(Part 2) Top products from r/Advice

tldr: You have tremendous opportunities. There are tools to help you move forward more easily.

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Just to be sure I'm understanding, how accurately does the following describe your situation?

• you've experienced lack of compassion, reliability, and accountability with family members;
  
• you continue to live with family for cultural, religious, and financial reasons;
  
• your family isn't emotionally healthy or emotionally supportive;
  
• you haven't found a role in society that you enjoy yet where society sufficiently supports to your lifestyle through compensation;
  
• you haven't gathered a reliable and consistent circle of friends yet;
  
• you believe you're not good enough or deserving enough to have your needs, desires, and dreams satisfied;
  
• you believe that your circumstances won't change, no matter what choices or actions you take, no matter what time, energy, money, and other resources you apply to change your situation;
  
• you believe that enduring suffering is the rational choice since influencing change is impossible;
  
• you experience depression plus loneliness in terms of companionship, friendship, and romance; plus,
  
• you dream of photography, writing, and travel.
  
  ---
  
  It sounds like your circumstances are difficult. At the same time, your current situation is a sign of your incredible wisdom and persistence; you've achieved a lot in a short period of time. You have tremendous potential to move beyond your current circumstances, onto a path where you can meet your needs, experience the things you desire, and pursue your dreams. Most notably, the following:
  
  
• you're in a sufficiently/minimally healthy and safe place with free housing and meals;
  
• you're aware of your struggles and exploring potential solutions;
  
• most people earn their bachelor's degree at 22; you have a Masters degree at 23;
  
• most people are in significant debt, not just college related, at age 23; you have $11k in savings; and, most importantly,
  
• your have incredible wisdom and persistence, very powerful foundations to make change;
  
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  Do you have a life coach or mental health therapist? It sounds like you might experience learned helplessness.
  
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  Have you explored meditation and mindfulness? It might be helpful to either read, listen to, or watch content related to meditation (to quiet the internal negative voices) and mindfulness (to embrace natural suffering of life while inspiring experimentation to use your experiences, talents, and other resources to improve the world around you as much as possible, not only for yourself, but also for others around you). Regardless of your religious and spiritual beliefs, meditation and mindfulness might offer many useful perspectives and habits that are compatible with most (if not all) religious and spiritual communities. Perhaps just start with listening to Acknowledging Suffering by Gil Fronsdal, which is part of The Twelve Steps to Freedom series while your mindlessly browsing the 'nets. Or, Suffering and the End of Suffering Series - Talk 1, Talk 2, Talk 3, and Talk 4. Note the concepts that resonate most with you, then explore those using a variety of mindfulness and meditation resources, perhaps including the following:
  
  
• Common Ground Meditation Center Audio Library
  
• Dharma Seed Audio Library
  
• Thich Nhat Hanh Dharma Talks Blog/Audio
  
• Amaravati Buddhist Monastery Audio Library
  
• Audio Dharma
  
• Shambhala Meditation Center Audio Library
  
• Awake in the World Podcast
  
• The Daily Meditation Podcast
  
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  Have you read Tao of Pooh written by Benjamin Hoff? Imagine you are a block of wood. Would it be better – more compassionate, more wise, and more persistent — to shape yourself to fit into the world as it is, or find a place where you naturally fit in as you are, or a little bit of both?
  
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  Have you read the book The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom written by Don Miguel Ruiz? It suggests that simply doing 4 things will help to slowly improve your life and the world around you, perhaps not day-to-day or week-to-week or even month-to-month, but fairly noticeably from year-to-year, and certainly over an entire lifetime.
  
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  Have you taken the Myers-Briggs personality test? It may be helpful to better understand your personality type and natural tendencies. Granted, personality tests are not 100% accurate. But, even if they are only 80% accurate, having some awareness about your personality and tendencies may be helpful for discovering the best path available for your life's journey. Sufficiently valid and reliable (and most importantly, free) versions of the test can be found via 16Personalities, Truity, and Humanmetrics. Once you identify your personality type, you can learn more about that type on those and other websites. Note that characteristics that resonate most with you. Ignore the ones that don't.
  
