Best friendship books according to redditors

We found 1,186 Reddit comments discussing the best friendship books. We ranked the 72 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.

Next page

Top Reddit comments about Friendship:

u/fermi90 · 257 pointsr/explainlikeimfive

Your post history is filled with question submissions to various subreddits, however in the text portion you immediately set up a defensive posturing. Most are phrased, "why does x do z?" Then in the text portion you go on to say, "I just don't see how x is a thing or why z works, it does not make much sense." Rarely does a question need clarified if asked correctly. Simply use the post title and you may get some responses and be grateful that some random internet person has taken the time to indulge you. Take some time and read How to Win Friends and Influence People

u/awkward_realization · 124 pointsr/funny
u/TheBobopedic · 63 pointsr/MensLib

Hey! Congrats on taking action for yourself! Even making a post is doing that!

Try using [this] (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists) tool to browse for therapists near you. put in your zip code, a mile distance, and other issues to start.

While i'm more on the anxiety disorder side of things and less the mood disorder side like yourself, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is generally useful for many basic issues if you use it correctly, just try to stay away from Psychoanalysis if you can.

A book I would definitely reccomend is [Feeling Good] (https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336) by David Burns. It does sound self helpy and gimmicky, but it's not. It introduces you to the basics of CBT, cognitive distortions and evidence collecting excercises that you can do on your own or with help from a therapist.

Just know that MANY more people than you think deal with mental health issues. It's something like [1 in 5 in the U.S] (https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-by-the-numbers). It's my dream that within my lifetime we can see mental health hygiene policies be implemented by institutions and organizations throughout the country with the same depth and totality that toilets and handwashing were in the early 20th century.

Good luck! You aren't alone!

u/bitchimadorable · 60 pointsr/intj

It seems like there's some pretty deep wounds there. If I had to hazard a guess, he was probably pretty emotionally manipulative, am I right? So here's the thing- People who are good at emotional manipulation will leave you feeling COMPLETELY GODDAMN INSANE. They create almost a feeling of addiction in the people they manipulate- it makes no sense and you can hate the shit out of it but it still works. They do this by using intermittent reinforcement with their approval and affection, and our brains pick this up like it's crack. In the absence of being able to predict what actions will bring reward, we almost panic, and end up behaving in ways that don't make sense to even ourselves. People like that can take totally normal, healthy people and make them feel like they're going insane.

Breathe. It's your brain responding the way brains naturally responds to intermittent reinforcement in intensely stressful situations. Your brain has created this link that he will provide approval and affection if you can only get the pattern right, and you're trying to get that dopamine hit from his affection and approval by any means you can think of. You're not broken, you're not fucked up in the head, your brain is doing one of the annoying little things that brains do sometimes and you will be okay without him. I know that's really hard to fathom, but think of it like this: your dopamine rush when you got affection and attention from him was so strong that your brain is almost literally treating him like an addiction. It's not love, your brain has been conditioned by his manipulation into a state of obsession. Intermittent reinforcement is the strongest reinforcement pattern, and lasts long after it feels like it "should" have ceased.

I think it might hit NT types even a little harder than other types, because our Fi is so intense but very difficult to express and explain, and we pride ourselves so strongly on our rationality. We often lock our feelings up because they can be so vicious and blistering, so when we let anyone in and we get that first hit of approval, our brain kind of loses its shit and knocks us sideways and sucks the air out of our lungs. Our brains are so pattern hungry that intermittent reinforcement is almost irresistible- we want to figure out the pattern, we feel like we've almost got it, if only we could put in the last piece.

So, if you're looking for a hint as to what the pattern is, it's control. It's not random. He will give you a breadcrumb as long as he wants to string you along, dropping one every time you start to distance yourself even a little. Learn about the cycle of abuse, especially narcissistic abuse, and you'll find the answer there. From breadcrumbs to freezing out to love bombing, it's a pattern designed to fuck with your brain and make you lose your emotional balance.

You will heal. It will feel better, but the only way out is through. Face your inner emotional damage, whatever you've got, and learn more about your own emotional processing- enough to understand how you tick and what sets off this kind of reaction in your brain. Keep talking to your therapist. Start reading books on emotional abuse patterns and on psychology, find your pattern there instead of in him.

You'll be okay. You know at some level you will be. Soldier through and work on your internal stuff and you'll get there, and will be better for it. Use your brain to beat your own brain on this.

-----

Edit: OP, look up Complex PTSD and see if it strikes a chord. A good book if you're looking for one for is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and resources for adult children of alcoholics would probably be pretty helpful. I would definitely recommend trauma therapy- it is probably your best bet for longer term healing, even if you do DBT first. EMDR may help, too, if you can find a therapist who works with it (many trauma therapists do). If you dissociate at all, try grounding techniques like this to get back to your more rational center. If anxiety is a big part of it for you, it's highly treatable with therapy focusing on tools and techniques to calm and ground yourself, and there are TONS of resources on the internet.

Your emotions may not make sense to you, but they aren't illogical, they exist to guide you and to give you information about the world. They may be out of proportion, but that's due to the thought processes you have and the story you're telling yourself. They're perfectly proportional to what your thoughts/self-talk are saying to you, so you have to adjust the internal dialogue to be more objective in order to make your emotions more useful and in proportion. Buddhism as a philosophy is great for helping with this, it's like the softer side of Stoicism with more focus on being kind and present. A good book on finding and correcting cognitive distortions (the self-talk that makes your emotions go nuts) is Feeling Good by David Burns (It's almost DBT lite).

u/savelatin · 33 pointsr/malefashionadvice

It sounds you like you have a lot of issues that simply dressing better won't fix. I'd first of suggest cognitive therapy. It sounds you like you have a lot of negative self talk, and working on changing that will go a long way to feeling better about yourself. I highly recommend the book Feeling Good which deals with this, as well as the website MoodGym. It's really good that you're asking for advice, because it shows a willingness to work on yourself. It's hard work to change your thought patterns, but it can be done.

That being said, dressing better is one piece of the puzzle that will help. Since I started paying attention to how I dress, it's one less thing that's on my mind. I know I dress well, and that gives me more confidence. It is just one piece of it though, and won't solve everything. Have you read the side bars and all the guides? There's a wealth of info here and it's kind of hard to just tell you what you need to do since it's so general.

Good luck man.

u/Scattered_Castles · 33 pointsr/washingtondc

The winter months are especially hard. People say this ad nauseum, but start exercising. That could be hitting the gym or just going for a morning jog. Depending where you live, try and go for daily walks too. I started consistently exercising about two years ago and it helps me a lot.

For overall mental health, if you feel life is getting to be a bit much, maybe look into seeing a therapist. They can help give you tools to overcome certain emotions you are feeling and help identify things that arise. Other routes are meditation,. I used to pay for Headspace and highly recommend it, but plenty of free stuff out there too. Lastly, consider looking into self-help books. This genre gets eye rolls from time to time, but I've found a few books that have helped me understand my mental and emotional health. I recommend Feeling Good as a good place to start.

Regarding the loss of a girlfriend, everyone tackles that differently. Dating in DC is brutal, but when I was actively in the online dating scene, it was a lot of fun. I went in with no expectations, a positive attitude, and I met a lot of interesting women. Sometimes we'd date for awhile, other times it would fizzle out, and a few times I've made genuine friends. In the end, online dating was more about self discovery of what I really look for in a partner.

As for friends, check out the weekly Reddit happy hour. It would be a low pressure option to meet new people.

Overall, whatever you choose to do, there is no magic bullet and it's better to take an overall holistic approach to improving your situation.

u/bmay · 32 pointsr/psychology

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

This book is based on the principles of cognitive-behavioral therapy, one of the most prominent evidence-based treatments for psychological disturbances ranging from low self-esteem to schizophrenia.

Read this book. It's awesome and will change your life for the better.

Seriously.

u/MatthewASobol · 30 pointsr/NoFap

> I have practically no social connections. Never kissed, never dated.

Join clubs (sporting, coding clubs, chess, gaming - whatever). They are a great way to meet new people and you don't have to keep going if you don't want to. Nothing to lose.

> My dad said if I didn't get a job soon, he'd kick me out. ... I applied to Safeway, McDonalds, Burger King, Dairy Queen and Taco Bell. NONE of them hired me.

Volunteer for charity organisations. It will get you back out into a working environment, fill a gap in the resume and may provide some character references. Working with other people should also improve your self esteem.

> I don't like going on Facebook because I get to see how successful all my friends are, and how they all grew up, doing all these extraordinary things.

That should be your motivation. When you see those pictures and status updates, you should be thinking - I want that. What can I do right now to get me closer to that?

> I posted to 4chan about my pathetic life and they all told me to kill myself.

Don't post (or read) 4chan. It's a cesspool of human suffering.

> I always dreamed of being a successful game programmer but I am too lazy to even do that.

Have you done much programming? if not - /r/learnprogramming

> I don't know what else to do.

  • Start. Write a list of long-term goals and break them down into short-term goals. Keep doing this until the first step seems so incredibly easy that you can start straight away. Re-assess often.

  • Cultivate discipline. Here's a great post to have a read of: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/49gfmc/when_did_you_realize_you_had_to_change_a_part_of/d0rv7z8/

  • The way you think about yourself is terrible for you. Once you are ready, I think reading this book might do you some good: Feeling Good

    At the moment, you seem to be in a stage of self-pity. Stop. It's not going to help. So, you didn't get hired by McDonalds. Big whoop! Look at where you are and do what you can right now. You don't want to be looking back in one, two, five years time thinking "if only I had started earlier".

    Finally, good luck. Life can be tough. Don't let it pass you by.



u/AwakenedEyes · 27 pointsr/stepparents

Family counselor here, and step dad of 2. I am sorry to hear your family seems engaged onto a negative spiral right now. As you probably know already from your background in child development, the core of everything is about attachment. When the family members are securely attached, parenting becomes easier. From what I read though, it seems that your SS isn't in a secure attachment with your husband. This become even more difficult when you are a custodial parent because no matter what you do, you can only influence your half of the family dynamics.

So as a step-parent you are unfortunately in a situation where your influence is even less meaningful. But it's not meaningless nonetheless, quite the contrary. From what you wrote it seems you had a great positive influence at first, but things eventually moved into a negative dynamics.

If you still love your husband and want that relationship to work (and especially in the context of being pregnant also!) I am not sure disengaging is a viable option on the long term. It will only deepen the rift and make the attachment even less secure, which means that kid's behaviour isn't going to get easier. So IMHO I think you need to work on re-attaching: from you to your SS, from your SS to you, from SS to his father and from you to your husband.

This is especially important also because your SS is 12 which means he gets into puberty, a very difficult time for both the family and him. He needs you even more so! To help you with this, should you decide you want to give it another shot, here are some resources: Hold on to your kids from Dr. Neufeld, and perhaps investigate vulnerability as a way to reconnect to your step son. If you need more specific advice let me know. Good luck!

u/bserum · 27 pointsr/AskLosAngeles

Hey OP, if you username wasn’t a flag on its own, your post history certainly is. Given that you were recently asking about guns, I don’t think it’s wise for strangers to be opening their homes to you.

As someone who has struggled from extreme depression, I have some idea of the pain you are feeling. Before you make any big decisions, I need you to pick up a copy of Feeling Good by David Burns. It’s free with a library card in the LA Public Library system. Get the Libby app and have it the audiobook read to you on your phone.

That book uses a principle known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and it’s effective and fast-acting.

Do your parents know you’re suicidal?

u/yokohama11 · 26 pointsr/funny

She's also got a cute book out now.

u/WasabiReaver · 20 pointsr/fatlogic

If you haven't already given it a try, Ten Days to Self-Esteem by David Burns is a decent one.

It's an interactive workbook, so you aren't just reading about how to get self-esteem so much as actively taking steps towards it.

There are other books by him, but this is the one I hear recommended. It isn't about weight loss or body image, but it's written in a way that it can still apply and address it.

https://www.amazon.com/Days-Self-Esteem-David-M-D-Burns/dp/0688094554

u/stoney5280 · 20 pointsr/funny

September 23rd. I will def be ordering this one myself, these comics are so simple but bring me such joy.

u/PhilippeCoudoux · 20 pointsr/getdisciplined

Not sure about MBCT but a good book on CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy: an older version: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/cbt-mbct-difference.htm) is https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336
That’s a great read! Not only it explains what you are going through but reading or listening to the audiobook has been studied and proven to help AS therapy!

I highly recommend it.

Good job being aware of your challenges!

Good job noticing your patterns!

Good job admitting your thoughts!

I feel like you are already quite powerfully advancing toward a strongly useful wisdom.

Practice is simple yet difficult as you already pointed out.

Yet that’s the way: keep moving forward with it.

Finally keep in mind that sometimes this could be attributed to a high personality trait of neuroticism. There is s positive and negative about it.

https://www.psychologistworld.com/personality/neuroticism-personality-trait

One positive part of it is that you are more inclined to be able to care for children or relate to people in need.

Good luck!

u/todayonbloopers · 19 pointsr/AskWomen

Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy, a popular CBT book that is useful for a variety of problems. if you're in a rough spot financially, it's an older one so should be easy to find in libraries and other ways

not a book but very helpful, Wait But Why's breakdown of procrastination. if you like this post you'll also love the TED talk.

if you're a person who struggles with being attracted (to an unhealthy degree) to men that never return your interest, especially in the context of an abusive past or co-dependence, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl

u/ladycrappo · 19 pointsr/science

The ladycrappo 7-Step Dealing With Depression Plan
Brought to you by a chick who's been hospitalized for major depression on four separate occasions and is now living a relatively stable normal life

  1. Exercise, exercise, exercise. This may be the last thing you feel like doing, but it's one of the cheapest, safest, most effective ways to boost your mood. Don't feel you have to go to a gym if the ambiance creeps you out; ride a bike, get out in the sunshine, whatever works for you.

  2. Eat well. Shitty diets make you feel shitty physically and mentally. Depressed people tend to have trouble with eating either too much or too little, and with eating crappy stuff in general that wrecks your blood sugar and makes you lethargic. You don't need that. Make a good healthy diet a priority: fruits and veggies, whole grains, lean protein, unsaturated fats, you know the drill.

  3. Get your sleep schedule sorted out. Don't let yourself sleep too much because you don't want to face life; it just makes you more listless. If you're having trouble sleeping enough, force yourself to get on a more regular schedule. Sleep is fundamental to good mental health.

  4. Shower every day. Keep up with personal hygiene, even when you feel like a hideous human turdball. A clean turdball can feel slightly better about itself than a dirty turdball, and whatever bit of dignity and self-worth you can reclaim for yourself is really important.

  5. Do stuff. You won't want to, you really won't want to, but do it anyways. Answer your phone, get out of the house, go out to eat or see a movie-- do normal people stuff despite your profound sense of abnormality. This serves to keep you feeling like a member of the human race, keep you connected with the people in your life who are your support system, and also just to distract you from the ugly world inside your head.

  6. Read up on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is focused on concrete strategies of altering your thinking and behavior. Pick up a copy of Feeling Good and give it's recommendations a serious try.

  7. Do what it takes to get out of your own head. Depression turns you in on yourself, blots out the larger world, traps you in the darker aspects of your own thinking. It's a particularly dark and dangerous sort of self-absorption. Do things that force you to empathize with other people, in other places: do some volunteer work, spend time with loved ones, read about people in unfortunate circumstances who maintain a core of dignity (e.g., What is the What).
u/MrCyn · 19 pointsr/newzealand

This book helped me a lot, about CBT which is a common form of treatment for depression.

Can help while you wait cos yeah our mental health situation is pretty shitty

u/ChaoticG00d · 19 pointsr/getdisciplined

A fantastic book that everyone should read: Feeling Good (the new mood therapy) by David Burns M.D. is all about this subject. It talks about bibliotherapy, therapy through reading self-help books, and cognitive practice, essentially, you are what you think.

If you can figure out your thoughts, and figure out why you're having these thoughts, you can work to change these thinking habits. Meditation is the authoritative tool for this in general, but the book has exercises and scientifically backed practices that have been proven to be just as if not more effective than drugs, and longer lasting. Check it out, it's worth your time.

u/reminisce214 · 18 pointsr/GetMotivated

Check out the book Feeling Good by David D. Burns. It's a pretty useful in identifying ways in which we can change the way we feel by changing our thoughts, among other things. It's helping me work out my anxiety/tendency to be depressed, ect.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/Lightfiend · 18 pointsr/psychology

The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature - evolutionary psychology, behavioral genetics. (probably most interesting from a Freudian perspective, deals with many of our unconscious instincts)

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces The Shape Our Decisions - Unconscious decision-making, behavioral economics, consumer psychology. Fun read.

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Most popular book on the psychology of persuasion, covers all the main principles. Very popular among business crowds.

Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships - Social neuroscience, mirror neurons, empathy, practical stuff mixed with easy to understand brain science.

Authentic Happiness - Positive Psychology, happiness, increasing life satisfaction.

Feeling Good - A good primer on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Also widely considered one of the best self-help books by mental health practitioners.

The Brain That Changes Itself - Neuroplasticity, how experience shapes our brains. Some really remarkable case studies that get you wondering how powerful our brains really are.

The Buddhist Brain - The practical neuroscience of happiness, love, and wisdom from a Buddhist perspective.

That should give you more than enough to chew on.



u/_kashmir_ · 18 pointsr/getdisciplined

> I fear, that he will judge me as lazy

>I'm very afraid of what people might think of me

>I'm afraid that I won't be doing any projects with him

>I guess his feeling about me was right

So the first thing I would say is that these thoughts are not facts, but predictions about the future. I highly recommend you watch this very short video as I think the message is very suited to your situation and he can explain it far more eloquently than I can.

-------------------------

>I just need some advice on how to not worry too much about what other people think of me.

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realised how seldom they do." How often do you think about the failures and faults of others? Very little, I suspect. People are concentrated on their own lives, their own success and their own failures. To be brutally honest, they don't spend their time thinking about you. Your worth is not determined by what others think of you.

-------------------------

Here's a relevant poem:

When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day

Just go to the mirror and look at yourself

And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father, or mother, or wife

Whose judgment upon you must pass

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.

He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest

For he’s with you, clear to the end

And you've passed your most difficult, dangerous test

If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you've cheated the man in the glass.

--Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr

-------------------------

Finally, I think mindfulness, meditation, and this book would benefit you enormously.

u/theycallmebbq · 16 pointsr/TagPro

The first thing you should do is tell someone and try to get help. It’s actually great that your parents suspect that you’re depressed and have talked to you about it because the hardest thing about depression is just being able to talk about it with someone. Your parents can help you get set up with a therapist or a counselor to talk through things. Since you’re 18 you can also try to do those things yourself, but the most important thing you can do is definitely seeing someone about it.

If you don’t feel comfortable pursuing outside help I have a couple ideas. One thing you can do is PM me at any time and I’ll be happy to talk to you. I’m 10 years older and have been in your place. Another is to find a good book about all this. I think one of the best is called Feeling Good. It’s the only book that has been acknowledged as an effective treatment for depression. I would be happy to buy a copy and send it to you if you don’t want to pay for it.

I notice you didn’t actually say that you are depressed, but based on my own personal experience of struggling with some of these things over the last 10 years, and on some of the things you’re saying, I know you have some degree of depression. The thing is, that’s absolutely fine and nothing to be ashamed of. Once you ID it and know that it’s there, you can try to understand it and begin to deal with it. Don’t worry too much about labeling yourself though—you risk having your depression become your identity, when really you are so much more complicated than that, in the best possible way.

I don’t think your parents are trying to judge, or label you. Parents feel so helpless to provide for their children when they reach your age. They see you doing things and they have no control over it, and they worry, because they can’t just make it all better by being your mom and dad anymore.

Also, don’t panic about this idea of “straying from society” or becoming a recluse. You’re 18 at the moment, and life is long and abundant. If TagPro is what makes you happy right now you can keep on doing that and enjoy it in the moment. You also have to keep in mind that TagPro won’t always be here and that this could end at any time. It’s good to try and find as many things that you like to do as possible. 18 is an age where everyone is telling you who you are and what you should be, when you don’t even know yourself. How could you possibly know? How could anyone? All you can do is do things you like and live your life and hope you find it along the way. I only know a couple of people who are doing the thing that they thought they’d be doing at 18.

Just hang tough, stay positive, and find someone to talk to.

u/cursethedarkness · 16 pointsr/simpleliving

I've noticed a trend here lately of people turning to simple living as a way to treat anxiety. Simple living is awesome, but it's not a cure for anxiety. In some ways, it can promote it, because people use the idea of simple living to hide from life.

The best place to start, if you can, would be with a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety. If that isn't possible right now, this book can give you some tools to start feeling better, for under $6. It did help me. Ultimately, the key to overcoming anxiety is to do the thing you fear until it isn't scary any more.

u/Caroline_Bintley · 15 pointsr/justneckbeardthings

>And I know how I must come off to others, like these pathetic creeps.

That's not how you come across in this post. You come across like someone who is struggling with a lot of self doubt and a lot of self loathing. I think many of us have been there at one time or another, even if to a much lesser degree.

I'm gonna give you some advice. Feel free to take it or leave it as you feel appropriate.

First, look into therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of intense anxieties rattling around in your head, and they're just going to hold you back. Just being able to talk to someone can be a huge weight off your shoulders. Plus, an outside perspective can help you see yourself in a more accurate light.

If you can't afford therapy, look into written exercises in Feeling Good by Dr. Burns. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps to spot the distortions in thinking that contribute to negative emotions like fear and self-hatred. It's not about skipping through a field of flowers and butterflies, it's about looking at your negative thoughts and being able to calmly, dispassionately say "Okay, my brain is being a dick again." You get practice replacing old patterns of thinking with more a realistic, rational outlook. I used it a few years ago for my anxiety issues and was surprised at how helpful it was.

Second, practice your social skills. If talking to people is nerve-wracking, start small. Begin with customer service workers. Say "Thanks!" to the bus driver as you get off at your stop. Or "Enjoy your afternoon!" to the cashier when they finish ringing up your groceries. These little interactions are usually safe because they are 1) Quick 2) With people whose job is to interact with strangers. As you get more comfortable, you can branch out into little bits of small talk. "Wow, the weather is NICE out there today. I hope you get the chance to get outside later."

As you become comfortable making brief small talk, look into ways to expand your social circle. Personally, I'm a big fan of structured activities. For instance, I was part of a science-fiction book club that was really great. We had something in common to relate over. Plus, everyone got the chance to give their opinion on the book, but you could be as brief as you wanted. We had the chance to chat a bit, but we had a central topic to focus on.

Dance classes, youth organizations, volunteer events, recreational sports are similar in that they give you the chance to meet new people but they're structured enough that none of you have to "wing it."

Third, be good to yourself. When you have all this negative self talk it's so easy to see getting better as an obligation or a penance. "UGH, I'm SUCH a screw up! I'm probably broken! I need to fix my shit or NO ONE will want to be around me!!!"

The truth is, you should work on getting better because you DESERVE to be better. You deserve to live a life free of crippling self-doubt. You deserve to be happy and content. You deserve to feel free to pursue relationships that will bring both of you joy.

When I was younger, I fell into this trap of mentally beating up on myself all the time. I was convinced I was a worthless fuck-up and that by being mean as shit to myself, I was somehow making the world a better place. The thing is, that turned out to be absolute bullshit. As I've learned to be more proactive in my life and more compassionate towards my inevitable setbacks, it's not just me who's benefited. I've become a calmer, more caring friend and partner. I've been able to offer more support to be friends because I'm not so overwhelmed with my own anxieties. Also, I think we don't always realize how much we look to each other for guidance. When you can be kind and accepting towards yourself, you make it easier for those around you to do the same.

Finally, online dating is a shitshow. If you are feeling low, this may not be a good time to be on Tinder. However, if you reach the point where you want to give it another try, get a profile review first. If you aren't getting a lot of matches, it might not have anything to do with you and everything to do with mediocre photos or a lackluster bio.

u/ZaFish · 15 pointsr/CBT

For me, this one did the trick or at least made me understand

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

GoodReads

u/meekmeeka · 15 pointsr/WagWalker

As someone who overcame severe depression and was on 200mg of Zoloft at one point in my life...you need to get professional help for yourself. First and foremost: take care of YOU. You won't be able to help dogs until you help yourself and you need to do it because YOU ARE WORTH THAT.

That doesn't mean quit Wag. That means prioritizing you so you can work as you get better (and work on yourself). The only thing that helped me was therapist who specialized in depression, anxiety, and PTSD (my issues). Here is a book that helped me (used in conjunction with therapy- it is somewhat of a workbook since it has exercises):

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

I would still walk dogs as I got help as it's good for you to make money to help support yourself and it's good to get outside and not lock yourself up indoors (makes your depression worse). The exercise and dogs will help. I would place that second to the therapy. Focus should be on that. It isn't hopeless. It feels hopeless because that's what depression does. If you have supportive family, reach out to them too.

FWIW, that lady is a bitch. Don't worry about her. She doesn't matter and she is probably miserable in her own life. I'm sensitive too, but just let it go and if it helps wish her to get hemorrhoids (I do this for fellow assholes I encounter..makes me feel better anyway lol)

u/Integrals · 14 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

Look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy books such as Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.

I have mild depression and severe anxiety and it has done WONDERS.

It is NOT a silver bullet but it is much better than nothing. Results show that it is just as effective as meds.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/ClaytonRayG · 14 pointsr/fatlogic

While I haven't read Ten Days to Self-Esteem, I would (and usually do) highly recommend Feeling Good by David Burns to damned near everyone. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has helped me tremendously not only in my self esteem but in how I manage everything else.

Edit: Found it as a .pdf for anyone that wants it.

u/RobertTran · 14 pointsr/SquaredCircle

Here's the book that saved my life. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1427502059&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good

It's the most comprehensive book on the subject I know about. Unfortunately I'm not too keen on knowing other links and whatnot. But trust me, this will be the best eight bucks you'll ever spend. I hope this helps.

u/mlwarren88 · 13 pointsr/AskReddit

Cognitive Behavior Therapy and keeping a journal. Maybe try reading this book. It helped me a lot.

Edit: Also, maybe try not following all of the advice in this thread about drinking and having casual sex. You may just turn into a sex addicted alcoholic.

u/f0urtyfive · 13 pointsr/Denver

Nope, had some anxiety (because of heart palpitations) and doctor suggested talking to a psychologist and oh hey we have one right here. Garden variety behavioral therapy.

No one mentioned it was $1000 an hour until I got a bill 2 months later.

The only memorable thing I got out of it was a recommendation for a book: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 which appears to be the beginner's guide to do-it-yourself cognitive behavior therapy.

u/bluehawkins · 13 pointsr/Advice

Jesus Christ. Who are you, Winston Smith? Let go of that fatalist attitude. It won't get you anywhere, except more depressed. Regardless of when you die, there's nothing you can do about time passed, so where's the sense in fretting over it? In addition to the advice I posted separately, I recommend reading some literature on changing your mindset. "Feeling Good" by David Burns is a good one. It costs $6 on amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1519412766&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good+david+burns

u/oh-no-varies · 13 pointsr/infertility

Hi there!

I'm so sorry to hear about your anxiety. I can definitely relate as I also struggle with panic attacks and anxiety and the infertility treatment process has been challenging in that regard.

This reply will be long, but hopefully helpful. I'm also on mobile so bear with me re: formatting/autocorrects...

If you need to take mental health breaks I recommend doing so. I've taken a few- a month here or there over the last three years and it can help. But, if you take a break you should also be doing what you can to address the anxiety itself, otherwise a break won't help.

If you don't address the anxiety on its own terms, returning to treatment will bring the anxiety back with it.

If you haven't already, find a therapist or counsellor who deals with anxiety and (if possible) who understands and works with infertility. Most fertility clinics will have a list of therapists they recommend.

If you don't have the financial resources for a therapist there are cognitive behavioural things you can do on your own to help. I recommend doing these even if you do have a therapist as they can provide coping tools in the moment you are having anxiety.

There are a number of apps that can be helpful. Anxiety BC (a government sponsored mental health resource in Canada) had a great mobile app with a number of tools for anxiety and panic attacks. You can find it here. It is geared toward teens and young adults but is usable and applicable to people in all stages of life. You just might see examples that mention school stress etc.

Pacifica is also a good free app with anxiety tools. As is Stop, Breath, Think (which focuses on mindfulness). All of these apps are free. They have in app purchases but the free resources are more than enough.

There is a desktop and mobile compatible site I use sometimes when I know I need to work on breathing. http://xhalr.com you can use the settings to time the length of inhale, paused and exhales to your comfort level. I recommend 4-2-6 or 6-2-6 seconds. The interface is minimalistic and soothing. I use it at my desk when I feel panic coming. Many people find this kind of breathing can alleviate panic attacks like you are experiencing.

If, like me, focusing on your breath when you are already in a panic attack makes things worse not better, try a grounding exercise. I use one I call "5 things". You can say it out loud if you have privacy or you can do it in your mind while you are in public.

To do this, simply focus on 5 things for each sense. So, you say to yourself. "What are 5 things I feel?", and list them. "I feel the fabric of my pants on my thighs, I feel my feet in on the ground, wind on my skin, i feel tingles in my hands, etc" just any 5 sensations you feel in your body. Then 5 things you see, hear etc. Repeat as necessary.

There are also some workbooks you can get and work with on your own if therapy isn't an option.
My therapist recommends reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy to get a sense of the basics of cognitive behavioural therapy. This is an older book (1980's ish) but is a good foundation. Not everything in the book will apply to everyone, and no book should be considered a replacement for working with a qualified professional, but I find them helpful for adding to my mental toolkit.

A doctor once gave me Mind Over Mood which is a helpful workbook with concrete exercises to get you practicing CBT. This can be very helpful.

**edited from desktop to add links

u/callmejay · 12 pointsr/getdisciplined

(Just by way of background, I'm a father of a young child and a person who used to struggle with discipline due to depression.)

Your son probably struggles with discipline because he has anxiety and depression, not because he's unaware of the fact that discipline is a good idea or that you would like him to be more disciplined. I'm not sure what good could come out of a discussion like the one you're envisioning. He already knows you want him to be more disciplined and trying to tell him that for the hundredth time or hold his tuition over his head as a threat is just going to make him feel judged, unworthy, and anxious.

Being depressed and anxious means that he already has a voice in his head that's constantly telling him he's not good enough, that he's lazy and undisciplined and that he's basically a worthless piece of shit. That's how depression works. And the way anxiety works is that the voice also tells him that it's completely hopeless, that all the things he has to do are too much and that he's never going to be able to manage. Also that everybody he knows especially his parents see that he's lazy and worthless, etc. So when you come along, no matter how tactfully you try to put it, and point out that he's not as disciplined as you like, you're just confirming all those horrible, DEMOTIVATING thoughts that he has. When you add the threat of withdrawing his tuition (which seems like a horrible idea anyway IMO) you're adding a whole layer of anxiety on top of that.

You need to counteract those voices rather than confirming them. He needs to hear that he is worthy, that he can do it, that he is accepted, etc. and it's going to be hard for him to believe that because he has a CONSTANT voice in his head arguing the opposite.

I would suggest that you take a different tack entirely. First, you have to really understand, deep down, that he's not just lazy or doing this to spite you or whatever. Things are just harder for him. Being undisciplined is not a choice he is making, it's a result of the negative thoughts he has because of depression and anxiety (and also that he doesn't necessarily yet have all the tools to counteract those thoughts.) Empathize with him instead of judging him or pushing him. He doesn't need a push, he needs acceptance and love and support.

Tell him that you are proud of him for the progress he has made and that you support him entirely. Let him see that you recognize that it's hard for him to do these things and that you empathize but that you know he can do it and if he ever needs help with anything that he can come to you and you will not judge him. (I wouldn't expect him to believe you at first, but if you mean it and you actually start living that way, he will notice the change.)

Encourage him to continue therapy and meds (assuming that's what the doctor and/or therapist are recommending.) Maybe you can very lightly suggest that he talk with his therapist about the kind of challenges he will face in college. Maybe you could give him a book like Thoughts & Feelings or Feeling Good: A New Mood Therapy and let him know that you read online that it can help people who have anxiety and depression learn how to handle things a little better.

tl;dr: Less expectations and threats, more acceptance and support.

u/HeyitsmeKuangGM2 · 12 pointsr/de

Das war glaub der Sympathischste Text den ich jeh gelesen hab.
Ich kenn Dich nicht, aber ich würd Dich total gerne in Ruhe lassen und mit zuhenem Mund kauen, damit Du nen guten Tag hast.
Ich hoffe ehrlich Du packst den ganzen Scheiß.


Btw.: wenn Du Dir wirklcih oft Vorwürfe machst, check mal das Buch hier. Ist zwar offiziell zur Hilfe bei Depressionen, hat mir aber vorrangig geholfen mir nicht immer Selbstforwürfe zu machen und mich nicht vor mir selbst schlecht zu reden. Ich weiß, ich weiß, Selbsthilfebücher, aber für mich wars echt gut.

u/Pufflekun · 12 pointsr/morbidquestions

PLEASE read this before doing what you're planning. I know it's quite long, but I really want to help you make the best decision here.

Have you considered dressing like a monk, and carrying around cards you've printed out that explain you've taken a vow of silence? You could become a real monk and actually take such a vow, or you could just fake it. Either way would be preferable to cutting out your tongue. And if your family doesn't believe you, so what? You can explain that you actually have a phobia of speaking to them (through written text if necessary), or not. Either way, they'll still think better of you than if you follow through with cutting your tongue out.

(It would be even easier to carry cards that say "I am mute" or "I have a phobia of speaking," but you seem to have convinced yourself that you need some sort of excuse, which is why I'm suggesting the vow. If you can find the courage to be honest, then do so, but I'm guessing that might be a bit much for a first step, given that you're planning to chop your tongue off to avoid such honesty.)

In the long term, you should go to a therapist, and work out your fear of speaking. I highly recommend Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. Check out the book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" to get started by yourself. I know, the title sounds like some bullshit self-help book, but trust me, it's legit.

However, in the short term, it sounds like you're obviously desperate for an immediate solution, so I'd highly suggest you try mine.

Think about your favorite food in the world. Do you really want to take your ability to taste it, and anything else, and flush it down the toilet forever? Do you really want to lose the ability to speak, or French kiss, or anything else we do with our tongues, if it turns out there's a cure for your phobia of speaking? (And there is; I just linked it to you.)

If you're afraid of speaking, the problem that you truly want to fix isn't that you have a tongue—it's that you're afraid of speaking. I know that it's tempting to take the "easy" solution, and that the mere thought of going to therapy and practicing talking is probably absolutely terrifying to you. But here's the thing: there's nothing wrong with being terrified. Phobias are scary by their very definition. And that's not even a bad thing. A novel would be boring without some obstacle for the main character to try and overcome. We all have our obstacles. Your obstacle is not your own tongue. Your obstacle is whatever warped thoughts you are having that make your tongue seem like it is the obstacle, and that make cutting out your tongue seem preferable to having to speak to people. You can fix those warped thoughts.

> "Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them." -Epictetus

You are not disturbed by your tongue. You are not disturbed by other people expecting you to speak to them. You are disturbed by the views which you have taken of these things.

I know it's hard, man. I'm not exactly the epitome of perfect mental health myself. But the future you that seduces and kisses the partner of your dreams is just as much of a real possibility as the future you that has no tongue, even if it seems like that's impossible. And while it won't be easy to develop your social skills, trust me when I say that it'll be a hell of a lot easier than living without a tongue.

But if I can't convince you to do the hard part right away, then don't. Take that vow of silence, or fake one. That vow will be as permanent or as temporary as you want it to be. A month, a year, or fifty years from now, you might want to give it up, and you can. Or you might want to keep it, and continue to never talk to anyone, and you'll have that option as well. Take or fake that vow, and every future You will always have that freedom of choice. Cut your tongue out and flush it down the toilet, and none of them will. Maybe the You that starts the guillotine is okay with not having a tongue, but that You will stop existing when that present become the past. The only You that actually exists is the one reading the sentence right now. And now, that You has permanently vanished from existence, and a slightly different You is reading this sentence. You can decide to take a vow of silence for current You, but please allow me to speak on the behalf of every single future You when I ask you to not force each and every one of them to live without a tongue, from the You that's in intense pain and bleeding profusely from their mouth; to the You that misses being able to taste that dish Mom used to make when she wanted to cheer you up, but now she never bothers because she knows it will just make you feel worse; to the You that's lived an entire life without a tongue and is now about to die. You deserve the right to be able to choose to not speak to people—every You deserves that right. Please, let them make that choice for themselves. I know you will find this very hard to believe at the moment, but trust me: they will thank you.

If you've gotten this far and you're still insistent on cutting it out, at least eat the feast of your dreams first, while you can still enjoy it. Carefully observe the flavors, textures, and sensations as best you can—because if you do go through with your plan, your memories of what it's like to taste food will be the best you've got. Reflect upon whether or not that's a fair and reasonable price to pay for an excuse to not talk to people, after your last spoonful of your ice cream sundae.

u/pianoelias · 12 pointsr/getdisciplined

Hey man,

You mentioned that you went through some pretty extreme depression. What kind of treatment did you get?

There are some things this subreddit might be able to recommend, but if you're still battling with depression (remember, there's no shame in that) it's probably over our heads.

If you haven't gone through therapy, it sounds like that could be a good option for you. Remember that there is nothing wrong with getting help. Probably you know that (since you're asking here) but it's worth repeating – getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

If you can't or won't go to therapy for whatever reason, I highly recommend you pick up "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns. You can get the paperback for $6 on Amazon. I think learning about cognitive distortions will really help you, as I can see a few in your post. Even if you do go to therapy, the book is worth a read.

Again, remember that this doesn't say anything about your self-worth. It's just something you're going through right now, but you can work to fix it.

As an example of some things in your post:

>a few hours after I wake up I realize that I can't fix myself

Remember that you aren't broken. You can change if you want to, but that doesn't mean you're broken. I believe in you, and you believe in yourself at least a little bit, or you wouldn't have made this post. You can do this.

>I used to eat healthier, now I'm nothing

You are not nothing. You are a human person, and nothing in the world can take that away from you. There is nothing that can take away your worth as a human being.

>I have time, I'm just not using it properly.

It's awesome that you've realized this on your own. I'm sure you've been thinking through all of this a lot, and the fact that you've reached this conclusion shows some real insight. Lots of people will never admit to themselves that they really do have the time – you're off to a good start with this.

How can you start? I don't know where you're located, but Psychology Today has a simple tool that can help you find a therapist. I'd check it out and, if the option is there, look for someone that does cognitive therapy.

Outside of steps like that, take small actions. Even micro actions. Heck, the smaller the better. These actions should be easy to start and easy to finish, but finishing them accomplishes something, anything, towards making your life better. You can check out the subreddit /r/NonZeroDay if you need ideas (and also read the post that inspired the subreddit).

Baby steps will help you build confidence. They will help you prove to yourself that you can do things that make a difference. Plus, the results of those actions will help you level up your life all on their own.

That's what I've got for you. I hope it helps, and please, please don't hesitate to ask questions or PM me.

Remember, I believe in you.

u/joshuazed · 12 pointsr/fatlogic

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the gold standard for depression and anxiety (and many other things as well). It works wonders for me. If your therapist does it, that is wonderful, but there are excellent books which you can use on your own. One of the core principles of CBT is that you need to work on your own to acquire skills to deal with your problems, reading and doing "homework" and mental exercises.

This is an excellent book, with a strong emphasis on anxiety. I recommend the paperback, so you can write in it (it has lots of worksheets).

This is another excellent book that I have.

u/RankInsubordination · 12 pointsr/Drugs

@ OP: Give yourself more tools to work with.

This book was recommended to me by my therapist. I felt stronger and more sure of my thoughts after finishing just the first chapter. In less than a year after reading it, I stopped taking my anti-depressants permanently. I keep Dr. Burns' book on my shelf, like a reference book.

I detest self-help books. This one's different. It's been in print for twenty years, so it's probably at the library.

u/bitingleon · 12 pointsr/exmuslim

you can still be happy and deaf.

if it s possible , i recommend go to psychologist who is expert for cognitive-behaviour therapy.

if not u can always benefit from the book below.just not read it like a novel, use it like an exercise book. do everything it says.
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/seeker135 · 12 pointsr/stopdrinking

@ OP. If you hear a faint trumpet, it may be the Cavalry coming over the hill. This book was recommended to my by my therapist. I have gifted many copies to friends and family.

First of all I despise self-help books. I have found many to be the long form of "First, lift yourself by your own hair".

This one is different. After finishing the first chapter, I felt better in a "Holy Crap! I'm OK! And it's going to get better!" kind of way. If you are capable of being honest with yourself, "Feeling Good" can help you get rid of depression (I stopped taking anti-depressants within a year of reading), lessen anxiety and learn how to protect yourself from self-destructive thought patterns.

It's been in print for 20 years, so it must have something to recommend it, eh? Check out the reviews on the link. But the book is probably available at your local library.

u/waitwuh · 11 pointsr/legaladvice

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful and kind reply. Honestly, I'm glad if anything I ever say ever helps anybody. I'm sorry I couldn't really offer any legal advice, though.

By the way, just on the off-chance it helps your dad, I found this book personally very helpful. I kinda hate the cover (so bright! And the title! Maybe you could rebind it somehow??) ... but it's not a bad price for something if it doesn't work out. For the record, there was at least one study done on this specific book that found it an effective alternative to antidepressents.

u/drmissmodular · 11 pointsr/entwives

Hang in there. It sounds like you're making the right decisions but maybe have some bad thought habits
>taking comfort in the dark corners

Can I recommend reading the book Feeling Good by David Burns? There are activities in there that will help you focus more on the positive & break bad though habits. It helped me a ton. My bad thought habits included things like I have no friends, nobody likes me, etc as well as having these fantasy "fights" w people. Not good, but it takes time to break any bad habit. Sounds like you're on the right path!

u/Kebb · 11 pointsr/books

For me, probably the best self-help book I've read has been Feeling Good: The new mood therapy by David Burns. Its a book focused on using Cognitive Behavior Therapy to deal with depression.

u/ballpein · 11 pointsr/answers

I wouldn't suggest you rush to your doctor with the question, "am I seriously depressed?" If you live in the west, there's a 99% chance that an M.D. will shove a multiple choice test at you, which may or may not come back showing you are depressed. If it shows you are depressed, your doctor will prescribe an antidepressant... which may or may not make you feel better, but it will definitely not have any real effect on the root of your problems.

I think the answer to the question, "am I seriously depressed?" lies in another question: does your mood have a chronically negative impact on your life? everyone gets sad from time to time, but does your mood interfere with your your relationships, or your work, or impede your ability to achieve your goals and take enjoyment out of day to day life?

If the answer is yes, then you should do something to change your mood. In my experience, the best way to change your mood is by working with a good shrink. You want a registered psychologist, or a professional counsellor with an MSW degree (Masters of Social Work). There are any number of people in the phone book calling themselves "therapists" or "counsellors" but those names might not necessarily mean anything more than a 1 or 2 year diploma, and maybe much less than that. Not to disparage those people, nor all the people they help... but personally I only want to trust my mind to the very best.

Anyways... any good shrink will be helpful, but I strongly recommend you find someone who specializes in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. CBT is not at all like traditional talk therapy... you're not going to be talking about childhood traumas, or whether your father gave you enough attention. Instead, CBT is about making very concrete changes to the way think and react to your world. For example, imagine being stuck in traffic... if you're like me, most of the time I'm okay with it, but sometimes I flip out and fly into a murderous rage... CBT is about identifying what's going on in your mind in the moments between 'calmly driving' and 'wanting to eviscerate the driver in front of you', and then changing it. In the case of depression, you'll be working on the thought patterns that are bringing your mood down.

Where I am in B.C., shrinks are charging around $140 an hour, some will work on a sliding scale. That might seem like a lot, but the beauty of CBT is it works astoundingly fast... once you find a good shrink, you'll see pretty dramatic results within 1 or 2 hours, and you might feel like you're done after 4 or 5... maybe less. I have pretty severe depression, and I keep it in check with between 4 and 8 sessions, a couple times a year. So I spend $1000 - $1500 a year on head shrinking, and it's the best money I spend... I would spend double that without a second thought. The payback in terms of quality of life is remarkable, and most people spend that much or more on car maintenance. And for your relatively mild depression, you may only need a few sessions and never go back.

Finding the right shrink is key... most will give a free initial session. If you're not feeling it after the freebie, don't go back. Make sure you like them and trust them and feel like they're earning your money.

Whether or not you seek therapy with a shrink, I highly recommend the book, "Feeling Good" by David Burns [amazon link[(http://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278729282&sr=8-2). It's a CBT self help book for depression. Like all self help books, it's a little cheesy, but if you have some faith and go with it, it's pretty damn effective. It's bound to help you in some way even if you're not seriously depressed... might be the best $8.99 you ever spend.



u/thorface · 11 pointsr/OkCupid

I would first try to think about why someone would have such an obsession. Is it boredom? Is it a form of validation? What is the reason(s) for it?

​

Once the person thinks about the potential causes, they can take the next step and see what strategies there are for addressing the issues involved. For instance, if it's boredom, then the person better get their ass moving and start a hobby or get involved with groups/activities/etc. If it's constantly seeking validation then they should seeing therapist for a few sessions to talk it out or to read a book such as https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0

​

Gotta figure out what the root causes are.

u/spacemudd · 10 pointsr/CasualConversation

I'd also add How to Win Friends & Influence People alongside /u/Will_Leave_A_Mark's suggestion.

The audiobook is truly amazing.

u/hermitagebrewing · 10 pointsr/careerguidance

I found this to be tremendously helpful in basic negotiating, which is nothing more than figuring out something you have in common with the other person and explaining how your idea is just a good (if not better) for them as it is for you:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001BAJ2B6/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

u/alienface_ · 10 pointsr/Drugs

Hi, this is, except in very rare circumstances, a terrible terrible advice. Pot is for when you're happy, using it when sad will almost always intensify the sad feelings. And that's not the worst bit.

Here are some anti-depressents that DO work.

  • 1- Exercise - any amount, just get out and walk.
    1. Music - music that's upbeat, and has a fast rhythm
    1. People- I know this one can be challenging, but hang out with people who care about you, and are fun, and it will help
    1. Fish oil - you can buy these from your local walgreens or pharmacy, take two 1g pills a day, they help reduce depressive symptoms, to some extent, and help with making your cholesterol levels better.
    1. This book - (It's FREE) 52 ideas on how to defeat depression
    1. This book - Feeling good, the new mood therapy - This book has helped more of my patients than medicines. (Medicines are rather useless in mild depression, and is of minimal use in moderate)
    1. Therapy - Not a psychiatrist, but a psychologist, or a counsellor. Many universities/medical schools have free clinics where you can see a student/trainee therapist for a minimal fee.
    1. Exercise. Did i say that already? Because it does WONDERS.

u/toupeira · 10 pointsr/introvert

I'm in a similar boat as you, but at the moment I don't have any friends at all and so far was never able to really build a deep connection with anybody (I'm 28/m btw). But one thing I've learned is that there's always hope, you're only doomed if you tell yourself so.

One thing that really helps with finding balance is meditation, read a good book about it and/or look at some online tutorials (looks like /r/meditation has some good resources as well) and just give it a try for a few weeks, and don't be discouraged if you don't get immediate results.

If you have a dislike for spiritual stuff you could instead read up on cognitive behavioral therapy, which is used to treat all sorts of things such as depression and social anxiety. This book gives a good introduction and has very simple exercises to get you started. Of course you could also visit an actual therapist, if you don't mind talking to a stranger about your intimate problems ;-)

Also, please don't look at your life as "empty", if you're anyting like most other introverts you probably have a very rich inner life, but just because you can't easily share this with others doesn't mean it's worthless. Just keep doing the things you enjoy and ignore people who think you can't possibly be happy unless you're socializing all the time.

I hope

u/over-my-head · 10 pointsr/selfimprovement

CBT is THE recommended treatment for depression, anxiety and OCD, and numerous studies have proven it is EQUALLY as effective for treating depression as SSRIs/anti-depressant or anxiolytic drugs.

(However, for severe depression, SSRIs PLUS CBT therapy is the best treatment).

If you can't afford CBT, start by buying the books Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns. They are the CBT Bibles.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

(Only $6.00!)

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326

And make sure you actually do the little work assignments in the book. Just passively reading will not help you.

u/huckflen · 10 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

It took me nearly 30 years to figure this out, and I still struggle with it.... but here's the deal. You cannot fix everything. You can't make the entire world happy. You can't do absolutely everything, even if you put every ounce of your being into it. You are a human being, and you are NOT supposed to do everything for everyone else.

I think it's exceptionally rude and unnecessary to tell someone who has perfectionist traits that they're insecure or scared - that's bullshit. My reasons for being a perfectionist are most definitely different than your own, and different from anyone else's - and there's jack shit to do with fear or being insecure. That's an unhelpful, thoughtless comment to make. I don't think you're insecure or afraid - I think your emotions are your own, and I refuse to tell anyone how they feel. I don't know how you feel, but I know feeling anything other than happy sucks.

If you're having trouble adjusting to changes in your life, you're unable to roll with the punches or accept the things that happen, unable to cope with things not being exactly as you think they ought to be or how you pictured them... I would recommend chatting with a counselor. That DOES NOT mean there's something horribly wrong with you.

It DOES mean that in situations like this, it helps to explain the shit that's driving you nuts and hear a completely neutral party provide feedback. Sometimes we get so stuck in the black & white view, we're unable to see the grey.

And honey, there's a shitload of grey. Very little falls into black or white. Probably 80% is grey. The problem is that it's frustrating, disappointing, and depressing to accept the grey. And the solution is changing how you handle the grey.

