(Part 3) Best books according to redditors
We found 719,500 Reddit comments discussing the best books. We ranked the 224,006 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 41-60. You can also go back to the previous section.
56. The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy
131 mentions
Great product!
Historically, you have about a 15% chance of dying due to violence. In the last century, despite two world wars, the chance is 3%. We live in objectively the safest world that has ever existed.
Edit: Source.
Unfortunately, I don't think she got around to reading The Ethical Slut yet.
Money is a powerful incentive. I'm horrified and disgusted by it as well, but unfortunately it just shows that there is a price at which all morals are abandoned. This is what autocracies do and we let them because it's in our best interests to.
Edit: This may be a good reminder to look at CGPGrey's video on how leaders stay in power and track the similarities with recent conflicts in Venezuela and Syria. Also check out the book the video's based on.
https://youtu.be/rStL7niR7gs
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1610391845/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1497164331&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=dictators+handbook&dpPl=1&dpID=511siLPTlwL&ref=plSrch
Your sister is in heavy denial about the abuse she's been suffering.
This isn't your fault. All the police were doing is investigating a situation. They heard enough when approaching the scene to feel like the situation was dangerous enough to pull out their weapons. What you said may have given them concern, but to be concerned enough to pull a firearm is another matter entirely. They only supposed to do that when there's a danger to themselves or others. Your sister's husband was dumb enough to raise a gun to a cop. Doesn't matter if it was loaded it not, no cop is going to wait to find out because waiting can cost a life, theirs or an innocent. I'm wondering if he was trying to commit suicide by cop. Anyone who knows anything about guns and the law is that once you raise a gun to a cop they will shoot.
You may have saved your sister's & her son's life, even if she won't thank you for it. As for her inlaws, I doubt they can make a lawsuit stick. All you did was ask the police to check on your sister. What happened as a result of that is not your fault. It sounds to me like everyone involved is mentally sick, and it's sad all around. I think maybe there couldn't have been a good outcome, just degrees of bad.
This whole situation reminds me of a book called The Gift of Fear. That book may help you come to some sort of understanding of why this may of happened, & honestly I think this book should be required reading for young folks.
I'm sorry this happened. Good luck to you and your family.
Well this seems like a good opportunity to post a few of the lessons I learned in my 20s.
To my former self:
If you're depressed, here's how to turn it around
Fap less, and never to porn
Gratitude
Wealth
Theories
Girls
Career
Flow
Meditation
*****
Edit:
To answer some requests, here's my list of resources.
Wealth/Metaphysics
This audiobook has the best summary I've found of how wealth works
Lifting
How Procrastination works:
How Business works
What innovation actually is and how to do it:
How economics works:
How to get things done:
Task Management tool:
Spiritual Books
How to be a man:
Audiobooks (most of these can be found on audiobook):
Frame Control (Anytime you feel like you're trying too hard or begging for something, you lost the frame)
This is my favourite book of all. They talk about the new type of conscousness which is really really interesting to me. May not apply to all people.
If anyone find this book interesting I'd love to talk about it:
How the world works:
The exact four books I read are:
Learning Obj-C
Learning Java
iOS Programming: The Big Nerd Ranch Guide
Android Programming: The Big Nerd Ranch Guide
However, I would now recommend learning Swift instead of Obj-C. At the time when I was looking into iOS books, good books on Swift were few and far between.
> What a creepy little fucker. He gave me bad vibes the minute I met him. Goes to show that your intuition about people is right sometimes.
The Gift of Fear
Read it. Dead serious. It will change your perspective on your gut instincts.
Ah yes, same here. Married 6 years. I should have figured it out when she wrote a horribly nasty letter to my mom behind my back about a year in, but she had me convinced somehow that my mom was at fault for whatever it was. She also turned on all my friends one by one, saying this person is mean, that person is a terrible friend etc when the only one freaking out and causing drama was my ex. All my friends knew what a train wreck it was, but I wouldn't have listened to them if they had said anything. I had to come to the realization myself and it took me way too long. Like years too long.
As someone else mentioned, it really is likely to be Borderline Personality Disorder. For anyone else dealing with this, I recommend reading Stop Walking on Eggshells. It really helped me at the time.
Also she knows my username and I couldn't care less if she reads this. Fuck you bitch, I hope your life has further unraveled and people aren't willing to put up with your shit!
edit - grammar
Don't ever compromise your safety -- even to avoid appearing rude or unfriendly -- if your gut instinct tells you it's a sketchy situation. Good people will understand, and even if they don't, who gives a shit, safety is more important. Example: An otherwise friendly, well-dressed, articulate man knocks on your door and says he needs to borrow money for gas or use your phone, but you feel uncomfortable, etc.
Good book on this topic
You missed one.
Real mental health awareness means treating it like the rest of a person's health.
In Canada it blows my mind (pun unintended) that mental health isn't covered by our health care system.
I would like to recommend a book to a fellow introvert it's called Quiet, it's a very good book on introverts.
Sounds like the "Millionaire Next Door" effect: https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising-Americas/dp/1589795474
People who got rich from their own efforts tend to be very sensitive to value and ways of saving money. They have the experience of going through tough times while they were growing their business. So they do things like buy used cars because a new car loses a big chunk of value the day you drive it off the lot. The sales guy in the fancy suit driving the new BMW is likely deeply in debt trying to impress other people.
A good compliment to this is Jonathon Haidt's The Righteous Mind.
Also, the article said:
> That’s exactly what Americans did after the terror attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. People began flying less and driving more. The result, estimated Gerd Gigerenzer, a German risk specialist, was that 1,595 more Americans died in road accidents during the 12 months after 9/11 than would have otherwise.
I don't think more people are driving merely because they are afraid of terrorism. I hate flying now because of all the stupid security theater we are now subject to. I much prefer to get in my car and drive versus going to the airport two hours early, get felt up, make sure all my bottles are tiny, etc. I have made several long car trips because I simply didn't want the hassle of flying.
Points:
your MIL is reaching for power and control. you know the stories. you know how these cunts play the game. she's already shown you that she gives ZERO FUCKS ABOUT YOUR CHILD AND MORE ABOUT BEING THE ONE IN POWER AND CONTROL
you haven't yet, read The gift of fear
REMEMBER WE ARE HERE FOR YOU. WE WILL DO WHAT WE CAN FOR YOU. ANGER IS A HELPFUL TOOL. USE IT.
Two-and-a-half years?! I'm very sorry, u/exquisitelyexhausted but that's stalking behavior.
Start keeping records of his attempts to contact you. His showing up at your gym is not a good sign--in fact, it's a sign that he may be escalating. Please read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker for more on this sort of behavior and the steps you can take.
You don't need school to learn how to do that. It's true for most things in life but it is even easier with computer science.
Want to learn C ? No school will ever teach it better than the book The C Programming Language (also called K&R) by Brian Kernighan and Dennis Ritchie.
Want to learn C++ ? You should start with C or C# or Java and then go for Programming: Principles and Practice Using C++ by Bjarne Stroustrup.
Want to learn Python ? Go to python.org and pick a tutorial.
Want to learn Javascript ? Eloquent JavaScript by Marijn Haverbeke.
Want to learn HTML5 ? Maybe have a look at diveintohtml5.info or W3Schools
Want to learn Java ? The Java Programming Language by Ken Arnold or Head First Java by Kathy Sierra.
You need two things, time and will. You'd be surprise how easy it is to learn all those things if you like it and if you have a dream project.
edit: Woh, thanks for the gold. :D
That is a very fast and nasty escalation -- and one that could have put you in more danger of being attacked by someone else.
Please be sure to let your boss know about this right away. As you said, you can't prove it was her, but is is pretty likely that it was. It would be wise to change your schedule. Given that your boss has already had to report your Nmonster to the police, your boss will likely want to help you do that. It would also be good to get a picture of your Nmom to the appropriate security folks at work so that they know the miscreant when they see her.
Given this incident, you would be wise to consider getting more protections for yourself in place.
You may also find this book useful The Gift of Fear.
Please take this escalation seriously and get your protections in place. One of the things that happens with ACONs is that our "Normal Meters" get broken and / or seriously skewed by decades of mistreatment by our NParents. Your buddy is freaked out for a reason. The other posters here are scared for you for a reason. If your nmom has escalated this fast and this maliciously, things aren't likely to quiet down.
Sending hugs (if you want them).
Edit: word
When you learned Spanish, did you start having full-fledged conversations? Just walked into class on day one and boom: "tango el gato los pantalones"?
If I were a betting man, I'd say no.
They gave you a book for grammar, a dictionary for words, and taught you ways to pronounce and express sounds that aren't in English.
Most videos (whether they mean to or not) are presented in such a way, that you need to know Spanish before you start learning Spanish. Sometimes you get lucky, but most are for the already initiated.
I usually recommend this book for the uninitiated. It's quite descriptive, very short, and covers a large amount of topics briefly enough to get one interested in the language (or in programming in general). This is your grammar book.
Here's your dictionary.
The last thing you need is to use the language. In the case of programming, solve a problem. If you want to make games; learn the basics of Java grammar, and make a guess-the-number game. Then work up to a text adventure. Then figure out how to do pong, then breakout, then tetris, then Mario.
Software development isn't about knowing everything. It's about knowing what you don't know and learning what you need to learn to solve the problem.
I really enjoyed Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman
It's an autobiography by physicist Richard Feynman. Very fun read, by an incredibly interesting man.
Gather as much evidence about this as possible. If the school tries to hang your daughter over the incident, you use this against them. Go after them for neglecting to take action or being complicit in putting your daughter in emotional turmoil that lead to the whole thing. If necessary, lawyer up and see what the lawyer says you can get away with.
Normally I don't like these kinds of tactics but think of it as a form of Aikido :-) They're trying to cover their asses so you need to CYA.
About Krav Maga and your daugher's reaction. I haven't practiced Krav Maga itself but have similar other martial arts. Her reaction is exactly what's needed to keep herself safe from violence. The only thing is that she's a teenager and hasn't yet learned some other aspects, like de-escalation and avoiding a confrontation. These are two very important skills for survival and complementary to the fighting skills.
I encourage you and your daughter to read The Gift of Fear by Gavin Becker.
There is a book called The Body Keeps the Score
It talks distinctly about how sometimes talk therapy can open wounds rather than heal them. Sometimes the body is so caught up in the wounds that the mind isn't ready for traditional therapy. It makes a whole bunch of suggestions on how to deal with trauma in other ways. Perhaps this may give you some of the relief that you desire.
You have every right to be angry. I hope that no-one judges you. And if they do, then they obviously haven't the foggiest notion what you have been through.
The world is way more peaceful and prosperous than it has been at nearly any other point in human history. Take for instance Rwanda. Two decades ago it was engaged in one of the worst genocides in human history. Now it is run by a very efficient government that has banned tribalism and is presiding over some of the fastest gains in human development in the world.
That doesn't mean that there aren't areas where things are getting worse, but the overall trend is generally positive.
Edit: A lot of you are making valid points that there are some important trends moving in a negative direction: climate change, environmental degradation, the fraying of the international liberal order. While it is still true that humanity has never been more peaceful than it has today (this is objectively true across a wide variety of metrics), I agree that these are pressing problems that if not addressed quickly, threaten our survival as a species in the long-term. But, I want to push back against the deep despair that I know many of you feel, because humanity has survived worse.
Around 70,000 years ago, humanity faced the greatest crisis in its history. A volcanic explosion of gargantuan proportions caused global temperatures to drop as much as 20 degrees in many places. This change caused a massive decline in our population to as few as a few hundred or thousand individuals. But we endured, despite having virtually no recognizable technology to aid us. We bounced back and 60,000 years later, we were building cities and had colonized almost the entire planet. We are now facing the second greatest threat our species has ever seen, but now we have something we never had before: we have science. We have technology. And we have governments that can harness the wealth and intelligence of billions of people to serve our collective will, if we choose to use them. I am not saying that will be enough, but it is a much better starting point than that faced by our ancestors. If I were to make a bet, I'd bet on our survival at a minimum, as humanity has already survived worse with less. I'd even say that given all that we have to fight climate change, that we will probably suffer nowhere near as much as we did then.
Edit2: Thanks for the gold!
SURPRISE:
Eyes wide to see better. Mouth open to breath better in case of emergency physical action.
Touching the mouth is what's referred to an "adapter" or "pacifying behavior", an action that serves to calm us down after a negative or traumatizing experience.
The mouth and neck are two of the most touched areas during these types of behavior.
Source? This awesome book written by an FBI interviewer who watches for these behaviors during questioning to see what line of questioning is making the subject uncomfortable.
Confessions of an Economic Hitman goes into great detail about the Bechtel Corporation. Very well written story about a guy who was unwarily caught up in instituting U.S. interests abroad.
groan
It was cool for you to have hook-ups with her and boff her in the toilets, but since she did that stuff with other people too, it's...
You're right about the "it's my issue" part. Except... The "I'm a slut" bit sounds like (as you note a couple of times) low self-esteem, crossed with internalised cultural crap. A boyfriend who has also internalised shaming stuff about sex will not be helpful to her. It would probably help both of you to use this as an opportunity to grow a bit here. Promiscuity isn't for everybody, but with consenting adults, is there any reason it's a problem...? Probably not, except for the shaming. Which makes no sense, and which is more of a problem than anything that comes out of thoughtful promiscuity. I haven't read it but The Ethical Slut is very well-reviewed...
>I find solace in the fact she has never dated before
That's not really a loving/caring/mature slant on it. It would be one thing if she had not wanted to date; as is it almost sounds like her self-esteem is so far down she didn't see herself as somebody who could be another person's partner. That's a thing to grieve, really.
Dunno. If you don't want to love and care for the entirety of this person, it's probably not a good idea to half-ass it. But plenty of this relationship sounds promising; I'd work on it.
If you haven't read it already, Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! is a fantastic read.
Nice related book by a very readable author:
> The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined, Steven Pinker
>
> Believe it or not, today we may be living in the most peaceful moment in our species' existence. In his gripping and controversial new work, New York Times bestselling author Steven Pinker shows that despite the ceaseless news about war, crime, and terrorism, violence has actually been in decline over long stretches of history. Exploding myths about humankind's inherent violence and the curse of modernity, this ambitious book continues Pinker's exploration of the essence of human nature, mixing psychology and history to provide a remarkable picture of an increasingly enlightened world
https://www.amazon.com/Better-Angels-Our-Nature-Violence/dp/0143122010/
On Killing goes into quite a bit of detail on this.
But stranger danger is scare tactic and not really all that effective or accurate so it's not really taught anymore.
Most people will have to talk to strangers, and not all of them are the real enemy and it doesn't teach between the two. The move it towards teaching them which are a good choice and even towards trusting your gut and tricky people.
That said, I agree it's important to aware of people at any age. And that this has red flags, and it was important to pay attention to those as the OP did.
To that end, I think Gavin de Becker's work on fear should be more widely read, including The Gift of Fear.
In the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, the author Susan Cain shares and summarizes scientific studies that indeed prove you are born an introvert or extrovert.
A key difference between introversion and extroversion is that introverts recharge by spending time alone while extroverts recharge by socializing. While an unbalanced life or addiction to something can definitely be fuel for introversion, it doesn't cause it. I think the stress of daily life is what pushes many introverts to gaming or electronics in general since it's a way to recharge after your brain has been overstimulated for most of the day.
I recommend reading "The Millionaire Next Door", it goes it to more detail about the spending/saving/investing habits of the
averagemost millionaires in America. Living in a culture that prioritizes spending it's not surprising those who do the best financially go against the grain, and are also frowned upon.Articles from reputable sources are a decent source of knowledge, but some quality business books will get you an infinitely better understanding of concepts. Here is my personal business book list if you want to get a "universal generalist" understanding of business:
I am graduating with a Bachelor of Commerce Honors degree in May and I can easily say that one of these books (average price ~25$) has significantly more content than most individual classes I have taken (~600$). However, keep in mind that business knowledge and business acumen are two entirely different things. Knowledge is easily obtainable through books like these, and acumen is the result of applied experience with decision making. In short, it is one thing to be book smart, but it is another to get out there and actually apply it. No one can give you that in the form of an article or book - you have to do that yourself.
edit: added links to amazon
Well, as much as people like to think they were autocrats playing a game, they were not. Both of them were conscious of threats to their power by the landed classes, the junkers and the boyars, specifically, who tended to dictate policy in a more real way than the rulers themselves.
Much of the reasoning behind the war, despite personal reservations of the heads of government, was dictated by internal politics as much as external.
Edit: didn't think I'd get this many upvotes. Recommended reading on "autocratic" power structures and why autocrats are many times less autocratic than you might think.
The Dictator's Handbook: Why Bad Behavior is Almost Always Good Politics
Libgen.io mirror
It sounds like a decent book, but with this quote at the bottom of the review
> "The problem is that Krauss – also a theoretical physicist – concentrates a little too heavily on the science, rather then the life, of Richard Feynman"
I would recommend Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman as an immediate companion.
Surely you're joking, Mr Feynman! is really good, and if you like this clip you should read it.
Really interesting guy and the book is a great read.
How about the evolution of Yahweh/Allah as a second-tier God in a large henotheistic polytheism into a straight monotheism where there is only one God, where that God is Yahweh/Allah?
Here are some references on the growth of monotheistic Yahwehism from a historical polytheistic foundation to the development of the henotheism/monolatry, and then monotheism of early Biblical Israelites:
While limited to starting with the Hebrew Bible as a basis, and not addressing much pre-Torah scripture related to Yahweh, the following takes a look at:
While a College Senior Thesis (and the perception therefore of a less credible scholarly/appeal to authority level), the following is a good source of other reference material:
Some of the on-line summaries/arguments which related to the above argument/position are:
A recent discussion in /r/AcademicBiblical, Was Yaweh originally a member of a pre-Judaic pantheon of gods?, by /u/koine_lingua, also addresses the origin of YHWH.
Some potential additional references (which are on my "To Read" list)....
How to win friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie- About how to interact with people. Gave me a lot of insight into social dynamics and self-confidence in general.
What every body is saying - Joe Navarro, it's about body language. You would be surprised how much more information you can from people and optimize social dynamics integrating both of these books.
Atlas Shrugged - Ayn rand, gave me a whole new perspective on the value and meaning of work, liberty and freedom.
The Southern states got lucky - they don't have natural resources. Everyone thinks that having natural resources means you'll get wealthy but it's the exact opposite. It is the surest way for a poor region to stay poor.
Here's how it works in a place like Jhakhand. The rights for the minerals are sold to the lowest bidder with the highest bribes. The politicians in power depend entirely on these bribes. Once they're in power, they only need to keep the businessmen happy. They don't need to invest in schooling, healthcare or anything else that improves the lives of their people because the money from the minerals continues to flow into their pockets. In fact, investing in schooling in such a state is bad idea for the politicians because once folks is educated they will realise the scam that the politicians are perpetrating and disrupt the flow of money. Since no one is educated and the state is run by the mineral mafia, no businesses will invest because they have no one to employ and don't want to be extorted by the mafia.
Whereas in a state like TN that is blessed with a lack of natural resources, the politicians need to up their game to stay in power. This means freebies, but also measurable improvements in literally every sphere of life - secondary education, higher education, healthcare. Police has to be less corrupt because otherwise businesses won't invest. TN was bending over backwards to attract manufacturing and IT before it was cool in Gujarat. This is a virtuous cycle that leads to more benefits - because everyone was already educated, most women were already having fewer children decades ago.. Fewer children meant more resources poured into those children, making them more likely to succeed. Educated productive citizens working in IT and manufacturing generate more income for the state government than unskilled labourers. In TN, that income is used to develop the state. In Bihar, it's used on fodder scams.
But it's so simple then! We can fix Bihar and Jharkhand! We just need to elect a politician who won't take bribes, will use the money generated from the natural resources to educate the population, on healthcare, on roads, on electricity etc. Yeah ... that's not happening. Because a person who starts this shit in Bihar will have their legs broken by the people who like the status quo and want it to continue. The goondas who break your legs have their salaries paid for by the bribes you hate so much. Gtfo if you like having two functional legs.
Don't listen to hogwash that "south indian culture" is somehow superior. I'm south Indian and I've lived in all parts of India. It's not true, and it's just racist BS. To blame people in Bihar and Jharkhand for not being educated because of "culture" is basically victim blaming.
If you'd like to learn more about why natural resources are a curse, please read The Dicatator's Handbook or watch this 20 minute trailer - Rules for Rulers. If nothing else, it'll cure you of the thinking that you could do a better job if you were in power.
On Food and Cooking by Harold McGee is highly regarded as a comprehensive background for history, and science of food. It does not have any recipes though.
Please please read: The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence . A relationship is "good" until it's not. Just like how you can feel healthy until you go to the doctor and they tell you're sick. Use your best judgement. Be safe.
​
Reread your post. Can you see that he's trying to get his way regardless of your feelings? First he tried the "nice" way. I bet he also tried asking you for a baby. Then he tried telling you he wants a baby. Then he tried a guilt trip. Then he tried to dominate you. Then he HURT you and didn't let up until you agreed under force. OP, do not lie again. Do not say okay if you don't want a baby. You do not want to teach him (without meaning to) that he can get his way if he hurts you.
​
Here's an amazon link for the book: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198. Maybe someone else knows where to get a free PDF?
This is how every generation feels. The Daily Show did a really good job of explaining this once (I couldn't find the video with a quick search) where they took Fox News comments about how bad things are now and how good they were in the past and they juxtaposed them with the problems that the world faced in every decade. Their point, which was powerful, was that the commentators were pining for the years when they were a kid and everything seemed easy and great.
But the truth is, the world always feels like it's on the brink. And the more you watch the news, the more you feel this way.
At which point would everything have been better?
It goes on and on.
What you're feeling is real, but every decade has seen major, major problems.
What I believe is that everything is relative. (I believe Einstein would back me up.) Because you weren't alive during all of these other times. And we're including times where nuclear war seemed practically inevitable. Some party.
You are comparing today to your previous experience. Your previous experience just happens to include when you were a kid. And when you are a kid, everything seems more simple. That's the point of The Daily Show bit.
If you want to know more about the REAL party that WAS kicking for 40 years, read up on something that is now termed "The Washington Consensus". Read about it as a first hand account in the book "Confessions of an Economic Hit Man".
It describes how the US was able to get its way around the globe for the past 50+ years (essentially beginning with Kermit Roosevelt helping to overthrow the Shah in Iran in 1953) and going forward to a post 9/11 world. It explains how the US was able to rule the world. And it also explains why that influence is (and should be, at least how they're doing it) waning.
TL:DR: You have a lack of historical perspective. Relax. If you want to feel better about things, watch this TED Talk by David Christian on Big History. It's one of my favorites.
So a few off the top of my head:
Except for the one guy that doesn't fear death and correctly sights his shots. That guy turns the battle.
It's actually been a big part of military training since WWII to get soldiers to overcome their natural resistance to killing. Figures from modern conflicts show a much more dangerous soldier than in Germany, Korea, or Vietnam. This is worth a read if the subject matters interests you. I read it as a new release and remarked on reddit at the time that it had major implications for America's Police services as it was an popular career choice after the military (and is armed), but I got downvoted to oblivion.
It has gotten better.
https://www.amazon.com/Better-Angels-Our-Nature-Violence/dp/0143122010/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1510024329&sr=8-1&keywords=the+better+angels+of+our+nature
Sure :)
EDIT: Added links to Amazon just in case anyone wants to see reviews.
[$1 Or More Tier]
Head First Ruby
Head First C
Head First Object-Oriented Analysis and Design
Head First SQL
Head First Statistics
[$8 Or More Tier]
Head First Javascript Programming
Head First PMP
Head First HMTL and CSS
Head First C#
Head First Agile
[$15 Or More Tier]
Head First Design Patterns
Head First Java
Head First Python
Head First Learn to Code
Head First Android Development
>I asked him to leave me alone, he didn’t. So I made up some bs story that I left something behind and ran back into work.
You did well.
The Gift of Fear
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
Rich Dad Poor Dad catches a lot of flak, but it's actually really good at teaching the absolute basics in an easy-to-follow manner. Like, learn what a Cash Flow Statement is, increase your asset column, learn basic accounting language, separate emotions and money, minimize taxes. Just glean the overall principles he's teaching and don't blindly follow his specific strategies.
The Richest Man in Babylon is another great, easy to read, investing 101 book.
And The Millionaire Next Door is a research-based book on Millionaires in America and what kind of habits and mindsets got them to their current wealth. It's a wonderfully refreshing read after being brainwashed by tv and movies saying that millionaires won it or stole it and live lavish lives. Most actual millionaires are pretty frugal and hard working with modest lives.
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And here are some resources to help you learn all the new words and concepts:
-- Microeconomics
-- Macroeconomics
-- Finance
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And when you get pretty familiar with the basics and want to start messing with stuff, I've enjoyed the Think or Swim paper money route. They give you $200,000 in fake money to play around with and invest and practice your strategies. It helps you get acquainted with the research and the interface and the fees for investing. It's a wonderful tool.
And then The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham is supposed to be a pretty good comprehensive guide the advanced basics (is that a term?) of investing.
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Or if you want to skip alllll of this and just hire someone, I've read in those subreddits that you want to find a fee based financial adviser. Which you can do here.
.
I hope I've helped man! It's a lot of fun to learn about. I wish you all the best.
>Why do people keep separating logic and emotion?
They are two different things.
Emotions are simply you consciously noticing your body's physiological reaction to externally or internally generated stimulus, with the external being the world outside one's body, and internal consisting of thoughts or other intentional, and not necessarily conscious content. There is nothing else to it, emotions aren't a thing you have, they're a process you can consciously notice, and there's a huge difference with that consideration, in the logical/philosophical sense.
Neurophysiology ahead, skip to the TL;DR if you want =D.
Emotional response comes from sensory or internally generated information (other thoughts/feelings in this case) reaching the brain's emotional processing center, the Amygdala. From there, the Amygdala activates a number of other areas of the brain responsible for heart rate, adrenaline, digestion, dopamine, and others (vastly oversimplified for the purpose of this discussion). In the case of a fear response, you feel your heart rate rise, your feel your digestive system "seize" (pit of stomach), and your mouth go dry, as your sympathetic nervous system routes your body's resources to handle the threat. That, along with all the internally generated mental "what-ifs" (which might actually further raise the fear response), is being afraid.
If you've read this far, and can excuse the terse-talk, the main issue is that these emotional responses to stimuli come before we can consciously control them, because this stimuli is processed in emotional center before the thinking, "logical" parts of our brain, some parts of the "Association areas". We feel viscerally before we "know" what it is we're feeling, in the "meta" sense (the way we frame and explain our feelings to ourselves after the fact). This is actually a huge evolutionary advantage--this older "limbic" part of our brain is responsible for the fight-or-flight response, and in humans, or other higher animals (those with large cerebral cortices), is a "short-circuit" against the "higher areas" of the brain, to facilitate a faster reaction. When an animal sees something that resembles a predator, the worst thing it could do is think additionally about the dangerous stimulus. The safest bet is to get the hell out of there, or if it isn't possible, to fight.
The "logical" part, how we ought to interpret our reaction, necessarily comes after we notice our body's physiological (emotional) response to the situation, and from that, we can decide to inhibit it (in most non-pressing cases). For us humans, seeing a realistic fake tiger for instance, might raise our hackles for a second, but after the initial response (and no movement from the fake), we can logically inhibit the physiological response, in effect, "talking ourselves down". We can calm ourselves, after we've reasoned that the tiger isn't real, because we have the capacity to consider the emotion itself (unlike most animals), and whether or not it's appropriate.
TL;DR; Emotions are a short-circuited physical response to an internal/external stimulus you consciously "notice", and the "logic", (framing the emotion and acting on it) comes from mentally processing what you've noticed only afterwards. This is necessarily the case, by the brain's design.
Now, the part where this applies to SRS:
The problem is that in their philosophy, many of them believe that their emotional response is objectively valid to the situations discussed, that their emotions are objects in a sense (and not a process), that are as real to the world as anything else, and not just their brain's short-circuit, fastest approximation of the way they should possibly react to the discussion.
Ironically, the way some in SRS treat emotion as "objects", things they're sure they have, runs very contrary to their post-modern deconstructionist views of reality, where everything ought to be uncertain. They ignore the fallibility of their own emotional existence, often times with something like "I am definitely right, you are wrong because (appeal to emotion), and therefore a shitlord".
When one discusses a topic with SRS where there are shades of gray, many of them will cease trying, if at all, to look at the problem objectively. For many of them, at best, the topic hits close to home (abuse, rape, etc.), and at worst, for some of them, it's something that appeals negatively to them on a visceral level, because they're the antagonistic type, and SRS attracts these people specifically by design.
Once they've allowed the short-circuit, the fastest approximation, to dictate their responses and behavior (because these responses could be logically inhibited), there is nothing left to discuss.
[EDIT]
I should note, that this doesn't mean that emotion is just an superfluous mental appendage for the modern world, nor that the effects are subjectively unreal. They're real as hell to us from our own perspective, and savoring them, feeling what positive emotions do for us, and acting on them, is probably the pinnacle of the human experience.
Allowing them to negatively affect us, or shut us down from reality is where the problems start.
[EDIT2]
For anyone interested in the immediately useful to you, practical, observable effects of our brains being constructed this way, with the emotional response being a short-circuit which can be inhibited to some degree, read this book..
What Every BODY is Saying
It's written by an ex-FBI agent who dealt with suspect interviews, to teach people how to read body-language during situations where inhibition is difficult (stress/joy). It counts on the observed phenomenon that even when we have the ability to inhibit our short-circuit emotional response, there are still "tells" we can't hide, manifesting in observable body language. We can pretend to be outwardly happy on a sad day (inhibiting our emotions to a degree), but our body language (a product of the limbic system mentioned earlier) will reveal pretty much everything with sunken shoulders, shuffling feet, etc.
Also, Poker players intuitively rely on this fact every time they play, with subconscious tells like pupil dialation, bouncing "happy" feet and what not.
> This is why politics fails often, people can not let go of their dogmatic views.
It's not necessarily that their views themselves are dogmatic; it's often that their underlying premises are inflexible. For example, someone who holds the view that the U.S. should deport all undocumented immigrants may think that their position on the issue is fixed, but what's more likely to be fixed is their underlying moral philosophy, such as
In other words, their beliefs on individual issues are slow to change no in themselves, but because they're consistent with a much less fluid set of underlying epistemic preferences. Jonathan Haidt makes a similar case in "The Righteous Mind" -- that political liberals and political conservatives disagree because they have different sets of moral "taste buds."
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker is an amazing book and I highly recommend it to everyone, but especially women.
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
The world is getting less violent, it's mostly the media that makes it seem worse. Here's a book on it: https://www.amazon.com/Better-Angels-Our-Nature-Violence/dp/0143122010
I was a fan of The Dictators Handbook.
Kissinger's On China was also very good.
Read this book, like yesterday:
Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143126563/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_9FNDDbKFBSB1YEdit: apparently that's the new edition, I haven't read it, I endorse the original edition: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0142000280/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_OMNDDbEZQEPXN
It's not magic (nothing is magic) but it started my journey toward being more productive.
AH! I highly suggest The Gift of Fear for anyone looking to fine-tune their gut feeling. LOVE that book, and love knowing there's science behind those gut intuitions!
"Nothing happened", the word to finish that sentence is YET. while it's unknown exactly how the situation would of progressed if you hadn't left and gone to a safer location... if you feel it's dangerous that you are most likely right in your assessment. People are more perceptive than they realize.
Consider reading this book: The Gift of Fear
https://www.amazon.ca/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
Maybe flippin' them off wasn't the smartest move, but they were already focused on harassing you. You are not responsible at all for their sinister behaviour.
It was better to run that to stay, you made the right choice.
There can be a pack mentality of men egging other men on, an action they may not initiate on their own, they will take part in, or turn a blind eye to, when they're together.
I've seen it in girls and women too (pack cruelty), more with verbal bullying, rarely physical violence.
Your story is starting to scare me. Please go get some pepper spray and/or a stun gun because I wouldn't put it past this crazy dude to try and attack you. He won't give two shits about a restraining order.
I also recommend reading this book.
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
http://amzn.com/0440226198
Please stay safe and away from Jake!
"On Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs" by Lt. Dave Grossman. This may be too much to state, but to me this paper represents the "ethos" of the professional soldier within the Western societies.
I also highly recommend his other book "On Killing". As a civilian, and one who has not witnessed the terror of war, this is a read that is a must. I made a note to stop after each chapter in order to think, imagine, and reflect on what was written.
My deepest respect to those who fight the dirty, awful (& sometimes quiet) wars for us.
*cleaned links
PS: for any folks interested in learning about polyamory (you know, for science) check out The Ethical Slut.
EDIT: Healthy (pre-established) polyamory between consenting adults. Ditto on the responsibility: keep those kids your number one priority.
Here's a great book
On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of Cooking
http://www.amazon.com/On-Food-Cooking-Science-Kitchen/dp/0684800012
Cooking for Geeks
http://www.amazon.com/Cooking-Geeks-Science-Great-Hacks/dp/0596805888/ref=pd_sim_b_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=14FPMEDBMV4EW2MS7PBR
*The Science of Good Cooking
http://www.amazon.com/Science-Cooking-Cooks-Illustrated-Cookbooks/dp/1933615982/ref=pd_sim_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=14FPMEDBMV4EW2MS7PBR
On Food and Cooking is pretty popular when it comes to understanding the transformations that foods undergo. It's not a cookbook per se but it's pretty heavy on the science of stuff. I used it as a sole resource for a short paper I wrote in eggs a couple semesters back. It might not be the most enjoyable read but it sure is informative.
Behold, the Gastronomicon
I know this isn't an easy road, but I want to congratulate you for bravely stepping onto it. Feeling alone, outcast, and alien is a near universal symptom of trauma...just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
r/ptsd
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1537026534&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score
​
​
War Before Civilization: The Myth of the Peaceful Savage
The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined (and talk on it here)
I haven't got around to reading these books yet, but they seem to say that when you look at the historical archeological evidence, the % of people who die in conflicts has been going down, and societies that killed each other with clubs, poisoned arrows, etc. actually killed a higher % than current societies do with high powered weaponry and bombs. I think the problem is that there's news media reporting everywhere these days so you might get the impression that violence is everywhere/getting worse.
From the video of the talk I linked to, this slide is pretty interesting: http://www.edge.org/images/sp-Slide011.jpg
>The jets and all that other crap seem like a better value renting.
Huh? $3 million in total wealth isn't much, especially for that. Please, don't do that. I strongly recommend that you read The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy. I know several that make that amount in less than 2 months, and you wouldn't know it, because they live frugally and humbly, including driving beat-up old minivans. Some of them do have nice shit (e.g. palace-sized mansions) but out in the street, they don't flex, and others live in small, modest homes in middle class neighborhoods. At best, they might have a Model 3, S, or X that they also use.
​
For the sake of argument and with some fuzzy math, if you put all $3 million into an index fund that's earning you 6%, that's $180,000/year. That is a lot of money for a 20 year old, and an obligatory Uncle Ben quote goes here. You're virtually set for life and can do anything that you want, and I'd probably use that time and money to go become a full time student in any number of mediums: Udacity, College, Trade School, Real Estate, etc. which would further your skill level for other interests, including but not limited to said rental houses. If you got licensed in trades, you'd be able to legally (well, from a liability angle - nothing is really stopping you from your own maintenance anyways) do your own repair work on your properties, which would save you even more money. I'm not saying that's the most logical option, but it's something to bear in mind.
​
To answer the relationship/cash aspect (and because I got f'd on this) you'd want a pre-nup, and as others have advised, a great attorney. Some of the relationship warning signs that I wish that I had known, and was covered in this forum yesterday. When it comes to getting serious about a relationship (and until then, if you're going to be active, use protection - child support and/or divorce rape should be a part of your threat vector) then you might want to ask an attorney about shifting assets around to where you're then an employee of yourself (e.g. form an LLC, hire yourself, and pay a meager wage, with the option for bonuses.)
This is what I came here to find/post. Second date is a fine time to tell you about an open relationship/polyamory. If she is up-front and honest about it and you are as well, it'll probably turn out well. For a good book to read through on the topic, I recommend "The Ethical Slut" (http://www.amazon.com/The-Ethical-Slut-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379).
Who Wrote the Bible? by Richard Elliot Freeman -- breaks down the composition of the first five books of the Bible, and why it seems a little funky to the average reader (hint: multiple authors and editing for each book).
The Bible Unearthed -- One of the top archaeologists in Israel today demonstrates why the foundational stories of the Bible can't be literally true.
A History of God -- Explains the known history behind the idea of the god of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, and how that idea evolved from polytheistic roots.
The above three books would represent where most Bible scholars are on the issue of the historical authenticity of the Bible's stories.
Here's my subscription list in YouTube in alphabetical order:
To recap, almost everything in TheraminTrees and QualiaSoup's channels are just amazing.
For the love of all that's holy, read his book:
http://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041
It's utterly fascinating. Feynman is the only person I have ever wanted to be.
This exists.
You have read our Bible, right? ;)
Clearly you don't trust random people on the internet. here is a well sourced and respected book if you would like to know more. https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
I was a little over-zealous so the first thing out of my mouth after introductions was, "Why do you guys worship somebody who murdered so many people?"
They were a little confused since they couldn't think of any times he did that so I reminded them of the flood where he almost destroyed the entire human race and Sodom and Gomorrah.
They tried to justify it by saying that God can judge us for our sins. I pointed out that sin could only exist if God decided to stay silent while watching Eve get tempted. You can't honestly expect a person with no knowledge of good and evil to understand that what they are doing is wrong, yet we are punished for it to this day.
At this point they wanted to just cut their losses and leave me with one of their books so I offered to give them my copy of A History of God too and they could learn about how the polytheistic Canaanite religion led to polytheistic Judaism and from there to monotheistic Judaism. The trade was declined, but one of the guys said he would look into it.
I felt pretty good about the whole exchange. I didn't change any minds, but I defended my position solidly where they could hardly think of what to say.
>>The jets and all that other crap seem like a better value renting.
>
>Huh? $3 million in total wealth isn't much, especially for that. Please, don't do that. I strongly recommend that you read The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy.
Yeah, that bit made me laugh. $3m isn't even remotely close to private jet territory. Try $300m. Lol
Most people that receive a large windfall like this do not fare well OP. At all. Be extremely careful with this money and do not tell anybody. Check out the "Windfall" section in the /r/personalfinance wiki. Also check out /r/fire and /r/fatFIRE.
See: Stanley & Danko, "The Millionaire Next Door", 2010
https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising-Americas/dp/1589795474/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499188868&sr=8-1&keywords=the+millionaire+next+door
I've been reading The Power of Now, which is helping me realize how the present moment is all we have and is the only thing that can give us inner peace. I am still reading it, but the book has certainly helped me better understand this. "All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry -- all forms of fear -- are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." (Eckhart, p. 61)
May I add: maybe read a fucking book.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Better-Angels-Our-Nature/dp/0143122010
This is not about thinking. There have been studies showing that education can make you better at defending incorrect information.
We spread and defend incorrect information because it reinforces a pre-existing bias, often subconscious. Information that is shared virally tends to align with one of humanity's trigger points:
When we focus on intelligence, we are demonstrating the Democratic bias toward rules. Education = competence = success. The Republican brain wants to reward personal exceptionalism. "I succeeded, not because of how hard I worked, but because of who I am."
If we don't understand these triggers, we will continue to be manipulated by them.
Edit: thanks very much to my anonymous gilder, but the ideas are cribbed from Jonathan Haidt's work. Highly recommend you check out either his book or his TED talk.
https://www.ted.com/talks/jonathan_haidt_on_the_moral_mind
https://www.amazon.com/Righteous-Mind-Divided-Politics-Religion/dp/0307455777/ref=asc_df_0307455777/
I just read the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kerk and found it immensely helpful. You mention an abusive childhood, the effects of which are covered extensively in the book and include anxiety and depression (particularly of a kind that simply trying to reframe your thoughts cannot help). Traumatic events leave their mark on our bodies as well as our minds and hearts. I highly recommend checking it out. It's even on sale on Amazon right now: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_3HRqDbJ8YCPFA
(33F here. I have similar feelings)
Yeah, /u/Electr0freak is correct. I have both CPTSD and ADHD. The ADHD presents as my inability to focus on tasks, auditory processing issues, inability to schedule, think or plan for the future, frequent forgetfulness, and inability to manage time. The CPTSD, on the other hand presents as my inability to be in close proximity to people for very long (minutes at a time, tops), due to an instinctive protective mode from blows from others, an acute inability to self-regulate emotions such that if I am having an attack, I hit/punch/elbow, choke, scratch, bite and pull my own hair. I tell people curious about it that the sensation is a hot "cold sweat" and the internal sensation of being held down against my will, and to escape I will do anything, and my body interprets that as "Skin yourself alive. Cut your own throat. Choke yourself to death." That's not ADHD. My brother, also diagnosed with ADHD did not have these symptoms growing up either. I am now taking Lamictal to counter these symptoms, which is an anti-convulsive med used often to treat people with BPD. This is all very recent, the new med is about 3 weeks in and I have never felt better, I never get the body sensations that I was getting causing me to react like that. I'm 29, and have been doing these things since I was 6 or 7, and my father left when I was 5, which I attribute the majority of my emotional self-blame to, followed closely by corporal punishment as a child. Read the book The Body Keeps The Score. If someone thinks CPTSD is not a thing, they're wrong.
Link on amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!, part 3, "Testing Bloodhounds", e.g.,
> Then I looked at the bookshelf and said, "Those books you haven't
looked at for a while, right? This time, when I go out, take one book off
the shelf, and just open it -- that's all -- and close it again; then put it
back." So I went out again, she took a book, opened it and closed it, and put
it back. I came in -- and nothing to it! It was easy. You just smell the
books.
and:
> We did a few more experiments, and I discovered that while bloodhounds
are indeed quite capable, humans are not as incapable as they think they
are: it's just that they carry their nose so high off the ground!
https://www.amazon.com/Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Almost-Politics/dp/1610391845
(I hope that's how you post links in Reddit)
Anyways, really good book, similar to Machiavelli, but with enough contemporary examples, and explanations to feel unique. Can't recommend it enough.
Great book on this called "On Killing - the Psychological Costs of Learning to Kill in War and Society
On Killing - Amazon UK
​
It explores killing in war through history and the effects, largely linked to proximity of the kill, had detrimental effects on the killer.
Some notable facts about the book that I can remember after reading it 10 years ago:
Knife/Bayonett kills, though exceptionally rare in more recent wars, had the most devastating effects. Soldiers cited as feeling a man's last breath had a big hurdle to climb.
American soldiers in WWII were exceptionally bad shots, especially when shooting Germans. Turns out most Americans didn't want to kill people, even during the heroic march to victory. All-time terrible percentage of shooting.
War attracts psychopaths and make up something like 5% of combatants who are out to kill and not the norm.
​
If you are interested in this topic I highly recommend the book. Things I read have stayed with me and it never surprises me how much this topic comes up in conversation.
Fellow introvert, this book changed my life. Definitely should read it.
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307352153/
Best I could offer off the top of my head would be The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt. He's been doing some particularly interesting work with the psychology that makes up the differences in liberals and conservatives.
Not a new faculty member -- I started out almost 20 years ago -- but I quit a tenured, almost-full-professor position back in 2011 to start over at a different university that was better suited for my goals, in no small part because of questions like these. I could give a very long answer on this because it's something I've thought about a lot, but I'll keep it short and maybe others can fill in their ideas.
Context: I work at a regional public university (26K students) and am pre-tenure but on the tenure track, up for tenure and promotion in 3 more years. I have a teaching schedule of 24 credits every year, which shakes out to three courses a semester (usually two preps) along with expectations for service and a modicum of research production (we're primarily a teaching-oriented institution). Also and importantly: I have a wife and three little kids and they are way more important to me than my career.
With that background, I usually am working on my stuff about 9 hours per day during the week, and maybe 2-3 hours on the weekends although I prefer not to work on the weekends at all. And it works for me, as I just had a successful halfway-point review for tenure and promotion and all signs are indicating that tenure shouldn't be a problem for me when I finally come up for it.
You asked a bunch of questions in that last paragraph that seem unrelated but actually I think they all hinge on one thing -- making sure that there is a space in your life for work and a space in your life for your life, and making sure that there is no unwanted invasion of one space by the other. What works for me is:
To focus on #2 and #3, I practice the Getting Things Done or "GTD" system of task/time management promulgated by David Allen. It would be well worth your time to go read this book, maybe over the holiday break. I won't try to summarize it other than to say, the cornerstone of GTD is having a trusted system into which you put ALL your projects and tasks organized by context, priority, and energy available and focus ONLY on the next action for each project. This way of thinking will train you to distinguish what you should be doing right now from the many things that you could be doing, and also train you to let go, mentally, of anything other than the next available thing until it's time.
So I highly recommend GTD. It's no exaggeration that when I discovered GTD a few years ago it changed my life. You asked about what I do to relax and feel peace -- the first thing I do is keep all my projects and tasks organized and under my control. Otherwise there is no peace!
As for #1, I set aside evenings and weekends for family. That for me is an inviolable law. So, I shut down the computer and don't check email from 6pm to 6am. (I tell students this, and explain why, and they respect it.) I get up at 4:30am so that I can grade from 6-7am every day and not take time out of the weekend. Sometimes (like during finals week) I do have to bring work home. But I've found that I can get a lot done during business hours if I just remain ruthlessly efficient with managing my tasks (see GTD).
So another aspect of having peace in my life comes from the fact that I never worry that I'm not doing enough to give time and attention to my wife, kids, church, or friends. Making hard boundaries around that personal space and fighting to maintain them makes it possible.
TL;DR -- I've managed to maintain a good work-life balance and a productive career by practicing GTD and being deliberate about setting hard boundaries around work and family life.
> It's just not talked about much.
Good news doesn't sell, and people are sometimes outright hostile to it. Look at the reception to Pinker's The Better Angels of Our Nature. A great number of people have a visceral what-the-hell reaction to that book. Also try bringing up, in a discussion on "rape culture" in the US, that rape has dropped 85% since the 1970s.
For some people, interjecting good news is tantamount to saying that everything is perfect and thus we shouldn't try to improve anything. Good news takes the edge off their outrage, and in an outrage-driven culture it can get mistaken for apathy.
I'm so so sorry, this is a tough thing to go through. As others have said, the biggest thing is finding some professional help. Be patient with yourself, there is no magic thing that will make this less challenging to walk yourself through. But you absolutely will, and you are not alone.
Reading your post was like something I could have written myself a few years ago. I'm still working on it. Learning to have respect and patience for where I was at in the process was a thing I really struggled with, because I just wanted to be done with it and put it behind me. When I couldn't afford therapy, I read a lot of self help books and these two really resonated with me: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. Please feel free to PM me any time if you want someone to talk to.
The reason for this is all very simple. The Bridge people did not sufficiently pay off the right people in Uganda's government. It is very common tactic in these autocratic countries to demand payment in exchange for allowing the organization to provide aid. The reason is that the dictator has to pay off key people under him. It happens in cases like this especially, where the aid is not a physical thing like money or food, etc., that can itself be easily siphoned off by those in control. In this case, the schools probably compete with other profitable ventures controlled by key people in the government, and the loss of revenues has to be made up somehow.
Zuckerberg and Gates refused to pay up, so now they are shut down. Whatever reasons the government has come up with for the shutdown are just cover for the real reason.
The Dictator's Handbook explains in more detail the dynamics of how this works. https://www.amazon.com/Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Almost-Politics/dp/1610391845
try reading this
Basically most people with a net worth of millions know the struggles of making money and saving it, so they live frugal lives. Net worth and income aren't actually that closely linked, as a lot of people with high income also have high expenditures as well. There's quite a lot of high earners who live outside their means. The research showed that most millionaires don't "keep up with the Jonses", instead opting for cheaper lifestyles and saving money. It's actually quite a good read for those interested.
If you're trying to be fancy about it you do it like this:
The Dictators Handbook
Put the words you want to be a link in between brackets [example] and then put the URL in parenthesis directly after [example](example url)
There is a great book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker that nicely articulates why it is ALWAYS a good idea to listen to your gut reaction in these instances. Research supports the idea that when you feel squicked out by someone, there is usually good reason for it.
In general, I think people need better information about psychological and physical boundaries. I only learned about it in depth in therapy when I was processing my abuse history. I knew I had been hurt, but often couldn't explain why some of the emotional abuse in particular was so egregious until I had vocabulary related to boundary violations to describe it more accurately.
The fact that he grabbed your hand immediately, before even verbally announcing himself or saying hello, is a sign that he feels welcome to invite himself into your space without being asked, i.e. he does not respect your physical space (touching you without invitation or an appropriate level of friendship/intimacy), nor your psychological space (imposing his presence on you for THREE MILES even after you gave CLEAR cues for him to leave, e.g. saying you were going slower today, etc.).
You reacted completely reasonably and appropriately given the situation. What he did shows that he would be willing to impose on your boundaries in other situations as well, and that he sees himself as free to intrude on your space/time/person.
I wouldn't blame you for being concerned about running into him again. Who knows how he'll react when he realizes it isn't your phone number or that he can't find you easily on the path.
Do you run with your phone on you? You may want to let someone know the next time you're out alone in that area so that you can make an emergency call the second you see him again and alert a friend to your location/the fact that he's around. Establish a check-in procedure.
If he is pushy again, or doesn't take no for an answer, I don't think it is unreasonable to let a police officer in the area know. Sometimes they will up patrols when they know that behavior is occurring.
Yes, obviously. Perception IS reality in people's minds. And when people are acting on false and extremely negative information, it can lead to racial discrimination, attacks, fear, hate, and even war. Look at what lots of people believe.
Tibetan genocide
Uyghur cultural genocide
Eating dogs is widespread
Steals hundreds of billions in ip each year
China's state subsidies to companies are unfair [this is common among numerous Western nations]
T square massacre
OBOR Debt trap
China is a colonizer
China is just as bad as America [https://github.com/dessalines/essays/blob/master/us_atrocities.md]
Live organ harvesting
Huawei is a spying system
etc
On top of that
America is NOT an empire so we don't need to worry where it goes [http://www.amazon.com/Rogue-State-Guide-Worlds-Superpower/dp/1567513743/]
America cares about human rights so when a massacre is reported we brush it off as an isolated incident [http://www.amazon.com/Kill-Anything-That-Moves-American/dp/1250045061/]
America's debt are transparent and fair [http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081/]
American dream is alive and well [social mobility is one of the lowest of developed nations]
America does not conduct economic espionage. [yes, it does since at least 1990's]
None of these things are true yet are widely believed. They aren't believed by everyone but they are believed by enough people that it's massively harming China's reputation.
You might be interested in The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt which has to do with the moral psychology of the left and right.
The main gist of the book is that people have several different hard wired foundations for morality... things that we are predisposed by human psychology to see as good vs. evil. He tentatively identified five of them as: Care/Harm, Fairness/Cheating, Loyalty/Betrayal, Authority/Subversion, and Sanctity/Degradation (and he later added another: Liberty/Oppression). He ran a variety of studies to get people to rank how important each of these foundations were to them and discovered that people on the left prioritized Care/Harm over all others (Fairness/Cheating was also important to leftists but less so... the other three were not important at all). The right surprisingly was almost as compassionate ranking Care/Harm only slightly lower than the left did but they ranked all others much higher to the point where all five (and later six) moral foundations are ranked roughly equally in the right wing world view. In instances where left and right disagree there is almost always one or more of the other moral foundations which the right is balancing against compassion and which the left is disregarding as unimportant.
The book is of course much more involved that that discussing where and how he came up with his thesis, the experiments he did and his speculation about the social utility of each of the moral foundations and why they appear to be hard-wired in our heads and changes he made to his theory along the way. It's definitely worth reading.
Being in the work force for 10 years I can say I started out that way too. At 18 I joined the Marines and to be honest, as an introvert, its not the place to be if you're really quiet. No man's an island and if you are the type that isolates yourself then the other guys are going to try break you off real quick. I had plenty of people pick on me and vote me in for the shittiest details for my first 6 months.. all because I was a "nice guy" and couldn't assert myself. It ended when someone finally pushed me to my limits and I stood up for myself (and a bit of help from underaged drinking). That moment I realized for a socially awkward introvert to make it in a heavily social work setting you're going to have to make an effort to take control of your environment.
Now, I'm not defending your coworkers attitudes because they sound pretty childish, but if you're making the workplace uncomfortable in such a way by being closed off I can see why your coworkers would lash out at you. My simple strategy in new work places is this, put yourself out there the moment you step in the door. Are you greeting people in mornings? If not then you should because it's the quickest ice breaker. Don't just make a B line straight to your desk and be in your own world. I try to pick up on other people's interests and bullshit with people every now and then, it's fake and its exhausting but there isn't a way around it until you move up the ladder a bit more. But even then as a supervisor you still want to be someone who is approachable so others can ask you for help, which means you'll need to be able to relate and open up conversations.
There are dicks in every workplace so switching offices may or may not really be that beneficial. You can keep moving around to find something that completely suites your personality (which is nice for short term but I guarantee it will never be permanent) or you can become someone who owns their environment and make any social situation work out in their favor.
Also, this book helped me understand my own temperament more when it comes to social work settings as well as tips for dealing with an extroverted work environment.
You should read "On Killing".
In a lot of ways, you kinda do need "propaganda", or things like it, to REALLY get someone to hate another person they've never met, to the point of wanting to kill them, especially on a battlefield. Most people in battles aren't filled with rage, they're filled with a a shitload of fear butting up against lot of training designed to try and counteract it.
The Practice of System and Network Administration
The word "borderline" means the border between psychosis and neurosis.
The NIMH definition is accurate, but doesn't ELI5 as you're requesting. Based on the book I link to below, and I can tell you also from my first hand experience, that BPD has roots in feeling worthless. Behavior which can be seen as damaging or uncomfortable or abusive, can also be explained as someone with BPD having an overwhelming need to be perceived as having worth. It's not just being "evil" or "manipulative", there's a reason WHY the behavior occurs. The mindset is closer to: "You're wrong, you aren't hurt by me. I can't have hurt you, because if I did then I was wrong, and if I was wrong you won't love me, and if you don't love me I'm worthless and will be abandoned. So I didn't hurt you, you are not hurt, because I can't be revealed to be worthless." Something like that.
I STRONGLY recommend you read the book "Stop Walking On Eggshells", which describes BPD through the lens of the family and friends of those who suffer from it. It makes it much easier to identify, and to understand the difference between "high functioning" and "low functioning" BPD.
Also, it's worth noting that BPD is often diagnosed alongside narcissistic personality disorder, they amplify each other in some ways.
I hope this helps.
I've skimmed through your post history dude and judging by it, you've already checked yourself out long ago. You're drowning because she's the deep black abyss of an ocean and you're letting your self drown without so much of a struggle. You already know what you need to do with her, right? You knew it 5 months ago then here we are 5 months later without so much of a change. Start doing something. Even just a tiny bit.
First of all, don't give a fuck about what will happen to her. She knew the consequences of her actions and she needs to face it. Start living yourself for your child and you. Ignore her. The other problem is that crippling lack of self-respect of yours. Self-esteem is one of those things that you can slowly build up. Working out is one of those things. The rush of endorphins and just the chemical change in brain chemistry changes you. Anything psychological is also biological. Just work out.
Secondly, don't bother yourself of an "possible" future events. Don't construct this elaborate "What ifs" and "What will" if you ever leave your cheating wife because you're not a fortune teller. What you need to realize is your unhappy and you want to leave. Fuck her. Read the "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. An excerpt on it "Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it’s no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing. Is fear preventing you from taking action? Acknowledge the fear, watch it, take your attention into it, be fully present with it. Doing so cuts the link between the fear and your thinking." It's a goddamn good book.
Finally, start moving on, like, right now. As if you're already divorced from her. Go meet friends, focus on your child, have fun FOR YOURSELF. You want to Kayak at the Grand Rapids? Do it! Start feeling single. The more you pretend you're moving on, the more you start moving on from her. It's always starting with little things that eventually become big. I know, it's quite daunting to change a lifestyle you've been used to for years but it's that same routine that tightens the noose around your neck. Stop wallowing in self-pity and saying you're stuck. You're not a character in a Dostoevsky novel where tragedy is in every corner and you're stuck in a Russian Gulag for the rest of your life.
