Best family relationship books according to redditors

It's been happening on an industrial scale in England for over 30 years now.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520941831&sr=8-1&keywords=easy+meat

> Peter McLoughlin spent years believing the Leftist narrative, namely it was 'a racist myth' that organised Muslim groups in Britain and the Netherlands ('grooming gangs') were luring white schoolgirls into a life of prostitution. But in 2009 he first encountered people who said their children had been groomed like this. These informants had non-white people in their immediate and extended family, and were thus unlikely to be racists. So McLoughlin dug deeper and what he found shocked him: there were mounds of evidence that social workers, police officers, Muslim organisations, journalists and even some Members of Parliament must have known about these grooming gangs for decades, and they had turned a blind-eye to these crimes. He also came across references to incidents where any proof had since vanished.

> Part of me thinks that because they had decided not to continue with treatments and to stop the adoption process that they were actually happy without kids.

Yep. This changes the whole tenor of them saying, "You not being able to sleep is payback for all the years you kept us up." People often have kids because it is expected. By the time they had your husband, they'd spent two decades doing their own thing so it stands to reason that they probably resented the change in their lives no matter how much they said they wanted a kid.

In the amazing book, I'm Okay, You're a Brat: Setting the Priorities Straight and Freeing You From the Guilt and Mad Myths of Parenthood she addresses people who say that kids acting up or making you lose sleep is payback. The author talks about how her friends all told her how wonderful it was being a parent so she and her husband finally decided to take the plunge. A while after her kid was born she asked those same friends why they didn't talk about how awful parts of parenting are and her friends laughed and actually told her they wanted her to be as miserable as they are. This is only tangentially related but I think a lot of JustNOMILs feel this way. How fucked up is it that they think their grandkids are payback for their own decision to have kids?! It's so bizarre.

Here's just a few reasons as to why it bothers me.

>http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/number-of-muslims-in-prison-doubles-in-decade-to-12000-9222237.html

>https://www.amazon.co.uk/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068

>https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/apr/11/british-muslims-strong-sense-of-belonging-poll-homosexuality-sharia-law

Why doesn't this bother you?

Still waiting for that benefit. There are plenty of non-Muslims in the world that could fill those roles you speak of.

Peter McLoughlin the author of Easy Meat seems to keep a sort of record. He was pretty much banned from all social media years ago for speaking about this.

Edit; He’s also on Gab which seems to be down just now for some reason.

She is emotionally abusing her kids, your SO and you.

1/ Get a solicitor/lawyer now!

2/ Document EVERYTHING

3/ ONLY the BD should communicate with the BM

4/ All communication should be written - it’s evidence

5/ Send an email explaining the terms that were informally agreed and ask for it to be maintained

6/ Send an email stating that you ONLY want to hear about issues relating to the children, any other emails/texts/phone calls will be seen as harassment

7/ if the harassment continues, call the police. Communication about children is fine, comments and berating you/SO is not

8/ If she calls, voicemail it, no message, no response. The rules I use are email for all normal (not urgent comma), texts for important things that need a response quickly, phone call for absolute emergencies. Give examples in an email to her. Always respond to texts, if the voicemail isn’t urgent then respond with an email

9/ Set boundaries with her, you control the boundaries. She will learn them

10/ Read this book:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B014W0587S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_kR4CDbGZ9H4K9_nodl

11/ In ALL communication, keep it business like and do NOT stoop to her level, regardless of what she’s saying

12/ If she’s not civil - no response

This approach is slowly working for me. I’ve been through exactly the same thing. It’s got so bad that I’ve filed for residence of my children due to her emotional abuse of the children.

On top of advice already given here, grab a copy of Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak. I know parents in a situation similar to yours and they told me this book was really helpful.

Buy and read this book ASAP. It saved my custody case when I went through nearly everything that you described!! Here’s the description:

>> Your ex-spouse is bad mouthing you to your children, constantly portraying you in a negative light, perhaps even trying to turn them against you. If you handle the situation ineffectively, your relationship with your children could suffer. You could lose their respect, lose their affections-even, in extreme cases, lose all contact with them. The conventional advice is to do nothing, that fighting fire with fire will only result in greater injury to the children. But after years of consulting parents who heeded such advice with no success, Dr. Richard Warshak is convinced that this approach is wrong. It doesn't work, and parents are left feeling helpless and hopeless. DIVORCE POISON instead offers a blueprint for effective response. In it, you will learn how to distinguish different types of criticism, how and why parents manipulate their children, how to detect these maneuvers, and how these practices damage children. Most importantly, you'll discover powerful strategies to preserve and rebuild loving relationships with your children.
>>
>>DIVORCE POISON is a time-tested work that gives parents powerful strategies to preserve and rebuild loving relationships with their children-and provides practical advice from legal and mental-health professionals to help their clients and safeguard the welfare of children. Whether they are perpetrators of divorce poison, victims of it, or both, parents who heed Dr. Warshak's advice will enable their children to maintain love and respect for their parents-even if their parents no longer love and respect each other.
https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Poison-New-Updated-Bad-mouthing/dp/0061863262

Night catch. Wife just got it for our 5 and 3 year olds.

Night Catch https://www.amazon.com/dp/1934617288/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_5qIuybBQ5F77B

I bought some of these books and had them fill them out. Now I pick a story or two each time we get together and video record them telling the stories. I've learned so many cool things that I never would've about my parents. I used this one and another one that is a little shorter without daily entries. They make them for grandparents too, FYI.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1563834154/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_3?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER

edit: I got this one for my Grandmother since she's in her 80's and her handwriting isn't the best and there's a little less to write. There's a bunch of different types if you look around a bit. :) https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/144130262X/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Seems relevant.

