Best dating books according to redditors
We found 1,391 Reddit comments discussing the best dating books. We ranked the 252 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 1,391 Reddit comments discussing the best dating books. We ranked the 252 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
All the nonsense about "wait two days to text him back" blah blah. No. If you like him, tell him so directly and use the word "date". I think romcoms are the source of it for the most part, but this book was responsible for a surge too: https://www.amazon.com/All-Rules-Time-tested-Secrets-Capturing/dp/0446618799
Even in Juliet's balcony speech, she apologizes for being so "forward" and saying how much she likes Romeo when she thought she was alone! And a man (?) (probably) wrote Romeo and Juliet. Women have been told it's not modest to be direct for a loooooonnngggg time in our entertainment (and god forbid you be immodest).
Since I don't know the extent of your Autism, I will write as if I'm speaking to a person that is just very inexperienced with dating.
It definitely is different from case to case.
Some people experience it like this though:
If they agree; pull out your phone, open up a New Contact, put their name in, click the phone number field, then hand them the phone to type it in.
PROTIP: If there is a lull in the conversation, don't keep prodding them or start playing on your phone, instead have a casual conversation with someone around you (bartender, person in line near you, somebody sitting at bar). This shows you aren't a puppy dog relying on them for entertainment, are outgoing, and have confidence (an attractive trait universally).
its best to assume you aren't compatible and leave them alone. Definitely don't beg or pressure them.
At the FIRST sign of hesitation, stop entirely. Don't get butthurt or beg, just respect their wishes. You can offer them a drink or to do the activity you mentioned, then try again later. If still no, they may either have some friction (religious background, awkwardness about intimacy, principles against first-date hookups) or something went wrong and they think you're a friend/is using you for something. Nothing I've written here is a hard rule, simply my experience. This may not be the case for everybody, especially if there is mental disorder involved.
Sometimes it ends because it just isn't adding anything exciting to their life (compatibility comes down to being able to tolerate eachother for an extended period of time). Sometimes they will go on until death, often not.
Also, a book I cannot suggest enough is Mark Manson - Models
This book probably gave me more applicable advice about dating than any other source period. It is one of the most useful materials for self-improvement. Possibly the best dating advice to ever exist.
well shit man, you're gonna make me cry. I've had a relationship very similar to this and I have to say there is nothing really like it. However as special as you might think this person is; just remember that part of that emotion can also be nostalgia. When it comes to our needs and wants as human beings in relationships. We tend to overlook the negatives for the positives because (depending on how much abuse we are willing to deal with) sometimes those precious moments of mundane life can be just as powerful if not more powerful than the heartbreak dealt in it's absence.
To be honest; ever since I was a kid I has a romanticized view of women. That through trial and error I would meet "the one". Someone who brings the concept of "kindred spirits" to the next level. They get your sense of humour, they don't disappear or mock when you do stupid shit; they understand your aspirations and dreams; but more importantly they deeply understand inner workings of your pathos while bringing their own interesting perspective and pathos along with them. To make a sort of intermingling of emotions; like oil and water shaken up in a bottle intermingling but never a carbon copy of each other; only complimenting each other.
The sad reality however is that this shit doesn't really exist..
Don't get me wrong; you can find close to this if you are lucky which is what you probably found with the girl you are describing. However the older I get the more I realize that the concept of "oneitis" only hurts you in the long run. What turns from a 2 year relationship; might turn into 2 later years of mourning of that prior relationship due to the concept of how "special" or "unique" this girl is. I know this feeling deeply as i've dealt with it a couple of times. The truth is that these girls aren't actually that "unique" or "special".
Of course everyone is unique in their own way and there are no perfect copies of anyone. However when you start to date a large amount of women the "unique" traits; become less "unique" and more similar. People aren't as special as they make themselves out to be. We have similar molds and the girl you thought that was like no other; probably has millions of very similar copies. I know this is making me out to be like a dick; but i wouldn't write this novel if I wasn't trying to pass on some painful knowledge that I received from previous relationships if I didn't relate to your struggle.
This last piece of advice is even going to sound more asshole-ish/nihilistic, but the way I was back in my other relationships (and correct me if i'm wrong about yours because i hate to project incorrect psychological analysis). I would generally put the girl on a pedestal and value what made her happy more than what made me happy. This is what ended all of my relationships in horrible ways. From cheating to 1 week breakups to flat out insulting rejections; a large portion of putting these girls on pedestals was valuing them more than myself. This comes from a position of broken self-esteem. The moment I started having less attatchment to the females in my life and started living for myself. The more girls i started dating and guess what; if you want to ever meet a girl that's similar to the experience you had with your SO. Then you are going to have to play the numbers game and I mean quickly. When i say this I don't mean sleep with as many women as possible, but meet and become on friendly terms with as many people as you possibly can and then select the ones that you connect with the most. This will not only make your dating life way better; but it will change the way you view relationships. You wont be so desperate to latch onto a girl, because you wont see the girl as angelic saint diety goddess. However as a person with their own attributes, idiosyncrasies and flaws. This is one of the most singular things that has improved my life; and since you seem to have shared a similar relationship past with mine I just thought I would share it with you.
Anyways,
Whether you take my advice or not, man
I wish you peace, brother.
Also if you want to dive deeper into why women are more attracted when you are less attatched/emotionally responsive read this:
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
It's PUA without being a complete narcissistic superficial dick.
Pce.
“Practical Female Psychology: For the Practical Man” by Joseph South, David Clare and Franco is a book I am currently reading after seeing it mentioned in the comments of a recent post on The Rational Male.
Put simply, it’s the best book on red pill theory I have ever read. Right up there with Rollo’s books. It was published in 2008, so was written by contemporaries of our esteemed elders Pook, Roissy, Roosh, Rollo and others.
It is so good, and yet, in one year of red pill awareness, I had never seen it mentioned or suggested anywhere. So I thought it’d deserve its own post, rather than me casually mentioning it in a comment next time someone asks for book suggestions.
I so strongly encourage you to get it and read it that I’ll allow myself to reprint here a particularly good chapter to motivate you. Hopefully it's ok to do so and will bring some traffic to the authors' amazon page. Before I’d do so, I’d provide a quick lesson learned:
PS: Feel free to debate and oppose the ideas but remember the following are not my writings – just reprinting.
---
Chapter 11 Stages of Manipulation
> When it comes to marriage, one man is as good as the next. And even the least accomodating is less trouble than a mother.
We believe that manipulation is an instinctual behavior deeply rooted within female biology. Manipulation is also a learned behavior, due to one's need for survival. From a biological point of view there is not too much of a difference between biologically-rooted and learned behavior. In fact, from the point of view of both modern neurobiology and evolutionary psychology, behaviors repeated and learned over time become deeply rooted in the neurological patterns within the brain, to the point where the behavior becomes largely unconscious. As individuals are prone to choose behaviors which support survival, manipulation has certainly been selected as a desirable survival skill.
Manipulation can be defined as the attempt to influence another person's mind to achieve a certain outcome. Manipulation is very often seen as a negative thing. We, however, are not judgmental about manipulation, and actually consider it a positive feature, which has been designed to keep life continuing on this planet.
In order to best manage relationships with women, the Modern Man should understand that there are various stages of manipulation that a woman will go through during the course of a relationship with a man.
On the biological level, the female of our species is programmed to:
We call this process betaization, where the strong, alpha male is rendered beta — which means "secondary" or "subservient" — within the relationship, over a period of time. Quite often, this process occurs gradually and almost imperceptibly to both parties.
Manipulation is widely used by women to achieve:
Female manipulation can be either creative or destructive, depending on the desired outcome. From the point of view of the man, female manipulation can be considered "good" when it supports life and the man's interests and "bad" when it destroys life and/or damages the man's interests.
Succinctly, the more manipulation is used by a woman, the more it becomes natural and unconscious to her. It is like learning to play a musical instrument: at first it is difficult and one needs to pay conscious attention to each note being played, Then, as mastery is gradually achieved, manipulation becomes more and more unconscious.
Behaviors are slow to develop and also slow to be unlearned. In the modem woman of the industrialized countries, the way instincts are expressed has changed slightly with time, due to less-demanding survival conditions. However, the influence of the female's primal instincts on her behavior remains evident.
It is important for you to learn to recognize manipulation. In fact — as we discussed in Chapter 4 "Female Basic Conflict" — for a woman's sexuality to be satisfied, it is important that her manipulation attempts against her man not be too effective. You must learn to observe female behavior and give the right responses, with the goal of making her happy on the emotional level, as opposed to responding to manipulation attempts on a logical level.
Learning to respond appropriately requires knowing the various stages of female manipulation.
Stages of Female Manipulation
A woman's attempt to own you mentally will follow certain incremental stages, which predictably occur with mathematical precision. We will now discuss each of the following stages in detail:
Depending on the woman's self-esteem, there are big differences in the way these stages will play themselves out. If a woman has high self-esteem (HSE), she will test you and manipulate you in a totally different way than a woman who has low self-esteem (LSE).
Testing the Male
"Let me be a little bitch to him.” A woman knows on the instinctual level — and also on the rational level — that a man can impregnate a large number of women without too many consequences. In our modem age of mandatory child support, this is not always true in practical terms, but biologically it remains the case that the female has a much higher risk and burden when it comes to pregnancy than the man does.
A woman also knows that a weak male will not be able to protect her or her children in any way. Imagine as a man how your thoughts about survival would be different if every time you made love to a woman you faced the possibility of carrying a baby in your belly for the next nine months, followed by the primary responsibility of taking care of the baby for many years to come. Imagine how you would feel if you knew that your partner could leave you at any time and impregnate other women and/or leave for war or for hunting. Get the picture? You would become much more selective in your choices of who to mate with. From this biological reality stems the deep need that a woman has to test the male for his physical and leadership qualities. In our modern society, the need to test for physical qualities and financial stability has become less important than the need for qualities such as leadership, intellectual capacity, and strength of personality; but that would be quickly reversed in the case of war.
One thing is for sure: a woman in this stage will test the male for his skill of being a hunter. This will happen whether you are skilled in hunting animals in the grassy field or company shares in the business field; you can be sure that at the first stage of manipulation a woman will test you.
A woman will always test a male who she is sexually attracted to. For a psychologically healthy woman, survival and sexual desire must always harmonize with each other. A woman who tests men only for survival benefits — such as a man's ability to provide — is denying her sexuality. A woman who tests men only for their sexual appeal, is either planning to live her life without men, or is being self-destructive.
Seeking Communication
"Open up to me, please."
Once a woman has tested the male, and is relatively sure that he is strong enough to serve her purposes, her concern begins to revolve around making the man serve her exclusively. Many men who are relatively strong and pass the tests of the first stage, fail to understand the meaning of this second stage. This stage is extremely difficult for the average man to detect. It is instinctually and often unconsciously masked by the woman as a purely innocent attempt to "communicate" with the male.
It is a feature of the feminine psyche to appreciate communication above all else, but from an evolutionary point of view what the female of our species is really doing at this stage is using language to befuddle her partner, which will hopefully cause him to serve her and her purposes.
This stage is extremely important to the success or failure of couple relationships. Couple therapy fails so frequently because it tends to disregard the real, evolutionary meaning of this stage. A very common pitfall for couples is when the woman starts to feel that the man is displaying an inability or unwillingness to "communicate properly" with the woman. Modern couples therapy almost invariably places the blame for this supposed lack of communication squarely on the man's shoulders.
In the first stage, the woman has screened out the weaker males; the man was specifically chosen by the woman for a relationship. In this second stage, the woman acts as if she is seeking deeper communication with the man. A strong man will start to sense that an attempt is being made to weaken him, and he will then usually react with certain predictable behavior patterns. He may get angry or he may withdraw.
Let the flaming begin. I've been thrashed by people on here every time I mention pickup or game, even if it's EXACTLY what a lot of guys on here need. It's changed my life entirely. If there's one thing I wish people would understand, is that it's NOT about sleeping with a bunch of women.
It's about taking control of your life (a part of which includes how much sex and with which girls) in it's entirety.
It is not sleazy to learn how to be an attractive man. If I learn to dress better, that's me bettering my life. If I learn to rock climb, scuba dive, and appreciate fine wine, I am improving myself. If I learn how to vibe better and be better socially calibrated in social situations, that is LIFE IMPROVEMENT.
Most guys that get into PUA do it because they're painfully alone and lonely. They start learning all of this information thinking they'll at least get to have more sex and possibly get a quality girlfriend. What they find is that they are actually really good guys, with good qualities, that DESERVE to have a MUCH better life than they've been living.
They start getting better friends, becoming more popular, becoming more confident, finding girls that never would talk to them suddenly chasing them, find that they are hanging out with cooler guy friends, being invited to parties, moving up faster at work, being happier, doing cooler things, traveling, enjoying life, and TAKING CONTROL.
If you are a man who is happy with where your life is, where your dating life is, where your sex life is, then keep doing what your doing and you'll get what you always got. If you want that rockstar life, it doesn't take money, looks, or luck. It takes you sucking it up, going to a few websites of guys that have changed their lives, and opening your mind a little. You have EVERYTHING, literally your entire life, to gain, and nothing to lose.
Start with Roosh's site.
http://www.rooshv.com
Tyler is a guy that was a nerdy army guy that took a 1on1 training course Roosh did. Read his journey. You can do this too.
http://thedatingcroniclesoftylerd.blogspot.com/2009_02_01_archive.html
If you don't understand the lingo (wtf is a PUA, right?) Here's the breakdown: http://www.pualingo.com/
Here are a bunch of websites I have bookmarked after going through thousands. They are all PUA related. Browse through some.
http://www.rooshv.com/
http://roissy.wordpress.com/
http://pickuplabs.com/blog/
http://www.artofseductions.com/
http://www.pualingo.com/
http://thedatingcroniclesoftylerd.blogspot.com/
http://www.thegmanifesto.com/
http://elysiumrevisited.blogspot.com/
http://www.tenmagnet.com/
http://www.theattractionforums.com/
http://therealsavoy.blogspot.com/
http://fivepointzeroexploits.blogspot.com/2009/09/i-run-out-of-things-to-say-to-girls.html
http://www.bristollair.com/
http://www.puatraining.com/bootcamps/us
http://thesanfranciscolair.com/
http://www.scribd.com/doc/19074216/The-Approach-Natural-Game-Compilation-LATEST-UPDATEFEB-21-2007
http://www.puablogs.com/
http://www.theattractionforums.com/discussion/84801-inner-game-secret-attractive-reactiveness.html
http://www.bristollair.com/complete-article-index.html
http://charmingrogue.com/
http://www.seductiontuition.com/
http://www.seductiontuition.com/swinggcat/
http://iwforums.com/
http://seductivecody.blogspot.com/search/label/PUA%20theory
http://www.tuckermax.com/
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0061540455/ref=pe_606_13416480_pe_ar_d1
http://www.adventuresofkeychain.com/
http://www.futuristicwords.com/
http://fbardamu.wordpress.com/
http://lifewithsoul.com/
http://www.braddocksblog.com/
MRA: We've got problems, too! Let's fix the rules.
MGTOW: The rules suck, and I'm not playing.
Incel: The rules were specifically designed to screw me over!
Redpill: Feminism's version of men's rights + The Game = profit?
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty, by Mark Manson
As a woman and feminist who read that book for funsies, I think it offers a lot of solid advice for men on how to gain confidence and a good mentality, and actual instructions for social interaction with women WITHOUT the ordinary PUA tricks and tropes. Can't be bothered to look up exact quotes right now, but his message is basically that "if you want to get laid, PUA tricks and games could potentially work on some women who are very insecure. If you want to maximize your happiness however, drop that shit and start making yourself and the women you meet truly happy -- which incidentally will also get you laid, and so much happier in the long run."
I understand the 'put my foot down' mentality you're going for, but from what you've written it comes off as coming from a place of insecurity. Yes you have to establish boundaries for what you consider to be acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, but more importantly you have to recognize when you're doing things reactionarily to others or if you're truly acting out of self respect. The author Ayn Rand discusses this concept in Fountainhead,
>"Others dictated his convictions, which he did not hold, but he was satisfied that others believed he held them. Others were his motive power and his prime concern. He didn’t want to be great, but to be thought great. He didn’t want to build, but to be admired as a builder." Fountainhead Chapter IX, Part 4, pp. 605
Are you doing things to show others you have self-respect and boundaries, boundaries which are defined by reactions of others, or do you have self-defined boundaries developed out of self-respect.
I hope you'll take this as constructive criticism rather than an attack on your person.
Ok let's be real for a second. You were fairly invested in her and she didn't reciprocate. She sent some signals of disinterest that you picked up on 'acting distant and not making an effort to message me', then she sent a soft rejection, 'I'm busy' (I'm guessing she didn't propose another time by saying something like 'I'm busy but I can do this Saturday').
Because you were still invested in her, you pushed through the indicators and tried to get her to return investment in you by [demonstrating value] initiating conversation, cracking jokes and being nice. She didn't respond for a few weeks and then you 'put your foot down' and unfriended her. That's not establishing boundaries, that's acting reactionarily out of a place of insecurity.
Let's talk about what you could've done differently, and the underlying mindset behind what you did in comparison.
Here are a few books which I think may be helpful for you to read.
Subtle art of not giving a fuck
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
Ok, lassen wir das wieso, weshalb warum mal außen vor da Du schon deine Entscheidung getroffen hast. Ich habe selber nur eine Erfahrung, aber ich habe viel mit den Damen und Herren aus dem Milieu zu tun gehabt. Lass mich einen Vorschlag zur Güte machen, finde eine Möglichkeit eine Escort zu dir kommen zu lassen, ggf. in die sturmfreie Bude von einer deiner Freunde. Sag am Telefon explizit das Du Jungfrau bist und Du eine Dame haben möchtest die auf so eine Nummer wirklich Bock hat, investiere mehr Geld = mehr Zeit. Weil: Du beschreibst dich als schüchtern und die Situation in einem Bordell ist beim Erstkontakt selbst für gestandene Männer eine eher ungewohnte Situation. Viele sind nervös, gestresst und fühlen sich unwohl. Insgesamt kein guter Rahmen um die notwendige Entspannung zu entwickeln die für guten Sex notwendig ist. Vor allem vor dem Hintergrund das bei dir ein weitere Stressor (Jungfäulichkeit) hinzukommt. Resultiert darin das Du entweder keinen hoch bekommst, oder super schnell kommst. Daher ist auch eine Dame wichtig die sich Zeit für dich nimmt und sich auf deine Situation einlässt. Dinge wie gemeinsames Duschen und Massage schaffen eine entspannte Atmosphäre, danach ausgiebiges Vorspiel und 1-2 Verkehr.
Viel Erfolg!
Edit: Da Du noch relativ jung bist, arbeite an dir selbst, es gibt zwei Bücher die ich dir nahelegen kann:
https://www.amazon.de/Die-S%C3%A4ulen-Selbstwertgef%C3%BChls-Erfolgreich-zufrieden/dp/3492263968/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483880311&sr=8-1&keywords=sechs+s%C3%A4ulen+des+selbstwertgef%C3%BChls
https://www.amazon.de/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483880318&sr=8-1&keywords=models
Lass dich nicht von den Rezensionen vom 2 Buch irritieren, es ist in dem Sinne kein "Pickup" Buch. Es geht darum wie man an sich arbeitet um einen selbstsicheren und attraktiven Lebensstil zu entwickeln.
It's a book by pick up artist, Neil Strauss. It's basically a 'how to' book in the style of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" Except it's about, you know, how to be a dick and manipulate women.
-This is just traditional advice, but it says a lot about whether a man respects women: pay attention to how he treats his mother. Does he respect her? Does he look up to her? Those are some good signs. EDIT: y'all I did not mean for this to come across like I think it applies in every case. I don't even know about most cases. But based on my own experience, I think it's a good thing to pay attention to.
-How does he talk about his ex girlfriends? Are they all ~crazy~ or ~bitches~ in his mind? RED FLAG
-If a man says he's a feminist, know that this doesn't mean anything. Wait until he shows that he's feminist in his actions. I once dated an incredibly abusive guy who stalked me after we broke up, but often claimed to be "the most feminist guy he knew" LOL
-Ask him his opinion about feminist issues that are close to you. What does he think about the wage gap? Prostitution? Pornography?(I think it's very hard to find men who aren't flat-out addicted to porn which takes a toll on a relationship, especially if you're anti-porn.) It's not a deal-breaker if he doesn't agree with you 100%, but it's probably a red flag if you find that it's hard to have a rational conversation.
-Finally, I recommend that all straight women read stuff on "pick-up culture" and "game" to identify when men are trying to manipulate you. Reading some of the how-to-manuals for douche-bags can help you identify them. The whole culture is pretty misogynistic. Here's one example: https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
There's an even greater tragedy here: Strauss tried to sell an actual book to help people, not to tell the story or PUAs. Here it is.
Effectively, it was a 30-day program to try to get people to get a date. And, it was broken down into little missions to do each day to get people prepared, and he was smart enough to know that his reading audience would be starting from a very rudimentary level. I did almost all of the social anxiety missions.
Missions included things like "meet the neighbors": knock on the neighbor's door, say "Hi, I'm (name), and I figured I'm come say hello because we're neighbors and we've never met before." Talk for 15 minutes, and leave. Sometimes, it included finding local magazines or news papers, and looking for events that seem interesting to go to, and go to them. Another was "Moviephone", where you're calling people anonymously in the white pages. Ask for someone's name, and when they say you've got the wrong number, thank them, but say that you're going to the movies with the person you were calling for, and can you recommend a movie? If you get the random person to give you a movie recommendation, you win. There's even a very scary mission...ask people for spare change.
It may be a little annoying and creepy, but how the hell else are we going to deal with the glut of people we have who aren't socialized?
I didn't go through the whole thing, but I did do a lot of it. The last social anxiety mission was a choice: go do an open-mic set at a comedy club, or go sing karaoke. I did the latter. It was hard, but I survived, and I'll remember it for the rest of my life.
All in all, we have a problem of people who aren't capable of living in a society we have, and we're going to need to do something about it. Because if we don't, they'll do something about it themselves.
> But then they'll always be considering monkeybranching/cheating with alphas if they get the opportunity because they're just settling for the beta.
Plenty of married alpha's. Rollo Tomassi, the father of TRP, is married.
> how the actual fuck do you as a male who wants LTRs and doesn't want to have casual sex "succeed" and not end up a beta bux?
By being alpha entering into a relationship.
>It’s not a numbers game, it’s a non-exclusivity game. The goal isn’t racking up as many women as humanly possible in order to sift through the throng and find that one little golden flower. In fact that’s the key to disaster. There is no Quality Woman, that’s an idealization. Some are better than others of course, but you don’t find the perfect woman, you make the perfect woman. There is no needle in the haystack – that is Scarcity / ONEitis thinking – the point is to mold yourself and any woman who you do exclusively end up with into your own frame. This is a process that should come before you commit to exclusivity, not after. The world is filled with guys forever trying to catch up, control the frame and be the Man they should’ve been long before they entered an LTR. They spend the better part of their LTRs/Marriages trying to prove that they deserve their GF’s / Wife’s respect when they’d have done better in letting her come to that conclusion well before the commitment through a healthy dose of competition anxiety. - Rollo Tomassi
The Rationale Male
>dark triad traits are not long term healthy relationship traits, they're just traits for fucking sluts. Well I don't want that, I want a relationship down the line with a non-slut,
"Dark Triad" traits (or just alpha traits) are attractive to all women, not just sluts. The difference is, sluts lack self-control and self-respect, so they get used by tons of guys and make irrational choices. The lack of self-control is what makes sluts bad investments. Even when they have a good deal (lesser-alpha), they lack the self-control to resist a higher alpha, throwing away their relationships to chase their hypergamy.
You will never be the most alpha. There will always be someone who's better breeding stock than you. You just have to be alpha enough. As you grow old, you'll likely sacrifice your freedom and independence for family and legacy. You won't be as alpha as you once were, or as other 20 somethings are, but you'll have different priorities, and ideally a women who's wise enough to know she's got good deal.
Hi! Woman here. You are definitely not ugly. On the plus side, you aren't fat, full head of hair, well trimmed beard, symmetric face, good teeth - lots of good stuff!
Women aren't as superficial as guys on Reddit think they are - but awkwardness and perceived creepiness can be a real problem. Most of the dudes on Reddit who are super bitter about getting girls don't realize that being super bitter sends bad signals.
Have you seen or read this book?
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
Mark has great stuff on how to improve your chances of getting girls in a real way.
I expect to get downvoted into oblivion for this, but I don't care, you need to hear this.
Man the fuck up. Seriously. Man the fuck up. You sound like a wingey little kid. You're 25 for christ's sake, start acting like it. Yeah, things aren't working out for you. So what? You sound like a classic example of someone who lets his past failures hold him back.
Take a bit of responsibility for your life and stop letting minor setbacks ruin you. Your internship fell through? Big whoop, go find another one. Your letters of recommendation didnt get written? Did you chase them up? If someone says they'll do something for you, and they don't do it, you kick their arse, annoy the shit out of them, until they do. if you can't get the job you want, then you're doing something wrong. Don't blame the job, blame yourself. Either you don't have the necessary skills, or you're not marketing yourself in the right way.
>Within a year, I expect to be dead by my own hand, the victim of one too many misfortunes.
Get fucked! You seem to think that the world owes you a fair go, that if you wait around long enough someone will take you by the hand and solve all your problems for you. Aint gonna happen, that's not the way the world works. People go through a lot of shit, but you've gotta weed through the shit and find the good parts. You don't like your family? Move out. Move to a different town. Hell, I moved to a different country. Can't find the job you want? Like I said, either you're aiming too high or you're not presenting yourself in the right way. Judging from this:
>Most companies to whom I send resumes don't even read the cover letter before sending me a form letter saying that I'm not a good fit for their position or deleting it entirely
It sounds like you THINK you've got the necessary skills for a job, but aren't getting it because employers have some sort of unanimous grudge against you. Yeah, right. Either your cover letters are crap, or your resume is crap, or you're underqualified. There are plenty of places/people that will read over your resume and cover letters and give you feedback on how to get an interview.
>I do not expect to have children, even if I should manage to survive until then--doing so would require finding one person who gives a shit about me personally
Wow, you really seem like a barrel of laughs mate. Read The Game, join your local lair, make some friends and get laid. I head your pessimistic mind saying "No, that's a waste of time, people just don't like me and blahblahblah". Yeah, you're probably right. So change, and the world will start to treat you better.
Get your shit together man. No one's gonna do it for you, you have to take responsibility for your life and for the path that you're taking. If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always been getting. I'm gonna say that again so it sinks in a bit:
If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always been getting.
So man the fuck up. Rather than having a boo-hoo-look-at-me-my-life-is-so-horrible-and-hard-and-no-one-understaaaaands pity party, try changing a few things about yourself. Be more positive, stop talking about depressing things. The more you talk about your problems, the more "real" they seem.
If life kicks you in the face, get the fuck up and kick it in the balls.
Do you have a girlfriend currently? Because I've found that it changes things.
There was definitely a time in college when I was happily "friend-zoned" with quite a few women when I was single who changed their tune completely after I got a girlfriend, mostly to the tune of "Wouldn't your girlfriend mind if she saw us hanging out together?" or straight-up ignoring me. (NOTE: No, because my girlfriend isn't a controlling asshole.)
The trouble, I think, is that there actually is a subset of women who operate under the social assumption that hangouts are mini-dates and that a relationship is the inevitable next step (rather than "best friends" or "business partners" or other sorts of platonic relationships). When you combine that with the masculine stereotype of sex being the only thing on a man's mind when he interacts with a woman, it sort of reinforces the idea that "friends" is a masculine social failure and a feminine social rejection.
Regarding OP's pic, that shit is straight up dumb. What's worse though, is that these guys are handed a boutique gym-and-tan trial, this book (I shittest thee not), and an extra-large cup of "grow some balls and start being aggressive with women", rather than "Get a fucking clue and realize that if you were in her position, you would want to be able to reject a sexual advance for any reason. Stop being an antisocial asshole whose only thought is getting his rocks off and maybe you'll attract someone nice, even."
Read Models. Best money you ever spent.
https://www.amazon.ca/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
I'd strongly suggest picking up a copy of Models for your buddy. The book tends to be honest, insightful, and offer lots of actionable advice for building a romantic connection.
Read your husband your exact post then hand him this book
https://www.amazon.ca/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
I'll save him a seat.
I was not prepared for this, but I may have just read one of the best book reviews of my life about your captain's The Game:
"I know I'm taking a risk by even acknowledging its existence and my familiarity with its contents. It may not be interpreted kindly that an Orthodox rabbi (in training) reads *this* widely. But this book tells a story of ethical tension that is, hands down, the most powerful treatise on morals and group dynamics I have ever read. Period.
I found it at once the modern man's sefer mussar of choice, and the endgame of every single Reality TV show every made. But it is not for everyone.
You'll know if it's for you after reading the first 10 pages.
(The first 5 are here: [http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/00605...])
THE GREAT novelty in this book is simple: credibility. The author walks down roads, and perhaps comes to conclusions, that ultimately reflect an eerily familiar set of values. However, this presentation is backed up by his experience, and so we trust his authority.
And who is "we"?: non-authoritarian, ethical, sexually aware (not necessarily active) human beings who thoughtfully approach the question: What kind of relationship is a good one? Because before we even seek an Other, we must choose: wordless college hook-up, one-night stand, short term "friend", long term friend "to have fun with", companion, life partner, or spouse/best-friend to start a family with. This book may make you question your unconscious assumptions or conscious decisions in this area.
(I admit my assumption that female readers can also gain these things from a man's story.)
Authoritarians ask their authorities (clergy, philosophers, etc.) and skip the discovery process I describe. Unethical people should have little interest in the book, as ethical-tension is the book’s essential content, and they can get more direct material online. Finally, sexually -unaware or -sensitive folk (e.g., modest or religious individuals) won’t stomach the mildly graphic descriptions of what the protagonist lived through – ignorance is bliss, for them.
Understand:
A 'pickup artist' is an amateur social scientist who adopts a language of "technology" complete with acronyms and jargon in order to systematize interpersonal relations: in this specific instance, how to get girls into bed. With the internet as catalyst, they formed a community, granting the unprecedented ability to share knowledge and methods.
The author is an NYT and then Rolling Stone reporter who, born and raised a geek, discovered this community of pickup artists. To make a long story short, he mastered the "art". How did it change him? Does power corrupt? Esp. power over sexuality?
The book is selfish. I.e., it is about self-discovery, self-esteem, self-worth. It is about the connection sex has to the self, and reveals much about the modern cultural condition. It also tells a story, and effortlessly, such that rays of life’s truths stream though the filter of (every) author’s unavoidable sins of omission. You will learn what you want to from the book, and therein lies the "danger" in my recommendation.
Full disclosure: I vicariously got something out of my system, learned about the human being, and myself. It validated many concepts I have about friendship, group dynamics, and honesty. It also serves as a warning about the evils of backbiting and gossip, misogyny, and coveting. It has, in its way, said the same thing as such classic Jewish works as Mesilat Yesharim and Orhot Tzadikim (though they say much more as well), and modern day "classics" like Magic Touch and the entire Gila Manolson oeuvre. It complements Wendy Shalit's "Modesty" nicely. I am not a fan or groupie: I am engaged to a woman who has trebled the joy and light in my life, and opened up new worlds to me, my teacher, my student – so I am not a consumer of this. And the only habit I have adopted since reading the book is to smile whenever I walk into a room of people I don't know. Though perhaps, that is life-changing enough..."
There's two components to this.
One, realize if you land in a relationship you won't magically get happy. No one thing in life makes everything better. Life is complex and misery comes from a lot of sources. If you're miserable outside of a relationship there's a good chance you'll be even more miserable in one. Also, you now have less time and money. To really understand misery and getting over I'd recommend Feeling Good and The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck.
The second part, let's say you really do want success with women. Or at least to try it out. You're probably unskilled. That's it. You aren't a loser. You aren't a failure. You're just unskilled. Think about it like this. We all have to work to eat and survive. There are dozens of strategies for job hunting, but I've never heard anyone exclaim, "ah, don't worry about it. Just be confident and you'll land your dream job one day". You think about the type of career you want, think about how to build a presentable resume, create a strategy to get the experience you need. Plenty of steps and strategy. Same with seduction. For this I'd recommend Models and asking around /r/seduction. There's a lot of different strategies out there (a lot of terrible along with good) and figuring out what works for you, but the important thing is just realizing it's a learned skill. It isn't fate woven by gods from the beginning.
+1 to most of the above.
I am on wife number 2 now and SO much happier. I was young and alone and modeled my relationship off of my parent's dysfunctional one... Was in it for 8.5yrs. Got out of it and although there were some rough times, I made it through... I then spent a year or two hooking up with as many girls as I could, then happened upon an AMAZING woman - married her last November.
I got very lucky with meeting the first girl I hooked up with after my ex, but after that it wasn't too rough. My suggestions are:
Cheers!
Turn off the internet. Tell him you could care less if he pouts for three weeks and stays in his room. He can grovel in his own filth for all you care. You're done with his shit, and he needs to man up. If he wants the internet back on, he better start to get his shit together and help you out and if he doesn't, I'd cut his cable in his computer. He's not a 19-year-old boy in college, and neither are you. Have more self respect for yourself to let some little boy treat you like that. You have to put up with him the rest of your life and if you set the boundaries of your relationship to let him do whatever he wants, he will continue to do whatever he wants. Alslo, if you can't seem to understand this, buy this book >> http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560 it's been a life saver.
Seen peeking out of Shanahan's back pocket
These are specifically targeted towards 4chan users.
My hunch is that they have convicted pedophiles, doing work to allow for early release. But I can't prove that - just throwing that out there.
Another pattern - take it for what it is - it reads like early 2000's seduction techniques. If you don't know what that is, there was a big movement following the release of the book The Game(https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738) about pickup. Anyway, a huge explosion of online seduction exports popped up in forums, selling memberships, and exhibitions and training courses.
Whoever is working at JTRIG, has familiarity with 4chan, and has probably recruited from there. Just a theory - so take it for what it is.
I've read most of your comments here and you sound exactly like the guys that get posted about in /r/niceguys. You seem entitled, shallow, and delusional, and you don't have much self awareness. The good news is that you're very young, and a lot of people didn't like who they were in high school and ended up 'blossoming' after high school, whether in college or work.
You need to think about this: if the majority of people, specifically girls, keep treating you and interacting with you a certain way repeatedly, there's got to be a reason for that, and it's most likely not them - it's you. YOU need to change. If you're overweight or too skinny, hit the gym. Not only will you look better, but you'll feel better about yourself, and you seem to need that because you don't sound too confident or sure of yourself.
You also need to be honest with yourself and truly analyze yourself and be vulnerable to identify what your personality traits are, which are good, and which need addressing. The end result of this is that you will be sure of yourself and be accepting of situations and not have a reason to make sad and pathetic posts like this (this is not an insult - but if you don't think this post is pathetic then it stresses my point about confidence and self awareness).
You need to get this book: Models: Attract Women Through Honesty. Even though the title of the book mentions attracting women, the main context is about what I mentioned above: being honest (with others and yourself) and being confident, and the process you need to go through to achieve that.
Lastly, you should save a copy of this post you made somewhere. Read it once every few months. When you finally read it and cringe really really hard after then you're starting to make some progress. Good luck.
Start by reading the /r/polyamory FAQ if you haven't yet.
There are many good books out there, and reading any of these will help fill in a lot of blanks for you:
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know About Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love
The Polyamory Toolkit: A Guidebook for Polyamorous Relationships
Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!
If you like listening to podcasts, there are a couple good ones I follow: Multiamory Podcast and Polyamory Weekly.
Go slow, read lots, and follow your heart.
Some thoughts
One thing that got me thinking was his slide on the how and the why. Basically the chart looks like this:
Advice | Reason |
--------|-----------|
confidence | risk taking |
charisma | social hierarchy |
competence | provisions |
leadership | overall survival |
Talking to a stranger is risk taking. Having good charisma makes you seem higher up on the totem pole. Who gathered the most animals? A big question in women's hypergamous brain is who have the most provisions.
This got me to thinking about how I would develop social confidence? "The most important mark of confidence a man can do is to start a conversation with somebody... approach, approach, approach." (@~34:00)
So I brainstormed:
Advice | Reason | Action|
--------|------|--------|
confidence | risk taking | Approach
charisma | social hierarchy | Work in Bar/Meet Ups/ ...
competence | provisions | Job/Budgeting/Investing/show dangerous side...
leadership | overall survival | Get in Leadership Positions/Volunteer...
How feasible are the actions? Approaching can be done today by going outside, but I am [insert hamstering] and she is [hamstering]....
Here are the books he recommended @~40:18
Shows what men and women want.
Advice:
Become keen observers of human nature and behavior based on reality. One way is to take walks with your dog, sit at a cafe and eavesdrop on people on dates.
He also recommended getting social history books and getting a book list together. Not sure if the list above is the list or a quick glimpse.
Background:
Man is dying. I saw him on reddit offering free advice and skype sessions before. I thought there may be a catch and I was insecure. Fast forward today I see him on the stage, I wish I have taken up the offer
and am thinking about spending a day with him. Usually never have someone like that in my life, wonder about how a day with him would be like. Crowd in the room are tired and silencing his side jokes, but sometimes the
crowd (or one person) comes alive and responds. I would of been stoic/quiet/beta (on and on) in the audience, but would fantasize about his points. At end no one seem to have questions so he have to probe the audience "anyone want to know about my eye patch?"
questions around @48:00
etc.
This book completely changed my understanding and approach to relationships. Read it following my divorce two years ago, and I've always had exactly as much female interaction in my life as I've wanted since then.
I cannot recommend it enough.
