Best school-age children parenting books according to redditors

There's actually a ton of research out there that suggests homework isn't really increasing kids' knowledge or skills, particularly at ages before middle school. It's still something that Americans have cultural hangups about, and something that parents believe is a sign of a decent school, but at this point, most of the research is pointing to the fact that homework doesn't accomplish what we want it to.

There are some great books about this if you're interested, including this one: http://www.amazon.com/Case-Against-Homework-Hurting-Children/dp/0307340171/ref=pd_sim_b_1

They're not going to do these things on their own if they don't want to. You might appreciate the tools in The "Me, Me, Me" Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World. It's a highly practical book with tools like "When-Then" (e.g. "when you've picked your things up, then you can go over to your friend's house"), explanations for how and when to use natural vs. logical consequences, and phrases you can use.

Read and follow this book. If you are diligent, it will change everything. It takes work. Hubby needs to be on board.

Raising Your Spirited Child, Third Edition: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062403060/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9o71BbPH5QVCB

Bottom line: you are in control, you just need to remember that, and find the method of behavior modification that works with your SS.

Here's my 2 cents on the subject. First, I'd give up on the idea of debating. Most of the debating I see is nothing more than verbal warfare--how productive is that? Well, it probably depends on what your objectives are. Are you out to belittle people and make yourself feel better? Than verbal warfare is the way to go. Are you out to improve knowledge or discover truth? Then debating probably isn't the route to take. Whatever, I'd establish the objective upfront. I'd recommend simply asking questions and providing sources.

So what are some questions involved in the spanking subject?

1. What are the parents goals?
   
2. Do the methods applied meet the desired goals?
   
3. What is the self-ownership status of a child?
   
4. When does a child gain full agency?
   
   
5. Goals will vary by parent, but shouldn't this question be asked every time the subject comes up? Most parents will answer with goals like happy, productive, independent, socially skilled, able to think critically, whatever. I doubt many parents will say out lound that they want obedience, silence, blind acceptance of authority, shyness, inability to bond, addictive behavior, a poor relationship with their parents as adults, approach-avoidance behavior, depression, divorce, etc. The point is, the question needs to be asked, and the answer must frame the response.
   
   
6. Do the methods applied meet the desired goals? Now would be an excellent time to provide links and sources. There is a wealth of information available on the effectiveness and consequences of different parenting techniques. Read the sources, compare results to the desired goals, make your decision. No emotional and verbal warfare required.
   
   
7. What is the self-ownership status of a child? I've yet to see a complete theory or philosophy on this subject. I'd recommend saying you don't know or labeling all proposals as a "working theory" to diffuse all the negative reactions you're likely to get on this emotional subject. Personally I think parents should have a trustee relationship with their children, and that a child's request to leave a household should be honored as soon as he can make it. I have no idea how to put that in an argument but suspect it would involve knowledge of cognitive development.
   
   
8. When does a child gain full agency? Well, first you have the whole can one own oneself debate. Then you'd have to argue when that occurs, if it does. I again lean towards the trustee relationship and gradual development of agency.
   
   Here's sources for those interested in studying the issue instead of yelling at each other:
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbiq2-ukfhM
   
   http://www.alfiekohn.org/index.php
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338338284&sr=8-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Discipline-Compliance-Alfie-Kohn/dp/1416604723/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338338349&sr=1-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_17?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=punished+by+rewards+by+alfie+kohn&sprefix=punished+by+rewar%2Cstripbooks%2C256
   
   http://www.amazon.com/No-Contest-Case-Against-Competition/dp/0395631254/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338338440&sr=1-2
   
   http://nospank.net/
   
   http://www.rie.org/
   
   http://www.wholechild.org/vision/documents/TheEffectsOfImprovingCaregivingOnEarlyDevelopment.pdf
   
   http://www.echoparenting.org/
   
   http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/hp.html
   
   http://drgabormate.com/
   
   http://www.committedparent.com/
   
   http://www.janetlansbury.com/
   
   http://www.regardingbaby.org/
   
   http://www.eileensclasses.com/
   
   http://www.mindfulparentingnyc.com/Mindful_Parenting/Welcome.html
   
   http://www.riemiami.com/
   
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Dear-Parent-Caring-Infants-Respect/dp/1892560062/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338339719&sr=1-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Your-Self-Confident-Baby-Encourage-Abilities/dp/1118158792/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338339719&sr=1-3
   
   http://www.amazon.com/The-RIE-Manual/dp/1892560003/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294253451&sr=1-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Skinned-Knee-Teachings-Self-Reliant/dp/1416593063/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1298050770&sr=8-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ruth+anne+hammond&x=0&y=0
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Parent-You-Want-Sourcebook/dp/0553067508/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294253521&sr=1-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Life-Toddler-Alicia-Lieberman/dp/0028740173/ref=pd_sim_b_2
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Theories-Attachment-Introduction-Ainsworth-Brazelton/dp/1933653388/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1298051329&sr=8-10
   
   http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000XR2CGU/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1C1SJ1BR2T4ADEN9VMJM&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Unfolding-Infants-Natural-Gross-Development/dp/1892560070/ref=pd_sim_b_1
   
   http://www.youtube.com/user/stefbot/videos?query=parenting
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyNQFG7C8JM
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjxXuDYdBzY
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONNRfflggBg
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1GJsCa_4G8
   

My little one used to have tantrums regularly. Not anymore. I read a book that helped a lot.