You can't change the grey. All you can change is your reaction. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

A couple of books I can recommend that have helped me beyond belief:

From Panic To Power by Lucinda Basset - seriously helpful in learning how to NOT flip out when things go wrong, how NOT to let stress overpower you, etc. Seriously helpful.
http://www.amazon.com/From-Panic-Power-Techniques-Anxieties/dp/0060927585/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367869290&sr=8-1&keywords=from+panic+to+power

Secondly, I'd recommend Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns. This is a really helpful guide to changing the way you react/think. I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit, but I swear it helps - especially when you have trouble accepting things that don't turn out the way you expected/wanted/needed them to.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=la_B00455GNDO_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367869401&sr=1-1

u/BonkersVonFeline · 10 pointsr/geek

Exercise doesn't usually work for deeply depressed and highly anxious people, because these things are usually terribly exhausting. Luckily, there are MANY other proven options to help with depression and anxiety. Feeling Good by David Burns has been extremely helpful to me, for example.

u/nasT11 · 9 pointsr/depression

As someone who has struggled with depression my whole life, it does sound to me like you might be at least mildly depressed. This inventory can help you decide for yourself: http://healingheartscc.com/docs/first_steps/FS_DepressionQuiz.pdf (it's not some crackpot quiz, many doctors actually use this to assess patients)

I highly recommend this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

I think I still have a PDF version of it that an awesome fellow Redditor sent me a while back, if you'd like to check it out. It's been a life saver for me. Let me know & I will see if I still have it. :)

u/plonk519 · 9 pointsr/NoFap

> My life has no point.

You're only 16, so the only point in your life right now is to get an education so that you can better understand the world, find a place and means to carve out a decent living, and discover your purpose in life by trying lots of different things.

> Gyms are full of mirrors, I need to look at my ugly face all the time, I can't get it out of my head.

Have you considered running outside? There are no mirrors out there, and if you run in the right places you might also get to enjoy the beauty of nature while you're at it. Trust me when I say that running is a great way to get all of these negative thoughts out of your mind, at least for a little while.

> All I do in a day is go to the gym, eat & sleep.

If you don't like your routine, change it. As I said, give outdoor running a try. Explore your music tastes and find that motivating song / album / artist to listen to while you run.

> Because I was born with an ugly face & shit bone structure, I have to suffer my whole life, I have no chance to be happy, to have a family or anything. I can only watch other people loving each other, while I'm dying inside.

I know people have said this already, but chances are strong that you're not actually ugly. Depression can make you think that you are, but you probably are not. However, let's assume for a moment that you are horrendously butt-ugly. That shouldn't stop you from being able to be happy and to have a family. Look around you - there are TONS of hideous people out there who somehow still manage to find someone to spend the rest of their lives with and be happy together. There is more to being attractive than just looks. Someone who is confident and happy with himself is more attractive than someone who is depressed and frowning all the time, even if the happy person is slightly less physically good-looking.

> I don't know what the hell am I going to do with my life, I can't talk to anyone, I can't hold eye contact, I'm frowning all the time, I feel like I have no soul.

Believe it or not, these are things that virtually EVERYONE goes through at some point in their lives. These are all things that you can change, because unlike your physical appearance, they are all inside your head. I've been down in the dumps before, and I know that it feels impossible to ever get out of the self-made pit you find yourself in. Still, IT CAN BE DONE. You should consider reading the book Feeling Good by David Burns - it offers concrete strategies for lifting yourself out of depression through the use of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

> Everywhere I look, people are enjoying themselves, whether it's the TV or outside, everyone is happy, talking to friends/partners, kissing themselves, while me, I'm just here, but it's like I don't even exist.

I've had these thoughts before about my friends and acquaintances at college, but the reality is that nobody is ever as happy as they appear in their Facebook pictures. I've spoken with enough people at school to realize that many people are actually miserable but happen to be really good at putting up a happy front for everyone else to see. The world is a competitive place, and so everyone is constantly trying to one-up one another by pursuing wealth, better looks, etc.

I'm currently single, and the thought that I will die alone frequently crosses my mind, even though this time last year I was happy as a clam because I had an awesome girlfriend. I felt forever alone just days before she walked into my life, and just days after she walked out of it. Life is unpredictable, so just keep in mind that those "happy" people you see around you WILL experience tragedy, misery, and maybe even depression at some point in their lives. You can't truly experience happiness without also experiencing sadness - that's why the bad moments in our lives exist, to make the good ones better.

> Before, I was fat, playing video games all day. I changed a lot in past 2 years, I lost weight, got muscle, haircut, better clothes, did everything I could.

This is something to be proud of. Not many people can say that they went from being fat to being muscular and physically fit. Look at the world around you - America is full of grossly obese people who just don't give a shit. Would you rather be "happy" and slowly drowning in your own fat and filth?

> Why are all the bad things happening to me? Why do I always have to be the worst, why is everyone always at a better position than me?

Do you have a roof over your head? Food and water? A computer from which you're posting this? Do you live in a wealthy first-world country? These are things that a large percentage of the world's population does not have access to, so consider yourself lucky. Happiness is not about material comforts - there are probably plenty of happy people living in third-world countries and fighting for survival each day. In fact, people in the Western world tend to be unhappier for some reason. It's not that they're ungrateful, but they're constantly comparing themselves to the people who are better than them and feeling worthless when they fall short of such impossibly high standards.

> I need to change my life, I want to change my life, but I don't know what to do.

Do something. Do ANYTHING. At such a young age, you have a lot of potential for personal change and self-discovery, so take advantage of it.

Grab life by the balls and make it your bitch.

u/GardenSerpent · 9 pointsr/AskReddit

I found one of those people who get summed up in pop psychology as 'soul mates', or whatever term you care to use. She (is, presumably) was a painter, she sang...and all she wanted to do was please me. I was self-medicating with alcohol for anxiety, and the effects of one parent's suicide and the other's early death, as well as the murder of a girl I was in love with about two years prior to meeting my 'soul mate'.

Long, drunken story short, I cheated on her. Twice. Oh, don't feel bad for her. She got me (after we broke up) to act as the muscle in a lease-break, fucked every one of my friends, and spread some other stink around.

Problem, though. I really had experienced what Sicilians call "the thunderbolt". I had felt it when we met, even though I was half hammered. The sex was perfect.
The amount of passion experienced in our nine months together was enough for half a lifetime.




And I missed it. And I missed her. The sound of her voice, just speaking, was music to me. And when she sang...one story about that. My girl and her sister and her boyfriend shared an apartment. One open-window summer day her sister and I met in the hallway, with the same thing crossing our minds. We had just said good by to her sister, who was going out to shop. But sis and I had just heard her singing. There was a Robert Palmer album on the (rather nice) stereo. The song was "You Overwhelm Me". She sounded like the first female backup on that track, maybe a little stronger and clearer. Her sister! thought it was her. Our minds were blown.

So when she left me the second time, I redoubled my efforts to die in my sleep via rusty nails, cheap beer, bourbon and such, but I kept waking up.

I eventually got sober, got married (to someone who has met the songbird), had a family, and never really got over how badly I had hurt someone who loved me so much. I used to look at my cheating as some form of stupidity that had some organic cause. Science now thinks depression is a major indicator in infidelity.

And, of course, every AA can tell you "with booze, you lose".

This book helped me deal with negative thought patterns developed over time.



It's painful to know that missing, sometimes aching part of one's heart is non-negotiable, and self-inflicted.

EDIT: Relevance. She painted my portrait. For years, there was something about the perspective in the painting that bothered me. One day I realized, it was as if the painter were in a kneeling position. I finally burned it last year.

u/darthrevan · 9 pointsr/ABCDesis

You are clearly speaking from a rough place in your life right now and feeling very low. I want to start by saying I'm glad you reached out to us here. A lot of people just close up within themselves and sink further into depression, but you decided to open up and communicate. That's very important and shows you actually have more strength than you think. Just wanted to acknowledge you for that before addressing your points.

First nothing is permanent. Your academic failure, your previous experience with women--yes, all that has happened and you can't reverse it now. But there is absolutely no reason whatsoever it has to be the same in the future. Your choices led to your past results, but change your choices and you change your future.

Many people who initially failed at things went on to become very successful at it. Michael Jordan was rejected the first time he tried out for high school basketball. You know why? They thought he was "too short". Think about this for a minute. Imagine if Michael Jordan said "You know what, they're right. I'm not like those tall guys. I'll never be a great basketball player, because I just wasn't born with the right traits." Imagine if that's what he thought! But he didn't. He decided he was going to work harder at proving himself up to the task. And MJ isn't unique, there are tons of stories like this if you look.

That's my overall, biggest point. Don't close the book. You have the power of choice, the power to choose differently and thus experience differently.

Now to your specific statements...

>At 23 years of age

Well right here, let's set something straight: 23 is still very young! Only on Reddit, full of kiddies, is 23 somehow "older" or "mature". I'm in my later 30s, and let me tell you something: I didn't know shit at 23! Like maybe a little bit, but the real learning started after college in the "real world". You sound like you're some old man at the end of his days who's realized "what the world is", but from my perspective--no offense--that's hilarious! I guarantee like 50%+ of what you think you "know" right now you will later realize was completely ass backwards.

>Some guys just have the "x-factor". They have been born with the ability to attract girls.

I brought up the MJ not being "tall enough" example before, but further: yes some people are just naturally more physically attractive given their "baseline" looks. It's ridiculous to deny that. However, and the ladies reading this can confirm this for me, that is not at all the only factor behind a woman's attraction to a man. It has as much if not more to do with how the man carries himself, how he communicates, how interesting he is as a person. You mentioned success later so I'll continue this when I go into that below...

>Should I hire an escort to get rid of my virginity?

100% no. That should be a moment with someone who respects you and cares about you. You're assuming no one ever will, but what I'm trying to point out is that control over that future is up to you. (Historical side note: Friedrich Nietzsche lost his virginity to a prostitute, and regretted it his whole life.)

>my lack of success. I have crap grades with no foreseeable future. No Indian girl in her right mind will want a desi man like that.

You have crap grades up until now, OK. But here's where your being 23 shows: you seem to think "grades" = "life". Only someone who's lived totally in the world of school thinks that. Yes you do have to get back on track, start fresh, and finish your degree. But your resume isn't going to show your GPA, so don't worry so much about that. Your college transcript isn't your "life" transcript!

>What is the best way for me to stop being attracted to Indian girls (I think a lot of them are really pretty?

Well first, you can't stop being attracted to who you're attracted to. If you could, then gays could be "converted" to straight. They obviously report (if they're allowed to be honest) that this 100% fails. So this is kind of silly to attempt anyway.

>, Im just not good enough) I have accepted this fact

Fact? Fact did you say? :) No, this is just your current interpretation of your situation. The facts are what happened, but not what that means about you as a person. Your choices now about what to do in this situation will be what really defines you.

Final note: One book that's very easy to read and that I really, really think would help you a lot right now is this one. It's based on CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and the key insight for them is to separate your interpretations of situations from the facts--sort of the core message here.

Edit: grammerz

u/Moxie1 · 9 pointsr/relationship_advice

Depression is a strong indicator of cheating. Your thought patterns are slightly skewed.

Pick up this book. It helped me as soon as I finished the first chapter.


BTW, if you use booze as an excuse, NOTHING will change.

u/DatBuridansAss · 8 pointsr/Parenting

If you believe the argument put forth by Drs. Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate in their book Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers, it's at least partially because of peer orientation. I recommend the book. Not sure how well it is received, but I really liked it.

u/garblz · 8 pointsr/changemyview

Welcome to the real world. Somehow, someone must have roofied you with a red pill. And let me tell you, it sucks. I fight with it every day.

People sometimes call it a depression. And depression, amongst other things is the red pill. (let's get this staright: im talking about prolonged mild depression, usually of the "I've been like this all my life" kind, and not suicidal tendencies full on negative stuff).

Yeah, the red pill. Depressed people are actually better at seeing how matters really are, it's been scientifically researched. That's because "normal" people are deluding themselves that things are really better than they seem, and it helps them survive the day.

The danger is, being more accurate when it comes to positive delusions and biases, you also lose a bit. Yes, you do realize you have no control over a situation, where an optimist would say otherwise and lose. But you sometimes also think you have no control in stituation where in fact you do.

The problem is, to lead a comfortable life, we do have to lie to ourselves, if just a bit. It's harsh, but that's the truth. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you may start lying to yourelf, but keeping control over which lies you allow yourself to believe in, not to slide over to the other side.

And this is because...

> But what if I get run over by a truck on the way home? Or die a frail old man on a bed?

The you die. No sense in pondering on all possible circumstances, over which you have no control.

> Will they be present in the afterlife? Is there an afterlife?

Quite possibly "no" and "no". There has yet to be a shred of credible evidence pointing the ther way, which brings us to the previous point: don't sweat the stuff you can't control.

> Why did I do all those things?

Ah, now. That's what this all is about, and that is why you need to lie to yourself, just a little. There probably is no God. No higher purpose. It means all of the responsibility is yours. Take it. Seize it. Use it. You have to create meaning, a purpose in your life. A life's purpose is not found, it's made. And only you can do it.

There is nothing that could stop you from going to Germany and becoming that guy who goes on a horse track with a stick and puts the patches of grass ripped by horse hooves back into the holes they left in the ground. Figuratively speaking of course. It's just an example. And you just might find yourself, against all odds, that you enjoy it. That your life is better now.

Now, the lying part. Your body, your brain, your senses they are all lying bastards. They constantly provide you with false information. Starting with optical illusions - look how much you know what's happening behind the scenes, you just can't convince your stupid eyes and brain. And that's why you have to lie to the machinery, to get it to cooperate with your will. You have to train it.

There is no easy way, unless you completely brainwash yourself. The problems you have - people try coping with these every day, and someties choose or unwittingly fall into the easy way. Religion (the blind one type). Sects. Social groups. It's all lying to your brain, in this case it's this overwhelming sense of harmony and higher puropose which comes from being backed up by a throng of people who think the same.

This is lying to yourself of a kind far worse than what I propose. But as always, the better way is much harder.

You have to realize you feel the way you think. Some of the things you think, are just perceptions of reality. But brooding makes you feel wretched. Not because this is how reality is, but because of what brooding makes to your brain chemistry. You have to revert it. But the ways which make your brain respond positively have to be found, by active seeking. You may think "oh, I'm not a go-kart person". Screw what you think. You don't know how your brain will respond, it's already lying to you. You have to atually try something, I can't stress it enough. Playing a guitar. Fucking knitting. Try stuff out.

Body hygiene: physical excercise, set sleep patterns, keeping hydrated.

It all does stuff to your brain, making expenditure of energy needed to try stuff easier. Developing rituals will give you the backbone. Our lives need to have at least some sort of rigor, self-imposed patterns for the brain to feel safe, and be able to explore other possibilities of development. At the beginning this was provided by your parents, now it's your responsibility.

You also need to feel needed. You need to try stuff that will make you feel useful. If you know some subject rather well - go teach someone. Go volunteer. Learn a new subject. Listen to Richard Feynman.

It can feel overwhelming, and you may fear commitment, taht if you pick something up, you have to stick with it, otherwise it makes no sense. I say this is wrong, watch this, and apply.

Yes, the life has no point and no sense. It's time make one for yourself. It won't be easy, it won't make the angst go completely away, but it's worth it.

P.S. Read this book, skip the first few preaching chapters if you need. It will be lying, but hopefully I got across the message, that you have to do some amount of it.

P.S.2. When recording progress (do that), compare yourself to how you were yesterday, a week ago, under no circumstances compare yourself to others. There may be a professional runner who feels miserable, because he compares himself to others. I, having only one leg, may feel better than him, because I was able to go to two places today instead of usual one.

P.S.3. Never, ever tell anyone what you're doing, until after you've done it. Telling someone makes this lying bastard, the brain, tell you you don't need to do it now that you've told someone. For him, telling someone it as good as doing, and you lose the incentive, the motivation.

For all that is holy, do not give delta to anyone. Not until after you've worked on yourself for at least half a year, and are relatively sure you won't 'slide back'.

u/[deleted] · 8 pointsr/skeptic

I feel like this is the internet subscription version of any decent self help book.

u/Justwhatimthinking · 8 pointsr/booksuggestions

I can not recommend this one enough. Really. https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/codemuncher · 8 pointsr/MensLib

I taught myself CBT from a book that cost $6.79: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 and meditation, well there's a lot of internet resources that are cheap or free.


As a commenter posted below, most social services are offered at a state or county level. Local politics is a lot easier to change than you'd think. If you're upset at how your local state is doing, perhaps you should do something about that?


Because, if you're trying to sell that we ought to redirect funding from childrens programs, well, you know that is a futile fight.

u/Gabranth · 8 pointsr/funny

Well, you're in luck http://amzn.com/0762452382

u/irreleventuality · 8 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL
u/mikkylock · 8 pointsr/SeriousConversation

Yes, and it helped me a lot. So if you are interested in starting on your own, you can read this book by Dr. David Burns. There's also a workbook or two depending on what you prefer.

CBT is all about learning how to change the way you think. Basically it's becoming actively involved in your thinking and feeling patterns. It is a good thing to do this with a therapist, because having an objective viewer on your thought processes is invaluable. That said, it doesn't hurt to get started on your own.

u/alimaemia · 8 pointsr/TrollXChromosomes

I found the book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy helpful when I was depressed. Though by the time I was reading it I was self motivated to get out of my pit - which can be a very hard point to get to. I also suffer mostly from negative thought patterns so cognitive behavioural therapy worked well for me, your SO might be different.

Do you have a support system outside of him? Depression does not only affect those who have it, but also the people around them - especially live-in significant others.

u/blue-jaypeg · 8 pointsr/GetMotivated

>"The things you say to your child NOW become the voices in their head in the future"

From a post in Ask Reddit which I cannot find at this time.

There is a cacaphony of critical, judgemental, negative, hurtful, voices which become "Intrusive Thoughts." Loops that playback over and over in your head. Thoughts that undermine your self-confidence or motivation.

Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy
is a book that describes "Cognitive Behavior Therapy"-- where you learn to grab hold of your negative thoughts and tell them to GO AWAY.

If Intrusive Thoughts are seriously holding you back from success and happiness, it's OK to look into medication-- the family of SSRI's and all the related "re-uptake inhibitors" are suprisingly effective at shutting down negative thinking.

u/Axana · 8 pointsr/getdisciplined

What you need to do is stop feeling guilty and stop beating yourself up for not being disciplined. This creates a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy where you accomplish nothing because you made yourself feel too crappy to even try to do anything. Depression is hard enough to deal without piling all of that added negative junk on top of it. What you should do instead is accept your situation, focus on your present needs, and celebrate your victories even if they seem really small. Learn how to do this effectively and then start tackling bigger tasks from there.

There's a very good book about depression called Feeling Good that I strongly recommend you read. There are a few chapters in there that discuss in detail what I've mentioned above getting yourself to do stuff and not feeling bad when it doesn't happen. I suffer from depression myself, and it has helped out a lot.

u/Jordbord · 7 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

No problem, my guy! Okay so book-wise. The two main recommendations are dependent on what it is you're going through, so choose your own adventure I guess...

So for a broad take on what Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (which is what I'm describing above) is with perhaps somewhat more of a focus on depression than anything else I'd go with this: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

However if you want something from the same author that specialises more specifically in CBT for Anxiety it's this: https://www.amazon.co.uk/When-Panic-Attacks-drug-free-therapy/dp/0091929601

I personally read 2/3 the way through the first one wandering when it was going to go more into Anxiety until I found the second one and just went through all of that myself. But as I've mentioned, the first one introduces you to the concept of CBT overall better. But both books have a handful of techniques that help you untangle certain thought illusions (or 'Cognitive Distortions' as they are officially titled) which cause Depression, Anxiety, OCD, Anger, etc.

As for other recommendations; Maybe my second favourite book is 10% Happier by Dan Harris, which is quite a popular one you may have heard of. Basically about an NBC reporter's journey through the world of meditation, which is also a really worthwhile subject to anyone interested in the upkeep of their own mental health or indeed the mental health of others.

Then I guess the book I've gifted the most and my personal favourite is Anxiety As An Ally by Dan Ryckert which is an account of a game journalist's experience with Anxiety growing up. Honestly the easiest book I've ever read. It's just so unpretentious and candid, genuinely funny at points too. I've found it's been a really nice way to get family members to understand what Anxiety or even mental health in general is. A very encouraging and vindicating read for anyone who has dealt with it.

u/ialan2 · 7 pointsr/AsianParentStories

If you don't like counselors or any other method that involves talking to someone there is another way. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

You know that voice inside your head that tells you bad things? CBT is a method of retraining that voice and to change your thinking pattern.

Heres a book I recommend:

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427450877&sr=1-3&keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy

u/ProfessorDoctorMF · 7 pointsr/leaves

So I'm not trying to be a dick by asking this but I have been reading this book about mindfulness and depression that was suggested on /r/Anxiety. One of the things the book talks about is the way depression fucks with our thinking. My question to you is "How do you know things won't get better?" Unless you have some sort of X-Men type power that can see into the future, you don't know that things will not get better. Sure 8 months seems like a long time but if you really really think about it, it's such a small amount of time in your life. Depression can really really cripple your mind. It twists reality into something that isn't the true, and it does it so well that you end up stuck in a loop of negative thinking. You get so down on yourself that you actually start to believe that those negative thoughts seem true. Stopping those negative thoughts is not an easy task, I'll give you that. I have been there, in fact many people have been there. You might be thinking "Dude, no one can understand where I am at right now. You don't know me!" You are right I don't know your struggles, but a struggle is a struggle no matter what it is, am I right? So why compare your struggles to someone elses's? Struggles are on a level playing field. what is not a level playing field is how long it takes us to overcome those struggles, and there should be no shame in that. Why? Because your still trying to overcome those struggles. Trust me in this, and I am sure everyone in this sub can attest to what I am about to say, giving up on overcoming those struggles isn't going to make you feel any better, change your life for the better, or make you feel good about yourself. Eventually it'll land you right back to where you started. The cycle will happen over and over again until you figure it out. Now you gotta ask yourself, how long do I want to stay in that cycle? My whole life? A few more times? Or do I just keep pushing forward, even if it's millimeters at a time? I say go with the millimeters. Sure you might not see immediate results, or maybe you will, but you don't know unless you keep moving those millimeters. And if you fail, accept that it happened. Don't wallow in that drowning sludge of sorrow and guilt. Wallowing just makes it harder. Forgive yourself and move on. I'll suggest 2 books that really have really helped me in understand my anxiety and depression a little better. First one is called The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Feeling Good by David Burns. I know the titles sound super hippy dippy and cheezy. I had that thought as well when they were suggested, but once I started reading them the stuff they were saying made a fuck ton of sense. I found myself often saying "Holy shit! That is exactly how I feel and exactly my thought process. These are not cures, they are tools. Like any tool you can either let it sit there or you can pick it up and try to figure out how to use it to your advantage and you have to keep applying it. It might sound daunting but believe me friend the more you practice it the easier it is. Please give those books a try, I mean considering the alternative (staying where you are at or going back to something that is going to make you feel worse about yourself) what is $20 and an hour of reading for a couple of months? Also, fucking 8 months!!! Holy shit! That is fan-friggin'-tastic. How about staying in it for another two months and make it a year. You're a warrior! You can do it. You just gotta try to break out of that cycle and rewire that negative thought pattern. I promise you it's easier than you think...or your depression thinks.

u/rabenkrahe · 7 pointsr/Buddhism

Interesting discussion, but this description of CBT is a bit misleading. CBT is quite different from simple "positive affirmations", and in fact goes to some lengths to distance itself from that kind of "Pollyanna" approach to changing thoughts and emotions.

A cognitive behavioral therapist would never ever tell a depressed person to "think happy thoughts", but instead would use the Socratic method to carefully examine depressive thoughts like "I'm no good" or "My life has no meaning".

The idea is that by carefully considering the evidence, both negative and positive, one can discover that many negative thoughts are quite unrealistic and that there is an enormous amount of evidence that the world is not as black and white as people often believe.

If anyone's interested in a basic intro to CBT, Feeling Good is a simple, very readable primer on the basics.

u/snarkpowered · 7 pointsr/UnexpectedlyWholesome

Liz Climo!

She’s wonderful. I highly recommend her book Lobster is the Best Medicine

u/snoozyd87 · 7 pointsr/getdisciplined

Hi, 31M, fighting depression, acute social anxiety disorder and suicidal tendencies. I am doing good now. Had a scare a few months ago when a close family member fell really ill, and I really started to put in the effort to turn my life around. It is a work in progress, but I am doing well. My advice:

  1. Realize, first and foremost, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, everything is okay. If you are an Introvert, that is perfectly fine, in fact that is a cause for celebration. You see the world runs on profit, on selling you shit you don't need and is actually harmful to you, and you being introvert is bad for business. Being calm, self-aware, introspective means no more impulse purchases, no more stress-eating, no more constant sugar rush, and most importantly no more addictions. Good for you, horrible for selling you supersaturated soda, processed junk food and drugs.

  2. Realize that being shy and socially awkward is not the same as introversion. These often rise from our deep rooted emotions and conflicts, sometimes we are not aware of them. I'll give a simple example, I have lower back pain since childhood. I recently started exercising and found a fantastic fitness channel on YT. I realized that the cause of my pain was that my Glutes are terribly weak, and my Abs are weak too. My back hurts not because there's something wrong with it, but because it is overworked. My back has to put in 3 times the effort just to stabilize my core and help move my spine. Similarly, The real cause of all your emotional distress can be found, and healed, only when you start to exercise. Which means:

  3. Meditate. Common sense, buddy, just as nobody but yourself can gift you with a healthy and athletic body, only you can find joy and happiness in yourself once you clean out all that fear and anxiety in your mind. Of course, a good teacher or a good book helps, just as with exercise. Simple breathing meditation. Sit comfortably. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Focus on the flow of breath. The mind will wander. Gently bring it back. Try it, start with what I did: try to perform just 3 perfect cycles. If you want to understand the scientific basis for why Meditation works, read: The Mind Illuminated | John Yates, Matthew Immergut, Jeremy Graves

    Some more reading: If you want to know how meditation helps the mind, read the best book on cognitive therapy:Feeling Good | David Burns.

    For instructions on breathing and mindfulness meditation, there are many great resources online. Also check out /r/Meditation.

  4. The one thing, the one attribute that defines us and helps us most in time of need is Willpower. There is this reservoir of strength inside you, an untapped fountain of energy that will sweep away all the uncertainty, fear and pain once you tap into it. Read this: The Will power Instinct | Kelly McGonigal.

  5. Develop some good habits. Wake up early. Keep tidy. Meditate. Exercise. Eat healthy. Read. Habits play a crucial role in forming us, and many of these habits are critical to our success or failure. Read this: The Power of Habit | Charles Duhigg.

  6. Finally, find a goal in your life. A goal that fulfills you, gives you purpose, and makes you whole. We have a word in Sanskrit: 'Samriddhi'. It means physical, mental and spiritual fulfillment. An observation: your financial well-being is a key factor in your happiness, because it directly affects you and your ability to care for and help others. Understanding how money works and how to enjoy a steady and growing flow of income is a key skill that is often neglected. Yes it is a skill that can be learned and trained just like exercise, with just a bit of help from our old friend willpower.

  7. Lastly remember you are not weak, fragile, pushover or any of these silly things. You are good. You are beautiful, strong and confident, and don't you dare think otherwise.

    I leave you with this song: Get up! Be good. PM me if you need anything.
u/npsimons · 7 pointsr/suggestmeabook
u/cat-gun · 7 pointsr/SexWorkers

My sympathies. I've not burnt out from sex work, but I have burnt out from other kinds of work, and I've found these two books to be helpfu:

  1. Do you enjoy any of your clients? Have any regulars that you like? If so, perhaps you can limit your clients to those you get along with.

  2. Have you considered taking an extended break (assuming that's possible financially)? Maybe going for a long hike along the Appalachian trail, or working on an organic farm in Costa Rica?

  3. People who treat other people poorly have often been treated poorly themselves. Or they feel weak and powerless. As a result, they try to make themselves feel more powerful by cutting other people down. As a sex worker, you sometimes provide comfort and pleasure to people with such wounded psyche's. But their behavior not really about you, it's about the pain they feel inside. Perhaps viewing yourself as a 'psychic nurse' trying to soothe someone's internal pain will help not taking your client's bad behavior personally.
u/WanderingJones · 7 pointsr/selfhelp

The big key is you need something repeatable that you can practice. For that I like cognitive behavioral therapy (I would read Feeling Good) and meditation (I like Meditation in Plain English, a free book). CBT is a good way to stop believing things that aren't true and meditation is a good way to help ignore the things that are.

u/bokertovelijah · 7 pointsr/AskAcademia

Also, you were smart enough to get into the program, and that's the bottom line. Good enough gets the same degree as everybody better.

I was advised to read Feeling Good by a friend who felt the same way, and the activities in there helped me tremendously.

u/pilibitti · 7 pointsr/OneY

Hi there!

>I don't think it's depression. I've had moments of extreme loneliness, but It's never been crippling. I can function just fine.

Honestly, you sound pretty depressed. You don't need to be crippled by it to be depressed. For some people it is mild, and stays that way (or goes away). For some, it becomes worse over time. But the way you describe screams depression to me.

As a practical guide, look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for a start. You don't require a therapist for it (although it would be nice but I know you won't (or can't) be going that route as a start). So I suggest you this book. I witnessed it helping tremendously to many people first hand (if you do your CBT homework as presented in the book). Research it first and see what you are getting into. This is not an ad, if you want I can send you a digital copy (pirated) or you can find it online. I just want you to consider it. Best of luck.

u/sorokine · 7 pointsr/selfhelp

Hey,

Congratulations on your decision to get help! You can do it. In you post history, I can see that you struggle with depression.

First, where are you located? Are you in Europe, in the US, somewhere else? In most places, you can find therapists. Are you still in school or studying? Many schools and universities offer free mental health councelling. Check those out! Depending on your situation, you might be able to qualify for government assistance. I am not in the US, but I believe you can check HealthCare.gov to find out if you qualify and take your next steps from there. If you don't qualify, there is a very cool blog post by a psychologist on how to get mental health care on a budget: http://slatestarcodex.com/2018/04/25/mental-health-on-a-budget/

Let me quote from that article:

"This section is on ways to do therapy if you cannot afford a traditional therapist. There may also be other options specific to your area, like training clinics attached to colleges that charge “sliding scale” fees (ie they will charge you less if you can’t afford full price).

1. Bibliotherapy: If you’re doing a specific therapy for a specific problem (as opposed to just trying to vent or organize your thoughts), studies generally find that doing therapy out of a textbook works just as well as doing it with a real therapist. I usually recommend David Burns’ therapy books: Feeling Good for depression and When Panic Attacks for anxiety. If you have anger, emotional breakdowns, or other borderline-adjacent symptoms, consider a DBT skills workbook. For OCD, Brain Lock.

2. Free support groups: Alcoholics Anonymous is neither as great as the proponents say nor as terrible as the detractors say; for a balanced look, see here. There are countless different spinoffs for non-religious people or people with various demographic characteristics or different drugs. But there are also groups for gambling addiction, sex addiction, and food addiction (including eating disorders). There’s a list of anxiety and depression support groups here. Groups for conditions like social anxiety can be especially helpful since going to the group is itself a form of exposure therapy.

3. Therapy startups: These are companies like BetterHelp and TalkSpace which offer remote therapy for something like $50/week. I was previously more bullish on these; more recently, it looks like they have stopped offering free videochat with a subscription. That means you may be limited to texting your therapist about very specific things you are doing that day, which isn’t really therapy. And some awful thinkpiece sites that always hate everything are also skeptical. I am interested in hearing experiences from anyone who has used these sites. Until then, consider them use-at-your-own-risk." (end quote)

There are also sections on prescription medicine and on supplements in that article. Check it out!

If you are in a particularly bad spot or just need somebody to talk, there are lots of phone lines and services where you can call in for free. One example: https://www.crisistextline.org/depression/ (US-based).

There are also subreddits like /r/depression where you can get help from people who actually know what they are talking about.

​

Good luck and hang in there!

​

​

u/vhmPook · 7 pointsr/AskMen

You have to learn to realize your thoughts don't always make logical sense and combat them either in the moment or before they jump on you. I'd strongly recommend the book Feeling Good which goes into detail about some cognitive behavioral therapy techniques.

In general and for me, I accept too much blame for things or assume things will go badly. A quick short cut for me is to place the blame back outward. An easy example might be something like showing up to the wrong movie time. "It's not my fault we showed up to the wrong movie time, my girlfriend was the one to look up the times on her phone, no reason for me to feel awkward."

u/ThunderMountain · 7 pointsr/polyamory

You’ve already done a service by explaining to him some reasons behind the break-up. At this point it’s more important to take care of yourself.

You should seek professional help for the self harm, but also checkout the book, “feeling good” the new mood therapy by David D. Burns, M.D. Amazon has a feel sample

Also heres an episode of the Multiamory podcast directly related to break-up that I’ve found very helpful myself.

70 - Polyamorous Breakups

u/MavEric01 · 6 pointsr/hiphopheads

Feeling Good by David Burns it's great for anyone, depressed or not

u/Majestika · 6 pointsr/relationships

Hoo boy, I've been in a similar situation. In fact I'm just sort of pulling myself out of a similar situation. So much of what you wrote resonated with me.

Here's the deal. I'm obviously not a therapist or anything, but I've seen a few, and I've found some things that have helped me, and I'll try to share them with you.

First of all, you need to stop thinking of this as something you're doing to your boyfriend. Depression and anxiety are mental health disorders. Think of it like a chronic illness or allergy. The goal should be to figure out strategies to let you live your life as comfortably/normally as possible, just like treating a chronic illness. Right now, your goal is to get through your last exam and finish your thesis (that was my big issue too!). So there absolutely are "treatments" for depression and anxiety, and they aren't all medication-based.

The thing that I've found most helpful is something called cognitive behavioral therapy. It's basically an attempt to train yourself to control the thoughts that make you upset and anxious, and to find strategies to help you through situations that trigger your depression and anxiety. This might be something you could ask your therapist to help you with, or you can try it yourself! Here are some resources that you might find helpful:

A book I've read that is full of concrete techniques to help yourself during times of emotional stress (like right now, when you have to worry about a thesis and an exam and a distant boyfriend!) is called Feeling Good. It's quite a popular book so you might be able to get a cheap used copy or find it for free online.

I just found this site which has a whole section of self help techniques for dealing with anxiety specifically is called AnxietyBC. I haven't tried any of the suggested techniques myself, but they seem to have lots of suggestions and further resources.

Finally, if you have a smart phone with app capability, you can try SAM. It was developed by a team of psychologists, students, and computer scientists. I use this app myself, and find it quite helpful in situations where I'm feeling particularly anxious or upset.

Again, look at this as a health issue that you need to find ways to treat effectively. There are lots of concrete techniques you can find online or in books, and your therapist may know a few as well. You may have to try a number of them to figure out what works for you. If you're persistent, you could get to the point where you are in control of your depression and anxiety almost 100% of the time!

As a side note, I've dealt with boyfriends who just don't understand depression and anxiety. I've tried giving them reading material I've found online or just talking to them about what depression is. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Depression is a confusing thing for people who don't have the disorder. I think the most important thing is that your boyfriend acknowledges that this is a health issue that is not your fault. Maybe that's as far as he gets in understanding. That could work for you two. You can develop a tool kit of techniques and things that make you feel better when you're dealing with a bout of depression or anxiety, and then you won't need to rely on him for support he doesn't know how to give.

Hope this helps....you can get through this, ok?

u/Nuclear_Siafu · 6 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns would work well as a starting point. It doesn't take extensive preparation or much special knowledge to start work on CBT, but it does require you to commit to doing the exercises. The book isn't a replacement for a mental healthcare professional. Aside from it being just generally helpful to have someone talk you through the exercises, a professional can help you with issues that may be keeping you from doing the work in the first place.

u/earthyTara · 6 pointsr/askTO

Enter your postal code to find comm centres and times near you for free drop-in programs geared towards babies.
https://www.ontario.ca/page/find-earlyon-child-and-family-centre


(I'd like to include my 2cents here also: go and expose your baby to social environments as time out of the house, but just don't feel pressured to do so. There is this notion in our culture that we must 'prime' our babies to socialization when nothing could be further from the truth. What they actually need is a long term relationship with a fully attached, fully loving caregiver(s). I think this should be required reading for all new parents: https://www.amazon.ca/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0307361969/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536941112&sr=8-1&keywords=hold+on+to+your+kids)


OK back to our regularly scheduled program. Have fun out there!

u/Blomsterhagens · 6 pointsr/Eesti

Olen ise sama asja kogenud ja sinust paar aastat vanem. Isiklikust kogemusest:

  1. Mindfulness / meditation aitab väga palju, kui seda iga päev 10-15min teha. Sam Harrise app on kõige parem. See on teaduslik fakt, et mindfulness muudab aju ühendusmustreid.
  2. Liikumine on oluline. 15-20min, kui hommikul esimese asjana teha, on suureks abiks. Kui aga see harjumus puudub, siis on end väga raske seda tegema saada, eriti kui samal ajal ise augus oled. Uuri mindhacke, kuidas omaenda aju "cheatida", et uksest välja saada. Minu puhul on aidanud kõige rohkem see, et ma jagan ülesande tükkideks. Ma ei lähe mitte välja jooksma, vaid panen lihtsalt Ühe jooksutossu jalga. Siis teise. Siis teen ukse lahti. Jne.
  3. Aju on samamoodi füüsiline organ, nagu maks või neerud. Kui inimesel on maks haige, siis ei ole tavaliselt mingit probleemi rohu võtmisega. Miks siis ajuga teisiti peaks olema? Depressioon / ärevus on kõik füüsilised probleemid - neid tekitab mingi aine üleküllus või liialt madal seis ajus. Kui selleks on vajadus, siis rohud on täiesti okei lahendus. Kindlasti võta sel teemal arstiga ühendust.
  4. Alkoholist ja tubakast hoia eemal. Ma jätsin alkoholi joomise veebruaris maha ja see on mu elu väga palju paremaks teinud, igas valdkonnas. Ajule on alkohol mürk - iga klaas vähendab prefrontal cortexis ajurakke, mis ei kasva enam kunagi tagasi. Lisaks on alkohol ise depressant.
  5. Kõige parem kombinatsioon on rohud + teraapia. Teraapiat on mitu eri liiki - Kognitiivne teraapia, Pereteraapia jne. Ärevuse vastu tavaliselt soovitatakse kõige rohkem kognitiivset teraapiat. Selle jaoks on ka hea raamat - "The New Mood Therapy".
u/Groumph09 · 6 pointsr/secretsanta

Book 1

Book 2

Book 3

  • Added for Ducks81.
u/coinedanoob · 6 pointsr/LifeAfterNarcissism

Have you ever looked into cognitive behavioral therapy? It helps change the tone of your negative inner narrative but it does take some work on your part. I'm not 100% better, but it helps.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_oAdAwbYB9BHWR

u/Terny · 6 pointsr/GetMotivated

I'm introverted and used to be very awkward and shy. At around 17 I noticed it was an area I needed to improve so I started to look around. These are some of the stuff that has helped me change from Shy to energetic (being introverted never changes though but, I love it). Wanting to change is the most important part of it all, you can have all the resources in the world and just not make it because you don't really want it. now, off to the books:

  • "How to Win friends and Influence People" - Dale Carnegie
  • "Think and Grow Rich" - Napoleon Hill (not really a book about being more social, but i always recommend it)
  • "The War of Art" - Steven Pressfield (Book about overcoming comfort/laziness)
  • stuff by leil lowndes (Look around at the stuff she's written and pick what interests you)

    ***
    Some subs:

  • I cannot recommend much for depression as its pretty foreign to me (no family/friends or myself have suffered from it) but there is /r/depression, so check it out if you want to.

  • I'd recommend inner game stuff from /r/seduction. They do lots of strange things that turn people off but they're inner game is solid. To skip their front-page just check this. They recommend this book for depression.

  • /r/socialskills

  • I also recommend exercising (/r/Fitness, /r/loseit or /r/gainit).

  • /r/malefashionadvice /r/malelifestyle /r/everymanshouldknow

    Avoid what is hurting your growth. Basically, anything you abuse (keyword there) from video games to alcohol to masturbation (you'll know what it is). A good way to get rid of bad habits is to start filling your time with positive ones until the good overcomes the bad. Find a hobby that will get you socializing (almost all will). Some examples: sports (martial arts as stated before, any sport really), art (music, drama, painting lessons), if you're in school or college there's definitely clubs out there. Donating your time and effort to a good cause. Voluntary work always gives a great sense of worth and happiness.

    Just remember, you've described things that you currently are (shy, insecure, awkward) all of these will change only if YOU want to. Most of them are overcomed by comming out of your comfort zone (its simple, not easy). Your comfort zone is probably very small, all you gotta do is widen it. You gotta have to want to change and improve more than you want to stay the way you are. Nobody is the same person as they were yesterday so make sure that the person you'll be tomorrow is better than who you are today. Good Luck.
u/boogerdew · 6 pointsr/BipolarReddit

Just a few things that come to mind:

Self-Awareness> There are a lot of ways to work on this and most of them are worth trying. An effective goal might be to find some things that work for awhile, and prepare yourself to seek out other options when those don’t offer the same effectiveness. I’m pretty sure that when we dedicate the time to it, we provide ourselves with information that empowers us to make the decisions that bring about our idea of success.

Expectations> Most of us don’t want to fail. A lot of us feel like if we don’t meet the expectations that we’ve set for ourselves then we’re failures. This often causes some of us to avoid things that we feel we won’t “succeed” at. Hey, I’m not saying we shouldn’t set high goals for ourselves... but when we don't meet our expectations, maybe we could slowly get better at treating ourselves with the kind of love and encouragement that we would extend to our most loved of loved ones when they "fail."

Exercise> God damn it I hate exercise. I wore a button in fifth grade that said: I’m too out of shape to exercise. I’m thirty-nine now and I’ve still never had a consistent workout regimen. For a lot of us, this shit is probably harder than everything else we’ll consider in this thread. But there’s plenty of evidence to show that when the rest of our body is functioning at a more optimal level that we have more tools to work with, and that our tools are more effective. I hate exercise.

Group Discussion> Last year I attended an intensive outpatient group therapy program. This was my first experience with group therapy and I freaking love that shit. I learned that the gems to mine from this experience have very little to do with whoever is leading the group or which organization is providing the facility... as long as you feel like everyone is given the opportunity to share without reproach. Empathy is what it’s all about. The more courageous you are about sharing your struggles, the more empowered your fellow group members will be to do the same. When empathy is flowing freely most people are able to recognize some of their own cognitive distortions, AND help others find their own. Not every group is going to function well, but I think it’s well worth the effort to find on that does. You might start with looking into a DBSA group near you. My advice would be to look for one with 10-15 attendees. If you've got insurance that will cover it, you might check into an Intensive Outpatient Group Therapy program offered by a local hospital.

Books> These are just a few that have offered me some help—and a few that I just acquired but haven’t read yet.

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength

Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain

Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice from the Best in the World

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy



Also, this is me patting you on the back lovingly and then turning it into a hug:



Did you feel it?



Disclaimer: I’m currently doing pretty poorly at all of these things.

u/jherazob · 6 pointsr/TrueReddit

Your problem is not demography or sexual selection, it's your beliefs. Despite of everything you've said, even nerdy "ugly" people keep finding mates. You're seeing reality through some rather dark mental filters.

Go to your library, bookstore or Amazon and get this book. It's pretty old and small, so you can get it used for a couple of bucks. Then use it. It'll show you exactly why are you seeing the world through that dark filter, and why is it wrong.

At a glance the mental distortions you're showing seem to be almost all of the list, from overgeneralization, to discounting the positive, to mind reading, labeling.

There is hope, you're not stuck forever in loneliness-land, but you gotta do the work, and it does not require drinking the hate kool-aid from TRP at all. Change yourself and you'll change the world around you.

u/vty · 6 pointsr/Austin

Ignoring the ad hominem, there is so much wrong with your post. Do you seriously think that doctors/lawyers don't get dumped because of their salary? You think that every single woman out there will put up with abuse, a bad relationship, boredom, or whatever typical complaint that breaks a couple up because of a higher than average salary? Yeah, some will, but if you think there aren't strong and intelligent women out there that won't .. I don't even know what to say. That's pretty misogynistic.

I wasn't trying to be a dick with my post, I was trying to give you advice- you sound like you've got some self esteem issues that you should work on. We all do, but being ignorant to them or lashing out at someone giving advice doesn't hurt anyone but yourself. For instance, I'm short and sometimes I let it get to me. I have to seriously kick myself in the balls a few times to build up the confidence to talk to a taller woman. I go to the Marquee all the time and I swear the average height of a woman at the clubs is 5'10, way taller than me. I had a problem for a long time where I'd make a snap-judgement and assume a woman who is 5'10 would sure as hell not want to talk to a dude who is 5'7. I mean, why, when she can talk to some 6'0 guy? I was making excuses for myself to keep me from the possibility of rejection, basically what you're doing with the whole money thing.


"Had the goods stolen from me," woah, dude. I can see the inner caveman in you just screaming "Thats my property!" Nothing was stolen from me, our relationship wasn't perfect and she found somebody that she enjoyed being with more. She's actually engaged now, and I'm happy for her. She's not a commodity to own or control, she's her own woman.

Anyway, the gist of my post was you're blanketing women with some ridiculous stigma because you had one woman leave you for a rich guy and maybe a few bad dates. I hope at some point you sit back and realize how ridiculous it is and how the only person being hurt by any of this is yourself.

There's a few books I'd like to recommend that are amazing and helped me out quite a bit. I used to be a very bitter/negative/snap-judgement person. I still can be from time to time, but I try to be cognizant of it.

Apart from cognitive behavioral therapy these helped me out a lot;

u/BuddyDharma · 6 pointsr/Christianity

Cognitive behavioral therapy. Take the thought that makes you unhappy -- the idea that eternity makes your tiny mortal life meaningless -- and confront it rationally. This is REALLY hard to do with religion (ask me how I know), but consider that physical scale is not an indication of importance. Consider the humble mitochondrion. Also consider Matt. 10:29 "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care." God is perfectly capable of extending intimate attention to any area of his creation.

Anyway, I'm not doing it justice. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy is a really good book on the topic. Or talk to your therapist/psychiatrist about it.

Anyway, hang in there.

u/sometimesineedhelp · 6 pointsr/Meditation

It's a non-meditation suggestion, so I'm not sure how well received my suggestion will be, but this is the sort of thing CBT is really good at conquering... While it covers a lot more than just habitual negative daydreaming, getting in the habit of that way of thinking will just naturally cause those to lessen...

I'd suggest starting with either of David D. Burns MD's "feeling good" books http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404226616&sr=1-1 or http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404226705&sr=1-1&keywords=feeling+good+handbook

u/datamicrohelix · 6 pointsr/ADHD

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy!! This book gives great tools and really helps you learn to sort through all of those crazy thoughts. There’s a specific chapter on “do nothingism” that specifically relates to the issues in this post. If you can’t afford to buy a book or can’t sit down long enough to read, there are sparknotes/condensed versions of each chapter all over the place online for free.

u/WhiteTigerZimri · 6 pointsr/actuallesbians

Finding meaningful platonic friendships can be a bit like dating in a way, as you have to keep meeting people, spending time getting to know them, and looking for people who want a similar kind of connection to you. I have a rule of three to help avoid getting into one-sided friendships, where I reach out first three times but after that leave it up to the other person to contact me first. If they don't, I move on and look for other people who actually
reciprocate. Participating in regular shared group activities can also help e.g. weekly meet up groups, an adult education course, or a sports team.

I also found the following books quite useful and would recommend them:

Friendships Don't Just Happen! by Shasta Nelson

Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness

u/Old_School_New_Age · 6 pointsr/stopdrinking

You remember the annoying old saying old folks use "If you set your mind to something, you can do it?"

You're proving it, and making your life better (and yourself safer)>

If you aren't currently taking any supplements, a multivitamin and 200Iu of vitamin D daily are a good idea. The multi for obvious reasons, the D helps fight depression and makes many of the other vitamins more effective.

Keep up the good work. And for those rough patches, I recommend having this book.

It may be at your local library. You don't need it now, you are in a good, positive place. But for when it seems to be raining every day, and nothing's going quite right, it can be a huge help. It was for me.

u/puaCurveBall · 6 pointsr/seduction

Stop focusing and thinking about the negatives. Think about the positives. Everytime you catch yourself thinking about a reason you can't be successful, think of two reasons you CAN be successful, which can even be as simple as you are motivated to succeed.

The only thing holding you back with girls that is that you THINK you have problems, not anything you actually mention. No money, think your ugy, lanky? That is all bullshit man, if you were comfortable with yourself the girls will not care.

Approach more, and just fucking ask "Hey, are you single?" in the first 5 minutes. Nothing wrong with this especially if its going to be in the back of your mind.

Nature doesn't select against beauty man, it filters against signs that you are fit to mate. Pre-selection, leader of men, protector of loved ones, etc. etc. You present the best you and you will be rolling in women.

I can tell you right now, with basically 100% certainty that it is all of your negative self-thoughts that are killing you with women. You have all this crap in the back of your head "She has a bf, I've never kissed a girl, I'm too ugly, she is going to reject me, this will never work" and it comes out in the conversation and body language.

I would highly suggest you start meditating and get your head straight, try to find some peace with who you are as a person.

In the mean time, I'd suggest you follow some of the more strict material methods, get yourself some good personal DHV stories and bring up the topic of sex at some point, you need to be viewed as a sexual person not just some random fun guy.

Report back after starting a regular meditation practice and asking "Are you single"(after opening) for 10 approaches.

Edit: I highly suggest the book "Feeling Good". I think it could help you get ahold of the negative self-views.

u/soflogator · 6 pointsr/mentalhealth

Here is a video that was helpful to me when I first discovered the unhelpful thinking styles that you are talking about (they are called "cognitive distortions" and are a foundation upon which CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) is built upon). There is an exercise in it the video I did (with pen and paper) that helped me start to deal with my own poor thinking habits and get better at rectifying them.