It brings clarity to everything, and you can use it to bang a non-stop train of sloots, or (as the book recommends) find the girl that's perfect for you long term. It's not about pick-up lines or games to trick girls into fucking you. It's about investing in yourself and communicating in a way that lets women see your true self, flaws and all.
It's a really easy read, and you'll find yourself with vision and perspective you never previously had.
Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty
Of course, everybody does. And yet I've never had a such a problem attracting people I had to assume a fake personality. Self-esteem finds its own level. If you've got your shit together and are sane doing your thing, you will attract similar people. If you're so deep in self-loathing you have to invent a fake personality to have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex.. it's just like that book for women "The Rules". Like, even if people can't tell you're manipulating and playing games and lose interest at that, then congrats, your prize is you've manipulated someone into being with you who is too dumb to realize you're actually a desperate phony who is faking it and will leave you when they find out! Fun times for the whole family!
You're taking the wrong lessons out of this book. Yes, you should care about yourself and your values more than others. However, what you're talking about is not caring about others in the slightest. That's insane!
You're going from one extreme to the next. But you will still have the same insecurity at heart.
How do I know? I've been there. I was that nice guy that helped everyone out when they needed and didn't get anything back in return, or refused to take back. Then one day, I had enough. I became a raging dick to everyone, my friends, family, housemates. I'm still suffering from the fallout of what I did, 3 years on.
Change is good. And I'm glad you're taking action to change. But becoming obsessively narcisstic is not the best path. You'll get some of what you want but lose the things you loved.
Focus on yourself first, and then care about those around you next. Don't go full throttle on the former. Check out this, it talks about exactly what you're going through --> Models: Attract Women through Honesty
And here is an exerpt --> The Power in Vulnerability
At the end of the day, do what you want to do. I wish you the best of luck.
edit: Spelling, added 1 sentence.
read models.
Talk to women. Talk to men. Talk to old women you have no sexual interest in about things that come to mind (yours or theirs). collect cool stories. Pursue hobbies for the sake of doing something awesome (more stories).
Hit the gym - a better body looks better and feels better.
Sort of! It works sometimes.
The idea of these "scripts" isn't that they have such a high success rate, it's that when you run a "script" over and over on different women, the rejection doesn't feel as personal as when you painstakingly came up with something unique for each woman.
When people reject this profile, it's not personal. He didn't write it. When he tries a script in each conversation and gets unmatched, it's not personal. It's not his script. They're not rejecting him, he just needs to find better material. In a rejection-rich environment like Tinder (and dating in general), this can be really liberating.
For profiles in particular, you can think of them kind of like the spam e-mail from the African prince. It's misspelled and obviously fake, and that's on purpose. The only people who respond are gullible, confused, etc.--the perfect target.
This profile is targeted at people who want some nice abs to play with and are kind of into assholes, and there really are plenty of women who fit in that category, at least sometimes. Again: the perfect target.
Edit: If you haven't read The Game by Neil Strauss, I highly recommend it. It's very entertaining and, I think, really captures the spirit of the movement.
I'm putting this at the top so all y'alls see it. If you're dating, you should really read Aziz Ansari's book Modern Romance. I haven't finished it yet, but it's great and actually more serious than I was expecting (but still funny).
 
Dating in Portland sucks, but I assume that dating everywhere kinda sucks. That being said, I'm friends with some really smart and beautiful women and we've all had a waaay harder time dating than our male friends. I'm sure there will be guys on here that disagree, but in my experience they have a way easier time, but that could just be the social circles I run in. Like, they haven't had to lift a finger or do any relationship work because there's always another cute girl waiting in the wings that has left a note on their bike or baked them cookies or straight up asked them out. We, on the the hand get told we're "intimidating."
It seems like quality men that want to be in a relationship are already in one or they'd rather just play the field and sleep around a lot (which is fine, when they're upfront about what they're looking for). Sometimes it feels like I'm just waiting for people to start getting divorced and back on the market. At least it seems like guys in Portland are finally growing out of their Peter Pan Syndrome, but that probably has to do with being out of my 20s. It does anecdotally seem to last longer here that what I hear from friends in SF, Seattle, etc.
 
Every couple of years I try my hand at online dating and it's absolutely great experience to go on a bunch of first dates, but geeez it's also exhausting. This certainly has value in and of itself, but it's always felt more like an exercise in socializing and small talk and learning how to keep a conversation going than anything romantic. One date the guy pretty much only looked over my left shoulder instead of making eye contact and it took a huge amount of will-power not to keep turning my head to see what the hell he was watching even though I knew it was only a blank wall.
The last online date I went on was such a disaster I actually got another drink to continue watching the trainwreck (heck, I had nowhere else to be). He repeatedly asked if I was a stripper which wouldn't have been quite so gross (although still inappropriate!) except he was obviously not some sex-positive guy. It was really weird. He was also very surprised that there are bars on the East side (!) and kept referring to Henry's (where we met up, his choice, not mine) as a hipster bar. HAAAA. You can bet the dudebros around us were starting to look mighty attractive compared to this asshole.
Sometimes I think I'll reboot my OKC profile or try Tinder, but it's just been feeling like too much work for not a lot gain or even fun.
 
No, I'm not setting any of you heathens up with them.
Here are two resources I've found helpful. Both of these were game changers for me:
No More Mr Nice Guy: The dangers of "Nice Guy Syndrome" (which you're obviously encountering now). It's not about becoming an asshole, it's a systematic approach to helping you set healthy boundaries with others and to start respecting and taking care of yourself.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty: How to apply the ideas in No More Mr Nice Guy to interactions with women you'd be interested in dating. The "pick up" community can be pretty trashy, but this is about becoming the person you really want to be so that you can attract the kind of person you want to spend time with. Great stuff.
>So we dont have alpha males, however the alpha in humanity is the one with the best social strategy?
In case it wasn't clear, that point should be: In socially intelligent species (like us) [which have alphas], the alphas are the ones with the best social strategies.
The alphas that I talked about were ones from socially intelligent, non-human species. Hierarchies do not exist in all human societies and, in our society, many of those who are leaders gain their strength through social manipulation rather than strength/being an asshole. Look at Obama.
>If you look at the seduction community these are the principles we use in order to become "alpha" and desired. We may not be the greatest looking, richest, big muscled meat heads, but we pride ourselves on reaching "alpha" status. (take a look at /r/seduction and I think you will find the content interesting if you can get passed some of the objectification of women.)
I laugh at much of /r/seduction (although there are good things on there) simply because they divide people up in ways that have no evolutionary basis behind it. The thing is, acting like a jerk to gain a mate only gains you certain kinds of mates. The 'douchebag' theory isn't just limited to men; there's also a book for women called Why Men Love Bitches that basically calls for women to act like 'alpha' males. Guess what? It works just as the male 'alpha' strategies work. Milder versions of these mate selection theories work for both sexes, not because humans inherently like jerks, but because the vast majority of people don't want someone needy, clingy, etc.
"Nice guys" aren't actually nice, they just think they can trade "being nice" for sex. When that doesn't work out then the "nice guys" turn into unhappy ass-holes, while they watch the women they pine over fall for someone else. I know this, because I started out as a "nice guy" and had a lot of growing up to do to reverse the crazy ideas that media and society put into my head about how love and relationships work.
Here's a good place to start:
Both of those books are filled with solid advice about how to extricate your head from your ass.
OK so it's not because you pass shit tests that you're automatically "alpha". "Alpha" is the collection of sexually attractive traits: good looks, social & personal dominance, high status, pre-selection, etc. When a woman manages to get with a man she finds sexually attractive and get him to commit to her, she slowly turn him into a beta. A process called betaization. Why? Because she also need to fulfill the other side of her strategy, which is getting a dependable and resourceful man to give her always more stuff. So she needs her alpha to become her beta. Once you get into a committed relationship, she's actively trying to turn you into someone that she needs although it is someone who is, unbeknownst to her, unattractive. That's why TRP tells you to shack up as late as possible in a LTR, not to get married, to maintain active dread, to pass shit tests, to be ready to walk away, etc. It's work for you to fight her instinctive attempts at making a beta out of you and to ensure you stay enough alpha to remain sexually attractive to her. It's especially important as familiarity brings contempt anyway, and that women are naturally attracted to the emotions brought about by mystery and unpredictability. Aka, strange dick is alluring just because it's strange.
You can read more about betaization in that awesome book: https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6
Narcissism and Machiavellianism never got me anywhere worthwhile.
I've been reading this book recently, I found it helps with women of course but basic interactions with anyone as well.
It's a great blueprint, it's more about finding and expanding your true Alpha self than using arcane techniques to pass off as an Alpha.
Don't be only invested in you. Be driven, invested in yourself but make a bit of room for someone else. Don't brag but enjoy sharing yourself with someone who deserves it.
Be interested in them but don't let that influence you. Don't be arrogant, respect their opinions but don't ever change who you are for them.
I used to manipulate others, now I'd rather be upfront. "You're trying to get me to do x or y, for your sole benefit? I won't stand for that, goodbye."
Don't dwell and plot in the shadows, expose yourself boldly and stand your ground. You'll save time and effort. And you'll feel relieved and comforted that you've stayed true to yourself and your values.
When you learn martial arts, the instructor doesn't just tell you to go in and fight! He teaches you technique. Game is exactly the same, yes practice is great, but if you don't even know the basics, get your head in the books, get a coach, or however you wanna learn. Credit to Arash for the analogy.
Recommended reading
Women Ignition by 60YearsOfChallenge (intermediate-master) <--- This dude was my mentor and I am a beast for that, much love to ya 60!
Anything by RSD/Real Social Dynamics ( Beginner-Master)
Mystery Method (Beginner)
The Game (SUPER beginner)
The Ultimate Guide to Text and Phone Game By Nick Savoy/Braddock (Looks cheesy but it really is a great book)
Recommended websites
mASF (general advice beginner-master)
Casanovacrew (L.A/Vegas lairs/meetings)
RSD (Great coaches/solid game beginner-master)
Recommended Puas to follow
Manwhore (sexual escalation/love this bro/he's not a douche, comes off that way.... nice guy)
Psych/Dj Fuji (VERY structured game)
Mystery/Neil Strauss/Matador (Mystery Method, the torch carriers of game)
Tyler Durden/Jeffy/Brad P (RSD, some of the biggest names, very good)
Bravo (online game/really great guy/highly recommend him)
Arash ( This dudes inner game is on point. I have one of his speeches saved, I'll upload if you want it Seddit) <--- Really nice dude, nothing like I thought he was gonna be
Hypnotica (Inner game master, talked to this dude once, I felt and still feel amazing)
Get to reading!
Edit:Updated shit.
Strongly reminds me of the pickup artist community.
If you are intrigued by sociopolitical bullshit of powerful egos behind movements and their followers, read The Game by Neill Strauss.
>Great post. I agree with number 7, it is so true.
This one is harder, but in my opinion it's more honest. About a quarter of girls dump me or flat out refuse when I mention it. About a quarter are gung-ho. About half are ambivalent. I don't think it's wise to bring it up unless she's a pretty cold lead, in which case a dirty Hail Mary is a viable option, or unless you've already been with her for a while and she's deeply into you and thus you're more likely to have hand.
Neil Strauss's Game sequel, The Truth has him exploring non-monogamy:
>I look up and see a yoga stud from Kamala's pod.
>"Have you rounded up any more girls?" the orbiter asks him.
>Kamala Devi and Shamal Helena said polyamory was about loving relationships, not casual sex. But these guys seem more like next-level pickup artists, coming to these conferences with the intention of sucking any available women into their powerful reality.
"These guys seem more like next-level pickup artists:" let that sink in.
I personally have never seen attractive polyamorous people. But I have seen lots of attractive open relationship people, and when the guy is driving it can be very powerful. Some of the girls in that scene are more psycho than average. The people deepest in, I stay away from. But some of them are fantastic. Remember that there is no escape from frame or SMV. If the former is strong and the latter is high it can be next-level game.
I've not written comprehensively about open relationships and game but I did talk about them in Women want to follow your lead: a story about a woman presenting two ways.
There was a study done on college campuses showing that "when men are in oversupply, the dating culture emphasizes courtship and monogamy. But when women are in oversupply—as they are today at most U.S. colleges and universities—men play the field and women are more likely to be treated as sex objects."
https://www.amazon.com/Date-onomics-Dating-Became-Lopsided-Numbers/dp/076118208X
Lots of great advice here, when you've had time to find yourself, this will find the woman of your dreams. I was divorced at 50, 7 years of terrible dating and then another divorced friend gave me this link, told me he had read the book and it changed his life. Changed mine too, I went from pointless dating to my gf in about 6 months and had many great dating experiences along the way
https://www.scribd.com/doc/33421576/How-To-Be-A-3-Man
Corey Wayne
How to Be a 3% Man, Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams
This book had helped me and at least 2 other men - it isn't your typical pick up a woman book
This is a free link to the book uploaded by the author - he also had many YT videos, an email newsletter and website - all free.
He has pay services, read the book, you won't need to pay for anything. Truely changed my dating life.
If you want to purchase
How to Be a 3% Man, Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1411673360/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_y97ACb14PESWM
You're DEFINITELY doing something very wrong dude. I'm divorced now, but I had been married for 8 years, plus 6 years of being in a relationship with her; so since I was 18 (32 now), I hadn't dated, or in other words, I never actually dated. 8 months ago we split, and 4 months ago I started dating; I had no clue; my first date was a huge mess; I did everything wrong, I even broke a sweat in front of the girl; it was just terrible. Then I read this book (I listened to the audiobook on Audible, really):
https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Man-Corey-Wayne/dp/1411673360
This is one of those "life changing" books; seriously, EVERY single girl I've dated after reading the book wants to have a second date (some more strongly than others, I've dated around a dozen so far). Seriously, read it. It all boils down to three things: 1) Detecting their attraction level to you (1 to 10, don't waste time with anyone under 5), 2) Listening, but actually LISTENING, looking at them in the eye and really remembering what they say (women test men, this is often one of their tests), and 3) Staying mysterious - most guys talk their way out of a girl liking them, don't talk that much, don't volunteer information.
Anyway, read the book for details; it changed my dating life, I'm sure it'll at the very least improve yours.
By reading the “bible”.
We might be thinking of different uses of the word. "Courting" used to mean basically the same thing that "dating" does now.
"Courtship" that you find in the modern era was popularized by the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and is mostly found in very religious circles. What I described above is only one way in which its invasive, overly structured, and practically designed to make it feel uncomfortable or even wrong to break off a relationship if it isn't working. There's a huge emphasis on never courting someone you aren't thinking about marrying and so once you start Courting anyone, there's an assumption in the social circle that you will marry them.
Sorry. I just really, really hate Courtship. It's done a number on a lot of people's heads. Some of them were close friends of mine. It's driven people away from their faith. I'm lucky mine was preserved. I could've easily gone the same way with how hard people around me were banging this gong. I hate it so much. It's just hurtful and backwards.
Here's my cis-hetero-male perspective:
Resources
The previously-recommended Models by Mark Manson is fantastic.
I can also recommend Mate: Become the Man Women Want by Tucker Max and Geoffrey Miller. It does a great job applying evolutionary psychology to real-world dating concepts. I imagine SSC readers would enjoy it.
For someone seeking step-by-step, practical advice (in my case, I was practically autistic when it came to the actual ), I recommend Bang by Roosh.
Dating as a Market
I'm surprised how few people understand that dating (the sexual marketplace) is a fairly efficient market.
Each person has their own sexual market value (for men: Looks, Money, Status). To get more and better quality offerings in the market, there are only two options: increase your sexual market value, or go to a different market where you're valued more highly (example: older white men going to the Philippines).
I suspect that the source of frustration for many men is simply not knowing their own value within their city's market.
Interestingly, the explosion in popularity among online dating is making city dating markets much more efficient. Whereas before there was massive information asymmetry (people tended to date and have casual sex within their social circles, or the nearest bar), now, anyone can paste a profile online and immediately determine their value (i.e. number of matches) in the marketplace.
Here's an excerpt from one of my favorite books The Manual by W Anton:
> After your bold approach and some small talk that includes flirting, you should restate your intentions while keeping in mind her desires; you say what you want while telling her what she wants to hear. What do you want? Her phone number. Why do you want it? Because you want to see her again. Why do you want to do that? You know this best, but it is probably because she is very attractive and you enjoyed talking to her. Therefore, that is what you should tell her while at the same time handing her your cell phone or a piece of paper and a pen — still smiling, full of confidence while maintaining eye contact, and assuming that she will give you her number the same way you always assume positive outcomes for your every advance.
> It is not complicated. You are not asking for a woman’s number, you are telling her to give it to you by thinking aloud, and you do it after effectively convincing her that she would not mind meeting you again by the way you handle yourself and her.
> If you did not bring your phone, tell her to write her number down. And if you did not bring your own pen, she probably has a makeup pen or a lipstick in her purse that she can write with. Otherwise, ask someone in the vicinity without hesitation.
Honestly, this seems like the most natural way and it's worked well for me.
It's trash and it promotes social interaction solely as sexual conquest, coupled with a borderline red pill mentality that's also trash. Erik Von Markovik is also walking cringe. It's hard to find anything relatively positive about PUA.
Some people will put Models in the PUA bucket, but it's also an interesting read if you want to detect more bullshit.
I've actually read the book. It's called "The Game". It's a bizarre story about an extremely insecure short, bald guy who becomes a successful "pickup artist" by learning magic tricks and wearing boas and unusual hats.
While it seems to have improved his extremely low self-esteem he doesn't build one meaningful relationship with a single person throughout the entire book.
By the end of the book I felt nothing but pity for the people who had to disconnect from the world in order to get past the anxiety that kept them from meeting people. The greatest irony is that at the point that they finally gain enough confidence to meet people, they've lost the empathy and attachment that makes a relationship worthwhile.
I highly recommend reading a book called Models - Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson
In the book he covers different dishonest methods that men use to attract women for the wrong reasons, including the very same situation you find yourself in. If you want to stop doing this to women, start improving yourself so that you can eventually become the honest man you want to be in a relationship.
1.) You are putting the opinion of others above your core values. You believe you need to prove yourself to others and have an external locus of control.
2.) Your wife is overweight/unhappy because of the above. She wants a man who acts like a man.
suggested reading:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-Superior-Man-Challenges/dp/1591792576/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1343349702&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+superior+man
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1343349734&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=models%3A+attraction
http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1343349752&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=no+more+mr.+nice+guy
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continue to use drugs and continue in my current way of life, or take the blessing He was graciously offering me and give up drugs and marry her – that was His plan for me. I decided it was time to quit, and knew God would help me. I only had 1 joint left (coincidence?), so I smoked it and went to bed high. I woke up the next day sober and got rid of all my drug paraphernalia. I had no cravings anymore; that part of my life was over by the grace of God!
She was very clear with me from the first date that she expected to wait until marriage to have sex, which at that point was my goal as well. Christ had really set me free from many of my old habits over the previous year, and I wanted to honor Him. Her first marriage was to an abusive, alcoholic man. He was the only man she had ever been with. They split up shortly after coming to America after he almost killed her, and it was just her and her son and daughter for 8 years. Her daughter moved out before we got married, and her son was 16 when we got together. He took a liking to me right away when he found out we like the same music. A couple years later God even used me to lead him to salvation!
We were married in 2008, after dating for exactly 40 days. Now I know why it is important and why God wants us to wait until marriage to have sex!!! We have a connection unlike anything I have ever experienced before. A couple weeks after we got married, I threw all my porn in the trash.
Sex between us has always been great. She was pretty shy and reserved when we got married, but I coaxed her out of her shell little by little. She now has no trouble doing all the things I like, and is very enthusiastic sexually. I made it clear before we got married that I would want a lot of sex, and if that was a problem for her she should move on. She said "If you marry me, it will never be a problem." And it never has been. I get as much sex as I want. I have absolutely no desire to cheat anymore since I got married, and have not slept with anyone but my current wife since 2007.
However, shortly after we got married she started giving me a difficult time over the boy I have guardianship for. She knew the situation when we got married and agreed to it, but gave me grief about it later. She tried to tell me that his birth mom needed to step up and raise him instead of us. She got angry because birth mom was not paying her court-ordered child support (this has since changed). She even accused me of sleeping with my stepdaughter, going so far as to pressure me to get a DNA test, which I did just to shut her up. I am NOT the father, but I have chosen to be his Dad and am perfectly happy doing so.
Also, a few months after we were married, my son's soccer coach asked me if I would be interested in doing a devotional for his team before practices. I said yes, and began giving a spiritual message to the kids before each practice. Then I saw a program on Christian tv called The Way of the Master. I was blown away by the strong, direct message and the technique they use to share the gospel! I began watching every week, and soon began to order cd's, dvd's and gospel tracts from them. Since then I have learned to share my faith Biblically using the Law of God. It is powerful, and I am no longer afraid to share my faith with anyone! Soon after that, another soccer coach who attended my church asked if I would include his team in the practice devotional, and I said yes. Through him I was soon offered an opportunity to teach a Bible study at my church to a 65 and older class. I taught that class from 2009-2014.
I developed a great friendship with her older son as he became a man. He had been lifting weights since he was 15, and is ripped. He got married a few years ago, and moved across the country with his wife. His example and encouragement to eat better and be healthier motivated me, and I finally got around to getting braces in 2012. This caused me to give up soda, and I started losing weight. I started intermittent fasting January of 2013, and dropped from 252 to 179 lbs. In 2015 I started working out on an old Bowflex I had bought after we first got married, and gained some muscle and tone.
Then in August of 2015, my elderly parents moved in with us because they needed help with daily care. We had talked about it over the previous year, and we both agreed it was ok and we would take care of them. I made sure to double check, because I didn't want any misunderstandings later. My wife was nice and welcoming when they got here, but she quickly became more argumentative with them and me. It came to a head the second weekend after they arrived when she started on all of us, yelling and arguing and being totally irrational. We actually had to leave the house for a couple hours to keep it from escalating any further. I didn’t speak to her for a few days, and it was during this time that I Googled “How to get my wife to respect me. This led me to the Married Red Pill subreddit, where I created a Reddit login and submitted my first post. Needless to say, I was blown away by the advice I received. I had been reading the sidebar steadily, but the feedback in the comments I received specific to my situation was exactly what I needed at the time.
Since that post, I have slowly changed and molded myself into a strong RPChristian man. I took it slow, at my own pace, and am glad I didn’t try to change everything at once – small, steady changes with the frame to back it up. Frame took the longest for me, and the key to changing things was realizing that it was my emotional reaction to the things my wife said that was causing me the most problems. It took a long time to practice and internalize that my getting upset when my wife challenged me or said something I didn’t agree with stemmed from my subconscious view that SHE was the one in charge. Once I realized that it really was all up to me, and that I could make the decision and deal with the emotional frustration of her disagreeing, things really started changing for the better. This comment was a game changer for me in that respect. Because I was the classic Nice Guy ^^^TM, this part of my transformation took longer than anything else I did.
Now I take charge, showing leadership and making decisions. No more “I dunno, what do you want to do?” I decide. She can persuade me to change my mind if she wants. I have established clear boundaries, and although it took a while, she has come around and I get a lot more respect than I did in the past. I fix stuff around the house, maintain the cars, take responsibility for the bills and all things financial, have successfully completed a number of home-improvement projects around the house. I joined a gym in 2016, and have transformed my body. I had the advantage of working labor jobs for many years, so the muscle base was there, I just needed to shed the fat. My wife and son have since joined the gym as well, and we all go regularly.
These days, we go out into the community and hand out gospel tracts together and witness to people on the street, and both our sons can articulate and share their faith quite will. I minister online to others through Global Media Outreach, and answer questions online. I reach out on Facebook too. My wife reaches out to a very large Eastern European community here in our city. They are largely cultural Muslims, and my wife has an amazing gift of inviting others to our place to share the Gospel, as well as getting invited to others’ houses to share the gospel. The fact that she also speaks 5 different languages is a huge help in that endeavor, and I have had the opportunity to share the Gospel with many of them when they come over to our house on more than a few occasions.
I thank God for saving a wretched sinner like me, and am so thankful that He has chosen to use me for His glory! My life has become a witness to others, showing that even the worst and weakest can be changed by the power of Jesus Christ. In December of this year it will be 20 years since I gave my life to Christ. I could never have imagined 20 years ago that my life would be anything like it is today. My mess has become my message, and I have no problem sharing my past struggles and the change that has followed for the benefit of others. I have a long way to go yet, but God is faithful and I will get there by His grace!
In closing, here is the list of books that I have found to be the most helpful to me on my journey:
As well as almost all the posts on RPChristians, Married Red Pill and AskMRP.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I pray you will be blessed and encouraged by it!
And thanks to u/OsmiumZulu, whose post inspired this one.
Forget marriage counselling: anyone who is red pill will tell you that it is bullshit. Marriage counselling is what women do to "tick a box" before they file for divorce, just so they can say (to themselves, to their friends/family, to the judge) that they "tried". DO NOT go to marriage counselling. Save your time and money.
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You NEED to read these ASAP:
https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+rational+male&qid=1555503274&s=gateway&sr=8-1
https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Preventive-Medicine/dp/1508596557/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=the+rational+male&qid=1555503274&s=gateway&sr=8-2
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This book is referred to as "The Red Pill Bible".
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Asking your wife for marriage counselling? Crying and screaming in front of her and the kids? Begging her for forgiveness? Saying things like “She is my one and only” and “I’ve always loved her and I always will”? You need stop this nonsense and focus on becoming a MAN. The fact that you did or said any of this is evidence of your childish, feminized mindset. You need to first understand masculinity, and then you need to work on becoming masculine.
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Please, you NEED to learn the foundational, basic stuff first. You need to change yourself; build yourself from the ground-up anew. Otherwise, no one-time advice that we give about specific situations will do anything for you.
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Ok, now let me at least focus on something specific here.
That “uhh... sure” you heard? Let's be honest, you don't even have to be red-pilled to understand what's going on here. You're still a biological man, and as a biological man, you have certain instincts that are hard-wired into your brain. I think the fact that you asked what it means is evidence that there's something, a feeling in your gut or a voice in the back of your mind, telling you that something about that interaction and her response was not "right". This may not make sense to you at the moment, which is why I keep telling you to learn the basics ASAP, but women do NOT respect, are NOT attracted to, and are NOT aroused by vulnerability in men - they see it as weakness. Your begging her for forgiveness (even if you did act like a child) and asking her to go to marriage counselling is a supreme act of weakness on your part - especially after you already displayed supreme weakness when you broke-down before. All you just did was further solidify in her mind that you're a weak man. Women DO NOT want to associate with weak men, and they CERTAINLY do NOT want to be married to one or be saddled with the offspring of a weak man. That “uhh... sure” was her being disgusted with you.
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You need to understand that you've obviously been raised in a blue-pill way. No one has even taught you what masculinity is, how men should act, women's nature or how to interact with them. Your actions are evidence of this.
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I'm not saying you should be a domineering asshole who abuses his wife or other women - that is absolutely NOT what the red pill is about, and absolutely NOT what we advocate for here. The red pill is about masculinity (real masculinity - not the feminized nonsense you hear about in mainstream media), and that is what it teaches and what we discuss in the red pill community.
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When you're reading those books, focus on the parts about "making yourself your own mental point of origin", self-improvement, and applying what's known as "dread". The fact of the matter is that your recent actions, as well as your financial state, has caused your wife to lose respect for you; you are no longer the man she married in her eyes. You need to build yourself back up - not for her, but for yourself. If this marriage ends, and there's a good chance it will, it makes NO DIFFERENCE to what you need to do moving forward from now. You need to learn the basic/foundational red pill material, internalize it, and work on yourself (go to the gym, eat healthy, work on your financial situation, read books, etc.).
If you don't usually have a problem with the content, I think Models by Mark Manson is a decent book on the subject that avoids most of the typical PUA bullshit. This post has the book's main ideas. I think the book is a little too ready to declare universal truths about women, but it still has useful advice.
Easily the best resource I can recommend from own experience, changed my life:
Models by Mark Manson
Buy it. Read it. Get out there. I agree with the other comments, it starts within. You need to grasp who you are as a person from within and BE different from everyone else. Forget the random attractive girls, you need to explore things that make you who you are and find the demographic of women that would be most compatible. If you like to play video games and occasionally play pick up ultimate the girl in the ugg boots and yoga pants at Starbucks ordering a Venti Double whip chai mocha latte is NOT for you. First step toward finding the right girl is figuring out what YOU like to do and enjoy YOUR own activities first and foremost. A girl should be as interested in you as you are in her, you do you and invite them to SHARE experiences in YOUR life. Not become a PART of it or be put on a PEDESTAL.
1- she is not an HB 8 take of the goggles, pull her off the pedestal (cheating is not attractive)
2- Your frame is for shit (you are thinking you might be guilty of "imposing on trust and privacy" by verifying and you find out she is still receiving messages
You have 3 kids, one is an infant ? And, you honestly think she would feel violated if you confronted her ?
You may have read your whole list of books, but, let me explain a dose of reality, you have not made the content yours
"This most recent exchange ended with him saying “Love you”. My wife replied with “Thanks, Love you too”. "
"and my wife returned with an “I love you too”, which I know my wife would just say is a “friendly” thing, as she does say “love you” to lots of different friends and family members, but this did not sit well with me.
absolutely unacceptable. hard boundary crossed
Read
Read
Read chapter 27
What I would do, you wouldn't have the stomach or guts for, but then again, most men aren't me
last statement - I pray for your son and medical issues, I also pray for you to internalize the sidebar and draw some boundaries. Most importantly, for self respect. Good Luck
A couple of things from my experience:
- I wouldn't necessarily say she's gone full poly. I would more categorize her reactions as NRE. And as such, if you look through that lense then her excitement and overwhelm for experiencing something new with someone else.
- Jealousy/envy/inadequacy is so is something we normally deal with in relationships in general. Often people new to open relationships will create a prescriptive hierarchical relationship structure to protect against that or to limit what their partners can and can't to do to ensure our positions of importance are maintained in the relationship.
- Mistakes will be made when opening up your relationship. That doesn't mean it's damaged or that it needs to be thrown out. But you also have to consider that new agreements are being created and a paradigm shift is being made. In that transition you and she (and other partners and metamours) will all make mistakes. Have room for these and keep an open channel of communication, compassion, and trust for the people you love and want in your life. Holding mistakes over people's heads will only further complicate the issue.
- Did she cheat on you? I would be hard pressed to see it that way, but I get where you're coming from. Again, I'd invite you to look at it a different way: You both established the ability for each other to explore sexually with others, but your perception of her current situation is that she's creating a poly relationship. I don't that she's doing that but rather, as mentioned above, is experiencing NRE and expressing it that way. For me, when I first started non-monogamy my experience when connecting with others was love... until I continued to distinguish for myself that this wasn't love but rather NRE.
- Some people experience being polyamorous, while others in the in relationship might not. My current nesting partner isn't polyamorous but IS non-monogamous. I'm polyamorous. So although the conversation for you both will evolve to developing long-term meaningful love emotions for others, that doesn't mean you're both REQUIRED to do that. Equal but not necessarily even.
I always recommend people new to non-monogamy read A Smart Girl's Guide as a way to help get a full picture on what you want from a non-mongamous relationship. I also recommend you and your partner read it together and work through the exercises.
I also recommend the following podcasts to listen to. Again, listening to them together or apart but then discussing together has always made a difference in the relationships I'm building with people.
- New Relationship Energy (NRE)
- Basics of Boundaries, Rules, Agreements, and Boundaries
- Relationship Hierarchy
- Relationship Anarchy 101, Relationship Anarchist Cookbook
Good luck and update us when you can.
Yeah, learn how to smile. I’m serious—practice in the mirror every day and lean in on having photos taken of yourself (not selfies—stop taking selfies). You can’t get better if you are not seeing yourself like others do.
Shave your head. And by shave I mean tell your barber to do a “1” all over. It WILL BE WEIRD at first, but you have an advantage in that it looks like you are in pretty good shape. Keep that shit up.
Straighten your back and stick your titties out when you walk, I can feel your confidence deficit through the photos. Walk confidently and your attitude and demeanor will change. Ladies will notice (I’m serious, it works!)
When it comes time, talk to women like they are people with dreams, hopes, insecurities, and other feelings. Don’t lead with the “virgin til 20” business. Act like someone a woman would like to have coffee with.
Read “Mate” by Tucker Max (yes, that Tucker Max). It’s also coauthored by an evolutionary psychologist. There are incredible insights in the book. It helped me be more attractive to women and also helped me understand how to treat them better. Good luck!!!
Mate: Become the Man Women Want https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316375365/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_dZXKAb4PXBKPW
I used to be terrible with women. Constantly friendzoned. Got cheated on by a girlfriend that I had no idea how I got.
Then I found some "pickup" stuff online that got me lucky two times in a row following a script... and then nothing. So I studied more online stuff. I was going to be the best pickup artist ever, I was going to show them all! I'd approach women to impress my friends. Got a stripper to go out for coffee(ended badly, I was totally over my head). All sorts of showy stuff.
Luckily I found some charisma based pickup stuff that was essentially just presenting yourself in the correct manner, and not be afraid to escalate sexually.
One of the techniques was a type of disqualification where if anybody said anything negative you agree and amplify. And if they say something positive, be genuinely thankful, but say something a bit humbling to keep yourself human.
Disqualification was great for my interactions with others, but weirdly, it was the best thing for me. It didn't happen overnight, but it did happen. I started not to place too much importance in what others thought of me. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a freeing way. I came to realize that I didn't need to impress anybody by showing off or becoming a pickup superstar. I became decent at dating and could spend my energy in other areas of my life.
The reason I'm telling you this is because "pickup" advice can help you, but you need to be careful. As Grayflcn said, becareful over in Seddit. There are some genuine people there, but there are also some people trying to impress people with BS, or show offy, creepy things. Try to keep your filters set appropriately.
I've been in a relationship for a while, but trying to help some friends I've found some things I think are good resources in this area coming from the right place...
That said... if you've already got women you're dating maybe the only thing wrong is you're not escalating. Letting them know you find them attractive in a man to woman manner. This may seem like a huge hurdle, I was terrified of this. Yet, doing it a few times, it became something I did without thinking because it totally improved my relations with females.
It's 3 steps.
Figure out what you find sexy about her. Something about her personality is better than something physical.
Use the word sexy to tell her you think that thing is sexy . There's no ambiguity. She knows what you mean when you use that word.
Don't wait for a reaction, start talking about something else. It will ferment in there and not waiting for an answer shows you're not hanging on her approval.
Example: I like women that make me laugh... she says something funny.
"Hey, you're funny, I think funny women are sexy. (A half beat pause so it's not rushed then) So, anyway, tell me more about that Japanese restaurant... "
It seems like a small thing but it made a total difference in my male/female relations.
I'm typing this on mobile, but I remember the pain of feeling helpless with women. I hope some of this helps a bit, Bud.
*Edit fixing the book link that didn't work.
** Edit2 I'm not sure this is worthy of it, but thank you to whoever gifted me the gold.
I detest games in dating... but there are definite pitfalls to spilling it all off the bat. I've been in a casual relationship where we each went full transparency upon first meeting. It worked to an extent, but it also destroys any semblance of mystery. Part of dating is getting to know the other person and them getting to know you. Trust and love are built through experience and time together.
A month or two ago, someone posted something about discovering the INFJ strength in dating... which was being mysterious. I can't remember who, but it resonated with me. He said he'd been finding much more dating success by slowly revealing who he was and how he felt. Not so much manipulating as just not going full glom off the bat, if he likes someone.
Mark Manson's book, Models, makes some very good points and introduces some solid techniques for dating with authenticity, too. It's geared toward men, but I think much of the information is applicable to anyone. The first 15% of the book is pretty self-promotey, and there are some misogynistic generalizations here and there, but it was worth my time. Much of it is about building confidence just by being yourself and taking a zen - like approach of being grateful for any response to a declaration of interest. I'm into you! You're into me? Cool, let's see where it goes. Not into me? Cool, thanks for not letting me waste my time chasing you. I feel like it's a healthy version of playing it cool, without lying or repressing yourself.
I do not understand why you are downvoted. You are asking for perspective, no matter how offbeat the direction is.
>what's with all the scathing hate towards nice guys?
a lot of NGs show a simple display of unsuccessful sociopath behavior. The abuse attempt alone is enough to warrant plausibility of the personality of that person. On top of that, other factors like the big media and those mediums taken out of context by the NGs adds a flurry of social chaos. This disaster is solved by letting themselves understand the power of "thinking before speaking", and accepting their own emotions as their own, not blaming emotions on external forces.
>Most of them are genuine human beings who are lead in the wrong direction due to lies perpetuated in this hugz and feelz society through parents, schools, media and such ("masculinity is for chauvinist pigs", "instead of working out, girls like sensitive guys who buy them flowers and treat them like queens etc"). Most of them have grew up bullied or an outcast to the point of self-deprecation and low self-esteem. Instead of lashing out at them, maybe give them legit pointers on how to self-improve or pick up their game beyond banal polite conversations and random compliments.
This can go in many ways. Most of them ended up taking the pill, while others discover the negative power of who they are emotionally and mentally. Other ways fall between these two extremes, and usually people who take the pill fall out of their own accord and go completely out-of-society to the rest of the world. Anecdotally.
In my opinion I do not agree with the above because this furthers the narrative even harder than before (to the point of performing mental gymastics). I would suggest trying the filter method mentioned in a book like this or understand letting go of the things that you are hampered with like this.
>I feel most of it is due to society's underlying repulsion towards weak men who fit the betamale mold. I don't think society is quite ready (nor will ever be) for men showing emotion or vulnerability. You can't demonise those who reject you but we as humans are allowed to feel upset or dejected if one doesn't feel loved or worthy for intimacy or companionship. The whole "nobody owes you shit" may be true but it's completely nihilistic without offering some sort of solution to address the problem rather than sweeping it under the carpet.
