(Part 2) Top products from r/ADHD

This ended up much longer than I intended. Apologies for the wall of text. I know that was one of the points but I felt compelled to respond to each point.

If this post was a mirror, I would see my own reflection. Many of your points hit home for myself.

Here are some of the ways I try to combat these. I'm not always as successful as I would like in applying these consistently but I have found them helpful.

1. This is a tough one. If it is a personal interest item don't worry about it too much. If you really have a passion for the subject, it will come back around. If it is professional or academic try to remind yourself why you need to do them. To get paid, to support your family, to get a good grade, and if you can tie some kind of reward to making it through that can work. I would recommend using the Pomodoro technique (25 minutes, 5 minute break, 25 minutes, 5 minute break, 25 minutes, 15 minute break) or a similar variant. There are a lot of different apps for this but I really like http://www.marinaratimer.com/ since you can customize to fit your needs. Also play music (Spotfiy has a focus play list with good low key background music), a pod cast, or audio book when working. It gives me something else to occupy my interest and helps keep me on track.
   
   
2. Hyper focus can be a gift and a curse all at the same time. I think of this as my focus is an anchor getting stuck on whatever subject and I am unable to move on until its run its course. If it is a beneficial hyper focus session like working on a project, I don't worry about it too much. If it is just a non-stop research mode then the best thing is to talk to someone like your SO or roommate about it. Tell them that you need help breaking away and have them check in on you and get you to walk away to do something else, anything else. Just pulling away for a trip to the gym or walk the dog can be enough for me to break the cycle for at least awhile. The pomodoro can help sometimes but not often when I'm in this type of hyper focus mode.
   
   
3. Break things into their smallest possible parts. For example you want to graduate. So you have to take classes. Those classes have tests, homework, etc... Those have pre-test, reading, discussions, etc... The next important part of it is tracking your progress. Use a to do list or even a project management type of solution. I currently use Wunderlist https://www.wunderlist.com/ as a to do. This is one area, I'm always trying new tools to try and find the right one. Each have their strengths and weaknesses. If you live in Mac / iOS then OmniFocus https://www.omnigroup.com/omnifocus. Todoist https://todoist.com is good. Also like Trello https://trello.com/.
   
   
4. See point 3, I see these as really the same thing.
   
   
5. I just bought a higher end field audio recorder because it was an awesome sale of 50% off and saved about a $150. It was something I was planning on getting later this year but had not really budgeted for it yet. For a budget check out YNAB, http://www.youneedabudget.com/. For the compulsive shopping, most of mine is online shopping. Amazon wish lists are your best friend. They allow me to do the shopping and save them for later. I then review the list later and many times remove items that was just an impulse. As for unused items, don't keep them stored away. Out of sight, out of mind and you will not use them. Also keep them organized. You could also make a deal with yourself that if you don't use it after a set amount of time, you will sell the item. Clearing out the clutter can be a really good feeling. Also can help raise some funds.
   
   
6. This is a tough one as well. Finding the right job is key and not always easy. I really enjoyed my previous job but was offered another with much better pay and focused on one subject area. My last had many different aspects to it. Your description is what my last year has been. Now I'm looking for something more like my previous role. My ADHD was almost an asset before and now it is more of a burden.
   
   
7. Look into a standing or adjustable desk if that is an option. Lots of DIY options and price points out there. Try the Pomodoro technique, use the breaks to walk away to get a snack or coffee.
   
   
8. I've done this before as well. My turning point and drivers are data about it. I track as much as I can and automate the collection of it as much as possible. Seeing the data and trends is what helps me make changes. For weight I have a Withing WiFi scale. For budget, again YNAB. Mint is a good option as well. Two of the better tips that I could give for cutting back on eating out: Prepare meals in advance and freeze / reheat to make it easy to eat at home; Setup regular meals with friends / family. You can trade off cooking for each other and get to have some quality time to build your relationships. My wife's family comes over once a week for dinner, and we go to my mother's house once a week as well. Trading off who hosts once in awhile. This also makes eating out more of a treat.
   
   
9. This is one my larger struggle areas. My family and close friends know this about me and have learned to notice to be able to redirect me. Trust is key and they know I don't mean any disrespect by it. For the interruptions, if on the phone try muting your phone. You will have to unmute before responding which will make you stop to think about what you are going to say. I do this for work all the time. In person is harder.
   
   
10. I would welcome tips for this as well. I'm very tall and have larger stride than most so the walking slow is very annoying. Deep breaths maybe? I don't know. This one gets me every time.
    
    
11. Found it on this subreddit, http://www.beelinereader.com/. Also reading out loud can help.
    
    
12. YNAB for budgeting infrequent bills and birthday / holiday gifts. Google calendar with reminders. I also have bills setup as recurring items in my to do list.
    
    
13. Get some sun, go outside. Call a friend to for a quick chat. Setup a to do list with your chores. Just getting some laundry, dishes, or cleaning up a bit can be those easily obtainable goals. Then at least you can something tangible to point to that is complete. I find that having a list of next action items, to do list is the best for me. I like David Allen's Getting Things Done method http://amzn.com/0142000280.

Very similar situation, minus being a student and plus having a new job that is closed over the holidays. Beyond the new-to-me holiday break, my new job gives me a lot more free time (and latitude to come up with cool stuff at work) than my last role so my brain is spinning with all the stuff I could do.

I frequently recommend The Now Habit which I've found to be very useful for its concrete recommendations with how to winnow down what you are trying to accomplish and get out of the emotional quagmire of wanting to do stuff and into the objective state of having done stuff, but I also recently finished Self Discipline in 10 Days, which is similar in its practical recommendations and also available for free online.

What all are you trying to do? It is a good idea to sit down, make a broad list of what you are hoping to accomplish and review that. Ideally you are able to take that list then and break down each item as far as needed to have tasks that are imminently doable - that is, you could realistically do the task and cross it off your list at one time - BUT don't get too bogged down in making this perfect and having your list reflect everything perfectly (e.g., "Brush teeth" is probably sufficient without "Get toothbrush out of cabinet", "Put toothpaste on toothbrush" but "Clean kitchen" may be too broad - don't hesitate to add "Get out cleaning supplies", "Wipe backsplash", "Do dishes", etc.) You are allowed to have as many tasks as you need to stay on track - if you get stuck, breaking them down further can be an amazingly useful way to move forward so don't worry if they're not perfect when you first jot down your list. Letting it be a dynamic tool you interact with throughout the process can be shockingly functional.

It's also helpful to set some defaults - if I don't really know how long a task is going to take, I usually default my time estimate to 30 minutes. You can set a timer and check in after that time to see where you are and if you over-estimated or under-estimated. This sort of takes from the Pomodoro technique which I really love for making longer projects that require multiple work sessions seem doable. If it seems like a half hour is too much but the task is still imminently doable, you can also set a stopwatch and see how long it actually takes - I was amused when I set a stop watch for cleaning my cat's litterbox, which I had felt like was a fairly significant "to do" and carried enough emotional weight for me want to procrastinate on and avoid doing it, and discovered it only takes 2 minutes. Similarly for exercise - I have found that I can get a workout done in about 20-30 minutes but I can also take 60-90 minutes to get the same amount of actual exercise done if I dick around picking out what I'm going to do and browsing websites on exercise science or whatever.

The estimation has helped me a lot - even if you're inaccurate (and I've found myself to be surprisingly good at guessing even if I feel like I have no idea). Sometimes if I have a bunch of stuff to get done in a day, I will throw a list down on paper and add time estimates (I try to not have a segment shorter than 30 min so if I have like "Do the cat's litterbox" and "Empty the dishwasher", etc. I will batch several of those into one group to do at once.) Then I add everything up to see how long this would all actually take me. This can be really harrowing - I have ended up with to-do lists that seemed reasonable at first but after putting some estimated times on them, ended up looking like a day with 8 hours of pure work. Scale back as necessary to what you feel comfortable with (because you feeling comfortable and like the goals you set out for yourself are easy/accomplishable is key to actually doing them instead of succumbing to watching trash TV in sweatpants) or if it's less time than you thought, get the stuff done, note any guesstimates that were way off base for next time, and enjoy your free time.

Hope this helps!

So I guess for me the first step was just sort of coming to an understanding that drinking really isn't adding anything, but that it is taking so much away... and just listing all of those things, like verbally or in pen or something, because what happens is you realize how often you are making the same stupid mistakes... Like once you have said it allowed or written it down, every time it happens you have to acknowledge that it also happened yesterday, and the day before, and it was really bad the time before that... It was just getting exhausting.

