is common for victims in video games to disappear off screen when they are killed or for players to have multiple lives. This reinforces in the players, in a subconscious sense, the low worth of human life.
Violent video games further teach youth that violence is an acceptable conflict-solving strategy and an appropriate way to achieve one's goals. A 2009 study found that youth who play violent video games have lower belief in the use of nonviolent strategies and are less forgiving than players of nonviolent video games.
In a 2005 study, violent video game exposure was linked to the reduction of P300 amplitudes in the brain. The P300 (P3) wave is related to the process of decision making. It is considered to be an endogenous potential, as its occurrence links not to the physical attributes of a stimulus, but to a person's reaction to it. More specifically, the P300 is thought to reflect processes involved in stimulus evaluation or categorization. Source. These are crucial for teenage decision making processes and lessening of them can have disastrous effects.
Finally, exposure to violent video games is linked to lower empathy in players. In a 2004 study of 150 fourth and fifth graders by Professor Jeanne Funk, violent video games were the only type of media associated with lower empathy. Empathy, the ability to understand and enter into another's feelings, plays an important role in the process of moral evaluation and is believed to inhibit aggressive behavior.
My wife and I like Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina
It's him explaining what certain studies have shown regarding different aspects of childhood, such as the effect television has on kids under the age of 2. That something you're looking for?
It's also the fault of your genetics, for what it's worth:
http://www.amazon.com/Selfish-Reasons-Have-More-Kids/dp/046501867X
(so say adoption and twin studies)
"Brain Rules for Babies" by John Medina may be of interest to you. I haven't read "Expecting Better," but based on the blurb it seems the two books have similar goals: providing peer-reviewed information and avoiding the propagation of myths.
At the beginning of my pregnancy, I worried I wasn't doing enough to optimize fetal development. There's so much information to be found on pregnancy and child care, I kept wondering, "Which advice should I follow? What helps and what hinders?" It was overwhelming! I'm a FTM, and I've never been around babies, so I was clueless. The pregnancy chapter in "Brain Rules" really simplified it for me: take care of yourself physically and mentally and let the fetus do it's thing. The book continues to cover relationships, brain development, emotional development, and moral development with similar clarity.
I have a few other books such as "What to Expect the First Year" but I just keep them around for reference, haven't actually read all the way through them. Other books I've considered buying are "Mind in the Making" and "NurtureShock."
With my first, I really like Heading Home with Your Newborn, which was gifted to me by my pediatrician uncle. I read it cover to cover probably 15 times, and referred to it constantly. I could never remember what it was called, though, and always referred to it as "Care and Feeding of Your Baby", which was pretty accurate, it turns out lol.
I've been reading the book Bright from the Start http://www.amazon.com/Bright-Start-Science-Backed-Developing-Mindfrom/dp/159240362X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1334039564&sr=1-1
The author implies that part of the increase (of diagnoses) can be attributed to the way babies and toddlers are raised in modern times. For example, more television time or just screen time where there are a lot of flashing images and constantly changing themes.
I'm putting it off as well. I read about half of Expecting Better back when I first started TTC. I had a friend that really liked "Happiest Baby on the Block."
If anyone is interested in communication for birth to 4 years (let me get on my soapbox), I highly suggest It Takes Two to Talk by the Hanen Centre. It's marketed toward parents of children with language delays, but it's helpful for everyone wanting to promote their child's language development. I teach the class to parents, and one of the things I consistently hear is "Why isn't this for everyone?," "I wish I knew this for my other kids," and my favorite: "I want to have another kid again and try this from the beginning!"
The only "fatherhood" book I could stand: Be Prepared
The only "baby" book I could stand: (and they have a good Toddler one from the same series)
Baby 411: Clear Answers & Smart Advice For Your Baby's First Year
Perhaps it is the fault of this book.
There's an author, Jennifer Senior, who wrote All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood. She believes it was 'round about the time when child labor laws went in to effect where children really went from being something with specific, quantifiable economic value to the family, to being something which we vaguely describe as "invaluable" or "irreplaceable". But that change is a recent one and one she argues our society still hasn't completely adapted to, in large part because of all the other changes in society and family structure during that time.
The book focuses largely on US culture and society. I have to sheepishly admit I didn't finish it. But what I read was interesting (though somewhat female-centric), and I wish I had finished it before I returned it to the library.
Stepmonster was great. I read half the damn book to FH. May I recommend some books for parents of preteens in general--may help you understand why she is the way she is.
Get out of my life!
Untangled
My personality type dictates that I have a really hard time sympathizing with people. I did a shit ass job of trying to understand my SD12's feelings for like three years. I also resented her and had too much anger directed at her instead of where it was supposed to go (myself for how I reacted to her). Finally all clicked for me a year ago and I read a lot of books to get me to that point (I was also against having children....until I met her!) Good luck and hang in there.
Try this book it outlines infant potty training/elimination communication and you can probably get it from your local library.