So, start doggy paddling toward the nearest shore, dude. I hope next time you write here, you're in a good place away from her.
Bi-Polar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder? If it is Borderline, please read books SPECIFIC on this, not for Bi-Polar as there are notable differences in how to handle the illness.
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1502724289&sr=1-1&keywords=borderline+personality+disorder
Did her doctor diagnose her? Is she accepting of her mental illness and is she aware and able to work on it? How long have you been married? How old are the kids?
My husband's ex-wife was loosely diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Every time a doctor got enough insight and started to see her lies and manipulation of the story, she'd find a new doctor that would tell her what she wanted to hear, so she never got officially diagnosed. Her BPD causes things to be very black and white. You either agree with her (and she changes her views/opinions very frequently so you must keep up!!) or she cuts you out/off entirely. There is no agree to disagree, no civility or humanity in interactions.
You must get yourself and the kiddos some counseling. If she wants counseling, obviously get her some. But my guess is she has a few moments of clarity here and there, and sees what a monster she can be but for the most part, she villainizes everyone around her and she's convinced she's blameless.
You haven't provided a whole lot of information but if you'd like to add more detail, I'd be more than happy to listen or advise. I also think you should post this on r/Askmen because I have read a lot of stories on there that are similar to this.
Best of Luck with your situation!
There've been studies and books written by people on the subject. The military as a whole puts a pretty big emphasis on being able to actually kill your enemy when it comes down to it.
The textbook business has been rotten for decades. 46 years ago the renowned Caltech physicist Richard Feynman served on a California state committee for adopting textbooks for high schools. He wrote about the incompetence and corruption in the whole process in his autobiography Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!. You can read an online version of the section dealing with that here.
>She said my whole vibe and the way I was looking at them was creepy.
This is called "intuition", sometimes known as "emotional intelligence". It's detailed in Gavin De Becker's masterful book that every woman should read, The Gift of Fear. (Seriously, if you haven't read it, do yourself a favor. If you're a guy, buy it for all the women in your life.)
Experts like De Becker, who specialize in helping women avoid violence, say that the single most important thing any woman can do is follow her gut feelings about creepers.
If a woman says you were being a creepy degrading asshole, dude, you were most likely being a creepy asshole. The very fact that you've come running back to gerbil about your lack of success to your fellow redpillians - plus your post history - tells me that she's RIGHT ON TARGET.
Creepy misogynist PUA-wannabe: 0
Intuitive woman's creepdar: 1
edit: after reading the replies: holy shit they hate women a whole lot in there shudder
edit the second: wow, this post seems to have hit a raw redpillian nerve. As long as you're reading, dudes, what you do is predatory behavior. A lot of women out there are going to intuit that you're up to no good whatsoever. What you do is predatory and creepy as all fuck. You're gross. What's worse is that you're gross and don't realize it. You're like the old fat dude in the otherwise respectable bar wearing gold chains and a texas tuxedo and a nugget ring who talks too loud and tells shitty jokes and pinches the waitstaff's ass and has too much nose/ear/back hair and who thinks he's the hottest of shit, but for whom everyone else - especially women, but normal dudes too - feels a combination of growing impatience, disgust and pity. THAT GUY IS ALL OF YOU.
Good next up:
http://www.amazon.com/Overthrow-Americas-Century-Regime-Change/dp/0805082409/
http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081/
http://www.amazon.com/Americas-Deadliest-Export-Democracy-Everything/dp/1783601671/
Back to Basics: "On Food & Cooking" by Harold McGee. When a recipe works, or doesn't work, and you want to know why? This is the place to find the answers.
https://www.amazon.com/Food-Cooking-Science-Lore-Kitchen/dp/0684800012/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467030185&sr=8-1&keywords=on+food+and+cooking
Read a book called "Stop walking on eggshells." It's great for dealing with narcissistic, borderline personality disorder people.
My ex is very similar. You need to keep communication to a bare minimum and close-ended. No open ended questions. Yes or No answer questions only.
Do. Not. Give. Her. Power.
Getting a rise out of you is exactly the type of emotional game she likes to play, plain and simple. As much as you want to scream back at her, when she is completely irrational and off the hook, do NOT respond in anything BUT a calm and composed manner. Take it out on the heavy bag later. Do NOT show her ANY emotion. EVER.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to find an energy outlet. I play tennis twice a week and run. I find myself a lot more balanced when I have worked out. Also, live YOUR life. Do not cater to her, do not come running when she needs something. Live your life and get on with it. Yes, you need to deal with this person for quite some time, but it doesn't mean that she has to hold control of your life now that you're divorced.
http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901
oh man.. just read /r/AskTrumpSupporters.. its depressing.
It really doesn't matter what arguments you make at all. Their intuitions come first, arguments come second. Intuition says Hillary is snobby/rich/evil and Trump is not, end of story.
There are people justifying Trump Jrs collusion with Russians! Anything can be justified with enough mental contortion and denial.
Really, the sooner you realize critical thinking means nothing to a huge group of people the better. Arguments don't form opinions, they are formed after the fact to justify them. Social pressures (what do my friends think?) & intuitions inform opinions.
EDIT: If this is interesting, checkout The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt. Its where i stole most of this from. Theres also other related stuf in behavioral econ & psychology - Thinking Fast & Slow by Daniel Kahneman, Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely. Its the tip of an iceberg
Bootstrapped 10 years ago, kept the team tiny until just about 3 years ago. So I know the feeling!
You don't need to do it all. You need to do enough.
You're already on to a good first step: you've got a list of the 'buckets' you're spending your time in. Researching gigs, prospecting leads, emailing with clients, website redesign, social media. Plus, you know, the actual work. (For you: videography; for me: software engineering and operations.)
One sanity check is to accept that you're not going to get everything done. This is not the same as giving up, or lowing the bar, or accepting less for yourself or your business. It's a legitimate forcing function that will help you get organized and working on the right things.
If you can't do it all, then what do you do? How do you decide on what it is the most important?
Start with your buckets. There may be an inherent order of priority to them. I might suggest you start with billing and accounting for work that's been done. You don't want to neglect that, otherwise you just invalidate your hard work. Then there's the actual doing of billable work, which everything else is meant to support. Last, the supporting activities, like marketing.
You have a fixed amount of time in the day. Give each of these buckets a fixed amount of time, and a position on your schedule, relative to their priority. You could spend the first hour sending invoices, receiving payments, doing general bookkeeping and planning. Then your project management, reviewing emails with clients, prioritizing tasks for the day. The rest of the morning, dive in to your billable work. If you don't have billable work at the moment, build a hobby project that you can use for marketing.
After lunch, spend an hour on promotion, then back into a couple hours of work. Closing out the day, another block of communication with clients, then research opportunities and prospect for leads, along with whatever other habit might help you unplug and unwind so you can get some rest and recovery.
So time management is important. You don't have to plan out your day in five-minute increments, but it's good to have some rhythms and rituals. The important part is that you apply some thought to the kinds of tasks you're doing, where they're coming from, and the relative value of those types of tasks and the tasks themselves. You can't control the volume of supporting tasks, so focus on controlling your blocks of time. Limit the unlimited, apply whatever sorting criteria you can, and focus on finishing what you start.
You may not be able to do it all, and you don't need to do it all in order to be successful. You need to do good valuable work for your clients, and enough supporting work to get paid for it, to keep more work coming, and to keep improving the business itself.
I'll wrap up with maybe slightly more prescriptive pieces of advice.
If you don't already have one, you definitely want a bookkeeper and an accountant. Clean books from day one is super valuable. You don't want tax season to be a major time sink. There are plenty of solo or small CPA shops in your area that work with small businesses on a retainer basis. I'd rather spend $500/mo on a bookkeeper+CPA combo than a virtual assistant.
Outsource to software tools as much as possible. This Twitter thread is probably overkill for what you need at your scale. But you may get some good ideas. Software scales really well, you can get a lot done with a $50/mo or (eventually) a $500/mo tool.
If you choose not to use software, and scale with people, make sure that everything is written down and inspected! You should be able to take someone's notes on how they're doing a task, and replicate it yourself. If I was doing one thing differently, this is something I'd do more of. Do a task the first time, document it the second, and by the 10th or 20th time you can think about delegating or designing a system.
Get really good at email. Gmail has a bunch of great tools, get to know them. Commit to inbox zero every day; multiple times a day. Snooze liberally. If it's in the inbox, it's an action item you're working on right now. If it's not actionable, get rid of it. You can skim quickly, but remember, you can't do it all.
If your email back and forth consists of scheduling calls or meetings, stop now and check out Calendly. You need it, or something like it, to take the guesswork out of scheduling.
Your personal productivity is important. Getting Things Done is worth studying, if you haven't already. Check out GTD in 15 minutes for an overview of the book's content.
And last but not least, remember to take time for yourself! You need time away from work to rest and recharge and be a person. That's the wellspring of your creativity and drive to be an entrepreneur and a creator. Nurture it. And have fun!
What Every BODY Is Saying
Read this book and other body language books.
When you walk, walk with your shoulders.
Take up as much space as possible while sitting or standing.
Hands on your hips (power pose).
I avoid things like crossing my arms, hands in my pockets, and never ever have your head hanging low, or looking at the ground. Always keep your chin up slightly, never break eye contact first, etc.
These things alone have had customers at work assume I was the boss there. It's like magic.
EDIT: Also when talking, speak slowly, with calmness, and use a deep voice. Don't be afraid to pause before speaking as taking a couple seconds to contemplate on what to say is natural.
Lots of books here.
If it has to be absolutely one book, The Practice of System and Network Administration is one on how to be a well rounded sysadmin.
Hey, no problem: Here's a couple I really enjoyed that helped me learn how to really articulate what I think and understand what others were saying about politics in those sorts of discussions:
They did a take on it in the 1980's twilight zone movie too. And yes, this "walking on eggshells" you see is well known among families living with a malignant narcissist. It's a great example, if extreme, to relate to the daily stress and terror people (children, wives, husbands) feel EVERY DAY. It's the same dysfunction you can see signs of in the White House (keeping him from negative news, giving him his "quiet time." Etc...)
Edit: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901
This applies well to other cluster B types such as NPD.
You could say she's very ethical about it.
I'm neutral to the Gary V. inspired 'hustle' 'grind it out' attitude.
Reality is that your baseline socio economic status gives you your set point, both with physcological wiring and also resources, skills, networks, mentors and life lines (read: poor people = none)
My mom is dead. And my dad is a dead beat living with a crack head who has 3 children in subsidized public housing. My 'step mom''s 3 kids, to no fault of their own, are all fucked. I watched them go from 10 years old - 20 years old, and get into drugs, jail, deliquency. When people at your housing project are regularly in jail, it's normalized. When your mother and father are drunk all the time it's normalized.
You know the strangest observation I've had? Poor people don't have desks, they have couches (because why would they need to sit at a desk? That's for learning, or creating, or reading, or getting organized)
Now I have rich friends. Centi-millionaire rich. Also I live in nice areas of Vancouver and have friends who are young yuppies / lawyers. Guess what - half their parents are also lawyers.
What wonderful advantages you can provide your kids. Even if it's not financial, it can be psychological resilience.
I don't know how I got so lucky, because my siblings all had similar struggles and didn't make it out okay. I guess I had the right set of factors to still be positive enough, but also be really fucking pissed off.
I do yoga every day, otherwise i'm too angry. Vipassana did a lot for me too. I've done three 10 day silent retreats, and certainly overdue to do another. For anyone traumatized as a child, or with rough upbringings you gotta sort it out because the market - the world doesn't care (I care- I want to help you, but it's a difficult problem to solve)
This book changed my life in finding a more peaceful way of living (all emperical up to date scientific literature on a tough subject:)
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Reading a lot helps too.
But also, I'm YMCA + Public Library + Canned Tuna proof. I have been so bitterly down and out, I have no fear of failure. Some people can't make cold calls becuase they are nervous. Or they are afraid of confrontational high tension conversations HA. FUCKING HA. What a joke, I'll fucking steam roll you if you can't pick up a phone and make someone like you then give you money (but I learned how to do it)
Look at this guy. In a library late at night, learning something - doing something. Not getting 100 emails a day. Using free public services. Big consolidated blocks of time to explore. WOW. If you shower at the YMCA and eat canned tuna, you can do this (more complicated with kids though). But failure, the worst case, is in a way liberating because you're free again to explore:
https://imgur.com/a/wWC3swP
Also one note - if you TRULY go hard, every year you should be getting poached. I've turned down multiple offers to be CMO or director of marketing over the years. The offer rates go up. Headhunters make loose offers for 400k comp packages to parachute in as CEO to a different company (FUCK that, it's so easy to discount domain expertise, I would be a terrible CEO in any industry but this one, for the time being) But it's just itneresting.
So, what makes me think I can sell Dildos better than anyone else? Because I'm a fucking monster.
​
I've slept on concrete floors outside gas stations, dumpster dived to eat, hitchhiked. I put myself through university playing internet poker. I ate canned tuna and wonderbread for as long as I can remember. I've worked every New Years eve and Christmas for the last 15 years. Because I've been bootsrapping since I was 15, and I have no backup. No parents basement. And now I have a daughter and a family, so I have to double down and I cannot let them down.
But also not so much having a chip on my shoulder, I have overwhelming gratitute most of the time. Especially for everyone on our team. I love our team and respect everyone equally. I'm more lenient and generous with our bottom staff and a lot harder on people the more they get paid, but we have no willful turnover, and most people say this is the best most exciting job they've ever had and they are just grateful to be part of the ride.
AND, at least in sex toys - there's not a lot of competent executives in this industry. Not many people have put in the requisite 10,000 hours in the industry AND done so from a systems perspective but also been in the trenches picking up customer service phone calls and talking to 1000's of customers
​
I highly recommend The Practice of System and Network Administration. Goes over a whole bunch of real world tips of what you will need to be successful and keep you sane in the process. Goes over ticketing systems, time management, documentation, patching, imaging, and various other processes that are vital for any Sys Admin.
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b
Right now I'm reading "Surely you are joking Mr Feynman". great book!
http://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041
If you like his take on food science, definitely read On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen by Harry McGee. It'll change your life.
Exactly the same strategy as the other superpowers use to own other countries, a la Confessions of an Economic Hitman.
> Even this seems a bit too aggressive for my taste
Your job for the next month or three is to become a sponge for financial knowledge. Even though you have a CPA and a CFP, in order for you to feel comfortable with their decisions with your money, you need to have some amount of knowledge with finance.
Read:
After all that, you should feel much better about both your withdrawal rate and how aggressive your portfolio will be.
The problem is in India introverts are shamed by teachers, by parents, by society. There is Nothing wrong with being an introvert
In fact read this book - https://www.amazon.in/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153
I am also an introvert, have always been one. And I love it.
The most insightful/mind-blowing book I've read in the past few years was "The Righteous Mind" by Jonathan Haidt. It was phenomenal and challenges the long discredited in academic debate idea of cultural impact on our genes. How the success of certain religions/ideas/cultures has directly altered our genes in a far faster manner than had previously been thought.
The book also does a phenomenal job at describing the fundamental moral differences between the most divided people out there today in such an amazing way.
Highly recommend.
I searched for some older threads that might help you:
One
Two
Three
Four
There are more out there.
Read the WPATH SOC if you haven't already. Past versions of the SOC gotten people killed and many people are hostile toward WPATH, but the current version is alright IMO. I am still bitter though because I feel that past versions contributed significantly to ruining my life.
In the past, I've been really turned off or upset by doctors that didn't have a good understanding of how to properly do HRT (i.e. refusing my request to have my hormone levels checked via blood test, using nonstandard medications before mainstays, setting arbitrary max dosage limits such as 100mg spironolactone), that didn't understand the effects of HRT (i.e. being told it would change my sexuality to only liking men, being told it would give me a maternal instinct), that commented on my appearance (I was told that I will never pass), and that knew nothing about what being transgender is.
A lot of trans people become extremely anxious when going to the doctor. If the clinic you're at is gatekeepy, things are going to be 100x more difficult as far as building rapport goes. I could never trust a doctor at a clinic that didn't follow the current SOC and that had gatekeeping measures in place.
It might a good idea for you to familiarize yourself with trauma if you aren't already familiar with it just because so many trans people have dealt with it or are dealing with it. The Body Keeps The Score is a good book on it.
Actually, I think you've got it a bit mixed up. Soldiers in Korea and WW2 statistically were pretty likely to fire over the enemies' head. The military remedied this by making rifle training in later wars training in firing your weapon as a quick reflex rather than solely an exercise in accuracy and discernment.
At least that's how it was explained to me by a professor, who cited Dave Grossman's 'On Killing', which I haven't read yet. However, the description seems to agree:
Drawing on interviews, published personal accounts and academic studies, Grossman investigates the psychology of killing in combat. Stressing that human beings have a powerful, innate resistance to the taking of life, he examines the techniques developed by the military to overcome that aversion. His provocative study focuses in particular on the Vietnam war, revealing how the American soldier was "enabled to kill to a far greater degree than any other soldier in history." Grossman argues that the breakdown of American society, combined with the pervasive violence in the media and interactive video games, is conditioning our children to kill in a manner similar to the army's conditioning of soldiers: "We are reaching that stage of desensitization at which the infliction of pain and suffering has become a source of entertainment: vicarious pleasure rather than revulsion. We are learning to kill, and we are learning to like it." Grossman, a professor of military science at Arkansas State University, has written a study of relevance to a society of escalating violence.
That section on Video games makes my stomach turn, but I can't judge til I've read it.
Religion probably served a really important evolutionary function, as well, by ensuring social cohesion around a shared set of beliefs and identities, allowing for tight group bonding which gave some groups a selective advantage. Of course, in today's world this can actually become harmful- particularly when the shared beliefs require a suspension of the sort of objective and reasoned thinking necessary to function in this modern society, or when they inform or motivate antisocial economic or political activities- but I'm not sure it's fair to say that humanity would be better off without it. Maybe on net today, but it's also possible that we may have relied on it in our evolutionary past.
Source, a wonderful book which can really aid in understanding those with whom our worldviews disagree.
>My paper has nothing to do with section 8 or chapter 8.
That's good. Please don't try to claim to know about either.
>PTSD is heavily linked to batshit crazy. But I do know the difference.
No. No. It's not. PTSD is the human psyche's response to an unnatural situation. It's a coping mechanism. It is 180* from batshit crazy. Please - if you are going to write this paper? Get some good sources... On Killing is a good place to start and then you can google your local county's vet rep (usually unemployment offices in the county will have one) and then? Get you head out of you ass.
>No, I have not "served", but I have enlisted. So officially, I am in the military. Or air force, if you will.
OMG. PLEASE go tell someone serving that you made it through MEPS so you're in the military. Please tell someone from another branch - or shit - go talk to another recruiter from another branch - and tell them you're "in the military" because you processed for the Air Force.
You do know that untill you're at basic that there isn't anything anyone can do to you, right? You may be a DEP but that is just a piece of paper and a promise to your recruiter. No one is going to show up if you don't go into your little admin job for the Air Force in a couple of months.... but - good on ya! I'm so proud that some little college kid thinks he's special because he signed a piece of paper and now he's "in the military." LOL
>My paper will have nothing to do with my experience.
That's good. Because you don't have any but apparently you think that anyone with PTSD is batshit crazy? Hmmm... are you a little biased? Wow. You will have some fun with your Top 3.
>Its solely based on my research and veterans testimony's.
"veteran testimony" is what you meant to type. You need to read some real world resources and not think PTSD is a mental disease. It's a normal response to an abnormal situation. Until you understand that? I can't help you
Thanks for thinking you're in the military and you can "speak for us".... SMH....
Just wait until you read more and more on it and spend tons of time watching people. It gets pretty awesome what you can see. It also becomes a game you can play with girls. In addition, you can see things that even they don't realize is happening and this makes for great playful teasing.
I would also suggest adding "what everyBODY is saying". It is a great book written by a former CIA operative who needed to be amazing in order to survive.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061438294/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1368287612&sr=8-1&pi=SL75
Edited to reflect correct title name and include amazon link.
\> I know they say you have to be okay on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship- but it seems like a tall order if you have no support. Just wondering if anyone else can relate.
I used to believe that you have to be okay on your own, but now I disagree with statement. Based off of my personal experience and information knowledge of trauma and attachment, I've revised my belief: Even if we don't need one (1) human to be our other half, we need the right social circle and the access to the right resources to have a solid foundation in order to have the skills, motivation, and support make progress toward their goals, feel secure, and be happy.
While I'm not a professional psychologist, what's working for me is trying to be vulnerable but being careful about who I do it with. There needs to be some thought about who I share it with, like what am I trying to do by sharing it with *this* specific person. Am I feeling some inner pain that I believe this person can ease? Am I sharing an experience that I think they will understand? If they don't understand, am I sharing this because I still trust them and I want to bond with them?
I believe healthy relationships is a balance of *relying* (as opposed to needing) on the *appropriate* people depending on the situation (as opposed to relying on the same person for every situation). Sometimes we will take risks and be let down. Over time by doing so, you refine your radar to know who is the best person for a feeling, situation, or experience.
Wishing the best in your healing.
On Food And Cooking is a MUST in any kitchen, maybe the only non-recipe-dedicated cookbook you'll ever need. The culinary school I took a few classes at recently, the Institute of Culinary Education in NYC, highly recommends this; even Per Se, the #1 restaurant in the US, #6 in the world, keeps a tattered copy in their restaurant. With 800 pages, it explains so much of the science, history, and tips behind practically everything culinary related that you need to know. The book is really a staple.
Cooking for Geeks is similar, but I feel OFaC is more all-encompassing.
I would also recommend a copy of the gift of fear
> but soon it went the way of her repeating all the things I've done wrong and how shitty I treated her.
If you're so shitty why hasn't she left you yet? It's a valid question.
I agree with u/Toodark2read that you need marriage counseling - maybe a different counselor - a neutral 3rd party so your efforts don't keep ending up as a weekly dump session for your wife.
The counselor you are currently seeing may not be a good fit for both of you.
The incident with her smashing the bowl is concerning. You have listened to her and her needs for a couple of weeks now. Why are you not able to share any thoughts without her escalating into violence?
> How can I have a functioning marriage when I'm walking on eggshells not knowing when she'll blow up?
Get yourself a copy of Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder regardless of whether she has a Dx for those or not, because the situation is pretty much the same - you're going out of your to avoid upsetting her, and her reaction is not proportional to the actual situation.
This explains it:
The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1589795474/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fMnJBb0GAZ99M
Essentially: the super super wealthy are less than 1% of the population. Meanwhile much of the actual top 10-1% tend to be in jobs that go along with conspicuous consumption. Think lawyer, banker, accountant, doctor. They tend to feel that they have to maintain a certain type of lifestyle to be “respectable” in their profession.
There’s also a lot of people who work in tech, many of whom are young and may not save much because they want to “enjoy life” and aren’t necessarily thinking ahead. (Although they do tend to have stocks.)
It's really just training overall. I have never shot an enemy at close range, but I did listen to one of my friends describe it. We had been doing glass houses over and over and over and over. He went in a room with a team, shot a guy in the face, the team leader called the room clear, and they made it through the rest of the building before he said it really hit him that he had just shot someone else at point blank. Everything else was primal instinct combined with muscle memory.
Fascinating read on this topic.
EDIT: glass houses are a way to train clearing buildings room by room.
Hello and welcome! Here are my recommendations for getting those nasty watchtower cobwebs out of your head, in other words, here is what I did to de-indoctrinate myself:
Take some time to learn about the history of the bible. For example, you can take the Open Yale Courses on Religious Studies for free.
Read Who Wrote the Bible by Richard Elliott Friedman
Also read A History of God by Karen Armstrong
Next, learn some actual science. For example - spoiler alert: evolution is true. Visit Berkeley's excellent Understanding Evolution Website.. Or, if you're pressed for time, watch this cartoon.
Read Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne
Read The Greatest Show on Earth by Richard Dawkins
Learn about the origin of the universe. For example, you could read works by Stephen Hawking
Read A Briefer History of Time by Stephen Hawking
Learn about critical thinking from people like Michael Shermer, and how to spot logical fallacies.
For good measure, use actual data and facts to learn the we are NOT living in some biblical "last days". Things have gotten remarkably better as man has progressed in knowledge. For example, watch this cartoon explaining how war is on the decline..
Read The Better Angels of Our Nature by Steven Pinker
Another great source is the youtube series debunking 1914 being the start of the last days.
I wish you the best. There is a whole world of legitimate information out there based on actual evidence that you can use to become a more knowledgeable person.
You may still wonder how you can be a good human without "the truth." Here is a good discussion on how one can be good without god. --Replace where he talks about hell with armageddon, and heaven with paradise--
Start to help yourself begin to live a life where, as Matt Dillahunty puts it, you'll "believe as many true things, and as few false things as possible."
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with you. Speaking up in a group of people is hard unless you are comfortable with them and I don't believe that is the reason you struggle to develop relationships. Sure, if you're confident and witty, then it's a foot in the door, allowing you to start developing a relationship - if you are always on the edge of things then it becomes more difficult.
I was always on the edge of things in high school. I would sometimes try and insert a comment but it would be forced because I was desperately trying to get myself noticed. When you are in that frame of mind, you aren't relaxed and it becomes far harder to contribute to the conversation.
I used to think this was a fundamental flaw of mine until I got to university and developed a group of friends that actually valued me. I felt relaxed around them and my personality started to come through more.
There are a couple of books that I've read that have really clicked with me. You sound a lot like me, so I think they will help.
Hope this helps!
I don’t equate extroversion with confidence.
Quiet by Susan Cain explains our culture’s overvaluing of extroversion.
I’m introverted and FIERCE.
You are being socially programmed to not make a fuss, cause trouble, or affect his family/job... All to the detriment of your own job and safety.
You asked him to stop, and you can leave it at that, but if he does one more inappropriate thing:
Call the police, tell your boss, and end it...
Also, read the book "The gift of fear". Don't be "polite" or nice when you KNOW everything he is doing is WRONG. Trust your gut and instincts, it could save your life, or someone else's.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_of_Fear
http://www.amazon.com/The-Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198
And a little Oprah for fun. LOL.
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/The-Gift-of-Fear-by-Gavin-de-Becker
No, I'm not shilling the book or associated with the author/publisher. OP just basically outlined EVERYTHING the book says...
And those strategies are used by predators to rape 75 women every hour in the USA.
It's possible he doesn't realize his behavior is inappropriate because of either some sort of mental disorder or a weird childhood, and it's also possible he realizes what a creeper he is being, but it doesn't matter. Educating him isn't your job. Your job is to keep yourself safe. If that means ignoring him, cool, if that means contacting the police, cool, if that means explaining to him how inappropriate he was and establishing clear boundaries, cool. It's up to you. Trust your judgement.
I dealt with a lot of guys like this over the years, and my default mode was to try not to make a fuss, and that got me stalked and sexually assaulted. My mode now is to establish clear, firm boundaries from the beginning. As soon as someone does something that isn't cool, I point it out. "You're not allowed to grab my ass. If you do it again, I'm telling a bouncer and not talking to you anymore." or "I want you to stop contacting me. I'm not interested in dating or being friends with you. If you try to come by or break in again I'm calling the police."
Unfortunately, being firm and putting up boundaries can incite violence and make the situation temporarily worse. Remember, you have a right to live harassment free, and you have done nothing wrong. He is being inappropriate. Check out The Gift of Fear.
A History of God by Karen Armstrong is a pretty good and accessible text about how the God concept changed over time
Head First Java is what you want.
You wanted to be part of the intelligentsia, but throughout your philosophical journey, you always based your convictions only on authority and tradition instead of on evidence and arguments. Don't you realize that this is the epitome of anti – intellectualism?
It is correct that the New Atheists aren't the pinnacle of atheistic thought and didn't contribute many new ideas to the academic debate of atheism vs. theism or religion. But this was never their goal, and it is also unnecessary, since the academic debate is already over for many decades. If you want to know why the arguments for theism are all complete nonsense and not taken seriously anymore, why Christianity is wrong just about everything and why apologists like Craig are dishonest charlatans who make a living out of fooling people, your reading list shouldn't be New Atheists, but rather something like this:
Colin Howson – Objecting to God
George H. Smith – Atheism: The Case Against God
Graham Oppy – Arguing about Gods
Graham Oppy – The Best Argument Against God
Herman Philipse – God in the Age of Science
J. L. Mackie – The Miracle of Theism
J. L. Schellenberg – The Wisdom to Doubt
Jordan Sobel – Logic and Theism
Nicholas Everitt – The Non-Existence of God
Richard Gale – On the Nature and Existence of God
Robin Le Poidevin – Arguing for Atheism
Stewart Elliott Guthrie – Faces in the Clouds: A New Theory of Religion
Theodore Drange – Nonbelief & Evil
[Avigor Shinan – From Gods to God: How the Bible Debunked, Suppressed, or Changed Ancient Myths and Legends] (http://www.amazon.com/dp/0827609086)
Bart Ehrman – The New Testament: A Historical Introduction to the Early Christian Writings
Bart Ehrman – Jesus, Interrupted
Bart Ehrman – Misquoting Jesus
Burton L. Mack – Who Wrote the New Testament?
Helmut Koester – Ancient Christian Gospels
John Barton, John Muddiman – The Oxford Bible Commentary
John Dominic Crossan – Jesus: A Revolutionary Biography
Karen Armstrong – A History of God
Mark Smith – The Early History of God
Randel McCraw Helms – Who Wrote the Gospels?
Richard Elliott Friedman – Who Wrote the Bible?
Robert Bellah – Religion in Human Evolution: From the Paleolithic to the Axial Age
Robert Walter Funk – The Gospel of Jesus
I don't find that funny, I find it hugely disturbing. Learn about how your Bible was created and then see what that does for you.
http://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397171166&sr=8-1&keywords=a+history+of+god
http://www.amazon.com/Misquoting-Jesus-Story-Behind-Changed/dp/0060859512/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397171269&sr=8-1&keywords=misquoting+jesus+the+story+behind+who+changed+the+bible+and+why
Also please don't just downvote this guy because he's a religious person, that is counter-intuitive to the discourse here.
I've recently finished the The Dictator's Handbook. It argues that most corruption is all about maintaining power. You need to support the people that support you. In a democracy, this means helping your constituents. In a dictatorship (and even some little noticed areas of democracies like town governments) that means giving gifts to those under you who's support you need. Typically this is just free money but it could be tax breaks, cushy jobs, regulatory changes, or other positions of power.
Bugger. You stole my suggestion. OP, read this book. It is great.
On a simliar bent but obviously inferior, I'd recommend The Dictator's Handbook which covers more of a political science approach, and will make you reconsider 'stupid' political actions and Freakonomics which covers economics and unintended consequences.
However, the recommendation I'm going to make, in line with my flair, is The Lion and the Unicorn, a dual biography of the greatest political rivalry in British politics, between William Gladstone (the intellectual champion of classical liberalism) and Benjimin Disraeli (the cynical strategist who created the modern conservative party and massively expanded the franchise.
On the face of it, a book about 19th century British prime ministers might not be what you immediately thought of, but it has everything. Parties being created, and destroyed. Idealism against strategy, moral outrage against cynicism, Imperialism and foreign interventions against liberal internationalism, where a candidate elected on a ticket of anti-imperialism inadvertantly triggered the largest colonial expansion in world history. It covers how British politics was created, and the strategies and ideologies that were perfect then remain in place to this day, with Neoliberalism, Globalisation and 'One Nation' effectively a bastardisation of Gladstone's economic policies, Free Trade vs Imperial Preference debates, and the original One Nation Conservatism championed by Disraeli allying the industrious elite with the upper working class populace against the liberal elite (remind you of anything...)
I would also like to take the time to plug a few resources, if I may, that have greatly assisted me throughout my career.
Practice of System and Network Administration
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668/
Worth every cent and more.
Fair warning: this is only vaguely related
He discusses being very introverted, and that is definitely something I can personally identify with. If anyone out there struggles with being introverted -- or rather, how people perceive introverts, I cannot recommend this book enough. The author doesn't tell you how or why to be more extroverted, or that you should be...but instead she discusses the pro's of being introverted, and how to deal with the cons. There's really nothing wrong with keeping to yourself, even though society is constantly telling us (for some reason) that the opposite is something to be constantly championed.
Well. Like humans that we are, we do human things. Some of us make fun of creationists here, and some of them make fun of us at /r/Creation.
I try to be civil, as I like to be nice, and hopefully get someone with an opposing view to read what I write, but like most IRL debates, one side swaying the other is very rare.
Beliefs do not occur in isolation - see the foundationalist or coherentist models of knowledge, for example. To change one, often it is necessary to also change other beliefs.
For example, to change one's views on gay marriage, one may need to change one's beliefs on biblical inerrantism and whether sex is dualistic or a spectrum.
To change a YECer's point of view, again, it may be necessary to change their view on biblical inerrantism/belief that Satan in in charge of this world, clouding scientist's eyes/what the context and purpose of Genesis 1&2 is.
To flip my view (back to creationism), YECers need to change my beliefs on the evidence, purpose of Gen1&2, and biblical inerrancy, amongst others.
This is difficult as this is complicated by confirmation bias and the backfire effect which are very real phenomena.
In addition, although we think we are rational, we [are not] (https://www.amazon.com/Righteous-Mind-Divided-Politics-Religion/dp/0307455777) ; our passions direct our beliefs to a great extent.
I love Jonathan Haidt. His book "The Righteous Mind" is, I think, one of the most important books written in the past century and should be required reading for all high-schoolers and then read again yearly for anyone going into the social sciences or humanities.
The reality is that most humans do not want to seriously harm other humans. If you learn to throw an effective punch it absolutely could result in a serious or fatal injury. And when it comes to harming and killing a person, the physical distance from the target is a huge factor. Killing someone in hand to hand combat or from a very close distance is sometimes referred to as "sexual range" and is the most traumatic to the person doing the killing. Thus the reason PTSD is less frequent in soldiers that were snipers or that participated in carpet bombing.
Edit: This book is a good place to learn more about this topic.
On Food and Cooking
This is probably your best bet to understanding what is going on when you cook. There are food chemistry textbooks out there but they can be pricey and you may need a significant chemistry background to understand them.
"Aid" to Africa and impoverished nations elsewhere is not an attempt to get them back on their feet in the first place:
http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081
>Any books you can recommend covering this?
[a history of god] (https://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563)
>Old Testament actually referred to other Gods actually being thought to exist. Do they not read it?
i've been apollogetizied on those already, they are either not real gods but metaphors for worldly things or it was taken out of context /s
First off, I think the childhood molestation hit you harder than you know. You don't seem to understand acceptable boundaries when it comes to sexual partners (don't spend time with anyone who doesn't respect the word no). Nor do you feel comfortable enough following your instinct in leaving a situation you don't want to be in. You're less likely to get into these sorts of situations if you get some therapy or read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear.
> 1) I tell him I don't want to have sex. I say I don't want to. He puts on the condom and says he'll just stick the tip in. I cry while he's fucking me
What kind of sick fuck gets turned on by a woman crying because he's having sex with her? This was definitely rape. You don't need to be screaming and running away. His response to you telling him no twice was to reach for a condom? WTF?
> 2) I find myself saying yes. I pretend to come because I want to go home. I say I need to take a break, and he leans against me, then falls asleep. Okay, I say, and start giving him a blow job. After awhile, he says, can I put it in? I say okay. Pretty sure he could tell I wasn't really into the sex.
This is not rape, just bad sex. You verbally agreed whenever he asked. He had no way of knowing you didn't want sex, other than not really being into it.
> 3) In the morning he wants to have sex again, but I tell him I'm a bit sore and don't want to. I still say I don't want to. He sticks it in anyway. I say no, I'm too sore, I'm really not used to this. But he sticks it in anyway.
Unless this is some pre-arranged rape fantasy sex in which you have a safe word that is not "no," then this is also rape.
I wouldn't call a gut feeling dumb luck. A bad gut feeling is often the reaction we have to behavioral red flags we pick up unconsciously. In this particular case, given that two officers had
the same reaction and no apparent motive to target this man, the kidnapper almost certainly acted in ways that subtly alarming.
Gavin de Becker's "The Gift of Fear" explains this well: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198.
The first chapter is available online here: http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/b/becker-fear.html
Yup. Real millionaires are often indistinguishable from others. They didn't get that way by spending a bunch of cash, after all.
https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising-Americas/dp/1589795474
Well, as you're in a poly relationship you should know that talking is priority 1. Go read "The Ethical Slut" again.
Communication between all parties should be EASY. If you have a problem, and you're afraid to bring it up, that's a huge red flag on larger problems.
Sit down, talk it out.
That being said, it's entirely possible he's just a super-stupid immature 29 year old. It's entirely possible he just wants to fuck her. She might just wanna fuck him. It happens. But that's stuff you find out when you TALK to your girlfriend.
You also have to sit down with yourself and really think: "Do I wanna be in a relationship with someone who would find someone that much older attractive?" Marley is old enough to make her own decisions, and to reap the consequences of them (even if that means you leave her).
But you gotta sit down and talk. For hours. With everyone. It's a poly relationship, you WILL spend more time talking than doing other stuff. That's just part of it.
Also, never forget the golden rule: Half your age plus seven. For a 29 year old, the lower line is 21, which makes 18 creepy.
You need to surrender to your pain by ceasing ANY resistance to life. I promise you there is unimaginably beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. But first you need to forgive yourself, which breaks the cycle of pain and suffering. You have this power.
Anger always, always leads to delusion about life. Please, you need to let this simple fact of life seep into the deepest part of your consciousness. You cannot shake your head and say "uh-huh" this time. You need to let it ring true in the part of you that observes, the part of you that is much vaster than and remains untouched by the seemingly never-ending swarm of negative thoughts. By breaking the cycle of anger, you will soon be lifted from the hellish pit of delusion. What is this delusion about? It destroys your ability to discriminate between truth and non-truth, between what's REAL and what's just a fearful mind projection. Please, let it sink in. Meditate on this inner part of you that is REAL. This is how you break the hellish cycle of anger. You have this power. You've always had this power.
I have been exactly where you are.. you need to realize that this numbness you feel inside is because deep down there is a part of you that knows there is something more out there. In this sense, you must immediately start viewing your suffering as the best thing that has happened to you. Only with this view will you stop resisting life, and only once you stop resisting life can the simple joy of Being again flow into everything you do. If you stop resisting what life has given you, you will immediately feel a presence, a stillness, a peace.
Don't hate your depression. It is a problem, but there is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You create problems because you need their lessons. In this way, the down cycle is absolutely essential for spiritual realization. You must have failed deeply on some level or experienced some deep loss or pain to be drawn to the spiritual dimension. I assure you, the spiritual dimension exists. Don't think it is hard; it is just a different way of perceiving the world. This is where meditation comes in. All your pain is mental; learn to control your mental state, and you will become a master of your mind rather than its slave. I speak from personal experience. I have had my 'enlightenment' moment already, so let me help you. Meditation is the key to everything. Meditation is how you take back control of your inner state. Meditation is how you find your True Self. Less than 5 months ago I was on my bathroom floor crying in a pit of self-pity. Now I am in 100% control of my life. It is all due to me awakening to the realization that I have the power to control my thoughts, rather than to be at their whim.
I promise on whatever you deem holy that I no longer have compulsive negative thoughts. I have performed the miracle of freeing myself from the chaos of the unconscious mind. The endless mental chatter that you have taken to be an inherent part of life is gone in my mind. It took incredible patience and practice on my part, and it did not come easy. I had to cultivate my mind like a field that had grown barren. I had to pay constant attention to my mental state throughout the day. But if you but fully commit yourself to this path of identifying and neutralizing unconscious thoughts through meditation, you too will find your inner mental silence that is your natural state.
If you are serious about ending your suffering, you need to follow this advice. It is the only way towards the lasting peace that you are alluding to. Please, please, buy these books. Read them not as revealing anyhting new to you, but as reminding you of things that you have simply forgot you already knew. They will point the way forward. In addition to being deeply spiritual, they are both extremely practical. If you surrender all resistance to their teachings, you will cure your depression much faster than you could ever dream of.
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368467109&sr=1-1&keywords=the+power+of+now
http://www.amazon.com/Bhagavad-Gita-Walkthrough-Westerners/dp/1608680142
please feel free to ask any questions, this community is there for you
Get to therapy by yourself. Get your hands on a book called "stop walking on eggshells"
Don't lose yourself. Don't light yourself on fire to keep him warm. Don't buy into the insanity of his psychosis (whatever that is)
Keep your chin up!
Edited because phone typos while kids jumping on me.
Happy husband(28m) of a somewhat open relationship of 13 years here. Don't let all these negative comments scare you. The beautiful thing about your relationship is that it's yours, and you two(or more!) get to tailor it to whatever suits you.
What you're talking about is commonly described as a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" style of open relationship. While not impossible, it does seem to make it a bit harder for most to keep things civil. I can tell you from personal experience that when my wife and I started with this style of relationship, we weren't ready for the amount of communication that was required to make this work, and we faltered. Years later, we have the luxury of time and experience to guide us into what has become a great source of fun for us both, without all the drama we started with.
Before jumping in, I'd recommend grabbing a couple books on the subject. My favorite being The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.
What you and your partner are talking of doing can be a very fun and rewarding experience! Just keep in mind that changing your views are monogamy is a bigger test for some more than others.
The Dictator's Handbook: Why Bad Behavior is Almost Always Good Politics (2012)
That's most of what politics is. The more good you do for the people, the less good you can do for those who control the people and in turn, the less power you have.
https://www.amazon.com/Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Almost-Politics/dp/1610391845
May not be exactly what you're looking for, but I read this book (The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion) over the summer and it really helped me get into the heads of people with different ideologies than my own (liberal). Worth a read!
In /r/relationships they often recommend the book 'The gift of fear'. https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
It's a general book on the subject of safety but it really touches on the signals we tend to ignore as women under the guise of politeness.
We try to shy away from cookbook recommendations, but you will hear it any number of times:
Sure, so apart from a lack of reason to accept those extraordinary claims I listed before, I would also defend the statement that we have firm evidence that Christianity is a human invention, a simple product of human culture.
This should not be too outlandish a claim, as even Christians can probably agree that most of the worlds religions are creations of our changing society (after all, Christians probably would disagree that Hinduism, paganism, Nordic, Hellenistic, aboriginal religions were divinely inspired/authored).
By looking back into the origins of Christianity, and the origins of the Judaic system from which it is derived, we can very clearly see changes in religious deities and stories, as the religion began incorporating myths from surrounding areas and as general patterns of beliefs changed. From what we can currently understand, it appears the the origin of Christianity started as a polytheistic pantheon with at least Yahweh, El, Baal and Asherah. It then moved slowly from polytheism to henotheism to monaltry to monotheism, as was relatively common in the Axial Age.
All of this points to the religion not representative of singular divine inspiration, and instead being representative of being a product of human culture, changing along with society.
This is a rather large topic of course, and if you want further reading, I recommend:
> But if the World Bank (and let's throw in the IMF and WTO as well, if you like) never existed, global poverty would be mostly unchanged. I'm open to being wrong about this, but I haven't even seen anyone lay out the argument that these institutions are primarily responsible for the persistence of global poverty.
Well, from a geostrategic point of view, the structural purpose of the World Bank and IMF - and debatably the entire Bretton Woods economic system - was to facilitate the continuation of traditional international power inequities in the post-World War II world. For American planners at the close of World War II, their country had leapfrogged over the declining European powers to become, by far, the most wealthy and powerful country on Earth. Invariably, they wanted to supplant those traditional European powers in their respective colonies and spheres of influence to become the dominant actor themselves, but - as the American political tradition has largely frowned upon overt imperialism - they needed to do it in a way that meshed with the liberal political culture of their society, as well as with their liberal propaganda about democracy and "free" markets. Herein lies the strategic purpose of the World Bank and IMF, at least in terms of their predatory relationship to the former European colonies (what we might today call "the 3rd world"). You can get pretty specific overviews of World Bank/IMF structural adjustment programs, as well as their strategic purpose, by reading Dilemmas of Domination by Walden Bello, Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins, and Hegemony or Survival by Noam Chomsky.
I hope I've helped illuminate this issue a bit, but really, nobody here should be surprised to learn about how this works; this is very basic realpolitik.
EDIT: I should note that in recent decades, the process of globalization has ushered in a remarkably different economic and political order from that of the Bretton Woods system, but that's a rather different discussion.
The Book he based that off of is called The Dictator's Handbook. Its his primary source, and is fantastic.
Been listening to it on my way to work over the last 3 weeks.
Read it, or be like me and listen to it.
The only time that happens is when the military allows the people to storm the established regime - almost always because the established regime didn't give the military leaders enough money. Typical people cannot, have not, and will never destroy a standing state army.
Relevant CGP Grey video for clarity, but honestly the book Dictator's Handbook is much more thorough.
I turned my life around in my 30s - abuse by family of origin, mental illness, depression.
It sucks, but it will get better. Find a job, then find a therapist who can help heal from the PTSD. Maybe find a support group for other men with trauma.
The Body Keeps the Score is a helpful book on how to heal from PTSD... at least it helped me a lot.
It's not too late. Keep healing.
Alright, it's not a "convervative" resource, but I read Jonathan Haidt's The Righteous Mind and it made me less politically angry. What I previously saw as callousness and bitterness I now see as responding to different moral cues. Here's the TED talk summarizing part of the book, and here's the Amazon link.
> There is no evidence of repressed memory being a real condition, and it can in fact be dangerous to believe so.
You're wrong about this, please don't spread this kind of misinformation to abuse survivors in this sub. Repressed memory of abuse is real and has been documented extensively. --
"There have in fact been hundreds of scientific publications spanning well over a century documenting how the memory of trauma can be repressed, only to surface years or decades later. Memory loss has been reported in people who have experienced natural disasters, accidents, war trauma, kidnapping, torture, concentration camps, and physical and sexual abuse. Total memory loss is most common in childhood sexual abuse, with incidence ranging from 19 percent to 38 percent"...
..."[Dr. Linda Meyer Williams] interviewed 206 girls between the ages of ten and twelve who had been admitted to a hospital emergency room following sexual abuse. Their laboratory tests, as well as interviews with the children and their parents, were kept in the hospital's medical records. Seventeen years later Williams was able to track down 136 of the children, now adults, with whom she conducted extensive follow-up interviews. More than a third of the women (38 percent) did not recall the abuse that was documented in their medical records, while only fifteen women (12 percent) said that they had never been abused as children. More than two-thirds (68 percent) reported other incidents of childhood sexual abuse. Women who were younger at the time of the incident and those who were molested by someone they knew were more likely to have forgotten their abuse."
~ The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, pgs 192-193.
This book is an excellent resource and I encourage everyone with any kind of interest in the subject to read it. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Citations included in the above text:
B. A. van der Kolk and R. Risler, "Dissociation and Fragmentary Nature of Traumatic Memories: Overview and Exploratory Study," Journal of Traumatic Stress 8 (1995): 505-25
J.W. Hopper and B.A. van der Kolk, "Retrieving, Assessing, and Classifying Traumatic Memories: A Preliminary Report on Three Case Studies of a New Standardized Method," Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma 4 (2001): 33-71
J.J. Freyd and A.P. DePrince, eds., Trauma and Cognitive Science (Binghamton, NY: Haworth Press, 2001), 33-71
A.P. DePrince and J.J. Freyd, "The Meeting of Trauma and Cognitive Science: Facing Challenges and Creating Opportunities at the Crossroads," Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma 4, no. 2 (2001): 1-8
D. Brown, A.W. Scheflin, and D. Corydon Hammond, Memory, Trauma Treatment and the Law (New York: Norton, 1997)
K. Pope and L. Brown, Recovered Memories of Abuse: Assessment, Therapy, Forensics (Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 1996)
L. Terr, Unchained Memories: True Stories of Traumatic Memories, Lost and Found (New York: Basic Books, 1994)
E.F. Loftus, S. Polonsky, and M.T. Fullilove, "Memories of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Remembering and Repressing," Psychology of Women Quarterly 18, no. 1 (1994): 67-84
L. M. Williams, "Recall of Childhood Trauma: A Prospective Study of Women's Memories of Child Sexual Abuse," Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 62, no. 6 (1994): 1167-76
L.M. Williams, "Recovered Memories of Abuse in Women with Documented Child Sexual Victimization Histories," Journal of Traumatic Stress 8, no. 4 (1995): 649-73
edit: formatting
"Getting Things Done" by David Allen.
I've read a good number of self-help books at this point, and I think Getting Things Done has had the largest impact on my productivity. What's so great about it is that it helps you get a system in place for remaining productive, and explains why work nowadays is different from work in the past. It also emphasizes getting work done in a stress-free way, so you can not only be a productive machine but also be relaxed while doing so. Highly recommend to anyone.
Asking redditors to explain conservative goals and values is the perfect political Turing test. The answers are always awful.
The more time I spend online, the more I keep agreeing with Jon Haidt's research. He's a self-described liberal that uses his moral foundation theory to explain the underlying moral values of each party, and why it leads to the "Conservative Advantage" - that conservatives are way better at understanding liberals than vice versa. In other words, conservatives generally think liberals are naive and misguided, while liberals generally think conservatives are evil, insane, etc.
He wrote a whole book about it called The Righteous Mind, but this is a good intro if you're interested in learning more. I've never been able to look at politics the same way after reading Haidt's work. He was a life-changer for me.
Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking was nice. It doesn't treat introversion like social anxiety or claim introverts are inherently superior, it just talks about how introverts should try to stick with working styles that work for them instead of forcing themselves to love things like group brainstorming. It also discusses problems introverts have in the current "extrovert idealism" of a lot if workplaces.
Links:
Nobody celebrates Kwanzaa
General Custer
Hornswoggle
Dwarfism is recognized by the ADA
Micro Championship Wrestling
Female UFC fighters
Leprechaun: Origins trailer
List of WWF/WWE champions
Pain and Gain
Q's apple
Banks can sue Target for negligence after breach
Determining how smart pigs are
When Pigs Cry -- WARNING: don't watch if you like eating pork
Chicken farmer exposes conditions Perdue requires -- WARNING: don't read/watch if you like eating chicken
Mammals without tearducts
When Elephants Weep
Burt's Bees documentary
Quiet
Inflatables slashing in Kentucky -- video included
Politifact on "Tear Gas: Banned for war but used by police" ... Mostly True
Chasing white people out of Target
Comparing the differing grand jury testimonies in Ferguson case -- very in-depth and informative
Long history of racial tension in Ferguson
Someone was arrested for stabbing homeless man
"Sandra" Boyle
FBI's Ten Most Wanted (non-terrorist)
Whitey Bulger
Black Friday in 1983
Cabbage Patch Kids Craze
Webkinz
AuctionSniper
The 69ers -- around since the early '60s? So it's not about the year then?
Hells Angels patch vs. Four Color Demons patch
Tarkin
Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage
The Purge Effect
The Perilous State of the University: Jonathan Haidt/Jordan B Peterson
>I recently traveled to New York University to talk with Dr. Jonathan Haidt about, among other things, disgust, purity, fear and belief; the perilous state of the modern university; and his work with Heterodox Academy (https://heterodoxacademy.org/) an organization designed to draw attention to the lack of diversity of political belief in the humanities and the social sciences. Dr. Haid is Professor of Ethical Leadership at New York University's Stern School of Business and a social psychologist. He studies the psychology of morality and the moral emotions. He has been described as a top global thinker by both Foreign Policy and Prospect magazines. Dr. Haidt is the author of three books: The newest is The Coddling of the American Mind: How Bad Ideas and Good Intentions are Setting up a Generation for Failure (http://amzn.to/2AN87a6). The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion (http://amzn.to/2yOOQnU) The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom (http://amzn.to/2hJ0TzT) His writings on diversity viewpoint for the Heterodox Academy are at (http://righteousmind.com/viewpoint-di...)
Se está interessado em se aprofundar no assunto de por que violência aumenta ou diminui. Sugiro ler esse livro do Steven Pinker que é referência mundial no assunto.
O livro foca mais no cenário global como um todo. Aonde a violência está diminuindo na média. Mas reconhece que em alguns focos na América latina violência está indo em direção contrária.
O livro é extremamente extenso, a explicação não é simples, são diversos fatores diferentes. Mas uma das teclas que ele bate bastante e nos parece bem familiar no Brasil, é um Estado ineficiente na área de segurança. Apesar de alguns políticos populistas estarem apelando pra sugestão de que deveria ser responsabilidade de cada indivíduo se defender sozinho. O que o livro mostra é que historicamente a evidência é bem forte de que quem faz segurança é a polícia. Os estados brasileiros aonde a polícia está mal paga, com greves, paralisações, é justamente aonde estão os piores focos de violência.
There are similarities between this and countless other international bailout and assistance programs, from the Irish Potato Famine to the Australian treatment of Aboriginal communities from 1994 to 2012. Charles Smith had a good article on it this week.
>Especially fascinating to learn that the English Government provided ‘relief’ loans to Ireland at market interest with a condition that they could not be used to do anything productive. Basically they set up a scheme to pay a small proportion of each community to build roads, but not a cent could be spent on developing alternate Irish-owned industries or businesses for fear it would upset the rich English industrialists.
>The English imported cheap American corn meal which everyone was forced to buy with the English Gov. financed wages (closing the loop of giving with one hand, taking with the other and adding in a profit to boot) after the Irish had to export all their own grain and livestock to England to pay the land rents.
http://www.oftwominds.com/blogjan15/debt-serfdom1-15.html
Similar tactics are documented extensively in Confessions of an Economic Hitman. For example, instead of financing a war they might finance "infrastructure improvements." The IMF gives several billion to a dictator, the dictator steals a large portion, and the rest is (over)spent on Western equipment (turbines, cranes, wire, etc). The country remains on the hook, left with an asset worth a fraction of debt's value.
After the new regime took power, they squandered (some legitimate spending, the rest stolen or wasted) their foreign currency and gold reserves. Now, they are being financed by European and American banks with the "condition" that that money gets spent on weapons from these same European and American countries, "closing the loop of giving with one hand, taking with the other and adding in a profit to boot." It's a tried and true tactic. The end result is an impoverished vassal state, borrowing to survive.
If anyone's interested in the backround of the pictures, go read Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!. It's a really great book, and makes you realize what an awesome person he was. The book is written in such a way that you feel as though you're sitting in a room with him and just sort of chatting.
Relax. He's trying to extort money from you, which is a crime. If you know you didn't do anything wrong, and if you know he let other employees use your number to do stuff, and you're pretty sure he wasn't paying business taxes like he was supposed to, not only should you be fine (since you didn't do anything wrong), but you could get him in trouble for criminal tax evasion and extortion.
Have you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker? See if it's at your local library. It is VERY VERY helpful in dealing with evil people.
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
Anyone else who wants to get this, buy this instead:
http://www.amazon.com/Food-Cooking-Science-Lore-Kitchen/dp/0684800012
It's like 1/10 the price (edit: I guess more like 1/30th), has all the interesting technical data and science you want, doesn't obsess with boiling everything in a bag, and doesn't have any stupid cutaways of dutch ovens so you can "see what's inside" (you know another way to see what's inside a dutch oven? open it).
Harold McGee's book On Food and Cooking is a go-to book for amateurs and professionals alike.
He might also like Cooking for Geeks, The Science of Good Cooking and On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen.
I've only read the first, but I've heard good things about all three.
Sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder to me.
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
By Paul Mason
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572246901/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_3B4yCbRTD0CR3
Off the top of my head, I see a couple of options:
First, have you tried talking to her about toys? Would she be interested in receptive penetrative sex? Would she want to try out a strap-on? Related:NSFW (not porn)
Also, polyamory! No reason you can't have deep connections with multiple people. There are all sorts of ways of negotiating poly relationships in order to deal with issues like jealousy and that can accommodate all sorts of sexual inclinations. I definitely recommend checking out the Ethical Slut if you are curious.
Your posts are always fun to read - shockingly honest, even about decisions you seem to regret.
Opinion: Smart dude isn't going to be your guy. He's enjoying himself, but he doesn't see you as someone he's going to commit to beyond a regular fuck. He's going to avoid answering a question like that because he doesn't want to screw up what he's got going with you, and he only asks questions like that for validation. Pull the emergency brake on the feels train, or be ready to get hurt.