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  Have you identified strategies to make the most of your limited time, energy, talents, finances, and other resources with your unique circumstances given the world around you? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What opportunities and threats/challenges exist in the world around you? How might you apply your strengths to the world's opportunities as your unique empowerment strategies? How might you apply your strengths to the world's threats/challenges as your unique improvement strategies? How might you apply your weaknesses to the world's opportunities as your unique assistance strategies? How might you apply your weaknesses to the world's threats/challenges as your unique avoidance strategies? For example, in a table like this with 3 to 5 bullet points in each of the 8 main sections (i.e. not the upper left-hand corner box):
  
  External / Internal | Strengths to Maximize | Weaknesses to Minimize
  :---------------------|:------------------------:|---------------------------:
  Opportunities to Maximize | Empowerment Strategies | Improvement Strategies
  Threats / Challenges to Minimize | Assistance Strategies | Avoidance Strategies
  
  ---
  
  What are your core values? What do you believe is the purpose of life, in general, or better yet: the purpose of your life, specifically (especially if you've identified strategies to make the most of your limited time, energy, talents, finances, and other resources with your unique circumstances given the world around you)?
  
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  Have you explored how you might build a decently-paying job or career in light of your limited time, energy, talents, finances, and other resources with your unique circumstances given the world around you? Have you read Business Model You: A One-Page Method For Reinventing Your Career written by Tim Clark, Alexander Osterwalder, and Yves Pigneur? Or, explored ["how might I get started as a travel blogger or photographer?"](https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+get+started+as+a+travel+(blogger+OR+photographer)
  

I would recommend reading the book "On the shortness of life" by Roman stoic philosopher Seneca.

http://www.amazon.com/Shortness-Life-Penguin-Great-Ideas/dp/0143036327


In this short book, Seneca shows us that if we take a step back and look at how we live our lives, we will see that we waste A LOT of it doing useless activities. By the end of our lives, we are saddened by the fact that we have little time left to live, and are regretful of things that we chose not to do. The point of the book, in my opinion, is to wake up the reader and to show him/her that they should live everyday like it's their last because we are never 100% certain that we will be alive the next day! Having this knowledge about the fickleness of our lives gives many of us MOTIVATION to get up and do something! It's kinda like when people say YOLO (or at least, used to say :D) You will be more motivated to do something if you know that the clock is ticking and that your time on this planet is quickly coming to an end. Think about the potential uses of this knowledge: Afraid of taking to that cute boy or girl? If you know that you're time is limited on this planet, this might give you a bit more of a reason to talk to that person, right?

In regards to your recent case of loneliness and boredom, I would recommend that you improve yourself (your character) by reading as much helpful information as you can about how to live the best life possible. I think a great place to start is to read some Stoic philosophers and understand their ideas (go to the subreddit /r/stoicism for more info). Self-help books are always nice too.


Hope this helps, message me if you ever need someone to talk to, i'd be glad to do so!

You probably already know this, but the best time to look for a job is when you have one. I know you say there is no immediate financial issue, but you've put yourself and potentially your family at risk by quitting without having another job lined up, because every week you are not employed, you're depleting your savings. Now, obviously, if you guys are wealthy to the point where your income is totally not needed for anything other than extra savings, it's a little bit better equation.

Regarding what to do next, you haven't given us much information to go on. Do you have a college degree? In what? Are you looking for entry level work, or do you have prior work history? What might you be interested in? What skills do you have?

If you planned on being a teacher your whole life, and now believe it's not for you, you need to do some soul-searching about what another career might look like. You could consider doing something like What Color is Your Parachute to get some ideas: https://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2018/dp/039957963X

Good luck!

You'll probably want to start slow and work your way into it. Start with recognizing when you have a few spare minutes to read. Pick up some short story collections that interest you and read a short story when you have a few minutes. Do that more often and work your way up to chapter books - books you can read a chapter at a time. Before you know it you'll be hooked. This works even better if you have an E-Reader/Android/Kindle/Fire device. I recommend the Amazon Fire HD 6 Tablet [on sale now: $70/8gb, $90 16gb]. With Amazon Prime (~$100/year) you get free Kindle books, free TV shows and free movies. I can store ~3.5 hours of TV shows on my 16b Fire HD6 (download them at work, watch them at home on my big screen TV). It. Is. Awesome. Oh yeah, free Kindle books too. And check out /r/FreeEbooks/ for more.