So I just was getting so tired of it, like it sounds like you are, so I set a date. Didn't make any changes in the mean time, was still drinking, still saying yes every time somebody asked me if I wanted to go out, still kept doing the "just one more" dance, carried on with the daily hangovers etc... but I had my date set and for a full month it got to the point where I just couldn't wait to reach the date, I was so ready for it.

In the interim, I read a couple of books about neuroplasticity and habit formation that I found really helpful. If you only read one book, my suggestion would be The Power of Habit, but I also read Rewire Your Brain which was also super helpful, and I just ordered "The easy way to stop drinking" which is linked in the sidebar at /r/stopdrinking, so we'll see what that has to say.

So I guess what I have been doing is really just focusing on the positives, because I was just getting so so tired of the bullshit and I had this image in my head of what I want my life to be like when I get to a point where the urge to drink isn't constantly in my head. So, with a several page long list in hand of all the little triggers, and a really really really long list of reasons why I wanted to do this in case I forget, the day finally came and so I told my family what I was doing, and decided to start working on all the things I was excited about, like books and hobbies and stuff. Apart from the hangover that day I was pretty excited...

Unfortunately, it didn't go well to start because I didn't sleep a wink for days, so I was in really, reeeeally bad shape, but truthfully I had prepped my head for enough time that the desire to go back just so I could get some sleep wasn't unmanageable, especially because I know that if I drank I'd just have to go through the bullshit all over again... So now it's been almost a week, I'm kinda starting to function again normally, and I'm feeling so much better than I have in a very long time already, even though I still haven't slept well still... I also went to buy coffee yesterday and I thought "I better check my checking account balance, I don't want my card to get declined here AGAIN..." and I was pretty shocked to see I had $80 in there, that never happens by this time of month... So I'm just focusing on these awesome little changes as much as I can, every positive little change or occurrence I make a point of paying attention to so that I don't lose momentum...

Also, posting at /r/stopdrinking every day has been super helpful because my brain is running like 1000 miles per hour faster than usual, so it is super helpful just unload there, and somebody responds every time within minutes.

you wrote a great post. maybe, just maybe, i can help answer a couple of your questions or at least point you in the right direction.


let me be clear: i am not a qualified mental health professional. my girlfriend is. however, i am not my girlfriend, just a guy on reddit with an ADHD diagnosis (who, by the way, also got it way late in life). I also happen to have an undergrad degree in psychology--but you can disregard that because again i'm only qualified to serve coffee at starbucks. i have however eveloped a peculiar interest in my psychopathology er..neurodevelopmental disorder and have attempted to learn as much about it as i can.


question 1: Are meds just treating the symptoms, rather than us attacking the underlying conditions?


answer: simply put, yes. complicated question that is hard surprisingly hard to answer but i'll try to anyway. there isn't a cure for ADHD; there appears to be a biological impairment in the part of your brain that oversees executive functioning. what does that mean exactly? executive functioning oversees short term/working memory, concentration, attention span, prioritization, time management, impulse control, emotional regulation, etc. there are several theories as to why this is. but all we know for sure right now is that for most people with this particular psychopathology, stimulants tend to work really really well to "level the playing field".

anyway (sorry i go off track a lot), ADHD can't really be cured.
HOWEVER
it can be treated. managed. whatever you wanna call it.

currently, the best empirical-based treatment for ADHD is: medication + therapy.
there's a saying in the field: pills don't build skills.
the meds will help you pay attention more, sure, but what if you don't pay attention to the thing you actually want to pay attention to? do you know how many times i've cleaned my room/apartment and re-organized my kitchen pantry, or totally owned a 6 hour Overwatch marathon? when i should have studied or filed my taxes. taking the meds isn't enough; it doesn't teach people how to effectively prioritize and not be avoidant. for that, you need "skills" which are usually developed through therapy (as an adult, anyway). i read somewhere that the purpose of the medication is to help you focus enough so that you can use skills effectively.

remember: develop skills + take the pills.


question 2: I feel very strongly that I need to be able to communicate to the people I love what my daily experience is like, and what I may need from them going forward. Any suggestions here?


answer: write a letter to everybody that you would want to tell. you already do something similar with one of your coping mechanisms right? (the bulletpoints--awesome strategy by the way).



question 3, accountability:--sorry bro, i struggle there too. i think we all do. at the end of the day, you're the one who is accountable for your actions, nobody else is. the worst part is, some days when i'm not medicated it doesn't matter because even though i care i still sometimes feel helpless. that's why most days i take the meds (vyvance + ritalin). i end up feeling like i have the mental facilities to be accountable to myself.



question 4: How do you all keep from getting down on yourself? Feeling like you're not making enough progress, slipping up, etc.



answer: this is where therapy comes in. in addition to not having built many developmental skills (organization, time management, etc.) we also seem to suffer from many of the emotional issues you mentioned in your backstory. those issues need to be addressed. surprise! it doesn't come from watching netflix all weekend eating doritos and hating yourself for not wanting to shower.



question: What tips do you have for dating and romantic relationships? I'm pretty worried about this aspect. At 35, as someone who doesn't necessarily want biological kids, I'm already feeling backed into a corner. ADHD on top of it just seems like a death warrant for romance :)



answer: ouch. i don't really know what to say about that. i'm not single, and i'm not 35 (i'm 27, by the way). i don't necessarily want kids myself (girlfriend doesn't either--i think?).

ADHD makes our relationship very, very difficult sometimes. we struggle. we fight. dishes won't get done. i'll take my meds on a sunday morning when we're supposed to go hiking and i won't stop trying to clean the apartment because that's what i'm hyper-focused on and JUST HAVE TO FINISH or i'll go crazy. there's a lady whose name is Melissa Orlov and she writes books on this topic. i'd tell you more, but I have ADHD and never read it because....you know, reasons.


again, great post. i'm glad you're reading up on this. if there's one book I think you should read, it's this one: https://smile.amazon.com/Your-Life-Can-Better-strategies-ebook/dp/B006QL0VJC?sa-no-redirect=1 it's hilarious and so incredibly insightful. dude even still maintains a blog and tries to update it frequently.

Sounds like ADHD, but also some anxiety. I really really doubt autism, I mean ask this question, can she share her emotions and feelings with you, if yes than probably not autism.

Sounds like the anxiety is the major problem right now, and he way you describe her mania sounds a lot more like panicky anxious energy, very common with ADHD. Real mania as in bipolar is indicated by heightened euphoria, grandiosity, like believing she destinies to be the president or has super powers, and she would believe those things quite literally.

I think the best thing you could do for her right now, is to get her baseline emotional level, which right now sounds like it's about a 9-10 on the anxiety scale, by doing some relaxing things. Some good guidelines would be to stay away from the news, social media, tv, people she doesn't like, anything that might be triggering. Do some simple things like talk some long walks if possible, get out of the house as much as you can, go to dinner and movie, maybe go to the mall. This whole process might take days to weeks for her slowly enter a more relaxed state, where her logically al brain can take over and start making some better decisions to help deal with the ADHD.

This is a difficult combo to deal with, and I think you understand that, but I'm glad she has you to help her.

Here are two books I highly recommend
Smart But Stuck: Emotions in Teens and Adults with ADHD https://www.amazon.com/dp/111827928X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_1Z77ybAG4Y3T7

This is one of the newest books that ADHD, it will give you a good understanding of the disorder and also the best treatment strategies.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_w177ybX2H1TS4

The book is more of a workbook that focuses on behavioral techniques that would be beneficial to anyone suffering with any kind of mental disorder.

My last job was at a retail store, but in an office setting. We were given two 15 minute breaks, and an hour lunch, for a 9 hour scheduled shift. So something like 2 hours on, 15 off, 1:45 on, hour off, 2 hours on, 15 off, 1:45 on, leave. This felt pretty good for me, but everyone is different, and I don't know what your company's culture is around that. Your coworkers have that work-break ratio locked down because their brain has a timer built in that helps them out, we have no such luxury!

Another recommendation I have, though this would depend on your job setting, would be to take a break in a different area from where you work. This will help your brain associate work zone = work time, break zone = break time, which might help with transitioning from one to another.

As for small activities, it again depends on your company. I hear a lot of companies encourage fiddling with stuff like legos, or play dough, or kinetic sand or whatever in your work area, but I've had bosses that would just assume I do that all day instead of work. For inconspicuous, maybe a fidget toy? I really like these, and I hear great things about these.

Good luck to you! I am not perfect at this (he says as he reddits while he works) but hopefully you get some use out of what I said :)

UPDATE

Hello everyone.

Since making this post, and having received all these thoughtful, helpful, insightful posts from everyone here, I have been thinking a lot to myself.

It's been busy days in my brain the past two days, as I've had an entire mind shift. I realize now that a lot of what I said in my original post was wrong, and selfish.

