(Part 2) Best death & grief books according to redditors
We found 2,941 Reddit comments discussing the best death & grief books. We ranked the 610 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 21-40. You can also go back to the previous section.
The mother most likely had a very real connection: depending on how far along she was, she may have felt the baby, and even if not there are plenty of changes going on hormonally that say "hey, something's going on in here". It's a sad reality, but especially for the parents it's hard because of this idea a lot of people have that a stillborn wasn't "a real baby", when to them it was just as real and painful as losing any child. People make plans, pick names, paint rooms. They change their lives for a child that will now never have a birthday, never go on family vacations, never even cry or laugh or walk. All those future possibilities are snuffed out, and it hurts doubly so if they feel somehow "wrong" in their grief. So I suggest you reach for that empathy, and if you can't then just be as supportive as you can.
I also highly recommend the book "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart". We only had 6 days with our oldest (trisomy-18, undetected until she was born at 29 weeks), and it really helped my wife and I. Even so, just like any major loss, it'll never just go away. There will be good times and bad, but it's not like they are going to be over it. One of the hard things for us sometimes is watching our daughter Leah hit milestones our Amelia never will. You may not feel it at all, but you may if they have another, or you have your own. And if you don't, you aren't a monster, any more than they are wrong for feeling sad. There is no real right or wrong way to grieve a loss.
I can actually help a bit as I am going through something very similar right now.
First of all - I am sorry about your loss, it doesn't take the pain away but realize you aren't alone.
Have you built up a good support system? People are going to be asking you 'what can we do', let them help in any way they can. One of the moms from my daughters school setup a meal delivery thing on some website, I have food in the cooler every night and haven't had to grocery shop in a while.
Here are some books to help you talk with her about it:
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide To Understanding Death
The Fall of Freddie The Leaf
Edit - Remembered the third book
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children
There was another one that the school counselor gave me but I can't recall the name. The dinosaur one was the one my daughter most connected with.
As far as telling her. I just sat my daughter down, and reiterated how mommy had been sick for a while, and that last night she died. We cried for a bit and then that was it, she went back to status quo. She cried a couple more times after that and aside from the occasional 'I really miss Mommy' there hasn't been any outward signs of grief. From talking with the school counselor and the bereavement center this is all normal for her age range (my daughter is around the same age as yours).
I feel for you friend, feel free to reach out to me anytime.
I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my oldest six days after birth to a genetic disorder we didn't know she had until just before she died. No parent should ever have to feel this kind of pain. If you ever need to talk about it, please PM me any time. I know this doesn't mean much coming from a stranger, but you will survive this. I know it may not always feel that way, but I promise you it is possible.
A friend got me this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Empty-Cradle-Broken-Revised-Edition/dp/1555913024
At first, I didn't want to read it because it hurt so much, but once I did it really helped me. It helped my husband too.
Again, I am so very sorry for you loss.
I feel especially qualified to answer since I am a lady, a metal fan, and today is my birthday. I got Metal Cats which is perhaps the best present I've ever received. Concert tickets would be a good bet too. I always appreciate gifts that are more experiences rather than things.
hugs I am sorry for your loss.
While I can't say that I've been there, I will say that my best friend has, and we've talked about it for many, many hours. One of the things that helped her most was getting involved in a support group at her hospital with other moms that had also lost babies. She got really involved in March of Dimes, which seemed to give her a lot of her determination and focus back. She also read a book called Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, which she says really helped both her, her husband, and their marriage make it through the loss and become a lot stronger.
I have an email that she wrote me when I was helping another person I know through the loss of his baby, I'd be happy to PM it to you if you'd like.
EDIT: To add that she would be happy to talk/email you, herself, if you'd like. Please don't hesitate to let me know.
She is currently working on her Masters in Social Work so that she can work towards raising awareness about miscarriages and helping other families who have experienced them. She was inspired to do this when the OBGYN nurses who helped her with hers weren't even aware of the support group help every other week in that very hospital.
She is such an inspiration to me! I love having women in my life like her.
Texts and Reference Books
Days in the Lives of Social Workers
DSM-5
Child Development, Third Edition: A Practitioner's Guide
Racial and Ethnic Groups
Social Work Documentation: A Guide to Strengthening Your Case Recording
Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond
[Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life]
(https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3ZW7PRW5TK2PB0MDR9R3)
Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model
[The Clinical Assessment Workbook: Balancing Strengths and Differential Diagnosis]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0534578438/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_38?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ARCO1HGQTQFT8)
Helping Abused and Traumatized Children
Essential Research Methods for Social Work
Navigating Human Service Organizations
Privilege: A Reader
Play Therapy with Children in Crisis
The Color of Hope: People of Color Mental Health Narratives
The School Counseling and School Social Work Treatment Planner
Streets of Hope : The Fall and Rise of an Urban Neighborhood
Deviant Behavior
Social Work with Older Adults
The Aging Networks: A Guide to Programs and Services
[Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415884810/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy
Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change
Ethnicity and Family Therapy
Human Behavior in the Social Environment: Perspectives on Development and the Life Course
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Generalist Social Work Practice: An Empowering Approach
Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents
DBT Skills Manual
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets
Social Welfare: A History of the American Response to Need
Novels
[A People’s History of the United States]
(https://www.amazon.com/Peoples-History-United-States/dp/0062397346/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511070674&sr=1-1&keywords=howard+zinn&dpID=51pps1C9%252BGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch)
The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Life For Me Ain't Been No Crystal Stair
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Tuesdays with Morrie
The Death Class <- This one is based off of a course I took at my undergrad university
The Quiet Room
Girl, Interrupted
I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
Flowers for Algernon
Of Mice and Men
A Child Called It
Go Ask Alice
Under the Udala Trees
Prozac Nation
It's Kind of a Funny Story
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
The Yellow Wallpaper
The Bell Jar
The Outsiders
To Kill a Mockingbird
Wow. That's a tough thing to process - both the sudden nature of her death and the unresolved problems in your friendship.
I would recommend this book (http://www.amazon.com/Wasnt-Ready-Say-Goodbye-Surviving/dp/1402212216) to anyone struggling in the aftermath of a sudden death. Despite the cheesy title, it is super helpful. It addresses a lot of the issues surrounding unsaid things and unresolved matters (which are common when someone passes away very suddenly).
Hugs to you.
I’m so sorry. This is my worst fear. It’s a very real possibility for all of us and no doubt it’s a huge part of what keeps a lot of us in the abusive cycle for so long.
I hope you find peace and comfort somehow. I’m glad you’re doing what you can to take care of yourself.
Since you can’t afford a therapist right now, I’d like to make a suggestion. There’s a book that guides you on the grief process; the main focus is death of a loved one though it can be used for just about any kind of loss. It has been a huge help for me. Link and title below.
The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061686077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_oKz8BbBH3A1YT
I want to say that while you of course have zero blame in this, I think it’s completely natural to feel guilt - however misplaced. I battled guilt and pity for my ex for so long. I still do actually. It’s a daily struggle to maintain acceptance and distance in my head from him. The best thing for me has been to acknowledge and accept my feelings rather than fight them. Guilt is just a feeling. You can’t control your feelings and shouldn’t try. It doesn’t mean the guilt is right or deserved, it just means letting yourself feel it so it can run its course and leave your body eventually.
Writing has been hugely therapeutic for me. Maybe start to journal about it. Make lists (why I feel guilty, things I wish I did differently, reasons I shouldn’t feel guilty, things he did the necessitate me leaving). Write poetry. As my grief process intensified I found I had a dormant poet living inside me. The more you write, the more you’ll find you have to write, to process, to purge out of yourself. This process might last a month, 6 months, or 10 years. But confronting it and reckoning with it is the only way to overcome it.
My heart truly goes out to you, and to your ex and his family. Please feel free to message me any time for a sympathetic ear.
Have you read The American Way Of Death? First published in 1963 but still so relevant, if not more so now since the death industry has gotten ever more savvy and predatory.
Profits of Death and to a lesser extent Mary Roach's Stiff also do a good job puncturing that shitty industry.
Well there is a list of the bands here for the paperback: http://amzn.com/1576876772
Somatic tolerance protects these animals from experiencing the horrors of what is happening to their bodies, and also prevents them from a form of PTSD should they get away at the last minute. There is a facinating field of psychology centered around this. Check out Waking The Tiger if you want to read a little more about it.
From the book: "Waking the Tiger offers a new and hopeful vision of trauma. It views the human animal as a unique being, endowed with an instinctual capacity to heal as well as an intellectual spirit to harness this innate capacity. It asks and answers an intriguing question - why are animals in the wild, though threatened routinely, rarely traumatized? By understanding the dynamics that make wild animals virtually immune to traumatic symptoms, the mystery of human trauma is revealed. Waking the Tiger normalizes the symptoms of trauma and the steps needed to heal them.
edit for typo
It's one of the most common methods used by terminally ill people.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_bag
There are books about doing it.
https://www.amazon.ca/Final-Exit-Third-Practicalities-Self-Deliverance/dp/0385336535
Yes.
If you are an Amazon prime member, buy a $50 Amazon gift card and you get $10 for free. One book I really recommend buying with that $10 is Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief
My son was stillborn, so it's not the same I know, but I remember the beginning, it felt like I was drowning in cold black water. I wanted to let go, go under, and let the deep take me. Not suicide, just give into the hopelessness and despair.
I did give in, sometimes. You have to. My husband tried to be strong 100% of the time, support me, but we both found that we both absolutely had to breakdown sometimes, or we would have just cracked under the pressure.
The son I lost was my only son (at the time), so this I don't know from personal experience, only from my time as a therapist. Let you wife and children see you cry. Fathers often try to soldier through (sorry, I couldn't think of a better word), thinking that it is best for their wife and surviving children if they never see them cry. On the surface, this makes sense, but it turns out not to be true. Your family needs to see you cry, especially your sons. They are still learning to process emotional situations, so unconsciously they will mimic those around them, especially their father. Expressing grief not only helps you, it helps them see that it is okay for them to cry, and that their brother meant as much to you as he did to them. In this situation, as in many, bottling up how you feel isn't good for you either, particularly in the long term. You want to process this grief as it is welling up inside you to keep from getting trapped in it, and you need to experience it to do this. I learned that the hard way. Nine months after I lost my son, I had a late term double miscarriage, I lost 2 of a set of triplets. I shut down, thinking I should focus on my surviving baby. What I should have done is gotten some grief counseling like I had 9 months before. I didn't do that, and the unprocessed grief eventually caught up with me.
Grief counseling. You, your wife, and your sons. All of you should get some. This loss is tragic, sudden, unexpected, and will be a part of you for the rest of your lives. You want, you need the skills to manage this loss, because it won't ever go away.
It never goes away. Over the years I have had many parents, many families ask me "Will it ever go away, will it ever get better." If I could sum up what I have told many hundred parents and kids and families in the 10 years since I became a social worker and the nearly 6 years since the death of my son, it never goes away, but one day you wake up and find that you don't mind carrying it with you.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my little boy and those short few months I was blessed to be his mother. Most days it is without pain, without sorrow. I look at my living son (born 15 months later) and know that my first son's memory is carried into this world with him. I do have tough days. Yesterday I had an 'it's not fair day'. Some days I have short periods of sorrow, randomly breaking through on an ordinary day. The days before his birthday are lousy. But mostly my few memories of him give me comfort. You have many more memories of you son than I have of mine, and in the beginning, that's going to make your grief so much worse. But with time, those memories will keep you company and give you peace. I know that you can't see that now, no one can see much of anything in the beginning. But you'll get there. You will feel your sons absence keenly, but its own way he will still be a part of your family. My son loves his older brother. He's 4 now, and he likes to hear stories about him, even though it's the same few stories over and over again. Once he drew me a picture of him. And he will use him to get out of trouble or get something he wants, saying "David did it!" or "David thinks I should be allowed to have soda." Your youngest baby, for whom I'm praying, will have a relationship with your son in this way, should you and your wife want that. I read my son a book called Someone Came Before You to help him understand his brother's story and the unique place he holds in our family. Your older sons will need help understanding too. The book I have most often recommended to families who have lost young children (although it is a good book about loss in general) is Freddie the Leaf. It is a book my mother read to me when I was a child. Loss is hard for even adults to understand, and this book is so good for kids.
Your wife is going to feel guilt. You may too. It's a pretty standard feeling among parents who have lost children. It is our mind's way of reassuring ourselves that this won't happen again. If it was my fault, then I can do something different, and prevent such a tragedy from ever happening again. It is also natural - we are our children's protectors, so if something happens, it must be our fault? It's not. You didn't do this. Your wife didn't do this. And right now, she is going to need to hear that over and over. My husband had to reassure me a lot in the beginning, and sometimes even now.
I'm so sorry. I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I had a time machine. All I can do is tell you that you won't always feel like you are drowning, that there are professionals our there that can help you and your family cope, and that you are not alone. The Compassionate Friends is a great resource, and if you ever need to talk one on one, please message me.
It's terrible, I've been through it, as have many others. The silence is stifling not feeling a winged breeze against your cheek. Over time the house became the bird's, it will be the worst feeling--and, you're right, most people don't understand birds to begin with... don't be mad at them for not "getting" how deep your loss runs. They just don't have your perspective, it sucks, we've been through it.
And don't question it or blame yourself. I lost my best friend, a grey, a few years ago while he was under observation at our Avian Vet. He passed of hardening of the arteries--nothing could have be done. I tortured myself wondering "what if" and "should I have kept him here?" It was a total shock as we thought he had a skin issue (he was a naked plucker).
Life happens whether we get the results we want or not. This book helped a lot:
https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1482805924&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=grief+recovery+handbook
One of the first things I did was I made a sizable donation to a parrot rescue in memoriam. It was surprising how good it felt to give to help other birds. It helped me a lot.
After a long while, almost a year, I had rescues and sanctuaries wanting to get me a bird. I've been active with local parrot communities and greys just "click" with me. I wasn't ready so I decided to force myself to go hold a bird... that was it.
We have a local long-standing family-owned pet store that had some greys. I went there just before closing to hold a bird. A CAG got onto my finger and wouldn't get off. He's my bird. I have a picture of that first night home with him asleep on my shoulder his head tucked under his wing.
Give yourself time, if and when you're ready to open your heart to another bird I hope you choose each other. So sorry for your loss--it's not that most won't understand, it's more that they just can't.
> If you are an Amazon prime member, buy a $50 Amazon gift card and you get $10 for free. One book I really recommend buying with that $10 is Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief
L O L
O O
L O L
You just reminded me of something else -- I bet her doctor training had mostly trained her to pay attention / make eye contact in an evaluative way? Skipping over a popscience explanation that is probably half-right anyway, evaluative attention is kind of off-putting and can preclude connection (and I assume attunement?). Supposedly there are physical differences in the physiological cues we give when we're paying attention to evaluate something (to understand it or assess it for threat or whatever) than when we are paying attention with open curiosity, and we pick up on stuff like that.
Ok yeah let me put together a book list (that last stuff was from The Charisma Myth)...
HELPFUL BOOKS (sorry for formatting, I'm on mobile)
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Developmental-Trauma-Self-Regulation-Relationship/dp/1583944893
https://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703
https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Tiger-Healing-Peter-Levine/dp/155643233X
This is a good start, but there are more out there.
First off: gender is a continuum, not a dimorphism. It's very important to remember that, or you may and up vacillating wildly between two extremes unwilling to find a comfortable expression somewhere in the middle.
Beyond that though, I don't think anyone can tell you where you fall on the spectrum. Almost everyone's experiences, and ways of coping, differ.
My best advice is to really open your mind to the options you have to express and embody your own personal gender, and then read a lot. Read blogs, watch videos, get some good books (I recommend Hello Cruel World or Gender Outlaw, Whipping Girl (a big heavy, but hey, you're on reddit!), and most importantly force yourself to think about it. Really think about it, without shame or fear, and see what feels right.
Find people who you can talk to, in real life or online, about it. The experience of having to explain your feelings to someone who doesn't share them is a really effective way to figure it out for yourself. A therapist would obviously be great for this of course, but if you're not in a position to find one a close and non-judgmental friend is great too.
Also, consider writing a diary, journal, blog or letter to share how you feel with a theoretical friend/confidant. Again, the process is much more important than the result.
Experiment! Try presenting as female, in big ways or small. Try imagining how everyday life would feel different as a girl. Is it "more normal" or exciting and transgressive?
It's not an easy thing to figure out, and there really don't seem to be any shortcuts. But the comfort of understanding yourself is well worth it.
When I was a teenager I read this book and it actually did advocate self-harm instead of suicide. Iirc the argument was that if it made you feel better, then it was better than killing yourself. The same argument was applied to alcohol and drugs.
There's a book by a BPD sufferer who found some help from Buddhism.
I love Catlin Doughty. She is amazing. I enjoy looking at her blog, YouTube, and most recently reading her book Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.
Link to her blog.
http://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/
Link to her book.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393240231?ie=UTF8&amp;at=&amp;force-full-site=1&amp;ref_=aw_bottom_links
And lastly, link to her YouTube.
http://m.youtube.com/#/user/OrderoftheGoodDeath
You may already follow her, but for those that dont, I recommend it.
Cars
Photography
Comic Books 1, 2
Apple
LEGO's
American Football
PostSecret
Video Games
Vinyl
Warhol
Outdoors
Star Wars
Motorcycles
The Dark Knight
Paris
Interior Design
World Atlas
Banksy
Wes Anderson
Tribal Cultures
Playboy
Girls
Libraries
The Cosmos
The Beetles
Travel
Preppy
Steve McQueen
The Moon
I didn't want to hear anything. Books I read with my mom (When Dinosaurs Die and Saying Goodbye to Daddy are both excellent) helped me a lot more than any religious counseling ever did. To hear that a God you have grown up loving and knowing that he is good, to hear that that God has killed your father and that you shouldn't be sad because he is in a better place, that is really awful.
My uncle died when his kids were 7 and 4. It was sudden and he was still pretty young.
The older daughter had a really hard time sleeping at night because her father always put her to bed and had done so the night he had a stroke.
The 4 year old didn't understand but she wanted a picture of her and her father almost right away and would fall asleep with it.
My suggestion is that you be as open as you can be. If things should take a turn for the worse sit down with them and talk to them about what is going on. There is a great book that my cousins got from their teacher after their dad died called When Dinosaurs Die http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0316119555
As far as what you can do I suggest taking a lot of photos together doing various things. Try to do special things with each child separately and of course together but really try to find something special to do with each of them. Maybe make beaded bracelets with the older girl or something. Something she will have to remind her of you.
You could also have pillows made with your favorite photo of you and that child so that way they have something to squeeze when they want to hug you.
If you always read bedtime stories or sing specific songs you should record them. I would personally love to hear my uncle's voice again.