Keep doing you, but if you start to find that meaningless sex is starting to hollow you out don't hesitate to stop and re-evaluate/recharge.
If you haven't, read this: https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379
Caution: Wall of text to follow.
Firstly, congrats on caring at a young age about your finances. That's something not a lot of people can say. With that being said I'll like to take each of your paragraphs in turn and answer your questions at the end.
NOTE: If you just want answers to your questions and not my advice skip ahead.
> While I believe that there are some truths behind "Money doesn't buy happiness", it is a lot easier to be happy knowing that you are well-off.
As a word to the wise from someone a little further down the road let me just say there is more truth than you yet realize in those 4 simple words. Many people don't come to see the truth till their old age looking back on a life filled with regret, so take some time now and seriously contemplate it, because the reality is in 85 very short years you'll likely be dead, and all you ever had will belong to someone else. If the only happiness you get in this life is seeing dollars in your bank account you'll miss out on a lot.
> The leading cause of divorces are because of financial issues. I mean, that has to speak for something.
In the vast majority of divorces it's not a lack of money that's the problem, it's a lack of agreeing on what to do with the money that is. Marriage can work below the poverty line, and above the 1% line. The financial issues of marriage aren't solved with just "more money!"
> I want to be able to support myself, other family members who aren't as well off, and be able to buy my kids (if I have them) a car, pay for their college funds, etc.
Supporting your own family is honorable, but beware when helping out "less fortunate" family members. There are many, many problems that can arise from that if not done properly, and enabling a family member will only make their situation worse, not help them.
> I don't want to be a doctor. Or a lawyer. . . . . who can bank at least a million in one year.
That is a very big dream, but it's not unrealistic. Big dreams are good, and as long as you can approach them level headed they help give you focus. I say that your dream is worthwhile, and although I caution against greed as it can destroy you and your life, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a CEO making $1,000,000.
ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTIONS
> So tell me. Where do I start investing and also building my way up to becoming the CEO of a company?
You start right where you are. There is nothing stopping you from pursuing your dream now. Begin with learning. Learn what it takes to be a CEO, learn how other CEO's have done it, learn what your talents are. There will be much learning for you starting out.
I recommend the internet and a library card. Read a CEO's biography (it's as close as you'll come to getting to interview some CEO's). How is it that Donald Trump was able to go from rags to riches twice?! What would it take for you to do that? Learn all there is to learn about running a business, being a leader, and leading a successful venture.
> At what age?
NOW! Bill gates was already writing software and starting Microsoft at your age (not to say you're behind or anything like that.) There is no age limit on being a CEO, and there is certainly no age limit on learning and working hard.
> What majors in college should I be looking at?
This will be up to you and what you feel you would be good at. Do you want to be a CEO just to be a CEO, perhaps some business major then? Learn from other CEO's stories and what they majored in.
> And at what colleges?
Personally there is little impact based on what school you choose. There are CEO's that never went to college, and there are CEO's that went to Yale/Princeton.
The fact is it takes maybe $200 to start an LLC and call yourself a CEO, no college degree needed. What comes after that is actually making the money! In order to do that you have to provide a good or service that people want. The more people you make happy, the more money you'll get.
Something you should know now is that starting a company, and running a company is HARD WORK. I know some owners of start-ups that had to work 60 - 90 hours a week with little to no sleep to build their business. I know others who fell into the CEO position because their daddy owned the company, and they were lazy, and thanks to their lack of action the company collapsed.
> And of course, looking to do this in a legal way.
Welcome to America :), where hard work, sacrifice and the willingness to learn and strive can and do payoff.
One last piece of advice: Don't be a jerk. When you become the CEO of a company and you are making the millions, when you someday are the hotshot, don't look down on those around you. Remember where you came from, and those that helped you along the way, and there will be those that will help you!
People will always respond better to someone who is nice than someone who is a jerk.
Here is some recommended reading once you get that library card:
There are many more books, but that's a start.
Jon Acuff went from amateur blogger to best selling author, and is a great motivational writer. His books make me want to run a marathon, and are good for motivating you.
Dave Ramsey went from bankruptcy to running a 300 person business and earning in the %1 of earners in the nation with a national brand. His book is about being a leader in business and you'll need to lead if you want to be CEO. It's a hard job, and not nearly as cushy as you might think.
Thomas Stanley is a researcher who studies those with a net worth over $1M and his book will show you that being rich doesn't contradict with a frugal lifestyle.
The others and highly recommended in general!
The fact is you'll need to grow up, turn off the TV, and look weird to your friends. How many 15 yr olds do you know reading books about how to run a company and studying up on what it takes to be a CEO, or how to start a business? I don't know many, but I do know that at 17 years old William Gates III started a joint venture with Paul Allen (their first business). They both went on to make the top 20 richest billionaires list. Bill still holds the top spot.
If you want to be rich, you want to be a CEO, then work at it. Work at it now, work at it often, and work at it always. I have no doubt if you dedicate yourself you can do it. The fact of the matter is that most people reading this are tired just thinking of the work it takes to be CEO, and that's why they never will be.
Best of luck on your future success, and don't forget the little people.
~ Dragon J.
Edited for formatting.
Nonmonogamy is like Mad Dog Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce: not for everyone and every situation, but excellent when it's right. And if someone is forcing you to have Mad Dog Ghost Pepper Sauce, something's not quite right.
It sounds like you're not cool with nonmonogamy in this situation, but you don't want to upset the relationship or your SO. At the very least, it sounds like you have some feelings about it that aren't entirely positive.
I would encourage you very, very strongly to talk with your SO about these feelings. Ethical nonmonogamy takes a lot of honest, difficult communication, and LDRs take a lot of communication, too. As someone who's poly, in a long distance relationship with my primary partner who has encounters outside of our relationship, I can say that it's one of the most difficult but rewarding things I've learned to do.
If you want further reading on nonmonogamy (and just relationships in general), I'd suggest The Ethical Slut by Easton & Hardy.
This one should give you a good overview:
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668
There's a lot of information you need and I highly doubt you're going to get it all from one post, one individual or one source.
If you know your IT director is leaving then stay on his good side and bend his ear a bit on how things work there. This will save the owed-beers and frantic phone calls when some shit hits a fan and you can't Google your way out of it.
As for what to learn, Windows or Linux, etc; If you want to stay with this company for a year or few then look at what they need. Find problems, research solutions, test them, present them to your boss in the context of how your solution can save money and/or increase productivity. Is every user emailing you requests for assistance? Setup a ticket system. What's your backup setup like? If you don't have one then you need to figure that shit out quick. Backups are boring and second-class to most people until they need to recover an important file.
I also highly recommend picking up a copy of The Practice of System and Network Administration. http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668. Most of us wouldn't recommend a tech book from 6 years ago but most of the information in this book is the non-tech stuff you need to know to do your job and do it well.
Oh, and keep lurking online and here in /r/sysadmin
Good luck.
Yes there are loads of critiques.... generally from Marxists who can't stand the fact that the research isn't supporting their religious doctrine.
Pinker's book The Better Angels of Our Nature was one of the most well received science books of the past decade and although it's intended for a lay audience, Pinker went to incredible trouble to read and source hundreds of studies.
That doesn't mean that Pinker's infallible. Only that I find him infinitely more credible then the tired old Marxist academics who continually take pot-shots at him.
Edit: Just looked at your links - 'truthout.com' and 'dissidentvoices.com'. I think it's fair to say that both these sites are in the business of writing highly politicized criticism of Western culture.
There're probably tons, though I don't know of any better than What Every Body is Saying and Spy the Lie.
Hope that helps!
You will pick up the knowledge fairly quickly, but the wisdom part comes slowly.
Read some books:
Start humble, stay humble, be quick to listen and slow to speak, and don't make changes on Friday!
A lot of them are in this book.
http://www.amazon.ca/Surely-Youre-Joking-Mr-Feynman/dp/0393316041
Your library should have a copy. It's a compendium of anecdotes, all of them interesting.
Before we got married, my wife had two "stalkers" like this. Annoying, creepy, but nothing criminal. One had a traumatic brain injury and the other guy had a different disorder. Subtle hints that she was not interested did nothing. She never tried the direct approach, and I'm not sure that it would have worked. Cognitive dissonance was big with these guys.
Gavin de Becker is a security expert, and in his book he says many of these types of guys are clueless, but harmless. Of course, some cross the line to harmful. His recommendation was to starve the stalker of any attention until they shifted their focus elsewhere. He found that threats or restraining orders were counter productive in most situations.
There is an amazing book on listening to intuition and how it can save lives called the Gift of Fear. HIGHLY recommend it.
There's a definitive book on the subject.
I read this back when some asshole was obsessing over my GF and following her around. We ended up going to court and getting a restraining order to keep him away from our homes and workplaces.
If he's not abusive, he's awfully close. People who have abusive tendencies like to jump into relationships full speed to sort of 'trap' their partner. He is jealous, he tracks your location, confronts you when you don't respond fast enough (uh, you're in class!) or when he can't see where you are in real time, he's clingy, he's demanding of your time, he doesn't trust you even though you show him your communications with friends...
Okay, he's abusive.
The excitement of a new relationship, especially when they're super into you, is a rush. It happens. Sometimes it fizzles out under the best of circumstances; this is not the best of circumstances by a long shot.
Someone does not need an actual reason to break up with someone. Sure, it's great to be able to give one and it's great to be able to get one. But you have a lot of reasons to move on and move on fast before he escalates. BTW, there's a good chance he will be very angry if (hopefully when) you break up with him. Make sure friends are close by (don't let him know this) or do it in a very public area. Carry pepper spray if you must. If he has a key to your place, change the locks. Change your passcode on your phone or any password he knows. Delete/block him on all social media. If you do all this before you break up, he'll get suspicious. Write down a list of what you need to do so you don't forget. Then break up and take care of these things ASAP.
​
https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656
Hm. It's a little bit tricky to say. On the one hand, I do feel like it's a good policy to look up and say hello to your neighbors, and I do wonder whether you might be overgeneralizing about the intent of the people talking to you in the street or misreading the culture. My experience is that people in poorer communities tend to be more open about casually talking to people in the streets than people in wealthier communities.
Regarding what his response: do you ever talk to people in the neighborhood? It's possible that he wasn't saying "You need to talk to me because your kind is gentrifying the neighborhood," but rather "We've seen you around and noticed that you ignore all of us all the time." In fact, I see his remark as more of an honest, slightly hurt question than an attempt to rope you into anything you didn't want to do, especially if he didn't follow after you and keep trying to talk as you went by.
And I guess I do feel a bit...rubbed the wrong way by your remark that you are fairly certain he would have made an inappropriate remark if you gave any response, because I don't see anything indicative of that, but, granted, I wasn't there at the time, so there may have been some things happening that doesn't quite come through in text.
You are right, however, that you don't need to communicate with anyone if you don't want to, but it might be worthwhile to consider a slightly different approach while you're living in this neighborhood. There was a really excellent blog post I read a while ago about dealing with harassment in India, but I can't seem to find again. The gist of it, however, is that it is important for a person to distinguish between dangerously creepy individuals and harmless ones. A big, important difference between the two, is that dangerously creepy individuals won't take no for an answer, whereas harmless ones will back off if you tell them you're uncomfortable with what they're doing.
A lot of times, immigrants and people from poorer communities fall into the "harmlessly creepy" categories. They might not share your cultural background that taught them, "Don't say these things to women walking alone," but they will respect you if you tell them you are uncomfortable with it.
The book The Gift of Fear talks a lot about distinguishing between different types of situations that might cause us discomfort, and how best to respond to them. It will be good for teaching you what it feels like to be in a situation where your safety is actually at risk, versus being in a situation that might be uncomfortable, but isn't actually dangerous.
Your exact course of action is up to you, of course, but I would personally recommend you take the route of responding to people who talk to you on the street and saying, "Don't do that, please" if someone makes an unwelcome remark. If they push the issue, repeat, more loudly, "I said, cut that out." At this point, it is likely that others will tell the person in question to back off if they do not do so themselves.
The biggest hurdles I had motivating myself to work on a project was never coding itself. It was always setting up the compiler, IDE, environment, finding something to work on, etc. The biggest one for me is blank page syndrome.
You don't need to convert to linux if you don't want to but it is good to get some experience in it if you can. I spent sometime setting up a headless Ubuntu server to manage my torrents and be network storage. It took a lot of time starting from scratch but the experience has helped me out.
http://www.ubuntu.com
http://www.reddit.com/r/linuxquestions
http://ubuntuforums.org/
If you want to continue with Java (which is a good choice). I believe the most popular IDE is Eclipse. It has great plugin support and has been used everywhere I've been. You can use it for development on android phones as well if you want to play around with mobile development.
http://www.eclipse.org
http://developer.android.com/tools/sdk/eclipse-adt.html
If your college is like mine, most of the later courses in computer science will not involve much coding at all but will involve a lot of math and knowing popular solutions to common problems (sorting, searching, graph theory, combinatorics). If you feel like you need to brush up on a language, there are a lot of web resources and books to help you.
http://www.codecademy.com
http://www.amazon.com/Effective-Java-Edition-Joshua-Bloch/dp/0321356683
http://www.amazon.com/Head-First-Java-Kathy-Sierra/dp/0596009208/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382580434&sr=1-2&keywords=head+on+java
Computer science and software development is a broad field which makes scaling it daunting at times. The only way to make it less daunting is to just dive in and do it. Pick a project and work on it. You will encounter problems you have no idea how to solve and that's great because now you've found something you can learn (usually through Google).
Solve problems in manageable bits. If you try to implement your whole program at once it will seem impossible. Implement small portions of your project at a time. Trying to create a Java chat client? Just work on getting some basic sockets to work and build a library you'll be able to use going forward. This will make the goals seem manageable and help you modularize your code. It helped me with not feeling overwhelmed about my project's scope.
I hope I didn't sound condescending. I just wanted to share some things that have helped me. I don't think you are in a bad spot, you just need to stay motivated and find some things to work on to help you learn. If you have any specific questions I can try to help out, but there are other people on this sub that are far more knowledgeable than me.
> *On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of Cooking http://www.amazon.com/On-Food-Cooking-Science-Kitchen/dp/0684800012[1]
I use this one and its full of good info. You could basically call it cooking-for-engineers.
I know this is slightly unrelated, but it's really not.
You have massive 'inner perception' problems. Everybody here is going to talk about inner-game, but I'm going to take it a step further.
A psychedelic experience.
What is the Psychedelic Experience?
A floatation tank, meditation, psilocybin, LSD, DMT or ayahuasca will ALL make you confront yourself, the egoic filter is literally BLASTED away, there's nothing left but you and raw emotion and you can work through a ton of stuff, such as getting validation from deep within yourself, and another- that in this moment, everything is actually okay, and you already have anything you could possibly need. (It's possible, I promise!)
People will throw game books at you, but since you have read models and no more mr nice guy, you should really check this one out.
The power of now
At least you have somewhere to work from now! Before you can fix it you had to know it was there, ya?
If you're really wanting to try an open relationship, I highly recommend you read The Ethical Slut. It's an incredibly eye-opening book about how to deal with some issues that might occur when you're in any kind of relationship, not just open relationships (working through jealousy, managing your time, enjoying intimacy, laying down ground rules, etc). And then, once you're done with that book (assuming this girl agrees to the open relationship bit), have her read it too.
A book that really helped me break out of this is Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. Stick with it despite initial impressions and it has a very good chance of helping you as well.
And yes, I've been able to quit after heavy heavy use. You can PM me with ANY questions, vent sessions, whatever. Hit me up and I'll respond as soon as I can. (Should be pretty quick, but prob not immediately.)
Lesbian/Queer main characters:
Batwoman - She's a lesbian and her romantic relationships play a fairly important role in the series. Her villains are a bit B-list but they're enjoyable reads never the less. Some controversy over DC's decision to prohibit her "happiness" and troubles with the talented creative staff that are worth investigating beforehand but it's worth noting that these issues do not effect the trade paperbacks 1-3. Don't make my mistake and accidentally buy Batgirl comics and wonder when she's supposed to start kissing ladies.
Lumberjanes - The trade paperback is supposed to come out some time next year but individual issues are currently being published. All ages comic that portrays a scout type group at a summer camp full of monsters. I'm not personally reading it but I've heard nothing but good things.
Funhome - A proper "graphic novel." An unbelievably intelligent and nuanced perspective on gender and sexuality. Bechdel compares her coming out process against her late father's closeted homosexuality to draw an intimate but calculated portrait of American sexuality and family.
Lesbian/Queer minor characters:
Saga - Holy shit, I can't recommend this enough. So utterly fantastic that words fail me. I buy this for everyone I know who's even faintly interested in comics.
The Walking Dead - The queer characters don't show up for a long while but this is the series the very popular TV show is based on. It's a little "Drama-y" for me but my girlfriend's dad gobbles them up like there's no tomorrow.
Not queer but awesome:
Chew - A world where poultry is outlawed and people have superpowers only related to food. My mom called it "kind of weird" which it is. I can't get enough.
Revival - The dead come to life but they're mostly just cranky, okay, sometimes murderous, but not that often. Strong female protagonists.
Here's an Amazon link
And on Audible
Thanks for the question. Wish I was there myself but not yet ;).
The average Millionaire is not what you think.
Thomas J. Stanley wrote "The Millionaire Next Door"
He highlights critical pieces of advice for any entrepreneur.
First income doesn't equal wealth. We see this a lot on r/entrepreneur that people have a lot of revenue but their margins are slim. Net Worth is what matters.
Also, work your budget. If you don't have a budget get one. You Have to do it. It's a pain but table stakes.
He also speaks about how where you live has an enormous impact on how you spend your money. The key is to live in a neighborhood where most people earn less than you.
And here's an interesting fact: 86% percent of “prestige/luxury” cars are bought by non-millionaires. If someone looks rich they probably aren't.
In the end, save money.
As a way of background I have newsletter where I share proven case studies of successful entrepreneurs. Many of them are quiet successful. If anyone's interested let me know and I can PM you the link. (I've gotten about 10 PM's asking for the link so I thought I would include it here.)
Stock and bonds are a good way for the middle class to "keep up" with the wealthy. To catch up, you most likely have to provide a good or service in a new and unique way and build a successful company out of it. The vast majority of millionaires earned a lot of their income from a private business. They some of them invested in securities.
There is a good book on this by Thomas Stanley, a professor that researches wealth, called The Millionaire Next Door. Here is the NYT displaying the first chapter for free. It's a good read, it will tell you a great deal about how people in the United States get and stay wealthy.
A few, in no particular order:
The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire
http://amzn.com/1591792576
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Collins Business Essentials)
http://amzn.com/006124189X
Mastering Your Hidden Self: A Guide to the Huna Way (A Quest Book)
http://amzn.com/0835605914
My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies
http://amzn.com/0671019872
Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)
http://amzn.com/1573244988
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People
http://amzn.com/0061438294
The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature
http://amzn.com/0060556579
Outliers: The Story of Success
http://amzn.com/0316017930
Iron John: A Book About Men
http://amzn.com/0306813769
This slideshow is essentially the same thesis as Steven Pinker's The Better Angels of Our Nature. A great book.
As someone left of center and an environmentalist.... Free markets and enlightenment values have lifted humanity out of squalor and superstition into modern day lives of plenty and comfort. Check out Steven Pinker's works if you don't believe me.
As long as we bring both to Mars with us, we'll be fine.
You're short, you have acne, you dress poorly, you're no fun to be around, you have no friends/squad, you're shy/introverted/won't approach, you look like a boy and have no authority, you have no sexual experience ... why do you think you should have a girlfriend again?
I know I'm being harsh, but the earlier you learn this the better: you must offer value. Otherwise why do you think anyone would be with you?
Work on the things you can, accept the things you can't.
Short - no solution.
Acne - eat better, sleep better, see a dermatologist.
Learn to dress better.
Finally, learn to socialize. This will have all kind of cascading effects. You will be more fun to be around, you will have a squad, you will have authority based on your friends' opinions of you. It definitely won't be easy, and sure, it goes against what you think is your fundamental nature, but right now, your fundamental nature is also to be girlfriendless. How badly do you want to change the situation?
Some tips for being more sociable: Be generous with your time and thoughts. Compliment people. Listen to them. Think about what they need and offer to help them. Again, you must offer value. Sometimes you won't get anything back. That's part of the pain of the learning process. Let that unrequited kindness go.
Here's a book that may help you with your introverted nature. In part, the author recommends faking it until you make it. Make it into a game, so you can step away, and you can reward yourself for small bit of progress:
https://www.amazon.ca/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307352153/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Na2mzbM4MW1GS
Congrats at getting into NEU. After reading a bit about the school, it sounds like you had to do work hard in your schooling to get into it.
On becoming a sysadmin, be patient. It's going to take a while. However, here are a few things to keep you busy:
exercise 1:
your world. DO NOT code in an IDE. Code in them all the way through
your degree.
personalizes your editor to you. Become a power user in whatever your
editor of choice is.
or zsh, but if you go with zsh, you have to learn bash anyway) to
customize your shell to your liking
exercise 2:
things into your shell that the oh-so-helpful! interwebz tell you to do, you should always understand
what they do before your run them)
strace -eread=all -ewrite=all -f nc -l -p 18100 127.0.0.1 > server_out 2>&1
strace -eread=all -ewrite=all -f nc -v -v -n -w 1 127.0.0.1 18100 < /etc/profile > client_out 2>&1
the file until you understand all of it and use wireshark to annotate everything
that is happening on the network in that pcap you had tcpdump write out all
the way up the OSI stack
exercise 3:
strace -eread=all -ewrite=all -f wget -qO /dev/null www.google.com > wget_out 2>&1
in the file until you understand all of it. include everything that happened between
your host and google (you don't know google's internals so just assume they're
running an apache server) over the network in the annotation. study a webserver
(apache, lighttpd, nginx) in debug mode with strace to understand what happened
on the other side of the network connection and use wireshark to annotate everything
that is happening on the network in that pcap you had tcpdump write out all the way
up the OSI stack
Read these whitepapers:
Buy this book and learn it inside and out. It is your bible.
If you do all this and learn it well, get a couple years experience under your belt (frequently there are computer labs that students can work in in college, that is one place to go) and then move to Silicon Valley or some other hub (sounds like you'll already be in Boston--there should be opportunity there). You'll never run out of work and you'll have the opportunity to try to work for the companies that make directly make money from their computing systems instead of being inside an IT shop that is a cost center in some company that does not appreciate you.
I think you need to keep an extremely open dialog with the COO. She's your boss. But she's likely hoping you become a trusted adviser rather than someone who needs to be managed.
Don't go in there helpless. But don't hide your deficiencies either. If you want to grow, she will help you do it. But you need to be self-reflecting and have ideas as to how to move forward.
The plan itself will come in the next suggestions.
Reflect on what was successful, and what could have gone better. Get a feel for the general process you defined. Could you have communicated the goals in a more organized fashion? Could you have defined milestones to help set management expectations? Should you have explicitly mentioned certain things weren't goals? What alternate plans where there, why were they rules out, and did management know about them? Were they properly budgeted? Was there adequate testing? Was it prioritized properly?
Do this for every singly project you can remember, then focus on identifying the strengths and weaknesses of each rollout. The strengths are what you were good at doing. The weaknesses were what you were bad at.
It could be as simple as "You know, looking back at this rollout, it all feels like one big step to me. I'm having trouble breaking them apart into steps, so it's hard to know when one piece of the project is done." You also need to identify why it's a problem and could get in the way of the project.
Look for patterns, and lay them bare. She'll be aware of some things and not on others. But you're demonstrating a clear willingness to grow, and that your solutions aren't just grasping at straws.
When you assess training options, you need to realize what you actually need. Do you need a class on project management, where you can ask an expert questions, or should you focus on ITIL standards, maybe you just need to start with a book, or maybe a book about modern it departments, or just a professional community.
Your project successes and sore spots, as well as your own comfort level will answer this question.
For any suggestion here, make sure you can justify its efficacy. How will the tool solve something that went wrong with a project?
Maybe the tool isn't a program, but a process . . . A process that you're technically building up by reflecting on project results and starting the dialogue.
They might want you to stop break/fix entirely. You won't be getting an assistant, but you'll be put in charge of someone with their own role, goals, and projects. THEY handle break/fix, rolling out an update, deploying a project.
So when a rollout moves past configuration and basic veirfication, they're role is to test it. Then give it to the people you direct. Then give it to everyone. They're not assisting you, they're following their own objectives within the parameters of their job description.
Maybe they see you as becoming a CIO type in 5 years: the budget, vision for the company, etc. will fall on your shoulders. You'll have a team of people under you doing technical work, while you handle technology from the business perspective. And maybe that's not what you want.
You might want to stay technical and specialize. You'll need project management skills as a Sr. admin or a manager, so your short term goals align. And they're not big enough for a CIO now anyway, so there's no harm.
But your building the expectation that, once you grow large enough, there WILL be someone over you. Because that's not what you want.
------------------------------
It's all about being comfortable, open, and trying to improve. Right now, you're deep into the learning phase. Own it. Everyone will respect you for it.
> Crankys Guide to Sysadmin
I would honestly read that. It would make a great no-bullshit addition/supplement to something like The Practice of System and Network Administration.
here 'tis, and it was well uner $100
https://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668
Best around.
It may sound crazy, but I'd rather stay home, surf the internet, listen to music, and maybe read a book instead of hanging out with someone all day.
EDIT: read this book
Deeply sorry to hear about your struggle. This sounds like a monumental amount of effort to deal with. Id highly recommend checking out this book to get a better understanding of trauma. Do you have a good support system?
In "The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined", Pinker talks a bit about honor culture and how it's persisted in the south and how that effects violence.
If I remember correctly there was one study that showed that southern employers are more forgiving of candidates who murdered someone for retribution than of someone who stole cars, whereas for northern employers it was the opposite. Kinda crazy...
Absolutely. It is a topic that was covered extensively in our adoption education training as adoptive parents. Regardless of age when adopted, it is a traumatic event and can lead to a lot of feelings of loss/grief throughout life. I haven't read this book personally, but I've heard a lot of people recommend The Body Keeps the Score on the topic.
I highly suggest reading On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by Dave Grossman. It gives excellent insight into how the military desensitizes people to killing and the effects it has had on soldiers, past and present.
"What every body is saying" would be a great book to start with.
> No one else even has admin level access-- except me, very recently, with a big fight.
If this fight was with your current "computer guy," then you have big problems. They may be political, or technical, or security; he may be just offended that a family scion is encroaching on his "turf," or he may be afraid that someone will see his incompetence, or he may be disgruntled by the whole employment experience and planting some deadman switches. Take some time to mend fences; emphasize your need to learn this area of the business, and that you don't intend to displace him, and that the more you learn about what he does, the more you, as a future owner, will be able to advocate for the expenses necessary to keep "IT department" operating smoothly.
But also make it clear that the guy who pays the bills has placed you in charge, and that while you want to hand him his paycheck indefinitely, you are the guy signing the paycheck. Things are going to change, and he needs to get on board with that. He may not be willing to accept this change, in which case you will, unfortunately, have to quietly start planning to replace him.
Give him a chance; he may come around. It sounds like for a long time he's been able to run the "IT Department" however he wanted to, so this is a huge life change for him. I can't emphasize enough how much you need to make clear your loyalty to him, but that the price for that loyalty is his loyalty to you the other members of management.
> We have at least 8 computers still running XP.
Is this because computer guy didn't want to replace them (bad) or because users didn't want them replaced (still bad, but not computer guy's fault)?
> He keeps everyone's passwords on his phone.
This is almost certainly because of employees who think he should know everything about computers, including their password. I'd start with a culture change among employees that passwords are secret; that no one, not even the owner, should have their password; and that writing down or sharing a password should be a fireable offense. However, you need to be sure that passwords are easy to remember.
> Am I wrong to be thinking we shouldn't be having these frequent crashes/problems?
No, you're not wrong. Review your support agreement in detail. Start keeping meticulous records of the problems you're having and the impact to the business, in terms of number of users affected, lost hours of work, and lost revenues. Notify the software company of each problem. When you get to three problems, you need to politely but firmly request an escalation to someone who can address and prevent these problems systematically. There's a good chance that the software company will report back that these problems are the results of past decisions your company has made in contravention of the software company's recommendations.
> yelling at people
Does your company have a culture of yelling at people? Does the owner yell at people? Do managers yell at people? If so, then he's merely following his leadership. This is a culture change that you will have to work on, quietly and calmly, but forcefully. If / when leadership doesn't manage by yelling, then I would make it clear to computer guy that he gets one free yell, but a second one will result in harsh disciplinary action. If the job is that frustrating, get him a heavy bag for the server room and tell him "Whenever our employees are too stupid for words, excuse yourself, tell them that your boss 0110100101110100 told you you have to do something, and go punch the bag." This sounds like it might also be symptomatic of the end users expecting the computer guy to be able to fix anything immediately, and that if he can't, he's an idiot. This is something else that may require some culture change among the end users.
> it's impossible to fix
This is a different problem. If he says he can't fix something, you need to show him that he can. If he exhibits any behavior other than wanting to learn more, you need to shut him down hard. IT changes constantly. Anyone who doesn't want to learn something new all the time doesn't belong in IT.
> visual basic
Eh, unless you're doing custom software development, I'd let this slide as a quirk. Everyone has a right to stupid opinions about things they know nothing about.
> where do I start?
Buy a copy of The Practice of System and Network Administration I think most folks on this sub would agree that it's a good reference for a starting (or even a seasoned) sysadmin. Read it, encourage him to read it, and use it as a starting place for the changes you want to make.
TL;DR IT guy's behavior is symptomatic of a bad relationship between users and IT. It's not all his fault. You need to take charge of the situation and bring him along. If you can't handle one frustrated sysadmin, what makes you think you can run a company?
For those too lazy to find it, http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668 is the book on Amazon :)
This book is recommended all the time here.
The Practice of System and Network Administration
https://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668/ref=pd_sbs_14_1/133-5038114-7566656?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=0321492668&amp;pd_rd_r=0e7670a0-ca48-43ed-b0df-52a961b8b37e&amp;pd_rd_w=EHHBL&amp;pd_rd_wg=QxYjw&amp;pf_rd_p=d66372fe-68a6-48a3-90ec-41d7f64212be&amp;pf_rd_r=XY52WEZ55TBYCVPCX482&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=XY52WEZ55TBYCVPCX482
I recommend The Practice of System & Network Administration. Next is probably the manual or a book about whatever monitoring system you're using (and spend the time you would have used to read another book to ensure you're monitoring everything). After that it depends what you're doing (busy public websites? Office IT?)
I keep seeing this book mentioned on this sub reddit, I haven't read it yet but it looks like what would help you: http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Practice-System-Network-Administration/dp/0321492668
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susain Cain. Highly recommended. Changed the way I felt about my self in a very positive way.
We have one of if not the freest healthcare market in the developed world. The systems that are much further from free market health care are the ones that are 1/2 the cost with better outcomes. When you can only fathom applying more of what doesn't work, you're stuck in an ideological bind.
"Watching politics" is about the least accurate way of understanding why people act the way they do. You might try reading moral and political psychology where they actually study why people believe and push for the things they do with scientific methods. I highly recommend picking up a book like The Righteous Mind or Moral Tribes if you want to begin to understand current political realities more deeply.
I've heard good things about Head First Java.
I haven't read this one, but I have read their C# book, which I highly recommend.
Head First Java
http://amzn.com/0596009208
Lets start at square one, you may not be able to carry anything purpose built but you absolutely can ensure you have items that can be used to aid you in a pinch.
When I recently traveled to your country I opted to keep a couple items on my person...a tuff-writer pen and also a quality flashlight that ran on an AA power source rather than CR123's or something of that nature. In addition to that I would recommend that you have first-aid, a tool bag, and a fire extinguisher...in your automobile if applicable. Once you have a set of kit sorted out that should be something that is always with you just like the new can-do-attitude you will be cultivating, none of this crap helps you if its back at home 45 min away.
Something like this will add capabilities to your tool box, and that helps solve one aspect of your problem.
The other side of things is how to train yourself to be more aware, this is however a life long process and it is a skill that will atrophy quickly. I recommend you pickup a copy of this book The Gift of Fear it details the human fear response and helps put it in context for dealing with day to day life...this book was really what set me on the tracks for being more situationally aware.
The other thing you should remember is just because you don't have a pistol on your belt, or a myriad of knives on your body doesn't have any impact what-so-ever on how well prepared you are to deal with a crisis, or your situational awareness. I have known plenty of people (military/civilian) who have zero situational awareness and are completely unprepared to deal with anything unless its explained to them in advance, using small words.
Once you have a basis you can start looking at some of the next steps. I think a great many people will suggest Martial Arts to you, and there is nothing wrong with that at all...if it is something you are interested in, you might also consider some medical training, bush-craft skills courses, mountaineering instruction, land navigation...and other courses of this nature, again its about putting skills/tools in your tool box that can be drawn on later when needed.
I hope this helps at at least get you thinking about how you can start to be more self reliant, and help be part of the solution not the problem.
-Sage
There's a book people mention in r/creepypms a lot, I haven't read it myself but want to. It's called "The Gift of Fear" https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
One of my favorite books is Surely Your Joking Mr. Feynman there is another version with an audio cd that is a great listen.
You're definitely going to have to have a good working knowledge of Java (or some other similarly-structured OO-language like C#). That's honestly the biggest hurdle.
For that purpose, I recommend Head First Java. It's actually a book you can read straight through (if a bit goofy), but it does a better job of teaching Java and OO concepts better than anything I've ever come across.
After that, it's pretty much developer.android.com all the way home. Best of luck!
Head First Java ,
Books and Concepts:
A History of God: The 4,000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam:
http://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563
Well-sourced Wikipedia articles describing the evolution of Jewish monotheism from polytheism:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotheism#Origin_and_development
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_ancient_Israel_and_Judah#Religion
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahweh#Early_history_of_Yahweh-worship
Enuma Elish:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/En%C3%BBma_Eli%C5%A1
Library of Ashurbanipal:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Library_of_Ashurbanipal
Canaanite Religion:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canaanite_religion
Did Jewish Slaves Build the Pyramids?:
http://skeptoid.com/episodes/4191
Taanach Cult Stand:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahweh#Development
Israel Enters Recorded History in Egypt at 1200 BCE:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_ancient_Israel_and_Judah#Iron_Age_I
Jeremiah's Monolatrist Polytheism:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_of_heaven_(Antiquity)#Hebrew_Bible_references
Exodus Renaming by P verified in The Bible with Sources Revealed:
http://www.amazon.com/Sources-Revealed-Richard-Elliott-Friedman/dp/0060530693
--
All excerpts used in this video are either copyright-free or covered under "fair use" in Title 17 § 107 of the USC, including:
The Prince of Egypt:
http://www.amazon.com/Prince-Egypt-Val-Kilmer/dp/B00000JGOQ
Vector Attributions:
A huge thanks to Snap2Objects for the many businessmen vectors I use:
http://www.snap2objects.com/freebies/
Iron Age Israel and Judah:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kingdoms_of_Israel_and_Judah_map_830.svg
Cloaked Israelite Women:
http://all-silhouettes.com/super-girls/
Gods and Israelites of War:
http://all-silhouettes.com/fighting-people/
Tiamat:
http://all-silhouettes.com/vector-oriental-dragons/
Asherah and Baal:
http://all-silhouettes.com/jumping-people/
Israelites:
http://all-silhouettes.com/miscsilhouettesofpeople/
Sun:
http://greeengirl.deviantart.com/art/free-simbols-sun-81174695?q=boost:popula...
Clouds:
http://all-silhouettes.com/vector-clouds/
Plants:
http://www.vecteezy.com/Flowers/127-13-Free-Vector-Foliage-Ornaments-Pack-01
Babies:
http://browse.deviantart.com/resources/?q=baby#/d1cnta1
Ares:
http://browse.deviantart.com/resources/vector/?q=ares#/d2b8aai
Deuteronomy Flourishes:
http://all-silhouettes.com/vector-flourishes/
Blood:
http://www.vecteezy.com/Spills-Splatters/15375-Free-Splatter-Vector-Set
Paint Splatters:
http://www.vecteezy.com/Spills-Splatters/466-Vector-Splatters
Image Attributions:
Badlands:
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2003-08-15_Badlands_National_Park_smal...
Heaven:
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Sky_between_cloud_layers.jpeg
Babylonian Tablet:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Venus_Tablet_of_Ammisaduqa.jpg
Babylonian Exile:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_history#Babylonian_captivity
Baal Epic:
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Baal_epic_mp3h8930.jpg
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Baal_epic_mp3h8950.jpg
Rich Dad, Poor Dad is a scam and the author has been widely discredited.
Check out "Millionaire Next Door" for real life examples of people that have saved enough to live independently. The mindset of most of the people featured is representative of how to approach financial independence.
Honestly, it sounds like you're hoping it is illegal. :)
It's most likely not.
https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising-Americas/dp/1589795474
(Old, but still very true)
https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising-Americas/dp/1589795474/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1482883577&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=millionaire+next+door
then this..
https://www.amazon.com/Total-Money-Makeover-Classic-Financial/dp/1595555277/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1482883314&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=total+money+makeover
AND then this...
https://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Common-Sense-Investing/dp/0470102101
Thanks for your service and willingness to be a cop. Tough jobs.
-Air Force Vet, So Cal native, 7 digit nest egg.
I'm still not sure if your problem was with her actual phrasing or the phrase she probably meant to type. Try reading up, maybe. The Ethical Slut. Opening Up. It's ok if it's not for you, no need to complain about it though.
There are dozens of reasons I lose interest or let the conversation fade. Sometimes it's something innocuous that leaves a bad taste. Sometimes I realize I'm not invested at all and don't care how the person is doing/feeling/answers random questions. Often though, I just get busy and have no time to bother anymore.
One thing that has turned me off to OLD lately isn't even OLD. It's this sub and the constant barrage of people saying they've had enough of OLD. It'll never end. Forever alone. Ugh. Any kind of dating is what you make of it. Of course it gets to be much at times and people need breaks. Before OLD breaks were just being single and making yourself happy. Or being single and downing a bottle of wine during TGIF and sobbing a bit at Urkel. Now it's some big ordeal that we all have to whine about on the internet. I think I've just been spending too much time in this sub. It been a little bit daily for a while. I much more liked my once a week or less fill. /rant
Go commiserate with friends for a bit. Take the break. There's a whole ocean of people out there. But don't pick any of them, they're probably all dead.
this link's url: http://www.amazon DOT com/dp/1607060760/ref=nosim/?tag=redditors-20The bolded part shows that this is a referral link, "tag=redditors-20" shows that his account name begins with "redditors" and he lives in North America (Region # is 20). He made an associates account for the sole purpose of spamming reddit. He gets 6%-12% of whatever you pay for on amazon in the next 24 hours after clicking this link.>
Referral codes on the end of links are not allowed, and your post will be removed. Repeat offenders will be banned.I understand if prople with pre-existing amazon associates accounts post referral links (to subreddits which permit them), but seeing somebody make an account for the sole purpose of spamming reddit sickens me. Enjoy your ban.EDIT: It was all a misunderstanding, it turned out to be a cookie left on my computer and not from OP's account. My apologies.
Yes, I do actually, because compromise would be forced as the norm and obstruction would be incredibly difficult. It also breaks up the power within congressional districts, because fewer powerful entities directly affect the voting populace.
It's about restricting the ability of congressional leaders to consolidate power within their districts, and having it come down to money.
Look at it this way, each congressperson current represents about 700,000 people (if i remember correctly). For what is considered a "local representative", that's not very "local". It makes it too easy for monied interests to convince the populace at-large of how this effective stranger thinks about xyz issues.
Break this number down to 150-200k each, and it seems a little more reasonable that community groups could have a real chance at having their voices heard. A union representing 1000 people is suddenly 1% of the vote, if 50% of people vote. That same union is a fraction of a % in a 700k district.
This results in a) more level headed politicians who can actually get to know the entirety of their district and not just rely on the big money havers, and b) better democratic representation.
TL;DR: Increasing the number of reps actually dilutes the power of an individual rep, such that they become more beholden to their voters.
edit: credit where credit is due - this book is amazing and explains in detail why a system that increases the number of reps leads to better representation. But to keep it simple - the first thing dictators do is consolidate power by getting rid of as many "key people" as possible, and when a representative represents 1 million people, the "key people" are people with the money to run ads, not community representatives.
The Dictator's Handbook: Why Bad Behavior is Almost Always Good Politics By Bruce Bueno de Mesquita and Alastair Smith
For eighteen years, Bruce Bueno de Mesquita and Alastair Smith have been part of a team revolutionizing the study of politics by turning conventional wisdom on its head. They start from a single assertion: Leaders do whatever keeps them in power. They don't care about the “national interest”—or even their subjects—unless they have to.
This clever and accessible book shows that the difference between tyrants and democrats is just a convenient fiction. Governments do not differ in kind but only in the number of essential supporters, or backs that need scratching. The size of this group determines almost everything about politics: what leaders can get away with, and the quality of life or misery under them. The picture the authors paint is not pretty. But it just may be the truth, which is a good starting point for anyone seeking to improve human governance.
This is essentially any public choice economics class you'll ever take. It's a great break down on the real incentives of rulers and how that influences their rule, even more so it goes into detail how these incentives shape economies, policies, wars, business, and much more.
2.
https://www.amazon.com/Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Almost-Politics/dp/1610391845
*3.
Nonfiction- Political Science/Public Choice theory
The Millionaire Next Door
Read it when I was 16 and completely changed how I thought about money/business/entrepreneurship
The cheapest legal way to read them is by purchasing Compendium One, Two and Three. That's the first 144 issues. Probably best to start with just Compendium One to ensure you like them.
*Edit: The Comics FAQ can probably answer any additional questions you may have.
I know this isn't a novel, but The Walking Dead comics are a great zombie read.
Ο Τσίπρας το έχει κάνει ευαγγέλιο αυτό
https://www.amazon.com/Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Almost-Politics/dp/1610391845
μην σας ξεγελάσει ο τίτλος. λέει για όλα τα πολιτεύματα και εξηγεί την φύση της διαφθοράς.
Opening Up
Ethical Slut
You should both read The Ethical Slut. Every topic you could possibly imagine related to this lifestyle is covered in the book. I highly recommend reading it and writing notes in your margins and then sharing your notes with your partner, and then reading hers.
From a personal standpoint, poly-relationships are very, very possible once you get over your own insecurities.
> how the heck are people affording these beautiful houses with granite counter tops crown molding etc with comparable income to mine?
They aren't. Have you seen the number of foreclosures? Please read The Millionaire Next Door. Also, you might check out Dave Ramsey.
I absolutely promise you in all areas there are a significant number of people living paycheck to paycheck. One way I know this is that I have had the opportunity to buy distressed property in almost all price ranges in my city. The largest (I passed) was 9500 SF on 3 acres in one of the most desirable villages here. 50 cents on the dollar...
I'll also promise you this. If you take the trade off and buy something a little less nice but in your range you will be WAY happier than if you get something a bit nicer but have to stress about money all the time.
also r/mindfulness
and https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-English-Bhante-Henepola-Gunarantana/dp/1536610208
aand of course, https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
Try to understand her. This might be really difficult. I recommend reading "The Ethical Slut" (www.amazon.com/dp/1587613379/) and googling polyamory (I like this)
The decision she is forcing you to make sounds different than I would phrase it in her place. Probably she found out about her poly inclinations and values them. But she also values you and doesn't want to lose you. But as yourself I would ask myself: If I had just met this lady and she had told me first point that she wants to life a poly lifestyle, would I start a relationship with her?
Why am I saying this? Because what she does probably not want is someone who grant her the rights, but is totally unhappy with the situation. You should try to understand her and her new lifestyle and then decide if you can life with it or not. If you can, stay together. If you can't, tell her and see what's more important to her - you or her lifestyle.
Be openminded. I don't think that her position makes that little sense, but it's definetely not mainstream.
I would NOT assume that she has already slept with someone else - because after all she is coming out to you about this in an honest way and you should appreciate this honesty.
I think though, that she probably has someone else in mind.
For me the central question concerning this issue is about how you define love, in an exclusive way or not. Why shouldn't people be allowed to love more than one person?
just my 2 cents.
Also check out this book:
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307352153/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ApQACbCDH85KV
It's a good read for understanding ourselves and hopefully help your Mom too.
While these videos are very good at explaining real experiments and citing them, I'd like to point out that they vastly simplify the psychology of beliefs.
For further detail you should check out Jonathan Haidt's book "The Righteous Mind: Why good people are divided by politics and religion", or for a tl:dr, check out his interview with Stephen Colbert.
Technically, it's not a straight copy/paste. (it's a slow day at work so, let's compare!)
From the IG post:
> I didn’t write this in the book because it happened while I wrote the book. The last six weeks of writing the first full draft of ENOUGH, I had hundreds of hives all over my chest and abdomen when I started to write for the day. Four times my lip swelled up, along with half my face, so I had to stop to go to the clinic, the emergency room, the fire station, to make sure I wasn’t in danger of losing my breath. It always calmed down after an hour or two away from the computer. I had allergy tests, specialists looking at me, and it all came up with no answer. It was terrifying, again.
❤️
At least 8 or 10 times I’ve had occasions like this, mostly focused on severe abdominal pain. And most of those times, there was nothing wrong, at least on tests. I never had anyone suggest it could have been the trauma in my body talking to me.
And, from the "Leaving LA" newsletter:
>I didn’t write this in ENOUGH because it happened while I wrote the book. The last six weeks of writing the first full draft, I had hundreds of hives all over my chest and abdomen when I started to write for the day. Four times my lip swelled up, along with half my face, so I had to stop to go to the clinic, the emergency room, the fire station, to make sure I wasn’t in danger of losing my breath. My body calmed down after an hour or two away from the computer. I had allergy tests, specialists looking at me, and it all came up with no answer.
>
>At least 8 or 10 times I’ve had medical mysterieslike this, mostly focused on severe abdominal pain. And most of those times, there was nothing wrong, at least on tests. I never had anyone suggest it could have been the trauma in my body talking to me.
I bolded the differences. (I love that one of the differences has a typo, too!)
The next paragraph IS 100% copy/paste.
IG:
> My doctor, a wonderful woman who trained under the doctor I mention in my book, sat me down about a month after my manuscript was in. And she told me that idiopathic uticaria (hives for no reason) is generally stress, deep body stress. My body, hardwired to protect my mom and keep the secrets, was trying to make me stop writing. I persisted.
Newsletter:
> My doctor, a wonderful woman who trained under the doctor I mention in my book, sat me down about a month after my manuscript was in. And she told me that idiopathic uticaria (hives for no reason) is generally stress, deep body stress. My body, hardwired to protect my mom and keep the secrets, was trying to make me stop writing. I persisted.
The last two paragraphs have only one slight difference:
IG:
> She diagnosed me with complex PTSD from my childhood. She put me on an SSRI for the first time in my life. And I started a deep dive into reading (please read @nadineburkeharris”s book and The Body Keeps the Score) and acting on what I know now. I’m still learning how to take care of myself. I will probably write about this journey too.
❤️
I know how to admit to myself when I have had enough now. When I found my jaw was clenched most of the time in LA, I knew it was time to come home.
Newsletter:
&#x200B;
>She diagnosed me with complex PTSD from my childhood. She put me on an SSRI for the first time in my life. And I started a deep dive into reading — if this resonates with you, read The Deepest Well and The Body Keeps the Score — and acting on what I know now. I’m still learning how to take care of myself. I will probably write about this journey too.
>
>I know how to admit to myself when I have had enough now. When I found my jaw was clenched most of the time in LA, I knew it was time to come home.
I'm sorry? Wars in the past were way more horrific and casualties were significantly higher than they are now, we are living in one of the most peaceful eras in history.
https://www.amazon.com/The-Better-Angels-Our-Nature/dp/0143122010
Here is a good book that discusses this exact subject.
Here are my nominations:
I haven't read them all through but have started on the Time Management book. So far so good.
Going to make a suggestion to read Getting Things Done.
The idea that this is the least violent time in history comes from a book called The Better Angels of Our Nature by Stephen Pinker, which purports to show that violence has been decreasing over time, and we live in the least violent period in history. That is not to say that our world is not still too violent, but rather that it is not as violent as it once was.
buy this. http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
Maybe I'm thinking of a different pose, but I'm not too sure about this, Joe Navarro says in his book
> When people place their arms behind their backs, first they are saying, “I am of higher status.” Second, they are transmitting, “Please don’t come near me; I am not to be touched.” This behavior is often misunderstood as merely a pensive or thinking pose, but unless seen in someone studying a painting at a museum, for example, it is not. Putting the arms behind the back is a clear signal that means, “Don’t get close; I don’t want to make contact with you”.
so you may be perceived differently than you think? I'm not too sure myself, because this always have to be seen in context and many more factors, but I'm reading this book at the moment and the quoted paragraph came to mind, so I thought I might share.
This book was transformative for me, both in terms of mindset AND behavior, before I was diagnosed (I was having trouble at work, in almost exactly the same way you describe) and after knowing more about what I was dealing with.
I still grab it from the library every once in a while to brush up, or when I feel my mind straying from practice.
> Christian here, and I am honestly looking to find what atheists believe is the best evidence against christianity or the Bible.
The best argument against it is that there is no credible evidence to support it in the first place. This might not agree with your current thinking but I will politely challenge you to come up with the best evidence you think demonstrates that Jesus is/was the Earthly avatar of the creator of the universe.
The bible itself is not evidence. The bible is the claim. Consider that there is no evidence outside the bible from the time the bible takes place that supports the existence of Jesus. All the mentions of Jesus outside the bible occur many decades after he was supposed to have lived. Worse, the gospel accounts are anonymous.
We know enough about the history of the bible from a literary perspective to know that it was written by men. (See my notes at the bottom of this comment.) What you think of the bible today is a collection of documents that was edited and copied repeatedly, then voted on by the Council of Nicaea - some books were omitted from the canon even though they are referenced by other books in the bible that are canon.
A few things worth pointing out:
Those are three things off the top of my head. Here's one list that has many more. Another list. One more.
In the end though, there's no credible evidence for anything supernatural in any religions. I don't believe in Jesus or Yahweh or Zeus or bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster for the same reasons - no credible, compelling evidence.
Edit:
Some additional resources as I think of them.
Sorry, I'm being way too wordy here, and I'll try to keep future responses shorted. I divided the answers into "Biblical accuracy" and "Morality" for the sake of clarity. Thanks for the considered responses and the patience to read it.
>My Reasons to Believe in Christianity: As I mentioned before, this is not the time for me to respond to your comments regarding my reasons to believe (although I would really love to another time) lets stay focused.
I should have earlier said something which is a standard caveat in theistic debates:
I care whether my beliefs are true. I accept that not everything I believe is true, and want to change accordingly. I do not wish to compromise knowledge of truth with that which is convenient, easy, or even may lead to otherwise positive outcomes. If any argument rests on favoring such factors over truth, it's not one I can accept.
In addition while I'm willing to not question further your reasons for believing that means any point you make which rests on assuming your belief, is essentially an empty noise, because I'm still ignorant as to why I should consider it true. I can understand your position, but without that knowledge I can't agree with it.
>If that were true that the core beliefs changed sure I would agree, I'll have to ask you for a source as well on this these claims
Sure, here's the wiki on Yahweh which, of course you shouldn't just assume true, but contains the relevant links for each statement, as well as books by Karen Armstrong, Mark Smith and others. Studying the history of the Hebrews show people who integrated stories from different cultures they assimilated with, ideas of gods changed over time, bits of which were then taken by later groups to be the only unchanging truth, even when we know that isn't the case.
That's the reason the God of the Old Testament is obsessed only with one tribe, fails in his goals repeatedly and has limited powers, why the earlier versions of the texts don't mention a Christian Satan or hell, and talks about not worshipping the lesser gods. Because while it was rewritten to conform to later beliefs, it was born from a polytheistic tradition.
>Again if you can prove significant changes to the texts of the Bible only then you would have a case here, if you cannot, identifying how it spread does not seem to have any relevance.
The story of casting the first stone isn't found in any earlier copies of the Bible, nor is handling snakes, as I said. Much of Mark's story of Jesus' death, and most of Paul's letters, were written by later scribes. The delineation of the trinity only shows up in one passage, and was discovered during the time of Erasmus, an admitted forger who said scripture and documentation should be based on providing 'medicine' for the people rather than truth, and who was called out as a fraud by fellow Christian historians of the time. It probably wasn't Erasmus himself who came up with it, but rather the faction of theologians pushing the trinity. Earlier scholars such as Origen mention nothing about it, even when discussing the concept. And then of course there's the King James Bible, a book written with flawed methods based on inaccurate sources with a political agenda in mind.
Also NaphtaliC is bang on. It's simply absurd to call any book translated between two languages 99.5% accurate that's longer than two pages. For several languages across many centuries? It's impossible and easily proven untrue by anyone whose read the earlier versions. If I pick up two copies of the Bible in the store today by different publishers, they aren't 99.5% accurate with each other, let alone ones from thousands of years ago in different languages.
>however the point remains that they are extremely accurate given the time span of its existence and given the comparison to the accuracy/# of copies of other ancient texts we have.
Right, hopefully you can step back for a moment before we get into details, and think about this as if the Bible weren't a book you believed in, and were trying to analyze objectively.
We have no originals, or copies of them. What originals did exist came only after decades of oral transmissions. Which means we could have 5 billion copies of first editions, and they would be reliable only as to their content, not as to reality.
This whole thing about 'given the time span' and 'in comparison' is completely irrelevant to the question. In a court you can't say "Well it's less hearsay than that hearsay" to make it reliable.
It is used because historians do often have to work with unreliable materials, and that's fine. But when we question the Bible more than other ancient works, it's not because there's a double-standard, it's because historians admit those other works are also not reliable, we just work with the best we have.
In addition the textual accuracy compared to other books ignores two key points:
Every argument you've made for the Bible's accuracy better fits the Quran and the Book of Mormon. They were better recorded sooner in time from known sources. But they also aren't true.
>Homer's Illiad is commonly cited as the next runner up in terms of this criteria and frankly does not hold up quite as well as the Bible did.
Thanks for proving my point. Homer's Illiad isn't true. It's a story of gods, possibly inspired by real events, that was written after oral transmission. So even if we had a first edition signed by the author, 100% word accurate with our copies today, no one would pretend this made it accurate history, unless they were a Greek worshipper looking for justifications for belief, rather than a historian.
>http://carm.org/is-the-bible-reliable
Yeah, I knew Carm would be cited because they're the main source for this stuff. Carm is unapologetic about putting the Bible first, and facts seconds as needed to get people to believe the Bible. Their numbers have been examined, and it's all based on arbitrary standards as needed to manufacture impressive statistics. That there were thousands of references to Christianity in the mid-1st century proves Christianity existed, it's not at all the same as proving the stories from the time were accurate, or that those stories match the accounts we have now, except where we have surviving fragments from that time, of which we have very few.
Yeah, you definitely should get a intro to java book and go along with it.
Perhaps check out Head First Java. It's ... a bit cheesy (cause they try to make it "fun"), but I found the material to be pretty solid for beginners.
Looks like someone uploaded it online, if you dont mind reading a textbook on a screen.
If you aren't doing well in your current CS courses, I'd highly recommend you focus on your university's courses and do well in them before deciding to bite off more than you can chew. Do some research and look for very basic coding books, not ones like this: https://www.amazon.com/Programming-Language-Brian-W-Kernighan/dp/0131103628/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1478891766&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=introduction+to+C+programming
Look for a bit more like this: https://www.amazon.com/Head-First-Java-Kathy-Sierra/dp/0596009208/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1478891799&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Head+first+java
This depends on what language you are currently learning right now. Don't worry about entering contests and participating in projects or open source coding until maybe second or third year in especially if you haven't had any prior experience. Don't rush yourself into this, you need to make sure you absolutely understand the basics before going into things like hackathons or being very concerned about internships. Take your time learning, and don't enroll onto too many online courses if you think that you can't handle it. Yes, online courses can be helpful, and will only be really helpful if you treat them like real classes. I would advise against code academy or khan academy to learn languages since I've gone through them and they never helped me really grasp CS material better than a book and actual coding. Key here is to code as you go through a book, or else you'll never learn how to actually code. Do tons of simple programs and if you don't understand code bits, don't get frustrated. Copy paste the code, and use a debugger (a bit more advanced but very very helpful) to go through step by step what the code is doing.