My son is also "spirited," though in slightly different ways. I've found Raising Your Spirited Child really helpful. "Spirited" kids are intense and it takes a lot out of you. I'm a SAHM but we had to put my son into part-time preschool because I just couldn't handle him 24/7. I will say the more exercise he gets the better his behavior is. When he was two he could walk a mile or two at a time, hike up easy mountains, etc. and it took that much exertion to zap the energy he would otherwise put into tantrums.
As for the screaming: I would say it's a phase, even though it's been months. My son didn't scream but he whined all day long. I told him I wouldn't do what he wanted unless he asked in a "big boy voice" and then demonstrated what that sounded like. The most important part is not giving in to the screams.
My son is now approaching 4 and we feel that he's struggling with some sort of anxiety. Since both you and your wife have anxiety it's not impossible that the screaming is just his terrible coping mechanism for his own anxiety.
As far as a break, would he watch cartoons? Daniel Tiger or old school Mister Rogers are fantastic. Daniel Tiger especially focuses on social education. Maybe start with the "Grown-ups come back" episode in case he's still struggling with separation anxiety?
At the moment I'm reading Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method. I'm not sure how I feel about it so far. I like the idea of a "calm, gentle birth" and all that. But I'm not sure how realistic it is. And I feel like so far the book has been incredibly repetitive just sorta telling you the same couple of ideas in different ways over and over again without any real supporting evidence. Which, I mean, I don't know what I was expecting. No pun intended.
I'd like to read Ina May Gaskin's book also. I've heard it's great.
Child related I'm planning to read The Happiest Baby on the Block. And Bright from the Start.
Here's a link to a book that details other parents experience of there children's "coming out" sessions with the family. Might have some good points to help you in your situation.
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Acceptance-Parents-Lesbians-Experiences/dp/0312167814
Sorry about how I phrased that. I was afraid that if I just proposed a book then the people who were proposing a psychologist would vote me down. That book presents a method called Parent Management Training (PMT) that is based on 50+ years of parenting research and parent training results. There are a dozen or more randomized controlled trials that show that PMT is the most effective method that has been tested for this kind of thing, it's been called "the gold standard". Here's a partial summary of Kazdin Method:
http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/10-tips-parents-defiant-children/story?id=8549664
As you can see, it's very different from what you are doing and this is a hopeful indicator. If you do what this book recommends the you will get two important things: (1) you will be using the most effective evidence-based methods and (2) you will stop doing many counter-productive things that are making him worse. The combo of 1 and 2 can be very powerful.
The author of the book is the head of the Yale Parenting Clinic and former President of the America Psychological Association.
Please read the Amazon reviews of Kazdin Method:
http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826
You will likely find that this evidence-based method causes a great improvement in your kid's behavior. And there is a chapter in the book that will help you determine if you really need a psychologist.
If you have health insurance, then you can probably get some sessions with a psychologist for a modest fee and that might help.
> There is definitely something off with the numbers with that much discrepancy
A lot of the world uses variations on the elimination communication method, too, though -- and no (or far fewer) disposable diapers, with their stay-dry feel (so the kid never learns to associate "Hey, I peed" with "yuck, I feel wet", etc).
This book has some interesting info on other cultures' potty-training methods, and also discusses how it can be adapted for modern/American/first-world life, too.
We started getting my kid used to the idea of what potties are for at, like, eight weeks old, when we were consistently getting 100% poops in the potty and a lot of pee, too. :P He's now just shy of 2.5 and has JUST finally completely graduated potty training (haven't changed a diaper since May, and no accidents of any sort since mid-June!). We also took things super slowly; I think we could've gone faster, but I was lazy. So, meh. Happy enough with it as it is.
Baby 411:
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-411-Clear-Answers-Advice/dp/1889392456/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394804795&sr=8-1&keywords=BABY+411
I am reading through: http://www.amazon.com/Heading-Home-With-Your-Newborn/dp/1581104448/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397573039&sr=8-1&keywords=from+birth+to+reality
which is pretty good with what you need to know about newborns.
I also have http://www.amazon.com/The-Baby-Owners-Manual-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397573102&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+manual+book which is a quick and easy reference guide and should be more handy when I need to look something up.
I also have what to expect the first year, but I haven't actually looked at it yet. My DH has the Be Prepared book for dads, which he likes.
I would highly recommend "Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five" by John Medina. I am also a graduate student with a one-year-old daughter, and it has probably been the most helpful book I have read (among dozens).
http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Raise-Smart/dp/0979777755/ref=pd_sxp_f_pt
In the last few years, it is amazing how much new research has been done in regards to neurobiology and developmental biology. Specifically, we have learned that young children, babies even, are learning much more at a much younger age than previously thought. This book outlines many of the leaps in our understanding, and gives 22 solid rules that you should follow "if you want a smart, healthy, and well adjusted kid".
Also, check out /r/parenting - there are often great recommendations buried amongst the pages of photos.
I think the worst part is that Bill O'Reilly writes children's books.
It's easy to denounce something if it doesn't agree with your ideology.