But I think memories are the best. You could buy gifts for them to be given on their 16 or 18th birthdays if you so choose. Something a bit fancy with a hand written letter.
Watching my cousins grow up (they are now 14 and 17) these are the things I see they miss the most. There are photos all over the house of their father. The 17 year old misses him dearly. The 14 year old doesn't really remember him at all.
What we practice in the US now, embalming with airtight caskets (they have “burping coffins” like Tupperware to release gas) began during the Civil War because of the hideous condition the bodies would often arrive home in after so long. If you’re down with learning about all the different things having to with the funeral industry and as well as how industry professionals have either lobbied to make some absurd practices legal requirements or will try to convince you they are when they’re not then these are fascinating to read, Jessica Mitford’s The American Way Of Death and Mary Roach’s Stiff: The Curious Lives Of Human Cadavers. Some of the most interesting reading you’ll ever do to be sure.
This idea
> I have always been told that I cannot recover from PTSD unless I go back to the same sorts of people and places who gave it to me in the first place, and this terrifies me.
is outdated, and not supported by any clinical evidence that I'm aware of. I don't blame you for begin terrified. I suffer from complex PTSD as a result of ongoing childhood trauma myself, although my experiences sound less horrific than yours. I also work on a crisis hotline so I deal with a lot of trauma survivors.
I am so sorry that you have had such repeated bad experiences. Your experience of having an involuntary hold put on you when you stated that you were not at immediate risk flies in the face of all current guidelines, which make a clear distinction between suicidal ideation (thoughts) and suicidal intent. Sadly, there are a lot of people out there hanging on to the outdated (and dangerous) idea that anyone with suicidal thoughts or evidence of trauma needs to be locked up immediately, and it sounds like that evaluator was one of them. Either that or she was just plain crazy herself!
As for getting help, you certainly deserve to find some real help. Our friend at metanoia.org (author of our "read this first" link), has put together an awesome guide on how to tell good therapists from bad ones, including bad ones with good intentions. You might find it helpful.
http://metanoia.org/choose/
SwirlingShadows suggestion to educate yourself is also a good one. Some books that I have found helpful are:
Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine
Invisible Heroes by Belleruth Naparstek
The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz
Hugs to you.
Check out the Metal Cats photo book.
A great book is:
The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating https://www.amazon.ca/dp/157224710X/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_T6a.wbP07B1Q4
Don't know if anyone is into Buddhism or not but the basic mindfulness skills are helpful. Both my psychiatrist and I own the book, and he's Jewish so you don't have to believe in Buddhism to like the book. It's mostly something nice to relate to and find hope. It's kinda triggering though so be weary!! But that's because it's relatable!
The book about life and death that I remember from about this age was [The Fall of Freddie the Leaf] (https://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-Leaf-Story-Life/dp/0943432898). Non-religious from what I remember, and it explains life and death as a part of a larger process.
As far as supporting the daycare staff, I'd ask the director if they have sought out any bereavement counseling options for the staff (and possibly for the kids if the teacher does pass).
Have you heard of the book The Fall of Freddie the Leaf?
> This story by Leo Buscaglia is a warm, wonderfully wise and strikingly simple story about a leaf names Freddie. How Freddie and his companion leaves change with the passing seasons, finally falling to the ground with winter's snow, is an inspiring allegory illustrating the delicate balance between life and death.
>
>The Fall of Freddie the Leaf is a warm and thought-provoking story and both children and adults will be deeply touched by this inspiring book. This 20th anniversary edition of this beloved classic has helped thousands of people come to grips with life and death.
I just assumed this as soon as he said it:
https://www.amazon.com/Final-Exit-Practicalities-Self-Deliverance-Assisted/dp/0385336535
If you're really interested, and you haven't read it already, I would recommend reading Seductive Poison. Deborah Layton gives her account of People's Temple.
"The American Way of Death" by Jessica Mitford is a great treatment of the growth of the funeral industry in the US. A few decades old, but still enlightening. Link here: http://www.amazon.com/The-American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867
Sounds like The Story of the Three Trees which is a traditional story, but the picture book I remember from that time was the Hunt/Jonke one.
I don't remember faces on the trees, but it's been a while. I also got confused trying to track this down, mixing up my arboreal death metaphors with The Fall of Freddy the Leaf.
I appreciate that you’ve brought this up.
A dear friend of mine is (not) coping with very serious health issues and the loss of her beloved father concurrently. Her pain, from this combination of sources, is quite simply more than she can tolerate. She’s extraordinary strong. She’s psychologically nimble. Her emotional intelligence quotient is unusually high. Still, her physical and emotional pain is life-limiting now, and may well become life-threatening. It’s a challenge to be with her and not look away from her pain, particularly because there is so little that any of us who love her can do to ameliorate it. But holding her hand, sitting quietly in her presence, and offering company without offering false cheer is what she wants, when she has the energy to be around other people.
Recently, she found a book that’s brought her some peace of mind: It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay. The subtitle of the book, Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand, echoes your observation that society models “toxic positivity,” and the SGI certainly enforces this behavioral norm quite ruthlessly among the members. There are so many stories embedded in these threads - some of them my own - about members being brusquely sidelined for displaying inappropriate emotions at meeting. By inappropriate, I mean sharing one’s troubles or disappointments or worries, when meetings are meant solely for recruiting, and therefore must be kept lighthearted and full of winning and appreciative experiences.
Get Megan's book and read it. It will give you some comfort and understanding how to survive.
https://www.amazon.com/Its-That-Youre-Not-Understand/dp/1622039076
Carly Marie Dudley is a photographer, grieving mother, and pregnancy and infant loss advocate. She is currently hosting a photo journalistic healing project called Capture Your Grief. Each day in October is a different subject to photograph and caption (today is Identity). Even if you're not up to participating yourself (it's a bit much for me right now, with our son's birthday in Oct and our daughter's arrival imminent) it can be helpful to see how other parents are handling and sharing their grief.
Still Standing is an online magazine whose contributors are grieving everything from infertility to child loss. We've found it helps a lot when we see our own feelings expressed by others, we--and you--are not alone.
Our hospital gave us some pamphlets and books about stillbirth and grief, but most were fairly mother-centric. My husband found this book by Tim Nelson and found it helpful to read another father's perspective. I also found it helped me to understand what my husband was feeling and how it differed from my grief.
Some other notable books: When Hello Means Goodbye, They Were Still Born, Still to be Born, and Empty Cradle, Broken Heart. Some of these were in the packet our hospital gave us and some we found later.
Return to Zero is an indie film based on Sean Hanish's and his wife's stillbirth experience.
The Still Project
That's a good starting point, I don't want to overwhelm you.
I remember feeling so torn just after our son's death. We'd always wanted a houseful of kids, but in the moment I couldn't imagine taking the next step and growing our family. It took a while to get over the horrible thought that I was trying to replace him. Even though that was never my intention, it still felt wrong. But, at some point, we realized we were ready to try for another baby.
Pregnancy after loss has been a strange, scary, and exciting experience. Fortunately, it's been an easy pregnancy thus far, but even without miserable symptoms, we're both hyper-aware that things can and do go wrong. I have to keep reminding myself that things are going well, and if I spend all my time worrying about what could happen, I won't really be enjoying the time I do have with her.
It took a while for us to be open about this pregnancy to strangers and acquaintances, because we were afraid of the question "Is this your first?" It's an innocent question that people are excited to ask but so very hard to answer.
I think the hardest thing for me is wondering what our son would think about having a little sister. Would he be excited? Would he get jealous?
I would advise you to really experience your grief, as much as it hurts. Don't hide from it or put it off, because that can make it worse. I don't think it will ever go away (because you will always love your little girl) but it will become bearable. You will find the new normal.
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter at 38 weeks under similar circumstances in September. I have found the two books below to be helpful.
Book: It’s OK that you’re not OK is a helpful analysis of the grief associated with losses like stillbirth, and analysis of how friends/family/society reacts (typically poorly) to these types of losses.
Book: They were still born A collection of short, well-written essays written by men and women with stillborn children.
I, too, lost my father. My heart is with you.
While not a “cozy” book, per se, I do greatly recommend Megan Devine’s book, “It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand.” [https://www.amazon.com/dp/1622039076/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_fN12DbHW2A9T9 ]
I can’t say enough good things about this book; I feel like Megan crawled into my grieving head and heart and wrote out all of the feelings that I didn’t think anyone would understand...because she wrote it from a place of grief too.
I really really hate people telling me to “do this, it’ll help you,” because I immediately will refuse to do it...but if you buy this book and hate it, I will buy it from you. I’m that much of a lover of Megan’s work. She also runs a writing group that I participate in...and I promise that I do not get any credit or kickbacks or anything from referring you to her or this book. I just couldn’t find anything that helped me - and I’m a no-nonsense, don’t-bullshit-me person - and this was what finally clicked for me.
I’ve commented about this book a lot on Reddit; I’m sure you can find posts in my comment history. ❤️
I just bought my 17 year old niece this PostSecret book for her birthday.
I thought that reading other peoples secrets may make teen life a little more bearable and less awkward. I'm nearly 30, yet I still feel a sense of relief in that "I'm not the only one!" sort of way when I come across a secret that I share with a stranger.
When you first lose a pet/when will it start getting better
https://wokesloth.com/old-man-advice-about-dealing-with-death-anthony-bourdain-kate-spade/noah/
Grief recovery book
https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077
Helping children with petloss
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/well/family/when-a-pet-dies-helping-children-through-the-worst-day-of-their-lives.html
Memorial ideas
https://www.thehonestkitchen.com/blog/interview-coleen-ellis-dealing-pet-loss-mourning/
Stages of Grief
https://www.thehonestkitchen.com/blog/pet-loss-the-5-stages-of-grief/
Petloss links (membership costs money, but they have good resources for non members)
https://www.aplb.org/
Petloss experience
http://drandyroark.com/5-lessons-learned-losing-pet/
When Dinosaurs Die is actually pretty detailed for a 4yo. I would suggest I Miss You or Always and Forever; also Lifetimes is a lovely non-religious explanation of death in terms of the cycle of life. For books that approach the subject in terms of non-human deaths, Goodbye Mousie and Tess's Tree are both good ones, particularly for the 4yo. There are also some activity books such as When Someone Very Special Dies and Help Me Say Goodbye which would be appropriate for both children. Death is Stupid is a brand new one that you'd want to preview first, as it's pretty blunt, but I think might especially resonate for the 9yo.
edited to add - you might also find some of these helpful:
>http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html
> http://www.pdhealth.mil/wot/downloads/helping%20a%20child%20cope%20with%20loss%20and%20grief.pdf
> http://www.childbereavementuk.org/files/5614/0117/9770/Explaining_to_young_children_that_someone_has_died.pdf
My father and brother recently died and I've read a ton of the kids books about death to my 3 year old daughter. . The Fall of Freddie the leaf was too wordy for my 3 year old. She ended up really liking When Dinosaurs Die and I Miss You.
Out of all the books on that list that I've read, none have affected me as much as The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. One of the most moving books I've ever read.
Nembutal is almost impossible to find (I saw it 2 times on SR1 not again since). Instead you could buy 2-4 grams of heroin a winged infusion needle and syringe, 2 grams of street grade H being a 100% lethal hit for an average size male who is non opiate tolerant adjust your dose accordingly.
Source: Final Exit by Derek Humphry
I just finished reading Seductive Poison about the Jonestown massacre and the people’s temple cult. Mormonism isn’t quite there in terms of its level of crazy but it’s only one insane prophet away. Mormons ability to not see cultish tendencies is amazing.
Seductive Poison: A Jonestown Survivor's Story of Life and Death in the People's Temple https://www.amazon.com/dp/0385489846/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_midgAbXY8H7GR
Rabies effects your nervous system as I recall. That usually goes through the blood
However skin is full of tiny capilaries. They can break and not bleed visibly.
This person should see a doctor
I've read rabies described as "a horrible way to die"
Sauce. How we Die
Today I'm wearing 3Sixteen Mini Ripple Service Boots.
AOTD: Simon Crichley'a Bowie and Sherwin Nuland's How We Die.
I’m sorry for your tragic loss. I also lost a parent suddenly five years ago. It’s a different kind of pain than losing a loved one after a long illness. The shock often makes it harder to make sense of, and there is less ability to feel a sense of closure because we aren’t prepared to part ways. The book I Wan’t Ready to Say Goodbye helped me a lot in that respect. It’s important to use every moment we are blessed with to love and care for one another.
I sometimes tear up, or cry during mass when the readings touch on something close to my heart, or to something I think my mother would have loved hearing, or practicing. It is nothing to feel shame about. On the contrary, your emotional reaction is a display of your intense understanding and connection to the messages of our faith. Remember that we all have two fathers, our birth father, and our spiritual father. Return to Church knowing that your birth father would want you to be comforted by the spiritual father through our church (he brought you there while he was with you). Pray, speak with a priest, and read the Bible, you are stronger than you think.
I read somewhere that in old age, your quality of life is mostly determined by your friendship circle, not your family. And for most people, it is easier to find a friend than a long-term romantic partner.
I believe the posters here could probably find at least one friend each. Or even a pet.
>Is it worth living a miserable life? That doesn't sound very pleasant and the quality of that life is rather low is it not?
The author of this book (which is excellent btw) spoke to a woman whose children were killed right in front of her during wartime, and who was raped repeatedly during the same conflict. She finds her meaning and happiness in life now helping other women like her rebuild their lives. I believe that people can transcend misery, yes.
Link to a copy of the book on amazon
Hey there, I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time. I'm 30 and was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and I'm going trough something similar.
First, you are not your mom's boyfriend. Being an abusive asshole is a choice and as you said a diagnosis is not an excuse to do bad things. That being said I also currently struggle with viewing myself as a monster. I realized I've really hurt people in the past and right now I'm struggling to forgive myself. I'm working on self compassion and gathering courage to apologize to those people. I have also made a promise to myself that going forward I will do my absolute best to not hurt anyone else with my words or actions.
Regarding things getting better...yes they do, but it takes time.
I was crazy unbearably symptomatic in my early and mid twenties but at that time lived in a country where mental health was non-existent, so I got no professional help whatsoever. The general consensus and also my personal experience is that BPD gets better with age. For me, without treatment, this has meant that I have more self control in not letting my emotions destroy relationships. I don't lash out so often, I'm more hesitant to cut people out, etc. The intensity of the emotions is still the same, but they have less control over me now than they had in the past.
In the past 6 months I've been in an outpatient program that does DBT and it has gradually made my life easier (I was admitted there per-diagnosis, after a suicide attempt). My emotions are still intense, but it takes me less time to calm down. I still dissociate, but I can tell when I'm starting to do so and take action. I don't self harm and drink myself to sleep anymore.
The emptiness is still there. I try to fight it with hobbies and activities, but haven't made much progress yet. I'd love to hear other people's experiences on this one.
I also struggle with knowing who I am or what I like, but I've come to view myself as a collage: I take pieces of other people-likes, hobbies, interests and adopt them as my own. Some of those pieces I keep, some I discard or replace when I meet new people but slowly over time I'm constructing a personality.
Lastly some things that I've found helpful:
The Buddha and The Borderline This book gave me a lot of hope that recovery is possible even late in life, even for severe cases.
Some videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhOotNCqg2E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Is-kXJiOaLc&amp;t=41s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZdjbLFPr5k
The Migghty's articles on BPD (not all of them but it is interesting to read about other borderliness experiences)
This Discord server was super helpful for a mini crisis situation yesterday. It is not BPD specific
And most importantly look for a DBT group or therapist. It is really helpful. Or you can start working though a workbook on your own.
Feel free to message me if you want to chat or share info on BPD, I'm also figuring all of this out.
And obligatory English is not my native language, sorry if this is difficult to read.
<3
Suicide is another thing that's so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn't for everybody ... it really isn't. Life is like a movie: if you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early. ~ Doug Stanhope
**
The following is a list of suicide resources. Please stop reading if you do not want to end your suffering.
Several of the proceeding links are torrents [torrent link]. If you are unfamiliar with BitTorrent, please read this.
Sponsored by the friends of Scott Dragoo.
**
There were approximately 800,000 suicide attempts in the US in 2005. According to the CDC, more than 33,000 suicides occurred in the US in 2007, and over 395,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries. Extrapolating from this data, only 1 in 25 suicide attempts are successful.
Before calling 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) [Kristin Brooks Hopeline] or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline], be aware that operators on both of these crisis lines are required to send authorities to the residence on file with the telephone company when the caller is considered a threat to himself (or another person). Admitting to being suicidal is often enough to have police or EMTs dispatched to your door without your knowledge. If you do not have insurance, you will be billed for the ambulance ride, the ER visit, and psychiatric hold. The moderators want you to believe this is exaggeration, but it has happened and continues to happen to redditors who call these hotlines.
If you decide to call a hotline, use Skype or a pay telephone to avoid having your number traced. Never reveal any identifying information to the crisis counselors. If you prefer online support, always create a new account with an anonymous name before posting.
**
A comprehensive and impartial wiki focusing on suicide methods. Much of this information has been derived from over a decade of contributions to the Usenet groups alt.suicide.holiday and alt.suicide.methods.
n.b. Always use this website as a supplement to the books written by professionals, available below.
An essay which explores the right to end your life.
A thorough article discussing methods to avoid, suicide hotlines, ER visits, and the aftermath.
Making and registering a Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK
According to the CDC, 50% of suicide attempts require emergency medical care. Be prepared.
A complete guide to exiting life peacefully, written by Australian physicians who focus on euthanasia research. This electronic version is from 2007. A more recent edition, including all tutorial videos available on Exit International's website up to February 2011, is available in the 511 MB torrent below.
A more recent book which focuses on a simplified explanation of the most peaceful methods. The 2nd edition contains more diagrams, a list of suppliers for components used in each method, and reviews of 3rd party products.
Selected chapters from Dr. Stone's foremost research text on suicide, which is now out of print. A full PDF version is available below.
Anyone considering less reliable methods like firearms, jumping and cutting should read the respective chapters in this book prior to carrying out an attempt.
One of the most controversial books on self-deliverance, originally published in 1991. The 3rd edition has been updated with chapters on suicide laws and inert gas. However, this version lacks the refinements added in the 2005 and 2009 reprints. Please read the latest addendum, available here.
A video supplement to Final Exit with information on lethal drugs and helium hoods.
Dr. Nitschke gives a brief explanation of the inert gas method using helium.
A short tutorial on making an exit bag, presented by nurse educator, Betty.
Dr. Nitschke prepares a peaceful drug cocktail using the tricyclic antidepressant amitriptyline (Elavil).
A more reliable version of the receipe is available in the ASH wiki.