Main Points:
Best of luck to you, remember to enjoy the process, and keep in mind that while you might not like coding, CS isn't coding. It's the principles that underlie what we can do with code. A lot of it comes from really basic logic, you will be surprised in the future how easy some things can be to understand with basic step by step thinking.
Not really a cookbook, But I learned more about food and cooking from this book than any other.
https://www.amazon.com/Food-Cooking-Science-Lore-Kitchen/dp/0684800012
I would definately recommend going for a book. Head First Java is the book I'm learning from right now, and I find it to be engaging, funny, and on point.
The Practice of System and Network Administration, Second Edition
UNIX and Linux System Administration Handbook - 4th Edition
[TCP/IP Illustrated, Volume 1: The Protocols - 2nd Edition] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0321336313/)
These should be part of every ops department's library, if not already in your own personal one.
I just finished reading Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman, what an incredible person. Makes me sad he's still not alive. Recommended you read it too if you haven't already:
http://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1344831089&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=surely+you%27re+joking+mr.+feynman
Makes me respect Bill Gates even more than I already did.
This paragraph from Surely You're Joking, Mr Feynman! really got to me...
> I had obviously done something to myself psychologically: Reality was so important - I had to understand what really happened to Arlene, physiologically - that I didn't cry until a number of months later, when I was in Oak Ridge. I was walking past a department store with dresses in the window, and I thought Arlene would like one of them. That was too much for me.
Books and Concepts:
A History of God: The 4,000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam:
http://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563
Well-sourced Wikipedia articles describing the evolution of Jewish monotheism from polytheism:
Enuma Elish:
Library of Ashurbanipal:
Canaanite Religion:
http://skeptoid.com/episodes/4191
Taanach Cult Stand:
Jeremiah's Monolatrist Polytheism:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_of_heaven_(Antiquity)#Hebrew_Bible_references
Exodus Renaming by P verified in The Bible with Sources Revealed:
http://www.amazon.com/Sources-Revealed-Richard-Elliott-Friedman/dp/0060530693
From this video.
I've just finished reading this: https://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563
I recommend it if you're looking for something like that.
Posted this in my own comment, but good book on this is https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
I don't care if 99% of candied apples don't have razor blades in them; if there's a 1% chance I'll get one with a razor blade in them, then that's going to dictate my relationship with new candied apples. Making me feel guilty about the 99% of candied apples that are totally safe doesn't convince me.
Speaking as a man, if a woman is uncomfortable being alone with a man she doesn't know, then frankly I think she's being smart. I don't give a flying fuck about a good guy's hurt feelings. Rape and assault, unfortunately, are pretty common, and bad guys act like good guys as though it were their job. Let's act that way.
If a woman can't form friendly relationships with any men at all, then that is a different problem. However, if we're talking about strangers, then yeah. Listen to your gut and don't be alone with them.
By the way, along these lines, I would recommend a book called The Gift of Fear.
That's emotional blackmail girlfriend.
Read that link, and then read everything else on that site.
You were not leading him on. He was leading you on. He was leading you on with lies about cutting, with declarations you were his only friend, with manipulation, wheedling, whining, putting himself first before you, and all his other blackmailing antics.
Does he need help? Absolutely. Are you a trained adult mental health professional? Fuck no. Does he know that? Of course he did.
Like you said, he was a lying, manipulative, using jerk. He can be that and still be in need of mental health services. One of these things does not make the other any less true.
Good on you for blocking, getting out, telling friends, and telling your story here.
Needy, manipulative, users will use good people against themselves. That is not the good person's fault.
Get on Amazon, order this book, and read it cover to cover. As a good person and a girl, it can save your life. Even if your future is with other girls. It has saved mine.
Now that you have this experience, you have a set of warning signs and red flags to look for in the future. And you will not tolerate emotional blackmail ever again.
Head First Java. This is an outstanding, fun, book and an easy read. Good explanation of OO principles as well.
After that, just start coding. I had previously done C and Perl, but HFJ is written for the absolute beginner.
Obligatory link to McGee On Food and Cooking for those interested in a lay person explanation of lots of cookery science.
https://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081
pick up a copy of The Ethical Slut. Read it. It's basically a 101 guide to "what is this poly thing, how do people do it, where could I fit in with it"... there are a ton of other books on the subject (I've heard "Opening Up" is good), but that's the one that I know and love, and where I've drawn most of my inspiration for my poly relationship (almost 3 years now ^_^)
It's difficult to say everything that needs to be said in a concise way to someone who is just starting out, but I do want to say that you are in a great starting place - knowing that you love your wife, and this is something that you would like to know more about... that's better than a lot of couples looking to open up (or members of a couple). She trusted you enough to open up about her feelings rather than go behind your back and cheat to fulfill these desires... all of this is a good place to be
The thing about poly is that it is not a get out of jail free card for one partner to do all the gallivanting around they want to do without concern for the other person's feelings. To really work, it needs to work for both/all people involved. There needs to be communication and compassion. Ditching your partner at a bar to make out with some else is super shitty behavior, and not a normal part of healthy poly.
More than two is a great resource with tons of articles about polyamory that was super helpful to me when I first started exploring it. The Ethical Slut is a good intro book as well.
Edit: formatting
Athletes constitute a extreme minority, especially superstars like LeBron. While his example was a little extreme in how lucky the beginnings was, the story is by no means rare. The is a popular book called The Millionaire Next Door which goes to explain how most millionaires in the US got their wealth.
In the vast majority of cases, it's quite straightforward: spend less than you earn, and maximize tax-advantaged investing. Don't waste money on expensive cars or other forms of wasteful spending. Keep doing that for a couple of decades, and you'll be a millionaire.
Of course, the above path does come with assumptions. First is that you need to have an employable degree, and not be crippled by student debt in a way that makes you lose a big chunk of your early earnings. Second is that you need to be not unlucky and e.g. not have an expensive medical emergency. Having a spouse definitely helps (but is not required), and not having kids also helps (but they won't make anything impossible).
Bottom line is that the most millionaires in the US are not sportsmen, nor are they born to immense privilege.
Watch: If you have already watched TWD and GoT, some other good TV series include: Fear the Walking Dead, True Detective season 1, Vikings, The 100, American Horror Story season 1 - Murder House and season 2 - Asylum, Stranger Things, Penny Dreadful, first few seasons of True Blood, Sons of Anarchy, Narcos, House of Cards, Bates Motel, The Last Kingdom, and that's all I can think of right now. You can also check out IMDb: Most Popular TV Series.
Read: Read TWD comics and read the Game of Thrones book series, A Song of Ice and Fire. Just give the first A Song of Ice and Fire book, A Game of Thrones, a try and I guarantee you will be hooked and won't be able to put it down. I can't even stress how amazing both book series are compared to their TV show counterparts, especially the GoT books. There's so much detail in both TWD and GoT books that they didn't have time to fit into the TV series or didn't care, but reading the books really helps to understand certain characters and situations that occur in the show. You don't even have to actually pay money for the books, you can just download the ebook files to read them for free. (If you want to know where to download the ebook files for free, message me.) I actually always do that, if the files are available, and if I start reading it and enjoy it, I purchase the actual physical book, as I did with all of the GoT and TWD books. To save money when purchasing the physical copies of TWD comics, make sure to buy TWD comics in Compendiums (Amazon: TWD Compendium One) instead of individual books.
The Walking Dead is actually really easy to get into because it is only one series. You can start at #1 and read up to the current issue. The best and cheapest way you can do this would be to buy the two Walking Dead compendium that have been released. They go from #1-96 and they're around $35-40 each.
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Amazon links:
The existentialism is real in the wake of losing your worldview. All the pep-talks in the world about "go live your life, the world is amazing!" meant nothing to me. I didn't know how to move forward. For some of us, the loss is huge and the existential dread (with its accompanying anxiety and depression) is absolutely consuming.
Ultimately, the study of philosophy and the nature of existence was the way out and the door to a meaningful post-Mormon life for me. I read and studied a bunch of stuff, but the below list was some of the most helpful. I ultimately chose to go with a personalized form of stoicism to fill the void left by Mormonism. Others prefer secular Buddhism, etc. If you still like Jesus as a moral guide (like I do in a lot of ways), this is a great short podcast about Jesus as a moral philosopher.
Anyway, I found the below very helpful in my transition:
If you're interested in stoic philosophy as a replacement for Mormonism:
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Finally, it gets better! Take it a day (or a month) at a time and keep searching and you'll eventually land in a good spot! Good luck, and stick with it!
I've been poly for 10 years, and in a new LDR (4 months). He's a touring roadie, I'm an in-town roadie.
I would strongly recommend doing some reading on polyamory, open relationships, swinging, all that stuff. There's tons of great literature out there. Even if full-on multiple relationships isn't what you're looking for, you'll pick up lots and lots of tools to smooth a transition to non-monogamy, and just in general to have healthy communication.
Before you talk to him about it, and before you get with anyone else, try to have an idea of what you'd like, and what your boundaries are. Do you want just NSA booty, or FWB? What would you be comfortable for him to do with other women? What about barriers? Do you talk about your other partners, or is it a DADT situation? What if feels happen? A good rule of thumb is to picture your partner with someone else, having a great time. If this elicits strong feelings of jealousy, anger, and general badness, there's going to be a lot of things to work through.
After you've got a good idea of where you want to go, bring it up with him. Not with a specific other partner in mind, but just as a concept. Ask him to do research for himself. Even if he says "No way!", have him do the reading and make an informed decision. Make up your mind whether or not this is a deal breaker.
We're pretty strongly conditioned against the idea of non-monogamy, but the fact is that it's all around us. Open relationships are a pretty common practice, and can be part of a lot of healthy, loving, long-lasting romances.
I thought I would have to really reconsider my poly attitude when I met my current guy, because I am crazy-nuts-bananas in love. When I told him about it, he laughed that I had been scared and told me he had been in open relationships for a decade and preferred it!
Good luck on spreading the love!
https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379
https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Two-Practical-Polyamory/dp/0991399706
http://polyamorydiaries.com/im-madly-in-love-with-you-but-dont-worry-its-not-a-big-deal/
I'll be the voice of dissent here and suggest that you try it. What do you have to lose? You're young and thinking of leaving the relationship anyway. If you try it--really try it--and it doesn't work out, then you'll leave the relationship. It's a wash.
Polyamory is fucking scary, but it may pay dividends. I suggest you read this book with your SO:
http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379
Good luck!
If you're just looking to learn instead of fulfilling a degree requirement then it is a probably more useful to pickup a book and do it yourself.
Some useful subs:
Some useful books:
The takeaway is that when it comes to investing there is no secret that will make you rich overnight. Picking random stocks hoping they suddenly shoot up is no different than gambling. Even the most well paid people in finance with all of their years of schooling cannot consistently beat the market.
Investing is a long term commitment.
Second this. The FBI's top expert on body language. Actual book title is What Every BODY is Saying
Since he was taken in for possible child porn charges, I think you are pretty well off assuming you are out of his interest range.
By what you described, I think he does not remember you and has no actual interest in you, but situational awareness is something that I think should be an effing basic school requirement.
I got that book just to further my education as a security agent, but after reading it, people make more sense.
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
Read Getting Things Done by David Allen. The things I like about the GTD system:
I'm a psychology major (on top of dealing with my own trauma issues) and I mostly became interested in body-oriented work through some practice-oriented classes I had on "focusing". It's a technique developed by Gendlin. Focusing is something you do with two people. One person is focusing, and the other guides the experience. While focusing, you pay attention to your body and zoom in on what's grabbing your attention the most. Then you focus on this experience and find a way of expressing this feeling (like in an image or something, not in "rationalized thoughts"). You can read a bit more about it here. You can also focus on a specific emotional topic. I recently finally made the decision to take a 2-day course which now allows me to focus on my own, with a partner who also took the course. You don't need to have a psychology degree to be able to do a focusing course and find a focusing partner, although when you're going to focus on something trauma-related I would suggest to try it out with a licensed therapist (at least the first few times), in case you would get triggered.
After having this experience with "focusing" during my own studies, and having some problems with CBT, I explicitly looked for a therapist stating that she did body-oriented work. I think the method that my therapist uses is developed by Albert Pesso. I hadn't heard of it before I met her, but a quick google scearch brings me to this website. I'm now also starting emdr with my therapist. They're not really sure how emdr really works, but I think that they assume that on a neurological level it also engages the body while thinking about the trauma.
The body keeps the score should also be a good book about the effects of trauma on the body, although I haven't read it myself.
I generally feel that a lot of different therapeutical views agree on the importance of the body on a theoretical level. However, apart from focusing, emdr and the method my therapist uses, I haven't found any therapies that use the body-oriented work in relation to themes you really struggle with. CBT has mindfulness for example, but -in my opinion- they don't really use it on specific themes. It's more like "be aware of your body and accept it", while with focusing and the method by Pesso, you're looking into how your body feels when thinking about something specific and what might "help" you in that situation. Although, I do believe that mindfulness has some merits. I use an app, Youper, who has mindfulness (and CBT exercises) in it. There's one exercise that I like where you try to create a sense of gratitude and pay attention to how that feels in your body. You van also track your daily emotions, and even trauma-related symptoms with Youper.
I'm finishing a PhD on how we process emotions, and the role of paying attention to the body... So from a theoretical point of view I could keep on discussing this :-) But I think these resources will probably be the most interesting if you're looking for something you can apply.
Edit: sorry for the long post. I just get excited when I can talk about this
Hey bud, I know you said you're struggling without a support network right now, can you find some low/no cost meetups with people who enjoy doing what you do? There might even be one for emotionally traumatized people (https://www.meetup.com/San-Diego-Emotional-Trauma-and-PTSD/).
Like you said, arguing is a coping skill for you, to cover/deal with whatever particular blend of emotions you might be dealing with in the moment. I also tend to trigger my wife when I'm triggered, and it's been a huge learning curve for both of us to deal with each other and be able to be present enough to not instantly react to each other with our respective dysfunctional coping mechanisms.
I saw you mentioned Body Keeps the Score in the other thread that one's good. There's also CPTSD from Pete Walker. My personal favorite though is Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller. It seems to be the most systematic, step-by-step explanation I've been able to find of what's necessary for us to heal.
I posted a semi-review/explanation of Laurence Heller's theory of developmental trauma here.
Other poster mentioned
>This place has treasures but you've gotta find them
Totally agree with that. Be patient, read, and engage in discussion like what you're doing, what don't expect any miracles from the sub.
>Unfortunately in the unfair real world no one really cares for damaged obnoxious underdeveloped underprivileged peopleThat is society. I don't know how you haven't learnt this yet, perhaps you are privileged race and gender and otherwise, but this is soemthing that you just need to accept.
A very harsh truth. Perhaps you haven't been able to accept this because you haven't be able to accept and grieve your own losses yet. If you do have DTD, you've had many things taken from you, including childhood innocence. It's a rough place to be, but healing is possible; just very, very slowly. It's a 3 steps forward, 2 steps back situation.
Yes. This was my first Haidt content ever - and I'm into his work ever since. I also highly recommend the book The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion.
On a side note, the guy spear heading this field of study is psychologist and former military officer David Grossman. I'd recommend reading his book On Killing to get a glimpse into military mentality and how people are conditioned by states to be killers, and what affect it has on them later.
In a nutshell, Grossman states that only around 2% of the population are natural killers. The rest hold a strong aversion to violence, even when their safety is threatened. It's almost as if we'd rather live in peace than kill each other. Weird!
Anyway, the way you condition an "ordinary" person to be a killer is to condition them to respect authority, have authority figures closely supervise the individual, have a group culture where peers expect the individual to kill, and finally you must train the individual to kill in a realistic setting. In the Army we were made to attack rubber, human shaped dummies with bayonets, as well to shoot at human shaped pop-up targets on the firing range. Grossman theorized that using human-like targets increased the soldiers' firing rate (their willingness to shoot at the enemy) from 20% in WWII to 90% in US involvement in Vietnam.
Of course, Grossman could use this information to rail against war and militarism. Unfortunately, like many military peeps, he's selling out to the cops for an easy buck. Fucker.
I try to remember that extroverts don't know how to handle us any more than we know how to handle them.
Then, you can be snarky and tell them "better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt", but that's not likely to endear you to anyone that doesn't already know you well.
Alternatively, you can keep a copy of Susan Cain's excellent book in your desk, maybe even on your desk, and offer to let anyone making these comments borrow it.
Those kind of people can fuck off. This representative clearly lives in a bubble. Don't be ashamed of what kind of person whom you are. If a person is a friend of yours then s/he will respect your introversion. Now, yes, extreme introversion is an issue (as is with any extreme), but there is absolutely nothing wrong with simply having an introverted personality.
Now in regards for something more productive, I would go and talk to your dorm representative and attempt to have an honest discussion on why her perspective is demeaning, misunderstood, and incorrect.
I highly recommend the book by Susan Cain: Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking. Introversion is something that is highly misunderstood and it is extremely important to have open discussion.
Edit: Spelling is hard. Added link.
Edit 2: Spelling is very hard.
This is something I've always felt, and had confirmed when reading Quiet. She talks about one of the common related traits of introversion being High Sensitivity, which sounds to me like what you're talking about. You're really sensitive to your "emotional surroundings" as it were.
The way I think of it is like this: if you had super-sensitive hearing, being out in the world all day would be a real trial. Hearing cars zoom by, constant chatter, etc would wear you out and you'd need to go home and get some silence to rest your eardrums. I feel that way about emotions/people. After a day or two of being around other people a lot, even just being in the office, I need some "emotional quiet time."
I also have the same reaction to awkward/embarassing things in movies or TV. My first strong memory of having that reaction was during the Mr. Bean movie, which I saw with my family. In many scenes, they were laughing uncontrollably and I just wanted to look away.
You might be interested in Jonathan Haidt's Moral foundations theory and his book The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion. He finds that both progressives and conservatives value fairness. Here's his TED Talk if you prefer that.
You'll notice that this is not a usual "to do" list in a few ways:
Hope this sparks a fresh idea for some of you!
you're so eager to be offended you can't even hear what is being said. A smaller percentage of the population dies violent deaths due to wars and homicide than in the past. Steven Pinker writes extensively on this. The geography of the commenter has nothing to do with this fact.
Hello and welcome! Here are my recommendations for de-indoctrinating yourself:
Take some time to learn about the history of the bible. For example, you can take the Open Yale Courses on Religious Studies for free.
Read Who Wrote the Bible by Richard Elliott Friedman
Also read A History of God by Karen Armstrong
Watch this talk from Sam Harris where he explains why "free will" is likely an illusion, which debunks the entire premise of "the fall of man" as presented by most Christian religions.
Watch this video on the Cordial Curiosity channel that teaches how the "Socratic Method" works, which essentially is a way to question why we believe what we believe. Do we have good reasons to believe them? If not, should we believe them?
Watch this video by Theramin Trees that explains why we fall for the beliefs of manipulative groups in the first place.
This video explains why and how childhood indoctrination works, for those of us born-in to a high-control group.
Another great source is this youtube series debunking 1914 being the start of the last days.
Next, learn some science. For example - spoiler alert: evolution is true. Visit Berkeley's excellent Understanding Evolution Website. Or, if you're pressed for time, watch this cartoon.
Read Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne.
Read The Greatest Show on Earth by Richard Dawkins.
Watch this series where Aron Ra explains in great detail how all life is connected in a giant family tree.
Learn about the origin of the universe. For example, you could read A Briefer History of Time by Stephen Hawking.
Learn about critical thinking from people like [Michael Shermer] (http://www.ted.com/talks/michael_shermer_on_believing_strange_things?language=en), and how to spot logical fallacies.
For good measure, use actual data and facts to learn the we are NOT living in some biblical "last days". Things have gotten remarkably better as man has progressed in knowledge. For example, watch this cartoon explaining how war is on the decline.
Read The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined by Steven Pinker.
Watch this Ted Talk by Hans Rosling, the late Swedish Statistician, where he shows more evidence that the world is indeed becoming a better place, and why we tend to wrongly convince ourselves otherwise.
I wish you the best. There is a whole world of legitimate information out there based on actual evidence that we can use to become more knowledgeable people.
You may still wonder how you can be a good human without "the truth." Here is a good discussion on how one can be good without god. --Replace where he talks about hell with armageddon, and heaven with paradise--
Start to help yourself begin to live a life where, as Matt Dillahunty puts it, you'll "believe as many true things, and as few false things as possible."
I'm not sure about those "poor results"?
Violence is lower than ever. Unless you count exceptions like Baltimore, which we are not allowed to talk about.
I think abortion should be legal and widely available. But it's at an all time low. Birth control is getting better.
It's not a study so much as a thesis that analyzes many different studies, but I would highly recommend Steven Pinker's The Better Angels of Our Nature as a jumping off point.
Sounds like you already know what you want to do! I'm on the Microsoft side of the house, love scripting, and am fortunate enough to spend the majority of my day working in PowerShell.
Definitely check out The Practice of System and Network Administration if you haven't already, it lays a great foundation for the areas in IT.
If you go the Linux / scripting route, read up on and spend more time with shell scripting and Python (perhaps Ruby if you get into config mgmt). If you go the Windows route, read up and spend more time on PowerShell. Either way, being able to code and automate will be very important in our field, it sounds like you are on the right track.
Cheers!
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668#
'On Killing' by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman I found to be an extremely enlightening look at the effects of combat. Although the historical aspects are primarily from the Civil War forward(especially Vietnam), he does reference earlier combat. Touches on purification ceremonies(parades), the heroes journey, the travel there and back, and a number of other issues dealing with how societies have dealt with these effects. 5 stars. (I'm not a professional historian)
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Pick up a copy of The Practice of System and Network Administration. It's a great starting point for overall support and admin methodologies.
I recommend you become familiar with the following terms:
Rules, Regulations and Guidelines; ACR guidelines, NRDR (e.g. Lung Cancer Screening), AAPM TG-18, HIPAA 1996, HITECH 2009, MACRA 2015, PAMA 2014 (especially AUC aka CDS), PQRS, etc.
IHE (actor, transaction, profile)
DICOM (entity-relationship, GSDF, GSPS, IOD, DICOM service, SOP Class, RESTful services e.g. WADO)
HL7 (message, message type, segment, field, component, FHIR)
Image pixel data (bit, byte, bit depth, grayscale, histogram, pixel, voxel) and Image Processing (Gaussian, Laplacian, Sobel, etc.)
Speech Recognition (aka Voice Recognition), DICOM Structured Reports
High Availability and High Performance (Business Continuity, Disaster Recovery, Fault Tolerance, Failover / Failback, hot / warm / cold spare, Geographic redundancy, clustering and mirroring, RAID (RAID 0, RAID 1, RAID 5, RAID 6, RAID 50, etc.)), virtualization, iops
Networking (Packet Switching, OSI Model, TCP/IP, "Well Known Ports" - Network Protocols (DNS, DHCP, FTP, FTPS, HTTP, HTTPS, SNMP, telnet, ping, traceroute, netBIOS, netstat, ipconfig), DSL, ISDN, T-1, T-2, T-3, DS-1, DS-2, DS-3)
Encoding, Encryption and Compression (SSL, TLS, RSA, Run Length Encoding, Big Endian, Little Endian, JPEG, JPEG2000)
Nomenclature and medical coding (RadLex, LOINC, SNOMED, CPT, ICD)
Information technology Management (ITIL, ITSM, SaaS, SLA, SOA, QoS)
https://www.abii.org/About-PACS-Administrator.aspx
https://www.abii.org/docs/Certification-Guide.pdf
http://siim.org
http://siim.org/?page=ciip_study_resources
http://siim.org/?page=pii_textbook
http://www.otechimg.com
http://ihe.net
http://ihe.net/Resources/upload/ihe_radiology_users_handbook_2005edition.pdf
http://medical.nema.org/standard.html
http://www.hl7.org/implement/standards/index.cfm?ref=nav
http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/administrative/privacyrule/index.html
http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/administrative/securityrule/index.html
http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/administrative/enforcementrule/hitechenforcementifr.html
http://www.fda.gov/Radiation-EmittingProducts/MammographyQualityStandardsActandProgram/default.htm
http://www.acr.org/~/media/AF1480B0F95842E7B163F09F1CE00977.pdf
http://www.acr.org/~/media/3E08C87AD6E6498D9E19769E5E5E390D.pdf
http://deckard.mc.duke.edu/pdf/Samei-TG18.pdf
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668
http://www.pmi.org
>However with servers, and everything else in the data center, I'm scared to do anything to them, because of fear of crashing the system.
This is actually a healthy and normal attitude to have, frankly. If you make a mistake, you aren't just interrupting one person's workday but potentially everyone's. I would use a very conservative approach to handling the servers and double check everything you want to do. Understand the potential benefits and drawbacks to your choices and actions before implementing them. This should become second nature to you during your new career.
But don't worry about breaking things. Worry about what you should do if you break things. Always have a plan in place.
I'd recommend reading a book like The Practice of System and Network Administration to get a general overview of what a system administration should look at and how one should approach the job.
Grab a copy of the Practice of system and network Administration as a basis to start from. Not a textbook, but covers a wide range of topics and key concepts that are not tied to a specific technology stack.
this helped me out a decent bit. you may also want to check out books on poker (specifically those covering bluffs and tells) as well as videos like this, [this](https://www.youtube.com /watch?v=l_k-u0bldf4) and that. good luck, and happy learning.
You would find [this book] (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748) fascinating. I highlighted so much of it! It changed the way I think about my PTSD and body. I can't recommend it highly enough.
You can't get it for anxiety. You can probably get diagnosed with PTSD though if your anxiety is a product of trauma. Recent thinking is way more people have PTSD than previously thought so I'm not telling you to lie: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3VNXGWZSQI8T5&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1573084604&sprefix=the+body+%2Caps%2C171&sr=8-2
The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk MD. I cannot recommend this book enough.
That’s a nice fairy tale, isn’t it? The fact that you insult over me saying something completely reasonable doesn’t put you in a very good position.
I didn’t say they were actors or anything was staged. You’re arguing a point I never made. Nice job.
Brooding about our “sick society” doesn’t pass the shit test, unless you’re a C+ college freshman. I have a suggestion for you. Or this one. Why read when you can dismiss arguments with pictures of tin foil hats, though, right? We all know how smart 16 year olds are...
Your life isn't pointless. Right now you may be at a low point, even the lowest point you have been in. I believe that struggling in some way, or being sad/depressed/angry/hurt/etc means that you care about something. Something feels like it's not right to you and you want it to be better. Even if it's a vague feeling, or you are struggling because you actually feel nothing at all, this says something. I'm not sure what you are going through since you didn't post many details (which is totally fine), but I wanted to let you know that there have been many times that I have struggled greatly. Due to my past trauma I've had terrible physical problems, emotional problems, dissociation, anxiety, depression, difficulty making and maintaining friendship and connection with others....and on and on. There were times when I was in so much pain (either mentally, emotionally or physically) that I couldn't get out of bed or even barely move for long periods of time. That is a very desperate feeling. I have felt utterly and completely alone in this world, as if I had nothing and no one, and that I would be broken forever.
One thing that really helps me is reading. It was a long journey for me to learn to recognize my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. There are still some areas where I can struggle with this, but I have made so, so much progress it's almost unbelievable to me when I think back to the person I once was. I couldn't identify my own emotions or thoughts, but when I read about scenarios and other peoples emotions/thoughts in certain situations, I could tell when it felt right. Like, "Yes! That is how I felt when _____ happened to me." A few books that really helped me are The Body Keeps Score, and Running On Empty. Other resources that have helped me immensely are hypnosis (one in particular was Michael Mahoney's IBS Audio Program 100 (this cured the IBS I had had for ~25 years, since I was a child)), and Annie Hopper's Dynamic Neural Retraining System. The very first book that I read that gave me hope that I could change my life was The Brain that Changes Itself. I read that book 9 years ago and it set me on a path of real change. It gave me inspiration and hope and the belief that I could really change and improve my life. If you want any other book recommendations let me know, I've read a lot of books and I have even more favorites that have helped me.
There are still areas of my life that I am working to improve, but I am nowhere near the person I was before I started reading and learning. Working through this stuff, and figuring out how to even do it, are very challenging and difficult tasks. But it is so, so worth it. I wish I could really show you and explain to you the profound changes we can make as people. Every epiphany I've had about myself and my life has been amazing and life changing. To me it almost feels like the essence of what it means to be human. I'm not sure if people who don't go through trauma get the chance to experience such profound epiphanies, realization, and change. Maybe I'm just rambling now, but I want you to know that there is hope. You may not have it, but I have it for both of us right now. Read. See a therapist. Learn. Practice. Journal. Seek support. Seek out ways to make a change. It doesn't have to be profound or monumental. Go at your own pace, just be sure that you are going.
My favorite resource is thriveafterabuse.com. Dana has been through it herself and speaks in practical terms. She has a Youtube channel too. On the site there are support groups and reading lists.
Lisa Romano is also on Youtube and another good resource.
The books that really resonated for me when I realized what was going on were about self care. The Body Keeps the Score was very helpful. So was Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.
It takes time. You will be ok. Take care!
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking was a pretty good read recommended to me by another introverted INFJ friend of mine. Although it isn't specifically about INFJs, it is all about the "I", and I came away with some new ideas.
introvert here but far from wimpy and quiet. I'm fine with people I am close to and my definition of introversion is not to be annoying outgoing. I don't need to speak to you just for shits and giggles and don't come bugging my ass when I'm in the middle of something. The power of quiet my friend.
https://www.amazon.com/Devils-Chessboard-Dulles-Americas-Government/dp/0062276174
https://www.amazon.com/JFK-Unspeakable-Why-Died-Matters/dp/1439193886/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
https://www.amazon.com/Family-Secrets-Americas-Invisible-Government/dp/1608190064
https://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081
https://www.amazon.com/National-Security-Government-Michael-Glennon/dp/0190206446
Those are the books that you should read.
Here are also some good resources:
Paul Craig Roberts worked in the Reagan administration: http://www.paulcraigroberts.org/
This is a good multi-part article excerpted from one of the books above: http://whowhatwhy.org/2013/09/16/part-1-mr-george-bush-of-the-central-intelligence-agency/
Michael Glennon’s abstract about his book: http://harvardnsj.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Glennon-Final.pdf
A PDF of the “Confessions of an Economic Hitman” book if you don’t want to buy it: http://resistir.info/livros/john_perkins_confessions_of_an_economic_hit_man.pdf
This is when the reporter asked Bill Clinton about Mena: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDMktUYvC7k
Article on the coup attempt in France: http://whowhatwhy.org/2015/10/20/jfk-assassination-plot-mirrored-in-1961-france-part-1/
All of whowhatwhy.org is very good. There is probably a lot of good information there most haven’t heard of. The main guy, Russ Baker, is a Pulitzer prize winning journalist.
Bet you didn’t know that Bob Woodward was a state intelligence asset/disinformationist? https://twitter.com/wikileaks/status/710466456941686784
All part of the record…. Enjoy.
Yet another example of how to move money from the state to the private sector. Where are the magic economic forecasts that would make John Perkins blush?
>The website lists Capital City Partners, a private real estate investment fund by global investors focused on investment and development and led by Emirati Mr. Mohamed Alabbar.
http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1426248828&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=economic+hitman
>Perkins writes that his economic projections cooked the books Enron-style to convince foreign governments to accept billions of dollars of loans from the World Bank and other institutions to build dams, airports, electric grids, and other infrastructure he knew they couldn't afford. The loans were given on condition that construction and engineering contracts went to U.S. companies. Often, the money would simply be transferred from one bank account in Washington, D.C., to another one in New York or San Francisco. The deals were smoothed over with bribes for foreign officials, but it was the taxpayers in the foreign countries who had to pay back the loans. When their governments couldn't do so, as was often the case, the U.S. or its henchmen at the World Bank or International Monetary Fund would step in and essentially place the country in trusteeship, dictating everything from its spending budget to security agreements and even its United Nations votes. It was, Perkins writes, a clever way for the U.S. to expand its "empire" at the expense of Third World citizens.
I guess this is just a coincidence though.
Strictly in order.
Head First Programming
Head First Java
Effective Java
Head First Design Patterns
Head First Software Development
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You are welcome!
I usually only use cookbooks that are also textbooks for culinary art students. The CIA has a textbook that is phenomenal. I used to own a textbook from the western culinary institute in Portland, which is now a cordon bleu school and I dont know what they use. Those books will teach you the basics of fine cooking. Ratio is also a great book because it gives you the tools to create your own recipes using what real culinary professionals use: ratios of basic ingredients to create the desired dish.
But the creme de la creme of culinary arts books is this crazy encyclopedia of ingredients called On food and cooking: the science and lore of the kitchen. It is invaluable. It should not be the first book you buy (if youre a newbie) but it should be your most well thumbed.
For a sauce pan what you want is something with straight sides. Sautee pans have are a good substitute, but often have bases that have too wide a diameter for perfect sauces. Fine saucepots are made of copper for even heat transfer. Stainless steel is also a good substitute. What you have there is something of a hybrid between a skillet and a saucepot. Its more like a chicken fryer or something. At the restaurant we use stainless steel skillets for absolutely everything to order: sauces, fried oysters, what have you. But when you get down to the finest you need to fine a real saucepot: 2-3 qts will do, straight sides, made of copper. teach a man to fish
I dont really know how to teach you the varied tricks and such. It is something that I pick up by listening to the varied cooks and chefs I work with. What I would advise you is to watch cooking shows and read recipes and pay a lot of attention to what they are doing. Half of the things I know I dont know why I do them, just that they produce superior results. Or, consequently I would have a hot pan thrown at me if I did not do them. And I mean these are just ridiculous nuances of cooking. I was reading The Art of French Cooking and learned that you should not mix your egg yolks and sugar too early when making creme brulee because it will produce and inferior cooking and look like it has become curdled. That is a drop in the bucket to perfect creme brulee making, but it is part of the process.
I wish I could be more help, but the best advice I could give you to become the cook you want to be is go to school. Or barring that (it is a ridiculous expense) get a job cooking. Neither of those things are very efficient, but it is the best way to learn those little things.
>I had a really bad feeling.
And you thankfully listened to it.
This book:
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
>The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
Says over and over again: trust your gut. It's tens of thousands of years of survival instinct.
Could it have been: van driver kind of sucks as a driver, and you knew that?
Or you know this group is too careless when together?
Something. When I read the title, I thought it would be people drank so much they ended up in the hospital.
You were right to trust your gut instinct, or your premonition, or whatever it was. Doesn't matter, you're not dead.
There is no point in calling him up and making noises at him. All that will do is give him attention - which is, at least in part, what he wants. If you call him, he knows she's got her talking about him and thinking about him. Don't give him that satisfaction - it will encourage him to come back for more.
The best way for her to deal with this is to avoid contact with him and not give him any incentive to keep pushing this.
She should probably notify her manager about the situation. Something like, "This creeper keeps coming through my line and trying to talk to me - I try to move him through as professionally as possible, and I think I can handle it, but I'm just letting you know in advance in case it becomes an issue."
If possible, she should not be there when he wants to check out - someone else should be.
I know that's not realistic, though, so if he goes through her line, she should just be polite, professional, and stick to the script.
"Hello, thank you for shopping at Staples. Do you have a reward club card?"
"Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all night, bay-bay."
"That will be $27.35. Debit or credit?"
"Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?"
"That will be $27.35. Debit or credit?"
"I wish that I was cross-eyed girl, so I could see you twice."
"That will be $27.35. Debit or credit?"
(Repeat until he pays, or at some point ask him to move along so that other customers may be served.)
"Have a good day, sir. Thank you for shopping at Staples." (Next customer)
At some point, if he can't get any response out of her, he's either going to flip out and get removed from the store or go away.
---
Additionally, she should park her vehicle in a well lit area in front of the store. When she leaves work, she should consider walking out with other employees. Call your local police or Sheriff's department to see if they offer rape aggression defense courses. She might wish to consider purchasing and becoming proficient with pepper spray or (if her moral outlook, preferences, and philosophy are compatible) firearms.
I would recommend that you and she both purchase and read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
Good luck!
If dropping hints doesn't work then you need to work on being more assertive.
"Hey, I'm really busy and can't chat"
"Hey, I have a lot of work to do and these chats throw me off"
I think you can say these things with an friendly tone, but still be assertive.
Also don't ever be apologetic for having an uneasy feeling about someone. Trust your gut, it's signaling you for a reason.
eta: OP, to combat the other pretty ignorant post which implies that you are overreacting and would be "a massive dick" for saying anything... check out this book, called The Gift of Fear. There is a biological reason that certain people make you feel uncomfortable.
Pay no attention to them. Too often we don't we don't listen to our gut when it comes to situations like this. I recommend reading The Gift of Fear. Stay sexy, don't get murdered.
One of the main and repeated sources Christopher Hitchens cites in his "God is not Great" book is Jennifer Hecht and her book "Doubt: A history: The great doubters and their legacy of innovation from Socrates to Jesus to Thomas Jefferson and Emily Dickenson. https://www.amazon.com/Doubt-Doubters-Innovation-Jefferson-Dickinson-ebook/dp/B003YCOORG/ref=sr_1_7?keywords=doubt&qid=1565131475&s=books&sr=1-7
While not argumentative it is full of careful study and resources.
Karen Armstrong and her "History of god: The 4,000 year quest of Judaism, Christianity , and Islam" is a wonderful read as well.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0345384563/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0
I think the point about confrontation is a good one. So while there may not be many women debating about religion on the public stage, there are women writing great reviews of the development of religions.
The answer, as usual is: it depends.
If you want to invest your money, then there's no better time than now. However, the implication is that when you invest that money you have to leave it sit long enough to do it's work.
At 19 and wanting to invest, you have time on your side. You need to be able to stomach volatility in the market and not get excited when your stocks rally for 30%, nor should you despair when the stocks plummet by 40%.
Traditionally speaking, the stock market averages between 6%~8% a year, which is much better than any savings account you're going to find. However, you shouldn't treat it as a savings account because volatility will almost certainly put you in a bad position to sell whenever you need the money most.
If you feel like you can stomach that volatility and turn a blind eye to both the rallies and collapses, then the stock market may certainly be for you. If you are NOT looking to place your money in good companies for a long period of time (10+ years), then it's my opinion that you are simply speculating... in which case you may as well go to the casino.
If at this point you have decided that you would like to invest in the stock market, you now need to figure out the degree of involvement you would like to dedicate.
If you're looking for a simple hands off investment, then you should just invest in an index fund such as VFINX, SWPPX, or QQQ.
Index funds closely track the performance of the market and charge minimal fees. They are pretty much totally hands off on your part, and are the Ronco of stock investing. Just set it and forget it, and enjoy your ride on the market.
A step above that are mutual funds. They actively try to beat indexes, but charge a fee to do so. There are mutual funds for any style of investing, and people tend to choose mutual funds that coincide with where they think success will lie. That means choosing foreign or domestic, stocks or bonds, and even individual sectors like technology, retail, energy, etc.
The world of mutual funds is vast, and provide an opportunity to beat the market, but it comes with a price. I'll leave the rest up to you to do your research.
Finally comes individual stock picking. Picking individual stocks is the highest risk, but also have the potential for the highest returns. Also, there are no fees except for the fee for purchasing your shares.
There is also a lot to this world, as I'm sure you know, but if this route interests you, then I would suggest you pick up a few books, beginning with The Intelligent Investor.
This book is, in my opinion, the best introduction out there to investing for long term wealth.
Finally, since you're so young and you seem to have an eye out for your personal finances, I absolutely recommend you read The Millionaire Next Door.
Good luck!
Get the compendiums. There are three out so far. They have like 50 issues each in them and are 20-40 bucks. Best deal in comics. https://www.amazon.com/Walking-Dead-Compendium-One/dp/1607060760/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1542150565&amp;sr=8-4&amp;keywords=walking+dead+compendium
The first compendium. It contains volumes 1-8.
Volume 16 releases in June, so the second compendium with volumes 9-16 should be out later this year, I'm thinking.
You can also buy each volume for under $9 each, if you don't want to wait for the second compendium
People such as Noam Chomsky have described the modern politician as essentially a middle manager. That is the interests of the majority actually has no influence on decisions made. Using the U.S as example:
" The report, "Testing Theories of American Politics: Elites, Interest Groups, and Average Citizens" (PDF), used extensive policy data collected between 1981 and 2002 to empirically determine the state of the U.S. political system.
After sifting through nearly 1,800 U.S. policies enacted in that period and comparing them to the expressed preferences of average Americans (50th percentile of income), affluent Americans (90th percentile), and large special interests groups, researchers concluded that the U.S. is dominated by its economic elite. " The same study found that the majority had 0 impact on political decisions.
Here from that bastion of left wing'ism /s Business insider:http://www.businessinsider.com/major-study-finds-that-the-us-is-an-oligarchy-2014-4
Another important point, democracies are not necessarily different that autocracies in how leadership maintains power: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1098&amp;v=rStL7niR7gs
20 min video. Enlightening , based on this book: https://www.amazon.ca/Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Almost-Politics/dp/1610391845
Interesting analysis.
Yet I'd like to challenge the fundamental argument : both authoritative and centralized states like Russia and the more pluralistic nation like the US, Canada or UK do not directly act to benefit their people. In all nations a governing elite forms as well a a civil service bureaucracy - and these two groups always act in ways that first and foremost benefit themselves.
There was a famous study of the US (by Harvard researchers iirc) that showed less than 1% of decision by US congress were consistent with what is perceived to be the public benefit or interest - rather it was shown that congress votes according to sectoral interests 99 out of 100 times.
All governing elites in all nations act with such similar selfish interests - but often enough these interests will also benefit the rest of the nation, it's not the intent but it is a byproduct. for example: big trade interests (corporations, share-holders, however you choose to define them) in the US want to keep the south-china seas open for trade because they profit billions off of it (as does the government/civil-service/bureaucracy - indirectly) - the benefit to American citizens in contrast is a secondary by-product.
Situation is similar in Russia: taking over Crimea is something Putin perceives as an interest for his regime but indirectly this is also in the interest of Russians because as you mentioned having Ukraine integrate with western economy weakens all of Russia - thereby worsening the economic situation and the quality of life for all Russians.
Now I am not claiming there are no difference between the western democracies and the Russian democracy (and I believe it is some type of democracy or pseudo-democracy - even if different than the "western" models) - but at the end of the day the fundamental core difference is how big the beneficiary elite is - in Russia it's tiny and in the west it's much bigger.
I believe the book "The Dictator's Handbook: Why Bad Behavior is Almost Always Good Politics" does a good job explaining this idea - that ultimately the difference between a centralized/pseudo-totalitarian state and less-centralized democracies is only the relative size of the ruling elite - that's still a big difference but it's a quantitative difference, not a qualitative one - as we might like to think.
Its not flawed. It's true. And the further we get from being an actual democracy, the truer it gets.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Democracy_Index
From an actual power standpoint, lobbyists and major donors have way more influence than a vote does. Read more of the dynamics of why that is:
https://www.amazon.com/Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Almost-Politics/dp/1610391845
>Oil revenues constitute more than 98% of the government of South Sudan's budget according to the southern government's Ministry of Finance and Economic Planning
wiki
So I think you have it backwards!
They also have a lot of metals. So resources are available to theoretically sustain a 10 fold population.
According to prominent political theory(the dictators handbook), HIGH resources that can be extracted with dying slaves or just outright use foraigners to extract complicated resources like oil will lead to a higher chance of a dictator arrising due to a coup leading to policies that make the people poor, keep them stupid and unhealthy. Which in turn leads to the main survival tool of ppl beeing manual agreculture which needs a lot of ppl. All of this will then lead to high birth rates (and death rates).
The one part of your post that jumped out at me was not what you went to (the taboo) but why you went to it: Stress.
"During my weekend all I did with the majority of my time was stress and masturbate.
I'll echo the others replies in regards to fantasy vs reality. What I'll add (though, to be fair, I haven't read all the replies so apologies if I'm repeating) is this: Breathe.
Consider picking up a book or two in between masturbation sessions that will teach you about a) stress and how it acts upon your body and b) how to learn to live with your stressful thoughts by observing them and letting them go.
Some things to get you started and may I suggest you get a free Audible download for #1 to get you going:
Good luck.
>"walk on eggshells"
You can't know without professional diagnosis, of course, and everyone hates an armchair psychologist.. but you using the words 'walking on eggshells' and your father doing a 180 and taking offense to the smallest things sounds exactly like borderline personality disorder.
But you seem like a well rounded kid (lol as if we can tell from a few paragraphs?), so I wouldn't think you were raised by someone with BPD.
I'm not saying this to diagnose your mom, but rather to direct you to some literature that might get you some support and potentially help you understand some of her behaviors. I'm in a similar situation with my mom, and a counselor at my university recommended the following two volumes (I found them at my library, but ended up buying them since they were so useful to me):
Whatever you decide to do - cut her out of your life, enforce strict boundaries, or simply build a better support network for yourself - I wish you luck. It's not an easy road, but making sense of that kind of behavior helped me cope immensely.
Check out The Power of Now, it's wildly popular and exactly along the lines of what you're describing.
> He bragged about his new love conquest and tried to make me jealous. I asked him questions and acted calmly. I know it really upset him. He wanted to make me cry and hurt. He loved seeing me in pain.
So familiar. It's like they take their moves out of the same playbook.
>I know it's for the best, I'm still trying to accept that none of it was real. I can't view him as a human.
>I don't know how much is the mental illness and how much is actually him.
Such a complicated question! Because it's a question of empathy - whether he is capable of empathy (which, in my mind, is what defines our humanity) and whether he deserves your empathy.
On the first question, I struggled with this for a long time. At times he seemed so sincere with wanting to do right and regretting the pain he caused. Yet he continued to consistently do things that he knew would hurt me, and sometimes he would use my pain to manipulate me. Another theme was that he struggled greatly to pay attention or care when I wanted to talk about anything going on in my life - our deep, "bonding" conversations were nearly always on the topic of his struggles and how he was holding up and where his issues came from. If I tried to talk about similar things with me, he would either try to turn the conversation back to himself, or he would space out so persistently that I eventually would tire of trying to get him to listen.
And of course there's individual variation - a borderline diagnosis makes you neither a good person or a bad person, and some people have a greater natural capacity for empathy than others. But what I found, diving into trying to read about and understand the disorder, is that borderline empathy is there but not accessible to loved ones on a consistent basis. In other words, borderline individuals are so overwhelmed by the fever pitch of their own swirling emotions that they can't stop to think to put themselves in another person's shoes, their focus is too consumed by surviving what's going on in their own world. That, plus, they tend to have a relatively low emotional IQ.
But what we're really asking when we ask these questions is, whether it's his "fault", or whether we should forgive or excuse what he did. And that leads to some bigger themes.
A trap that we tend to fall into, those of us who have loved someone with BPD, is to try too hard to understand and relate. We want to identify the pain that is underneath the hurtful behavior, and reach out to that pain in order to access their more "genuine" side. They are, in fact, in a lot of emotional pain, and if we identify too strongly with their pain, we run the risk of putting ourselves back into a vulnerable position.
The bottom line is that they are fundamentally untrustworthy, because their biggest coping mechanism is manipulation. Borderline people have this terrible combination of feeling inherently unlovable and monstrous at their core, while also desiring support and connection to others. This is why they start off so brilliant and wonderful, then slowly morph into this dysfunctional, manipulative, controlling, abusive dynamic - the Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde transformation. Because at first, they are less attached to you so they have less to lose if you leave, also at first you don't know them so well so they are able to keep you from seeing their horrible core. Because of this, their fears of abandonment aren't yet triggered - you are less likely to leave, and they are less likely to care if you do. Both of these dynamics slowly shift during the course of the relationship - they get more attached and you become more likely to leave the closer you get to discovering their true "unlovable" inner self. As they feel this happening, their fears of abandonment take over, they feel like they are just waiting to be emotionally devastated. They feel that they can't just simply trust you to stay and to love them and to be loyal simply because you want to, because they are sure nobody would stay with them. So, they resort to manipulative controlling behaviors in order to make sure that they are controlling you and the dynamics of the relationship at all times - this soothes their insecurities by making them feel that they control how the relationship is going and whether it ends. This is why they can't tolerate it when they lose control of you - loss of control means that their fears of abandonment are about to come true.
It's understandable in a way and actually very sad/tragic, but that doesn't change the fact that their method of handling relationships is to cause you pain in order to avoid their own pain. They abuse out of fear of being used/abandoned themselves. And I learned that no amount of dedication and love and loyalty on my part could ever calm his insecurities. Trying to fulfill the needs of a borderline is like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with a water gun - except that the Grand Canyon has a bottom.
The second part of the question - whether he deserves your empathy. Yes and no. For me, it has helped me to begin to understand where he was coming from, and to feel sorry for him rather than to hate him for it. Because the truth is, even though he caused me a great deal of pain, none of that even begins to compare to the level of pain he has always lived with and will continue to live with throughout his life. He is spiraling downward and his future looks very bleak. I feel sorry for him.
What you want to be careful of, is allowing feelings of empathy for him to turn into feeling like you can "reach" him with your empathy and "maybe if we'd just tried harder or if I'd had this breakthrough in time, maybe we could have saved the relationship!" No. You couldn't have. And he can't be reached.
The liberation of realizing that there is a name for what happened - borderline personality disorder - and that everything that happened actually makes a certain kind of perverse sense when viewed through that lens - it liberated me from the confusion of wondering what I did wrong and where I failed. I finally understood that there was truly nothing else that I could have done, and that strangely enough, none of it was ever personal. He didn't reject me, because he wasn't reacting to me, he was reacting to his own inner torment.
The thing with someone with a personality disorder is, they are just not like you. Their approach to the world and the way they relate to themselves and everyone around them, is fundamentally different from you and me, in ways that we will never be able to fully comprehend. My downfall was that I was constantly trying to ascribe my own feelings and motivations to his behavior. I would look at the way he acted, and ask myself "What would I be feeling if I acted that way?" Then I would try to speak to the pain that I thought was underneath the chaotic behavior, to try to "reach" him. It will never work, because his feelings underneath it are nothing like mine. He is nothing like me. He is fundamentally wired in ways that are completely different from me. To me, that is the significance of knowing what his disorder is - it saved me from trying to find a solution to something that just "is", and it released me from doubting myself or what was wrong with me when I consistently failed.
I have two final suggestions for you. First is - a book! An amazing, wonderful, healing, profound, transformative book. Stop Walking on Eggshells, by Randi Kreger and Paul Mason. I went to see a therapist while this was going on, and only discovered this book after the fact, but the advice and information contained in this book basically summarizes everything that my therapist guided me to do - and then some. It may be beside the point by now that it is over for you, but if you want to understand more of the legacy of chaos that this experience left you, there will be so many "lightbulb" moments as you read this book.
The second suggestion is therapy. I am still seeing my therapist to help me put my life back together and to develop healthy patterns/outlooks so that nothing like this ever happens again. She's been so wonderful. Borderlines strip you of confidence and leave you a shell of a person, I don't think anyone could come through a marriage to one without having some things to process in therapy.
Sign up for Okcupid.
Here are some tips for writing your profile.
Answer the questions, particularly the ones that involve agreeing with ethical non-monogamy.
Use chrome, and install this add-on, which will tell fairly accurately if a person is polyamorous by nature or not.
Wait. Hold up. We're getting ahead of ourselves here. Have you read any books give advice on how to navigate becoming polyamorous?
If not check out The Ethical Slut and More Than Two.
When you're looking for ethically non-mono guys, be aware there are some mono men who say they are down for it but will inevitably cause drama or back out at some point down the road (either when they want to get serious or when you find another partner you connect with).
It's a good idea to ask about their experience being non-mono. Also, ask what kind of rules they might expect to put in place for their partners (hint, it's kind of a trick question).
There are plenty of caring, communicative, and loving men out there looking for poly ladies but it may take some time to figure out the process and learn exactly what type of situation you want to be a part of. Good luck.
There's a book about that. It's more common than you might expect...
The Millionaire Next Door
You're probably referring to this CGP Grey video based on The Dictator's Handbook.
One of my more-interesting recent reads: The Dictator's Handbook: Why Bad Behavior is Almost Always Good Politics.
Alright, if you're going to make blanket statements about my motivation to post this, I'll bite.
For one, I'm not left. I'll also note tell you who I voted for but it wasn't the liberals. I'm more in support of the democratic idea that when more people vote, it makes the system less easy to corrupt and also keeps the leaders in check.
If you want to read a book about democratic processes and why you should vote when you can, and encourage others too, "The Dictators Handbook" is great and it's only like 22 bucks.
As u/blex mentioned, of course I'm not unbias as no one is. But if your problem with a post encouraging people to vote is that "liberals do it," it implies you support parties who want as fewer people to vote, which are often more corrupt parties or parties that are only acting democratically, and not truely are (see Russia and see the book I linked).
I hope you learned a little bit on why it's important to vote, and why you should encourage others to.
I think it's great that you're willing to look into polyamory even though your first experience with it was not so great.
I don't think that this girl handled her relationships badly, necessarily. She was honest and upfront with you about everything she wanted and did. She may need some time management skills and some general communication skills, but from your story, it didn't seem like she was unfair to you. I get how being told you are not her "main" boyfriend could have been painful, but maybe she was just trying to make sure you understood that her commitment is first and foremost to him and she wanted to be clear that she wasn't going to leave him for you. Some people go into relationships with polyamorous people thinking that if they love them enough, they'll be able to convert them to monogamy (which can happen, but might not too).
>I feel like this could have worked out if only I had been less insecure and not solely dependent on her for my relationship needs. Slowly I was managing to get rid of my jealous insecurities, and I even now question their rationality. I don't know that I could be in a poly relationship with this girl, but I can feel that it has definitely changed how I will approach future relationships.
You will probably never 100% "get rid" of jealous insecurities. We all have them from time to time. The difference for poly people is that we understand that jealousy is an emotion that stems from a fear of losing something. We will self analyze and work through what it is we're scared of losing, and seek reassurance when needed. Some people in poly have jealousies around their main partner, others have no jealousies with their main partner but tons with their secondary partner, etc. It's different for everyone, but it's important to get some insight into WHY you're feeling that way and go from there.
>How did you all come to be polyamorous? Was there some definitive experience, or did you just kinda know it was what you wanted?
I didn't know the word when I became polyamorous. I just knew that I had developed feelings for other people besides my husband. It started out as a sexual relationship mostly, but developed into more. We all thought that we weren't looking for "relationships" with other people, just sex with other people. Once we decided sex with just each other (I'm in a quad of 2 married couples), strong feelings of love developed. We decided to go for it, and research led us to the poly community.
You'll probably hear from more than one person, to read "Opening Up" and "The Ethical Slut". Probably the best books out there about open relationships/polyamory.
Edit: Content
As a "unicorn", I feel I can add a little advise:
I feel you have gotten a lot of advise as to how to approach your bf. I want to add more in terms of how to approach girls, as, forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm thinking is more likely than not that he will agree to proceed. In my experience men tend to be pretty understanding and supportive of their gfs/wives being bi and wanting to bring a girl into the bedroom for both to play with. ;)
Let me know if you have any questions. Best of luck! ;)
Start out with a notepad and pen at your desk, when something strikes you or a task comes in. Write it down. Eventually the problem solver in you will kick in after about a week or two of doing this to develop a more efficient process.
Look in to stuff like Getting Things Done to help review organization systems that are out there currently.
Personally I keep my e-mail organized by folder and if it is unread then it means I need to address it. I always have a notepad or notebook for quick scribble notes, tasks from walk-ins and other stuff I can't type up quickly. Everything else is stored in Evernote (or eventually gets there) with major tasks set as reminders and a to-do list in that reminder note.
Please don't take this post from me as aggressive, I just wanted to point out a few things about your post.
You make a few mistakes early in your post. One is you're making the No True Scotsman argument. Essentially you're arguing that the bad Christians you assume we've met or are the cause for us leaving the church, aren't real Christians anyway. I think we need to trust people. If they say they're a Christian, I believe them.
Also, things aren't that bad here on the Earth. We've got some issues, but the things you mention are actually better now than at any point in history. Allow me to point you toward a great, great book about this, Steven Pinker's Better Angels of Our Nature. It's a great book about this exact topic, I think it may allay some of your fears.
