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As we get older, we have more life experience. More life experience means we understand the laws that govern this life. One law is that we all pass.

"Everything comes to pass. Nothing comes to stay." ~Matthew Flickstein

There are no guarantees in life. Except one.

Act with integrity and no one can take it from you.

I've recently gone through a tumultuous time. I am the point person for my 82 year old mom and disabled sister - they don't need my direct care, but they don't drive, and need help with dr. appts, budget, etc.

As difficult as it can be, and it will go on for years to come, I have my integrity. My actions and speech are true, kind and good to the best of my ability.

We choose how to view life. We can choose to be the cello player in the midst of the rubble. Or, we can join the masses of "no one can help me, and I can't help myself."

We are responsible for our own minds. We have to care for them like we do the body. Right diet and exercise help the body function right, and right input into the mind as well as right mental activity are our responsibility as well.

We don't deny our negativity. We accept it, "Yes, this too." And, we choose where we dwell in our minds.

Tara Brach has a book, Radical Acceptance, that might help.

Atul Gawande's Being Mortal might help.

Sam Harris Waking Up: Spirituality without Religion is good.

You can change. There is no such thing as a normal young adult. It could be you are comparing to what advertising portrays as "normal." Be careful of comparing to what the advertising man tells us is normal. Visit a third world country and look at people your age and add that to the mix of "normal."

You can change.

I find the generation over 65 to be a bit ignorant in general. Also, as people age their minds become less flexible. You were seeing people, your grandparents perhaps, who were in cognitive decline and not able to change nor wanted to change anymore.

Just as you are different now than you were 4 years ago, you will be that much different in 4 years.

More power to you.

All of this sounds promising. Your family's approach to his care is definitely a factor, and while it's incredibly frustrating for you, my main concern is that you don't internalize and repeat the behavior. There are better approaches that can improve quality of life, but if your parents aren't seeking them out (or worse, pretending the problem doesn't exist), then there isn't that much you can do. Please don't see this as a window into your future. There is a certain amount of autonomy into your trajectory through life; hold onto it and learn from other's mistakes. I'm sorry about the decisions your dad is making; you could try to talk to him about the effect it has on you.

A few comments:

1. I'd definitely suggest checking out some anxiety meds (benzodiazepines). I wouldn't recommend them as a daily solution for anyone young since they're addictive, but since your grandfather is 99, I think it'll be okay :)
   
   
2. Videos on a loop - especially things like Chinese movies or shows from the 1950s or 1960s could be really fantastic. Definitely comforting. Great idea.
   
   Check out geri-chairs. They're like recliners on wheels, so that you can wheel your grandfather around and he can be in the room with you guys: https://www.amazon.com/Drive-Medical-Position-Chair-Recliner/dp/B002VWK2EE/. They also sell additional comfort cushions for extra support: https://www.amazon.com/Geri-Chair-Comfort-Seat-Cushion-Color/dp/B005DLJBK6/. I could understand why he wouldn't want to be alone in his room especially if he was refusing all forms of entertainment (music/tv/movies/podcasts/books on tap/etc).
   
   I think there are quite a few potential paths forward - hopefully we find one that makes things easier for you.

I got this one and love it, charge holds well over time, plug and play, charges my mid-range phone almost 2 times over, plug & play couldn't be simpler (sorry for link size):
https://www.amazon.com/Upgraded-Anker-Candy-Bar-High-Speed-Technology/dp/B07TVYQFVX/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=%5BUpgraded+to+6700mAh%5D+Anker+Astro+E1+Candy-Bar+Sized+Ultra+Compact

New York Times recommendation site Wirecutter has their rundown here, or you can fish around on the site for external battery packs:
https://thewirecutter.com/reviews/best-usb-battery-packs/
I got my charger before I saw this, but am still happy, and saved a few bucks.

Make sure her phone uses standard USB micro port to charge, or be willing to fiddle with what wires work.

mAh = amount of "juice" the battery holds and can deliver; higher # = greater capacity.

• There are large-piece puzzles that are designed for the elderly but the whole family can enjoy. Ravensburger Sunlit Shores
  
  It's not a "job," but a way to keep her involved.
  
  
  
• Was your grandmother active in a church or is your family? The church might have programs in which she could participate.
  
  
• One of my elderly relatives always set the table in the evenings.

I second a soft blanket from home, it makes such a difference. Flowers or a plant would be nice if there is a shelf for them. When my mom was recovering in a nursing facility we got her wireless headphones for watching tv. They are pricey so it really depends on how long she may be there and if they will be worth it: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B072V3478X/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

It they're thinking of aging in place and need care,

https://www.amazon.com/Aging-Care-Hiring-Managing-Caregivers/dp/1442281634/ref=sr_1_1?crid=23ZW8URTW2D7P&keywords=aging+with+care+your+guide+to+hiring+and+managing+caregivers+at+home&qid=1566062980&s=gateway&sprefix=aging+with+care%2Caps%2C197&sr=8-1

I enjoyed Being Mortal, by Atul Gawande. My local library had it.