I own the book Feeling Good which also has some Do-it-yourself CBT exercises in it that I've done.

I'm not an expert and to be honest I should probably do some more of this stuff myself, I've gotten a bit lazy about it but I do remember it being incredibly eye-opening! Even now I can catch myself getting into to those thought patterns and recognize the cognitive distortion in play and help prevent myself from going further down that train of thought and try re-orient my thinking back to reality.

I'm happy to share this with you, hope it's helpful :)

u/sherberber · 5 pointsr/leaves

Don't discount your feelings of neglect regarding your girlfriend. It actually is rational to feel that way. Long distance relationships are ridiculously hard. I'm not saying she needs to change her behavior and text you back more promptly, but maybe you need to find something/one other than her with which to occupy yourself. As sexual beings, we need connection and compassion and it's rough when you cannot achieve these feelings with your partner. It can also put a huge strain on a relationship if one person is leaning on the other for happiness.

I get those depressive moods once I start quitting. I'm actually unsure of how to fix the depression, which is why I've booked a therapist. You could try reading a self-help book Feeling Good is a popular, well-reviewed book, as well as occupying your time with hobbies and interests that you can do on your own.

u/melikeyguppy · 5 pointsr/freelance

I have worked in fundraising or resource development for 20+ years. I was phobic about asking for donations, but learned a simple thing. My job is to ask for money and not beg or apologize. I simply ask for $XXX and wait.

This skill helps with invoicing. My job is to bill (it's in the contract) and their job is to pay. It's nothing special. Actually, I find it harder to ask clients to do work than invoicing them. I hate "bothering" them to answer a question or review a document.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may help. You would learn to identify your distorted thinking and then counteract it with alternative thoughts. Research has found it effective for depression and anxiety.

You can learn CBT on your own. David Burns' Feeling Good, the Mood Therapy is a great book that teaches CBT techniques.



u/ThrowawayPUA · 5 pointsr/seduction

I agree. It is common for guys to have severe social anxiety problems that are better dealt with through therapy or other professional treatments, before you can even think about doing pickup actively.

One of the earliest books known to the pickup community is Feeling Good by David Burns which is a sort of do-it-yourself Cognitive Behavioral Therapy system. It is no substitute for licensed professionals, but it is a good start. It talks about many of the basic concepts used in the pickup community, but without any of the jargon or techniques we use.

One thing I particularly dislike is people who promote the idea of "rejection therapy." I don't even know where this stupid idea started. Rejection Therapy is a misguided belief that you can desensitize yourself to rejection and social anxiety by deliberately trying to get people to reject you, and getting rejected over and over. Do not do this. All it will do is reinforce your anxieties. You already know how to be rejected. Learn how to not be rejected.

u/syntheticproduct · 5 pointsr/therapy

You can get this book - Feeling Good by David Burns for 6 to 8 dollars on Amazon (assuming you're in the US)

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_kO0wCb9B871X6

One of the best books ever written on depression

u/anpeneMatt · 5 pointsr/socialanxiety

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns is a great choice. It doesn't focus on SA but rather on anxiety and depression more generally but you can use the methods to approach social anxiety just as well.

There are a couple others which could help you muster up the strength ideologically, like Rejection Proof or The Charisma Myth

It all comes down to being consistent and getting a bit stronger, a bit less anxious day by day. I wish you the very best!

u/farrbahren · 5 pointsr/raisedbyborderlines

This was my first holiday home after discovering and coming to grips with the fact that I was raised by a uBPD mother. It was difficult for me too, but I feel like being armed with that information opened the door for growth. I'm also finding (as a 30 year old man) that it is painful to start processing all of this now, but I think in the long run it will be worth it. Even just reading Surviving a Borderline Parent is stressful and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

You're not alone, and I'd even venture to say that your reaction is pretty normal. It's going to be important to establish some healthy outlets to deal with the anxiety you're feeling. I suggest:

  1. Try to get some regular exercise,
  2. Give yourself something to do other than eat and drink,
  3. Try to limit yourself to 3 drinks,
  4. Bad sleep due to anxiety can be a vicious cycle, so maybe consider Melatonin,
  5. Consider reading either Feeling Good or When Panic Attacks (both by David D. Burns)

    I can't recommend those two books highly enough. The former is better if you're feeling more depressed, the latter if you're feeling more anxious. Both are basically Cognitive Behavior Therapy for dummies.
u/just_another_primate · 5 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

My self-talk was a non-stop flood of corrosive negativity. Like, so fucking cruel and toxic it was agonizing.

I can suggest some things that helped me quiet those voices:

  • Read Feeling Good and do some online research on CBT

  • Keep a journal. It'll help you be mindful of your thoughts

  • Remember that just because you have a thought, it doesn't mean that thought is true.

  • Challenge your dis-empowering thoughts and look for evidence against them.

  • Start each day listening to something from Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Earl Nightingale, Owen Cook, etc. Also read (or read the online summary) of The 4 Agreements, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, the 6 Pillars of Self Esteem, Dale Carnegie, Brian Tracy...

  • Take positive action. I started doing volunteer work, and helping others really helped me

  • Continue to write in your journal.


    You can beat this.
u/bottledgreentea · 5 pointsr/AskWomen

Professional help is a game changer. Please, if you can, get professional help. If you can't because you can't afford it, I would recommend books.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1503273693&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1503273704&sr=1-1&keywords=the+happiness+trap

These two books helped me very much. But I also read them while doing talk therapy.

u/margr8 · 5 pointsr/Austin

Once you find a therapist, here's a good article to read through before your first visit: https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to-expect-in-your-first-counseling-session/

If things aren't clicking between you and the therapist after the first couple of visits, don't be afraid to cancel future appointments and try another one. (Don't just ghost them though; make sure you cancel the appointments or they could charge you a cancellation fee.)

The first therapist I ever went to fell asleep during our first meeting. I called the next day and told her I didn't think it was going to work out.

If you decide you don't want or can't afford therapy, here is a really good book: https://amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ I've used it a couple of times to help me out of a slump.

Just remember that it's OK to ask for help.

u/ouroboros87 · 5 pointsr/socialskills

Huh, only terrible people have answered you at this point. It seems it's up to me to treat you like an actual human being, with actual compassion! I know you didn't explicitly ask for advice, but I'll just write this out, and you'll consider it if you want.

  1. I don't want to assume anything, but did something make you "shut [yourself] off in [your] brain?" Why haven't you been "feeling [anything] for the past 25 years?" I see you say you tried counselling, but sometimes it can be tough to completely open up and tearing open past wounds. And even then, properly addressing them and moving on is a quite a feat. But if it means being able to be more comfortable with life and with yourself, then surely it would be worth it?

  2. Drastic change just won't happen quickly. I wish it weren't so, but that's the way it is. And when your expectations are too high, it's so easy to set yourself up for disappointment. Have you tried setting very simple, measurable social goals? As in, "have eye contact and smile with two strangers every day?" If you only see yourself as a failure, you'll see failure as your only possibility.
  3. Be kind to yourself. I know how difficult that is (really, I do, it's a daily struggle for me), but what use is to be so hard with yourself? It's only going to make you feel worse. I don't know if you know much about cognitive-behaviour therapy, but I think Feeling Good, by David Burns, could really help you put some perspective with your thinking. It's super cheap and an easy read, too, so there's not much risk to it!

    Okay I don't know if you'll read all this or if you'll find this at all helpful, but I just want to say that I'm convinced that no one is stuck in a situation they don't like, as inconceivable as that may be when you're the one stuck in it. We all have the possibility to make changes in our lives, and indeed we are the only ones to have control on our own lives. Don't forget that!
u/whereismyrobot · 5 pointsr/RelationshipsOver35

Agree with the other poster. You need new friends so you won't stifle your other friends.

You might want to read Feeling Good by David Burns. It shines a light on this kind of predictive thinking.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/BrianW1983 · 5 pointsr/Advice

I'm 36 years old and live alone. It's a lot quieter and cheaper than being married.

The first thing you should remember is that happiness and self-esteem comes from within. There are tons of rich celebrities that are extremely attractive and are miserable.

I highly recommend you read the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. You can get it for free at your library or on Amazon.com. I wish I had read it when I was your age. It basically shows you how to think your way to happiness, regardless of your circumstances.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=1IWFF3ZUUEWUR&keywords=feeling+good+by+david+burns&qid=1555266687&s=gateway&sprefix=feeling+good&sr=8-1

What to do with your life should be to try to help other people. I highly recommend picking a religion and sticking with it. American culture hates religion but almost all the studies show that religious people are happier than atheists.

Good luck and keep us updated.

u/alexbarrett · 5 pointsr/webcomics

As someone who suffers from anxiety, why shouldn't people get annoyed if you're repeating yourself over and over again? I get annoyed when people won't shut the fuck up about something too.

I doubt many people (some though, sure) would respond with the quotes in image 7, that might just be your anxiety putting words into people's mouths.

It is possible to get the kind of support offered in image 6 internally instead of relying on other people.

u/Afrojitsu · 5 pointsr/wichita

Here's the deal.

I've seen your posts around the Wichita and depression subreddits. I remember because whenever I see you post you sound pretty similar to me. I've been depressed for several years, gotten down to just a couple friends, socially anxious, etc. Recently I've been taking really good care of these problems, though. I've started seeing a therapist, reading a few EXCELLENT books (take a look at this one and this one. They're life changers) and putting all this help to work in my life.

I didn't think I would, but I have noticed subtle changes happening in my life. It's taken a few months, but it feels like I'm finally on my way to being more or less "normal", or at least not having to worry about my depression or freaking out when I am in a social situation. In my classes and at work (I'm a sophomore at WSU) I have been starting to talk to more people and have been able to hold pleasant conversations for at least a few minutes. I've even gotten a couple people's numbers, which for me is a fucking milestone.

Ditch the negative attitude. How you live is fleshed out by how you're thinking about life in general. Seriously, give those two books a chance and read them cover to cover. They will help you out, I promise. Consider even seeing a therapist. PM me if you'd like the number of my guy, he's very nice and easy to talk to, has a great way of putting things into perspective and is introverted like me, which I'm guessing you are as well. It's not going to be easy, and is going to take some serious self-reflection, but the earlier you start the sooner you will be able to be happy with your life. Good luck.

EDIT: Now that I think about it, seeing a therapist should be first on your list of priorities. If you have the money, do it. Having someone there to help you (and a professional at what they do, at that) will help you much more than reading a book on your own could.

u/flash42 · 5 pointsr/INTP

INTP here as well. I too failed many a class (mostly in college, though, not HS). In fact, I never even graduated. I fell into cycles of optimism at the beginning of each semester. As other things that weren't my actual coursework absorbed me, I started missing classes and getting behind. Eventually, I crossed a point of no return and decided that the class was a lost cause, and gave up on it entirely. My transcript is full of incompletes and 0.0s out of 4.0!

Do I regret it? Kind-of... I used to carry a lot of guilt and embarrassment about not finishing. Only recently, and with some actual pay therapy with someone competent was I able to come to terms with this guilt and let it go. Would I do it differently if I could get a do-over? Definitely.

Now, I got lucky after I dropped out. I got a great job (initially making squat) at a small company where I could exercise my INTP genius-skills. This has allowed me to grow into a six-figure salary with future interests in the company. Now, this is all well and good, but again, it was luck. I can't guarantee that you will see the same success if you drop out of college or high school.

Here's what I would do, if I were you. First, get the book Feeling Good by David Burnes. This will go a long way towards "fixing" some of that depression you may have. It is a very practical book that can teach you to short circuit your own negative thoughts. As an INTP you will find this easy to do. Don't worry, I used to think self-help books were bullshit too, this one is actually really good. Seriously, this book changed my life.

Next, knock off the bullshit. You need to kick yourself in the ass a bit. The fact that you are posting here and reaching out is great. But it also tells me that part of you knows you are "excusing" your behavior. Knock that shit off. It is not doing you any favors, and you know you are better than that. The previously mentioned book will help, but you need to acknowledge your culpability and actually want to do something about it.

Finally, find your genius. If it's Comp Sci, cool (I'm in a related field). Focus on developing your skills. Become a master. You have the mind and ability for it, whatever it is. Your ever so rare brain is your greatest asset. Exercise and hone it. Find those things that interest and engage you, and become expert. Stretch this out as long as you can before you get bored (because you will -- you're an INTP), to reallyexpand your knowledge, skill, and ability. Remember, Einstein was an INTP, and he failed classes too.

In 10 years, your high school failings won't matter, unless you let them matter.

u/lamelame · 5 pointsr/socialskills

It sounds like you could use some self-esteem. This book has great exercises for building self-esteem, and can also help you care a bit less about what other people think of you: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0380810336?cache=&p4c7af82d9bad7575389e404b38c7b878i=SY200_QL40&qid=1405865496&sr=8-1#ref=mp_s_a_1_1

Hope this helps and that everything works out for you!

u/Ancient_Paper · 5 pointsr/college

This is going to be a pretty long-winded post because most of the sentiments you are feeling right now are phases I went through are college (I am currently a senior, and though my situation has improved since the beginning of college, I am still facing some of the lingering effects of depression).

In my belief, recovering from depression has to be practical, personal, and environmental. Practical in the sense that you need to take care of yourself and the environment around you (i.e. cleaning your room (btw, I'm no Jordan Peterson fan; cleaning my room is just an easy way for me to get the day started and feel good about myself), working out, eating healthy, practicing hygiene, meditation, etc). Though it may seem like it might not have a direct effect on you, organizing yourself and your environment does give a sense of self-control and does create a better image of yourself.

As for personal, depression does not simply come from genetics (yes, I know there are cases where this is true, but in my personal belief, depression can also be defined by your past experiences and the environment you are currently in). For me, depression really came from the conflicts I had with my parents and my unpreparedness of going to college. My mom was so desperate for me to get into a good college that she ended up doing my entire art portfolio and I had to write fake comments about what those art pieces meant. Thus, when I got to a college that is well-ranked, I felt like a total sham; I felt like the education that I was receiving was not of my own, but my mother's. I was only able to really figure this out by attending four years of therapy, and even now, I'm still going through some personal struggles. The personal aspects of your life takes time to figure out, but at the same time, is also a great source of clarity.

Finally, the final aspect of recovering from depression is environmental. Without having friends and families nearby, it can worsen the effects of depression because it makes you feel isolated and feel as if you're the only crazy individual out of seemingly-normal people. For me, it's hard to interact with my family because we just did not talk to each other that often in the first place. As for friends, I did have one friend in the beginning of college, but I have felt ambivalent about it because I felt like the activities we were doing together wasn't really improving my well-being (going to bars, playing games, etc). I do appreciate the fact that I had a friend, but looking back, I wish I also had another friend who had my academic well-being in mind as well. Also, I realized that I cannot have a single friend in which I can depend on for all my needs (academic, partying, hobbies, personal introspection, etc). I realized that I need to have some friends (not a lot) that meets my different needs, and that perspective change did open up my field of view as to which friends I can make. I have some friends in which I smoke weed with, make games with, study with, and they're all not necessarily in the same group.

But that leads to the question, what if I don't have friends and family members to lean on in the first place? And that's the catch-22 aspect depression. Without friends and families to connect to, we further isolate ourselves into our rooms, breaking down the practical and personal improvements we have built for ourself. This, in turn, makes it harder to reach out to others in the first place because we're not at our best selves and we don't want to perpetuate this negative image of being depressed and not-in-control to others. Personally, I think depression is cyclical in nature, but there is a way to stop it as well. Otherwise, we would never hear stories about how people were able to recover from depression.

So then, here are some of the steps that I found useful when recovering from depression:

  1. If you're experiencing depression during the middle of the semester and see things going downhill, the best I can offer is to try your best and take as least losses as you can. The reason why is that attending to your academic needs takes a lot of energy and concentration, and trying to change for the better half-way through is immensely difficult to do (practicing habits for the first few days is hard because it forces us to be out of our comfort zone). And failing those self-improvement goals makes us feel even more shitty.
  2. But, when the semester ends, take the time to reflect about what went wrong and what went right. You're not going to have all the answers, and you're going to realize some way through the semester that the "corrections" you made may not be enough. However, small and incremental improvements is much better than none.
  3. As for maintaining healthy habits in school, I would start off by practicing those habits during winter/summer break. This is the time where you can whole-heartedly focus on creating healthy habits, and by the time you go to school again, it will feel like second nature and you don't even have to put a single thought into questions like: When should I exercise? What should I eat? What time should I go to sleep? (As a warning though, don't try to change your schedule and habits midway through the semester. I ended up doing this and it just really ruined the flow. Stick with the habits throughout the semester, and make adjustments once you are done).
  4. Start the day right and easy. The way I think of it, going throughout your day is like building momentum. You don't want to tackle the most difficult task at first, as it will wear you out easily. Rather, you want to start with the itty-bitty stuff (brush your teeth, shower, get a healthy breakfast, plan your schedule, etc). And as you finish these small tasks, it does grow into your confidence of doing bigger things. Furthermore, by tackling these small tasks/rituals in the morning, you don't have to worry about the small things, and can reserve your energy for doing more important work (i.e. academics). Motivation doesn't come before our tasks, but rather, occurs while we are in the thick of it.
  5. Know what kind of therapist you want. For me, I wanted a therapist in which I can talk about my past troubles with and gives me a lot of room to explore those past experiences. And it takes a while to find the right therapist, so don't stress about that too much as well.
  6. Keep your goals short and simple. For me, I would often stress about what I wanted to do after graduating college, and this stress of not being able to stick to one path in life made me feel completely unmotivated. What ended up working out better for me was to say: "Look, I honestly don't know where life is going to take me, and that's fine. I just know for now, I need to do well this semester, and I can worry about the next step after I'm done."
  7. Weed and alcohol. First of all don't use this as a crutch to get through depression as it will further your feelings of self-worthlessness the next day. However, if you are currently consuming them and do appreciate some aspects of it, I would only recommend doing so when you're at your best and you're in the company of others. I enjoy my weed and alcohol because it lets me be a bit loose and enjoy my time with friends. However, it does make me feel shitty the next day, and that shittiness can feed int your feelings of self-defeat. I'm not endorsing weed and alcohol as the solution to make friends; I'm just saying is that if that is one of your ways to make friends, then be very careful.
  8. Leave the room. I often joke about my therapist about my "depression chair" because it's so comfortable and in front of my desktop, I end up not leaving the room and I do nothing all day. Leave the room and go to an environment where it does encourage you to engage with your academics or other activities.
  9. Try to get a job on campus (I work as a librarian, which is ideal as I can focus on my studies and my interaction with people is at a minimal). Getting a job does enforce a sense of discipline, and hopefully, this discipline can be applied to other areas of your life.
  10. I also didn't get an internship my sophomore year. What helped me get an internship later on was finding out what internship I wanted in the first place (and it may not be the ideal and ultimate internship, but it was good enough), searching what skillsets they needed, and working on those skillsets during break via personal projects (I am a computer science major).

    Here are some resources that I found helpful:

  11. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy: This book gives you a good set of guidelines in which you can improve yourself. However, this book is practical in nature, so don't expect a lot of personal guidance from it.
  12. Daughters - You Won't Get What You Want: If the previous resource was practical, I consider this my personal resource. Normally, I don't ever listen to this kind of music because it's really not my taste. However, this album in itself feels very visceral and raw, and is the closest thing to death I can come across. As cliche as it may sound, this music does understand some of the feelings I go through. Other artists/albums that are lighter in tone I would recommend is Car Seat Headrest - Teens of Denial, The Mountain Goats, and Courtney Barnett. When there is no one to rely on, it feels nice to listen to others who are able to understand an ounce of what you are going through.
u/mojomonday · 5 pointsr/infj

For sure.

I'm happy you found a therapist who helped you navigate through your difficulties. If you could analyze what your therapist did to help you recover, that will help too.

Firstly, my toolkit involves using a combination of meditation and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). To successfully execute CBT, you need to be self-aware and mindful. Practice both together. This is important because when you're able to catch yourself thinking negatively, or start having unwanted thoughts, you're able to identify it and be aware of it's presence. Once you "catch" these thoughts, debate with yourself logically why those thoughts are irrational. The book I read was Feeling Good by David Burns.

Initially, this will be very hard, and it takes a lot of work, but it gets easier and easier once you master it, and trust me when I say this, the ROI for working on this is literally priceless. Took me a consistent 3 years of practicing everyday to pull me out of darkness.

Gradual therapy, slowly exposing yourself to things that scare you. For me the big one was social anxiety and fear of rejection. I made it a mission to go outside everyday just to be in the presence of others. Doing things I like outside with other people. I go to the gym, play pickup soccer and basketball.

Putting yourself first. INFJs love to put others first. Don't do that until you satisfy your needs. Be assertive with what you want and communicate it to others. It seems counter-intuitive, and feels like you're being selfish, but people respect people who hold their ground and provide for themselves first. Your confidence will soar from this. Which has a multiplier effect onto everything you do.

Stoic philosophy. The basis of this philosophy is to only put your energy towards things you can control. Things that you can realistically do right now to change the situation. Things out of your control, for example, other people's thoughts and feelings, the weather, the stock market, be quick to realize a situation you can't control and push it out of your peripheral. Life is too short so don't waste your time on it.

Exercise consistently & keep your diet in check. a must if you're serious about improving yourself. ROI is also priceless and kills many birds with one stone. (self-esteem, confidence, health, mood, sleep, relationships)

Good luck and be very patient. Sometimes you will feel like it's not working, but keep at it and only evaluate yourself after 6 months on your progress, because progress is slooooooow. I guarantee you using the combination factors above will move the needle more positively. If you have any more questions feel free to ask.

u/Scottamus · 5 pointsr/philosophy
u/786887 · 5 pointsr/Destiny

I highly recommend you read "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" and seek a good CBT therapist. You're not alone, and stay strong.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/Norther_Winslow · 5 pointsr/Documentaries

I'm no expert but I did seek help not too long ago after suffering from depression for many many years.

Those self diagnostic tests are helpful but they are not the end all be all. Take it again in a couple weeks and see what you get.

If you're scoring high it may be worth getting some help. My therapist recommended a book called "feeling good: the new mood therapy" and I found it really helpful.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_99TNzbVCK0BPF

u/bugwug · 5 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

My partner has recently been reading and trying out ideas from this book by a woman who dealt with the same situation: MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend. (Link is to Amazon, but she found it in the public library). No new BFF yet, but she has certainly started extending her range of interaction with new activities and meeting new people.

u/pilothole · 5 pointsr/slatestarcodex

> In analyzing my own depression however, I've really come to the realization that a number of key mental states, thoughts, moments are significant factors. While I appreciate the notion of an SSRI, I tend towards avoiding medication, and I'd like to try to see a psychologist first, to see if I can't begin to tackle some of these factors in a long-term healthy way.

Apologies for not directly answering your question but this is up your alley so I thought I would mention it. Have you heard of the book Feeling Good? It's written by a psychiatrist and it's intended to be a tool for self-treating depression with CBT without drugs.

It was full of eye opening stuff for me, like how depression is actually a basket of distortions in thinking and, among other things, it teaches using rationality to get at the root of these distortions.

EDIT: I just noticed this book is actually mentioned in the comments in the Scott article you linked. Neat.

u/deweysmith · 5 pointsr/latterdaysaints

Another vote for professional therapy for yourself and possibly together with your husband. It will help you both so much.

If you can't afford/find a professional therapist, LDS Family Services can help (although I think I would recommend outside of that first) or it can be found online for cheaper.

At the very, very least, pick up a copy of the cognitive behavior therapy bible, Feeling Good, and a notebook and read it. Do the exercises, take notes. It will help.

u/AoeuiOverAsdfg · 5 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

I'm not invalidating any feelings.

People are entitled to feel what they want to feel — but there is only so far you can go to be inclusive and tolerate of others' feelings before you find yourself bent too far over backwards on your efforts.

Change will happen in life whether you want it or not. Trying to avoid change is unhealthy.

"Who Moved My Cheese" by Spencer Johnson might be a good read for those that have trouble with change.

"Feeling Good" by David Burns would also be a good read as well, that can help with many other things.

u/belleth · 5 pointsr/Meditation

Also not OP, but I have found Feeling Good and Mind Over Mood to be excellent sources for learning CBT.

u/sorryihaveaheadache · 5 pointsr/relationships

If you don't like the content that's being posted, then do not participate in the group chat. Seeing the porn and constantly reacting in a negative way won't help you get over your insecurities. You have to put these insecurities into perspective and choose how to react rather than go back to feeling bad. It takes a conscientious effort to rise above those negative feelings. No amount of compliments from others will affect you in the long run, it's just a minor increase of feeling good. The fact that you need his constant feedback for empathy shows that it doesn't help.

The deconstructing and analyzing is stuff you should just do in your head. Give him the highlights of what your feelings are, with straight forward questions if you require feedback. The constant chatter of feelings can be exhausting. It isn't necessarily a diss on you. It's just that not everyone is wired to enjoy lots of listening.

Pick up The How of Happiness and Feeling Good so you can get some help with your jealousy and insecurity.

u/celticeric · 5 pointsr/skeptic

There's a book about self-help books that really helped me: SHAM: How the Self-Help Movement Made America Helpless. It's a skeptical investigation of the Self-Help and Actualization Movement (or SHAM) that will help you identify which books not to waste your money on.

That said, if you are looking for a cognitive behavioral therapy book, Feeling Good seems to be legitimate. I haven't read the latest edition, but early editions were free of woo and it describes practices that represent the current thinking on cognitive-behavioral therapy among medical professionals. I tend to look down on self-help books with scorn, but this one appealed to my sense of logic and reasoning.

u/tuhraycee · 5 pointsr/Anxiety

For me it's hard to adjust to being less unhappy. I know that days when I feel 'lighter' that part of me feels like something is wrong - 'Why am I in a good mood?? What am I forgetting to worry about??'

Other times the meds just aren't right for you. I'm sure you know it typically takes two weeks to level off on new medicine. Are you up for changing meds? I don't blame you not wanting to go to counseling. Not saying it wouldn't help - I'm sure it does for some - but I'd rather do it myself. Have you read the cognitive therapy book Feeling Good?

u/INTPClara · 5 pointsr/INTP

I always recommend this.

Ignore the doofy title. It's really a little handbook of social interaction, stuff Es naturally intuit, but spelled out for the rest of us. I grabbed this book in an airport bookstore just for something to read on the plane and it turned out to be one of the more useful books I've ever read. It's short and easy to read and gives you concrete applications that actually work.

u/knifeymonkey · 5 pointsr/AskMen

Thanks for your candor.

​

I read an interesting book recently which was written by a psychologist who found herself getting lonelier in an increasingly isolated existence. Electronic communication and rare social outlets suggested that there was a need for a better process. The book is called 'Stop Being Lonely' ( https://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Being-Lonely-Friendships-Relationships/dp/160868380X).

​

I am not suggesting that you are lonely or anything, but the steps in this book cut through the crap and figure out who might be a good 'closeness' candidate. I am curious if anyone else finds it interesting.

​

Your harassment links and information are excellent. I have my own experiences in this area. I am not sure where I stand on the subjective nature of it all.

u/slack101 · 5 pointsr/bangalore

I had 5 sessions with Rachna Muralidhar at Athoz Center in Indira Nagar. Her therapy was based on mindfulness and ACT, I thought she was good. But after that I felt like I should give CBT a shot. There is this book which I've been using for a while : Feeling good: The new mood therapy. Its been helping a lot. And its been reducing the symptoms quite quickly. Apparently some people have done clinical trials and found that this book helps like some 70% of depressed patients or something like that (Although I haven't elaborately studied about this research). The author's mentor is a guy who's called the "father of cognitive therapy".

u/FalseResource · 5 pointsr/Mindfulness

Something to chew on:

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)

-Book: Dr. Burns, Feeling Good-The New Mood Therapy

-Learning about CBT-Basics

-Cognitive-behavioural tools that anyone can use

-The Ultimate List of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Techniques

-Reddit CBT Top Links

-25 CBT Techniques and Worksheets for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy





Mindfulness

-HeadSpace

-Book: The Miracle of Mindfullness

-Sam Harris on Mindfulness


-In my option, mindfulness is something you have to practice to experience yourself rather than reading about. When I first started, I read countless articles on the topic and found websites/sources but it wasn’t until I began meditating myself and practicing mindfulness myself that it made sense to me. As a result, I deleted most of my sources on this front but the book listed made a lot of things click for me.

Edit: Also, thank you for asking about this. I brushed up on some old files to find my archive of information on this and it was fun to look through them again.

u/Aml2012 · 5 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

I highly recommend CBT; it helps you recognize and reframe destructive thought patterns. [Feeling Good by David Burns] (http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1426032635&sr=1-1&keywords=feeling+good+the+new+mood+therapy) is a great introduction; if you want to go further, I would suggest a therapist certified in CBT. Meditation is also great for breaking thought patterns.

u/unbibium · 4 pointsr/IAmA

Your thesis seems to be that the voice is chemical, and therefore a feeling and not a thought, and therefore it controls your behavior directly.

However, thoughts, in turn, control feelings, and this can be demonstrated easily. Ever read something that made you happy or angry or sad? I'm pretty sure you can't transmit psychotropic medicines through the Internet. It's because your brain decoded the words into thoughts, and those thoughts triggered an emotional response, possibly by inspiring another train of thought.

And you can change your thinking habits over time. The best way is to write down what the "voices" are saying, so they can't hide from scrutiny. Then pick out the distortions in each of them, and write down a rational rebuttal that you can actually believe. This is pretty much the entire basis of cognitive-behavioral therapy, which Drs. David Burns and Albert Ellis have written about. According to them, you just have to do it once a day, and after enough time, your thinking habits change. Paperbacks tl;dr? Then read about it on about.com.

Good luck; I hope these tools are useful.

u/friendlyhuman · 4 pointsr/AskReddit

Wow, I wish I would have had your insight to ask this question 9 years ago. Spend your first week reading three books (four if you come from an upper-middle-class or wealthier family).

  • How to Win Friends and Influence People
  • How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less. (Not gonna lie, this has a lot of bull shit in it, but the good parts are really practical.)
  • Never Eat Alone
  • The Millionaire Next Door (optional. Read it when I was your age, and it got my ass in gear.)

    Once you finish Never Eat Alone, start reaching out to people. Start spending your money on having conversations over coffee. Yes, some call this "networking," but don't think of it that way. You're making friends. For the next 5 months, you don't have any needs, so now is the perfect time to put others first. My life is currently full of awesome friends, and it's all because I took the time to give a shit about them. Be sure to take notes and have some sort of contact list (highrise is free). It's not romantic, but if you genuinely want to make friends, it's the way to do it. The more people you meet, the easier time you'll have of helping them by making introductions.

    I've been doing this for a couple years now, and it has literally changed my life. I'm friends with people I never even dreamed of knowing. I'm a freelancer, and I literally have more work than I know what to do with. I'm throwing a big party in a couple weeks for all my friends, and I'm shocked at who all has said "yes."

    tl;dr Meet all the people you can, think of others first, and someday they'll likely return the favor.
u/geodork · 4 pointsr/funny

I got my BFF one of her books for xmas this year. It's a great "when you need a hug" book.

u/ItsNotAll_Bad · 4 pointsr/AsiansGoneWild

If you like that, I recommend "Me Without You."

https://www.amazon.com/Me-without-You-Ralph-Lazar/dp/1452102988

It had a similar feel to it and is similarly funny and cute.

u/xnsb · 4 pointsr/getting_over_it

The book Feeling Good (free copy here) guides you through exercises to tackle depression and low self-esteem, the kind of things that a therapist might get you could to do. I found it very helpful.

u/fireball8931 · 4 pointsr/Anxiety

A man cold is the common cold, but for men like me, it makes me completely useless. I use all my energy at work and then I'm done for the day. Which is worse when you have anxiety and depression.

Citalopram is an SSRI, (also known as Celexa) it's used to treat both anxiety and depression (as well as a host of other conditions)

I found that it takes more than just the SSRIs to deal with the What ifs.
They give you a boost, but it's like re aligning your brain. My Doctor recommended Feeling Good, the new mood therapy by Dr Burns (amazon link
(Note for mods: the Amazon link is not an affiliate link)

I managed to get the eBook for cheap and it has quite a bit of homework that helps train your brain to worry less about the What ifs and really analyse them.
Once you are able to fully realise what the What ifs are coming from, you are able to navigate life worrying about them.

u/Barbi520 · 4 pointsr/Stoicism

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Kindle Edition
by David D. Burns M.D. (Author)
4.4 out of 5 stars 1,518 customer reviews , https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C

u/tallerThanYouAre · 4 pointsr/Advice

Buy and read Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns.

It provides a straightforward and scientifically accepted (Stanford University) self-help method known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

As detailed in the introduction, the clinical trials of the efficacy of the book itself vs the book and meds vs meds alone show equal results between the book and meds, but much longer lasting benefits from the book.

Just do it. It's $5. Throw it away if it doesn't work.

It will.

u/rutterkin · 4 pointsr/ZenHabits

Feeling Good. This book has been making the rounds in my friend circle. It's billed as a "treatment for depression" but I think the thought patterns it teaches are useful for pretty much everyone.

u/remembertosmilebot · 4 pointsr/Buddhism

Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!

Here are your smile-ified links:

Feeling Good: A New Mood Therapy

Change Your Thinking

---

^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly bot

u/fweng · 4 pointsr/ForeverAlone

Fuck. FUCK. 'Demons', I've just read your post, and every comment that followed, and I've gotta say this to you, and to every single one of you. I can relate. Hugely. I just feel like I'm now at the other side, looking back.
I only joined Reddit a couple of months ago having finally 'got' it, and am slowly building my subscriptions; Funny, WTF, world news, etc. I am very new to FA. I joined because my last girlfriend was 7 years ago and I'm not a womanising creep, thus ForeverAlone.
I am 38 in a month but here's the thing - I feel, finally, like I got comfortable in my own skin only a year or two ago. Everything kinda congealed into me and it 'only' took three and a half decades.
When I was in my early twenties, I was a potsmoking, over-eager mess. I was a try-hard, an amiable buffoon, an idiot. That is because during those adult-forming years, 15,16,17, etc, I was truly alone. I literally had no friends. I was fat and bullied in school. Demons, you say "Even if I were to be designated as the bitch of the group, I'd much rather be included in a clique than excluded." Trust me, you don't. I thought these schoolkids were my friends - after all, they were all I had - but they had no interest in me beyond having me around to make them feel better about themselves. After school, I never saw any of them again. (I did call, but no-one wanted to hang out. I quickly got the message.) This was 1990. Years later, when fucking Facebook appeared, I found them and was about to add them as friends until I saw pictures of the vacation to Spain they went on straight after school, and my heart dropped; It took about 15 years to realise they never invited me... but I digress. The point is being the bitch of any group is NOT acceptable.
After school, I was ForeverAlone with a vengeance. If FA existed then - fuck, there wasn't even The Internet - I would've cried tears of joy although nothing would've changed on the ground and I still would've locked myself indoors (particularly over those lonely weekends), atrophying and not 'developing'.
What changed for me was University. (I'm British, and not sure of the US equivalent term. College? I was 18-21). I took a course 100 miles from home and arrived with literally zero friends in my life (I called this my secret shame). It took a while. It was still awkward. But the friends I made were based on something stronger than those immature and critical fuckers I was at school with and, 20 years on, 95% of my friends today are those Uni guys, or their friends.
BUT... I do have a point. There is no perfect. Neither is there some idyllic, Leave it to Beaver childhood and family unit that is the only way to springboard from into the perfect life. We are all fucked-up mammals with our own insecurities and dreams and desires. There is no right or correct way but at the same time there's no wrong way either. Life is a journey each and every one of us is on and we have to nip and tuck our concerns and make them better so we can make ourselves better.
Now let me see if I can bring everything together into something resembling coherence...
Not everyone here has my experience being physically or mentally bullied at school although I'm sure some of you do. The point is we already have backgrounds and experiences to draw upon and share. This is what makes us us, no matter how unpleasant, or too personal, or even trivial you may think it is to everyone else. Even what you'd consider no personality is a personality.
I used to feel exactly the same when it came to relationships with people. Why couldn't I make people laugh, like X? Why aren't I as interesting as Y? This is all comparison shopping with others, and doesn't help. I was aware of this around my mid-Twenties, and learned to stop caring (or more accurately, I learned to stop dwelling so much) by my early-30s, and that's when some door of perception opened. I'm not these other people. I'm me. I have my own take on things, and my own way of dealing with them - and if I'm unhappy about something, I have to change or die.
I guess it took the passing of time for me to get to this stage, as opposed to having some grand revelation, or cure. I just chilled a little when it came to my own insecurities, seeing it as part of me.
You do have life experiences. Using two as an example - and forgive my assumptions - we have grown up in different countries, so there's a wealth of differences there, as well as similarities. There's also a generational gap of your early Twenties and my late Thirties. We have both different perspectives, and similarities too. As my 91yo grandfather said after I'd shown him some gadget back in 1988, "You're never too old to learn".
And then he died.
So here's my fucking perspective, for what it's worth:-

    1. There are no rules and no givens.
    1. Every life is unique. Just because it feels wrong, doesn't mean it is.
    1. And if it does feel wrong, welcome to Life Experience, Difficulty Setting: HARD. You're going to learn things way beyond the fluffiest, happiest, isn't-everything-peachy? guys out there.
    1. Unhappiness and dissatisfaction is your brain's way of flashing up a warning. You may now take steps to rectify things.
    1. Anything can be changed.

      My current worry is the lack of a lady in my life. Almost all my University friends have married, and are now having babies left, right, and centre. I am therefore dipping into the /r/seddit universe, although I'm not comfortable with it. (I wrote THIS post to voice my concerns and got downvoted to HELL.) I remain unsure about the whole 'seduction' side of things, but if you read the replies to my post, you will see a lot of sanity regarding taking steps to get to where I want to be (i.e. meeting the woman I want to settle down with.) Seddit, surprisingly, reccomends THIS book I bought 2 days ago. It has nothing to do with 'seduction' per se, but overcoming depression and negative perceptions of ourselves first and foremost. I have only just started this book but it makes so much sense, it's unreal. I urge you to look into this.
      Finally, and from my perspective of being nearly 40, rejoice in your youth even though it seems futile. Okay, you've never had that first kiss, or a first date. You haven't driven a car, or been to a party. But the fact you're expressing your frustrations here tells me they're IN THE POST.
      Remember, the fact that you're concerned at all marks the beginning of any change.

      TL;DR EDIT - To give you some kind of solution, read, motherfucker! Learn facts, pick up some history, watch documentaries. Fill your brain with knowledge, or comedy, or drama. Watch movies, seek out your favourite directors, get some foreign films under your belt. Explore music. Sample all genres. Listen to classical composers. DANCE. Wander through museums, and art galleries, and cafes. Travel and discover and explore and embrace your very fucking existence, and not only will your life feel more rich and varied but before you know it you'll have a treasure trove of knowledge and conversation in your head, you interesting son-of-a-bitch. Just don't cave in to years of sexual absence and have accidental sex with a Thai hooker. Having said that, you might just get a story out of it. Just be careful who you share those kind of things with.
u/inahc · 4 pointsr/vancouver

The good news is, seeing a doctor (and neurologist/psychologist/etc, with a referral) is free.

The bad news is, a 50% reduction in pain is considered a "success", regardless of whether you're well enough to work. migraines are still very poorly understood and it's mostly a matter of trying pills (most of them slow-acting and with major side-effects) until something works.

I'm in a lot less pain these days, but it'll come straight back if I try anything resembling work for more than about an hour a day. I'm very, very lucky to have people who can afford to take care of me.

some other tips for navigating the system:

  • when your doctor makes a referral, get the phone number of the place he's referring to, and follow up with them in a week or two to make sure the referral was received. More than half my referrals have mysteriously vanished along the way, and I have to get the fax # and go back to the doctor and get them to re-try the referral until it works.
  • if a doctor tries to tell you you're fine, see another doctor. I was strung along for a year before some outright-unprofessional behaviour got me to switch, and it turned out there was a whole group of medications I could have been trying.
  • even a good doctor doesn't know everything. The internet can find things your doctor missed, but it also contains a bunch of bullshit and pseudo-science and people looking to prey on the desperate. be prepared to do your own research, weigh the pros and cons of trying things, and do a lot of tedious logging and tracking to check whether what you're trying is working.

    btw, I suspect my career-ending stress-induced migraine of doom could have been avoided (or at least not been career-ending) if I'd discovered earlier that I had ADHD. I was essentially self-medicating with constant stress. so, check for underlying causes for your stress and anxiety now, before it's too late.

    oh, and get some books on mindfulness, CBT, DBT etc; the more brain-debugging you can do on your own, the more you'll get out of whatever therapy you can afford. :)

    oh, and there are books on physiotherapy too. :) mine helped far more than either of the physiotherapists I've seen.

    here's my personal reading list:

  • The Mindful Way through Depression
  • Feeling Good
  • the supple leopard book
  • slow death by texting
u/tst__ · 4 pointsr/getting_over_it

You are fucking awesome! Great plan and do it now. Don't wait. I'm so happy that I sent an e-mail at 11 p.m. to my current therapist to ask for my first appointment. It really changed my life. Here's also what I did (which may be a bit much for the beginning, but you can slowly integrate some elements if you want):

  • Therapy

  • Reading and applying Feeling Good – terrible title, great book. It's about behavioral cognitive therapy and helps you to catch and "repair" your irrational thoughts (e.g. I'm worthless). It really helped me getting from fucking depressed to manageable depressed.

  • I started working out. Really simple. Every second day I did 3 sets of squats, sits and dips at first. Maybe takes you 20 minutes but you will feel good afterwards. I can recommend to start small. If you just do 6 squats every second day – that's better than sitting around.

  • Pay attention about what I eat. And I ate absolutely crap while I was deeply depressed. It really helped me to feel better.

    These things I started when I was done with my depression (similar to you) and still do them today and they feel pretty good. There are a lot of things I tried and you can get a great overview by reading Ikarr0s post: The best stuff I have gathered to help me significantly improve every aspect my life and combat depression!

u/rockrobot · 4 pointsr/psychology

I'm not big on self help books in general, I tend to mistrust them for some reason.... but if you're interested in working on some CBT by yourself I highly recommend Feeling Good by David Burns. I can't personally attest to its efficacy but I know a few people it as helped. In addition there is a decent amount research behind it. Check it out - you can get it used on Amazon for $1.

u/aenea · 4 pointsr/depression

I've been dealing with it for about 35 years now- since I was in my early teens. I still definitely have 'bad times', but they're a lot more spread out than they were before about my mid-2os, and they're a bit easier to deal with now that I know what to do. I have noticed that for a lot of people with chronic recurrent depression the earlier years are the worst- it often seems to level off when you're older.

I'd really recommend finding a cognitive behaviour therapist, because that seems to be the most helpful in teaching you ways to cope, as well as to change ingrained patterns of thinking that help you get stuck back in depression. This is a very helpful book, and there's also a very good online program called MoodGym. It doesn't replace a good therapist, but it is useful.

Try to figure out what your triggers might be, and how you can avoid them. For some of us it just seems to be somewhat biological- we just wake up one morning back in the black hole again. But for others it can happen because of fairly identifiable things- hooking up with the wrong people, making some bad decisions, etc. If you can figure out how to avoid some of the triggers, then you're at least a bit further ahead.

And try out some of the things that are fairly well accepted to be useful to at least some people, and make them a regular part of your life if you do find them helpful. Exercise, proper diet, yoga, sunlight, volunteering, meditation, learning to breathe properly, mindfulness, journalling/writing, gardening, building up a good support network etc. Not everything works for everyone, but it's worth taking a good shot at all of them to see what might work for you.

It really can improve- I never would have thought that I'd reach a point in my life where I could go years in a 'good' cycle, but it has happened. Life's a bit more stressful than usual right now, but I've been doing this long enough to know that it will more than likely get better again.

u/NotFromReddit · 4 pointsr/cogsci

I want to second this book. Feeling Good

u/jasdonle · 4 pointsr/getting_over_it

I'd like to recommend this book to you: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

It's a fave around here, and if you haven't given it a chance, please do. The gist is basically that it's our thoughts that shape our emotions -- and more! Saying something like "I'm too stupid to know how to talk to people..." really tells me you'd get something out of this book!

u/I_Am_Vladimir_Putin · 4 pointsr/Fitness

Depression is tough man. May I recommend you this book? Reading it myself right now. It's great.

u/Barefooted23 · 4 pointsr/Art

I love this. I need to get it in a locket to remind me to be less prickly.

In case your anxiety is still active, I really recommend this book. It was a total game changer for me after decades of anxiety and depression.

Edit: Would you mind offering tiny prints? I'm actually not joking and would like this around my neck as a reminder when I'm not keeping up with the exercises from the book. I found your print shop, but there are just large sizes at the moment. (Thanks if you happen to read this and answer!)

u/Mentalpopcorn · 4 pointsr/IncelTears

Check out this book. I had a similar experience with the mental health system, a friend recommended this book, and it put me on the track to recovery. There are copies floating around the internet as well.

u/bringyoutomyhell · 4 pointsr/italy

Ti stai rovinando la vita per niente. Essere vergini a 22 anni è più comune di quanto credi. E poi due morose le hai trovate, significa che le potrai trovare in futuro. E smettila di pensare al passato. Ormai è andato, non è colpa tua. È pieno di gente con genitori di merda. Avrai la vita più difficile di altri, quindi? Devi giocarti la vita con le carte che hai in mano. Che poi rimuginare non serve letteralmente a niente se non a crearti problemi. Perché lo fai quindi? Sforzati di smettere. Smetti di pensare al passato, smetti di giudicarti. Parti oggi con quello che hai e costruisciti la vita che vuoi. Non ha importanza di chi è stata colpa in passato, la colpa sarà tua se non decidi di cambiare oggi. E dico OGGI.

Due consigli, impara ad isolare i tuoi pensieri falsi/negativi (perché sono bugie e il tuo cervello finisce per crederci). Leggiti questo libro sulla psicologia cognitiva https://www.amazon.it/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 e poi comincia a fare Mindfulness https://www.amazon.it/Metodo-mindfulness-giorni-alla-felicità/dp/8804646861 (meditazione ma in maniera scientifica). Farla ti servirà a imparare ad isolare i pensieri e capire che non devi velare la realtà con le tue proiezioni false.

Detto questo esci di casa e trovarti qualsiasi lavoro di merda che riesci pur di andare via di casa. In caso andrai a vivere affittando una stanza con altri, magari studenti, che importanza ha. L'importante è allontanarti dai tuoi genitori, vedrai che poi tutto si aggiusta.

u/senorroboto · 4 pointsr/LosAngeles

I'm working and can't be of help, but if you're feeling down, I highly recommend the book 'Feeling Good'. No joke, it really can help you out of a funk, it did for me.

u/anyideas · 4 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

One thing that helps me break out of this is an idea from Feeling Good, which is a pretty helpful book on cognitive therapy.

Get one of those little tally counters and for every single thing you do that day, even if it's just brushing your teeth or putting on pants, give yourself a tally. By the end of the day, you'll be amazed at how much stuff you did that day, and it'll inspire you to keep doing more stuff 'cause you won't feel like you're a total lazy slob. Even if you end up sitting around watching tv all day, there's always SOMETHING to tally. This helps me break the cycle of feeling guilty for not doing stuff.

u/DropKickZen · 4 pointsr/booksuggestions

[Feeling Good] (http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408032054&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good)

Really helps get to the root of the thoughts that cause depression. I wish I'd found it years ago. It'll only help if someone is willing to follow through with the methods set out in the book.

u/poonky · 4 pointsr/AskReddit

I suffered with it for a long time and I saw a cognitive behavioural therapist.
It worked great, best thing I ever went through with all my life. On my final session with him he suggested I buy this book.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1319468027&sr=8-1

Reading this book is the nearest thing he could suggest to me to actually seeing a therapist in person, you have to make sure you do the exercises in the book also to learn how to change and improve your thinking patterns.

I bought the book twice. One to read every day and one on standby in case I lose the 1st book! Awesome book, and I sincerely hope my suggestion helps some of the people in here to move forward.

u/hippopippopotamus · 4 pointsr/AskReddit

I'm sorry you've got SAD - it's horrid. I've had it for 10 years, so I have a few suggestions that work for me.

  • Light therapy is probably the most effective thing you can do. 30-60 minutes first thing in the morning. 10,000 lux at 12-18" from your face (yes, it's incredibly bright and really close). If you get a prescription for it, your insurance should cover part or all of the cost of the lamp. If you can't get a prescription, they're available online, and $100-200 is a low price to pay to combat worsening and reccurent depression. Just make sure the one you buy gives off 10,000 lux at 12-18".

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy could be helpful, even if your SAD doesn't reach clinical degrees of depression. Feeling Good by David Burns is popular and has been really helpful for me. You can also go see a therapist.

  • Regular aerobic exercise has been repeatedly shown to be highly effective at reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety. While it's best to get your heart rate up, at the very least take a brisk 20 minute walk every day. Get outside, every day.

  • Fish oil and folic acid were recommended to me by multiple psychiatrists because they support the production of neurotransmitters. 1000mg/day fish oil (I take Spectrum Brand fish oils because they're made from fish very low on the food chain, which minimizes the levels of mercury and PCBs in the oil). 1000mcg/day folic acid, but be sure to get enough B12.

  • Deplin is a prescription form of folic acid for those people whose bodies are highly inefficient at metabolizing folic acid. People who suffer from depression are more likely to have the mutation that reduces metabolism efficiency. Probably not something to try right away, but something to keep in mind.

  • Dawn Simulators like this one can help you wake up in the morning.

  • Meditation can help reduce your symptoms, especially if you can get into a regular practice of it. NYTimes article about it here.