Also, why is this life not enough? Why do you deserve more than this life? You're saying that unless you have the potential at eternity, this life isn't worth living. Why not? I've got an amazing wife, and I choose to spend some of my limited time with her. She's so great, that makes it worthwhile. I've got two great kids, my daughter is going to turn 5 in a few weeks and she's super fun to be around. I've got a 1.5 year-old son. He's crazy, no fear, always wants me to pick him up and throw him around through the air. I like to do woodworking and make really, really nice pieces for my family and friends that I just give away. I love looking at the beauty in the world. There's no intent behind it, but that doesn't make it any less beautiful and awesome. Why is that not enough? Why do you need more?
You also forget that your third option also includes a place of eternal torment for people like me. You sincerely believe that I am going to burn in Hell forever. I try to be a good person, I put a TON of effort into thinking about ethics and philosophy. I like to help people, give away my time, and just generally do what I can. But as I'm sure you know, the Bible says that we aren't saved by works. So in spite of all my efforts, because I am unable to have faith, I have eternal torment to look forward to.
It isn't Christians that made me an ex-Christian. They were largely just people where I grew up. It's the religion that I reject and everything about it. Just food for thought.
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
To be honest, eye contact has more to do with how people perceive you (confident, shy, lying, nervous) than with reading what they're feeling. And these perceptions are notoriously unreliable. Body language, the hands in particular, are a much better guide to what they are feeling. Here's a great book on body language.
As to general advice, the main thing is to pay attention. We're absolutely horrible at paying attention to other people even when we nominally are. We routinely tune out, or start thinking ahead to how we will respond instead of just paying attention to what they are doing and saying. Next time someone is complaining about something, pay attention to the stress in their voice, how they're sitting, what their hands are doing. Notice the details. Don't lapse into your own thoughts. Don't start formulating your answer until they're done talking.
tl;dr: Use your eyes to control how you are perceived. Watch their hands to see what they're feeling. And pay attention.
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People by Joe Navarro
Great resource on the things to look out for in body language. It made me more aware about my actions and noticing things in other people. My favorite thing to look at now is thumbs. They speak volumes.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061438294?pc_redir=1413517413&amp;robot_redir=1
GTD by David Allen
http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0142000280
I'm sure you've probably heard it before, but GTD seeks to solve exactly this -- getting things out of your mind and into a system that you trust so that they stop bothering you all the time and you can focus on just the task at hand.
There are two parts of GTD that really helped with feeling overwhelmed by inputs and afraid of loose ends:
My word of caution is that organization is a function of time and consistency. No app will ever be able to eliminate that (and some seem to just make it worse). I have a coworker who has 3,000 folders and subfolders in her email system. It's beautiful to look at, but I have just as much success finding e-mails using the search bar. Do yourself a favor and be judicious about how much organization is worthwhile.
Organizations like Blackwater don't hire run-of-the-mill soldiers. They often hire out of special forces organizations and the like.
For one: Special forces groups tend to train their soldiers a bit better, and they educate them on the stresses and psychological effects that combat will have on them. This makes them more able to cope with the difficulties brought on by the High-tempo work they do.
Similar training will be found in any high-tempo/specialized combat trades (including law enforcement). The book On Combat covers such ideas.
Unfortunately, this kind of training is not as widespread as it should be, so people who aren't experienced and trained go oversees, kill somebody, and hey are not adequately prepared to deal with what that means.
Edit: Books
On Combat
And more specifically for handling Killing a man:
On Killing
I'll make a recommendation I make a few times a year here on Reddit an suggest reading On Killing by Lt. Col. David Grossman:
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Dave Grossman goes over a human's natural disinclination to kill in fine detail, using historical war records of proof. Then, he analyzes how modern war training (Vietnam and beyond) is built around overcoming these natural aversions, and of course how bloodlust can take control where training does not (as it does here). A lot of interesting bits on how physical or mechanical distance lessons phychological reactions to the act and how soldiers make justifications in the moment.
His answer to the "what's next" question is total and unconditional support of soldiers that return home that have not been perpetrators of atrocities. They need to know that what they did was necessary, that they did it for their country, that we are proud of what they've done and appreciate it. The exposure of civilians to the horrors of war by the media in Vietnam, and the public's reaction to the soldier's returning, is cted as a primary reason for the mental illness wave that affects the veterans of that war disproportionately.
You may not support going to war - the justifications or methods - but you must always support the men and women sent to kill and die by our government as they are serving their country in the best way they know how, and it is important to validate that sacrifice.
not sure which documentary he is talking about but i read On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society and HIGHLY recommend it.
Read this and make a task and project list
Aside from that I work at an MSP and quite enjoy my workload but no 2 days are the same.
A lot of what has been suggested is great for learning linux. Realize that "out there" very little is served out of a single box (and if it is you're doin it wrong). Production infrastructure likely looks and acts very very differently from your home linux workstation. Just because you know how to type
sudo apt-get install apache2does not mean you are ready for a full ops position... BUT - if you put in the wrench time and pay your dues, you will get there.Here are some areas that would be good to build your knoweldgebase up in...
So off the top of my head there's a bunch of things you could study. I think that's quite a bit to get your head around, and a deep understanding of some of these topics will only come from working experience. There may be a LOT of work to do in some of those areas. Getting a fully functional xen (or kvm) based system up and on it's legs is not an easy task for the uninitiated. It is my opinion (and everyone else is free to disagree with me) that all good sysadmins/ops/engineers need to "grow up" in some area of lower level technical position. That can be a jr. admin position, the helldesk, or whatever else... This will give you the "systems" working experience that will let you branch into a full fledged admin/op position. Getting some certs under your belt can help you get in the door, but by all means isn't required. Cert's cost money and (the ones worth getting) take time. Personally, I tend to stray away from places that make a big deal out of certs... but that's just me.
tl;dr: Learn how to learn. Pick something you don't know how to do and leverage a linux system to accomplish that goal - rinse and repeat.
When I have time to pick new projects, I just pick up the bible and start reading until I have my next project.
This is by far my favorite book. I liked it so much I have the first and second edition.
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668
Psychology (studied, but never practiced)
Here are a selection of interesting books:
Number one: For an extrovert, talking is a fulfilling experience for them that they enjoy. The fact that they're "making an effort," well, the effort for them is very small, and it's something that they will benefit from as well. They have their own "selfish" motivations, as well. They will feel better from the exchange at the end. Better because they had some kind of distraction and didn't have to be bored, and better about themselves because they did something that was "nice."
A shy person will very often not benefit anything from the exchange. They might feel worse about themselves at the end. Especially very self-critical people. And, as an introvert, you don't get your energy from other people, so the effort that it would require from an introvert is not the same effort that it would require from an extrovert. So the question is why even do it.
You're making the assumption that talking to another person that you don't know is the "nice" thing to do. Yes, if the other person wants to talk. If the other person doesn't want to talk, then not talking to them is actually the "nice" thing to do.
You give this example:
>And when that person is shy. When that person is fighting me and not engaging with me, well I can't help them; assuming that is what they want.
In that situation, you, as the extrovert, trying to talk to them is perhaps the "selfish" thing to do. Maybe you are being the "selfish" one when a person doesn't want to talk and feels that it is a disturbance and annoyance to them, and yet you attempt to talk to them.
My point is that neither one is really selfish. We can't read the minds of people that we meet to know whether they want to talk or they don't want to be bothered.
Additionally, people who are extroverted get rewarded from interacting with other people, so you can't say that what they are doing is the opposite of selfish. You don't know how much of an effort something is, how much more difficult it is for one person over another, and how much benefit each person gets in the end.
Have you ever read Quiet by Susan Cain? It explains a lot of the differences between introverts and extroverts.
I just read a book on introversion that argues strongly against "brainstorming" and other design-by-committee ideas using a different example from Apple: Steve Wozniak designing the hardware for the original Apple computer almost entirely on his own.
Perhaps crowds do best in answering questions with definite answers but limited availability of facts, but individuals do best when innovation and creativity are required, provided the individual is talented and knowledgable on the subject.
van der Kolk notably the author of The Body Keeps the Score, best selling book on CPTSD.
edit: more personal note; I dealt with abuse and emotional neglect in childhood, also some physical and sexual abuse from classmates. What is interesting is that I am transgender but at a certain point in childhood I somehow forgot and stopped understanding this about myself. I previously thought that I might have CPTSD, most specifically because I often deal with depersonalization and derealization, but it turns out that is extremely common in gender dysphoria. And more importantly, childhood trauma causes that splintering of the personality, or impairment in describing emotional states and their meanings. That is to say, for many years I could no longer recognize that gender dysphoria I was experiencing came from being internally female, rather than arising out of apparently nowhere.
There is a whole new branch of mental health treatment taught through qualified and well-trained yoga therapists who specialize in trauma. If you're interested in it, the current gold standard for trauma treatment is laid out in some books:
The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Koch, MD
The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity by Nadine Burke-Harris, MD
Overcoming Trauma through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body by David Emerson
Yoga for Emotional Balance: Simple Practices to Help Relieve Anxiety and Depression by Bo Forbes
It's becoming apparent that yoga is actually a massively useful tool in rooting out and treating trauma, which is often at the root of mental illness.
I get that you were making a comment about the way people tend to dismiss the pain of mental illness by saying "suck it up", but yoga therapy really is a great course of treatment.
Think about how breathing acts during bouts with anxiety or panic. Practicing yoga conditions and trains your body to slow down and bypass the trauma triggers and subsequent bodily response to keep you breathing instead of passing out or going into panic mode. And that's just one small benefit of practice.
Trauma is just now beginning to be understood by the greater medical community, and yoga with a trained therapist can make a world of difference.
Programs like this one are beginiing to help millions of people.
So the "get over it" part can go fuck itself, but if you suffer from anxiety, depression, or trauma-related mental illness, you really should keep hydrated and do yoga.
Read this book, same shit:
Confessions of an Economic Hitman
Learning electronics is a lot like music. There is an insane amount of information, but if you get an economic working knowledge under your belt, you can really do some amazing things. In order for you not to get lost in the rabbit hole, I will provide you these methods of learning practical hobby electronics.
First, is simply just a suggestion. There are two "domains" of electronic thinking and analysis: digital and analogue. Fuck analog right in its dumb face. The math used in analog is fucking super duper hard, and analog circuits are prone to interference problems. Digital is where you want to be. It's vastly simpler to use programmable digital parts, and analyze digital circuits. Don't get lost in AC equations of capacitor, or the god damned transistor equation (seriously, fuck that. )
Okay here is how I learned hobby digital electronics:
First buy this, and go through all the examples in the workbooks. When you learn electronics you 100% HAVE TO DO HANDS ON LEARNING! DONT LEARN IT FROM A BOOK! MAKE CIRCUITS!
https://www.amazon.com/Radio-Shack-Electronics-Learning-20-055/dp/B00GYYEL8I
At the same time, read this (which is a good topical explanation, and free):
http://jacquesricher.com/NEETS/
And buy and read this (which is an EXCELLENT formal introduction into the physics):
https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Electronics-Inventors-Third-Scherz/dp/0071771336
Also you are going to learn how to program, which is an entirely different topic. Programming and hobby electronics make you a master of the universe, so it's worth it. I learned programming in the electronics domain and it was awesome. I made a microcontroller FM synthesizer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TvuzTK3Dzk
So basically, the way I learned programming in general was self-teaching with books. Again, you have to do it hands-on. Actually complete the examples in the books, and you'll be fine.
First, learn procedural c programming using C primer plus. Buy an older version so it'll be super cheap:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0672326965/ref=sr_1_3_twi_pap_1_olp?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1465827790&amp;sr=1-3&amp;keywords=c+primer+plus
Next, learn Object oriented programming using head first java. They do a great job of tackling OOP, which can be a difficult thing to learn.
https://www.amazon.com/Head-First-Java-Kathy-Sierra/dp/0596009208/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1465827860&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=head+first+java
You're overwhelmed because they're deep topics. But, seriously, its the most fun shit ever. You'll love learning how to do it.
I see it has been several hours now since this incident occurred. I hope that you have been able to make progress with the Police, and maybe make some phone calls to close family or friends. If you haven't done so yet, I encourage you today or tomorrow to call at least 1 person who is going to be your unconditional supporter and tell them what happened. It sounds like you have been very isolated recently, and whatever happens after this, I want you to reach out to that person who is going to be your teammate and cheerleader as you recover and plan for the future of your family.
The next thing I would say is to take his threats very seriously. It is good that you have written down some of the threats he made to you. If you are still in contact with the police, I would make a list of the threats he made and send it to the officer working on your case. Emphasize that you are afraid for the safety of multiple people - yourself, your child, and possibly other friends or family members who may try to protect you. Ask about the process of having a restraining order placed on him. Do you have a family member or friend you can stay with for a few days? Or who can come and stay with you? Look into changing the locks. If he tries to contact you, do not answer unless you have a police officer nearby.
Lastly, I want to leave two book recommendations that you may want to read over the next few weeks or months. The first is Why Does He Do That?. The second is The Gift of Fear. I hope you may be able to take the time to read these books and that they may provide some outside perspective for you.
Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker is a great read on this topic. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0440226198
Fair enough. What are the job prospects supposed to be from it - are there any numbers out from both "sides" that you know of?
Personally, I can empathize with the need for better immigration control and the like, but see building a huge wall as unnecessary and fairly archaic, kind of barbaric. As well, it strikes me right in the "why can't we all get along" zone which is admittedly somewhat naive, but I see construction of such a wall as sending the wrong message to the world and future. There are better ways to go about this, undoubtedly.
As an aside, have you heard of or ever read "Confessions of an Economic Hitman" by John Perkins before? It's really fascinating and informative.
Some of the critiques of it are a little dismissive, but there are just as many that corroborate it, along with historical accounts, as well as what we see today.
Basically, it talks about how we made purposefully un-pay-back-able loans to Mexico a few decades ago, when they really needed the help, with the express purpose of getting leverage on them politically, economically, and socially. Now, to be fair, many of the people associated with the loans on the Mexican side are guilty of knowing what was going on, while others that may not have known the full ramifications were of the corrupt type and ran away with a lot of the money that was to go into infrastructure, but that does not take away from the States' goal from the beginning and subsequent fallout. In summary, we're responsible for the problems in Mexico more than we realize. That is another reason I do not support the wall. All together, it's just a bad, bad idea; spiritually, economically, logistically, politically.
Edit:
USAID is a fallacy, its used to burden foreign governments with huge US dollar loans to provide leverage to the US government to controls said governments and keep their people poor. Check out Confessions of an Economic Hitman, chilling: https://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1485525402&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=tales+of+an+economic+hitman
A History of God - Karen Armstrong
Amazon links for books mentioned in this thread:
\/u/thetrueonion (OP)
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> Look for a book on object oriented programming
For this I recommend both Head First Java and then follow that up with Head First Design Patterns.
The "end all be all" book on the science of cooking is the book: On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen.
There is a TV show entirely based on that book called Good eats with Alton Brown. The TV show has recipes the book has not. The TV show is entertaining, the book is definitely NOT light reading!
From the bible: The one major region of the Old World not to embrace dairying was China, perhaps because Chinese agriculture began where the natural vegetation runs to often toxic relatives of wormwood and epazote rather than ruminant-friendly grasses. Even so, frequent contact with central Asian nomads introduced a variety of dairy products to China, whose elite long enjoyed yogurt, koumiss, butter, acid-set curds, and, around 1300 and thanks to the Mongols, even milk in their tea!
I'm going to paraphrase another section, but most cheeses were not very interesting until they started being made further north because the cheese had to be more heavily salted and acidic to combat spoilage in the warmer climates of eastern European and Asia. Once it started to be made in the Roman territories, especially modem day Switzerland and France, you were able to allow the cheeses to ripen over a much longer time period with less salt and acid. This allowed for a MUCH greater diversity in cheese making, giving rise to the delicious cheeses of today.
A word on lactose intolerance and cheese. There are two kinds of "lactose intolerance" that people talk about. The first is an allergy to casein and that actually is dangerous. It's a full blown allergic reaction similar to a peanut allergy with symptoms as bad as anaphylactic shock. Thankfully it is very rare and you DEFINITELY know if you have it.
The other kind is a lack of lactase in your gut to process the lactose. If you don't have enough lactase, the lactose passes into your small intenstine where it gets eaten by bacteria releasing lots of co2 and methane, which makes you bloated and fart and all the other happy fun times associated with a lactose intolerance. It is this lack of lactase that most of the non Scandinavian descendants of the world have.
Luckily for everyone, in NON PROCESSED cheese, most of the lactose is suspended in the whey, which means that it doesn't end up in the cheese. This is even more pronounced in cheeses made from raw milk. As the cheese ages, the remaining lactose gets used up.
The upshot of all of this is that for lactose intolerant people the harder and older and less processed/pasteurized the cheese is, the more of it you can eat. Also, you can just disregard everything that I just said and take some aspergillus with your dairy product and be totally fine (it breaks down lactose for you so your body can process it).
This sounds more like borderline personality disorder or severe bipolar disorder, though I'm not a mental health professional. There's a great book called Stop Walking on Eggshells that might be worth checking out. That link is to a blog that talks about the book, but it's also available on Amazon.
Even if you can't get help for your mom, you can get help for yourself in dealing with her. If it's an option, I'd highly recommend seeking out therapy to help you learn to cope with your interactions with her. Is moving out and living with another family member like a grandparent or aunt/uncle an option?
My go to reading list,
Killing Hope, by William Blum
America's Deadliest Export Democracy, by William Blum
Who is William Blum?
Legacy of Ashes: The History of the CIA, by Tim Weiner
Enemies: The History of the FBI, by Tim Wiener
Who is Tim Weiner?
The Secret History of the American Empire: The Truth about Economic Hitmen, Jackals, and How to Change the World by John Perkins
Confessions of an Economic Hitman, by John Perkins
Who is John Perkins?
Yeah, this is very true. We've been blackmailing foreign leaders into serving U.S. foreign policy and giving contracts to American business for over a half-century. A really good read on how this topic: Confessions of an Economic Hitman - John Perkins.
Looks like someone in China read https://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081
If you have no background in sysadmin you should definitely check this book out:
The Practice of System and Network Administration, Second Edition
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0321492668/
Martin lings: Muhammad: His Life Based on the Earliest Sources
Tariq ramadan: In the Footsteps of the Prophet
http://www.amazon.com/Muqaddimah-Introduction-History-Bollingen/dp/0691120544/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1324898349&amp;sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1
http://www.amazon.com/Islam-History-Modern-Library-Chronicles/dp/081296618X/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_5
Yup. Once I had determined Mormonism was false, I researched Christianity and determined it was also false.
While I read others, these two books by Karen Armstrong killed any kind of literal interpretation of Judaism, Christianity, or Islam for me.
The Spiral Staircase
History of God
I'm actually looking to buy these books instead:
I have three books that I love to loan out (or just strongly recommend to those weirdos out there who refuse a loaner):
The first two books have in some ways shaped my life over the years. The last book is just the funniest I've ever read.
Maybe not strictly in the topic, however very, very motivational - Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! by Richard Feynman.
From memory, Feynman and his wife Arline had a game of writing to each other in code while Feynman was at Los Alamos and she was in hospital with TB in Santa Fe (I think). The army censors continually cracked the shits and said "no more codes, we can't afford the man hours required to crack them". Later on he mentioned in a letter the interesting property of 1 / 243 = blah blah and the censors wrote back saying "we said 'no more codes'". Feynman then tried to reason with them that 0.00411522633744855967078189300412 contains no more information in it than the number 243 (and he's right).
Everybody should go and read Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! if they haven't already, I can't recommend it highly enough. Give it to your Dad for Christmas and read it while he's having an afternoon nap on Boxing Day.
7th grade - Where the Winds Sleep: Man’s Future on the Moon - a Projected History”
High School: Foundation Trilogy & Earth Abides
University - les Miserables - Victor Hugo, unabridged version & Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse.
20's - Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance & the River Why
30's - The boat who wouldn't float - Farley Mowat, , and all his other books.
40's - Surely You're Joking Mr Feynman
>No amount of exercise or skill training would give me a physical advantage to a man, and this terrifies me.
You're absolutely right, this is a terrifying realization. I can think of two male comedians who've made jokes about this sentiment. Louis CK had a bit where he expressed his astonishment that women are able to trust men at all - "Maybe this one will be nice and not kill me....". I actually could tell that it took some empathy to to make a joke like that. Then there's Joe Rogan, who had a bit where he forced everyone into his moment of realization, during which he was surrounded by extremely in-shape, aggressive male fighters, and proclaims to the audience (essentially) "OMG u guise if one of these men wanted to they could come in here and rape all of us, and not one of you could do a thing about it." That same "joke" would hold true whether it was Joe Rogan:MMA Fighter or Women:Men.
The reason I'm referencing humor that's been directed at this is to illustrate that: it's absurd, it's unfortunate, difficult to cope with, and not everyone understands it. In my opinion it's easier for those men to make jokes like that because, for example, MMA-fighter-on-Joe-Rogan rapes and attacks are not exactly common. Whereas in the forefront of my head (for a long time) where personal experiences AND statistics which were painful reminders that male-on-female attacks are MUCH too common for comfort, and that made me a paranoiac.
I don't have too much advice to give, except that I think part of what may help to cope with this is to realize that any average person can bring you harm in one way or another whether or not they have a desire to do so. Someone recklessly driving on the road, texting and driving, can run you over or cause a huge accident. And someone with bad intentions, man or woman, if they truly want to hurt you, physically or otherwise, will find their methods.
I know that thinking of all the evil and hurt that is possible will only keep me locked in a cage of fear. It's difficult to fight against it, especially when there are seemingly so many things to trigger my fears, even "hilarious" male comics' jokes. It's never completely out of my mind. But like you, I saw a glimpse of the jaded, cynical, afraid person I could become (and was becoming) and made a decision to try and counsel myself in those moments where those thoughts abounded. I started trusting people (namely, men), and saw that those men that had hurt me were not the norm.
Please don't let fear rule your life. I haven't read this book, but I've heard good things about it: The Gift of Fear. I agree with the tagline, that there is a balance that must be met with "true" fear and "unwarranted" fear. Frankly I feel like I need to read it.
I highly recommend the book The Gift of Fear. https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
Like everyone else has said, please trust your gut. You are doing the right thing. Better that your MIL hates you than your kids for not protecting them.
I think you CAN detect them, at least sometimes. I do. There are certain characteristics that my "spidey senses" pick up on that I feel in my gut.
I'd suggest the book [The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence](http:// https://www.amazon.com/dp/0440226198/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_eiY3Db87WATP1)
Wow your sister has like, problems & stuff.
For yourself I have a book suggestion: [The Gift of Fear] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0440226198) by Gavin de Becker. You may have to start treating the people in your life as though they are dangerous - even if not physically.
There's no way to win when you're dealing with people like this. The only long term solution is to reduce contact, preferably down to zero. They'll pitch bitch fits while you're doing this, and they'll try to draw upon the programming they taught you - self-sacrifice and family loyalty, etc.
At this point, whatever you've invested in your family and what ever they've invested in you is a sunk cost. It's done, it's over, move on. Your bills are your bills, etc, lock down your credit accounts in case they start coming after you fraudulently.
Your sister though. Well I think you got two options here...
Leadership is near-universally populated by wealthy ivy league oligarchs, who use the agency's power toward corporatist ends. This book is a good primer:
https://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081
Amazon.com links provided:
1 The Slight Edge
2 Mastery
3 The 4-Hour Workweek
4 The Art of Power
5 Thinking, Fast, and Slow
6 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
7 The Power of Now
8 The Power of Habit
9 Whatcha Gonna Do with That Duck?
10 The 48 Laws of Power
11 Your True Home
12 Ego Is the Enemy
13 The 4 Hour Body
14 The UltraMind Solution
15 The Dip
I can recommend "The power of now" by Eckhart Tolle. Though I don't like some parts in the book about religious spirituality and so on. In the book are very good techniques to control and silence your mind.
The playing field is even if everyone is getting their needs met. Not everyone in the relationship has the same needs or history, so some agreements about time/titles/etc. might be asymmetrical, but still "fair". You should all read The Ethical Slut if you already haven't. It might help everyone navigate this road a little easier.
Pleasure to speak with you (both). I'm a 32M and bisexual myself. I have had to navigate this same obstacle course with my life-partner and believe me, you are going about it way better than I did. The trick to opening up a LTR is to be selfless at every turn, and in doing so, your personal wants usually get met. If you are both giving towards each other, and you both genuinely want the other to have every positive life experience you can possibly have, then your hearts are in the right place. Feeling a sense of joy that your love is getting to enjoy something wonderful, even if it doesn't involve you is known as compersion. It is kind of the opposite of jealousy. It is also an emotion you can learn to have. Example: If you guys do find the right woman to bring home, and the two ladies are going at it, husband can either tell himself "this is happening because I am inadequate" or, he can say "this is happening because I want my wife to be happy, and I am so adequate that I am able to give her this happiness". Feelings of jealousy that sneak into the situation can be labeled correctly as relics of your childhood conditioning. There is nothing that can't be unlearned, or relearned.
I highly recommend you get some reading done on the subject. My personal bible has been The Ethical Slut. This book will help you guys navigate the complicated waters of polyamory and open relationships. It will validate much of what you're already doing, and alert you to pitfalls that you probably haven't even considered.
As someone who has had more than one partner for about a year and a half now, I am amazed and overjoyed that life-partners can do this for one another. I don't want to oversell this lifestyle because it's not for everyone. But if it is for you, well then, congratu-fucking-lations. You're in for a treat. Many of them in fact ;-)
Read the book The Millionaire Next Door
Second: teach yourself to save a PERCENTAGE of your income. Don't care about the amount, care more about the percentage. If you teach yourself to save 10% (for example) and increase it with time, that will be great. We all ignore this because at the very beginning of work life the 10% is in pennies, but if you committed to it, you will keep doing it when your salary is twice as much.
the books reccomended in the faq provide abundant info. Specifically,
"The millionaire next door" -- explains the importance of defensive spending and talks about how fiscal responsibility is passed to your kids depending on your money attitude.
"I will teach you to be rich" is a good general primer.
"The boglehead's guide to investing" introduces all the options out there and explains why investing in low-cost index funds is best for the long run.
edit: "I will teach you to be rich" is a more stimulating read, followed by millionaire, and last is boglehead.
edit 2: Millionaire is more "mindset" with not many practical advice except for its section on how financial responsibility is inherited onto kids
> Es hora de leer más y dejar usar videos de youtube como argumento
Ese video de youtube se basa en un libro. The Dictator Handbook. Bastante bueno, por cierto.
Si vas a aplicar una de superioridad moral denigrando el mensaje porque viene en la forma de video de youtube, te invito a que leas el libro y aprendas algo (Btw, en Venezuela nos aplicaron una dictadura de "manual").
It takes a long time to figure that out, and I've only just started. I don't know if you've done any research or therapy to really process your part in the relationship (not that you're to blame, far from it). For most of us who are nonBPD in these situations, often we fall into Codependent or Caretaker categories.
Stop Walking on Eggshells
I Hate You Don't Leave Me
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist
For me, I particularly connected with the Stop Caretaking book - I researched codependency and talked to my therapist about it, but it didn't really fit. But the Caretaker traits are my behaviors and reactions to the letter. What I really appreciated about that book was the context was basically "Don't try to figure out or fix the BPD behaviors. Instead, here are concrete examples of what to do for yourself and your sanity."
I'm on my way out (divorce from a 12 year marriage), so I'm one of the biased ones who don't think a BPD relationship is sustainable. But even if you make the choice to stay, there are tools to help you survive.
I'm engaged to a woman with BPD, so I know where you're coming from. If she's looking for ways to treat it, definitely DBT is a great option that will help her learn to regulate her emotions. There are also other clinically-validated treatment options, including Mindfulness-Based Therapy, Schema Therapy, Mentalization-Based Therapy, and Transferance-Based Therapy.
As for your end, a little bit of reading up can be invaluable. I would start by reading When Hope is Not Enough, then check out Stop Walking on Eggshells and Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder. All three are geared toward family/friends of people with BPD, and will give you great advice on:
I dated this guy, too. Or his astral twin or something.
It's called Borderline Personality Disorder. Everything is black or white. The one they love is an angel sent from heaven. And then, out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever, the one they love is suddenly a demon sent straight from hell. I'm glad you got away. Never engage him again.
http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901
Ugh. He sounds like a nightmare to deal with.
u/aradthrowawayacct made a suggestion in another thread that I think might be useful for you.
> Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
> Skip over the personality disorder mention in the title if it doesn't apply, regardless of anyone's actual diagnosis, it's a great book on advocating for yourself in an intimate relationship with a difficult or high conflict personality.
You really need to disentangle yourself from his mess of emotions and make sure you can take care of your needs at home (and elsewhere lol).
I don’t judge your history btw. Life is difficult to navigate and it isn’t black and white - we all have our challenges that we need to face in order to get through it relatively unscathed. 😀
Also:
The Power of Now by Eckhard Tolle
First, you're not alone. I was in my early 30's when I lost my faith and it took me 2 years to get over the depression and existential vacuum that Joe's lies left behind.
I was able to eventually work my way through it without meds or any serious counseling, but it was a grueling couple of years. Everyone has to figure out their own path, but what helped me most was reading from others who had faced the same existential vacuum and found a way to navigate it. A few titles that I would highly recommend are:
The above, coupled with a lot of patience, exercise, sleep, and proper diet got me through my deep existential crisis. The existentialism still shows up now and then, but it's totally manageable. Good luck to you! You'll have good days and worse days, but stick with it!--I promise it gets better!
Well, you could grab the compendiums one at a time and read all the comics that way.
Fascinating and relevant book on how people get into power and remain there.
The book argues that the difference between tyrants and democrats is just a convenient fiction. Governments do not differ in kind but only in the number of essential supporters; or backs that need scratching. The size of this group determines almost everything about politics: what leaders can get away with; and the quality of life or misery under them. The picture the authors paint is not pretty. But it just may be the truth; which is a good starting point for anyone seeking to improve human governance.
I'm reading a couple of great books. The Dictator's handbook (https://www.amazon.com/Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Almost-Politics/dp/1610391845) and Rebecca Solnit's Hope in the Dark (very good book to read right now- sigh)
I’ve been an emotional mess all week. Two months after going no contact with my personality disordered parents. There is no end to my physical health ailments.
Have you heard of this book? Might be something you’d be interested in:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Congratulations, you're an introvert.
Sorry if that sounded sarcastic, it's not. The most important thing you can do is accept that this is going to be a challenge for you, to some degree, probably for the rest of your life. But wait, there's hope! If you do this more often, you'll get more comfortable with it and it will be less effort.
Additionally, the better you get to know people that you force yourself to talk to, the easier it will be to talk to them. You'll also move past small talk into conversations that introverts are more comfortable with. So you could look at the initial discomfort and energy expenditure as an investment.
Knowing this about yourself is a big part of the battle - you just need to prepare for the fact that these situations are going to sap the energy out of you, and plan some time to recover on your own by doing whatever it is you like to do.
Right now I'm actually reading this. I'd recommend it for all introverts (and anyone, really). It's not a self-help book or anything, but it discusses the differences between introverts and extroverts and gets a little into how introverts can be effective at different things (work, relationships, etc).
There are a few titles I really love. I hope you like a few things on the list, if you have any questions let me know.
I wouldn't claim that conservatives are universally logical and rational, but all people resort to emotion. We're more or less built to deal with morality and politics via intuition, not reasoning (see The Righteous Mind). And I'd say this applies to liberals quite a lot as well.
Both?
Art imitates life, which imitates art, in a loop that constantly feeds each other information about what's societally acceptable. I absolutely do not mean anything dramatic like "video games cause violence". But there is a very common argument defending violence or sexism in video games: it sells. The intention of the argument is to suggest that profit-seeking is an amoral motivation. But all that seems to do is point out evidence for the opposite stance, which is that violence and sexism are popular. People like to see it, enough people to make it a viable business strategy. So by taking that "amoral" stance, media producers choose to feed that popularity instead of commenting on it or just feeding a different part of our cultural values.
But recognizing that pattern does not mean assigning blame. Sexism is an accidental, literally ignorant action much more often than it is evil mustache-twisting. But in trying to combat the pattern of sexism going around, there are two different entry points here; the art, or the consumers. So some people put their efforts into directly educating people, while others (like Sarkeesian) critique the art.
I agree that discussing Sarkeesian herself and her strategies would need it's own post, but I hope this helps with your main question, at least. If it's something you're interested in reading more about, "On Killing" by Dave Grossman, was a really influential book for me when I began reading about this subject. Most of the book addresses other issues, but his section on desensitization through media consumption was eye-opening for me.
I'll describe my new system for time and info management that's been working well.
Keep a memo book and a pen in your pocket where ever you go. You could use a phone, but those run out of battery and generally take more effo
Basically information is going to be dumped on you the whole semester. You're going to forget stuff. Even if you don't forget stuff, you're going to waste time thinking about stuff that paper can remember for you. Use your memo to jot down everything you need to do, any important thought or action. Add it to a more permanent system later.
One of my memo book page might read like:
> 08 / 23
buy:
milkbought $2.99breadbought $1.99TODO: Do project 1 CS340
Deadline: sunday
TODO: Study Python re module
TA Office Hours: Wed 3-4p
Batman's number: 555-555-5555
>---
08/24 ...
At night, I sort and add these to a system. Random thoughts and todos go into Emacs' extension Org Mode which I've been learning and recommend highly for those unafraid of a learning curve. Most people would enter these information into something like google calendar. Things like the milk that I purchased go into a finance program. Things like the Python re module I will decide at night whether it's actually worth my time or not (you should give yourself a little time to stew before committing to anything.) Things like numbers will get added to my contact book (emacs also makes this easy). The point is, all information is collected so it's not lost, and sorted when time permits so it's found easily.
Everyday in the morning I review my agenda (which org automatically generates. Sweet.) and sometimes I peek at it later if I think I'm forgetting something. I'm trying to get mobileorg working so I can just use that with dropbox to sync agendas on my phone.
Another rule that goes extremely well with this so you don't write a ton of useless junk in your memo is, "If it takes two minutes, do it now."
I'm still building this, and I'm reading through Getting Things Done at a snails pace, but a bunch of the above is based on that.
TL;DR: Keep a memo book and pen. Write down important items so you don't forget or waste time thinking about it. Capture all information and make it easily useful.
You might want to look at The Better Angles Of Our Nature by Steven Pinker;
http://www.amazon.com/The-Better-Angels-Our-Nature/dp/0143122010
Some people do this stuff instinctively. Some of us have to treat it as a skill.
So I got a lot of value out of books on this stuff. I read about the techniques, I practiced them, and I do ok.
Here are two really good ones:
Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards
and
What Every BODY is Saying by Joe Navarro
You can improve these skills; they're just skills!
Personally, I've never encountered that. Though that is probably due to a massive dose of impression management. I try to walk around as confident as possible even when that might not be the case. If you haven't read it--What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro is a fantastic book on how to read people--but you can also use it in the reverse to appear the way that you want.
If I'm not with people I know well in public, generally speaking I am quite cold with people. I guess I learned to hide my emotions pretty well. I think most people also don't understand me, as I keep info about me on a very need-to-know basis. So for better or for worse, people give me space.
I don't know if any of this helps at all, but I noticed a pretty immediate positive change controlling the way I appeared to other people. Not just in the way that people reacted to me, but in my confidence as well. It seems you actually can fake it until you make it.
Here is some advice with a degree of seriousness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm15cmYU0IM
My two cents though is that using evernote or any online notetaking system is better. All of these systems come from the book Getting Things Done.
https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0142000280
Here's a guide on using evernote in a more systematic way.
http://www.thesecretweapon.org/
Read:
Seeking Truth
Do your best to stay away from YouTube reactionaries or YouTube Personalities, the truth is rare there and often distorted.
Some other recommendations:
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“It’s hardly possible to overstate the value of placing human beings in contact with other persons dissimilar to themselves…Such communication has always been one of the primary sources of progress.” — John Stuart Mill
First of all, I don't think you did anything wrong. If the worst thing that happens to you is an invigorating drive in the cool night air - well, that ain't so bad, is it?
In a perfect world, you'd have single-handedly apprehended the thief, fucked his sister, and rode off into the sunset with the theme from The Magnificent 7 playing at full volume. And in a perfect world I'd own a yacht and a nationwide chain of liquor stores, too.
I recommend you take a look at Cooper's Color Code, and maybe pick up a copy of On Killing. There are several different variations of Cooper's work out there, and some folks have tweaked it (for better and worse).
The reason I'm pointing this out to you is that I think you went from Condition White straight to Condition Black.
I want you to know that this shit happens. I am a combat vet and a ghetto paramedic - used to stress and interpersonal conflict, and I'm fully aware that it could happen to me - especially in the situation you described. Nobody is ready to "throw down" anywhere, anytime unless you're patrolling in a war zone. I could sit here and fantasize/pontificate about hasty-ambushing that thief until I'm blue in the fingers, but in reality....in reality being jerked into a conflict after sitting in a safe, familiar place immersed for hours in the fumes of Microsoft Excel (or whatever)...I'd be surprised if I didn't freeze up a bit myself. I can tell you for sure it wouldn't go down as perfectly as I'd want it to. This ain't Hollywood, and I ain't Jason Bourne.
Now, what you can do is learn about this phenomenon and how it affects you, thereby mitigating it's negative effects in the future.
The other thing to recognize here is the mere fact that you experienced this means you'll have more agency over yourself next time. It won't seem so shocking, so alien. You'll process it faster, and decide what to do more quickly.
And please don't kill anyone over a broken car window.
If you haven't read The Practice of System and Network Administration yet I would suggest starting there. It is an easy read and very informative. It helped me get into the mindset of a sysadmin.
You need to start reading. I don't even know where you should start..maybe here would be best: http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668
I started in the same boat as you, but I've been doing this for a few years now. Probably worse than someone who came up in a very structured environment.
Get a orchestration mgmt system setup, like salt, puppet, chef, etc.
Get monitoring set up if you haven't already. Central logging and automatic alerting, etc. If you have time, set up visualization for logs so you can see trends, using things like splunk or elk.
Make sure you have backups, and make sure you can actually restore from backups.
These are good, and written by someone with way more experience than me: 'The Practice of System and Network Administration, Second Edition', 'Time Management for System Administrators'
This book is one of the best out there for overall real world sysadmin knowledge/practices
What is your opinion on the decline of war in the world? Because iit turns out we live in the most peaceful time in human history.
Here is a video summary of my argument, easier to understand, but I have transcribed the important parts here.
This chart shows deaths in wars by millions since 1950
This chart shows the increase in world population, which is going against the trend in deaths in war
If war was getting worse, these two charts should be in line with each other or at the very least, maintain their respective ratios. Instead what we see is that as population increases, deaths by war go down, meaning the percentage of people dying directly because of a war is declining.
The following maps show conflicts that were ongoing in the years 2013-2014.
This is a map of countries that have had conflicts that led to the death of more than 10,000 people.
This is a map of countries in orange where there were conflicts that killed more than 1,000 people
This is a map of countries in lighter orance where there were conflicts that killed more than 100 people
A lot of conflicts had to do with colonial rule or taking back control from another country who had usurped the rule for an area.
This is a map from 1845 of areas that were under colonial rule
This is a map of today of areas that are under colonial rule today
Having countries govern themselves takes away a lot of tension and potential for conflict. Additionally, most wars of the 19th and 20th century were fought for resources, including land. However, nowadays, it's more profitable for countries to negotiate trade deals instead of entering into wars over resources.
If you still don't believe that we live in the most peaceful period in human history, you can check these non-partisan, non-religious links to studies into the subject.
> everyone knows america is basically a gun-crazy failed state at this point
Tell me, where have you visited in the US, specifically?
The media has done a fantastic job terrifying everyone. You're something like 100,000 times more likely to witness violence in the media than in real life, according to Dr. Steven Pinker. With a population of 325,000,000 people and news being disseminated at light speed, things are bound to look worse that they are. You know what doesn't make the news - nothing. Nothing, as in mundane life. Violence will make the news, however.
The media has got everyone living in fear and clutching their rosaries, so to speak.
https://www.amazon.com/Better-Angels-Our-Nature-Violence/dp/0143122010
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34LGPIXvU5M
I'm not sure if this would work or not, but I would try redirecting people who have conservative or right-wing leaning views at least toward better thinkers than Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson and toward optimistic views of the future of society, to cull some of the us-vs-them and zero-sum thinking that plagues these discussions.
Sometimes it feels like men, especially, feel existentially threatened by other modes of thought, so being at least sympathetic to the good bits of their ideas and offering something similar but that promotes openness and liberal ideas may help.
Hans Rosling's Factfulness presents a pretty optimistic view of the world. It's all getting better! Seriously!
Jonathan Haidt (and Greg Lukianoff for the first book)
I had worried that the first book would be a reiteration of right-wing talking points around safe spaces, but I was surprised to find it a good listen so far. It mentions several cognitive distortions and how cognitive behavioral therapy can overcome them as well. The second book is sympathetic to conservative views and gives a good tour of moral psychology. Really recommend.
Steven Pinker's The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined is also good. Seriously, the world is getting better! Pinker is heavier on the nature side that most lefties, so knowing that may make people more receptive if they won't receive an gender argument without some mention of biology.
I like the tips by MaryMadcap.
I think personally I'd need some combination of a bullet journal + the techniques in Getting things Done . The lack of a "tickler file" really bothers me, plus a couple other techniques in this book.
While watching the bullet journal video, I thought it was going to be like analog/digital notebook + software that automatically organizes your tasks according to your preferences on your computer given what you write in the notebook. I've been looking into this space for a while, and have been disappointed by the lack of a good set of options (at least that aren't prohibitively expensive (e.g. $200+ ) for a partial solution).
For a taste, see this Ted talk by the author.
According to Steven Pinker's book, The Better Angels of our Nature, violence has been on the decline over the millennia, and we're living in the most peaceful times in human existence.
However, he says:
>The decline, to be sure, has not been smooth; it has not brought violence down to zero; and it is not guaranteed to continue.
Pinker presents five forces that favour peacefulness over violence, but there have always been people fighting against them. They are:
We should be very concerned when leaders fight against these forces, because these forces are what make humanity better.
I highly disagree, if anything the last 10-20k years of human history has shown our capacity to be extraordinarily kind to each other.
Here is Steven Pinker's "The Better Angels of our Nature" lecture on this subject. If you don't want to watch hour long lecture, here is a 20 minute segment by him on the same subject.
I highly recommend the book itself though.
The Body Keeps the Score
This might be of interest to you:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
There are also some good presentations from Bessel Van der Kolk on Youtube on the same subject.
Peterson is missing the elephant in the room, IMO. The real enemy is not neo-marxism, it is neo-calvinism. Barbara Ehrenreich wrote about this to some extent, and I think it is culturally in America's collective blindspot. Here I am defining neocalvinism as the idea that "work will set you free," or similarly "work will get you to heaven." JBP pushes this as "sort yourself out."
Notice that JBP never talks about Wilhelm Reich or his ideas. Adam Curtis covered this issue in the century of the self. Reich wrote a book The Mass Psychology of Fascism which, in a nutshell, talks about how fascism/authoritarianism is a fear-driven attack on sexuality. Notice how in US politics, since the cultural/sexual changes in America driven by them damn librul hippies on the left, the right has gone increasingly more insane, fanatical, disconnected from reality, authoritarian, and violent.
JBP's solutions to psychological troubles are usually about establishing more order through willful action and understanding. This is one version of "work will set you free." Notice the nazis had "arbeit macht frei" (the same phrase in German) at the gates of Auschwitz. Thanks to folks like Peter Levine,Lowen,Perls,etc., the psychotherapy world is now understanding the neurobiological underpinnings of the phrase "lose your mind and come to your senses." JBP once stated that catharsis does not heal old wounds, coming to understand what happened is what heals. That is the basis for his self authoring suite. The problem there is that the catharsis piece is necessary, as that brings memory fragments from the hippocampus into consciousness in the frontal cortex. See Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score.
The point of all this is that JBP seems to be politically and ideologically on the right, as are his followers. Notice how he attracts Trump supporters, far right types, nazis, etc. He disowns the nazis but doesn't seem to try to understand why this happens. The nature of his work is repressive of vulnerability, of existential terror of mortality, of sexuality and spontaneity.
Notice how the right believes so much in rugged individualism, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," "I'm not responsible for my fellow americans because everyone should be personally responsible for themselves." Humans don't work that way, humans are social, our nervous systems respond to other people's pain whether we are conscious of that or blocking it, we need social contact. "Sorting oneself out" requires a positive relationship with another person (see Carl Rogers, object-relations theory, Allen Schore, etc) yet JBP and his followers seem to think they can think their way out of this by themselves, and that any particular "truth" is more important than getting along with others. Using "the truth" as a cudgel to attack/berate others is a particular pattern that Freud would have recognized, and seems common among JBP and his followers.
The literature suggests that it is exactly that - being in a good place and a secure/healthy relationship - that is allowing you to deal with the sexual impacts of the trauma now. Embrace it, its a good sign, I think.
As others have, I strongly recommend enlisting the help of a therapist as soon as you can deal with it financially. If you're going to go it alone, I'd recommend the following additions to your library:
Amazon: The Body Keeps the Score
Amazon: The Courage to Heal
Amazon: Healing Sex
I've been doing a lot of reading trying to figure out this election and why the heck we are so divided as a county:
https://www.amazon.com/Politics-Resentment-Consciousness-Wisconsin-American/dp/022634911X
https://www.amazon.com/Complacent-Class-Self-Defeating-Quest-American/dp/1250108691
https://www.amazon.com/Glass-House-Economy-Shattering-All-American/dp/1250085802
https://www.amazon.com/Colony-Nation-Chris-Hayes/dp/0393254224
https://www.amazon.com/Tyranny-Twenty-Lessons-Twentieth-Century/dp/0804190119
https://www.amazon.com/Even-Worse-Than-Looks-Constitutional/dp/0465031331
https://www.amazon.com/Righteous-Mind-Divided-Politics-Religion/dp/0307455777
Not just Arabs: you have to be trained to kill. To minimize the psychological hesitation in the moment. To put rounds on target (on people) instead of just in the vague direction of people. Turns out humans just don't like to kill other humans (or at least at scale).
Some books a Marine recommended to me once: On Killing and Training for the Fight. There are criticisms of both books but it is a continuing field of study.
On the one hand I notice this trait in myself in watching violent movies and reading military history. Right now I'm reading The Kindly Ones by Johnathan Littell. It's a historical memoir written from the perspective of an officer in the Einsatzgruppen on the Eastern Front as Nazi Germany advances towards Moscow and later his experiences in the concentration camps. Even when I was in middle school I remember my parents would ask me why can't I read about good things. I have no interest in reading about good people unless they are destroying evil people. When I was 14, I rode my bike to the library to read the book On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society in secret. It was an enlightening survey on the true cost of taking a human life. The book as a whole really struck a cord in me when it broke people down into categories of sheep, sheep dogs, and wolves here's the article.
But I also think people have a tendency for voyeurism. The film Nigh Crawler comes to mind. People are seeking a hit of dopamine on the late night news from garden variety brutality and macabre. The Amanda Knox trial or the German pilot who just crashed the jetliner into the Alps. Shit, they're probably about to talk about a murder in the inner city right now.
Whatever I need to stay relevant or updated. At this time I'm taking VMware cert courses from Stanly college, just to stay ahead on my own time. If you're just starting out, take Network+ to understand that realm, but there are a lot of routes you can go in. I always carry around these books though:
The Practice of Network and System Administration
Time Management for System Administrators
I also recommend this book:
"The Practice of System and Network Administration"
by Thomas A. Limoncelli
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668
You're probably better than you think. Also, you're actually in a better spot than people who get comfortable with their little environment and think they're really great. There's no way you can improve someone who thinks he is amazing at what he does.
Rather than give up on IT, try to find a place where you can work that pushes you harder and forces you to learn new things.
Go read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668
What makes someone a good sysadmin isn't knowing everything about everything (you can't) but instead developing really good methods and processes for getting work done.
This: http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668
I wish I'd read it at the start of my career.
Other than than, learn the fundamentals well and you'll be fine.
Pick up The Practice of System and Network Administration. It's OS agnostic, so you'll still need to research into other OS specific areas, but I found it was a great starting place for fundamentals.
Books man. The list I have to develop this is huge. But these three are a good start.
Develop Social Intelligence
Social Intelligence.
Be aware of your emotions.
Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Read other peoples emotions/thoughts.
What Every BODY is Saying
Branch out from there.
Restricting your hand movements is in general a "pacifying" behaviour. If pacifying behaviours increase in frequency, then she's likely nervous or uncomfortable. If she's positioning her arms so they cover up her abdomen, that's another strong pacifying behaviour.
Note that pacifying behaviours on their own means nothing. What matters is if they increase or decrease in frequency.
Source: What every body is saying? by Joe Navarro). I strongly recommend that book to get a no nonsense description of how to interpret various body language.
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
This one is very good. Also very detailed.
No, you can divorce it.
He's being an asshole. That's it. Full stop.
A mechanism by which he is being an asshole is his sitting preferences. He knows he's causing a problem for other people, that's why he's doing it.
Other people sit that way for totally different reasons completely unrelated to being an asshole. Men, generally, sit with their legs wide when they're very comfortable or relaxed, and sometimes when they're aggressive. I recommend you check out "What every BODY is saying" if you want more analysis on seated preferences of men and how they use their feet to express emotion.
You forgot foot proximity and direction. The closer feet are between two people conversing show a great deal of comfort between the two. The direction that the feet are facing are also good indicators of if that person is interested in you or the conversation. For instance, if you are telling them about how awesome the duck billed platypus is and their feet are toward the door while their upper body is facing you that is a good indicator this person wants to leave. Leg crossing can be a sign of discomfort and is often associated with shielding. Shielding is when someone feels discomfort or nervous and essentially builds a barrier between them and the source of discomfort. Crossed arms, crossed legs, maybe putting a purse or drink between the source and themselves. If in mid conversation you mention your impressive video game collection and the girl in question, who has been leaning close to you all night, starts to lean back in her chair, crosses her legs and arms, and places her hand on her neck she might not be too impressed. Neck touching can also be a good indicator of nervousness and discomfort. Women often touch their suprasternal notch when nervous, it can be very casual maybe with the index and middle finger while their arms are crossed. Neck touching is a soothing gesture, it can lower heart rate and blood pressure.
The big thing about all of this is finding a baseline of body language actions people do. None of this is written in stone, some people might just touch their neck or cross their legs. If in a bar a girl might not feel comfortable with the crowd but are interested with you.
If you want a reference for all of this I got it from Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlin's "What Every Body is Saying". Joe Navarro worked for the FBI as an interrogator. Navarro was called "The Human Lie Detector. It wont directly teach you how to pick up girls, however it will teach you how to tell of someone doesn't feel comfy around you or with what you are saying. Another good thing to study is Paul Ekman's website on micro gestures in the face. It costs about $70 to subscribe, but you learn a lot.
Sources:
What Every Body is Saying on Amazon
Paul Ekman's website
The book that finally helped me was Getting Things Done. Basically for me the art of breaking a task down into well-defined tasks I can focus on for a few minutes at a time really helps.
I felt the same way well into my 30's. My relationships never lasted more than a few months, and they made me miserable. Long story short, I was dating the wrong women. This is going to sound cheesy, but you need to understand and accept yourself before you can move forward. Then you need to approach your relationships with 100% honesty about who you are and what you need.
In my case, I was an introvert trying to date extroverts. I didn't understand what it really meant to be an introvert or that it wasn't a flaw that needed correcting. This book changed my life: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.
I also hadn't found a relationship in which I felt completely safe being honest without fear of judgement. That's as much on your partner as you, of course, but you can facilitate it by setting the example.
Once I knew myself and understood that I wasn't a bad person, I finally became open to meeting the right woman. It didn't happen overnight. When my perfect introvert found me, it took me a while to believe I was really capable of even having a relationship. Fortunately she had patience. We dated for a year, and now we're engaged. :)
I thought that too, until:
>Pete turned to me with a completely serious expression, an expression devoid of even the faintest flicker of a smile, and said, “This is the worst place on earth. We’re in it. Right now. No, it’s not even earth. It’s hell.”
I'm a pretty big introvert, but there's a difference in feeling tired around people and that kind of misanthropy. I've been to six weddings so far this summer (Seriously. And two more to go.) and when I start feeling overwhelmed, I take a walk in the hallways or outside for a few minutes. It's never occurred to me to think of other people the way Pete did.
You'd probably like this book; I did:
http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153/
Introversion is not a 'problem', it is simply an orientation.
https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153
I feel ya. Same boat, different paddle. Have you read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking It is helping me embrace my Ambiverted self.
I think this book might help sort out political differences.
Trump was surprisingly cogent during the election. He mentioned that the US economy was in a bubble. He pointed out that not provoking war would be a good thing. On the other hand, his energy policy and circumlocution on climate change should have made him a non-starter for most humans. He tapped into the despair and sense of betrayal that many Americans rightfully feel.
But then he started bombing Syria without adequate proof, applying reverse Robin Hood policies, and rolling back years of hard fought environmental regulations that protect the greater populace.
You might be able to get through to your SO. I mean Trump is probably collapse-aware on some level (esp. with Bannon on board), so maybe talking about collapse topics would be fruitful. If he's a climate change denier and can't fix that after an intervention, it suggests a level of infantile stubbornness that will be a challenge in other areas.
Bottom line, is this someone you want to raise a child with? If you listen to your intuition and the answer is no, move on. If yes, perhaps it's a viable project.
It might benefit you to stop talking to him, to be honest. Evidently, he wasn't good boyfriend material, and it doesn't sound like he's any better at being a friend, or even a sane acquaintance.
Not to sound like an advertisement, but The Gift of Fear may be useful here.
And definitely keep a paper trail.
Maybe she has a mental illness, maybe she grew up in an abusive home. Whatever the reason, horrible as it might sound, you can't help her, and trying to fix someone is frequently a great way to get trapped in an abusive relationship. It's aimed at women trying to understand abusive men, but you might want to check out Why Does He Do That. And maybe The Gift of Fear while you're at it.
Better overreacting and safe than underreacting and hurt, right? There is this amazing, essential book called The Gift of Fear that would tell you that you did the exact right thing.
Follow this advice, OP. I also suggest you read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear.
Read up on the "Project For a New American Century" (http://www.newamericancentury.org/) and the neo-con plan for the Middle East. Also, read "Confessions of an Economic Hitman" (http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081) specifically the section dealing with the Shah of Iran and how he was placed in power. I'm sure that Noam Chomsky could answer this better than most of us. http://chomsky.info/
That will get you started on the right direction as least.
You have semicolons after your if statements. Though I don't see why it's not printing both statements. In fact, I just ran what you have posted and it did print both. Did you mistype something by chance instead of copy/paste?
Your if statements should be something like
if (mrk >= 440) {
// print message
} else {
// print other message
}
Note that there are no braces around the if statements like you have either.
Edit: You should probably get a better resource for Java than a For Dummies book. Head First Java is often recommended. You might try the official Java tutorials as well.
For Android I can recommend the Udacity course. Basically they teach you the building blocks of any Android App by making you build a weather App. It's very... "holdy-handsy" though. Each concept is broken down into manageable chunks (small coding exercises). You get to watch videos explaining the concept then you gotta complete the example programs they provide (It's basically just following some TODOs that are commented in the code), and at the end of the class you have to put it all together and add that to the main weather app.
They won't explain any Java syntax / concepts that they use but if you know some OOP language it won't be too hard to understand what they are doing (though it's gonna be a bit harder to understand why they are doing it the way they do).
Top tip: every exercise is accompanied by a short video where someone will show you how to code everything. My suggestion is to watch the video once to get the basic gist of it then go and code by your own (using the Android Reference if needed). Avoid just copy-pasting what you see in the video. It might seem sluggish and hard but that's how you'll get the most out of it.
As for Java, I don't know any course that teaches it in that manner but I can recommend Oracle's Java Tutorials and Head First Java. Oracle's tutorials are really comprehensive but imo they can get a bit dull, while the book is really fun and easy to follow (and if you know a concept already you can just skim that chapter and move on).