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (1), Tutorial (2) (click the blue link once the page loads)
Hydrogen sulfide is a fast acting neurotoxin that can be easily mixed with household items: cleaning products containing hydrochloric acid and fungicide/pet dips/bath salts containing lime sulfur. More information on this method is available in the ASH wiki as well the Usenet group alt.suicide.methods.
An article about jumping which examines the time delay between neural processing and impact.
A feature length documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed over the course of a year.
A short documentary about the Aokigahara Forest, a popular Japanese site for suicides.
(http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=5e3_1286805999)
Suicide of a female university student in Syria (April 2012)
Warning: graphic footage of suicides by suspension hanging
An Open Yale Course on the topic of mortality by Professor Shelly Kagan. Lectures 24-26 discuss suicide.
Direct link 1
Direct link 2
Direct link 3
This is a 511 MB collection of ebooks and videos available on BitTorrent trackers under different names. It contains various editions of the books listed above. Always refer to the most recent version provided, as older editions may contain outdated or inaccurate or information.
If the above links are no longer working, copy & paste the following magnet link into your BitTorrent client:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:MWTIO2OGS6LTXVEAU2ERKUH44P32CEYE
Dying Pictures
Two pro-choice support forums for those considering suicide. Discussion of methods is allowed.
Exit's official web forum. Method discussion is prohibited.
A collection of suicide notes gathered from coroners' offices.
This methods file is no longer maintained as of 2010, but it is an alternative source of information if the ASH wiki is unavailable
**
Scott Dragoo does not encourage or endorse suicide. Scott Dragoo is not affiliated with any of the persons or organisations mentioned in this document. The preceding links have been provided to allow mentally competent adults to make a fair, informed, and unforced choice about a humane and dignified death.
**
If you find this message to be offensive or disturbing, suffer from a mood disorder, are classified as a minor in your country of residence, or are otherwise mentally impaired, the power of Scott Dragoo commands you to immediately delete and ignore it.
**
If this message has helped you, please contact Scott Dragoo by phone, letter or email:
Scott Dragoo, Program Director
Social Outreach Services
1224 S Gilbert St.
Iowa City, IA 52240
(319) 855-8172
(319) 855-2744
[email protected]
**
You should DEFINITELY check out Meghan Devine’s book “It’s OK That You’re Not Ok.” It is a book for people who lose their loved ones very suddenly and unexpectedly, and how to help your loved ones when that happens to them — first, I would read it. It will give you an incredibly visceral understanding of what she’s going through emotionally. Most importantly, it will tell you what NOT to do. Because your friend is in such a delicate place, she can be easily hurt and offended right now. This will give you guidelines. Then, when you think enough immediate pain has passed, give her the book to read, too.
The most important thing to know at the moment is that 1) you cannot fix this 2) she does not want you to fix this. She just needs you to literally be there, and verify how terrible everything is. Acknowledge that this is the absolute worst thing in her life, & that everything she is feeling is real & appropriate. I cannot stress it enough - you can’t fix it or even help it. Don’t try to do either of those things right now. Just be near her. That is the most you can do for her, and you, right now. Very best wishes, and so much love to you & her.
It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok
It really helped me to read this book when I lost our son at 18.5 weeks. The women at the hospital actually gave me the book when I was released and I can't tell you how much it helped me. Ordinarily, I don't read self-help books and I didn't think that I would read this one. But I did, and it helped. It helped me to know that it was okay to see women pushing their babies and be jealous, and it was okay to feel sad to see little kids playing at the park, and it was okay to feel angry or left out when you see that other women have what you want. It's a normal, uncontrollable urge.
If yall can't afford the book or whatever, send me a PM and I'll gift you my copy. This book helped me to know that I was normal and these feelings were normal and it validated the way I processed our loss.
Just wanted to recommend a book that was great at destigmatizing mental health issues and antidepressants for me.
https://www.amazon.com/Noonday-Demon-Atlas-Depression/dp/1501123882/ref=nodl_
I feel for you. I was cursed with such similar experiences for so long. Something like a little argument with my girlfriend could trigger a huge panic attack/anxiety episode type thing in me that seemed to come out of nowhere.
You really, really honestly should read [Waking the Tiger] (http://www.amazon.com/Waking-Tiger-Transform-Overwhelming-Experiences/dp/155643233X) by Peter Levine. It's a big book in the somatic psychology world that connects issues like these back to their roots in trauma. The trauma can be something as ostensibly insignificant as a tonsillectomy or obviously huge like abuse. The idea is that when confronted with overwhelmingly scary situations our bodies go into an instinctual immobilization response. We freeze, and then when the danger passes we never shake it off-- we keep going and pack all that emotion away. And so, unresolved it keeps coming back again and again until you can rewrite that old story of helpless terror in a scary situation into a new one where you realize your capacity to escape danger, thereby dispelling the fear. And the book tells you how to do it. It's simply amazing.
Have you ever read this book?
Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws
I lost my fear of death many years ago and I'm sure I'll kill myself one day. The thing that I fear the most is going out with a whimper, without a fight. Sometimes that need to fight is the only thing that keeps me alive. I know what it's like to be hopeless, but if you're hopeless, then you've got nothing left to lose. That is the time to take risks, my friend. Think about it, and be bold.
You sound EXACTLY like me. It's always hard to live like we do, and I'll give you some book recommendations, but I want to give you some pointers too that have basically kept me alive.
I saw so many therapists who did next to nothing for me. I ended up committing myself to a 100% voluntary psychiatric hospital. Everyone was basically in the same boat; we weren't crazy but we weren't healthy either. The treatment plan that they gave us was based on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which is I guess somewhat new. It's meant for borderline personality disorder, but as someone who has PTSD, general anxiety, and clinical depression, I would HIGHLY recommend any books or workbooks or videos you can find on it. I like it because it helps you treat yourself rather than making you dependent on therapists, etc. It's all about reshaping the way you think and the way you handle certain situations. It's the best thing I've ever found that helps (and I spent 15 years in near-useless therapy before that!)
I also found that reading people's memoirs and even some fiction books really helped as well because they reminded me that I wasn't alone. See, it's hard with mental health because it's not like any other "diseases" that you can see. I think we often feel alone because it's so hard to tell when somebody is like us since depression and anxiety aren't conditions that are readily visible to the human eye. It's a sneaky illness that creeps up on you like a parasite and getting it to go away is a process, but it's still possible.
Just think about any positive thing you can, and don't let yourself find cons to it. There may always be negative aspects to things, but there are almost always pros as well. No matter how you feel, there's always somebody out there who could use your help. If you're feeling really bad, try volunteer work. It helps me sometimes. Also try going outside your comfort zone with things. Give yourself a thrill and discover something new that you can enjoy. I know it's hard to get the motivation or energy to do anything like that when you're depressed, but you have to force yourself. (It's called "opposite to emotion action" in DBT. Life saver.)
Anyway, here are those book recommendations:
A personal favorite author of mine is Douglas Adams. I'd recommend the Salmon of Doubt. No particular reason, he's just funny and it's nice to get your mind off things sometimes.
I hope you feel better. I really really do :-)
Feel free to PM me with questions.
You're right - you don't need to put pressure on yourself like that. It's OK that you're not OK.
(Incidentally, there's a grief book with that very name. I don't know if it focuses on losing a partner or is good for a wide range of losses, but it is one of the book many people find helpful. If you feel like you need to read around, this might be one to look at.)
This book is what helped me really understand that I wasn't alone. You can read about BPD criteria all day and still feel like you're alone but this was a trip through it though someone else's eyes. DBT and Buddhism were what really helped me.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Buddha-Borderline-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X
Please look after yourself & give yourself permission to feel all the things. That means letting go of poisonous friendships (or giving them some time off), letting yourself off if you don't want to do x,y,z. But also letting yourself feel joy where you can & not feel guilty about having some moments of joy.
I know everyone's experience is different but I found IF harder than baby loss in some ways. After 2.5 years IF we got pregnant with our son, but tragically lost him - Ben was stillborn at 30 weeks. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to us.
But, because people knew about Ben cause they knew we were pregnant, they also knew about our loss. Some of them were amazing & some weren't there for us. Some that were amazing were a surprise & we are so much closer now. Other people we've 'let go'.
We needed all of this & it really helped. But I think we also needed this in the dark days of IF. But no one was there. We couldn't/didn't talk about it. It felt so lonely.
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with both. I don't really know if any of this helps, but you are not alone. We're here for you.
We found this book helpful
Empty Cradle, Broken Heart : Surviving the Death of Your Baby https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1555913024/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_89rzybA1R5K5A
a) we'll be clear about what part of proceeds go to charity when that's decided. It will be a significant %. The rest would go to paying for servers and reddit overhead.
b) fans of the Post Secret and other books would disagree http://www.amazon.com/PostSecret-Extraordinary-Confessions-Ordinary-Lives/dp/0060899190, but I don't think anyone is thinking this will be on best seller lists or even at your local barnes & noble. More something for redditors.
Hey, so sorry for your situation. I went through something similar in July. I wrote a LONG post as part of my healing. You may find it helpful. https://www.reddit.com/r/Petloss/comments/92k19h/sharing_my_peace_after_a_week_of_losses/Check the links at the bottom, too, there are some great resources. If you want a guide to help with grief, this is really good: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536347988&sr=8-1&keywords=the+grief+recovery+handbook+20th+anniversary+expanded+edition. Also, I found it really comforting to post a memorial on "mydogjustdied.org" when I was ready, which was about a month after he passed. https://mydogjustdied.org/post/177317363990/mr-chango-the-sweetest-dog-ever-you-were-loved Hope this helps. Hugs.
http://www.amazon.com/Miss-You-First-Look-Death/dp/0764117645/ref=pd_sim_b_2
http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555/ref=pd_sim_b_3
On a professional level, I would recommend something related to anatomy. This is one of the toughest courses in any curriculum and any advantage will be useful.
On a more personal note, I would recommend reading something that gives a patient's perspective -- something that helps us understand what it's like to be a patient or have a disability. Here are a few of my faves:
and anything by Oliver Sacks (though The Man who Mistook His Wife for a Hat is my fave).
Enjoy!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm 27, my mom died very suddenly two months ago today. My dad called me home from work and we waited together for the medical examiner. She's not supposed to be gone. Nobody knows what happened, she didn't have an autopsy either but the ME said it was probably her heart. She also didn't want a funeral and we had a memorial dinner for her 2 days after it happened.
It's impossible to tell you anything comforting. Nothing will make it better. Two months out I can tell you, for me there's just a sense that... there's no other choice but to make it through. What else can you do? Nothing can change it, but I find some solace in that because, that means the only other thing to do is make it through. You'll make it through. I'm so sorry. It's not fair.
I don't know if this will help you at all, but a book that has helped me a lot is this one. Little blurbs you read each day, not too sappy, it's helped me through the roughest parts. Anyway, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my girlfriend (who I was with for 10 years) and was completely wrecked by it and learned a lot of wisdom in the grieving process. And my mom died last December and that's been hard too.
What you can expect from grief is longing, anxiety, depression, guilt, jealousy, regret, poor concentration. But you can also experience gratitude and appreciation. You can't really fully realize what you've got until you've lost it. And also there is wisdom to be learned about how loss is a part of life. So there's a lot of positive things that will come from it.
Lots of things have helped me. One of the best things for me has been to journal out my feelings to the person I'm grieving about, when I most need to. With the intention to never give it to them. It really can help you express and work through all these emotions.
Another thing that helped me was to talk to people about it. Especially people who seem friendly and supportive. Or even strangers who seem friendly. Even just mentioning it for 1 minute to someone helped me at times.
Another thing that helped me was to buy this. (definitely buy it, it's well worth it!) https://www.amazon.com/Healing-After-Loss-Meditations-Working/dp/0380773384/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1511403375&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=healing+after+loss
During grief it can be hard to concentrate, but reading one of these daily grief meditations each day really gave me the words I needed to hear. They are touching, wise and helpful.
Another thing that helped me was to simplify my life and treating myself like I was sick. Caring for myself physically, spiritually and mentally were top priorities. I had very little to give others and some responsibilities needed to be handed off for a bit.
Also, what helped me was to take a break from the grief sometimes and try to get my mind off of it. Either through work, or play, or w/e. It's important not to avoid it all of the time. It's sort of a balancing act between letting yourself grieve and distracting yourself.
Good luck, I think you can get through this. I hope my post was helpful. Again, sorry for your loss.
I know it's hard to lose your mom, it's been almost 2 years since I lost mine. You will recover from this. Feel everything, no matter how irrational. Grief is messy. Hope you feel better.
I didn't have any Christian leanings, but after my mom died I kept hoping she was okay in an afterlife. One thought that has really comforted me in my despair is realizing that my mom is alive in me, in the effect she's had on me, in the memories, in the lessons she taught me, in the gifts she gave me, she's alive in the same way in my sister and her friends and so on and these effects ripple throughout life. So the truth is, as long as humanity is alive, a part of her is alive. I still sometimes do say "If there is an afterlife, I hope your happy and okay to my mom". All that being said, if Christianity resonates with you, it's your choice.
A couple of things that helped me get through the pain were journaling to my mom and reading this. The journaling can really help you keep a connection to the dead, give you some closure. The book is just a daily reader about grief and it was really helpful when I was so overwhelmed that it was difficult to think and function. It has little bits of wisdom and heart warming passages that I found very helpful.
Hope this helps.
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Final Exit. Never read it myself, but I do recall it stirring up controversy for that reasons.
I remember this book from a few years back.
http://www.amazon.ca/Final-Exit-Third-Edition-Self-Deliverance/dp/0385336535
Here is the audio of the event of the mass suicide.
Audio
Documentory about it. Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple (2006): Video
Book on the subject. Seductive Poison: A Jonestown Survivor's Story of Life and Death in the People's Temple: Book
You might read "Seductive Poison" by Deborah Layton. She accounts her story on how she was lured into a cult and how she survived.
http://www.amazon.com/Seductive-Poison-Jonestown-Survivors-Peoples/dp/0385489846/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1373763381&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=seductive+Poison
My mom is currently reading and really enjoying "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" by Caitlin Doughty. Your mortician friend may already have it, so maybe have someone ask her? It's pretty new.
http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Gets-Your-Eyes-Crematory/dp/0393240231
Not a book recommendation, but I really, really recommend watching the documentary Alive Inside. I believe it's still on Netflix? What I learned about music therapy from it has helped me connect very deeply with multiple dementia and Parkinson's patients over the years.
The late, great Oliver Sacks also stars as an expert on it, and he wrote Musicophilia, of which there are a couple of chapters that deal with music & memory. I really enjoyed reading that.
Edit: Found my booklist. Here's a really simple handbook that helps guide you in having difficult conversations with seriously ill patients and their families about the patient's condition. It's aimed primarily at doctors (it was made for oncologists originally), but many of its tenets and suggestions can be applied to any level of caregiver.
Because you're working on a dementia unit, I'd also start familiarizing yourself with death & dying - not just the physiological process, but the ethical and philosophical levels as well (both societal and personal). If you're not familiar with it, working with dying people can be very scary and uncomfortable, and you'll find yourself feeling moral distress because you're mentally still trying to apply curing principles of care to someone who cannot be cured. Once you become more familiar with this stage of life, you're probably going to recognize a lot of aggressive, futile care happening, and THAT's going to become emotionally very difficult for you.
Recs on that:
There is no blanket rule that covers every person in an industry for sure, but there are plenty of documented instances in which the funeral industry has used their unique market to pressure and strong sell people on very inflated services and items at their weekest and most easily guilted time. Quite often outright lying to customers (like telling people that they have to embalm their loved ones even if they are going to be cremated) and violating FTC regulations in the process.
There were numerous reports of funeral homes charging for services they never rendered or marking up to ridiculous levels equipment and items.
While the normal markup on caskets is more in the range of 400-500% some were found to be as much as 10X markup. And often the funeral homes would make it as difficult as possible to find out about the cheapest options they are required to offer.
It's been a while since I was looking into it but I believe Jessica Mitford's book The American Way of Death Revisited discusses quite a bit of this.
http://www.amazon.com/The-American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/product-description/0679771867
I am so sorry that you're having such a painful time all around.
I can't speak for counseling - my family pretty much pretends that options such as that don't exist, that you have to bootstrap your way out of the "dumps" (grrr) - but I can tell you that I had a book when I was a little girl that really helped with talking about and processing death.
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf - it takes Freddie from bud all the way to where he turns brown and falls off the tree and then lightly touches on how happy he was that he had gotten a chance to live and how he was part of a bigger cycle.
It's one of the few books I kept from my early childhood for my own kids.
But, if I were in your shoes, I'd keep trying counselors until you find one that's a good fit. hug Good luck.
So sorry to hear about your kitten. There are a couple of books that you could probably find at your library that might help to explain it to him and help him deal with the grief:
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf is also available as a series of youtube videos, the first of which I linked. Hope these help.
You mean the website, right?
Unless I'm incorrect above... Why is this even here in the /r/books subreddit?
EDIT: Are we talking about this?
Some of these aren't on Amazon, but all of them outside of amazon are on my wishlist, is that okay?
1.) Something that is grey.
[This compilation of xkcd comics!] (http://www.amazon.com/xkcd-0-Randall-Munroe/dp/0615314465/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=I12D1D7CV12AVC) Though there aren't any formerly-unseen comics included, this is perfect for the lover of the famous (and always relevant) Xkcd webcomics.
2.) Something reminiscent of rain.
[This t-shirt for fans of Incubus that is apparently out of stock now, but I'm keeping it on my wishlist to gaze wistfully at.] (http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/315rOsJeWzL._SL135_.jpg)
Incubus has always been one of my favorite bands, and all art that the lead singer (Brandon Boyd) produces is amazing, so I had high faith in this shirt being wonderful if I had the money to buy it.
3.) Something food related that is unusual.
[So I typed in "candy" and this popped up..] (http://www.amazon.com/LOCOMO-Rainbow-Hedgehog-Plastic-Baseball/dp/B00BRWH99K/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_2_49?s=apparel&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376327288&amp;sr=1-49&amp;keywords=candy)
I'm not sure what I was expecting.
4.) Something on your list that is for someone other than yourself. Tell me who it's for and why.
[My mom has always wanted to learn calligraphy and someone recommended this book to me] (http://www.amazon.com/Learn-Calligraphy-Complete-Lettering-Design/dp/0767907329/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=I35YCU37X7E6Y2)
She paints signs for people, usually featuring newborn babies or pets, and she always has to print out a guide and trace it if her customers request a font for their name.
5.) A book I should read! I am an avid reader, so take your best shot and tell me why I need to read it!