  • Sleep hygiene is especially critical. Go to bed at the same time every day, and get up early enough to maximize the hours you're awake during daylight.

  • Socializing can be tough if you go through social withdrawal in the winter, but you'll probably feel better after hanging out with friends.

  • Anti-depressants are an option, but if you're hesitant about them, there is a lot you can do to treat your SAD aside from anti-depressants.

  • Winter Blues is a pretty comprehensive book about SAD.

    It's only November, so there's a long stretch of winter ahead. Feel free to PM if you ever start feeling down. Seriously, any time.

    Good luck, and I hope that you have a good winter!

    edit: formatting
u/urban_dixonary · 3 pointsr/askTO

ITT: engaging in hook-up culture is the norm and actually defines you as a 'strong independent' woman.


OP I understand where you're coming from, and believe the issue is synonymous with familial separation. In other words, the more separated from the family a person becomes, the more easily influenced they are by outside forces. But if you and your wife have a cohesive, steadfast relationship with your daughter where she values the same ideals as you, you shouldn't have to worry so much about outer cultural pressures.


Our culture values separation through a variety of mechanisms. (1) Separate the child from the parent as early as possible (by putting them in preschool/ daycare/ regular school). (2) Remove the authority from the parents, and place it in the hands of peers. (3) Create social culture through the use of popular media like tv shows and movies.


If you sufficiently prepare your daughter to handle the outer stresses of a world you disagree with, through real bonding, intelligence, and love, then the ideals you wish to impart will also be held close. I highly recommend this book, which should provide you with all the tools you need.

u/stepmomstermash · 3 pointsr/stepparents

I truly believe that strengthening connection with kids can curb if not stop most behaviour issues. I'm reading a book right now called Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers and it is really enlightening so far. I've been recommending it all over the place. My mom is even going to read it and she's done raising kids.

u/yihahitsjosh · 3 pointsr/infj

I share your frustrations wholeheartedly. The fact that there are people in this world that were unwanted and unplanned for completely baffles me and is something that I view as a serious crime against humanity.
Your point about children and low self-esteem is a huge issue that I believe to be near the root of the problem. However, I believe a further question must be asked: Why are parents absent from the lives of their children, and as a consequence, why are children forced to look for attention and attachment through their peers and online communities?
The answer to this, I fancy, can be found through systemic causation; that being our capitalist system.

If you're interested, this book explains goes through the point you made about children and the loss sound emotional support.
http://www.amazon.com/Hold-On-Your-Kids-Parents/dp/0375760288


This lecture (Gabor Mate) goes through the bio/psycho/social injustices of our economic system.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaAJQR_9Dg8

u/MONGEN_beats · 3 pointsr/makinghiphop

You don't have to make music when you don't feel like it. You can take the time to recover, relax and come to terms with your breakup. Ignoring it now may make it a bigger problem in the future.

You can try finding another outlet for a while. I find reading helps me come to terms with my past issues and sometimes inspires me.

CBT and meditation can help to if you are having particularly bad thoughts. This post shows that you are aware of the problem, from here you expand on that.

If you feel that you must get back into music then there are a few things you can try.

  1. Make the worst beat you can. You'll find your inner critic jumping up to try to edit it.

  2. Work though it. Just keep making stuff no matter what. Push for an hour straight. Turn off all distractions and go. Done an hour? Set a higher goal.

  3. Print out two of these. Use one for "What do I want to do today" and the other for "What I did today". With the second one, write how much you either enjoyed or felt a sense of mastery or both (for things like cooking). If you need time off, schedule that in. You don't have to feel guilty if you don't want to make music. Feeling Good p96

    If the problem still persists in a few months, then maybe consider therapy
u/magicbliss · 3 pointsr/leaves

Hey man. From reading your post it seems to me that you’re depressed and have developed false beliefs about yourself that are now so deeply engraved that you accept them and don’t even bother to challenge them. Now, I don’t know you at all, but I’m pretty sure you’ve not failed at everything, you’re just not seeing the positives right now.

What I can tell you is that quitting will probably not give you happiness by itself. You’ve got to work on your beliefs about yourself and your outlook on the future.

I just quit, and started reading a book called Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. I’ve not finished the book yet, but I started feeling better almost immediately upon reading it and realizing some of my irrational thoughts about myself and my future. It will basically teach you cognitive behavioral therapy, which is a therapy method many therapists use today. It will give you many tools to use for identifying negative thought patterns and getting yourself out of them. Some of them directly described as being effective against the EXCACT things you’re saying about yourself here.

I know reading a book is not the most tempting thing to do when you’ve given up hope, but please give it a try. It even has a section about quitting smoking, which can be applied to quitting cannabis.

Feel better bro ❤️

u/MrSamsonite · 3 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

I would recommend a method used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), as described in this fantastic book. The goal is to recognize the distortions behind the negative thoughts you're telling yourself:

Write down three columns on a piece of paper: Automatic Thoughts, Distortions, and Rational Response.

  1. When you have one of these negative thoughts (around self image or anything else), write it down in the Automatic Thought column.
  2. Review the distortions above, and note any that apply in the Distortions column
  3. Knowing that what you're telling yourself is distorted, what is a more rational response to this thought?

    Example:
    Automatic Thought: I got rejected - I'm worthless and ugly and nobody will ever love me

    Distortions and Rational Responses:
  • Fortune Telling: How do I know nobody will ever love me?
  • All or Nothing Thinking: Just because I got rejected doesn't mean I'm worthless - that's way too extreme
  • Jumping to Conclusions: Maybe getting rejected has a lot more to do with them than it does about me - I don't know what's going through their head
  • Discounting the Positive: I put myself out there and should be awfully proud of myself for doing so
  • Catastrophizing: That's a very extreme response to getting rejected - people get rejected all the time, and that's totally okay. It doesn't mean my world is over!

    This approach has been extremely helpful for me in just a short period of time - by identifying these thoughts when they occur and working through the distortions I tell myself, it's become easier for me to catch these negative automatic thoughts and replace them with rational responses, which makes the negative thoughts fewer and farther between.

    A key point is to write out this exercise - not just think through it. It's just like working out, and you need those intentional repetitions to make progress.
u/honaka_namnah · 3 pointsr/dysthymia

I'm currently reading Feeling Good by David Burns. The author is a clinical psychiatrist and uses cognitive behavioral therapy in a practical self help format. I've only read the first few chapters but I do think it has helped a bit. It has made me realize that my depression makes me see things in a distorted way and the book presents some tools to recognize when you're seeing something in an unrealistic way. Also the last chapter I've read was about intrusive/dysfunctional thoughts and how to respond to them in a rational way to make them lose their grip over you.

It's not the only book I've read because I feel like reading about depression/dysthymia - in and of itself - helps too. Recovery is a process and my best home remedy has been to make sure I do something useful every day (I make a daily to do list). If I can't do much, that's fine and I'll reevaluate but it does allow me to create some structure to my life and work up from there. It just has to be something that I feel like can cultivate happiness, even if it doesn't feel like it at that moment (e.g. cleaning up -> makes me feel like I've accomplished something and I get to live in a tidier house; spending time with a friend -> improving social life; helping my sister with chores -> helped someone else; etc).

Talking about it isn't always easy, especially if I'm feeling in a lousy mood. So even though I sometimes just need to vent my frustrations, I mostly try to talk about my depression from the perspective of recovery (what I've been trying to do, what has worked, what didn't work) and if I need to talk about how difficult today was, then I'll try to balance it out by comparing it to better days. So I don't try to minimize my situation but I do try to frame it in a way that I feel like the people around me can handle. Not always doable, but I try.

u/MimthePetty · 3 pointsr/Austin

I don't have any local recommendations for you, but I do have a few world-class recommendations that will cost you much less in time and money.

For CBT, check out Dr. David Burn's book - Feeling Good: You can pick it up online for like $5. It is a light and interesting read, lots of stories. Here is a study about "Feeling Good": "This study provided empirical evidence that a behavioral prescription for Feeling Good may be as effective as standard care, which commonly involves an antidepressant prescription."

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20803165

For mindfulness, the fountainhead is Eastern/Bhuddist thought here is a good source for that:
The Power of Mindfulness by Nyanaponika Thera (fo free online)

http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/powermindfulness.pdf

If you want both CBT and Mindfulness - then you should read or listen to Jeffery Schwartz. He has a few books, the most recent "You are not your brain" is approachable and an integration of Mindfulness and Cognitive Therapy.
Here is a 5 minute video, gives you a feel for the author: "4 steps to changing your brain for good"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuABDAAns7w

If you like that - here is a half-hour more (summary of the book above):
'You are not your brain' at Mind & Its Potential 2011
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcrGlUHlu4M

Finally, if you are into workbooks - pick up "Mind over Mood"

http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283

Regardless of the book or therapist, you will have to do a lot mental work. So ultimately, most of the therapy, is self-therapy.
Best of luck to you. And remember: this too, shall pass.

u/embryonic_journey · 3 pointsr/stopdrinking

Anger is a big issue for me. Mindfulness meditation and breathing helped a lot. So did exercise and cognitive behavior therapy. Burns' Feeling Good has a chapter on anger that I found very useful.

u/VoxMeretricis · 3 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Feeling Good by David Burns is really good. It's targeted more at depression than at anxiety, but it's basically do-it-yourself Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and it's definitely still very applicable for anxiety as well as depression. It includes exercises you do yourself, transcript excerpts from therapy sessions the author has had with patients, and a lot of common-sense and useful advice.

u/WhatWhatWhatWhyWhy · 3 pointsr/intj

couple thoughts...

One, like others said, getting counseling is a good idea. Also, this book seems decent. I personally do much better depression-wise when I have plenty of sunlight. You can substitute sunlight with certain artificial bulbs online. I also find taking supplements helps, including Vitamin B and L-Tyrosine, but especially L-Tyrosine. I have also recently started raw juicing (note that most juice is pasteurized), and have read many people do very well on it, and they get a lot of energy from it. See this film to see the benefits of raw juice. It's expensive to buy raw juice from juice bars, (I'm paying $5 to $7 for 16 ounces...) but it's much cheaper if you buy a high wattage machine and start juicing on your own, and then bring the juice in a glass bottle with you to work. Alternatively, you can buy "lightly" pasteurized juices from the grocery store (Naked juice), but some of the nutrients may have been destroyed. Better to drink raw juice if you can.

Two, you can start planning for financial independence now. See /r/financialindependence for more info. That will help the future look brighter. How long would it take you to purchase property outright and pay for groceries / property taxes for the rest of your life? Once you reach that point, your time belongs to you, and you can focus even more on whatever interests you.

Three, regarding learning to code: have you considered just starting by watching video tutorials? You can watch them pretty mindlessly. Set a goal to watch one a day, for ten minutes, just before bed or during dinner. One of my recent favorites is React/React Native with Stephen Grider on Udemy, and the courses are very cheap there ($20 for like 8 hours or more of material). You can search nearly any subject you're interested in. If I may offer a piece of advice: start learning Javascript and React. They are likely going to be around for a long time, and there are signs it will take over native development soon, too.

u/Principincible · 3 pointsr/todayilearned

Honestly, the only lasting method is therapy and not medication. Medication can be helpful but is expensive, doesn't even work faster than therapy and doesn't last if you get off them. If you don't have the money to seek a professional, go get a CBT book like this (it's the best by far IMO). I didn't improve at all for years because I thought I had to go to a therapist to get help, but honestly, he probably wouldn't have done better than the book. I started working with the book in 2012 and within 4 weeks I was a lot better. The improvements have lasted until now. The only thing that's important is that you take pen and paper and do the exercises regularly.

u/BelowNotice · 3 pointsr/amiugly

I'm another dude, in a similar position like you and I wish I was at where you are now.

You're a young guy, just starting out life. Don't be down on yourself. Don't end up like me -- a lonely man in middle age, facing more years behind than ahead.

If you really are feeling low about yourself, could I suggest talking to a therapist? If that's not an option, here's a book that's helped me out over the years: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

It's not an affiliate link or anything. Some people hand out religious books, I hand out this one. :) I'll even buy it for you over kindle if you want. I'm that serious.

u/KumquatRevenge · 3 pointsr/NoFap

I'm having a lot of difficulty getting past 2-3 days at the moment. Internet hug for you!

If you feel like you want to speak to a counsellor go ahead. It likely can't do any harm and could help a lot. If you feel like there's anything you want to talk about but don't feel like a counsellor post it here. Or send a PM. We're always here.

Another thing I find useful are books. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396462581&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good is wonderful.

u/brdistheword · 3 pointsr/depression

also, this will help you it's a little annoying to set up but set aside an hour to commit to signing up (it's free!) and starting it. it's online CBT training. it's self guided so you must set aside time to do it, even it's a few minutes at a time. if the therapist you saw did talk therapy, it was likely CBT and so this will be similar. it helps you fight cognitive distortions.

also, try this book. it is the best 7-8 dollars you'll spend all week. it's similar to the previously linked mood gym, but uhm, it's a book. get a notebook or scratch pad and do the exercises.

u/GxE1v · 3 pointsr/Buddhism

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy combines well with mindfulness practice. It sounds like self-help BS, but Feeling Good is a legitimate introduction to using CBT to deal with depression.

u/P-Nuts · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Make/build/cook something for her. Not only will it cheer her up, the act of doing it will be therapeutic for you.

Consider getting professional help or medication if your depression is as bad as it sounds. At the very least consider reading (and acting on the advice of) a book such as this one.

u/mizztree · 3 pointsr/MakeupAddiction

Well, sounds like you're rewarding yourself for positive thinking - which is part of cognitive behavioral therapy (read "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns) which is a FANTASTIC step towards getting out of the funk!

I suggest /r/RedditLaqueristas too. . .I'm mildly obsessed with my nails and it's a natural offshoot.

u/koltran · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

Try to break out of the mold. I would suggest reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns for starters and looking into cognitive behavioral therapy. You sound like someone who is very close to me and both have helped tremendously.

u/cactusflowers · 3 pointsr/Anxiety

Feeling Good by David Burns. It's my go-to CBT book, has been for a couple years now. It's written in a very personable style, and it gives you concrete exercises to help figure out your thoughts. I couldn't recommend it enough!

u/rocktopotomus · 3 pointsr/depression

medication can help, but so can;

exercise, lots and lots of exercise

mindfulness meditation (r/meditation)

*cognitive behavior therapy (i'm reading this book)

u/w0llE · 3 pointsr/ADHD

It takes a bit of concerted effort to consistently do it but mindfulnesses meditation is probably what you are looking for. Its not like a magic pill that will make your thoughts go away but it will help you to relate to your thoughts in a more skillful way so that they are not so consuming. Mindfulness meditation has been shown to be very helpful for those that have mood disorders (anxiety and depression) and ADHD. Some people are a bit adverse to it because they have ideas of bald monks chanting but the type of mindfulness meditation you will find taught it a more clinical/medical context are far from that. Its more simple little exercises that will help you to see your thoughts for what they are (just thoughts) and learn to let them fizzle out on their own (rather than obsessing over them or trying to push them away). 10-20 minutes a day every day has worked wonders for me. You really do improve the more you practice. The effects last through out the day not just when you sit. My wife can tell when I have not been keeping up with my practice. I recommend Head Space its very clinical. I have also heard Buddhify is good. There are loads of other resources out there. Stick to the ones that are more clinical and medical. Mindfulnesses meditation does not mean you need to adopt a new set of beliefs or religion. The stuff that you will find in stress reduction clinics and self help books is just a therapeutic mental exercise. See for example MBSR.

I also recommend Feeling Good. It is a complete introduction to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It is complementary to mindfulness because it helps one to engage with your thoughts in a healthy productive manner. Its main premise (if I can do it justice) is that we often have very skewed thinking and do not realize it, so when we are able to identify thoughts that are extreme or illogical we can make more realistic assessments which lead to a more stable calm mind. It is definitely stood the test of time.

The last thing I would say is be aware of how much info/stimulus you consume. Surfing the web, radio, tv, noisy chaotic situations tend to dull the senses and leave you with a lot of stimulus to sort through. So cut out needless noise and stimuli from your life.

I don't have any quick fixes for you but those 3 things have really helped me to 'turn off my mind'. Taking control of my mental health was one of the greatest accomplishments of my life. I wish you the best on your own journey.

u/Epictetus13 · 3 pointsr/depression

Your mileage will vary.

One book I particularly hated was Feeling Good by David D. Burns. I had been given it by a well-meaning relative. At the time, it felt like someone was offering me a squirt gun to deal with a five-alarm inferno. It was a very dark time, and suicide seemed appealing. I didn't go that route, mostly because I knew my family would be emotionally destroyed. I wondered, though, what it would be like if I did kill myself, and in my suicide note, I had said something like, "Hey folks! Sorry about the mess, hope it hasn't bummed you out too much. If you're still feelin' down after a day or so, why don't you check out Feeling Good by David fucking D. Burns? That book'll make you snap out of it in no time!"

To be fair, I read very little of it, but at the time it seemed so glib. Maybe it was just the title. I understand a lot of people have found some real comfort from it. But it obviously doesn't work for everybody, certainly not "tremendously". If it did, this whole subreddit, and a huge amount of the medical establishment, could be eliminated.

With that said, David Foster Wallace didn't write self-help books, and ultimately he found no help for himself. But he probably wrote some of the best prose about depression that there is.

Also, it's not a book, and it only offers understanding rather than help, is Stanford Professor Robert Sapolsky's lecture on depression, available on youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc

u/Kortheo · 3 pointsr/needadvice

You sound a whole lot like me a few years ago. I could have pretty much written this post, with some family specifics changed a bit. So here's my advice based on my experience.

What you're going through is totally normal and common. It might not seem like it, especially if you don't have friends who are going through similar circumstances, but it is. Even if you have a great relationship with your family, moving back home after college can be rough. After being gone for a few years and having total freedom away from family, moving back home can feel like a step backwards, even though it's not. It just means that you're coming into the 'real world', and that requires a certain amount of time transitioning. It's not easy, but you'll get through it.

When I moved home, I didn't expect to be living there for longer than 1 year, but it ended up being 1.5 years. It's not a big deal, just keep in mind that it may take you more or less time than you expect to get on your feet and where you want to be. Once you do have a solid income, take advantage of cheap or free rent (if you are so luckY) living at home to pay off as much student debt as possible (assuming you have it), or save as much of an emergency fund as possible. If you want to feel independent person while living at home, rather than a guest/child, being financially independent is important.

I also struggled somewhat with anxiety/depression during this stage of my life. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adjustment_disorder is a thing and I ended up being diagnosed with that when seeking help. Basically, big life changes can be rough, surprise! Don't be afraid to seek help is you're really struggling. As time passes you will adjust to your new situation and things will get a bit easier. Regarding your Edit on depression, those are definitely things you could explore with a competant therapist, if you're so inclined. If you want a cheap option for working through depression, I can highly recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336. It has been extremely helpful for me personally.

As for what you want to do with your life... I know it's hard, but don't worry too much. It's totally OK to not know what you want to do with your life at 22. Most people probably don't. As long as you are making a consistent effort to find out what you want to do, you're fine. And you have plenty of time left to enjoy yourself once you're employed and have money. What you may find as you grow throughout your 20s is that there is more time in life to enjoy yourself than you may currently realize. In terms of your generral post-transition year anxieties, I think things will become clearer once you're closer to the end of this year. There are probably too many unknowns for you to properly plan yet.

For meeting new people, meetup groups are nice. Consider a local reddit group if there is one. Find a social hobby. Yes, it can be uncomfortable or awkward or trigger social anxiety to go to these events, but the fact is that if you can get psat that you'll be healthier and happier if you're meeting new people right now. Having those social experiences will make getting through this phase all the easier.

Maybe not all of this applies to you, but I hope you get something out of it. Regardless, best of luck to you!

u/s0n1cm0nk3y · 3 pointsr/aspergers

A dog is a great way to help out with the companionship aspect, but to stay at home might be a hair far. I can assure you that it may seem like a great idea so far, but ultimately, removing human contact might leave a hole you can't exactly fill with just a dog. You allude to having friends so

​

Easy route?: Remove social media from your phone, but leave it open for human communication from family and such (those who care about your wellbeing, family or not). Also, find a hobby.

​

Difficult route?: Realize that what is going on likely stems from deep inside. The old saying can't be truer, "Happiness comes from within." To be happy with others, is to first be happy with yourself. Work on yourself, find things that make you happy (hobbies, etc) and build up your best self. The rest will fall into place.

​

Additionals: This book has helped me in many cases. If you forgo the overall remarks on depression, it gives you strong coping tools for when things have you in an overall negative approach.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

and here is the ebook if you don't want to spring for 8 bucks:

https://archive.org/details/FeelingGood-TheNewMoodTherapy

u/kaidomac · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

>IWTL How to be more positive and be able to get over the slumps of sadness and feelings of inadequacy in life.
>
>Recently I've began to notice that I have feelings of being inadequate in a lot of things in life. I feel that I'm pretty confident in every day life. I do my best to look good, smell good, and make sure I treat everyone I cross with the best attitude I can offer. I try to make sure I'm the best version of myself that can exist, but I still find myself thinking that I'm not good enough. That my friends deserve a better person to talk to, my girlfriend deserves a better boyfriend, and that I myself am just not cutting it. I want to learn how to fix this toxic mindset and be able to turn my thoughts around and be proud of myself for what I'm doing correctly. I'm a 22 year old Male by the way. Not sure if that has any correlation at all, but it's out there.

It's worth learning how the system (i.e. your brain) works in order to create change. In a nutshell:

  1. Thoughts create emotions (events are just events; your interpretation of those events is a thought, and thoughts become emotions)
  2. You have basically a Twitter feed in your head, streaming ideas into your brain
  3. Most people never realize they can audit that feed (I didn't, until I read the books below)
  4. TL;DR - you don't have to believe everything you think (and what you think becomes how you feel)

    If you're up for some reading & practice exercises, get these two books: (same author, second one is a workbook you fill out)

  • Feeling Good
  • Ten Days to Self-Esteem (literally a tool to help you identify how you think, how you feel, and decide how you want to change both of those things)

    I'd highly recommend walking through the book in the second link, as it helps you write stuff down, audit (i.e. review) it, and then decide how you'd rather think (and eventually feel) instead. It's a simple mechanism, but externalizing it is really what gives you control over it, because you can literally see it, on paper, in front of you. We all lie to ourselves, we all let ourselves slide, and we all believe fuzzy notions about ourselves that are untrue, whether it's an inability to accept mistakes due to perfectionism or feeling sad or inadequate or whatever you're struggling with. Learning how the different mechanisms in your brain work (thoughts create emotions, you don't have to believe everything you think, etc.) is hugely empowering for changing how you feel!

    On a tangent, there's a really excellent Ted Talk by Monica Lewinsky on shame that I just watched the other day, and is extremely well-written & well-delivered:

    https://www.ted.com/talks/monica_lewinsky_the_price_of_shame

    If you're not familiar with her history, in her early 20's, she fell in love with her married boss & slept with him. This isn't big news, except that her boss at the time was President of United States Bill Clinton, so it was a huge scandal. The catch was that we were just at the beginning of the Internet age, so she got mega-attacked worldwide online. Today, unfortunately, cyber-bullying is pretty normal, but she had to learn how to deal with it & take ownership of her story instead of letting others or her internal "Twitter feed" define her. Pretty good talk to listen to! Kind of the overall idea of the books above & that talk are:

  1. You are valid just being you
  2. Being imperfect is OK (everyone on the planet is imperfect!); mistakes happen & they can be worked on
  3. Thoughts create emotion; you can audit what you think & choose how you want to feel about things proactively, instead of reactively
  4. You can let others define you, or you can let your internal Twitter feed define you, orrrrr you can work on how you think, in order to cement your self-image down

    My situation was similar to yours; I always felt like a second-class citizen, emotionally - happy on the outside, but lots of doubts & anxiety on the inside. For me, going through this process was both an essential part of maturing & also for defining exactly who I am. I'm not a big fan of the Hollywood approach of "go out & find yourself"; I'm a bigger fan of "think about things & define who you want to be", i.e. I like to be nice, I like to help other people, I like to do good-quality work, I like to feel good & am willing to do the things required to make me feel good (ex. get enough sleep, eat throughout the day, audit my thinking patterns, etc.), and so on. You absolutely should NOT be walking around feeling like you're not good enough all the time! You should be feeling good & happy instead! Learning how your mind works & how to tweak the system has helped me a lot with that problem.
u/Aldryc · 3 pointsr/exchristian

Feeling Good by David Burns. Really can't go wrong giving it a shot if you are feeling depressed or suffering through another mental illness that CBT has been shown to respond too.

It's definitely helped me, although I still deal anhedonia and other depressive symptoms. It doesn't control my life anymore though.

u/hga_another · 3 pointsr/touhou

The effectiveness of cognitive therapy (now cognitive behavioral therapy, ask for a free copy if you can't afford this book and are in the US), suggests to us that its basic thesis that you can make yourself clinically depressed by thinking bad thoughts about yourself is likely correct. It certainly makes complete sense....

But there are also clearly genetic factors in play for many who have depression, e.g. I have a combination of anxiety and officially Bipolar II, except it never actually results in mania (a previous doctor called it depression of a bipolar nature, since it behaves more like that normal unipolar depression), which I clearly inherited from my mother, she has an engineer brother who's path I've very roughly followed in the relevant parts of our lives (I'm a software and systems type in career).

So a complex phenomena from "nature" and/or "nurture", and your point about confirmation bias is straight on, it's much easier to be open about this online in a welcoming environment like /r/Touhou.

u/isnt_existence_crazy · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

A really good book for this is Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns.
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/HalfBurntToast · 3 pointsr/MyLittleSupportGroup

Well, I'm no doctor, but I've studied and practiced CBT for years. I'll link some guides and books below that are pretty good. But, essentially, CBT is all about paying attention to what you say to yourself and working to change it. What you say and think about is like a habit: you've been doing it for so long that it's become rather 'default' behavior. But, like a habit, it can be changed with enough time and work.

One of the very first steps in doing this is becoming aware of what you are saying. For example, like in the title of the post, when you call yourself a moron. Or the lines of thought, such as your friends leaving you. This is a major step because, for a lot of that self-talk, you probably aren't aware of it or your brain 'filters' it out, but it's hurting you anyways.

The next step is to start challenging what you say about yourself rationally. Try comparing them to this list. For example, when you have a fear about your friends leaving you, the first thing you should do is ask yourself why. Why would they leave you? What did you do? Then look at your answer and compare it to that list. Chances are that what you're afraid of is either unlikely or illogical. It can help a lot to write this stuff out on paper.

Another test that I like is to imagine that you're saying your 'self-talk' to someone else. Imagine you had a friend you really liked and trusted completely, they can be real or imaginary. Now imagine that friend is calling himself a moron or is saying that he's afraid his friends will leave him, or whatever self-talk you're giving yourself. Would you agree and call him a moron or say his friends will leave him (remember, you're supposed to really like this person)? I would guess probably not. It would just make him feel worse, right? What's important with this test is to realize is that that is exactly what you're telling yourself and it's making you feel just as bad.

After that, it's a game of watching what you think and doing the above until it becomes less of a problem. So when you call yourself a moron, you never let yourself get away with it. You ask yourself: why am I a moron? Why does X make me a moron? Aren't I allowed to make mistakes? Etc. Eventually, you'll start to become nicer to yourself and treat yourself like you would that good friend from above.

Feeling good by David Burns is pretty much the go-to, raw CBT book. It has a lot of worksheets and examples to help the reader. I highly recommend it, especially if you're just starting.

Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler is also a good book that focuses in more on social aspects.

Most of the online guides I've seen haven't been too fantastic IMO. But they do exist. This seems like a good overview, but definitely not as interactive or comprehensive as the books are. Personally, I'd start with David Burns' book. It's probably the most tried-and-true of them all.


u/palebluestars · 3 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Hey! I'm also working on recovery. Some books that I've really found helpful are Feeling Good, and Complex PTSD. Moodgym is also pretty awesome. The first book and the website show you how to use CBT in your own life, and this has really helped me out in terms of everyday anxiety and depression. The Mentalpod is a cool little podcast, and while it doesn't only cover childhood abuse, it helps me feel less alone with all of this stuff, and makes me more aware of my feelings and struggles. Hearing your story come out of another person's mouth is such a healing experience. Episodes 131 and 126 especially are useful.

I think the rest of the work though really has to do with trauma and grief. The second book is invaluable for that. I need to grieve my lack of a childhood. I need to grieve my lack of an available mother. I think this is what "the hole in my heart" is really related to. Sometimes I'll cry about it but do my best to be compassionate with myself. Though these realizations are fucking awful, they are also freeing. I didn't deserve any of it, and I'm not bad for standing up for myself. While my upbringing taught me otherwise, most people are generous, kind and forgiving, and more open to love than I believed possible. I'm able to see myself breaking more and more out of my old survival mindset, and I'm able to see that the world is a beautiful place. It's all a process and we'll both do better and better as time goes on.

Best of luck in your journey! :)

u/FakeCrash · 3 pointsr/aspergers

I've read Dr Burns' Feeling Good about a year ago. The information it presents is very useful and it helped me a lot (it's basically CBT explained), in conjunction with seeing a therapist bi-weekly for almost a year. And yet... I've found it difficult to prevent depressive episodes from happening, and when I'm in one it's as if all I learnt was useless. It's just a difficult cycle to break out of. Has anyone else been in a similar situation ?

Personal story aside, I recommend books like these, if only because they're very interesting to read!

u/wax_addict · 3 pointsr/socialanxiety

Yeah, definitely.

Its late and I'm too lazy to write a big post, but I read a book and did some exercises in there, started doing them in daily life, changed my life.

Sounds self help bullshit but its not. Maybe other books will teach the methods of CBT , this is just one I looked into and it worked for me . Its no cure, but it took me from hermit to travelling the world, just took me a while to really make the effort and follow through with it, because I was kinda like 'A book? Hardly gonna fucking help me..' you know?

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/lemtrees · 3 pointsr/relationship_advice

> ... give the process a chance to work rather than trying to solve it your way

This is certainly a valid point. I've been giving it a chance to work for nearly 4 years now, and my wife has done relatively little towards dealing with her problems. The first two years of her depression were spent with her in absolute denial of it. I understand that things take time, but the waiting will eat up the remaining years I have of this one life if there isn't any progress. This is why I'm trying to take an active role rather than continuing to wait; The waiting accomplished nothing because she did not seek to walk, let alone run. It was not until I convinced her to read Feeling Good and practice some self-care early this year that there has been any significant progress. The regular arguments are an improvement over her denial and withdrawal of years prior; At least now she is willing to engage. My hope is that she can learn to engage effectively before the ineffective engagements destroy the relationship entirely.

I'm a little puzzled by your declaration that I am:

> determined to steamroll over your wife's emotions in favor of "rationality."

I thought that I had made it clear that her emotions are of importance when I stated that

> Ideally, when my wife feels wronged, we would have a rational discussion about what we each perceived, how that made us feel, come to a mutual understanding of the situation and each others' feelings, and seek a win/win/win resolution.

(emphasis added above). Rereading it, perhaps I was not as clear as I had hoped. Her emotions are absolutely NOT invalid. Ultimately, they're kind of all that really matters.

> you're not going to get anywhere by failing to acknowledge she's upset and working within that reality, instead of demanding that she handle everything by parliamentary debate standards.

This is very true. I do acknowledge that she is upset and I am trying to work within that reality, which is why I'm trying to find a way for her to learn to express her emotions effectively. I am by no means "demanding that she handle everything by parliamentary debate standards", but I do expect a minimum level of effective back-and-forth that abides by some of the rules of logic. I'm talking simple things, like avoiding self-contradiction and giving the benefit of the doubt to a degree. My "Did you feed the cats today?" example illustrates the lack of the benefit of the doubt that is frequently encountered. I have no idea how to ask that question, and many others, without it immediately becoming an argument wherein I am expected to prove that I was not attacking her. In these cases, I attempt to acknowledge that she was upset, but I don't know what to do other than express "I'm not attacking you" and ask her how else I can ask her such a question; This almost invariably results in her responding with something like "Just leave me alone I can feed my own damned cats", which doesn't really address either the original issue or the new one. This got a little off topic, what I'm trying to say is that the standards that I'm holding her to are not absurdly high, and they do take into account her emotional state. They are just the minimum required for simple interactions to not quickly turn into hostility. She is not meeting this minimum, which makes even simple interactions nearly impossible.

u/RedEyeFan · 3 pointsr/reddevils

OP please go get some professional help. I've been in that position and you want to attack that shit as quickly as possible.

I really really really recommend reading the book "feeling good, the new mood therapy", which can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

8 dollars and a few hours later, I promise you'll be feeling MUCH better. But obviously I think you should still seek out professional help as well. Sometimes talking to someone makes all the difference in the world.

Ultimately you have to make the choice to feel better. I know that sounds weird, especially in your situation, but trust me. I've been there. And unless you make that choice, you'll never get out of the rut you're in.

I had everything I could want as a youngster. Great family, a great college, and yet I was miserable. It wasn't until my Dad died that I started to really look at my life and make changes. I was lazy, careless, and unproductive. Everything I needed was handed to me. After my Dad died I stepped the fuck up and now I'm working my ass off for everything. I'm improving myself every day, and you know what? That mental rut has gone away. It's never going to be perfect, I don't think, but I'm 100000x happier and trust me that life is worth living for.

I hope this helps you. And please, please, please, go get professional help as well. I don't care if it's a university counselor, or a psychiatrist or whatever, just go get help.

u/apeacefulworld · 3 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Feeling Good and Don't Panic are both well regarded books that focus on cognitive behavioral therapy.

The author of Feeling Good also made a workbook to help people process their reactions and feelings.

My husband has chronic depression, and highly recommends both.

u/BlueZen10 · 3 pointsr/careerguidance

Okay, so first let’s take a moment to appreciate that you’ve accomplished the beginning steps needed to get where you want to be. As a person who has struggled with depression, anxiety, and poverty myself, I applaud the fact that you that you’ve already done the really hard thing by starting therapy and sticking with it.
 

Second, as far the question of a career, I’d say just find a job you can do for the next couple of years. As you get older and understand yourself better, you can decide on a career path. Just don’t hold off on getting a job while you’re trying to decide on a career.
 

Third, you may want to consider taking the TASC test without waiting to do the study classes. Your state’s education department site says the test is free and you can make three attempts per year, so you could look at the first attempt as an information-gathering mission. I’m assuming the depression/anxiety played a fairly large part in your decision to drop out, so as long as you had somewhat okay grades while you were in school, you probably wouldn’t have trouble passing without the study classes anyway. And if you pass it the first time, that’s great! But if you don’t pass on the first attempt, you’ll have better knowledge of the specific areas you need to focus on before you take the next one (instead of unnecessarily studying ALL of the subjects!).
 

Fourth, look into free job assistance programs that can help you learn an actual vocation (even without a diploma/TASC certificate). I don’t know about New York, but in my state these programs will even pay for the equipment and clothing you need to do the job. I just did a quick Google search for “New York Job Training Programs” and these are the kind of interesting results that popped up: http://www.vocationaltraininghq.com/free-vocational-training-programs-in-nyc-new-york-city/ (the Office of Adult and Continuing Education, which offers FREE computer classes) and http://www.allny.com/job-articles/free-job-training.html (All NY, which explains how to find free job programs in New York). The beauty of some of these programs, is that you don’t have to cold-call on businesses to convince them to hire you. The program matches you up with employers who are looking for employees they can train up into entry-level positions. Quite a few of them are permanent too. But even if you decide you don’t want to stay in whatever job they help you get, you’ll walk away with more marketable skills and knowledge than you have now. (And you’d be surprised how often the skills you learn in one industry are useful in another).
 

To help you with the negative self-talk that comes with depression and anxiety, you may want to read “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by David Burns, MD (or something similar). His book is an easy to read cognitive therapy book that was written in 1980 but is still relevant today. It will help you learn to short circuit those negative thoughts before they can make you feel bad. It really helped me when I was trying to get my first serious job but kept telling myself I was too stupid/shy to work in that kind of role (it was a courier role in a mortgage company). https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1
 

And lastly, here’s a link to something that helped me get through a lot of bad things over the years.. It’s called “The Quitter” by Robert W. Service: https://allpoetry.com/The-Quitter.



u/hau5keeping · 3 pointsr/CBT

CBT has a lot of tools to help with this. I'd even wager that you're not actually unattractive but that you've conditioned your mindset to see yourself this way. Cognitive distortions can quite literally change the way you see the world (including yourself).

I'd recommend any of these books by David Burns:

https://smile.amazon.com/Intimate-Connections-David-D-Burns/dp/0451148452

https://smile.amazon.com/Days-Self-Esteem-David-Burns-M-D/dp/0688094554

https://smile.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/gmonkey42 · 3 pointsr/socialskills

Cognitive behavioral therapy can help with stuff like this. You can do it on your own, or your school probably has services that can help - mine had kind of two tiers, the drop-in peer counseling that was pretty useless but OK if you just needed to vent, and then actual therapy with a grad student getting their clinical hours, and I found that very helpful. If you want to try it on your own, there are work books like:

http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Days-Self-Esteem-David-Burns/dp/0688094554

(don't let the gimicky title put you off, it's actually pretty good)

The bullet points sound like a lot of distorted, negative thoughts that are bringing you down and CBT can help a lot with that. There was a story in that workbook iirc about a guy who felt like a total failure, he was bad at his job, had no friends, and so on. And he started doing CBT with the author, and even though there wasn't any material change to his life, he started feeling better about things, he stopped feeling hopeless, and that made it possible for him to start making concrete improvements. It seems counterintuitive, like "why should I stop thinking I have no social skills? I really don't have any" but you have some, you interact with people and they don't run screaming; but the pessimism and all-or-nothing thinking like that make it so much harder to improve your situation.

You might want to post this on /r/depression too, a lot of people struggle with similar things. It's great that you're getting back on the horse and going to college again, that's huge and you should give yourself credit for that.

u/PartyOnAlec · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

I've got you, friend.

u/pfelon · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

I used to be painfully shy and awful at conversation.


I suggest you (and everyone really) read up on body language, mirroring others, etc. This book is a good starting point.


From there, the key is to know about a lot of subjects. If you can hold an intelligent 20 minute conversation about almost anything, you'll be a conversation god.


Try to develop a thirst for knowledge and read up on a diversity of things. Set goals to learn about at least one new subject every week (I would say 'read a book a week' but in the internet age you can get get the info you need online sometimes, though a good book is usually far more helpful). See something cool on Reddit/Cracked/etc.? Read more about it.


Story time: I was dating a girl who took me to her dad's big charity fundraising banquet, like one of those $500/plate deals. I'm grinning sheepishly through conversations about rich guy stuff, trying to think of something to drop in. It finally shifts to golf (which I didn't even play) and I light up- I had just read this book about the best true golf stories of all time. They were riveted.

u/seanisthedex · 3 pointsr/ZenHabits

For a deeper dive into techniques, the psychology and practice of this, check out this book by Nicholas Boothman.

u/BestSexyThrowaway · 3 pointsr/sex

Obviously this will not be as easy if you were female. As much as I hate to admit it, the "Player's" handbooks and websites helped me learn the art of simply holding a conversation with random women when I was younger. Some of that PUA crap is rather corny and/or degrading though so be selective if you choose that route. If you are as socially inept as you suggest, then learning to have a conversation should be your first goal. May I suggest reading the book How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds or Less as well as the ever famous How to Win Friends and Influence People. Both offer great insight into the art of communicating both verbally or otherwise.

Bottom line is either you are a natural at meeting women or it's something you have to learn. Like all things it takes work and practice. Stay the hell away from social sites. Don't get me wrong, you may be able to find something, but wouldn't you rather see someone you find attractive IRL and be able to turn that into a sexual encounter than hope that something falls into your inbox?

u/iwant2saysomething · 3 pointsr/TheChurchOfRogers

There's a book called "I'm Proud of You: My Friendship with Fred Rogers" by Tim Madigan. I think you might want to read it. https://www.amazon.com/Im-Proud-You-Friendship-Rogers/dp/1470155117

Tim was a journalist when he met Mr. Rogers in 1996. They formed a very close, meaningful friendship in the years that followed and this book is a loving tribute to Fred's kindness and wisdom. Together they discussed unbearable grief following the death of loved ones and grappling with the break up of a marriage.

Here's an excerpt from when Tim is grieving the loss of his brother, Steve.

"I told Fred about the profound absence I felt in Davenport the moment Steve died that morning.

We discussed the power and intensity of grief - anger and despair one day, gratitude the next, deep sadness the day after that.

'Sometimes, though, I feel like he's with me more now that ever," I told Fred that night.

'Maybe he is,' Fred said. 'You know, Tim, there is such a thin veil between this life and whatever comes after it."

Much of Fred's perspective on death seems to be shaped by Christianity and his deep faith in god. He shares with Tim many parables and quotes from the bible, as well as poems and letters from his own mentors. It might be helpful to you, even if you don't share his religious beliefs.

It's definitely full of real life adult tragedies and how Mr. Rogers responds to them.

I hope that helps. I'll be thinking about you.

u/glowglowgadget · 3 pointsr/wholesomememes

Geez, I'm reading this book about Mr. Rogers right now by a journalist who knew him. Mr. Rogers is like wholesomememes personified.

I'm crying about every five pages at how kind and lovely of a person he was.

u/lucidswirl · 3 pointsr/todayilearned

I'm Proud of You: My Friendship with Fred Rogers is a fantastic read. It was a soul hug for me, if you are into that sort of thing.

u/idiotist · 3 pointsr/Meditation

Stop Being Lonely by Kira Asatryan has been a helpful book for me. It has pretty good discussion on why people feel lonely in modern world and what can you actually do to make yourself less lonely. The book is not about making friends or how to make people to like you. Truth is many people with friends or relationship feel lonely. It's about how to make your existing relationships feel more meaningful and how to feel deeper connection with other people. I've been applying the advice to all people I interact with, from grocery store cashiers to my close family and I actually have been starting to feel less and less lonely.

EDIT: And yeah, it's not really about meditation. I don't think meditation can remove feeling of loneliness really, but can make you more resilient against feeling lonely, which is valuable as well.

u/Mula_Bandha · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

The one I'm reading :) Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, by David D. Burns M.D.. It takes initiative but the first part of the book resonated with me a lot. Check it out

u/abowlofcereal · 3 pointsr/OkCupid

If a therapist is out of reach, perhaps some second-hand therapy might help. In my first session with a therapist he recommended the book Feeling Good.

It is significantly cheaper than a therapist and if you take time to read and do some of the exercises in the book, in all likelihood you will start to feel better about yourself. It's not specifically about relationships (though they are covered), but about depression and anxiety. Chances are if you're feeling down about your relationships you may also be feeling down about other stuff in your life too.

u/dabarbarian125 · 3 pointsr/depressionregimens

I can’t say I’m 100% cured, but can I say that it does get better. If you keep working at it you will grow and get better at it.

I’ve written a post describing my advice that I’ve learned in my 10 years since my suicide attempt. Here’s a link to it.

As for self love, that’s a little different of road. I had a really bad “hate tape” playing in my mind for the majority of my life. A great place to start is the book Feeling Good by David Burns. The sparknotes version of this book is that we have thoughts that are designed to hurt our outlook (called cognitive distortions) and gives you good tools to identify and address these. I’m not a huge fan of self help books, but this is scientifically researched and written by one of the originators of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This combined with meditation is really potent stuff.

I believe in faking it until you make it. What I’ve realized is that what most people say about self-love is true and unhelpful. It feels inauthentic to say that we love ourselves if we truly don’t feel it. And it is precisely this thought process that kept me from truly loving myself. I force myself to say nice things to myself even when I feel like a crappy human being. Instead of self-deprecating, I over exaggerate my own ability and awesomeness. They end up being the same jokes just reversed (a cheeky “Oh I totally meant to do that” instead of a depressing “see how worthless I am”).

And I’ve found this to work. My brain is in the habit of self-love rather than self-loathing. If you do something enough it becomes your automatic response. Have you ever said ironically loved something so much (like a meme or a song) that you grow to genuinely love it? That’s how I developed a healthy relationship with myself.

What I’ve found is that loving yourself is simple and incredibly difficult at the same time. All those cliches about “just be your own best friend” and “go easy on yourself” are technically right, but ignore the amount of time, effort and failures that come on the way to that point. It’s kind of a 3 steps forward two steps back kind of thing.

Lastly there will be days when you just don’t feel it. This is when I reach out to people I love and care about for external validation. Again my brain wants to say “they are only saying that because you specifically asked for it”. And I say so what? Just because I asked my best friend to say nice things about me doesn’t mean he doesn’t mean it. We have a relationship built on trust; he would say tell me if something was wrong with me just as easy as what is right. The fact that he would do that for me speaks to how much he cares for me. I would do the same for him.

I can’t say that this is full proof or that it will even be relevant to your life (hell it doesn’t work for me all the time), but I hope there is some nugget of information that you can steal from this that might help you on your journey to self acceptance. Even if these aren’t the right answers for you, I can tell you that your answers are out there somewhere. Maybe they’re in you just waiting to be uncovered.

God bless:)

u/Sideyr · 3 pointsr/intj

Brains are funny things and sometimes they need training, like any other part of the body. I would suggest either seeing a psychologist, or getting something like this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009UW5X4C which starts with a way to somewhat self-diagnose depressive thinking and treat it on your own with cognitive behavioral therapy.

Psychology is interesting to learn about regardless, even if you don't think you're depressed.

Another interesting read: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning

u/Plemer · 3 pointsr/mentat

Regardless of the premise, regular exercise, adequate sleep and CBT can all help with self-confidence and mental health.

edit: I found this book helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C/

u/SneezeSpasm · 3 pointsr/intj

I believe that an INTJ mindset can be a tremendous liability when dealing with a depression because of our tendency to seek logical conclusions. Different mindsets like All-or-Nothing or focusing on a single negative aspect of a situation can quickly become an echo chamber for negative thoughts. The INTJ mind can easily run amok.

However, I also believe that our INTJ profile can use its disadvantage to its advantage because we gravitate towards systems. If we construct a personal mind-system that monitor our thoughts, the heavy cloak of depression can be lifted. Such mind-systems are discussed at lengths in the book, "Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns".

Dr. David D. Burns builds his practice upon the stoic philosophy which concludes that it is our thoughts that make the base for our feelings. So to know your thoughts is to govern your feelings and thus your depression.

A quick overview.

Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns

u/MuieLaSaraci · 3 pointsr/Romania

Am avut multe perioade în care intram într-o groapa din care nu ieșeam cu săptămânile. Apoi parca intram în ele din ce în ce mai des și ieșeam din ce în ce mai greu.

Am avut o postare asemănătoare cu a ta în urma cu mai multi ani pe un alt subreddit și cineva mi-a recomandat cartea asta.

Când am văzut titlul, am ignorat-o instant, dar după câteva săptămâni am revenit la ea, n-aveam de ales. Am citit-o și parca am avut o revelație.

Au urmat în lunile următoare niște evenimente care au dus în mod indirect la doamna MuieLaSaraci, evenimente pe care în mod normal, în groapa fiind, le-aș fi lăsat sa treacă pe lângă mine.

Au venit oferte de lucru pe care nu le-aș fi acceptat din frica de a eșua, asa cum am făcut de zeci de ori înainte. Fiecare oportunitate acceptata ducea la altceva mai bun.

La un moment dat eram gata sa renunț la tot, dar am continuat sa trag și acuma pot sa zic ca sunt fericit. Mai am zile de căcat în care ma întreb dacă are rost, dar în momentele alea ma gândesc la cum eram acum 10, 5, chiar și 2 ani și cumva ma face curios sa vad unde pot sa ajung în următorii 2. Pas cu pas pana la capăt.

u/ONE_OF_MY_ACCOUNTS · 3 pointsr/financialindependence

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns had a pretty major impact on my life in a good way. I recommend it to people all the time and I've been meaning to reread it myself. It's intended for folks dealing with depression but I think everyone should read it.

I want to stress that this is not a new-age BS self-help book. None of that "JuSt Be YoUrSeLf!" crap. This is a book about a proven method of improving your mood called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) written by an actual psychiatrist. Studies have shown CBT can be as effective or even more effective than antidepressants for treating depression. The best way I can describe it is training your brain to examine and challenge your cognitions (or thoughts) which are causing your emotions. We play a lot of tricks on ourselves which cause us to feel down at times when it's not helpful or necessary.

Be sure to see if your local library has a copy ;)

EDIT: I also wanted to mention exercising. Regular exercise is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

u/thrpsy · 3 pointsr/norge

Det er bra at du postet. Jeg har selv vært deprimert lenge og trodde det var noe "jeg bare er"(i etterkant er det nok mer komplisert), men jeg skjønte også for sent hvor deprimert jeg var. Jeg kjenner godt til alvorlige suisidale tanker og alt det du beskriver. Jeg har psykiatere i familien. Her er noen alvorlige tips til deg:

  1. Det er utrolig vanskelig å komme seg ut av noe sånt helt alene. Enten det er venner eller familie, snakk eller finansiell hjelp.
    1a) Ikke tenk på "hvorfor" akkurat nå. Hvis det er så alvorlig at det hindrer deg i et "vanlig liv", oppsøk (profesjonell) hjelp. Psykologer kan hjelpe, men (er kanskje biased her) prøv å oppsøke psykiater også. Uansett hvem det er: vær helt ærlig. Jo mer av tanker ol du gjemmer, jo mindre kan folk hjelpe deg. Apropo snakk: Det er ikke alltid bare snakk som hjelper. Evt. medisin eller konkrete livsendringer (trening/helse) er like viktig. Hvis du har suisidale tanker og sier det, skal det taes alvorlig! Du trenger ikke å føle skam for å innrømme det!