BTW I bought this for my dad for his birthday, he thought it was HILARIOUS...
http://www.amazon.com/OReilly-Factor-Kids-Survival-Americas/dp/0060544244
First: Congrats!
Sounds good that you guys are already sitting down and talking things through. Fact of the matter is that you'll never be 100% prepared to have a kid, nor will you be prepared for what your kid does tomorrow. They change so fast and it's all new to you. Your instincts to nurture and love should get you a long way, and stay smart/ahead of things when it comes to daycares, school registration, supporting your kid, etc.
When I found out my wife was pregnant I was the same age as yourself. I found that reading books written for "dad" weren't for me because they were too cliched in their approach. I purchased, and read, this book: Caring for your young child birth - age 5 by the APA. Also get yourself a copy of Baby 411. That book talked us off the ledge and kept us out of the ER a number of times.
The other thing I did to prepare was to get consumer reports to research cribs, car seats, etc, etc, etc. That helped me quite a bit to narrow down the field, and then I cross referenced reviews and pricing on Amazon and my local baby stores.
New dad pro tip: Build the crib inside the baby's intended room. Assembled, it probably won't fit through the door so if you build it outside the room, get ready to rebuild it inside anyway :)
Also, take care of your lady. She's going to go through some serious shit for the next 9-10 months. Support her, be there for her, care for her.
I feel for you. I'm 31, with twin 2 year old girls. They are just ramping up the terrible twos now.
Tantrums any time they don't get cookies for breakfast, tantrum if the other one is touching a toy that they weren't even playing with, tantrum if the other one looks at them funny, tantrum if I give one a hug and carry around the house to make them happy and don't pick up the other, and the best part is there's two of them throwing down and screaming and kicking!
So I've picked up some toddler books off amazon for behavior and sleep issues, trying to arm myself with knowledge of how I can better deal with the tantrums. We are also having problem with bedtime and we realized they aren't getting enough sleep, which could in turn lead to more tantrums. Just a thought.
This is the one I just started, I'm trying out some of the tactics already, saw it work 2 out of 3 times today so far. Haven't finished reading it yet, but I'm hopeful: [Happiest Toddler on the Block]
(http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Toddler-Block-Cooperative-Four-Year-Old-ebook/dp/B0015DROVY/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404453073&sr=1-1&keywords=happiest+toddler+on+the+block)
The No-Cry Sleep Solution, So That's What They're For-breastfeeding basics, baby 411.
As a pediatrician, lactation consultant and mother, please avoid:
Babywise it has been condemned by the American Academy of Pediatrics and La Leche League for its bizarre recommendation that newborns be put on a feeding and sleeping schedule that is pretty much designed to lead to breastfeeding failure, attachment issues, and failure to thrive. The reviews on amazon tell quite a story--some of the 1 star are former 5 star submitters who realized that their baby wasn't "good" or "obedient" or "quiet", they were starving like little Romanian orphans and had given up making noise because they were just ignored. If I could put every copy in an incenerator I would.
The Vaccine Book, a wildly misleading tome full of misinformation and fearmongering. For accurate vaccine information, please read Dr. Paul Offit's Vaccines and your child. He is a vaccinologist, meaning that he has devoted his entire professional career to studying vaccines. Dr. "Bob" is a general pediatrician, like me, and has no additional training in immunology, virology, microbiology, or vaccines.
This book has helped me immensely for a number of years with my 'spirited' daughter.
Raising your Spirited Child
We literally just yesterday bought this book which we haven’t read yet, but it came highly recommended.
My favorite for infants was Happiest Baby on the Block: Happiest Baby on the Block
My favorite for toddler is "Raising Your Spirited Child": Raising Your Spirited Child
My favorite for breastfeeding was "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding": Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
My favorite for pumping at work was "Work, Pump, Repeat": Work, Pump, Repeat
​
Found some potentials, however, I have not read them:
Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing
Out of a Far Country
When Homosexuality Hits Home
Prayers for Bobby <- Risky pick due to the nature of the content
Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians & Gays Talk About Their Experiences
A Mother Looks At The Gay Child
I didn't read through all of it, but from skimming over it I think you may be interested in some of these (you didn't say what age your kids were so I'm just giving you everything I know of):
These are all about respecting your child, seeing them as a capable human being, and including them in the family.
This article was incredibly poorly researched. Having read all of Grossman's books, and having heard him speak a few times I think the article is seriously missing the point.
Firstly, Grossman didn't have anything to do with making soldiers better at killing people, in On Killing he cites the work of S.L.A. Marshall who was quite succesfull in changing Military training to be more effective with respect to soldiers pulling actually shooting to kill. Not the work Grossman himself has done.
Grossman has a severe issue with how these techniques have bled into our society at large and much of On Killing covers these concerns, along with another entire book called "Stop Teaching Our Kids to Kill: A Call to Action Against TV, Movie & Video Game Violence" http://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Teaching-Our-Kids-Kill/dp/0609606131
Argh! Bilingual children can have language delays too, and they deserve treatment just as much as monolingual children. Experts disagreecon whether bilingual children might show some delay 'on average', but are pretty much unanimous that the minimum norms (intervention norms) should be the same (but assessed appropriately, so for word count, add up both languages, for sentence length, take the strongest language).