"Toddlers are beautiful, kind, and wonderful to people who are not in primary custody of them. There’s a reason toddlers are at their peak cuteness: it’s because nature knows that toddlerhood is when you are most likely to take your child to a public park and leave them there with a note that says, “I’m a little $hit and they couldn’t take it anymore.”"

In Sarah Hrdy's excellent book Mother Nature she talks about how, in the US, women are treated like second class citizens to the children they carry. A woman who gets an abortion is selfish, a woman who refuses cancer treatment to give birth is a heroine. She discusses how 'maternal instincts' are not as natural as many people believe and that it is quite normal and natural for a woman to place her own health first before that of any potential offspring. I've seen several of my friends, determined to have natural births, break down when that birth becomes impossible. I'll never forget arriving at the hospital bedside of one of my friends who went into labor at 34 weeks after she was induced due to complications. She was crying because she'd taken the epidural and she felt like a failure because of it. I reminded her that we are bipedal with big heads, and that childbirth is painful and dangerous to us. If a mother and her doctor decide she needs an epidural or a c-section that's what she needs and no one should judge her for it.

Throughout this pregnancy, I have done a lot to put my boys' health before my own as is my choice. However, I'm not carrying to or past 40 weeks, and I'm getting a c-section if I feel that is the best option for me and my boys. If I need an epidural, then I need an epidural. Unless someone is willing to carry, give birth, and nurse my babies for me, they have no fucking right to judge me on my choices.

I feel you. My daughter is about to be 5 months and it's very hard to get anything done. Of course I want her to get lots of love and attention, but I also want her to be able to handle me putting her down to take a dump or shower. Likewise, I started to feel like she wasn't spending enough time awake on her stomach and back figuring out to how to do things like roll over or sit up herself since she wants to sit or stand on us (with help), be on our lap, or be in carrier. From a gross motor skills/milestone standpoint this also seemed less then ideal.

I agree building the ability to play independently for short periods (at least) is something I want to foster in my baby. Just this week I read Elevating Child Care by Janet Lansbury (she also has a blog) who writes about RIE parenting a model in which you treat babies with respect and like they can understand. You also strive to build their confidence and competence and their ability to spend time confidently exploring themselves. While I don't agree with everything in her book (you never do) I liked a lot of it, it's a very fast read, and I think it could be a great perspective for you and your wife.

She specifically talks about setting some healthy boundaries even with your baby like Mommy needs to brush her teeth. Now, your baby's feelings are genuine - she's crying because she is upset and wants to be held. However, Lansbury would say it's okay for your baby to experience being upset sometimes if you are respectful, understanding, and all of their needs are met. You would say to "[baby name], I am going to go brush my teeth. I will be back in two minutes." If they cry, you might say "I know you don't want me to leave," or "You want to be held right now" or some sort of acknowledgement and name the feeling if you know it. But still, brush your teeth. Then when you are done hug and comfort baby. "You are so upset I left you to brush my teeth." The idea is that feelings are not wrong (don't "no" crying) but that even as a baby it's all right if they don't always get their way.

There's also good info on developing independent play time to help your wife get some stuff done.

Not a bioparent, but my ex-husband is a narcissist. If you let them continue to engage you emotionally, you'll find yourself exhausted. When ending a relationship with one, the rule is no contact - because the number one thing a narcissist needs is attention. If they can't get your positive energy (adoration or praise), then they'll do anything possible to get attention through negative emotions (frustration and anger).

You can go no contact, and it will save you a lot of grief. BD can't, as he has shared custody.

However, he can control how he interacts with BM. Insist on only discussing the matter at hand - custody, child support, etc. Refuse to become emotional in any way. Limit interaction to texts and emails vs. phone calls and face to face conversations.

I suggest the book "Say Goodbye to Crazy." It's an amusing read and has some good advice on how to deal with high conflict people.

Sounds like an overtly criminal case. I am sincerely sorry for you, and don't quite understand how your SO can possibly be in denial while witnessing something like what you just described. In my case, I had a child with my ex, who also showcases advanced criminal inclinations (referring to my ex, here, not to my little one. These leanings were not immediately obvious. Initially he, too, "appeared normal and healthy"). As the truth about who he was emerged, I resolved to cut him off completely, along with all of his tribe. It was a process, and some people judge me for what I did. But I believe that with certain profiles complete eradication is the only way to go. As we both agree, every case is different.

PS: If you didn't, read this:

https://www.amazon.com/Say-Goodbye-Crazy-Restore-Sanity-ebook/dp/B014W0587S

It deals specifically with new SO of BPD exes SO, i.e. people like you, who became targets by proxy.

First off, good for you for trying to overcome your own childhood trauma (and yes, emotional neglect is a trauma) and do things right for your family. I am on the same path.

This might sound really silly, but are you familiar with the kids tv show Daniel Tiger? It's a cartoon based off the old Mister Rogers show. The relationships and scenarios are a little more tidy than what you'd see in real life, but I honestly have improved my parenting by using the helpful tips and emulating the adult figures in that show.

There are several books I can think of that have helped me. I would suggest reading more than just parenting books... it's important to heal YOU. (I don't know the details of your childhood or any of the issues that affect you now, besides what you've mentioned, so some of these may not be applicable to your situation.)


http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Our-Children-Ourselves-relationships/dp/1887542329/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023157&sr=1-1&keywords=raising+our+children+raising+ourselves


http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023193&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=coependent+no+more


http://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023212&sr=1-1&keywords=complex+ptsd+from+surviving+to+thriving+by+pete+walker


http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023231&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+talk+so+kids+will+listen+%26+listen+so+kids+will+talk


http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Children-Control-Their/dp/0310243157/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023293&sr=1-1&keywords=boundaries+with+kids

that last one is a little heavy with the religious quotes, HOWEVER, even I as an atheist found the book excellent and applicable, and the message very very different from most Christian parenting books. So if you're religious, great, if not, this is still an extremely helpful book. They have an original version written for adults too, which I have not read.


edit: I see you've already posted at the sub I suggested.