There is a solution to this problem, and the solution does not involve setting people into boxes. the solution is looking at the differences between positive masculinity and toxic masculinity and gauge what your life is as a whole: personality, personal worth, and what you actually persevere in your hobbies.
A great subreddit that gives more discussion on this topic is /r/MensLib.
> my info: im a super nerd. like i follow the pro starcraft scene and love space, science math etc. in really tall and am fairly lanky.
That's not necessarily bad... but if you want to do well with women, you'd be well served to not look the part of a "super nerd." Dress fashionably, but with a unique edge that sets your style apart from others. If you need help figuring out how to do that, hit up some of your female friends for advice, peruse GQ or Esquire or Mens Vogue, whatever.
> I tend to only have crushes on best friends and my last crush was when i was 17 (different person). Ive been caled a sweet heart and get frustrated when guys are disrespectful.
Guys get like that when they are scared to break rapport with women, and the only thing they can do is try to use pure "comfort game" to get close to the girls. Unfortunately, the result - as you may have noticed - is not usually favorable. Building comfort is important, but you have to do more... if you want girls, you have to project the vibe of a confident, mature, masculine, "in control", sexual man who "gets it." The "nerdy, insecure, shy, awkward teenage geek" vibe is a lot less effective.
> Ive been caled a sweet heart and get frustrated when guys are disrespectful.
You probably have both Nice Guy Syndrome and a touch of Disney Fantasy. I highly recommend you read the Dr. Robert Glover book No More Mr. Nice Guy, and the Neil Strauss book The Game. The former should help you understand more about asserting yourself, establishing boundaries, and being more authentic in your interactions with people. The latter will blow your mind in regards to understanding how men and women interact.
After that, it might not hurt to read Way of the Superior Man by Dave Deida.
Also, to disabuse yourself of the notion that women are all sweet and pure and innocent and virtuous and made of light (or sugar and spice and puppy dog tails, whatever) spend some time reading stuff like My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday, or The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex by Barbara Keesling, or Chelsea Handler's My Horizontal Life.
Finally, read Sperm Wars by Robin Baker. That will make a great many things much clearer.
"Time to start Dread gaming all the leeches i've been hounding to meet up,"
No.
Dread game only works on women who have already invested something into you... they can't "dread" losing you if they're never had any investment in the first place.
Flip the situation to see how this is... So there's this landwhale friend of your sister who has wanted to fuck you for years. She's repellent, smelly with cigarette breath and fat roll sweat so you've kept your distance. She finally gets the nerve to come up and tell you she wants to be with you. What do you say?
"Oh Hell No!"
But what if she says,"If you don't fuck me right now I'm leaving and you'll never see me again!"
Does that change your answer? Dread didn't work.
Second, you're falling into the same scarcity mentality that's kept you back for so long... The "leeches" are dead to you. Starting now.
Any woman you've been orbiting, been friends with, done anything remotely creepy to... all are now OFF LIMITS to you. You will only concern yourself with new women.
Why? because the ones you know already have this image of what kind of guy you really are in their pretty little heads.(Rhymes with "feta more bitter") You can't change this image without a massive amount of work and time. Work and time you shouldn't be putting into trying to change the mind of some girl you wanted to fuck 2 years ago but she wasn't interested. Guess what, she's still not interested. Wasting your time.
Her loss. Go be awesome with someone who actually wants to fuck you at the initial meeting.
The Game is a bit dated now (published 2005), a lot of the techniques are well known even to women("neg" much?) so while it remains a tool, it really shouldn't be the only one in your toolbox.
Welcome to the rabbit hole.
There isn't really one right now; the Mating Grounds is probably as close as it gets.
Edit to add, Rules of the Game is also good, and it has more of "do this activity, then that one" feel.
Finally, go sign up for salsa classes. Make yourself do it and keep going, at least once a week, no matter what and no matter how stupid you might feel at first. Get a pair leather-soled dancing shoes. Wear jeans that fit you to class.
> e.g. they both use negging but is there a version where it is way more harsh? also, are pick up artists more socially acceptable than the red pillers
"Negging" is a specific PUA technique from the "Mystery Method" that is meant to "break through the bitch shield" and convince a woman that you are (in essence) sincere about engaging her socially and not just messing around. This is perhaps the most positive way to phrase that. PUAs "play a numbers game" in order to engage women that, as they see it, "want to be picked up".
A PUA is on a mission to get himself laid; whether or not that technique leads to something more substantive exceeds the scope of the technique. The general consensus is that these are "Dark Side of the Force" tactics.
Whether this is more socially acceptable than the red-pillers' deeper issues with power and sexual politics probably depends on your perspective.
The fact that he played it cool when you first met and didn't overly peruse you is actually the perfect play according to the The Mystery Method. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mystery-Method-Erik-von-Markovik/dp/0312360118
Hello 29 year old version of me, from the 36 year old version of me. Since you're a reader of actual books, this should be pretty easy.
Okcupid/Plentyoffish: free sites, lots of cheapos/weirdos. Probably decent for hookups.
Match: Pay site, has a moderate "meat market" feel to it.
Eharmony: the most expensive, best for meeting long term relationship material
Overall Impressions/Recommendations:
It's a lot to deal with at once, and I wouldn't wish divorce on my worst enemy. But you know what? A year after I got divorced, I was banging women 8 years younger than my ex-wife. You can do this.
Money: Watch this over and over, take notes and internalize the information. Read this. Live within your means.
Social Contacts: Fnordsnord covered it. Also read "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Actually take notes, practice what you read and reread. Read this blog post.
Women: You're already on redpill so you're probably pretty set on knowledge there. Read this, this, and this anyway. Internalize, practice, reread.
Life: Two suggestions, 1) Your first reaction to things isn't always the right reaction. 2) Prepare to fail. Skipped a gym visit or missed a lift? Chump = give up. Man = you were prepared for this it doesn't phase you. You're back at it tomorrow. Narrow your life to a few important things and work daily on them. Don't overdo it just plod along. All the greatest achievements in life are done with steady hard work. Read this
Career: Every two-four weeks or so update your resume (keep two versions of your resume, a super long form with absolutely every reference, accomplishments, phone number, address, date, etc and a super short form single page one with all the highlights, make it pretty) and glance for either a higher paying job within your field or a higher status job. Always secure a new job before leaving an old one. If you're still in college or decide to go back, pick a career field that will be in demand when you graduate. Start applying while you are still in school. Read this.
Organization: buy a simple small 2 drawer filing cabinet and manilla folders, put important docs in there. Digitize super important docs. Clean it out every once in a while. Watch this.
Study habits/learning habits: I don't really have time to go into this in any detail but go to everyclass. Take comprehensive notes, ask a shit ton of questions, bounce new things you're learning off people and discuss it as much as possible. Find people that know the material better than you and spend time with them. Take those notes you wrote and get a piece of paper. Draw three columns. Right column is most important info that might be on test/eval, center column is that same info in short hand, left column is a visual representation of the information that might help you daisy chain memorize it. This is my own technique so PM if you'd like more clarification. Turn every assignment in no matter how poor the quality. Last but not least one more time prepare to fail. Talk to your boss or professor if you're slipping; our first impulse is to turn inward and blame yourself and not seek others to help because it looks weak. Like I said your first reaction/feeling isn't always the right one. Prepare to fail. Be antifragile. Good luck; you don't need it if you apply yourself, plan, and work diligently.
Edit: One last thing. Statistically you will live a long time. Think with your future self in mind everyday.
Yes! This is a huge concept so hats off to the OP for this discovery.
Dedeker Winston (co-host of MULTIAMORY podcast and author) discusses this a lot in her book The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know About Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/1510712089/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_R2qWCb0B4Y4XQ.
I would suggest you read "How to Be a 3% Man, Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams" You need to learn about women...don't blame them simply because you don't understand them. https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Man-Corey-Wayne/dp/1411673360
You really need to read the guides on this subreddit, look to your right.
If that isn't enough start with: http://contemporarylit.about.com/od/memoir/fr/theGame.htm
Then go read: http://www.amazon.com/The-Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women/dp/0312360118
Also, your post is all about how you are and thinking that you won't need to change yourself to be successful. While you won't have to change the core of how you are, alot of "game" or "Seduction" is about be confident inside, changing how you view yourself and how that translates to success with women.
Read the books, then come back and ask
I'll keep it as brief as I can. In order of (subjective) importance:
> I'm seriously afraid of being alone for ever. I know I'm young but I am just so tired of constantly trying with no success or even validation; only rejection.
Perhaps you'll find some solace in the fact that you are far from the only person to be experiencing this type of loneliness. The fact seems to be that we are not taught how to find mates, and society is not configured in a way to assist with this. If you've been frustrated because the girls you meet on Tinder or at the bar flake at the slightest moment then you aren't alone. Turn the tables in your favour - become more deliberate with your hunt for a mate. You'll find much more success. Rather than going on about it, I'll just point you at the best (of many) books I've come across on the subject. Stop playing this game blindly and learn how it really works.
If that sounds distasteful, treating dating like a project, then consider what you're going through right now. Consider how painful this experience is, and, if necessary, liken it to previous times you've experienced anything approximating heartbreak in a relationship. How long did it take to recover? How long will it take you to fully recover this time? A year? Two? Do you really want to gamble giant chunks of your life and mental health on an occasional, incidental and clearly failing process? You can do much much better, especially if you start working at it while you're young. Go read that book.
> I do agree that someone will need to cease being present. I've resolved to cease being friends with her. [...] I sent her a message explaining my feelings one more time, what I intend to do, and why.
Without hyperbole, this is the single most important sentiment you expressed. You have other friends right? People to support you? Cut her off as soon as possible. It isn't mean when it's self preservation.
> I am not good enough and apparently never was. Really I got friendzoned, but I went into it knowing that could happen and it did.
A good rule of thumb is the "hell yeah" rule. Would you date them? ("hell yeah!") Would they date you? ("well, uh, it's complicated..."). Hell yeahs all around is a good sign of a relationship worth investing in.
Again, good luck. Post again if you need to rant, and check out the discord server too. Lots of good people in this subreddit.
I suggest reading Mark Manson's The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck & Models: Attract Women Through Honesty.
https://www.amazon.fr/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
> He used to make me feel amazing. I loved every moment we spent together.
> He's like a different person...
My ex was like this and I could write a book on it, but here are some books other people have written that have helped me:
Since you were raised by an N, then a lot of the codependency books like "Codependency No More" and "Women Who Love Too Much" might be helpful too. It seems like you're working hard to get him all this help, but all you can really do is help yourself. If he's highly N, you'll probably have a hard time with him going to therapy and sticking with it and everything else but I'm not sure that's really the best place for you to focus. Only he can choose to get help and stick with it.
I also made a post with a list of N traits from the book Disarming The Narcissist. My ex (and mother of course) possessed high degrees of all thirteen traits. Dealing with my ex was hell on Earth and I'm still recovering two years later, so if I don't seem very optimistic that's why. We always seem to want to see the best in people, and it's VERY hard to reconcile that a person who can be so sweet, loving, kind, caring, etc. can also be a liar, cheater and an overall shitty person. Ns can really weave a "reality distortion field" and so can we, because it's SO painful to see the truth sometimes. It's an up and down roller coaster ride that is VERY addicting.
The person you fell in love with may have only been one aspect of his total personality. My old therapist used to tell me to look at the big picture. I would "split" my ex so that I would PINE after the sweet, loving person she could be, and ignore the terror she could also be. Everyone is capable of EVERYTHING, especially people who claim they're "not like that." Actions are meaningful, not words. My ex's actions painted a much different picture than her words.
Anyway, good luck with everything.
I'm a woman but my advice is not that you should dump him. Some of your comments give me pause.
The fact that you're giving him blowjobs at approximately 2x the rate of sex, plus:
> he says I often "try too hard, or want it too much. " he says he feels like im forcing him into it. And never give him space.
> He also works 50-60 hour work weeks on a regular basis.
> He says the 3rd and most hurtful reason is because of my weight gain, which is true.
Any one of these things might cause a decent slow-down. All taken together they are plenty reason for bed-death. He's infuriating to me personally but I think you need to read the posts by /u/D_Hamm35. His reasons for losing libido sound very similar to what you are doing.
1 - get your weight under control. For YOU, not for him. But it will help your self esteem & confidence is sexy. You are at the height of your sexiness for your entire life. Stop ruining it with fat. You will be 32 in the blink of an eye and you will regret what you did to yourself.
2 - stop trying so hard. I'm currently reading Why Men Love Bitches, which was recommended on here recently. It is a very easy & straight-forward read. Go get it, and read it. You need to find some things to do that are just for you. Leave him home alone sometimes. Encourage him to take back up an old activity that he is interested in. Or just leave him home to figure it out. Say no to him when it is not convenient for you. This is NOT game-play. This is for your own self-esteem and worthiness. Stop being so accommodating. Everything you've written here indicates you're losing touch with yourself, and that is the opposite of sexy.
Re-establish your OWN life separate from him. Have things to do and people to see that are NOT about him. Don't ask if he is okay with it. Don't clear your schedule with him or get his permission before you make plans. The best possible situation is one where you are able to sometimes say to him, "oh, sorry! I can't! I have plans." This is verrrrry attractive behavior.
You might have other guys hitting on you, but the caliber of guy who will hit on a woman who has gained weight and currently has low self esteem (which you will be broadcasting with your behavior, whether you like it or not) is very low. Trust me on this. You deserve better than those guys who are aiming low. Get yourself put back together, period, whether your current relationship works out or not.
You are sending out a strong signal that says I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. Well, he believes you. Stop that!
All of these things will help your relationship, but more importantly, they will help YOU. You're giving yourself up for him, and your dead bedroom is evidence he doesn't like it.
> at this point I have lost faith in all men.
Don't let that happen, not all men are like this. In fact I can use myself for an example. I met my wife when I was 19 and I am now 31 she is the only person I've ever been with, dated, etc. To get to the crux of why this is happening to you, you need to evaluate how you make your choices of who to be with and see if the problem lies there. And also listen to others, if they're worth having around odds are they have your best interests at heart.
Edit: Here's a book that might help you. The book basically has you evaluate all of your relationships and why they went wrong. http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating-ebook/dp/B0097CWNSO/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1425408666&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=getting+over+a+breakup
I also didn't like Mark Manson's TSAONGAF, but his previous book, Models: How to attract women through honesty, was a life changer. I mean, I'm still trying to implement the principles into my life but it already started to change my life for the better. It's not just for the single guys btw, any man who wants to be attractive should read this book.
exactly this:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862 The Rational Male
This post deserves more insight than I can provide. Hopefully more experienced people will see it.
First: Know that in your position (age, income, etc.) you have options (good ones). If you decide to leave your marriage it sounds like you're in a good place. A part of me would be nervous about letting that deal sit on the table and not taking it. At some point she will realize her future options are diminishing and may revoke the clean getaway offer.
Second: You took a huge step in the right direction finding TRP. There's a lot here that can help you (even in your situation where you're ability to experiment is limited). I'm reading "The Rational Male" by Rollo Tomassi. $10 on Amazon I recommend getting it. It's a compilation of many of his best posts on his blog. He's a married man and has a solid perspective on things.
One of the concepts he covers is re-stimulating "competition anxiety" Basically if you start improving yourself enough to the point that you're getting attention from other women, your wife will feel more inclined to go out of her way to please you. Her imagination (thinking about what you plan to do, the attention you're getting might make to do something with someone) is gold. There's a lot to learn in the book/his posts and I think you'd benefit from it whether you stay or not.
Third: As far as your sexual experience, check out "Sex God Method" by Daniel Rose. It sounds corny but it's a pretty quick read that completely changed my sex life (like humans discovering fire for the first time kind of 'changed').
Best of luck
There's a whole book about it.
So I started a summer job at an Amazon warehouse and shipped a book titled "Why Men Love Bitches" the other day. Apparently this shit goes both ways and people believe it enough to write and read books about it. So I'm not surprised if OP's creep saw a random video and was inspired.
Try this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
It's a shitty thing to do and you won't get an honest answer so there's really no point.
Generally similar reasons apply for being rejected on dates, if it's something that really bothers you (or just interests you) theres plenty of useful material out there that can put things into context.
https://www.amazon.ca/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
/u/CoachToughLove probably has a a lot to say on this.
I am reading this books called models: attracting women through honesty. It has been extremely helpful for me.
>Models is the first men's dating book ever written on seduction as a purely emotional process rather than a logical one, a process of connecting with women rather than impressing them, a process of self-expression rather than manipulation. It's the most mature and honest guide on how a man can attract women without faking behavior, without lying and without emulating others. A game-changer.
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1420342456&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=models
Gonna jump in here just because as an asian dude I know this is a touchy subject that non-asians might not understand. It sounds like you don't have an "asian" problem, just a social awareness problem.
A couple of books I think you can benefit from reading:
Mate by Tucker Max and Geoffery Miller
Models by Mark Manson
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
I also recommend listening to "The Mating Grounds Podcast" which was the precursor to the Mate book.
You have a lot of mindsets you have to unpack and work on. These books (and podcast), I guarantee you will transform your life, not just your dating life.
Best of luck
Not really, I don't owe you anything to explain, also there are too many things to cover. I suggest reading No More Mr Nice Guy and also Model.
This is the golden question, right?
*
Fake it 'til you make it yields false confidence. Although you'll still be exhibiting the traits of a confident male, you're true self will eventually show itself. It's not sustainable, and at times demeaning towards women.
Now, true confidence, as you seem to hint at here comes from being less invested in others as you are in your perception of yourself** (taken from Mark Manson's book Models - you should absolutely positively read this book). To reach this state, you obviously need to invest in yourself. Investing in yourself means that you have the following nailed down in your life:
Working on these 3 items will improve your overall confidence and it will ooze through literally every action you exhibit in your life.
**
Obviously, tackling these 3 items is quite complex; I highly recommend you check out Mark's book to learn the specifics on how to do each of them. Essentially, to be confident you have to feel* confident: you can only feel that way if you're actually living a great life, and are comfortable in your capacity to handle social situations.
feminism has pushed to increase the rights of women and decrease the rights of men. as political activists, they have tried to lighten the burden of proof on rape accusations. they have fought to keep false rape accusations unpunished. when a man is accused of rape, feminists pressure universities to kick him out, he ends up in the news, loses his scholarship, and then they find out it's false. nothing happens to the woman.
i personally believe this is bad for honest men (because they can be the victim of a false rape and it can ruin their life), and it's bad for honest women (because an honest man has to be more wary of her), and it's bad for rape victims (because people are less likely to believe them, since it's taboo to scrutinize the attacks, and anyone in law enforcement knows that not all accusations are true).
as a man, it was harder to get into school, harder to get financial aid. when i had an altercation with a woman, it was my fault. this is all from feminist political activism.
when i go to get a job, they have quotas for women. when i interact with a woman at work, if she feels uncomfortable, she can jeopardize my career. this is bad for women, too, because if i am ever in a position to hire a man or a woman, i will hire the one that is less likely to sue me or one of my employees.
it goes on and on. i am just giving examples off the top of my head, and they may be fringe examples, but it's harder to explain the insidious social conditioning.
since you came here for clarification, i would suggest poring through the rational male by rollo tomassi. it is much maligned by feminists, and it's poorly formatted. it's not an academic work of art, but it definitely made a strong impression on me.
1.) Decide on a work out regiment or martial art to study, hit it hard
2.) Read Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
3.) Simplify. Eliminate EVERYTHING you can. Reduce your life down to what you can fit in your car.
4.) Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
5.) Eliminate brain fog (quality sleep/foods, cut out excessive drinking/smoking, continue to read, research topics that interest you, listen to podcasts, etc.)
6.) Seek out accessible (local, online, social networks) resources within the music business and wring them for info. Do your fucking research.
7.) Move out. And not down the street, go where they do what you want to do.
8.) Decide to dedicate a serious amount of time to your dream, and how to get there. Treat it like its your goddamn job, or like you're studying it in school, whether you actually end up in school for it or not.
9.) Make a legitimate effort to go out and talk to women. Do so with an experimental emphasis.
10.) RECORD YOUR PROGRESS.
I found video journaling hugely effective. It doesn't make much sense at the time, but going back and reviewing them later, you will be glad that you did.
You can do this my friend, don't feel hopeless. No one thing is going to fully activate your potential. It's a mentality shift that you're after, and that takes work. Just be sure to help the newly unplugged as you progress.
BroFist
EDIT: formatting
In my early 20's, I was having issues too. I was the proverbial "good girl" which really turned me into a doormat and I totally didn't understand the whole dating game. I know, games suck, but human nature tends to like games or you seem to get labeled as boring (which is what life becomes once you're actually in a healthy relationship- not boring, but very predictable). In the beginning, people are generally looking for excitement, and games are exciting. I read two books that I feel like helped me:
The MANual (pdf)
Amazon's copy of The MANual
And
Why Men Love Bitches
Bitch does not have a negative connotation here, it simply teaches you how to respond to the games men play in the real world by SETTING BOUNDARIES and teaching you how to respond to the games. As Christians, the only boundary we were ever taught to set was to be a ball busting gatekeeper (at least I was). This book will help you weed out guys who are looking for easy sex (unless that's what you want- in which case, use Tinder), and help you gain a sense of confidence and respect for yourself.
This was about 10 years ago for me, but I ended up landing a former "bad boy" using the principles in these books. We've been together for 6 years, married for a little over a year.
Words of caution:
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Character flaws don't go away. I feel like I was taught to see potential in people as a Christian and I fell in love with potential rather than the actual (deeply flawed, unwilling to reach for it) person. My sister married a man who she saw potential in and he hasn't changed in 7 years. They've been in therapy for two so they can learn to get along.
Everyone puts their best foot forward in the beginning, but time will tell you who they really are. Some people are super charmers- if it seems too good to be true, it usually is. These guys are known as narcissists (narcissistic personality disorder) and they are deeply wounded, LOST CAUSES. I know, we were taught to believe everyone deserves a chance, but these guys will use you up and spit you out and use an abusive technique called "gas lighting" to make you think you're crazy. Trust me on this one.
Sex will eventually get old, so you'd better enjoy talking to them. My mom told me this a long time ago. It's not that you don't enjoy sex anymore, but you end up spending more time together not having sex and actually interacting. My husband actually makes me laugh, I respect his views and values, and we get along. I've dated the hottest guys in the world who I had absolutely no respect for in the past and was miserable when we weren't having sex.
There's a lot more, but you'll learn as you go. If your friends hate him, ditch him. Your friends know you and see things your rose tinted glasses prevent you from seeing.
Good luck out there!
Of course. Each relationship you have is a learning experience to teach you what you think you want and what you actually need. In the past I have immediately gone after an ex and mouthed him up and down about what a loser he was and it feels good in the moment but it also makes them feel like "Happy I don't have this bitch in my life anymore" and it in turn makes it easier for them to get over it. I wouldn't recommend this path.
I'm in the same boat, just got out of my 2nd serious relationship though and I feel exactly the same way - a lot of anger about the amount of crap/time/money/quality time I put up with. However, after some introspective thought, I'm sure he put up with a lot of my crap too. I also didn't communicate effectively the things that made me unhappy. If I had, maybe I wouldn't have sabotaged our relationship.
However, the way I feel is, I put in a lot effort that I knew wouldn't be returned, but did it anyway out of the love I had for my ex. It sucks, but now I know that I love hard and I need someone who can ask themselves: "If the shoe was on the other foot, would she do this for me?" and is willing to make the effort to do things that they don't want to do. I wouldn't have been able to come to this conclusion without my ex.
What I recommend, which has helped me tremendously, is every time I have a negative or positive feeling about my ex, I write it down. Get it out of your system so you aren't lamenting about it. It's very cathartic and truly helps you deal with your emotions and vent without projecting anger on your ex and saying things just to be hurtful. An additional benefit to writing it down is that it's personal. You can say whatever you want, doesn't matter how extreme it is.
When you are ready for your next relationship - or maybe working things out with your ex - you have a collection of your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants that you can review. It helps remind you of how far you've come, what you have gotten over and what you haven't. When you are contemplating giving your heart away again, you have an amazing resource to help you decide if the new boy is suitable or not. It'll also help you when you talk to your ex to get closure because you can calmly, and nicely, discuss the aspects of your relationship that made you unhappy.
Be patient, wait for your moment to feel vindicated. It will come. You can't change the past but you have control over your future. Be smart, and continue to be the fabulous woman that you are. When the next lucky guy comes along, you already have a set of standards that you are confident in to enforce with a zero tolerance policy.
But don't beat yourself up too much. We all learn in our own good time. A book I recommend for you is Why Men Love Bitches
He was quoting from the article. The link refers to the book by Neil Strauss.
A few books helped me - The Truth by Neil Strauss (same guy that wrote The Game, believe it or not), and Pia Mellody's books, especially Facing Love Addiction, were super helpful.
I definitely recommend putting dating and hookups on hold so you can focusing on building healthy friendships and a healthy relationship with yourself, for two reasons: one, unhealthy attachment patterns have a lot to do with your sense of self-worth, and it's easier to work on that when you're single; two, as Mellody argues in Facing Love Addiction, dating or being in a relationship offers countless opportunities for your attachment issues to be triggered, and frequent triggering can slow down or halt your progress. Putting what you've learned into practice is important, but it's easier if you've built a strong foundation on your own first.
Also: unhealthy attachment patterns usually have their roots in childhood, and figuring out how to have healthier relationships with my family, especially my parents, made a huge difference. (For me, that meant stuff like not playing the peacemaker anymore, getting to a point where I could be around/be the target of some of their unhealthy behaviors without shutting down, standing up for myself in a healthy way, refusing to play therapist for my parents, etc. It mostly boils down to not taking responsibility for other people's feelings anymore.)
>For me, if a woman is too good in bed then she might have had too much experience - prone to infidelity / being adventurous. That is not bad for short term but STD is a concern.
Hardly correlated. My best partners in bed were little experienced, moreover. Infidelity is correlated to childhood and relationship with parents much much more than with experience. Read "The Truth" by Neil Strauss to learn more about it, how a womanizer became a good husband by chasing past demons.
>Also if a woman is still a virgin at say 25, that is a bit weird.
Not really. In most cases it's just shyness and/or lack of self confidence so actually nothing at all.
Check out seddit. This is half of what they do. The general consensus is practice, literally go out with the intention of talking to 20 groups of people. Don't care what will happen you aren't trying to get anything from them just talk. The rules of the game has 30 day of challenges / routines specifically for this. If you ignore a load of the sex stuff it is a great book.
You're exactly the sort of person who will eventually stumble into the seduction community. You could do worse, but first, some warnings...
That said...
> How do I overcome my inexperience?
AndyNemmity said it: Practice.
> Should I ever tell women that I'm inexperienced? (I tried this once and it might've put her off.)
I would say, yes, you should; if nothing else, when asked, but I don't recommend bringing it up. This is really your call. Different people will react in different ways. It's going to take some time to learn what those ways will be.
> What should I do about my emotions showing up like yesterday?
I think my self-esteem problem comes from my inexperience, but is there anything I can do specifically for that problem?
You are not going for 100%. You are going for 5%. Out of 20, 19 are practice. Act on your emotions as soon as you get an inkling of them. Regret lasts so much longer than rejection.
> I'm starting to use dating sites. Do you have any ideas for my circumstances? (Maybe I should look for a short-term relationship, or more women in the 18-22 range, or older women?)
Every word counts. Give people something to build on. Make sure your profile has lots of things to talk about. You are awesome. You make awesome into a verb. Be as positive as possible: Nothing has ever gone wrong in your life.
When you reach out to someone, make sure that there's something obvious to respond to. Ask an open-ended question about their profile. "Hi, how's it going?" is good enough in real life, but sucks online.
> Is it wrong for me to turn down interested women? (Like the "love" case above, but maybe I should just do it anyway. That doesn't seem fair to anyone.)
It might be right for you. This is something only you can decide. Is a relationship with this woman an improvement in your life? Maybe, maybe not.
> Should I learn/accomplish/do something to stand out of the crowd?
I try to strike up a conversation before asking someone out to get some comfort in learning a little about them. Is this a bad approach? It probably limits my options.
If you have everyone's attention, you are making an impression on anyone you might be interested in. This is a two-way street, so while it's powerful, be careful.
You should have something interesting to talk about. Otherwise you're just one of the masses, and blending in isn't going to get anyone's attention.
I'll also mention that you might consider getting one of your female friends to set you up. This is likely to be a lot less game-playing. Maybe you want to play games; games are fun, after all, and you probably don't want something too serious right now. You probably don't even know what it is you want. If you do know, tap into your social network.
> If I'm the one keeping a conversation going (by asking questions, introducing topics, etc.), how likely is it that she's not interested?
Very likely, but that isn't your fault. We live in a self-centered society. The best you can manage is pay attention to the things other people say (do not talk to just girls; talk to everyone), and tie back into it later. Someone who is actually paying attention will be genuinely surprising.
On the downside, then you may well become the bored one.
> Are there any books that could help me? Assume I've never read any on this topic.
It sounds like the major issue you're having is picking up on signals. For that, I would recommend starting with The Definitive Book of Body Language; skip to chapter 15, but read the whole thing. I've also seen advertisements for You Say More Than You Think but haven't read it; that might be useful. Really there are any number of body language manuals out there. Read at least one, preferably more.
Consider reading either some of the book by Leil Lowndes (in particular, I'd recommend How to Talk to Anyone), or The Rules of the Game; both will get you started just talking to people. I would favor Leil Lowndes' work just because she seems less sketchy (though she did co-write a paper with David DeAngelo).
Another good one is The Art of Seduction
https://www.amazon.com/Art-Seduction-Robert-Greene/dp/0142001198
I'm going to expand on this comment because I've read the book and I think the gender ratio is HUGELY important when discussing this topic. Here's a link to it.
> According to 2012 population estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey, there are 5.5 college-educated women in the U.S, between the ages of 22 and 29 versus 4.1 million such men. In other words, the dating pool for college graduates in their twenties really does have 33 percent more women than men - or four women for every three men. Among college grads age 30 to 39, there are 7.4 million women versus 6.0 million men, which is five women for every four men. These lopsided gender ratios may add up to sexual nirvana for heterosexual men, but for heterosexual women - especially those who put a high priority on getting married and having children in wedlock - they represent a demographic time bomb.
The book goes into more detail with almost an entire chapter on Manhattan itself, as the much larger gay and lesbian population in NYC skews the ratio even more than the national average.
> Gates's analysis helps explain why the Manhattan dating market feels so much tougher on heterosexual women than the raw population count implies. If 11 percent of the under-40 male population is gay and 1.5 percent of the under-40 female population is lesbian, that means Manhattan's man deficit among heterosexual, marriage-age, college grads is not smaller than the national average, but larger.
> Much larger.
> Subtract the estimated gay and lesbian population from Manhattan's total population count, and you wind up with a hetero dating pool with 39 percent more college-educated women than men age 22 to 29 - not 26 percent more. For the youngest college grads, the math is even gloomier ... For college grads age 22 to 29, removing the gay and lesbian population from the numbers pushes the over supply of women relative to men up from 39 percent to 54 percent - the equivalent of three women for every two men. And even these adjusted numbers may be too low, as gay men are more likely to be college educated than straight men, according to Gates.
Having such a ratio also changes the behavior of men in the city, making them less likely to settle down. There were studies on fish where they introduced more females than males to a population, and conversely more males than females. You can probably guess the results.
> Consider the behavior of pond cichlids, a species of fish that is typically momogamous during mating season. When zoologiest experimented with altering sex ratios in a controlled population of cichlids, even small manipulations had profound impacts on the male cichlids' likelihood of staying committed to their female mates.
>
> Increasing the ratio of male cichlids to females from 6:6 to 7:5 cut the male desertion rate in half - from 22 percent to 11 percent. It also rendered females choosier about males and made the successful male suitors more protective of their families. The end result was a kind of underwater patriarchy - one in which male cichlids fought each other for access to mates, jealously guarded their females after mating, and then, after the fry were born, made greater investments in parenting (be it through direct parenting effort or via the providing of resources such as food or protection)
>
> Some of these behavior patterns are surely quite familiar to anyone who has spent time in nightclubs, dive bars, or other spots where single men and women routinely socialize. Like the male cichlids, men get reflexively more protective of "their" women when more men enter the physical space.
>
> A more surprising finding from the animal studies involved what happened when sex ratios were manipulated to make the females more plentiful. Fro the cichlids, a decrease in male-to-female sex ratios from 6:6 to 5:7 yielded a hugely disproportionate behavioral response. Male desertion rates more than doubled - from 22 percent to 51 percent. In other words, a seemingly small shift in the female share of the cichlid population transformed the prevailing mating culture from one of monogamy to one of polygyny, which is males mating with multiple females but females mating with only one male. "Males increasingly deserted their mates and the young in their care as the opportunity to re-mate increased in their environment," wrote Mart Gross, a University of Toronto zoology professor, in an article published in 2005.
>
> Presumably male cichlids do no act this way out of piscine malice or misogyny. They do it because it is biologically rational. A goal for males of all species is to pass along their genes to the next generation. When sex ratios are balanced or are lopsided in favor of more males, males have a strong genetic incentive to stick with their original mates and to actively participate in the care and protection of young. When females are more abundant, however, the mating game shifts in favor of the male having multiple broods. Even if one or more broods are abandoned by the male and left vulnerable to predators, the male cichlid is still likely to produce more offspring overall. In such an environment, male reproductive strategies tend to emphasize mating effort at the expense of parenting effort, simply because the value of monogamy declines as the ratio of males to females declines. In nature, when females are plentiful, natural selection favors those males that mate with more than one female.
I could cite the book all day but seriously, go read it. There are other cities that don't have as much of a gender disparity and where you'll have a statistically better chance of finding a boyfriend (like the bay area for example). I mean who knows, maybe you'll get lucky here?
...maybe.
> I’ve got my life on track, in terms of academics, career and social life.
You're doing great, then. These are more important than bedding drunk chicks at parties.
I believe you'll benefit greatly from Corey's 3% Man book. He gives it away for free. Direct link: http://d-f.scribdassets.com/docs/8csal3wi805xskrp.pdf
It's concise and suitable for men who already have a life, rather than schmucks like me.
> This is why ugly rich guys can get hot young women.
Actually, the reason why those type of men get women isn't necessarily because he's rich. Wealth is associated with value and hard work, key factors in the male gender role (ie masculinity).
Women are attracted to guys that are confident, charming, and responsible (more key factors in masculinity). Guys that demonstrate this have a higher chance of dating "hot women" rather than those that don't. Which explain why ugly not rich guys still get very hot, even rich, women.
This [book] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Manual-What-Women-Want/dp/1456494554) has a better explanation of what I'm talking about. It really changed the way I see MtF and FtM attraction.
[The Manual] (https://www.amazon.com/Manual-What-Women-Want-Give/dp/1456494554) and [Models] (https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1467218700&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=models) are way better. The Manual is my bible. Top inner game!
Mark Manson is pretty great. He started out as a pickup artist, but quickly realized how awful and insincere most of that community is. He then wrote "Models," which is one of the best books I've ever read on being open and honest with yourself and others. It really transcended its roots, which is why he eventually distanced himself from the community and started his blog. He, along with Brene Brown, really turned my life around when I was in a dark place.
I read a book awhile back that you might want to see if you would be interested in called Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson. Think it would help yah.
I would recomended you read Models by Mark Manson. It's a great book that takes an analytical approach on improving yourself and improving your self confidence to attract high caliber women that interest you through honesty. It is much better then over PUA books that focus on pick up lines and being fake. It really helped me a lot.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_ou.8wbM9K207W
Edit: He also dedicates a chapter in the book to discussing how to choose locations to meet women that fit what you are looking for, it sounds like going out to clubs probably is not the place to go if you are frustrated by materialsim.
Try reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which is similar advice aimed at the high school/college-aged crowd.
> The exact line I heard was "I don't think I would be able to accept my children if they told me they were anything except for straight"
That is infuriating. INFURIATING. Right now, tonight, there are thousands of infertile couples that will go to bed weeping, wondering why they can't have children. Your father deserves that. And here he takes the gift they would do anything for... and this is how he reacts. Unacceptable.
He doesn't deserve your honesty. He's already said that. I think you should consider hard whether it's worth coming out to them.
> Things have been becoming tense recently, with my parents wondering why I haven't had a girlfriend by this time
Get a copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Tell him you're reading it and it really rings true to you. He'll be so proud.
It's a best seller
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1580627560/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship is a good female counterpart to NMMNG.
Im with you...exactly with you. The self doubt left behind by their seemingly IDGAF attitude after that idolization phase is something no one can understand unless they've lived it. Im still trying to pick myself back up off the floor.
Any interaction with my SO, he just brings up more of what was wrong with the relationship, even towards the beginning... Im like what? We were insanely happy in the beginning like you describe, almost euphoric, so now he is saying there were always problems. None of it makes sense and never will. Im taking all the advice I can off of here, step one I got a self help book and just a half a chapter in I can see I picked the right one. " Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You , google the reviews on amazon. Sounds like a great one. Somewhere along the way I bottled my self worth in him. Im going to do everything I can to make sure that never happens again. Everything you are saying i exactly what im living and trying to fix.
You should read a "breakup" book like "Getting Past Your Breakup..." and perform some of the mental exercises in there, they will help clear your head. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0097CWNSO/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=&amp;sr=
[Dog of the day is Sheffield!] (http://imgur.com/m4Ad9XU)
Whenever he comes to work, I think of the nanny. Now all I want to do is watch The Nanny and Golden Girls when I get home from work.