The book is called
Raising a Spirited child

I read probably half of the book and found enough useful information that I could implement right away that I never actually read the whole thing.

I'll recommend this book, which outlines most of the studies: http://www.amazon.com/The-Case-Against-Homework-Children/dp/0307340171. It has a list of resources at the back that directs you to the original research.

My son is also "spirited," though in slightly different ways. I've found Raising Your Spirited Child really helpful. "Spirited" kids are intense and it takes a lot out of you. I'm a SAHM but we had to put my son into part-time preschool because I just couldn't handle him 24/7. I will say the more exercise he gets the better his behavior is. When he was two he could walk a mile or two at a time, hike up easy mountains, etc. and it took that much exertion to zap the energy he would otherwise put into tantrums.

As for the screaming: I would say it's a phase, even though it's been months. My son didn't scream but he whined all day long. I told him I wouldn't do what he wanted unless he asked in a "big boy voice" and then demonstrated what that sounded like. The most important part is not giving in to the screams.

My son is now approaching 4 and we feel that he's struggling with some sort of anxiety. Since both you and your wife have anxiety it's not impossible that the screaming is just his terrible coping mechanism for his own anxiety.

As far as a break, would he watch cartoons? Daniel Tiger or old school Mister Rogers are fantastic. Daniel Tiger especially focuses on social education. Maybe start with the "Grown-ups come back" episode in case he's still struggling with separation anxiety?

A Love Language issue maybe? It sounds like your mother shows her love through gifts and service, while you prefer to show it a different way (e.g., speaking or spending time together).

It's not written for adults or specifically for ADHD, but it's a student's book. The Organized Student by Donna Goldberg. It's about getting "disorganized" students organized enough to manage school. My son has ADHD and it was great for helping him get assignments done and handed in on time, as well as managing his time and organizing all the bits and pieces that go with being a student.

I also have ADHD, and what I learned from the book while helping my son out have also helped me even though my student days are far behind me.

YMMV, and good luck

https://www.amazon.com/Organized-Student-Teaching-Children-Success/dp/0743270207/

That sucks and I am sorry to hear about it.

I think we agree on the main point, instead of listening to some authority on high tell us how we are supposed to be parenting, we should be learning how to communicate with our children and let their needs dictate what we provide.

I am sure everyone was told they were doing it wrong when parenting like an asian was popular. I put the message, you are doing it wrong in the same box as Cosmo's 101 ways to blow your man's mind in the bedroom.

If you want to focus on the role of special education then I would say check out The Learning Mystique by Gerald Coles and Stigma: Notes on a Spoiled Identity by Erving Goffman. The first one focuses more on the special education programs over the years while the second concentrates on what the causes and effects are of labeling someone as needing special help (or just identifying them as anything negative). Overall, the second one is a must read if you haven't yet. Sociological gold.

It sounds like you're on the right track. Kids need boundaries and logical consequences for misbehavior. Some of my favorite parenting books are:

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child

The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively

Understanding Your Child's Temperament

These books can be pretty dry, but the information is very useful. If you google enough you can probably find the cliff's notes versions. Good luck!

My favorite for infants was Happiest Baby on the Block: Happiest Baby on the Block

My favorite for toddler is "Raising Your Spirited Child": Raising Your Spirited Child

My favorite for breastfeeding was "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding": Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

My favorite for pumping at work was "Work, Pump, Repeat": Work, Pump, Repeat

​

This book has helped me immensely for a number of years with my 'spirited' daughter.

Raising your Spirited Child

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Not sure how similar it is but I found this:

https://www.amazon.com/Father-Daughter-Journal-Prompted-Daughters/dp/1983980641

Moleskine has a Passion Journal for Books. It's like a book report journal for adults.

I'm thinking about getting this 100 book Reading Log For Kids for my daughter. But I liked it so much, I almost wanted to use it myself.

There's tons of pictures of the inside that you can use as inspiration for your bullet journal.

I keep a yearly book log and recently have started logging the timestamp of where I left off in my audiobook. Because the iPhone music app randomly resets and loses my place after I pause for a long time. But I don't like turning on "Remember Playback Position" because that does a different crazy thing that I hate.

This one comes to mind. though there are a few.

>And I'm sure you know this but personalized items can be super cute (and as someone with a weird name I always wished I had personalized stuff but my name was never on the rack) but be sure not to put your child's name on things like backpacks/lunchboxes where someone could see it and then know your child's name

yeah the big thing was the mural in his room and the letter blocks for decoration for my wifes baby shower. still though sometimes with children the small little pieces of things you can prepare for occasionally are the only things you sometimes feel in control of.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1376208,00.html
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07019/755198-28.stm
http://www.amazon.com/Homework-Myth-Alfie-Kohn/dp/0738210854
http://www.amazon.com/Case-Against-Homework-Hurting-Children/dp/0307340171/ref=pd_sim_b_1
http://www.amazon.com/End-Homework-Disrupts-Families-Overburdens/dp/0807042188/ref=pd_sim_b_5 v
http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/news/articles/1009homework1009.html
http://articles.latimes.com/2011/jun/27/local/la-me-homework-20110627
http://www.openeducation.net/2008/03/10/several-lessons-to-be-learned-from-the-finnish-school-system/
http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/rethinkinghomework.htm

It sounds like you might benefit from reading Raising your spirited child . If nothing else it will give you some reassurance that your high energy kid isn’t the only kid like that. :)

Plenty of material on the subject. I recommend starting here: https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Boys-Third-Different-Well-Balanced/dp/1607746026