This book is also a great way for new partners to deal with the HC narcissistic ex-wife/girlfriend.

Definitely sounds like it's time for you to disengage. You shouldn't be parenting your stepkids more than your partner is willing to, and you definitely shouldn't measure your self-worth by how your stepkids treat you. It's actually pretty normal for stepkids to keep their stepparents at a distance, especially at first. And yes, even at 2 years in, you are still in the earliest stages of blending your family, which takes on average 5 to 7 years.

If you're concerned that parental alienation is happening, as others have suggested in this thread, I highly recommend reading Divorce Poison. Gives some good suggestions for recognizing PAS and counteracting it as best you can when the kids are with you. Good luck! We dealt with that shit for years and it definitely was not easy. <3

Tommy and his popularity came from Grooming gangs, he began speaking about them in 2006/07, but was obviously denounced as a racist and a liar because he targetted a specific ethnic community, and, of course, being the leader of those plonkers.

By the time these gangs were proven to be true, people began seeing Tommy in a different light, hell, he even co-wrote a book on it called Easy Meat.

His appeal from terrorist didn't really take hold, his main support was from grooming gang families and now mostly poor communities.

He did not make up the problem, the problem is very real. He was convicted of fraud in an earlier crime, He lied about other things, but the grooming gangs were not one of them.

3 out of 4 SIDS cases are actually the mother deliberately smothering the infant.

Maternal infanticide has been observed in both humans and primates, across cultures and classes.

Where gender is concerned, at risk of being smothered are boys born to low-status women, and girls born to high-status women.

A blog on this topic by Brad.

Elevating Childcare is what I started with.

She also has a blog/website with lots of great resources.

IMO these kinds of articles are just looking for crazies they can use to talk about what they wanted to talk about in the first place.

This book came out over two months ago, has a whopping 8 reviews on Amazon, and I'm pretty sure only two of them actually bought it. The author is literally a nobody that no one takes seriously. It's like taking things a crazy homeless guy says on the street and writing an article about it to discredit their ideas.

It must be this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Full-Surrogacy-Now-Feminism-Against/dp/1786637294/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Sophie+Lewis&qid=1558220734&s=gateway&sr=8-1

​

Please read the editorial reviews.

Why is she not focusing on suppressive systems in, for example, Saudi Arabia where she can truly help women? Or in North Africa where genital mutilation is still common practice (women against women)?

She needs to get out of her comfort zone and into the real world (on a bus with the editorial reviewers).

I got my husband the book “We're Pregnant! The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook” because it’s supposed to be less condescending than some of the other options. He’s started it, seems like he’s liking it and learning a lot!

Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BQGHPTL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_qiTOBbFHSBWK6

Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!

Here are your smile-ified links:

https://smile.amazon.com/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068

---

Never forget to smile again | ^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly bot

Here are two, one for pregnancy and one for the first year.

https://www.amazon.com/Expectant-Father-Ultimate-Dads-Be/dp/0789212137/

https://www.amazon.com/New-Father-Dads-Guide-First/dp/0789211777

You being in the middle is going to be hard on your mental health. Just remember that YOUR feelings matter and do what you need to do to alleviate your stress.

Try reading this book w/ DH. Something has to change before it's too late.

Ahh OK. Well good luck. This book might help Divorce-Poison-New-Updated-Bad-mouthing

I'm not one for peddling Self Help Books - but "Say Goodbye To Crazy" is a good starting place.

https://www.amazon.com/Say-Goodbye-Crazy-Restore-Sanity-ebook/dp/B014W0587S

closer to 30 years. Sikhs were making documentaries about this stuff in the 80s since the rapey newcomers (read: Pakistanis) moved into their neighborhoods when they first started migrating into Britain.

http://libgen.io/book/index.php?md5=921D3F2BFB16DE275BF2F8409EA07575

https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467250775&sr=8-1&keywords=easy+meat

I second the baby bargains book. I carried mine around and used it to register, at consignment stores, and when I picking up those last few things. Totally worth the purchase price!

Here's a book I like >>>> "Nothing to do with Islam"

Some lesser known books about the Islamification of Europe that I recommend:

East Meat

Enemy of the state

Dark Albion: Requiem for Britain

Fistfights with Muslims in Europe (better than the title suggests. Basically a travelogue of an American in Europe whom is coming to terms with a continent undergoing profound change)

Sweden in a time of Immigration: How the Sweden Democrats turned the elite into a frenzy

Get yourself this book - https://www.amazon.com/Commando-Dad-Basic-Training-Elite/dp/1849532613

It's a book aimed at dads, but honestly I found it more helpful than a lot of mum books. My partner LOVED it and recommends it to everyone. It's basically written like an army training manual for newborns, and it has lots of common-sense advice, lists of equipment you need, and step by step points for dealing with daily things like changing, feeding, sleeping etc.

Also - start saving as much money as you can NOW. Look for second hand items (except for a car seat - safety is key and you don't know the history of a secondhand piece of safety equipment). The baby doesn't need much for its first few weeks - somewhere to sleep (like a Moses basket), a few onesies, some blankets and burp cloths, nappies, wipes, and bottles etc if you're pumping/using formula. A stroller and a carrier will come in handy too. That's pretty much it.

Best of luck to you both!

Based on title alone:

http://www.amazon.com/Toddlers-Are-holes-Your-Fault/dp/0990592898/

Yep. Any time I got back home from spending the night at a friend's house or simply went away from nfather to hang out with a friend, and I came back cranky, it was all my evil friend's fault that I was "acting like such a little bitch!" It couldn't be that I was tired from riding my bike with my friend, staying up all night, swimming, or doing any other activity that would cause me to be tired and cranky.