Listening to [Modern Romance] (http://www.amazon.com/Modern-Romance-Aziz-Ansari/dp/1594206279) thanks to /u/doodlesandsuch
I love sociology and stats 😍
My guilty pleasure food is those mini cinnabon things at Taco Bell. I eat fast food often but when I do, I need those.
What aren't you confident about?
My suggestion would be to practice meeting new people regularly. Just get out there and start talking to people. Talk to anyone, men or women, young or old. Especially talk to beautiful women. Be friendly and kind and go out of your way to start conversations with total strangers. It'll probably be awkward at first, and you'll definitely get shut down a few times and it will hurt, but it will get better. You'll start to realize that getting turned down is the worse thing that could happen and it won't kill you, and the conversations that do go well will really boost your confidence and make you feel empowered. You might want to check out The Game by Neil Strauss.
I would send him this book and this book. I know they are controversial, but let's face it, chances are the guy is depressed because he feels lonely. I'd also recommend writing a kick ass letter to encourage him, as mentioned by yaboyAllen.
A specifically Aspie-hostile feature of dating is the disconnect between the apparent and effective rules of the game. You might think that red-pill stuff such as the Game will give you great insights, but they probably won't: they're not designed for people like you, and they're not aiming at the kind of relationship you likely want.
Here's my one-sentence sum-up of the rule as I understand it: look contagiously happy.
There are many ways to be happy; some of them suit you, some others don't; hopefully, you have identified some of those which do. A suitable partner for you is someone with some happiness-goals in common with yours, and with whom you'll effectively pursue shared happiness. That's really a great definition of a suitable mate: someone whose definition(s) of happiness, and whose ways to pursue it, matches yours.
Simply by being Asperger, you're not a standard person, and your possible paths to happiness probably aren't the most common ones. Know how your definition of happiness deviates from the norm, identify what kinds of character traits go with it, identify the kind of people who have them, consider them as your dating pool.
Once you're targeting the right people, remember that (1) standard recipes don't apply well to non-standard people and (2) if they're like you, they're as lonely as you are, and they want that relationship as hard as you do. There are some fundamentals which apply everywhere: don't come out as desperate, needy, self-centered. Your ultimate promise is that the pursuit of happiness will go better and faster alongside you. So you need to come out as happy, open and interested in the other, and enthusiastic about sharing and growing that happiness of yours. You're sharing happiness, not begging for some. Kids are needy, but kids aren't sexy. If they have uncommon conceptions about happiness, and you convincingly show them that yours matches theirs, you'll be welcomed as a Messiah.
Most of the non-written rules of dating are about convincingly showing it. But you can't just say "I'm God's gift to womanhood": everybody would just say it if it was all it took! You're giving hints that you're a great fit for the unique person in front of you, and they're going to test those hints, to figure out whether you're bullshitting them. They'll test the genuineness of what makes you happy, of your interest in them as a unique person (rather than any other consenting vagina owner), the fit between what makes you click and what makes them click, how well you're reading them... Once you know why they're doing it, it only takes a bit of practice to find the correct answers to the hidden questions: at least you're playing the actual game with its actual rules!
I'm a math-geek, polyamorous, bisexual Aspie smartass who craves both stability (affective and material) and sensual hyper-stimulation. And I have a couple of other fringe lifestyle and sexual kinks, too. My dating pool is a tiny fraction of a percent of the population, but I roughly know which fraction it is, so I meet more suitable partners than I need. If I were to try and date random people, I'd probably never succeed, and if I did, I'd be bored to death by the people I'd have the misfortune to settle with.
only confident people click, or at least, topically confident. you took the movies too personally and your lost in a delusion. Do spontaneous clicks happen? yes,same way anyone can be president or drop out of school and become a billionaire. unlikely (very, very unlikely) but possible.
i dont know who told you you need to be an asshole, what you need to learn to do is actually go out there and get what you want."Closed mouths dont get fed"
Read this book.Pirate it if you must and then buy it later if it works for you.
Rules of the game
Take the book day by day, it makes a difference. you dont need to know all this "PUA" shit.
Another book that tailors specifically to your issue
the rational male
practically word for word from what your saying to what the books saying. outside looking in PUA doesn't make any logical sense but we are not creatures of logic, we are creatures of emotion. if we werent, you wouldnt feel shame, guilt or even love.
Highly recommended
Read "When I say no I feel guilty" next, then follow up with "The Rational Male"
Enjoy your hate-read
I would be a conservative, reserved, religious woman looking for a serious relationship and advocating following The Rules.
yay or nay?
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson
You can start by reading this article he wrote for free: Fuck Yes Or No
But, ultimately, no book is as good as plain old personal experience. You need to get out there and just try. Learn, through trial and error, what works best for you and what doesn't.
for women specifically
here is a link bomb directly related to what you asked
(article collections)
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/tag/talking-to-women-2/
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/category/meeting-women/
(individual pages)
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-to-approach-women/all/1/
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-to-approach-women-during-the-day/
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/more-places-to-meet-women/all/1/
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-can-i-meet-women-on-the-job/
https://kotaku.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-help-im-hopeless-with-women-and-i-ha-1721137430
&nbsp;
https://markmanson.net/its-complicated
https://markmanson.net/attract-women
https://markmanson.net/still-single
---
and my favorite of MM
https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
&nbsp;
http://postmasculine.com/understanding-neediness
https://markmanson.net/power-in-vulnerability
http://postmasculine.com/a-note-on-vulnerability/comment-page-1
https://markmanson.net/vulnerability
http://postmasculine.com/the-pain-period/comment-page-1
http://postmasculine.com/improving-quickly
https://markmanson.net/manipulative-relationships
https://markmanson.net/psycho
https://markmanson.net/amazing-person
https://markmanson.net/one-trait
&nbsp;
https://markmanson.net/the-dismal-state-of-flirting-in-english-speaking-cultures
---
here are some resources for your perusing
these books
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ No More Mr Nice Guy
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/ Models
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0996487115/ New Game +
i found these websites the most useful
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/
https://markmanson.net/
&nbsp;
(i know it looks like i'm advertising him or something but this seems best targeted for what i assume you're looking for. step by step guides, he instructs you how to go outside and talk to people etc...)
i personally have yet to take it, but i've read so many of his articles, read his HTNGAF book and trust him as as source, and will take his courses as a self therapy for SA
Mark Manson offers courses for social related stuff, including the romantic kind, i found at the bottom he offers a $4 USD monthly subscription for all of them instead of buying them individually (which is probably the option i'm going to choose)
https://markmanson.net/courses
Dude, you are incredibly lucky that she is willing to tell you this. If you want a quick run down of what she's asking for, try these links:
https://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Bad-Boy
https://www.majorleaguedating.com/traits-bad-boys-nice-guys/
When you parse out what they're describing... None of this is actually about being "Bad" or "mean" to people. It's about having self confidence and standing up for yourself.
Here are some book recommendations:
No more Mr Nice Guy: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
Models: Attract women through honesty: https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
What women want when they test men:
https://www.amazon.com/What-Women-Want-When-They/dp/1515234045
The last one is "Sex God Method" by Daniel Rose. You have to pirate it, because on amazon it goes for $750. https://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Method-Daniel-Rose/dp/0557036488
Of all the books, Sex God Method is life changing if you're willing to apply it. This book completely changed my life.
It's not that she wants you to literally be mean, she wants you to stand up to her and stand up for yourself.
She is doing you SUCH a favor by being so honest and up front with you. Seriously. Many guys in your situation just get cheated on, or dumped, or both. Yes, you read that right.
Check this book out:
https://www.amazon.ca/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1500817835&amp;sr=8-5&amp;keywords=book+models
The MM is still around, the most recent official products by Mystery himself are Venusian Arts Revelation and The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed. They are both pretty straightforward explanations of the MM and worth reading. Revelation is the most recent (2010 I think) so it's updated with more modern ideas incorporated into the primary model.
Most other products evolved from MM. For example, Magic Bullets followed closely behind MM, former MM instructors like Sinn wrote major parts of it, and it uses the same basic model, with some specific enhancements.
No, but if it is I'll definitely look into it. I feel texting is not as difficult because I have a good period of time to determine what to say, which is like a double edged sword though because if you don't convey that same personality in person, women will catch on to you easily. The book that literally changed my entire thought process on women was this
possibly part of your problem is that you believe that if this doesn't work out, there will never be another girl again. Thats a pretty common fear in first relationships (esp first relationships at age 23). Thus, desperation. Desperation is poison. Even if you feel desperate, for heavens sake, do your best to fake it like you aren't. There will be other girls (assuming you learn to stop being a doormat), let her go.
Also, I am not for a second suggesting that you become a pickup artist, but your approach seems so dramatically the opposite (aka, write their papers, kiss their ass endlessly, take them back no matter how many times they dump you and cheat on you) that it would do you good to at least learn that there is a different "way to be" with women. Go buy yourself a copy of Mystery Method and read it. It's actually a good, short, readable book. Please don't actually try to do all the "tricks" it says (fuzzy hats? negs? cheesy canned lines? dear god) but read instead for the meta-lesson of how attraction works for women, and how it's quite counterintuitive to what you might assume. Its a lesson you really need. Reddit hates all things pickup so the downvotes are incoming for suggesting this, but I just think you need exposure to different ideas than the ones inside your head, and this is a good place to start.
Are any of you familiar with Dr. Gad Saad? He has a youtube channel, and one day he interviewed Geoffry Miller, who wrote this book..
Mate
I read it, it's pretty solid advice. Annnnyyyyway, I mention this because, several times in the book, he mentions how people (and thus women) subconsciously view a wide sitting stance as an assertion of dominance.
This would explain why they cry about it; they subconsciously feel like you're trying to assert power over them, even though you're really just minding your own damn business.
And of course they have to pretend that it only happens on crowded trains/buses, because even they know that complaining about someone sitting on an empty bus is flipping retarded.
These are the only rules I need
This is standard bitch behavior (i.e mind games). Nowadays called shit-testing:
https://www.amazon.com/All-Rules-Time-tested-Secrets-Capturing/dp/0446618799/
If you think of dating as fishing, she is trying to 'set the hook'.
http://www.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1412046904&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=coach+corey+wayne
The book is a little fluffy in parts, but has really solid advice.
"The conversations all hit a wall or the girl won't even message me even though she hit like on my profile and we matched."
What kind of messages are you sending? Can you give me an example? I've had that happen where you get liked but then they don't respond. There could be any number of reasons, while the desire for improvement is good most times you won't have any idea. Just let it go and don't take it personally.
No date and no sex, no big deal, don't let society try to make you think you are less of a man because of that. Dating is a skill which takes time to develop. What I'd suggest is always finding ways to be happy with yourself without anyone else. Walk into every interaction with the attitude of just trying to have fun, be positive, and don't have any concern for the outcome. Try different approaches, never take rejection personally, and hone your skills. Most importantly, don't exhibit clingy, needy behaviors. I know how loneliness goes, but be careful because if she senses neediness it will most likely drive her away.
Ibland känns det så eller att tjejerna ska säga till en vakt om man är på krogen. Att tjejerna är mer instängda i sin egna grupp. Inte att det händer med varje tjejgäng men varje kväll är en garanti. Utomlands har jag inga problem och aldrig stött på liknande problem. Och då har det hänt att vi inte ens talar samma språk. Känner jag av att dem inte uppskattar mitt sällskap så önskar jag en fortsatt trevlig kväll och kilar vidare.
Och nej, jag tafsar inte. Hade kunnat skriva en bok på ett par 100-sidor om hur jag flörtar men det finns det inte tid till just nu men något som jag tänkt göra i framtiden. Men om du vill veta vart jag fått inspirationen ifrån till hur jag gör rekommenderar jag att kolla upp:
Zan Perrion
Mark Manson - Models
Corey Wayne - How to be a 3 % man
Richard La Ruina
>gaming groups...Anime...magic
Those hobbies are terrible for meeting/dating women.
How long have you been single? Are you just trying to fill a void?
Work on yourself, try out new hobbies: yoga, fitness, meetups.
Make some woman friends first, people you're not attracted to perse. Expand your social circle, be a fun guy.
Read No More Mr. Nice Guy and Models. See this video on how to flirt.
https://www.amazon.de/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
I’d recommend reading Models by Mark Mason. It’s not pick up tricks, but solid life advice. Also Mark Mason’s Podcast is great.
Don't do PuA. It can work but will lead you down a bad and toxic path, and invite toxic partners. I recently read a book by Mark Manson, called "Models Attract Women through Honesty". Great book, the only dating book you'll ever need.
&#x200B;
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2M55DHIEGSTFR&keywords=attract+women+through+honesty&qid=1565988682&s=gateway&sprefix=attract+w%2Caps%2C134&sr=8-2
Give this a read. Basically, the theme is to constantly be investing in yourself. There is no short answer, unfortunately.
Something simple is a great way to test the waters and get to know someone without too much pressure.
I'd just ask her after class or sometime that's easy. Something as simple as "hey want to grab coffee sometime?" or "I enjoy talking with you, want to meet up sometime out of school?"
The hardest part for me was letting the other person know I was interested in more than just friendship. I held myself back due to self-doubt and anxiety for years.
I read this book (https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358) which sounds super cheesy, but worked.
If you have a strong sense of self and really confident, then start with Models, otherwise read No More Mr Nice Guy then Models. After that start going out and applying what you learn. Watch some pickup videos (RSD, Willy Beck)...etc. Also that subreddit is really a mine of gold, learn from it as much as you can. Find dudes you can pickup and do that shit with sometimes, It's a lot easier and more fun actually. My point is: Start your journey and let yourself evolve overtime (no need to rush) and don't take it seriously. One important thing to say is that: Applying is really important and don't slip into the intellectual circle like me of taking videos/books so much and not doing anything. Cause if you do that, overtime you will find that a one book really has tons of information and applying it gonna take so much. So what's the need of accumulating these resources. And be careful of the marketing techniques of these products, they are deceitful sometimes. Peace.
> I should probably hit the gym that would make me more attractive.
Sorry, but that's how clueless virgins think.
Read this book to learn a ton about what actually makes men attractive and how to improve yourself: https://smile.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/
I don't really know how I could change your mind honestly, because it's just my own personal experience, but I'll give it a go.
I am your height, I am slightly younger than you, 19. I grew up homeschooled, so I didn't have my first kiss till I was 18, I held my first hand at 18 too lmao, safe to say I just didn't interact with girls basically my whole adolescences. Lost my virginity at 19 to my current girlfriend.
So to summarize I am a short homeschooled kid, who has an average face and a skinny fat build, I have literally every excuse to be like you.
But I'm not, I've now had two girlfriends since I started actually trying to date in 2018, and my current girlfriend without a shadow of a doubt is extremely sexually attracted to me. Again, can't prove it to you, but you'll have to trust me.
Honestly I firmly believe most women don't care about height as much as people on the internet would have you believe.
If you're 5'11" and up, your height is an attractive feature, just like a nice face or big muscles. If you're 5'9"-5'7", your height might affect you in your dealings with other men, but I don't give a fuck about other men, to women, your height won't really play a role, except you will be taller than most women, which is attractive. and finally, our height, 5'6"-5'5", our height is for some people, an unattractive feature, but not everyone, and, the best part, we're still taller than most women, at least in america where average female height is 5'4", which again, is what most women care about, their partner being taller or as tall as them. Not to say it's impossible or even hard to date a women who is taller than you, just that many women do find it attractive if their partner is taller than them.
But again, I suppose this is all just based off my own experiences, I've never been turned down for my height, but, to be fair, I am a naturally social and charismatic person, this is an advantage that I was given, as a short guy you do in some ways have to make up for it, and work a bit harder, that's just how it is, fair? no, reality? yes.
And to my final point, I don't know shit, I'm 19, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but oh yeah, you don't know shit either you're TWENTY TWO, do you know how young that is? We're basically still kids man, in the grand scheme of things either of us trying to say anything about life with any extreme degree of certainty like "I've tried everything I could to get a girlfriend, from grooming to lifting weights to getting hobbies" is folly.
Live life and all that shit, we only get one, legit everyone in your ancestral line somehow fucked a girl, I highly doubt you'll be the end of it.
I highly recommend Models, and The subtitle art of not giving a fuck, both are fantastic and great books to read when you don't know what to do with yourself.
Good luck buddy, hope this was at least somewhat helpful.
>Video games, junk food and porn. But no attempt at ever forming a romance, no dating, no online dating.
You've developed a very nasty habit, and you need to rewire your brain. This can be done, but you'll need some will power to overcome this. James Clear's book, Atomic Habits does a good job explains how habits form and how you can change them.
If you're watching porn, stop it right now - it's ruining your life.
> The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it’s impossible to turn back.
The Iron and the Soul
First thing is first, how often are you going to the gym? You can't have a healthy mind if you don't have a healthy body. How are you training? Are you doing 5X5? Are you on 5-3-1? Start learning the basic lifts, I recommend you start with 5X5 for one month to get the techniques down, then move on to something like 5-3-1 or Grey Skulls, the r/fitness wiki is a gold mine of information. Learning how to do this properly (with the right diet) will change your life. Try the Boring But Big 3-Month Challenge.
We're sexual beings, it's important for our physical and mental well being to have a healthy sex life. If you're terrified of talking to women then you might need to start with the basics, look up this or this. Cheesy pick up techniques don't work, so don't waste any time or money on learning them. The key here is to know yourself, what you want and be honest (most people don't know what they want).
Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it even more dangerous than obesity
How often do you socialize with friends and peers? Do you have someone to talk to, to air your problems to, to bounce ideas off? We're social creatures and having a good social group is part of a healthy lifestyle.
Cobra Kai - ...the method of fighting your pansy ass generation desperately needs.
Tyler Durden on Life
The Three Things We All Need for a Happy Life: Someone to love. Something to do. Something to look forward to.
48 Laws of Power would be a great starting point.
You may also find some value in the likes of The Game for learning charisma and attractiveness. There's also a [pretty incredible TV series](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pickup_Artist_(TV_series) about the same topic. This scene is/was full of douchebags of course, but there are lessons here to be learned.
What Every Body is Saying for mastery of body language. This WILL change the way you interact with others, as you start to read what they are doing as they do it and respond accordingly.
The granddaddy of persuasion is Influence. I am reading this for the third time right now and it is just packed with powerful tools you can use in business and in life.
Oh it should go without saying that How To Win Friends and Influence People is essential reading for any entrepreneur. I use lessons I learned from this book every time I deal with an unhappy client or contractor.
I used to work in sales. I was pretty good at it according to the awards I won.
The first step is know your product. You should be able to answer every question. You need to be confident that you can answer those questions. That's just a lot of reading.
For the soft skills I recommend reading both of these books.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671723650
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
Edit: Formatting.
Oh like this one?
Of course self entitled princess mentality is sub par to self entitled douche.
Any how I've got a date to get to. Have a nice Valentines.
This is what i am talking about :)
As many of our INTP compatriots, we have wit on our side. I try to use this to my full advantage. Women like intelligence, and if you can tantalize their minds, their image of you becomes much bolder.
Of course, the thought of rejection causes stress and can cause cessation of any further action. This is a fundamental flaw. Every rejection is an opportunity to learn how the "system" of flirting works. The more you try with sincerity, the more comfortable you become, and more well versed you are.
I'd never consider myself a "ladies man", but if I catch even the slightest glimpse of interest from an attractive member of the opposite sex, I use that as my first bit of motivation; They have interest in you already. Foster the growth of that interest using your intellectual acuity, and dare to be bold. Something I've had to learn over the course of too many years is that women want a man who takes charge. Feign your confidence if you must in the beginning, but you'll soon learn that a confident wit is an invaluable asset.
Also, as outlandish as it may seem, this book helped me tremendously. It may seem primal and deceptive, but there are tips for confidence that allowed me to believe in myself when approaching a woman.
Have courage, embrace your wit, and always have the mentality of the no-lose situation mentioned above.
Hey dude! Cheer up! Anything can be learned
Gluck!
...so, even in this subreddit, that's what you first think?
Here's a relevant quote from the book The Game (said/written by Mystery):
> ...If you regularly masturbate, you can easily become addicted. This addiction comes in the form of daily regularity that curbs your desire to go out. It also does not allow you to harness your sex drive, which can be used to motivate yourself to work on wealth-building projects.
> If you aren’t getting laid on a regular basis (which happens to all of us from time to time), then don’t just choke ’til you’re broke. Set a date with yourself. Only jerk it once a week. If you jerked it today, set the jerk date for seven days from now. If you don’t get a girl between then and now, you’ll have something to look forward to. Make it a good jerk! Use the best porn and hand lotion. Look forward to it and this will keep you from wasting your life away jerking it daily and focusing constantly on the pain of not having a girlfriend.
> In the meantime, harness your sex drive and build something.
Strauss, Neil (2012-05-01). The Game (p. 187). Harper Collins, Inc..
Did you go through Neil Strauss' Rules of the Game?
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061540455
I'm currently in Monk Mode myself. I'm probably only going for at most a 3mo. term at this (Started Dec. 1st). It sounds like you have a good plan. I'm focusing on the following things:
For learning to cook I highly recommend this book.
For addressing approach anxiety I recommend The Rules of the Game.
This is an excellent book on habit change. (OP this is how you start to break down those "masturbatory" habits)
Also, Monk Mode is basically an exercise in stoicism. This book is awesome.
Since you'll have plenty of time to read here are some other Books I recommend:
"No More Mr. Nice Guy"
"Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty"
"The Talent Code"
"Man's Search for Meaning"
"Flow"
Final thoughts OP. 6 months is definitely a worthy goal however studies show that 90 days is usually what it takes to create new habits and routines. You have to be consistent though. Just food for thought.
(Edit: I suck at formatting)
^^ Listen to /u/prpna; he's a very wise man.
Gonna answer this and share my experiences without using a throwaway -- booyah!
(Source: nearly a decade of talking to/flirting with/hooking up with random girls in clubs and bars, so I can definitely say that culture difference hardly plays a part here.)
When I'm in a bar or at a club, I almost always use what PUAs call a "direct opener" -- basically, starting a conversation by expressing your interest in her.
Why? Because in these types of places, there's a lot of potential distractions going on (loud music, alcohol, chatty/dancing friends, and the biggest distraction of all: other men) so you need to come in strong and differentiate yourself from every other dude who's approached her.
I always say something along the lines of "I saw you and I thought you were cute, so I had to come over and say hi."
And then I reach out for a handshake and introduce myself. And the conversation begins.
There are very few circumstances in which you would want to ask for her number right away -- dude, you don't even know her, what the hell would you want her number for? You have no idea if the two of you would have anything to talk about or even get along, that's why it comes off as creepy.
Anyway, that opener buys me anywhere from 2-5 minutes worth of interaction at a busy club. There will be times when a girl just plainly isn't interested and will ignore you; but it works surprisingly well in most circumstances (around the same if not better than the Naked Man's 2 out of 3 times! </half kidding>).
While I've used that opener in clubs mostly, I've also had success using it in sit-down "inuman" places as well as coffee shops like Starbucks. It's actually better outside of club situations because in addition to the fact that nobody approaches strangers in these places, it's also a very strong and bold way to start a conversation. And I've heard that girls dig confidence ;)
=========
NOW THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART: One reason I think it's worked well for me these past few years is this: my mentality when approaching isn't to get anything from them.
In all honesty, if the conversation ends right then and there (and many times, it has) I'll be completely fine with it. I don't even mind getting blown off and rejected. In my head, my only purpose for opening with this line is to give them a sincere compliment: if all I can do is to make her day/night a little better and that's it, then so be it.
(And let's face it; whose day wouldn't be made up if a random stranger came up to you and told you that you're attractive and yet not want anything at all from you?
One time, I was hanging out in Katipunan with my friends and noticed this super cute girl who was drinking with her friend. I wanted to approach, but later noticed that she started crying and wouldn't stop -- presumably coming off a breakup or something. Before I left, I walked up to her and told her that I thought she was cute, and that she was obviously having a very bad day and I thought that a compliment from a complete stranger would at least help brighten up her night. If you've ever seen a girl genuinely smile after a solid round of crying.. It's a beautiful thing. Didn't even bother asking for her number but no approach has ever made me feel like a champ more than that one did. )
Which is pretty much what /u/prpna said, but a lot more eloquently and succinctly than I ever could. I agree 200% with his "she made your day; now try and make hers" statement. Seek to give value, not leech it away from people -- it truly does make the difference between creepy and confident.
What you do next is totally up to you, but in general you definitely want to do at least a few minutes of small talk before you close for the number (or you could go and take the interaction as far as you can for the night before you close it) -- that way, she's a little bit more comfortable with you and you actually have something to text her about when you do text her -- but this is a completely different topic in of itself though.
======
There's also the indirect opener in which you start a conversation without revealing your interest (sometimes even going out of your way to downplay it). Somewhere in the replies to this post, someone mentioned "The Game" which popularized the opinion opener (i.e. "Hey, I need a female opinion on something: who lies more, men or women?" etc.).
If I have to go indirect, personally I'm a fan of using situational openers. Basically, you use the situation around you to start a conversation with them. Let's say I'm in a club and I'm buying a drink -- if a girl is waiting along with me (btw one of the best times to time to start a conversation with a girl is when she's at the bar buying a drink) a lot of times I just look at them and say "Hi, how you doing?" or if they're holding a drink already, just reach out with my bottle and say "Cheers" then start some casual small talk.
Not such a fan of this approach especially if I'm really interested in the girl, because it takes a lot more conversation (and you have to be super interesting and/or super good looking) before she'll actually be interested enough to give you her number. Plus I'm extremely lazy to bother going through a whole bunch of this throughout the night. Also, getting the number doesn't always mean that she won't flake on you when you text her -- but it is a way to start an interaction with less risk.
But there are times when the situational opener is actually much more useful than the direct one. For example, if you're at a place where there's a lot of social accountability like a school party or whatever (friends, and friends of friends, where getting hit on by a complete stranger with a very strong come on may make you look a little too weird). Or "day game" situations like at the mall or at a bookstore or at a coffee shop where you might feel too vulnerable/exposed to use the direct opener (sidenote: it's not really a problem -- people are paying more attention to themselves and don't really give a fuck about you, so remember to tell yourself to get over yourself; you are not a unique snowflake).
Actually, when I was starting out with "the game" I once gave myself a mission to ask 5 strangers (female, of course) for recommendations on stores to buy good "guy clothes" from. It's a great exercise, IMO -- straight out of the Stylelife Challenge (now known as "Rules of the Game") -- and actually ended up having a 10 minute conversation with a girl on the elevator about whatever (too bad I was too chickenshit to get her number, but I've learned from my mistakes since then).
Anyway, complete wall of text already so I'm going to end this here, but hope that actually helps you out.
"The Game" was a great story, but not so much a "how to" guide. And I don't recall it recommending being condescending to anyone. The concept of a neg is to only use it on 8-10s in the first few minutes to show you aren't one of the un-washed masses trying to kiss their butt.
Acting like you are not interested in the girl will not result in you getting girls -- acting like you aren't interested in the pretty one while you charm her friend prevents her friend from cock-blocking you later though.
The follow-up book Rules of the Game is more of a how-to guide.
Neil is a great writer -- I wished he ended up with Brad P instead of Mystery. I suspect that would have made a much wilder story.
Bang by RooshV (http://www.reddit.com/user/rooshv) is my current read and a great starting resource.
BTW - Herbal (the guy who ended up with Mystery's girlfriend in the Game) is a sometimes Redditor. Small world.
This is the guy that stole Neil's GF after 'The Game' was over:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQb4ieoWp9w
He exhibits great cocky-funny in this vid.
> Intensity, ambition, sense of humor, creativity, charm? I got all of it, and I'm nice to look at to boot!
Maybe try mixing in some humbleness and subtly?
Also while you might think intensity is a positive quality, its definitely something that turns some (maybe even many) girls off. Have you read Art of Seduction?
his book!
I think Buddhism takes the whole phrase "the truth will set you free" very seriously.
It's difficult to get over something when you have limited knowledge about it, if you never get out of the bubble you're in then it's just the same old habits going around in circles.
This is a pretty funny read on the world of dating today, once you understand how silly it all is and that it's a problem for everyone, you become a lot less serious about it:
https://www.amazon.com/Modern-Romance-Aziz-Ansari/dp/1594206279
Something else I read recently that I thought was quite brilliant is this essay on "herbivore men" of Japan, but I think it's starting to apply in the west too:
http://www.lifestudies.org/press/rls0401.pdf
It's all quite hilarious if you think about it.
Quite the literature I found in the recommended section.
"why men love bitches"
Joshua Harris
> but then the church would also say that dating is wrong, so NO ONE dated. at all. how are Christians today supposed to find a spouse without dating?
At the church I mentioned, they all just *Kissed Dating Goodbye book link. You basically only hang out with your prospective suitor in the company of the your family, never unchaperoned, sort of like when Michael Corleone goes to Italy, minus the physical contact. Then you sort of make a group decision. The church I mentioned basically adopted the book as part of the Apocrypha and punished those who refused to follow it.
Exactly. I'm a little surprised by the backlash I'm getting in this thread. I thought I was justified in walking away from the date, but I took her out and gave it my best effort.
She was angst-y, and told me how she hated high school and college and how everyone sucked where she was from. Coming out the gate with a negative attitude is a red flag for me. This tone did not come out in our pre-date text.
I should have also mentioned she admitted me to me she was reading this book: Why Men Love Bitches. I was a bit stunned when she admitted that.
I'd start here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9ex1v7/lift_faggot_lift/
Then all this
https://www.amazon.ca/Manosphere-New-Hope-Masculinity-ebook/dp/B00D74DQ8E
https://www.amazon.ca/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature-ebook/dp/B006O4227U/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=digital-text&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1483461928&amp;sr=1-1-fkmr0&amp;keywords=mat+ridley+red+queen
https://www.amazon.ca/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6
http://www.returnofkings.com/misc/The-Solomon-Group.pdf
If anyone can find where yareally ended up, would be appreciated
http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/antidumpsmachine.pdf
https://www.amazon.ca/Warriors-soldiers-soul-Terrence-Popp-ebook/dp/B009SQHZIM
https://www.amazon.com/Day-Bang-Casually-Girls-During/dp/1463765045/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=0Y5D0CFXP2QZ9NE47NG5
You just asked how to interact with an attractive woman. That's a very broad question. Read the side bar, read Models by Mark Manson, read The Rational Male.
If I had to summarize seduction in one phrase: be outcome independent, but be interested.
off the top of my head:
Meditations, with The Inner Citadel as a reader
Letters from a Stoic
A Guide to the Good Life by Irvine
Do The Work by Pressfield as well as The War of Art by Pressfield
Managing Oneself by Ducker
Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl
What Predicts Divorce by Gottman
Nicomachean Ethics
Models by Manson seems to be popular on reddit
So Good They Can't Ignore You by Newport, as well
I'm currently reading Triumphs of Experience by Vaillant and find it insightful.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
Not because it revealed some great hidden secret or changed the way I thought about women or how the world works. It validated what I had been thinking for some time.
You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. I understand this isn't the answer you want to hear but it's true. I used to be in your shoes. You have to understand that yes support is great, but ultimately you have to stand on your own feet to be firstly healthy (no one can fight your depression for you) and secondly to be attractive.
I'll leave you a few links that have helped me come out of my hell hole.
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-overcome-depression
CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has worked wonders for me. I went on anti-depressants for 3 years which was needed at the time, but if I would have combined it with CBT I may have safed myself years of suffering. I'm 100% off them now and feeling better than ever. Try googleing this. This is a good place to start.
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/cognitive_distortions.html
Get into a routine of going to bed and getting lots of rest. Change your diet to healthy foods. This will help keep junk out of your system that leads to high/crashes and keeps your serotonin pumping.
Socialize, - www.meetup.com is a good place to start if you're not a very social person. They specifcally have "introvert" groups so people that arent used to socializing can get used to seeing other people with the same comfort level. There's groups for everything.
Self-Esteem - Try and boost this as much as you can. I know when I was depressed I had a horrible self-esteem and it's taken years to boost it back up. Again, google has copious amounts of information on this but a book I bought and helped me was
Working out - Not only does this make you more attractive, but way more importantly it boosts serotonin levels and will help you feel better. I can't stress how important this is. I was able to come off Effexor JUST because I began working out heavily. The nice body is a just a bonus, the way it's made me feel is incredible.
www.bodybuilding.com - has a bunch of beginner exercises for you to start.
Dating - Lastly, don't worry about this one too much. I know you're thinking "what the fuck? that was the whole point of my post". The world is hyped up with "quick fixes", you know 6 pack abs in 2 weeks etc. There is no EASY way out, no way to just magically press a button and become this macho attractive person. The most attractive trait a woman can see in you is confidence. You've already been through all this pain with your depression, you can do anything you want but the CATCH is that it takes time. You'll need to subject yourself to a bunch of situations that MAKE you feel uncomfortable, and by having small little victories in each situation you're able to build up confidence.
I'll share a few articles from this guys website that not only helped me tremendously with dating and self-esteem, but with life in general.
1 - http://markmanson.net/change-your-mind
2 - http://markmanson.net/youre-okay
Especially #2. Lastly, he wrote a book that I've re-read a bunch of times that is excellent and down to earth dating advice. He's honest and isn't going to sell you a bunch of this "I need to be super macho to get dates" crap. It's all a media hype. Women just want you to be confident, but in order to do that you have to treat your depression and just enjoy life which will take months, not going to lie.
http://www.amazon.ca/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
Enjoy man, you have lots of work to do. consider this the first day of the rest of your life.
Hey Friend,
I'm just a stranger passing by and what I say may mean something, but at the worst, it'll mean nothing, so no harm done
I can empathize with what you are going through to a certain point as I've dealt with similar issues. If I may offer some bits of thought that I've picked up over my life:
What made me really optimistic reading this was this little part you put in: "I've since stopped smoking, started going to bed before 3 am every night, and cut down on my drinking significantly. I've made some progress over the last few months: I'm finally leaving for school, I volunteered to help disabled people exercise throughout this summer (which was extremely daunting due to my social anxiety), and I'm starting to get back in shape."
You seem to have started making attempts to make yourself feel better and that is great, since it is usually the first step to getting happier. but as you continue on your journey just remember that change is one of the hardest things that we as humans can do and it takes time to see results so don't get to down if things don't get better quickly, just keep grinding.
Secondly, something I always struggled with was comparing myself to other people, however over time I've come to realize that comparing yourself to others, is one of the most self destructive behaviors a person can have. we are all on a different schedule with our lives, you mentioned that you feel bad that your hometown friends have gone out to see the world while you stayed and "withered" away at home. the thing is, what they are doing, does not impact your life. Focus on you and your needs and your goals, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing as long as your striving for something that really means to you.
Now when it comes to interacting with people, I have to fight the same battle, Its my worst nightmare to have to meet new people or go to social events. however over time I've gotten better, and If you are a book person i would recommend two books:
How to make friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie
Its a great resource on human psychology and offers great advice on how to deal with people and situations while also offering a great guideline on how to have positive interactions with people
https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1504163698&amp;sr=1-1-catcorr&amp;keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people
The Second would be "Models" - Mark Manson
While its technically a dating advice book, its far more than that. this book goes in depth about what it means to be attractive and have a fulfilling life, its a wonderful motivational book as it goes to a much deeper level then most. (It is absolutely not your typical dating advice book where it feeds you lines and teaches mannerisms, it is so much more than that its just really down to earth and honest)
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1504163932&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=models+mark+manson
The thing is, new adventures are scary, change is scary, and moving to a different place while exciting can bring forth feelings of insecurity. But in the end, we can either let those feelings decide who we are or we can take a stand against them and actively strive to improve ourselves.
You are doing great and I want you to know that Whatever you choose to do I'm over here rooting for you, you got this. sending positive vibes your way my friend :)
Much of my research has been focused on men who grew up under an emotionally abusive, narcissistic female parent ("Nparent"). Boys with high levels of intelligence who grow up under these conditions develop defense mechanisms to avoid the irrational, and often unpredictable, wrath of their Nparent.
One of these defense mechanisms is a highly developed sense of empathy, or in other words "the ability to understand and share the feelings of others." Children from abusive homes often develop higher-than-normal levels of awareness for other people's emotions as a survival response; because while growing up, a child's well-being was determined by the emotional state of the Nparent, whose mood and behavior could radically and unpredictably shift without warning or provocation. So, these children learn how to observe their Nparent and be aware of their every-changing emotional state at all times.
There are a couple consequences of this. First, many of these children learn how to interact with other people in a disarming way. These sort of children do very well in professional sales environments because they have an advanced ability to "read" people.
Which leads me to a second consequence: primarily being in a state of reaction to other people's actions. If life were a game of chess, you would be black, always reacting to white's first move. Again, as a defense mechanism, children in abusive homes learn strategies to disarm or satisfy their Nparent. Since the Nparent is always on the offensive and the child is always on defense, everything the child is trained to do is counter, repel, or otherwise disarm the actions of others. And these children can become very well adept at developing strategies to anticipate the needs of others.
So while the bulk of these boys' training is as a reaction to the wants and needs of others, these boys are not taught how to be in charge, how to identify and exert their own wants and needs in a relationship in a healthy way. In every relationship, there is a leader and there is a follower. Your relationship training growing up has always been to be reactionary, to be a damn good follower because your survival depended on it.
Now, you are dating, and women are looking for a leader in the relationship. The problem is that you don't have any training on how to be a leader in relationships. Like a fish in water, your whole world growing up has been focused on being the best survivor you can be, and that has meant being the best listener, the best reactor, the best follower you can be because you never knew what it meant to be in control.
Shifting gears into being on the opposite side of that fence, by being the person whose Will is exerted instead of being the person upon whom someone else's Will is exerted, is difficult. It's like riding a bike for the first time: no matter how many books you read on riding a bike, you're still going to fall the first few times. Becoming comfortable as a leader in a relationship is learning experience. It takes time to explore what that means for you and what that means to the women who follow you.