This really depends on the gelatin concentration. Even at high temperatures, a sauce with a high concentration of gelatin will be thick. Think of a classic glace de viande. This type of sauce can be a quarter gelatin, very high concentration.
As you say though, you won't notice the gelatin in this sauce as a thickener. I agree (at least in terms of viscosity) since you really need to get up to around 10% gelatin by weight to make a discernible difference, and at this concentration it will quickly congeal as it cools.
However, the mouthfeel of a sauce can be impacted by lower gelatin concentrations. Gelatin molecules are typically long and obstruct the free movement of water throughout the sauce, making it feel heavier and silkier in the mouth.
Note too that sauces thickened with starches will also gel up at cooler temperatures. Cornstarch, like other grain starches, has a relatively high proportion of amylose (as opposed to amylopectin), which means it quickly congeals as it cools.
Gelatin is preferred to cornstarch in situations where the sauce should be translucent and not cloudy looking.
Info is from On Food and Cooking by Harold McGee
On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen –
by Harold McGee
is the bible.
Also Modernist Cuisine
It's a self-contained course on electronics, not at all a collection of data sheets.
To use an analogy: you can download food recipes from the Internet all you want, but you will learn how to become a cook by reading Harold McGee's On Food and Cooking (another book that would remain on my bookshelf).
On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen by Harold McGee
https://www.amazon.com/Food-Cooking-Science-Lore-Kitchen/dp/0684800012
If you're not going to use lye, it's a good idea to bake your baking soda. This converts the sodium bicarbonate to sodium carbonate, which is a stronger alkali, and will give the pretzels a better flavor. Lye gives the best flavor, but baked baking soda is close.
(Linked article is by Harold McGee, who wrote On Food and Cooking.)
The rancidity refers more to oils held within the nut going bad - simply an off-putting flavor and dampened aroma. The texture will also be a little bit more mealy.
Beyond that, the origin of the nut could matter as far as spoilage goes.
Strangely enough, I've never frozen pine nuts, but foods high in fat freeze rather well. As for pine mouth, I believe that a lot of the cases are sourced from Chinese pine nuts, where as those sourced from Turkey have the lowest probability(from a newspaper I read recently - the oil content is from Harold McGee's On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen )
You know, a lot of this aid isn't good... much of it goes to buy weapons and power for extremely corrupt governments and helps to establish the power structures that keep people poor. Sure, in cases like Somalia it is only humane to provide food aid, but I think that we have to reassess our aid policies in a lot of these countries, not just in Africa but around the world.
I'm reading Confessions of an Economic Hitman right now and he makes a pretty good case for how a lot of the aid that we give helps to impoverish the people in those countries that we "aid." I recognize that the book talks mainly about loans, not aid, but the points about how aid increases income inequality remain solid.
I highly recommend "Confessions of an Economic Hitman" by John Perkins if you're interested in learning more about how governments, NGOs, and businesses profit from developing countries.
"Perkins writes that his economic projections cooked the books Enron-style to convince foreign governments to accept billions of dollars of loans from the World Bank and other institutions to build dams, airports, electric grids, and other infrastructure he knew they couldn't afford. The loans were given on condition that construction and engineering contracts went to U.S. companies. Often, the money would simply be transferred from one bank account in Washington, D.C., to another one in New York or San Francisco. The deals were smoothed over with bribes for foreign officials, but it was the taxpayers in the foreign countries who had to pay back the loans. When their governments couldn't do so, as was often the case, the U.S. or its henchmen at the World Bank or International Monetary Fund would step in and essentially place the country in trusteeship, dictating everything from its spending budget to security agreements and even its United Nations votes. It was, Perkins writes, a clever way for the U.S. to expand its "empire" at the expense of Third World citizens. While at times he seems a little overly focused on conspiracies, perhaps that's not surprising considering the life he's led."
The official tutorials are not bad:
http://download.oracle.com/javase/tutorial/
I also recommend Head First Java as a book:
http://www.amazon.com/Head-First-Java-Kathy-Sierra/dp/0596009208
"Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!" http://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!
Autobiography of Richard Feynman, what fucking brilliant hilarious man.
You will love this book no matter if you're into science or not, I promise.
https://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041
Surely you're joking, Mr. Feynman
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! (Adventures of a Curious Character)
Well I think you might find it easier if you dispensed with all those categories (economics, gender, law, etc.). They are useful in terms of specialization, but unless you're doing a specialization, I find it most helpful to try to get to the bottom of things and ignore categories. Most of these overlap.
The great book that taught me to think this way, and after which a lot more in the world started to make sense was Surely you're joking Mr Feynman. Essentially the difference is between trying to get it right (makes everything overwhelming/confusing) vs understanding it (looking for good explanations).
The beginning of infinity by David Deutsch has something similar.
I know this may seem totally irrellevant, but for me this was the thing that removed that feeling of being overwhelmed by knowledge forever.
That said, I am too consuming incredible amounts of JP. Probably an average of.. wow, maybe 2 hours per day since I first discovered him 5 months ago or so.
Feynman was the fuckin man. I strongly suggest that everyone read "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!" if they haven't already. It's filled with memoirs and great insight to how he viewed the world. It's a fantastically good read that I couldn't put down until I finished it.
This is going to seem like a really strange choice, but it's coming from another 16 year old. I recommend Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman, as it is one of my absolute favorite books. It may only appeal to him if he likes science or engineering, but it's worth a shot regardless.
In a similar vein to the Chronicles of Narnia, may I recommend The Hobbit/ The Lord of the Rings? Both are great stories that he may like. Although they are not the best written books in terms of writing quality (in my opinion), the Inheritence Cycle by Christopher Paolini might appeal for entertainment value. Perhaps a lesser known author that I greatly enjoy is Megan Whalen Turner, author of The Thief, The Queen of Attolia, and The King of Attolia. I just became aware of this book and have thus never read it, but A Conspiracy of Kings by the same author is bound to be good.
Steering away from fantasy, he may also like science fiction. I recommend any Ray Bradbury. Most of his stories are short, so for someone who doesn't read often they are great. My favorite are the Martian Chronicles, but R is for Rocket is also a good compilation. All of the Artemis Fowl series are recommended as well.
If I think of any more, I will certainly edit this post.
This book was required reading at my Christian seminary.
Two other relevant, interesting and easy-to-read texts from my M.Div. program were Denzey’s Intro to “Gnosticism” and Ehrmam’s The New Testament
Buy this. Issues 1-48 in a single book.
Here's a few off the top of my head!
Sooo many others, but this is good starter list. Fair warning: I have not read these with an eye as to what would be appropriate in a Christian environment. I am fairly certain that Stitches, Maus, and Locke and Key are all "safe."
Edit: Eff it here are some more.
You have already mentioned all of my other would be suggestions. :)
Grab this. It is over 1,000 pages. Worth every penny. http://www.amazon.com/Walking-Dead-Compendium-One/dp/1607060760
Buy them on Amazon!!!
The first one here for $37.
The second here for about the same price.
Has anyone read the Walking Dead comics? This seems like a good price, but I really didn't take to the TV show and have heard the graphic novels are better.
Opinions please!
> Putin is in power because he's backed by the wealthiest and the military.
Sort of, but we could phrase this is in the reverse. Putin is in power because he enables these people to remain rich and expand their financial empires. And because he distributes or facilitates the distribution of wealth and profits to key military/police factions. In a nutshell he has his hands on enough power/money to:
For more, watch CGP Grey's Rules for Rulers which is based on The Dictator's Handbook. There's also a conversation/video from the author at Big Think.
Over the past several years I've personally gravitated toward a blend of stoicism and "secular Christianity." I know many others go the route of secular Buddhism (Noah Rasheta, who is also an exMo runs secularbuddhism.com which you might want to check out) and others (most?) simply go the route of ethical hedonism.
I personally gravitated toward stoicism because it isn't a religion and has no real religious underpinning. Instead, it's normally referred to as just a "philosophy of life." It has worked well for me as a backfill to religion. You'll also find that different people have different views of what it means to "practice" stoicism, so it's nice in that you can kind of adapt it to fit your personal preferences.
Here are some recommendations if you want to look into it:
Aside from stoicism, studying and learning about philosophy in general has been a huge cushion for me in dealing with the existential crisis that often follows losing belief in Mormonism. Google the Philosophize This! podcast and start at episode 1 if you're interested. It's great. I also really enjoy the Philosophy Bites podcast. Other than the above, the following were also very helpful to me in finding a approach to life without "God" and without religion:
All of the above combined with a few long years of figuring things out got me to a good place. But everyone's journey is different, so do what you think will work best for you...and good luck!
Listen, unless you have tremendously significant assets, don't bother getting proof of adultery. All you'll do is torture yourself. Most courts don't care anymore; they'll more or less automatically grant a petition for a grounds divorce only to the extent of granting a no-fault divorce.
Sometimes grounds can affect distribution of assets, but typically only when waste has been shown. And in your circumstances (as they seem) waste generally means a significant expenditure of funds on behalf of another person.
It's so odd--people seem to want to learn the worst. All we do is hurt ourselves. My advice: don't do it.
You've experienced a shock. Perhaps a confirmation of suspicions. Give yourself some time; talk to people you trust. Then simply let the relationship go.
I realize it may seem like there's no future, like you've wasted years, like you've been profoundly hurt. But you can, not only survive, but recover from this. And go on to live a gloriously happy life.
You're young; you have so much time.
What saved me were a number of books. The Power of Now. And It's Easier Than You Think. A couple of meditation apps.
The Power of Now talks about living in the moment, about ignoring/learning to stop thoughts that hurt you. The same way you'd never mistake an eye twitch for yourself, you can learn not to mistake a "brain twitch"--i.e., a thought that serves no purpose other than to hurt you--as yourself.
It's Easier Than You Think offers an introduction to Buddhism--in chief, to the idea that all suffering is caused by desire, and when you learn to stop wanting, you also learn to stop causing yourself pain.
Meditation is designed to focus on the now, on the idea that right at this minute you are okay, and that all your fears about the future and whatever regrets you may feel are imaginary, in that you simply are creating them with your own thoughts. It's all about focusing on your breathing, and every single time your thoughts stray (as they do for everyone) you simply learn to bring your thoughts back to your breathing. It is far harder than it seems. And in trying to do it you learn to control your thoughts and you distract yourself from fear and pain.
I am telling you: what you're talking about is no longer your relationship, but survival. And surviving divorce requires every ounce of concentration. It is like fighting a bear, and every single day you survive is a victory.
Also, I personally have decided that no matter what I am trying to be kind and good through this whole process. You don't have children, so really you're pretty lucky. You can set yourself free from someone who didn't want to be with you and find someone who does.
Maybe try exploring who you are via a site like 16personalities.com. It offers a simplified (quick) version of the MBTI, which is one of the first personality tests. It has problems, but as an introduction to who you are--and the kind of person you might want to be around--it has worked wonders for me and many others.
Ultimately you will forgive yourself; you'll realize it's not your fault that you loved someone. It's her fault for not recognizing and valuing what you were offering. Ultimately blame no longer will matter.
There is so much more I could say, but this is not the end. It's the beginning. You're just feeling so much pain and shock you don't realize it yet.
I am rooting for you. It is so hard to love, to survive a relationship, to survive a breakup. But it is survivable, and in so doing you will learn. Divorce can be an incredibly educational experience.
If you ever want to talk, this is an alt, but I do use it regularly. And I always will offer empathy.
The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard
Reading the Bible Again for the First Time by Marcus Borg
Mere Christianity by CS Lewis
The Meaning of Jesus by NT Wright and Marcus Borg
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton
A Lever and a Place to Stand by Richard Rohr
I'm pretty new to poly and am the lurker mentioned in one of the other comments =D.
I'd encountered people with a poly lifestyle in the past, but had never considered it to be appealing until just recently. I spent the past few months figuring out my jealousy triggers and working through my baggage. A switch flipped in my head while reading The Ethical Slut and I'm suddenly pretty open to possibilities.
I'm pretty sure I've always repressed my feelings/flirting/desires around other people than my relationship partner before out of a sense that this was expected of me as a show of faithfulness. I never allowed myself to consider additional relationships before so there's a feeling of liberation that comes with my personal epiphany.
I'm an IT professional currently working as a support analyst at a software company. I consider myself to be pretty smart, but I really enjoy being surrounded by coworkers smarter than myself. It gives me a refreshing challenge.
My main subreddits at the moment include /r/cigars, /r/guns, /r/sysadmin, and /r/polyamory.
I occasionally look silly, stylish, taller than I am, skeptical, or out of my era.
I haven't decided what I'm looking for in new partners yet really, but I'm comfortable with that for the moment.
Good to meet you all.
edit: Admittedly, I forgot the "where" too. Alberta, Canada.
I hate to be one of those poly people who sounds like a broken record but, spend some time with The Ethical Slut. Even if you aren't poly, this isn't a monogamous relationship anymore. There's a reason it's basically the Bible.
Não. E os poli relacionamentos heterossexuais que testemunhei duraram muito pouco ou eram a descrição do relacionamento abusivo.
Esse livro Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures https://www.amazon.it/dp/1587613379/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_ZSUZAb6TT7BCQ tem uma visão da possibilidade de poliamor que tangencia relacionamentos abertos sem a necessidade de sexo. Mas também trata de sexo.
Conheço casais gays que estão juntos há anos e que frequentemente transam com outras pessoas ou trazem outras pessoas pra casa e continuam com o casal nuclear que possuem planos a longo prazo. Que sao abertos só na questao sexual. Poliamor não é um conceito que vive só no meio das pernas.
Não sei porque dessa distinção, é apenas uma observação.
Galera que venera o Osho costumam se encontrar e resignificar sexo, mas eu recomendaria distância dos cultos e netflix.
Você está em um relacionamento e quer modificar o contrato para algo mais aberto?
Seconding the open/poly lifestyle; if you can adjust, it's fucking fantastic for those of us with higher sex drives. Check out The Ethical Slut for that perspective. Sexual incompatibility doesn't need to spell the end of a relationship, or settling for less sex than you need. Perhaps you just need to supplement (openly and honestly).
Non-monogamy is a totally viable way to have a long lasting, loving, trusting, safe, healthy, etc. relationship. MoreThanTwo is a great website with a lot of articles on doing polyamory well. If that's something you want to explore, you should also try and read The Ethical Slut (this is widely recommended in the poly community), Opening Up (has a lot more practical advice than Ethical Slut), and lastly, feel free to join us on /r/polyamory.
Doing polyamory right requires a lot of communication skills and introspection ability. However, if you learn how to do all this, you'll be even more well equipped to navigate monogamy!
With all that said, people change a lot when they're young. Who I was at 17 was fairly different from who I was at 19, and the difference was even more dramatic compared to me at 21. And myself at 24 is unimaginably different from all of them! So while it is possible that you and your boyfriend could grow together, you also might grow apart. Cherish the time you have now, and allow yourselves to grow as fits best for each other.
Talk. Talk it to death. Talk until you don't think there's anything else to talk about. You have the rest of your lives, so take time to talk. As you talk; be honest and advocate for yourselves, these are harder skills to learn than you might think.
Read The Ethical Slut and More Than Two.
Look for poly communities in your area, they're more common than you might think. The single most valuable resource I have had on my journey has been more experienced people to learn from. There are classes and workshops for just what you are thinking about doing, check them out.
Also, be prepared for some disapproval in poly communities. Hetero couples, or couples with a hetero male and bisexual female, looking for bisexual women to join them are really, really, common. And they unfortunately very often engage in unethical, or at least ethically dubious, behavior. More Than Two devotes a whole chapter to this, and I highly recommend reading it. Try to avoid those behaviors.
Best of luck!
Me too! For a little motivation, check out Mr. Money Mustache and Early Retirement Extreme. For some really good information, check out Get Rich Slowly and The Simple Dollar - both have extensive archives on frugality, saving, investing, and debt repayment. I read all of those every day.
Here are some basics:
ERE and MMM both are into frugal lifestyles combined with established passive income streams from real estate and investment earnings. That seems like the way to go, especially given the low prices for real estate and the increase in renting.
I would also start reading on these topics. For an eye-opening motivational read, try The Millionaire Next Door - I recommend that to everyone regarless of their personal finance goals. For starters in investing, The Boglehead's Guide to Investing is great, and a lot of the information can be found free at the wiki. GRS has a great post from a while ago on the 25 Best Books About Money.
I read the following, in roughly this order:
Ich habe jedes dieser Bücher gelesen und kann es empfehlen. Ich würde jedes davon wieder kaufen und wieder lesen.
I suggest you take a couple days to read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising/dp/1589795474
It's quite telling and it debunks the idea that the majority of the wealthy are what is depicted in those pictures.
Also a great book: Lights in the tunnel; : http://www.amazon.com/Lights-Tunnel-Automation-Accelerating-Technology/dp/1448659817
This one focuses specifically on how to approach post scarcity without collapsing the economy. I'm not sure that it's the approach I 100% agree with, but we have to start the conversation somewhere. I'm hoping someone picks this one up to make a documentary out of it.
Unbelievable. What a child. My NMom also sometimes acts like my dad giving me fatherly love & attention is like some kind of threat/competition to her.
Have you read Stop Walking on Eggshells? http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901
Your story sounds like a story right out of the book. Something like 30% of borderline personality disordered people are narcissists too. I've been figuring out a lot about my NMom by learning about BPD.
Pa, psihicki problemi i poremecaji licnosti podrazumevaju iskrivljenu sliku o realnosti, ponekad i odvojenost od realnosti, kad su psihoze u pitanju. Ako bi ga odveo na lecenje od alkoholizma, sigurno ga ne bi proglasili za normalnog, zato sto se radi o strucnim ljudima koji znaju kako se alkoholicari ponasaju, a to sta on radi je uobicajeno ponasanje.
> Sa advokatima se ne bih zamajavao, jer mene imovina i kuca u kojoj zivimo, uopste ne interesuju (iako sam podstanar), s obzirom da me sve vise negativnih osecanja veze za to.
To svakako razumem, medjutim, cinjenica je da si ti naslednik te imovine i da te zbog ocevog ponasanja u buducnosti mogu sacekati problemi. Razmotri kako da se zastitis na vreme, pre nego sto te neki pravni problem bude sprecio da zapocnes svoj biznis ili tako nesto, jeftinije je tako i novcano i zivcano...
> I dalje ne shvatam zasto uopste i najmanje razmisljam o tome kako ce ziveti bez nas, jer znam da nece moci. Tacnije, majku bih odveo i ne bih joj ikada predlozio da se vrati, ali zato za sebe osecam da bih imao potrebu da ga obidjem makar jednom mesecno, iako bi to bila jako teska i mucna poseta, jer znam da bi mi nabijao na nos sve negativne stvari, jer to i sada radi kad dodjem vikendom. Bukvalno kako izadjem iz autobusa, pocne da mi prica sve negativne stvari koje su se desile.
Ti si obican covek, ispod te ljudskosti si jos obicnija zivotinja koja ima instinkte i jedan od bitnijih je instinkt za prezivljavanje. Nije uopste cudno sto ne razmisljas o njegovoj dobrobiti, zato sto si kao zivo bice, sisar, kicmenjak i covek uslovljen da sebe stavis na prvo mesto. Majku svakako odvedi ukoliko hoce da ide. Sto se poseta tice... Sta ti kazem, samo u dozi u kojoj mozes da podneses. Ne bi bilo lose da imas neki dil sa komsijama da te oni cimnu ako matori krene da pravi neko preveliko sranje i tako to.
Sto se tice same komunikacije sa njim. Izbegavaj da igras igru svadje. Ako krene da sere nesto, okreni se i idi i obavesti ga da to neces da trpis, pa nek on bira kako ce da se ponasa.
A taj osecaj kad izadjes iz busa, znam to, nisam imao alkosa u porodici, ali sam imao adekvatnu zamenu. Nije se nista sredilo dok nisam uzeo "loptu" u svoje ruke i uredio te stvari tako da meni odgovaraju, a nakon inicjalnog skripanja, skontali su i moji da je tako zivot jednostavniji.
Vidim da ti je neko vec predlozio terapiju kao opciju, da, bilo bi pametno de te pare koje bi njemu dao, potrosis na to da malo uredis sopstvenu glavu.
Takodje, kao i proslom liku koji je izneo ovakvu pricu (maltene u potpunosti identicnu, osim ako nisi to ti kojim slucajem), potrazi ove knjige, namenjene su pre svega tebi:
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901
Jeste da ti je cale alkos, ali ima dosta saveta u ovoj drugoj knjizi koji su generalno primenjivi...
The moment you said 'walking on eggshells', I knew how the rest of your story was going to play out. I was in a similar relationship for four years, which was about four years longer than I should have been in it.
There's a very good chance that your ex sufferers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I'd bet money on the fact that she had a narcissistic parent. The definitive book about dealing with people who suffer from BPD is actually called ['Stop Walking on Eggshells'] (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572246901/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1521781990&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&amp;keywords=stop+walking+on+eggshells) . I can't recommend it enough. Reading it was like reading a transcription of my daily life, as accurately as if someone had been following me around with a notepad and tape recorder.
Glad you're out of it, man. Hope you're doing better and learned a lot of valuable lessons about what you need and (just as importantly) what you deserve in a relationship.
This is a fair question. A condition to practicing toward awakening is a desire to awaken, which comes from good teachings. For pragmatic dharma resources, I recommend you check out the sidebar links, particularly Daniel Ingram's MCTB and Ron Crouch's website (and, specifically, his post "Why Meditate?". Those inspired me to practice.
There are lots of other interesting books on the subject too, including Shinzen Young's recent book The Science of Enlightenment, Sam Harris's Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion, and Adyashanti's The End of Your World: Uncensored Straight Talk on the Nature of Enlightenment. Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now also is quite popular.
And, really, depending on your bent, you can't get any better than the original Buddhist teachings. On the subjects of Enlightenment, the Diamond Sutra and the Heart Sutra are two of my personal favorites. (These are as translated by Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh.)
So, I'd recommend reading and seeing if you feel inspired by the teachings. For me, there was something about the very idea of "Enlightenment" that stirred a desire deep within my heart. It was palpable, and it started at an early age, sometime in middle school or high school when I had to do a project on religions and happened to be assigned Buddhism. Encyclopedia-like resources don't necessarily point you in the direction of Enlightenment, but the explanation of "Nirvana" had some sort of primal appeal to me.
Once pragmatic dharma teachers like Daniel Ingram and Ron Crouch started claiming that some form of "awakening" was actually possible for Average Joe Layperson (like me), I was intrigued, and I decided to give the experiment a shot. Of course I did.
What changes? It depends on how you define "stream entry" and who you ask. There are lots of different models for Enlightenment (as discussed in Daniel's MCTB). Using the pragmatic dharma definition, stream entry is defined as the first time a practitioner completes a fully cycle of insight (typically measured against the Progress of Insight maps) and experiences a "cessation" event. What changes varies from practitioner to practitioner, but on the Fetters Model, which I think is as good as any, three important "fetters" are dropped: (a) belief in self, (b) doubt about the Path, and (c) attachment to rites and rituals.
Concretely, based on my experience, the fetters model (filtered, of course, through my still sometimes cloudy conceptual lens) made a lot of sense. Regarding "self view," the "cessation" experience has a way of kicking you out of the linear way of looking at your life, as an existent self living chronologically in time. While often this insight fades for a while, it is pretty clear at the point of initial awakening, and I speculate that a part of your mind never forgets that. This insight deepens with further practice. Your perspective on your experience shifts from being caught typically in the horizontal dimension of time to instead tuning into the vertical dimension of "just this," in which time, like all things, including the self, is seen as just a concept, a particular way of looking at this immediate, obvious, and manifest reality. Seeing "just this," and recognizing that there is no permanent self that is just this or that provides tremendous relief. Most of our lives are spent trying to protect the self, improve it, make it happy. Seeing through this delusion, even for a moment, has a way of radically transforming one's perspective on experience.
Second, after you complete a cycle of insight, you don't really doubt "just this." There's a lot of work necessary to integrate and deepen that insight. But it feels like you have directly touched reality, the Tao, Nirvana, God, or whatever. Interestingly, in my experience, that which seems to remains when all else fades is all that you ever wanted to begin with. So, the value of this Path becomes obvious. Faith is no longer necessary. A deep part of your mind understands that "this is it."
Finally, the attachment to rites and rituals goes away because you realize that it's "just this." You might have done a lot of work to realize that, but once you do, it's all pretty simple. That realization can't be taken away from you. It's done. It's always available. As a practical matter, that realization tends to fade, come and go, which teaches us an interesting thing about "awakening experiences," a lesson we will have to learn well as we continue to deepen our practice. But generally speaking, after "stream entry," one realizes that awakening is not somehow external to one's present situation, indeed the very idea of internal and external is just another concept which has no concrete, permanent status (is ultimately empty). Thus, the need for rites and rituals is seen through.
All that said, these realizations may not be perfectly obvious at the conceptual level after stream entry. As a practical matter, people generally feel lighter, relieved, happier, at least for a time. But those states are just states, which are not permanent. Enlightenment, Awakening, Liberation, Nirvana, or whatever you want to call it is something that goes beyond particular states or this or that. Once you begin to open up to that dimension of being, you experience a much more profound and lasting sense of peace with just this existence, as it is. It's a nice spot to be in. :)
Hope that helps.
Go to bed. You're gonna wake up tomorrow. You're gonna have a shower and realize you're troubles aren't really troubles and it's just life. You posted this online. You're looking for responses because you don't think anyone in your life cares. Which is blatantly false. If you feel the same way tomorrow, talk to someone. If for whatever reason you don't want to, PM someone.
Also, check out The Power of Now, by Eckhart Toll
If success is having a normal relationship with someone with BPD then, from personal experience, I don’t think that’s possible.
However we can but try.
There is so much advice and there are so many tips and nuggets of information in this subreddit but if you want a structured tone to dip into I really found this one useful:
“Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder” is a good book. https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901
The best tips for making the most of a life sentence with a BPD are 1) leave and 2) try to leave and 3) if it’s not convenient right now then plan to leave
Sorry this isn’t glowingly positive but I’ve been abused for too long to have anything but a dim view of people with PDs. It’s not their fault but it’s most definitely not mine either.
I am no psychologist but this really sounds like BPD. DH should read I hate you - Don't leave me to better understand his mother. I would also recommend Stop Walking on Eggshells. I hope he really does realize just how much better his life will be without his mother in it (I'm sure you'll point it out from time to time). Here's hoping the NC is extended indefinitely! :)
It is the book by Randi Kreger
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1526999491&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=stop+walking+on+eggshells+randi+kreger
This is her website:
https://www.bpdcentral.com/about/
Here's a recent post about not loving our N parents that might help show you that you are not the only one who feels this way. I HATED my mother growing up. She was and still is a very unloving, brutal person. Why would I love her? The guilt is probably just societal programming, where not loving and honoring your parents is blasphemous. But if you look at it logically, it makes total sense why we feel this way. How would a dog react to being hit every time it came close to you? Would it love you and try to be affectionate with you? NO. It would probably cower in fear around you or any person, and would snap and attack. Why should we hold ourselves to a different standard than we would any other animal? You get what you give, and what have they given us?
If I were you, I would emancipate myself entirely and ASAP. This is close to what I did. Right at 18, I moved hours away and mostly paid almost all my own bills. My parents really didn't support me too much. I think my mother took out one small school loan and my dad sent me $100 a month, but I could have easily survived without that. I removed ALL ties with them as quickly as I could, because they used anything for manipulation. This really isn't too hard to do.
If you can't do that right now, it sounds like you're detaching emotionally which is good. Maybe you can just keep to yourself and try to survive until you get some physical distance from them. Don't engage them in any way. Only interact with them when you HAVE to. If they hassle you, maybe you can just agree (in principle or even just to placate them) and exit the situation ("yep you're probably right about that, OK gotta go!"). But DO try to get out ASAP. Don't jump into another shitty situation though. See if you can find a female roommate you can stand living with. I wouldn't move in with your boyfriend or another male just out of desperation because I find this usually ends BADLY. But obviously this is up to you. Try to find a place that's SAFE for you and don't just jump from one shitty situation to another.
Then as far as rebuilding your self-esteem, for me I had to get into therapy. If you can do this it could save your life. If that isn't possible, here are a list of cheap books that have helped me immensely (which I recommend reading and working through with or without therapy):
I believe there are a list of resources including a full list of books on the right sidebar too. If you don't like any of these resources, you can ALWAYS find something that will appeal to you if you keep working at it. There is SO much out there for us if we keep at it. Be sure to take breaks too. This work can be exhausting.
If you can get into Al-Anon that might help too. I personally don't care for 12-step programs, but many people seemed to have been helped by them and Al-Anon is specifically recommended by many books. They say it's for people who have dealt with alcoholics and drug addicts, but I tell you I went to six meetings like they recommend, and it's NO DIFFERENT for those of us who have dealt with narcissism. I've read that all alcoholics are narcissists, so maybe that's why it was so relevant to me. One slogan I picked up that helped a lot is "You Didn't Cause It. You Can't Control It. You Can't Cure It." We didn't cause our parents to be the way that they are, we can't control it (no amount of letter writing, talking, setting boundaries, etc.) and there is nothing we can do to change them. The literature is pretty dismal when it comes to curing narcissism anyway (NPD). Either way, they'd have to want to get help and help themselves, which rarely ever happens. So we have to focus on ourselves and forget about helping them - this is not selfish! We were often groomed to take care of them and our feelings, wants and needs were completely inconsequential. We were just extensions of them. This is probably why it feels so selfish at first to start taking care of ourselves.
>I'm currently depressed and see no good in life.
I've been working at this for a LONG time and still feel this way sometimes. I think it's partly due to growing up where "you lose" is the name of the game. Getting your needs met is completely hopeless with N parents, so perhaps that feeling of hopelessness extends to all of life. Plus, hopelessness is a classic symptom of depression. If you feel hopeless, just know that it doesn't mean it's true. Feelings are NOT facts.
Aside from my other recommendations, I would continue to come here and post and read all that you can read. Claw your way out of this bullshit if you have to. Journaling helps. Get a secure journal NO ONE ELSE will read and just free flow write your thoughts down. If you're feeling terrible, give your feelings a voice. It's like draining the poison from you. Plus if you're doing the work out of Feeling Good, you'll need a good journal to write in daily. My first therapist recommended this for YEARS and I never did it, but I tell it just free flow writing out shit does seem to help tremendously. If you have a Mac, you can use MacJournal, or for Windows there is "The Journal", both of which you can encrypt and password protect. If you want to just write on paper or if you already do just make sure you hide it well.
The other night I had a bout of terrible depression and you would not BELIEVE the shit that I wrote down about myself ("you're a piece of shit!!!" and stuff like that). I wrote until I just felt "deflated", like I had drained myself. It helped a LOT. I then realized that I hadn't been doing several things for myself that I know have helped in the past, and I have rededicated myself to doing these things daily. Many of these actions I have recommended to you here.
Hope this helps even in the slightest and good luck to you.
Lemme break it down further what's going on in your head as others have already pointed out:
You're not living in the present moment.
The best analogy I can give you is your brain is like a slowly moving river: water flows through a creek much like thoughts flows through your mind. There are pools where the water accumulates before flowing on, these pools are when you are momentarily dwelling on a thought before moving on. If nothing else were around that river (your mind) would flow pure and clear. But life is messy and things tend to fall in the creek, and what happens? The creek can't flow. But if we open the paths between the pools, the creek flows freely again. Here are examples of those obstructions.
Thinking about the past will more than likely depress you. The past already happened, there's nothing you can do about it, so dwelling on it changes nothing but instead remind yourself to be in the present moment.
Thinking about the future will more than likely exacerbate your anxiety. The future has not been written, you are essentially creating an illusion in your mind which does not exist yet, and you are allowing to overwhelm you. Get back to the present moment.
Even normal individuals experience these problems as well, the only difference is our brains get caught in a negative feedback loop where we stuck on this thought process for extended periods of time, just like the pool in a creek that gets obstructed. From an observational point of view, we're getting caught daydreaming and staring into space. It's worse when it's negative thoughts because we go down this torrent of distractions and create various scenarios and each time that scenario leads to a different distraction and on and on.
The key thing to remember is not to get stuck in the past or future, but to remain in the present and let it flow like the river. Eckart Tolle goes into intimate describing what I just talked to you about, The Power of Now, it's even on audio book which is a god send for ADHD'ers who don't like books. Hopefully this helps you.
1.) Learn to understand your mind and the problems it creates in your life - that will give you the motivation to meditate every day and not view it as an item on your "todo" list.
2.) Instead of looking for audio, or guided meditations, learn to do it on your own without the need for outside aids.
Resources: for understanding your mind, Tolle's "The Power of Now" is excellent. For learning to do it on your own, check out this short free guide (they also have a good 21-day course, but it costs a few dollars).
Honestly, a lot of these replies seem to be simplifying a very complex issue. Don't take that too personally, it's very easy to stand on the sideline and shout what seems obvious.
Open relationships aren't easy. It takes a ton of trust, mistakes, fixing those mistakes, baby steps, boundary pushing, etc. You've never done this before; he's been doing it for what sounds like a long time. Of course you're unsure and scared! Of course you have negative reactions along with some hesitant positive ones! That's totally fucking normal, miss. If you think this guy is worth it, and he's been completely honest and up front this whole time, I think it's worth a shot. He'll have to work with you and go slow and be patient, but if he thinks you're worth that effort, he will make it.
Read "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton, and check out "Opening Up as well. I've found both of those to be really helpful in giving reassurance, advice, and teaching new ways to think about your relationship and to communicate with your partner.
I've been in open relationships and exclusive ones, and I've been in closed relationships that opened up for the better and visa versa. There's really no sure outcome of this, but if you both think the other is worth expanding your worldview and trying new (scary, but also trust me it can be incredibly rewarding) ways of being in love and being together... it can turn out really well. Good luck whatever you end up deciding!
I began identifying as being poly when I realized that, when I try it, monogamy simply does not work for me, and ... strangely, the relationships that do work for me, are with other people who are interested in a poly or poly like relationship dynamic. This doesn't mean when I meet people I think are cute I ask them about being poly and that effects whether or not I want to date them, it just happens to be that I meet people who are I think are cute and we start dating and then they talk to me about being poly. I guess I just have good polydar?
To me, being poly is really fucking hard, but being monogamous is even harder.
When I was in highschool, I had a huge crush on a girl, who had a crush on me. Then I met a boy, who I developed a huge crush on, who also had a crush on me, and also had a crush on the girl I had a crush on. The solution seemed so obvious to me, I couldn't understand how no one else could see it. Nothing came of this because I was a big wuss in high school.
This girl sounds like kind of a jerk, but I think you know that, You should read Opening Up and The Ethical Slut.
Some types of polyamory don't work for some people. For example, I loath being a part of a hierarchy, no matter where I am on the totem pole - but it makes sense when one couple has children together or life goals. I would never get involved in that at this point in my life. In my past relationship, I felt secure knowing my partner loved me in a completely different way than her other partner, I valued the type of love she had for me more than the type of love she had for her other partner, but I didn't need or want her to rate it.
Let's get the first thing straight: there was no assault, and from your description, he was drunk, she was drunk, he made moves on her, she shot him down, and he stopped. That is not sexual assault. Classifying it as such is a way you can justify your negative feelings towards this guy, but you are doing things a disservice by approaching the issue as such.
Next, I can tell you, as a bi man in an open marriage with a bi woman, poly, open arrangements, and other alternatives to monogamy don't work unless both parties are on board. If that is the case, both need to be educated and dedicated: educated on alternatives to monogamy and how to best institute them in the relationship, and dedicated to open communication, honoring the primary partnership, and respecting their partner/s.
In my past experience, it's very difficult to go from mono to poly or open arrangements. There's usually too much past stuff to get through that ends up projected onto the new relationship, and often times, one partner wants it more than the other. For me personally, as someone wo is not poly but is also nonmonogamous, the best relationships I have had have been when the relationship began as an open arrangement.
If you want to begin looking at poly/open/w/e options start reading and researching. Get a couples counselor. Learn how to communicate in new ways. BUT, I have to say, the way that this has been broached in your life is not the best way to get there. Tell her if she is seriously wanting to be poly, you require these things. After a month of research and meeting with a couples counselor, reconvene on the issue. If it's something you both want, then move forward. If not, time to move on.
Required reading:
http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1310242671&amp;sr=8-1
A great book to get started with, and refer back to.
http://www.amazon.com/Redefining-Our-Relationships-Guidelines-Responsible/dp/1587900157/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1310242969&amp;sr=8-1
Great little book.
http://www.amazon.com/Pagan-Polyamory-Becoming-Tribe-Hearts/dp/0738707627/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1310242671&amp;sr=8-5
This book is heavy on the woo woo, new age shit, but these people have a lot of good info, if you can separate it from the enya bullshit.
http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1310242671&amp;sr=8-8
Basically, the bible of open relationships for newbs.
http://www.amazon.com/Polyamory-Roadmaps-Clueless-Anthony-Ravenscroft/dp/1890109533/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1310242671&amp;sr=8-16
Decent
May I suggest some reading? Most of the "advice" you'll get here will try to talk you out of it.
https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379
World’s ending, might as well enjoy it
Just a tip- go for the compendiums to save quite a bit of money. You can get 1000 pages (8 books) for 32$ each, instead of 12$ a book.
http://www.amazon.ca/Walking-Dead-Compendium-1/dp/1607060760/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1397042529&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=walking+dead+compendium
If you like the first few, please considering supporting the author by buying the books.
First half is only $35 on Amazon
I just finished the first compendium. It is amazing. So much happens and it is not like the show at all. The characters are better, the action is super intense, and you dont have to wait an entire season for something to happen. Every three pages some shit goes down.
Dont buy it in a book store. It's $60. On amazon it's $35. I got lucky and got it for $30 last year.
Here you go my friend!
https://www.amazon.com/Walking-Dead-Compendium-One/dp/1607060760
This is the cheapest I could find. It's Amazon.com/Compendium 1.
Also, I've been reading since issue 1. I own 3-current in the floppies. It's really amazing how it has yet to get stale. I figured it'd end around issue 60 or so, like most 'long' continuing comics, and here we are, rounding 78, and no sign of slowing. Enjoy!
There is even a handbook for it.
https://smile.amazon.com/Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Almost-Politics/dp/1610391845?sa-no-redirect=1
I've been sort of recreationally fascinated by similar thoughts for a couple years now.
Some readings/topics I've stumbled across, not necessarily mathematical but aligned to your theme:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mechanism_design
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Myth_of_the_Rational_Voter
https://www.amazon.com/Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Almost-Politics/dp/1610391845
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Road_to_Serfdom
For anyone interested in this topic I highly recommend reading the book The Ethical Slut. The title may scare you away but the content is necessary to be able to pull off such a lifestyle. Any sort of polyamorous life requires a high level of understanding and openness. This book helps one realize that wanting polyamory is far easier than living with polyamory.
The Millionaire Next Door is outdated when it comes to specifics, but conceptually is an excellent road map for getting and maintaining wealth.
The gist is exactly what you describe: Live below your means.
You're making claims and then confidently stating the burden of proof to prove otherwise is on people who disagree.
That's not how this works...
That's not how any of this works...
In general, responsible people with high net worth don't drive expensive, imported cars. People who tend to dive luxury automobiles are the folks who might have low or high income but basically little net worth, living paycheck to paycheck or not even that but surviving off welfare provided by wealthy parents or other relatives
Source: The Millionaire Next Door
https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising-Americas/dp/1589795474
Live radically below your income level no matter what it is and invest as high a percentage as possible.
Change every habit in your life to save and invest, and not spend.
Change every habit in your life to recognize 99% of what you do is based on habit and consumption, that people have existed for 10's of thousands of years and lived on very little. Water, a bit of food and shelter. Reduce your existence to that and invest the rest.
Read "Millionaire Next Door".
Read "Habit"
It will cost you about $20. Follow them like the bible, like your compass. And in 30 days when you haven't done any of this, re-read this answer.
That's all there is to it. Follow that and you will become wealthy. There is nothing more to this, 99.9999% of humans cannot do it. And the wealthy benefit from that every day.
You're welcome.
These two books I recently read were on-topic and very good.
Green With Envy
Millionaire Next Door
There's such a stigma around introverts, and it's really unfortunate, because *there is nothing wrong with you*. If you're happy, you do you. If your partner makes you feel really guilty about it, sit down and have a real conversation with him/her about how you feel and how introverts like yourself "work" and feel happiest.
&#x200B;
Would highly suggest reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153. I think it might help you feel a little more empowered and confident in being an introvert.
This book is a good read. I highly recommend it.
Welcome to the club, also this book is awesome :
Quiet by Susan Cain http://amzn.com/0307352153
> I see what you are getting at -
I'm unconvinced of arguments involving game theory and utilitarianism. Although, it's easy to latch on to them. Going down a path of "articulated objectivism" in a world dominated by new atheists touting Science as above morality and philosophizing, there isn't much else to fall back on. So I understand why one might want to base their arguments such.
My own break from this approach involved (1) reading "The Evolution of Cooperation", which is as Game Theory and Dawkins as it gets, with its thesis based almost entirely on computer simulation, then simultaneously reading (2) Greg Mankiw's piece on "When the Scientist is Also a Philosopher", which to me was largely an admission from a top Economist, then finally (3) reading Jonathan Haidt's "The Righteous Mind" that showed me the possibility of an entirely alternate perspective. Particularly impactful were his citing of Fehr & Gachter's Altruistic Punishment in Humans, his case about Kant and Bentham being autistic - implying they weren't socially capable of understanding how people actually functioned in social settings, and his takedown of the New Atheists including Dawkins.
> in part rhetorical :)
Yes, in part, the other part being sincerely open to being convinced otherwise :) .
> I think there is so much more that ails the legal system today
What do you believe ails the legal system?
To me, Dharma is at the least evolved for India, in comparison to Western canonical law. Dharma is still well embedded in our cultural consciousness, we grow up on stories involving Dharma. If you're thinking in terms of Schelling points, Dharma should be an obvious solution to many of India's societal woes. It is at the least far more intuitive for us Hindus. Western legalese on the other hand is mostly about being "technically correct" "as per the law". Maybe it works for the West, probably because it bakes in their Schelling points, but I don't see how it's good for India.
Of course I'm not suggesting overhauling legal vocabulary, but instead, dumping vocabulary altogether. Being technically correct is not the same as being correct. Subjective judgements should be acceptable. The Western legal system, for all its rhetoric about living "by the rule of law", never got around subjective judgement of judges.
Since nobody seems to have mentioned it already, I would recommend Jonathan Haidt's The Righteous Mind. There's a lot in there, part II is most similar to this essay, he comes up with a theory of moral foundations, for which classical liberals essentially use 3 (care, fairness, liberty) and conservatives all 6. The "care/harm" foundation sounds a lot like empathy, "authority/subversion" sounds a lot like discipline.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
There is one book that helped me heal a little in life from all the trauma I experienced. The Body Keeps the Score was written by the first doctor to prescribe Prozac in America. He worked with Vietnam Vets and was part of the team who came up the PTSD diagnosis. He's worked at rape crisis centers, and at war refugee camps. He is possibly one of most trauma informed people in the world and most definitely in America.
I've experienced a lot of trauma in my life, and I've read a lot of self help books because of that. Most self help books suck. They're terrible in general, but not The Body Keeps the Score. It was, is, and has been actually helpful to me.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_4ckNDbTTQWWXX
Have you read "The Body Keeps The Score"? It's about PTSD. I haven't even finished the book, but it's been extremely helpful to me. I feel like the author gives enough facts that you can share with nonbelievers that someone else might "get" it. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Y6oPzbS1S77H4
You may have C-PTSD and as a sufferer of this, I would highly recommendThe Body Keeps the Score and Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Pete Walker's website is also a good, free reference. I have been fortunate to have access to a great counselor as a grad student and have recently gotten into the C-PTSD work, and meditation (mindfulness of breath and body scans) is an essential tool for my recovery.
Curious to know if the psychologist community has a high/low opinion of this book, as it is about the phenomena OP describes:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
I recommend reading "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." It made me realize that being an introvert and being a leader aren't mutually exclusive traits. https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&amp;ai=DChcSEwjJqZavoqDkAhUSwmQKHd5MA8MYABABGgJwag&amp;ae=1&amp;sig=AOD64_2q7IRRbFKtJCpgKaBDinfWb5ohyQ&amp;ctype=5&amp;q=&amp;ved=0ahUKEwiZzo6voqDkAhXHrZ4KHeVEDKkQwg8IPA&amp;adurl=https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153/ref%3Dasc_df_0307352153/%3Ftag%3Dhyprod-20%26linkCode%3Ddf0%26hvadid%3D312021251979%26hvpos%3D1o1%26hvnetw%3Dg%26hvrand%3D2344768118449509263%26hvpone%3D%26hvptwo%3D%26hvqmt%3D%26hvdev%3Dm%26hvdvcmdl%3D%26hvlocint%3D%26hvlocphy%3D9033317%26hvtargid%3Dpla-432395948286%26psc%3D1
Online courses are really hit or miss. Most college courses on "business" don't really teach how to start or run a small business. They either teach big business... how to work in a large corporation... or how to create a startup. Both of those are markedly different from starting and running a small business (even an online one).
There are some great books about starting and running a small business, though. Here are a few of my favorites:
Financial Intelligence for Entrepreneurs
This is an excellent book on business finances for the non-accounting types. I took accounting classes in college but never really got what all the financial reports really meant to my business' health. This will teach you what's important in the reports, what you should look out for, and how to read them. This is critically important for a small business owner to understand, even if you plan to hire a bookkeeper and accountant.
The E-myth Revisited by Michael Gerber
Awesome book about building systems in your business to really grow it to the point where it's not just a job for the owner. It's easy to read and probably one of the top 5 business books of all time.
Entreleadership by Dave Ramsey
This is a good book and covers several different aspects of entrepreneurship from hiring and managing employees to marketing, setting the vision, etc. It's hokey at times, but is a good read.
The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People by Stephen Covey
Not necessarily a "small business" book, but easily my top #1 book recommendation of all time. It's hugely applicable to any professional, or anyone really. I re-read this book every couple of years and still get more out of it after almost 20 years.
Getting Things Done by David Allen
THE productivity book. Even if you only absorb and implement 25% of the strategies in this book it will make a huge difference in your level of productivity. It's really the game-changing productivity system. This is one of the biggest problems with small business owners - too much to do and no organization. Great read.
At the risk of sounding complacement, maybe India isn't in need of dire saving. After decades of being in the doldrums, it's finally rising at a quite rapid pace. GDP per capita is starting to reach critical mass. India in 2020 will be where China was in the year 2010 according to the IMF(PPP-adjusted).
So its just a decade behind. A big concern is the slowdown in jobs growth. That would cause significant instability if the trend persisted, given that India has about 1 million new entrants into the labor market every single month.
If you look at absolute povery measured by the world bank, the numbers have come down dramatically. India's TFR will also basically converge to replacement rate levels by 2020, something which is necessary to avoid instability and more rapidly increase the wealth of each citizen.
Chidabaram had an interesting talk recently where he talked about India today and its potential. He essentially said neither India nor China could ever reach Western levels of prosperity on a per-capita basis. I wouldn't be so certain. The main constraint today is energy, specifically oil.
That can be overcome(see EVs). Then you have food and whatnot, but that will be possible to bypass by growing your own food in a lab. Water usage can still be streamlined far more than it is today, even in most developed countries. Add to this the general decline in violence over the past several millenia, and you have a decent foundation to build prosperity on. The major risk out there is climate change.
https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/07pdf/07-290.pdf
https://www.amazon.com/This-Nonviolent-Stuffll-Get-Killed/dp/082236123X/
https://www.amazon.com/Better-Angels-Our-Nature-Violence/dp/0143122010/
https://www.amazon.com/Gunfight-Battle-Over-Right-America/dp/0393345831
https://www.amazon.com/Living-Guns-Liberals-Second-Amendment/dp/1610391691/
https://www.amazon.com/More-Guns-Less-Crime-Understanding/dp/0226493660/
https://www.amazon.com/Origin-Second-Amendment-Documentary-Commentaries/dp/0962366439
https://www.amazon.com/Armed-America-Remarkable-Became-American/dp/1595552847
https://www.amazon.com/Keep-Bear-Arms-Origins-Anglo-American/dp/0674893077
https://www.amazon.com/Targeting-Guns-Firearms-Control-Institutions/dp/0202305694
https://www.amazon.com/Second-Amendment-Biography-Michael-Waldman/dp/147674744X
> all the worlds religions and ethnicities should stop being jerks to each other. However, that seems unlikely.
It's very likely. It's been happening throughout history. It's happened while wealth inequality increased, as in the Pacification Process, when warring bands of relatively egalitarian foragers unified into larger, more stratified farming states.
> If we look at a lot of wars in the world we can see that its rich people (US Army) killing people with much less money.
I don't think wealth inequality causes that kind of violence at all. Except maybe indirectly, in that USA thinks they can get away with killing Iraqis, because Iraqis are too poor to defend themselves. And if you can force the rich to give away their money to the poor, surely you can just force the rich to not kill the poor.
Anyway, it's not that the rich hate the poor, for being poor, and so go out of their way to hurt the poor. If anything, this is an argument for more free markets. Allow the rich to benefit from "exploiting" (aka employing) the poor, so they won't want to fight the poor.
I liked this one on body language and this one on persuasion.
I've used two primary sources:
These 2 books are recommended, I know of no movies so my apologies:
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1341904950&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Body+language
http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1341904950&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=Body+language
If you cannot afford them, feel free to PM me and I'll message you the PDF dl links. : )
Chronic bitch face isn't easy to get over but I've found that smiling with your eyes and making eye contact can do wonders. Also, this book has helped me a lot in appearing more confident and, as a result, more friendly and open.
Getting Things Done
It took me years of seeing people recommend this book over and over before I picked up a copy and read it. I wish I'd done it sooner. I even got my boss to pay for a copy to keep at work, and bought a copy for my Kindle for home.
Getting into the GTD "groove" takes a while - losing old habits and forming new ones always does - but even if you implement his plan halfway and imperfectly, you'll be twice as organized and productive as you are now.
Say no more, fam.
You don't need a degree to run a business. Having your own business allows you to experiment with these books first hand instead of taking some professor's word for it. Professor's usually just read what the book says. If they were actually good at running a business they'd probably be doing that.
If you want to hire someone, you probably want a life coach. If you're looking for someone who will help you on many of these angles, that would be a life coach. Someone with a more detached, professional view of your life who can provide motivation, a sounding board, accountability, etc.
Now, seeing as you are broke AF, I'm not sure if a life coach is affordable. So if you want to DIY this, I have a couple of suggestions.
The value for you in Getting Things Done (GTD) is the initial collection, processing and organization phase, along with the workflow habits it can build. That initial process of gathering up all this stuff that has accumulated in your life over the past year you've been unable to work and deciding what you're going to do with it should be helpful in getting you moving forward again.
But where GTD kind of falls down in my opinion is in deciding what you are going to do and providing structure in how your organize your tasks. And I think both of those are provided much better in Agile Results. That system has a much more intentional process of laying out a vision for your year, month, week, and day that makes working through all your goals and the accumulated backlog easier.
The one that changed my life the most was Getting Things Done by David Allen. This book taught me how to turn all of my various ideas into concrete actions.
http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0142000280
This book changed my life
> I think there's not enough writing out there taking a look at the totally understandable emotional reasons why people engage in identity politics.
You're looking for Jonathan Haidt. There's also a TED talk.
Haidt points out that there are six moral "receptors", similar to senses, and that conservatives experience all six, while liberals focus primarily experience only two.
Each of these moral receptors can be exploited. We are hard-wired to respond to these set-points and base our decisions on those gut feelings. We use our intellect (especially on Reddit!) to justify those emotional decisions, not to question them.
Liberals are not going to change their settings. However, they can become better at this game and learn to trigger the four missing receptors to better bring conservatives over to their pet causes.
For example, why don't conservatives respond to the statement: "Trump should release his taxes?" Liberals see this as an issue of fairness and pretty much only fairness - everyone else did it, it's good for the majority to have the information, why is this even a question?
Conservatives bring in a whole host of other moral flavors. They are loyal to Trump. They respect his authority. They believe fairness is about proportionality, so because Trump is rich, he must also be good (those with the most assets have earned a right to lead). All of these cross-currents prevent them from supporting something that is obviously beneficial to society.
Until liberal learn to trigger those switches, they will continue to lose elections. We are ultimately still monkeys.
I'm reading a really interesting book right now that talks about the origins of morality, and how they likely have come about because to flourish we need to be a society, and to be a society, we need to think about the greater good.
I know that probably wouldn't go over well with some religious folks, but I'd take it back WAY past prehistory (which some religious folks might also find objectionable), and talk about early man working in groups.
I really enjoy trying to come up with a reasonable and rational argument that at the same time isn't offensive. It's a unique challenge, but I find the results pretty beneficial for my own thought.
Edit: Dur, the name of the book is The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion
[Edit : Formatting, links]
Well, it's hard to do this over facebook/online, especially if the other people are already feeling defensive. "Once you engage the psychology of teams, it shuts down open minded thinking" J. Haidt.
But in general:
First, you have to understand the other person and your own beliefs. And you have to appeal to intuition (emotion) as much or more than to reasoning.
This article is a good introduction to understanding this approach: Reasons Matter (When Intuitions Don’t Object)
Haidt wrote a book, The Righteous Mind, that covers this topic in depth. What's good about his approach is that he uses experiments in Sociology and Psychology to explain and understand ourselves and each other.
He did a TED talk before he finished the book so it's not as complete, but it's also a good introduction: The moral roots of liberals and conservatives
---
Here's a review of The Righteous Mind:
You’re smart. You’re liberal. You’re well informed. You think conservatives are narrow-minded. You can’t understand why working-class Americans vote Republican. You figure they’re being duped. You’re wrong.
This isn’t an accusation from the right. It’s a friendly warning from Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist at the University of Virginia who, until 2009, considered himself a partisan liberal. In “The Righteous Mind,” Haidt seeks to enrich liberalism, and political discourse generally, with a deeper awareness of human nature. Like other psychologists who have ventured into political coaching, such as George Lakoff and Drew Westen, Haidt argues that people are fundamentally intuitive, not rational. If you want to persuade others, you have to appeal to their sentiments. But Haidt is looking for more than victory. He’s looking for wisdom. That’s what makes “The Righteous Mind” well worth reading. Politics isn’t just about manipulating people who disagree with you. It’s about learning from them.
...
To the question many people ask about politics — Why doesn’t the other side listen to reason? — Haidt replies: We were never designed to listen to reason. When you ask people moral questions, time their responses and scan their brains, their answers and brain activation patterns indicate that they reach conclusions quickly and produce reasons later only to justify what they’ve decided. The funniest and most painful illustrations are Haidt’s transcripts of interviews about bizarre scenarios. Is it wrong to have sex with a dead chicken? How about with your sister? Is it O.K. to defecate in a urinal? If your dog dies, why not eat it? Under interrogation, most subjects in psychology experiments agree these things are wrong. But none can explain why.
The problem isn’t that people don’t reason. They do reason. But their arguments aim to support their conclusions, not yours. Reason doesn’t work like a judge or teacher, impartially weighing evidence or guiding us to wisdom. It works more like a lawyer or press secretary, justifying our acts and judgments to others. Haidt shows, for example, how subjects relentlessly marshal arguments for the incest taboo, no matter how thoroughly an interrogator demolishes these arguments. ...
On killing. By Lt. Col. Dave Grossman. http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0316040932
I think the censorship news is a bit of a media beatup TBH. That said, I think the whole censorship system in Australia needs an overhaul. My attitudes to censorship have changed significantly vis-a-vis first person shooters since I finished reading Dave Grossman's On Killing.
Edited because I am retarded. Then I had to edit again because I can't spell edited without checking.
He has a few books. In particular:
Propagating the myth that killing is easy even for trained and well-regimented soldiers.
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
You need to read http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
"The good news is that most soldiers are loath to kill. But armies have developed sophisticated ways of overcoming this instinctive aversion. And contemporary civilian society, particularly the media, replicates the army's conditioning techniques, and, according to Lt. Col. Dave Grossman's thesis, is responsible for our rising rate of murder among the young."
This book gives you some perspective about the science behind making people to kill and that way "part of the group" - and why it is thought to be necessary. I would not be surprised if same kind of "science" would be part of intelligence "training". Which is quite scary thought.