I feel that I've been degrading her as a person with ADD, as well as ADD/ADHD in general. I didn't know much about ADD, she's told me about it, tried to explain things to me and I believed I understood them very well, but I was very wrong in that regard.

I decided I don't want to lose her, I love her to the bone and everything that comes with her. I am not ready to give up and let things go.

I started thinking deeply, and I now realize I was at fault. I believed I understood everything about her, but in reality I never put myself in her shoes, in my mind. I started reading up about ADD/ADHD, and a lot of things for me too were an 'aha' moment. There's so much clarity now, and now that I understand a lot more (but far from how much I want to!), looking back.. I feel like I have been degrading her quite a bit, saying the things that you would normally say to someone to make them feel better. But with someone with ADD/ADHD it just makes them feel degraded, annoyed and undervalued.

Yes, ADD/ADHD has their set of 'problems', but these problems can be just as good as solutions to things as they could be problems. There are so many things about her character and ADD now that I can understand are very positive, she can deal with any upcoming expected situation, she's so easygoing and she is able to focus on one thing at a time so well, all things that I could never dream of doing.

It was extremely wrong of me to question her medicine, and when I did she got very defensive, and very understandably so.
It was selfish, and it's something she needs to cope with certain things. I should have never questioned it.

We still aren't as close as we used to be, but things have been going much better. I have told her and proved to her that I am doing my absolute best to recognize the problems that ADD is causing her, and she was extremely happy and appreciative towards that approach for me.

I realize now that you cannot have a relationship with a non ADHD and an AHDH'er, unless you learn everything there is to learn about both people in the relationship regarding the thoughts they have on these things. AHDH'ers and non ADHD'ers both have symptoms in a relationship, these need to be understood by both.

I am in the process of understanding everything there is to understand about her (or, at least I'm doing everything I can to do so.)

Currently reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005MRBEAG/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title

There are negative sides to ADHD/ADD that I now recognize, but thanks to that there are just as many positive ones that make the other person exactly who they are, and are the very reason I was attracted to her for.

Things have been going better, and I hope they'll only move forward from here on out. However, I'm still having difficulty gaining her faith in the fact that I see her 'problem' as something just as positive as a solution.

Thank you all for your words and messages, it's truly been a tremendous help.

>as we've heard both bad and good.

This is very prevalent in today's society even though most of the 'bad' has been remedied in the last 10 years. What you might hear is that children are over-medicated, don't act like themselves, shouldn't be on meds because they are just hyper from being kids, etc. While there was a drastic increase, much of the over-medicating was due to a lack of testing/consultations with proper mental health professionals.

>Myself and my wife are skeptical

I'm glad to hear this. Not because your child shouldn't be medicated, but because this means you are aware and cautious which are both great traits to have when approaching medication.

A good psychiatrist will start a patient on a modest dosage and then through weeks and months, adjust the dosages accordingly to how they feel.

---

I would like to remind you, as parents, to not get complacent once things settle down and your child seems to be doing great. ADHD can change over time and it is very important that every 1-2 months to just sit and talk to see how things are.

Lastly, I highly suggest reading This ADHD book. It is written for adult ADHD but the part I find to be most helpful (which i've applied to my life) is using strategies for accomplishing a task and getting ahead of the game for creating habits. Healthy habits help to reduce the amount of thoughts in somebody with ADHD. Instead of needing to kick yourself for forgetting things, you set up a habit that doesn't require active thinking to accomplish.

I wish you the best with your child :)

Oh trust me it is far more common than you realize.

Two books

Book 1 by Gina Pera

Book 2

----

>He on the other hand has a reoccurring cocaine addiction

If he has a recovering stimulant addiction than you should probably be very specific on what medications you try.

1. The nonstimulant ADHD medications Strattera (one class of medication), and Intuniv and Kapvay (another class of ADHD medication) both have no addictive potential, will treat ADHD, and will actually help him exercise self control making it harder to relapse
   
   
2. If you do a stimulant for ADHD you want a stimulant that is very weak when you start it, but get stronger several hours later for this has less addictive potential. You also want a stimulant you can't smoke, inject, or inhale. The goal is a slow and steady dose, big sharp spikes of a stimulant is actually what causes the addictive potential and rewarding effects, but also when these sharp spikes occur your body notices if you are a former addict and it is easier to relapse.
   
   

• Of the amphetamine class of stimulants, you want the drug known as Vyvanse. How this drug works is that is a macromolecule which has amphetamine but it is bonded with another molecule called lysine. It will not work until an enzyme in your body separates these two molecules and then the amphetamine starts working. This enzyme is rate limited so your body can only separate so much of these macromolecules into its smaller components per hour. This type of drug where your body must do something to make the drug work is called a prodrug.
  
  
• Of the methylphenidate class (ritalin, concerta, etc), the best medication with the least addictive potential is Daytranna, a skin patch. It is the less addictive for two reasons.
  
  
• Different methylphenidate meds have different amounts of instant release, and different amounts of extended release where the medicine activates later. Daytrana has none of the med that activates instantly and instead releases the drug at a steady rate per hour. See this chart I made. Pretty much Daytrana is weakest in the morning, quillivant xr and concerta is next, ritalin LA is strongest in the morning and will be the most "rewarding" sensation to him. Here is a drug release curve that illustrates the plasma levels of these drugs, same info but with less drugs on the same graph but easier to read. Now compare the drug release profile for Daytrana. Notice is it is like you took the first image and then reversed it in the mirror. Thus if he is on a stimulant of the MPH class (Ritalin, Concerta, Daytrana etc) it is probably best he is on Daytrana. Still though try the non stimulants first.
  
   
  
   
  
  >terrible ODD.
  
  Now all ADHD medications can help with oppositional defiant disorder.
  
  Second ODD can have different manifestations and different components. If he has the smart alex where he has an instant comeback without think of it, all the ADHD medications can help but one med to try is doing intuniv alone, or adding intuniv to his stimulant if he is on a stimulant.
  
  Why it helps is complicated and I will not explain all of the parts of how the drug works.
  
  But when you are stressed your body does a surge of adrenaline and a surge of norepinephrine. You have something called adrenergic receptors which determine what is happening with the norepinephrine and adrenaline and do different things depending how much norepinephrine and adrenaline are released and whether it is long sustained released or whether you have an extreme microsecond SURGE and pulse.
  
  Well the surge and pulse aspect of norepinephrine and adrenaline where you got such an extreme surge all of a sudden causes a feature called cognitive capture where your brain just focuses on one thing and all other things are tuned out, even if they are important. Sometimes you are emotional you probably experience it, where you hear what someone says but it just does not register, it does not computer, but the emotional reaction and your first instincts just take over.
  
  Well Intuniv treats ADHD in multiple ways but it helps prevent these sudden surges from taking over, while at the same time helping emotional control, reigning in impulsivity, and help prefrontal function. As an analogy imagine installing a levy / water wall around a town where you have a defense against water. A waver of water can surpass the levy but most of the time it can't. Now besides the levy you can also instead marshes / flood banks where if a 100ft high, the wave still hits, but the flood banks cause the 100ft water to be broken up pre-emptively and now you have the same amount of water but it is not so high.

I'm reading a book at the moment called The Power of Habit that I'm finding really useful. What you're saying really matches up with the science anyway. Every habit we have, good and bad, breaks down into three parts:

Cue------routine---------Reward

In your example, for example:

• cue= "people are depending on me"
  
• Routine = the work you need to do
  
• Reward = paid/some value
  
  During the routine phase, our brains are barely ticking over. Although this is controlled by the Basal Ganglia, which is affected by ADHD. It's responsible for blocking out unnecessary motor functions and the like while engaged in a habit. Which is a part of the reason for the lack of persistence ADHD causes. (pen tapping, anyone?) The other element is the Prefrontal cortex, which kicks in when we need to stop a habit (It's responsible for a lot of other things too). Guess what other area ADHD impairs?
  
  But anyway, the key to any persistent habit is a craving. That can be something as simple as craving for endorphins from exercise, or the craving for approval for a job well done.
  
  Final element is self-control, or 'will power'. It's a finite resource that you can train, like a muscle.
  
  It can also run out, if you're having to exercise it too much. Big part of why things are more difficult towards the end of the day. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with dopamine, but I haven't looked into that yet.
  
  But the element I find fascinating has to do with your first point:
  
  > "People are dependent on me"
  
  This is a double-edged sword. Will power is far easier to exercise when we feel in control. So feeling that your good habits are helping people, that you're having a positive impact by exercising self-control, is great for that. But the one thing I'd caution is not to over do it. I think /u/teenmomog put it really well:
  
  > As soon as it was pointed out to me I would NOT do it.
  