Right before I got married, my nfather told me he had a dream that Mr. Starry kicked me out of the house because (in the dream), I was an alcoholic. Something about this just didn't sit right with me. Why would you tell me this? Especially right before I'm getting married. I called him a few days later and expressed my discomfort, telling him that it took a few days to process things in my mind about how it didn't feel right for him to tell me about that dream. I told him I felt like he wanted Mr. Starry to dump me so I would have to come back home and live with him. He told me "Sounds like your mother has divorce poisoned you against me!" Nfather just loved to accuse my mother of divorce poisoning me against him, when he was the one who brainwashed my younger sister and I against her when he got a bogus order of protection against my mother in order to get her kicked out of her own house so he could move his girlfriend and her kids in. In other words, nfather alienated us from my mother, and not the other way around. Ns love to project, and for a while there, I truly believed that my friends were bad people simply because nfather said they were. It took me a long time to learn to truly think for myself without nfather's influence.

https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068

My ex was abusive, so I understand. The lies can do a lot of damage. The problem is, as many as you recognize as such, there are lies you haven't recognized yet. I am nearly four years out and just today realized another lie she told me! The term is "gaslighting" if you want to look it up.

Beware the quiet. He is probably winding up for something - either a big attack or a big push to get you back.

My children were young adults when I told them, so they had some maturity. I stayed for them until they were grown. It's a decision I'm still conflicted about, but I think now it was on balance wrong. I did protect them in most of the ways I had hoped, but left them open to things I was ignorant of. The family was dysfunctional so there's that too. There's no getting around that with an abuser.

Co-parenting is difficult with these types. I haven't read it, but my support group recommends Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshak.

Glad you are already feeling better! It's an unusual time. For me, I went through some of the most difficult times ever, but was also happier than I'd been in my life. Quite a roller coaster!

http://www.amazon.com/Okay-Youre-Brat-Priorities-Parenthood/dp/1580632025

By a parent, describes what it's like to be a parent with a lot of honesty.

The Myth of Motherhood by Susan Maushart. Mother of 4, wrote the book about a sociologist's view of motherhood from the inside.

She had very good day. She proved herself she still has control over her lousy beta ex. This is a "crazy" trait. Read this: https://www.amazon.com/Say-Goodbye-Crazy-Restore-Sanity-ebook/dp/B014W0587S

He had a bad day. His day was so bad, he came over whining on the internet. And, I made his day even worse (unless this fucking piece of weaksauce shit won't bother to read the comments).

Fantastic gift. Here’s a book to go with your new aesthetic

Here you go:

The NUMBER ONE thing that helped my BPD tendencies was meditation, which I did as part of getting sober. It allowed me to find a pause between the emotion and my reaction. I still FEEL the same shit I used to - but I do not feel controlled by it any longer.

My favorite meditation teacher is Tara Brach. She posts all of her meditations online and on her podcast. Her book 'Radical Acceptance' was a life changer for me.

I also use a lot of binaural beats meditations (you can find these on Spotify or YouTube, I use the Profound Meditation Program by iAwake Technologies).

I have immensely enjoyed Sam Harris' book Waking Up which is about developing a spiritual practice without religion. He has an excellent podcast but it is expressly NOT about mental health, I just think he has a lot of great perspective to share.

Susan Elliot - Getting Past Your Breakup - this book looks like a cheesy self help book but it was awesome. Really really wonderful exercises. I also got her workbook.

Susan Anderson - Journey from Abandonment to Healing - this book was the first one I read, it was very helpful in understanding the science of what is happening in rejection and abandonment. This was useful because it allowed me to see my reactions were very, very normal.

Vicki Stark - Runaway Husbands - very specific book about men who walk out without warning. This helped me identify warning signs and feel less alone.

Lessons From The End of a Marriage - this blog is from Lisa Arends. Her story is hard to read. But this is the best divorce blog I've ever read! Such wonderful advice here.

Glennon Doyle Melton - First the Pain, then The Rising - I watched this every single day for a month. For a while, it was the only fucking thing that got me out of bed.

Overcomer podcast - hosted by a woman I met in one of the support groups, just lots of great insight on abandonment recovery.

Attached - great book on attachment theory

DBT Workbook - this is a GREAT resource on how to build distress tolerance and skills to face a lot of BPD type issues. DBT was a therapy style designed for BPD.

Edit to add: Forgot the best one!

Pema Chodron - When Things Fall Apart - Pema is a buddhist nun and I absolutely love her. She became buddhist when her husband left her. This book is incredible. So much wisdom! I always carry my Pocket Pema with me, literally Pema is THE BEST! She also has a lot of recorded talks that I find so calming to listen to.

I am not good at articulating myself, so I will suggest a book for you. Mother Nature: Maternal Instincts and How They Shape the Human Species by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy. It is not just about abortion, but motherhood from a sociological perspective. It's the book that really helped me nail down my feelings about abortion, because although I am not religious, I love babies and once felt the same way that you did.

My boss gave me this book after I told him I was pregnant. Baby Bargains
It helped narrow down some stuff and gave reassurance of what to look for with others. In general, I haven’t registered for much cute stuff- clothes, toys, books- because that’s what people like to buy whether it’s on a registry or not. I tried to go more for practical stuff so people would know what we actually need. We aren’t having a shower though, so it might be different if you are expecting tons of people to buy you stuff.

This is one of the absolute best parenting books out there. Most of them are complete garbage. Be warned of that.

https://www.amazon.com/Elevating-Child-Care-Respectful-Parenting/dp/1499103670/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=1N4N3K0R7NG5THTXS8Q8

I'm a fan of Man Vs. Child for the humorous book. Expectant Father and We're Pregnant are good for actual information. We're pregnant is great because it goes week by week in bite-sized chunks, great for people who don't consider themselves "readers."