Diving deeper, if you grew up in this sort of environment, you know what it means to be taken advantage of; you've seen what it means for a person to manipulate some unsuspecting individual into fulfilling the manipulator's desires. Like a used-car salesman, you may view the whole experience of "using your magic" to get other people to do what you want as coercive, as something negative. You feel bad because maybe you feel like you're taking advantage of these women; and knowing how badly it sucks to be taken advantage of, you feel uncomfortable escalating things because of it. You haven't necessarily been so accommodating to others because you wanted to, you've done it as a means of survival, because you've had to in order to avoid punishment. You can't fathom or haven't considered the reality that there are people out there who genuinely desire to support others, not out of a sense of avoiding pain but because they truly feel a desire to support the fulfillment of someone else's Will.
If any of this applies to you, then here's my advice: first, recognize that you've been playing the part of the follower in relationships. Your approach has been reactionary, to anticipate the needs of others in order to satisfy those needs, as you feel a good partner should. The problem with this approach is that it requires the other person to have definitive needs. If they don't have needs that can be defined, then you won't know what to do; and nothing you do will satisfy them.
This might explain some issues you've had with LTRs in the past. There's the ongoing joke that if you ask a woman "what would you like to have for dinner?," her response is ____. You already know the stereotypical response (it's "I don't know", if you didn't already guess). While publicly men will lament about female indecisiveness, TRP explains that women aren't interested in making the decision about dinner because they've already made the only decision that matters: they chose you. Now, it's your job to decide what's for dinner; it's your responsibility to figure out what you both are doing tonight; she depends on you to take the lead. And since she's waiting for you to exert your Will, she often doesn't have definitive wants to satisfy. This may very well be the reason why you kept expecting insight from previous LTRs on what you should be doing for them, all the while they were becoming frustrated with you because you were not exhibiting the very same indicators that you sought from her.
Second, you need to learn how to be a leader in relationships, learn how to be in control. There are strong, positive leaders and there are shitty, negative leaders. Realize that exerting your Will in a relationship is not inherently bad thing. There are ways to do it positively. Women seek this strong leadership in relationships with a man. Just like you presently react to someone else to satisfy their needs, women desire to do that exact thing for you. So if you're not exerting your Will in a relationship, then your relationship with her will invariably fall apart.
So get over feeling bad about exerting your Will. Realize that a huge percentage of women desire to support the Will of a strong man. This desire is so ingrained that a surprising quantity of women admit to sexually fantasizing about being raped. This psychology tells us that even under what we might consider to be the most severe of circumstances (being raped), a situation that you would overwhelmingly consider to be "bad," many women still generally sexually fantasize about being "taken" and satisfying a man's Will by his force. By being a man who exerts his Will, you are quite actually giving women what they truly seek: a man who knows what he wants and ACTS on it. So in your chess game with women, be the white piece and make the first move; let them react to you, your desires, your Will. They want you to take charge, and you're hurting yourself and disappointing them when you don't.
Final thoughts, pick up copies of these two books: (1) "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover, and (2) "Models" by Mark Manson. First read No More Mr Nice Guy.
Start here: https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf
Then here:
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
That´s how I did it.
The Game isn't a good place to start, it's more history and what happened than guidance.
Models by Mark Manson is probably the best place to start.
I know that you might feel undateable, and that’s understandable. But, realistically, there are tons of women out there who’d love to date you. I suggest this book. It’s called “Models: Attract Women Through Honesty.” You’re not deformed or anything; you haven’t been on a date in almost 2 years probably because you need to change your strategy. Which is easily done.
I want to recommend this book to you. It's called Models: Attracting Women through Honesty
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1463750358?pc_redir=1395590947&amp;robot_redir=1
I didn't think a book could really help me with women, but this is so well written, it will open your mind up. Read the first chapter, which is free somewhere. I read it on the kindle app that lets you sample the beginning of a book. You will end up buying it and it will absolutely help you.
http://markmanson.net/
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1463750358/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
Become a honey badger. Being a nice guy sucks, being a good man is fucking awesome. Be clear about your intentions, make sure you groom well, that you have the type of life you want, all of that.
Read and internalize these books:
Okay, I will tell you some things about me.
First, I ghosted everyone that knew me as a Blue Pill guy. Now, an inherent part of ghosting is being alone. When most people tell you they are independent, it's fucking bullshit. Emerson wrote a great deal on self-reliance.
Here is an essay by Emerson on the subject of self-reliance. It is both a great introduction to his views and how beautifully he writes.
http://www.emersoncentral.com/selfreliance.htm
Here is a collection of Emerson's essays. Ignore the 1 star review, which is for the Kindle version of the book, but heed it and buy the physical book instead of the Kindle version.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1598530844/
Emerson was friend and mentor to Thoreau, who wrote the following account of his two-year stay in a cabin near Walden Pond. One of Thoreau's goals was self-sufficiency.
http://www.amazon.com/Walden-A-Fully-Annotated-Edition/dp/0300104669
Here is some further reading.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0762415339/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1492777862/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0199291152/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0802150926/
You mention you are going to be a radiographer soon. Now, I have seen said on TRP that some here do not see the point in film, but I fucking love film. Now, there is one film in particular that I think relates to your situation incredibly. That is Ikiru by Akira Kurosawa.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/ikiru/
Ikiru is about a Japanese man who, near the end of his life, learns he has a terminal disease. He has, up to that point, wasted his whole life at his government job. Learning of his illness inspires in the main character a will to change, and seeing him undergo that inspires change in those around him. But, and this is another lesson to be learned from the film, we see that the main character's transformation has no lasting effect on those around him. Change has to come from within.
Another film seriously worth watching is Whiplash. I saw it mentioned in this subreddit in passing and am glad I did.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7d_jQycdQGo
If you want me to elaborate on the things that I didn't, ask. I have a lot more film recommendations, but cannot recommend any more books, as I do not read that much. I don't recommend any music as I would consider most of what I listen to to be blue pill.
The red pill is essentially applied evolutionary psychology. The most prominent red pill book is Rollo Tomassi's The Rational Male. These theories explain a lot of social problems we have, as described in The Misandry Bubble. MGTOW use this information (part 3) to increase the quality of the individual man's life (part 5).
> then they must also believe that men want bitches since according to TRP, apparently men end up in relationships with bitches all the time.
If it's this kind of bitch, then you may be right.
Works for me!
Read Models by Mark Manson. He writes that any guy will be a creep to some girls, given the right occasion. I don't see how this is different from fear of rejection. (NB: "Models" is not about how to date a photo model, it's how to model your behavior.)
Forget women and focus on yourself. You're taking the right steps, but you're doing it for female validation and it's an unhealthy mental approach.
Congratulations on the weight loss, but crash dieting with a burn out can cause bigger problems.
\> Once the excess weight is off, I’m gonna begin lifting weights and working out to ideally get in shape
Start now. Lifting weights helps burn fat (during and after), it helps you hold the fat better, and you sound skinnyfat right now (not sure if you are, but either way). Start lifting. You'll probably spike up a few pounds at first, so take measurements (waist, 2 inches above waist, 2 inches below waist, hips, and chest across nipples) weekly so you can see progress there.
Read Models by Mark Manson https://www.amazon.de/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358. Yes it's a seduction book, look past that. Most of the book is about being honest with yourself and fixing your problems.
You've got this, feel free to PM if you need someone to bounce thoughts off.
Also, for the love of god, use paragraphs.
He's reading the wrong parts of 'seduction'.
Point him in this direction
Here's some advice from someone who is almost twice your age:
Don't worry about it. Sex is great, and fun and all those things, but focusing on trying to get laid is just going to come across as desperate. You're not running out of time, and It's not "harder" after college. Relax.
Focus on you. Focus on your hobbies and interests. Read a book,
or two.
Become the best version of yourself and the rest will work itself out. I promise.
Edit: I just read your post history because I wanted to ty and dig into the heart of the problem you are having. Your posts reveal a lot about your personality, and I think that some of the communities that you are hanging out in are giving you bad advice for how to solve your problem. I also think that your problem has more to do with you than it does with other people. I know that may upset you, but it's important that someone be honest with you instead of trying to give you strategies that don't address the root problem.
I mean this with the utmost respect, what exactly is it that you bring to the table here? Seriously, and "I'm loyal" or "I respect women" does not count. Look at it this way, if you met a girl with the same physical traits and emotional baggage that you have, along with the low GPA (demonstrates someone that probably isn't applying themselves), what would you think? Would you want to sleep with that person? Would you want to be friends with that person, or would you see that person as bad news?
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "this stuff isn't my fault." That may be true, but if you want to fix this problem, then even if this stuff isn't your fault, you need to make it your responsibility. I'm certain that if you're dealing with mental health issues, that there are resources at your school that can help you with them. I'm also certain that if your GPA is suffering, then your focus at school sucks, and you need to work with your academic advisors to come up with a plan to fix it. Finally, I'm certain that you can fix all of this stuff if you try.
So, what should you do to get laid before your last semester of college?
Take responsibility for your issues. Fix your shit. Be a man. Ask for help from people who can help you rather than strangers on the internet. Once you fix you, I'm confident that you won't have so much trouble with the ladies.
There is no aphrodisiac in the world like a person who is confident in themselves and successful at navigating the challenges of their life without expecting others to fix them.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey
Models - Mark Manson
The Bible Project
First book will teach you how to set goals and values for your life and to interact with people without being an ass.
Second book is about dating and will teach you how to be the type of person that attracts others without being an ass.
The last is the Bible project series of youtube. Watch everything they have to reorient yourself to what Christianity is truly about, I'd recommend reading your Bible while following along.
Read the first two books through the lens of the values and messages you get from the Bible/Bible Project.
Lastly, Stop being so emotional and blaming God for stuff that is completely in your own control.
As far as anxiety goes if it doesn’t seem too bad you can usually deal with it by yourself. I have tried medication but that just made me an emotionless zombie so I quit taking it. My anxiety is big when it comes to new activities, people, and/or places. After some introspection I believe it may be related to how hard I judge myself and mainly my fear of failure. Before I do most things I like to research so that I can be prepared and not just show up and fail.
When I don’t do that and jump in unprepared and have to do something new the anxiety spikes. I have since come to accept these moments because they happen and will continue to happen. Worrying about it won’t change the fact that is happening. People try new things/situations and fail all the time. Failure is common and an opportunity to learn. Sometimes you win some and sometimes you learn some.
I don’t expect new guys in my shop to show up and perform at the same level as others with more experience. When people try new things it is expected that they might fail. It is normal to fail. If someone points out your failure to make fun of you then they are obviously immature and lacking in manners if they make themselves feel good by putting down others.
> It's so bad now, that I don't see the need for a friend - I could live my life without concern for that, despite having had great friendships, but not without a lover.
As long as you understand that just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist if that makes any sense. Lonliness sucks.
> I'm sure I've got 1 too many bad reactions to things I've said / how I've said them, that I just don't feel comfortable being "me" from the get go now - & I'm honestly nothing bad!
This is how it works with pretty much everyone in most social situations. You start talking to them politely and little by little letting more of your personality show until you reach a point they are comfortable with. Pay attention to yourself when you are with others and you will see that you act differently with different people.
> For example, I was at a part-social, part-work related get-together, with my younger teen siblings present. I was sitting with them & 2 girls who I knew from work. So, me being me, saw some matches & went to show them a trick whereby I made a match jump erratically. My siblings obviously were amused along with previous partners, but the reactions from the 2 girls were literally, "I don't get it", belittling dialogue & yawn. I'm not Houdini, but it was just a little musing - not a date pick-up line or something :/
So they didn’t like it, big deal. You can’t make everyone happy. What do you mean “not a date pick-up line or something”? Is that what they thought it was but you weren’t trying for that or something else?
> Just wondering if there are any other sectors that are viable, like the cushy life of School (though I blew uni. 3 years of solitude went by fast).
Not sure what you mean here. Also, I never went to a university.
> I'll possibly also try picking girls up through the controversially sexist PUA concepts with a twist - I'm going for love instead of one night stands.
Do not become a PUA practitioner. Not being yourself with others is deceitful and employing manipulative techniques to win people over with a false you will result in nothing but heartache and letdown for both parties involved. There’s a reason the saying goes, “the road to hell is paved in good intentions.” Good intentions do not excuse bad practice. Don’t you want someone to love you for who you are?
I wouldn’t want to be with someone who fell for the fake me over some manipulative techniques. By all means though go and explore the PUA community and form your own opinion. I’ve already done that and you can see how I feel about it.
> The skill of socializing Is something I'm going to need to work on - but is this something only available via practice in the real world / deep end?
Do scientist go out and practice real world applications without first researching? Some yes but most of the ones that make progress do not. We are past the age of being young and dumb were it was acceptable to make many mistakes socializing. As adults we are expected to at least be good at socializing and practicing social norms. Some of use are behind the curve and that is where the greatest information resource of all time comes in. I’m talking about the internet , of course, but books too. Now start researching but remember book smarts alone aren’t always enough. You must combine book smarts with experience to have a more fruitful outcome.
> This really is my current & largest ever life goal.
That makes sense because in a world full of people being able to properly socialize is one of the most important skillsets.
Here are some of the resources that I have used and have gained knowledge from.
r/AskMen
r/AskWomen
r/Bumble subreddit for the dating app
r/datingoverthirty You may not be over thirty but there’s still a lot of good advice in there
r/malefashionadvice if you want to expand your wardrobe
r/relationships
r/sex
r/socialanxiety
r/socialskills
r/swipehelper and by extension SwipeHelper.com This is a good resource for Tinder.
r/Tinder
r/WritingPrompts because you said you like writing
Photofeeler for getting feedback on pictures you may want to use in the online dating sphere
Books;
How to Win Friends & Influence People The book was written a while ago so the situation may be outdated but the principles can still be applied today.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
From the description;
> “Models is the first men's dating book ever written on seduction as a purely emotional process rather than a logical one, a process of connecting with women rather than impressing them, a process of self-expression rather than manipulation. It's the most mature and honest guide on how a man can attract women without faking behavior, without lying and without emulating others. A game-changer.”
The Definitive Book of Body Language: The Hidden Meaning Behind People's Gestures and Expressions
We can continue our discussion here but if have any questions in the future I am just a PM away. I don’t have all the answers but I am willing to share my experiences.
You are much more normal than you think, and your problem--no matter how embarassing--is quite common. Here is a story to illustrate what I'm talking about. If you don't have time to read the whole story, here is a good quote from it:
>To be blunt, it fucking sucks that everyone seems to be having sex but me. The idea that so many people just don’t care about it–and yet nobody seems to want to do it with me–that really hurts. As a general idea, I think it’s fine. I don’t see any moral problem with it. I think if I could, I’d have casual sex as much as possible. I think people need to loosen up about judging others’ sexual habits.
OK, well...a few things. Most men struggle a great deal finding a partner willing to have sex with them. I am married (and very lucky in this respect), but I have a few male friends in their late thirties who are single. One of them last had sex two years ago. The other, as far as I know, hasn't found anyone who will sleep with him since he broke up with his girlfriend over three years ago. Guys who are tall, good-looking, charming, or in the vicinty of women who aren't picky may well have as much sex as you think they are having. But they probably aren't.
So I want to give you two pieces of advice. The first is that you will have sex by pursuing the kinds of relationships that lead to sex. That sounds self-evident, but ask yourself if you are doing that in earnest. If you are pursuing a woman who has made it clear that she isn't interested in physical intimacy, for example, then acknowledge this and set your sights elsewhere. Don't be afraid to commicate sexual intetest, either. Here is an excellent dating advice book that tells you how to do this.
Second, just because you are unable to find a willing parnter at the moment, that does not mean that you cannot have sexual feelings or act on them. It's a bit of an open secret, but the platform I am using to communicate to ypu right now is one of the best places to find amateur pornography online. If you are not opposed to using pornography, then I encourage you to take advantage of this fact. Learning how to soothe yourself sexually in the absence of a parnter is one of the most important skills you need to develop to make it as a guy today, so please consider this advice and confront any feelings of guilt or shame that it might inspire.
Lastly, be patient with yourself. Set goals that aren't simply experiencing sex and work toward them. Enjoy yourself as you do. You are wired for pleasure, as well as disappointment. Which one you experience more of, believe it or not, has much more to do with the decisions that you make more than the judgments that other people make about you. Best of luck. I know this sounds trite, but have fun. I'm saying it because I mean it.
I feel the need to mention this as I haven't seen anyone else say it
Models by Mark Manson is an excellent read
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1448974198&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=models+mark+manson
It's a two-fold book - it's both a male dating advice book as well as a self-improvement book. The beauty of the book is rather than taking an approach similar to The Game which is more about attraction tactics and methods, Models is all about attracting women through self improvement.
Edit: Typo
>I don't understand the meaning of a casual relationship
Is that what she offered you? If so, your reaction to this episode shows that you are not cut out for one, at least with someone to whom you are physically and mentally attracted.
>My excitement looks like clingyness and I always fuck up potential relationships.
Have you read Models yet?
RE: your title
Dude, you've spent most of your life single. Receiving 'good morning' and 'goodnight' texts was a temporary novelty. You can do fine without them. For most guys, 'single' is the default mode - [re]learn to thrive in it.
&#x200B;
Check out the book Models by Mark Manson. He discusses this in depth.
This book is all you need. Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
You seem like you made a lot of the right steps, man. It sucks about the best friend thing. I've been there too. Doing stuff all the time like picking up hobbies or exploring your state would be great ways to keep your mind off of things. I'm really glad you hit the gym. The best thing you can be doing is working on yourself right now. Don't let anyone tell you how long you need to get over it either. You'll know when you are and when it's time to let go. If you care for reading at all then definitely pick up a few books. Listening to podcasts is another really great thing for getting over the loss. I liked listening to things like Snap Judgment and This American Life. It just helped to hear stories of other people lives. Hearing their struggles and successes, it just helps.
As for dating someone else -http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
This book did wonders for me. This book is not about how to get laid ten times a week or whatever. It's more about how to be yourself and be okay with that. You'll get through the depression, man. You've learned a lot from this experience and you'll come out the other side stronger. You know more now about how you want to love and be loved, how you think you ought to be as a friend or a lover.
Good luck, man.
A lack of self-confidence with women is simply (in my opinion) your brain's way of saying "We don't have enough skill/experience/education to do [task]" It's a fear that is innately designed to prevent you from trying to do something that is likely to end in defeat.
Note that I say "self-confidence with women".
You have plenty of confidence to :
> build a house, rebuild my car, all that sort of stuff
How did you get that confidence to do all those other things? Someone taught them to you, or you read story that someone wrote down. Or through guesswork, and trial and error.
> but when it come to people I'm a wreck.
I assume you have gone to Amazon and done some searching. Have you discovered how many books they have? Too many, frankly. But there are books on how to master small talk, be good with women, be good with business meetings, be more confident, flirt, understand body language, and on and on.
If you were to spend perhaps 12 total hours reading a book on dating, that would probably be 12 hours more knowledge than you have now - and won't be able to get from therapists (as quickly and as focused), or people on the Internet.
I'll suggest you check out Models, download Double Your Dating (and anything else by David DeAngelo - he really helped my self confidence), and No More Mr Nice Guy as a few starter books.
I think you will find that if you take the time to actually learn about women, your confidence will improve.
Now, take heed - when you read these books, you will probably say to yourself "This won't work. This doesn't make any sense." And you are right. With your current lack of skills and lack of experience, everything you read will be foreign. However, if you read the books, the wait about 4 weeks while you go out and socialize, and then re-read the books a second time, you will suddenly see concepts that are "between the lines" coming through.
So, go do a little reading. Teach yourself a new skill. And then, most importantly, get out there and try it. What's the point on reading the shop manual on a car if you're not going to try to work on it? You won't get any experience until you go practice, make mistakes, read the manual again, and then repeat it until you get it right.
Models by Mark Manson
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1463750358/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1396985513&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=SY200_QL40
A great book on learning how to improve yourself to be attractive to yourself and others. It's geared towards men of course but I would recommend to ladies as well.
Manuscript Found in Accra by
Paulo Coelho
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0345805054/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1396985699&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=SY200_QL40
A friend let me borrow this book last week and it's incredible. This book may hold the secrets of life. So much wisdom covers the pages of this book.
You might like this
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1463750358/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1497255970&amp;sr=8-2&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&amp;keywords=mark+manson
It's all about being introspective. Confronting the actual issues within yourself that are holding you back. Good perspective to even just know about, even if it doesn't end up being your thing.
And hey, all that shit you've seen so far has reaffirmed you don't want to waste your time on pointless bullshit. Everything has a purpose, even if it's totally not what those douches wanted it to be lol
I am biased, but my Above The Game guide has a pretty different approach from The Game. If you're looking for a book, check out Models by Mark Manson.
I saw this video over a year ago. I am exactly in the same boat as in never having a gf or sex.
I have been on /r/nofap and /r/seduction for that time and I have tired out with both communities. Especially now that I have been reading Models: Attracting Women through Honesty.
I have been looking at all this PUA junk and other stuff but that book right there cuts through the bullshit and gets to the point. I would go into it more, but I'm on my phone. I highly recommend it.
Buy him this as a gift: http://www.amazon.com/The-Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862/ it's a book called "The Rational Male" by /u/rollo-tomassi who has a blog over at http://therationalmale.com/
Also get him listening to this podcast called "The Beige Phillip Show" over at http://beigephillip.com/, there's a lot of comedy and joking around on the show which will help him ease into the ideas, it lacks that "alpha bro" approach but still distils the same kind of wisdom that we discuss.
How to introduce him to these things? Say you "found it on the internet", started reading things and listening to that podcast and you thought he'd find it interesting. These are probably the "softest" ways to introduce someone to TRP, if he's still not receptive I'd be seriously questioning his gender identity. Being a man and being completely unreceptive to men/maleness whilst supposedly being straight is neither normal nor healthy, hopefully it doesn't come to that. A lot of men here are the products of single mothers too, and so they have to work extra hard to cultivate their masculinity, but that doesn't cause them to outright reject it, maybe it affected him more profoundly or perhaps he has other issues, I don't know him so really at this point I'm just speculating.
Best of luck to you and your boyfriend and kudos you haven't just dumped him for another guy but are actually trying to help the guy improve. I'm not sure that's entirely for unselfish reasons (maybe he's rich or you're not particularly flush with better options than him - that's not my business) but whether you guys last or not, giving him access to this information will help him endlessly for the rest of his life, so kudos for that, your intentions will serve him well.
Did you read [The Rational Male] (https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862)? I bet you didn't!
If you read that book you'd understand that women subconsciously follow certain patterns of behavior. When society gives female more power than they can handle. When society removes the responsibility from the shoulder's of women, then, that's a danger to humanity. Because the natural role of women is not holding power and having the EQUAL rights as men.
Just look around you and see how women behave.
Never directly address an issue with a woman like that. You can’t just straight up ask her why she wasn’t down. Did you think she’d tell you why so that it could then fix whatever the problem was? Women don’t function like that. Men like to try solving these problems as if they were logical puzzles, but genuine sexual desire can’t be negotiated logically like that. All you accomplished was coming off like a thirsty beta and torpedoing your chances.
The Desire Dynamic
The kissing during the movie probably failed to escalate to sex because you tried to jump on it too soon. If you’re watching a movie then finish the movie with her. If you stop 20 minutes in then she’s going to feel like sex is more of a priority to you than spending quality time with her.
Make Brain: Sex > Quality Time
Female Brian: Quality Time > Sex
Also, if the movie itself was lame then she could have been in a weird mood due just to that. Women are very sensitive to their moods. Read my post here about how to get a movie lay. It doesn’t map exactly to your situation, but it’ll give you some ideas:
https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9m9k7f/comment/e7d1mmv
Another thing to remember is that muscularity is a disproportionately huge attraction factor for very young women. They have no conception at all about what qualities make for a good long term partner. They give zero shits about your financial situation or your prospects for future success. They give zero shits about if you have your life together or if you’re going to be a burn out alcoholic. They just want the stereotypically hot muscular guy they see in media.
This changes in their mid 20’s after they’ve had a few failed relationships. At the moment though, just focus on getting totally jacked. If you’re young and you’re dealing with very young girls (23 or younger) then all you need to do is get your bench press weight up to 200lb and wear a skin tight shirt to show off your pecs. That’ll get you laid, guaranteed. You’ll want to be dating 23 year olds (or younger) even into your 30’s, so I can’t stress enough how important lifting is.
Just flat out ignore her mean texts. She’s attention whoring, trying to create drama, and trying to get you to get emotional like a beta. If you give her any attention at all she wins. Just go blackout silent.
Lift and game other girls.
Also, if you haven already read the entirety of The Rational Male blog, then I highly recommend the book versions. It’s the same posts, but arranged in a saner format, and with some useful front matter:
Volume 1
Volume 2
Volume 3
Great post... I agree with almost everything you wrote, and your conclusion: Having a great inner life, cultivating yourself, etc. Our problem with relationships is that we don't understand the "games" 80% of men/women play in our culture. I find HSPs are generally good in most areas, once they discover and embrace their traits; however, HSP men (I can speak only of my experience) have a highly unrealistic, romanticized notion of finding "the one" or a "soul mate", putting women an pedestals, etc... Those are just beliefs that don't match with reality/biology. It sucks to realize this, but it's true... I talk about this in my latest video (see comment somewhere in this thread). Don't give up or get cynical. Align your life paradigm up with reality. For example, you wrote "Many of the things i did weren't for myself but for her sake" ...it seems counter-intuitive, but this is actually not wise. You give your power away, and in so doing, most women actually lose respect for you. Haven't you seen situation where a guy treats a woman like shit, but she can't leave him? The relationship is all about him, but she will not leave...even when guys like us are right there, willing to be in relationship. Now, I'm not saying it's ok to treat women (or anyone) like shit, but what is that dynamic? Why does it work the way it does? Why are nice guys ALWAYS in the "friendzone"? We have incorrect beliefs about male/female interaction. In fact, reality is 180 degrees different than what you were taught/learned growing up. Don't even think about dating until you read the following book. It will change your life in the area of relationships and self-empowerment...
The Rational Male: Rollo Tomassi
https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
Give him the book "The Rational Male" and "Men on Strike" lol
&nbsp;
Just tell him you don't want to be a third wheel and that you respect his girlfriend, but feel weird about being part of a trike..
There is nothing wrong with saying that you want to have some "Bro time", because you are kinda burned out from dealing with all the
womenstresses at work all the time. Makes you sound like an awesome dude, while kinda getting the point across. Plus he's your brother, he should understand, right?Takve stvari se desavaju kroz zivot, jebi ga ja sam isto izgubio hrpu frendova poslje srednje, faxa, interesi ljudi se mijenjaju kroz vrijeme, ali isto tako sam upoznao hrpu novih i boljih frendova. A za zene se ne opterecuj ima ih koliko hoces, nije ni prva ni zadnja, nemres racunati ozbiljnost od zena bar do 28 godine, tada vecina njih se zeli skrasiti.
Pricas iz perspektive kao sta ces ti sada kada nemas nikoga i da si izgubljen, zasto definiras svoje postojanje kroz to jesi li prihvacen od ljudi koji ti long run mozda ne odgovaraju ?
Zene ti isto nevole likove koji se ovako ponasaju, sta cu ja bez nje mi govori da je ona vodila kolo, ti nisi imao bas nekog izbora i dosadio si joj, zeli druge stvari, mlada je, zeli se zajebavat i zivit.
Pocni raditi na sebi da budes bolja verzija sebe, svatko moze sjest plakat i pusit travu, gubit vrijeme.
Koristan kanal mozda ce ti se svidjet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nV7B0Fzcl2w&amp;t=2s
https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
So I asked a friend who just finished accepting the Truth. We have been sparring for over 6 months while I absorbed more and more, and he decelerated from Ultra Blue Bitch to Angry Phase.
He is a 30+ engineer, who slept with 30+ women so far while Beta Bitch. Far from a complete loser.
His words:
> It's hard to accept the Truth.
>The mental breakdown that this does to you that is terrible.
>Your paradigm is halved, and you have to rebuild yourself from zero.
>
>I was too far the other side, and suddenly realized everything is backwards... it fucked up my brain.
>
>My happiness paradigm was broken, I had to relearn the meaning of life.
>Learn how to find the meaning of life without looking outside of myself.
>And start from within.
>
>There are still days I miss the old romantic BP ideals.
>Now I know they are an impossible utopia.
>I realized that I had invested too much hope in those ideals, and that life was empty without them.
>But everything was a phantasy.
More as it comes.
My commentary:
Rollo's excellent book helped a lot, he is very through and really hits home.
Bonecrker's blog and also his book (form 2004, fuck this guy was a real prophet) really helped too, he is even more to the point, and speaks from anger, something BP guys need.
We live in an age of political correctness where artificially constructed notions are upheld at the expense of reality. The collateral - in this case - the disassociation of your instincts in favor of ideals / beliefs comes the inability to manifest your masculine core and subjugate her feminine chaos leading to your present dilemma.
In laymen terms, you have been raised to believe bullshit about women that simply isn't true, this bullshit makes you 'act' a certain way thinking you are doing the right thing when in fact you are NOT. You are a man, the masculine experience fundamentally differs from the feminine experience yet (western) contemporary culture would have you believe otherwise.
You are suffering.. Confused because you think you're doing the right things acquiescing to her when really you are just enabling her bad behavior - this isn't your fault however, this is the result of a lifetime of pro-feminine cultural conditioning which portrays the female sexual experience as virtuous or right and the male sexual experience as grotesque or wrong. Embrace your instincts, take pride in being a man.
Now, when she gets mad at you over small things DO NOT let it upset you in the slightest, she is testing you, she wants to know that you are unshakable in your core, that you can overcome her spats, and that her shit tests don't bother you - you can weather her emotional storms of fleeting feelings moving from one thing to the next.
Men are more romantic than women, a generalization that supports itself when the reality of sexual dynamics are explored between both sexes. Men trade resource provisioning and security for sex, we have evolved this way for thousands of years and the advent of modernization, concrete jungles and ideologies like feminism won't change the nature of reality.
Focus on yourself, on your mission, what you want to do, don't let her sap your energy away from your projects and don't prioritize her over what you want to do, I cringe to think how many INFP's are easy targets for succubi and narcissists alike and hope you never find yourself being taken advantage of.
Regardless of what you choose to do, check out The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi All the best.
Shameless Plug: Buy him the book.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
I just realized it's been 7 years since I read that book. Haven't read that latest edition you're holding, but I remember the chapter "Embracing Conflict" (I think that's what it was called) being eye-opening to me.
If anyone out there is interested in ethical non-monogamy, or dope books about relationship skills generally, then read The Ethical Slut (and More Than Two by Rickert and Veaux, plus The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory by Winston)
Whups, I thought I was on a different ENM subreddit anyways, sorry.
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know About Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love
The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships
The Polyamory Toolkit: A Guidebook for Polyamorous Relationships
Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!
I'm gay (technically bi, but I mostly date men). Men come with their own bullshit. You don't have to pay as much attention to your figure, you don't have to worry that some guy is faking interest in a relationship just to get in your pants, etc. Men also like confidence in a partner. There are guides for women on developing more confidence to attract and keep men. It's a human trait to want individuals who exude confidence and those who are overly nice/giving risk being used as doormats by men individuals who prey on such people.
Women don't 'consistently test their man for any weakness in his confidence'. It sounds like you need to pick better women and assert yourself more. Asserting yourself doesn't mean that you have a be a jerk. It just means that you respect your self worth. If you don't value yourself, then why should your partner?
If I were you, I'd join toastmasters or some other organization primarily devoted to boosting self confidence. Start talking to women as friends and develop some female friendships because it sounds like you don't understand what most women are like or actually want in a relationship. Also, you are blaming women for your own problems. Women typically are more socially receptive than men and can pick up on that. Accept responsibility for yourself and work on improving yourself first.
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560
You're doing WAY too much. Dial it back about 10 notches at least. You're assuming that because you would enjoy getting little notes, he does too. But it seems pretty clear that he just finds that annoying.
Most guys love the thrill of the chase. You've made it very obvious to him that he has absolutely no need to pursue you. He's got you. Now he's just testing to see how little he can get away with doing and still keep you as his girlfriend. Trust me, he knows it bothers you, but he doesn't care. Because he's certain you're always going to be there.
If you want to be appreciated again, STOP. Stop absolutely everything. No more notes, sexy texts, FB messages, etc ... As far as the chores go, don't ask him to do any (since he isn't anyway). You just do the things you need to for yourself - wash your own clothes, clean only the dishes you dirtied or that you need for your meal. Buy groceries that you want to eat. Let him fend for himself.
Don't explain to him why you've changed your behavior, just do it and act as if nothing is different. Find a few outside interests and spend more time away from him. Make it clear through your actions (not words) that you won't always be available at his beck and call.
If you really want to keep the relationship, this is the book you need to read: Why Men Love Bitches Every piece of advice she gives is dead-on accurate.
1) IN maybe
2) IN or MoF's Stage 5 maybe
3) Marine Benefit
4) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
5) The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists has an interesting story about this world saw with different eyes
6) Marine Benefit Extra Stage
Haircut could be better I guess. Otherwise your appearance is okay. Work on your game ! This is a great place to start.
On a completely unrelated topic, unbotton your jacket when you sit :)
Man up, approach and get over your fears. Learn from each failed approach and always remember, you're the fucking man.
Edit: Read this
I strongly recommend reading The Game.
Don't accept the information in the book as fact and follow it blindly. You'll become a huge douchebag and look ridiculous. However, reading the book will help you figure out how to develop (or fake) the confidence you need to approach women.
Amazon link to the book.
Reddit also has a seduction and self-improvement community if you're interested in perusing that material. I find the self-improvement material pretty good, especially this post about inner game.
Yes, for some guys. Many (socially intelligent) guys are always looking to keep their options open for sex if the relationship goes through a dry spell or turns bad. Men need sex, or they suffer.
See this article here:
http://whoism3.wordpress.com/2012/11/17/confessions-of-a-reformed-incel/
Men usually don't need to cheat if their girlfriend is sexing them up but you can't tell what a persons makeup is because lots of behavior is reflexive or unconscious, see here to get an idea with our minds:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYmi0DLzBdQ
Sites you need to check out
http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill
(see the forums on here)
http://web.stylelife.com/
And here:
http://charismaarts.com/
Much of the social theory around the pickup community applies to human relationships generally, so it's useful for both men and women.
If you're a reader and like books you should read this:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Game-Penetrating-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738/
It's a good read.
I think Neil Strauss (the guy who wrote The Game, known as Style in PUA circles) got it right:
>The dating dichotomy isn’t between nice guys and mean guys. It’s between weak guys and strong guys. Women are drawn to men who demonstrate strength – the ability to make them feel safe. If you’re a nice guy, you can still be nice. But you must also be strong.
>However, make sure you know what nice means. Most guys who define themselves as "too nice" only behave nicely because they want everybody to like them and don't want anyone to think badly of them. So, if this is you, get off your nice high horse. Don't mistake being weak and fearful for being nice.
Rules of the Game - by Neil Strauss
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1302470632&amp;sr=8-1
I can't believe noone has mentioned it yet. If you want to finally start having relationships with people, getting girls this is the way to go. It takes you through the steps required to interact meaningfully with people (the basis of relationships) and takes you through the basics involved from meeting someone to taking them on a date. (It's a well known idea that there are a number of stages involved in for lack of a better word the courting process, eg. first meeting someone and connecting on some level, building comfort- so that you are both comfortable around each other etc. - this book takes you through the basics)
And the best thing is its not written by some douche- this guy is genuine. The reason he wrote the book was to help guys like me and you who are trying to figure out how to start being social, dating girls and having alot of sex. He's the author of The Game
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1302471001&amp;sr=1-1
a great adventure into the world of pickup, it's an absolute blast to read!!! (if you really want check it out quick without buying just yet, you can torrent it hint hint*) Anyway so he has some mad adventures, he went from this normal average guy to this guy thats irresistable to women, bedding many, MANY of them. Its hard to describe this without making him or me sound like a douche but he's awesome and genuine, he frikkin wrote a book to help guys out damnit!!!
Anyway the reason I'm saying all of this is well, I went through the exact same thing. I'm 22 now. About a year ago now I had enough of the bull$hit and decided to figure out how to get with girls and be social, figure all that shit out. Well, I succeeded. Life is better than ever, I have no problems talking to girls, dating them and fucking the hell out of them ^.^ Also figured out who (well still working on it) are the people in my life I can trust, who will help me and who want me to succeed and who are the fucking deadweights holding me back that I have to forget. Ain't being no douche but about a month ago I was seeing 3 girls every week regularly to fuck and I accidentally made one of them fall in love with me >.<, fuck I wasn't prepared for that considering I didn't lay down the groundwork for our relationship n' stuff.
In the end, I realized who I was (still on the journey) and this is the basis of social interaction. The ideal world should be inter-dependant, each person knows what they wants and interact with each other in that respect. Having a laugh with someone is fun, thats why we do it! But we should never give up who we are in order to do it.
Fuck lol, that's way too little words to explain that idea, but the idea comes from Stephen Covey's 7 habits of highly effective people (EPIC BOOK)- which lays the groundwork out on how to live life.
Anyway, PLEASE, PLEASE have a look into The Rules of the Game, I think this is exactly what you're looking for.
Send me a message- I'm here to help a fellow man who needs help out :)
According to The Game, girls will be more interested in you if you refuse to buy them drinks.
He must have read The Game.
https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
I'm sure you can find a pdf copy online.
Great read. I honestly don't think I would be where I am today without that book. Opened my damn eyes. Not just with women but my whole life. It's about becoming a better (but true) version of yourself. Which ultimately makes you more interesting, more confident (which can help with getting jobs, women, etc.) and happier.
