(Part 2) Top products from r/AlAnon
We found 20 product mentions on r/AlAnon. We ranked the 35 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 21-40. You can also go back to the previous section.
21. The Little Book: A Collection of Alternative 12 Steps
Sentiment score: 0
Number of reviews: 1
22. The Mood Cure: The 4-Step Program to Take Charge of Your Emotions--Today
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
23. The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
Sentiment score: 3
Number of reviews: 1
Used Book in Good Condition
24. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff . . . and It's All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series)
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
The pupose of the book is to get you to look at things, common situations we all come across everyday, like being criticized or being given more work than you can possibly finish, and see them a little differently.
25. Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Up Healthy Boundaries Every Day
26. The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
Bantam
27. How to Break Your Addiction to a Person: When--and Why--Love Doesn't Work
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
Bantam
28. Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
29. Seven Weeks to Sobriety: The Proven Program to Fight Alcoholism through Nutrition
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
Ballantine Books
30. Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People
Sentiment score: -1
Number of reviews: 1
Berkley Books
31. Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Sentiment score: -2
Number of reviews: 1
Abusive husbandControling menAbusive relationshipdrugs and alcoholcounseling
32. I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
I Hate You Don t Leave Me Understanding the Borderline Personality
First of all, it is so incredibly awesome that you are ready to change. Many people here would kill to have their alcoholics acknowledge their problem and want to stop drinking. For that, you rock.
So, your wife definitely needs to learn what's up. This is a hard reality: You can not drink. Period. Ever. You know this.
Alanon will teach her that she can't control your drinking; however I don't think it will teach her how and why YOU are powerless over alcohol. If you want her to really understand alcoholism, I highly recommend this book (both of you should read it!).
I see my husband's illness like constantly being starving while everybody around you is enjoying donuts, talking about the donuts, offering more donuts, hey, who's bringing the donuts tonight? but you are not allowed to eat a thing. Now, how is getting together with friends and specifically going to the donut shop to eat tons of donuts for one evening good for him? Do I force him to go just because I want to go there? No. Because his recovery is as important (if not more important) to me and my family and I am willing to radically change my life to support him. I admit that I was resentful as hell at first (mmmm delicious donuts). I do miss going out in those situations. But with patience and willingness to try new things, our lives have changed for the better.
You could try sitting her down to have a serious conversation: tell her how important it is to you to stop drinking; how you need to drastically change your life and throw all your cultural social conditioning (i.e., social times must include alcohol) out the window. It is so important that she support you. Tell her that it helps if you do not go out with friends in situations where there is drinking involved. Try hanging out with new friends (maybe from AA?) who don't drink. They are amazing people too.
In the meantime, you definitely should go back to AA. Am I reading correctly that you are bringing her to your meetings? Or is she somehow otherwise not happy with you going to them? Just go by yourself and study that amazing AA Big Book. Focus on your own recovery and keep the plug in the jug. Best to you.
I hope you make it to a meeting. You aren't alone in your concerns. There's 3 Al-Anon books I'd recommend finding at your local meeting.
First, a new book on intimacy called Intimacy In Alcoholic Relationships. I've found it to be a powerful book...but one that can be intimidating and might best be read with other Al-Anon folks or with your sponsor.
Another book is call Dilemma of The Alcoholic Marriage While I'm not married, it did give me so much insight into what my parents went through in their marriage. It also has a chapter on sexual intimacy.
Here's a sharing from the Al-Anon.org website that you might be interested in.
And then there's an out of print book, but can still be purchased called Sexual Intimacy
So much amazing, honest sharing on topics like yours in this book. Definitely worth getting a used copy...but again, probably best read when you have other Al-Anon folk to reason things out with.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It isn't easy to talk about, but it really is common in alcoholic marriages. Big hugs without expectation of anything more to you!
Just wanted to tell you you are not alone. Alot of us understand what you are going through. I've realized that I have alot of my own anxiety issues and trying to help an addicted loved one exacerbates it further of course. My loved one tries to medicate his anxiety/PTSD with alcohol. However, I also have maladaptive coping mechanisms too. Alls to say, I started to research how I can help alleviate my anxiety/stress through nutrition/exercise etc, and found a wealth of information regarding biochemical repair. Alot of the "dry drunk" syndrome can yes be, the fact the person has issues they need to address, ideally in therapy, but also, sometimes it's partially due to a lack of nutritional support/repair after they stop drinking. As we know, alcohol does so much damage to a person's mind/body, and continues to affect long after the substance is gone. The following are resources I found for myself and my loved one that goes more in-depth about biochemical repair as it pertains to anyone suffering with anxiety, stress, mood, and addictive behaviors.
I'm not trying to trivialize or say a vitamin will cure things, just wanted to bring up a nutritional/medical reason why some people present with these mood behavior issues, especially AFTER ceasing drinking. These books give solid advice/guidance that can benefit anyone.