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Here's one:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0986472107/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

This one really helped me through the worst parts of my divorce:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship/dp/0425172287/ref=pd_sim_b_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=0MKZHBKAZ2SHWF4EYWX6

She should really file those divorce papers, if anything, just for herself to move on, she can always stop the proceedings should he become mentally stable again. She cannot help him if he doesn't want to help himself, and of all things, she needs to help herself step out of this nightmare. Good luck to your sis.

You're wonderful. I'm a single mom and it's tough, I wish you all the luck. Some books I've found- based in the age of her kids.

Honest toddler:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Honest-Toddler-Childs-Parenting/dp/1476734771

Toddlers are A**holes:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0990592898/ref=pd_aw_fbt_b_img_2?refRID=143CABN3JSCS68Q317QX

Single mothers survival guide:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Single-Mothers-Survival-Guide/dp/1580910637

One more:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0595397522/ref=pd_aw_sbs_2?pi=SL500_SY115&simLd=1

Is this going to be anonymous? If not, ask to borrow her car one day. Say yours is in the shop. Fill it up with gas, wash it, change the oil, whatever you can afford to do.

If she has things on layaway, go pay them off.

These are mostly all monetary things, I know, but it sounds like she may be struggling a bit on that end.

Nominate her or put her name in for draws, raffles, anything. I know the radio stations here sometimes have a week where you can nominate someone awesome for whatever. This could be a good way to do things anonymously.

If you are close to the friend, you can do little things through her. Get her a gift certificate for something, have the friend say she won it and won't use it.

Good luck!!

sure, it's good to have a discussion about it without pointing fingers. I'm always happy to give my perspective from the actual experience of a crisis pregnancy. and back in the day I was a staunch pro-lifer myself.

i regret that.

i even carried protest signs. this was in college, maybe a year after i had placed my son for adoption. i guess the idea i had was: if i had chosen life, why couldn't every other woman? It took me a long time realize that it's a far more nuanced topic. Not every woman has the support structure that I had. Not every woman was born into a relative position of comfort and privilege. In the end, it needs to be allowed to be a very individual choice because each woman is a unique individual facing unique challenges at that particular moment of time in her life. But that was a very gradual shift for me, despite the fact that i had had my own experience of crisis and trauma. It should have opened my eyes sooner. It's not to my credit that I took as long as I did to gain better perspective and process it the way I came to but I had to find a historical perspective too (as I outlined above. I was going to note, if you have not read Mother Nature by Sarah Hrdy, it would be well worth your time.)

you might find the link that I linked about in one of the other comments helpful as well. it's kind of a history of the pro-life movement. I can remember when this whole "issue" started generating controversy so for me, i can see how it could be seen that this has been cultivated to be a highly-charged emotional issue generated for use by further control by the church. there is literally no stone of human sexuality and suffering that the church will not be willing to use to "bring people to god" (read: generate/keep adherents). but that's my little rant on the subject ;) i don't mean to detract from a thoughtful dialog at all!

edit: all kinds of crazy grammar stuff

I highly recommend getting the book Runaway Husbands. It really helped me through this past year. Also, you may think there's not an affair, but unfortunately there probably is.

I know exactly how you feel, especially how a person could go from being the person you've always known, saying loving things, treating you with kindness and love, talking about the future, making plans--and then literally the next day is a cold stranger who has no qualms about hurting you.

I'm a little over a year out from mine. The first bit of time is so, so dark and painful. It feels like you will never stop crying or stop hurting. But you will. The pain is like waves. You just hang on tight and survive right now. And over time, the waves come with less frequency and overall less intensity.

The best thing that you can do right now is focus on yourself and your son. Force yourself to eat, even though you have absolutely no desire to. Put an alarm on your phone for meal times and then choke something down, even if it's just a container of yogurt and some berries. Do things that make you feel good. It is impossible to imagine feeling good right now, but find those few things that can bring even the thought of a smile to your face, no matter how momentarily.

I kept a gratitude journal (still do) in which I made myself write three things I was thankful for every single day. Even if it was something small (like using my coffee mug or a snuggle with my cat). It helped so immensely to focus on the small positives as my world was being torn apart.

It feels like you won't, but you will survive this. You will. And it won't always hurt this bad. I promise.

The actual source, maybe.
https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068

Edit, this is the source

You're welcome! I cannot recommend therapy enough. I never thought I needed therapy because it was ingrained in me from early age that "we know it all and therapists are a waste of time and money." My decision to seek therapy has lead me to entirely new world view that I never thought was possible. It's what allowed me to write my response to your post. If I had tried to respond to your post a year ago, I would have written something vastly different.

Last night I was thinking about what I wrote and had another thought I wanted to share. All of the advice I gave you won't really come into play until your baby is a toddler and starts pushing the boundaries, trying to find his/her independence. The first year of parenting is really learning how take care of a helpless infant and watching them grow and change. You won't need to apply any parenting techniques until your baby is walking/talking. So if you want to try therapy (which I think you should), you have time. I wouldn't suggest you do it right after baby is born but maybe a year from now.