That said, with your son understanding eveything, there is not much cause for concern yet. Generally children under two don't get therapy for lack of speech unless there are comprehension problems as well (after checking for hearing problems first). I'd say wait until your child is two and if your child is not making two word sentences by then, ask the doctor or a referral for a full speech and autism evaluation.
One book that I've seen highly recommended (but haven't read) is http://www.amazon.com/It-Takes-Two-Talk-Practical/dp/0921145195
Being understood is so important to toddlers! I don't think your child's behaviour is abnormal. But I don't think you will know for certain until your child is in (pre)school. Parents often 'miss' an autism or ADHD diagnoses because they themselves are slightly on the same spectrum as their child and their idea of normal is shifted.
My mum got me Brain Rules for Baby for Christmas, and so far I'm finding it interesting. It's less of a 'how to' sort of book and more looks at the psychology of babies and children and how they process things.
Like another commenter I also have What to Expect the First Year' and it's kind of dry, but I think it might be useful for some specific issues.
Thanks for the recommendations. I picked up The Baby owners manual per your recommendation. I've liked Heading Home With Your Newborn so far.
It's hard to find good Dad books. It seems that every one that I've looked at tries to be someones attempt at comedy. All I want is real, straightforward advice. Although the Manual looks great!
The perception in the UK is that your kids are much better behaved: http://www.amazon.co.uk/French-Children-Dont-Throw-Food/dp/0552779172 (There's another one in this series called 'French Women Don't Get Fat'!)
It's obvious she's not dealing with it very well, so I'd recommend getting her a book like this (it should be on the US or other Amazon sites if you're not from the UK). The main thing would be the struggle to get her to read it in the first place.
My top parenting book, All Joy and No Fun ( https://www.amazon.com/All-Joy-No-Fun-Parenthood/dp/0062072226 ) doesnt give any actual advice, but shares anecdotes and research that give you a better understanding for what is "normal" among middle class American parents, comforts you that your experience is standard, and establishes a basis for making parenting decisions (what you actually want out of life, for you and your kid).
It doesn't give the answers directly to your question, but it lays a baseline for you to figure out where you want to end up at the end of having raised a kid so you can decide how to get there.
it is likely to have the added benefit of strengthening your understanding of your wife and what parenting is like for her.
>Thousands of books have examined the effects of parents on their children. In All Joy and No Fun, award-winning journalist Jennifer Senior now asks: what are the effects of children on their parents?
>In All Joy and No Fun, award-winning journalist Jennifer Senior tries to tackle this question, isolating and analyzing the many ways in which children reshape their parents' lives, whether it's their marriages, their jobs, their habits, their hobbies, their friendships, or their internal senses of self. She argues that changes in the last half century have radically altered the roles of today's mothers and fathers, making their mandates at once more complex and far less clear.
>Recruiting from a wide variety of sources—in history, sociology, economics, psychology, philosophy, and anthropology—she dissects both the timeless strains of parenting and the ones that are brand new, and then brings her research to life in the homes of ordinary parents around the country. The result is an unforgettable series of family portraits, starting with parents of young children and progressing to parents of teens. Through lively and accessible storytelling, Senior follows these mothers and fathers as they wrestle with some of parenthood's deepest vexations—and luxuriate in some of its finest rewards.
>Meticulously researched yet imbued with emotional intelligence, All Joy and No Fun makes us reconsider some of our culture's most basic beliefs about parenthood, all while illuminating the profound ways children deepen and add purpose to our lives. By focusing on parenthood, rather than parenting, the book is original and essential reading for mothers and fathers of today—and tomorrow.
I had a crappy father, but he pressed me to work hard at math. That was good.
He was a construction worker and every time he fixed something around, he made me stand there and hands his tools to him, so I can fix just about anything around the house.
Here's a book on how to raise a smart and happy child.
https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Updated-Expanded/dp/0983263388
Now that my daughter is a toddler, the pediatrician recommended this book
https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Discipline-Effective-Parenting/dp/149262988X
Don't let her watch Disney princess movies if you can help it, except Brave is probably good http://national.deseretnews.com/article/20551/disney-princess-culture-may-not-be-great-for-the-future-of-little-girls.html
I play the Winnie the Pooh educational videos for her, so that's what she likes: 123's, Shapes and Sizes, ABC's.
In order to deal with talking to her about sex, which you may need to do as early as age six, read this book https://www.amazon.com/Girls-Sex-Navigating-Complicated-Landscape-ebook/dp/B0111YAT0Y
I am so deeply disturbed by what girls have to deal with now days. It's so much worse than when I was a teen. Worrying about my daughters keeps me up at night.