Just one more quick thing. It's so funny when you start doing this stuff well. You'll find yourself in some of the exact situations in the book. This one time i was at a bar when I was like 21 or 22. Group of 5 girls. I was chatting them up damn good! (Was a few months into doing this at this point). Was talking them up so good a wicked alpha male had to come in and see who was talking to all the ladies. Needless to say he out alpha maled me lol but man it was a cool experience because you realize nearly every situation is the same, it's just how you handle it. Handle it well and reap the rewards (with anything not just women).
Enjoy.
Basically guys who have figured out a few simple rules that often lead to carnal success.
The Game made the mainstream aware of them.
>why some men are able to maintain relationships when they’re at the very bottom
>
>I’m probably missing something
It definitely seems that way - what you wrote sounds like frustrated Neil Strauss when he started doing research for "The Game".
You may want to read "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida - he talks about archetypal masculinity/femininity and how polarization between those two creates sexual attraction. It's doesn't have to be correlated with the amount of money that you earn - hence understandable confusion.
So good job OP - you not only have a well paying job but also a plan for the future (I assume) and are working on advancing educationally - that should cover what never-married women say is "very important"(78%, most important category) in potential spouse. However it's not everything and I think you could greatly benefit from learning more about attraction/maintenance of intimate relationship.
There are whole manuals
No more mr nice guy - Robert Glover
The Game - Neil Strauss
There is a book called "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists" by Neil Strauss. It is almost entirely a narrative story, but it illustrates the basic principles by which pick up artists try to attract women. Why would this be interesting to you? I will tell you why: Evey stratagem and trick employed by the pick-up artists on women show just as much about the men that use them. Additionally, almost all may be used against the men to a greater effect. It's a good book to understand what tools some men use to become confident about women. Also it is a very interesting read, if not a bit (very) misogynistic.
This post was enough to catch my attention. Like Caperslol said though, we can't really trust if you're an 8 without pictures. Personality-wise, you seem like an alright girl.
edit: recant of proposition
Read "the game"
No clue what should be there, but I'm pretty certain that 'The Game' shouldn't be one of them.
Nah dude. Life is a game. You learn to outsmart it then it becomes fun. Just enjoy HS, get laid, have fun, etc... don't let it get you down!
Oh and read this: http://www.amazon.com/The-Game-Penetrating-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time and give it to myself as a freshman.
Or quicker, start lurking this subreddit: /r/highseddit
Pretty much just do this
Identify things about yourself that you would like to improve.
For example, are you happy with the way you look? Change what you can through exercise and healthy eating. Not sure if you exercise much, but, if not, you would be surprised how much better you feel after a good run, bike, weight room session. Endorphins, man!
It's also more than just being happy about how you look.
Identify aspects of your personality that you would like to improve. Awkward talking to girls? There are tons of books to help with that. The Game by Neil Strauss helped my when I was your age. Don't be put off by it's douchebaggy appearance.
Maybe if you gave some specific examples of what exactly you want to improve.
http://www.amazon.ca/Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0060554738
There you go!
This is you chance "Kindofadickhead" to save one more for the ENTS
dont push to much and when in doubt puff puff pass :) Go Luck I hope she smoke with you for the first time. side note this book saved my life with women its cheesy but it totally works.
you should download this.
or, if you're not into reading, beer and eye contact work pretty well. So does arm touching. And teasing. Or, if you don't understand the concept of teasing, you could always try compliments followed by eye contact and smile.
And then there is the neg (from Wikipedia):
>Neg : A neg (also neg hit, negative hit) is a term in the seduction community for making an ambiguous or negative statement to an individual in order to induce certain reactions. The term was coined by the pickup artist Mystery.[2] Some pickup artists use negs in order to pick up beautiful women. An example of a neg is to ask a woman, "Nice nails; are they real?"[3]
basically a one-two punch -- compliment followed by derogatory insinuation.
It's really hard to make the best decision when you're personally involved, and seeking advice from a diverse community like Reddit was a good idea (you can easily filter the trolls and idiots). Without reading all of either thread, I do hope someone with a strong pscyhology background and experience posted some advice. Your sister is not the first to have this problem, won't be the last, and I'm sure the field has dissected it enough to have some insight on the issue.
However, personally, I like a different tack for situations like this. Sometimes, when there's no way out of a problem, the only solution is to go further in. In this case, use a 'jiu-jitsu' or 'aikido' solution - don't oppose your adversary, redirect her.
The problem seems to be that she has both a strong libido and low self-esteem due to that rape (and perhaps just being a young girl in a world that seems specifically designed to twist and distort young women's sense of self worth). Hence she's seeking attention and validation from any old asshole on the Internet. The libido is natural, the low self-esteem is what needs to be solved. (PUtting her in a mental hospital already has one major strike against it in that respect, the very act of being committed is a self-esteem hit, so even if the place is really good, they're already starting at a deficit).
Before talking about the means to that end, lets identify the ideal end. I'm sure you've met women who have it together, smart, have a life, who are spontaneous, flirtatious, happy, and (for lack of an uncliched description) completely comfortable with their femininity and sexuality, and - most importantly - confidently in control. Regardless of their physical beauty, they have a strong sense of their emotional worth to the opposite sex, and no hangups. That's ideally where you'd want her to end up.
So how to get her there? You say she's attractive. In that case, instead of turning her in, it might have been better to sit her down and say something along the lines of 'look, you can do better than needy pervy Internet assholes. There are guys out there who are hot, rich, accomplished, socially skilled, discerning, and amazing in bed. You may not feel you're in their league, and right now you'd be correct. You've got the looks and the libido, but no skills at seduction. And you're certainly not going to learn any from these losers. Worse, you're going to learn bad habits from them, that all you need to do is flash your tits to have them eating out of your hand. But that only works on idiots. There's no challenge, or reward in that, and if you keep at it you'll spend your entire life chasing fulfillment from men from whom it will never come. They'll play mind games with you your entire life, treating you like garbage so you don't realize you can do better, and constantly come back to them for scraps of validation. Real seduction is emotional, psychological (the strongest erogenous zone is the mind). You can do better, but you have to learn how. Heres how'
Eg, speak to her on her own level, and guide her, don't rat her out. And from that point, show her the world of seduction artists, both men and women. All over the Internet now, easy to find. I say show her men's seduction communities b/c it's fascinating to see what the opposite sex is up to, and to understand the 'game' from their point of view. The Attraction Forums are probably the place to start, as is The Game and Mystery Method (although there is better, more natural, less canned/rote/routine stuff, those are good to start with since they've deconstructed the psychology of seduction very clearly, it's a fascinating read even if you never intend to learn and do it).
There are plenty of guides for women too, Mimi Tanner and Amy Waterman being the first two that come to mind (though Mimi is a little more old-fashioned, 'The Rules'-oriented), since I'm on both their email newsletter lists. The point being, all of this can be learned, it's not just some people who have it and some don't. Your sister's libido is never going away unless you med her up her whole life, which really isn't a solution. But if you can redirect her libido, and give it a healthier outlet that helps her feel like an attractive woman with high value to the opposite sex, and puts her in control of her sexuality, her wild emotions, and her relationships with men, I think that would be the best possible outcome for her.
This may have arrived too late, but hopefully it gives you something new to think about. If she hates you now, I'm not sure if you can help her in this way. But if she's still talking and listening to you, maybe you can try something like this. I assume she's got plenty of time to read books now in the hospital.
Reading is great. Yes, you do have to get out there to learn social skills, like some are saying here. However, you can also learn a lot from other people's experience, which is what a book is. Use books to supplement what you are learning from your actions. Some good ones:
Social skills is a really broad category and really involves a lifetime of study. What could be more rewarding than having quality relationships with family, friends, significant others, etc? Its worth putting the effort into continuous self improvement here.
Dude, forget about that. If you want to just get laid, read this and get out there and try. Good luck.
Or, find a sugar daddy site. Shit is weird but whatever. Consenting adults and all that.
Habits are easier replaced than lost. Find something else you can do with your time and you'll forget video games in no time.
Also, you'll want to make sure the games you were addicted to are far from reach. Uninstall, then put the discs up for sale on ebay or CL or if you're feeling generous, give them to goodwill or something.
Finally, have someone you can call when you're feeling tempted to return to your habits. Maybe they can talk you out of it, or maybe you two can find something else to do together.
Good Luck!
The Game suggests putting on a smile before you enter a crowded room. You never know who's watching the door.
It's part of The Game - That's definitely an interesting read if you're into reverse engineering a relationship out of insults.
He is a good guy for keeping up with it. That may destroy him in the end.
> This is an underlying issue to take care of yourself through therapy and possibly reading a TON of books. Like this [one] (http://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1458240900&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Attachment) and this one and one more that I cannot link for some odd reason but its more on the spiritual side but helped me IMMENSELY, well two books really, both by the same guy, Osho. One is called "Emotions: Freedom from Anger, Jealousy and Fear". The other book from Osho is called "Love, Freedom, and Aloneness: The Koan of Relationships".
They really show you the why in terms of science and great anecdotes. If you don't like to read I suggest finding them on youtube and listening to them.
This is not something that'll fix itself overnight. Talk to him and tell him that you are working on it but it'll take time if he wants to stay and deal with it. Or else all your future relationships are doomed to fail.
Believe me I used to be that way. Jealousy is natural. What you feel is okay. How you control it is everything. Good luck and I'm sending you all the good vibes my raving friend.
P.S: Raves are dope. Hopefully doing Tomorrowland in 2017.
I'm guessing he is talking about this:
http://www.amazon.ca/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061540455
> Could you share how you got over your own personal racial mental block?
Your issue is race and maybe height. Some guys are fat, some are bald. Start by realizing that everyone has some issue. Which issue is irrelevant. The technique that works for one issue works for the others, too.
The good news is that most PUA material is designed for you. Instead of saying "sack up", it's broken down into step-by-step material. Imagine a psychiatrist with a depressed patient. Instead of "get it together" he'll give specific steps like "list 3 good things in your life".
The Rules of the Game is very detailed and step-by-step. It's 30 days of missions, each mission is 5 minutes of reading and then you go do something. It's all very specific, stuff like "smile at 5 people" and "talk to a stranger for at least 1 minute".
The book was too beginner for me so I can't comment on how effective it is but might be right for you. Just trust that there are people out there that know more about this stuff than you and that if you follow their advice, you will succeed.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, because no one else is spending any time whatsoever feeling sorry for you. Figure out what it is you want to accomplish, research how to do so and then conjure up the courage to take the necessary steps to make it a reality.
If your issue is developing mutual attraction between you and those you're attracted to. Read these three books. Take notes and then have the courage to try out the methods/tips you found inside.
I'll take spastic over douchey any old day of the week.
5 is pretty easy, and it relates pretty heavily to #6.... just don't put any investment in it at all. Part of getting it down is realizing it's just a numbers game and that applies for everyone. Swing the bat enough times, and eventually you're going to hit a home run (some of us just have better RBIs than others), but again... nobody starts out like that... it all goes back to #6: Practice. Just don't have any investment in it... when you want to stay and chat after you make her smile.... don't. Just walk. It's like... imagine if there was a lottery, and every time you laid down a dollar, you were guaranteed to win back your dollar, plus $0.01. That extra $0.01 is the win. While it might not be a huge win at first blush, do it enough, and eventually you're gonna be a rich SOB. So just do it today. Clean up a little bit... and go enjoy the day. Get some coffee at a nice little coffee house. Maybe go for a walk. Buy groceries. Whatever... and if you see a lady that catches your eye, apply #4.
Which, I guess brings us to #4. Doing it right. First of all, cut yourself some slack... none of us ever do it right every time all the time. Sometimes, you're gonna swing and miss.... just that simple. Don't let that stop you from playing the game though.
Think of what you're doing like any symbiotic relationship you see in the animal kingdom. Be the bee to her flower. You need honey, she needs to be pollinated. (not trying to make it a sexual reference here, I just figured it was prettier than the oxpecker and rhino comparative)...
The ONLY reason you're gonna be complimenting her, is so you can catch that smile... that's it. That smile in turn bolsters your confidence so you have it when you need it. Once you get it.... you can be on your way.
OK... I don't think you have a problem with the honesty part. Seems like you have a good handle and filter on what is and isn't ok to say....so, I'll skip to the elaborating part.
When it comes to elaborating... a few things to remember: Guys aren't nearly as language oriented as women typically. That is to say that most men starve women when it comes to a certain word quota they need to have met. Women are typically more detail oriented... so give them details. Most guys totally miss this one and it's a monster weapon in the arsenal since, again... most guys aren't using it. It gives you a major competitive advantage.
One word of caution about elaboration. It's easy to flub this sometimes if you don't keep the following in mind: The more you talk, the more likely you are to screw something up. Another numbers game really. So assess what you're going to say, and if something pops into your head that you're not really sure of it's potency or strength, just put it on the back burner... you can always use it later if you want. Just fall back to something more certain and a little less descriptive.
Example: Coffee shop, girl in corner wearing a rather striking black dress with a red and white stitch pattern embroidered up the left front side of it... on her laptop, or reading, or writing something... off in her own little world. Something about the dress was one of the first things to strike you.... ok, so there's the honesty part. You're going to comment on her dress. How to elaborate on that rather than just saying, "I like your dress"? Well, there are varying degrees... be like goldilocks and find the one that's just right for you. So while, "I like your dress... it makes me think you have a certain uniqueness about you that tends to rebel against convention, but at the same time you prefer to uphold certain conventional traditions... being something of a proper lady in the way you conduct yourself but having a degree of disdain for those elements of tradition which might treat you as second class...and you're not afraid to push back against those. I dig that." ... So instead of something that overboard and elaborate... you might go with a simple elaboration... "That's a nice dress, I like that... I've never seen one like that... it's rather striking."
In fact, in most cases the former is preferred to the latter when first meeting someone. If all goes well, they'll usually appreciate stronger degrees of honest and complimenting opinion later.
But for now... just drop something like the former: honest, casual, confident (even if it's feigned), a small degree of elaboration, and brief.
So you say the latter, she smiles back... you return the smile... and then excuse yourself... cause that's all you were going for.
As for #1... it's totally true. Women will forgive inept social skills, financial lacking, aesthetics, age... you name it really. Maybe it has something to do with that whole nurturing hard wiring thing, I have no idea... but believe me I've screwed up on so many things, so many times.... and all of them have given me more chances than I probably deserved...because... they're fucking awesome like that. Just don't take advantage of it.... otherwise they will rain down on you a shower of hurt.
As for #5... it's like... taking a swing at a bully that's bigger than you, or... going bungee jumping or something like that... it's scary as fuck sometimes... but... you just commit to it despite your fears about it. Courage and confidence aren't matters of not being scared... their just matters of being defiant of your fears. So yeah... you'll be nervous, you'll be a little scared... that's just gonna be there... so know that, and now focus on the action part... and just... act anyway.
Just like bungee jumping, you can be scared the cord might break or it might be too long or whatever... but despite it... you just... act....jump. Next thing you know, you've just had the time of your life and you're itching to do it again. :)
8 is pretty easy, especially since it sounds like you've been there already. Try focusing on those things which are emphasis journey over destination. Try something like volunteer work for a charity. Since there is a rather abstract destination there (i.e. you want to end animal cruelty or kill shelters or something...you know full well the work you put in for a few hours isn't going to accomplish it.... it won't get you to your destination... but it'll get you closer just by engaging in the journey)... volunteering time is really awesome for this since again, there's usually not a really strong "destination" in most cases. Most if it, you're just helping with part of the journey.
More directly as it applies to meeting and courting... just put the focus on the littlest things. Basically this
If you feel like you've got 7 & 9 & 10 down, then you do. That stuff is usually pretty intuitive.
Also, there's a lot of good stuff in here that you might find helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Seduction-Robert-Greene/dp/0142001198
I hope some of that stuff helps. :)
You can imagine how much material there is on these topics. I can try to get you a jump start.
Books: https://www.amazon.com/Game-NEIL-STRAUSS/dp/0062312979/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1472500098&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+game+neil+strauss
https://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1472500147&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=mystery+method
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1472500158&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=models+manson
theattractionforums.com -> go to the newbie section
Read the popular posts from here in the side bar ->
If you think you need some personal help and want strategies based on your environment for creating a "funneling" strategy of getting hot women to come to you, just private message me.
Best of luck.
Here, I haven't read it but I saw some MTV documentary like 15 years ago with this Mystery fuckwit in it.
The Game is just a story, though it does include some tips and examples of the techniques they use. It's more entertainment than educational.
Instead, he should read the actual handbook written by Neil Strauss and Eric von Markovik (Style and Mystery).
Disclaimer: It should go without saying that this material is somewhat controversial. I read The Game and the handbook back in college, and it did wonders for my confidence and romantic life, but I often get funny looks when I recommend these books. He also shouldn't expect changes overnight. Real confidence takes months or even years to build. By that time he may grow out of the desire for meaningless hookups and might find himself more interested in something more permanent. Either way, boosted confidence won't hurt.
I have read Mate
https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365
It is embarrassing to have read it but I found some of the exact same self help information in another book about controlling parents. I guess the good thing is I had also already done quite a bit of work the book recommended such as be in shape and take care of your mental health.
They had a podcast that had further recommended reading and advice such as
It's Not All About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with
Anyone
https://www.amazon.com/dp/057809665X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_wstdzbP00CXWS
And taking improv comedy classes. All of which I have now done.
It really gave me a frame of reference I didn't have before. Very helpful in understanding not just romantic relationships but all relationships.
Seriously, you can just watch groundhogs day and get the gist of the book.
Edit: I heard about it through the Art of Manliness podcast. He did another one with another author who basically said stop reading self help books and just go out and have fun. I refuse to read another one.
Geoffrey Miller, en fyr der er førende indenfor udvikslingspsykologi, har lige udgivet en bog der svarer på alt du spørger om. Det skal dog siges, at det ikke bare er en hurtig løsning, men en længere process om at forbedre sig selv. http://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365
Buy this book: http://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1457253736&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=mate+book
I'm serious. Read it. Then read it again. And then start doing shit about your situation.
Focus on improving yourself and the girls will seem easy. I recommend the book Mate: Become the Man Women Want. If you commit yourself to nofap and implementing even 70% of what's in that book, I bet you'll be more attractive than 90% of the guys in your school.
You're so young dude, I'm glad you're here. I really wish I started this self-improvement journey that I'm on when I was your age. I'm 21
I'll be honest because I trust that's what you want.
Tinder is not for you.
Tinder is an Open Bar for girls. Your profile is the equivalent of a dixie cup of lukewarm water left on the floor.
You look like you have never done a push up in your life. You are wearing a Majoras Mask sweatshirt. The picture with the 'goofy' macro made me physically cringe. Do you smile ever? Where are pictures of you with friends doing fun things?
All Tinder will do is batter your self confidence when after a month you've swiped right 1000 times and matched only bots or fat chicks. You are far better off deleting Tinder and building an interesting life. You are only 20. And male. You should be in no rush.
[Buy this book. Do everything in it. Don't expect results in 6 months or even a year. Follow what this book tells you and when you're 25 you will be turning chicks away. You need to be fit, fashionable, and above all interesting. Your current pictures indicate the opposite.] (https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365)
You are 5'6 and that will be a deal breaker for a lot of girls. Fuck them. I hope to god your major is STEM so that you're making 6 figures 3 years after you graduate.
TLDR - Delete Tinder. Focus on gradual, incremental, and above all sustainable self improvement over the next few years.
Well, that's an art you have to master much of your young adult life. It's not easy and hard to explain in a post.
There are some books on the topic, some better or worse than others.
https://www.amazon.com/Ignore-Guy-Get-Survival-Mastering/dp/0615790852/#customerReviews
https://www.amazon.com/All-Rules-Time-tested-Secrets-Capturing/dp/0446618799/
for example.
The general idea is to flip the power dynamic so that it favors you, so that he has to "chase" and win your affections. Easier said then done. Sleeping with someone too soon is thought to be a big no-no, as you've already given him what he might want. And you have very little time left in this situation anyhow.
I'd say be 100% honest. And see what comes out of it. Don't be too clingy or needy. Don't do it in bed either. Say you like him, and that you'd like to keep in touch and see him in the future.
On seeing the domain, I immediately thought it was going to be related to the female equivalent of The Game: The Rules which seems just as manipulative as anything PUAs espouse.
Here you go, OP.
https://www.amazon.com/Dating-Dummies-Joy-Browne/dp/0470892056
I'd recommend you check out Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game so that you keep it fresh!
Believe it or not, male behavior and attitudes towards women (and vice versa) is largely defined by the demographics of their environment. In places where women outnumber men, men tend to be more interested in sex than romance, they want sex sooner, they're more aggressive in pursuing it, and they're quicker to use & discard female partners. This also applies in reverse to environments where men outnumber women (see rates of female partner infidelity on military bases, and how monogamous men tend to be at male-majority STEM colleges vs. what players they tend to be at female-majority liberal arts colleges).
I highly recommend the book Date-onomics, it's fascinating how much our environment shapes our romantic and sexual goals and standards.
Yeah, but the guy in the article also wrote a book and did a lot of studies for it based on economics. The article you linked was based on surveys, so essentially it's just anecdotal evidence too. Why trust one set of anecdotes aver another?
> Simply put, the less women need to rely on men for financial stability, the more they can focus on other qualities in a partner
I'm not denying this, but it does still seem like women will not drop their own hypergamous drives when it comes to things like education level and money. They might marry a man who makes the same as them and is similarly educated, but most don't want to marry down. Essentially, their preference is to mate up and across the dominance hierarchy but never down, whereas men will mate across and down.
Yes. Meditate in rain and sunshine. In sadness and happiness. Every day. And read this book to get relationship tips so girlfriends wont leave you: https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360
Good luck.
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One of the biggest changes for me came from reading this book which is ostensibly a PUA book. It's actually quite good for teaching guys how to feel more confident and to be clear about their intentions.
The best book I've read on the topic is The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton
http://www.amazon.com/The-Manual-What-Women-Want/dp/1456494554
Here is the link. Anton W.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1456494554/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
Read No More Mr Nice Guy & Models.
Just remember, confidence is sexy. At the end of the day, it's all on you. Browse r/seduction...just take everything you read with a grain of salt.
*****
Here is some inspiration for you:
Tupac about Women and Bitches
Old School Star Wars
Dr. Cox from Scrubs & more
Sean Connery interview with Barbara Walters
Wolf of Wall Street - "There Is No Nobility in Poverty."
Clint Eastwood
*
...not really to do with anything but still good advice:
Rocky's speech to his son
If haven't read it yet, the book Models by Mark Manson is available on audiobook [via Amazon] (http://smile.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1397687274&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=models+mark+manson). The quality of the audiobook is a bit amateurish (Mark did the narrating himself and used a mediocre recorder), but the content is what matters. And the content is well worth the $15 you pay for the book.
Try this book out. http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1371316971&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=models+mark+manson
We all got bad habbits to a certain degree, humans make mistakes.
In which way do they impede you in being happy & how can you work on improving them ( if you might decide to do so).
Going out of your way for atractive women.. hm, theres tons of stuff on the internet on that topic these days. yes, that's how life is.. life is unfair & she probbably thinks the same because if you knock her up & she gets bigg and round then that has more consequences for her then for you. Women make the choice about who they date with & thats natural. Men in general are uneasy with this. I think that because men are competitive, as a man i want to feel in control of my life ( captain of my fate) and yet when it comes to attraction / dating game then women have unfair advantages, just take a look at advertisements these days.
But.. at the same time Women are totally irrational when it comes to attraction. Atraction is an old brainfunction.. women fall for the strongest men ( also asshole types like gansters etc) dominant men. im not like that & you probabbly also not. But still, you can pursue woman with your character & by becomming an interesting in a way that is you like. Once you learn how to push the buttons of a women you can make her feel attraction for you as well (since atraction is irrational anyway). Wanting things to be different is normal though, that really pretty women also has her insecurities (all people do).
There's a whole truckload of books written about this topic, there are even seminars where you can go and get field workshops in which you go out with others and get guided into approaching and talking with women (in states and europe at least).
I found this one to be good:
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
Making a lot of the same mistakes at work, sounds to me that you are quite self critical - which (I think) is a good thing.
At least it makes me think that you care about your results and want to do a good job. If you can then try to be honest.
Your not making the mistakes on purpose & you want to improve, maybe your manager or coworkers (someone you trust)
can help you to produce your desired results. At least some type of help & a plan.
Best of luck !
I found this book very helpful.
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
Dear OP,
In India, no one is banging left and right. Don't buy into the western fantasy of sex flowing like rivers or you being a sad virgin. That's not happening in India man. Not in this climate. Not in this culture. Not in a reasonable time frame without you letting some other part of your life slide (example: your career). Yes I am saying that if you had to have lost your virginity by now you had to have sacrificed your career a while ago.
With that out the way, I sincerely suggest you to read this book: Models . This book will save your life. There is a lot of moronic advice floating around the interwebz and among guys who are so cocksure of themselves despite not having had any predictable framework to approach relationships that you are a "nice guy" and shit.
The blind are blinding the blind.
You've set the base right - you have paid the price of entry which is having a respectable social status. You now need to build the building and go from there.
Nothing wrong with the kissing a man part, or even experimenting with it if you aren't into it, can't know until you try it. Any reaction to this part of it is probably overreacting but honestly understandable, we all are wrongly trained to feel like our masculinity is tied to our '100% straight, wouldn't even try it'-ness, just remember its ok to try different things even if they aren't who you are, trying things (that aren't dangerous) is how we learn, doesn't make you anything other than what you are (sounds like heterosexual).
Now for getting so drunk you made decisions you regret. That is something bad and something you can work on. Don't be disgusted with yourself, you made a mistake, and the end result was not the end of the world. No one likes the feeling of not knowing what they could have done and having to worry about doing things they wouldn't approve of when sober. The only way to fix that is not drink so much in the future that you lose control. That kind of drinking is romanticized by movies and stuff but not really good for anybody. Take this as a good warning not to overdo drinking in the future and not to use alcohol to deal with feeling down (which is one of the big times it will result in overdoing it).
Also, talk to your friend to make sure this doesn't happen again. Don't accuse if you were both drunk and consensually agreed, but let him know you don't ever want to do that again, and you'd appreciate if he ever find you in a state to not make decisions you are comfortable with, that he helps you remember what you'd want to do when sober. Remember, he made a bad decision too, but no different then you, he made a decision he wouldn't have made when sober, a reminder but not an accusation sounds in order. It sounds like its something you both decided to do while equally drunk, but there aren't enough details posted to say, if you think he really took advantage and you didn't want to, a very different conversation is in order, or at least stopping hanging out with that guy.
Anyways its going to be ok. You made a bad drunken (and emotional, being really lonely played a role) decision, we've all made those, or most of us anyways, at least yours didn't hurt anybody. You learned and you'll be more careful in the future. Cut yourself a break and don't beat yourself up about a mistake.
Also read this book if you want more confidence with women.
I dealt with social anxiety issues in college which affected my grades and tanked my social life.
Once I graduated I decided to put a stop to it and pursued multiple customer service and sales roles. I ended up working in Banking as a teller when interest rates were abysmal and nobody trusted banks due to the mortgage crisis.
I also started reading a TON of books on social skills, psychology, dating, etc. The best book to help me be less shy and less anxious was [Models](Models: Attract Women Through Honesty https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_BXmazb9EH2ZTQ), which is most commonly referred to as a Pickup Artist book
Now, I know the PUA community gets a bad rap (and deservedly so for some of it's advice/content), but I should point out that there are two camps:
The "inner game" is what "Models" is about and it helped me drastically improve my comfort in social situations and forge some deep friendships I wouldn't have previously.
I wish I had started at 16, I'm 21 now. If I could go back and tell my 16 year old self one thing, it would probably be to read this book. https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358 it has changed my life and it will change yours.
Thanks for the reco. I get my mindset from Mark Manson's Models
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
And here I was blinding myself. Glad to see someone who thinks like this.
Well, one way is to do it in baby steps, slowly exposing yourself to things that cause you anxiety. I can recommend Mark Manson's courses which rely on CBT (which has been proven clinically and used by psychologists) and his book Models. Compared to most of the published PUA literature, Mark is intelligent, insightful and his analysis is spot-on.
You can also try reading The Book of Pook (which is free), although it's long-ish and sometimes unclear, it basically echoes a lot of what Manson talks about -- about how changing your mindset and behavior will lead to less anxiety and more success with women (and other people in general).
You mean this one?
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1542462132&amp;sr=8-4&amp;keywords=mark+manson
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
Highly recommend you give that book a shot. It's not just about picking up women, but how to be "Socially successful."
From what I read, it sounds like you worry an awful lot about what others think of you. What I think you don't seem to notice is that a lot of people like on TS, skype, etc. Then you are a pretty likable guy. That's not any different than people are going to perceive you in "real life." I put that in quotes because that is real life. Those are real people you are talking to and real people who respect you.
This one Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship https://www.amazon.com/dp/1580627560/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_PsW3BbHDZ80A8
Read the book. Then read the followup book, Boy Meets Girl. Both are by Joshua Harris. Both give sound advice, once you understand the advice. Then you will understand where this mother is coming from, and useful dialog will result.
Aziz recently published a book that is basically about this problem. Named Modern Romance
I didn't read as much this year as I normally do. A could that stand out are Husky by Justin Sayer.
Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari.
Yes Please by Amy Poehler
Think like a freak by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dunbar
Quote from my favorite book about break ups: "Even if your ex doesn't come right out and say, "Can't we be friends?" you might sense an inability to let go and let you be. You might initially be flattered that he or she can't imagine life without you, but honestly it has more to do with your ex's inability to end things than a true desire to keep you around....
The person who pushes to "be friends" is usually the one who doesn't want the commitment or responsibility of the relationship but is unwilling to completely relinquish the companionship of someone familiar. It's also hard to be friends because ex-lovers don't hold each other to the same standard as they do other friends..
There are also reasons you're no longer together, and perhaps those are the same reasons you shouldn't be friends"
I suggest you buy the book, http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating-ebook/dp/B0097CWNSO/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1396967982&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=break+up
> I envy you that you're already in a position to know what to do etc because of your past experience.
I will say with total honesty that I am handling this breakup much better than my last, and that is a direct result of this sub and all of the books I've read. And age. I am 42. While it doesn't get easier with time (in fact, I'd argue that breakups are exponentially more difficult as you age), the way I manage and react to a breakup has gotten easier.
I highly recommend these books IF you are ready to heal and work on yourself. If you're not ready to grieve, heal and work on yourself, these books won't help you at all.
The first one is: Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You. This one has been very helpful in sorting out my emotions and explaining why I'm feeling the way I do.
The second one is The No Contact Rule. This book was especially helpful for me the during my previous breakup because it explained WHY a person must absolutely, positively, without question go no contact after a breakup. It was especially true in my case as I was horribly mistreated. I didn't know about no contact last time. I kept contacting him until about six months after the breakup. I began no contact, smiley face calendar and all, the day after I read this book. Cliche as it sounds, it was only when I went no contact that I began to heal and pick up the pieces of my life. I think it was so important for me to see in cold, hard print that I was devaluing, disrespecting and embarrassing myself every time I reached out to someone who didn't want me. After reading the book, I was able to reject the rejecter. This book is an easy read, well worth the $5.
Again, I am not a woman who likes self help books. They typically make me shudder. I really just don't like them for whatever reason. But I have found that books about breakups are tremendously helpful and provide honesty that your friends and family will not provide. Also, therapy. If you can afford therapy, go.
I know exactly how you feel.
I wrote a cheesy, albeit very raw poem today which I will post in a sec. Before I do, I want to link you a book I binge listened to this weekend, and it has saved my life. LINK
Here is my poem:
The Day I Hired My Divorce Lawyer
It hurts so bad.
I can't breathe.
I silently keen so as not to alarm my children.
I'm on my knees praying to spare them the sight of their mother’s body twitching and flexing in torturous affliction.
That’s a lie.
I'm on my knees because Im unable to stand.
The injury is too deep.
The wound too noxious.
My breath comes in cursory gasps, hardly worthy of recognition.
The first time I felt a contraction it was a pain radiating from my core around my waist,tickling my back with fire, electricity, lighting.
My stomach clenched with a sweet sickness.
My back betrayed my spinal cord, embraced in a consumptive clench.
My stomach, empty of content, spasmed, trying to flagellate for relief.
Three times I went through this pain.
This is worse.
------------------
To be clear: I called the divorce lawyer today.
I have a few that I think might be good possibilities for discussion:
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl
30 Days to a Great Attitude: Strategies for a Better Outlook on Life
My Wife Is A Bitch (THE GUN AND THE BULLET)
Why Men Divorce Bitches - How to Know When It's Time to End Your Marriage
Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work
Love Busters: Protecting Your Marriage from Habits That Destroy Romantic Love
Big and Black and Not My Husband's
I think that this attitude is the product of the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye written by Joshua Harris. It gained a lot of traction among Christians in the late 1990s and spawned a competing book called I Gave Dating a Chance. Harris doesn't actually think that dating is wrong, but he advocates a different attitude towards dating. Much of what he says is semantics. He advocates going back to courting instead of dating, but his definition of courting resembles what many people would call dating. In the end, he does make some good points about society's attitude towards dating, but he doesn't make a very good argument for getting rid of it completely. I haven't read it yet, but he apparently wrote a sequel called Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship after he got married.
YES. No shade against being each others' firsts, but we did it because of religious guilt. This is just one of the many ways I regret being brainwashed by my childhood fundie baptist church.
https://www.amazon.com/Kissed-Dating-Goodbye-Joshua-Harris/dp/1590521358 was very popular in my circle. You can find a lot of blog entries about people who have been profoundly hurt by it.
We married young because that's what everyone else was doing to escape. Escape we did, and now no one taught us how to be anything other than an unhealthy codependent Christian couple, so we're figuring out what we want to reclaim from our wasted youth and what we want to mourn and move past while learning how to have a healthy relationship from scratch. Therapy helps.
Our marriage is slowly opening now (it's something both of us want), but obv polyamory has way more rules and communication attached. I hate rules but respect my partner's need for security. Once in a moment of childishness I complained to a mutual friend about it being similar to closing on a house and said I was waiting for the preapproval paperwork to get processed before I was able to do anything, as opposed to having sex within hours of meeting I could have done when I was single (and have had opportunities to do even now at 35yo, but had to turn down).
My partner is a very cautious/risk averse person and I am more of a "trust my intuition and jump" kind of person, which makes partner feel hella uneasy. This mindset has done wonders for my career and pretty much every other part of my life, so we'll see... We're slowly meeting in the middle.
When I started dating the guy I eventually married, his mom got him this book.
Just this week, she called to say that she was planning on renting out the top floor of her house, and wondered if we would like to live there.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
tbh he may just have something going on these past two days, but he also may have gotten back together with the ex-gf. My advice: do nothing. You're right that you shouldn't ask. Just play it cool, and live your life the way you normally would. This book really helped me when I was in a similar situation. https://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560. Title's problematic, but the idea is that guys are attracted to independent women who do their own thing and aren't hanging on someone else's every word. If he still has interest in you, then seeing that his lessened correspondence doesn't bother you will catch his attention. If it doesn't catch his attention, then congrats! You're focusing on things in your life that are productive and positive!
Men totally do that, keep women around as options or just to feed the ego. Make sure that you don't fall for it.
Enjoyed your anecdote, OP. Book suggestion below.
Recommended Read
I am going through the same thing.
This book wasn't exactly feminist literature, but it had a surprising emphasis on self respect and I -really- benefitted from reading it. Why Men Love Bitches
I'm five months out of a bad break up, and shit sucks, and I'm making poor decisions, but thanks to this book I'm slowly regaining confidence nad self-respect.
Disclaimer: Bitches is meant for empowered independent women, not like... nasty catty women. It's explained quite well.
PM me with your email if you like, I have a digital copy I can send you. If you have a kindle or Nook (I think it's compatible with both)...
You need to work on your self image a bit. Try reading Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
You don't want Nice Guys, you want kind ones. There is a difference.
Owned
Personal/family/divorce past: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4lew12/postdivorce_perspective_part_2/ . Owned and CLOSED. There will be no more discussion of some of my personal topics never ever.
Me as ACA / listening to my instincts. OWNED. There were some people in my life that I did not trust at all. They're out.
Health/fitness: gym - owned. Sugar addiction - owned, I overate and ate sugar in the past days, I created a journal to keep track on this, I realized at the gym that the sugar really makes me way weaker than I was, I realized that I feel "down" after eating sugar. Rationalization - why not, but rationalizations work too sometimes (like Allen Carr's book on smoking).
Family (divorced) and my sick narcissistic head: owned - I did not went into any conflicts this week, not that I did not want to. Plans for the next week - owned too.
Money: started selling electronics, thinking about starting some projects with "work B" for extra monies, I feel like I'm getting there.
Flat: clean, but there are still things to sort out. Flat is owned, because I keep it tidy. Still needs organizing though.
Me as PUA: finished this one https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6 , started this one: https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty-ebook/dp/B005EOTH24 . Told FWB that I am not planning to be exclusive, brought some drama, but as a result I felt GREAT because perhaps for the first time in my life I was absolutely honest with the woman and with myself. Asked out a girl that I really liked - perhaps for the first time in my life too I'm going after my instincts, my heart, if a specific woman is what I want, I should open her, I SHOULD LET THE FUCKING ADVENTURE OF LIFE HAPPEN and stop being all the time in control and in fear.
Not owned
Money: my income should be bigger.
Body fat: should be lower.
There are specific red things on my MAP, that I added this week, but I'm not going into details, I'd rather save some time to get them done.
Thanks, MRP.