  2. Hvis du er så heldig og kommer til noen som er flink innen psykiatrien, er det bra/en ting. Utenom det vil jeg anbefale å lese om kognitiv terapi. Det er mye god støtte om dette, det har kommet noen nye vrier på det i det siste. Hvor mye du kan hjelpe deg selv kommer litt an på deg selv og konteksten, og uansett hvor mye du kan hjelpe deg, det er ikke noen skam knyttet til hvor bra du klarer det. For meg personlig var dette en veldig god intro bok: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/

  3. Uansett hva du gjør, siden du mener du ikke har noe support nettverk, så må du ta det første skrittet. Du kommer ikke til å bli pushet riktig vei av noen andre. Du må faktisk bestemme deg for det. Jeg skjønner veldig godt følelsen, jeg har vært der selv og det går ikke en dag hvor jeg ikke er litt, bittelitt, redd for at jeg kan skli dit igjen. Husk at det trenger ikke å være sånn som det er akkurat nå i livet ditt. Det finnes en potensiell mulig vei for deg å gå hvor du ender opp og er fornøyd, siden vi faktisk er så heldig å ha et noenlunde fungerende offentlig helsevesen og lever i et noenlunde sosialt samfunn.

    Det er så mye man kunne ha sagt, men uten å vite mer, hovedpoengene mine er: oppsøk hjelp, ikke hold tilbake med info om deg selv og hvordan det påvirker livet ditt, vær interessert i hvordan og hvorfor tankene dine er som de er, ikke bare aksepter de. Kanskje det viktigste: Skam er nå kanskje din verste fiende. Skam lammer deg og er mest sannysnlig 99% ufortjent. Hva ville du anbefalt din beste venn? Ville du sagt han/hun fortjente å føle såpass mye skam? Nei. Du trenger ikke å behandle deg selv verre enn din beste venn.

    Lykke til!
u/throwawayadj · 3 pointsr/blogsnark

Not only did it get better, but I've had really hard times in my life and only had a few hours of ever feeling that dark and sad and alone again.

I couldn't get to therapy either but learning CBT techniques was a huge part of what helped me get better. I used this book

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491789682&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good

I know that's not as a good as a person but it can really help you craft a strategy to find a person and suffer less in the meantime.

Best of luck to you.

u/mrakestraw777 · 3 pointsr/selfhelp

Perhaps Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will help. Sometimes negative thoughts can be helped by creating a habit of thinking positively.

u/hiigaran · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

If I may make a recommendation for some reading, there are three very good books that may apply here.

  • Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns. It's a book that teaches you how to do cognitive behavioral therapy for yourself to deal with depression and anxiety, but it's useful pretty much any time you're feeling bad and having repeating negative thought patterns.
  • No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A Glover about how to be more assertive and express you needs and desires properly.
  • Daring Greatly by Brene Brown about the power of allowing yourself to be vulnerable and how it can improve how you feel about yourself and your relationship with other people.

    The three of those books together could do great things to aid your confidence and assertiveness, as well as help you cope with the negative thought patterns that seem to be overwhelming you right now.
u/anxthro · 3 pointsr/datingoverthirty

Agreed that you sound like a good person. Depression is terrible, and as hard as it might be, I wouldn't take any of his behavior too personally. It's such a painful and life-sucking thing to experience that it can be difficult to be anything other than aloof and inconsiderate.

As someone else said, dial it down a bit, but keep in contact. I'm sure he appreciates your presence and doesn't want you to leave, or anything. I'm getting into the mental health field starting this fall, and if he's not familiar with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), see if he can find a therapist who specializes in it. Many people find David Burns' CBT books very helpful as well (Feeling Good, When Panic Attacks) if you want to get him a copy.

u/pianobutter · 3 pointsr/neuro

CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) is the most effective treatment of anxiety disorders.

The "Cognitive" element can be easily understood through an analogy. Your brain generates a predictive model of the world based on its inputs. It uses this model to predict future events and make optimal decisions. Because the model is based on inputs, if you are selective in where you are getting your inputs from it may get skewed and start making flawed predictions.

Social anxiety is a good example. It often leads to avoidance. This means that you aren't testing your assumptions. Which means they will stay as they are. To get rid of the anxiety, you have to get all those inputs you are avoiding. If you are afraid people think you are weird and spend a lot of effort "hiding" this, it's actually a good idea to do something weird. Like announcing the floor numbers in an elevator story by story in a comical voice. Sure, people will actually think you're weird, but it's not going to have disastrous consequences. There's no need to stay vigilant and burn fuel to keep you prepared to make a run for it.

A good therapist will, in a sense, synchronize your cognitive model of the world with theirs.

In addition to changing the inputs to your cognitive model, it's useful to examine the outputs. Your interpretation of events could be biased by a flawed model. There could be a more rational explanation of events that you have overlooked because you aren't challenging your assumptions. This is a big part of CBT. Monitor the outputs of the model. Be skeptical.

I would recommend Feeling Good by David D. Burns.

u/Bizkitgto · 3 pointsr/C_S_T

It was a long process where I was mostly unhappy but also asleep to this fact. After a a few years and a big breakup I started to question my own happiness - or lack of. This set me down a rabbit hole where I was all over the map - you start reading up on things like anxiety, depression, eventually you wind up at Law of Attraction, The Secret, etc, then you watch this and get excited...then you try to get a little more practical with things like Tony Robbins, Oprah, this book and then you realize that you do in fact create your own happiness...things like neuroplasticty are legit. It's hard to change your thought patterns, and I still struggle immensely. But the one thing you control - your thoughts and attention, do in fact control your brain's wiring and your mood, happiness levels (yes, I think of happiness like a water reservoir and you control the level) and ultimately your future. I'm still a work in progress...things like work/career still bum me out and I am trying to find something different. The problem is I don't want to just jump ship and wind up in the same situation, I'm debating leaving my career for something radically different. But I don't think we can find meaning in our work anymore, if work is just sitting in cubicles all day long...we need something different. The corporate world isn't healthy, and being immersed in this world day in and day out will eventually start to rewire your brain if you aren't consciously aware of it.

u/pyridoxineHCL · 3 pointsr/Meditation

Look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy… Self-doubt is usually a result of thinking errors (cognitive distortions), knowing and being able to identify what thinking errors are happening and causing negative feelings is a critical component to really harnessing the power of mindfulness meditation to create deep psychological change. The first few pages of the book Feeling Good deal directly with self-doubt.

The key is understanding where the feelings of self-doubt come from and the thoughts and though-chains that create the feelings. Read through the 10 cognitive distortions in the link above, see if you can ID which ones apply to your thoughts of self-doubt.

u/immirinbro · 3 pointsr/bodybuilding

This is a great book to check out if your feeling down and want to take some steps yourself to try and understand things/feel better:

Feeling Good - David Burns

Helped me a lot. Should be a PDF copy out there you can download for free.

u/PrimeTemps · 3 pointsr/malementalhealth

I would also recommend Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy to get an overall sense of CBT.

u/BitchinItch · 3 pointsr/fasting

I realize that what works for me may not work at all for you. By the same token, there's a chance it may work for you so I thought I'd share this book. This book, hands down, did more for me than any medication or therapist combined. It's work though. You must face the uncomfortable within yourself. What comes through those efforts is a bit of peace that I didn't know could be. There were things the "voice" in my head said to me that I didn't even know was there. Always thought I was exempt from said voice. I wasn't. It just didn't manifest the way I thought it would from other's accounts of it.

Anyway, wishing you the best.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/randoogle_ · 3 pointsr/gainit

INTP/ENTP "spiritual person" here. Your routine and motivation is not the root issue. The self-hate is the root issue. The way you view yourself and how you relate to yourself (and by extension, the world) is very very dysfunctional, and I guarantee it's fucking up your life in more ways than one.

The negative self-talk is not reality, not objective, and not who you really are. The voice in your head is not only wrong and destructive, it's not even you.

You have a disconnect between different parts of yourself. You hate being "grounded" because when you're in that state, your ego isn't in charge, and you're forced to look at everything inside you you've been fighting. Learn to sit with that pain and not fight it... just let it happen, and watch it swell and then recede. This is, in essence, mindfulness meditation.

Try reading some of these, based on what stands out to you. They are all helpful.

  • The Power of Now --A book about the true nature of self and reality. Heavy Eastern influence. This book has influenced me the most out of the list, and maybe even altered the course of my life.

  • Radical Acceptance --A Buddhist book about loving yourself fully and completely. You are worth it!

  • 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos --A book by a brilliant man about how to live in a world defined by pain and suffering. Heavy Jungian influence. Quotes and references the Bible a lot, but from a Jungian/Campbellian perspective. Occasionally questionable politics.

  • Iron John --A sort of esoteric book filled with poetry and fairy tales about how to be a man. Heavy Jung/Campbell influence.

  • The Enchiridion by Epictetus --This is one of the best introductions to Stoicism, and it's free. Written circa 125 CE.

  • Feeling Good --CBT book clinically shown to be as effective as antidepressants. Your post is filled with things this book addresses directly. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

  • The Happiness Trap --A book about ACT, which is similar to CBT with more mindfulness. Basically CBT tries to get rid of/replace the distorted images of yourself and the world, and ACT tries instead to see them for what they really are, which are meaningless ramblings of an organ using evolved mechanisms to protect its host, and as such are safely ignored.

    Tl;dr: Learn to be kind to yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself just as you are right now, flaws and all.
u/adminslikefelching · 3 pointsr/brasil

Eu já usei para ansiedade, mas achei que o efeito foi mais placebo. Se houve alguma mudança foi bem pequena. Para depressão não funciona pois esse não é o propósito desse remédio.

A melhor coisa que eu fiz para combater ansiedade e depressão foi ler esse livro: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, que é relativamente antigo, mas que ensina técnicas usadas na terapia cognitiva e é mais focado para depressão. Eu gostei muito, venho usando vários dos métodos e as mudanças são perceptíveis. Vale destacar que o meu problema é mais ansiedade do que depressão, mas também funciona de certo modo para esses casos.

u/rebelrob0t · 3 pointsr/REDDITORSINRECOVERY

I went to one AA meeting when I first got clean and never went back. I understand people have found support and success in it but to me, personally, I felt it only increased the stigma of drug addicts as these broken hopeless people barely hanging on by a thread. It's an outdated system that relies on little science or attempting to progress the participants and relies more on holding people in place and focusing on the past. Instead I just worked towards becoming a normal person. Here are some of the resources I used:

r/Fitness - Getting Started: Exercise is probably the #1 thing that will aid you in recovering. It can help your brain learn to produce normal quantities of dopamine again as well as improve your heath, mood, well being and confidence.

Meetup: You can use this site to find people in your area with similar interests. I found a hiking group and a D&D group on here which I still regularly join.

Craigslist: Same as above - look for groups, activities, volunteer work, whatever.

Diet

This will be the other major player in your recovery. Understanding your diet will allow you to improve your health,mood, energy, and help recover whatever damage the drugs may have done to your body.

How Not To Die Cookbook

Life Changing Foods

The Plant Paradox

Power Foods For The Brain

Mental Health

Understand whats going on inside your head and how to deal with it is also an important step to not only recovery but enjoying life as a whole.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

The Emotional Life Of Your Brain

Furiously Happy

The Science of Enlightenment: How Meditation Works

Educational

If you are like me you probably felt like a dumbass when you first got clean. I think retraining your brain on learning, relearning things you may have forgot after long term drug use, and just learning new things in general will all help you in recovery. Knowledge is power and the more you learn the more confident in yourself and future learning tasks you become.

Illegal Drugs: A Complete Guide to their History, Chemistry, Use, and Abuse

Why Nations Fails

Ideas: A History of Thought and Invention, from Fire to Freud

The Modern Mind: An Intellectual History of the 20th Century

Thinking, Fast and Slow

The Financial Peace Planner: A Step-by-Step Guide to Restoring Your Family's Financial Health

Continued Education / Skills Development

EdX: Take tons of free college courses.

Udemy: Tons of onine courses ranging from writing to marketing to design, all kinds of stuff.

Cybrary: Teach yourself everything from IT to Network Security skills

Khan Academy: Refresh on pretty much anything from highschool/early college.

There are many more resources available these are just ones I myself have used over the past couple years of fixing my life. Remember you don't have to let your past be a monkey on your back throughout the future. There are plenty of resources available now-a-days to take matters into your own hands.

*Disclaimer: I am not here to argue about anyone's personal feelings on AA**







u/blueruby808 · 3 pointsr/montreal

Oh yes. I was also recommended to read this book, where CBT techniques are covered. https://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/casperrosewater · 3 pointsr/depression

Yes. There is a pdf copy of "Feeling Good" floating around the web for those willing to search for it. I couldn't get into it but that's me; it's worth a try.

I found found these two simple links helpful:

The Inner Smile

Bruce Lee’s Top 7 Fundamentals for Getting Your Life in Shape

u/thelonebanana · 3 pointsr/introvert

Have you tried keeping a journal? It really helps me get my thoughts into a place where they can be worked on. I've been trapped in my mind more or less my whole life and journaling is one of only 2 things I've found that can provide immediate relief from the negative thought loops with no side effects. The other is running, but I know that most people find it too easy to find an excuse not to do that. There is no excuse not to try journaling. Make it your new years resolution and just make yourself do it every morning for a month to form the habit. It is a vital tool in every introvert's mood management tool box. Also, check out this book if you haven't already.

-hug- Hang in there buddy. It gets better, I promise.

u/baffler · 3 pointsr/socialanxiety

I've been reading this book and it's been helping me out a lot. So I'll try to give you some advice that I learned from it and also personal experience.

When he wants to hang out, you say your thoughts and emotions change and you don't know why. Well your emotions change because of your thoughts, it goes in that order. With me, I'll have a lot of distorted thoughts that lead up to the feeling of extreme anxiety or depression. I learned to listen to those thoughts and as the book suggested, write them down. The book helps you identify the problems with the thoughts, and you can write down why each thought doesn't make sense. And once you change your thoughts, your emotions/feelings change as well.

The problem is, most of the distorted thoughts are automatic and you don't realize you're even having them. I find it easy to work backwards. If I feel depressed I know that it had to be something I was thinking, so I start to think about the thoughts that lead up to that feeling. If it's related to dating, I usually think stuff like: "She's too good for me", "I'm probably not her type", "I'll make a fool of myself", etc. I can then write those down and see how silly it sounds and describe why each one doesn't make sense. For example, "People have different tastes, I shouldn't beat myself up, she might like my personality but it's not a big deal if we don't connect, I can always meet someone else", and "Everyone makes mistakes, if I mess up during the date it's not going to be a big deal, and I can't predict the future, I don't know if it will end up being bad".

You can try to fight those distorted thoughts in your head, but it's really, really hard because for me, my mind is kinda finicky and it's also hard to recognize how distorted my thoughts are when I'm only thinking about them. Putting them on paper makes it way easier. Eventually, you'll learn to stop most of the distorted thoughts by doing this though.

u/mofozero · 3 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Heya. Thanks for the post, it was pretty intense but I completely get where you're coming from. If you're looking for advice, I can offer a couple of things.

First is a book that is pretty popular on this sub and I recommend to a lot of friends that have lost their purpose, it's called "So Good They Can't Ignore You" by Cal Newport. It's a really good guide to success and happiness in a career.

Second, you definitely need to relax a little bit. I've been through anxiety and depression and the way that you're thinking right now is a recipe for an unhappy life.

>I have to be immortalized in history. Ide rather be dead than average but I don’t know how im gonna be more than average.

Putting this level of pressure on yourself can only lead to perceived failure, even if you're succeeding. You need to focus more on the "means", rather than the "ends", meaning if you want to be a comedian and think you can, then focus on writing jokes and performing. Don't even think about "changing the world" or being mediocre.

If you're getting stuck in these kinds of thought patterns a lot, then I can recommend another book (again often recommended here):

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1454278582&sr=1-1&keywords=feeling+good

Honestly, the title might sound corny, but this book has saved and changed so many lives that it's true worth is incalculable.

>there has to be more to life than just having a good time and discovering what everyone already knows exists

There is indeed. Life is experience. The more you get, the more you'll understand.

Best of luck, friend.

u/DreadnaughtHamster · 3 pointsr/pics

Love your drawings!

Please, please read this book. It completely changed my life around and helped me confront depression.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1346383828&sr=8-1&keywords=Feeling+good

u/DJBJ · 3 pointsr/soccer

No it's fine. I didn't get diagnosed with depression till I was around 18 or 19 but I definitely struggled with the symptoms for a long time. I was a "gifted" child too, went to the Academically Talented class, honor classes in middle school/high school.

I'm going to tell you thinking your depression is linked to your intelligence or is caused by your intelligence will not help you and it is not true. I mean, tough love, but if you were truly that smart, you'd be attending your classes and not setting yourself up to fail right? The two, while commonly seen as connected here on reddit, is really just a rationalization that only serves to make you ok with being and staying depressed imo.

Depression is a mind disease that affects people of all intelligence levels. It's caused by your automatic thoughts you don't realize you have that take you down painful emotional paths that are familiar and habitual. That was the key to overcoming my depression - catching myself when I started saying something mean to myself "I'm such an idiot", self-defeating "I'll never finish all this work", fortune telling "I'm going to fail", mind reading "That person doesn't like me I know it", or any of the other cognitive biases.

It's hard and takes practice at first to really catch these because odds are you've been telling these things to yourself for years so its habitual and you don't even question the validity of these thoughts, they're just taken at face value as true. That's where the problem lays and where therapy can really help.

I know you didn't ask for advice but I feel obligated to help other people with depression given I experienced for a long time without knowing how to treat it and how much taht can suck.

I'd really recommend reading Feeling Good, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy workbook for overcoming depression. It's about finding pinpointing the specific depressive thoughts you have, catching them as they happen, and disputing them. It's very effective for some people.

The other book I'd recommend is The Mindful Way Through Depression, it's a Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy. It's about catching the thoughts, but then learning how to view them non-judgementally and accepting them without letting them hurt your life in the manner they currently do.

I'd recommend Feeling Good first as it's more straight forward, less abstract, and if you've never meditated or tried mindfulness before its easier to get your head around. But after that there are many things in the second book that will help aid you as well.

I hope this helps. PM if you want someone to talk to. Most Uni's also offer free therapy sessions, I'd definitely look into that as well.

u/MrVisible · 3 pointsr/leaves

It takes a while for the depression to fade after you stop smoking. It's going to be a couple of months of emotional bleakness, probably; it was for me.

But that's just, what? Half a semester. Less than your summer break back in high school. You can do that, if what's waiting for you on the other side is the rest of your life, free of this burden.

When the depression gets to me, this book has helped. It might help for getting through the transitional period.

I'm not going to tell you that life on the other side is all rainbows and puppy dogs, but a lot of it is. It's going to be hard getting there; you're going to have to re-define yourself as a person. But that's a rare opportunity. How many people really get to do that in their lives? You get to decide who you're going to be when you're clean.

Get started whenever you're ready. And good luck.

u/_sia_ · 3 pointsr/relationships

Yeah, your brother sounds pretty depressed. Tell him that you love him and fear for his mental health. Suggest therapy or "Feeling Good" by David D. Burns (the book is scientifically proven to have approx. similar effect to that of cognitive therapy - I can't recommend it enough). If he won't take your advice, let him know that you support him either way, and that he can always come to you for anything.

u/mulderc · 3 pointsr/Nootropics

Honestly anything that is an SSRI could be both considered a nootropic and might help with those conditions but i would highly recommend trying other things first and seeing a doctor.

You might also want to look into bibliotherapy. The book "Feeling Good" has been used for depression and anxiety and research has shown it to be rather effective and much cheaper than many other options.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

I also found this book to have some useful information for general lifestyle changes that are good for people who have these issues

http://www.amazon.com/Depression-Cure-6-Step-Program-without/dp/0738213888

Also there are now free online programs to help with these conditions

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

u/aceIN · 3 pointsr/Anxiety

A while ago I read Feeling Good by David Burns, which markets itself as a cognitive approach for treating depression and other mental ailments.
I am not 'fixed' by any measure, but the book helped me to learn more about myself and the way that I behave which has allowed me to make major behavioural changes that have helped me to cope.

I can't vouch for general cognitive therapy, but this book sure helped me an awful lot.

u/dapt · 3 pointsr/AskAcademia

You'll be fine. Your supervisor picked you because you were considered capable. But if you're prone to anxiety or panic attacks, I suggest reading this book: Feeling Good.

Despite its "new-agey" appearance it is actually a very good guide to the principles of cognitive behaviour therapy, see the NHS guide here: Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help you make sense of overwhelming problems by breaking them down into smaller parts.

u/grngr · 3 pointsr/seduction

I am currently reading Feeling Good as well as seeing a psychologist to sort my bullshit out. I can vouch for everything in this post. It is very good advice.

u/beegeepee · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

You might want to try reading this book:

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

It is a "self-help" therapy book aimed mainly to help people deal with depression. My psychiatrist urged me to read (He didn't diagnose me with depression, I was diagnosed with ADHD, but the book is a general guide to living a more mentally stable life). I was reluctant at first but finally got around to reading it. It has really helped me change my perception of everything really.

Based on your description, it sounds like the biggest problem you are dealing with is largely due to your own thoughts.

It isn't that you "aren't capable" or you aren't "strong enough". You feel that way because it is what you think and what you tell yourself. But, it is far from the actual reality. You may have created a distorted reality that you now thoroughly believe to be true, which is that you are "helpless". You may have a negative self-image which leads you to feel bad. You feel bad so you eat. Creating an endless cycle.

This book helps you take note of your own thoughts and control them so you feel better. Whether it be anger, guilt, anxiety, depression etc. It really helped me become more conscious of my inner thoughts. Once you have control of your mind and believe in yourself the rest will follow.

I REALLY urge you to take the time to read this book. It is cheap, and if it doesn't work what's the worse that will happen you waste some time reading it?

Start believing in yourself.

u/Italian_Barrel_Roll · 3 pointsr/science

I'd recommend the book Feeling Good to gain insight as to the whys and hows of cbt and metacognition. Identifying what thoughts make you feel what ways and being conscious of that helps you determine what makes you feel the way you want. It suddenly becomes less "I should think differently" and more "I'd rather think differently, because I don't like what effect the prior line of thought has on me."

Some days are certainly harder than others, but it stops feeling like a task you need to force yourself into pretty quickly.

u/I_AM_JACKS_DICKHOLE · 3 pointsr/ExNoContact

Hey. Take some deep breaths.

Suicide is not the answer you are looking for. From what you wrote, I think working on your depression is more important than worrying about this girl.

>I don't like myself and I want to change

It's time to work on liking yourself.

I would recommend this book as a place to start

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0380810336/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1486831500&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=feeling+good&dpPl=1&dpID=51XcJb2p9lL&ref=plSrch

I think you'll end up enjoying working on yourself and becoming who you want to be.

Just please get help if you are constantly having suicidal thoughts. That is the last thing you need right now.

<3

u/TboxLive · 2 pointsr/loseit

What really helped me change the way I think was to write my thoughts down and poke holes in the logic. By doing that I could figure out why I was thinking those thoughts and course correct. I had to find a balance between being over critical and over forgiving, but I've really had to stay on top of it. I'd say the effort I've put into my weight loss so far has been about 5% diet/physical exercise and about 95% mental exercise.

I used this book to help me do that...it's obviously not a diet book, but the concepts apply to pretty much anything and have helped me keep on task and be actually honesty with myself while still keeping a positive attitude about it all.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/

u/uufo · 2 pointsr/Christianity

To the books about Christianity suggested by /u/AsianComes, I would like to add a book that can help with depression: Feeling Good by David Burns.

I'm not a fan of "self-help" books, but this is nothing of the like. It's a great workbook with practical instruction on using Cognitive Behavior Therapy and other tools to overcome or ease depression. It's written by a professional whose good heart and humbleness transpire through the pages, and it will arm you with a lot of useful information.

u/c0nf · 2 pointsr/selfimprovement

I would add Feeling Good under self-control, highly recommended.

u/Seoul_Train · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Seeking help is obviously a good thing for you to do...or simply having a good friend who'll listen to you vent is also really helpful.

Certain vitamins and minerals can help lessen the effects of depression like Vitamin E. Also exercise!

Finally, a book I read that helped me out this past year after I got out of college and was very disillusioned with my post grad life/depressed about personal issues was Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Written by a doctor, it has some really great tips on written exercises to help you get out of the cycle of negative/depressed thinking. Give it a try, and if you don't want to buy it just go chill in a Barnes and Noble for a while and read it! It was in the bestselling paperbacks section when I found it. Hope this helps!

u/goodwifebadger · 2 pointsr/loseit

Are you getting ongoing help for depression/ anxiety? It sounds like you're still having trouble with it, and it's messing with your ability to carry out your plans.

Example A: "If I fail again this time, I really don’t know what to do anymore." That's an example of fatalistic, all-or-nothing thinking, being served up by depression and anxiety.

Example B: "I don’t like elevators, because it might get stuck because of my weight." This is simply false; elevators are rated for like 1000 pounds. This sounds like depression and anxiety talking.

I'm not trying to minimize the unhappiness you're feeling right now, or to try to talk you out of losing weight. But these habits of thought are driving you down. If you get your depression and anxiety addressed, you'll be in a better position to carry out a plan to lose weight.

Strongly recommend that you look into cognitive therapy. Meanwhile look up this book:
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns, MD
Your library may have it. You can get it for around $5.00 on Amazon and it is worth every penny. It's a classic. It's like physical therapy for your brain.

u/UnkDrunkle · 2 pointsr/self

Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy Changed my life. In print for >twenty years. Recommended to me by my therapist.

u/Shagata_Ganai · 2 pointsr/self

Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy

Recommended to me by my therapist. In print >20 years. It's probably at the library. This book answered questions I didn't know enough to ask. Good stuff.

u/Deetorious · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

Read the book, "Feeling Good," I think it will help you with some of this, did wonders for me. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1377780128&sr=1-1&keywords=feeling+good

Remember not to mind read the people you're around! Stay confident and you'll be just fine.

u/darktmplr · 2 pointsr/socialskills

And on that subject, this book is pretty universally acclaimed for CBT. I have a copy and it's definitely helped me out!

u/FadieZ · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

You have no idea how much I relate to this, I really do. There are so many thing I'd like to say but I'm gonna try to keep it short and to the point. You can take my advice or leave it, all I can say is this is what I did to get out of my hole.

  • Don't keep telling yourself there's something wrong with you. The more you repeat that to yourself, the more you will deteriorate. The more you deteriorate, the more you convince yourself there's something wrong. It's a vicious cycle and the only way to get out of it is to completely and forcibly change your mindset, even if you don't mean it. Just pretend. Eventually you will start thinking the same way you act. Look up Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and read "Feeling Good" by David Burns.

  • See a psychologist. They aren't only for crazy people. Colleges usually have one, but if not, find one. Believe me when I say they are the best medicine. (BTW I'm not talking about psychiatrists; pretty much all they do is give you drugs)

  • I know this sounds cliché, but get a real hobby, one that doesn't involve being shut up indoors. Sometimes the simple act of being lazy or staying in the same place for long periods of time can frustrate the shit out of you without you knowing it. Try out something crazy, like skydiving or scuba diving, something everyone says they should do before they die but most never end up doing it.

  • (Note: I'm only mentioning this point because it worked for me) Don't stick around the same people every day, all day. You may end up getting a little weary of their flaws. Also, don't hang around people that generally annoy you. For me it was the douchebags and wannabes in my college. They are of no benefit to you and will drive you insane if you take them seriously. Find someone who is easy to be around.

    If you're like me, you've got a fuckload of frustration built up inside you and it's because you feel like you aren't going anywhere with your life. You don't know what you're pissed about, but I think you're just frustrated with your life because you feel like you aren't really accomplishing anything or doing what you think you should. If that's the case, the hobby will work for you. It worked great for me, along with a nice vacation. I'm broke now but it was totally worth it.
u/greentherapy · 2 pointsr/eldertrees

> Something to consider is first, Why are you using cannabis? Beyond just 'everything seems dull'. If you've been a daily smoker for a long time you're likely self medicating for something you're not even fully aware of. Maybe depression.

I completely agree with this. It sounds to me like /u/lysowl is self-medicating for depression. If he quits cannabis without also treating the underlying problem, he's probably just going to feel much worse.

/u/lysowl, I'd highly recommend that you visit a therapist or a psychiatrist. If that really is too expensive, maybe you can do some self-improvement work on your own to try to lessen your symptoms. I've heard good things about David Burns' book about depression called Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. His book about anxiety helped me a lot.

u/mementomary · 2 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

I pretty much only read non-fiction, so I'm all about books that are educational but also interesting :) I'm not sure what your educational background is, so depending on how interested you are in particular subjects, I have many recommendations.

Naked Statistics and Nate Silver's Book are both good!

Feeling Good is THE book on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.

The Omnivore's Dilemma is good, as is Eating Animals (granted, Eating Animals is aimed at a particular type of eating)

Guns, Germs and Steel is very good.

I also very much enjoyed The Immortal Live of Henrietta Lacks, as well as Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman :)

edit to add: Chris Hadfield's Book which I haven't received yet but it's going to be amazing.

u/reddog323 · 2 pointsr/depression

What I'm hearing is that your in a lot of pain emotionally, and somewhat physically, for reasons that aren't your fault. May I suggest something before you take that final step? Try everything to address it..and I do mean everything. Think of it as research project. It would give you something to do, and you might discover something that works. You owe yourself that much.

A few suggestions.

Cognitive therapy. It's [clinically proven](
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-files/201111/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-proven-effectiveness) to help with a number of disorders, including depression and anxiety. You don't need to see a therapist for it to be effective, and it can even be done online.

5HTP. It's a serotonin precursor, sold as an inexpensive supplement in most health food stores, and it may work where standard SSRI's like Celexa don't. Although it's worth trying other meds too. I had to experiment for quite a while until I found something that worked for me consistently.

My point: you've been in crisis for a long time now, and that can affect your thinking. Put an all out effort into alleviating your symptoms , and see if affects your thought patterns. Again, think of it as a research project.

Finally, keep dabbling with the writing. You obviously have a talent for it, and it can be a good outlet. There are a number of writing subreddits if you need inspiration.

u/generalT · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

just for the record, this book is one (probably of many) that lists the cognitive distortions.

u/powderedpain · 2 pointsr/sex

I recommend you check out Feeling Good by David Burns. Several of your statements above ("contemplating just chopping my dick off since it doesn't get used", "I am also a complete loser who works in fast food at 23, has no vehicle, and no family", even the title) seem extreme and like you might take well to the cognitive methodology, which could also help with your shyness and depression.

u/lebruf · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Having been in a similar rut myself, here's what experience has taught me. I think you should focus more on what NOT to do so you can get yourself out from under this cloud.

DON'T sleep your day away b/c you can't find something better to do

DON'T try to be alone, only to end up with your thoughts that put you there in the first place

DON'T expect somebody else to pull you out of this rut.

DON'T stick with your current routine; whatever it is, it's not working.

A great way to get over the blues is to focus on other people's problems. Tutor a kid, volunteer somewhere, think about friends you haven't contacted in months, years, whatever. Just get off your ass and start to be social. Friends are crucial, and in order to get friends, you have to be a friend.


Also, you may be clinically depressed. It's not a sign of psychological weakness or abnormality... it may just be a phase you're going through. I'm not a fan of the quick-fix by getting a pill or some other substance to zombie you out so you forget your problems.

May I recommend: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336

u/ZombieInATopHat · 2 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

This book may sound cheesy and gimmicky, but it really helped me more than anything else. I got very involved in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as a means of getting better without medication and, I am not exaggerating even a little when I say this, actively practicing CBT is the only reason I'm a functioning human instead of a basket of bat-shit crazy. I highly recommend it - if you implement the techniques, it really does help IMMENSELY! And if you ever want to PM me for help or advice, I'm happy to provide!

u/megmatthews20 · 2 pointsr/offmychest

If you have the resources, I would definitely look into counseling. Someone will help give you the tools to reshape your thinking for the better.

Or, purchase the book Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. It deals with cognitive distortions, which it sounds like you're having a difficult time with.

hugs

I hope things get better.

u/greenkey901 · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns are really good.

u/RFeldhake · 2 pointsr/rapecounseling

I'm not a rape survivor, but I do suffer from an anxiety disorder and I've found cognitive behavioral therapy to be helpful. Basically it involves training yourself not to dwell on anxious thoughts and to develop more positive thinking habits.

Speaking with a therapist is often helpful just because it can help you feel like you're not completely on your own, but often it's difficult financially. If that's the case for you, I've found Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns to be a good introduction.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough spot. You're not broken, you deserve happiness, and healing is possible.

u/DearSci3nce · 2 pointsr/Professors

Dear RhinestoneTaco and everyone who replied: Thank you. Good lord, thank you. I used to think it was just me, and no one ever talks about it.

My first year I thought I was going to lose it. I have struggled with generalized anxiety (sounds like what you're describing) on-and-off since grad school. My first year was so tough, and my generalized anxiety was augmented with panic attacks once a week (just before I would teach stats to 500 students who fucking hated my guts for a variety of fuck-ups that were due to my inexperience in teaching).

If you have coverage, go see a professional. After 9 months of struggling alone (actually, after 9 months of leaning on my SO too much for support but still keeping much of my anxiety to myself) I went to see a wonderful clinical psychologist who specialized in cognitive behavioral therapy. FYI, dear scholar, CBT has been empirically been shown to be very effect for anxiety and depression.

I actually started with Mind Over Mood and Feeling Good (for real, I went into a store and bought those two books... at the same time...), which really did help. But after engaging in CBT on my own, I decided that I wanted more guidance. CBT has really changed my approach to things that cause me anxiety, and has been astronomically effective.

I saw my clinical psychologist for about 6 months, and I had perhaps 10 sessions in that time. The last session was a year and a half ago, and I haven't felt that sick, counter-productive worry in almost 2 years. During my treatment, I developed a lot of cognitive skills that help me quiet the anxiety. I still feel anxiety sometimes, but if it gets counterproductive I do a CBT worksheet and it helps.

Obviously, you're not alone in dealing with anxiety. It never occurred to me that it would be widespread, but 20% of the population is dealing with clinical anxiety at any given moment. I suspect academics have a proportionately higher rate of anxiety.

u/shtoots · 2 pointsr/Concordia

Talking about it definitely helps. It's free so why not try, you have nothing to lose.

I also read [this book] (https://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336) in between sessions. It's about cognitive behavioural therapy, the author has some good points.

u/greatjasoni · 2 pointsr/JordanPeterson

That's called imposer syndrome. Look it up. Literally every graduate student has it. It's very normal.

Creatine is a substance found in high end red meat and fish that most people are deficient in. It's usually taken by bodybuilders as a workout supplement but many people take it for their brain. It's pretty much like taking a vitamin. You can find it at mist pharmacy's or on Amazon. People who are deficient in creatine, which is most of the population, can see about a 5iq point boost. It's one of the most well studied substances that exists, there's 0 downside to it as far as I can tell. (Omega 3 is good as well, but it's less dramatic and more well known)

Depression can also lower your iq by a good few points. Although if you already exercise you're probably doing most of what you can to manage it. A dietary change can help a lot with your overall brain power too. Look into a keto diet, or read an experiment to find a good diet, and you'll have a lot more energy to get things done. You said you have a healthy diet so you're probably good on this, but if you're still feeling bad the diet might not be healthy enough even if you think it is. Many people react differently to different things and there's a ton of misinformation as to what constitutes healthy.

Being a graduate student is a miserable job. You're working absurd hours for bad pay and expected to do amazing things with low odds of success. It's normal to feel the way you feel. Maybe get a therapist. Even if you're not depressed, just talking this stuff through will help you feel better and thus be more productive. Happy people tend to be significantly better at their jobs than unhappy ones so if you can learn to be happy it'll help quite a lot.

I'd recommend the book feeling good, as well. It's basically a guide to doing cognitive behavioral therapy on yourself. I disagree with the philosophy of the book, it maintains that its irrational to be unhappy regardless of circumstance. It's something Jordan Peterson is completely opposed to. However the methods of the book are scientifically sound and Peterson has vouched for the utility of cbt and uses it himself depending on the patient. It'll help you notice a lot of bad and irrational thought patterns and counter then with thoughts more congruent with reality.

u/cotskeptic · 2 pointsr/neoliberal

My therapist provided me with this book on CBT that I use outside our sessions. I find that putting in the work to read and doing the exercises in the text greatly improved my depression.

u/IThrowShoes · 2 pointsr/Nootropics

Well, as far as I know, antidepressants and mood stabilizers aren't for everyone. At least you won't have to worry about being on a pill for a while, potentially for the rest of your life.

>I think that my problem isn't necessarily a chemical one, but a flaw in the way I think

This here is the rockbed foundation of CBT. My uncle is a psychologist that primarily dealt with drug addiction and depression. He recommended that I read Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns. Supposedly my uncle suggested this book to all of his clients. It's kinda long, but it's a really good insight into the therapy. The premise is that your perception of events that happen in life dictate how you feel physically and emotionally. There are thought "distortions," as he calls them, that depressed/anxious people instinctively call upon -- sometimes without realizing it. The idea is to become mindfully aware of these distortions, analyze them and find flaws with the thinking.

For example, I am generally a calm-on-the-outside kinda guy. In fact, most people are shocked when I tell them I have GAD: "Wow, you appear so cool and collected!" Well, I internalize everything. One of the rare times my shell cracks is while driving. I have incredibly disproportional amount of negative emotions that are driven by road rage. It used to be that I would almost fantasize about taking an aluminum baseball bat and destroying the kneecaps of that "bro" or "soccer mom" that weaves in and out of traffic, cutting me off or just all-around acting like a complete imbecile. To make matters worse, sometimes it would bother me for hours, even days, later. This is probably due to the fact that I have about a -1000% tolerance to idiocy. Anyways, after learning more about CBT, that has quelled quite a bit (though on occasion I can feel my blood boil when someone does something idiotic). What changed? I realized the fact that getting worked up over it is pointless. Why? It could be the case that they didn't see me when they cut me off. Everyone makes mistakes, and I know that I've succumbed to my eyes playing tricks on me. Maybe that person is in a hurry, or their child is extremely sick and they had to rush home. What if the person is one of those BMW-driving, popped-collar douchebags who do this shit intentionally? Well, so what? It's not my fault that his penis is the size of an impotent amoeba. Chances are that he pisses off other people. Therefore, getting agitated over something you absolutely cannot change is completely counter-progressive.

Sorry for the massive reply, but I was hoping to give you a sample of what CBT entails. Feel free to message me if you want to know more.

tl;dr Yes, look into CBT.

u/samozhir · 2 pointsr/nursing

Most allied health students have some issue or another around IV therapy. It's normal to feel some fear since it's an important thing to get right for the health of your patients and there's some amount of difficulty involved. At this point, probably all nursing and medical schools use simulators as part of their training. Here's one way to create and use your own:

Get some latex tubing (the natural, soft, manila colored kind). Pre-mix some water and red food coloring. Fill the tube with the mixure and clamp off the ends with a clothes pin or something similar. Lay this lengthwise over a strong cardboard tube and then cover the latex tubing with a length of flesh colored athletic tape. Don't crush the tube underneath the tape as you do this.

Talk with a nursing instructor that teaches IV therapy or a current student at the school that you want to go to and ask for some handouts, websites or for the name of the publication that they use to teach IV therapy. You might explain what you're working on if necessary. Learn the methodology the way that it's taught at that school. Here is one example methodology. That way, not only will you be working on a phobia, but you'll also learn some "hard" stuff ahead of time.

Then get some common IV size hypodermic needles, catheters and microtainers. Practice IV injections/collection on the simulator that you created above. You might have a good friend hang out with you while you do this. You could even take your kit with you to a counselor and have them pay attention to you while you simulate IV injections. Work up to the point that you begin to feel light headed or nauseous, etc... and talk about what's going on for you. If you feel shaky, sweaty, nervous, a bit light-headed then stay with those feeling for a bit and let yourself shake, sweat, feel light-headed or nauseous, etc.... Repeat this (not necessarily on the same day but over whatever period of time that you're comfortable with) until you're able to (repeatedly) successfully accomplish the task.

You can also use techniques such as those in the book Feeling Good (cognitive therapy) while you work on this. There are also other things you might try like meditation (including soothing music or background noise) or calming or "remaining in the present" type techniques.

As a student, just the preparation that you have to do might keep you focused (distracted from your phobia). Try getting all the technique correct. Did you correctly identify the patient? Did you double-check the medication, dosage and route of administration? Did you ask about drug or other allergies? Did you prepare your materials correctly? Did you wash your hands correctly? Did you swab the injection site correctly? Did you prepare the hypodermic correctly for injection? Did you inject bevel down at the proper angle? Did you aspirate for blood? Did you remember to untie the torniquet? Did you collect enough of a sample in the microtainer? Did you dispose of your needle correctly? Did you deglove correctly? Did you document correctly, etc... etc...?

You could even get a massage before or after working on it. I know that when I was working on publicly performing music, it helped a lot to use some of these techniques and getting an hour long massage just before going on was really helpful, relaxing and confidence building -- a lot like how I've heard people describe an experience with MDMA, although I've never tried it myself.

More than likely, you'll get past this fear, phobia or whatever it is. Break it down into baby steps and work your way through it. Reward/congratulate yourself for each successful step.

u/calskin · 2 pointsr/ENFP

>I am sentimental and over value people to such an extreme level that I can't see when people are treating me bad even when they are.

Then I recommend you stay out of a relationship until you figure that out.

A long term relationship hinges on two things. Love and respect. Everything can be covered under those two words. You don't belittle a person you respect. You don't disrespect a person you respect. You show affection for a person you love, etc.

This goes two ways. Never ever put up with disrespect from your SO and never put up with disrespect from yourself towards your SO. This doesn't mean disrespect warrants a fight, but it does warrent a serious discussion, and if your SO thinks that you're being too sensitive, than perhaps it's time to look for another SO.

Some will probably disagree with me and say that sometimes you need to suck it up, but I disagree. If you allow disrespect in any relationship, it's going to fester into resentment and your relationship will be doomed sooner than later.

>No one expects to be a villain yet I think of myself as the worst badguy of them all. I just play my part the worst. I dont know what to do HELP!!

Work on changing your thoughts so you don't label yourself like that. Doing a few shit things doesn't make you a villain or a black sheep. It ignores the fact that you do some good things also and a bunch of neutral things just like everyone else. You wouldn't label yourself a breather simply because you breath and you do that a lot more than anything else.

I think you need to learn more about yourself. I realize that being alone sucks. I've been through that myself, but running into another relationship will likely not help.

You need to be able to respect yourself and it sounds like you have a lot of guilt. My best advice is to get a book called feeling good (http://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/0380810336 or get it from the library) It's an amazing book on cognitive therapy which gives strategies to analyze thoughts and deal with guilt. It's a very interesting and easy read. It's helped me. I think it can help you too. Honestly, I think everyone can benefit from it.

Sorry if this sounds rude. That's not how I meant for any of. It to come across. I'm laying in bed after a night of lightish drinking.

EDIT: spelling and autocorrect.

u/astrocyte373 · 2 pointsr/ABCDesis

I'm still learning myself. So I don't have all the answers. But I highly recommend Feeling Good by Dr Burns (http://amzn.to/2xdUvqJ). It's the No.1 best selling CBT book on depression.

It talks about dependence (love addiction) and approval addiction. Loneliness is something I've looked into a bit as well.

Love addiction

When you rely on love to be happy, you are not taking responsibility for your emotional life. The healthy mindset to have is that it would be nice to have someone love you, but it's not a need. You don't need a partner to achieve what you want and enjoy pleasurable activities.

You can love yourself through positive thinking (admiring your positive qualities everyday and how your a bit better today, accepting your flaws like a loved one would, taking good care of yourself, imagining people who have loved you in the past giving you warm feelings or even an imaginary compassionate being). Self soothing our inner child is an important skill for everyone to develop.

Changing dysfunctional attitudes like "I need love" involves a written exercise where you list the advantages and disadvantages of believing this and then re-write a healthier assumption. It's not wise to put your emotional health in something fickle. It's also unattractive to women if you're needy. It's like a downward spiral of loneliness.

I meet someone who was independent and happy, despite having no relationship experience in her late 20's and believing she would never marry. It gave me a role model to aspire to.

Also your self worth isn't based on being successful in love. Everyone has a self worth of 1 unit. It doesn't change no matter what. Even if you're unloved, you're just as worthy as someone else. Self worth is self worth. Relationship status is a different word to self worth. They're not the same thing. Your self worth is independent of looks, employment status, relationships status etc.

Aim to believe that you're a lovable, good, caring and competent person. Look for evidence that proves it, rather than character assassinating yourself and focusing on the negatives. Nobody is objectively good or bad. It's all opinion. Some people thought Charles Manson was good and worshiped him. So hold a good opinion of yourself because it's the helpful thing to do.

Close friendships

You don't need close friends to validate you as person. You decide how worthy you are. It's independent of how many close friends you have.

You're not entitled to close friendships. It's important to accept the universe owes you nothing and accept real life. In the modern world, most adults don't have that many close friends. And I think a lot of people rely on their partner.

I use my work colleagues as a source of friendship and sometimes organize once yearly socials with school mates through a whatapp group. I also never so no to a social invite. I use to be really closed off at work, because I thought people would reject me. But then I opened up and revealed my authentic weird self. Now I feel like I've built genuine friendships at work that I rely on for social support. Authenticity builds closeness. Focus on the other person in conversations. People love talking and it builds closeness when people feel you know them well and can support them.

Also spend time with family - take them out for dinner, phone calls etc. I appreciate the social support they've given me at times. Make the most out of what little social life you have and accept what people can give you. Rather than demand a level of closeness they can't deliver.

Solitary is nice too. It gives you space to recharge your batteries from work, grow and engage in hobbies.

Loneliness

Loneliness is natural. It's your body telling you that it wants social support and love. When it comes, be mindful of it and self soothe with kindness. Everyone experiences loneliness at some point in their life. It's a regular occurrence for me. You can't avoid suffering. It's a part of life. Make sure you take good of yourself when it comes. The only true solution to loneliness is friendship and love. As long as you are trying your best to get those things, there's nothing more you can do. Healthy distractions are a good thing during the day.

Life will get better. People will gravitate towards you, you may find love and you will become better at coping. You've just got to take every day as it comes and keep working on it.

u/worldchrisis · 2 pointsr/UMD

Why are you worried about not being able to handle your classes? It sounds like based on how you did first semester and the fact that you got into the school, you're capable of doing well in those classes.

A lot of anxiety comes from negative self-talk and letting your fears spiral out of control. If you're constantly telling yourself that you can't do it, you'll start believing yourself. If you let a small fear("my classes next semester are challenging") keep growing("my classes next semester are really hard") into something that's a real problem("I won't be able to handle my classes next semester").

This book is a good resource for understanding anxiety and how to change your mental habits to be healthier
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336?ref_=cm_lmf_tit_18

Feel free to PM if you have questions or need to talk

u/yaiSh3va · 2 pointsr/BPD

I've had similar experiences my whole life, for sure. It's tied to my lack of self-confidence and poor sense of self-worth. I have a hard time trusting myself when people -- who I want to like and accept me -- disagree. So it's also tied to seeking external validation, because it's been a tough challenge learning to validate myself.

The upshot is we can work directly on all this stuff. I'm a work-in-progress on this, but I've definitely improved. Check out The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, it tackles our troubled sense of self-worth from a practical, evidence-based perspective. And maybe Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns, which can help you learn to identify and challenge a lot of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that lead to caving in like this.

Learning to trust ourselves is hard, but it can get better.

u/Ciceronem · 2 pointsr/Catholicism

Hi friend. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. As someone who has experienced a period of depression and anxiety, I can imagine your pain in an all-too-familiar way.

Others have posted prayer as a means by which to overcome your mental health issues. I wholeheartedly agree. Faith and prayer is what kept me anchored in my struggles as well.

In addition, if you find your therapist is not helping, try to find another. There are many, many great psychologists and counsellors out there. You deserve the best possible care you can get.

Finally, look into workbooks for Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy. The ones that come to mind, as there were particularly helpful for me, are David Burns' "Ten Days to Self Esteem" and "The Feeling Good Handbook"

God bless. I will keep you in my prayers, anonymous reddit friend!:)

u/Project__Z · 2 pointsr/CasualConversation

Good job on identifying an issue and taking steps to counteract and fix them, it's way easier said than done.

It's a more concrete help so I'd recommend Ten Days to Self-Esteem. It's a book my therapist recommended me and it's pretty good in helping change the way to approach certain things about yourself. It's not gonna magic it all away but I find that just changing the way you think about things or better defining them helps.

On a similar note, don't ever vocalize your self=loathing. It's fine to think about it still, you can't entirely stop your thoughts, just don't say them outloud. Don't say them to yourself, don't say them around friends and family, just bite your tongue when saying it. I've noticed that just not vocalizing it has weirdly helped me with myself. My other big thing is to treat yourself, like you did with the ice cream. Not all the time of course, but if you ever do something that's hard just for you to do, like going a week without bringing yourself down or just being reasonably responsible, get yourself something. Be it a trinket, a little vacation or just a sweet dessert, it's good reinforcement and you deserve to feel good about yourself.

u/PM_UR_TITS_4_LIMRICK · 2 pointsr/wow

I recommend this book

I haven't read it but it has decent amazon reviews right?

u/AnOddOtter · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

I'm reading Elon Musk's biography right now and think it might be helpful if you're talking about career success. The dude seems like a jerk but has an incredible work ethic and drive to succeed.

You can say pretty much the same exact thing about Augustus' biography.

Outliers really helped me a lot, because it made me realize talent wasn't nearly important as skill/effort. You put in the time and effort and you will develop your skills.

If you're an introvert like me these books helped me "fake it till I make it" or just want to be more socially capable: Charisma Myth, anything by Leil Lowndes, Make People Like You in 90 Seconds. Not a book but the Ted Talk about body language by Amy Cuddy

A book on leadership I always hear good things about but haven't read yet is Start With Why.

u/drunk_catbus · 2 pointsr/funny

She's got a book too!