Please trust your gut feelings. If he gives you bad vibes, there's a chance your instincts are trying to tell you something.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker is an amazing read that's all about this, following your instincts and listening to the messages your subconscious mind can send you. I highly recommend it, it can put your mind at ease in terms of how to evaluate your own feelings (it's VERY easy to develop a habit of diminishing our feelings by thinking we are overreacting--but we shouldn't do that to ourselves!).

I can totally relate to this! I love that you are that considerate and appreciative of your father. I would buy one of these. They are only 99$ and you can load it with free audiobooks, music, board games etc.

If that is not an option or he own something similar than I recommend finding books or book series that you both can read/listen to and so every time you see him you can discuss what has gone on. Hope this helps! Best of luck!

I've just released a short ebook on using vaping to quit smoking.

It's free at the moment, give it a quick read!

This is the US link but it's available across all Amazon sites 👌

https://www.amazon.com/Vaping-cking-Stupid-within-weeks-ebook/dp/B081J98MDX

As lousy as things seem, your situation has the potential to be really positive.


1- Put all your affairs in order. Go through all your possessions, get rid of everything that's not essential, except for a few things with sentimental value. Living Will, Designation of Health Surrogate, Last Will and Testament, burial/cremation arrangements.


2- Examine your values. What's important to you? If tomorrow were your last day on earth, how would you spend it? If you had 1 month or 1 year, what would you hope to accomplish?


3- Explore and contemplate on the following:

• Stoicism http://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/
  
• Buddhism http://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/
  
• "Man's Search For Meaning" by Viktor Frankle http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409963199&sr=1-1&keywords=man%27s+search+for+meaning
  
  
  Please don't make any decisions while you are frustrated, frightened, angry or exhausted. Take a deep breath, follow my council, meditate, and then you can make a decision.
  
  
  If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Maybe this guy can help. Also make sure your diet is well and you're drinking enough water. Are you getting enough sleep? Too much sleep? You could also see a sleep specialist to check for things like apnea which will decrease the hours of sleep you get per night, making it difficult to wake up.

So, the author of this book had a very similar thing happen. She saw a doctor and discovered that she had a pinched nerve in her pelvis that was preventing her from achieving a full sexual release. Please consult a doctor, review your medical history, and make sure that everything is OK neurologically with you.

I highly recommend this book:
Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F---: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living A Good Life.
https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

First advice is generalized advice which is to look at all the advice you get here and take it with a grain of salt since you will be dealing with the consequences. Read it all, think it all over (you don’t have to rush), discuss it with someone you trust, and make your own decision that is best for YOU. You are only responsible for your own circle of responsibility (your beliefs, thoughts, actions, feelings) and you can’t control anyone else. If you are freaking out, calm down and breathe and make decisions when you are calmer. Inhaling with your diaphragm for 4 seconds, holding for 7 seconds and exhaling for 8 seconds works for me but some do 4-4-4 so whatever is most comfortable for controlling your breathing. Make sure to eat healthy, drink water and get plenty of sleep, usually breathing exercises before sleep and not eating sugar after 6pm works for me when I’m stressed. I don't want to insult your intelligence with this, when stressed people forget about the basics which compounds decision making issues.

Now onto relationship advice, I strongly recommend DO NOT contact him. Everything about him screaming at you for him losing his job, crowding you at your car, and harassing you with cell phones, email and text mean that he doesn’t respect boundaries and he still wants to squirm his way into your life without any regard for your wellbeing. He’s very selfish in that train of thought, but sounds unstable as well so its not likely something you can reason out of him. I understand you don’t want to hurt him, but right now you being a part of his life is enabling destructive behavior and he will realize that feigning suicide is a way that he can reach you. Honestly, the ball is in his court regarding his own mental health and you will not be helpful to him.

I recommend against going straight to a restraining order because once you go there you’re really relying on the fact that he will be more scared of the police than infuriated or jilted. In addition, you are now involving the criminal justice system so you are putting a lot of faith in the hands of police/lawyers who will not be around at all hours even if they make this the top priority, and him doing this via email thousands of miles away will not make it.