  If you feel that you have to do something because it's expected of you, you're having to exercise far more self-control than if you have a choice. Autonomy is important. It's a fine balance really. As long as you feel you have a choice, things will be a lot easier.
  
  This is really just my opinion based on what I've read, but I feel this explains why the 'last-minute anxiety fuelled frenzy of work' those of us with ADHD often get is quite ineffective. By feeling you have no choice but to work, you're really taxing your self-control and putting yourself through unnecessary stress, for the same amount of work overall. It's far more effective to try and build good study habits than it is to rely on that in my opinion, but YMMV.

It takes a bit of concerted effort to consistently do it but mindfulnesses meditation is probably what you are looking for. Its not like a magic pill that will make your thoughts go away but it will help you to relate to your thoughts in a more skillful way so that they are not so consuming. Mindfulness meditation has been shown to be very helpful for those that have mood disorders (anxiety and depression) and ADHD. Some people are a bit adverse to it because they have ideas of bald monks chanting but the type of mindfulness meditation you will find taught it a more clinical/medical context are far from that. Its more simple little exercises that will help you to see your thoughts for what they are (just thoughts) and learn to let them fizzle out on their own (rather than obsessing over them or trying to push them away). 10-20 minutes a day every day has worked wonders for me. You really do improve the more you practice. The effects last through out the day not just when you sit. My wife can tell when I have not been keeping up with my practice. I recommend Head Space its very clinical. I have also heard Buddhify is good. There are loads of other resources out there. Stick to the ones that are more clinical and medical. Mindfulnesses meditation does not mean you need to adopt a new set of beliefs or religion. The stuff that you will find in stress reduction clinics and self help books is just a therapeutic mental exercise. See for example MBSR.

I also recommend Feeling Good. It is a complete introduction to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It is complementary to mindfulness because it helps one to engage with your thoughts in a healthy productive manner. Its main premise (if I can do it justice) is that we often have very skewed thinking and do not realize it, so when we are able to identify thoughts that are extreme or illogical we can make more realistic assessments which lead to a more stable calm mind. It is definitely stood the test of time.

The last thing I would say is be aware of how much info/stimulus you consume. Surfing the web, radio, tv, noisy chaotic situations tend to dull the senses and leave you with a lot of stimulus to sort through. So cut out needless noise and stimuli from your life.

I don't have any quick fixes for you but those 3 things have really helped me to 'turn off my mind'. Taking control of my mental health was one of the greatest accomplishments of my life. I wish you the best on your own journey.

Are you on quite a low dosage? It's always worth telling your psych if you really think it's not working, as you can up your dosage or try a different med.

This might sound daft too, but positive thinking is what is really helping me get through! I've just got The Now Habit book, and the basic principles are:

• Don't think 'I have to do this and it will be awful', but think 'I choose to do this study session, to make my life better.
  
• Instead of thinking 'I need to finish this work', think 'When can I start?'. This helps shift your energy to focus on 'starting' - the end result might be miles away.
  
• Don't concentrate on how big, scary and overwhelming studying a module is, think instead 'I can take one small step'. A thirty minute chunk of solid work is so much more powerful in chipping away than never starting at all.
  
• Demand your right for play time! You need to know that you can have breaks and have fun. Obviously studying isn't going to be fun all the time, but you need to know you aren't far from guilt-free play if you just get through this one step.
  
  Just last week I had several days of despair, not doing any work etc. but now that I'm thinking more positively about studying, it's actually getting done. Good luck in your course and know that you can do this!

I got back on adderall about 10 months ago, and think I've just about got the dosage right. When I decided to go back on medication I did some research on managing things better than the last couple times I've been on meds.
The most important thing I took away from the research was that medication won't do everything. You need to figure out some plan for managing your time/tasks, and the medication will make it easier to stick to it.

Paying attention for the whole lecture is a reasonable expectation, but working hours straight without a break is probably not. You should plan breaks, but limit the length of them. That way when you get distracted and find yourself on reddit or something, you can get yourself off after 10 minutes, and not beat yourself up about losing your focus.
I really got a lot out of The Now Habit, as far as techniques for getting things completed.

Wow, this is a lot longer than I expected.

There are plugins you can get for firefox and chrome that will limit the amount of time you can spend browsing: 10 minutes an hour, 30 minutes every 6 hours, whatever you want. Chrome Nanny is pretty versatile.

The best trick I've come up with to stay focused is to convince myself that I am genuinely interested in what I'm doing. Ask yourself questions about the paragraph you just read. Paraphrase what the professor just explained, look at a problem and think of what would happen if one part was different, and remind yourself regularly that you are doing something you like for your own good.
One of the aspects of ADD/ADHD is the reward centers in our brains work differently than other people, so we have to find our own ways to motivate ourselves.

I'm losing coherence, but I want to recommend you read Driven to Distraction, it will teach you a lot about how ADD/ADHD work. Also, if you think you'll have a hard time sitting a reading a bunch, you can find a lot of stuff on audiobook and listen to it while driving/walking/running/cleaning/whatever.

Hope this helps

So: Yep, what you've described sounds pretty textbook and congratulations on figuring it out!

I had the revelation a few years ago (around 37ish) and remember the relief when that lightbulb went off. It's amazing how big of a difference it makes just to finally understand "Why?".

That said, medication isn't the answer by itself. You've likely developed a lot of coping mechanisms over the years and honing those (along with the meds) will make a huge, huge difference in your life/relationships/parenting.

Hopefully find a psychiatrist/nurse practitioner that can do more than prescribe meds or find a psychologist in addition to your prescriber. You might find talk therapy more helpful than you expected, I know I carried around a lot of self blame that was a huge weight to let go. They can also help explain some of your personal relationships and good ways to work through weaknesses you might have from the ADHD.

There's amazing resources out there to help you manage. I found the book Driven to Distraction eerily accurate on how well it described my life and can't recommend it enough.

Btw, given the hereditary nature of the beast, try to keep an eye out for the kids in as much of a non-projecting way as possible. Don't let them spend 40 years like many of us did.

I have a few that I like, some of which others have mentioned.

1. Bike Chain Fidget - Simple, tactile, initially cold to the touch. Can be fidgeted with one hand and discreetly. It's my current favorite.
   
   
2. Spinners - they've become pretty ubiquitous. I'm sure you've heard of them and probably even seen them around.
   
   
3. Fidget Cube - Get the legitimate, high-quality one from Antsy Labs, or get a cheap knock-off from Amazon or eBay. Someone also developed a 12-sided fidget dice thing that takes the fidget cube idea a step further. And a fidget pad which is a cross between a SNES controller and a fidget cube. (I'm still waiting for my cube from Antsy Labs.)
   
   
4. Tangle, Tangle Jr. - Good desk toy. Keeps both hands busy, but leaves you free to look and listen. There are several variants, including textured pieces and silicone-covered pieces. My wife, my daughter, and I each have our own.
   
   
5. Bead + String fidget - This one can be fun, but it's VERY distracting for everyone around you. The best thing about it is that you can make one from two beads and a string in a couple minutes. I've thought about making a string that is mostly beads each with a different surface texture, and instead of swinging it around you just fidget with it in your hand. I need to get around to making that...
   
   
6. Wooden Fidget Puzzle - Just picked this one up a couple days ago. It's small, it's interesting, it has lots of possible configurations. It's good when you need to listen but don't need your hands or your eyes free.

Man, that's the kicker, isn't it? I think that's one of the most difficult things to do, especially when you don't understand exactly what's going on yourself.

It helps if you can find a doctor who is an expert in ADHD, especially in adults (which presents differently than in children, and differently in women than men). They know what to look for that isn't as well known and are less likely than a general practitioner to pass it off as someone else. They should actually administer a series of questionnaires to help diagnose you. With kids they often have ones for teachers or parents as well. I'm not sure how they handle that with adults.

Remember ADHD is like a lot of spectrum disorders in that there are a lot of symptoms and not everyone gets all of them (in our case probably only most of them) and what you do get varies in severity (and that itself can change over time).

If you haven't, I suggest finding a list (or lists) from reputable medical sources of ADHD symptoms, print it out, mark the ones that qualify and take it with you to your appointment. Be ready to talk about each one and things like how frequently it's a problem, anything you notice that might trigger it and how it's affecting your life. Not all symptoms happen all at once, so maybe give it a couple weeks working on the list until you feel like maybe everything is covered. Take notes about all with you if you feel like it'll help. Maybe even keep a dated diary with notes about symptoms each day. It'll help legitimize your claims.