[This compilation of postsecrets-- artistic postcards with secrets written on them-- that are all touching in their own way.] (http://www.amazon.com/PostSecret-Extraordinary-Confessions-Ordinary-Lives/dp/0060899190/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=I22JZDFLS686V8)
If you haven't heard of Postsecret yet, you should check it out [here] (http://www.postsecret.com/)
6.) An item that is less than a dollar, including shipping... that is not jewelry, nail polish, and or hair related!
I dunno!
7.) Something related to cats. I love cats! (keep this SFW, you know who you are...)
I have two cats, but I got nothing for this one.
8.) Something that is not useful, but so beautiful you must have it.
[This key from KeypersCove] (http://www.amazon.com/Handmade-Winter-Rose-Key-Necklace/dp/B00D3S4GVU/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376329005&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=keypers+cove)
I had a similar one on my wishlist but it's out of stock now.
9.) A movie everyone should watch at least once in their life. Why?
[Cloud Atlas!] (http://www.amazon.com/Cloud-Atlas/dp/B00CRWJ5GO/ref=sr_sp-btf_title_1_4?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376329072&amp;sr=8-4&amp;keywords=clouds+atlas)
Terribly confusing unless you see the [trailer] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWnAqFyaQ5s) first, it's surprisingly appropriate for this sub.
10.) Something that would be useful when the zombies attack. Explain.
[This climbing pick] (http://www.amazon.com/Omega-Pacific-Mountain-Axe-80cm/dp/B002J91R1G/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376330277&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=climbing+pick)
Ever played Telltale's The Walking Dead? Well, one character had a climbing pick that they used pretty frequently to scale buildings and kill zombies..it opened my eyes to the possibilities and dual uses of items.
11.) Something that would have a profound impact on your life and help you to achieve your current goals.
[This book] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Emotion-Thesaurus-Character-Expression/dp/1475004958/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top) for my writing skills, I always have trouble finding just the right way to convey the proper emotion, plus I have severe social anxiety so it would help me figure out how to act in real life as well.
[Or this book by the famous Virginia Woolf] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Waves-Harvest-Book-ebook/dp/B004R1Q41C/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=IHP0D0N718720) just the type of writing style I'm aiming for.
[Or this book that I'm sure would help me with my technique.] (http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Tools-Essential-Strategies-Writer/dp/0316014990/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top)
12.) One of those pesky Add-On items.
Hm?
13.) The most expensive thing on your list. Your dream item. Why?
I used to have this on my list, but a [Geiger counter] (http://www.amazon.com/Radex-RD1503-RADEX-Radiation-Detector/dp/B00051E906/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376331004&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=geiger+counter) because I'm paranoid about radiation and etc. Deleted it off my list because it's not useful for everyday life.
14.) Something bigger than a bread box. EDIT A bread box is typically similar in size to a microwave.
I got nothing on my list.
15.) Something smaller than a golf ball.
[These socks] (http://www.amazon.com/Portal-Chells-Aperture-Science-Socks/dp/B008JGPSJU/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=I2KUOG9B813AXT) because they're ultra thin and I'm sure they could be crumpled up that small.
16.) Something that smells wonderful.
I'd put something here, but there's nothing I'm sure of. [This book] (http://www.amazon.com/White-Fluffy-Clouds-Inspiration-Forward/dp/0974512001/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=I16LKBYPI8BE5U) because it could smell like Brandon Boyd?
17.) A (SFW) toy.
I've got nothing!
18.) Something that would be helpful for going back to school.
[This shirt] (http://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/rising-t-shirt/13087/) because I find it amazing, oh my god oh my god.
19.) Something related to your current obsession, whatever that may be.
[I've been trying to learn Irish for quite awhile now..] (http://www.amazon.com/Learning-Irish-Michael-OSiadhail/dp/0300121776/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376331377&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=learn+irish)
20.) Something that is just so amazing and awe-inspiring that I simply must see it. Explain why it is so grand.
[This poster, this poster!] (http://smbc.myshopify.com/products/dear-human-19x27-poster) To see what it's based on, the original comic is [here] (http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2223)
Sounds like something from PostSecret.
Used copy of Post Secret for $0.57! It's a touching realization that we are not alone!
http://amzn.com/0060899190
Coffee - for the $20 gift! Because I just can't get enough!
http://amzn.com/B00061NJ06
I’m sorry to hear that, OP. You’re going to have a lot of emotions as you process all of this, and it’s ok to let them come, feel them and then let them go. I read a book after a loss called The Grief Recovery Handbook, which was super helpful. If you like to read, I would suggest it for you.
The Grief Recovery Handbook
Self Improvement:
Stuff for your daughter:
I read a book about this once:
http://www.amazon.com/Diving-Bell-Butterfly-Vintage-International/dp/0375701214
Actually written by some guy who had it, I think.
I'm reminded of the part in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (the autobiography of a locked-in person) where he calls the amputees and the paraplegics being treated in his hospital "tourists."
If the OP finds "it could be worse" stories to be helpful, that's definitely a book to read.
Great recommendation thanks! On the flip side of the coin, Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman is a more esoteric approach. Every day of the year has one quote followed by a one paragraph discussion of the idea. I've never been one for sitting down and reading through a self help book, so this book has fit my reading style. And its a good companion for a "taking a day at a time" approach. And even if one day doesn't resonate, another coming up will.
> I just feel like I am not suited to being alone
I do get this, but it's not healthy. There is such a thing as not needing to depend on someone. I moved in with my now ex husband straight from my parents house, so when we first separated almost a year ago, it was really tough. I didn't know how to be alone, how to not take care of someone else.
But that's the kicker. You need to learn how to take care of yourself - not someone else. By staying the caretaker role, you will keep seeking out toxic relationships. Believe it or not, catering to the other person and relying on one other person for your emotional fulfillment is extremely unhealthy.
Nobody wants to "die alone," but finding a good long-term partner doesn't just happen overnight. You need to learn how to enjoy your own life, not so concerned about finding someone to be with.
So what did I do to overcome all of this? First, you have to sit with the discomfort. Learn to be alone and it not crush you. Force yourself to develop a routine during the week - come home from work, cook dinner, straighten up, prepare lunch for tomorrow, watch a show, go to bed. It will suck at first, for a while - but the whole point is to first get used to it, then learn how to be comfortable with yourself.
Meanwhile, pick up some practices that help you specifically to learn how to just be, regardless of your current circumstances. The best for this are meditation and restorative yoga. A good book to get you started might be Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief
Recommended reading for these folks:
http://www.amazon.com/Final-Exit-Third-Practicalities-Self-Deliverance/dp/0385336535/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1212456493&amp;sr=8-1
I would go back and re-read this book: http://amzn.com/0385336535 , and follow its step-by-step guide to the cleanest, most painless, most ethical way to go about it. (It's quite a clever method, actually.)
I'm a librarian, and we have a running joke that when this book is checked out, we'll have to go ahead and buy a new one 'cause it won't be returned. LOL
I think this is probably the most interesting book on my Books WL. Seductive Poison: A Jonestown Survivor's Story. I think there are so many sides to one story, so many accounts of the same events. but with this, so many of those who could have told their stories, died, and their accounts along with them. I am a huge non-fiction nerd and a history buff, and I would love to read this book.
Thank you for hosting a book contest.
I highly recommend the book 'Seductive Poison' if you're interested in finding out more about it. It's a really crazy story.
lol no. Around the time it happened a group of us were hanging out at our local middle schools playground smoking weed, late at night and saw a bunch of people wearing all black and had white shoes.... They were doing a weird dance on the baseball part of the field for a few minutes then ran off.
There were 4 or 5 of us and I remember we all saw it, so it wasn't just me being paranoid... And I fucking hate weed because this sort of crap happens every time I smoke, but everyone else saw it too, so a fond childhood memory.
Anyways, I'm currently dealing with 2 family members sucked up into a cult and the whole incident popped into my head a week ago, so; make a random reddit handle (I have 50 or so.)
I have a wavy recollection of that incident, maybe one day I'll look more into it, for now I have reality to deal with. :/
I'm sure you've heard of Jim Jones, I randomly stumbled on this book at a goodwill a long time ago, very good read on an actual cult survivor.
Penny books for the win!
I think this would be a really interesting read, I'm fascinated by weird stuff, what can I say?
I just read a great book about cremation and funereal practices that might help you.
http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Gets-Your-Eyes-Crematory/dp/0393240231?ie=UTF8&amp;*Version*=1&amp;*entries*=0
I used to suffer from death anxiety quite a bit, coupled with a mind that likes to go all existential and philosophical when I can't sleep.
I totally agree with what some others have said about trying counseling. It doesn't hurt to try.
What helped me the most, and it may sound weird at first, is to kind embrace death. I started out by getting into youtube videos from Caitlin Doughty Ask A Mortician on YT. Curiosity and love of her sense of humor led me to her book, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. Another author I recommend is Mary Roach.
I started to see death as less of this ominous, negative presence waiting like the stoic reaper with his scythe, and more of just a part of the cycle of life. Its not as much something to be feared, as it is natural and more like a transition from this version of life to whatever may be next. What I find kind of funny about it is that now I'm more morbidly curious than afraid, and that can get some... interesting reactions during family discussions. Some of the things I have read and learned have even helped me cope through the recent loss of my mother.
Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you. Whether that's counseling, reading, learning, or even just sitting down with family and talking. Best of luck to you, and my inbox is always open if you need an ear.
I've never read this book, but I've heard great things about it:
http://www.amazon.com/How-We-Die-Reflections-Chapter/dp/0679742441
Really interesting book -- "How We Die." Its a great read anyways, and it may give you a new perspective.
https://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867
From one of the Mitford sisters. Old, but not much has changed.
Monks are all over beer.
But I mostly came here to recommend people read The American Way of Death Revisited which is a good overview of how badly the funeral industry gouges people- and we buy into it at almost every turn, believing that somehow these gaudy funerals matter to a corpse.
I'm glad to hear that you already have someone you're comfortable with. If I could, I'd like to suggest the following books that have helped me a lot in understanding the unique grief for very young widows:
https://smile.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=&amp;sr=
https://smile.amazon.com/Im-Grieving-Fast-Can-Widowers/dp/0882820958/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=&amp;sr=
https://smile.amazon.com/Wasnt-Ready-Say-Goodbye-Surviving/dp/1402212216/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=&amp;sr=
These books helped when my mother passed unexpectedly:
I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye
When Things Fall Apart
No Mud, No Lotus
I liked this book for sudden/unexpected death - in our case, a loved one in a motorcycle accident. The main points are summarized and easily digestible which is helpful because it's hard to focus when one is grieving
Suicide is another thing that's so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn't for everybody ... it really isn't. Life is like a movie: if you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early. ~ Doug Stanhope
**
The following is a list of suicide resources. Please stop reading if you do not want to end your suffering.
Several of the proceeding links are torrents [torrent link]. If you are unfamiliar with BitTorrent, please read this.
Sponsored by the friends of Scott Dragoo.
**
There were approximately 800,000 suicide attempts in the US in 2005. According to the CDC, more than 33,000 suicides occurred in the US in 2007, and over 395,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries. Extrapolating from this data, only 1 in 25 suicide attempts are successful.
Before calling 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) [Kristin Brooks Hopeline] or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline], be aware that operators on both of these crisis lines are required to send authorities to the residence on file with the telephone company when the caller is considered a threat to himself (or another person). Admitting to being suicidal is often enough to have police or EMTs dispatched to your door without your knowledge. If you do not have insurance, you will be billed for the ambulance ride, the ER visit, and psychiatric hold. The moderators want you to believe this is exaggeration, but it has happened and continues to happen to redditors who call these hotlines.
If you decide to call a hotline, use Skype or a pay telephone to avoid having your number traced. Never reveal any identifying information to the crisis counselors. If you prefer online support, always create a new account with an anonymous name before posting.
**
A comprehensive and impartial wiki focusing on suicide methods. Much of this information has been derived from over a decade of contributions to the Usenet groups alt.suicide.holiday and alt.suicide.methods.
n.b. Always use this website as a supplement to the books written by professionals, available below.
An essay which explores the right to end your life.
A thorough article discussing methods to avoid, suicide hotlines, ER visits, and the aftermath.
Making and registering a Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK
According to the CDC, 50% of suicide attempts require emergency medical care. Be prepared.
A complete guide to exiting life peacefully, written by Australian physicians who focus on euthanasia research. This electronic version is from 2007. A more recent edition, including all tutorial videos available on Exit International's website up to February 2011, is available in the 511 MB torrent below.
A more recent book which focuses on a simplified explanation of the most peaceful methods. The 2nd edition contains more diagrams, a list of suppliers for components used in each method, and reviews of 3rd party products.
Selected chapters from Dr. Stone's foremost research text on suicide, which is now out of print. A full PDF version is available below.
Anyone considering less reliable methods like firearms, jumping and cutting should read the respective chapters in this book prior to carrying out an attempt.
One of the most controversial books on self-deliverance, originally published in 1991. The 3rd edition has been updated with chapters on suicide laws and inert gas. However, this version lacks the refinements added in the 2005 and 2009 reprints. Please read the latest addendum, available here.
A video supplement to Final Exit with information on lethal drugs and helium hoods.
Dr. Nitschke gives a brief explanation of the inert gas method using helium.
A short tutorial on making an exit bag, presented by nurse educator, Betty.
Dr. Nitschke prepares a peaceful drug cocktail using the tricyclic antidepressant amitriptyline (Elavil).
A more reliable version of the receipe is available in the ASH wiki.
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (1), Tutorial (2) (click the blue link once the page loads)
Hydrogen sulfide is a fast acting neurotoxin that can be easily mixed with household items: cleaning products containing hydrochloric acid and fungicide/pet dips/bath salts containing lime sulfur. More information on this method is available in the ASH wiki as well the Usenet group alt.suicide.methods.
An article about jumping which examines the time delay between neural processing and impact.
A feature length documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed over the course of a year.
A short documentary about the Aokigahara Forest, a popular Japanese site for suicides.
(http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=5e3_1286805999)
Suicide of a female university student in Syria (April 2012)
Warning: graphic footage of suicides by suspension hanging
An Open Yale Course on the topic of mortality by Professor Shelly Kagan. Lectures 24-26 discuss suicide.
Direct link 1
Direct link 2
Direct link 3
This is a 511 MB collection of ebooks and videos available on BitTorrent trackers under different names. It contains various editions of the books listed above. Always refer to the most recent version provided, as older editions may contain outdated or inaccurate or information.
If the above links are no longer working, copy & paste the following magnet link into your BitTorrent client:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:MWTIO2OGS6LTXVEAU2ERKUH44P32CEYE
Dying Pictures
Two pro-choice support forums for those considering suicide. Discussion of methods is allowed.
Exit's official web forum. Method discussion is prohibited.
A collection of suicide notes gathered from coroners' offices.
This methods file is no longer maintained as of 2010, but it is an alternative source of information if the ASH wiki is unavailable
**
Scott Dragoo does not encourage or endorse suicide. Scott Dragoo is not affiliated with any of the persons or organisations mentioned in this document. The preceding links have been provided to allow mentally competent adults to make a fair, informed, and unforced choice about a humane and dignified death.
**
If you find this message to be offensive or disturbing, suffer from a mood disorder, are classified as a minor in your country of residence, or are otherwise mentally impaired, the power of Scott Dragoo commands you to immediately delete and ignore it.
**
If this message has helped you, please contact Scott Dragoo by phone, letter or email:
Scott Dragoo, Program Director
Social Outreach Services
1224 S Gilbert St.
Iowa City, IA 52240
(319) 855-8172
(319) 855-2744
[email protected]
**
I came across this book Metal Cats at the library that shows the other size of some these metalheads. Hmmmmm cats, foxes......
Just register to the best website created by Hex when it goes live. It has the dankest of memes, all users that have been //dumped\, and tunes to make all the girls wet.
Also, imperator. I recommend reading the book "Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws" that is available on Amazon for $11.30, I think you're going to need it.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1576876772/ref=cm_sw_su_dp
I’m so sorry for you and your family. I’ve experienced the same type of injury happening to a loved one and there really is no way to communicate just how life-altering it is for everyone, including people who come into our lives after the fact. I’d highly recommend the book It’s OK That You’re Not OK. The main message is essentially that our culture treats grief and sadness as something to be ‘fixed’ or ‘healed’ as soon as possible, but really humans often experience grief for the rest of their lives in some form after major events like this. The book has great advice for learning how to walk alongside grief without pushing it away, but also without letting it rule your life or stifle other experiences.
I found the book helpful because of how much its message mirrored the way I saw people treating my loved one’s injury, which left him as a quadriplegic. So many cards came in telling him to “get well soon” or “heal as quickly as possible so he can get back out there.” All well meaning of course, but the nature of this type of injury is that there will never be the kind of healing/back-to-normal people want. Life will always be different. I’ve found that the people who accept that into their hearts have been the best supports through all of this. It seems like you’ve done a wonderful job of embracing your future brother-in-law for who he is, and I commend you for trying to understand the grief his family is going through and recognizing that they will always experience it in a different way than you do.
And the other comments about ring theory are spot on! You need support in this situation, and it’s important to find that from people who are less close to the center than you are so that you can continue to support your FH and his family.
Hey, I won't say 'I know what you're going through', because I don't. Only you can know that. I will spare you the gory details, but let's just say I have 15 years experience with a little thing called clinical depression. 10 of that was with no medical counsel. I thought that depression was for people with 'a lot on their plate' or a hopeless outlook, and my life was going fine. How could I be depressed?
Well, just as good people can get sick with heart disease, good people can get sick with depression. Sometimes, there just isn't a demonstrative 'reason' or 'cause'.
What you describe sounds familiar. It sounds like depression. (Might be wrong). It could be grief. It could be both. If so, there is an important difference between 'going through a depression', and HAVING depression.
'A depression' can strike anyone, and usually subsides within roughly 6 months or less. Someone with clinical depression, on the other hand, rarely gets rid of it once and for all. It is kind of a life gig. There is help. It can definitely get better. Yet, a lifer must always be cognizant of the wolf lurking just outside the reach of the firelight.
I can't hope to tell you which (if either) is your case here, and I'd be disingenuous for doing so. After all, I'm no professional. Regardless, just know that you don't have to suffer alone. You don't have to fight that beast unarmed, and in the dark. If you haven't already doneso I'd suggest setting up a consult with a therapist. (Do some research and pick a good reputation.)
Here's some things that've helped me a bit:
Podcast: https://www.apmpodcasts.org/thwod/
Webcomic: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html?m=1
Book: https://www.amazon.com/Noonday-Demon-Atlas-Depression/dp/1501123882
I did a year of massage school and the deep interconnectedness between the body and the mind comes out in both the teaching and the experience. It's interesting that you got the exact same learning through mediation. The exact words you use to describe your learnings make me think you've been involved with body work, actually.
This book goes into how animals deal with trauma through physical actions and how humans have learned to side-step those actions at great cost. You might find it interesting.