Goal is to keep prioritizing our own health/well-being. You deserve all the health, happiness, and love that you seek OP. Sending you a hug!
Seven Weeks To Sobriety: The Proven Program To Fight Alcoholism Through Nutrition By Joan Larson, Ph.D., Director of Health Recovery Center
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0449002594/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_nnRhDbBC9H82M
The Mood Cure by Julia Ross, M.A.
The Mood Cure: The 4-Step Program to Take Charge of Your Emotions--Today
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0142003646/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_FpRhDb3QM6TBM
The Anti-Anxiety Food Solution: How the Foods You Eat Can Help You Calm Your Anxious Mind, Improve your Mood, and End Cravings, by Trudy Scott,
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249250/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ssRhDb246CCEF
“Biohack Boozing: Your Complete Guide,” By Dr. Zandra Palma of Parsley Health Functional Medicine Practice
https://www.parsleyhealth.com/blog/biohack-your-boozing/
Fit-Recovery Website: Biochemical Repair/”Drinking Sucks” Book by Chris Scott
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvFjmm07ax1YrrFCiWkNAMg
https://fit-recovery.com/
Dr. Mendelson with Ria Health
Www.riahealth.com
Heal Thyself: A Doctor at the Peak of His Medical Career, Destroyed by Alcohol -- and the Personal Miracle That Brought Him Back, by Olivier Ameisen, M.D. French Cardiologist Who Discovered Baclofen For His Own Alcohol Dependence, Also known as “The End of My Addiction.”
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0374532206/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_cxRhDbRJVETD9
Thank you beccccca52. I really don't want to give advice or recommend a book, if is those are agreements /r/alanon follows. At the risk of offending traditions, I'd like to recommend http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Face-Difficult-Conversation-Avoiding/dp/0310221528 which outlines our rights and methods for setting up an intervention with boundaries and http://www.amazon.com/Power-Positive-No-Relationship-Still/dp/0553384260/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371573140&sr=1-1&keywords=positive+no+Ury
these have helped me protect myself from highly dysfunctional family members I love, love to help and believe I am responsible for.
Thanks for your reply. :-)
I understand what you are saying about thinking whether or not you actually need help. That's why I didn't want to stumble on my first attempt to reach out to her about it. Sometimes once that wall comes up initially, it's next to impossible to get through again.
I picked up Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, and It's All Small Stuff for her over the weekend at a used bookstore and I thought maybe I might send it to her to restart a dialog(?) Honestly, I'm not really sure what I'm doing that's why I'm here! ;-)
I'm sorry to hear about your sad situation and am wishing you all the best, from one internet stranger to another.
I agree that mental illnesses are hard to diagnose when someone's an active alcoholic. You might be right about bipolar ultimately, but I also read your post and instantly wondered about borderline personality disorder. Perhaps you could read up on that and see if it rings true? If so, there is lots of helpful information online and books that might give you insights and advice. I've heard lots of positive things about "I hate you, don't leave me: Understanding the borderline personality" (https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You--Dont-Leave-Understanding-Personality/dp/0399536213/), but have not read it myself.
I don't have any stats about success and recovery rates, but if this gives you a little hope: my Dad sobered up a few years ago, after more than a decade of misery and very heavy alcohol consumption. My Mum stuck by him throughout his drunken years and they're now enjoying a second lease on married life. They appear to me to be more in love than ever. It is lovely to see. It took a near-death medical crisis for him to stop drinking. He's had no relapses that I know about since then. Success stories do happen.
I really loved this book but there are also many books available on boundaries; probably there's a good one at your library. Good luck.
I've been in your shoes. If you're not ready to leave, that's okay. You don't need to make a decision today. But you are dealing with alcoholism in about its worst form. If you stay on this path, you will find yourself in a year stuck in the same pattern, wondering "when" he's ever going to get better. Then you'll wake up in another 5 years, and 10 years, and so on.
It's your choice whether you want to face that reality. But whichever path you end up choosing (staying or leaving), it might help and give you peace of mind to evaluate your marriage from a practical perspective and come to a firm conclusion.
This book helps you do that. It does not insist that you leave, or stay. It helps you work through your fears of both scenarios, and come to a conclusion that you can live with.
How to Break Your Addiction to a Person: When--and Why--Love Doesn't Work
Thank you. If you haven't already, I implore you to read Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself and Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life .
Also check out intermittent Reinforcement . It's why that one day (which you are so deserving of!) will keep you around after weeks of behavior that you don't deserve. When I found out about this, I felt like I could finally explain to friends and family why it wasn't so easy to go. AND it helped me realize that I had to go.
PS: https://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Collection-Alternative-Steps/dp/0991717406