Please note: "How to Raise a Boy Feminists Will Hate" is an Actual Title. http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Boys-Feminists-Will-Hate/dp/1618080458/ (Doug Giles)
Other Titles By Giles:
Raising Righteous and Rowdy Girls
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Righteous-Rowdy-Girls-Giles/dp/0983175128/
Rise-Kill-Eat: The Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation
http://www.amazon.com/Rise-Kill-Eat-Theology-Revelation/dp/1495109348
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stop-Teaching-Our-Kids-Kill/dp/0609606131 - It does have poor reviews, however. Some of the Authors/Psychologists books are 5 star.
I mean it's not a resource as such but merely an observation, in games like TF2 or most FPS you violate peoples preferences when you kill them. And this could be considered bad. Most of the time we don't care because people just shrug it off "i died oh well". But the issue is with hedonistic ethical theory if it hurts people you want to win at a game by making them angry/frustrated/
I mean people have rejected this argument but a metaphor is that people play videos games as retraction/distraction/escapism just like people go to the beach to relax and sunbathe, and if you started riding a buggy around you would ruin it for them same as killing people in games. There are several objections such as, well each party should go where is appropriate like a quiet beach and a beach for buggys. However what if there is only one beach?. Which is the case for lobbied games in such as call of duty, where there is no choice of server, so you can't choose similar skilled opponents?
Video games are odd in this respect. Because pretty much every who plays them wants to win, but they are doomed to fail.
Mostly related question: does AskScience have any opinions on books like Brain Rules for Babies?
Check out Diaper Free Baby ($11 at Amazon). It's a nice, approachable guide, and discusses techniques for full-time and part-time "elimination communication".
A more thorough book is the classic Infant Potty Training ($16.50 at Amazon).
I recommend the simple, inexpensive Baby Bjorn potty. It's easy to clean, travels well, is small enough for an infant but scales just fine to a two-year-old. We have two; one in the bedroom, one in the living room. (The idea being to make it really easy to do the right thing -- the same reason McDonalds makes sure there's always a trash can within a dozen steps of any table.)
Good luck!
If you are interested in having children yourself, or already have children I have read a wonderful book combining the nature/nurture debate and parenting. "Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids." http://www.amazon.com/Selfish-Reasons-Have-More-Kids/dp/046501867X
It uses nothing but repeatable scientific studies to deliver the facts, and then draws some pretty unprecedented conclusions. Very educational.
>Raising Boys Feminists Will Hate!
Holy crap, that's a real book.
Apparently the Denver Early Start Model is showing some good results. We have no therapists here in Western Australia... But I just wanted you to know that there are viable alternatives to ABA out there...
Having said that, my son gets ABA, and what that woman was doing, wasn't ABA. horrid, horrid woman !
Hmmm,... just read the rest of this thread... The ABA that my son gets breaks down each skill into a set of tiny tasks, which he is encouraged to complete using a "No.No.Show" method. So you show him what you want him to do, and then ask him to do it. If he refuses, or does it incorrectly, you say "No" the first two times, and the third time, you show him how to do it again. He gets LOTS of positive praise.
He gives all of his therapists grief the first time he meets them :) He's as stubborn as hell. He's yelled and carried on for twenty minutes or so when he first meets a therapist, to see what he can get away with. None of these beautiful young women has ever raised her voice, moved him involuntarily, or hurt him in any way. Listening to a woman twenty years younger than me singing to my screeching son, to distract him, has brought me to tears. I certainly don't have their patience or dedication.
And at the start of this year he had NO functioning language. He didn't even say "Mum". Now he asks for food and drinks, and to use the computer, and going to his special school (which also uses ABA) he waves to me and says "Bye Mum". ABA has given him that.
I do not deny in any way that ABA has a very dark past. I was actually warned by my providers against Googling for videos as some of them are incredibly distressing. ABA as it is practiced here uses no stronger an adversive than ignoring unwanted behaviour. I would like to stress again that what this awful woman did to your child was NOT ABA and it WAS abusive. Someone who thinks and behaves like that should,not be working with children at all, let alone special needs children..
Anyway, Floortime has some good ideas and the Denver Early Start Model does too. If you look them up on Amazon, you'll be able to get a good idea of what's involved in each method as people put loads of helpful info in the reviews.
Denver Early Start
Floortime
I also found It Takes Two to Talk useful, although its expensive... As well as The Verbal Behaviour Approach which is like a more DIY child-centred approach to Autism.
Lastly I would echo the PP who said "Trust your Mummy Instincts". Trust your Mummy instincts ! Don't be ashamed to hover outside the classroom (out of sight); ask more questions; fight for your child :)
Another book that really stresses this as well as many other parent myths debunked. Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina
http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Raise-Smart/dp/0979777755/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1303266512&amp;sr=8-2
Good job with Bright Futures and National Merit - those two with a couple of other small scholarships and some part-time work at best buy let me pay for my Bachelors degree without taking student loans.
$12,000 a year for housing seems kind of high. Are you living on campus? If not, you may want to shop around a bit for different housing options.
Maybe buy a copy of "How to Raise an Adult" and leave it on your parent's night stand or coffee table if they're the kind that are capable of taking hints.