The Little World of Liz Climo https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762452382/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_5EdBub1VYT6XX

u/MrUnknownGuyAC · 2 pointsr/SympatheticMonsters

There IS a cute kid's book by the artist – The Little World of Liz Climo and there's more!

u/xOMutleyOx · 2 pointsr/Wishlist

I have an adorable Christmas tortoise decoration on my Etsy wishlist that I would love to adorn my tree or the new Liz Climo book from Amazon, her drawings always make me smile.

However if you'd like to pick something as a surprise I'd be more than grateful.

Thanks for the contest ❤️

u/MetternichMarck · 2 pointsr/LongDistance
u/admiral93 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Hmm.. does he respect you? What if you simply ask him to stop? I think it's not so much about HIM, he is a grown man, he has to take care for himself. It is simply not your job nor your right to tell him how he has to live his life. However, you have the right and the responsibility for both of you to stand in for YOUR feelings. Tell him how you feel, why you think it's hurting your relationship, ask him to stop. That's everything you can do, and it's probably way more effective if you let him choose while standing in for your interests.

Here is a great book that could help YOU, on how to deal with a man ;) http://www.amazon.com/Its-Guy-Thing-Owners-Manual/dp/1558744649

u/pickup_sticks · 2 pointsr/RedPillWomen

Guy here. You might want to read Way of the Superior Man. Yes, it's for guys, but I know some women who've read it and liked it. In a nutshell, he talks about feminine energy and masculine presence. They attract and need each other. So if a woman is wondering what she contributes besides sex appeal, energy might be the answer.

I think of it like dancing. The man leads and sets the frame, but the woman provides the energy and flash that makes good dancers look like lovers in ecstasy.

Also, David Deida has another book called It's A Guy Thing: A Owner's Manual for Women. I haven't read it but have heard good things.

u/rocknrollchuck · 2 pointsr/marriedredpill

> I want to find a good audio book on improving conversations, specifically general conversations with random people. If anyone has any suggestions it would be appreciated.

Conversation Casanova, Day Bang, and How To Win Friends and Influence People would be three good ones to start with.

u/RunawayGrain · 2 pointsr/asktrp

Get on a lifting program , like 5/3/1 and get yourself in shape. Not just for getting girls, but for your health in general.

Pick up, How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Art of War, and The 48 laws of Power.

I also suggest The Swordless Samurai.

Also head over tot he personal finances sub and figure out how to start squirreling away a little bit of savings each month as well as budgeting.

Also, learn how to be articulate, and work on your voice. You can probably go down to the theater department at a local college or university to get lessons on the cheap for projection and pronunciation.

u/CityBarman · 2 pointsr/bartenders

Leadership is a learned skill. Sure. Some are "born leaders". The rest of us schmucks just have to figure it out. The biggest influence I've had, that I can share online, is How to Win Friends & Influence People. It truly is a great read. $4.99 eBook or $5.92 for the paperback. I can also guarantee your county library has a copy or ten too. I read it in '89 I think, while in college. It actually changed the entire way I interact with people for the better.

~Good luck!

u/greyflcn · 2 pointsr/makingfriends

This and this

u/lauvan26 · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

Well, I'm currently struggling with GAD right now but a few years ago I was able to manage my anxiety and end my depressive episode with therapy, daily exercise, 9 hours of sleep a night, healthy diet and meditation. I noticed that major life changes are usual triggers for worsening my GAD (change=fear=anxiety). Also, if I don't get enough sleep my anxiety gets worse (and depression slowly creeps in) and I actually become physically ill. Two weeks ago I was in the hospital for dehydration because of gastrointestinal issues. I'm pretty sure that it was cause from getting only 3-6 hours of sleep a night for months/anxiety.

Therapy and meditation helped me a lot with dealing with past mistakes. It was great to have someone listening to me talk about my issues (prior to that I didn't have anyone who understood), it helped me to develop more insight about myself, it helped me notice negative thought patterns I had and how I made myself into "victim".

I realized that I am human and therefore I will make mistakes and it's okay. Whatever happened has already happened and there's nothing I can do to change it so it doesn't make any sense to ruminate on it. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) was great to help me notice and change my negative thoughts.

Here a link about what is CBT: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cognitive-behavioural-therapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx

And here is a link for CBT worksheets. If you don't have access to a therapist or a therapist trained in CBT you can still get the benefits of CBT by doing CBT worksheet to help you realized how distorted your thoughts are: http://psychology.tools/anxiety.html

My old therapist also had me read "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C?ie=UTF8&keywords=david%20burns&qid=1465227795&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1

After I did CBT, my other therapist introduced me to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helped me realize that thoughts are just thoughts. You are not your thoughts. Thoughts don't necessarily reflect reality. Even the good ones can be harmful if we are too attached to them. The best thing to is to not fuse with thoughts and feelings. Notice your thoughts but don't get attached to them (don't suppress them either). Notice your anxiety and notice where it manifest in your body (fast heart rate, headache, nausea, etc.). Give the physical sensations/emotions space but don't allow it to consume you. Always go back to awareness (this is where meditation is very useful). Procrastination/avoiding things that make you anxious will only cause more suffering and pain in the long run. You'll stay stuck.

The ACT method will not always make you feel better. That's not the point. It's about getting through the pain in order to have a more meaningful instead instead of hiding in bed. In addition, ACT puts a lot of emphasis on living life through your "values". If you live life through your values and commit to action, it doesn't matter what the outcome is because at least you are trying. You wont' feel like too much of a failure because you're working on life skills. You'll win no matter what.

Here is a pdf about more information about ACT: http://www.people.ku.edu/~tkrieshok/epsy888/act_cliff_notes.pdf

Russ Harris's book "The Happiness Trap" goes into more detail: http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

The ironic thing about my GAD is that I have a lot of knowledge and I know what I need to do to get better, but I keep falling into my mind's traps. I don't talk to myself abusively like I used to (i.e. telling myself "I'm an idiot", "I'm ugly", etc.) and I'm not worried so much about things I have no control over (i.e. losing sleep over worrying about all the starving children in world, worrying about the state of the economy, etc.) But I still get caught with old thoughts, stories and feelings . They don't manifest like they used to. It's more hidden, more implicit. For example, I wake up in morning and I don't want to work. In the past, the thoughts that would filled my mind would be "I'm horrible at my job", "I'm going to get fired anyway" "Everyone is better than me" "I'm worthless". My heart would race and I would have a panic attack. Now, instead of thoughts I just have a feeling of mild dread/uncomfortable feelings, my stomach will start to hurt. I get a headache and my heart starts to race. Then I'll rationalize that I need to stay home because I don't feel well. Then I tell myself that tomorrow I will do everything I need to do. But I never do....thus begins the vicious cycle that is anxiety.

Anxiety is brilliant at disguising itself once you get past a certain point psychologically. It's incredibly deceptive and amazing at the same time. If we can just see anxiety for what is: a maladaptation of the fight-or-flight mode in situations that are not necessarily dangerous, we'll be okay.


Sorry for the long post.

u/metorical · 2 pointsr/gamedev

Hey theunknowngamedev,

I decided to delete my prior post and start again. Suffice to say I'm in a similar situation to you having spent 14 years trying to be a gamedev and I also quit my job so I could spend more time on it. My original post talked about the same problems you face but I've now turned my thinking around.

The thing that has helped me the most is writing a private journal. Whenever I get stuck I just open up the document and start typing. I ask myself questions and then try and answer as honestly as possible. This normally leads to more questions which I answer and so on and so on... This helps massively with my state of mind.

I was inspired by a successful game developer who did the same thing and actually published his journal Amazon Book

I'd also consider whether you're suffering from depression? I tried out a self help book and it helped immensely Feeling Good. At first I was really embarrassed to be reading this kind of thing but now I can honestly tell my friends that I felt really bad and had to dig myself out of a hole.

I hope some of this helps you!

u/WildernessBillium · 2 pointsr/AskMen

Without knowing you, and comparing what you've written to what I've experienced myself, keeping occupied is the most critical. If I don't feel like I have something to work towards, tinker on, or otherwise focus on then I'm in danger territory and I need to make sure I'm on the ball on exercise, diet, and social life. If you're tired, distracted, puzzling out something your working on and looking forward to a party or something your brain probably won't have too much extra RAM left to worry. That's how it is for me at least.

If your in school, I would definitely seek out a counselor or your university's mental health clinic, or even a close friend of yours you trust that is open and understanding that you can talk to about your issues. I've found that vocalizing what I'm worried about instead of letting it roil around in my head all day often makes it so I forget about what I was worried about. I know religion gets a bad rap on Reddit but there is a Catholic Saint by the name of St. Ignatius of Loyola who struggled with anxiety and depression in the 1500's and his strategy for battling it was to give his worries a name. By identifying exactly what it was he was worried about and talking about them, he found he could either work to reduce them, or forget about them more easily. Anyway I digress...

If you're more of a reader I would recommend this book. It's been in print since the 70's and it can really help you identify some of the tricks and habits your brain can fall into that can make you feel miserable. Its geared more towards treating depression but many of the skills are applicable to anxiety as well

Finally, please feel free to DM me if you're ever in a pinch. I'd be more than happy to let you vent or share my thoughts and often, for me, writing what I'm feeling can help me make sense of them, to name them in other words.

u/bb0812 · 2 pointsr/Stoicism

Adding onto books, this one provided me the greatest amount of insights. Originally published in 1980 and have been reworked recently by the author in 2012. Tremendous amount of experience in it.

u/soberingthought · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

Therapy is super helping me right now and definitely helped me to build up the strength to get sober. I've got my weekly appointment this afternoon and I'm eager to get to it.

I'm thrilled with Zoloft, but I realize it's not for everyone. One of the old-timers around SD, /u/seeker135, mentioned this book helped him overcome anxiety without medication. I bought it yesterday but haven't cracked it open yet...I'm still chugging through SD's favorite, This Naked Mind right now.

Just as you feel I'm not arrogant, I feel you're not cheesy. Let's go out and be the best people we can!

IWNDWYT

u/BewareofHumans · 2 pointsr/philadelphia

It depends on your budget and your personal needs, but the best therapy option is CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). I'm going to throw a ton of info below for you or anyone interested with links throughout. Please DM if you have any more questions!

The very best trained in CBT you can find in Philly is at UPenn, who I have gone to for treatment with great success. They're renowned for their CBT program, you can't go wrong here, though they do not accept insurance, but you may be able to submit for reimbursement.
UPENN CBT: https://www.med.upenn.edu/cct/

However, from my personal experience, I found the greatest relief using Skype therapy. I must emphasize though, NOT through the trendy apps like 'better help' ...but through a private therapist who lives in Australia. It was much cheaper and incredibly effective - I once hit a point in my life where I could not leave the house, gave up driving, and only left bed to eat. I was pretty sure the next step on the list was death...after CBT therapy I've done a complete 180. Other therapists had unfortunately made my condition worse. I can't recommend CBT more if it's coming from the right source - psychologytoday.com will list 'cbt' therapists, but it's not the same or as in depth as a center with CBT as it's main focus.
(Please DM for the personal info of the therapist I used.)

Also, this self help book (clinically proven in double blind studies to help depression), is written by the founder of CBT. It's helped my brother and multiple friends through rough patches and helped to change their thinking before committing to therapy. It's called "Feeling Good, the new mood therapy" by David D Burns.

CBT BOOK: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C

Lastly, there is a site available through Australian gov't healthcare program. They're mental health treatment is much more regulated, focusing on CBT methods. There are so many free worksheets tailored to specific concerns. It's an amazing resource and should be required reading for all humans!

CCI: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself


TL;DR: Click the last two links for inexpensive/free self help resources that are actually legit, and DM me if you have questions. I never had anyone help me or point me where to go and as a result suffered for over 10 yrs. I feel it's my duty to pass on what I've learned!!


u/AD1337 · 2 pointsr/intj

Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns teaches you the basics of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), which is a great tool against depression and for, you know, feeling good.

u/ellisftw · 2 pointsr/depression

I've been reading a book on Cognitive Therapy. The basic thought is that we create our unhappiness by continuing a cycle of negative thought. It's been helpful for me and studies have proven it is just about as helpful as drug therapy (according to independent studies).

Link here.

u/VicisSubsisto · 2 pointsr/insanepeoplefacebook

It's basically the only field of psychotherapy which has been able to compete with medication in clinical trials. This is the book my therapist prescribed, written by one of the founders of the field. The nice thing about self-help books is that you don't need a prescription or doctor's appointments, and they're often cheap. (Including in this case.)

The TLDR of it is that feelings are not absolute and originate from conscious and subconscious thoughts. Once the feelings take hold they can affect thoughts, which creates a feedback loop and makes the feelings stronger. By monitoring your own thought processes for certain distortion patterns, you can diminish or eliminate "bad" feelings before they start. However, the book goes much more in depth and explains exercises and techniques to help with this.

u/dvs · 2 pointsr/SeriousConversation

Your friend is not wrong, but he's only half right. He's also framing how one deals with the negative aspects of life poorly. One should do their best to minimize the bad in life, or at least its effects. And, when possible, turn allegedly negative things to one's advantage. One should also do their best to maximize the positive aspects. A lot of it has to do with your perspective and what you focus on.

Everyone has to support themselves somehow. If the only available work is something unpleasant or undesirable, focus on what it affords you and put effort toward getting into a line of work you appreciate more. You can't prevent yourself from ever getting sick, but you can do everything in your power to stay healthy. Healthy eating, an active lifestyle, and getting regular medical checkups all have their benefits. If someone assaults you and you are permanently injured, you're going to have to cope with that, yes. But I'm sure any school worth attending will make accommodations for a student who was assaulted presuming they were made aware of the circumstances.

So, yes, you will have to learn how to cope with the bad things. But you also need to learn how to maximize the positive. Work towards a career you enjoy. Build friendships. Chase your dreams. All that. People tend to write off encouragement and positive thinking, and focus on the negative. But life is what you focus on.

If you struggle with this, I have a few recommended reads for you.

  • Victor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning". He was a holocaust survivor, and he writes about how even if you take everything else away from a person, they still have the freedom to choose how they react to their circumstances. If prisoners in a concentration camp can find ways to be generous and kind to one another and bring joy and love to each other, so can you.

  • Dr. David M. Burns' "Feeling Good". One of the first books written on Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), it's written in such a way that the reader can apply these therapeutic techniques to their own life. The premise is that our thoughts direct our feelings, and by learning to recognize cognitive distortions and correct our thinking, we can make large headway in dealing with depression. CBT subreddits and posts

  • Seneca "Letters from a Stoic", Epictetus "The Art of Living", Marcus Aurelius "Meditations". Three books by Stoic philosophers. Stoicism was to these ancient Greek and Roman philosophers what CBT is to modern psychologists. These three books contain some of the very best summaries of this school of philosophy. This isn't esoteric, inaccessible philosophy. This is wisdom directly applicable to the very sort of problem you and your friend are dealing with. /r/Stoicism

    I know this was an overly long response to your question, but I hope it helps. Learning how to cope well with life is one of the most important things a person can learn. I wish you, and your friend, well.

u/jimboge32 · 2 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Highly suggest audiobooks or if you have chrome on a computer and/or a voice assistant on a smartphone (Siri, Google, etc.) then use the Read Aloud/ Text-To-Speech features for books in the ePub format. Here's some links for these tools:

•Read-Aloud Features: Siri on iOS or Google on Android
•Online Text-To-Speech Program: Natural Reader (Free use for basic voice, sounds a little robotic but it's handy)
• Book Management Software: Calibre (can convert PDFs, Kindle format books to ePub. May not always work due to DRM and content formatting.)

Recommended books:
Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns, MD
(Amazing book for anyone looking to turn their mental health and lifestyle around with the power of cognition)

Mindsight by Dr. David Siegel, MD
(Another psych book dealing with various techniques for improving our mind-body-spirit connection from a neurobiological standpoint)

•.The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle
(The book has sort of a cult vibe but the overall message is about understanding who you are in the present and not letting your mind stop you from living beyond your physical capabilities)

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson
(Very down to earth guidelines about how to adjust perspectives that focus less on others and more on your own needs)

I wish you good luck and remember that everything you need is already with you.

u/eddzr717 · 2 pointsr/Meditation

It's not meditation, but you might want to look into Cognitive Therapy. Feeling Good is kind of the intro to it that doesn't involve a psychologist.

u/Robert_anton_wilson · 2 pointsr/OneY

Hi Scott!

Thanks for posting this here. I thought the article touched on a lot of points nobody really talks about.

Do you think self esteem necessarily needs to come from skills or attributes? Cooking, athletics, other mental tasks etc seem like skills.

I'm reading 'Feeling Good: the mood therapy by David D Burns' where he talks about self esteem emanating not from skills but from self acceptance.

Thanks again for sharing!

u/withoutclass · 2 pointsr/Meditation

Let me dispel what you've got going on here and shed some light that I hope you will find helpful.

I feel the same as you in many ways. I have had stretch marks all over my body my whole life. I had the same view, and I still struggle with body dysmorphia because of stuff exactly as you've described. When I sit my gut skin looks fat. I have nasty stretch marks all along my stomach for no reason. Shit happens and it can feel really bad, but you're the only one creating the problem. Here in lies the illusion, because you are creating the thoughts. You self perpetuate your own pain by dwelling, by self deprecating. None of this is healthy for you.

Therapists own. I used to feel the same way as you. I think there is this crappy stigma attached to seeing a therapist, as if somehow you're a weaker person or pathetic for needing help. It's a load of shit. You're seeing a therapist because you want to be better or you want to improve yourself. You're not weak, you're growing! Anyone that could look down on a person for trying to improve themselves is likely the type of person that wants everyone to be and feel as crappy as they do themselves. Heaven forbid someone try to improve. So get it out of your head that you're pathetic for taking steps to better yourself.

Body dysmorphia is not dumb, or pathetic, or sad. It is a real issue. Look at the words you are posting here my friend, it is crushing you, and for what? Illusion.

As far as wasting a professionals' time, that's nonsense. It is their job to help people. To listen and help you pull the wool from your eyes. Please make sure to take time and find a therapist that jives with you. Look at their website, read about their techniques, and even give them a call and ask them any questions you have. These people have made it their life's work to HELP PEOPLE, and unless you are some super advanced computer AI or dog, YOU ARE A PEOPLE. So quit letting thoughts get in your way of helping yourself.

Now about the "getting rejected a lot". That's life bro. It's sucks and can hurt, but the only person creating the "hurt" part is yourself. YOU are generating sad feelings, sad thoughts, and a hurt outlook over what happens. This is ILLUSION. It's not real, you've made it up and now you believe it. This is the core of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). This is why CBT meshes so well with meditation/zen/whatever you want to be interested in.


So please, get to a Psychotherapist. I mean a real therapist too, not a social worker, not someone that just wants you to "talk". You need to go to a full blown Psychotherapist, and one that specializes in anxiety, depression, and CBT.

In the mean time, you need to READ THIS BOOK. And I mean you NEED to. This book was written by the guys that pioneered CBT. It contains very helpful information that will bring to light what is happening in your mind. It will bring forth an awareness that you are not your thoughts and that the thoughts you are having can be rationally deconstructed and refuted. The book contains tools to help you realize the illusion of your thoughts, and that your mood, feelings, etc all follow your thoughts.

Once you dig into CBT, you will be readily drawn into the meditation community. To me, CBT flows extremely easily into meditation because of the way CBT approaches the thought process.

u/Sunflowerfield1 · 2 pointsr/actuallesbians

For me, making new friends is a lot like dating - in the sense that I have to go out and meet new people, see if there is a good connection, and decide whether I want to take it further (as in spend more one-on-one time together). I've even made purely platonic friends through dating sites, where the intention was platonic from the start (made one lovely straight female friend this way!).

Obviously the parameters are a bit different... with friendship, things like attractiveness, age, orientation and romantic availability are a non-issue for me (though I generally avoid friendships with single straight men, as they usually just want to date me). You don't need to worry about flirting or defining the relationship with a friend, so it's easier in some ways! However, many of the same things apply, in the sense that I am looking for people who have some interests or passions in common, have a similar sense of humour, and where the conversation flows easily and feels effortless.

Another thing I've found is that it's good to be open to people of a wide range of ages and life stages. My closest friend now is 52, and I'm 26. I also have another wonderful friend who is 19. I find that people between 25-45 tend to be more insular as they often marry, have kids and/or focus on their careers, so it can be helpful to make friends that aren't all in the same age range.

For more info, I highly recommend the following books - they helped me a lot:

https://www.amazon.com/Friendships-Dont-Just-Happen-GirlFriends-ebook/dp/B07776956H/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1518111670&sr=8-2&keywords=girlfriend+circles

https://www.amazon.com/Frientimacy-Deepen-Friendships-Lifelong-Happiness-ebook/dp/B017QL9P5Q/ref=pd_sim_351_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=W4H6VS3M2BAFB6HEMQ1K

u/sourlovepuppy · 2 pointsr/cancer

bring yourself. a lot. a large majority of friends can get cancer fatigue (speaking from experience) and sometimes don't come around as much after the initial shock has died down. just showing up consistently and being there will show how much you care. just keep showing up to laugh. play cards. watch movies. my friend brought me this book i was pretty touched by it.
edit: the book is about wanting to get a really good gift for a good friend

u/ceebee6 · 2 pointsr/datingoverthirty

Everyone has offered great suggestions on here. I definitely recommend Meetup.com as well. I've tried quite a few different groups: rock climbing, a gal's book club, social activities groups that aren't related to dating, language exchanges. You'll find they are hit or miss, but you'll hopefully come out of it with a couple groups you like, and even some new friends. I've made a group of really good friends from my book club (going to one of the gal's BBQ's today actually!).

I really liked Rachel Bertsche's book MWF Seeking BFF. It chronicles her search for making new friends in Chicago, and all the various tactics she tried, as well as inserts research into it about friendships as an adult. It gave me some good ideas and ways to approach the new friend search.

I'd also advise you to keep up with your current girlfriends group, even if they're in a different situation currently. They may not want to go out to the bar/dancing, but you could try getting them together and doing brunch monthly or coffee dates or something like that.

u/breedlovehoops · 2 pointsr/PolishGauntlet

I'm sorry. I don't have many friends in real life because I never went out and made the effort. I really regret it, and I am trying to change that. I picked up this book from the library and it has helped a bit. Lots of laughs and insight into the friend thing. Hang in there. We will always be here for you!

u/auryn0151 · 2 pointsr/gaming

> Kids get home from school and are just given an iPad or sat in front of the TV to shut them up, and they are learning solely from the internet and movies. There are certain lessons that can really only be effectively taught by a good parent or parent-type figure.

Agreed. Kids need attachment. I think the biggest factor is the prevalence of daycare nowadays. Parents don't control who their kids will interact with there, and so kids can pick up all kinds of bad habits, not the least of which is peer orientation as their parents aren't around as much to become their primary figure.

The reasons for the increase in daycare are many, but the end result is the same. Not to be too preachy on a gaming sub, but this book looks is invaluable for understanding the dangers of not being around for your kid in the right ways.

u/PuffAngel · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

I've been going to counseling for several years and been through several therapists. It's hard to find a good fit. It should be a good balance of you talking about your everyday and long term problems and your therapist offering ideas and solutions to them.

I also see a psychiatrist as therapists can't prescribe medication. I take Xanax for panic attacks and have GAD. I'm currently on my 4th doctor as well. They should be trying different medications if you're having undesirable side effects. A lot of them should be stopped gradually.

And while I understand about not wanting to be on medication some people need it. When functioning on a day to day basis becomes too difficult it becomes harder to treat your problems at the source. Especially if you are just struggling to get through your day one hour at a time.

Please don't give up on your behavior professionals. Keep searching until you find a good one and they can recommend others.

I don't know how much you like reading but even before my first counseling appointment they suggested a book which helped me quite a lot. Relaxation and Stress reduction workbook and since then I found Feeling Good Just do yourself a favor if you do decide to buy them and not get workbooks on your Kindle. Much easier to copy pages than print screenshots.

Hope it helps and best of luck to you :)

u/PWrman · 2 pointsr/Anxiety
u/CleanLiving_1 · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

This works for me. Even thinking of it without picking it up works. But it requires doing the exercises, not just reading it. Those exercises can be difficult, but worth it.

It’s fairly old school, but there is an office down the street shared by a few youthful therapists. That book is prominently displayed on the shelf in the waiting room.

IWNDWYT

u/Agrona · 2 pointsr/Christianity
u/natadecoco1 · 2 pointsr/relationships

The problem is (as you well know) that you can't force someone to get help. But you certainly can encourage him. Self-help can be very effective. I would check out this book, I've found it very useful: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/omicr_on · 2 pointsr/askgaybros

you sound a lot like me at 22. gay culture and its superficiality and focus on looks turns a LOT of people into catty bitches and makes a LOT of people feel undesirable. i didn't meet anyone at my college either, even though it had a thriving gay community, because i was too insecure to deal with other people.

fast forward four years: i saw a good therapist for a year and a half, focus on being the best person i can be, stay in shape for myself, not for anyone else's approval (this usually means running as opposed to lifting -- running is better for me anyway). and you know what? i had been reading since, oh, age 16 that confidence is what really matters and that's what gets you guys, but it's seriously only been in the past two years that i've started to build that. i now talk to people on grindr and in person who, two years ago, i would have just assumed were way out of my league. and you know what? i get more attention from guys than ever. finding an SO, sadly, can often just take years of looking for someone compatible. but unlike my unhealthy attitudes earlier in life, i realize now that i haven't dated anyone seriously in a few years because those were my decisions and other peoples' decisions, and it actually has nothing to do with my inherent desirability (which is a totally stupid concept anyway.)

don't let the fact that you're not dating anyone define your self-worth, which is what you're doing. by an extension of your logic, i'm worthless because i've been single for a few years. but you know what? that ain't so.

forget other people and what they think. work on self-improvement, being a person you're proud of is WAY more important than having a boyfriend. your own words say it all:

"I obviously have no diploma or proper career, I have no real adventures to share with people that would make me seem amazing and worldly (I’ve read a lot, if that counts). But most of all, I am single and celibate..."

"most of all" --> you think being single and celibate is more significant / important than career, travels, what you've read, and by extension of these things, your interests/personality/etc.? no way. not a chance.

just re-prioritize, my friend. you're clearly a highly intelligent person, and brave for coming out at such a young age. therapy is expensive but a really really really really good idea. if you can't afford it, read this: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 and do all of the exercises -- it's sort of like a therapist in a book. but you gotta make it happen for yourself. someone else can't make you feel better about yourself.

i'll conclude with two rupaul quotes:

  1. if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else
  2. what other people think of me is none of my business

    welcome to your 20s, and good luck.
u/Bodhisattva_OAQS · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

Okay. One thing that helped me was Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and that's something that you can do on your own to some degree. It shares some territory with meditation in a way. I think they reinforce each other, but CBT is targeted specifically for depression so you might see more immediate results if you incorporate that too. If that interests you there's a popular book for the self-application of CBT called Feeling Good that's helped a lot of people.

u/Bhruic · 2 pointsr/depression

I'd probably recommend Feeling Good by David Burns. I'm not sure if it comes with a CD, but it goes through the basics of CBT fairly well. You might want to read it with your boyfriend, or have him read it as well, so that he can understand what you're trying to do and how to support you through it.

u/minutestomidnight · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

I've been there, man.

First of all, Adderall's a very dangerous drug and doctors overprescribe it. You build up a tolerance quickly, and the come-down is rough. I fell into a deep depression when I was abusing the 30mg XR's. I would find that as I was coming down, negative thoughts would surge into my head to fill the vacuum that was previously filled by the top-of-the-world feeling that Adderall gave me. I alienated myself from my friends during this time because I was so damn negative and I was a terrible person to be around. Once I realized that the feeling was physiological, I came to expect the feeling that came from this artificial drug that I was taking. I still take Adderall from time to time, but I cycle it to minimize its tolerance and I know very well how it makes me feel and I keep it under control (like by sleeping when I come down off of it).

I'm not sure if you are still on any prescription meds. Since you've been taking Zoloft since you were 11, it may be a good idea to see what it's like without the meds and I do think that anti-depressants are overprescribed as well. However, I only started taking an SSRI last year, and it has made a world of a difference to me. I've long believed that I could control my emotions by will-power alone, but being on anti-depressants finally allows me to curb my wild emotional mood swings. I no longer fight with everyone like I used to. The effects have been enormous. SSRI's like Zoloft are not made to make you happy. The "happy" feeling comes from Dopamine. What SSRI's do is they keep Serotonin flowing in your brain, so you can regulate your emotions. Many sources will attribute serotonin to "happiness", but it is not the same as the euphoric kind of "happiness" that dopamine gives you and many people are misled by this fact.

As for the rest of the issues, you must seek therapy. Depression is best treated with a combination of anti-depressant medications AND therapy. The drugs will help you physiologically stabilize your mood, but since a lot of your problems are based on your perception of yourself and your problems, you will need to tackle them in your mind. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is the best option, by and large. If you want a good book on the topic, I highly suggest David Burns' Feeling Good. Your thoughts, or cognition, frames everything that you go through in your life. The majority of your statements in your post are marked by negative perceptions. One thing may be wrong in your life, but you stretch it out and extrapolate that negativity to all of these other aspects of your life. This is a flaw in your thinking, and it can be changed.

Our brain works by creating neural pathways that become denser and increasingly more complex depending on the things you do. The way you've been living your life, from every little thing like the routine of your life, your habits, etc. are connected to the feelings of depression that you have. This rut is fueled by the same feelings of failure and hopelessness that have plagued you throughout your life. If you keep everything else the same, you are not going to have the momentum you need to break out of the rut.

The single-most important thing in breaking out of a rut is hope. You have to believe that you can get out of it, and that no matter how much it seems like nothing has changed and that you aren't making progress, that the future is unwritten and literally anything can happen. You have to be able to take things for what they are, without placing a filter or frame on it.

I'm still fighting the propensity to relapse and return to my rut. It's on-and-off, and I used to hate myself for this. I used to have a week of absolute productivity, but when I would miss one day of my perfect regimen, I would give up for weeks. I had very little faith in myself. But then I would just stop whatever it is I'm doing, breathe deeply and slowly, and do something stupid that is completely new. Like brushing with my left hand, or typing a word backwards or something - anything. It reminds me that my brain is making new connections, and that there is always another path to take. Our brains are plastic, just like we are - we can change, and in a sense your past does not really matter at all. Both good and bad. You have now, and you will always have this perpetual now. Everything is possible in this now, and you can start now. If you fuck up, whatever, start now then.

A quote that I also find that helps me is this: "To become what one is, one must not have the faintest notion of what one is." Frederick Nietzsche.

u/PhilthePenguin · 2 pointsr/BipolarReddit

Dump her. $85 a session is too much for a "resource."

I wouldn't knock therapy in general just because there are bad therapists out there, but finding a good therapist is hard. Primarily, therapy is a constructive relationship between the therapist and the patient, but if the relationship isn't working (as it sounds like in your case) then you should jump ship or find another therapist.

When looking for a good therapist, it's important to know what you want or need beforehand. You should always interview the therapist before making a decision, to see what kind of treatment they provide (e.g. I'm a fan of cognitive behavior therapy) and to see if they have experience addressing your issues. Remember that you're not paying just for someone to talk to; you're paying for someone to help you.

If you don't want to continue therapy, there are several workbooks out there you can buy to help yourself, such as this classic.

u/poesie · 2 pointsr/MMFB

I'm reading this book. seems to be helping so far. I feel totally overwhelmed too.

u/Sheldy13 · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Regular exercise (running) and this book helped me a lot:

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336

If you are getting to a point where you can't function or having suicidal thoughts a lot then get your ass to a psychiatrist if you haven't already. Definitely quit comparing yourself to others achievements. You are special in your own way and you'll get there when you get there.

u/Vollholler · 2 pointsr/atheism
u/iseeyou1312 · 2 pointsr/TheRedPill

Here's a very good book to read with regards to changing your thinking patterns and challenging your thoughts. Anyone who is, or has experienced depression will be able to relate very well to it. Free pdf.

u/significantotter1 · 2 pointsr/weddingplanning

I honestly think you should look back into therapy again, but please don't go to a therapist you hate! Finding the right therapist can be a bit like dating, it might take you a few tries to find someone who you feel understands you and can actually help you. I also highly recommend this book, it has helped my entire family deal with low self-esteem/self worth.

As for your partner, some serious conversations need to be had. Is he actively turning you down for sex/intimacy in favour of porn or is this an occasional thing? If he is no longer being affectionate with you, you need to sit down and have a serious talk. Couples counselling could also help you, as having a neutral third party guiding you through your conversations can save you a lot of anger and resentment.

My advice is to not book anything yet, wait until you are feeling better about yourself and your relationship, the wedding can wait. You don't want to end up in a marriage where you resent your partner, it's better to work these things out before you even consider walking down the aisle. I'm sending you so much love and many hugs, you deserve to be loved and cherished ((hugs))

u/musicforairports · 2 pointsr/depression

Have you looked into Feeling Good by David Burns? It's a cognitive-behavioral therapy based book and only costs $8 + shipping. There's a few studies on its effectiveness. (I believe Feeling Good was used as the book in question for all of the 'bibliotherapies'.) I don't know enough to evaluate the strength of these studies' findings, but if anyone could shed some light on this I'd be very appreciative:

u/E-tree · 2 pointsr/SuicideWatch

If you are in enough pain to seriously consider suicide, and post to this subreddit, then you are experiencing some level of depression, whether you believe it or not.

Honestly answer these questions, and it may give you a better understanding of where you actually are.

The only reason I know about this checklist is because I myself have taken it a number of times. It can be a sobering realization to truthfully answer them. Another book that has been tremendously helpful is called Feeling Good. It really gives you hope that you are in control of what you are experiencing, and helps you understand how and why, instead of only thinking of yourself as a victim with an affliction you ave no control over. That simply isn't the case.

u/CalBearFan · 2 pointsr/Catholicism

I would recommend reading Dr. David Burns' book Feeling Good Handbook -> http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336. This book is beyond awesome and can help out with some of those social anxiety concerns. Easy to read and approach. Will be praying for you!

u/SnapshillBot · 2 pointsr/TheBluePill


Some of these posts may be 2gamma4me.

Snapshots:

  1. This Post - 1, 2, 3, 4

  2. r/needadvice - [Error](https://archive.is/?run=1&url=%2Fr%2Fneedadvice "error auto-archiving; click to submit it!"), 1, [Error](http://megalodon.jp/ "error auto-archiving; click to submit it!")

  3. Amazon - 1, 2, 3

    ^(I am a bot.) ^([Info](/r/SnapshillBot) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=\/r\/SnapshillBot))
u/trialblog · 2 pointsr/polyamory

Feeling Good by David Burns was helpful for me. There are a bunch of exercises and techniques for recognizing negative thought patterns and countering them.

I will say that if she's not even willing to try CBT (or any other type of self-therapy) then I agree with /u/Shaquintosh that her stated priorities don't line up with actual priorities.

u/dwade333miami · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

Therapists told you there's nothing they could do? I think it's time for a new therapist.

Check out these two books. Read the reviews on Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/When-Panic-Attacks-Drug-Free-Anxiety/dp/076792083X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1405475693&sr=8-1&keywords=when+panic+attacks

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1405475722&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good

Both are by Dr. David Burns, an expert psychiatrist with decades of experience.

u/bosh-head · 2 pointsr/atheism

Just take things one step at a time, it sounds like you know what you have to do. Dedicate yourself to your studies, get a job after college, gain your independence...

As for the emotional stuff, focus on what you do have rather than what you don't have. Develop closer relationships with your friends, etc...

There's really no need to occupy your mind with this crap from your mother, and I know it's difficult not to think about that, but the best way to do that is to give yourself something else to think about: your education, your friendships.

Also, a book recommendation:

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336

It has a lot of coping strategies and basically teaches you how to deconstruct irrational thoughts and concerns so that you can move past them...

u/No_More_And_Then · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

>Maybe I like being a lazy, disgusting, fat, worthless, unhelpful, useless, failing piece of shit. I am so lazy that I am trying to sleep on rock bottom.

You're depressed, bro. That's not you talking. That's depression. And depression is a liar. If it's financially feasible, get yourself to a psychiatrist and/or a therapist with all due haste. If not, pick up a copy of Feeling Good and get to reading. It'll help. It helped me.

You're also overwhelmed. You see so many problems in your life that you don't even know where to begin. You may have heard the old cliché about how to eat an elephant — one bite at a time. You can't solve all of your problems in one fell swoop. You need to break the big issues down into smaller, achievable tasks.

Those fantasies of yours? Those are your goals. Those thoughts are where you'd like to be. The issue is that you have absolutely no idea how to get from the start to the finish line, and you have zero chance of getting there unless you map it out.

So make your map. You've already identified the big problems: Your poor eating and grooming habits, your internet addiction and — whether you realize it or not — your negative thought patterns. Thoughts like this:

>All my family members are thoroughly disappointed in me. I am probably the only one to fail an examination in the history of my family. Something no one would have expected from me. My words have no worth to them. And you can't blame them. I don't have any respect. Because of very good reasons. I have let my parents down. I am a horrible horrible investment.

Unless they have told you this to your face (and I somehow doubt it), this is very likely your depression telling you these things. You're obviously not sure if you're the first person in the history of your family to fail an exam. And besides, it happens to many of us from time to time. The question is, why did you fail? Was it lack of preparation? A lack of interest in the subject matter of the class? No matter what the answer is, it's very likely something you can address.

As for respect, it sounds like the person you need respect from the most is yourself. Your depression is telling you that you don't deserve it, but you owe it to yourself. One thing that really helped me when I was feeling really low was this post about non-zero days. Read it. Twice.

I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'm also someone who wouldn't wish the kind of depression I've lived through on my worst enemies. You're in the middle of something similar to what I experienced when I was at my worst. If there's one thing that I hope you take away from my response, it's this: IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.

You are capable of getting through this. There is life after depression. There is life after failure.

So let's look at what you said at the end of your post again:

>Maybe I like being a lazy, disgusting, fat, worthless, unhelpful, useless, failing piece of shit.

Wrong. If you did, you wouldn't have made this post. You wouldn't have sought out help. You would have been fine accepting those things you called yourself (which, again, are lies depression is telling you). But you called out and asked for help. That alone is commendable. It took courage to do that. You made yourself vulnerable, and the result of that is that you're learning there are people in the world who are willing to listen, willing to care, and willing to help.

Hard truth: This isn't going to magically go away. It's going to take work. It's going to be difficult. But the effort is worth the result. The more work you do, the better you'll feel.

Disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional, and therefore I'm not qualified to diagnose or treat any disease. I'm just a guy who has dealt with the things you're dealing with now.

u/Valingcar · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

Judging from your comments I’d suggest therapy. Seriously man everyone needs at least one session. Here’s a link to find a therapist


If you can’t afford one then go to a library or buy Doctor David D Burns: Feeling Good the new mood therapy book. It’s on sale for $6

u/suzypulledapistol · 2 pointsr/leaves

> I wish I could love myself enough to not smoke weed because I know it is not good for me.

It sounds to me like you could really use therapy, or at least start reading a book like Feeling Good by David D. Burns.

u/splorf · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

this book will help. it teaches you to challenge the assumptions and thoughts you have which produce anxiety.

u/LordAyyappan · 2 pointsr/Kerala
u/Micosilver · 2 pointsr/relationship_advice

This book will help:

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_KuVizb3F99JEX

u/Pola_Xray · 2 pointsr/offmychest

maybe you can learn to. there's a book that could be very useful, and it's basically about learning to identify your thought patterns and see where they're leading you when you start to worry or ruminate on things (really the basics of cognitive - behavioral therapy, also known as CBT). https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 I

u/SomeRandomXY · 2 pointsr/AskMen

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

Huge leaps in understanding the human mind, great for anyone who wants to better themself.

u/spiritual_emergency · 2 pointsr/Christianity

You might want to seek out a Christ-centered therapist. You don't have to suffer; there is hope.

Another thing I would recommend to you is the book Feeling Good by David Burns. Dr. Burns is a psychiatrist and the book is an easy read, written for people currently suffering with depression.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415477666&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good+david+burns

u/al_b69 · 2 pointsr/BipolarSOs

> I am not sure how I can move past this.

Life doesn't give us a choice, neither does your SO. You're in a difficult situation as I was a year ago. After her infidelity and 2 marriage different marriage counselor, along with SO's month long depression, SO decided that marriage is not for her and started dating other men even before separation. What helped me was support from my family during this trying times. Talking helps. Exercise helps. Hanging out with friends helps too.

You simply move on in life with or without your SO. Seriously, bottled feelings doesn't matter much over time, whether you try to forgive or forget them. It feels like an itch you may scratch once a while but eventually it goes away with time. Not saying that you should keep your feelings bottled up, your SO should know how these affected you, your self-esteem, putting you through grief. End of day, some songs may never be sung again and these are the scars you have to live with.

Check out the "Feeling Good" by Dr David M Burns. It contains a number of techniques you can try. I read the entire book with hopes that it could help SO.

There is also "Mind over mood", has good reviews. Haven't read it yet, if you find this book useful, do share it here.

Currently reading Mark Manson's book. Quote: "In life, our f&cks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as not giving a f&ck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our f&cks. You only get a limited number of f&cks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care." Top seller in Amazon, #1 in a few categories too. Worth a try!

tldr; Care for yourself first. Look for support in books, friends & family. You're not alone here

Sidenote: The ironic beautiful thing about relationship is to be in love means to be vunerable also. Vulnerability is a necessary part of loving relationships. If you stop yourself from being vunerable, you'll also stop yourself from feeling love. The same doorway that makes you vulnerable is the same door loves walks through.

Edit: typo and grammar

u/momentary_mori · 2 pointsr/malementalhealth

I have fought this dragon, I have some weapons to share. It's a big dragon, and detailed examples help, so this is a long post. For even longer-form content, here are some books I can recommend:

  • The Defining Decade
  • Feeling Good
  • The Inconsequential Child: Overcoming Emotional Neglect
  • 10% Happier

    Here are your weapons, in no particular order.

    First: understand that you are not broken.

    You are having a tough time deciding on a course for yourself. That's okay. You are having a tough time finding joy. That's okay too. You don't think "anything is worth it". That is okay, and it presents you with a goal: to find enough meaning that the effort will be worth it. That goal probably seems far fetched, but it is possible.

    I used to think that I was broken. I used to think that the things people had done to me and the circumstances of my life had left irreparable harm. I was wrong, and you are wrong too. You are imbued with the same worthiness as every other human being, no matter what. You are worthy of love and happiness, you are worth respecting, you are worthy of having a supportive group of friends, your opinions are worth hearing. You deserve sincerity and honesty and you are allowed to fuck up.

    You're also 20, and it is understandable if you don't know how to do most things, as you have never done most things more than once or twice, if ever. You can learn and improve yourself through effort. You are not broken.

    Second: understand the difference between thoughts and actions and feelings.

    When we have thoughts, they are not a direct experience of the world, they are a projection of reality into language. Thoughts are "said" by your internal narrator, which is part of you, but not all of you. Deliberate or practiced (i.e. automatic but not reflexive) actions are the physical equivalent of thoughts.

    Feelings are a direct experience of your physical body: you feel hungry, you feel tired, you feel a tight muscle in your back, you feel anxious. Babies without language feel these things too. These feelings are part of you, but not all of you, because they are temporary.

    If you have never paid attention to your thoughts vs. feelings, that's okay. But self-awareness is a powerful ability, and will make your life a lot easier, and it can be learned.

    Third: upward spirals.

    Feelings naturally become thoughts and actions. We practice it all our lives. An aching pain becomes "Ow, I should stop.", a feeling of abandonment becomes "They don't want to talk to me". Your mapping is not fixed and can be improved with practice: marathon runners translate their aches into "I should change my form," social people translate their feelings of abandonment into "I miss them, I'll reach out and see if they want to talk".

    No feelings->thought translation is "better" or "worse" than any other, there are only "upward" and "downward" spirals. Upward spirals are mappings where negative feelings lead to thoughts and actions that tend to lead to positive feelings; downward spirals are mappings where positive feelings lead to thoughts and actions that tend to lead to negative feelings.

    So, you want to learn to work in upward spirals. This means you need to be willing to try difficult things, and risk failure, which is scary but not fatal, and infinitely rewarding. If you are risk-averse, that's okay. You can take as small a risk as you are comfortable with, it will develop a sort of meta-confidence about your ability to handle future risky situations.

    cont...
u/sjalfurstaralfur · 2 pointsr/AskMen

It didn't help me at all, seems like the therapist just wanted me to keep talking and talking, without really providing a cure to my problems. It felt weird to spout my negativity and open my mind onto one person. Probably depends on your therapist though. My therapist was all smiles and happiness and it seemed off putting. I personally wanted someone who was hard on me, had me work harder to beat my depression.

I found what really helped was reading David Burns's book Feeling Good, which helped me realize that most of my problems were from me being too critical of myself. That book combined with good hygiene, healthy sleep habits, a gym routine, and hard work pretty much killed my depression.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458049787&sr=8-1&keywords=david+burn

u/zaphod4prez · 2 pointsr/GetStudying

/u/tuckermalc and /u/pizzzahero both have great comments. I'll add a bit. Go to /r/stoicism, read [William Irvine's book] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195374614?keywords=william%20irvine&qid=1456992251&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1), then read [Epictetus's Enchiridion] (http://www.amazon.com/Enchiridion-Dover-Thrift-Editions-Epictetus/dp/0486433595/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1456992275&sr=8-1&keywords=enchiridion). follow their guidelines. Also check out /r/theXeffect. The most important thing is controlling your habits. If you're in the habit of eating healthy, getting enough sleep, going to the gym, etc. then you're set.

Now for stuff that's harder to do. Go see a therapist. Or a psychiatrist. Try to find a [therapist who can do EMDR] (http://www.emdr.com/find-a-clinician/) with you, it's a very effective technique (I saw a clinician who uses EMDR for two years, and it changed my life-- and, importantly, it's supported by strong scientific evidence, it's not quackery stuff like homeopathy or acupuncture). If you decide to go to a psychiatrist, tell them you don't want SSRIs. Look at other drugs: Wellbutrin, tricyclics, SNRIs, etc (check out selegiline in patch form, called EMSAM, as well). Seriously, go see a professional and talk to them. I have no doubt that you're wrestling with mental illness. I have been there. For me, it just felt normal. I didn't understand that other people didn't feel like I did...so it took me a long time to go get help. But it's so important to just start working through these things and getting support. That's really the most important thing you can do. It will make your life so much better. If you aren't able to get to a therapist, do Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) on yourself! [This is a brilliant program] (https://moodgym.anu.edu.au) that's widely respected. Do it over and over. Also read [Feeling Good by David Burns] (http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1456992639&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good+david+burns). It's a book on CBT, and can help you get started. There are lots of other resources out there, but you have to begin by realizing that something is wrong.

Finally, I'll talk about college. Don't try to go to fricking Harvard or MIT. You won't get in, and those aren't even the right schools for you. There are many excellent schools out there that aren't the super super famous Ivies. Look at reputable state schools, like UMich, UMinnesota, the UC system, etc. get ["Colleges that Change Lives"] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143122304?keywords=colleges%20that%20change%20lives&qid=1456992746&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1), the [Fiske Guide to Colleges] (http://www.amazon.com/Fiske-Guide-Colleges-2016-Edward/dp/1402260660/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1456992768&sr=8-1&keywords=fiske+guide), and [Debt-Free U] (http://www.amazon.com/Debt-Free-Outstanding-Education-Scholarships-Mooching/dp/1591842980/ref=pd_sim_14_15?ie=UTF8&dpID=515MwKBIpzL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR104%2C160_&refRID=1VC3C23RJP6ZMXGG5QBA). One thing I realized after college was that I would've been happy at any of the school I looked at. People are fed such a line of BS about school, like you have to go to the top Ivies or something. No way. Find a good place at which you can function, learn as much as possible, and have a good social life. Like another person said, also look at going to a community college for a year and then transferring-- my relative did this and ended up at Harvard for grad school in the end.

u/thatwasntveryraven · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Cognitive behavioral therapy. After (and during) an abusive relationship, CBT helped me realize what I was doing wrong, while also giving me confidence and letting me realize that I deserved love. If you don't want to go to therapy, at least check out Feeling Good - https://smile.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336?sa-no-redirect=1

u/Deputy_Dan · 2 pointsr/uwaterloo

>Every problem of mine can be traced back to my height.

That literally reads like a line out of this book. Dude, avoid the rope, don't cope, live instead.

u/mahout · 2 pointsr/emotionalintelligence
  1. You're 20, calm down-- life is a marathon not a sprint. You have a lot of time to improve-- check out some of the progress pics from r/Fitness
  2. Hit the gym. Track your progress-- give yourself something to judge yourself by that's entirely in your control. You can start off with a target of going to gym everyday (or 6 days a week). Gradually, transition to a target based on the weights you move.
  3. Read this from cover to cover. Helped me a ton during my struggles. https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336. The book is not just about depressions, but about deeper patterns in thought that lead to depressive thoughts and behaviour.
  4. Pick up trekking or hiking-- great way to meet people + make friends-- the secret to romantic partners and friends is to become an interesting person to begin with. Come to think of it, you wouldn't want a friend or a romantic partner who is "needy, sad, [and] depressed"
u/vumania · 2 pointsr/socialanxiety

imho, i think your friends a bit of jerks to begin with. I know that feel when they're good to you in person but complete jerks when in a different social setting.

Maybe that trip was a sign to start your life over. After all, there's no other way but up when you hit rock bottom, is there?

I suggest this book that many found helpful including myself:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336#

u/KurtDog200 · 2 pointsr/kratom

Buy and read this book:
Feeling Good

It seems like your magnifying everything. It's a negative feed back loop that continually takes you to the place you are in now. Something bad happens to you, your next thought is a little worse, then a little worse, and you keep going down the rabbit hole until something minor turns into the end of the world. I'm not saying whatever you are going through it nothing, but you are reacting to it poorly.