There's a lot of material about that kind of behaviour in On Killing
Several years ago at our introductory fall faculty meeting (where we also introduce brand new faculty to everyone), our head of counseling services addressed the faculty body with the following remarks:
"I cant tell you the medications these students are on but it's scary."
"The next Virginia Tech shooter is on our campus right now."
Were I prone to believe his hysteria, I would carry on campus whether legal or not. However, he struck me as not terribly competent (and maybe sampling some of the students' meds himself) and my interactions with students, even the obviously not all healthy ones, does not make me overly concerned for my safety. It helps that I have nearly 20 years of a particular type of training that emphasizes awareness and peaceful resolution.
But that lads to me address a common refrain I see whenever this topic arises, that only faculty with military/police training should CC on campus. The presumption is that they are properly trained, but that training is disparate. Active duty police only hit what they fire at ~30% of the time (compared to 10% for gang members, I believe but I cannot find that study readily). Military infantry tend to be much higher (~70% iirc), but we tend to stereotype everyone in the army as infantry. One friend of mine spent 20 years in aviation repair work and even though he was deployed never came anywhere close to firing a weapon. He had the basic training and then that was it. However, I also grew up in a rural area where shooting was as common as grilling out or hiking. I knew several people who are experts in firearms who are not "government trained." Many of them I don't think are psychologically ready to handle having to potentially take a life, but several are. u/Geometer99 mentioned the PTSD that would come with having to shoot someone (much less a student you know) and that is very real. One of my combat veteran friends recommended a text written by a military officer and Psychology Ph.D. about that topic and how hard it is for >90% of people to actually shoot at another person. The book is called On Killing and was a very interesting read if a bit redundant between some chapters. It was very fascinating to learn about conditioning (and de-conditioning) techniques used by militaries and other groups.
When it comes to my colleagues, most of my colleagues could not fathom operating a firearm and many are afraid of weapons; there are a tiny handful I would trust. One has several years of military training from his home country. Another has the demeanor. Another trains in the same program I do. But we all have something else in common; I don't think we would carry on campus unless condition were so horrible as to make the likelihood of needing immediate lethal protection readily available. Fortunately, college campuses are very safe and violent incidents are very rare and the climate is not conducive to needing a firearm. My campus borders a really bad area of town and has had a few incidents (and I know several students have weapons on campus). It did only take them two years to park a police cruiser in the parking lot on the edge of campus where the drug deals commonly happened and armed robberies happened fairly often too. But even with that mixing of college and town elements, it has been fairly secure (just don't leave valuables in your car in the far lot). I and my colleagues don't need firearms. But niggling in the back of my contrarian mind is that absence of need should not equate to ban...
Here's what's been recommended the past few times this has been brought up.
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1298858799&amp;sr=8-1
I know you didn't ask but I'm going to recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668
I picked up that book and I've been reading it. I've been a sysadmin for 10 years and the book is teaching me things. I'm impressed thus far. It's written the way that I want books to be written.
>I believe I understand the science behind procrastination, but I just can't seem to apply any methods to my life.
Do you have a ticketing system? No. Then, roll a ticketing system with email pickup. OTRS or RT.
If yes, immediately put in place a SOP(standard operating procedure) company wide, that all requests with the exception if critical ops are down, that all requests go through the ticketing system. Back that up with action. With no action, unless it comes through the ticketing system.
>I am the only IT guy at a 80+ user company (which is pretty lax most of the time). Because our ERP software is terrible (Which I didn't choose and constantly argue to get rid of)
You accepted the position and all its responsibilities. Stop trying to change what is and accept that yes you have a POS ERP solution. You're fighting the wrong way. You should be asking yourself how can I make this ERP work for me, instead of fighting to get rid of it.
>I spend most of my time at work generating SQL queries for basic user requests such as order statistics and the like. It turned me into a IT zombie where I procrastinate on all my IT projects unless it's directly in my face.
Can you not automate these procedures? Perhaps scripts users can execute on their own to for order statistics and the like?
> Before I started 4 years ago, I was always reading IT books and going to college and was enjoying learning and experimenting. Now, I almost feel afraid to read about new things or refresh my knowledge because I know I've been out of touch for so long.
You are spending too much trying to figure out the same things day in and day out. You need to start using a ticketing system religiously and start documenting everything. Everything.
> This gives me constant anxiety even while at home, knowing that there are a lot of things I need to work on but haven't in months, such as fully setting up vCenter/vMotion, Configuring the PS SAN array properly, etc. Whenever I try to work on a project, I feel it requires so many prerequisites, let it be knowledge/reading manuals or running out of network ports on a switch, that I'm in a constant juggle of accomplishing nothing.
As munky9001 said you need to let go of work when you leave work. With the policy and ticketing system in place. You can then only respond to operation crit emergencies. Then, when you get in the next day all your open tickets will be in your face to remind you what to do.
> I'm wondering if anyone out there has experienced a sense of losing flow and confidence as a sysadmin and what they did to get back in the game?
Every sysadmin has. You aren't growing enough and just dealing with the same bs. You need to prioritize, organize and document.
The way I attack my ticketing queue:
I also recommend reading:
http://www.amazon.com/Management-System-Administrators-Thomas-Limoncelli/dp/0596007833
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1344483754&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=the+practice+of+system+and+network+administration
A short version of both, at least read this.
http://everythingsysadmin.com/the-test.html
The Practice of System and Network Administration Second Edition. Filled with great advice. amazon
There are several books on the topic:
etc.
>Did they know that parts of what they were writing were false, or were they writing about what they had been told and believed?
The bible consists of oral traditions being written down, people adding and rewriting stuff, as well as complete forgeries to serve political agendas.
If we're going to get into the Bible as the source for a description of god, then we certainly have an issue. Which Bible are you reading? If its one of the millions of Bibles in the US, then its likely an English translation, and it isn't actually describing the god worshiped by Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. For that, we have to go back to the Canaanite religion, which we've learned about from clay tablets found at the Ras Shamra site. The Canaanites were polytheists who worshiped a great number of gods. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were primarily followers of El Shaddai, "God of the Mountains", another name for El Elyon, or "God Most High". El Elyon appears to Abraham in human form at one point. Jacob is described as asking El Elyon to become his elohim, or primary god, in order that he might receive special protection. He also climbs a ladder to heaven and speaks with El Elyon in person, and later even wrestles with El Elyon.
Its also not the god of Moses. Moses was a follower of Yahweh, the war god of the ancient Israelites. Yahweh wasn't a Canaanite god, but he also wasn't a monotheistic god. In the (likely mythical) story of Exodus, the Israelites even note after gaining their freedom "Who among the gods
is like you, Yahweh?
Who is like you—
majestic in holiness,
awesome in glory,
working wonders?." (Exodus 15:11) It helps the verses make more sense to get the full context; upon reaching the promised land, the Israelites stray and worship other gods. That seems silly in today's version; why worship Baal or Asherah when you know that there is only THE LORD? But when you realize that Yahweh was just the war god, as Ares was to the Greeks, it makes more sense. Once you're no longer in a time of trouble, why not worship Baal (god of fertility and storms) or Asherah (the mother goddess) instead of Yahweh (god of the armies)? And its a lot more obvious why the Old Testament god was so obsessed with blood and death; he was the war god, like Ares.
Yahweh didn't become the primary god of Israel until the reign of King Josaih, a strict Yahwist, in about 640 BCE. This was the period of the Deuteronomic reforms; it was at this time that the book of Deuteronomy was "found" in the temple, supposedly a new book of law written by Moses that placed Yahweh above all other gods. However, its rather convenient timing and the linguistic signature indicate that it was actually a forgery, created for political expediency. Even here, though, there is still evidence of polytheism, in the Ten Commandments themselves. "6 I am Yahweh your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 7 You shall have no other gods before me." (Deuteronomy 5:6-7)
Only in about 570 BCE, when the Israelites were exiled into Babylon, did the monotheistic god "the LORD" appear. An author known as Second Isaiah had his words appended on to the original Isaiah, the book of Leviticus was authored, and the history of Israel was rewritten to say that El Elyon and Yahweh were the same god, and that this god was the only god. The other books extant at the time were rewritten to make it look like there had only ever been one god of Israel. So despite the story saying that this god has always existed, he only appears in the archaeological record 2600 years ago.
A very different picture appears when you know where all the stories came from, and put them in their proper historical context. The Old Testament just screams polytheism, even through the multiple rewrites and translations. I recommend A History of God by Karen Armstrong for more details. Or, you can find a good summary on YouTube from Evid3nc3.
so_yeah does a great job clarifying the reason; if (as we do) you assume that the supernatural aspects of the bible are inaccurate, the logical next step is to examine the non-supernatural claims (the purely historical ones) to see if they are also flawed. After all, if you believe some portion of a source document is flawed, you should also examine the rest to look for more flaws.
If you are interested in the factual, historical, literary origins of the bible, I would highly recommend "The History of God" by Karen Armstrong (link)
It details academically the history of the authors, the events, and the social and political pressures which shaped the creation of different components of the 3 main western monotheistic religions (Christianity/Judaism/Islam). Highlights include:
It's very dry and intellectual, but I can't recommend a better book when it comes to understanding the origins of western monotheism. It is absolutely not a "new atheist" book written in an attempt to disprove individual stories or facets of the bible, rather it assumes from the start that many stories are some combination of fact and fiction, and focuses instead on the contemporary (at that time) reasons they were written and the factors that caused them to take hold, as well as how and why they mutated over time.
TL;DR: The social and political history of western religion, and how it influenced the creation and adoption of individual stories and theological tenets.
Oh yeah; I was brainwashed hardcore. Ever heard of A Beka? I'll bet you have...
It's like any grieving process; it takes about a year, so you're getting close. Not that there's a sudden change but it does get easier.
There are some things you can do to help the process along.
Before you do anything, order this book. It's a short read and it will set your soul free.
Stay involved in your Christian friend's lives. Hang out with them; talk to them about religion. You'll quickly figure out what friends are worth keeping around. Also meet some new friends! Start building a community that isn't based on faith.
Stay in touch with your family. Don't cut them out of your life. You need family, even if they're kinda fucked up. You're going to have to deal with religion again, but make sure they understand you aren't hanging out with them to be preached at. And remember, family is more than just blood relations, especially just the immediate ones.
Lastly, but of utmost importance, educate yourself on religion. Learn more about Christianity than Christians do. Focus on religious history and learn to interpret the bible using higher criticism. Karen Armstrong is a good start for a lot of people, her book A History of God is a bit of an informal "Religion 101" textbook.
Hang in there!
Dude, you need to research your shit. Stop this apathy and get some knowledge, it's the only thing that I know of that can stop the guilt your feeling.
The witnesses are wrong in a lot of ways, you made a really good step by joining this board. You need to be the change you want to see, research the bible and history, figure out what you actually believe and learn it well enough that you can defend it.
This will help you get over the guilt, IDK what to do about your family situation. That is something else entirely but I think its a really good idea for you to gain some real knowledge about the witnesses past and about their theology.
I recommend starting with "The History of God" by Karen Armstrong: http://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563
Its a great book, easy read, and I think it will help a lot. Good luck brother.
http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/wiki/recommended/reading
http://smile.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563/
http://smile.amazon.com/Descartes-Baby-Science-Development-Explains/dp/0465007864
http://smile.amazon.com/God-Delusion-Richard-Dawkins/dp/0618918248/
http://smile.amazon.com/Breaking-Spell-Religion-Natural-Phenomenon/dp/0143038338/
And so many more.
For a good beginner book that I think explains things well, look at Headfirst Java.
http://www.amazon.com/Head-First-Java-2nd-Edition/dp/0596009208
Very Good is the book 'Head First Java'
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0596009208/ref=redir_mdp_mobile
If he's at all serious, he needs this
Also, this is a very useful and fascinating book.
http://www.amazon.ca/Food-Cooking-Science-Lore-Kitchen/dp/0684800012
Is what you want... For like $50 you get a lot!... It's called 'On Food and Cooking' by Harold Mcgee... It's totally amazing
On Food and Cooking, Harold McGee, 70€ auf Deutsch oder 26€ auf Englisch.
Keine Rezepte, ausser ein paar historische zum besseren Verständnis. Erklärt zu allen möglichen Zutaten und Techniken die Geschichte und was lebensmittelchemisch passiert verständlich. Am besten mal bei der englischen Ausgabe "Blick in's Buch" um sich ein Bild zu machen.
Buy the book that Alton Brown stole all his material from: https://www.amazon.com/Food-Cooking-Science-Lore-Kitchen/dp/0684800012
It's got a whole lot of very good info.
Harold McGee is like the master of knowledge of all things cooking.
If you found this interesting, check out his book On Food and Cooking
it’s basically an encyclopedia of the science behind cooking. One of my favorite books. And a James Beard award winner
I'll recommend McGee's On Food and Cooking. It's a good read, but not quite a textbook. It's complete enough to be, but not quite structured that way. On the other hand, it's also not priced like one.
Be sure to get the latest edition revised and updated in 2004:
http://www.amazon.com/On-Food-Cooking-Science-Kitchen/dp/0684800012/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1347904066&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+food+and+cooking
http://www.amazon.com/The-Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198
Stop right there!
I am being absolutely serious when I say this. You need to get the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker and read it cover to cover immediately. The author runs a company in Hollywood protecting celebrities from crazed fans. This book is essentially a how-to guide to protect yourself from workplace shootings, stalkers, and other dangerous individuals. And don't give me that "I am sure it is nothing" line. If there is even a one percent of one percent of one percent chance this could turn into something dangerous, you NEED to be informed.
I am not joking.
I already see four maybe five warning signs just in the little you have posted so far. You have to inform yourself on recognizing behaviors. If this somehow does escalate, you may have only hours or minutes to recognize what is going on and prepare for it. Coming back to Reddit and waiting for an answer simply wont be fast enough. You have to have that knowledge in your head.
Heck man. Send me your amazon wishlist account through private message and I will buy the book for you. Express overnight shipping on me.
Gavin de Becker writes about these concepts in his books.
Protecting the Gift:
The Gift of Fear:
I agree that taking action and creating a paper trail is a great idea. However, please keep one thing in mind.
For the truly obsessed stalkers, the legitimately crazy ones, often a restraining order will actually escalate their craziness. I read a great book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker [(here's the link of you want it)] (http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198), and one thing he gives many examples of is stalkers escalating after someone takes out a restraining order. He explains it better than I could, but essentially the reason for this is that the restraining order recognizes him, and by recognizing him in a sense it legitimizes his contact. Mr. de Becker believes that the best way to take care of a stalker is to completely cut them out of your life. Refuse to interact with them on any level whatsoever. He says that after a few months of this the stalker will usually move on, unfortunately often to another target, but sometimes not.
A bit of consolation: it's only a tiny subset of stalkers that are potentially violent. Just going by statistics your sister is probably safe. Of course, the chance remains that he is potentially violent, and since it is a possibility it's up to you as her brother, and the rest of your family, to keep her safe.
Basically, don't take any chances, but don't panic either. Good luck to you guys.
Every response usually helps to prolong the period of contact, since it can indicate to the person that they still have your attention and may make them feel like they have control over the situation in that they can force you to acknowledge them. Ignoring them may escalate the situation in that they will show up to confront you in person. In my situation, I had to move. I was somehow considered the rude one since I didn't bend over backwards to acknowledge someone who ignored my request to be left alone, and there was no proof of a physical threat so I couldn't file a restraining order in my particular state. Keep a record of everything and please stay safe. I walked with my phone in hand to quickly speed dial family or friends when he showed up on my commute home after work. Call the police when he shows up where you live or work so they have an established record of his behavior, even if they can't arrest him or prevent him from approaching you. It might also be helpful to read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker if this blows up even further; there is an entire section concerning stalkers and individuals who can't take "no" as an answer. I wish you the best!
Do not meet or communicate with her; that will only tell her that if she wants contact with you, all she has to do is pester you for X number of days.
It just reinforces her toxic behavior.
Get yourself a copy of Gavin De Becker’s “The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence”.
> Idk what came over me at that moment but I ran, ran outside the apartment
No. You do know what came over you. You had the gift of fear. You were in immediate danger of a violent threat and took action to protect yourself from it.
amazon.ca/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
&#x200B;
There you go.
There's a book called The Gift of Fear, which I often see recommended. It teaches you how to listen to your own instincts and overcome the social conditioning women get to "make nice" rather than "be rude" even to predators.
I hope this helps you. Good luck to you!
The Bible is the current state of an ongoing collaborative editing effort on an epic story purporting both to explain everything and tell people how they should act.
Star Trek analogy
By "ongoing collaborative editing effort," consider something like the Star Trek canon. It started with Gene Roddenberry and his first TV episode, continued to be expanded and revised by him, and then other people have contributed further series, scripted spin-off movies and fan fiction. Especially if you include the fan faction, you'll see that ST is complex, self-contradictory, and frequently illogical.
We know all this because we have detailed written histories on Roddenberry and Star Trek. But now imagine the following:
The actual history of the Bible
(to the extent that we can know it)
Bible scholars and historians have managed to piece together much of the history of the Bible using textual analysis and cross-referencing historical sources.
Very roughly and as far as we know, the Bible is Old Testament ("the Jewish Bible") with contributions from roughly 1000 BC to 0 BC plus the New Testament "the Christian sequel to the Jewish Bible" with contributions from roughly 30 AD to 400 AD.
The history of the OT is explained very well by Karen Armstrong in A History of God. A sneak preview of that explanation can be gleaned from this video and continued here. Note that the "Jewish Bible" includes a lot of material from cultures before the Jewish one, including (off the top of my head) Sumerian, Egyptian and Canaanite religious mythology.
Judaism took a new turn with the arrival of Jesus (so the story goes) and branched off into a whole new franchise which generated a flurry of new stories during the collapse of the Roman Empire. Lots of detail about those books can be found by Googling for Bart Ehrman's books or videos.
Individual contributions
For the OT, writing style and other historic details lead researchers to believe that its books were created mostly by 5 main authors, whom we know only by letters assigned to them. That they were all written by Moses is part of the myth and not supported by the evidence. These guys didn't just neatly write one chunk each, but later ones redacted the work of earlier ones for consistency and updated ideology. For example, early versions supported ideas about multiple gods.
The NT consists of letters ("epistles") by Paul of Tarsus, undoubtedly Christianity's greatest PR man, who worked hard to get followers of Christ in the Roman Empire to adhere to a common story; and of a selected and vetted subset of the "Jesus stories" ("gospels") written by (presumably) 4 main authors. These authors are known by names identical to those of 4 of Jesus' apostles but we can be pretty sure they weren't the same people. As best we know, the gospel authors never met Jesus personally, as they all wrote decades after his death. Many, many other gospels were not included. There's also some other material whose origin I don't remember - consult Ehrmann or Wikipedia for that!
----
This is a summary off the top of my head. I probably botched up some details. Corrections welcome!
Some related reading
Confessions of an Economic Hit Man
Well, Trump wants to bring back Reagan era policies. I'm not projecting to the future so much as I'm remembering the past. I get that you're upset by this - I am too. But my being upset doesn't change what he's saying.
Also, if you feel like reading from an authoritative, first hand source, I strongly suggest Confessions of an Economic Hitman. The ways in which we manipulated and stole from other countries makes this look like a small time smash & grab operation. Separately if you've never heard of a banana republic (not the brand) you should read about United fruit. In that case it wasn't about forcing people to buy at a given rate, it was about forcing people to sell to us at a given rate. But it's the same difference.
I'm not defending the horrific nature of the plan. I am only arguing the point that it works to create jobs. It creates lots of other things too, like war.
All the code is up on github here, so feel free to poke around. If you have specific questions about the architecture or design I wouldn't mind answering those, but I don't have the time to walk you through everything line-by-line. If you need that kind of instruction I would refer you to the fantastic open.gl tutorials for OpenGL related stuff and a project oriented tutorial-style book like this one for Java for general programming concepts if you're just getting started. I'm not familiar with anything similar for C/C++ but perhaps someone can chime in with suggestions.
I studied for about 4-5 months. I work as an admin now with a little dev experience. Got about an 80-85% on the test. Here is what I did.
So, first, and I realize this isn't exactly comforting, but there will be a freak out time no matter what. There will be some time where you feel like the world is ending, and no matter what you do, it will still feel that way. It was that way for me (though we aren't the same, so maybe your experience will differ): every night, up late, praying and sweating and crying. Is there someone in the real world you can talk to? Having a meat body to grab onto for comfort is huge. Also, I wish I'd known about Reddit (not sure if it existed yet) when I went through my biz. This subreddit would have been amazing.
Ironically, part of what pushed me out of Christianity was learning more about it: being really on fire for it. When you learn church history from the church, it's very skewed and specialized, but when you step out of that and examine it from an objective historical point of view, things get crazy. And more calming.
In case you missed it elsewhere in this thread, John Shelby Spong was very comforting for me.
I think A History of God gets mentioned on this sub at least once a day. It's not an easy read, but immensely illuminating as it shows that, essentially, the guy we call god with a capital G is really just a lesser Canaanite deity worshiped by an insane shepherd. But because of Abraham's weird life, all of western history plays out.
It's been awhile since I read Jesus Interrupted, but if I remember correctly, it's about how what the historical Jesus probably said (because we can't possibly know) has been manipulated by history to satisfy different political goals.
Zealot tries to recreate to the best of the author's ability Jesus' world, the philosophies he grew up with, and the philosophies he most likely would have taught. Some parts of this read like an amazing novel, and it has some crazy historical stuff. It really blew my mind.
I read Pagan Christianity right at the start of my dark night. I've mentioned it before, and it confirmed a lot of my suspicions about Christianity actually being fancied up paganism (Zealot discusses that a little as well). It's written from very much a contemporary Christian perspective, so it has some errors that drive me nuts: i.e. Jesus almost certainly wouldn't have ever meant he and god were literally the same, because no half-serious Jewish person of any era would assert that.
It's stupid late where I am (and my toddler already makes sure I'm constantly sleep deprived), so the last thing I'll leave you with:
When I was going through my "dark night of the soul," I still considered myself Christian afterward for quite awhile. It's just that the kind of Christian I felt I had become was so radically different from what I had been that it warranted night sweats and crying. Since then, each progressive deconversion has been less and less painful by magnitudes. But while I was going through it, I kept thinking about a quote in some book I'd read about how, "God made you with the brain you have, the talents you have, the interests you have, and the curiosity you have: pursue that and glorify god." I reasoned (and I feel this is pretty solid) that if god were real, he'd have to be so outside our everyday experience that no one is getting it right; because if he weren't that alien to us, if he was even slightly comprehensible, he couldn't be god. And if god were real, he'd (it?) know how incomprehensible he is, and unless he were insane or evil, he couldn't possibly be just in punishing us for doing whatever we thought was best and in good conscience. The process was still painful, but it definitely made me feel better about ripping off that hairy band-aid.
If you don't already, I'd recommend writing as you go through all this. If you can stomach it, put it some place public, like a blog, so people can bear witness.
Dammit. I said I was going to bed 20 minutes ago.
Sorry-but-not-sorry for the wall of text.
A History of God: The 4,000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam
Here is a quick synopsis.
I've always enjoyed Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman, and I think it's great for non-scientists. It's essentially a collection of short stories, which could be nice for quick reads or just before bed.
If you like that, you should buy this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041
Richard Feynman was an amazing person.
https://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041
The section on magnets starts at 3:55, but there's a great explanation of the difficulty of "why" questions at the beginning.
P.S. I'd like to take this opportunity to recommend Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman, if anyone hasn't read it yet. There's also a larger hardcover compilation containing that work and a few others called Classic Feynman (this is the edition I have). He was an amazing person, and there are all sorts of spectacular stories about his time on the Manhattan Project, about investigating the Challenger disaster, and about selecting textbooks out for the California school curriculum (this section may make you rage).
I can't remember if these were both in his book, but you should absolutely read: Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!
Personal research, mostly. I'm a big history nerd with a slant toward religion and other macabre subject matter. I'm actually not as well read as I'd like to be on these subjects, and I basically blend different sources into a knowledge smoothie and pour it out onto a page and see what works for me and what doesn't.
I'll list a few books I've read that I enjoyed. There are certainly more here and there, but these are the "big ones" I was citing when writing all the comments in this thread. I typically know more about Christianity than the other major faiths because of the culture around me.
Christianity: The First Three Thousand Years - Diarmaid MacCulloch
A History of God: The 4,000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam - Karen Armstrong
The next two balance each other out quite well. Hardline anti-theism contrasted with "You know, maybe we can make this work".
The Case for God - Karen Armstrong
The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins
Lately, I have been reading the Stoics, which like Buddhism, I find to be one of the more personally palatable philosophies of mind I have come across, although I find rational contemplation a bit more accessible to my Westernized nature.
Stoic Philosophy of Seneca: Essays and Letters - Translated by Moses Hadas
Discourses and Selected Writings (of Epictetus) - Translated by Robert Dobbin
The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius - Translated by George Long
I'm still waiting on Fed Ex to deliver this one:
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy - William B. Irvine
Also, if you're into history in general, a nice primer for what sorts of things to dive into when poking around history is this fun series on YouTube. I usually watch a video then spend a while reading more in depth about whatever subject is covered that week in order to fill the gaps. Plus, John and Hank are super awesome. The writing is superb and I think, most importantly, he presents an overall argument for why studying history is so important because of its relevance to current events.
Crash Course: World History - John Green
This book deconverted me.
A History of God: The 4000 Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam
--Karen Armstrong
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!
Autobiography of esteemed physicist Richard Feynman. Though obviously his specialty is in physics, these recollections of his life touch upon pretty much all scientific disciplines- mathematics, biology, computer science, etc- but it has more to do with how to think about things scientifically rather than cold hard science. A must read for anyone, scientist or non-scientist.
I read about these in Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!
Neat little book.
his books - start here - http://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041
There's a better copy in here:
http://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041
Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan.
It really does a good job of explaining why science and critical thinking are important to society and why it is dangerous to reject them or to be ignorant of them.
https://www.amazon.com/Demon-Haunted-World-Science-Candle-Dark/dp/0345409469
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! by Richard Feynman.
It is a very witty and entertaining collection of Dr. Feynman's personal anecdotes and reminds us that scientists are people just like everyone else.
https://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1498402289&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=surely+you%27re+joking+mr.+feynman
I think that you should look into Richard Feynman. This man was a truly influential member of the scientific community. There are several books about his life and findings. I think that all engineers should envy his lust for balance.
I think that the most interesting thing about him is his passion for his children. They were truly the center of what he focused on and that intellectual curiosity is reflected in his offspring.
I don't know what else I need to write to convince you to read books about his life; however, I will claim that learning about this man has made me into a better engineer, son, and SO. Just thinking about this book gives me goosebumps because I appreciated it so much.
Cleaner URL: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0393316041/
May I recommend you read "Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman!", a fantastic book.
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman by Richard Feynman.
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!.
First of all, can I just say how much I love giving and receiving book recommendations? I was a religious studies major in college (and was even a T.A. in the World Religions class) so, this is right up my alley. So, I'm just going to take a seat in front of my book cases...
General:
Christianity:
Judaism:
Islam:
Buddhism:
Taoism:
Atheism:
Actually there is a good book that answers your question.
http://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563
Here is an 15 video summarizing the ideals of the book that the current god came from a mixture from the polytheistic gods of Canaanites and Babylonians.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlnnWbkMlbg
Head First Java contiene l'introduzione agli oggetti più semplice e carina che io abbia letto. Però è in inglese, e non è stato tradotto. D'altro canto ti devi arrendere: l'inglese è un requisito per imparare la programmazione. La quantità di materiale nelle due lingue è semplicemente non paragonabile.
I don't know how far you are into your academic career, but here's a pro-tip/lifehack from someone who got through a master's degree in an unrelated discipline: If the professor doesn't require the latest edition (just ask them), don't get the latest edition. Get one or two editions back, if they're not super-old, and the $25 2011 edition or the 32 cent 2008 edition are probably more than adequate for an introductory book. Hell, the most referred to book (one I love) -- Head First Java, 2nd Edition -- is from 2005, and it's still relevant even if it doesn't cover the most recent language developments.
It's very rare that a college book for anything other than highly advanced courses or cutting-edge technology will have anything necessary in the most recent editions. I don't know how many thousands of dollars I saved over my academic career buying two versions back, and never personally encountered a single problem since the majority of what they do is reorganize pages, add a graph, and call it "9th version" or something. I took a few books and did side-by-side comparisons and have never found anything worthy of $100-200 price tags versus $3 or less -- most often things like a picture moved to the opposite page or an updated index.
Again, this is most especially true for beginner courses, and you should always talk to your instructor. But in the off-chance anything is missing, you can just ask a classmate to read the relevant chapter from their book.
But for an unrequired side book, it's hard to justify spending $100+. Maybe try the 2008 edition while googling newer features, or take a look at Head First Java (great introductory book, in my opinion).
On Food and Cooking is pretty much the bible.
Don't care if trolling, must employ orgo/chem knowledge: It's (near) impossible. Background is necessary: The only reason (or the most obvious) why your toast is not charring with it's exposure to the O2 in the atmosphere when you take it out the company of its loafing mates (pan pun ftw) is that the charring reaction (EXOTHERMIC combustion reactions) takes place at an exceedingly high (toasting) temperature. This high temp requirement is known as the activation energy (E^A) —or the energy differential between the reagents (predominantly starch and complex carbohydrates) and the transition states that these reagents will assume if all goes according to plan. The reason the reverse reaction does not happen is that the combustion reaction is exothermic (meaning that bond energy is leaving the reagents in the form of heat which exceeds the E^A) and exothermic reactions are usually irreversible (laws of thermodynamics, gibbs free energy, and the like would all be working against untoasting toast). After toasting, molecules on the outer surface of toast have released a considerable about of energy in the exothermic process of turning into products and therefore absolutely cannot have as much chemical energy… There is the sneaky-ass possibility that some starches and complex carbohydrates that are resistant to digestion in OUR GI systems have broken down in the exothermic reactions (or specifically decomposition reactions if the exothermic rxn is unimolecular) to chemicals that we can in fact digest— thereby increasing its caloric content while reducing its total chemical energy content. This is common and unsurprising in cooking—read this (written by a chemist). However we can be sure that the decomposition/energy loss of saccharides we could have digested in their glorious fully energized states is partially offsetting this.
All things considered (love that radio show) it doesn't offing matter. The caloric difference, if any, would be so minute only Heidi Klum could tell the difference. but damn is she toasty.
Ratio is really fucking awesome, if you're into the science side of it, I'd highly recommend this Widely regarded as one of the most comprehensive texts. It hits the historical side, the scientific side, and the classic, traditional cuisine. That said, it's really fucking dense, not the kinda book you'll sit down and read cover to cover.
hopefully i don't sound too crass, but i would save your money. unless you want to do months of work as an unpaid, or basically unpaid, stage at a really amazing restaurant, or want to have credentials to back up the opening of your own place, the extra education wouldn't help much. i'd rather hear that you've read harold mcgee and larousse cover to cover.
Exactly. Higher pH denatures the proteins that are responsible for making it stick. Also, using older eggs will do the trick because older eggs naturally start to rise in pH.
If anyone is interested, there is a really great chapter about eggs in "On Food and Cooking," by Harold McGee that talks a lot about this kind of stuff. It's a great book and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in the science of cooking.
I currently work 2 jobs and have my fingers in a lot of pies.
That being said, I still find the time to cook. Not as much as I like, but I do so quite regularly.
Aside from reading cook books, watching Good Eats, and America's Test Kitchen, I got the most experience from practice.
I also visit these subreddits.
http://www.reddit.com/r/cooking
http://www.reddit.com/r/askculinary
Book wise, I have quite a few books on both technique and the food itself.
A few of my favorites are:
On Food and Cooking by McGee - http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0684800012
Cooking for Geeks by Potter - http://www.amazon.com/Cooking-Geeks-Science-Great-Hacks/dp/0596805888/
How to Cook Everything by Bittman - http://www.amazon.com/Everything-Completely-Revised-Anniversary-Edition/dp/0764578650
and a multitude of others.
McGee's "On Food and Cooking" can get a bit dry and technical, but man is it encyclopedic. If you ever find yourself saying, "I wonder why water chestnuts stay crunchy when cooked?" that's where you could look it up. It has from a paragraph to multiple pages about every ingredient you can think of.
Ruhlman's "Ratio" is excellent for understanding the structural properties of ingredients (it mostly concerns baked goods and sauces) -- it doesn't cover flavors so much as techniques for achieving different textures by varying the ratios of ingredients.
I think On Food and Cooking by Harold McGee is pretty much the standard authority.
To that I would add On Food And Cooking: The Science And Lore Of The Kitchen. The scope of knowledge in this book is amazing: how different kinds of honey (some poisonous) result from what the bees polinate... how chewing gum was invented... why drinking alcohol mixed with a carbonated beverage gets you drunk faster... why cooking with iron is better for you than cooking with copper... where peppercorns come from, how they are harvested and how the varieties differ... why onions make you cry when you cut them... the science behind "toasting" something... can't recommend this enough to anyone fascinated by cooking!
On Food and Cooking is the ultimate answer to your question. It will give you the science and why behind why many foods do what they do. Its a tome, but a beautiful one.
This is a book that is for people whose loved one has BPD. My psychologist highly recommended that I give it to people in my life:
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Bor... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572246901/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_hFuCyb4XNAAXB
I bought it for my best friend (I have BPD and we live together) and it has helped her a lot. It should help, regardless of if you still support her or not. The book will help you understand how to recover from what you experienced.
Hope this helps!
I bought Stop Walking on Eggshells during my recovery process. It was a huge eye opener. So i took a highlighter and highlighted everything that applied from what i experienced. I had suspected some things, but i didnt experience or witness, so i didnt highlight those.
Non the less, a large portion of that book was highlighted.
We were a few months NC after the breakuo. When we met again, i mentioned i read about BPD and that i was apart of an online BPD community. It helped me understand.
She was completely against the label and idea of a PD, but was completely receptive to the individual symptoms.
So apart of my recovery, focusing on the individual symptoms helped me out, rather than generalizing BPD.
Edit: i forgot, i gave her the book. She asked what it meant and i told her its what i used to make sense of our relationship. The only specific thing she asked me about was if i really felt she had control issues.
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=asc_df_1572246901/?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=312142103956&amp;hvpos=1o1&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=4197747376526405133&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvdev=c&amp;hvdvcmdl=&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=9013302&amp;hvtargid=pla-433059258122&amp;psc=1 This book is worth every penny
This one, mentioned by LSDMDMA above...
That video is just some excerpt of John Perkins' book, Confessions of an Economic Hitman.
I have read the book some long time ago, and whether you believe it or not, the techniques are plausible and the facts check out.
For instance, Indonesia is reeling from a dictatorship (1965-2008) installed by the CIA for fear that the former President was leaning towards Moscow, and thus communism. As part of that deal, Freeport-McMoran mining company of Texas got to exploit a huge swath of Eastern Indonesia for gold and nickel, for decades, with single-digit percentage for the Indonesian people.
The projected value of the mine Is MULTIPLE times the parent company net worth.
In every single protest instigated by the CIA and American NGO's, they say the same things. "The people are rising up against tyranny. They want freedom and economic opportunity. The government is inept."
There's always some truth to the poor economic issues, because of course part of the CIA playbook is to impose economic hardship on countries whose government they want to overturn. There are many ways they do this, but I would recommend you read this book if you're skeptical that this is a thing:
https://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081
US economic warfare is well-documented. In another comment, I brought up the recent (1990s) US economic warfare on Iraq. Those brutal sanctions cost the lives of 1/2 million Iraqi children, with the US gov't diabolically saying that this was acceptable. And the entire basis for the sanctions were based on deliberate lies of the US gov't.
The article briefly mentions the US attack on Chile; that is surprisingly well documented now -- many books have been written on the topic.
As with many instances of US economic warfare and behind-the-scenes skulduggery, the facts do not come out until a couple of decades after the events.
But if you're wise, when you see these actions in country after country, decade after decade, any sane person is going to have a knee-jerk suspicion.
FWIW, on the general theme of US economic warfare and geo-political skulduggery, int'l banker and former NSA man John Perkins' famous book "Confessions of an Economic Hitman" is essential reading. (There are also copies of that book on audio and via BitTorrents.)
CONFESSIONS OF AN ECONOMIC HITMAN
I used Head First Java. It's actually a pretty funny book and helped me get all the OO concepts down really well. Very easy read.
I like the book Head First Java if you have some programming experience. If you need something more basic (actually it's probably very similar to your class), Stanford has their Intro to CS class online here. It's in Java, and the teacher is pretty entertaining.
I think Head First Java is a good book for beginners.
> such a thing as gut instinct
I think the book The Gift Of Fear goes over this.
Guy here. I feel you, i hear this kind of stuff from many girls who confide in me and you're right, it's astonishing how often women get harassed. My best advice for you when someone touches your ass again is to make a scene, and firmly respond decline any advances you're uncomfortable with. this book (I'm not a marketer i swear)https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198 helps identify people who mean to gain something from you or seek you out only for sexual interest. You're less likely to be targeted if you're firm with your disapproval and awareness of someone's bad intentions
There's a great book called "The Gift of Fear" that explains in depth how our instincts work and the various ways our subconscious tries to warn us about things (not just impending violence, but general stuff that makes us feel uneasy or weird and our logical brain can't parse why). It's quite fascinating.
> Posting this made me confident enough to approach this and get it handled. Honestly, it's made me feel crazy and paranoid...
Your stalker is the crazy one.
(((hugs))) I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap.
And this is the book I mentioned in another reply
http://www.amazon.com/The-Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198
From what you've said above, you went with your instincts, and your instincts were right. You may not have had the language to articulate what was happening, but you could feel something was and you could acted on it when it made you uncomfortable. That is a life-saving reaction.
In case you've never heard of it, let me recommend a book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. He is a security expert, and he travels to schools and colleges now talking especially to girls. He explains when and why to trust your instinct and how to keep yourself safe from predators. It's really eye-opening stuff, and much of it is very simple, we just need to hear it explained to recognise a lot of situations we've all been in.
This is a link to the book on Amazon, and it has a "Look Inside" option.
And this is a link to his website.
I recommend this to all women, especially young women, it can literally save lives. Frankly I'd be more comfortable getting this kind of information from a woman, but this is a very rare man, and I trust his advice a lot. If you get something from it, talk to your friends about it, we need to spread this kind of education widely.
Good luck. And bless that 13-y-o girl still inside you—she kept you safe, even when she didn't fully understand what was happening. That's praise-worthy.
I'm going to give you a reading list. He gives some good tips on what to look for and how to speak up for yourself.
Eg. if a man is walking toward you or insists on helping you carry your grocery bags, the author tells you what to do and how to set your boundaries. A normal man will listen to those boundaries, a predator will keep insisting.
If you notice someone stalking you, you can also ask a security guard or an employee to walk you to your car.
You can also partner up with another woman/mother with kids. safety in numbers.
If it was me I would probably tell him off, but that assertiveness is a skill it can take some time to acquire and feel comfortable using.
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https://www.amazon.ca/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
https://www.amazon.ca/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009/ref=pd_bxgy_14_3/134-2609707-8269027?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0440509009&pd_rd_r=e328d520-7aa4-11e9-985f-5d3a71b469ca&pd_rd_w=IbjEI&pd_rd_wg=v5Doq&pf_rd_p=a62e2918-d998-4bbb-8337-35aac776e851&pf_rd_r=2N8KEQ6YVFF8C8ZAH5BS&psc=1&refRID=2N8KEQ6YVFF8C8ZAH5BS
Get some counseling. And read this: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198. I hope it helps you to differentiate what merits your attention.
Have you ever read Gavin Becker's The Gift of Fear? (http://www.amazon.com/The-Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198) It is seriously one of the most helpful books I've ever read. It helped me break out of the "I can't let anyone think I'm a bitch/I can't lose weight or men will find me attractive" traps that I was in.
You have no obligation to be nice to people who aren't giving you the respect that you deserve. You don't have to be socialized to be nice to people who are disrespecting you. It's okay to assert yourself and your own needs. Don't worry about being a bitch.
I was mugged at my doorstep a few years ago. I feel the same way as you do, often -- that I can't go out without being harassed unless I have my husband or a male friend around. And it sucks so completely. When I go out, I keep my bitchface in my pocket in case it's necessary. I also always have something to keep me occupied -- iPod, book, whatever -- so that I have the socially acceptable excuse of "sorry, I need to do this right now." I keep a guard up around strangers, which sucks: I'm a harder person when I'm out than when I'm with my friends. But it's what I do to maintain my reasonable boundaries -- the space I need for my own personal well-being and safety -- in the outside world.
Hugs and good luck: this world was not made for us, so we've got to go remake it, one person at a time.
Read Confessions of an Economic Hitman for details
https://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Economic-Hit-John-Perkins/dp/0452287081
That's not much of an argument. A better source. Here's a book by a christian theologian that talks about the history of God. I still find it surprising she remains christian after this, but shes a theologian. Most theologians find evidence to contradict their beliefs but ignore it anyway.
Delusion for sure.
There's a pretty decent book about this very topic... The Ethical Slut.
>My fear is that honestly there are not many men out there like him PLUS amazing sex drive.
How many men have you dated? If you've dated dozens and he was the best of the bunch then you're probably right.
However if you've only had a small sample, say less than 5, you don't have much reason to think he's especially rare.
Here's a great Tim Minchin song about the mathematical unlikeliness of "the one".
>I know he is extremely loyal and will not chase other girls, and I know that I will chase and be chased HAVE been chased by plenty..jealousy could play a factor
The argument here is that if sex is very important to you, but not that important for your SO, then why would he be bothered if you're doing something unimportant with other people that makes you happy. Would he have a problem with you doing some other recreational activity that wasn't important to him (like tennis) with someone else? Of course the reality is a lot more complicated and messy than that but the principle is sound. You should check out The Ethical Slut
>Many good fucks end up being jerks or incompatible personality wise.
If you wouldn't settle for someone who was sexually compatible but had an incompatible personality, why settle for someone who was personally compatible but not sexually?
I'm not sure good fucks or good people are any rarer than the other.
According to the kinsey institute:
>Approximately 20-25% of men and 10-15% of women engage in extramarital sex at least once during their marriage. (Laumann, 1994; Wiederman, 1997)
The Ethical Slut states that Kinsey found that 50% of supposedly monogamous relationships included a outside partner, but I can't find data to back that one up.
"The Millionaire Next Door"
I believe that caring about the opinions of others is normal, especially those closest to us. That being said, achieving self-happiness should always be our goal.
As bad as I want to go out and date right now, I recognize that I'm carrying too much baggage to engage in that kind of contact with anyone. Additionally, I'm recognizing that I want to date for the wrong reasons. I'm not wanting to date to "have fun" or bring value to someone's life. I'm not even wanting to date for casual sex.
The only reason I want to date is because I'm unhappy with myself and I'm lonely. In my codependent mind, if I have another person to chug along with me, I will be happy. The kind of woman I want to date is someone who adds to my own life, passions, and interests. However that woman can't exist if I don't have my own life, passions, and interests that I'm actually following.
I suggest reading The Power of Now . I just started, and it's already given me really great insight into living in the present and finding happiness from within. It's a constant process for sure.
Read me.
Ekhart Tolle the power of now helped me out. Being present and excepting things instead of over thinking them. Being in the moment or present seems to calm me down from over analyzing. Here's a link if you have not read it already. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1577314808/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1526162229&amp;sr=8-2&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&amp;keywords=the+power+of+now+by+eckhart+tolle
I've been in an open relationship for about 9 years.
There's no right or wrong answer. Everyone has to figure out what works for them. We tell each other everything and almost exclusively date and play together. Others do everything separately.
Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X
And maybe this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1587613379/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687762&amp;pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&amp;pf_rd_t=201&amp;pf_rd_i=157344295X&amp;pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;pf_rd_r=YCQ4324KQD8W090HRZTG
But absolutely the first one.
You need to be able to talk about everything. Deepest fears, expectations, fantasies. Open, honest communication is so important to making this work. Good, clear, respectful boundaries and guidelines help as well.
The Ethical Slut
https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379&amp;ved=0ahUKEwiuley00ebXAhXCQt8KHVE_BywQ5OUBCGYwDA&amp;usg=AOvVaw0C0biNX9E1HSS_DxjO55e4
Helped me get some perspective on a life altering path I knew I was heading down without the vocabulary to really discuss it properly. It's not the BEST book on ethical non monogamy, but it's a really good starting point...
The way your wife is going about this is detestable. That said, is this the first time she mentioned open relationship, or is it something you have talked about before with her and now she is just making it an ultimatum?
Happy relationships exist outside the traditional monogamous norm, (please see /r/polyamory) and it is entirely possible for some people (not all) to not only have sex outside their marriage, but to love outside their marriage without damaging the primary relationship.
Again, if this is a sudden out of the blue ultimatum, your wife has not done a good job at all. I seriously recommend you discuss why she wants this (i.e. sexual dissatisfaction, lost the "spark", etc.) and then discuss rules about the relationship. Open does not have to mean "you can do whatever you want", it can mean a huge number of things, and rules can exist to ease the transition and comfort level of each partner.
Recommended reading: The Ethical Slut, Sex at Dawn
TL;DR: If you care about your marriage, discuss it openly and try to put aside your pain and consider rationally.
I can only offer a personal opinion and that is that feminist philosophers have spent a great deal of time discussing the relationship between gender, consent and power vis-à-vis sexual relationships. The main distinction they make between so-called "polygamy" and so-called "polyamory" is the power/consent dynamic in each. So I recommend you search the feminist scholarship on polygamy and polyamory as an area where fruitful discussions on this question have long been held.
If you want an accessible primer on the pro-polyamory side, I would recommend The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love by Janet W. Hardy
Or that book that both those videos are based on
This book is often reccomended http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901
http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901
This book will definitely help - you. For her, she needs to engage in DBT which she can start doing online.
http://i.imgur.com/8pISpaI.jpg
This seems so simple, but everytime I feel myself getting frustrated or angry, I read every line out loud. (I'm also borderline)
Good luck :)
The MRP advice on this issue is misguided. What you are describing are the actions of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or BPD traits. Before anything you should probably take look at /r/BPDlovedones.
Her behavior is not your fault and you aren't the only one that experiences the raging, manipulation, and blaming. There are many people like us.
This book might also be helpful.
> Has anyone wrote an email or letter to his/her SO (ex or not) AND SENT IT, and gotten a positive result from it?
Yes. But not in the way you'd expect. I've gotten a response where she wrote down a lot of paranoid accusations after I emailed her a well thought out explanation of the multiple reasons (with documented historical incidents for each reason) we can't be together.
Among other things she accused me of planning to murder her and being a Moriarty-level criminal mastermind. LOL.
Very delusional and paranoid "fantasies".
That email reply from her is an exhibit in divorce court in the child custody case.
So yes, you could say it had an unanticipated positive effect in cutting a potentially long, drawn out process of proving that she's got mental health issues and is not a fit parent.
TLDR: Email response from STBX extremely useful in showing divorce court that she's paranoid and delusional, cutting to the chase in my custody fight.
Other than what I've written above, nothing good can come from emailing your undiagnosed BPD ex.
Also whatever you do, do not admit any fault in writing for anything you did or did not do OK?
She will use that in court against you in the child custody case.
One other thing, just FYI. There is no hope in having an amicable divorce with your BPD ex. It will be pure hell (* I'm you, only 6 months into the divorce process, divorce will take at least 1 year if not 2 or 3)
I recommend getting and reading this book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder in addition to Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
The power of now by Eckhart Tolle is a fantastic book for this. I am definitely not the spiritual type, but this book seems to capture more than just spirituality.
There are many books on the subject and how the Ego can be destructive not only to ourselves but to those around us. It is all about healthy balance of Mind, Body, Spirit and creating that space from the heart to share with others.
Here are some links for books on the subject
https://www.amazon.com/course-Miracles-Foundation-Inner-Peace/dp/1883360269
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
The idea of service to self and service to others is explained in the Law of One texts.
http://www.lawofone.info/
Here is a precursor to the law of one
http://awakeningforums.com/thread/206/brown-notebook-1958
Give The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle a try. This changed my perspective in huge ways and helped me deal with my anxiety issues.
The first thing I would suggest is to see a counselor, someone who will listen and give you feedback.
Secondly, I would definitely recommend watching this podcast of author Sam Harris on the Joe Rogan show, in which he talks about minds and dysfunctional thoughts.
I also always recommend a book called "The Power of Now" by Eckart Tolle. He has many videos on youtube as well. In his book he speaks about how people tend to identify with their minds, that is to believe that you are one and the same as your mind instead of knowing that your mind is simply a tool, a machine for you to use in daily life.
Hope this helps!
If you haven’t already, you should read The Millionaire Next Door! It’s an older book but the ideas are spot on!
Here is an Amazon link of you are interested: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1589795474/
You could spend $18 for every 12 issues - or get the 6 issue trades for about $8-9 each...or...
Or you could buy compendium #1, and get the first 48 issues for $39. Save yourself about $33.
http://www.amazon.com/Walking-Dead-Compendium-One/dp/1607060760
Oh you have options my friend.
The Walking Dead - Compendium 1 Pros - absolute cheapest method on a per-issue basis, only one book to worry about instead of multiple copies. Cons - Only released every 48 issues, so you get 1-48 but the next compendium won't come out for at least six more months as they just hit issue 90, so you'd be waiting a long time for the next group.
Trade Paperbacks
Pro's - still a better value than buying individually, released every six issues instead of every 48 so much, much greater frequency, if you have a book shelf having a bunch of these lined up on it looks "cooler" in my opinion.
Con's - more expensive per issue than the Compendium, still only comes out every six issues so can leave large gaps.
Ok well I'll try to give you a few series
Invincible. Really great superhero story by the guy that makes The Walking Dead if you've heard of that. Probably the best superhero book out there. (You can buy the compendium, the first 47 issues for like $40 on amazon). It's up to around 90 issues now.
Y the Last Man (10 volumes, complete. Its amazing. It's a comic where seemingly every man in the world except our hero has died. He tries to get to a lab in California to help find a cure for the disease that killed all the men and...etc)
I don't know much Fantasy...check out Demon Knights, volume 1 from DC comics is an ongoing series. Volume 1 (the first 7 comics) should be out in July. Sorry about the long wait :l
You can also check out the Walking Dead if you like zombies? Compendium gets you...maybe the first 60 issues I think? Its up to 94 now
For individual comics theres Midtown Comics, I don't know what shipping cost would be like to Europe.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Walking-Dead-Compendium-One/dp/1607060760/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1330920156&amp;sr=8-3
1088 pages for $34
Local comic book stores should have TWD comics, if not look online. I know amazon sells the compendiums (collection of about 50 issues) or you could buy them by volumes. Shop around online and see what medium you’d prefer. Here’s a link to help out.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1607060760/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3/147-3855025-4383101?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=RJV3QTS2RE3J140EJVXY
You'll probably find a lot of things in online-newspaper-article comments that'll make you want to hang yourself too, but the rather large number of people who're pinching the bridge of their nose and wondering what the hell they ever thought they were doing voting for Tony aren't the ones commenting in those places. :-)
The whole astonishing-hatred-for-Gillard thing is, ONCE AGAIN, Australia being a pale shadow of the USA. Look at what US right-wingers say about Hillary Clinton, and bing, there you go, Julia-hatred before the carbon paper.
(Hillary's pretty god-damned horrible in objective terms, but utterly wonderful compared with more popular candidates there, at least until Elizabeth Warren and Al Franken are real presidential prospects.)
The Kevin thing was... well, OK, he really is a prissy perfectionist who's an absolute bastard to work with. That's not why he got kicked out, but it's why all of the people nearest him disliked him, and shit like that's what dooms your political career.
(The Dictator's Handbook has an interesting and highly defensible explanation of why people stay in power: http://www.amazon.com/The-Dictators-Handbook-Behavior-Politics/dp/1610391845 . Boiled down, it's the duh-quote "only the people who do what is necessary to stay in power, stay in power", but there is of course more to it than that.)
The Dictator's Handbook: Why Bad Behavior is Almost Always Good Politics https://www.amazon.com/dp/1610391845/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_MvSozbQC9Y1WE
Corruption is politics.
The Dictator's Handbook: Why Bad Behavior is Almost Always Good Politics https://www.amazon.com/dp/1610391845/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fYRJBb3ZY9RNV
This book explains their actions read it.
It really depends on the tone you're going for in your writing. If you want it to be realistic, I'd recommend checking out "Violence: a Writer's Guide" by Rory Miller. Other good sources would be "On Combat" and "On Killing"
http://www.amazon.com/Violence-A-Writers-Guide-ebook/dp/B004EYTBNA/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912178&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=violence+a+writer%27s+guide
http://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912249&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+combat
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912264&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=on+killing+the+psychological+cost+of+learning+to+kill+in+war+and+society
Check out The Practice of System and Network Administration, and Time Management for Systems Administrators.
Oh, and nagios/icinga is free and totally rocks, as does spiceworks.
Personally, I rarely join these organizations for a few reasons. Mostly I feel that they are frequently out of touch and tend to be idealistic, there are rarely speakers or topics of practical use to someone on the job. I understand that most students don't realize this, but being on the job while attending school it really chaps my tender bits.
That said, I am very interested in a decent professional organization provided it meets some requirements.
Now, to go to the actual question presented; What do young professionals want out of an organization like this? this really depends on who you're targeting, those who are in the field will likely be looking for lectures/presentations on best practices, practical examples of deployments of "the next big thing" and hands on training. Those who are in school for this are looking for cool presentations that validate their choice of career, Crazy speakers ("can you get Bill Gates?"), and the stuff I mentioned first. I'm not saying that a person in the field doesn't appreciate that stuff, but the draw for someone in the field is a bit different.
Last, but not least: books are a good draw. I could see offering a nice book for all the 1 year members or a month or two long promotion "join and get this book free." I'm not sure the budget for you guys, but it's an idea. It'll be hard to draw young people until you have a decent amount already no matter what though.
Sorry for the long post
TL;DR: Skip to the paragraph first word "Now" if you want the answer to the actual question.
You do not need to learn other modalities although understanding the underlying physics and knowledge of cross-sectional anatomy is helpful. Approximately half of all imaging Informaticist do not have a clinical background.
Become involved in imaging informatics (PACS and RIS Administration) at your facility to learn everything you possibly can.
Read everything you can about IHE, DICOM and HL7. Knowledge of rules, regulations and guidelines related to imaging informatics is likewise essential.
Focus on information technology such as obtaining your MCSA (Microsoft desktop and server administration certification), CCNA (Cisco routing and switching certification), VCP (VMware certification) or OCP (Oracle database administration certification). Your local community college may be your best resource.
Knowledge of ITIL, project management (PMP), Six Sigma and software development methodologies (Agile, Kanban, Scrum and waterfall) is essential. Arguably, these are the most essential skills for imaging informaticists.
The job market for imaging informaticists is highly competitive but highly lucrative. A highly skilled imaging informaticist can earn over $200,000 per year although I understand that the average is approximately $80,000 per year (from $60,000 per year for a junior imaging informaticist in Asheville, North Carolina to $140,000 per year for a senior imaging informatics in Stanford, California).
https://www.abii.org/About-PACS-Administrator.aspx
https://www.abii.org/docs/Certification-Guide.pdf
http://siim.org
http://siim.org/?page=ciip_study_resources
http://siim.org/?page=pii_textbook
http://www.otechimg.com
http://ihe.net
http://ihe.net/Resources/upload/ihe_radiology_users_handbook_2005edition.pdf
http://medical.nema.org/standard.html
http://www.hl7.org/implement/standards/index.cfm?ref=nav
http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/administrative/privacyrule/index.html
http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/administrative/securityrule/index.html
http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/administrative/enforcementrule/hitechenforcementifr.html
http://www.fda.gov/Radiation-EmittingProducts/MammographyQualityStandardsActandProgram/default.htm
http://www.acr.org/~/media/AF1480B0F95842E7B163F09F1CE00977.pdf
http://www.acr.org/~/media/3E08C87AD6E6498D9E19769E5E5E390D.pdf
http://deckard.mc.duke.edu/pdf/Samei-TG18.pdf
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668
http://www.pmi.org
Sounds familiar. I was about that age when I had a few episodes that had me convinced I was possessed. (Turns out Naught thinks it's funny to switch to Latin and screw with abusive then-boyfriend. Have been exorcised, 0/10, do not recommend.)