That said here are some resources to help you make a better decision, please reply back or PM if you have any other questions:

This is the best for when someone is threatening suicide:
https://www.bpdcentral.com/help-for-families/bpd-articles/?What-to-do-when-feeling-manipulated-by-suicide-threats-10

Some do’s and don’ts regarding thwarting stalkers:
http://www.nytimes.com/1998/08/25/science/personal-health-do-s-and-don-ts-for-thwarting-stalker.html

$5 on amazon, Gift of Fear is one of the best books on this issue:
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198/ref=tmm_mmp_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1501891414&sr=8-1

You could read man's search for meaning. It's a great read.

https://www.amazon.ca/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X

Try to identify where the noise is "getting in". Do you have a window close to your bed? Is the door to your room flimsy? Or is it just thin walls?

If the sound is coming through the walls, you may have little recourse. If the sound is coming from outside, you can get some acoustic foam padding and attach it to the window/door to block out some of the noise.

Another alternative is to get some comfortable foam earplugs, and then get a Vibrating Alarm rather than an audible one -the kind of alarm clocks used by hearing impaired people. Something like this one that you can fit under your pillow, or this one that you can wear.

They're not terribly expensive, and they should be just as good at waking you up.

I came here to suggest the Gift of Fear, too. Never discount your intuition. Don't let people discount your concern because you don't know empirically why you felt uneasy. That's your brain doing the detective work for you.

http://amzn.com/0440226198

Seriously, if you're reading this, read this book. Everyone from teenage girls to VIP protective details can benefit from this guys experience and information.

As someone with two dogs and a cat in a small place, I understand where you're coming from. I am sensitive to noise, especially at night.


I purchased a LectroFan noise machine to use at night, but you could also use it during the day. There are multiple sounds to choose from and the volume is adjustable.

Purchase a few rugs for the floors to help minimize the noise from the nails. You could also look into the placement of her water dish. When my pets noisily clean themselves next to me, I make a "tsh-tsh" sound and they'll either stop or move to another area to continue.


You should really look at your own health situation and speak to a doctor/therapist about this. I know when I'm experiencing strong emotions or anxiety, the sound sensitivity is more present and frustrating. It seems like you have been struggling lately and it's okay to experience frustration, but you have to remind yourself that your pet isn't doing this on purpose and you can't take out your frustration on her.


I hope things get better for you.

Hmmm, Have you tried standing up and then wiping your butt? Or even buy that product where you can clamp a tissue at the end of a stick and then you can wipe your butt more comfortably.

I think this is the thing that does it:

https://www.amazon.com/Ableware-Self-Wipe-Bathroom-Toileting-641-2506-2000/dp/B000PGPPIG

Honestly, I don't believe these will actually block Blue Light.

Blue Light is a wavelength, and while people say those glasses work, it could simply be a placebo. Blue Light is typically cancelled out with an orange-tinted lense. f.lux is an application which also tints your screen orange to prevent Blue Light from coming through.

The thing to understand is that an "orange" filter doesn't block Blue Light, but there's a specific kind of orange that does.

If you've ever watched MLG gamers, all of their glasses are tinted orange, and I too have orange-tinted glasses which do work. Never once have I seen regular lenses block CVS.

I highly recommend buying some that are from this company. I've bought a pair, and they work amazing. Do I look goofy as fuck? Sure. But I mostly use my computer at home anyways.

Child safety straps for fridge

Wear [these]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000USRG90/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1) a few hours before bedtime. Blue light entering the eyes inhibits melatonin production which interferes with sleep. Also, stop taking sleep aids, as you will need larger and larger doses over time, which is NOT a solution. I took large doses of Benadryl for several years and have permanent cognitive impairments as a result.

This book is also pretty helpful in dealing with anxiety.

Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2018/dp/039957963X - this is considered the bible for career change.

Buy this, it works well.White Noise

This reminds me of a story about a young male teen who broke both of his arms... ahem well no matter.

Basically...she's going to need help with everything requiring her hands. I broke just one wrist, I can't imagine how she functions with two broken wrists.

One thing I can suggest is if she doesn't own a good wardrobe of comfortable slip on/off pants (like baggy pajama pants basically) get her some. Fucking with buttons and zippers is not fun with a broken wrist.

There might even be some devices/tools you can get her to help be a little more self-sufficient, such as:
https://www.amazon.com/Maddak-Self-Wipe-Bathroom-Toileting-725062000/dp/B000PGPPIG#

If you want to lose weight - cut out sugar and carbs from your diet. You can eat as much meat and vegetables as you want.


>Do you have any advice for losing more weight and keeping my unhealthy love for sweet food under control?