NTA. Don't get your hopes up for a meaningful response though or take any response you do get personally. In my experience, young adults can drop friends for really lame reasons, including jealousy, fear of rejection, or just having new life experiences that they don't think you'll accept or identify with. I think jealousy is a very common reason around puberty. I had best friends suddenly stop talking to me for a month, only to apologize later and say it was because they both thought I was the most likable (friendship-wise) of the three of us, so they wanted to get me back for "them not being as special" according to them, which is ridiculous. There is likely no harm in asking. Sorry your daughter is dealing with social issues. Kids can be so cruel and take out insecurities in awful ways. If you DO decide to see a counselor, there is that added benefit of asking for help for your daughter as well. Perhaps you can take this approach with friend A -- tell her that your daughter's experiences reminded you of what happened, rather than saying its been bothering you for as long as it has, if you want. By the way, I gave this book to a friend who has a daughter, maybe it would be of interest to you: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, by Lisa Damour, PhD. She also just released one called Under Pressure about stress and anxiety in girls. Good luck.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553393073/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D23HK1J/ref=sspa_dk_detail_0?psc=1
A friend (who works with children and whose opinion I trust) read and liked ["Parenting the Defiant Child"] (http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1419880497&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=defiant+child) when she was struggling with her 11 year old daughter.
It would be for you to read, not your son.
I didn't read your full post. But from what I read, you should consider reading (or listening) to the book Untangled. I just listened to it and it was tremendously helpful as a parent of a 6th grade/11 year old daughter.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553393073/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_K4elzb52PM78C
My friend gave me this great book before I had my first:
The Baby Owners Manual & Trouble Shooting
It's a funny, well designed book that is straightforward with all of the basics covered.
The other book that I would recommend is Baby 411
It's a really great book for reference when you are worried about everything - behavior, feeding, sickness, sleeping, etc...
Buying these... just finished Beyond Acceptance... It really helped me understand where my parents are at... and kinda where they're coming from.
So, it would be the polar opposite of this book?
I also love the idea.... it seems that the most recommended book is Infant Potty Training.
One of the best resources and one which I always recommend for parents is this great book.
http://brainrules.net/brain-rules-for-baby
http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Raise-Smart/dp/0979777755
It's not just for babies but children in general as well and helps understand how to raise a balanced child.
I have a 2 year old and it is both the best age so far and the worst. Best in that they now can start sharing their world with you and you with theirs. And their world is full of fun. Worst in that they get frustrated in they want to share things but don't have the vocabulary to do so or don't have the ability to understand what you try to tell them, which often leads to tantrums. :-\
Anyway, good luck, you are doing a great thing.
Your life will change, but for so much the better :)
Oh! Read this book The caveman talk method is very useful with toddlers!
Pick up a copy of Baby 411! I just got a copy for my baby shower and it's AMAZING on what it covers. I feel like it will be a go-to for me for sure.
Try http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826
It sounds like you might benefit from reading Raising your spirited child . If nothing else it will give you some reassurance that your high energy kid isn’t the only kid like that. :)
This book helped me immensely in understanding how children develop.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0015DROVY?btkr=1
French family here. Everything you read about how French families feed their kids is true. Our kids are 2 and 4.
Kids here eat strictly four times a day, no exceptions. Breakfast. Lunch. Gouter (snack) at 4pm. Dinner. Nearly every French kid I've ever met keeps the same schedule.
At each of these meals, a variety of healthy choices are offered, and sometimes there are treats on the weekend. In our house, the kids start with warm milk and muesli in the morning, and maybe a pain-au-chocolat on the weekend. We sit as a family for lunch, which usually includes a main course, fruit, cheese and salad (they also get 3-4 courses for their school lunches).
The snack is the time of the day that kids are most often offered any "junk" food -- this is when kids eat birthday cake to celebrate a class birthday, or perhaps get to eat something at home that they've helped bake. Often it's just fruit and yogurt. Importantly, it's just big enough to tide them over until dinnertime -- not enough to fill them up.
Finally, dinner -- our kids eat earlier than we do in the evening, but it's always at the table and it's always real food (typically whatever the adults ate for dinner the previous night). After the main course, they are offered fruit, cheese, yogurt and perhaps a small chocolate if they've eaten well (we're rather indulgent by offering this on a regular basis). They sit at the table and we talk about their day.
Apart from that: zero. No snacking, no grazing, no giving in to demands. If the kids are hungry, we'll be sure to tell them the next meal that's coming up, and maybe even get them to help us preparing it (they are far more willing to wait if they can understand that it takes time to prepare the meal).
It's easier to enforce over here because they don't have bad examples when they visit other friends, and they've very quickly learned that when the kitchen is closed, the kitchen is closed.
No kid ever died from being hungry for two hours.
I sent this email to my coworker about a little over a year ago. Hope it helps!!
Hi,
Here is my list. I hope the links work or I wasted a lot of time. LOL
Parent Books:
My Toddler Talks: Strategies and Activities to Promote Your Child's Language Development
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1477693548/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s01?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
This is the book I liked the best. To the point, and gave me things I could actually do. And oh my God, it helped so much!!! He learned and grew SO much after I implemented what I read in this book.