Obviously we can't diagnose you, so speaking with a therapist or psychologist is your best bet. If you have trouble finding one, maybe try going through the guidance counselors at your school and see if they have anyone that they can recommend. Your primary care doctor may also be able to refer you.
That said, going through therapy as a minor, you'll need to be aware that your guardians may have access to your records. You can address this specifically with your therapist - they may be willing to keep the actual physical notes very limited and not discuss things directly with your guardians. Your mom may also be able to seal your records from other people. Depends a lot on your therapist, but their goal is to build trust with you, so chances are if you tell them you're concerned, they'll look out for you.
One of the things generally recommended is journaling often and consistently. Encourage these other parts of yourself to do so as well, and periodically review to see if "anyone else" decided to write to you or if unexplained handwriting shows up. Even if you don't have a dissociative disorder journaling can be useful to record and process your emotions about this stuff. (PTSD is kinda the low end of dissociative disorders, DID being the high end of the spectrum.)
Another thing you can do is read. Read up on trauma. (Not specifically DID, but just general dissociation and stuff can be helpful as a base understanding.) I recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" which is a little dense, but explains how your body reacts to trauma in depth, "Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation, the Hidden Epidemic" which does a reasonably good job of explaining different types of dissociation and has little mini-tests that you can use to gauge your experiences for severity. You might also find other subs like /r/cPTSD helpful.
Anyway. Best of luck to you. Hope you're safe and well both now and in the future. :)
(ETA : sorry, was trying to get this written before therapy and had to come back to it!)
this looks interesting
I am searching for the title of a book I read in school. In it she explains how all emotions are are a mix of hormones and cells have hormone receptors so why wouldn’t our bodies “hold our emotions” in a way. I will look through my books from school - I know I wrote the title down. I believe the author was a woman that passed away since authoring the book - if that narrows it down at all lol. I’ll post if I find it!
☺️ here is a book worth a look: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Read The Body Keeps the Score. It discussed this exact topic from a psychological perspective. I’ve definitely had a traumatic childhood. This book really changed the way how I deal with it now: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
This comment nails it: it's fine to be generally quieter as log as you exert your confidence at the right moments.
I'm a Planner/Strategist, and in my earlier years the one critique during my reviews was that I wasn't asserting myself in meetings enough. It was true: whenever there would be waves of (extroverted) people endlessly talking over each other, I tended to recede into silence, which is a problem when they were paying me to share what I think.
These days, when the room is rambling, I use that time to mentally hone the thing I want to contribute, so that I can really make the most of the eventual opening in that conversation. Doing that over time, you can develop a reputation for making the most insightful contributions to a meeting, as opposed to those who just talk the most.
(Oh, and if you haven't read the book Quiet by Susan Cain, you absolutely should. It's an excellent guide on how to use the strengths of your introversion in environments that are skewed towards extroverts.)
Read this book, full of hard research that shows we are living through the most peaceful period in human history.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Better-Angels-Our-Nature/dp/0143122010/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1348249865&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=steven+pinker
One of the best resources I've come across about trauma is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.
OP, grief is how we accommodate loss in a world where one constant is change. From this POV it's a really powerful sentiment. I'm wishing you peace.
Also, maybe for next time, try to focus on what's happening in the rest of your body as well. For me personally, I know that a situation or a person is causing deep stress when the area between my cervical and thoracic spine literally feels hot...like someone is putting a little tiny cattle prod on it.
Thanks for pointing this out. Meditation, specifically vipassana, is not designed to clear you of thoughts. It is designed so one can see the three marks of existence: anicca, anatta, and dhuka. And that requires three facets: being present, self-awareness, and surrender. With Western McMindfulness, surrender is often lost, because it has been repackaged as a tool for stress reduction, clearing thoughts - really, as one pierces into the true nature of their mind, is antithetical to what the Buddha taught.
As we become more mindful of the body, we will feel emotions in different areas of the body. As Bessel van der Kolk discusses in The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, when we are in a traumatic situation, often as a child, our usual fight or flight responses are hijacked. We suppress the emotions. We are traumatised. This is called C-PTSD.
The body remembers. And being mindful of the stored pain in the area, of the muscle retention, will make us reconnect with the memory in a visceral sense. Things like the estoerically termed 'Kundalini' may come into play here, a mind-body link, and some Jungian manifestations may come to conscious in the psyche. Hence, it is paramount that this be done with mindfulness and compassion - and likely with a trained therapist.
I've just come out of what I would call my 'Dark Night of the Soul' on February 12, having experienced hands free orgasms and a surge of buried energy. This has required years of vipassana, Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance, Sam Harris Waking Up, an appreciation of Jungian concepts, yet still maintaining a materialist idea of the brain and mind. After doing a lot of mindfulness and feeling buried energy in the body, I would inevitably release it via a hands free orgasm. I finally got it out via deep, buried crying on February 12. And with my own mindfulness, spaciousness, Buddha nature of love, like consciousness itself caring for the inner child, I had to cry as my 12 year old self. I never grieved the death of my mother.
I...respectfully disagree with Jordan that a breakup can cause PTSD. Rather, underlying schemas (filters and deep beliefs that get activated according to different stimuli) might get activated by a breakup, such an abandonment schema, but I think it rarely happens that a breakup by itself causes PTSD, and Jordan says it happens "all the time". Previous trauma that has otherwise become latent can also resurface with a breakup. Here are the criteria for PTSD, fwiw. Also, shrink here.
His treatment idea using situational analysis is very good advice, though. He's trying to get to the common belief present in PTSD -- and probably one of the main if not the main cognitive perpetuators of this disease -- that whatever terrible stuff happened is my fault. This is why PTSD, in addition to being understood as an anxiety disorder, often involves intense shame, the person thinking something defective (another schema) about them caused them to be responsible for the negative situation which precipitated PTSD -- which, nota bene, is different than trauma per se, and there are vast differences between the sexes with regard to who develops PTSD from a traumatic experience, women basically doubling men in this regard presumably given their increased sensitivity to stress, reducible to a large degree perhaps to the fact that estrogen stimulates sympathetic nervous system activation (but progesterone and allopregnenolone from which it's synthesized can moderate this) whereas testosterone cools it. I know, unfair, but it has its evolutionary reasons.
But PTSD breaks down to two things: avoidance of the memory (or memories) of the abuse, and avoidance of challenging beliefs relating to the abuse (such as "it's my fault"). So treatment has two parts:
The first is helping the hippocampus (responsible for memory and organization of events chronologically) and amygdala (responsible for fear), which stop "holding hands" under moments of extreme stress, to begin to "hold hands again", which is done through narrative work, such as writing down the trauma and really "going there" when you're writing it down, because dissociation is part of trauma (protective in nature) that can prevent healing if you're in this state, which is why therapists pay close attention to look for markers for dissociation in the face or body language of clients when counseling them. Clinical social worker Babette Rothschild compares productive trauma work to quickly slightly twisting open and then twisting close an upset carbonated drink; if you open it all at once, you'll get a mess, but if you do this slowly by twisting open and shut, you "fizzle out" the trauma.
This narrative work can be done through narrative therapy, also considered part of a very strongly supported form of therapy called cognitive processing therapy, where you discuss the cognitive model (it's out thoughts/beliefs which determine our emotions, not the things themselves "out there"), cognitive distortions, have the client write an impact statement (which answers the question, "how did this trauma[s] affect the way you see yourself, others, and your past/future", and constitutes the second part of PTSD therapy, changing key beliefs and avoidance related to them), and then two narratives, the second with more detail than the first. The client can then read the impact statement and narratives in session (which by itself eradicates a lot of shame, an emotion you can't often just "reason away" but needs to be "felt through" in the presence of another understanding and accepting human being, and I've found it to be incredibly helpful to use immediacy clients, meaning we analyze our relationship in the moment to help them access feelings of shame so I as a therapist can say with my words and actions "no, you're normal, you're strong, you're good"). This writing down (which allows for taking as much time as you want, and is often done in longhand so the client can't "speed through" recalling the event as she's writing it) by itself and reading the narrative(s) causes the physiological changes involved with helping the amygdala and hippocampus work together again, which resolves the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts (and nightmares, etc.) which are really the brain's way of wanting to process and organize something that it can't, and nobody naturally wants to intentionally go into the lion's den of their fears.
Another form, which I don't like much at all except after narrative work is done (or while it's being done), is classic imaginal exposure therapy, where the client literally closes her eyes and imagines the traumatic event(s) until they lose their power. What I hate about this approach is that so many therapists seem to think it's just the event(s) itself that causes the trauma, and through focusing on telling and again and again miss that it's the beliefs that are also central, and without addressing these the "retelling" involved with imaginal exposure can take much longer (and be more likely to be overall unsuccessful) than if the beliefs were also addressed. This is why I prefer CPT more, but still add my own flavors, as any good therapist would do, as opposed to just "going by the book," which unfortunately so many therapists working in hospital or MHMR settings don't just voluntarily do but are expected to do.
Sometimes just focusing on the key beliefs can be unimaginably helpful. I had one client whose depression decreased 50% in direct proportion to how much her belief in the thought, "it was my fault I got raped" also decreased according to 0-100% scaling, and this just in a matter of a few sessions by only using an impact statement and having her answer questions on a handout regarding the hindsight bias, usually a central belief involved with PTSD work.
Oh, and I went a bit out of order. The first thing is to really ensure that the client is safe (e.g., not involved with a potential abuser), and then work on emotion regulation skills (deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, exercise, counting to 10, etc.).
Pardon the length, but I love my job (trauma is my specialty). And we haven't even talked about developmental or complex trauma (look up the work of the luminary Bessel van der Kolk, including his unimaginably good book, The Body Keeps the Score for stellar info written for professionals and laypeople regarding classic PTSD but also developmental trauma), its own more complicated beast than PTSD, the latter which tends to involve one specific event which "tips a person over the edge."
>I don’t regret having one, just extremely ashamed of being sexual and communicating it to girls and also showing it to the world. Attracting girls’ attention and whatnot isn’t very hard but progressing things to dating, holding hands and eventually sex is impossible. I can’t even call them or message them on Facebook or Whatsapp because I just feel like an idiot for doing so. Making a move in clubs and bars is also difficult although I once got close to leaving with a girl but she didn't want to. I got made fun of a lot growing up for not having a girlfriend and this made me feel like i do not deserve one. It doesn't matter if I've got the green light to go ahead I just feel really ashamed do it. Even something like looking at a fit girl wearing a short skirt makes me feel bad for checking her out and that I shouldn’t be doing it.
I know what you mean. I've been there myself, but even when I was there I was entirely self-aware of my shame and I was skeptical of the validity of my emotional reactions; I realized they were ingrained. Being aware of your emotional reactions allows you to be emotionally proactive. Your sex-negative problem is mostly an emotional issue, and not much else, right? I've been there. I wouldn't doubt that you are also decent looking and have both latent and actualized social skills. Most intelligent introverts have a lot of potential to be who they want to be because they know themselves more deeply than others. You must use your introverted nature to your advantage and recognize the differences in others and yourself. In all honesty, there are an infinite number of unwritten rules; everyone's abstract/emotional logic is different. Many of them are foundational and predictable, however; including yours and mine. Like anything else, being emotionally predictable is not a black/white issue. It is a grey area, and you have to balance your reliability with creativity.
Being made fun of for not having a girlfriend is just as sexist as being made fun of for not having a boyfriend; gender equal too. Were you ever shamed for not having a boyfriend? It's clearly a matter of groupthink and extroverted style; not for everyone. Dating relationships, for extroverts especially, are often attention-getting and showy. They wear their relationships like trophies won. Usually introverts prefer a more private relationship because they have less social desire and are often shamed because of it. Introverts are “themselves” more often in private. Extroverts are “themselves” more often in public. There is no shame deserved either way, regardless of popular opinion. Both styles have their strengths and weaknesses, and you should try to introject some of the traits that you enjoy in others; regardless of type. That is how you become balanced.
>I’m receiving counselling from a pastor who advocates the whole “no sex before marriage” thing and believes that people should only date to get married and sex is only for making kids which is stupid IMO because I do not plan on getting married anytime soon.
Counseling from a Catholic pastor? Watch out, that is one of the most notorious sex-negative societies out there. They own the abstinence-only charade while they parade horribles. Marriage is not the answer to anything; it is an institution of the state. Anything else attached is sentimental.
If you haven't already, I recommend doing an in-depth study of animal sexual behaviors; especially the most intelligent animals. All animals have sex for pleasure, but some animals are only driven to have sex at certain times of the year; humans are on a 24/7 system.
>I’ve tried the no fap route and gotten very high days counts but that hasn’t really helped me at all.
Sexual frustration doesn't help anyone. If you are mindful, then you can use your libido to further your goals, but it is not an all-cure.
>Got any sources to help overcome sex-negative perspectives? I’m interested in recreational sex not baby making sex.
Absolutely. I recommend starting with actual sex science and learning about male and female psychology and neurology. Then work your way into reading about sex culture. You should also study developmental psychology as you will probably need the clinical context in order to objectively self-evaluate your childhood influences; it is necessary for self-therapy. The best therapy will always be self-therapy; no one will ever know you better than yourself.
Evolutionary Science and Morals Philosophy:
The Selfish Gene
The Moral Landscape
The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined
Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do?
Sex Psychology, Science, and Neurology:
Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex
The Female Brain
The Male Brain
Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love
What Do Women Want
Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)
Sex: The world's favorite pastime fully revealed
Behavioral Psychology and Abstract Economics:
How Pleasure Works
Freakonomics
Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking
Thinking Fast And Slow
We Are All Weird
Developmental Psychology:
Nurture Shock
Hauntings: Dispelling The Ghosts That Run Our Lives
Empathy Building:
Half The Sky
The House On Mango Street
Me Before You
The Fault In Our Stars
Also check out James Hollis' Understanding The Psychology of Men lecture if you can find it.
Movies: XXY, Tom Boy, Dogtooth, Shame, Secretary, Nymphomaniac, Juno, Beautiful Creatures, and The Man From Earth.
All of these things are related, but it is up to you to make the connections; pick and choose which material suits your interests best. These are the things that came to mind first, and they have all influenced my perspectives.
I mean...yes! I think we’re in a real moment where people perform a certain kind of ease that isn’t really true. You scroll through social media and it can seem like everybody’s just breezin’ through their life without a care in the world but I would venture to say (and my reporting confirms) that people feel a LOT of anxiety and exhaustion with their social interactions. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the social things you have in your life, my advice would be to really evaluate and interrogate where that feeling is coming from. Have you given yourself the time to recharge? Are you participating in social activities that nourish you? Is there a way to hang with your friend one-on-one instead of going to the big party, if that stresses you out? My advice is to really evaluate the specific things that stress you out and exhaust you, and to not be afraid to opt out or change the dynamic of your social life so that it feels less oppressive. One book that I think could be a good read for you is Quiet: The Power of Introverts In a World That Can’t Stop Talking! I know it has helped many of my friends who were struggling to put words on their similar feelings of exhaustion. — Julia
I just want to point something out real quick both for OP and everyone replying. Introversion is simply a way of managing social energy and processing information internally vs. externally. It is not synonymous with anxiety, depression, and lack of social skills.
For those issues, OP, I do suggest you get help. Talk to someone professional, whom you are paying to unload your junk on. They can help you get a different perspective on things and build social skills. They can also prescribe you medication if necessary for any biochemical contributors to your depression. I say all this because I've been there. Being depressed sucks, especially when you don't have friends. Medication for a time helped.
As far as being an introvert, I would say congratulations - I'm one too! If you haven't yet, try out the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test. It can help you realize more information about yourself - how you process information, make decisions, your priorities, etc. It was very helpful for me. Also check out Introverts in the Church by Adam McHugh and Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain.
Check out Susan Cain's book Quiet. If anything, it may make you feel a little more vindicated for being who you are.
With that, yes, the world is pretty well built around extroverts at the moment, but it is navigable if you have the tools. I recommend finding a therapist, not just for developing tools for your introversion, but also to maybe get some help with your social anxiety. If you can't afford one, and can't find a sliding scale one, a friend of mine with bipolar disorder highly recommended this book for developing some basic CBT therapies for navigating whatever kind of anxiety you have.
Pretty sure "antisocial" is a personality disorder with a legitimate psychiatric diagnosis, while "introvert" is more of a personality type that's less defined.
greatest book I read last year: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, very nice last minute Christmas gift for the introverts in your life
the author even built a retreat based around the introvert concept! This was me when I read that article
Reading the book Quiet, by Susan Cain really helped me learn about, understand, and accept myself as an introvert. It was so helpful.
https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153
Honestly, this is why I place importance on finding ways to be happy on my own without the need for physical strength like producing music or reading and learning something new, writing, meditation or any other artform along those lines. I feel like there are still many ways to live a happy life even if you aren't physically able to rock climb.
This is a great book if anyone is interested... https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153
I'm an INFP as well and have gone through a situation that was very similar to what you are describing. It sounds like you're emotionally exhausted.
Like any kind of exhaustion you need to rest. And if everyday you are exhausted, then you need to make time to rest each day.
I have found that it is necessary for me to have time alone, away from everybody, to recharge those "feeling" batteries. That plus ensuring I have a full restful night's sleep. Whenever I notice that I'm feeling sad, as an almost default emotion, there's a 99% chance I haven't been getting enough sleep, and/or I haven't had enough time to myself.
It's really important to make this resting time a priority. I know that's the hard part because INFP's instinctively want to help others. Sometimes we give too much and we feel selfish taking time for ourselves. We need to take time for ourselves so that we can recharge. Once we recharge we can give our attention to others, but if we give too much then we become exhausted.
I found this book, 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking' by Susan Cain (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0307352153/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1497698234&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&amp;keywords=quiet+the+power+of+introverts+in+a+world+that+can%27t+stop+talking&amp;dpPl=1&amp;dpID=517rtAtrHzL&amp;ref=plSrch) very helpful.
I also found seeing a therapist helped me better understand myself. Maybe that would help you too.
I hope this helps.
Absolutely! Maybe I'm inexperienced but it's equally as frustrating finding that from time to time I end up on this side as well. I feel kind of like an asshole after...
side note edit: Thought it might be worth mentioning that this is actually becoming a big interest in the field of moral psychology, (though most of the research I'm familiar with centers around moral debates). You might find Haidt's The Righteous Mind particularly interesting; it's a neat book that goes over some experiments about how arguments (especially philosophical ones) can become honorific and somewhat hopeless in the wrong contexts. I found it cathartic.
Rebuilding is the tricky part. You have to figure out your morality. The good news is that many Mormons are very moral when they rebuild. I recommend some light reading, including the righteous mind to get you started.
As for your mom, be genuinely loving. You may want to wait to come out. My mom was crushed by me (and other siblings) leaving. But we love her, and we show it, and it's going to be okay. My mother has dementia, so when she's with us I suck it up, dress up, and take her to church, and that's a good thing because it helps her be in a better mental state.
A lot of them are written with the intention of "trapping" people into situations that they feel are morally wrong, but cannot explain why rationally due to a lack of consequence or victim. Haidt lays out where this particular line of moral psychology came from in his book, which I highly recommend.
Thank you very much! These are some really excellent thoughts and I'm grateful for the additional context from someone who has not only been here for a while, but from someone who was a mod/head mod. I showed up on /r/mormon about a year ago when my faith transition started (I only used /r/latterdaysaints prior to that for a couple years), so that "battleground" context is probably very important.
The Righteous Mind comes to mind for all of us and whatever group we might generally align ourselves with.
> In general though, trying to understand the left in this country just ain't worth it. I gave up years ago and my blood pressure has thanked me for it.
I expect more from you, Scrambles.
We gotta imagine the other side complexly, or else we run the risk of alluring tribal psychology, where everyone in our tribe is good and everyone on the other side is evil for evil's sake.
This kind of thinking is what leads liberals to conclude all conservatives are racists; if you don't want to be a mirror version of that, you have work to understand where the other side is coming from.
For more information to help understand the moral foundations of the other side, I suggest Jonathan Haidt's book The Righteous Mind, which talks about how liberals, conservatives, and libertarians have differing moral foundations and what they are and how they work. Most of the ideas in the book, though, are available on YouTube, particularly his ted talk about moral foundations, him talking about morality binding & blinding, and him talking about the sacred victim. There's also a super long talk which I think basically talks about all of it, but it's an hour and a half.
If you haven’t read Malcolm Gladwell’s books those are good; he reads his own audiobooks and I like his speaking style. He also has a podcast called revisionist history that I really like.
Tetlock’s superforecasting is a bit long-winded but good; it’s a lay-person’s book on his research for IARPA (intelligence research) to improve intelligence assessments. His intro mentions Kahneman and Duckworth’s grit. I haven’t read it yet, but Nate Silver’s signal and the noise is in a similar vein to Tetlock’s book and is also recommended by IARPA.
Jonathan Haidt’s The Righteous Mind was really eye-opening to me to understand the differences in the way that liberals and conservatives (both in the political and cultural sense) view the world around them and how that affects social cohesion. He has a few TED talks if you’d like to get an idea of his research. Related, if you’re interested in an application of Kahneman’s research in politics, the Rationalizing Voter was a good book.
As a “be a better person” book, I really liked 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey (recommend it on audiobook). Particularly, unlike other business-style self-help about positive thinking and manipulating people—this book really makes you examine your core values, what’s truly important to you and gives you some tools to help refocus your efforts in those directions. Though, as I’m typing this I’m thinking about the time I’m spending on reddit and not reading the book I’ve been meaning to all night =p
I know this isn't what you're looking for or asking of the above poster, but I thought it relevant to what you're asking about so figured I'd share. You seem interested in a way that implied you might read a book about it, and this is a fantastic book for that. He has others like it, too. Very illuminating perspectives on the reality of the human experience of violence and war, especially from the soldier's view.
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society, by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman
It's not about the military specifically teaching dehumanization of the enemy, but the book examines the methods used by the military to overcome a person's innate aversion to murdering another human, and what that does in the long run to the minds of the soldiers. Dehumanization may be a part of that for some? It's been a few years since I read it, but I know it gets touched on.
>Stressing that human beings have a powerful, innate resistance to the taking of life, he examines the techniques developed by the military to overcome that aversion. His provocative study focuses in particular on the Vietnam war, revealing how the American soldier was "enabled to kill to a far greater degree than any other soldier in history." Grossman argues that the breakdown of American society, combined with the pervasive violence in the media and interactive video games, is conditioning our children to kill in a manner siimilar to the army's conditioning of soldiers
Your response deserves applause, pretty well thought out. Let me hit the various points:
>It's also no secret that there are fairly prevalent rapes in the military, many of which are not reported for fear of reprimand in some shape or form
This is an instance where you have "Now that we have more people reporting this, we have more reports on file, so since there are more reports on file, there are more rapes!" It's a double edged blade for the higher echelons command. If they convince more people to come forward (remember, these have no statute of limitations under UCMJ) it looks like you have more rapes in your command. Even if they all happened in 1999, it reflects on you. What fear of reprimand? The issue I've seen with reprimand is where a Soldier comes forward with allegations (under oath), then recants it all at a later time. Is intimidation, is it lying, not for us to determine.
>Allowing free relationships among soldiers would no doubt contribute to these, and 'normalize' the idea of sex amongst the enlisted, so that the issue is taken in less severity (e.g. "What? She was fucking those three last week, why not me?")
Not different than College in anyone. Unless you go to BYU.
>Sexualizing your fellow soldiers, using them for 'release', and forming relationships with someone that's meant to be your equal, will do nothing to close this divide, and progress equality in the military.
Relationships are all that matters in the military. On Killing has a good passage on why Soldiers shoot not to save themselves, but to save their buddies, the guy/gal that depends on them.
>Regarding men and women differently, assigning them different duties, allowing/disallowing them to operate on certain kinds of missions, all contributes to separating the troops by gender, when they should be completely conformed and uniform with one another, so as to form a truly cohesive unit with no systematic bias.
The needs of the mission will always come before needs of political correctness. Sort of the equivalent of why the LEAST mission essential person pulls off their gas mask first, not the lowest ranking.
>Banning interpersonal relationships, punishing infractions, and fully integrating all soldiers into the same fold, would all contribute to a more uniform, genderless unit, as part of this process is not only training women and men to the same standard, but to untrain the attitudes and gender roles that we naturally adhere to in society.
This could work in a draft Army...maybe, but we train our guys to think and feel. Usually they do very little in both regards, but in the Whole Soldier concept you end up with a soldier who can ethically engage in land combat operations.
>nor is it the place to carry on romantic relationships with your equals.
General Order, no boning in theater. Double bonus points under UCMJ if your boning and cheating at the same time.
>Training men and women to separate standards is already unjust, and outright nonsensical in my opinion, but we completely separate men and women in such a way, that they're not being trained (again, from my understanding) to be fully cohesive and without bias, ignorant to gender, and fully equal.
The only times training is separate is when it is training conducting in living quarters. The military can be down-right archaic with that sometimes, with punishments handed out for passing by an opposite gender tent to closely/often. The appearance of impropriety is enough to justify punishment for impropriety sometimes.
>A man might now take a risk for a woman on the battlefield that he would not have due to dangerous conditions for a man.
Shit, that works out in everyone's favor, right? No not really. Risk takers either end up dead, or hero's, or both. You don't look at Gender when you risk your own ass, you look at your buddy, that person that depends on you to pull your weight so you both end up back to the rear in one piece.
>There are of course also the obvious issues of STD's, pregnancy, emotional issues due to relationship-related stresses, and the ever-possible...
STD's are prevalent already, military towns, even ones with larger bases are pretty inbred boning pots. Relationship-related stresses, any more than being separate from a spouse that has no idea what you do on a day to day basis, and can't understand why you are working late again for the mission? Myself and the misses see each other for possibly 90 minutes a night before it's time to rack out and do PT again.
>and dare I say, "inevitable" abuse of superiority
From my experience watching this, the lower ranking individual, tends to wield the power in those relationship. Consider it emotional and career blackmail. Best example I saw was an E-3 & E-8. The moment the senior tried to break it off, the junior ran and told the CoC. Beep beep, you let your dick drive the bus that ran you over Bro!
>Rough-necks do it
That's nice, I see the Rangers and SF do it too, because there are no females around them. But remember it takes 2 to tango, so what happens if we demographically split the Rough Necks down the middle and toss in physically equal (Do you even lift?) women?
>Again, all completely conjecture and personal opinion., feel free to tear me a new one and disagree, I'm not claiming to have any more insight than anyone else here on the intricacies of military life.
No problems, it was a well thought out response.
There is a book on this I read once : https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
These books have helped me tremendously through the hiring process so far. I took recommendations from friends and acquaintances in law enforcement and from searching through previous threads on this subreddit.
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316040932/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_GNK.ybMTBZKVX
Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_EOK.ybR4XSKZY
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion, Updated Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062107704/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_EQK.yb1MWMEPV
You most certainly do not need PM software for your to-do list.
I struggled with this for a long time. I highly recommend Getting Things Done by David Allen - Amazon Link.
I ended up settling on MS OneNote to keep track of everything in my life. The desktop version is very powerful, and the mobile app is good for review and short notes on the go.
WARNING: It is very easy to go overboard with organizing with the GTD method. It took me a long time to get it running smoothly (David Allen suggests a full 2 years before you reap the full benefits), but now I have all of my Tasks, Projects, Someday/Maybe's, and various levels of Goals for work and home neatly organized and out of my head.
If that is too much here is a much more simple method for the short term. Grab a notebook and write down everything you have to do. As for prioritizing, pick 2-4 things you absolutely have to get done tomorrow and write those on a separate piece of paper. Repeat this daily.
Some would say I read too much, but I really enjoyed:
founders at work: Steve Wozniak (Apple), Caterina Fake (Flickr), Mitch Kapor (Lotus), Max Levchin (PayPal), and Sabeer Bhatia (Hotmail) tell you in their own words about their surprising and often very funny discoveries as they learned how to build a company. (This is one of my favorite books ever!)
the art of the start:Kawasaki provides readers with GIST-Great Ideas for Starting Things-including his field-tested insider's techniques for bootstrapping, branding, networking, recruiting, pitching, rainmaking, and, most important in this fickle consumer climate, building buzz.
the innovator's dilemma: Focusing on “disruptive technology,” Christensen shows why most companies miss out on new waves of innovation. Whether in electronics or retailing, a successful company with established products will get pushed aside unless managers know when to abandon traditional business practices. Using the lessons of successes and failures from leading companies, The Innovator’s Dilemma presents a set of rules for capitalizing on the phenomenon of disruptive innovation.
And in terms of getting your life together to the point where you are responsible enough to lead others, I would highly suggest Getting Things Done by David Allen
Yeah, but it feels like things are getting apocalyptically scary, and how
awesomeexcitingterrible that it should be happening to us, in our lifetimes!Unfortunatelyhappily, you're right: violence of all kinds has been on a downward trend for ages.> E, observando o longo prazo, o mundo nunca foi tão pacífico quanto é agora.
Passando só pra linkar o livro do Steven Pinker, The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined que fala exatamente sobre isso. Conheci via um amigo, e já está na minha lista de leituras faz algum tempo.
Thanks! I'll check these out... and maybe I'll reread the Dark Tower series, so friggin' great.
<>
Edit:
Amazon links:
The Rational Optimist by Matt Ridley
Abundance Peter H. Diamandis and Steven Kotler
Better Angels of Our Nature by Steven Pinker
Stephen King's Dark Tower Series
Patrick Rothfuss's Name of the Wind (Kingkiller Chronicles)
Scott Lynch's Gentlemen Bastards series
(yeah, these are smile.amazon.com links... if you aren't already supporting some organization with your Amazon purchases, how about my kid's school's PTA?)
For those who are interested in reading a little bit more on the subject of body language, I read the book What Everybody is Saying a few years ago and found it fairly interesting.
I recommend some books on body language.
I'm currently reading The Definitive Book of Body Language
I have also read What Every BODY is Saying
I recommend both of them.
The first book is more about general body language, body language in business, and body language is courting. The second book is about lying and catching people lie.
There is also this book: Unmasking the Face: A Guide to Recognizing Emotions From Facial Expressions which I haven't read yet, but it looks good.
What Everybody is saying and The Definitive Book of Body Language are the two big ones as far as I know.
Heard great recommendations for this book
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0061438294/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d3_i2?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&amp;pf_rd_s=center-5&amp;pf_rd_r=00Y69KAT3HNHGWWK204J&amp;pf_rd_t=101&amp;pf_rd_p=317823447&amp;pf_rd_i=468294
Read this book, Getting Things Done.
Read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Do that before anything. Write out your goals in great details. Consider this book also, for getting things done. I would consider another shroom trip with the exact intention you have here. Sit in silence for a while, journal what you want to change, then trip. 18, however common, is a dangerous time to start depending on stims, and they won't give you wisdom. Especially if you don't have a plan. Sure, you'll probably feel great and may improve for a while, but its so damn easy for it to end up worse. There's countless stories of that. If you do go that route, I strongly believe in the advice that you plan out EXACTLY what you will do before you take stims. Also, hang out with people who are living the way you want to live.
Have you tried Todoist? That's where I went after Wunderlist :)
As far as GTD, you may want to read David Allen's book - https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0142000280
It's very interesting and helpful.
The Art of Deception: Controlling the Human Element of Security
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People
Manwatching: A Field Guide to Human Behavior
How to Win Friends & Influence People
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion
Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis
The 48 Laws of Power
Check out What Every Body Is Saying and Louder Than Words, both by Joe Navarro. I've read them both and gone back multiple times to reference them. This has given me a real edge in my daily business and especially in interviews. I've always been good at reading people, but he puts into words and pictures what it was I was picking up from people. Great topic. Enjoy
There's also Games People Play
What Every Body is Saying
For learning about body language and social psychology
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
Is this the book you are referring to?
Also, what comedy shows do you recommend, for multiple reasons I've been trying to look for them for some time. :)
I've heard good things about What Every BODY is Saying by Joe Navarro.
One time in my life I was obsessed with poker. I read a book on body language to become better at poker, instead I think it helped me more in real life.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/
You could do with losing a little weight, I think the problem is you don't carry it with confidence. Sounds idiotic but most girls don't care about a guys weight if he is a charmer. To improve your confidence shift a few pounds, do it for you not for the bullies. http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diet-basics.html
You're pretty average looking, which is a good thing, its better to look average than look like a monster. You can improve with confidence and a little styling. Try getting some hair product and play around with your hair a little at the moment it looks a little flat.
A combination of /r/seduction, /r/dating_advice and /r/relationship_advice could help with your approach to women. I also recommend this book its not a dating books its effectively a profiling guide and it goes through the steps for reading body language really well.
I recommend this book: What Every Body is saying
> Joe Navarro, a former FBI counterintelligence officer and a recognized expert on nonverbal behavior, explains how to "speed-read" people: decode sentiments and behaviors, avoid hidden pitfalls, and look for deceptive behaviors. You'll also learn how your body language can influence what your boss, family, friends, and strangers think of you.
According to Joe Navarro's book even professionals get it wrong about half the time. Might as well flip a coin.
Been there. We all have. Keep that in mind too—the last thing you need is to feel down on yourself for being human. Remember that in some ways, you're just a machine wired to feel this way. Know how your machinery works, and you can make it work better.
For now focus on your next action and task at hand—but when you're out of this, two books:
Here's a quote from the 2nd one that is relevant to you at this moment:
> Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he'd had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother's shoulder, and said, "Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird."
That's what I tell myself every time I have a gigantic task to do. Bird by bird. It reminds me to just take it one step at a time.
*edit: Ah, I have to share this one too... next paragraph after that one in "Bird by Bird"—
> E. L. Doctorow once said that "writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way." You don't have to see where you're going, you don't have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice about writing, or life, I have ever heard.
For dealing with e-mails and various scraps of paper, I recommend reading Getting Things Done by David Allen. For organizing any long term tasks or projects, I recommend The Project Success Method by Clinton Padgett.
Other than that, I would recommend trying to go paperless as much as possible. Purchase a good scanner like the Fujitsu ScanSnap and try to utilize smart phone apps that can convert images to PDF (such as CamScanner for Android). I would also recommend using services such as DropBox and Evernote to help keep notes and files organized and synced across all your computers/devices.
Just remember the key to a good system is something that is simple to use. If it takes too much time you won't stick to it and your filing system will begin to fall apart.
I quite like Getting Things Done but it has a few drawbacks. I'll paste in one of my older comments about the system.
>One of the most commonly recommended systems is called Getting Things Done.
&nbsp; A while back David Allen wrote a book describing his system for Getting Things Done. Unfortunately the system doesn't really take a lot of explaining so to get the page count he needed Allen included a lot of what many feel is fluff. If you like the system and want to get a deeper understanding I would recommend the book, but if you just want to get your feet wet there are several sites out there that have nice quick start guides.
&nbsp; This is a nice site that explains Getting Things Done quite well. The site 43folders also has several nice blog posts on using GTD. One major drawback I have found is that the original GTD is very much based on a paper based system. Built for the classic office worker with a giant In tray full of papers. I highly recommend adaption to suit your personal needs.
Personally I use a notebook version of GTD like this guide here.
>I also now use google keep quite a bit for whenever I need to make a quick note. There are some other systems out there but I suggest looking at GTD first so even if it doesn't work out, you will know what about the system does not work.
Edit: I hate it when people change their websites all willy nilly.
This book is a great read on this topic to help gain perspective.
I don't think we're going to cure aging for another couple of centuries. The human body is an unnecessarily complicated piece of hardware just for supplying nutrients and input/outputs for a 2 pound chunk of grey matter.
I do think that we'll be downloading our consciousness to a digital medium within the next 100 years, though. Or otherwise keeping brains alive in vats, with the ability to communicate digitally.
Then things get weird. You can either live forever in a VR world, or you need a robotic body to travel in.
The poor will never be "euthanized" as such, although it will take money to live forever.
And if that sounds like some kind of horrible world with inequality you couldn't possibly abide, well... yeah. Super fucked up, but we're already in that world.
And things have never been as great as they currently are, and continue to get better.
So yeah, there will be an awkward period where some rich folks are chillin in VR heaven and tons of poor children are still dying of starvation. But the long-term trend should be for the best.
I feel like the #1 thing that isn't talked about is the rate of change we've had for 50+ years, and which has been accelerating, has absolutely no precedence in history. Shit is nuts.
Hmm... Absolutely none of these represent any kind of scientific fact.
I"m going to ignore the prophesies for the future because they cannot be verified. So, from your list from the present, that you believe have already been fulfilled:
> Naked, destitute, barefoot shepherds will compete in building tall buildings.
Can you provide an example of this?
> The slave-woman will give birth to her master or mistress.
Who or what is this supposed to represent?
> A trial (fitnah) which will enter every Arab household.
I can't possibly check on this.
> Knowledge will be taken away (by the death of people of knowledge), and ignorance will prevail.
We learn more year by year. So, no.
> Wine (intoxicants, alcohol) will be drunk in great quantities.
A prediction that was true then and now. So, not much of a prediction, IMHO.
> Illegal sexual intercourse will become widespread.
I'll refrain from a discussion of what this might mean to a follower of Islam. I honestly don't want to know.
> Earthquakes will increase.
I'm not sure there is any evidence that they have.
> Time will pass more quickly.
I don't believe this to be true. For each of us, as we age, time appears to speed up. But, objectively clocks on the surface of the earth tick at the same speed now as they did in the time of Mohammad.
> Tribulations (fitan) will prevail.
I have no idea how this could be measured.
> Bloodshed will increase.
Surprisingly, even with the holocaust and Stalin in the 20th century, an individual's risk of dying a violent death has been decreasing century over century since the evolution of humanity.
I promise I'm more surprised by this than you are. Check my username. But, Steve Pinker did a very exhaustive study on the subject.
The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined - Steven Pinker
> A man will pass by the grave of another and wish he was in the latter’s place.
This has happened for a long time. Depression is nothing new.
> Trustworthiness will be lost, i.e. when authority is given to those who do not deserve it.
This is also nothing new and has happened for as long as there have been humans.
> People will gather for prayer, but will be unable to find an imam to lead them.
OK.
Anyway, as I said, not a scientific claim in the bunch. I was looking for something more than this.
Da es nicht mit im Text steht: Pinkers Buch zum Thema ist The Better Angels of Our Nature. (oder als Übersetzung)
Sehr umfangreich und sorgfältig recherchiert, sehr empfehlenswert aus meiner Sicht.
He wrote a book about it.
www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143122010/ref=dbs_a_w_dp_0143122010
The show definitely explores themes of trauma, how it can linger and influence us even when we aren’t aware of it. I’m a therapist and was doing a trauma informed training last year when it was on plus working with a lot of clients who had experienced complex trauma. Since I couldn’t talk about them with my bf, I tried to get him interested in discussing the characters but he wasn’t interested (he works with computers). It is interesting to hear someone else’s take!
Off topic but this is a great book for anyone living with PTSD the body keeps the score
Remember you are not your diagnosis. It doesn't mean you will be depressed and anxious forever. It means that's what you are dealing with right now. Maybe the anxiety and depression were indicators that you really needed to get out of that relationship. They are symptoms of your life at the time. So getting out of that relationship was possibly the best thing that could happen because it's a step in the right direction. One of the best things you can do in this time is read a good relationship book or listen to one. There are really good books for help with trauma experiences as well.
It's tough being on your own but being alone and working on healing is better than being with someone who pushes you down. Work on healing and being confident and comfortable being alone. If we switch the terminology, don't worry about being alone, work on being alone without being lonely. Remember Superman's fortress of solitude. Sometimes being alone is the best way to think and to decompress and to find that quiet space where we're comfortable with ourselves and the universe.
Consider keeping a journal of your thoughts to help you work on your anxieties but also to rediscover who you are. You don't have to write a lot, just enough to remember the persistent ones you're working on or things you would like to prioritize. Use the journal to plan things you want to do. It helps to do one small thing each day. Check out bullet journal and poke around r/bujo as a means of personal organization and discovery.
Who were you before this toxic relationship? Can you remember parts of that person you can reconnect with? You don't have to go back to that but it can help be a guide to who you are now and will be tomorrow. We have experiences and then we look back and evaluate them. The goals we have today are what we use to do that. If your goals change, how we view the past changes. You are changing and that's the best thing that can happen if you were recently in a negative place. Protect your "area", wave your arms over your head and around you and say "this is mine." Claim your space. Get your power back.
Online therapeutic classes can be expensive but there are several you can take here after a one time $10 registration fee. Take notes in your journal on what seems like it helps. Don't make it all work. Watch movies and read books you enjoy. Most of all be kind to yourself while you are figuring it out. Don't judge yourself harshly or beat yourself up about anything that happened. It's all in the past. Focus on today and tomorrow. Hang in there!
I am very sorry to hear about that, your experience is the opposite of what should happen and it really sickens and saddens me.
We got aware of our system about a year ago, our abuse was mainly caused by our father aswell. We spent long time in denial, infact we still get in denial sometimes. How ever the more I've gotten to know myself, better our communication has gotten, and more accepting I have been towards ALL the parts, more whole and strong I have felt.
When we get depressed about the past, or worried about the future, we remind ourselfs how lucky we are; we get to experience childlike joy about things, and its definatly not only a bad thing to feel like a teenager every now and then
We will never be alone
It really must suck the therapist broke your trust like that, but dont let it prevent yourself from getting help, can you live a good life without therapy? Maybe, I cannot answer that for you, but we know we tried to deal with everything by ourselfs way too long before getting help, only to realize we do deserve and need it.
Now it might take a while to find a good therapist, meanwhile, knowledge is power, I highly suggest the two following books;
https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks-ebook/dp/B006B7LORY?crid=1EDLIHIN9K5UB&amp;keywords=dissociative+identity+disorder&amp;qid=1536309996&amp;sprefix=dissoci&amp;sr=8-4&amp;ref=mp_s_a_1_4
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748?keywords=trauma+book&amp;qid=1536311130&amp;sr=8-1&amp;ref=mp_s_a_1_1
Now they are not something you should read in a day. Or something you can read in a day. I spent months myself, sometimes only reading a page at the time, but they both provided me with alot of information that really helped me.
Also, try journaling, for us its been an amazing way to communicate, for start it was a bit scary, but inner communication is the key
All of your alters togeather with you make you
All of them are capable of learning and growing
Every one of them is there for a reason
Give them the love and understanding you would had deserved as a little, and not only the little ones, the angry ones too
On Killing by army psychologist Lt. Col. Dave Grossman. Scary title I know, but this is one of the few books that has ever made me feel better about humanity.
>This is extremely key. If any such loosely affiliated people clinging to this one term (ancap) is going to progress, distinct and close knit groups must form around different sets of ideological values. This is why, in its current state, violence in the name of ancapism makes no sense. There is no unified goal, no unified definition of terms even.
Yup.
>This is an interesting paradox I have been trying to think through. Lets say you have an ancap territory. You want people to interact peacefully and whatnot. However, in the real world you need "nasties". You need people who can assassinate, kill, spy, and destroy your enemies.
>The solution seems to be ideology. Similar to the idea of Jihad, or "war" where under certain circumstances these things are OK, but in others they are not. The killers need to be indoctrinated to understand the different instances in which certain methods are permitted. I don't think it is that hard to leave the battle field and reintegrate otherwise there would be a whole lot more violence here in the US and in the countries that jihadists come from.
The best work I've read on this is 'On Killing' by Lt. Col. David Grossman. I'm not a military man, but someone who's been an officer or an enlisted leader can comment on whether or not they think it's a good book. This is a big problem, but according to American military thinkers, the American military has been better at training these kinds of killers than even the Prussian professional military of the 19th century as measured by willingness for units to fire on human targets with intent to kill.
This is a really hard problem that requires strong institutions to cultivate. I'm going off memory because I sold the book, but the person that the military attempts to train is the 'virtuous psychopath,' meaning someone who kills without hesitation while following the strictures and values embodied by the broader organization. Is this a sensible goal? Has it been achieved? I'm not sure. My sense is kinda-but-not-really. Any impressive innovations at the tactical level in the American military are greatly overwhelmed by the permanent strategic retardation of the political leadership -- namely that it's continually fighting wars with no solid justification, killing people for no purpose, without reference to the cost.
That book is all about that problem specifically and how the modern American military has attempted to solve it: conditioning people to be killers within the bounds of the law and the structure of command.
There are also of course thousands of years of accumulated material on this topic, and I'm unqualified to survey it in a way that would satisfy my standards. This is an extremely hard problem whether you go about it from either religious or secular means. The societies that solve this problem better than others are the ones that thrive.
Are jihadis really good at this? They're pretty terrible when you think about it. In Syria, they're an irregular mob. They behead people in public, burn folks alive, rape women, and slaughter civilians pushed up against walls with automatic weapons fire. When the mujaheddin entered power in Afghanistan, after long preparation as mountain-fighters, rapers of prisoners of war, and religious fanatics, they proceeded to institute a backwards theocracy. That isn't the sort of professional martial elite that knows how to stand aside and give civilians room to build up property and flourish. That very idea of a prosperous civilian society is utterly foreign to their way of thinking. That's not why men are on this earth from their perspective.
War never ends for them, even if jihad is over. And it's hard to end jihad against the Soviets when there's other targets worthy of jihad out there.
As American military standards have become more lax, and standard atrocities like torture have become acceptable, policing has become more brutal and war-like. This shows the great danger in permitting discipline to lapse within the military, and with the promotion of wonton war for no strategic purpose. The previous legal standards of limited war between European states promoted civilization for this reason. Unfortunately, the Americas have never been terribly civilized.
Been loving the responses so far! My own preferences have been changing, and I've been reading a lot more non-fiction than I used to. It has really opened the doors to a lot of books I would not have considered reading before!
On my reading list:
The Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley - this is what I'm almost finished with now. It has been a really insightful read on how little prepared society is for disasters, and the steps we should take to help fix that.
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - I've seen this mentioned on reddit a few times and it's in the same vein as the book I'm currently reading.
Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King
The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce D. Perry
The Lean Startup by Eric Ries - I'm currently working in the startup industry, and have read similar books to this.
The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz - same as the book above. This is currently going around my office right now so I should be reading it soon!
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. - this was recommended to me by a friend when he learned I was reading The Unthinkable and The Gift of Fear. Honestly really looking forward to reading this one!
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society
Books I'd recommend:
Blink by Malcom Gladwell - all about the subconscious mind and the clues we pick up without realizing it. Pretty sure reading this book has helped me out in weird situations.
Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future by Ashlee Vance - amazing read about how Elon Musk works and the person he is.
The Circle by Dave Eggers - just don't watch the movie :)
Actually, Dave Grossman did a more comprehensive study & analysis as per his book "On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society", and it does show a lot of the same stuff. He does say that the WWII study is not beyond reproach though, you are right. But there's something to it If I remember well.
Is this the book you mean?
The Practice of Network and System Administration
The Book -- The blog
/r/sysadmin/
serverfault.com
lopsa.org
Your local Linux User's group
A couple of personal projects.
Would recommend reading,
"The Practice of System and Network Administration, Second Edition"
lots of good starters on different topics. It helped me quite a bit.
Good reviews
https://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Second/dp/0321492668
If your school is rolling out 1:1 in macbooks using google accounts... and you're coming on blind but willing to learn... that's going to be rough.
Do you currently have any sort of IT support at your school/district? If so, I'd start by asking them what they currently use. Do you plan on using an MDM? Remote management?
At the very minimum you'd want to familiarize yourself with inventory management. Keeping track of all these devices and being able to link a device to a student/teacher is key in the event something breaks. If you're just starting a 1:1 program, I'd be curious to see how long you eat the cost on repairs before sending bills out. I just talked to one of the largest districts in my state a few months ago (ok...like 6 months ago at least) and they just starting billing for damages on their 1:1 (which is only rolled out to 9-12) because they were eating roughly 10k yearly in ongoing repairs and replacements.
Is there a ticketing system in place? How are requests handled? Would you be flying solo or part of a team? There's all these factors that greatly change how and what you do. Very few people in the sysadmin world walk in as a sysadmin, they start as helpdesk and work their way up.
what should you study? I recommend brushing on on different types of alcohol. If you're doing this all solo with no existing infrastructure or support it'll be helpful. As far as books probably the practice of network and systems administration. It's more of a focus on the theories and practices, not so much the CLI or "how-to" tasks.
I see this thrown around quite a bit.
Apparently it's a bit of a huge read, but that's what comes to mind.
I prefer two, but others may do.
My brother has been raving about "The Practice of System and Network Administration" by Limoncelli, Hogan, and Chalup. I can't speak to it personally, but it gets pretty great reviews.
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668
The Practice of Network and System Administration is a great resource for novices and experienced professionals alike. I picked up a copy last year and have found the advice within invaluable.
Check out The Practice of System and Network Administration or The Ops Report Card
If you are looking for general advice, instead of domain specific (ie. Windows, Unix, networks...), this book should give you plenty of information and ideas for further reading. Very practical and sane approach. ITIL materials might be also useful, but that's much heavier reading, and rather, um, self-centered.
Keeping a blog with things that you've discovered/struggled with/hacked up together is rather useful - both for you, and for community at large. I actually do this both at work, writing about things specific to our infrastructure, and on the outside, when I find something interesting. It's easy to fall into trivial topics area though.
Last but not least: respect for picking sysadmin job despite having strong developer background. We need this kind of people :) You might also want to read around on DevOps, although take it with a grain of salt.
Good luck!
I've used Spiceworks in the past.
I also went down the path of using Trac after Spiceworks. I liked the built in Wiki features that let me document things for my users. I also made use of the code repositories to track my work.
I also recommend The Practice of System and Network Administration. It helps to justify and understand why a ticketing system is so important and will give you the ammo you need if you get push back from management.
This is not a direct answer, but: read "The Practice of System and Network Administration" to get a sense of a what a model IT department should look like.
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668
For a tl;dr version, you can check out Ops Report Card:
http://www.opsreportcard.com
http://www.amazon.com/Practice-System-Network-Administration-Edition/dp/0321492668/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
That one
Therapy is absolutely worth it imo. BUT and the big but is that you need to find the right kind of therapist. There are many, many different types of therapy out there. Personally? I felt like I wasted thousands on talking therapy in the beginning and I just kept rehashing and reliving the trauma with pretty much no progress.
The therapies that I got the most out of because of my trauma was 1. Havening - had the quickest most immediate response to this so therefore it ended up being the cheapest 2. Hypnotherapy - I got a lot out of this because while I logically knew a lot of truths but so much of it wasn't being accepted by my subconscious for some reason. Hypnotherapy sorted that 3. EMDR - also great.
Now I do talking therapy for current stuff going on in my life to get a sounding board and unbiased opinion. That was just me - but talking to 'fix' was the biggest waste of time and money for me - however, talking to maintain has been great. Ultimately you need to find your own therapeutic path. It's pretty frustrating because there isn't a one size fits all. Then on top of it, especially with talking therapists you need to have a connection. So you are constantly having to give the whole story over and over. I found the other therapies had a much better effect on me and allowed me to connect with a therapist much easier once I felt I was more in maintenance mode vs crisis mode.
Im not sure where you are but I feel like there are probably websites out there that review therapists.
Also: some really great books that helped me (and are much cheaper) are:
Good luck!
This is not a direct answer to your question, but I can't help it. In terms of PTSD, have you heard of or read the book, "The Body Keeps the Score"? It's a book which is mentioned frequently on this sub for survivors of trauma and the people around them. I am finally just now reading it, and the book is mind-blowing <--- and I have had years of therapy, aggregate, largely related trauma. Please look into it. I hope you don't mind my mentioning it. I feel like one of those people who, when you say you suffer from migraines, start telling you ways to cure/avoid migraines, all of which you already know/have tried. I find this book to be exceptional. Just thought I'd mention it. Good luck!
I am normally a lurker here because my "JustNos" are actually my mom's JNparents and have passed away. I'm posting as an adult child of someone who survived abuse, to share a bit of longer term perspective. My JNGF physically and verbally (not sexually I don't think) abused my mom. My JNGM (who was abused by her father, my GGF) did nothing to stop it and was generally an enabler/conflict avoider/rug sweeper. My mom refused to even consider the possibility of having children for a long time because she was afraid that she would subject them to the same abuse that she experienced.
After a lot of therapy, she and my dad decided to have kids (my brother and I). My mom was not perfect. I may have residual issues from her (anxiety which is more of a family trait than just from her). However, she was nothing like her parents. In fact, I've had one of the best/calmest childhoods of almost anyone I know. I have told her this many times, and she still worries that she somehow scarred me irreparably (spoilers: she didn't).
Recently (at around the age of 60), my mom has gone back to therapy to continue to deal with the trauma she suffered. I think it is helping, and I hope some day she will be able to see that she did a great job and to remember that I am lucky to be her child. Until then I will just gently remind her she is great whenever she worries that she is responsible for all the bad parts of me and I am responsible for all the good parts of me.
People are (almost) never all one thing or another. The times you are angry do not invalidate the times you are patient. Obviously we would all love to be all amazeballs all the time. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that, so we try our best and go to therapy when we need help. Remember that you developed these instincts (of judgement, of going NC) to deal with situations that put you and those you love in danger. It is completely unrealistic to expect yourself to immediately divest of these instincts the minute you don't need them. That, like everything else in this world, takes time
A Happy Postscript: My mom's JNparents did actually reform into Mostly yes grandparents. I'm not sure what changed (I suspect it was that all of their children grew up refused to tolerate their crazy). But regardless all of my cousins and I were able to have good relationships with my maternal grandparents. Now this is not to say that this is the usual outcome, and you are ABSOLUTELY justified in being skeptical of real change. I just wanted to say that people change as they get older, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. There may be a time when you are able completely let go of your survival strategies. However, until then, you don't need to feel guilty for having them.
Book Recommendation Post Script: The Body Keeps the Score. I think this was posted on a book list somewhere, but I cannot recommend it enough times to people who experienced any kind of trauma in their lives.
About CPTSD in general? This book by Pete Walker is a pretty seminal work.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492871842/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_ZHsPCbTPKG205_nodl
This other one also helped me a lot, because the physiological crap that comes along with CPTSD is every bit as terrible as the emotional component:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=URYXV0O6HWS6&amp;keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&amp;qid=1554327719&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=the+bidy&amp;sr=8-1
Ultimately though, therapy and journaling are going to be your best starting points for your personal recovery. If you can find a therapist that has experience with trauma, that’s your best bet. I would also recommend seeing a general practitioner and a psychiatrist because of the aforementioned physical issues.
Would you consider yourself to have some introverted tendencies? For a while I correlated confidence with being an extrovert, but Quiet really helped me realize that people don't all have to conform to one type of personality to be accepted by others. I found that I'm much more confident when I'm playing to my strengths and aware of what weaknesses I have. Some social situations are difficult for me, like going to a party full of people I don't know. If there's a friend of mine that can introduce me, or if I can bring one extroverted friend along I'm much more comfortable and can socialize better.
Hope this helps.
Not the best read, but this book discusses some of the benefits/drawbacks.
More modern society--Dale Carnegy-esque networking and less static communities/networks of people-- likely has shifted at least public opinion to prefer extroversion.
It is becoming more accepting and understood by psychologist and society as a whole that these differences is real. The innate personality that defines either introvert or extrovert is hard to ignore.
This book should get you the answers your looking for:
http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153
I would also add to this, that her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is also a thoroughly good read.
Getting Things Done has helped me manage all the "stuff" i have to do.
Got a few days? LOL!
Start with the source material for The Better Angels Of Our Nature by Steve Pinker.
This is from a large group of data sets from many many sources compiled.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Better-Angels-Our-Nature/dp/0143122010
I read books 4-6 of the Dresden Files. I blame Patrick Rothfuss for getting me started and duckie for keeping me going. Coupla assholes. After I finish the other 8 books, I have some nice, solid non-fiction lined up.
In no particular order, I'm going to read:
The Information by James Gleick
The Better Angels Of Our Nature by Steven Pinker
The Math Book by Clifford A. Pickover
The Know-It-All by A.J.
CoastieJacobsAnd others. I'm gonna nerd out so hard that I'll regrow my virginity.
FANTASTIC book on this topic:
https://www.amazon.com/Better-Angels-Our-Nature-Violence/dp/0143122010