Here's an outside the box idea - buy Miracle Berries and switch to eating sour (miracle berries make sour taste sweet).

They make rolling alarm clocks.

I hesitantly recomend Jordan Peterson to anyone, but his psychology is very sound in self help. He's shit a politics, so dont fall into the rabbit hole of those beliefs. Anyways his self help book has helped many many peoples. 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos https://www.amazon.com/dp/0141988517/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_.jpEDb78ZTXMS

Try miracle fruit tablets. like $15 for 10 of them on amazon. Cut each one into 4 and take one little piece, get it all over your tongue then eat stuff. It should taste better. After a while stop using the tablets sometimes and you might not notice it tasting weird.

I have no idea if this will work but ive been wanting to try it so I can start eating corn and other cooked veggies...I also gag and nearly puke with some things...especially corn.

http://www.amazon.com/mberry-MFT10-Miracle-Fruit-Tablets/dp/B001LXYA5Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396469304&sr=8-1&keywords=miracle+berry

First: You NEED to read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker: https://smile.amazon.com/Other-Survival-Signals-Protect-Violence/dp/0440508835/

Second: There are so many red flags here. Listen to your instincts. There is no reason to do anything more than to tell him that you are not interested in him and to stop contacting you. If he respects you he will apologize and leave you alone. Anything else is just reinforcement that this guy is bad news. Don't try to let him down easy, don't try to be polite. Be firm and direct.

It's time to unfriend and block him on Facebook and entirely STOP responding to any messages he sends you.

Try the Screaming Meanie. Truck drivers use it to wake up because their sleep schedules and pretty much everything about truck driving makes it both very difficult and very important to wake up. It has the added bonus of being portable.

There's also the Sonic Boom Bedshaker Alarm Clock, which is made my a manufacturer of alarm clocks for deaf people. It wakes you up by vibrating your bed and, optionally, beeping really loudly (not as horrible as the meanie though, and more precise volume adjustments.) I have one of these and it works great!

I've also seen the SmartShaker, which is a Bedshaker that connects to your phone via Bluetooth. Personally haven't tried it and I doubt that something that runs on batteries could shake me awake, however, but it could be worth a try.

If you have trouble with going back to bed after waking up to an alarm or turning off alarms in your sleep, I recommend getting an app that requires you to take pictures or scan barcodes. If you need the phone's ringer to be louder for the alarm, try hooking it up to a speaker.

You might also consider getting an old fashioned [Analogue Alarm Clock](
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00PD38UDI/ref=mp_s_a_1_9?qid=1448166430&sr=8-9&pi=AC_SX110_SY165&keywords=sonic+boom+alarm+clock). Those fuckers are loud and percussive and and don't have a snooze button. There's nothing like actual metal clanging together to wake you up in the morning.

If you have some money to spend, maybe a Sunlight simulation alarm would work for you. It simulates the gradual rising of the sun, but at whatever time you need the sun to rise and without having to leave your blinds open at night, with street lights bothering you and such.

Finally, I've found that the very best way for me to wake up is for my husband (or anybody really) to bring me a cup of tea. He can get still-mostly-asleep me to sit up and take the tea, and then I have to wake most of the way up to avoid spilling hot liquid all over myself, and then I fully wake up as I drink it. Obviously, this one is dependent on living with another person and having morning schedules that work together, which may not work for you.

Anyways, as a fellow heavy sleeper, I give you all I know about not sleeping through being a functioning member of society. :)

I still struggle with anger issues to this day. What helped me was the book Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh (a Buddhist monk from Vietnam).

1. Imagine your anger as a little child. Embrace our anger. Visualize yourself hugging a small child who needs comfort. Your anger isn't wrong. Recognize that it's there. Don't ignore it. Feel it.
   
   
2. Imagine the people who wronged you (your parents ... if you continue to have anger problems you will have to do this with others as well) as 5 year old children. Find pictures of your mother and father as small children. When you want to yell at them, or even hurt them, imagine them as 5 year children.
   
   These two methods help me see the humanity in the people who make me angry. I have been using these methods for years and while I still have a long way to go, I'm better now because I use these visualization strategies.
   
   Book I recommend on anger: http://www.amazon.com/Anger-Cooling-Thich-Nhat-Hanh/dp/1573229377