It's possible if you're asking for adderall or stimulants specifically, that's part of why you're getting brushed off as just drug hunting. It is a problem but some doctors are worse about not paying attention than others. Do some research into non-stimulants (which like I said if you've got anxiety might be a better choice anyway - I've done both - and guanfacine has been my lifesaver) and bring that up and it might make you seem more genuine.

And maybe I'm totally wrong here and nobody string me up, but perhaps don't mention the PTSD right away, especially since so many doctors are focusing on that. While it's important to disclose stuff like that to your doctor, and it's possible it's triggering anxiety that's making your ADHD worse, it's a separate thing entirely caused my trauma and not and not from biological factors, therefore I think for the sake of proper diagnosis, not incredibly relevant.

Once you are diagnosed, getting a good therapist really does help. I put that off for way too long. Mine is an expert in ADHD (and actually has it himself, though he didn't drop that bomb on me until I'd actually been seeing him for like 9 months). He's been great about helping me feel like diagnosis is valid, helping me understand what's going on (including things I never knew were symptoms or caused by symptoms) and suggesting coping mechanisms to help me deal with it in addition to medication. I'm in my 30s now and was diagnosed in college, and I just started seeing mine about a year and a half ago. In hindsight I should have done it sooooo much sooner.

And I've not actually read it, but I've heard good things about this: https://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy-ebook/dp/B003719FSW

Hope that helps.

I've heard 'What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't" by Dr. Novotni get recommended at least once on this sub, and saved it for later consideration/purchase. It is a social skills book specifically designed for adults with ADHD. Haven't read it yet, so I can't personally speak to it beyond to it being exactly about this topic, and liking the title.

I am sure there are also other social skills books that might not be specifically geared to ADHDers that would be good -- maybe even better?

I was scanning some papers I still had laying around, and that included some copies of chapters from two separate books that I remember thinking of as being potentially great resources. The first one is 'The Assertiveness Workbook' by Dr. Paterson -- which I suspect would be targeted more towards social anxiety, but might be helpful in that it would be explicit about how to assert yourself without being too submissive or too aggressive. Though, a potential drawback is that it might assume basic social skills -- though it might not, given that social anxiety would potentially cause one to doubt their understanding of social skills, thus making a review of social skills more defensible. The other was 'The Feeling Good Handbook' by Burns, a psychiatrist, specifically a chapter on "five secrets of intimate communication" -- I am not sure that would be worth buying the whole book or not, but the chapter looked good to me.

Note, I linked to Amazon on all books because it is a fairly standard, mainstream place for reviewing and purchasing books via the internet, and because it often includes previews of books -- it might be worth googling any one of these titles if any of them seem interesting enough. The lattermost one, for instance, is from the 1980s, so I am not sure what else you could find on it at little-to-no cost, and certainly local libraries may have one or more of these in stock as well. I was surprised to find my college library has some workbooks online for unlimited viewing (though limited copying/saving) through their website.

Hope this helps!

For those of you who want to read the book but can't because you have ADD, I present the intro to the first chapter of the updated book, Delivered From Distraction:

(Y'see, Hallowell (the author) has ADD himself and he knows most of us won't be able to get through the book.)

Chapter 1: The Skinny on ADD -- Read this if you can't read the whole book

Most people who have ADD don't read books all the way through. It's not because they don't want to; it's because reading entire books is very difficult -- sort of like singing an entire song in just one breath.

We want to make this book accessible to people who don't read books all the way through. For those people, our most dear and treasured brothers and sisters in ADD, we offer this first chapter, set off from the rest of the book. Reading this will give you a good idea of what ADD is all about. If you want to learn more, ask someone who loves you to read the whole book and tell you about it. Or you can listen to it on a tape or CD.

We offer this chapter in the ADD-friendly format of Q&A. You can get the skinny on ADD in these thirty questions and answers. For more detail and research-based answers, you can refer to the chapters of particular interest.

For those blessed readers who intend to read the entire book, some of what's in this Q&A will appear again, but some of it won't, so you too should read this section.

Q&A Section follows

The first chapter is highly recommended reading, then you can cherry-pick the rest of the book.

Is there anything you can focus on, like school or sports or a hobby? Kick start with something easy.

For example, here are some ways we can turn on focus, taken from Your Life Can Be Better: using strategies for Adult ADD/ADHD

1. Personal interest
   
   
2. Novelty
   
   
3. Challenge
   
   
4. Immediate and heavy deadline
   
   Glad to see that working out seems to help. Diet and exercise aren't just for adhd, it helps with dam near everything! take care of your body... feel better! who knew? ;)
   
   

• • *
    
    > and I feel like I have no one to talk to
    
    I feel you here. When I bring it up to people, their reaction is almost always that it isn't a real condition or is all in your head. Depression+anxiety is real enough...why isn't this?! So I've been trying books and this subreddit for help.
    
    
• • *
    
    I will say that I'm glad that you are trying to get help. This can have a big effect on your life and relationships should you leave it untreated (not necessarily being medicated but there's certain things you need to work on that is easier or comes naturally to other people).
    
    See also helpguide.com

Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate

Thorough, engaging background information w/ an underappreciated view on the origins behind ADHD and, most importantly, comprehensive 'what to do' chapters at the end.

One of Maté's main and least known points is that our bodies remember our early childhood experiences much better than our conscious awareness in the present-day. He was an early pioneer of the idea that ADHD is strongly related to attachment during infancy, back when most MD's thought it was predominantly genetic.

Anyway, hope that helps and best of luck with whatever resource(s) you go with.

It is something you can do at home but it REALLY REALLY helps to have someone who can counsel you through it for a while and act as an anchor (maintenance appointments) to keep you in balance.

Book i'd suggest: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 This is basically my Bible, that my therapist assigned me when I first started. I check it every other week or so to remind myself where I was and to keep in check.

Edit: There will never be a time where you're just magically mindful and it keeps going on it's own. It's just like exercise, you have to keep at it consistently and persevere when you're not really up to it. That's what separates winners from losers, after all; grit.

If you can master your mind you can pretty much do anything. Corny as it is, we have more than enough historical proof what someone at the right place and time can do with an indomitable will. Just don't kill any minorities, ok? :)

So, transformation doesn't happen over night. It takes some time to learn the skills, and more time to use them consistently and more time to learn to come back to them when you stop using them. Support is always helpful, but it shouldn't feel like baby sitting.
You might want to look into getting an ADHD life coach as a primary means of support as you learn to work with the diagnosis and getting your life on track like you want it to be.

Also, there are many many many many resources and ideas, and tricks and tips that can help out with your ADHD out there. Some that I personally have found helpful: The 5 Second Rule, The Pomodoro Technique, Getting Things Done, Mindfulness Meditation, The Bullet Journal, Exercise, The Power of Habit, Xcards, Noise Cancelling Ear Phones, a solid morning routine, and more I can't think of off the top of my head. You can pick and choose what seems most helpful at the moment, and there are many other ideas always floating around /r/adhd as well.

I've been in CBT with various practitioners (practicing various forms of CBT, some with homework and specific programs/techiques, some not) off and on since my first baby. I was "well practiced' by the time we got to the ADHD diagnosis: my original issues were postpartum depression, anxiety, and family of origin issues. ADHD is the last piece of the puzzle (I think. :))

So, I have very successfully adapted the techniques I've learned to the ADHD situation. After all these years, just recognizing what's going on in my head is enough of a tool to make the necessary adaptations.

For one example, before I identified the ADHD, I COULD NOT find a reason to get up in the morning. I wake up in the morning and can't even remember a reason to get up - even if I set the alarm, i would forget that I had somewhere to be. Now that I'm aware of the ADHD, I have successfully identified why it was so hard to get up, what attitudes to get rid of, what physical and ADHD related things to adjust, and now I successfully get up at the same reasonable hour every morning, including weekends.

Regarding therapy, Sari Solden's book http://amzn.com/B008RDNRXE said, we have a "giftedness at disorganization" that makes it possible for us to break down the systems we've built up that aren't working, and rebuild new systems. I have definitely found this to be true in my life. I highly recommend you find a sympathetic, qualified counselor and go for it as part of your treatment.

[edit] If you would like more specific information, please ask. I'm not sure what to tell you because my experience has been pretty across the board.

I used to be the same way. One thing that I did was I would go to the store to look at what i wanted to buy. I would pick up that item, try it out, whatever, and then put it back and walk out. In a way it was like throwing a wrench in the feedback loop of buy, feel good, repeat. I did this for a month or so and it really did help with the impulsivity.

Another thing that I do is I will set aside money every month that I can blow on whatever, guilt-free. Or, I could make the decision to save it and accumulate for another month.

Really, I think its about replacing habits with other habits that are healthier. Having ADHD makes us kind of myopic in a sense that we tend to focus on our habits without thinking about the repercussions or why we do them.