When you are ready you may consider reading a book on how to navigate grief. Here is a book that looks highly recommended.
I would strongly encourage you to let yourself keep crying, keep seeing a therapist, and try not to fall back on drugs or alcohol to self medicate your pain. You have to experience the grief to get past it. It's like those finger traps. You can fight the trap but it only makes it worse, you could just drink to try to numb the annoyance of the trap, but the only way to get the trap off is to stop fighting it, stop trying so hard to solve it. That may be a very dumb analogy. I've lost both my parents and I've seen healthy coping and unhealthy coping in myself and my siblings. Try to avoid the unhealthy stuff best you can.
Levine - Waking the Tiger
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Waking-Tiger-Transform-Overwhelming-Experiences/dp/155643233X
I'm so sorry friend. Nightmares are awful for how real they feel despite us logically knowing they're untrue. I went through a phase of having TONS of nightmares about her in succession, and that was kind of a turning point for healing for me. I partially think it was my brain having more resources to know how to fight back and wanting to recreate those situations so I had a chance to do it right. The woowoo side of me felt like my mom energetically knew I was making such huge progress in healing and the nightmares were the last way she could attack me. Either way, the nightmares got better over time. I still have the occasional nightmare, but the emotional response is much easier to calm down from when I wake up.
You are doing great work trying to protect yourself, and your Nmom will probably do ANYTHING to keep some control. Keep on blocking her and ignoring her and it will get easier. I super recommend this book for helping through trauma. I'm sorry you've had to go through so much. You are strong, smart, and kind. It's going to get easier. <3
Two books stand head and shoulders above all others in helping me deal with the intense grief and mourning after the death of one dog in May of last year, then another in June of this year.
Heart Dog: Surviving the loss of your canine soul mate
It's OK that you're not OK - this one is about dealing with grieving the loss of a spouse, partner, friend, but I still found the advice to be relevant to me.
Depending on how troubled she is, you might consider "Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws." It's literally a long list of other things to do, ranging from the benign (arts & crafts) to risky/scary (get a tattoo). If you think she might hurt herself, anything else would be a better option.
https://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202
This might help http://amzn.com/1555913024
I read this book while I was home alone. It helped validate some of my feelings and keep the scarier ones at bay: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1555913024/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1484573771&amp;sr=8-2&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&amp;keywords=empty+cradle+broken+heart&amp;dpPl=1&amp;dpID=41x6Cz1hVkL&amp;ref=plSrch
Hi. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you found this community. It's been invaluable to me, and I hope you find it healing as well.
In terms of healing materials, I cannot recommend the book Empty Cradle, Broken Heart enough. I read probably 4 books on loss after our TFMR in December and that one was by far the best one, and the one that's helped me the most on this crazy journey.
I also recommend going to therapy, if you can. Especially as the grief becomes less obvious, I've needed my therapist to continue to help me grieve the less in-your-face feelings that still need to be dealt with but can also easily (and unhealthily) be locked away.
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1622039076/_encoding=UTF8?coliid=I2TA8ABLC1IRLY&amp;colid=14IKR75RUAJIH&amp;psc=0
This is needed, just because. Thanks for the contest.
This book might be of interest to you. It's honestly just pictures, but some of them are really awesome.
Shirt?
Punk kitty?
Hair metal kitty?
A book?
I know it gets old, but I just want to start with that I'm so, so sorry. I cannot even begin to fathom how painful this is for you.
Your anger is normal, justified. But I don't know if it'll every 'truly' go away, just like grief itself. It just gets easier to carry, and sort of 'mold' into a compartment that is easier to deal with over time. It'll always be there, but over time you just learn to grasp it differently.
I've never had [human] kids to lose, but I lost my dad, uncle, and a dear friend all last year, all spread apart. I also still randomly, for no reason, quake with rage. Or sob uncontrollably. Or feel like a void with absolutely nothing.
It'll get easier with time, as far away as that sounds. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.
If you're a reader at all, I can't suggest this enough: It's Okay that You're Not Okay - I really can't put into words how much it helped be able to have words and definitions or what I felt and was going through.
Thank you, I hope things start looking up for you. I just finished one of the best books ever about dealing with depression and mental illness. I think everyone could learn lessons from it.
The Buddha and the Borderline
I'd be careful of her. I had a coworkers that came out at work as an abused child. My boss at the time started treating her terribly. My coworkers talked abouther like she was the problem. "Her parents must had had a reason why they beat her." Yeah, I heard stuff like that. I defended her as best I could, but still, it seemed she was ostracized. This is a great book. Hello Cruel World. I think it is helpful is dealing with people who don't understand. Personally, I don't tell anyone, unless I know them really well and know ahead of time what their reaction will be. I'm tired of listening to people defend my Nfamily or tell me I should just put up with their abuse. https://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202
This may be useful for you!
Other people have responded, and here I am, late to the party, but I'll share my experience (some personal, some interpersonal), and if you want to take it to heart, I hope it helps.
Good luck.
Self-soothing is one of those things where there's a big bag of tricks, but you've gotta try a whole bunch of them to find what works for you. Some of them are not very good (substance use, self harm) but here are some good ones that work for me:
Also, check out Kate Bornstein's book "Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws". Not saying you're a freak or an outlaw (or a teen, prob) or that this is a suicide, thing, but I've found that book pretty helpful in a variety of circumstances. I know my local library has a copy, yours may too.
Anyway, my sympathies regarding your dad and the trouble with your husband. And congratulations on recognizing this as a good opportunity to work on self-soothing, you're right. All the best :)
There's a book that helped me a lot when I was very depressed/suicidal, "Hello Cruel World" (http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202)
You may not be comfortable with sending something so on the nose, I totally get that, but I know I would have been touched and grateful to receive it in my darkest days.
Waking The Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine and Strong at the Broken Places - Overcoming Childhood Abuse
I found these two books to be extremely helpful. I'm not sure what kind of abuse you've suffered, but the Levine book features the practice of Somatic Experiencing (releasing the body tension caused by trauma) - helpful with physical abuse and traumatic events.
I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you too. If it helps, I've been there (<6 yrs ago, 21 now) and been to a therapist and things are looking much better now. Don't be afraid to talk to someone specialized in abuse. I read that you were interested in Regression Therapy - do some reading on Lifespan Integration...
Suicide is another thing that's so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn't for everybody ... it really isn't. Life is like a movie: if you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early. ~ Doug Stanhope
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The following is a list of suicide resources. Please stop reading if you do not want to end your suffering.
Several of the proceeding links are torrents [torrent link]. If you are unfamiliar with BitTorrent, please read this.
Sponsored by the friends of Scott Dragoo.
**
There were approximately 800,000 suicide attempts in the US in 2005. According to the CDC, more than 33,000 suicides occurred in the US in 2007, and over 395,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries. Extrapolating from this data, only 1 in 25 suicide attempts are successful.
Before calling 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) [Kristin Brooks Hopeline] or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline], be aware that operators on both of these crisis lines are required to send authorities to the residence on file with the telephone company when the caller is considered a threat to himself (or another person). Admitting to being suicidal is often enough to have police or EMTs dispatched to your door without your knowledge. If you do not have insurance, you will be billed for the ambulance ride, the ER visit, and psychiatric hold. The moderators want you to believe this is exaggeration, but it has happened and continues to happen to redditors who call these hotlines.
If you decide to call a hotline, use Skype or a pay telephone to avoid having your number traced. Never reveal any identifying information to the crisis counselors. If you prefer online support, always create a new account with an anonymous name before posting.
**
A comprehensive and impartial wiki focusing on suicide methods. Much of this information has been derived from over a decade of contributions to the Usenet groups alt.suicide.holiday and alt.suicide.methods.
n.b. Always use this website as a supplement to the books written by professionals, available below.
An essay which explores the right to end your life.
A thorough article discussing methods to avoid, suicide hotlines, ER visits, and the aftermath.
Making and registering a Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK
According to the CDC, 50% of suicide attempts require emergency medical care. Be prepared.
A complete guide to exiting life peacefully, written by Australian physicians who focus on euthanasia research. This electronic version is from 2007. A more recent edition, including all tutorial videos available on Exit International's website up to February 2011, is available in the 511 MB torrent below.
A more recent book which focuses on a simplified explanation of the most peaceful methods. The 2nd edition contains more diagrams, a list of suppliers for components used in each method, and reviews of 3rd party products.
Selected chapters from Dr. Stone's foremost research text on suicide, which is now out of print. A full PDF version is available below.
Anyone considering less reliable methods like firearms, jumping and cutting should read the respective chapters in this book prior to carrying out an attempt.
One of the most controversial books on self-deliverance, originally published in 1991. The 3rd edition has been updated with chapters on suicide laws and inert gas. However, this version lacks the refinements added in the 2005 and 2009 reprints. Please read the latest addendum, available here.
A video supplement to Final Exit with information on lethal drugs and helium hoods.
Dr. Nitschke gives a brief explanation of the inert gas method using helium.
A short tutorial on making an exit bag, presented by nurse educator, Betty.
Dr. Nitschke prepares a peaceful drug cocktail using the tricyclic antidepressant amitriptyline (Elavil).
A more reliable version of the receipe is available in the ASH wiki.
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (1), Tutorial (2) (click the blue link once the page loads)
Hydrogen sulfide is a fast acting neurotoxin that can be easily mixed with household items: cleaning products containing hydrochloric acid and fungicide/pet dips/bath salts containing lime sulfur. More information on this method is available in the ASH wiki as well the Usenet group alt.suicide.methods.
An article about jumping which examines the time delay between neural processing and impact.
A feature length documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed over the course of a year.
A short documentary about the Aokigahara Forest, a popular Japanese site for suicides.
(http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=5e3_1286805999)
Suicide of a female university student in Syria (April 2012)
Warning: graphic footage of suicides by suspension hanging
An Open Yale Course on the topic of mortality by Professor Shelly Kagan. Lectures 24-26 discuss suicide.
Direct link 1
Direct link 2
Direct link 3
This is a 511 MB collection of ebooks and videos available on BitTorrent trackers under different names. It contains various editions of the books listed above. Always refer to the most recent version provided, as older editions may contain outdated or inaccurate or information.
If the above links are no longer working, copy & paste the following magnet link into your BitTorrent client:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:MWTIO2OGS6LTXVEAU2ERKUH44P32CEYE
Dying Pictures
Two pro-choice support forums for those considering suicide. Discussion of methods is allowed.
Exit's official web forum. Method discussion is prohibited.
A collection of suicide notes gathered from coroners' offices.
This methods file is no longer maintained as of 2010, but it is an alternative source of information if the ASH wiki is unavailable
**
Scott Dragoo does not encourage or endorse suicide. Scott Dragoo is not affiliated with any of the persons or organisations mentioned in this document. The preceding links have been provided to allow mentally competent adults to make a fair, informed, and unforced choice about a humane and dignified death.
**
If you find this message to be offensive or disturbing, suffer from a mood disorder, are classified as a minor in your country of residence, or are otherwise mentally impaired, the power of Scott Dragoo commands you to immediately delete and ignore it.
**
If this message has helped you, please contact Scott Dragoo by phone, letter or email:
Scott Dragoo, Program Director
Social Outreach Services
1224 S Gilbert St.
Iowa City, IA 52240
(319) 855-8172
(319) 855-2744
[email protected]
**
I'm the same way. This book really helped me understand the full scope of depression and it ends with a bitter sweet depiction of depression that frames it as not all bad. He says that depression puts you in touch with your humanity and makes you a more empathetic person. I found it inspiring to think about depression as both a blessing and a curse.
The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1501123882/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_YJy6BbRNYD7X7
Hey man, I know what you're talking about. If you haven't already come upon it, I highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Noonday-Demon-Atlas-Depression/dp/1501123882
It's more of a reference than a front-to-back kind of thing, but it's very enlightening.
Copy-paste form my previous thread so it doesn’t go missing:
Here are some resources that I think are essential reads for anyone suffering from ROCD and/or depression
ROCD: Relationship OCD and the Myth of "The One" - Great writeup written by therapists who are specialized in treating ROCD
Love You, Love You Not - Excellent ROCD 101 short book targeted towards people who have ROCD. It's very insightful as it is written by someone who has dealt with it and learned to successfully manage it. I just re-read it recently while going through a relapse, and it punched me with even more power than the first time
Imp of the Mind - Although it does not talk about ROCD specifically, it is all about Pure O. It helped me to look at ROCD and other intrusive thoughts in my head from another perspective. Some of the cases in the book are bizarre and funny, which made me feel like i don't have it so bad
Brain Lock - This should be part of anyone's OCD treatment swiss-army knife!
The Noonday Demon - If you struggle with major depression, as I do, this is dense but an incredible read. The author has a TED talk that is really good: Depression: The Secret We Share
Don't Panic - This one borders more on self-help books, which I kinda don't like, but a must-read if you struggle with panic disorder
another interesting one with a similar title. http://www.amazon.com/Waking-Tiger-Peter-A-Levine/dp/155643233X
\> it feels so distant, faded, like lemon La Croix instead of lemonade.
So, first of all, I love that. You are quite obviously passionate to be able to whip up a phrase like that. But remember that you've spun these emotions to a degree that some would say that might be abuse or too profound to be understood easily and that (maybe) you've been trained to over complicated your emotions.
Take it easy.
I think what you're talking about is a disconnection from your felt sense. If you haven't yet, pick up the book Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine, full of information related to bodily sensations - especially if you feel you might be possible have some childhood limitations around this topic or a victim of trauma.
Key takeaways, Meditation, and Yoga work on the mind-body connection - especially the yoga will help you tap into your sense.
Try taking warm showers as an exercise to tap into your felt sense to get an idea of what that is (if you've forgotten).
One of the reasons it's so hard to reason with our feelings is because those parts of our bodies don't use language to communicate. You can't just tell some parts of your brain "it's ok now, you can feel this". You sometimes have to activate it and then you can guide it.
Depending on how much trauma you go through dancing with the bottle and if you learn to process stress out of the body. You should check out Waking the Tiger. If you are dealing with ptsd, you'll be glad you did.
Super fucking relevant
> Only occasionally will I have physical reactions like shaking and sweating that I can sometimes put down, and sometimes can't.
I've been reading this book, and though my trauma is nothing near yours, it's been very helpful to me. Levine finds it unnecessary and harmful to purposely relive traumatic events in your mind, but suggests releasing the physical effects of it. By stifling those tremors, you may be preventing yourself from healing. Good luck to you, and thank you for sharing your story.
I just happened to be going through a list of books for a project, and I was reminded of Buddha and the Borderline-- it's a great book written by someone with BPD-- it helps you to understand where they're coming from: https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1473873387&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=buddha+and+the+borderline
Since your diagnosis was recent I'm assuming that you haven't looked much into DBT yet. I strongly urge you to join a group. You'll find solidarity with the others there.
>therapy and everything just wants to teach me how I can handle living in this dark and lonely world
That's the truth of it, really. But it will help you to see that the world isn't entirely bleak. I see from your post history that you're well-acquainted with Buddhism, so the mindfulness principles of DBT should come easier to you than most.
For example, one thing you will learn is how to check the facts on your assumptions about the people around you. Take "everyone hates me" for example: do they really? They do the best they can for you, and care about you, and that's more than they're obliged to do for someone they hate.
Allow me to empower you for a moment. You imply that a razor is the only thing that you can trust not to leave you. And I know how comforting it is to unzip your skin and let it run. But remember: you are the one holding that razor. You can be trusted not to abandon yourself, because you are the one performing the action. The razor doesn't have autonomy, it's just a tool you're using. And that tool can be replaced with DBT skills once you learn to tune into your Wise Mind; that little nagging feeling in your gut, just before you cut, that says "I don't really want this for myself". But until then, just hold on.
Hope is your greatest weapon in this fight. Try and find a little part of every day that you're appreciative of. Maybe pick up a new hobby, get a pet or do volunteer work. Keep busy. L'appel du vide is muffled when you find what gives you hope, and do it often.
So darling, just hold on, please. It's incredibly hard, what you're going through. Myself and countless people here are on the same journey. Loneliness is part of us, but don't let it obscure how many people really care and understand. Focus on the present moment, and when you feel lonely, garner hope in a way that works for you.
Good luck. My inbox is always open if you need it.
Edit: If you have a little cash, I highly suggest buying a copy of The Buddha and the Borderline, written as an autobiographical account of the author's recovery from BPD. It's an intense read, so pick it up on a good day.
https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X
This book is absolutely amazing. I'm almost finished; it is such a beautiful read 💫
> may I ask why you are so curious about BPD?
I haven't been able to move on from having feelings about a person who cut off contact with me in circumstances I haven't been able to make sense of. The whole time we talked, there was a come closer / keep away dynamic to it. We were crazy about each other, we exchanged a bunch of messages and texts, but she remained reluctant to meet. She was anxious and afraid; she seemed concerned about what I might think of her if I met her, but didn't want to explain. I know for a fact that she exists and looks like her pictures, so that's not it. We told each other our life stories, I never once caught her in a lie - yet she insisted I don't know her, and that I have no idea who she is.
There was a real obstacle that prevented us from meeting. She's married, and not in an open relationship (I am). I was forward and reckless, and destroyed her husband's opinion of me. So yes, that's reasonable grounds for termination of contact... Except that, for the longest time, she couldn't do it. She wanted me in her life, perhaps as much as I wanted her, until...
I still can't tell if she manufactured the conflict, or if it was real. Perhaps both? We had a couple of big misunderstandings where I was admittedly being an ass; but no attempt to explain myself helped, it only seemed to make things worse. I had no idea how to deal with it. Then the final straw was the most banal thing... She argued Romney would have made a better president than Obama, whereas I argued they're both different flavors of the same thing. I called her young and inexperienced. She told me I have one chance to apologize, or that's the end. I refused. She'd had me groveling the past few days, and I felt I had to stand up for myself. So that was it.
I thought that this would last a week. Nope. She said forever, and meant it.
That was in August 2013, and I'm sorry to say she hasn't left my mind for a day since. I can't explain why it must be her I can't forget, why she must be the one who's meant this much to me. It's not just that she's attractive. It's not because she's "crazy". I've been with a number of women before her and after, so I have something to compare - yet I can't point to any individual aspect of her and say, "That's it."
So I've been left with all these unanswered questions, trying to make sense of what she never revealed. What did she mean when she said she was crazy? Why her obsession with routine? Why does she have this rigid, rule-based approach to relationships? She seems to care about people deeply, so why does she so often seem to flunk basic empathy? Where do her panic attacks and anxiety fit in? What of her tendency to drink, the self-harm in her past, her impulsivity? What of her erratic mood swings? Why did she see insults in observations that meant nothing of the sort - and was seemingly completely unable to handle criticism? Why did she tell me everything about herself - and then claim I know nothing about her?