It Takes Two To Talk: A Practical Guide For Parents of Children With Language Delays Third Edition
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0921145195/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s01?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
kind of long, a lot of detail, but explains types of speech delays and how children learn to speak
The Cow Says Moo: Ten Tips to Teach Toddlers to Talk: An Early Intervention Guide
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1482794403/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s02?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
This book is alright. There were some ideas in it that I'll use. I'd recommend it if you want more ideas/books after the Teach my Toddler to Talk book
Children Books and Flash Cards:
Little Blue Truck Lap Board Book
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/054405685X/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
This is a great book. There is a lot of action in this book and has a lot of association between animals and sounds. Very engaging and rhyming.
Bright Baby Animals
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0312492480/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s02?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
simple words, simple REAL pictures and one picture per page so as to not overwhelm. Great book to teach first words.
Elmo Says... (Sesame Street) (Big Bird's Favorites Board Books)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0375845402/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s02?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
This is an action book, so your child would touch their nose, touch their toes, etc. relating actions to words is engaging and also the association helps foster language attrition.
From Head to Toe
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0064435962/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s02?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
same as the above book.
Head Shoulders Knees and Toes
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0859537285/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s03?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
Teaches body parts, has hand movements, rhyming/song My son loves this book
My First Touch & Feel Picture Cards: Animals (My 1st T&F Picture Cards)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0756615151/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s01?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
Real pictures and has different materials to touch like rough, sticky, etc. Works well, my son likes this too
My First Touch & Feel Picture Cards: First Words (My 1st T&F Picture Cards)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0756615186/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s01?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
same as the above, just other words
DVD’s:
Baby Babble Beginning Words
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015NERXBQ/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s01?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
So, some speech therapists say to have NO screen time. Well, I put this on when we’re on long trips or if my kids just wants to chill. There are several different dvd’s in this series. I have 3. He said some words he’s never said before after watching these. I would recommend engaging WITH your child while watching these if you can. If you can’t and you’re driving somewhere, then so be it. It still helps in my opinion.
Baby Signing Time
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DHMCVKK/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s01?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend this. I used this w/my daughter too. Taught them both a lot of super helpful signs and words. The video is super cute and the songs are great too. My kids both love this DVD. I would definitely get it. In fact, I bought it twice bc the first dvd got scratched up due to use.
Toys to encourage speech and language development:
4.5" Set of 6 Wolf, Lion, Owl, Penguin Wild Animals Plastic Nesting Dolls
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01L2UAVA0/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
This is great. My kids love this. It teaches the animals, sizes, opening, closing. in and out. super cute.
Tot Tube Playset - Toy Car and Ball Tunnel Ramp Race Track by Inspiration Play
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00PFB0JTQ/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s01?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
My kids LOVE this. super simple but fun. Teaches taking turns, action words like "go" and "fast", use words like "ball" and "car" and "bounce"
Melissa & Doug Zoo Animals Sound Puzzle
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0029N2NLU/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s02?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
In general, speech therapists don’t like toys that make sounds, but this puzzle my son loves and I make the sounds with him, he mimics me, so it works. Also, there is a high association with puzzle making and language development. So we work on puzzles a lot and he’s gotten a lot better at them. It helps also to say “tuuuurn” to turn the puzzle piece and that kind of thing.
Melissa and Doug Jumbo Paint Brushes
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000M5J7W0/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
We bought water paint and have a big big roll of paper that we cut big pieces off and lay on the floor. We paint and he uses these easy to handle brushes. I’ll say words like “let’s paint” and “gentle” and I’ll name colors (but do not expect him to learn them). I’ll make a face or something and tell him what I am drawing. Called “self talk” or I’ll do “parallel talk” doing this too.
Melissa and Doug Latches Barn Toy
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01B1V12KS/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
I HIGHLY recommend this toy. Probably my favorite. There are activities in the Teach your Toddler to Talk book that I used with this toy. You say things like “Pig in” or “open door” “pig says oink oink” so it teaches actions, animals, sounds, and the latches are entertaining for opening and closing. It’s engaging. Super cute.
Melissa & Doug Hide and Seek Wooden Activity Board With Wooden Magnets
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0014E7DIS/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
I’d recommend this toy too. You can say things like “what’s behind the barn door?” or “where is the dog?” or “cookie!” and pretend to eat the cookies. Super super cute. Has helped him with several words.
Wonderworld Rainbow Sound Blocks - Stackable Hollow Shape Block Toys - 7 Piece Set https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005BHUU/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
we love these too. They make sounds and are different shapes and colors. We use these alone and with other blocks. We say things like “up” and “put on” and “uh-oh” “fall down” “pick up” “shake shake shake” He likes these, so does my daughter
kilofly Kids Mini Band Musical Instruments Rhythm Toys Value Pack [Set of 12]
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01C84SUUM/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
This is just fun. The kids like to make music. The whistle helps with oral muscles. The music helps and you can sing songs with it. You can say sounds like “boom boom boom” and “cling cling” and then use songs that help with rhyming and such that I have in that list for you.
