Pierre The Penis Slippers

Plunge your frozen plates of meat into these cosy, plush replicas of nature’s warmest external organ. Go gently though, these slippers may be durable but we all know that area of the body isn’t keen on rogue kicks. Super plush, these soft penises may not be stylish but they’ll keep your feet willy warm and provide endless opportunity for slipper-related banter. Don’t laugh, they look better than those granddad-style tartan moccasins you used to schlep about the house in. They won’t win you any fashion awards but you can rest assured your toes will be cosy. In fact, your feet will be so warm that you won’t have to press them up against your partner in bed and freeze their limbs to death with your chilly extremities in an attempt to thaw them. That’s gotta be worth looking like a berk.