I recommend "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg: http://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X
Or, im sure you could find a summary of it somewhere online.

Best of luck!

I used to use these:

amazon.com/Toms-Fidgets-Flippy-Perfect-AAnxiety/dp/B01MAYBTA0

They feel amazing but started to get expensive because they start to flake after a while and make your fingers greasy.

So, I got one of those 20 in 1 boxes and the marble fidget ended up being my favorite. First one fell apart on the end, you have to be careful not to touch the stitching too much. The stretchy string was also really nice. (just search stretchy string fidget or marble fidget) You can buy those 2 individual items in bulk pretty cheap, not sure on brands, though - I haven't bought a set yet.

edit: apparently they're also called Boinks.

I want to get one of the metal infinity cubes, but they're expensive and all of the colors look amazing and I can't choose which one to pick

Here are some resources that have been incredibly helpful for me. :)

Books:

• Driven to Distraction by Dr. John Ratey -- I haven't read this one in a while, but I love Dr. Ratey. He is a great writer on issues of science, biology, and mental health.
  
  
• Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain by Dr. John Ratey -- Sections on how beneficial exercise is in managing ADHD, depression, and anxiety.
  
  
• Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Dr. Russell Barkley -- Best book for adults with ADHD I've read. Backs everything up with science. Makes a very solid case for self-care and medication.
  
  
• Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World -- Hyperfocus == Deep Work. Use this philosophy to make the case to a boss or team about reducing interruption at work.
  
  
• Emotional Intelligence 2.0
  
  
• StrengthsFinder -- ADHD makes us painfully aware of our weaknesses. Learn what your strengths and positive personality traits are and how to build off them.
  
  Videos:
  
  
• 30 Essential Ideas You Should Know About ADHD by Dr. Russell Barkley -- Awesome series about the nature of ADHD. MUST WATCH
  
  Podcasts:
  
  
• The Value Of 'Deep Work' In An Age Of Distraction by Hidden Brain -- A podcast version of the Deep Work book if you're like me and have trouble getting through 200 pages.
  
  
• Embrace the Chaos: Why Disorder May Be Good For Us -- We may beat ourselves up over our struggles with structure, but here's a solid case on how less structure makes us more adaptable.

I definitely think CBT with a therapist is something you should pursue. Before I had even made the connection that I might have adult ADHD, I started seeing someone who specialised in meditative therapies, his background being in Buddhism. I was a bit hesitant at first because, well, it sounded a bit hokey to me but it was actually very helpful. Something he said that is the perfect description for our condition (at least for me) is that "your mind is like a stallion running wild. We want to tame it--not break it--so you can take control of it". For whatever reason, that outlook helped a lot. Unfortunately, I had to stop seeing him because my insurance ran out but I would go back in a second.

Fast forward about a month and I have been formally diagnosed and am getting on medicine (its a clinical trial, 3rd phase--so we will see what happens) and until I get back on insurance I plan to use a couple books I found via a video that was actually posted by u/roland00 on another thread. (BTW that video was a lecture by Russell Barkley and was immensely helpful, so thank you very, very much u/roland00) Anyway there are a bunch out there but I went with this one and this one. Check the "customers also bought" section for others. Good luck on your journey!

In-shower notepad. Saved my life. All my best ideas happen in the long hot showers I take. https://www.amazon.com/Aqua-Notes-Water-Proof-Note/dp/B01AS5I0ZS

​

Also, Try to develop a 1 page "vision board" with all your current thoughts/ affirmations that have benefited you. Everyday, if you have a brilliant thought, you can tell yourself does it fit on my 1-page "vision board", if no, then it's easier to forget about it. It's all about minimizing, filtering. Not about making more lists. Make those lists potent. Keep your mind on a one page Vision board, and it will help center your thoughts.

This could be part of it. If you're comfortable with it, try delaying it like I do. I'm really curious if it will work for someone else. I feel like the initial effects often make me focus too narrowly on the wrong things if I'm not already being productive.

If you don't have the willpower to get out of bed and shower then something is up whether you know it or not. Remember you don't want to be dependent on your meds to do things. You aren't being prescribed stimulants (assuming since you implied they wake you up) to treat your sleepiness, even though I'm sure we're all guilty from time to time. A helping hand, not a crutch is a good and safe way to view them.

Delivered From Distraction is my absolute favorite book on ADHD. It's incredibly revealing, heartbreaking, and inspiring all at the same time and I feel like I learned more about ADHD in that book than the entirety of my previous knowledge through school, wikipedia, random info searching sprees, etc. Keep in mind, it is one thing to read a book and another to apply it's knowledge. Applying the knowledge is the hard part with ADHD.

Break the habit loop! I just skimmed the article but I think it sums up what's in the book on the same topic. I read the book (or listened to the audio version rather) and I think it's really good at breaking down what habits are, why we have them and how to change them. You have made a habit out of abusing your meds. Now if you want to end that habit, you might as well go methodically to work as this will give you a better result than just trying out of sheer will power. But as /u/megawavelord suggested you should first identify why you are doing this:

• What is the context - school / alone / with others etc?
  
• What time of day do you do it?
  
• What are you doing right before and after?
  
• How do you feel when you do it?
  
• What is your initial motivation and inner reasoning for doing it?
  
  You will learn more about your habit this way, which makes it easier to change it. I will not go through the steps of habit change, but I really think it could help you if you really put real effort into a methodical approach. (not saying you're not putting in effort now). I have changed a bad habit this way and I know others have too.
  
  You have to believe in yourself though or else you will probably fail or return to your old habit in certain situations. I believe in you and wish you the best. Let me know how you are doing.
  
  EDIT: missing words!

If you wake up before the sun is up consider buying a wake up light like this (it helps fool your brain into waking up naturally)
http://www.amazon.com/Philips-HF3500-60-Wake-Up-Light/dp/B00F0W1RIW
Go to bed at about the same time every night if you can- consider taking melatonin (especially if you are taking meds for ADHD). You can buy it at just about any grocery store. I have five kids, two with ADHD like me and the melatonin "knocks them out" safely in about 30 minutes. A good night's rest can be the key to waking up on time.
If you don't sleep well because your mind is racing about what you have to do the next day then write yourself a brief to-do list to remind you. Then tell your brain not to worry and get some rest. Consider meditation before bed as well to help you fall asleep.

Last, if worst comes to worst, find work that fits you - not the other way around. Some jobs can be very flexible about when you show up. Also, consider talking to your boss about your condition, see if you can offer something to compensate:
Boss, I have to accept that I am who I am and I'm probably going to be a little late sometimes. But, once I am here I will give 110% and stay late every day to balance out the time - if it is ok.

best of luck!

I wish I could tell you with 100% certainty that it must be ADHD, but I can't.

I can tell you that I could have written your post. When I went to ask for help the focus was on depression and anxiety but the ADHD causing those was missed completely. It happens a lot, especially for people who are inattentive (and especially when your grades are good enough as is/you space out instead of causing trouble).

If you think it could be ADHD it's always worth to push to get tested. Even if you haven't (and they give you reasons that sound acceptable/make sense to you) knowing that it isn't ADHD will get you closer to figuring out what it could be instead. If you come across crappy health professionals who think adults can't have it, or it isn't a thing, keep pushing.

I get the feeling terrified of making it all up, I felt the same way. But your whole post oozes you only wanting to know what's wrong so you can do better and people who're looking for excuses to do less usually lack the whole 'feeling like shit about themselves' part.

I got diagnosed 2 years ago at 34 and I'm terribly lucky with how I respond to medication but even if it was half as effective as it is, it would still be enough to finally not fear the depression coming back.

You're not weird for wanting to get diagnosed and I sincerely hope it can make you the happiest turtle.

*edit to add: if you're a girl (you kinda read like one, but that could be me projecting) This book has been the best I found to explain both the ADHD and how to deal with a later diagnoses, without overly focusing on the 'marriage/kids' part.

I recommend learning more of the facts of ADHD. It can give you a better place to make choices from.

There is an old book I read called ADD and Romance. It has been a lot time since I have read it (maybe 10 years), but I think it covers three cases:

• ADHD reader with a non-ADHD partner.
  
  
• Non-ADHD reader with an ADHD partner.
  
  
• ADHD reader with an ADHD partner.
  
  The labels are probably not up to date (evidenced by the title being "A.D.D."). The book also addresses the difference between medicated and unmedicated people. The book also points out factors like how old a person was when diagnosed. The most important thing is that everyone self-medicates, often in multiple ways. Someone can take prescription medication, drink lots of coffee, and still engage in stimulant seeking behavior (such as bickering/arguing or constantly playing video games).
  