And then just bubbles. Buy bubbles. Teaches breathing control and the words “bubble” and “pop” then you can teach the sign for “more” when your child wants to blow more bubbles. Because you’re supposed to close the bottle each time and then they will want more and you say “More?” and then you sign it at the same time and then you say “Oh, more, okay!” and open it up and blow more bubbles and repeat until they start signing or asking for “more” or “more bubbles” or “bubbles” or “open”, etc. So buy bubbles. Lol.
My son loves basketball so we teach him “bounce bounce bounce” and “shoot the ball” and “make a basket” although he only says “ball” so far. But its something he really really loves.
We go on walks and point things out. Or if we are at a fountain or something we sign and say “water, water” and just keep repeating it. Every once in a while he will say “wah wah” so that’s something. More than we had.
He can say “juice” and he would say that for every liquid he wanted. So in the book, it said to give choices. So I make a cup of milk and a cup of water. And I say “do you want milk or water? “ or I say “milk or water” and I sign milk and water when I ask. Then he will say and sign “Milk” which he NEVER did before. But that was bc I gave him 2 choices and neither was juice so it forced him to tell me what he wanted.
Anyways, I hope this helps. I did a LOT of research and reading on the types of toys to get and HOW to encourage talking. So hopefully I have saved you some time. I can tell you it’s worked wonders for me. He went from saying 3 words to saying like 20 in 3 weeks. It’s a work in progress but I feel really good about the direction we’re headed.
Let me know what you decide to buy and do. I would love to hear about your progress.
Pregnancy:
Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn Penny Simkin, April Bolding, Ann Keppler, Janelle Durham, Janet Whalley. This book is great from conception to about 6 weeks. The chapters are short and to the point. Includes all types of birth plans and doesn't talk down about intervention. My husband loved this book because it includes pictures and descriptions of how he could help during labor. It gave him a plan and made him feel like he was positively contributing during labor. The section on newborn care is short, to the point and very helpful to new, overtired parents.
Baby:
Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Child's Natural Abilities -- From the Very Start Magda Gerber, Allison Johnson. We tried attachment parenting for the first 6 months of our first baby's life and it did not fit with our personalities. I read about Respecting Infant Education(RIE) and Magda Gerber's approach and it seemed to fill all the holes that I felt attachment parenting was leaving in our lives. It helped us to connect with our baby on an emotional level while respecting his autonomy and individuality.
*Toddler:
1,2,3...The Toddler Years: A Practical Guide for Parents and Caregivers Irene Van der Zande . Short and sweet. Gives great practical adivice on setting limits and allowing your child to emote and empathizing, but not allowing harmful/bad behavior to occur/continue.
Janet Lansbury Is a great online resource for RIE.
This is why people like Bill O'Reilly write books for "children"
http://www.amazon.com/The-OReilly-Factor-Kids-Survival/dp/0060544244
This is the amazon page for a book written by an Economist discussing twin and adoption studies that suggest the genetic effect is much stronger than the effect of parenting style.
I don't have links to the actual studies, but you can read some little snippets from the author here, here, and here.
If you're interested in learning more, I recommend the book. I thought it was a great read. I found those links with just a few seconds googling as well, so I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to find more.
The people that are saying "Don't expect anything better from a two year old" are off-base. Having low standards for children is mainly an American cultural thing. I suggest reading "Parenting with Love and Logic" . Seriously, if you only read one book, make it this one. Make your fiance read it too.
There's not a lot you can do by yourself without your fiance's help. She will need to be the main enforcer. Be 100% consistent in your consequences, and act with empathy and concern, and not out of anger. It's important that she understands the consequence happened because she made a bad decision, and not because her parents are angry.
Another great book, if you are a reader, is French Children Dont Throw Food.
Good parenting. Allowing children to make mistakes and suffer the consequences is part of their growth. Just follow up with a discussion, where you ask questions about what choices she made and what she needs to change. Also, may want to suggest she discuss her mistake with the teacher.
Book on point called How to Raise an Adult.
>What people mean is that you might be able to be pressured into it anyway, and if so, of course you'll love your kids and do your best to be a good mom, even as you resent their very existence.
Speaking for myself, when I was in my teens and early 20s I couldn't imagine having kids; now that I'm a bit older, I realize that people who don't have kids merely go through life, accumulate a pile of baubles, and then die: very few of us have much long-term meaning beyond our children. As people age, I think they realize it more and more.
This isn't to argue that EVERYONE should automatically have kids, but kids are easier than many middle-class American parents believe. The book at the link is called Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids, and it might be worth reading.
As for the OP: The question is really, "Do you and/or your BF want kids in the next two years?" Since the answer is "No" ("The good thing is he wants to wait several years to even start thinking seriously about a family as we are both quite young"), keep dating him and don't worry about it. I also hate to say this, but there's a decent shot you'll break up for other reasons before the kids issue comes up.