This book teaches you to learn how to deal with negative thoughts. It trains you to allow the bad things in life to not affect your thought pattern that usually takes you to the place you seem to be in now.

Once you learn to deal with the thought pattern that got you to the place you're at now, you can focus on what's really causing your issues.

u/ImOnMarijuana · 2 pointsr/MMJ

I'm not qualified or experienced enough to give you advice. I didn't start smoking until it was legal here.

I do however recommend buying a book called Feeling Good or The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. It's been translated into a bunch of languages, so it may be in your language. It was published in Norway as I understand.

It will help you with your anxiety. Used with cannabis, I find it very helpful. Even when I couldn't use cannabis, it's still very helpful.

I just wanted to pass that along since no one else is commenting yet.

u/Nixienixie · 2 pointsr/socialskills

Such great points here. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of getting some mental health support but also addressing any underlying medical issues. So many of us are deficient in important vitamins and minerals due to lack of healthy nutrition and soil depletion, other environmental factors. I echo all the comments that encourage you to work on becoming healthy in body and mind. Exercise, nutrition, counseling or even some kick ass books that help you to shift your outlook. This book is supposed to be awesome, even life changing : https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336.

And have you ever read Perks of Being a Wallflower? Or a book that explains and normalizes introversion? This one is great: https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

Depression is no joke. And we can’t answer why you feel this way. But please know that it is common, you are not alone, and it can and will get better. You are not getting dumb or disappearing. That is just the depression and once it lifts — through medication, therapy or other changes in lifestyle — you will feel better and back to yourself. You will know joy and you will have an easier time connecting with others. Promise. I speak from my personal experience. Hang in there.

u/X-peace-X · 2 pointsr/exchristian

> How do I get rid of this?

Study that shit like it's a college course. Journal the exact messages that pop into your head, word for word, for maybe a 2-4 week time period. Journal the time of day or what was happening at the time these messages appeared in your mind. Once you have the journal, you will most likely find there's a few repetitive messages that play like old tapes from your childhood, maybe 5 or 6 set on repeat. You hopefully will also uncover the situations that 'trigger' these old tapes to play. (For me, when the negative tapes from my abusive childhood begin to play, it often means I need to eat.) Write out your arguments AGAINST these few core tapes, that prove these old tapes to be utter bullshit with ZERO connnection to reality. After that, it's simply a matter of countering these old tapes with your arguments that prove the tapes false, every time they pop into your head, such that their power over you is reduced over time as you continue to argue against and talk back to these thoughts, in order to put them in their place in the clear light of reality.

It might be helpful to read up on cognitive distortions since these old tapes we carry often are cognitive distortions. A book that can help you with this is Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy . Although it was written for those with depression, the material has much to do with uncovering the cognitive distortions we can carry about ourselves.

u/PM_ME_DIRTY_KINKS · 2 pointsr/confession

Try the one linked below. As the studies in the book cite, going through the CBT exercises have yielded results that match or surpass results for the individuals that are taking medication. Don't take an internet stranger's word for it though. Talk to your therapist and do some research.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_lOjtzb2K0428C

u/Alypius · 2 pointsr/trichotillomania

Hey there, Feeling Good by Dr. Burns is a pretty solid book regarding CBT. It has a lot of exercises in it you can do to help yourself as well as a lot of information on emotional awareness. I have this book. It helps me deal with anxiety and depression.

u/remphos · 2 pointsr/CasualConversation

Meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy may be able to help you.

>The experts we spoke to agree that, when looking at the science on the benefits of mindfulness meditation, there are three conditions with a strong and convincing body of evidence to support its effects: depression, anxiety, and chronic pain.

>Although the research still is not definitive, the positive effects of mindfulness meditation on these conditions “is holding up to the strongest, strictest standards of research” in well-designed, well-powered trials, Vago

https://www.self.com/story/mindfulness-meditation-health-benefits

>Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective for a wide variety of mental health disorders,1 including anxiety disorders.2-6 CBT has also been associated with improvements in quality of life in anxiety patients.7 CBT is typically conceptualized as a short-term, skills-focused treatment aimed at altering maladaptive emotional responses by changing the patient's thoughts,behaviors, or both.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4610618/

A really good place to learn CBT on your own is the books of Dr. David Burns. This one is a good start: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_lBtNBbBVT5CM4

Here's a good webpage on CBT too: https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cbt-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-techniques-worksheets/

> I'm always focused on me me me (like this post) and as a result I feel I've become detached from the feelings of others around me. Or otherwise I'm busy judging other people to make me feel more secure in myself. It's a terrible loop. Anything I do for others is usually framed by my mind as "oh this will make them like me" resulting in me feeling very fake. I'm always looking at how I can use people to my advantage/how they can be of use to me.

>I'm always living in fear and as a result I think I've lost what ever love I had for the outside world.

This strikes me as something particularly able to change with meditation (well, and cbt too). One of the effects of continued meditation is loss of the strength of your ego, of your self conception, and stronger authentic interest in others.

A type of meditation that you can also engage in is "loving-kindness meditation", which is exactly directed at meditating upon developing a sense of love and kindness towards other people, without any self ego in the picture. It'd be best done alongside regular mindfulness meditation.

Finally, you may consider this one odd, but I wouls recommend possibly experimenting with psychedelic therapy in a safe environment, if you can find such a thing. Please don't just go out and take a drug right away, but perhaps read up a bit on that subject, what you find might interest you.

But anyway, I'd really strongly recommend the first two things, meditation and CBT.

u/chasintrufreedom · 2 pointsr/LivestreamFail

I'm sorry to hear that mate :(

Are you seeing anyone right now? It's always a good idea to seek professional guidance.

If you aren't ready for that yet consider giving this book a read:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

One of the most successful treatments for depression is something called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). I know for a lot of people seeking help can be extremely difficult, this book will introduce you to some of the techniques used in CBT in private, but honestly it's best to have a professional talking it through with you also.

u/think-not · 2 pointsr/advise

Please read "Feeling Good:The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David D Burns. This is not a pseudo-scientific self-help books and the author studied medicine from Stanford (if I remember right). The book describes "cognitive therapy" and how it is scientifically proven to be as effective (if not better) at combating depression and anxiety, as an anti-depressive medication. It has a whole chapter on anti-depressants (which you can skip if you like, as it sometimes gets a bit technical) where the author actually addresses all the concerns that you have (seems like a lot of people share your concern). He doesn't really push against having anti-depressants, and says that from his personal experience as a doctor and a psychiatrist, he has seen that anti-depressants can and does help his patients initially in the therapy (expecially if they are severely depressed). He dispels many common myths of anti-depressants. And he also adds that in some cases he has just used cognitive therapy alone.

u/batmannotthisday · 2 pointsr/depression

I wanted you to know that I read through everything. Although I may not be the best person to answer the questions you posed, I'll say what has worked for me and close friends in case any of it may be of help to you.

From what I gathered, it seems you feel hopeless and trapped despite many good external circumstances in your life (boyfriend, hobbies, etc.). I went through depression myself despite many positive external things in my life. For me, it was good to recognize that nearly all of the negative feelings that I had about life, friends, significant other, were consequences of my depression. My depression manifested itself in negative emotions about things in my life that I actually cared about, and I had to be very careful to not trust those emotions as true. As the depression got better, I was able to better think with a clearer head, and I was able to realize how much the depression took advantage of my emotions and feelings about the things in my life.

In the end, I had to decide for myself that the negative emotions didn't define who I was, and that it was the depression that was influencing me negatively. Despite the fact that these were my emotions, I had to distinguish between the emotions that I wanted to let define myself and the emotions that manifested from the depression.

I know that you don't want to take any medication, but there are some light medications out there that are very commonly used nowadays. Medication helped many of my friends on their first steps towards overcoming the depression. If medication is not a path you're willing to go down, http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 is a well-regarded and often prescribed book on overcoming depression through cognitive behavioral therapy. Medical research has supported the ability of cognitive behavioral therapy to help with depression. And as you start to overcome the depression, I think many of the symptoms that you described (feelings of hopelessness, giving up on finding new friends, not looking forward to hobbies or waking up, etc.) will start to disappear. But overcoming the depression is the first step for many.

It may well be that after your depression, you would still want to end the relationship. But emotions and thoughts are often so intertwined and mixed that you should be cognizant of how the depression might be affecting your thinking. Your boyfriend sounds like a good person, and it might also help to talk through these things with him and the therapist.

I genuinely wish you all the best. I've gone through depression and know how utterly crushing it can be. I have faith that you'll overcome it.

u/homoludens · 2 pointsr/LifeProTips

I had the same experience in my country, it is really hard to find someone who can actually help you. After years of fighting with depression one psychoanalyst helped me, and we were mostly concerned how I deal with my anger.
My loop was I get irrationally scared, than angry on someone and since that anger is irrational I turn that anger toward myself and depression was the way to punish myself. That took (I would say: only) a year and a half to discover and to really comprehend.

I have also found other approach (other then psychoanalysis) and it is called Behavior Cognitive Therapy. Good thing about it is there is a book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy! that teaches you to dismiss wrong ideas and I think it is worth to try. At least it is cheap (or even free, just search for it on usual places) way to try and do something.

Good luck, I hope you will find a way out off it.

u/BenInEden · 2 pointsr/Health

I'd 2nd this. Along with any medication I'd look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, usually abbreviated CBT. It's very likely that you've got some maladaptive cognitive processes/habits that go along with your depression. You want to fix those because they're going to be part of your depression. And it may be that you only need medication temporarily and that therapy can help you live depression free medication free.

I was in a situation were getting medicated wasn't an option and so I did CBT on myself after reading some books. It has made a big difference. Makes you a better person too! Since a lot of CBT is creating habits for how you think about things that frustrate you. It's amazing when you take a guided/objective look at your own mental habits how often sabotage yourself without even knowing it.

The book I would recommend is: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1377489273&sr=8-6&keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+depression



u/GoobyBear22 · 2 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=nodl_

This book has been really helpful for my negative self talk

u/AutomaticDesk · 2 pointsr/AskMen

read up on cognitive behavioral therapy

i started reading this book ( https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 ) a while back but haven't gotten very far. that said, it is very helpful in explaining why you think the way you do, with examples. it's also in the first person from the author, so it helps that it sounds like someone is saying these things to you

you don't need to actually action on anything now. that can be daunting. but understanding why you have the internal monologue and why it's hard to get away from is a really good start

any remotely useful advice below will be better learned from reading the book

best of luck!

u/LarryBills · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

Great recommendation. OP, listen to u/clevelanders.

Feeling Good: A New Mood Therapy (by Dr. David Burns) is amazing.

I've also used Change Your Thinking by Dr. Sarah Edelman which was tremendously effective.

u/Mikeycal · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

Anxiety and depression will cycle you through your distorted thinking and keep you unhappy. That is why It's very important that you challenge your distorted thoughts on a regular basis using logic.

I would recommend you use the the exercises in the following book:
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_7ysLzbDJ0BEK8

u/brotherofned · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

There's a book I read once that really helped me with my depression. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_vK2JzbENRZ5R4

It opened me up to Cognitive Therapy, which is simply a set of mental exercises you can do to help you look at your thoughts more objectively. Right now, you're depressed. Changing your mood is super tough. But if you start by looking at your thoughts and analyzing what's rational and what isnt, you'll start feeling better. Moreover, you'll do something about the pattern of thinking thats currently working against you.

I recommend the book to learn more and try out specific things you can do to help yourself.

Good luck feeling better. You can do it.

u/xtraspecialsnoflake · 2 pointsr/SanctionedSuicide

To clarify, "brain depression" and "organic type depression" are not real terms. There are organic mental disorders which are mental disorders caused by physical diseases (like, a mental disorder caused by a brain tumor, for example). That's not what you're talking about. You're talking about clinical depression. Furthermore, all forms of depression occur in the brain. Everything happens in the brain, or as a result of brain activity. So, "brain depression" is a misnomer. That's like saying "stomach digestion." I get that you were trying to distinguish between clinical depression and situational mood shifts caused by external factors, but you went a bit off the rails there.

I've had major suicidal depression since I was a child. I've never once had therapy touted to me as an all-out cure. It's part of an overall strategy for managing recovery. Among many other things, therapy is designed to provide adaptive tools for coping, catharsis in being able to share your traumas, troubles, and frustrations with someone, and in the case of CBT specifically, it provides evidence-based techniques for altering patterns of thought which contribute to depression and low functioning. As someone who has struggled with major suicidal depression for decades, it has helped me tremendously.

I'm guessing you've never tried CBT yourself. You also seem to assume that all science is funded by the government. It seems like you just wanted to have some echo-chamber validation of your narrative here, but if you actually do want some everyday examples of people who have been helped (many have used the word "life-changing") by CBT, read through these Amazon reviews of a book which makes its techniques accessible to everyone. All it cost them was $5 for a paperback book and some earnest effort to put the tools into practice.

u/pangelboy · 2 pointsr/gaybros

If you have insurance there's usually a "Doctor-finder" application of some sort in your member portal online. You can even call your provider and I'm sure they'll be able to tell you about the local psychiatrists, psychologist, therapists, etc. in your area.

Regarding specific kinds of therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy or DBT are very helpful in changing behaviors that aren't helpful. Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, eating disorders, etc. I have experience with DBT and it's really been life changing.

My psychiatrist also recommended this book: Feeling Good. It's by the psychiatrist that helped to popularize CBT way back in the '80s.

I just read that you felt you didn't know where to start and I've been in the same position of not knowing how to go about starting therapy and wanted to share.

Best of luck!

u/grotesquepanda · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

Do you currently take medication for your anxiety? if so do they work? Are you in therapy? If you aren't doing those two things already, you should definitely speak with your doctor about them ASAP. In the mean time, and/or if you've already done that part of things, I would recommend checking out the book Feeling Good, it's essentially a CBT handguide for depression and anxiety and proven to be effective via clinical trials.

u/riricide · 2 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Yes, both of those are books.

Feeling Good

Mind over Mood

u/farmergregor · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Read "Feeling Good" and "Intimate Connections" by David D. Burns.

I studied these books, and they greatly helped me overcome my loneliness/depression. They aren't bullshit pseudoscience hippie self-help books. The advice they give is simple, and I can pretty much guarantee your life will improve if you follow them.

u/goodtwitch · 2 pointsr/depression

I found this book, Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns to be helpful. The book explains how depression is based in distorted thinking. I made a worksheet based on the book and doing it daily did eventually help relieve my depression. If you want a write-up describing the worksheet I have it saved and I can send you a copy. Good luck.

u/groihoos · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Approaching women when you're not fond of yourself is generally a bad idea. For help approaching women and increasing your quality of life generally head to /r/seduction. I also can recommend Feeling Good from David D. Burns it shows you some ways to work on your depression.

u/bartleby · 2 pointsr/MMFB

The name of the book is Feeling Good by David Burns -- it is old but remains very popular, and I always recommend it to people who are struggling, whether it is specifically "depression" or not.

One word of note: the first chapter is dry as heck because he is making the case for his method, but it gets better quickly after that.

I agree that it is reassuring to connect with other people, especially redditors, who struggle. Definitely helps me feel less alone! Thanks for the kind thoughts.

u/SlimBackwater · 2 pointsr/pics

Could it be caused by anxiety? If you think maybe so, try some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy such as the excellent book "Feeling Good-The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns. The book is really good, just reading it can teach you so much.

u/_forum_mod · 2 pointsr/college

Available for free on Amazon. - here

u/amazon-converter-bot · 1 pointr/FreeEBOOKS

Here are all the local Amazon links I could find:


amazon.com

amazon.co.uk

amazon.ca

amazon.com.au

amazon.in

amazon.com.mx

amazon.de

amazon.it

amazon.es

amazon.com.br

amazon.nl

amazon.co.jp

amazon.fr

Beep bloop. I'm a bot to convert Amazon ebook links to local Amazon sites.
I currently look here: amazon.com, amazon.co.uk, amazon.ca, amazon.com.au, amazon.in, amazon.com.mx, amazon.de, amazon.it, amazon.es, amazon.com.br, amazon.nl, amazon.co.jp, amazon.fr, if you would like your local version of Amazon adding please contact my creator.

u/cyanocobalamin · 1 pointr/AskMenOver30

There is a book you might find helpful.

It is called "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns.

It teaches people how to take of emotions with cognitive therapy.

Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that our emotions are caused by what we believe and what we think.

Many emotions that are strongly negative and overly negative for the situation are often based on irrational belief. Cognitive therapy teaches people how to identify these irrational beliefs, how to dispute them, and how to modify them to be more rational and fit with reality more. As those thoughts and beliefs adapt to be more rational the amount of negative emotions reduce.

Cognitive therapy has been proven clinically to be as effective as many medications for depression, anxiety, and other issues.

It isn't likely everything you need, just the way that brushing & flossing isn't everything you need for mental health. You still need a dentist. You should probably still seek out counseling. However, the book can teach how to take care of yourself somewhat and take the edge off of your troubles.

u/ceebio · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals
u/Stage4Lumbago · 1 pointr/DeadBedrooms

Is this the Feeling Good book you’re referring to? I keep seeing it mentioned all over and want to buy it, just want to make sure I’m getting the right one first.


Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_-J0nDbH5BQWE2

u/UniqueID2 · 1 pointr/Parenting

If you are interested in self help, give Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns a shot.

My wife deals with high anxiety and depression and the tools in this book helps her and helps me understand how she is feeling. Its even allowed me to help identify the thought patterns she falls into, which allows me to help her by pointing them out and suggesting she adjust her thought process. I would suggest your husband read it as well.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

u/tealhill · 1 pointr/rapecounseling

What that guy did to you was not cool. :( Please see /u/thrfscowaway8610's comment here.

> i ... have been thinking about suicide.

Have you thought about possibly reading the Dr. Burns book, contacting a local doctor, and/or taking any other additional steps to try to make your suicidal thoughts go away?

The Dr. Burns book is really good. Various small studies show that, for maybe 70% of people who've finished the book, their depression goes away within a month. The book is also useful for suicidal individuals; see the Amazon reviews.

u/RIPoldAccount · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Direct quotes from their beginners guide:

"Work on your depression. Many sedditors have recommended Feeling Good by David D. Burns. There's also a reddit for that."

"Get fit. You don't have to be hot to meet and attract great women, but it definitely helps."

I was going to link things from their second guide - but there were really too many resources in there that provide self growth.

Search relationship in that subreddit and even in threads like this: "How do you act post sex when you don't want a relationship?" The comments suggest that the person be upfront with the woman BEFORE sex and to not mislead.

__

Even with the above there is still a lot of information that can be interpreted one way or another. The fact of the matter is that it really depends on how the person applies these principles. I believe the /r/seduction community does a good job in keeping people civil. I personally haven't seen someone suggesting the "douchebag" route as the best option, not to say there aren't or people don't joke about it. Just that this is reddit and the mentality is not to be a douchebag but to change yourself for the better.

u/notmydivision · 1 pointr/sex

Your girl has trauma points on several levels that should be addressed. I'm going to hit you with a library of reference material. Self-help books are not a replacement for therapy! That said, knowledge is power, and these are excellent resources.

  1. Family of origin issues: this is where shit begins. We learn our self-worth (or lack of it) here. Toxic Parents (Susan Forward) will give you, and her, the concepts and vocabulary to begin to understand and process the effects of a fucked up family and how to deal with it.

  2. Self-esteem issues: Stemming from above. Almost certainly what's behind the 'long, abusive relationship' with some guy who ended up cheating on her. People who stay in abusive relationships (physical, emotional or a cocktail of both) do so as a direct result of issues with self-esteem. Ten Days to Self-Esteem (David Burns) and The Self-Esteem Workbook (Glenn Schiraldi) both give background and practical exercises to help understand the concepts and make progress toward repair. You should both work through this!

  3. Post-Traumatic Stress Issues: Like I said above, you've both been through trauma here. CLEARLY, her trauma is on a completely different level from yours, but you're exhibiting signs of a variation of PTSD yourself. Many people (myself included up until a couple of weeks ago, actually) think PTSD is reserved for war veterans. Not so much. The bible of PTSD is The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook (also Glenn Schiraldi). Buy this book. You can buy a Kindle edition and read it on your computer with a Kindle app if you want it right now and can't find it in a bookstore locally.

  4. Anxiety Issues: I'm betting she has them. Even if she by some miracle doesn't, you clearly do. For your back pocket -- Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook (David Burns). Excellent Cognitive Behaviour Therapy manuals - you feel what you think, and CBT is brilliant for helping you understand and adjust faulty thought patterns.

    You need to be able to talk with her about this. Your relationship depends on it. In order for that to happen, she needs to feel safe talking to you about it. You should be able to express to her that you are upset by what happened to her, but no upset with her. You need to be very, very clear in your mind that that is true before you can be expected to convince her that that is true. Help her to understand that terrible things have happened to her - not just the rape, but all that shit going back to her abusive family of origin - that those things are not OK (that may sound ridiculously obvious, but someone that has grown up in that kind of toxic environment needs to hear that loud, clear and often), that they are not her fault, and that you love her and are prepared to support her when she needs you.

    She needs to talk to a professional. Do you have access to a women's counseling center or women's shelter where you are? If you PM me your location, I will be more than happy to help you look for resources. Given what you've explained about her background, chances are very, very good she's suppressing post-trauma reactions. Children of abusive situations learn that it's futile - maybe even counter-productive - to express physical or emotional pain. She needs to get with someone who is trained to hear below the surface and help her.

    Wow - I'm verbose.

    tl/dr: Giant, waiving red flags all over her background. Get her to a trained rape counselor, educate yourself on the probable issues, be there for her.
u/whatsthepoint351 · 1 pointr/depression

Just started reading this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336

It's sort of like a self-help guide for CBT. You can pick it up used for pennies on Amazon. I am only about 50 pages in so far, but I feel like I am really learning a lot.

A word of warning: As I began to actually do the exercises in the book, I found myself feeling more depressed at first! You probably don't realize just how many negative thoughts go through your head every day. When you attempt to notice all of them, it gets to be very overwhelming and discouraging. But just keep hanging in there, everything takes time, and we're all here to support each other.

u/Burbl3s · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Read this book. It helped me through one of the worst periods of my life. Also, don't keep anything in; get it out there, if only to hear it yourself.

u/Bingeroo91 · 1 pointr/DoesAnybodyElse

Absolutely, I'm glad found that helpful!

And since you mentioned suicide, I am morally obligated to point you toward suicide watch. I hope you never go through with it, but just incase I urge you to reach out for help there. Depression is very very hard to deal with but it's something you don't have to go through alone. There are plenty of people out there who will be happy to help you.

Also, if you want some reading material on treating depression, I strongly recommend (Feeling Good by David Burns)[http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299185786&sr=8-1] This is the only "self help" book that I'd ever recommend.

Anyways, best wishes buddy! Hope all goes well for you ;)

u/lookslikespeed · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Just finished reading "Truth About Addiction and Recovery" (amazon link), and it was fantastic.

I'm 27, and (with the exception of a 2 year sober period) have abused alcohol pretty consistently since I was a teen. Not in the outlandish braggadocios way, I was just drunk a lot, and used it to escape -- social situations, romantic situations, painful situations, boredom, lack of substantial goals, and just as a time filler.

The book basically called out the whole 'Addiction is a Disease(tm)' mentality perpetuated by a lot of doctors, counselors and especially AA. They argue very effectively against the whole concept that 'ZOMG you have a disease, and are powerless against it, and will ALWAYS be an alcoholic!!'.

I can't summarize the book very effectively in a short post, but it has really changed my approach. Instead of constantly struggling in my head against the urge to drink, and having ample opportunities to overdrink, I fill the gaps in my life up with positive things that don't really tolerate overindulgence. A healthy life & support structure simply doesn't have room for substance abuse.

I still go out on weekends and have a few (sometimes more than a few), but I know I have to wake up in the morning to go hiking with friends, or work out at the gym. I'm slowly replacing 'normal fun = drunk' with 'normal fun = clearheaded'.

I'd also recommend 'Feeling Good' (amazon link), because it kind of sounds like you allow yourself to drift into depressive thoughts.

Anyway, good luck.

u/swight74 · 1 pointr/reddit.com

If you are not willing to see someone for some cognitive therapy, spend $10 and pick this up.
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266631527&sr=8-1

I know, I know "wtf? a self help book?" don't judge a book by its genre :)
Give it a try.

u/christ_ · 1 pointr/AskReddit

The cheapest ways could be getting sunshine, running and trying cognitive behavioral therapy.
For the CBT I would say torrent ( or buy ) this book.


I tried the CBT before my other suggestions, and it kinda helped, I feel better nowadays.

u/Lordy1 · 1 pointr/Austria

https://www.amazon.de/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1518169102&sr=8-2&keywords=Feeling+Good

Wenn dich sonst nichts zaht ist das Buch auch mal ein guter Anfang. Aber ersetzt halt trotzdem eine Therapie

u/OnceNamed · 1 pointr/Meditation

I learned to focus on what's in front of me rather than focusing on what could be or may have been. That's not to say I don't make plans, but rather that I actively engage with my life instead of ruminating on thoughts.

In many regards, this is one of the guiding principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and some schools of meditation.

​

Meditation itself doesn't always solve or even assist in solving psychological troubles. Oftentimes meditation can make psychological problems worse - meditation teaches a person the ability to focus on things without providing the wisdom or experience on where to focus that attention.

​

Pick up a book called Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. It's primarily intended for chronic depression but lends itself exceptionally well to anxiety.

u/damukobrakai · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

If you aren't honest or rational enough to admit asshole is a curse word than you are not capable of having a logical argument. This is why I won't debate with you. You repeated make irrational arguments. It's a waste of time to reason with someone who doesn't have the tools to think logically. You're come off as angry, rude, ignorant and arrogant. I'm only bothering to explain this because I would rather you come away from this with something useful. You need to learn how to think and communicate rationally. I recommend the two following books:

Beyond Emotions: a guide to critical thinking.

A well reviewed book on cognitive psychology like this one:

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns

"The good news is that anxiety, guilt, pessimism, procrastination, low self-esteem, and other "black holes" of depression can be cured without drugs. In Feeling Good, eminent psychiatrist, David D. Burns, M.D., outlines the remarkable, scientifically proven techniques that will immediately lift your spirits and help you develop a positive outlook on life. Now, in this updated edition, Dr. Burns adds an All-New Consumer′s Guide To Anti-depressant Drugs as well as a new introduction to help answer your questions about the many options available for treating depression."

  • Recognise what causes your mood swings
  • Nip negative feelings in the bud
  • Deal with guilt
  • Handle hostility and criticism
  • Overcome addiction to love and approval
  • Build self-esteem
  • Feel good everyday
u/hound-dude · 1 pointr/askgaybros

you definitely should mention the anxiety problem to her, depression and anxiety frequently occur together and you need to treat both.

you didn't say if she put you on any meds or if she is treating you using CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), but both can be done in parallel. personally, I think CBT has the most potential since you will learn new skills for changing how you react to things. ask her about it.

and do your homework too, she can't fix this for you, she can offer guidance but you have to want to fix it. here's your homework:

reading - https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=R91KZD4QRJ8D3D5NQ2KE

podcast - (listen to these from the beginning) https://feelinggood.com/category/podcast/

take this stuff seriously and don't let your problems continue without successful treatment.

u/AnonyL · 1 pointr/AvPD

So much of what you said is the same as myself. Though some I have managed to tone down to a degree.

One things that I'd like to share that helped me a lot, was attempting to drop perfectionism as a concept. It's flawed and completely self destructive.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns has a chapter on "Daring to be average" which was really insightful to me. Perfectionism is a trap - a desire that will never be sated, causing feel bad about whatever you do.

There is nothing wrong with average. You wouldn't expect someone else to be perfect, so why yourself? Your monetary value, your qualifications, your job, your achievements are not indicative of your worth. Perfectionism tells us otherwise. It is wrong.

I really recommend giving the book a read. Or even just that chapter.

u/kcpwnsgman · 1 pointr/CCW

on top of whatever you decide to do, consider cognitive behavioural therapy. Specifically this book on the subject.

u/I_will_just_say_it · 1 pointr/TrollXChromosomes

In case it's more than just the blues, I found that this book was far more helful than any meds that I ever tried. Good luck banishing the beast.

u/leetdood · 1 pointr/relationships

I'm gonna get real with ya. It's clear that you're very down on yourself and depressed and you think it's gonna be impossible to get out of that hole on your own. Well, I'm here to help you.

Now I don't wanna seem like a shill or anything. But this book is clinically proven to treat depression and it's helped me and my mother a lot in our personal lives. It teaches you how to avoid/combat apathy and depression, and how to improve our thoughts with cognitive therapy. It teaches you how to not get down on yourself. It's not a magic bullet but it really does help a lot when you understand how depression works and why you are in this specific position, and that it is all about thoughts/feelings, and how to try to help yourself think positively and in patterns that make you, well, feel good.

The book is Feeling Good by David D. Burns, M.D.

I recommend that you read it and try your best to do some of the exercises. Feel free to PM me if you want to know more about it. I recommend this book to a lot of people because it made depression feel a lot less hopeless for me. It made me feel like I could stop beating myself up and focus on doing stuff I wanted instead.

u/YourRoaring20s · 1 pointr/AskMenOver30

You should read the self-esteem section in Feeling Good

u/laylaandlunabear · 1 pointr/Epilepsy

First off, I take the same medicine (zonisomide) and get the same feelings you do. Look into seeing a psychologist in addition to your neurologist. They can do wonders in helping guide you through this.

Second, I highly recommend reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336. You can find it online if you look. It's not a 'self-help' book. Rather, it's a book by a psychologist discussing 'cognitive therapy' which has been shown to be as effective as antidepressants. The idea is to understand that your negative, distorted thoughts are causing you to feel bad. Most thoughts that cause people to be depressed are faulty and once you realize that, you'll realize the irrationality behind your depression.

For example, you are magnifying the negative things which you admit are normal, such as feeling lost in what you want to do for a career and disqualifying the positive things in your life, such as that you are in school, and are seizure free. These thoughts take away from true non-distorted feelings of sadness a human should have (you have a real illness, epilepsy, that you need to deal with-- but there are ways to manage it and you it sounds like you are responsibly with medicine). You're also falling into the classic distorted thought of 'I should be doing X right now...'. When the reality of your own behavior falls short of your own standards, your 'I should' thought creates self-loathing, shame, and guilt. You need to change your expectations because it is all-to-human that your behavior will fall short of your own standards from time to time throughout life. Anyway, the book is helpful in realizing these things. Read the reviews on Amazon. It could help you. Good luck.

u/JonesMcGee123 · 1 pointr/trees

Read this book.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_uylxCbY47XQDS
If you want to get "better" then you have to be willing to invest the time and effort to work on yourself. Also, taking a break from cannabis is a very good idea. I think that those "professionals" did a very bad thing by trying to tell you that your cannabis use is the sole root cause of your issues, but I do think they're right in advising you to take a break from it. Best of luck from someone who's been in the exact same place that you are right now.

u/DAM1313 · 1 pointr/AskMen

I really identify with what you wrote, and I feel like two things that have helped me might help you and anyone else who reads this:

  1. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy By Dr. David Burns, a book that teaches you about CBT and how to apply it

  2. meditation. Seriously, find a guided meditation app/videos like take10 and pick it up when you're feeling stressed. I'm trying to make it a daily habit because when I do it consistently I feel much better about myself. It's like the next level of taking a moment and just enjoying being alive.
u/Amehoela · 1 pointr/Psychedelic

It depends where you're from and how your health care is oriented but generally for stuff like this I would recommend a psychotherapist.

In my experience I find a psychiatrist prescribes western pharmaceuticals which assist you and alleviate symptoms, but they don't handle the root of the issues. Likewise a psychologist will, in this day and age, probably heavily lean on cognitive behavioural therapy (for good reason since it shows consistent empirical proof of its efficacy for a lot of stuff) and this will aid you from refraining from negative thought loops, doomed thinking and a general, more rational self-image and perception of the world.

However, with both practices I felt we weren't adressing a main issue. It felt we were busy with the outer layer, a manifestation of something much deeper which was amiss. I found a great psychotherapist with her own practise (simply with Google XD ) who has her own practise for exactly that reason: to deliver qualitatively psychological care adjusted to the specific person in need. Though of course it's great a society has mass institutions to provide mental health care, due to insurance policies, government cutbacks and just the bureaucracy, these institutions can only give a boiled down, basic mental care which isn't always effective, especially for these nuanced cases. Especially since a lot of troubled people become psychologists!!! Sometimes there also work a lot of young people for they are cheaper. I figured older people with a lot of life experience are of more use to me than someone my own age!

Mental health care is just starting to phantom the consequences of invisible mental abuse parents are inflicting unknowingly on their children, for so much of it is uncunscious and already starts with interaction when children are babies. Also because it takes a sensitive human to even perceive all the subtleties and nuances of human communication so it is of no surprise the more striking physical abuse got the most attention.

I'm getting quite lengthy in this post so to answer your question: I would primarily visit a psychotherapist. However it's very important to note that just as you have good and bad dentists, gentle and rough dentists, fast and slow dentists etc. the same goes for psychotherapists. Find one which suits you. Just follow your own intuition. Your own mind and body will heal you. I thought this was some mumbo jumbo, but they really do. They will always point you in the right direction and always give you feedback. But a thorough mental health track will hasten your recovery.

Again, in short my advice which is working for me: eat really healthy, sport 3 times a week, try to 'move' (walk 20 minutes or something) every day, meditate daily for at least 20 minutes, read the cognitive behavioural therapy bible 'Feeling Good' http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 (especially if you have some discipline, saves a lot of time visiting a psychologist who specialises in cognitive behavioral therapy, perhaps start a micro dosing 0,2 grams of magic mushrooms every third day, trip on lsd or mushrooms when you feel you need it (in my case few times a yesr) (from what I'm reading is that mushrooms are more effective than lsd for self therapy but I have to experience lsd first before I can give my own take on it), if you trip on mushrooms; not too much because they're are quite taxing on the brain and mind and you want to incorporate insights into your life as much as possible to get the most out of the next trip. Also look into ayahuasca. I hear and read it does wonders. And read up on this shit!!! XD Upbringing, projection, emotional neglect... it influenced your life in unphantamoble ways. The more you learn how and why, the better.

But! Everything will get better slowly, from now on :)
Good luck!

u/halji · 1 pointr/bisexual

I can't really endorse this book personally, but there's some medical research that suggests a majority of people who read it and do the exercises for a month see real improvement: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/my2wins · 1 pointr/internetparents

Since you like to read, pick up the book, "feeling good, the new mood therapy" by David Burns. My therapist would not prescribe meds until I read it and after reading it, i truly no longer needed them. link on Amazon

u/greenburitto · 1 pointr/leaves

I don't want to scare you but this could take a lot longer than you'd like to think. Especially if you used to try to cover up the depression & anxiety to begin with.

I'm on day 39 right now and it really peaked after 3-4 weeks. Week 6 right now is being easier on me. This is a journey and you have to go back to remembering why you're doing this. This process could take you up to 2-3 years.
A helpful study I went back to (this is my 3rd time) was one out of Sweden found here:http://droginfo.com/pdf/guideuk.pdf
A guide to quitting
Marijuana and Hashish
Drug Addiction Treatment Centre
Lund University Hospital
Lund, Sweden

Understand that you can't rush this. You have a lot of work to do but you're worth it in the end. Another helpful item for me was to work through at least a few pages a night was Feeling Good (https://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336). It's been the best 10$ I spent throughout this whole experience. Also eat only clean foods. Rice (a ton of it everyday) was good for me. It could take a week or two until your eating gets a bit better....it's all just a bunch of small steps.

The reason it could take a while is because you should accept that you could go through PAWS after the first month. One day at a time. Write a journal. After a while go back a week or two and reread what you wrote. You'll see that progress!

Best of luck man!

Edit: just touching on the book... do the activities. Keep a weekly log of your BDC score! It shows progress even if you are going through a shit day. Mine went 29,23,20,16,14,12,11. The activities are helpful. Never give up!

u/Mysterious_Abalone · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

Something that might help also is CBT. I use this book sometimes. https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

You can probably find a pdf of it online.

u/Zephryl · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

I second the Schopenhauer.

And juuuust in case you're interested, Feeling Good by David Burns is an excellent self-help book for depression and anxiety. There are thousands of self-help books of varying quality out there, but I recommend this one in particular because (1) it is based entirely on scientifically validated ideas and techniques, and (2) reading this particular book has been shown to be as effective as antidepressants and other typical treatments for depression (study abstract).

u/frodob · 1 pointr/offmychest

Someone recommended this book here, and I found it really helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

Give the first few chapters a try, seriously.

u/sistersa1vation · 1 pointr/SiliconValleyHBO

Try reading David D. Burns' book, "Feeling Good". It's essentially a handbook of CBT exercises that you can use for self-therapy. This was my first foray into CBT and I was shocked at how helpful it was. I would also recommend hearing his TED talk from a couple of years ago - really powerful stuff.

I also want to say that I went through three different therapists before finding someone who was right for me. They were all competent professionals, but everybody has their own style/personality and that inadvertently affects how they communicate with patients. It's very possible that a different therapist could work better for you.

u/Alukrad · 1 pointr/AskMen

Read this book:

AMAZON LINK

The techniques used in this book will teach you with coping mechanisms, it will teach you to differentiate between unhealthy and healthy thought processes. It will give you "homework" assignments, things to do when you are feeling down or depressed.

It's an amazing book.

But again, this is me and this is what I do when I reach my emotional breakdown. I spend a good 20 years of my life reading about psychology and philosophy. So, my mind instantly seeks out "understanding" and "knowledge" when I run into a problem. Recently I am also getting into sociology and meditation. The mind is an incredible thing and we only know so little of it.

u/ImDauntless · 1 pointr/Buddhism

I agree with other commentators, this may be (in my non-medical opinion) mild to moderate depression. (Again, this is just an idea, diagnosing people over the internet with little information is not entirely ethical). I would like to suggest to other posters that depressive disorders are somewhat diverse.

Depending on your personal and financial situation, I cannot recommend seeing a psychologist enough, as I have been in this same situation. Whether you come from a background of hard science or spirituality, I would urge folks to see therapists/psychologists as a teacher that can help you understand what what is real, and how to have a good relationship with your thoughts/feelings.

I would like to suggest a few books that I have found to be personally helpful in this regard:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), very good read which outlines how your mind, Buddhists might call it the ego, creates a fake reality in a depressed state, and methods to counteract it:

Burns, David Feeling Good

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a different but similar approach to dealing with challenging thoughts/feelings, borrows a lot from Buddhism. Main idea is to be aware of thoughts and feelings as occurring, and not good or bad (and not "you"). To accept thoughts and feelings, not as reality but just as thoughts or feelings, and to take action towards something you value:

Harris, Russ The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

If you're on a little, or big, Buddhist kick, I'd recommend the writings of Zen Master Seung Sahn. This particular book takes his bright and connectable style, and examines a variety of Buddhist traditions to see how they alleviate dukkha/suffering/stress/etc. in different ways:

Seung Sahn The Compass of Zen

Please do check out these books and post questions if you have them. If you are interested in finding a psychologist, and it is something that takes personal buy-in, I would suggest taking a look at Psychology Today or on your insurance company's website, if you're American.

Have a great night! =D

u/WangBacca · 1 pointr/DestinyTheGame

Yep.

However, in addition to getting enough sleep, exercising a little bit, and some cognitive therapy, it's possible to get through, just takes time!

Also a really good book to help with understanding the ol' brain (and specifically working through depression):

https://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/RebootedLife · 1 pointr/stopdrinking

Been there including hospitalization for depression. The trick that worked for me was to find good distractions to get my mind off of negative ruminating and just better thinking in general (more below). Video games, a significant other, biking, and alcohol worked (until recently for alcohol). For the last decade I have been depression free and mostly happy.

Have you looked into CBT? If you cannot afford or don't want to see a therapist this is a great way to start feeling better right away! https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/submersi-lunchable · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

+1 to "sounds like the meds need to be updated"

You sound really depressed. To be blunt (but also not an expert or anything) this is passive suicidal ideation, and not something to ignore.

It seems like you're familiar with depression from your past struggles, so you can tell the doc if you notice new features. Definitely mention you are kind of blah on existence!

I'm glad you still have perspective, and I hope you can feel better sooner rather than later. If you can swing it, there's a pretty good cheap book on CBT. It goes through how to notice and counteract negative thoughts that depression will constantly harass you with: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336


Good luck and give it hell! Hit me up if you like; I've been wrestling this stuff for forever.

u/chocolate-frog · 1 pointr/ofcoursethatsathing

I bought this book for my daughter, it’s really sweet.

https://www.amazon.ca/Gift-Nothing-Patrick-McDonnell/dp/031611488X/ref=nodl_

u/Guepardita · 1 pointr/GiftIdeas

Maybe look into purchasing tickets to a cooking class! Depending on where you go, prices will vary, but it could be a neat idea :)

The Gift of Nothing is such a memorable, sentimental book, and I'm sure she'd be delighted to receive it.

u/polpetina · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

I'm not sure how this book ends as I'm only starting to read it. But so far it is offering me much comfort in a similar situation. http://www.amazon.com/MWF-Seeking-BFF-Yearlong-Search/dp/0345524942/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324739339&sr=8-1

u/chock-a-block · 1 pointr/ADHD

> I won’t ever come to an epiphany

There's no epiphany. 20, 40, 60, 80 it's the same trial and error to find out what works. Happiness comes from working at being happy, as long as your brain works okay.

You could get busy reading a few books on child development and applying them.

https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375760288/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1510712228&sr=8-2&keywords=attachment+parenting+teens&dpID=5103hwIT8SL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

https://www.amazon.com/Integrative-Parenting-Strategies-Children-Attachment/dp/0393708179/ref=sr_1_14?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1510712487&sr=8-14&keywords=attachment+parenting

A teenager isn't a "child" in the strict sense, but generally, those are good books and it's not hard to apply them to teens.

It seems like more is going on. Were you ever assessed for mood disorders?

u/SANcapITY · 1 pointr/unpopularopinion

> Disadvantages of daycare? Unless you're putting the child in a shitty facility its better for the kid.

A lot of research would disagree with you. Kids who go to daycare are at risk of peer bonding with their classmates, rather than finding secure attachment with their primary caregivers.

And the average daycare worker makes slightly above minimum wage. Do you think these people, who cannot even offer 1 on 1 support, can replace the emotional development a stay at home mother could provide? Notice I don't say would provide, I said could.

Oddly, there is support for daycare being good if parents favor corporal punishment, as daycares are barred from that, so kids can actually fare better there.

But let's be honest, what is the point of having a child if you want to outsource the kid's development during its most formative years to someone else?

u/runningman2009 · 1 pointr/AskReddit

I assume this is it: Hold on to your kids : why parents need to matter more than peers / Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté. link

On the shelf at my local library. I'll get a copy tomorrow. The title is certainly aimed at my question.

Many thanks!

u/lampnerd · 1 pointr/psychology

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336
This book is supposed to work as well as therapy.

u/tendorphin · 1 pointr/BipolarReddit

The book Feeling Good is actually recommended by a few doctors I know. It is really high-quality self help, and is directed toward people with some form of depression. Unfortunately, I've never read it, but three of the doctors I know who actively see patients say that they've given it to patients, told patients to seek it out, or formally prescribe it to them (I don't know if that's just for the patient or not...I'm not aware of being able to get a prescription filled for a book, haha, but they say it makes the patient feel better about reading it).

u/autopornbot · 1 pointr/amiugly

Depression sucks. I've had MDD with anxiety for decades. It can really keep you from going anywhere in life. I just take antidepressants everyday now. I probably will for the rest of my life. It's just a thing, like a diabetic who has to take insulin everyday. It's not a big deal at all. But talk therapy helps even more. Find a good (experienced - older is better) psychologist who does CBT, and have them teach you how to do it. It is amazing how well it works - if you do it. You just can't be passive about it.

Don't worry - there is nothing at all wrong with your looks. You are very pretty. You're just seeing life through the filter of depression, which turns everything dark. You could go through your school's guidance counselor, I'm sure, if you don't know where to turn. But it's easiest just to see your general practitioner (the doc you see when you have the flu), and get them to recommend you to someone.

If you want a head start, buy the book Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy. It's what a therapist will have you read first thing. It's the instruction manual of cognitive behavioral therapy.

u/imhere4dalaughs · 1 pointr/depression

A book recommended by some people on Reddit.

I am reading through it. It might help you.

u/gadiandi3 · 1 pointr/selfhelp

Feeling Good by David Burns is a great book about treating depression and self-esteem with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It might be a little difficult for him to read if he has a lot of shame about his moods though so you might also look for another book about CBT that is less about "treating depression" and more about "improving your life".

u/kindaAnonymous · 1 pointr/NoFap

As I've said here before, NoFap isn't a cure for depression. Try Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. I started reading it and it has helped me.

For me, things tend to start getting much better around 1 month and on. I say this despite the fact that I've never kissed or had sex with a girl (or guy, for that matter).

u/StegosaurusArtCritic · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

If one medication doesn't work you try another.

If one therapist doesn't work you try another!!

You might have to try another over and over again. People usually have to try a bunch before something works well.

See if there are support groups for depression (or other relevant issue) to join.

Exercise is a good immediate relief, and if it hasn't worked try anaerobic exercise (weights/resistance). Lactic acid is tied directly to the motivation system, which is what's broken in depression.

While depression is largely biological it is usually exacerbated by circumstance (primed in nature -> triggered by nurture). If she isn't in therapy, she can at least start learning cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to quell pessimism and such. This book is A+ It sounds like she got overwhelmed. :(

Thank you for being kind and understanding and willing to help. Ultimately, however, it's up to her to do the hard work.

I encourage her to post up stuff about her life history and feelings. Talking to weirdo strangers online is still helpful :)

u/NPC88LARP88 · 1 pointr/TrueChristian

Don't let depressive symptoms get in the way of your faith. Treat it like it's a virus. You need to solve that problem first and seek professional help on top of all the advice given above. Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Find a good counselor who can introduce you to CBT. All the above advice is good; but try this book too:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=david+d+burns&qid=1565736848&s=gateway&sr=8-1

u/terp4lifechris · 1 pointr/UMD

Seems like a couple of things going on here: one, how you are feeling, and two, how to make real friends. First, if you are willing to try reading a "self-help" book to feel better then I would recommend the book Feeling Good by David Burns. He basically identifies simple ways to get passed typical thoughts we all have that cause us to feel bad so we can start feeling better. It helped me a lot when I needed it and I've never really gone back to feeling bad the way I used to. I used to talk myself into feeling bad but now that I'm aware of how I was doing that, I know how to avoid it. If you are not into self-help books then just forget it.

Second, making "real" friends is more complicated because there is no checklist to know if someone fits in the real friend category. Each friend is unique and you kinda have to take them as they are. Think about this, everyone in the world is just trying to figure things out like everyone else. No one but God (you said you're religious) really knows what life is all about--even your parents. The saddest and loneliest person, and the person who seems to have it all together, each one is just doing their best to make it in this world. We are all the same in that way. Knowing that everyone struggles helps me realize that everyone needs "real" friends just as bad as I do.

That leads me to some actions that I take that help me make friends (some friends are closer than others). I try to treat people kindly knowing that they are struggling in the world too. Even people who are annoying or I don't really like that much. I know they have troubles too so I try to be nice, smile, hold the door for them, pick up something they dropped, whatever. When you're kind to other people that way, it can actually make you feel better about yourself as a human being--especially if you are NOT expecting to get anything in return. It doesn't mean these people are going to be your friend. But you would be surprised about one thing. Other people will notice that you are a kind person and most people want to be friends with kind people. Don't you? Also, when you are happy with yourself for being kind, it can actually make you feel better about yourself. People will notice that too, that you are happy with the kind person your are. After that, friendship depends on how much time you spend with each other talking, eating meals, playing games, whatever. If you don't spend time doing things together, it is not possible to become real friends. The more time you spend together doing things, the better friends you will be.

I'm glad you wrote this. Obviously you are not suffering alone. We are all just trying to make it in this world. It's nice that we can help each other out a little bit.

u/fearville · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

I have this book, haven't read all of it but what I have read seems really helpful. It has some of the best reviews of any book on depression that I have seen.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/slowcoach69 · 1 pointr/Anxiety

Its a coincidence. It sounds like a you put a lot of pressure on yourself. I can relate I put the same pressure on myself. I can also relate to your fears of death. I have health related anxiety to a point where when i get a pain or some new feeling "I must be dying" goes through my head.

The best thing i can tell you to do is check out the two books below since you seem to have a touch agoraphobia. Both of these books helped me to get a handle on my anxiety. I still have it and i still have panic attacks. but these two books will help you learn to recognize your triggers and what you can cognitively do to get recentered when the panic starts to set in

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y/179-8397514-8344250

http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Edmund-Bourne/dp/1572248912/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1395152762&sr=1-1&keywords=the+anxiety+and+phobia+workbook

u/artie_fm · 1 pointr/askseddit

A few thoughts. First off give yourself permission to grieve. You didn't get what you wanted and you're upset. You're going to to continue to be upset until you are ready to move on. There isn't anything anyone else can do to control your feelings. This is all in you.

Second if you really don't want to feel like this you're going to have to make some changes. This is a very painful lesson, but on the positive side you'll be a much happier person once you've made the right adjustments.

Here a book I found that taught me a lot: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

You can also start talking with a therapist.

I guess the main point here is that only you have control over your feelings and only you have the power to stop feeling hurt. Sooner or later that will happen.

u/Stofwisdoek · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

I have been depressed/in remission/depressed ect. for most of my life (i was around 12 when it really started to disfunction my life , 25 now).