For me, therapy taught me how to detach from my parents and my emotions so that I can use my logical brain to process information and respond. I used to be so quick to anger over little things but I've come to realize that was an emotional response, which I learned from my Ndad. Up until therapy, every decision I've ever made in my life was driven primarily by emotion and a little logic. Now I've flipped that on it's head - every decision I made is made primarily by logic and very little, if any emotion. This has allowed me to work on my social skills, which are completely lacking because like you, my Ndad used to yell, scream, and sometimes physically assault me if I crossed him for something he felt I did wrong (which most of the time was just me being a normal kid). I learned from him that when things don't go my way, I need to respond with such ferocity that no one would ever dare to do me any wrong. My therapist calls this the "easy way" parenting style. It's easy to beat your kid when they do something you don't approve of. It's much harder to get down to their level and explain why what they did was wrong and teach them the correct way to do it. My Ndad never did that for me. Your Nmom never did that for you. But I won't allow that to be done to my children, and now, neither will you :)

Becoming a parent is scary and hard for anyone. But for people like you and I, becoming a parent brings up a whole world of emotion and pain because of what we've lived through. If you don't want to be the mom you had, start by learning to heal yourself. However that looks for you, either through therapy, or reading books on narcissism, or just reading through this subreddit. If you start there you will change the course of your life and the life of your soon to be born baby. And the rest of parenting? We're all really winging it anyway. Kids change so much over their lives that you never really know what you're doing until you're in the situation and you're figuring it out on the fly. Fix yourself and you'll do great.

One last thing. I suggest you buy this book for your husband. Don't tell him you're buying it because he probably won't want you to. Just get it for him. That's what my wife did for me and it was the absolute best thing she could have done. I learned so much about becoming a dad from this book. I recommend it for all new dads. Good luck!

There's a really good post that should show up with some searching regarding oak moves during pregnancy.

I have a ten month old daughter. I avoided dread above above level six and I sparingly used time conditions from level 4. Be the oak, and own it. Research all of the shit that goes into having the responsibility of a child.

http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-furniture-strollers-maternity/dp/1889392499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451186831&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+bargains+book+2016

This is a great book for knowing all of the stuff you need and all of things to say no to. Trust me, my FO wanted all sorts of shit that her hormone induced mind was telling her that she needed.

Sign up for a baby CPR class and take the lead on it.

I made time for the gym. 4 days a week minimum. There is no exception to that rule. Do not waiver on this. Time management is a skill that a successful father will have in spades.

You're not alone. My wife isn't nearly that far along yet but in A Man's Guide to Newborn Babies, /u/lifecharger talks about the importance of trying to keep your wife from those horror stores because they just make her worry and don't actually help with anything.

I know that my wife has already freaked herself out by googling some symptoms. My best remedy was to pull out some trusted books (mainly What to Expect) and look up the symptoms with her to see what it recommended doing. She trusted the book enough to stop searching Dr. Google and do what it recommended. Maybe a similar approach could help to calm her (and you) down.

Good luck!

There's a great book called say goodbye to crazy. You are who they wrote the book for.

https://www.amazon.ca/Say-Goodbye-Crazy-Restore-Sanity-ebook/dp/B014W0587S

Non-mobile: Manifesting Love

^That's ^why ^I'm ^here, ^I ^don't ^judge ^you. ^PM ^/u/xl0 ^if ^I'm ^causing ^any ^trouble. ^WUT?

If it helps at all, I bought my husband this after he read the same guys first book about pregnancy itself. It's a fun easy read and I read chunks of it too. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0789211777?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00

I am due a month before you and haven't started doing this yet, but maybe soon think about stocking up on things you need around the house on a day to day basis so you don't have to run out as much when the baby arrives. Things like toilet paper, detergent, bulk snacks, freezer food, etc.

We are getting this for my parents from Amazon. It's a grandparents memory book. I think it's right up my mom's alley. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/144130262X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481305860&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=memories+for+my+grandchild&dpPl=1&dpID=41Vxsd%2BrWEL&ref=plSrch

I tried to get my ex back using LOA, but ended up not being successful due to the fact that I couldn't let go and I put out a vibe of desperation.

Later on I met a guy I really liked but didn't know how/when/if I'd ever see him again. I ended up reading this material and I manifested him 2 weeks later.

It's called: Manifesting Love by Elizabeth Daniels

I got it on the Kindle App on my iPhone

My coworker who is my unofficial FIRE friend bought me this book, which has been a god send on knowing what I actually need and what I don't need. It breaks it all down to what's the best option for the price and gives options based on organic vs cost vs made in USA vs safety. 10/10 would recommend.

It's aimed directly at dads but I'm sure mums would enjoy it too.
Commando Dad: How to be an elite dad or carer.
Takes you through from birth to 3 years, apparently Prince William used it according to Amazon. I found it a fun read, if you're into SAS style books and that sort of army lingo.There have been loads of offshoots too
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Commando-Dad-Elite-Carer-Birth/dp/1849532613

Parenting offers us the opportunity to put an end to an abuse cycle that's often persisted for several generations. It's not at all easy to change the established patterns but it is possible and well worth pursuing. As a bonus, the process of ending an abuse cycle rewards you for your efforts by healing a lot of old wounds. The book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort delves into this phenomenon. My suggestion for you is to pro-actively work on stocking up a parenting "tool box" of ideas and tactics to help you through difficult scenarios so that when situations arise, the tendency to fall back on what you learned from your mother will be lessened.

Also, be aware that intrusive thoughts of injuring yourself or your child can be an indicator of pre-natal and post-partum depression.

Partly true. Note kanuk876's point about SIDS cases. The book he quotes looks interesting, too.

> many of the patterns of abuse and neglect that we see in cultures around the world (including, of course, our own) are neither unpredictable nor maladaptive in evolutionary terms. "Mother" Nature, as she points out, is not particularly concerned with what we call "morality."

See also this oft-linked essay by Brad Hicks

I don't have any great advice or wisdom, but I would definitely suggest getting creative with ways to stay in touch. Send him mail, postcards, drawings that you start and he finishes, stories about a made-up place you invent together, even a small toy or cut-out you can send back and forth to take photos with (a la Flat Stanley). You can watch movies together (think Netlfix lets you do this?), maybe even find a simple multiplayer game online. Make sure he has a good printed picture of you two together, and show him that you have a copy of it too (framed, or in your wallet, or wherever). You might check out the book The Invisible String for a cool way to imagine being connected even when you're far away from each other. Night Catch is another good one, written for military families but could definitely apply here too. Best of luck - your son is lucky to have a Dad who cares so much!

