(Part 3) Top products from r/Adoption

We've used this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Mother-Choco-Paperstar-Keiko-Kasza/dp/0698113640

and this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Again-About-Night-Born/dp/0064435814/ref=pd_sbs_14_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=KXWRZ8XANMAVDAPZYHRJ

and this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Wished-You-Adoption-Marianne-Richmond/dp/1934082066/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1934082066&pd_rd_r=VQQX0YJDRY9ZENP34DA7&pd_rd_w=bupmJ&pd_rd_wg=FbnwR&psc=1&refRID=VQQX0YJDRY9ZENP34DA7

and this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Day-Met-Aladdin-Picture-Books/dp/0689809646/ref=pd_sim_14_13?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0689809646&pd_rd_r=F1RS4C5VVNAKP65QV8JR&pd_rd_w=CdcFC&pd_rd_wg=DGunr&psc=1&refRID=F1RS4C5VVNAKP65QV8JR

and we've had a lot of talks about her birth family and how sometimes someone loves you so much that they send you to a family who can protect you and keep you safe.

Kids read your anxiety as much as they hear your words. I know it's hard, but it's important to tell yourself that even though she is having these feelings, you have the rest of your lives to get it right, and she's not going anywhere. Calm yourself as much as you can, smile and tell her you love her.

Do you lie down with her at night at bedtime? One of use does this every night, and we always answer any questions she has as she's falling asleep, and we remind her that we love her, that she is special, that she is safe with us, and that we will be here for her forever.

Every night.

Good luck.

I don't have any particular advice for a single a guy trying to adopt, but I'm a guy and wanted to adopt long before it was feasible for me to do it. My wife and I are now in the process, but it wasnt sometching she had really thought about before we were married.

If you are interested in adopting internationally, the Complete Book of International Adoption includes information about countries who will allow single parents to adopt. I'm not as familiar with domestic adoptions, but I'm sure there are local agencies who work with single parents as well.

If you can wait, however, I think that a two parent house provides a more stable environment for a child; though a single parent permanent adoption is probably better than long term foster care or, in some countries, an orphanage.

One difficulty with single parent adoption will be attaching to the child, especially if you must put them in child care while you are working. Attachment can be difficult if it is not clear to the child who their primary care provider is.

My parents told me I was adopted for as long as I can remember. My bedtime story was "why was I adopted?".http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0818405880/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1453419486&sr=8-1&pi=SX200_QL40&keywords=why+was+i+adopted&dpPl=1&dpID=8116W83X0HL&ref=plSrch. It was probably the best way for them to tell me. I actually still have the book, I'm 29 and have been searching for my birth parents for awhile. It still helps me get through that reminding me the different circumstances of why I might have been adopted. I love that my parents told me right away and respect that they did. The book explains how adopted kids are lucky because we have two sets of parents that love us, our birth parents and the parents we have now. My parents started the conversation telling me I was special that I had two sets of parents and that I was adopted, they then introduced the book to me.

Let's Talk About It: Adoption (Mr. Rogers): Fred Rogers - Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Lets-Talk-About-Adoption-Rogers/dp/0698116259
Fred Rogers opens the door for adopted children and their parents to safely talk about ... that this was the most honest book I've found that talks about adoption.

Also, Mister Rogers, who is splendid with children's issues, had a little sister who was adopted. You can't go wrong with his help.
http://www.americanadoptions.com/blog/teaching-children-about-adoption/

You can always ask the children's librarian also, they are a great resource!

I was adopted, as a kid i thought that the book "Why was I Adopted?" Was good because it covers pretty much every aspect of adoption and is really inclusive.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0818402571/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481988812&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=why+was+i+adopted

This is a good book, it has some good insight from others who have been adopted https://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Triangle-Arthur-D-Sorosky/dp/0941770109

Highly recommend this book
.written by adoption lawyer covers state by state laws, different types of adoptions and what to look out for. I got it at my local library but its available on Amazon and kindle.

Adopting in America: How to Adopt Within One Year (2018-2019 edition) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0983942552/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_-hKUCbNAA1VVM

I liked "An adoption story: Little Stork's New Home"

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0993115349/

Talks about the struggles of the bio mom and the adoption process in a child friendly way.

http://www.amazon.com/Is-That-Your-Sister-Adoption/dp/0961187263

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Add-One-Chinese-Sister/dp/1563979896

http://www.creatingafamily.org/adoption/suggestedbooks/books-to-help-prepare-children-for-the-adoption-of-a-sibling.html

Is he seeing a therapist?

I would highly suggest any/all of these books:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0972624465/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572245131/ref=oh_details_o09_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572249544/ref=oh_details_o09_s00_i01?ie=UTF8&psc=1
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159385143X/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Just remain positive and supportive!!! She may not want to talk about all the negative feelings she's having. Reinforce that she's done a wonderful thing for the baby and the couple. Let her know that she can talk with you about any good or negative feelings she's having. It may take a couple months until she's comfortable talking about it very openly. (It took me about four-five months to stop feeling super depressed like I just wanted to die.) Now I really like talking about the adoption and the baby. But she will be going through the stages of grief; even though her baby didn't die, her baby is gone from her, so she'll still be experiencing A LOT of grief over this loss. Allow her the space and time to grief. It's not a process you can rush; it's something that comes and goes throughout life. Just call her sometimes. Check up on her. Don't forget about her. Ask her how she is. Don't forget about her!!!!! She probably already feels very isolated because it's not a normal decision anyway to place a child for adoption, and there are still people out there who think it's a crime to give up your "own flesh and blood." You can ask her directly about the baby and the adoption. Sometimes I refrain from talking about it to people who already know about it because I think they must be tired of hearing about it or aren't interested, but I'm always happy to have the opportunity to talk about it when someone asks me a question about it. Being able to retell stories and talk about our grief to another person is a very important step in being able to process grief over a loss. It does wonders to be able to have someone else be sympathetic and understanding about the situation. And of course, you won't be able to understand completely what she's feeling right now unless you too have lost a child in some way, but you can still listen and give her your support.

Some birthmothers don't like certain terms such as "giving up a child" for adoption or "surrendering" a child or "gifting" a child. Personally, I couldn't care less. But you could ask her. To be safe, you can say the child was "placed" for adoption. I haven't yet heard anyone being offended by that wording.

>I'm trying very hard not to let my own sadness known to her or let it effect any support I can give her.

Exactly. If you care about her and her well-being, do not tell her that it makes you sad. If she's sad, you can make it clear that you do empathize with her sadness, but don't tell her something like "your decision makes me sad" because that can convey a mixed message like maybe you disapprove, and that would be the opposite of what she needs right now. And it may make her not want to talk to you about the adoption anymore. She's going to be overly and sometimes irrationally sensitive for a while. She'll eventually get better.

EDIT: If you want to send her a gift, you could send her this book. It's primarily about death, but it has resonated with me a lot regarding grieving the placement of my bio child for adoption. Or you could just send her some body wash or lotion! That's always nice.