  Don't be afraid to discuss things with him. ADHD people both like and dislike confrontation. We like it because it is stimulating, but we dislike it because we eventually realize that not everyone gets the same mental relief from arguing.
  
  ADHD people are the figurative kings of "what-if" because we are constantly second guessing. This practice is both a stimulant seeking behavior (creating plots/plans then punching holes in them) and a coping strategy for impulsive behavior.

One thing I learned reading The Now Habit, that may apply to your situation, is that our internal dialogue is crucial. When you tell yourself you have to prep for the next D&D session because you'll otherwise disappoint the players, you create resistance. It's like an external force trying to push you, and your own emotional self pushes back. You drag your heels. You procrastinate.

If instead you turn the situation around and tell yourself that you want to prep because that will lead to a few hours of doing something that you really like, then the force comes from inside. It doesn't meet resistance. You can even become so absorbed that the act of prepping itself becomes pleasurable.

Now, one of the traits of ADHD is that it makes it harder to envision that desirable future. Harder, but not impossible. You can exercise this deliberately, like an underdeveloped muscle. I am working with a behavioral coach to help me with this, but you can find resources to do it on your own if you prefer. Either way, I definitely recomend that book I mentioned, even if it isn't specific to ADHD.

I've talked to a few friends about it, and my counselor has recommended speaking to my prescriber. Framing it in a sense of, hey, I'm having -these symptoms-. I think that's the frustrating part is like. Hey, all these markers for ADHD are coming up, and you're not treating me for it! Prescribers aren't perfect, and nobody knows your body or head like you do!

this book : (https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention-ebook/dp/B005GFII62/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1541702361&sr=8-7&keywords=adult+adhd) focuses specifically on adults with untreated ADHD. So many of the stories ring so true. The authors have ADHDas well as treating it, and one of them even admitted that he was so focused on the depression with one of his clients, he missed ADHD as an option alltogether. (I borrowed this from the library, but I'm debating getting a physical copy so I can sticky note some of the things and/or show my psych :I)

I've read articles too, though I would wager that this site could prompt some improper self-diagnosis. Fine.

adult adhd symptoms

rejection-sensitivity dysphoria checklist

emotional hyperarousal checklist

Like, I just want to know where you're coming from saying that someone who does exhibit these symptoms in a debilitating way shouldn't use that criteria to guide their doctors. And if your doctors consistently aren't listening to you, find new doctors.

Here's an article on the usefulness of computerized ADHD testing on patients who have other mental disorders (tldr, fuckin' bad). https://pro.psychcentral.com/computerized-testing-for-adhd-is-it-useful/

we call this “flooding” in our house (overwhelming feelings from whatever) our first line response “move your body, change your feelings.” then: “what occupies your mind better than an obsessive emotional loop?”

DBT teaches a bunch of self soothing techniques that are great for us intense ADHD peeps. The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_PKQ-BbAR7J86E

I used to have a huge problem with picking and biting the skin around my nails and cuticles for years, the only thing I found really helped was carrying some kind of small fidget device to play with. Any time I found myself picking at my fingers I would immediately switch to playing with the toy and it really helped break the habit.

Here’s the toy I found I liked the best

Tom's Fidgets Flippy Chain Fidget Toy Perfect for ADHD, Anxiety, and Autism - Bike Chain Fidget Stress Reducer for Adults and Kids - Blue https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MAYBTA0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_r.nhDbSMREV57

Yes, the DBT workbook was extremely helpful for me. They have slightly different formulations of the book depending on your comorbidity - I'm comorbid with anxiety so I bought the anxiety version. A word of warning, it's not necessarily a "this is the best treatment for ADHD" type of thing, but it can be definitely helpful for someone who has trouble regulating/processing emotions and being assertive like I do.

I haven't read either of these in their entirety, but I've found helpful stuff in both:

Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD: Beyond Piles, Palms, & Post-its

Women With Attention Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life

Sari Solden is kind of the premiere expert on adult ADHD in women, so her book - much like her website - is full of great stuff even though it looks dated.

Driven to Distraction was the best one I've read thus far. Hope it goes well for you!

Check out some of the stuff on Stimtastic. A lot of it is really obvious, but there’s some good subtle stuff depending on your stim preferences.

Also a fan of these and these (note: Amazon links).

I highly recommend checking out this book. It really helps you to think about habits in a completely different way, which can be very helpful for new routines or new schedules.

Check out "Getting Things Done" by David Allen.

Amazon link for the lazy


It has totally changed my life. Basically, it's a way of organizing projects in a way that actually allows you to get them done. Our to-do lists are usually way too vague. This system has you focus solely on the next action that is to be completed, which makes projects way more manageable. Going off that, when planning a project, you focus on the next ACTIONABLE step to take.

Example: You want to tile your bathroom. Instead of having "Tile bathroom" on your to-do list, you have "Tile Bathroom" as a project. You then brainstorm the actions that need to be taken to reach that goal. You then focus on the next actionable goal, such as, "find 3 styles of tile I like". Once that is done, "decide on tile". Then, "order tile from hardware store". You don't add an action until the last action is complete.

On top of all that, everything is externalized. Meaning you get it out of your brain and onto paper, Iphone, whatev. This is great for ADDers. It may seem like a lot of work, but once you set up your own system, it really is life changing. And there are a MILLION websites dedicated to implimenting the system.

I always have a pen and Field Notes with me in my pocket, jotting down notes, thoughts, and projects.

tl/dr: Getting Things Done by David Allen solved my inability to finish projects and everyone should check it out.

So relatable. Check out Sari Solden's book too, on women with ADHD! It has a somewhat cheesy title about embracing your differences, but the content inside is super relevant and well-told. https://www.amazon.com/Women-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Differences-ebook/dp/B008RDNRXE

My doctor just recommended this book: The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

He said is typically designed for personality disorder but the techniques in there can be applied to managing emotional struggles with ADHD.

He also said to remember that I'm not bipolar, even though there will be things in the book that will make me feel funny inside. I ordered it, I freaking can't wait till it arrives!

Good luck.

He needs to understand and love the person you are with out medication. You will not be on medication all the time.

My shrink recommended me this book, alas I haven't read it - I ended up breaking up instead.

http://www.amazon.com/A-D-D-Romance-Finding-Fulfillment-Relationships/dp/087833209X

Not preachy at all! It's written by a psychiatrist who actually has ADHD himself, so he's actually very relatable and self-deprecating at times.

It's called "Your life can be better: Using strategies for Adult ADHD"

https://www.amazon.com/Your-Life-Can-Better-strategies-ebook/dp/B006QL0VJC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1486157242&sr=8-1&keywords=your+life+can+be+better

the ebook version is a lot cheaper, like 2 bucks.

It’s just as easy to forget if I already took it. These prescription bottle timer caps have been really helpful

don't know if this one is any good or anything, but how cool is this? https://www.amazon.com/Aqua-Notes-Water-Proof-Note/dp/B01AS5I0ZS

This is very much my experience. My current partner has very similar ADHD presentation to me and every time one of us forgets something or derails a conversation or
takes 3 tries to leave the house there's no shame or disappointment, it's either commiseration and affirmation, or even a kind of celebration of how much we are on the same wavelength. Kind of the opposite of you I guess, most of my friends do not have ADHD and I can see them get annoyed with the roundabout way I tell stories and how I constantly interrupt (getting that under control slowly I think).

Have you brought up this concern with your girlfriend? I mean obviously I wouldn't frame it as "my friends get me better than you," but more of a "sometimes I feel misunderstood when it comes to my ADHD" might motivate her to try to see things more from your perspective. This book is also a really good resource.

I really recommend this book https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Therapy-Adult-ADHD-Dysfunction/dp/1462509630 . A lot of the techniques seem simple such as keeping a daily planner, but they've made a huge difference in my life the past month.

I see these suggestings of pill minders, but my favorite solution is the timer cap. No need to fill it weekly, good way to keep all your extras in the same bottle, just very fool proof.
www.amazon.com/Timer-Caps-Std-oz-Vials/dp/B00EZ6TL2S/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1511961881&sr=8-2&keywords=timer+cap

You're not alone!

My diagnosis changed everything for me. I finally had answers to things. It took a long time to realize that I'm not lazy, stupid, or crazy. (That's also the title of a very useful book, by the way. I can recommend it.)

But after getting help, I made it through college--twice! And I tried writing a freaking book, just to show myself I could take on a big project and see it to the end. And I did it! I don't think I ever would have been able to do those things without getting help.

The diagnosis happened and suddenly everything made sense. Or it started to. Hopefully, your visit will open some doors for you. Change things for you like it changed things for me. I'm also upset at having been cheated out of so many years, but there are even more years ahead to be not-cheated-out-of! For us both!