Hi, love! I encourage you to read this book;

https://www.amazon.com/Runaway-Husbands-Abandoned-Recovery-Renewal/dp/0986472107/ref=nodl_

What you’ve experienced is unfortunately much more common than people discuss. There is also a Facebook community for abandoned wives based on the book that might be helpful to you!

I just saw this book being advertised and talked about, elsewhere:

https://www.amazon.com/Full-Surrogacy-Now-Feminism-Against/dp/1786637294/

If you don't want to review it (and I can't blame others for that) there's always the comments section on the RPW Liberation site, for a place males can vent about what an utterly disgusting bunch of worthless pigs feminists are ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRVJnRwmOYE

Found this great book because of the /r/IAmA thing by Adam Mansbach.

Tempted to order a case of them for all the new and expecting parents at work, but not sure if it's totally appropriate. (There must've been a LOT of bonking going on 5-15 months ago, so many folks I know and work with are having babies)

I'm more of the treat your child like a person camp, so I am loving anything by Janet Lansbury. I'm in the middle of this book and I love it.

I was told this book would solve all those issues for me. I ordered it yesterday. We'll see...

GTFO
If you aren't married and have no kids; cut ALL communication That includes changing your phone number, blocking her on ALL social media, and filtering her emails to be deleted. If she changes her email or social media names and attempts contact DO NOT READ or INTERACT with her in ANY way. If you have mutual friends be VERY careful in giving your number to them (I suggest not even doing it.) You may be surprised to discover that mutual friends have seen the BPD abuse and will be very understanding.
I was married and had a child with my BPD ex of 15 years. I am now almost 2 years out and my life is 1000x better but I still have issues to this day mainly due to the fact of having a child with her. It took over a year for her to get the message after I left.

This book is a MUST for you to read as it saved my life/sanity. (Have a friend buy it if she has access to your email or Amazon account)
Say Goodbye to Crazy: How to Get Rid of His Crazy Ex and Restore Sanity to Your Life
by Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, Paul Elam
https://www.amazon.com/Say-Goodbye-Crazy-Restore-Sanity-ebook/dp/B014W0587S

This is a YouTube series done by the writers of the book...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2KyHtFso0E&list=PLGL4PxshBNxBnIihTluJrJgvhbTQWAOAk

Also, you need watch Terrance Popp, he touches on a lot of things regarding women in a humorous but serious way. Go and look through all of his videos for the ones that pertain to your situation.
https://www.youtube.com/user/redonkulaspopp/videos

If you have a child with here... I can not begin to explain the torture and heartache you will go through... but based on what your original post says you don't seem to have one KEEP IT THAT WAY and GET OUT!!!!
Added comments...
In the end it is up to you to get out she will NOT let you go until she has another to replace you and then will attempt to get you back when that fails (rinse and repeat). Believe it or not you are addicted to "CRAZY" (BPD woman) and only YOU can kick that addiction.

No you don't have to stick to the same brand :-)

I have the same car seat (baby is not born yet so I haven't used it yet) and we chose the BabyJogger City Mini GT. (We chose the GT over the regular City Mini because the handlebars are adjustable and I have a tall SO. It's also better for a taller child and given my SO is tall we suspect baby will be too.)

That particular car seat attaches to the City Mini GT with the help of an add-on adapter.

Peg Perego is relatively common (and an excellent brand, great safety, from everything I read) so many strollers you look at should work with it but you will likely buy an adapter.

How do you figure it out? I bought the world's most amazing book which a friend recommended to me: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-furniture-strollers-maternity/dp/1889392499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458395006&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+bargains

In it, they review everything (seriously - strollers, car seats, cribs, mattresses, baby wearing carriers, even humidifiers and white noise machines and things you wouldn't think of bothering to read reviews on!) Each gets scored A-F.

I chose a stroller by first considering only the A+ and A's. I chose the City Mini because basically, every other stroller kept getting compared to it (and being found to be "not quite as good at folding up easily") so I was sold. You can choose what's important to you, like ease of folding up, weight, etc. They will normally also tell which you which car seats will fit that stroller (often with the help of adapters of course.)

I pretty much chose everything using this book. Chose from the A's based on what was important to me.

The other thing I did, specific to car seats and strollers, was have a personal shopping appointment at Buy Buy Baby. (Don't know if you have one nearby.) They talk to you about what kind of car you have, different safety features and considerations, etc. I had a "short list" of car seats and strollers already, thanks to the book. They helped me choose from the shortlist and let me take a "test drive" of them. They also literally took the car seat out to our cars so we could see how they fit. FYI those appointments are free.

I hope that helps!!

Some days almost killed me. Some days I almost, almost tried. But that's what reddit is for. You know in life, when you really need help most of the time you can find it. Either in someone else, or in yourself. You just end up doing what you need to, to get what you want.

Try reading this book, it'll help a lot:

https://www.amazon.com/Manifesting-Love-Attraction-Specific-Relationship-ebook/dp/B00AGKV59Y

Since he's a new grandpa, you could give him a keepsake book like this.

you cant use library genesis in Britain? or, is it just that anything critical of the regime blocked? the books I linked are:

enemy of the state

britaints great immigration disaster

easy meat


Nothing to do with Islam?: Investigating the West's Most Dangerous Blind Spot

Hey look guy, slavery!

https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Meat-Britains-Grooming-Scandal/dp/1943003068

Pathetic traitor.

I could recommend this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Manifesting-Love-Attraction-Specific-Relationship-ebook/dp/B00AGKV59Y

Not exactly what you are looking for but, maybe something like this: https://www.amazon.ca/Memories-My-Grandchild-Keepsake-Grandparents/dp/144130262X/ref=pd_sbs_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=R64SJ7K1276SF9M6YR1C would be good for both of you? She can have some self reflection and you can have a nice keepsake.