At first, I felt cruelly betrayed and angry. I grew convinced she was a narcissist. But she isn't. If she manipulates, she doesn't do it on purpose. She claimed she lied to me, but I never identified a lie in any detail. I suspect the "lie" was her presenting herself as more "together" than she really thinks she is.
So I figured, she must be suffering from something; perhaps she doesn't even know the diagnosis. I suspected Asperger's at first. It would explain her need for routine; her reliance on rationality and rules instead of empathy in relationships; her caring about people - yet simultaneously having trouble comprehending their feelings; her need for safety; and last but not least, her tendency to burn bridges. (I was not the first with whom she did this.)
So I read several books on Asperger's, especially in females, but it didn't explain everything. I sort of knew there must be something else - or at least, something in addition to this. I suspected bipolar or borderline, but it felt intrusive for me to keep looking further. Throughout this time, I still try to reach her by writing her letters at 1-2 month intervals. I hoped, one day she would reply, and I might learn from her the rest of the story...
But then you posted this topic, and... I saw a lot of her in what you wrote. The article you linked to led me to The Buddha and the Borderline, which I am reading now, and it's just so... striking. This is it. She is not Kiera, but a big part of her is like this:
I have all the symptoms: I have chronic feelings of emptiness and an unstable sense of self. I'm suicidal and self-harming, and I frantically avoid abandonment and rejection no matter what the cost. My relationships are stormy and intense, and my perceptions can shift between black and white at the drop of a hat. My emotions are out of control, I freak out when stressed, and others often find my anger inappropriate.
It's probably coincidence - but in Chapter 8, I chuckled at that the author even has the same favorite music:
The only music that satisfies me is Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor's voice crying through industrial rhythms. In the August evenings, I lie on my bed with earphones, letting his laments roll through me like unrepentant thunderstorms. I envy the courage that carries his voice into the world. He doesn't berate himself for pain and anger; he howls. And this delights me, even though I feel ashamed when my own rage comes to the surface. My anger doesn't signify courage; it's just more confirmation that I'm bad.
I'm 17 months and 1,600 miles away from her, and lacking a couple of degrees, so - I can't diagnose her with BPD. But reading this may help me understand the pressures inside her. Why she kept insisting I don't know her. Why she felt she was hiding, and feared I would judge her if she opened up. It doesn't bring her back into my life. It doesn't explain why I can't forget her. But... It might at least provide some of the answers I seek.
You've answered some questions that I would like to ask of her. I thank you for this.
The Buddha and the Borderline is a fantastic memoir. Love it.
http://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1454209009&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=the+buddha+and+the+borderline
I have been diagnosed with BPD officially for a year now. Prior to that I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar 2. Honestly my experience with medication hasn't been great. I totally hear you about feeling like a lab rat. Currently I am on Guanfacine, which is normally an ADD/Autism med meant to curb impulsivity. I have been on anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, and anti-depressants all of which were minimally effective and had shitty side effects. However, I HAVE SEEN MARKED IMPROVEMENT since I have started a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy program. DBT is similar but different than CBT, and was specifically designed for BPD. It is essentially Buddhism meets Western psych. I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT HIGHLY ENOUGH. I went through an intensive CBT program before starting the DBT program and didn't see any results despite a lot of effort. The entire point of DBT is learning skills to manage your reactions to triggers. You can control your brain not the other way around. I linked to the wiki page about DBT in another comment, but here's kind of the run down. A PROPER DBT program will consist of two parts, group therapy and individual therapy. In group therapy you discuss and learn skills meant to help you regulate emotions, increase stress tolerance, decrease vulnerability to triggers, and improve interpersonal relationships. You use a textbook, current edition here: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=FY8PYY4YF8P0KGPYH603
and you work through the worksheets and diagrams as weekly "homework". Mindfulness exercises are also a part of group therapy, often in the form of a guided meditation. In individual therapy you work through problems you are facing in your life and see when/how to apply the skills you are learning in group. Focus is on how to deal with current issues and triggers rather than digging really deep into why you have BPD, so if you have co-morbid PTSD you should be ok ( although it does deal with how to apply skills to thoughts/feelings brought up by past trauma). Again, I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT ENOUGH. Also, be careful of half-ass programs. Like I said a proper program with have both Group and Individual therapy. Often, there are Group programs floating around on their own, which are more support groups than skills training. Do your research on a the place providing the therapy before diving in to ensure it is the full skills training. I also recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X it was very inspiring.
Metal Cats
Here you go: "Metal Cats" - Metal musicians and their cats.
Today in the news, I found the link on the homepage of Germany's (by far) largest online magazine.
This is the best photo!
The book "Metal Cats" (Amazon)
Considering this is on top of my wishlist, and this is one of my favourite tumblrs...I'm going with "appealing". My SO was not hugely fond of my 2 cats at first (generally likes dogs more) but he loves them and spoils them rotten now.
It's also a series of books.
I believe for the postcard exchange (and all other 0 credit exchanges) the $20 minimum is waived. But trust me, there are still ways. The shopaholic in me believes this to be true! Like:
For someone who says they have a large collection of postcards: https://www.amazon.com/Postcard-Classic-Hobbymaster-collection-expandable/dp/B002ER0I9A/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1474682310&amp;sr=8-7&amp;keywords=postcard+book
For the Disney lover: https://www.amazon.com/Art-Disney-Golden-Age-1937-1961/dp/1452122296/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1474682310&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=postcard+book
For the psychology student: https://www.amazon.com/PostSecret-Extraordinary-Confessions-Ordinary-Lives/dp/0060899190/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1474682439&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=post+secret
From the one who dreams of going to NYC someday: https://www.amazon.com/3dRose-Greetings-Scenic-Postcard-Reproduction/dp/B016YHAFNO/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1474682761&amp;sr=8-16&amp;keywords=postcards+fabric+greetings+from (plus a pillow for that)
For me, these exchanges are about creativity. I love playing off the theme, finding something that really suits the person and thinking outside the box about it all. But that might just be me.
Momma didn't raise no fool. yo.
Momma raised a lil'un that has a sassy mouth.
yo
With my therapist, we worked through The Grief Recovery Handbook. It requires a LOT of introspection, and I had to do some pretty painful soul searching, but it was very much worth it. It MUST be done in order- don’t skip to the end since the last assignment won’t have as much weight. It actually reaches into every kind of loss in your life (loss of childhood, loss of relationships, ect.,) and I made some unexpected personal breakthroughs as buried memories came to light.
If you’re dedicated you don’t necessarily need a therapist, but they really, really stress having someone else to go through it with you in your personal life. There’s a lot of stuff you need to share out loud, and it makes a huge difference in your recovery. If you don’t have someone you’re comfortable sharing difficult emotions with IRL, a therapist would be a great choice. I know a lot of them use this, and it’s probably something you could call around and ask.
The book is very practical and matter-of-fact, which I needed. I’m not a fan of spiritual mushy-gushy stuff, if that makes sense!! It’s homework that really changes things.
I’m so sorry for your losses- that’s too much for anyone to bear. I hope this book can help bring you peace like it brought us.
So sorry for your loss. Having been through a few losses, what you're feeling seems normal--it completely sucks, but it's to be expected suddenly losing your best friend. Here's a very helpful guide to accept and work through it: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077
OP, I'm sorry for what is happening to you. I don't have any financial advice, but I recently also went through the death of someone I loved and I found this book very helpful, maybe you will too: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077
It sounds like it helped. I'm glad.
I'm sorry that you've had some difficulty in your past. Take free advice for what its worth but try this book: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1525806750&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+grief+recovery+handbook&amp;dpID=41kRq5y%252BFTL&amp;preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&amp;dpSrc=srch
I'm using it to fully grieve my divorce but to also map out my relationship with my parents and other family. The book directs you to make timelines of relationships and give you a process to uncover what unresolved emotional issues you need to resolve. It's really helped me and I hope it helps you.
[When Dinosaurs Die.] (http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555)
I'm a funeral director and I absolutely recommend this book above all others.
Marc Brown (who wrote the Arthur series) has a really good book called When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death that's really good for younger kids to learn about death, the grieving process, etc. Best of luck. My thoughts go out to you and your family.
Edit: I just saw that /u/Brym suggested it as well.
Hard to tell without knowing their age. If young, then there are several books that can help, eg:
http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555
When Dinosaurs Die?
https://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is probably the book I have recommended more than any other.
> "In 1995, Jean-Dominique Bauby was the editor-in-chief of French Elle, the father of two young childen, a 44-year-old man known and loved for his wit, his style, and his impassioned approach to life. By the end of the year he was also the victim of a rare kind of stroke to the brainstem. After 20 days in a coma, Bauby awoke into a body which had all but stopped working: only his left eye functioned, allowing him to see and, by blinking it, to make clear that his mind was unimpaired. Almost miraculously, he was soon able to express himself in the richest detail: dictating a word at a time, blinking to select each letter as the alphabet was recited to him slowly, over and over again. In the same way, he was able eventually to compose this extraordinary book."
https://www.amazon.com/Diving-Bell-Butterfly-Memoir-Death/dp/0375701214
I got your list right here:
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho - great story about finding your way in life, destiny, etc. One of my personal favorites and a real life changer for me personally (read it when I was 14, very impressionable)
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominigue Bauby - memoirs of a magazine editor who has a stroke and goes from being a hot shot playboy to being paralyzed. He loses all motor function and the whole book is written by him blinking out the letters. Despite it all he has a razor wit and such a positive outlook it really makes you think about your own life and what is important to appreciate.
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig - kind of an interesting book that gives you a historical breakdown of philosophy all through a somewhat biographical story about a motorcycle trip with his son. Has some really insightful views on what is quality and what is the point of education. Highly recommend for anyone just starting college.
Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman by Richard P Feynman - Autobiography/memoir of one of the greatest minds to ever live. From learning how to pick locks while working on the manhattan project, experimenting with acid, and learning the bongos. Dr. Feynman has such a passion for life, science, and learning it's contagious. Seriously, just see how excited he gets about rubberbands.
Things to Buy
http://www.amazon.com/Miracle-Years-Hanna-Schissler/dp/0691058202
http://www.amazon.com/Redneck-Manifesto-Hillbillies-Americas-Scapegoats/dp/0684838648
http://www.amazon.com/review/product/039332169X/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?%5Fencoding=UTF8&amp;showViewpoints=1
http://www.amazon.com/Evolution-Everyone-Darwins-Theory-Change/dp/0385340214
http://www.amazon.com/Andromeda-Strain-Michael-Crichton/dp/006170315X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1225932164&amp;sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Primates-Classroom-Evolutionary-Perspective-Childrens/dp/0870236113/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1261589323&amp;sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Paleolithic-Prescription-Program-Exercise-Design/dp/0060916354/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1261589224&amp;sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Exiles-Eden-Psychotherapy-Evolutionary-Perspective/dp/0393700739/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1261589294&amp;sr=1-2
http://www.amazon.com/Chimpanzee-Politics-Power-among-Apes/dp/0801886562/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1261589183&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/YOU-Updated-Expanded-Insiders-Healthier/dp/0061473677/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1263303625&amp;sr=1-5
http://www.amazon.com/YOU-Updated-Expanded-Insiders-Healthier/dp/0061473677/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1263303625&amp;sr=1-5
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Calories-Bad-Controversial-Science/dp/1400033462/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1297305735&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/New-Sugar-Busters-Cut-Trim/dp/0345469585/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1297305615&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Omnivores-Dilemma-Natural-History-Meals/dp/0143038583/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1297305420&amp;sr=8-2
http://www.amazon.com/Skinny-Bastard-Kick-Ass-Getting/product-reviews/0762435402/ref=cm_cr_dp_all_helpful?ie=UTF8&amp;showViewpoints=1&amp;sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending
http://www.amazon.com/Evolution-Everyone-Darwins-Theory-Change/dp/0385340214
http://www.amazon.com/Food-Rules-Eaters-Michael-Pollan/dp/014311638X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1297305420&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Primates-Classroom-Evolutionary-Perspective-Childrens/dp/0870236113/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1261589323&amp;sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Exiles-Eden-Psychotherapy-Evolutionary-Perspective/dp/0393700739/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1261589294&amp;sr=1-2
http://www.amazon.com/Paleolithic-Prescription-Program-Exercise-Design/dp/0060916354/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1261589224&amp;sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Chimpanzee-Politics-Power-among-Apes/dp/0801886562/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1261589183&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Stranger-Strange-Land-Robert-Heinlein/dp/0441788386/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1258348123&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Full-Plate-Diet-Great-Healthy/dp/1885167717/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1266199288&amp;sr=1-13
http://www.amazon.com/Religion-War-Scott-Adams/dp/0740747886/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_9
http://www.amazon.com/Full-Plate-Diet-Great-Healthy/dp/1885167717/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1266199288&amp;sr=1-13
http://www.amazon.com/Blindsight-Peter-Watts/dp/0765319640/
http://www.amazon.com/Miracle-Years-Hanna-Schissler/dp/0691058202
http://www.amazon.com/Redneck-Manifesto-Hillbillies-Americas-Scapegoats/dp/0684838648
http://www.amazon.com/review/product/039332169X/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?%5Fencoding=UTF8&amp;showViewpoints=1
http://www.amazon.com/Andromeda-Strain-Michael-Crichton/dp/006170315X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1225932164&amp;sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Atheist-Manifesto-Against-Christianity-Judaism/dp/1559708204
http://www.amazon.com/Mayo-Clinic-Family-Health-Book/dp/1603200770/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1267299889&amp;sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Body-Sculpting-Bible-Men-Revised/dp/1578262380/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1298573232&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Mens-Health-Big-Book-Exercises/dp/1605295507
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1594866279/ref=asc_df_15948662791442125?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;tag=pg-1583-01-20&amp;linkCode=asn&amp;creative=395093&amp;creativeASIN=1594866279
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0345498461/ref=asc_df_03454984611442018?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;tag=pg-1583-01-20&amp;linkCode=asn&amp;creative=395093&amp;creativeASIN=0345498461
http://www.amazon.com/Beginning-Runners-Handbook-13-Week-Walk-Run/dp/1553650875/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1298575384&amp;sr=8-1
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703558004574581891694514228.html
http://www.amazon.com/Edible-Wild-Plants-Foods-Adventure/dp/1423601505
http://www.amazon.com/Shoppers-Guide-Organic-Food/dp/1857028406/ref=sr_1_16?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1308213453&amp;sr=1-16
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Portrait_of_the_Artist_as_a_Young_Man
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stream_of_consciousness_writing
http://entertainment.time.com/2011/08/30/all-time-100-best-nonfiction-books/#fast-food-nation-by-eric-schlosser
http://www.amazon.com/Stranger-Strange-Land-Robert-Heinlein/dp/0441788386/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1258348123&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/continuous-positive-airway-pressure-cpap-for-obstructive-sleep-apnea
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Catcher_in_the_Rye
http://www.amazon.com/Catch-22-Joseph-Heller/dp/0684833395
http://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-2nd-Mark-Rippetoe/dp/0976805421/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1253993543&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Aero-Speed-Hyperformance-Jump-Rope/dp/B00017XHO8
http://www.invisibleshoe.com/#ecwid:category=135066&amp;mode=product&amp;product=278983
http://view.exacttarget.com/?j=fe621670756c0575741d&amp;m=fe7215707561047d7315&amp;ls=fde817797d6d037977177974&amp;l=fe9215717260007a70&amp;s=fe2d13707d600478751c72&amp;jb=ffcf14&amp;ju=fe2e167375640d75711576&amp;r=0
http://www.amazon.com/Element-Surprise-Navy-Seals-Vietnam/dp/0804105812/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1304634342&amp;sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Lone-Survivor-Eyewitness-Account-Operation/dp/0316067598
http://www.amazon.com/Diving-Bell-Butterfly-Memoir-Death/dp/0375701214/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1312848167&amp;sr=8-1
Political
Iraq Research
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al-Tawhid_Wal-Jihad
http://www.ontheissues.org/Drugs.htm#Barack_Obama
Congress Related
http://thomas.loc.gov/home/r110query.html
http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_lists/vote_menu_110_1.htm
http://www.usdoj.gov/
http://www.issuedictionary.com/Barack_Obama.cgi
http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/D?r110:75:./temp/~r110y7HfAa::
http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_lists
/roll_call_vote_cfm.cfm?congress=107&session=2&vote=00237
http://allafrica.com/
http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/promises/??
Health & Exercise
Green Tea
http://www.teatrekker.com/store/tea/green/green+-+japan.php
http://www.o-cha.com/brew.htm
http://www.ehow.com/how_2080066_steep-loose-leaf-tea.html
http://cooksshophere.com/products/tea/green_tea.htm
http://whfoods.org/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&amp;dbid=146
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_effects_of_tea
http://blackdragonteabar.blogspot.com/2008_09_01_archive.html
http://blackdragonteabar.blogspot.com/
https://www.itoen.com/leaf/index.cfm
http://www.maiko.ne.jp/english/
http://www.mellowmonk.com/buyGreenTea.htm
http://www.o-cha.com/home.php
http://www.denstea.com/
http://www.theteaavenue.com/chgrtea.html
http://www.teafrog.com/teas/finum-tea-brewing-basket.html
It's not about suicide, but this made me think of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.
Pretty sure the guy in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly who couldn't move anything but one eyelid still had feeling in his body.
Source: I read the book and watched the movie. It was 7 years ago though so my memory is hazy.
Death, frienship, growing apart, huge life events try this: https://www.amazon.com/Diving-Bell-Butterfly-Memoir-Death/dp/0375701214
This is a wonderful book about a child who has difficulty using speech to communicate, written by her father. It made this SLP cry big baby tears. http://www.amazon.com/Schuylers-Monster-Fathers-Wordless-Daughter/dp/B003R4ZFYM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1346983961&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=schuyler%27s+monster
Another great one: http://www.amazon.com/The-Diving-Bell-Butterfly-Memoir/dp/0375701214/ref=pd_sim_b_1
Is she a member of national NSSLHA? It's a really good resource for people just starting out! Maybe you could gift her a 1 year subscription! It does benefit her to have a national membership, as it entitles her to discounts when she needs to join ASHA to become a certified SLP. http://www.nsslha.org/join/Newmember.htm
I use storage clipboards all the time when working with clients. Here is a NSSLHA one, but you can find one in the office supplies aisle of any store. http://asha.org/eweb/OLSDynamicPage.aspx?Webcode=olsdetails&amp;title=NSSLHA+Storage+Clipboard
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I would suggest seeking counseling for emotional support as you work through your grief. Nothing will be easy for a while, but that's ok. Eventually you will work through the grief. You never "get over it" but you can work through it. Counseling is very helpful in this situation.