The most importent thing to realize is that if you don't get help from a profesional you/things are unlikely to get better , it might get better for a little bit or a little while when you decide to excercise/volunteer stuff like that , but apart from almost always being unable to do those things because/if you're depressed , you have to remember that depression doesn't come from poor "lifestyle"choices i.e not working out or not voluntering , so it's kind of silly to see those things as the answer to a problem but better to see them as tools that can help you get better faster.

Mostly i read that you also agree that you need help , you are scared that if you don't you will be(come) suicidal. And you rationalize this fear by looking at your (grand)parent(s) , your bio-dad got help and seems to be doing fine now.

Also , things/life chanches , nothing ever stays the same , but depression lies , and if it gets the chance it wil bring you down and make you suffer no matter how good or bad your life "technically" is , but if you can really commit to investing in yourself and getting the help you need , you will succed in viewing things and your life in a better , healthier and happier perspective.

There are ways , i'm not american so i'm unable to know how difficult/expensive it is to get help , but i've heard very good things about online therapy wich is a. cheap(er) and b. within reach even if you are so depressed your lying in your bed paralized.

Also ik really recommend this book

And this video

I really hope that you'll be able to take some steps to help yourself, or at least to figure out what help you need and how you can get it!

Internethugs

u/LordFancyPants · 1 pointr/NoFap

If you can't get a councillor get a book. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372273143&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good

It gives a simple strategy for helping pick apart the bullshit lies your brain feeds you. It might help. It might not. It sure beats killing yourself.

u/synapticimpact · 1 pointr/AskReddit

The book Feeling Good by David Burns is supposed to be really good for depression, I've heard a few recommendations for it.

u/evilbadro · 1 pointr/AskReddit

First, thoughts of suicide are something that should be addressed with a competent professional. If the free clinic does not open for several days, consider seeking other care. You may be able to find a competent professional who will agree to help you on an interim basis for free. Asking for a weeks worth of pro bono care when your life may be in danger doesn't seem like a request that's easy to deny.

If you are suffering from depression, have hope in the fact that it is a problem that often responds well to treatment. Depression often has a thought distortion component. Although it is not a substitute for professional help, you can work on eliminating thought distortions on your own. Avoid, amplifying the significance of things that don't go well. Eliminate all or nothing thinking. Focus on the positive etc. The book Feeling Good is inexpensive and very helpful. You need to set up a consultation as quickly as possible to get some advice on how to handle what you are experiencing. Consulting the book might help make the time until you have an appointment easier, but if necessary, go to the emergency room.

u/dpcoveyou · 1 pointr/atheism

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1321115458&sr=1-1
This one helped me out a lot. I was in and out of psych wards for 9 months and reading the first 80 pages of this at the end was what really turned my thinking around. The first little bit is just him trying to sell the therapy, because it was written when CBT was just being used for the first time. I wonder what the rest of the book is like...I never got around to reading it.

u/TheRainbowConnection · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Feeling Good by David Burns is a good book for anxiety and depression, and it's less than $10. He talks about the importance of seeing someone, and how to tell when you need to see someone, and it also has exercises she can do at home in between therapy sessions. If she won't listen to her friends she might listen to expert criteria saying she should see a therapist.

u/misseff · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

Yeah, I mean, I'd be mortified if my boyfriend ever posted about me on the internet like this, but it shows you care. Is there any way you can get her to consider going to a therapist just for her other issues? More than likely it all has to do with her emotional problems. Maybe even getting her a self help book would be useful if she's totally against therapy. I like this one. Honestly, it sounds like she has a lot of problems that she's not even trying to deal with on her own... that's a lot for someone else to have to take on.

u/smile0my0friends · 1 pointr/AskReddit

It really depends on the psychiatrist. I've been to many and I'd say about 2/3 talk to you for half an hour and then hand out the drugs you need. However I have a separate therapist for hour long appointments. Oh I should also mention, buy "Feeling Good" for more on CBT (addressed to OP here), it seems to help a lot of people. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336

u/CookieKats · 1 pointr/asktransgender

This book was recommended to me by a therapist and helped a lot. It's really good for helping prevent those irrational, dark, spiralling out of control thoughts that can happen. Medication can also help when you feel like you really, rationally shouldn't be depressed at some particular time, but something in your body just seems to be causing it.

u/TheAccountForThatSub · 1 pointr/bipolar

Oh, and here is a reference for the cognitive distortions:

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

The doctor who wrote this is the one who introduced these types of cognitive distortions, I think.

I've only read the first 3 chapters of it, took the small diagnostic quizzes and such, but they've helped a lot, really.

I only had an ebook for it, though, so maybe you can find a copy online.

Feel free to take it slow. My brain fog back then was so bad I couldn't take in more than 2 paragraphs without spacing out. There are also tests to help you remember some of the things talked about (useful, because being able to identify when your thoughts are tinted with cognitive distortions is a good way to combat them and start to improve your thinking patterns.)

I was only doing 2 pages a day when I read it, so really, if you're feeling like shit and can't think, it's okay to take it at an easy pace.

u/stffUpprLp · 1 pointr/getting_over_it

I would add a point to
> Mind - keep learning:

Learn and practice 1) mindfulness meditation and 2) CBT.

  1. Mindfulness Meditation can help you process what is happening right now, increasing your awareness of reality.

  2. CBT can help you investigate your distorted thought patterns as you go through the feelings associated with depression, and respond to them rationally, so that you can move on.

    This isn't just one of those "it works for me" points, (I've been trying it for a month now and am feeling much better), but if you read the introduction to David Burns' "Feeling Good", it references scientific papers showing that CBT is consistently effective.

    Just by posting on here, you're making a great start to tackling depression. Best of luck getting_over_it ;)
u/Doc_Strangeluv · 1 pointr/AskReddit

You can reformat your hard drive! It sounds like you have some real positive motivators in your life, too.

I think you're looking for some form of re-imprint/cognitive behavioral therapy to help set your mind on the right track, much like the brainwashing the army likely put you through, but to your own advantage. Many recovering alcoholics find this refuge in religion. A church might actually be a good bet for you, but as an avid redditor, you may be more geared towards finding your own solution. Counseling is helpful, but it sounds as if you want to set your own direction.

In the meantime, you want to avoid stress and lower your cortisol levels. A few ways to do this besides prescription drugs would be:

  • restful nights' sleep (8 hours is just a guess)

  • maintain a nutritious diet

  • Omega 3s (eat fish)

  • daily exercise (to a certain level)

  • massage

  • pranayama yoga (this is, in my opinion, the best technique you can learn to reduce stress)

    the mind is a powerful tool, but for many of us, (especially those predisposed to addiction and depression) it can be a challenge to control.

    Maybe try some self help books for some good mind control techniques. I don't particularly agree with the philosophies of all of these, but there are good things to be gleaned from each; (Tony Robbins, Deepak Choprah, Richard Warren, Christopher Hyatt, Viktor Frankl, Feeling Good, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Art of War, Tao of Pooh, 48 Laws of Power, The Secret, Prometheus Rising).

    However you DECIDE TO PROGRESS, have fun!
u/catcat6 · 1 pointr/loseit

I have the exact same problem as you (I'm almost your height and weight too) except instead of being heavy when I was younger, I was a twig. It was a shock to my system to go from being 5'8" and 105lbs in high school to 135lbs in college + after. That might not seem like a lot to some, but on my frame, I can really see a difference. While the logical side of me says: "You look better with some meat on you! You're getting muscle now, that weighs more, too! You work out and eat healthy," the nagging, obsessive side says the same kind of awful shit: "You're not as skinny as you used to be, you need to lose more weight, if you just lost a few more pounds your arms would look better, blah blah blah."

So, what do? I'm participating in the No-Scale-for-a-Month challenge, because I know I get waaaay too obsessed over numbers on a scale. Maybe that's an option for you, too? Also relevant: vanity sizing. You may be an 8 somewhere, but somewhere else you're a 4. It's really hard to get an accurate measurement of your size through clothing because this sort of "fake sizing" runs amok now. I use a tape measurer to gauge my size, but I only use it once a month. I would also suggest counseling. It's helping me a lot. If you can't afford counseling, this book is awesome. Best of luck to you--you can PM me if you want to talk more. :)

u/infohawk · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

It sounds like you have to choose between multiple bad choices and find the one that sucks the least. Pretending to be unhappy < doing something about it. Maybe it would be best to hide it from your family but it sounds like maybe you can't afford it then. You could try this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336

It's based on a type of therapy that some shrinks use. It's really cheap. You could rip off the cover and hide it like porn. :)

u/porphyry3 · 1 pointr/NoFap
u/duffstoic · 1 pointr/streamentry

I actually do have a recommendation. The method that worked the best for me in resolving my own anxiety and depression was something called Core Transformation (see the book by Connirae Andreas. (Full disclosure: I work for the author.) I found that practicing this method a few hundred times completely resolved my anxiety, and 90% resolved my depression, which is more than any method I tried previously. It's a very experiential method, not so much cognitive, and aligned with meditation practices. I consider CT to be metta on steroids.

If you prefer a more cognitive method, Feeling Good by David Burns is the classic text. I definitely recommend that one too, as it will give you insight into how you are participating in creating your anxiety and depression by how you think about things. Learned Optimism by Seligman is another good choice for cognitive work.

Regular exercise can also be useful. See Spark for the science of how that works.

u/lastgirlonmars · 1 pointr/AskMen

I highly recommend the book Feeling Good. It's therapy in book form.

u/ThriftyTricks · 1 pointr/whattoreadwhen

You could try Feeling Good, a self-help classic. First few chapters give you the most important tools you need to change your thoughts and behaviour.

u/Tall_for_a_Jockey · 1 pointr/Advice

This is important because you are talking about changing a fundamental part of your personality. I'd recommend trying a course of therapy called "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" (or CBT). If you want to read up on this approach and decide whether or not it is worth pursuing, David Burn's Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy is a seminal introduction.

u/SoundProofHead · 1 pointr/depression

I have social anxiety too. I was advised to read this book. Unfortunately it was hard to read for me, mostly because english is my second language but also because I got bored with it. Anyway, there are books about it and there are people specialized in it. It seems efficient.

u/ultimatemorky · 1 pointr/Minecraft

Depression isn't always sadness though. I just don't feel like anything for an afternoon or so. Not hunger, not thirst, not any emotion whatsoever. Like when I was little I was a hyperactive kid. ALWAYS smiling and laughing and doing karate in the store and just active. The only time I was ever mopey or sad was when I was sick. Two year old me would just lay on the ground like a beat dog with a frown on my face. That's pretty much how my down days are except I'm bigger. Like I'm sick or something.

I forgot what my point was. I think I was gonna recommend a book lol


Feeling Good
is a good book to check out even if you're not depressed. It helps with low self esteem and really all kinds of mood issues. It also has a pretty decent test for depression that isn't strictly about being sad. Helps me out when I'm in a jam.

u/ender21 · 1 pointr/suicide

Please go read this right now! Seriously! It costs like eight bucks, and it'll help like crazy. I've read it cover to cover three times, and it totally took me out of the state you are in when I was in that state.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288590926&sr=8-1

If you don't have an amazon account, you can probably get it at large bookstore or maybe even your library. Please hang in there, your feelings WILL pass eventually, and there ARE ways that you can work things out without killing yourself.

u/flippant-bastard · 1 pointr/LifeProTips

See a therapist for some cognitive behavior training. You can get some great tools that will help you throughout you life. It is so worth it. Middle school and college counselor are great resources or you can look for services provided by public or private organizations.

Great book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

u/Mortress · 1 pointr/vegan

Melanie Joy has a great talk on avoiding compassion fatigue as an activist. If you're struggling with mental health issues the best thing you can do to keep helping animals in the long run is to take care of yourself by seeing a therapist, getting a self help book that is proven to work, and by finding a supportive community of like minded people.

u/enieffak · 1 pointr/einfach_posten
u/jgalaxyrm · 1 pointr/AskEngineers

There's people with this qualification that are happy and thriving and there's people with this qualification that are so unhappy they want to kill themselves. You're doing yourself a disservice by thinking that it should make you happy, that type of thinking is a trap.

If you're genuinely interested in some self evaluation and strategies for dealing with this type of thinking it's part of cognitive behavioural therapy.

This is an excellent primer written for the layperson.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/pinkerton_jones · 1 pointr/Anxiety

Hey there is a book out there that may really help:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

Get the paperback or the audiobook. It's available at most libraries too. It will really make a difference. Good luck chuck.

u/MondoHawkins · 1 pointr/IAmA

I don't know that I'd have enough to say on the topic to justify an AMA but I can tell you some books that I've found beneficial to my personal growth. Most aren't specific to self-hypnosis, learning that mostly came as a byproduct of my training, but they all contributed to my philosophies and daily practice (which I should mention is VERY informal for the most part).

I'd say the most important thing is to first learn what hypnosis really is because all hypnosis is really self-hypnosis. A hypnotist merely guides a person into the state. For that I'd recommend, The Professional Hypnotism Manual by John Kappas.

As I said in my earlier post, a lot of what I personally do is very informally based on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). CBT, in a nutshell, functions on the premise that changing your thoughts changes your behaviors. The best book I can think of for a lay person on that topic is Feeling Good By David M. Burns MD

Finally, I'd highly recommend learning the "Mental Bank" concept. There is a 2hr video on the subject and I'd suggest grabbing the book as well. (Interesting side note: They filmed that video the day I took the class on the Mental Bank. So, I'm somewhere in that crowd, though I'm not saying where. ;))

u/mikm · 1 pointr/needadvice

Try reading Feeling Good. It worked well enough for me, much moreso than pills ever did.

u/cvillehomebrew · 1 pointr/psychotherapy

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

This is by far the most used, and in my opinion best, book on CBT. It covers all of the techniques and gives a lot of case studies. It gives examples for depression, anxiety, and anger.

u/AcceptWhatIS · 1 pointr/suicidology

---

"Depression is an illness that always results from thoughts that are distorted in some way."

— Dr. David Burns from the book Feeling Good

---

Dr. David Burns - FEELING GOOD - TED Talk:

https://youtu.be/H1T5uMeYv9Q


---

Dr. David Burns - What Is Depression (and How To Cure It) AUDIO:

https://youtu.be/33G1Aue4cP8

---

Checklists & info on 'COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS' that twist our thinking:

https://s3.amazonaws.com/cbt-therapy/Cognitive-Distortions.pdf

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Articles_and_Essays/Rational_Thinking/Cognitive_Distortions.pdf

https://www.apsu.edu/sites/apsu.edu/files/counseling/COGNITIVE_0.pdf

http://overcomingthedarkness.com/Articles/Cognitive%20Distortions.pdf

http://campusmindworks.org/downloads/cognitivedistortion.pdf

http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/

https://www.anxiety-videos.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Top-10-thought-distortions.pdf

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/20-cognitive-distortions-and-how-they-affect-your-life-0407154

---

BURNS DEPRESSION INVENTORY/CHECKLIST (2-page PDF):

https://s3.amazonaws.com/happy-stuff/Depression-Inventory.pdf


---

READ THE BOOK

FEELING GOOD: The New Mood Therapy - The Clinically-Proven Drug-Free Treatment for Depression

FEELING GOOD by Dr. David Burns is the #1 most recommended book for DEPRESSION by psychiatrists and psychologists. More than 5 million copies in print!

---

FEELING GOOD - ORDER:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

THE FEELING GOOD HANDBOOK - ORDER:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326

These books are like therapy in a box!

---

Watch a series of short VIDEOS covering each of the 10 COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS listed in David Burns' amazing self-help book for anxiety and depression, The Feeling Good Handbook:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiPvQMm5dFde_KeELu_pWbivkW5XywcFI

---

SERIES OF ARTICLE SUMMARIES BASED ON THE BOOK, FEELING GOOD:

http://sourcesofinsight.com/feeling-good-book-nuggets/

---

Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Together-Troubled-Relationships/dp/0767920821

---

Dr. David Burns' website:

https://FeelingGood.com

---

WATCH OTHER VIDEOS WITH DR. DAVID BURNS, A PIONEER IN COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (CBT):

https://www.youtube.com/results?sp=EgIYAg%253D%253D&q=DR.+DAVID+BURNS

---

Learn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy skills for preventing and coping with depression:


Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) SELF-HELP COURSE:


http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/step1.htm



MOOD GYM - CBT SELF-HELP COURSE:

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome


u/TongueDepresser · 1 pointr/depression

Can you order this book and do the exercises? http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

It's basically Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). You might be able to stabilize yourself by reading this book and doing the exercises until you can get some professional help.

Also, try some basic meditation: http://www.audiodharma.org/talks/audio_player/363.html

This is a 15-minute guided meditation. Very relaxing.

u/stroudsptr · 1 pointr/books

I have not read, but a therapist recommended this to me once.

u/beatbox_pantomime · 1 pointr/entwives

I started off with Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy since I have a history of depression... the principles are solid, and it's something I continue to work on every day. It would be silly to expect decades of negative reinforcement to be rewired instantly.

Other books:

The Power of Now

The Power of Habit

And this is one I haven't got yet but it's next on my list: Paddle Your Own Canoe because Nick Offerman is a BAMF.

u/faqeer · 1 pointr/islam

Can't recommend this book enough: Feeling Good

Dr. Burns developed a whole new branch of therapy called Cognitive Therapy. You can find groups on Reddit discussing it. It comes highly recommended by other psychiatrists and clinicians.

It works. It's free. Get the book and follow the scheduled practices! The basic premise is that your moods effect your behavior and (lack of) activity. But those moods are actually rooted in the thoughts you choose to entertain, hence the title "cognitive therapy". It's a rerouting of your thought patterns about certain events, so that you create new patterns of thinking which in turn effect your moods and emotions. Thus, thought --> emotion --> activity/productivity.

I used this (and still refer to it) in grad school when I was completely and utterly at a loss for getting anything done. This book is all about managing your time and your thoughts. It feels good when you can check things off your lists. And feeling good itself starts to feel good.

u/DoubleStufFarts · 1 pointr/depression

Sorry you're not feeling well, samtheshamandpharohs.

Seasonal Affective Disorder most often strikes in the winter, but symptoms are known to manifest in summer, too. The Mayo Clinic has some basic info on it here, and the National Alliance on Mental Illness has some info here.

I have SAD, but I get two depressive episodes a year - one in winter and then a second episode in summer. Bonus depression! Just what everyone wishes for! After about a decade of yearly rollercoasters, I finally got treatment. Talk therapy helps, but taking Wellbutrin has made a massive difference.

Since you write that you're paying off a bachelor's degree and are struggling financially, I'm going to guess that you don't have access to a university counselling center. You can try contacting your local chapter of NAMI to see if they have any information on local providers who offer sliding scale fees.

Winter Blues by Norman Rosenthal is a pretty well-respected book. That one, and the classic Feeling Good by David Burns were and continue to be super helpful for me.

Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

btw, love Hyperbole and a Half

u/ScoutFinch12 · 1 pointr/Anxiety

I know, and here I am trying to fix it. :-) Most likely to avoid my own anxiety...

Have you considered something like this book "Mind Over Mood"? I know others like the book "Feeling Good" as well, but feedback tends to be that the first one is more focused, which is what I need when anxiety is ripping me apart.

It is a strain. It just is. I hope you can feel that someone out here cares, though, because I do.

u/TheSeeker · 1 pointr/offmychest

There's a book that helped me. You may find it in the library. This is what it looks like. Hundreds of reviews here. It was recommended to me by my therapist. It's jargon-free, and an "easy read".

Give yourself a chance. Good luck.

u/UMadBreaux · 1 pointr/BipolarReddit

Generally, you find a therapist specializing in it. Ask a potential therapist not only if they specialize in CBT, but also if they are experienced working with individuals with bipolar disorder. And most importantly, find someone you are comfortable with. If you feel uneasy or unwilling to discuss a lot of your concerns with your therapist, it's time to move on. It can be frustrating jumping around in search of the right therapist, but once you find someone you are comfortable with you can begin making huge progress.

Check out this book. Best purchase under ten bucks, it is essentially a self-help guide to CBT.

u/DesertScrubKing · 1 pointr/NoFap

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

Read this. The best 8 bucks I've spent to help me out of anxiety and depression. It uses logical reasoning to help you with your mindset.

I would say that you really need to focus on when you use "negative" talk.

Focus on what it is, realize that when you use negative talk, you are over-emphasizing whatever it is you are feeling bad about, and then correct it with a positive statement. I think the really important thing is to write this shit down, otherwise you just turn your wheels in your head.

Google "David Burns Work Sheets" for some good cognitive therapy related stuff that will really make you think, this is of course if you have a basic understanding of what cognitive therapy is, if you read at least 25% of the book i suggested or something like it.

u/cursiveiota · 1 pointr/depression

This was recommended to me by my therapist many years ago. I ignore his advice for about 10 years. I recently picked it up and found it helpful.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy -- There's a workbook as well, but I don't have that, so I don't know how useful it might be.

I hope you found something to help you with your struggles.

u/LynzM · 1 pointr/simpleliving

Dopamine is lovely stuff. Your brain is rewarding you for these actions... but like any addiction, you can never be satiated.

A couple of gentle suggestions that could be helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1426797571&sr=8-3&keywords=when+panic+attacks

http://www.mindfulnesscds.com/

u/processus · 1 pointr/Psychonaut

I'd start with this: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1425566676&sr=8-8&keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy

This book has helped me: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1425600794&sr=8-1&keywords=self+esteem but it may or may not be of use to you.

Once you know how your mind works, it's easier to work around it. It doesn't matter if you had abuse or not, what's important is now and how you can fix it.

As others have said, meditate in order to be able to adapt to whatever your mind throws at you, then you can try psychedelics.

u/mistermoonshine90 · 1 pointr/offmychest

hey you should check out this Feeling Good by David Burns. It really helped me with dealing with negative thinking and low self-worth. Give it a try.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426205540&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good+david+burns

u/yellowcardbelieve · 1 pointr/norge

Jeg vil gjerne få anbefale deg denne boken: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

Det er en veldig god bok, les gjerne beskrivelsen.

Har den på digitalt format om du vil lese den, send pm.

u/jtaulbee · 1 pointr/psychotherapy

Feeling Good by David Burns is one of the classic CBT books written for the layperson. The language can be a little dated, but it's a pretty good resource. If you're seriously thinking of using CBT with clients, however, I'd recommend biting the bullet and paying for a real treatment manual. Professional resources are expensive, but you want to make sure that you have a complete understanding of the material before you use it on clients.

u/whateverusername · 1 pointr/science

Here are two books that you can use to teach yourself on these therapies:

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

u/sooneday · 1 pointr/Buddhism

>Does Buddhism have any answers in terms of commitment and consistency?

No. Buddhism is about ending suffering.

I think you'd benefit from finding a good counselor. Many colleges have free counseling programs. If you don't find those counselors effective they can refer you to someone who will be a better fit.

This is a counselor in a book http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1369015540&sr=8-2&keywords=burns

Doing the book and working with a person is more effective than one by itself.

u/SnailHunter · 1 pointr/self

People have given you some good advice. In the meantime, this book may help you with your depression. It's under $10. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/no_art_please · 1 pointr/depression

I'd recommend picking up a copy of this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

If you know psychology, then you may be familiar with these techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy. The author argues that your mood follows your thoughts, and that there are certain patterns of distorted reasoning that reliably produce negative moods. The book helps you identify these thought patterns and prevent them from becoming habitual and automatic. These techniques have been shown to have positive and lasting effects on mood. It's less than ten bucks too :) I think that the techniques work, and my negative moods typically persist only for as long as it takes me to remember what I've learned (which can take some time, I still need more practice.)

u/Coastering · 1 pointr/Anxiety

First off, She sounds like a wonderful woman. I would work on getting this in check before it ruins your relationship.

Your post sounds like something I could have written. I have been in a relationship for a little over 2 years now (just got married a month ago, 2nd marriage). I had the same issues you did and I nearly lost her. It's still a problem I have to face on occasion but I know how to handle it better now.

I was always questioning things she did, twisting what she would say, thinking she was cheating, quizing her on her past relationships. It was exhausting for both of us to say the least. For the most part I know how to keep it in check now.

There's a book called Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. There's a lot of useful information but what has helped me the most is a section that has you identify your unreasonable thought. It may or may not work for you, but it really helped me.

You section off a sheet of paper and identify the unreasonable thought. He has a list of different groups that the unreasonable thought falls into. Then following the group it falls into, you write the reasons that make it unreasonable.

Often with things like worrying about her cheating you always think the worst case scenario. You think she's an expert at hiding things and there's all kinds of what ifs. When you break it down, you'll realize it's really just irrational thinking.

One other tip, if you do get the book, he says it as well, make sure you actually do the exercise on a piece of paper. Don't try and do it in your head. I don't know what it is, but it just doesn't work unless you write it down.

I hope this helps, sorry for all the rambling. Send me a pm if I can help at all because as I said, what you wrote above described me to a T.

u/applebananacherry · 1 pointr/Cleveland

If you are really anti-medication, then look into cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR). Both are counseling techniques that are clinically proven to be effective against depression. Regular exercise (ideally at least 30 minutes most days of the week) is also clinically proven to be effective for depression. You might find that to be enough and you may decide that you don't want medication. If not, you'll still have medications as an option.

There are various physical problems that can manifest as depression. You may want to talk to your doctor about those just to rule those out.

Here are a couple good books that explain the counseling techniques listed above.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0380810336?pc_redir=1411719113&robot_redir=1

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1609618955/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1411750842&sr=8-2&pi=SY200_QL40

If one of those techniques appeals to you more than the other, be sure to ask the therapist you choose if that's part of their practice.

Keep in mind what you want when looking for a practitioner. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who have taken some counseling classes. They are going to strongly prefer medication. Psychologists are completely different. They have a doctorate in psychology and are very good at talk therapy. They can't write prescriptions but can refer you for that if needed. Some work in a practice with a psychiatrist so this referral may be pretty simple. Social workers may not have as much formal education as a psychologist when it comes to talk therapy, but they tend to be cheaper and they also tend to have a lot of good practical experience. They're the best choice if you want practical advice from someone who has probably seen just about everything.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

u/DrunkBotanist · 1 pointr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

Ah, you should have phrased it that way. "How to feel less cynical" is way different than "how to be nice." In that case, a lot of people have had success with this book and mindfulness/CBT in general.

u/Annemi · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

The people who love you would not be happier if you were gone. They love you! They would miss you and be sad, feel guilty, get upset.

It's good that you recognize that suicide isn't the answer and are taking steps to get help. You go, girl! Definitely get a therapist, and have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? It's specifically helpful for interrupting repetitive thoughts like this. The main book is Feeling Good, I've friends who found it very helpful.

Good luck! Hang in there! Lots of people have this problem, there is help available. You're not alone.

u/haulgood · 1 pointr/depression

I feel you! I was on meds for depression/anxiety for about 10 years. Last year I went off those meds (the ones I was on weren't working and I thought I'd give it a shot). I recently went through a breakup after a 2 year relationship and am realizing that, although I couldn't remember being better on meds, I was in a state similar to the one you describe. The breakup would be an obvious trigger for depression, but I got into therapy soon after it happened and my therapist recommended 'Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy' ( http://amzn.com/0380810336 ) and it has enlightened me to many things that have allowed me to be in control of my moods and prevent the sadness from turning into depression.

That being said, I'm still dealing with a lack of motivation/focus at the moment. I should also note that I have ADD as well and your guess is as good as mine as to whether that's the cause or not. I still take meds for ADD and have an appointment soon to reevaluate their effectiveness.

My advice is to get the book (it's like $5 right now!), get into therapy if possible, and use your judgement from there.

Hope that helps and good luck!

u/usernametakenkappa · 1 pointr/Anxiety

that blows, at least it's anonymous and free. you can filter listeners when searching too based on issue.

beyond that, maybe you'd rather read a book; http://amzn.com/0380810336 and/or http://amzn.com/1626252157

I read those and they were pretty helpful

u/Lord_Blathoxi · 1 pointr/Parenting

Awesome. I'm so glad you did! And honestly, that wasn't that long of a wait!

I'm so glad that you saw the doctor and are getting help. I'm so glad I did too.

I started my first class yesterday, at the recommendation of the therapist that I saw last week. It's a self-esteem class that is based on this book. A lot of it is kind of self-evident and general "find the silver lining" kind of stuff, but it's actually helpful to go over examples with the group and to be able to categorize the types of thoughts that I've been having and to be able to recognize them so that I know how to turn them around. The meeting was really awkward because there were so many people there from all walks of life and many with much worse problems than I have, honestly. But once I got over that, I relaxed and just went along with everything. Looking forward to next week.

My wife looked at the list of "Distorted Thoughts" with me last night and she was like, "Yup, you do that. Yup, you do that (and here's an example). Yup, you do that! Yup, you totally do that!" and we talked about each one, with examples that she's seen in me. It really helped. And we laughed with each other like we haven't laughed in months. It was so nice.

Even just talking to the doctor and the therapist and knowing that I'm doing something about this has helped me a whole lot. I still don't fully believe that I can "cure" myself - I think it will continue to be a life-long struggle. But at least I'm trying to get the tools to fight it and get along, rather than thinking it's hopeless and not worth it. It's totally worth it. My wife's attitude has completely changed, which has also helped.

And exercising every night before bed for the past two weeks has really helped me get my energy back. I do feel like I have more energy and I'm a bit more awake/alert. I still struggle a bit with the exercise. It's really hard to push myself. But I'm getting better at it. I figure that if I workout hard enough to get that "runner's high" when I come home, it was worth it. I ride my bike for about an hour every night. I go about 10 miles each ride. I'm keeping track of it using the Strava app. The data that Strava gives you makes it more interesting and almost into a game to see how far I can go in that time, or to try to up my average speed, and I can see my route and change that up or keep doing the same course and see how much faster I can do it each time, etc.

(Seriously, that "runner's high" feels like how I felt when I had an edible marijuana cupcake in amsterdam... just tingles all over my body and it feels so good. The difference would be that when I ate the "space cake" it messed with my mind and everything I saw had so much more significance than it did before. That doesn't happen with the "runner's high" but the physical sensations are still very similar. The tingles and relaxation of the muscles. Anyway, it's interesting. And a really nice feeling.)

u/joe_canadian · 1 pointr/AskMen

I felt that way for the better part of 8 years. I'm 28 and now dating a woman in her 40's (we make for a odd couple, but that's why it works). We met on OkCupid, and it was supposed to be a summer fling...and it's turned into a lot more. I never expected myself to be here. Sooner or later you'll meet someone and it'll just click. It sounds cliche, but after spending most of my 20's seeing friends hooking up long-term, getting hitched and having babies I thought I'd never have a part of that life. I felt that relationships weren't for me. And now, all of the sudden here I am, nearly a year into a relationship.

Right now, you need to focus on you. Honestly, give up on relationships for a while. I did FWB's pretty much all 8 years, which avoids the stickiness (for lack of a better term) of a relationship but still gives you someone to have fun with and have sex with. If you feel that you're heading down a relationship path, be honest about how things are going to both you and your partner in such a situation and break it off if you can't get it back on the track you want. Just don't fade, because that's an asshole move.

In the meantime, do what's important to you and broaden your horizons. Learn an instrument, learn to code, learn to shoot a gun. I spent most of my summer weekends actually outdoors building a cottage and shooting a .22 rifle in a gravel pit. In the winter I was completing a second degree. Also throw yourself into your job. Learn a new skill for it. Learn to be better at it - if you hate your job, well find ways to optimize your time there. If you don't have a job, find something to do, even on a volunteer basis.

Also, don't be afraid to ask for help from friends. If you have a close friend or two, be honest with them about how you're feeling. They'll help you get back on my feet. My best friend organized a camping trip for me and some friends about a month after my break-up for my 21sth birthday and it was amazing how much that helped. When he broke up with his girlfriend two years ago, I had him up to my place and we spent four days golfing and drinking beer.

Right now it feels life sucks in that department. Spend time to get your mind off it and make yourself better. You're the only one who can control those feelings and you have to make the changes necessary so the pain and jadedness don't bother you. But do what works for you and you'll come out the other side in good shape. Just don't allow yourself to mope and feel sorry about it all. And if you find you're making excuses for yourself, get 10 Days to Self Esteem. It will help.

Good luck man, I hope I helped at least in a small way and that my experiences will make life a little easier.

u/incredulitor · 1 pointr/psychology

In the interim, here's a book by one of the fathers of CBT with some exercises somewhat focused on depression, but also covering anxiety and related thinking: http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Days-Self-Esteem-David-Burns/dp/0688094554

u/phantomfromnowhere · 1 pointr/gamedev

> replace negative thoughts with positive ones

This is the basis of CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy). I'd really recommend reading Feeling good and also the authors workbook for any one interested in this. It gives you concert techniques to apply and helps you examine your thoughts. This book changed the whole way I look at my life and problems. I had a huge light bulb moment when I began to understand how much of my suffering came from within me and how I talk to myself.

Something I've learnt is that it's not that straight forward. That just replacing negative thoughts with positive ones won't always work.

I noticed that if I have the thought "My work is shit. It'll never get better" flipping that to a positive thought "My work is OK. I'm still learning. It could get better" feels like I'm ignoring reality. I'm ignoring what needs improvement, where I'm failing and things I could do better.

Instead, there's a technique called the Acceptance Paradox, where you accept and see if you can find some truth in the statement, which would be:

"There's a lot that isn't working and this doesn't hold up to my standards. But I can get better, work to improve it and learn from my mistakes".

That feels more rational and not like I'm trying to trick myself to feel better. There are loads of other techniques in the book to apply to help with perfectionism, low sense of self-worth, anxiety, anger, guilt etc

> It may sound like new age bullshit, but our thoughts really do inform reality.

I think people are mainly turned off by it because when someone has problems and you just tell them "think positive thoughts"/"your thoughts influence your feelings" it feels like you're invalidating their situation and the difficulty of their problems. I feel it needs to be explained and understood more in depth to help.

>don't be afraid to get help

I second this. I knew I had real struggles with anxiety and depression for years and I didn't reach out for professional help until it got much worst and I was in an enormous, chaotic inner crisis. Wish I had done it early.

On the other hand, I probably wouldn't have even if I knew that it'd be for the better.
The idea that I'd be less of a man for not being able to push through these issues by myself and the stigma attached to mental health would have still held me back.

u/Ginger-spice · 1 pointr/AskReddit

My first break up is still my worst.
It was my 17th birthday (and also the day before he left for college) and me and my ex-bf decided to go to the fair that was in town. First of all he forgot it was my birthday and proceeds to try to win me a stuffed animal as a present (he didn't). Then after spending the whole day together it was time to go, he then hands me a plastic bag and kisses on the forehead then just leaves.....After getting to my car I open the bag to find the blue day book and my year book which he had borrowed to write in. He had written a break up letter in my year book, basically saying that he liked my tits but he wanted to be free for college since I hadn't given it up yet. I couldn't even tear out the page either since he wrote on page with a bunch of other friends signatures, so I still have. Yay highschool memories!

u/yumology · 1 pointr/Entrepreneur

Pssht 120 seconds!? Try 90 seconds! Actually it's a really good book. It's also available on audiobook for free from most libraries.

u/AgentConundrum · 1 pointr/IWantToLearn

Moderators Note: I removed the above comment because it included an Amazon affiliate code. The comment, edited to remove the affiliate code, is as follows:

> I'd start with this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761149465

u/Agentcocotte · 1 pointr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

HI wanted to get a cute little book like this for Valentine's day so I can fill it in with things about Wifey, but anything I find that's remotely cute is out of stock and ships within a couple months. There's the why you are awesome but it's not that romantic... My fault for being so late.. There are cute illustration ones like this one but being we are in a girl only relationship, I dunno how I feel about it. I mean I'm not anti man or anything, just don't wanna give wifey a book about how much I love her, and have a man drawing on it xD Also we already have this one and I also already made her one from lovebook.com a couple years ago.. soo yeah. If you guys have any ideas, even if it's not from amazon, (but amazon.ca I have prime so I know I can get it quick) I mean if I don't find I'll probably do something homemade, so, any ideas for the crafty ones out there? I have a printer with a lot of ink, so printables are a thing. And I am crafty but not good so... hahaha help a girl in need ! <3 /u/watsoned no I hadnt seen it! It looks pretty cute, ever ordered it?

u/vaz_ · 1 pointr/Meditation

I know exactly the feeling you're describing. I had to move back in with my mom for a few months last year and that is exactly how I felt... I couldn't get away from, well, them just living and doing their normal thing, which, after a decade living on my own in a completely different way than they do, was just unbearable. TV being on (the worst), dogs barking, occasional argument, tiring conversations, the Sims soundtrack coming out of my mom's phone, it was all driving me mad. I'd curl up on my bed in the dark with headphones on playing anything, white noise or rain sounds or whatever and doing breathing exercises just to get some mental space.

You're obviously really sensitive right now. You'll just have to find ways to cope while you're there, whether it's blocking things out with sound or earplugs, watching or playing or reading something engrossing, whatever. I don't know if there's really another way. I tried meditating to just "push through it" or make my brain at peace with it and I couldn't even start.

I felt tremendously better as soon as I got out of there and had a space I could call my own and control. Even if you can't do that right away, start making plans. It's not as financially smart as living at home but sometimes these things are more than worth it, even if you have to cut back in other areas.

It also sounds like you're going through a depression, especially based on your last paragraph. You need to realize that just because you can think of all those things at once doesn't mean you have to deal with them all at once... equating "I feel overwhelmed" with "everything is actually happening all at once and I have to deal with it all right now" is what they call a cognitive distortion (in cognitive therapy, which is possibly the best thing there is for depression). Cognitive distortions are what feed depression by making a feedback loop; luckily you can often break that cycle just by becoming aware of it.

I'm reading this book Feeling Good (which I've heard mentioned so many times before actually picking it up) which takes you through cognitive therapy concepts and so far I'm finding it really helpful... maybe you would too. If you ameliorate your depression (that I'm admittedly just assuming exists) your sensitivity will go down and you'll be able to deal with things a lot better I think.

u/7121958041201 · 1 pointr/intj

I didn't even really start getting a decent handle on things until I was ~25ish (until then I kind of just distracted myself with things like video games to bury my feelings... which in retrospect sounds like a completely stereotypical INTJ move), so don't worry, you have plenty of time :)

And you're right, experience is huge. In addition I also recommend meditation (/r/meditation), cognitive behavioral therapy (basically learning to identify your thoughts that don't make any sense so you can argue against them, I liked this book), and really just having your life together in general (e.g. good sleep, eating, exercise, social, and study habits... which of course is much easier said than done haha).

If you have counseling available at your school, personally I also find that stuff extremely useful. I doubt there's anyone in the world that wouldn't benefit from having an hour with a professional trained to help you solve your problems, even though there's a negative stigma associated with it.

u/khufumen · 1 pointr/lawofattraction

Your mind is playing tricks on you with worse case scenarios. I would highly recommend this book.

Question 1: if you don't cancel the thought and just let it pass, can it still come to be via LOA?

Answer: No, because you are not putting energy into it.

Question 2: why did my mind make that terrifying transition from "what if this horrible thing happens?" to "I am a victim of this horrible thing"?

Answer: Because you are asking a question that can only answered in the way you answered it. If you asked "What if I am raped?" then how could you possible answer that question without being a victim or imagining how it would feel like to be the victim?

u/DavesNotThere · 1 pointr/Buddhism

This isn't meditation related, rather it's about the back pain. I found CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) improved my moods enough to lower my chronic back pain. Feeling Good by David Burns is the book I read.

I'm also working thru Back In Control by Hascomm and Unlearn Your Pain by Schubiner.

Back in control is by a spine surgeon, Unlearn your pain is also written by a dr. Unlearn your pain focuses more on clearing up the mental stuff that leads to back pain and includes a meditation CD. I recommend all 3 books I've listed. Good luck, I know how bad chronic pain is.

u/arjungmenon · 1 pointr/IWantOut

This really depends. It has the potential to change things, but I think you'd have to put in some effort of your own as well. There are people that move simply hoping to improve their mental health. But moving is such a huge deal. Most importantly, you lose friends/community you have (if any). I think reading a book like Feeling Good, or going to a counselor (if you can afford) and working through some of the issues, could be bring more lasting, long-term relief.

u/DownvoteAttractor_ · 1 pointr/india

Hello OP. Can I recommend you a book?

http://www.amazon.in/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C

If you can't afford the book, here is a download link:

PDF

ePub

Getting married, making more friends won't lead you to a happy life. This book will teach you can be happy without having anything. This isn't some hippy Chicken soup for your soul shit. The author is a well known psychiatrist.

If you are gonna kill yourself, atleast give this book a try. Although the book is 700 pages long, the real content is about 350 pages.

u/MindAlteringSitch · 1 pointr/ADHD

This is suuuper common, even among neurotypical people. In Feeling Good by Dr. Burns he refers to this as 'donothingism' and has a whole chapter full of ways to deal with it depending on your specific case. At the core of it is that you need to plan things, even if your plan is to watch a certain show or catch a nap then that is better than having a huuuge chunk of wide open time.

One potential cause for this is faulty assumptions about how much fun something will be. You try to think of things and decide they won't be worth it or that you won't enjoy yourself. Burns recommends an exercise where you note how you're feeling, then come up with an idea for something small to do. Write down the activity and then rate how much pleasure you think it will bring you on a scale of 1-100 (or 1-10 it's not a big deal either way). Go do the thing and then note how much pleasure you actually derived from it. This will help you objectively test the subjective thoughts that guide your behavior. This also works well if you think only certain things will be fun: going out with friends, doing something productive, etc. You can experiment and compare if you really do have more fun when you are with people or if it's simply having 'nothing to do' that is the not fun part.

Personally I like to have a book or other activity that I'm working on, which I can pick up whenever I have unstructured time and start to feel overwhelmed trying to pick something to do.

u/parkaparkapark · 1 pointr/bipolar

My ex-fiance, who seems pretty determined to put labels on me on top of my bipolar, was really convinced that I had borderline personality disorder. I've talked to a few counselors and they really don't think that's the case, but out of wanting to do anything to feel better, I'd read some self-help books on borderline and I think the coping mechanisms might be useful. Namely, focusing less on "others-esteem" versus self-esteem.

In a different but related direction, I've got a friend that suffers more from unipolar depression, and he's very determined not to be in a relationship until he loves himself more, loves his own company, before he can consider himself "ready" to be in a relationship. I think he feels that he leans too much on his significant others for approval and feelings of self-worth, and I do that too. He swears by the book Feeling Good. It's a little corny, and the edition I have is from the 70s, but it seems to have stood the test of time, relative to other self-help books.

But this could be totally different from your case. But me, I personally can't stand myself and have a hard time finding fulfillment alone. I've been "dating" since I was 12 and am now 22, single for three months for the first time since pretty much puberty.

u/codow · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

Feeling Good by David Burns is the classic text for folks who know that they should be seeing a therapist but aren't for whatever reason. https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C

If you're looking for something fictional, to just get you kind of out of that space, it depends on what you like but Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse is cool, very light primer on spirituality without religion. Its essentially the story of Buddha (kind of). Great story!

u/othermatt · 1 pointr/MadeMeSmile

You could try this book

I've been working through it and feel like it's been helping. There's some evidence that using it on your own could be beneficial but it's probably better to use it with a therapist if you can.

u/Yakob218 · 1 pointr/stopdrinking

Holy cow the things we can do to ourselves. Glad you're sober and being better to yourself. On top of meditation and exercise Feeling Good by David Burns M.D. has helped me out a lot.

u/russilwvong · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

David Burns, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Based on cognitive behavioral therapy, the idea that your thoughts affect your emotions. Good luck.

u/mental_assassin · 1 pointr/NoFap

I know how that depression feels buddy, and it's crazy because sometimes you're so depressed you don't even care about fapping or sex. It's just your escapism manifesting in new ways. Mine takes all forms, from pain, to depression, to anger.

Currently reading this book, has been a great help so far, but it's a little early to tell: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427407045&sr=1-1&keywords=feeling+good+the+mood+therapy

u/sekith · 1 pointr/depression

I was in denial for a very long time about the things/events affected me. I always thought I could tough it out and endure everything till it went away. I never wanted to admit the fact that I got hurt from such events.

I also had a terrible psychologist who i found out was only an intern through http://www.networktherapy.com/directory/find_therapist.asp then I used that site to get a better psychologist. You need a psychologist that fits you, its different with everyone. My psychologist pretty much broke me down until I cried lol but I felt a lot better afterwards.

But ultimately I found out my root of depression from reading multiple self-help books and then narrowing it down.

I started with this book that my psychologist gave me. It really helped me define and pinpoint what exactly i was feeling and why:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

I knew my parents were the general cause of my depression so I searched on Amazon.com and found a great book called "Toxic Parents". It really helped me understand why my parents are the way they are. From that book it found out that it was generally my mom who was the problem because she was emotionally manipulative, then I found a book called "Emotional Blackmail" in the related searches from Amazon. That book helped me the most.

But ultimately, keep searching within yourself. The more it hurts or makes you angry, the closer you are. It felt very humiliating to me at first because I thought I was becoming a weak pussy, but then I realized that everyone is insecure and has weakness. When you admit you have a weakness you feel vulnerable, but being vulnerable is the only way you can understand yourself and become intimate.

Theres a GREAT ted.com talk about this, I highly recommend it:
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

Try journaling about it. Write about how memories/events made you FEEL. Ask why you feel that way.

I thought doing a journal was useless, as well as doing stupid worksheets in the "Feeling Good" book. It really doesnt seem like it'll help, so i was very reluctant about it so my psychologist pretty much FORCED me to do it and i realized it helped a lot.

The main reason why writing things down helps is because it gives you objectivity and perspective that you can't get when you just have things up in your head.

Be patient, you won't fix this overnight. Its also a painful journey, but you really do become stronger. Feel free to vent or message me! Or ask me anything! Don't worry about asking me personal things because I really don't care as long as your not my employer and can get me fired lol

This is also the best advice I can give you without asking anything about you and why you feel the way you do. I think I can help you figure out your root of depression if you give me some hints. But don't feel pressured to answer unless you feel comfortable about it!

I wish you the best of luck! I'll try my best to respond asap!

u/QueenofSavages · 1 pointr/Divorce

You can actually do CBT and REBT yourself, without a therapist (that's not to say you shouldn't see one anyway).

I'm reading this and it's helping. This one comes recommended, too, albeit I didn't take to it. Just look up CBT in Amazon and browse until you find a book that looks like it might work for you - be warned, you may need to browse around to find one that works for you...

u/brotherbock · 1 pointr/running

Sorry to hear that man. I want to be clear before I say more that I am no person who should be officially diagnosing anyone. I've speculated about the woman in the story, but she shouldn't make health decisions because of what anonymous internet dude is saying. Just to be clear. I've done a lot of reading, and some experiencing, and I'm happy to pass on what I know. But I am not that kind of doctor :)

That said, yeah, that's something that's somewhat common from what I've read. And I think I was probably doing it a bit before I was diagnosed. I knew I was struggling with some things, but I wasn't thinking clinical depression at all. I can't say if I was denying, because it didn't come up in so many words. But I wasn't thinking "hey, maybe I'm depressed." And I'm fairly convinced a male relative of mine was depressed, and he denied it when several people would bring it up. His manifested as anger, which happens in men sometimes, and he just chalked it up to 'things pissing him off these days'. But there were behavioral issues he just wouldn't see that the rest of us did.

So I don't know if it's an official separate 'condition', depression denial--it's googleable, and there are sites that pop up right away with a search for 'depression denial'. There's this one, for example. But I can't speak to the authority of that website. My take is that, being a mental health issue, and those having a stigma attached to them, it makes sense in a way that you wouldn't want to be diagnosed with it, right? If you're already feeling that bad, having it confirmed that you have one of those conditions that people are supposed to whisper about would be worse.

For me, once I was sat down and told "you're suffering from major depression" by a doctor...I'd already spent about 10 minutes that morning standing at the closet staring at my shirts unable to pick one to wear. And I had just shrugged when my wife said later "Okay, we're going to the ER." Okay, whatever. So it was sorta obvious even to me when the doc said it :)

The book that was recommended to me by one of my initial psych doctors is called "Feeling Good", which sounds very self-helpy but is research-based and actually helped me. That book has some checklists and symptom lists, evaluation tools for you to keep referring to, to help you figure out how your depression is coming along, whether it's better or worse, are you still depressed, etc.

I don't know what to say about how to talk to her about it, that's too complicated. But those lists might help you get a better idea yourself of how she's doing.

Good luck man. I don't know if I can help any more (and I'll be out of the internet for a week coming up here), but let me know if you have any other questions. I'll do my best to say what I know, and what I don't :)

u/Spektr44 · 1 pointr/explainlikeimfive

I highly recommend this book, the quintessential CBT book by David Burns, first published in 1980, but this is a 2008 reprint. Honestly even for the non-depressed it is an interesting read full of useful insights and advice.

u/omaround · 1 pointr/india

Do you like reading books? If yes Feeling Good book is worth a read https://www.amazon.in/Feeling-GooD-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

u/MarthaGail · 1 pointr/AskWomenOver30

There is a book called Feeling Good by David D Burns. It's an older book, but one of the best out there for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Not all chapters will be relevant to the issue, but there are a lot of good exercises in the book for when you're stressing over it. I do a modified version of one of the techniques where I write down my "hot thoughts" or automatic thoughts, and then my "cool thoughts" which are the more rational truths to the situation.


So if you're thinking "Our relationship is spoiled because he was with another woman" you can sit down and write out things like, "That's not true, many relationships go through all kinds of rough patches and it doesn't mean they're spoiled." "We're both doing a lot of work to make sure we're honest and open with each other." etc etc

u/Not_Jane_Gumb · 1 pointr/OneY

Well, your mind doesn't exist until it experiences thought, so you can retrain those desires by allowing certain thoughts to thrive and debunking the ones that make you unhappy. That is the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If you are interested, this is a very good introduction to that technique.