My husband loved this. It's well written by an ex soldier now stay at home Dad.

It's funny but not patronising.

Clearly written & gave him so great advice about what to expect & how to support me after birth, through breastfeeding etc

Commando Dad: How to be an Elite Dad or Carer. From Birth to Three Years https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1849532613/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_42vuybAPXQHW3

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. Divorce is never fun.

This is the only reasonably priced book on the subject.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-They-Were-Lifetime/dp/1400082102

I saw a post here saying "a man's guide to newborn babies" would be free in ebook form for 3 or so days on amazon.

Link: https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Guide-Newborn-Babies-Arrives-ebook/dp/B0727MM9XS

Uggg... I'm sorry. I've been there and it's awful. The worst part for me was thinking that my family had been lying to me for a long time. Like in all those great family memories it turns out I was the only one having a good time and my parents were just pretending. (FWIW, that messed me up for a long time by making me want to keep my guard up with my own romantic partners.)

In terms of advice, though, there are two books I know of:
A Grief Out of Season and The Way They Were

I can recommend A Grief Out of Season - I bought it and it helped. The Way They Were wasn't out yet when I was going through my shit.

Toddlers Are Assholes: It's Not Your Fault

I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist, so I can't comment as to whether medication would benefit you - but you don't think it will, so that's a strong indication that it's not a good approach at this time.

However, I do think you should seek grief counseling in order to learn to engage and heal the emotional trauma. The root event (or set of events) described in your OP is your parents' divorce. That is a serious loss event in your life, and every indication from your OP and responses indicates, to me - again, not a professional counselor - that you've got significant grief to work through as a consequence of that loss. I strongly suspect that the career issues and seduction event would have played less strongly in your mind were your emotional well-being intact when those things happened.

Grief counseling might be found in group meetings or with a licensed mental health professional. Look for folks/groups who specialize in dealing with the aftermath of parental divorce.

Here are some books that may be helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-They-Were-Lifetime/dp/1400082102

http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Out-Season-Parents-Divorce/dp/0316363510/

A grief counselor would have better recommendations - my recommendation is you find grief counseling.

By the way, if you like this book, I have another book out for new dads on taking care of newborn babies, here. Unfortunately I am unable to do giveaways for this one anymore, but it is reasonably priced and other dads have found it useful.

I loved having the audiobook version of this. Narration was great and you still get a PDF w/ the Audible version that has various lists (what to pack in your hospital bag, for example) that you can print out.

My baby girl is due anytime this month, and I wish that his follow-up books had audio versions too.

That's exactly what I thought (although I did make her an email for people to write to and when she's older I'll give her the passcode. I guess I figure I'll print them out if I hear Gmail is going under? Lol) I bought these for my mom and MIL too. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/144130262X/ref=pd_aw_sim_14_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=MJEX0T1XTQJS9MCZP8F7

This is actually pretty common -- it's called Adult Children of Divorce (ACOD). Couples will wait to divorce until their kids are grown so that their children can grow up with two parents. They've probably been unhappy for years and decided to break it off once everyone was out of the house.

> I know it is less serious than having your parent split at an earlier age, so don't patronize me.

Sadly, this can do more damage as opposed to a child growing up with split parents. ACODs develop a shattered perception of love and stability, oftentimes introducing unwanted step-families in adulthood, too.

Whatever you do, don't get involved. Sometimes one parent will seek support from his or her children, expecting them to help in the fight. Talk to your siblings, agree on how you plan to visit your parents in the future (holidays and whatnot), and stick to your plan.

Also, seek some therapy and talk it out with your siblings -- this really isn't pretty, and some long-term repercussions could surface later in life when you get married.

Relevant links:

• Adult Children of Divorce
  
• Children Who Are Over 18 When Parents Separate Are Equally Affected
  
• The Way They Were: Dealing With Your Parents' Divorce After a Lifetime of Marraige

Hey man. I was (and still am - 9 weeks to go!) in a similar spot. Everyone is offering good advice, but I would recommend checking out a few books to get your brain thinking about the right things (primarily logistically but also emotionally):

We're Pregnant! The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook - short/easy week-by-week dissection of the pregnancy and what you should be doing to prepare along the way.

Commando Dad: Basic Training: How to Be an Elite Dad or Carer from Birth to Three Years - another short/easy read that reads like a field manual and is actually written by a navy seal. While the first book above is more focused on pregnancy, this book is more focused on what the hell to do after pregnancy.

Eat, Sleep, Poop: A Common Sense Guide to Your Baby's First Year - Although it's written by a pediatrician, it's a very simple read and very practical. Covers less logistics and more focused on health, development, sleeping, eating, etc.

These books will help put you in control of the situation and will help you lead the charge for you and your wife.

I also definitely recommend attending every prenatal appointment with your wife (and lining up a doctor ASAP - first appt should be around Week 6), as well as whatever pregnancy/baby classes your hospital offers.

As far as gear, primary items are bassinet, crib, car seat, stroller, bouncer. But you have plenty of time to figure that stuff out. Check out Lucie's List and of course Amazon for helpful reviews. BuyBuyBaby can also be a good resource - they have in-store registry consultants who will give you an entire tour of the store and provide you with some helpful advice. Both BuyBuyBaby and Amazon have 15% off end-of-registry coupons to help you save toward the end.

Feel free to hit me up with any specific questions :)

I was also thinking of handing her this book sooner to hopefully get her ready for the big talk
http://www.amazon.com/Okay-Youre-Brat-Priorities-Parenthood/dp/1580632025
I doubt it'll sway her opinion, but worth a shot.