Thanks just checked this out on amazon, and I'm going to order it.

I'll post the link here for it. If linking not allowed, Mods please remove it.

https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343

Planners:

• Planner Pad
  
• Passion Planner
  
  Time Management:
  
  
• Time Timer
  
• Shower Clock
  
• Wake Up Light
  
  Budgeting:
  
  
• YouNeedABudget/YNAB This usually goes on sale in December, but is worth the full price!

Well, a big part of it is going to be changing your relationship with food. Just saying that you're going to stop eating is rarely helpful because there's a reason that you eat. You need to figure out what triggers your eating, and find ways to replace eating with different activities that give you the same reward. For example, I have the problem that I always my hands to be occupied. If there is food within reach, I'll keep snacking on it largely because its something to do. I've found that (a) keeping food only in the kitchen (removing the trigger), and (b) always having something else to do with my hands (i.e. fidgets when I'm working, guitar or knitting when I'm sitting around doing nothing) goes a long way towards reducing my snacking. I would recommend taking a look at The Habit Loop -- in particular, the first third of the book and the epilogue.

I saw a rec for this book. Might be useful?

https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1886941343/additudemagaz-20

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0452279631/qid%253D962679148/sr%253D1-2/scatteredmind-20

Sorry, I'm Canadian -- looks like the American title is different. That Amazon page says it's in stock. There are lots of good books out there, but I found that this one covers a lot of aspects that others don't get into much.

"Scattered" by Gabor Mate was extremely helpful to me. It approaches ADHD from the psychological/emotional side of things instead of the medication/chemical side. It presents a theory that ADHD is caused by a combination of both genetic differences AND a stressful upbringing that prevents a child from developing the healthy coping mechanisms they need. It has chapters on parenting an ADHD child and other chapters on "self-parenting" as an ADHD adult.

https://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates/dp/0452279631

Reading Getting Things Done and far more importantly Meditating has really worked wonders for me this year.

Removed from spam filter.

The link isn't working for me when embedded in the reddit frames. Also, in the future, you can strip off all the extra encoding after the dp/#'s like this http://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates/dp/0452279631

The book IS 12 years old...and a lot of advancement has been made since then...but the book is solid.

I saw Gabor Mate speak at an ADHD conference a couple years ago. His view is ADHD is caused by nurture, typically a stressful experience or event while growing up. When he said this I saw a lot of nods (surprisingly) in the crowd.

His background is dealing with addicts in Vancouver BC so this might have influenced him. He has ADHD himself as well.

I understand completely and I'm in my 30s. I still feel like I miss some things even though I do my best to be aware of everyone around me. But like today, I felt really dumb at work. I'm not even sure if it's in my head, or I did something to make things awkward with a certain person. I broke down and bought this after having it in my cart for a while:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1886941343/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Not sure if that would help out you or anyone else here, but I thought I would give it a shot.

I suck at social skills. I haven't had training, but I did find this book, (which I've read like 10 pages of): https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343

I had to go through insomnia therapy before my psychologist was willing to start on a diagnosis of ADHD, since sleep deprivation has similar symptoms. I don't have any experience dealing with Adderall, but I can share some more of the advice I was given.

• Don't stay in bed for over 8 hours. (You're already not doing that, but for a complete list.)
  
• Don't sleep in more than 1 hour extra on your off days. (Suffer, mortal! I still do this. It sucks. It helps so much. And it sucks so much.)
  
• Use a wake up light if you have trouble waking up (like this).
  
  ​
  
  My SO does use Adderall (not XR, but still), from her list:
  
  
• Continue with the weed, it helps.
  
• Consider taking melatonin an hour before bedtime.

Yes, very much so. It is probably the worst part of ADHD.

Reason: Most communication is complex and most meaning is conveyed non-verbally. That means tone, body language, context, etc is important. All those details, and I'm too busy thinking about the trying to remember the words alone. Effectively, a person with ADHD isn't great with people early on and that builds on itself. Others will be pushed away, less social experience to practice right and wrong ways to interact, and still having the disorder that makes good listening just out of reach.

Great source, though a relatively old book: https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1494214727&sr=8-1&keywords=what+does+everyone+else+know+that+i+don%27t

I worked with an ADHD specialist at my university after being diagnosed and he shred lots of things from this book

Basically challenging your thoughts and behaviours in specific ways.

this is the one I got

Delivered From Distraction

I've never tried them but they sell these shower notepads. Could work to write down thoughts, then have a reminder on your phone to check the shower pad once a week.

https://www.amazon.com/Aqua-Notes-Water-Proof-Note/dp/B01AS5I0ZS

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/913EvWPcrbL._SY355_.jpg


https://www.amazon.com/Timer-Caps-Std-oz-Vials/dp/B00EZ6TL2S

I use one of these.

Check out this book The ADHD Effect on Marriage written by a non-ADHD wife to an ADHD husband. It's very insightful for common issues in non-ADHD/ADHD relationships.

Meds are not necessarily required to stop the cycle of fighting. It sounds like you both say mean things to each other, sort of reactively. Yes, ADHD makes us more likely to fly off the handle, but this can be lessened with deliberate practice. You also both sound like you're under a lot of stress. Have you tried meditation? Or a vacation together?

Me too. It saddens me that at 40 years old, I have finally confronted the truth about my ADHD. My whole adult life, I knew I was smart, but I also thought I was stupid, lazy, inherently flawed. I thought I would never be understood, or normal. I envy 'normal' people and I have prayed, and wished I could be like them. I am beginning to accept who I am, and that I can get better. I suggest reading "You Mean I'm Not Stupid, Lazy or Crazy?". Every page has something that has happened in my life.

This book was transformative for me, both in terms of mindset AND behavior, before I was diagnosed (I was having trouble at work, in almost exactly the same way you describe) and after knowing more about what I was dealing with.

I still grab it from the library every once in a while to brush up, or when I feel my mind straying from practice.

I don't know anything about RSD (yet), but if you can afford books, here's the ones that I started with when I was depressed: The Mindful Way through Depression and Feeling Good

a year or two ago I discovered there's basically an abusive voice in my head yelling at me 24/7. I wish I could kick it out, but, some of the tips for handling abusive people have helped (eg. don't JADE), and I'm slowly building boundaries and self-compassion and such to protect myself with.

edit: lol, I google RSD and find purple links. guess I have read about it after all!

There's actually a chapter on that in this book, A.D.D. & Romance: Finding Fulfillment in Love, Sex, & Relationships. I picked it up last week, and I finally got some insight on how I can "jump" out of the mood so easily. A lot of times, I can be in the middle of fooling around physically, but then "mentally teleport" somewhere else. Anxiety builds, "WTF am I doing thinking about whatever RIGHT NOW??" it starts a feedback loop, and before I know it, I either have to "reboot" or I last FOREVER. ugh. Hopefully, things will get better with meds and therapy.

I've been reading The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps with my girlfriend and I think it has been helping. It addresses things both partners can do and illustrates some of the destructive cycles couples with an ADHD partner sometimes get in and how to avoid them.

It turns out parents are people that can be wrong, sometimes horribly wrong.

Keep pursuing it on your own despite their protest. What is the appointment for? ADHD testing? Psych eval? other?

Good for you for pursuing this on your own.

I like passages from this book: https://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates/dp/0452279631 It's an old book, so you might be able to get it from your local public library.

>I'll sit and absentmindedly play with the Internet for way too long

Turn off your computer before you go to bed. Do not turn it on in the morning.

>Also, I will sometimes turn my alarm off without realising.

Put your alarm clock someplace that you can't reach from your bed. I have two alarms. One's on my phone, and the other is like this - not that exact one, but it's an alarm clock/lamp that turns on in the morning. I find that not having to stumble through the dark reduces the temptation to stay/get back into bed.

I also have a cat who needs to be fed in the morning. She's too polite to be useful as a backup alarm, but just knowing that she needs her breakfast gives me a little extra motivation to get out of bed. I'm not going to suggest that you get a pet, but if you already have one try feeding them in the morning.

>I do as much as I can the night before including finding my keys, shoes etc.

This is good.

>I'll be fully dressed, washed, fed and realise I'n ten minutes late because I've been watching YouTube videos or even just sat still obsessively thinking.

I set a series of alarms. 7:00 - wake up. 7:30 - eat breakfast. 8:00 - brush teeth. 8:30 - leave for work. I picked those things because they're the only things that I have to do in that order, but you can pick different ones, and you can set more alarms if you have to. Just figure out what time you have to leave for work to make it on time, and then set some alarms leading up to that time to keep you on track.