You're supposed to hear the subtext, and it doesn't hurt to call her out that if she wants you to take her car in, she should just ask.
However, your life will be easier if you listen for the message within the message. She just wants you to take care of her so she's phrasing her questions in a way that you will do so.
This book: "Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man " explains this.
https://www.amazon.ca/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6
Here's another one for your list:
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1417105962&amp;sr=8-5&amp;keywords=bitch
In your case I'd suggest reading https://www.amazon.ca/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6
Then, the book of Pook and NMMNG simultaneously, then MMSL. BOP is filled with frame wisdom of you read between the lines and internalize it. Also read a lot MRP and AMRP. You will see a common mistakes that people make, and you will learn from them.
Funny - I went through a similar transition when I was only a year or two younger than you.
What you need is a goal outside of your relationship - a driving force for yourself and your career, dreams about what kind of kickass life you want to be living, ideas on where you want to travel and live, and plans to make those things happen. You need to be fearless about deciding what you want in life, and all the assertiveness, confidence, and self-reliance that are inherent in womanhood will come as a result of that.
You need to think long and hard about what you want out of life, and then decide to make it happen. Nothing is too grandiose - do you want to live in the South of France? It can happen. Do you want to eventually own your own company? It can happen. The luxury of your age is that you have time to make these things happen.
To me, being a "woman" means you don't give a shit what other people think about you because you've got your goals and desires figures out (but you are still kind and polite). It means that you're life isn't dictated by fear - and it means that you are self-reliant. Therefore, any man, any career choice, any group of friends that comes into your life is evaluated by you according to whether it brings good or bad to the table for you. You don't settle for anything out of convenience.
It comes down to assertiveness, confidence, and a willingness to shamelessly ask for what you want. You already sound intelligent, you just need to learn to be stronger; with strength, you gain sex appeal. Lots of it. All of a sudden, you're a hot item, because you need to be won, you don't seem to just settle for whatever comes your way.
Know your value, know your worth. I can guarantee you it's much higher than you think right now.
Regarding your partner: if you want to still be with him, do so, but it would be a red flag for me if I hadn't had sex for months with my BF - especially at 25. Why spin your wheels at your age with someone who isn't setting you on fire with excitement? I'll tell you why: because you're afraid to leave him.
Don't live your life out of fear. Ever. Dive in full-on, take risks, and push yourself to keep growing.
Read this ridiculous book: Why Men Love B*****s - just get it! It's great, it summarizes the idea of being kind, but also prioritizing yourself first.
Read and complete the exercises in this book: The Assertiveness Workbook - a wonderful, scientifically backed-up personal course in being more assertive.
Read this great book: The Defining Decade
Get better at socializing: How to Win Friends and Influence People
In terms of motivational books to figure out what you want to do with your life? Jesus - there's too many good ones out there. Google any list of "top motivational books", "books about planning life" etc. To start - the books Willpower and Grit were useful for me.
Additionally, there's Brene Brown for a softer approach to finding what you're about as a human being. Braving the Wilderness is a great pick - and for something a bit more direct, read Unfu*k Yourself.
This is going to sound nuts, but read all of these. If you play videogames, stop. If you spend too much time on reddit, stop. Read to pass your time now, and keep growing. These books will help you learn to be strong, sexy, and give you control over your life.
I was recommended the same book by two different friends, I read it and it really changed the whole way I looked at relationships, and I learned how to play the game...
I strongly recommend you check it out:
https://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560
She sounds what I call Low Self-Esteem "Good girl" archetype (in contrast with Low Self-Esteem "Bad girl" archetype), after having read the book Practical Female Psychology
http://www.amazon.com/Practical-Female-Psychology-For-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6
Have a look at these:
http://jebkinnison.com/bad-boyfriends-the-book/fearful-avoidant/
http://jebkinnison.com/bad-boyfriends-the-book/type-anxious-preoccupied/
And browse through some of Sepean's submmited posts, you may want to start here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3ukgo4/the_real_mrp_and_you/
I pretty much replied the same way in this post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/40mpja/recurring_pattern_that_concerns_me/
so you may want to read that.
Archives for the links in comments:
----
I am Mnemosyne 2.1, Actually, it's about ethics in archiving. ^^^^/r/botsrights ^^^^Contribute ^^^^message ^^^^me ^^^^suggestions ^^^^at ^^^^any ^^^^time ^^^^Opt ^^^^out ^^^^of ^^^^tracking ^^^^by ^^^^messaging ^^^^me ^^^^"Opt ^^^^Out" ^^^^at ^^^^any ^^^^time
I can't tell what you're getting worked up over. Author is a "speaker" and a "writer". The years of publicizing of his departure from Christianity was part of the runup to his next book.
Organic publicity is never as effective as a focused blitz and social media campaigns. This is why someone would publicly air what the rest of us would consider rather personal (faith, religion, crumbling relationships, divorce) on Instagram instead of quietly moving to the next stage in our careers.
He's kicking up his own dust to attract attention. And despite disagreeing with his own message and admitting that it "harms" people, he doesn't disagree quite enough to pull it from Amazon
I am not super worked up. Just annoyed that you would automatically put an unsubstantiated claim onto him coming out about his loss of faith, and his apologies to the LGBTQ/people who were harmed by the message in his book. He came out and stated that he no longer agrees with his past writing and that's all that should matter.
>Organic publicity is never as effective as a focused blitz and social media campaigns. This is why someone would publicly air what the rest of us would consider rather personal (faith, religion, crumbling relationships, divorce) on Instagram instead of quietly moving to the next stage in our careers.
Why even bring this up in the first place? I don't know what you are trying to state with this?
>He's kicking up his own dust to attract attention.
Again. This is a random unsubstantiated claim. There is no good reason to state this, nor any claim that can't be affirmed for that matter.
>And despite disagreeing with his own message and admitting that it "harms" people, he doesn't disagree quite enough to pull it from Amazon
Just because he wants to pull it from shelves doesn't mean the publishers do.
A questions I have.
- Do you genuinely believe the claim you are making? and if so, what makes the claim actually credible?
- Even if he was coming out to promote his other talks/publications, does that take away from his message? It wouldn't change the fact that he lost his faith, correct?
They sell those. This one was all the rage back in evangelical Christian school.
Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari?
I've questioned myself my whole life over this matter. In short, I think it's worth it. My conviction at ~11 years old became 'If I sleep with someone I'm not married to, I've cheated on the woman I eventually marry, and will have led someone else in to cheating on their eventual husband.' This made for some very awkward times at points in college and my early single life, but I've been happily married over a decade, and I think that conviction is part of it. There's a level of trust and intimacy that my wife and I share that has its foundations in our behavior before we were married.
I probably would have messed up if I hadn't found a community of like-minded people. The encouragement and accountability you get are invaluable. You might also find I Kissed Dating Goodbye to be a helpful read.
It's a bit specialist, but Modern Romance is funny and scientific and gives you a good idea on what is expected and what is not cool when interacting with others.
I suspect she has read this
I read Why Men Love Bitches. The advice was pretty solid. I hear the Rules is good too, although at this point it's a little old-school.
I recently read a great book.
[Getting Past Your Breakup] (http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating-ebook/dp/B0097CWNSO/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1409175171&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=how+to+get+over+a+breakup)
Basically it breakdowns this point. Once your SO says it's over. That relationship that you had is forever done. Now that doesn't mean you can't start anew. However it MUST be different. You need to set boundaries. And you need to ensure you don't fall into old habbits. Otherwise the same vicious cycle will happen again.
So be prepared. If you want the relationship it has to be different. You can't just jump back in and expect it to be like the good times.
Some sound advice here already. I will also suggest, as cheesy as it sounds, this book that I send to every friend going through a breakup, as it helped me immensely during my divorce. It helped me by just laying things out in black and white, organized my thoughts, gave me a plan, and reminded me to take care of myself during this crappy time when it was the last thing I was thinking of. You may have days like yesterday once in a while maybe, but they will become less frequent and you'll learn you're strong enough to to move past them quickly. You're doing better than you think you are, hang in there! :)
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson
Models by Mark Manson
Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: Practical Guide for Improving Communication by John Gray
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
I'd recommend checking out Mark Manson's website. There's some great stuff there for subscribers.
Maybe a copy of something like:
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1404789213&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=game
...and leave it somewhere not out in the open, but where he will accidently come across it.
> Does it help to be straight forward (but not too straight forward) that you want sex with someone?
The goal is to want her to feel that you would like to have sex with her, but you dont need to have sex with her.
> How do you compliment a girls looks or physique in a seductive way without being creepy?
Stick with complimenting her style. Complimenting on the things she clearly put effort into doing is much more meaningful than complimenting her on something she was born with and can not control. The key to compliments is having reason why you like what you see, and letting her know that reason. "I like [this] about you because [reason]".
> What do women really think when a guy buys them a drink?
If she likes you, she probably thinks its a means to spend more time doing something together. If she doesn't like you, she probably just wants a free drink.
> Do they like it when you mention that you have a lot of sexual experience?
no.
> Is it easier to seduce women in a loud bumpin' club or a quiet cocktail lounge?
Yes.
> What shows confidence through looks?
If you confident in yourself, you believe everything about you matters. If everything about you matters, everything about how you look matters. If you matter most, how would you look?
> Should money be brought in the situation?
No
> Do girls always go for men with lots of money?
No
> It would be nice to also get some tips on things I haven't asked too.
Judging by these questions, you seem to be a little misguided. Don't fret, that's why this sub is here. Many people in the pickup community started down this road after they read (the now grossly outdated) Neil Strauss' "The game". My personal advice is to start with more foundational inner-game concepts about seduction, and then move on to the more applicable outter-game techniques later. Foundational concepts to pickup are rooted in evolutionary bio/psych. I would recommend reading Mark Manson's Models. Trust me, I wouldn't recommend Models if it wasn't worth the time and money. These concepts could change your entire prospective on how social interactions really work, and sometimes thats all you need.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Game-Penetrating-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
If you haven't heard of it, this is pretty much the pre-requisite reading for seduction. It's about Style's upbringing in the seduction community with other PUAs. It's more about the entertainment value than it is a how to but it still has great information.
i cant help but laugh at this guy. He cant even get his own chick to send him pics! Ditch the crude advancements and adopt the art of subtlety. Or maybe try this. http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
Its a manual for people who need help with women. Cheers mate!
no, 'honeydip' is a SoCal foolish term i had never heard before.
if you don't know 'pulled' you need to read The Game!
Oooh, I see you found the Pickup Artist subreddit. -_-;; My take on this "philosophy"? The men subscribing to this sort of devaluement and objectification of women do not learn to have healthy relationships because they view women as conquests / trophies / just numbers (in terms of how many, and worth how much "she's a 6 out of a perfect 10" etc).
The attitudes and behaviors suggested in the article are not conducive to healthy relationship formation, but they unfortunately tend to appeal to many hetero-male "forever-alone" Redditors with promises of attracting a great quantity of women, rather than on improving the quality of current/future relationships and self.
What bothers me even more about the Pick Up Artist (PUA) community is that some advocate "strategies/techniques" that are not based on consensual relationship and sexual behavior, for example, making a woman feel guilty so she'll go on a second date, attempting sex with very drunk women, and even "Neuro-Linguistic Programming" phrases and hypnotic suggestions! This is unethical, immoral and non-consensual (aka fast track to date rape). It trains men (often the young and impressionable) to view women as the sellers and men as the buyers of sex as a commodity, and how to con women into and out of bed and unhealthy relationships. Pickup Artists do not care about women as people, they care about women as pussy.
After finding a male friend's copy of The Game on Amazon.com and wiki article in 2007, I researched the topic and the more I learned, the less I liked the sometimes-outright misogyny. I have completely avoided that male friend since he tried PUA techniques on me and I could tell he lost all respect for me as a person.
If there isn't already a subreddit out there dedicated to helping men who want to pursue healthy relationships with women, and perhaps combine that with a PUA-Anonymous type recovery group], perhaps we could create one.
I think the fundamental problem with the attitude in OP's linked article is the absolute lack of respect for women as human beings, and also that it teaches men that their entire self-worth is determined by how many women he has had sex with, nothing else. This is not healthy for anyone involved. If both people are really just seeking a no strings attached consensual (read: not drunk or high or coerced or NLP'd or lied-to etc) adult sexual / romantic relationship, then by all means go ahead. But for men who are looking for more than a short-term, primarily-sexual fling, PUA-type thinking is especially damaging, and the PUA community is hostile to them as well (the focus of OP's article). I think that the PUA community doesn't respect women, but it also does not respect men as anything more than the number of notches on their headboard.
(Edit: grrr formatting)
This is like gold. I'm not kidding. Go buy it and read it. Reddit may hate this book, but it is worth every penny.
Yeah, just ignore all the crap. There are guys there that truly just want to help you become a better human by increasing your self worth, then there are the dudes that just want to get laid. I'm way past the "just wanting to get laid" stage, but most of the same rules apply for both. I'm not a pick-up professional by any stretch of the imagination, but I have absolutely no problem talking to the hottest chick in a bar.
I highly recommend reading the book "The Game" for any guy who wants to have better success while interacting with women. Again, it is filled with all kinds of bullshit but it is a fun read and the key facts about the psychology of the female mind is spot on.
A PRO TIP for guys that want to "get a girls number" on OKCupid. If you message back and forth a few times and are hitting it off and want her number message her something along these lines: "Hey, I'm super-busy the next few days (or away from the computer), here's my number, text me if you want to chat otherwise I'll talk with you when I get back."
90% of the time, you'll get a text saying "Hey, this is blahblah from OKC." If you don't get a text, all is not lost, she's just a tad more shy than most women.
The most chilling thing I ever read by a pedophile (read an article on this a while back) was the answer to this question:
"How do you seduce a child?"
"Pretty much the same way you seduce a woman, actually."
In that case, maybe they should ban this book :O
If that's really an objective of yours, try reading "The Game" (http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738)
No mentor
Never discussed dating or sex with my family. Did not do well with girls in high school and could not figure out why. Got even worse in 1st year uni when I realized I actually have no idea how to talk to or attract women.
Had many Chad friends who were hooking up with tonnes of girls and I was so jealous but was too proud to ask for how it's done. I'm certain they couldn't explain it all though.
Went to the internet and found "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Read the whole book in a night; could not believe what I read. Read it again the next night.
Found the Mystery Method and downloaded all the free content possible.
And to my surprise I started attracting girls, and found myself getting respect from my chad-esque friends who were now seeing me more on their level as far as dating goes. Truth be told all the PUA stuff I think did was give me confidence, the ability to recognize social cues of attraction and interest, and a general idea of what to say and when to say it.
>Feminist scholarship
Oh snap, this guy read The Game.
Watch out ladies!
>This is a problem, how you can be confident interacting with women on a sexual level when you can't confidently interact on a basic level?
The school I went to had many different nationalities, and my views were pretty different from the people there. Like I did talk to a couple of girls on a weekly basis but not much more than that.
Edit: https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
This the one?
start here
Don't focus on the ceiling because the ceiling doesn't exist. The feelings you are feeling are very common. I have been there. I imply your fighting spirit. Your vigor is what keeps you strong. The solution is finding another job, meeting new people. It's not hard. It is very very simple.
READ THIS:
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1450417312&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=neil+strauss+the+game
This is a tool to help you get friends, increase confidence. You don't have to apply EVERYTHING the book says just some parts which you know you need to work on.
Life is an adventure. You are person with UNLIMITED potential.
Does anyone else think Romney read The Game and is just using the tired tactics within to "pick-up" the country?
He's negging, he's peacocking, he's picking on rivals, etc. like this position is some kind of cheap bimbo.
Eh, I dk about pheromones...but I would be willing to buy him The Game
:)
I'm still new to fashion, however I have a suggestion for confidence boosting. I read a book called the game about a month back and it has helped my confidence immensely.
Thanks! Though I think of it as skill, not luck.
As for licking this, it tastes wonderful, like pistachio gelato on top of tiramisu.
Was he Neil Strauss?
https://www.amazon.fr/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
Attractiveness can be learned.
There are people who teach seduction tips. I'm warning you now though, I probably know just enough to make an ass out of myself by talking about it. It's not something that I've invested a lot of time in, myself. From my extremely uninformed understanding, there tend to be two major points of view:
I've never studied any of that myself, I only know what friends have told me. Reddit does have a seduction subreddit, which may be of help. It's not the most active subreddit, IIRC. The Game by Neil Strauss is supposedly the best introduction. YMMV, I only know that it has helped some friends of mine. I believe you can find more info by searching for seduction, pick up artist, real man, peacock theory, mystery method. There appears to be a terrible stigma around all of this, so I stress that it should all be read with a grain of salt. There is no magic, no secret, as far as I'm concerned.
One friend who did study it told me very proudly that he is finally proud of who he is, and no longer feels the need to hide behind his shell. I guess thats the point of all of it; breaking out of your shell.
Oh, yes. And if you have prime you'll be reading it before Thanksgiving.
https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
I'll keep it simple, go out and buy this http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
Not for the sake of becoming a super smooth ladies man, but there are a lot of anecdotes in there that will help you understand why you feel certain emotions and help you to overcome them. Its an interesting read and if nothing else you might learn a thing or two about the fairer sex.
I never had a problem immersing myself in a social setting or chatting up a woman that I was attracted to, and came upon the book purely by accident. Nevertheless, I've since read it 3 times and every time I do I learn something new about myself.
Some reading on the subject by the people he's talking about.
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
http://www.amazon.com/Pickup-Artist-New-Improved-Seduction/dp/0345518195/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1269168459&amp;sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1269168619&amp;sr=1-1
A lot of people take it very seriously, and sell merchandise to a very willing market. Take a look at the reviews: http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
Well, $15 plus S&H: http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1255577240&amp;sr=8-4
But that's still not too bad.
You're just mad at yourself because you were so easily manipulated. He's probably still using those techniques on you right now, twisting your emotions, and playing these little games. It's an artificial love.
Read this book:
http://www.amazon.ca/Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0060554738
He may have bagged you, but he's the one who lost out. Who wants a woman who can be so easily fooled?
well i dont know as a percetage. probably not that often overall. It used to happen maybe once a month before i had a girlfriend. More when i was in america. Personally id just say hi to the girl and talk to her and see where it went but if you want some tips read this book
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
Congratulations, bro!!!
Time to read The Game
And Roosh's Bang
Also these blogs:
Heartiste
Nihilism
The Islander (mine)
Oh well hell if you're talking high school then get cracking my young compatriot. Everyone in that school is going through the same anxiety that comes from the teen years. Some hide it better, aesthetics play a big role in the vain and "popular" but don't sweat such small bull shit. It's petty in the grand scheme. College is a completely different monster too. Focus more on yourself and be your own person rather than how to get this person to like you or whatever. Confidence will follow from owning yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses.
And here's the book: The Game
And I can't really recommend you follow through but Craigslist is the bottom of the barrel last resort if you really can't manage to find any peers at school or on a dating website. Not sure if dating sites take under 18 anyway. But exercise EXTREME caution with Craigslist.
Finally, sex is fantastic but really you should keep to seeking out a worthwhile relationship. Even if it falls apart in a few months or makes it a few years and still crumbles, the experience is vital.
I wouldn't presume to know or tell you your motivations but whatever you do, don't ever do something because you think someone else will love you for it. They either won't or it will be something short of real love. Be yourself, love yourself, others WILL follow. Just be patient.
I have a friend who was in your situation. He's not what one would consider classically attractive. He felt ugly and he carried himself in that manner. He dated only one girl in his 20s. One six month relationship and that's it. He attributed this to his looks.
On his 30th birthday he bought himself a book called The Game about the techniques of successful pick up artists. I know it sounds bad and you might not agree with everything they say, but I'll tell you this - within a year of reading this book, my friend was no longer the same person.
What the book taught him was the power of confidence and how confidence in the eyes of a woman will often supersede looks when it comes to attraction. With his added confidence he began to dress better and take care of himself.
Whereas before he was meek and invisible in social settings, today he stands out in a crowd and has absolutely no problem dating women.
I know I sound like I'm a book salesman but after seeing what happened to my friend who was in your situation, I just wanted to recommend it.
And even if you don't get the book, I hope you take away from this that confidence is everything.
she's just new, so there is more to explore, but you should also understand that open relationships require that you come to terms with the fact that relationships can change and end, so if you are going to keep going with an open relationship, then you shouldn't rely on your husband for your own personal happiness or satisfaction. If your husband enjoys sex with the other girl more than he is enjoying sex with you, then you should feel good that he got to have sex with her, you should be glad that he got to experience that joy and happiness and you should encourage him to have more sex with her. If that doesn't work for you, then have a conversation with him about how he feels about have a closed relationship instead, but he might not be very happy about that idea.
Here are some more thoughts on the whole thing: The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships
All you guys joking about never getting laid need to read this (or get the audiobook): http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0060554738/ref=mp_s_a_1?qid=1321199779&amp;sr=8-1 - I'm married now and love my wife, but damn, I wish this had been around when I was still in college. It changed my life for the better, just happened a few years too late.
Read The Game by Neil Strauss. It gives you simple things to say to carry on a conversation and is very well written. Plus it helps that the author went from being a dweeb to a stud.
Yup, this sums it up
I recommend reading The Truth by u/iamneilstrauss https://www.amazon.com/Truth-Uncomfortable-Book-About-Relationships/dp/0060898763
Even better, if you're really looking for love, check out Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001
You're welcome!
Neil Strauss said: Oops, my bad.
The pick-up community did not yet get the memo.
Neckbeards didn't learn those essentials, hence they need help. There aren't many books called "how to shave and not look like a fucking loser" and they aren't looking for how to clean up, they are looking how to meet women.
I just don't think it's good to stereotype, but I mostly agree. Anyone who calls themselves a PUA is likely a scumbag on the wrong side of things, but it doesn't mean that all the material is inherently evil, or being exposed to unethical ideas will turn you into a bad person.
Edit: Even the guy who wrote The Game (which is a pretty neutral view into the world of PUA's) wrote "The Truth" recently which was about how fucked up he got, and his slow road back to domestication and a healthy relationship.
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061540455/ref=pd_sim_b_5
I read the first book of this, when I was at a low point in my life. It is less about this will get you all the women in the world, but why. The why, is that you are confident in yourself and you make the world around you. It's about being comfortable in your own skin, and walks you through a series of exercises to get you there. It really works for being self-esteem.
This book is doing wonders for me. Seriously, if you've got the money, check it out:
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061540455/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1239899304&amp;sr=8-2
I read this book, helped a lot
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690
Depends on the context
>She liked me when I didn't like her, and now I friggin love this chick and she doesn't like me back. ;(
Consider this a learning experience.
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2014/06/11/women-want-to-be-a-mans-afterthought/
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/dont-be-the-wrong-kind-of-asshole-chicks-dont-dig/
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/08/16/chicks-dig-jerks-more-scientific-evidence/
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690
If I may, instead of going through all of that, go pick up the book called, "The Rules of the Game." It's the remedy for these types of situations.
Link: http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1375863292&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=rules+of+the+game
The Game is more for entertainment than information. You won't learn much more than you already know by reading it.
I would focus on conversation threading. You can find numerous more articles by using the search bar.
If you want a more of a "guide." I've been told this is pretty good. (I haven't used it though.)
I'm currently reading "The Mystery Method" it's widely considered one of the foundation of the PUA community. So that would also be a good place to start.
Also read the sidebar stuff in /r/seduction
EDIT: Forget about IOIs they are bs and just distract you from your game and being present in the moment. Always Assume Attraction you have no idea how much this will help you.
Only ever give affection genuinely, The Art of Seduction is a good read. I don't like chick things, just do your shit next to her. Ex: Snuggle up & read yours books or do work on your laptop while she watches TV with headphones. A dinner or some other kind of date once or twice a month, with you making the effort to enjoy it, will go long enough of a way.
https://www.amazon.com/Art-Seduction-Robert-Greene/dp/0142001198
This book is incredible
If you're looking for love, don't change yourself.
If you're looking to have fun etc. give this book a try: http://www.amazon.com/Art-Seduction-Robert-Greene/dp/0142001198
Say HI to literally EVERY girl you see. It worked for me. ohh and you might want to check out this book. I found it very helpful. http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1323651244&amp;sr=8-1
Reading the sneering comments against the book, makes me want to read the book!
The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed
> He tells readers, "If you're undressing her and she says, ‘We should stop,' just agree with her... and then keep going. ‘I know, baby,' you reply as you continue to undress her. ‘We should stop'" (p. 202). Here, Mystery (2007) again suggests ignoring verbal communication entirely, implying that, unless physical force is used to stop the behavior, the woman is consenting to the activity. Thus, verbal resistance is ignored as pressure to have sex increases.
This, of course, could be interpreted as rape.
But really, a woman could clearly say "STOP" with no roundabouts. But, Mystery is right: She might imply: "We should stop now, or else we will not be able to stop any more" or "We should stop because we are about to commit a sin".
it has nothing to do with looks bro. I might get hate for this but check out Models by Mark Manson
Ok, first of all, don't fret. Nothing I haven't heard before.
I'm guessing you chill on reddit cuz like most of us you have a bit of social anxiety or some shit like that. That's going to be a decent gating factor to meeting quality women (online dating is nice, but hear me out).
You're not going to attract anyone while you're looking for a relationship (old adage: the one you don't see coming), you need to do yourself and build yourself into a person who women want to be with. Emotionally.
Just read this bookread this book, it'll change your life. It certainly helped mine out. :D
And always feel free to shoot a PM if you need a bro.
I have solution for you, if you want to learn how to provide women more value, and hence be more attracted to you. Read the logical and practical book: Models: Attract Women Through Honesty.
Wish you success with the women.
That place spends most of the time teaching you how to act like you don't emotionally need to be desired and approved of by women... in order to win the desire and approval of women. While also channeling bitterness and anger at women.
Instead he should try to actually work on himself and get to a point where he actually doesn't need the approval of women just to feel okay. In my personal experience, this is easier said than done. I recommend the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Also, I'm married so this isn't my thing, but I've heard the book Models is also good.
I strongly recommend Models: Attract Women Through Honesty. I listened to the audio book via audible and it really helped me understand why I personally had issues with women and was in a similar position. A lot of similar books take a more pickup artist side of meeting and attracting women, but Mark does an excellent job explaining why that doesn’t work in the long run. He goes through what works for him, and breaks down a lot of the issues men face and how deal with it from the ground up rather than just bandaid solutions. It’s a great starting point in understanding and improving yourself. You have to do some leg work in figuring and applying this stuff but I definitely recommend.
I can go into my experience if anyone is interested, though the real meat and potatoes are in the book, and it’s a must read/listen to for men who struggle with attracting women at any stage of the relationship or courtships.
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
why hide your emotional attraction?
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
Actually decided to post based on a professors suggestion to write in ways I normally wouldn't, in places I normally wouldn't. These, here, trying to deliver quality OC to Seddit!
(Also, to a degree, remind lurkers that Seddit doesn't have to be contingent on being a dick 'amog,' and there are good ways of doing so) Rant end: read that book, Models (a title I got from seddit). It helped me reframe/reposition may of the pua values to much more fitting ones.)
Cheers for the ad love, fun business – what'd it transition to?
Here's the link btw in case it's confusing which book I was talking about:
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
> Magari riesco a spiegarvi meglio i miei problemi e li capisco a pieno anche io.
Fai bene allora a chiedere. Come diceva Oliver Sacks, parlare non e' solo uno scambio di informazioni, ma un modo che il nostro cervello usa per elaborare attivamente le informazioni.
Detto cio, potrei sembrare banale ma ti consiglierei uno di queli libri di automiglioramento.
questo e' probabimente il piu consigliato su /r/seduction: http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358 (dai lo sappiamo tutti che vuoi fare questo sforzo di socializzare solo pero conoscere una ;)
A me poi e' piaciuto il vecchio libro di Carneige, che e' un libro praticamente centenario e da cui tutti i successivi "life-coach" e libri di self-help hanno riciclato: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People
PS: ti consiglio anche di leggere romanzi, secondo me aiutano ad affrontare le situazioni sociali
Please read this book.
models a comprehensive guide to attracting women
Estoy leyendo este libro Models: Attract women through honesty y me senti muy identificado con estas dos paginas. Conozco a mas de uno que tambien se puede identificar con esto que dice.
Models
It's been a while, but the book breaks down the mechanics of being a 'nice guy', in particular the 'transactional' nature of how they view relationships (especially with women), and then helps guys build behaviours that help them end that kind of thinking. If you find yourself thinking "I do all this for my crush/girlfriend/fiance/wife but they don't show interest/affection back", then it's perfect for you.
It's a really good book, but I would say it's only a beginning. I'd follow it up with Models by Mark Manson, and I have The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck on my bookshelf, but haven't opened it yet.
You will find someone eventually, despite how you feel now. I found reading this book really helped: https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
Do you have any female friends? Any female friends of friends? If you never interact with girls outside of a professional setting then it's going to be difficult to feel comfortable around them. Like all things, it takes some degree of practice and exposure before your brain stops freaking out about it, regardless of your age.
Version? lol I didn't know there were different versions. Here is the Amazon link
Oh man, also thanks for your reply.
Looks like our stories are remarkably similar - I also wasn't able to get off half the time, her self esteem was tanking, we started having issues, arguing about stupid stuff. Also had similar problems with keeping interest in girls - the chase is all cool and exciting, then you do the right things, you close, the girl starts getting attached and I freak out since I lose interest.
I thought ton of it has been due to my interest in PUA after I was introduced to it by a buddy of mine (and he had similar loss-of-interest issues) but I stopped being a player and started being more honest/genuine, but my interest in girls went down very quickly after closing with them.
So I adapted a different approach, I basically have "receptive girls" all over the world, we're on friendly terms and whenever I'm in town or they are in town, we'd sleep together. That way I didn't need to keep commitment and relationship and would still have sex fairly frequently.
Now that I'm on my 40th day and feeling the reboot a bit, I feel more in control of myself and am less afraid of commitment. I want to get to know a cool girl and spend time with her and if things don't work, so what, there are many cool girls out there.
I recently read Mark Manson's Models (http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358), it was a fairly important book for me to read and help me on my NoFap quest.
Likewise good luck!
Read this book. Buy it, download it, whatever. Just read it.
>These two things are related. Go and lift even if you have to drop weight to do so... just get out and lift something.
Roger. Did just so an hour ago. Feel much better already.
> You had a bad couple of weeks. So what? Just get back to it. Look at the bright side - you're probably still 10x better than before finding MRP.
Thanks. Something something forest for the trees. Right on brother.
> Yeah it takes work to be the Captain especially in your situation with your wife's mental issues. Just keep at it.
Pretty sure a Captain doesn't cut it with this woman and her mental issues. She requires a Fleet Admiral. Only makes me stronger.
> Wow, our lives go in a parallel here regarding no PIV for weeks.
How are you dealing with it both physically and mentally, if you don't mind me asking? Might help me.
> Outside of Game and Day Game, what other are good books for this?
I have heard good things about Models by Mark Manson. It's on my audible list to listen to. I like the idea of honesty in this book.
I'd strongly advise you to read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=la_B00BIJOMOC_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1367701163&amp;sr=1-1
Currently reading through this book and I've found that it really matched my experience, and had insights into problems I really recognize in myself. Don't let the name throw you, it isn't a PUA manual, it's more about the negative things you express subconsciously, and how to consciously improve yourself.
Got an answer for ya
Working my way through Models by Mark Manson.
It's focused on "Honest" game.
It's actually pretty eye opening, and very in line with TRP. Essentially most PUA stuff is to give the illusion of high SMV. This book suggests you actually be high SMV, and leverage advantages you have in your personal niche demographics group.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1463750358/
I would like to recommend this book. It's unlikely that you'll agree with everything in this book (I didn't) but it's very practical and deals with a lot of topics that are easily missed on this subject.
No worries! I came across it after reading his book Models
Best of luck in your research!
I think you being aware of it is a great step, so many guys are completely clueless until the rug gets pulled out from under them.
I wouldn't go so far as to not ask her to do stuff, I'd just mention it, and if she seems indifferent, just say cool and switch the subject and bow out of the conversation to go do stuff for yourself. If she turns it down, the killer is acting hurt / defensive / etc.
Some of the best written, easiest to digest answers to your questions are in the book 'Models' by Mark Manson. Grab a used copy and also check out his website, tons of good info on dating and life in general there too. I'm not affiliated with him, his was just the best advice I've read so far about similar situations. Good luck, and hit me up anytime if you need an ear!
The Rational Male.
If you're still unsure, check the comments to see what other people think.
If i were you i would run... Your body your choice mate.. Tell her that..Turn the table and pay her with the same feministic language. She is trying to control the narrative and a few months down the pike she will put a lead on you. Or let me put it this way, she will wear the pants in that relationship.
By the same token you can ask her to get chemically castrated herself if she doesn't want to have any kids. It is feasible now days. Your girlfriend has been spoon-fed a lot of bullshit.
If she is giving you ultimatums like that and you submit to them you have lost the game already. You need to be ready to walk away from her as well. I am sure you can get better quality woman elsewhere. These kinds of demands are a massive red flag. Somethings is really off...She might divorce you one day and you will be left with a massive bill and a vasectomy. Dude you have to think on many levels.
If you genuinely want kids don't have a vasectomy, and dont stay with that woman. If you don't want any kids then by all means do it, but not with that woman either. She is delusional to ask you such things.
And by the way you gotta read a book. It is called the Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
I would also watch his podcasts as they are invaluable for men at this point in time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSm-D_9rSRY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUlC1daVtvM
Good luck to you and thing with the big head, not the small head.
https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
All these books are very controversial even (or especially) in this subreddit. Opinions go from "this book is trash" to "this book saved from suicide". I am not exaggerating. I will not comment on their virtues and shortcomings so you can make up your own mind. Perhaps you can begin by reading the first chapter and see which one resonates more with you.
I wish you the best. Welcome to MGTOW.
Remember... women doesn’t chase winners she stands at finish line and choose who ever wins.. never chase women... fight your depression... fight that -ve attitude.. focus on your health.. focus on your career.. invest sometime in spirituality...it helps... women and friends who comes after success are never real or yours it came because of your success... so chase the success and let everything else chase you .. read books of Rollo Tomassi ... https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
I got given a book on self-esteem stuff once, but I never read it. :\
The only one I've read, and in the last year or so, was this one.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406549118&sr=8-1&keywords=the+rational+male
If you're interested in inter-gender dynamics, I'd recommend it.
Or you can visit his site. http://therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/
https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862/ref=nodl_
he's been raised without a positive male influence - its not your fault, but he needs a dose of truth. give him a copy of the rational male:
https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
The only thing you NEED to do is live and die. Everything else is a choice. (http://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1415915522&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=rational+male)
Here.
uhm...... what?! dunno if trolling or serious.
I ment this https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
You read the wrong books. Try this one.
https://www.amazon.ca/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
It will explain exactually why she is behaving the way she is and how it's your fault. It will explain the entirety of your experience with females up untill this one.
Good luck man.
Be careful, you can't unlearn it.
Read "The Rational Male".
The rational male
Best book ever.
Do I think men can collectivize like women do? No. Do I think there are things to be done to let men maximize their freedom and happiness in light of the sea changes society has seen over the past half century (the full effects of which have yet to be seen)? Absolutely.
I’d highly recommend this book as it delves deeply into what masculinity is and how it finds itself in the current situation. The best immediate advice I can give you is that, since we live in a bubble and are thus in uncharted territory, any “old order” way of living i e any prescription that doesn’t take into account the changes that have already occurred, is not in your best interest. This can take various forms, everything from calls for you to “man up” and pay for things/marry/work jobs you don’t like etc. to people thinking men don’t have problems because “patriarchy” etc.
That said, men haven’t changed even as society has (d)evolved around them, and still have the same drives for mastery, respect, sex and belonging even as the means for obtaining these things are eroded or twisted, and this is why increasing numbers of men are “dropping out”.
Your job as a young man is to figure out a way to balance these two competing forces.
Paperback
The Rational Male
No More Mr. Nice Guy
Sounds to me like you need to understand gender dynamics better and not take women at face value when they talk about what they desire in men. Good luck.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
It's too much of a mess to even bother dealing with.
I'll repost a recent comment of mine:
---
RP Demagogue A
>The Alpha Traits are those associated with classic “manly man” strengths. Power, dominance, physical ability, bravery, wealth, cool and confidence. Oh and good genes. These are the things that attract women and turn them on sexually. The Alpha Traits are linked to the dopamine response in women.
>The Beta Traits are those associated with the strengths of being a nice guy / “family man”. Kindness, being a good listener, the ability to help with the children, dependability, thoughtfulness, compassion and patience. These all create a sense of comfort and safety for the woman, and relax her because she feels that if she became pregnant, the Beta Trait male isn’t going to abandon her and the baby. [http://marriedmansexlife.com/take-the-red-pill/alpha-and-beta-male-traits/]
TRP Sub
>Alpha – Socially dominant. Somebody who displays high value, or traits that are sexually attractive to women. Alpha can refer to a man who exhibits alpha behaviors (more alpha tendencies than beta), but usually used to describe individual behaviors themselves.
>Beta – Traits of provision: either providing resources or validation to others, women (and perhaps men). Beta traits display low value to women if they are are put on too strong or too early in meeting- giving without equity. Beta can be used to describe individual behaviors, as well as people who have an overwhelming amount of beta properties (opposed to alpha).
These are not the same (in particular, see "Beta" definition), unless you want to perform mental gymnastics.