Talk with your counselor and/or Doctor too about support groups.
Here's a few links that I hope might be helpful too:
http://www.amazon.com/Healing-After-Loss-Meditations-Working/dp/0380773384
https://www.mywayforward.com/well-being/grief/working_through_grief/
http://www.goodgriefcenter.com/help/twenty_tips.php
http://dying.about.com/od/thegrievingprocess/a/10-grief-tips.htm
And finally:
> Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”
― Fred Rogers
You take care. Nana internet hug
sorry man. Get some counselling asap. grief will eat your lunch and stuff you in a locker.
i've been reading this since my dad passed in June. It helps.
Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!
Here are your smile-ified links:
Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief
---
^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly&nbsp;bot
Hey if you're going to do it, there is plenty of information out there about doing it successfully and painlessly. The last thing you want is to be a quadriplegic and become a burden to your husband.
are you retarded? if not, id suggest following up with this for his birthday
He probably just didn't want his body to sit and decompose for possibly days/weeks before someone found his corpse, and decided to do it this way because he would rather his body be found by you instead of some stranger. Had he known it would have had such a terribly adverse effect on your life, I'm sure he would have picked a different time or location.
Many years ago I contemplated this issue, and decided that if I ever decided to end my life with a firearm, I would probably do it shortly after pulling into the parking lot of a police station or fire department so as to be found by people who wouldn't be so traumatized by it. Above all else I would want to avoid having my body be discovered by some little kid or other innocent -- although asphyxiation by an inert gas (helium, nitrogen, etc) would definitely be my choice and leaves no mess and would probably be the least traumatic for whoever discovers the body. It is also completely painless and as easy as going to sleep (according to the books on euthanasia that I've read). It does take longer than a bullet however.
You could try Richard Goodall Gallery for music/movie posters, not sure how many metal bands they have...if any. Also I'm not sure if anyone sells prints of Weegee's photographs but he is famous for arriving on crime scenes before the police to grab his shots, here are some examples and here's a decent looking book. There's also this book that I've been trying to track down a copy of in the UK, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes about working in a mortuary.
If he's into vinyl, a lot of metal bands put out limited edition releases which you can probably get for somewhere around £30-50 or even if he's an Argento fan, the Goblin soundtrack to Suspiria would be pretty cool
Fright Rags and Rotten Cotton do horror T-shirts and Rotten Cotton even has an Italian-Horror section with a few Argento items
I can't choose one.
I have Best Of Silent Hill: Music From The Video Game Series
And
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory
Both would need to be used to fit under the $15 limit.
Since you are seeking creepy, this is a favorite song of mine. I always play it when I'm painting.
SECTION | CONTENT
:--|:--
Title | Why Are We Morbidly Curious?
Description | My twitter: http://www.twitter.com/tweetsauce My Instagram: http://instagram.com/electricpants THE SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EYES book: http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Gets-Your-Eyes-Crematory/dp/0393240231 Everyone Loves A Good Train Wreck book: http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Loves-Good-Train-Wreck/dp/0374533709/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1412758187&amp;sr=1-3&amp;keywords=eric+g+wilson Google Glass + Vsauce PARODY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymebYkl2lA0 V1 and V2 and V3 eat gross jelly beans: https:...
Length | 0:13:51
****
^(I am a bot, this is an auto-generated reply | )^Info ^| ^Feedback ^| ^(Reply STOP to opt out permanently)
That is "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory", by Caitlin Doughty (of "Ask a Mortician" fame, I think).
It's definitely a printing (or, more accurately, a layout) error. If you go on Amazon and 'Look Inside' the book, the table of contents has numbers.
With only my phone on me, I'm just going to list out some of the non-fiction I've enjoyed on my commute recently.
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory - Caitlin Doughty Great reading for the morbidly inclined.
Silver Screen Fiend: Learning About Life from an Addiction to Film - Patton Oswalt I would only recommend this book for true cinema fans. It's enjoyable if you get the references and are also a procrastinating creative.
God'll Cut You Down: The Tangled Tale of a White Supremacist, a Black Hustler, a Murder, and How I Lost a Year in Mississippi - John Safran sort of reminds me of Jon Ronson. Good true crime, fish out of water stuff.
Yes Please - Amy Poehler Great advice, hilarious. Get it on audiobook.
Carsick - John Waters John waters being John Waters.
Manson - Jeff Guinn A super fascinating breakdown of the 1960s, and the environment that held Manson is much is a biography. I'm really excited to read his new book his writing about Jim Jones and the 1970's.
Currently on Girl in a Band by Kim Gordon, very excited about it.
Great book by Sherwin Nuland MD: How We Die: Reflections of Life's Final Chapter.
Lack of oxygen to your cells. That's almost always how you die.
I don't think I'm up to that one right now, but I've put it on my list.
I found this one eye-opening and reassuring - in that I feel like I know better how to understand and control the conditions and circumstances of my own eventual demise.
This is a book by a physician about how people die. It is a really good read if you need to come to terms with death. They make a great approach IMHO.
Highly recommend reading How We Die by Sherwin Nuland.
http://www.amazon.com/How-We-Die-Reflections-Chapter/dp/0679742441
I'm not able to give a good concise ELI5 answer, but your answer in part will be determined by the way in which one dies. If you want further reading on the topic this book gives a run down of the sequence of events leading to death, broken down by causes of death. (The book is very readable and written with sensitivity).
http://www.amazon.com/The-American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/
Is the bulk of "The American Way of Death" still relevant today? http://www.amazon.com/The-American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867
How much of the industry is upselling? Is it possible to have a cheap funeral?
My suggestion is to read book-length journalism by top-tier journalists. Below are some examples. Also, you should check out the Longform podcast, which has interviews with journalists about their careers and their work.
David Carr - The Night of the Gun
David Remnick - Reporting: Writings from the New Yorker
Jennifer Gonnerman - Life on the Outside: The Prison Odyssey of Elaine Bartlett
Ta-Nehisi Coates - The Beautiful Struggle: A Father, Two Sons, and an Unlikely Road to Manhood
Jessica Mitford - The American Way of Death Revisited
Wendy Ruderman & Barbara Laker - Busted: A Tale of Corruption in the City of Brotherly Love
Michael Herr - Dispatches
Great book about the cycle of life and death suitable (not scary) for very young children: http://www.amazon.com/The-Fall-Freddie-Leaf-Story/dp/0943432898
A book on loss - it's something she might not read right away, but it's something (I found at least) super helpful, and would be hard to buy yourself. I recommend this book
That's horrible, and I'm so sorry you and your family are dealing with this right now. I hope you can reach a new normal that you can live with sooner rather than later. I read this book over and over again when my brother died of an overdose. Super corny title, but they describe all kinds of amazing coping skills and it helped me process I was feeling. I felt like I was going crazy in the months after the funeral, and the text made me feel normal.
Sponsored by the friends of Nicolas Grégoire.
**
There were approximately 800,000 suicide attempts in the United States in 2005. According to the CDC, more than 33,000 suicides occurred in the US in 2007, and over 395,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries. Extrapolating from this data, only 1 in 25 suicide attempts in the US are successful.
Before calling 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) [Kristin Brooks Hopeline] or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline], be aware that operators on both of these crisis lines are required to send authorities to the residence on file with the telephone company when the caller is considered a threat to himself (or another person). Admitting to being suicidal is often enough to have police or EMTs dispatched to your door without your knowledge. If you do not have insurance, you will be billed for the ambulance ride, the ER visit, and psychiatric hold. The moderators want you to believe this is exaggeration, but it has happened and continues to happen to redditors who call these hotlines.
Never reveal any identifying information to the crisis counselors. An alternative is to use Skype or a pay telephone when contacting these numbers toll free from within the United States. If you do not wish to call a hotline, always create a new account with a unique user name when posting to online support forums like /SuicideWatch.
**
The following is a list of suicide resources. Please stop reading if you do not want to end your life.
Several of the proceeding links are torrents [torrent link]. If you are unfamiliar with BitTorrent, please read this.
**
A comprehensive and objective wiki focusing on suicide methods. Much of this information has been derived from over a decade of contributions to the Usenet groups alt.suicide.holiday and alt.suicide.methods.
An essay which explores the right to end your life.
A thorough article discussing methods to avoid, suicide hotlines, ER visits, and the aftermath.
Making and registering a Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK
According to the CDC, 50% of suicide attempts require emergency medical care. Be prepared.
The leading authority on exiting life peacefully, written by Australian physician and euthanasia researcher, Philip Nitschke. It is published by Exit International, a non-profit right to die organisation which regularly updates the online and print editions with new material and research. This electronic version is from 2007. A more recent edition, including all videos available on Exit International's website up to February 2011, is available in the 511 MB torrent below.
The most controversial and oldest text on self-deliverance, originally published in 1991. This third edition of Humphry's book has been updated with chapters on suicide laws and inert gas. However, the linked version lacks the refinements added in the 2005 and 2009 reprints. The latest addendum may be read here.
A video supplement to Derek Humphry's book which includes a discussion on lethal drugs and helium hoods.
A video tutorial on making an exit bag for the inert gas method. Produced by Exit International and presented by nurse educator, Betty.
A more recent book which focuses on a simplified explanation of the most peaceful methods: inert gas/exit bags, compression of the carotid, and lethal cocktails. The 2nd edition printing contains more diagrams, a list of suppliers for components used in each methods, and reviews of 3rd party products.
Excerpts from one of the foremost research texts on suicide, now out of print. The full book is available below in the 511 MB torrent.
Anyone considering less reliable methods like firearms, jumping, and cutting should read the respective chapters in this book prior to carrying out an attempt.
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (1)
(click the blue link once the page loads)
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (2)
(click the blue link once the page loads)
These tutorials detail the use of hydrogen sulfide (H2S), a pungent but painless neurotoxin that can be easily mixed with household items (i.e. cleaning products containing hydrochloric acid and fungicide/pet dips/bath salts containing lime sulfur). Unfortunately Dr. Kiriyu's guide is poorly translated, and the web cache lacks the original images.
More information on this method is available in the ASH wiki as well the Usenet group alt.suicide.methods.
A feature length documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed over the course of a year.
Warning: contains actual footage of jumpers.
An Open Yale Course on the topic of mortality by Professor Shelly Kagan. Lectures 24-26 discuss suicide.
A short documentary about the Aokigahara Forest, a popular Japanese site for suicides.
Direct link 1
Direct link 2
Direct link 3
This is a 511 MB collection of ebooks and videos available on BitTorrent trackers under different names. It contains various editions of the books listed above. Always use the most recent version of these materials, as several of them are outdated and may contain inaccurate or untested information.
If the links are no longer working, copy & paste the following magnet link into your BitTorrent client:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:MWTIO2OGS6LTXVEAU2ERKUH44P32CEYE
This methods file is no longer maintained as of 2010, but it is an alternative source of information if the ASH wiki is removed by the current host provider.
An impartial website dedicated to providing well referenced information about suicide (methods, statistics).
The official web forum of Exit International, publishers of The Peaceful Pill eHandbook. Methods discussion is prohibited on this forum, but it is often possible to receive up to date information by asking users in private. Please be aware that euthanasia organisations do not advocate self-deliverance for individuals not afflicted with terminal illness.
**
Nicolas Grégoire does not encourage or endorse suicide. Nicolas Grégoire is not affiliated with any of the persons or organisations mentioned in this document. The preceding links have been provided to allow mentally competent adults to make a fair, informed, and unforced choice about a humane and dignified death.
**
If you find this message to be offensive or disturbing, suffer from a mood disorder, are classified as a minor in your country of residence, or are otherwise mentally impaired, the power of Nicolas Grégoire commands you to immediately delete and ignore it.
If this message has helped you, please contact Nicolas Grégoire (@nicolasgregoire) on Twitter.
**
Suicide is another thing that's so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn't for everybody ... it really isn't. Life is like a movie: if you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early. ~ Doug Stanhope
**
The following is a list of suicide resources. Please stop reading if you do not want to end your suffering.
Several of the proceeding links are torrents [torrent link]. If you are unfamiliar with BitTorrent, please read this.
Sponsored by the friends of Scott Dragoo.
**
There were approximately 800,000 suicide attempts in the US in 2005. According to the CDC, more than 33,000 suicides occurred in the US in 2007, and over 395,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries. Extrapolating from this data, only 1 in 25 suicide attempts are successful.
Before calling 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) [Kristin Brooks Hopeline] or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline], be aware that operators on both of these crisis lines are required to send authorities to the residence on file with the telephone company when the caller is considered a threat to himself (or another person). Admitting to being suicidal is often enough to have police or EMTs dispatched to your door without your knowledge. If you do not have insurance, you will be billed for the ambulance ride, the ER visit, and psychiatric hold. The moderators want you to believe this is exaggeration, but it has happened and continues to happen to redditors who call these hotlines.
If you decide to call a hotline, use Skype or a pay telephone to avoid having your number traced. Never reveal any identifying information to the crisis counselors. If you prefer online support, always create a new account with an anonymous name before posting.
**
A comprehensive and impartial wiki focusing on suicide methods. Much of this information has been derived from over a decade of contributions to the Usenet groups alt.suicide.holiday and alt.suicide.methods.
n.b. Always use this website as a supplement to the books written by professionals, available below.
An essay which explores the right to end your life.
A thorough article discussing methods to avoid, suicide hotlines, ER visits, and the aftermath.
Making and registering a Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK
According to the CDC, 50% of suicide attempts require emergency medical care. Be prepared.
A complete guide to exiting life peacefully, written by Australian physicians who focus on euthanasia research. This electronic version is from 2007. A more recent edition, including all tutorial videos available on Exit International's website up to February 2011, is available in the 511 MB torrent below.
A more recent book which focuses on a simplified explanation of the most peaceful methods. The 2nd edition contains more diagrams, a list of suppliers for components used in each method, and reviews of 3rd party products.
One of the foremost research texts on suicide, now out of print. A full PDF version is available below.
Anyone considering less reliable methods like firearms, jumping and cutting should read the respective chapters in this book prior to carrying out an attempt.
One of the most controversial books on self-deliverance, originally published in 1991. The 3rd edition has been updated with chapters on suicide laws and inert gas. However, this version lacks the refinements added in the 2005 and 2009 reprints. Please read the latest addendum, available here.
A video supplement to Final Exit with information on lethal drugs and helium hoods.
Dr. Nitschke gives a brief explanation of the inert gas method using helium.
A short tutorial on making an exit bag, presented by nurse educator, Betty.
Dr. Nitschke prepares a peaceful drug cocktail using the tricyclic antidepressant amitriptyline (Elavil).
A more reliable version of the receipe is available in the ASH wiki.
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (1), Tutorial (2) (click the blue link once the page loads)
Hydrogen sulfide is a fast acting neurotoxin that can be easily mixed with household items: cleaning products containing hydrochloric acid and fungicide/pet dips/bath salts containing lime sulfur. More information on this method is available in the ASH wiki as well the Usenet group alt.suicide.methods.
An article about jumping which examines the time delay between neural processing and impact.
A feature length documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed over the course of a year.
A short documentary about the Aokigahara Forest, a popular Japanese site for suicides.
(http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=5e3_1286805999)
Suicide of a female university student in Syria (April 2012)
Warning: graphic footage of suicides by suspension hanging
An Open Yale Course on the topic of mortality by Professor Shelly Kagan. Lectures 24-26 discuss suicide.
Direct link 1
Direct link 2
Direct link 3
This is a 511 MB collection of ebooks and videos available on BitTorrent trackers under different names. It contains various editions of the books listed above. Always refer to the most recent version provided, as older editions may contain outdated or inaccurate or information.
If the above links are no longer working, copy & paste the following magnet link into your BitTorrent client:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:MWTIO2OGS6LTXVEAU2ERKUH44P32CEYE
Dying Pictures
Two pro-choice support forums for those considering suicide. Discussion of methods is allowed.
Exit's official web forum. Method discussion is prohibited.
A collection of suicide notes gathered from coroners' offices.
This methods file is no longer maintained as of 2010, but it is an alternative source of information if the ASH wiki is unavailable
**
Scott Dragoo does not encourage or endorse suicide. Scott Dragoo is not affiliated with any of the persons or organisations mentioned in this document. The preceding links have been provided to allow mentally competent adults to make a fair, informed, and unforced choice about a humane and dignified death.
**
If you find this message to be offensive or disturbing, suffer from a mood disorder, are classified as a minor in your country of residence, or are otherwise mentally impaired, the power of Scott Dragoo commands you to immediately delete and ignore it.
**
If this message has helped you, please contact Scott Dragoo by phone, letter or email:
Scott Dragoo, Program Director
Social Outreach Services
1224 S Gilbert St.
Iowa City, IA 52240
(319) 855-8172
(319) 855-2744
[email protected]
**
Suicide is another thing that's so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn't for everybody ... it really isn't. Life is like a movie: if you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early. ~ Doug Stanhope
**
The following is a list of suicide resources. Please stop reading if you do not want to end your suffering.
Several of the proceeding links are torrents [torrent link]. If you are unfamiliar with BitTorrent, please read this.
Sponsored by the friends of Scott Dragoo.
**
There were approximately 800,000 suicide attempts in the US in 2005. According to the CDC, more than 33,000 suicides occurred in the US in 2007, and over 395,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries. Extrapolating from this data, only 1 in 25 suicide attempts are successful.
Before calling 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) [Kristin Brooks Hopeline] or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline], be aware that operators on both of these crisis lines are required to send authorities to the residence on file with the telephone company when the caller is considered a threat to himself (or another person). Admitting to being suicidal is often enough to have police or EMTs dispatched to your door without your knowledge. If you do not have insurance, you will be billed for the ambulance ride, the ER visit, and psychiatric hold. The moderators want you to believe this is exaggeration, but it has happened and continues to happen to redditors who call these hotlines.
If you decide to call a hotline, use Skype or a pay telephone to avoid having your number traced. Never reveal any identifying information to the crisis counselors. If you prefer online support, always create a new account with an anonymous name before posting.
**
A comprehensive and impartial wiki focusing on suicide methods. Much of this information has been derived from over a decade of contributions to the Usenet groups alt.suicide.holiday and alt.suicide.methods.
n.b. Always use this website as a supplement to the books written by professionals, available below.
An essay which explores the right to end your life.
A thorough article discussing methods to avoid, suicide hotlines, ER visits, and the aftermath.
Making and registering a Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK
According to the CDC, 50% of suicide attempts require emergency medical care. Be prepared.
A complete guide to exiting life peacefully, written by Australian physicians who focus on euthanasia research. This electronic version is from 2007. A more recent edition, including all tutorial videos available on Exit International's website up to February 2011, is available in the 511 MB torrent below.