For shits and giggles, let's see what someone said about Rollo / Rational Male aka
RP Demagogue B's definition of Alpha (Amazon book review):
https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/product-reviews/1492777862/ref=cm_cr_dp_d_hist_1?ie=UTF8&amp;filterByStar=one_star&amp;reviewerType=all_reviews#reviews-filter-bar
>"The author's most relied-upon term, "alpha", is not given any definition at all through the first twenty percent of the book, until he gets to a chapter in which he promises to address the definition of "alpha", but in which no such definition appears. (He spends the chapter -- and three more following it! -- talking about how hard the term is to define, without defining it.) "
--
Instead, focus on the what is the cornerstone issue of PUA and TRP: attraction.
And for the special retards who can't figure it out, you can make sub-list of "attractive traits for casual sex."
>It's neither agreed upon (you have no evidence past a few people, a tiny % of poster here) nor specific enough. Too many vague definitions. Useless.
Useless for you. Not for the rest of us.
>1) First of all - PPD is here to discuss TBP vs. TRP. So it would make a little too much sense to use their definition.
No. It's here to discuss RP.
>2) OK - let's say I let that slide... who are you making this definition up for? Are you the next RP blogger guru? Even they can't figure this shit out.. see Rololololo's embarassement:
No. This has just been my observations and what model makes sense based on what everyone here says. I just put it together into words for a single post. I probably wasn't even the first one to see it in the model. But everyone throws out definitions they think works best, other people read them and add that information to the model that they use in their heads (or don't), eventually the good ideas are reconciled and the bad ideas are eliminated. Literally how this works.
>https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/product-reviews/1492777862/ref=cm_cr_dp_d_hist_1?ie=UTF8&amp;filterByStar=one_star&amp;reviewerType=all_reviews#reviews-filter-bar
>
>>"The author's most relied-upon term, "alpha", is not given any definition at all through the first twenty percent of the book, until he gets to a chapter in which he promises to address the definition of "alpha", but in which no such definition appears. (He spends the chapter -- and three more following it! -- talking about how hard the term is to define, without defining it.) "
Yes I read this paragraph the last four times you've posted it. I still don't care.
>No, you literally had no clue how it worked. You got it all backwards. Now you're flat out lying. You don't get to come back from that flop.
>
>http://archive.is/na57d
You left off a comment:
https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7abkm3/cmv_causality_between_ncount_and_infidelity_isnt/dpaspt5
>You can't even figure out if beta is "something something" or "just bad." Come on. You don't speak for all participants here, while I can clearly see what they are saying. And it's all different.
I can for 100% certainly tell you that beta is not just bad.
I don't speak for the participants here. Their up votes speak for themselves. You see how my comment is way at the top of the list? That means I've got more upvotes than other people's definition. That means they like and agree with it.
>I mean your illustrious community!
It's going fairly well, despite this one obnoxious prick who drags up arguments from months ago as an attempt to ad hominem. You'd think if he really believed in his point he would just be able to argue within the confines of this debate and not drag in old arguments like a naggy house wife.
I suggest reading "the rational male" by Rollo tomassi immediately.
Here's a link (uk mind) the rest is up to you bro.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1492777862/ref=.com?ie=UTF8
Best of luck my man
If you're really interested in polyamory then I'd also suggest reading about it. Poly itself isn't that hard, but a lot of unexpected emotions can happen when you attempt it, and some people trying CNM sometimes create and/or agree to rules than can later backfire and destroy the relationships, so... if you like learning from experience of others, you might want to try those:
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560
I appreciate that. It just seems bizarre that men are told to act like assholes while woman are told to act like bitches to obtain the interest of the opposite sex. Some of the bits in this article were really quite funny to me, though. I'm a single girl in a big city (happily). It was, overall, an interesting read.
Have you seen this book?
It’s a best seller. For almost two decades.
Surprise!
Women and men aren’t too different.
We’re all just people.
And we all want the same thing: sex, love, companionship.
Understand that powerful desire and your game will be good.
> Ironic, isn't it then that the reason why men tell each other to act like assholes is to attract women
I haven't read these, but I guess they're the female equivalent:
Why Men Love Bitches and Why Men Marry Bitches
First of all, I would like to state that before mentioning my additions that books should be thought of like classes in college. Yes, you need the basic knowledge to go do what you're going to do, but you also need to get off your ass and apply it.
Without further ado, here are my recommendations in addition to what was mentioned.
Pimp by Iceberg Slim (Robert Beck). It's a nice introduction to the psychology of gaming women on top of an interesting exploration of race, gender and intersectionality. It's smarter than it's rep.
The Mystery Method by Mystery (Erik von Markovik). It's not a great book, but it gives you immediate actionable steps to apply immediately. Then, once you read the theory and get experience, you can apply what you learned.
The Red Queen by Matt Ridley. This should be read with the next book to up your fundamentals in evo-psych.
Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan. Written as a critique of the first book, these two will give you some deeper theory of evo-psych.
If you are looking for something a little more in-depth than reddit comments, this concept is covered in pretty good detail at one point in the textbook on game: https://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118
Buy this book
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mystery-Method-Erik-von-Markovik/dp/0312360118
All I can say, is that there's diminishing returns for normal cardio.
You'd probably be better off with Weight Training and then HIIT on the alternating days.
Both of which are rather time efficient compared to normal cardio.
Maybe spend the rest of the time to do some self-improvement reading?
http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118/ref=tag_dpp_lp_edpp_ttl_in
If you don't have the confidence to talk to women, then, do something about it! The solution is to fix your problem, not to hide behind the internet.
Mate - Don't let the author or cover fool you. It's a serious book and actually written by the co-author. It looks at the evolutionary biology behind what women want and what men do. Before trying to figure out how to woo women, it helps to understand the differences in their motivations, needs, worries, and pressures.
https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365
Please don't take advice from those forums, even if you want a one night stand.
I got into the "PUA" community when I was younger and their advice is 99% bullshit that won't actually help you. You end up taking in more information then you should and most of it BS and mental masturbation.
It wasn't until after I stopped taking their advice where I lost my virginity. Seriously, that community is filled with low life marketers targeting men with low self esteem.
Read this book, follow the advice, and your dating life should improve. It was written by an evolutionary psychologist (Geoffrey Miller) and Tucker Max.
It is also very much in line with the "sort yourself out" philosophy, you'll be given advice such as go to the gym, fix your diet, keep your place clean, etc.
https://www.amazon.ca/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1499101708&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=mate
I had severe panic attacks when I had that conversation with my STBX wife in 2013. My first stop was a psychiatrist who got me on some medications that really helped. There's no good reason to suffer more than you have to.
Here are a few other recommendations:
Get an apartment that you like... It will make you feel better. It doesn't have to be a long-term decision. But have a place you feel good about.
Go to Ikea and get new stuff. Furnish your place. Use TaskRabbit liberally to do the shitty assembly stuff for you.
Get a therapist... you need someone to talk to. It may seem expensive, but remember, this is a 12-month or less situation.
Before you start dating, I recommend reading Tucker Max's new book, Mate, (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0316375365/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0316375365&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=tucmax-20&amp;linkId=B42LME2RMHW7DM6E) or listen to his podcast, Mating Grounds. It helped me a ton.
When you feel like you're ready (i.e. when you genuinely reach a place where you hope the best for your ex), get on Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, Happn, OkCupid, etc. and start meeting women for drinks. You'll be pleasantly surprised. Good luck.
Partially at best, in my opinion. Yes, being skilled at making a man feel good -- through sex, respect, etc. -- is useful for sustaining a relationship.
But my model for pair bonding is that a person becomes bonded when they give, not when they receive.
The world is full of women who gave and gave and gave, become tightly pair bonded to their partner, only to have their hearts broken when they learn their partner hasn't developed the same feelings.
And the world is full of men who do their submissive best to be giving to women, developing strong and unreciprocated attachments. Bitter "friend zoned" guys really have developed emotional attachments to women who have never shown them any romantic interest.
So my recommendation for women is to ask for a lot of investment and attention from their partners, while rewarding that investment with good feelings. That maximizes the chance that the partner will pairbond while offering a fair and mutually beneficial trade in return. Investing without your partner reciprocating will likely just get you hurt. Asking for his investment without reciprocating with good feelings will create resentment on his part.
If you want to know more about the strategy of asking for -- insisting on, really -- male investment, The Rules is worth a read. The exact strategies it proposes are controversial, but I would definitely recommend it to jog your thinking.
See also the Ben Franklin effect.
My friend's mother suggested I read this book and I seriously considered it for about ten seconds
Also check out the Rules Book, I'd recommend it
https://www.amazon.com/All-Rules-Time-tested-Secrets-Capturing/dp/0446618799
The Rules is by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schnieder: http://www.amazon.com/All-Rules-Time-tested-Secrets-Capturing/dp/0446618799
Here's a low-quality scan of the book https://www.scribd.com/doc/195571788/Ellen-Fein-The-Rules
Here ya go. This should do the trick. Maybe.
There is a Dating for Dummies book that has a great section on divorced dating.
Not much on how to introduce your kids though. I think maybe dating a divorced father would be more of a suit for you.
I've found eHarmony to be ok for late 20's.
Not really a website, but read dating for dummies. It sounds stupid but it has some very good advice in it
https://www.amazon.com/Date-onomics-Dating-Became-Lopsided-Numbers/dp/076118208X
NYC is actually one of the worst dating markets for women since there is an oversupply of them.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/076118208X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1486447780&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&amp;keywords=how+dating+became+a+lopsided&amp;dpPl=1&amp;dpID=51Lx1JaOMfL&amp;ref=plSrch
Male 23 last year of university graduating in a Computer Engineering degree
http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Man-Corey-Wayne/dp/1411673360
Its basically a cross between a basic book like "Bang" and "The way of men". PUA crossed with some more serious/relevant messages about masculinity and purusing goals
http://www.amazon.com/Way-Men-Jack-Donovan/dp/0985452307
I have been in only one serious LTR. Girl broke my heart. I spent 1 year without touching a woman and wallowing in my own pity because the LTR cheated. I had a serious health issue that kept my bedridden for a long time. Other than that, I am just getting started with TRP and realizing my value in the sexual marketplace. So in short; fairly inexperienced. Just getting started. Thats why I am posting this topic
Well I guess that means I should just keep spinning plates till I get someone valuable. And if not, fuck marraige
https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360
All good things :)
"Level 5 man..." kinda reminds me of Corey Wayne's How To Be A 3% Man
Glad to see you're on to some fundamentals of human nature.
In all seriousness, read How To Be A 3% Man by Coach Corey Wayne. It did wonders for me. It will have a profound impact on your life and you are at the perfect place in your life to read it. By reading his story and his advice, you will know exactly what to do. You can read it for free on his website if you enter your email to subscribe to the newsletter. Check out some of the book reviews on Amazon READ THE BOOK before watching the YouTube videos.
Go on walks, they are therapeutic on multiple levels. Don't worry if you think about your ex and you get angry, etc., just go with it, don't resist it, you gotta feel it to heal it. If the heartache gets grueling, listen to The Power of Now on audiobook.
You sound like you are throwing in the towel, which I did for two years after 22 years of no action and much, much frustration. So I'm just gonna recommend three books that helped me out. I highly, highly recommend the first. The second is what got me out of my funk. These two books helped me understand women where before I frankly didn't know shit. The third one is great for confidence/self esteem, which can help anyone.
The Way of the Superior Man
How to be a 3% Man
6 Pillars of Self Esteem
I am aware of how cringey/snake oil'sy some of these books come off as(especially How to be a 3% Man), but they are good.
Edit: And if you aren't going to read any of this stuff, at least do yourself a favor and work on improving your posture. It makes a huge difference in how people respond to you.
https://smile.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360?sa-no-redirect=1
Looking into this guy. His youtube videos seem to be titled provocatively - with "Put her in her place" and "how to make her submit to you".
That said - he doesn't actually seem to be another misogynist PUA based on the video I'm watching. Not sure. More research may be needed.
Amazon reviews
Look up the reviews, there's a lot of summaries in there. How to obtain and keep the woman of your dreams.
> The Manual
https://www.amazon.com/Manual-What-Women-Want-Give/dp/1456494554
The Manual
https://www.amazon.com/Manual-What-Women-Want-Give/dp/1456494554/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1466689815&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=the+manual
Models
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1466689853&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=models
I am a 20 year old guy and I find myself in a similiar situation. I've always been anxious with women and find it hard to keep my cool. I just began reading a book though, and from reading the first few chapters alone, I view the world in a completely different perspective and my anxiety has actually improved. At work last week I applied some of the principles the book taught me, and I was so surprised at how effective they were. Next thing I know, I have a 22 year old girl flirting with me, complimenting my physique and asking if I'm single etc. It was surreal.
I urge you, read this book - https://www.amazon.com/Manual-What-Women-Want-Give/dp/1456494554 - it's not a PUA book of any sorts. Read all of the discussion on Amazon, it's pretty good and insightful. I promise, this'll at least get you closer to your goal.
That sucks. I recommend you read this book https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_.w.5xb6X59PBB
> Where do you think boys get the idea that you put niceness-coins in and get sex in return?
They get it from confusing seriously important messages that they are told (stop being an abusive, violent asshole to women like previous generations of men were) with a message that the point of this was to get them laid. The point of not being a misogynist is, well, not being a misogynist, because women are people too, with complex desires, needs, and emotions of their own, who should not be abused.
> No man who is successful with women has ever suggested this idea.
Not in quite such simplistic ways, no. But then you get guys like Mark Manson who suggest that connecting with women is what works best in the short and long term.
And guys like me. I was a nice guy who, in my youth, treated women like people to get to know, and frequently had wonderful physical relationships with them. And I was quite low-status by most all RP standards, and all of 140 lbs. at 6' tall. But it worked over and over, constantly amazing those around me. And one day I tried to help a friend meet a gorgeous girl, and it didn't work, but I made friends with her anyway, and eventually she asked me out and now I'm almost 20 years into a marriage that still looks like a brand new one.
It's not "be nice and get laid", but rather "not treating someone like a full person will get you bad long term results."
Some one mentioned Meditations here. That book is awesome, even if its not directly game related.
Read The Game if you want to hear a fun story but not necessarily obtain applicable advice
Mark Manson:"It's about being less invested in others' perceptions instead of NOT invested in others' perceptions."
Neediness is caring more about what people think of you than about what you think of yourself.
Confidence is caring more about what you think of yourself than about what others think of you.
You can show interest. You don't have to be aloof to be attractive, just be more aloof than she is.
Read this book, tons of information
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
I'm 28 and struggle with interacting in a non-platonic way (went on my first date at 25). There has been some improvement though - I don't have any major embarrassments because of reading about dating for so long, but people do judge you more harshly if you're older and awkward.
This book was pretty helpful for me.
It's OK to be sensitive in certain ways. If I could give you a piece of advice, it's to ignore those perspectives. They're toxic and agonizing over them won't do you any good. In fact, if it sets off your insecurities, it's gonna be worse for you all around.
Try to do everything you can to give yourself a sense of optimism, with the total understanding that it can be really, really hard sometimes. What you're feeling is normal, and it's tough to feel lonely.
I'd recommend you take a look at Mark Manson's Models. I really enjoyed it, and I think you might benefit from his perspective.
http://smile.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1463795189&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=models+mark+manson
I think you are angry at a collection of negative traits you've seen in some women, and then attribute to most women.
Read Models, it's not shy about pointing out shitty parts of dating, and doesn't put women on a pedestal. It shoots straight, explains how things that are attractive to women are linked to ancient signs of social hierarchy (the female equivalent of how wide hips a blend boobs are attractive to malesbecause it indicated fertility) , and is very insightful early and often.
Damn, that is very hard to deal with. I'm glad you made this post though, because it's important to vent, and look for solutions.
This is a good opportunity to perhaps invest this emotion into something greater that will help you overcome any feelings of insecurity you have that end up becoming apparent in your relationships even when you don't realize it. You mentioned gaining weight? Perhaps join a fitness club, start adjusting some lifestyle habits. r/fitness has some great resources, you'll be surprised how many of those folks started because of something like this in their lives. If you feel like there's something wrong with the women you're attracted to, I like this guy's book (also this article might be more related). The book kind of comes off as one those PUA things but it has some really valuable lessons on vulnerability, and the stem causes of manipulative behavior.
Just find an interest that you can dedicate time to and never forget that time is the best healer. The line is so fucking cliche but it is very real. Things feel shit now, and it isn't easy. But give yourself time to think things over, and allow yourself to be mad because that shit does not sound fun. But don't just stop trying to make yourself better. Good luck dude.
The Game isn't a book that you should be reading for newbie advice. From what I've heard, it's more of a story about the authors journey of seduction and not an instruction manual.
Since you're a beginner, I HIGHLY recommend that you read Models by Mark Manson instead. I suggest that you put down The Game now and start reading THIS.
This is pretty much what Models by Mark Manson deals with.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
By Mark Manson
> By being honest and yourself, you may drive some people away, but here's the catch: you wouldn't have been happy with them anyway. Think about it. If being yourself makes someone walk, is that someone you would've been happy with in the first place? I doubt it.
This is exactly what this book is about. Pretty good read IMO.
You’re the man OP!!
Really this is just what a bunch of guys do if they want a girlfriend. There’s actually an entire subreddit called r/seduction that just focuses on talking to and asking out women.
There’s also a very famous book called Models that the subreddit basically draws from too.
This is a HUGE success story whether she liked you or not. You took a moment and put yourself out there which 99% of the men here would never do.
Congrats!
> Do what you think you should do, theres nothing wrong with fucking up sometimes.
OP came here for help because he is clueless as to how he should approach this. And while I agree that he should do what he believes he should do, OP lacks the guidance and a model of how an attractive man acts.
To OP: I want you to read the book Models by Mark Manson. It's an amazing book that will help guide you not only through your trouble with women, but it allows you to learn to love yourself and become genuinely confident with yourself.
There was a time in my life when I would worry about every little thing to say to a girl, how I should impress her and how not to offend her. Reading Models helped me so much and I know that it will help you.
Do yourself a favor and give it a read, it will be one of the biggest steps you ever make in your personal development.
I was kinda socially awkward and new a few years ago myself and am having much better luck nowadays. Most of the highly upvoted posts on here have decent info. If you're lookin for a decent book about being a dude and dating nowadays this book is a good spot to start. I heard about it on here on this subreddit and it has a lot of useful information.
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1497457215&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Mark+manson+models
Haha "pithy", never heard that before. I think it's positive. I got this little nugget of wisdom from this fabulous book:
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
Just practice. Nothing seemed to work when I was in college but now I’m in my 30s and it’s easy. I do better with girls in their early 20s than when I was their age.
Also, I’ve read a lot of the books, and this one is by far the best (and most enjoyable to live by): Models: Attract Women Through Honesty https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_.Hx-Bb60GWZHB
I know this way too good... women love to play with men.
The thing is: you gotta decide if you want to play a little bit along or she can fuck off..
btw.. I'm currently reading this book. Great Author many truth :D
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
the models link is to purchase the book.
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
that's the raw link. Mark Manson has a website: markmanson.net has some good reads on there.
First, I want you to read The Confidence Gap. Some of the things will seem stupid, silly, or cheesy, but please, do it.
Next, I want you to read Models: Attract Women Through Honest. It's a poor title. It's not misogynistic bullshit and it's not a magical "here's how to get hot women."
Then I want you to go out and get shot down on purpose. Seriously. Go out to a bar and the first 10 women you see, use what you learned from reading those two books. Get rejected 10 times.
Congrats! You've now learned that getting rejected doesn't mean anything. Nothing is wrong with you, nothing is wrong with the women, they're just not interested. The end.
Dear Stranger on the internet,
I think the question is a bit flawed, so it will be challenging for anyone to give you a satisfying answer. Is it normal to sleep with escorts? Sure. Is there anything inherently wrong with that? No, I don't think so. As a general rule, if an activity brings you satisfaction and doesn't cause any harm to yourself or others then it will be okay. I'll leave it at that because I think others here have already expressed this general idea better.
What I really hope to do in this post is to pass on some advice, from one internet stranger to another.
That description doesn't do the book justice, but I would strongly recommend you read it. It is fantastic in more ways than I have time or energy to describe.
I wish you luck and happiness in the future!
I'm going to write up a longer response, but first I need to ask you; Have you read "Models", by Mark Manson? https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
You shouldn't kill yourself.
&#x200B;
Read this book.
Here you go:
https://www.amazon.com/All-Rules-Time-tested-Secrets-Capturing/dp/0446618799
The “advice” of four (4) generations of women, in one book, completely unchanged yet still identical and true to this day.
Whatever advice your mother would give you, and whatever advice you would give your daughter ... would basically be some spin off of the advice given in this book.
The first date is a little weird. I've always been taught that the person who pays is the person who made the offer of a date. Generally it's the man, because women have been taught that the less forward they are the more men will love them (I'm sort of joking but not really: https://www.amazon.com/All-Rules-Time-tested-Secrets-Capturing/dp/0446618799 )
After that, it should be more of a back-and-forth sort of thing. I rarely literally split the check while dating, but if one person got the last date, I'd get the next one, or if I picked up the tab for dinner he'd get a couple drinks afterwards. During the first date you can kind of suss out who makes more money, and play by ear accordingly.
If you get married or live together you're probably not going to have a chore chart, or like "you wash this half of the dishes, I'll wash that half." You're a team, don't keep score (overtly), pick up slack for each other, and make it work. Who pays for what, especially during early dating, is like a trial run for that.
The Rules is another resource to consider... Even if only to understand the strategies of other girls.
Ultimately, move to a place that has a high ratio of men to women. Whoever is in the minority gets to set the terms for what they want. Women on average appear to want long term commitment.
Source: Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/076118208X/
I don't know how widespread negging is, all I can tell you is that the common explanation that it's a manipulation tactic with the goal of "lowering her self-esteem" doesn't necessarily apply. Personally, I like to tease girls in a fun way that gets both of us laughing, which I think is a pretty normal thing to do... But it probably could be construed as 'negging', even though my goal sure as hell isn't to make her feel bad.
And recently there was this thread, where most guys agreed with OP's mindset. The book by Mark Manson he's referring to is called Models: Attract Women Through Honesty and has become a huge trend recently.
I recommend this book
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
Hey Kid, you're young. Watch out for the bonding that sex does to you. I have a 15 year old boy and I'm gonna get him to read the book MMSL, therationalmale.com and possibly stuff about [Game] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Game-Penetrating-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1398327919&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=neil+strauss). I want him, and you, to be as informed as possible about dealing with the opposite sex. I want him to understand the hormones/chemicals bonding him to his woman during sex. I want this for him and you because IT WAS NOT GIVEN TO ME and, hindsight being what it is, I wish I had been more informed. I've seen both ends of the spectrum - guys who've never had sex, pining over that one girl, and then on the other end, guys "bang" a different "chick" each week and wonder why they feel empty inside. Get informed man. And for the love of GOD do not bring a child into the world until you are good and ready (so about 12-14 years from now). Always always always use a condom and hope she's using something too.
Read The Game I'm sure if you look hard enough you can download it somewhere.
> EDIT: I do not find my skill with a computer as indication of superiority. In fact I believe that it's a personal crutch and my excuse for not having a life. I apologize to those who took it as an insult to non-programmers.
Fuck that. I'm a software developer too, and I'm only a year older than you, but I don't have any problems with girls. The difference between you and I is that I do see my skill with a computer as indication of superiority. In previous generations, the people at the top of society were people who could kill big animals. Now, the people at the top of society are (with the exception of celebrities) smart people. That's us. We're the alpha males of this society as long as we act like it.
If you're like me, you're accustomed to solving your problems with your brain. This is no different: don't listen to the nonsense most people say about "women can't be understood" or "love can't be analyzed". Your brain has never let you down before, so this is no time to stop trusting it.
Pick up some books on pickup art, do some research, and then put what you've learned into practice. I recommend starting with The Game. It isn't the most thorough coverage of pickup, but it will keep you warned about the biggest pitfalls: too much focus on short-term relationships and losing your respect for women (remember: the tricks in this book work on guys too).
Overactive hormones drove me to figure out a lot of pickup ideas through trial and error in public school, but reading books will save you a lot of time.
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
you can read all about it in this book
and i believe they (PUA) had a tv show.
Try reading this. It's not a guide, it's a story of someone's life. Really interesting read. I think it would really be in your interests surrounding your situation.
This book changed my life about 5ish years ago. The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss
-Best wishes
http://www.amazon.com/The-Game-Penetrating-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
Does wonders. Good luck.
Other than that, try to find some geeky girls. Here in the USA you can find them at local Maker groups (electronics hobbyists etc). Not sure where you'd go in Hungary but there have to be some girls there who are on your wavelength.
looks for said suggestions in vain Please feel free to share :-).
Just finished No More Mr. Nice Guy, (about "Nice Guy Syndrome", not becoming a jerk). Currently reading How to Talk to Anybody, and then I think The Game is next on my list.
Quit acting like a wuss-bag.
Purchase a copy of The Game by Neil Strauss
I'm not suggesting this book because it will help you become a pickup artist (it won't), but I highly suggest reading it in order to boost your self-esteem and awareness of how women work. Granted, PUA materials aren't completely accurate, and us men will never really know what makes the female member tick... but its a place to start.
I hope that helps.
What school do you go to that graduates at the beginning of august? You used the word wicked....that's a New England thing typically lol
EDIT: http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1374441041&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=the+game
It's probably outdated. Try this.
/r/seduction
and everytime they mention the game, styles, mystery, the old days they are referring to this book
Read this book to understand his method. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061911690/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8
NMMNG = No More Mr Nice Guys - http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
Models = http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1377661947&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=models+manson
With good looks, confidence, and money, your chances are good. Biggest success rate change for me was learning to be forward--not submissive (/r/TheRedPill, Models, etc).
Online dating is tough. It's swarmed with guys and the girls there are often spoiled by their attention. I still use AM/OKC/CL, but the girls are typically much less attractive than my real life pickups. Still worth a run in most people's opinions. It's a better hobby than TV.
Picking up girls in the real world is the most fun, and if you have any swagger, your best odds.
But honestly, you should get a divorce. Staying married to this woman horribly hinders your options. There are troves of lovely 18-35yo ladies that'd date/marry/procreate with a 50yo man. Your current wife can remain a friend, but "I happen to be legally married" is something you need to tell a woman before you fuck her, and it runs a lot of them off.
Younger women will date an older married man, too. But the relationships are much more likely to be shallow and just be about sex or money. I don't recommend cruising for single girls and lying to them about your married status btw. That ends very badly.
Honestly I would really recommend reading Models by Mark Manson http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1463750358?pc_redir=1408942425&amp;robot_redir=1 (you can find a pdf easy enough).
He practically guides you through bettering yourself.
Your being used for resources and support you poor fucker. Read this book, it will explain everything.
https://www.amazon.ca/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
Your the beta bux.
That baby daddy is the alpha fucks.
Why would she show any appreciation to somone who kisses her ass and bends over backwards to make her life easier. Would a queen express gratitude to a servant? Would a CEO / business owner express gratitude to a front line worker?
The way you treat her and act around her sends HER the message that you are below her and she's acting accordingly.
A woman will never value a man that dosent value himself.
You expecting and NEEDING gratitude from HER, makes you a low value, needy, pathetic excuse for a man. It's also a covert contract, Google it.
Read the rational male, Knoledge is Power and you need some.
The five love languages is a script that drys out vaginas. Stay the fuck away from it.
https://www.amazon.com/Moral-Animal-Science-Evolutionary-Psychology/dp/0679763996
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https://www.amazon.com/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature/dp/0060556579
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https://www.amazon.com/Blank-Slate-Modern-Denial-Nature/dp/0142003344
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https://www.amazon.com/Sperm-Wars-Infidelity-Conflict-Bedroom/dp/1560258489/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1549572306&sr=1-1&keywords=sperm+wars
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https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1549572332&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=sperm+the+rationale+male
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Nah I think you're over simplifying a lot of it. Sure, there's a big part of time spent to getting laid but that's the same over at /r/seduction.
My main reason for delving deeper into TRP was the discussions around masculinity. What is masculinity? What is it to be a man? A lot of boys grow up without a father or a lack of a strong father figure. People like Rollo Tomassi have writen books studying women from a behavioural psychology perspective. I went there looking to understand women with the end goal of
a) getting laid more often
b) understanding women on a carnal level
c) understanding what women genuinely want from a man.
point C is where my interests really lie, because to understand what women really want from a man you need to understand what a man actually is first.
I find a lot of guys these days are feminised and treat women as godlike, when women are just people.
there's a reason why men are committing suicide so much more than women. Why there are so many more women in university than men.
Feminism has poisoned our collective consciousness to make us ashamed of being male.
My success with women hasn't come from treating them like shit, or believing they are worthless but rather because I pulled myself together. I've hit the gym, got a better job, worked on myself and studied what women look for in a man.
I'm also disillusioned by the lack of quality women. In my mind (and I have held this opinion long before I discovered TRP) the more men a woman has slept with, the less she respects herself and the less worth she has to me. I simply don't like it. Of course, I believe people are entitled to do what they wish with their bodies, but don't expect a good man to provide for you when you whored your body out to strangers.
You may still disagree with what I'm saying, and I do agree with you that there are unsavoury aspects of TRP, but I gained a lot of it (especially when I came out of a long term relationship that fell apart because I became a doormat).
Hey man this book will explain why your wife is the way she is. It's perfect for you right now, you need a distraction.
https://www.amazon.ca/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
Your story is not unique at all man, it's been told a thousand times.
Many men have gone through exactually what you are going through.
Read that book.
Good luck.
...and this is why you don't homeschool your kids.
There is so much value in learning how to deal with other kids on an every day basis from 5/6 years old onward. Not to mention the close friends that most people end up making and keeping through those years. IMO the social benefits of public/private schooling match if not outweigh the educational benefits.
That being said, I'm sorry to hear your son is being bullied. Let him take the suspension (who cares? in-school suspension is not a big deal, I had 10 of them my last few weeks of high school). You should buy him a good book to read that day and let him figure out the rest on his own. He'll be fine, but if word get's out that his Mom/Dad are trying to hold his hand through high school, get him out of suspensions, and make bullies stop picking on him, then he might have a real problem.
Your first problem is that you took her to a movie for a date. Movie dates are for prepubescent boys and getting your girlfriend to shut up about not spending time with her.
My recomendations
I personally think that you should appreciate women's beauty, however I feel that catcalling would be unnecessary i didn't see any approach done "right", i actually feel that people, specially men should learn some social dynamics specially towards talking to the opposite sex, and by this i don't mean learn pick up and fuck as many girls as possible and shit like that, but because I feel that its important to be able to connect with women in a way. I feel that a lot of rapes, and sexual frustration, and probably prostitution is because men want an easy way out, and don't want to put in the work to approach women, and now you could even go online dating if you don't like it but i think that men become more aware of how to deal with this certain situation, I am working on myself to be able to approach a girl and give her a genuine compliment and to mean it because I say it and say it because I mean it, not to get attention that just because by catcalling people I 'prove im manly' they come off as needy and shit.
Although I feel that people, specially women, if you learned some pick up or rather some more sociability they see that as ungenuine and even more chumpy, but the counter argument i would say is they are not being genuine either, they use make up and they are manipulating their appearance to look more attractive and in a way is manipulating me to think better of them, I am against some of the principles of pick up but the dating science isn't wrong, but its on the right path. I personally think that, like in my case, if you know you suck with women, and you don't want to be in a path of crappiness and neediness, via using prostitution to get laid or roofing people to get laid or rather rape girls, or vast usage of porn, I would say that its good.
I personally would recommend reading Models by Mark Manson because the book is really fucking awesome and it would make you a better man, and perhaps reading the 'further reading' books from that book help you understand the mating system of humans, and to become a better man. I think the book itself is actually really good because it states more than just to get laid is to find quality women to be fullfillled and be more happier with women, and in a way is actually attacking the dating science in a way by attacking The Mystery Method which all pick up could be summed up by that single book. In a way I would recommend both and take the best from both because neither of them is 'wrong' but niether one of them is 'right'. I do agree with Manson's idea of confidence and working in yourself more than in women and being sexualy fulllfilled doesn't require large amounts of women, while I also agree with Mystery's focus on competence vs. confidence because he says that you can't quantify confidence and rather focus on number of approaches and really statistics because that shows competence and successful competence breeds confidence eventually but in a way Manson's idea is better, because he is coming from a place of abundance of women and general happiness, is like saying being 'good' with women is something you are and not do and your looks, money demographics and ect does matter in the equation, over mystery's idea which is coming from neediness, because he refers as girls having 'high value' and by that you are infering that you aren't enough for her so you have to in a way manipulate yourself into making her thinking you are 'good enough' so that it doesn't matter if you look like a fucking troll no matter what if your 'game' is 'tight' it doesn't matter what even if the girl is married or anything really, she will sleep with you and that isn't the case, because mysetery uses a lot of indirect and 'fool proof' tactics that are more convoluted than just expressing your intent and if it doesn't work out move on asap, I'd say that take the best they both are right, and both concepts are correct but im leaning more the natural no scripts type of things and just being freeforming it.
I'd recommend both people getting those two books and they will change your life or at least make you think better and be more aware of how to flirt better. And perhaps reading Double your Dating by David DeAngelo, this one focuses more on dating girls and setting up and getting exposure to women over, is focused on both competence and confidence, and in a more natural way. I'd say get them, you can torrent them if you are so cheap, but defenitely read up on them and see what comes out of it.
So defenitely get Models by mark manson and Mystery Method because you can get a really clear picture on the subject of picking up women, and Double your Dating by David D just the simple ebook don't dig too much into it.
other books, I heard of them, and read some reviews on amazon and they seem to have really good reviews but I haven't gotten them or read them but they seem legit too.
Bang by roosh V
Day bang by roosh v
The manual by W. Anton
the Natural by richard la ruina
Get inside her by Marni Kinrys
they all seem like good resources to start and move on from there... and work on specific sticking point, but i'd say don't believe everything use them as guidelines and not as rules, and take them with a pinch of salt. the reason for this was because when I read the Mystery Method, it was well argued and every contingency is planned for, that I couldn't really find fault with the method, And so I believed all the "high value" bullshit that i fucking felt that i needed to one up everybody and that isn't the case, i was able to rescue myself from that mindset by Models, and I really thought it was genuine and it doesn't rely on too much bullshit and is more natural there is no one upping bullshit. I am not preching seduction community but i feel men should know what they are doing, specially if they suck like me, and be just more aware of things.
Perhaps i'd also reccomend
Gifts of Imperfection by Breene Brown since this book really digs somewhat on the self acceptance/self worth/self esteem part and what pick up artist would call 'inner game' ...
I'd say pick whatever books you want to BUT STOP reading too much into it, i became too paranoid and wanted to read every book on pick up out there and that is not the case guys, hope i helped.
TLDR--read books, become aware, know better, don't be a creep but don't be chump either, get informed guys know your shit,
Models by Mark Manson.
This book completely turned my life around, and I'm not talking only about sex & dating.
Also, you can go and check /r/seduction out.
J'approuve, Mark Manson qui m'a beaucoup plus ouvert les yeux que 1 an passé sur ces communautés équivalentes.
Get that blue pill shit outta here!
You won't be able to interact with real women in dreams until you have enough experience to understand them as human beings rather than "hot chicks." However, this book gives you all the tools you need to pick up girls.
Don't bother with online dating as a dude, honestly, you'll be grossly disappointed. You'll have much more luck using your confidence and charisma in real life. Christchurch has tens of thousands of eligible women.
Edit: Read Models.
Aziz consulted many professors and conducted focus groups in various parts of the world for Modern Romance. The book is really a bunch of professors' research reworded in a funny way by Aziz Ansari.
If you haven't read it, I recommend reading "The Game." The art of PUAs is pretty amazing, and it helped me gain a lot of courage.
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
Likely downvote bait, but there really is some good information for your situation in /r/seduction. There is also some smarmy pickup bullshit, so use your own judgement.
The information of value simply has to do with self improvement, and emboldening your interactions with women to clearly display your intentions. This is difficult to do, but short of that you often end up as a friend. As that's what you're acting like.
Can't say I care for the title but I really recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358.
It explains very well how simply being your unabashed self, honest and genuine with your interactions, is key to your romantic pursuits.
Read this: https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360
Watch these videos: https://www.youtube.com/user/coachcoreywayne/videos
I have a friend who replies to the boyfriend thing with a playful "come on; you expect me to believe you have a boyfriend". It knocks the chick off balance a bit and clearly piques their interest.
I'm assuming it is something he started doing after reading "The Game" (http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738).
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
So it's not this one?
Some ideas in 4 categories:
Body Language:
Speed Reading:
Evolutionary Psych / Behavior:
PUA / Attraction:
Apparently it's a book on seduction. I'll assume that it is something like r/seduction which is the creepiest place on reddit.
Yes, even creepier than r/clopclop. r/seduction is real
Make sure you arm yourself with Knoledge. You have the right idea, don't get married.
Make sure you read this:
https://www.amazon.ca/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862
If you work on yourself and stay single until about 35, magic happens.
You are so lucky to make the mental association between everyone's unhappiness and marriage. It's such a horrible mistake. It's as retarded as sharing needles with a junkie.
Embrace your masculinity, spin plates.
I never buy girls drinks, I let them buy me drinks. I suggest this http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738 . But of course, pirate it, dont buy it! :P
Read these two books:
Ich sag mal so, das subreddit dazu ist schon arg übertrieben und die user dort, naja. Wer sich mal ohne große Übertreibungen und Idiotie zu dem Thema informieren will, dem seien diese Bücher hier von mir empfohlen: The Rational Male und The Rational Male - Preventive Medicine
I also would suggest reading some of the great books on seduction and game. Also try to be patient and remember you're still young. You have the rest of your 20s and things will click eventually.
I would start with this one: https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
How about using this as a chance to talk about both of your real, honest needs. Do you really think you're going to be able to meet ALL of her physical and emotional needs for the rest of your lives? Monogamy doesn't work.
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358