A more recent book which focuses on a simplified explanation of the most peaceful methods. The 2nd edition contains more diagrams, a list of suppliers for components used in each method, and reviews of 3rd party products.
Selected chapters from Dr. Stone's foremost research text on suicide, which is now out of print. A full PDF version is available below.
Anyone considering less reliable methods like firearms, jumping and cutting should read the respective chapters in this book prior to carrying out an attempt.
One of the most controversial books on self-deliverance, originally published in 1991. The 3rd edition has been updated with chapters on suicide laws and inert gas. However, this version lacks the refinements added in the 2005 and 2009 reprints. Please read the latest addendum, available here.
A video supplement to Final Exit with information on lethal drugs and helium hoods.
Dr. Nitschke gives a brief explanation of the inert gas method using helium.
A short tutorial on making an exit bag, presented by nurse educator, Betty.
Dr. Nitschke prepares a peaceful drug cocktail using the tricyclic antidepressant amitriptyline (Elavil).
A more reliable version of the receipe is available in the ASH wiki.
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (1), Tutorial (2) (click the blue link once the page loads)
Hydrogen sulfide is a fast acting neurotoxin that can be easily mixed with household items: cleaning products containing hydrochloric acid and fungicide/pet dips/bath salts containing lime sulfur. More information on this method is available in the ASH wiki as well the Usenet group alt.suicide.methods.
An article about jumping which examines the time delay between neural processing and impact.
A feature length documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed over the course of a year.
A short documentary about the Aokigahara Forest, a popular Japanese site for suicides.
(http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=5e3_1286805999)
Suicide of a female university student in Syria (April 2012)
Warning: graphic footage of suicides by suspension hanging
An Open Yale Course on the topic of mortality by Professor Shelly Kagan. Lectures 24-26 discuss suicide.
Direct link 1
Direct link 2
Direct link 3
This is a 511 MB collection of ebooks and videos available on BitTorrent trackers under different names. It contains various editions of the books listed above. Always refer to the most recent version provided, as older editions may contain outdated or inaccurate or information.
If the above links are no longer working, copy & paste the following magnet link into your BitTorrent client:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:MWTIO2OGS6LTXVEAU2ERKUH44P32CEYE
Dying Pictures
Two pro-choice support forums for those considering suicide. Discussion of methods is allowed.
Exit's official web forum. Method discussion is prohibited.
A collection of suicide notes gathered from coroners' offices.
This methods file is no longer maintained as of 2010, but it is an alternative source of information if the ASH wiki is unavailable
**
Scott Dragoo does not encourage or endorse suicide. Scott Dragoo is not affiliated with any of the persons or organisations mentioned in this document. The preceding links have been provided to allow mentally competent adults to make a fair, informed, and unforced choice about a humane and dignified death.
**
If you find this message to be offensive or disturbing, suffer from a mood disorder, are classified as a minor in your country of residence, or are otherwise mentally impaired, the power of Scott Dragoo commands you to immediately delete and ignore it.
**
If this message has helped you, please contact Scott Dragoo by phone, letter or email:
Scott Dragoo, Program Director
Social Outreach Services
1224 S Gilbert St.
Iowa City, IA 52240
(319) 855-8172
(319) 855-2744
[email protected]
**
> since many more gun control laws have been reduced or eliminated over the last decade than have been imposed.
This is a good thing, and we are in fact winning; including hearts, minds, and in the legislative branch.
This doesn't seem to stop the DOJ from smugglling guns into Mexico so the blame can fall on gun shows. It doesn't stop the President from pushing for another ineffective AWB after a mass shooting.
>nor the high volumes of accidental killings and wounding from firearms.
They're down. They've been going down on a per capita basis for years. For adults, the NRA pushes their own version of the Four Rules of Firearms Safety.
For kids, Eddie Eagle has been teaching kids a simple message everyone should be able to get behind: Stop, Don't touch, Run away, Tell a grown-up
While the suicides are regrettable, I feel its more a mental health issue rather than easy access to firearms. In a free society you will always have multiple ways to make an exit. I don't see anyone calling for the censorship of books such as this.
Suicide is another thing that's so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn't for everybody ... it really isn't. Life is like a movie: if you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early. ~ Doug Stanhope
**
The following is a list of suicide resources. Please stop reading if you do not want to end your suffering.
Several of the proceeding links are torrents [torrent link]. If you are unfamiliar with BitTorrent, please read this.
Sponsored by the friends of Scott Dragoo.
**
There were approximately 800,000 suicide attempts in the US in 2005. According to the CDC, more than 33,000 suicides occurred in the US in 2007, and over 395,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries. Extrapolating from this data, only 1 in 25 suicide attempts are successful.
Before calling 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) [Kristin Brooks Hopeline] or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline], be aware that operators on both of these crisis lines are required to send authorities to the residence on file with the telephone company when the caller is considered a threat to himself (or another person). Admitting to being suicidal is often enough to have police or EMTs dispatched to your door without your knowledge. If you do not have insurance, you will be billed for the ambulance ride, the ER visit, and psychiatric hold. The moderators want you to believe this is exaggeration, but it has happened and continues to happen to redditors who call these hotlines.
If you decide to call a hotline, use Skype or a pay telephone to avoid having your number traced. Never reveal any identifying information to the crisis counselors. If you prefer online support, always create a new account with an anonymous name before posting.
**
A comprehensive and impartial wiki focusing on suicide methods. Much of this information has been derived from over a decade of contributions to the Usenet groups alt.suicide.holiday and alt.suicide.methods.
n.b. Always use this website as a supplement to the books written by professionals, available below.
An essay which explores the right to end your life.
A thorough article discussing methods to avoid, suicide hotlines, ER visits, and the aftermath.
Making and registering a Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK
According to the CDC, 50% of suicide attempts require emergency medical care. Be prepared.
A complete guide to exiting life peacefully, written by Australian physicians who focus on euthanasia research. This electronic version is from 2007. A more recent edition, including all tutorial videos available on Exit International's website up to February 2011, is available in the 511 MB torrent below.
A more recent book which focuses on a simplified explanation of the most peaceful methods. The 2nd edition contains more diagrams, a list of suppliers for components used in each method, and reviews of 3rd party products.
One of the foremost research texts on suicide, now out of print. A full PDF version is available below.
Anyone considering less reliable methods like firearms, jumping and cutting should read the respective chapters in this book prior to carrying out an attempt.
One of the most controversial books on self-deliverance, originally published in 1991. The 3rd edition has been updated with chapters on suicide laws and inert gas. However, this version lacks the refinements added in the 2005 and 2009 reprints. Please read the latest addendum, available here.
A video supplement to Final Exit with information on lethal drugs and helium hoods.
Dr. Nitschke gives a brief explanation of the inert gas method using helium.
A short tutorial on making an exit bag, presented by nurse educator, Betty.
Dr. Nitschke prepares a peaceful drug cocktail using the tricyclic antidepressant amitriptyline (Elavil).
A more reliable version of the receipe is available in the ASH wiki.
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (1), Tutorial (2) (click the blue link once the page loads)
Hydrogen sulfide is a fast acting neurotoxin that can be easily mixed with household items: cleaning products containing hydrochloric acid and fungicide/pet dips/bath salts containing lime sulfur. More information on this method is available in the ASH wiki as well the Usenet group alt.suicide.methods.
An article about jumping which examines the time delay between neural processing and impact.
A feature length documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed over the course of a year.
A short documentary about the Aokigahara Forest, a popular Japanese site for suicides.
(http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=5e3_1286805999)
Suicide of a female university student in Syria (April 2012)
Warning: graphic footage of suicides by suspension hanging
An Open Yale Course on the topic of mortality by Professor Shelly Kagan. Lectures 24-26 discuss suicide.
Direct link 1
Direct link 2
Direct link 3
This is a 511 MB collection of ebooks and videos available on BitTorrent trackers under different names. It contains various editions of the books listed above. Always refer to the most recent version provided, as older editions may contain outdated or inaccurate or information.
If the above links are no longer working, copy & paste the following magnet link into your BitTorrent client:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:MWTIO2OGS6LTXVEAU2ERKUH44P32CEYE
Dying Pictures
Two pro-choice support forums for those considering suicide. Discussion of methods is allowed.
Exit's official web forum. Method discussion is prohibited.
A collection of suicide notes gathered from coroners' offices.
This methods file is no longer maintained as of 2010, but it is an alternative source of information if the ASH wiki is unavailable
**
Scott Dragoo does not encourage or endorse suicide. Scott Dragoo is not affiliated with any of the persons or organisations mentioned in this document. The preceding links have been provided to allow mentally competent adults to make a fair, informed, and unforced choice about a humane and dignified death.
**
If you find this message to be offensive or disturbing, suffer from a mood disorder, are classified as a minor in your country of residence, or are otherwise mentally impaired, the power of Scott Dragoo commands you to immediately delete and ignore it.
**
If this message has helped you, please contact Scott Dragoo by phone, letter or email:
Scott Dragoo, Program Director
Social Outreach Services
1224 S Gilbert St.
Iowa City, IA 52240
(319) 855-8172
(319) 855-2744
[email protected]
**
When I was first diagnosed, these two books helped me process it:
The Buddha and the Borderline, a first-person account of a woman's experience with BPD, provided some recognition into some of my own past and present experiences and helped me to understand them in a new context. I cried throughout the entire thing, as I recognized myself on every page. It was this book helped me see how the diagnosis fit. It's got a positive ending though :-)
The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide provided a lot of diagnostic and practical information in a non-judgmental and positive light.
I am also doing DBT, and that's been helpful, but for me, it's not been a source of info on BPD itself. They seem to avoid referencing BPD by name and instead refer to it "emotion regulation difficulties" or similar. In fact, I only found out I had the diagnosis because I needed my diagnosis code information for my insurance. Kinda weird.
It sounds like your boyfriend is really great. Mine doesn't know about the BPD diagnosis (just that I have been depressed, hospitalized and self-harmed). It's excellent that yours knows and is sticking by you.
Good luck!!!
Tocmai, unii nu au taria ta (sau situatia lor este foarte grava) si au nevoie de ajutor exterior. Nu inseamna ca e ceva in neregula cu ei.
Te axezi pe experienta ta, dar depresia vine in mai multe forme si afecteaza oamenii diferit. Daca ai vreodata chef, cauta The Noonday Demon, ataca niste probleme interesante la care noi nu prea ne gandim cand vine vorba de depresie.
Suicide is another thing that's so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn't for everybody ... it really isn't. Life is like a movie: if you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early. ~ Doug Stanhope
**
The following is a list of suicide resources. Please stop reading if you do not want to end your suffering.
Several of the proceeding links are torrents [torrent link]. If you are unfamiliar with BitTorrent, please read this.
Sponsored by the friends of Scott Dragoo.
**
There were approximately 800,000 suicide attempts in the US in 2005. According to the CDC, more than 33,000 suicides occurred in the US in 2007, and over 395,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries. Extrapolating from this data, only 1 in 25 suicide attempts are successful.
Before calling 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) [Kristin Brooks Hopeline] or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline], be aware that operators on both of these crisis lines are required to send authorities to the residence on file with the telephone company when the caller is considered a threat to himself (or another person). Admitting to being suicidal is often enough to have police or EMTs dispatched to your door without your knowledge. If you do not have insurance, you will be billed for the ambulance ride, the ER visit, and psychiatric hold. The moderators want you to believe this is exaggeration, but it has happened and continues to happen to redditors who call these hotlines.
If you decide to call a hotline, use Skype or a pay telephone to avoid having your number traced. Never reveal any identifying information to the crisis counselors. If you prefer online support, always create a new account with an anonymous name before posting.
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A comprehensive and impartial wiki focusing on suicide methods. Much of this information has been derived from over a decade of contributions to the Usenet groups alt.suicide.holiday and alt.suicide.methods.
n.b. Always use this website as a supplement to the books written by professionals, available below.
An essay which explores the right to end your life.
A thorough article discussing methods to avoid, suicide hotlines, ER visits, and the aftermath.
Making and registering a Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK
According to the CDC, 50% of suicide attempts require emergency medical care. Be prepared.
A complete guide to exiting life peacefully, written by Australian physicians who focus on euthanasia research. This electronic version is from 2007. A more recent edition, including all tutorial videos available on Exit International's website up to February 2011, is available in the 511 MB torrent below.
A more recent book which focuses on a simplified explanation of the most peaceful methods. The 2nd edition contains more diagrams, a list of suppliers for components used in each method, and reviews of 3rd party products.
Selected chapters from Dr. Stone's foremost research text on suicide, which is now out of print. A full PDF version is available below.
Anyone considering less reliable methods like firearms, jumping and cutting should read the respective chapters in this book prior to carrying out an attempt.
One of the most controversial books on self-deliverance, originally published in 1991. The 3rd edition has been updated with chapters on suicide laws and inert gas. However, this version lacks the refinements added in the 2005 and 2009 reprints. Please read the latest addendum, available here.
A video supplement to Final Exit with information on lethal drugs and helium hoods.
Dr. Nitschke gives a brief explanation of the inert gas method using helium.
A short tutorial on making an exit bag, presented by nurse educator, Betty.
Dr. Nitschke prepares a peaceful drug cocktail using the tricyclic antidepressant amitriptyline (Elavil).
A more reliable version of the receipe is available in the ASH wiki.
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (1), Tutorial (2) (click the blue link once the page loads)
Hydrogen sulfide is a fast acting neurotoxin that can be easily mixed with household items: cleaning products containing hydrochloric acid and fungicide/pet dips/bath salts containing lime sulfur. More information on this method is available in the ASH wiki as well the Usenet group alt.suicide.methods.
An article about jumping which examines the time delay between neural processing and impact.
A feature length documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed over the course of a year.
A short documentary about the Aokigahara Forest, a popular Japanese site for suicides.
(http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=5e3_1286805999)
Suicide of a female university student in Syria (April 2012)
Warning: graphic footage of suicides by suspension hanging
An Open Yale Course on the topic of mortality by Professor Shelly Kagan. Lectures 24-26 discuss suicide.
Direct link 1
Direct link 2
Direct link 3
This is a 511 MB collection of ebooks and videos available on BitTorrent trackers under different names. It contains various editions of the books listed above. Always refer to the most recent version provided, as older editions may contain outdated or inaccurate or information.
If the above links are no longer working, copy & paste the following magnet link into your BitTorrent client:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:MWTIO2OGS6LTXVEAU2ERKUH44P32CEYE
Dying Pictures
Two pro-choice support forums for those considering suicide. Discussion of methods is allowed.
Exit's official web forum. Method discussion is prohibited.
A collection of suicide notes gathered from coroners' offices.
This methods file is no longer maintained as of 2010, but it is an alternative source of information if the ASH wiki is unavailable
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Scott Dragoo does not encourage or endorse suicide. Scott Dragoo is not affiliated with any of the persons or organisations mentioned in this document. The preceding links have been provided to allow mentally competent adults to make a fair, informed, and unforced choice about a humane and dignified death.
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If you find this message to be offensive or disturbing, suffer from a mood disorder, are classified as a minor in your country of residence, or are otherwise mentally impaired, the power of Scott Dragoo commands you to immediately delete and ignore it.
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If this message has helped you, please contact Scott Dragoo by phone, letter or email:
Scott Dragoo, Program Director
Social Outreach Services
1224 S Gilbert St.
Iowa City, IA 52240
(319) 855-8172
(319) 855-2744
[email protected]
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In a sense, yes. A formal diagnosis is not a requirement, but could be helpful if that is really what is going on. It could also be a hindrance. Unfortunately, the situation in the mental health field nowadays is really complicated, particularly with the fact that so many practitioners have significant problems with pathological narcissism themselves. It is absolutely critical, if you are having a problem with pathological narcissism, that you do take the reigns in addressing the problem. In that regard, narcissistic psychopathology parallels addiction very significantly. Many practitioners even recommend 12 step programs. As you may already know, narcissistic psychopathology is very common among M.D.'s in the U.S. and elsewhere - particularly among surgeons (current estimates of NPD as high as 40%, and my guess is that is low).
Another route is to also consider how your childhood and familial experiences effected you. A good book to read is "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists". Another good one is "Why is It Always About You?" (ignore the preachy Christian parts). Trying to think deeply about the stories and lessons of these books and how they relate to you, your life, and your family and friends is critical. Almost everyone is surrounded by pathological narcissism in some way in the U.S., so there will be useful lessons, to some degree, on practically every page. In particular, if you start realizing that you are suffering/effected by narcissism in your life, heed the lessons pointed out in the Wizard of Oz book - they are extremely useful, but MUST be put into practice, not simply "understood". If you seek out treatment from mental health clinicians, pay very close attention to the sections of the book where she describes how to spot pathological narcissism in clinicians and put it into use. This is critically important regardless of what your condition turns out to be. A clinician with traits or full NPD can not only be unhelpful to your treatment, but even dangerous, and they are all too common. Avoid any religiously preachy clinicians like the plague, as a rule.
Have you considered doing some workbooks? That may be helpful because it removes the personal aspect of the intervention. A good one is:
https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131
You might benefit from neurofeedback. Some is better than others, so don't be put off if it doesn't work well the first place you try.
It sounds like you'll want to really pay attention to the covert/introverted narcissism components. If you read about these topics and things start resonating (which can lead to intensely strong feelings, "good" or "bad"), then you are probably on the right track. The absolute key is to be extremely honest with yourself. Really, really extremely honest and non-morally-judgemental. You may also find a lot of value in a concept called "radical acceptance". You seem to be struggling significantly with not being able to be the "Great Savior" to your patients that you wanted to be. You'll probably nee to do a lot of reflection on that and think about how it figures into your life story. Developing a journaling habit, if you don't already, would probably be an excellent idea. Getting your life story out and thinking about why things happened is key. Reflect, integrate realizations into your life story. Rinse and repeat.
I went through a multi-decade ordeal in assisting a family member (also a doctor) who was in a nearly identical situation as you. There was NPD, but also comingled with addiction (substance), mood disorder, and bipolar. It was pretty difficult to sort out, but that person is doing much, much better now. Of course, this is all routed in childhood trauma, so it may be helpful to do some basic reading on that:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Tiger-Healing-Peter-Levine/dp/155643233X
Learn what your triggers are, and mind them.
Finally, a really important concept is discussed by Ronningstam, which is often overlooked by even very good practitioners who understand narcissism quite well. It is the critical component of redirecting ego-drive into healthy behaviors; Understanding the difference between healthy narcissism vs. pathological narcissism. This is, IMO, the #1 reason why NPD, pathological traits thereof, and addiction treatment fail so often. She discusses this very well in other parts of her book.
Of course I could be completely wrong, but that's my opinion, for what it's worth. As I mentioned, if you start digging, stay honest, and it starts resonating (good or bad), you're probably on the right path.
Good luck.