(Part 2) Top products from r/Alcoholism

You are good to support him.

Chocolate is nice, it can help with cravings.

A selection of soft drinks might be nice.

Some books or movies or TV shows or things like that to occupy his time might be nice. (Maybe a Netflix subscription or similar.)

Sobriety/recovery stories can be interesting. One of the best I've ever read is Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp.

Here's my thought on the best gift you can give him:
If you are happy about his sobriety and support it, then write him a note saying so. Maybe tell him why you are happy he is now sober, and that you're proud of him. (Or whatever seems best to you, I don't mean to put words in your mouth.) New sobriety can feel awfully lonely at times, in a way it's like saying goodbye to a friend. Having your encouragement in writing could be very helpful to him. Just a thought.

You sound like me, and a lot of people. Get some sober time, get comfortable, fall away from AA, and drink.

I don't have any recommendations other than keep trying. And, if you're up for it, go to rehab.

Why would rehab scare you? I've been twice and honestly it was two of the best months of my life. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it was a month off from everything except for taking care of myself. It's one of the only places and times in life where I was able to be honest about where I'm at in life, who I am, etc. You can't do that at work, or even around family. Society wants you to walk around with a big front and act like you got your shit together. Rehab you get to relax and drop all the bullshit. At least that's been my experience.

This time I read a book that's helpful. I read a few actually. But the one that came to mind is "Staying Sober - A Guide for Relapse Prevention". What I liked about the book was that it explained why we keep drinking and how not to do that. It aligns well with AA, but there's stuff in there that was helpful that I don't hear about in AA - like, the social, psychological, and mental effects of alcohol, cravings, etc. It helped me realize this really isn't about self-control and there are reasons for (and evidence to support) why we need to put recovery first and continue to do stuff like AA. https://www.amazon.com/Staying-Sober-Guide-Relapse-Prevention/dp/083090459X.

Whatever you decide to do, just don't give up. I'm not saying I'm done by any means (it's just one day at a time), but it took me a long time to finally get over a year and finally at least feel like I'm done with trying to drink. I have no idea if it was possible for me to fully stop earlier, or if just takes what it takes as they say, but it would have been nice to avoid so much misery I created by continuing to relapse.

Wishing you the best...

I used to want what people with "faith" have. It seemed to me that there was something out there that was working for people who believed in something bigger than themselves. This applies to all spiritual & religious types. I would wonder - what is it that these Christians, Buddhists, Jews, Muslims etc had that gave them this common serenity? I didn't care from whom or what this came from as long as I understood it. I just wanted to be happier and content but no one could explain faith without using faith in the definition.

After some digging I found a book 'The Paradox of Intention'. It explains why various faiths seem to have the same requirement to "let go" and "have faith". It also brings in modern psychology (Viktor Frankl) to explain this "faith" thing. After reading this I went from hating religion to a more tolerant position. I still can't respect people who abuse and mislead in the name of "god" but I now understand why people need faith in a higher power as well as how it works from a scientific point of view. To sum it up - the book states that faith is a state of "being" when one is happy regardless of the outcome of their efforts. When we stop trying to reach a goal is when we attain what we want. When this is practiced, a paradox occurs and we find that the things we want most arrive when we stop striving. All the major religions have discovered this and the language they use to teach it is in the form of metaphors. "God" is the best term for this thing that gives us what we want when we follow a selfless path etc... Please read the book if you want to whole scoop. It's a difficult and deep read.

I don't think people use the "God" stuff as an excuse. I think that AA needs to grow and mature to include people who are intelligent and don't require the metaphor language of religion.

Bill W, was greatly influenced by reading William James' book - the "Varieties of Religous Experience". Aldous Huxley wrote in 1945 a very similar book illustrating the same spirituality through a very detailed "Interpretation of the Great Mystics, East and West". A book which covers the same ground as James but I find personally a lot more readable

• http://www.amazon.com/The-Perennial-Philosophy-Interpretation-Mystics/dp/0061724947/ref=pd_sim_sbs_b_1
  
  
  In Steve Taylors Book "The Fall" - http://www.amazon.com/The-Fall-Insanity-History-Dawning/dp/1905047207 - he blames the desertification of the Sahara for six thousand years of unpleasantness. He says that Spirtuality certainly in the west and middle east was a direct result and contermeasure to balance out the ego-explosion that occured in man at that time. Freud describes this cultual ego explosion as super ego. Carl Jung, a pupil of Freud, argued that the only method successful in treating alcoholism was a complete psychic change brought about through ego deflation at depth - the sort of deflation that James describes. He told this to a patient of his - Roland Hazard who as a direct result joined the Oxford group where he met with Ebby T (Bill W's sponsor), gave Ebby James' book to read. Ebby didn't read it, he gave it to Bill instead and told him what Jung had told hazard. All this is documented in the "Alcoholics Anonymous" which Bill wrote (though I have added the names).
  
  If you aren't a book worm try this - Steve Taylor in an interview partly describing the his book Fall and the History of Western Spirituality - the soution employed by AA.
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZrZYYAp7QQ
  
  TLDR; The perenial philosphy is the title of a book written by huxley in 1945. It describes what sprituality is. Modern western spirtuality grew up as a direct consequence to couteract a cutural ego explosion that occured 6000 years ago in the middle east as a result of climate change. The solution proposed by AA is ego deflation at large which brings about a complete pyschic change making alcohol a complete irrelavancy. Bill W just documented what had already been known for thousands of years and wrote it down in simple language simple enough for a modern day drunk to follow.
  
  Hope that Helps
  

> God, he's not lose. God is in us. In you.

Yes, that is a Buddhist notion. A great book that discusses that is The Zen of Recovery

My problem is finding a sponsor who is as open minded as he expects me to be, and is willing to accept that I need to work the principles in a way that will work for me.

I would love to PM back and forth with you and possibly share phone numbers.

I have a book suggestion for you called "I'm Not Sick, I Don't Need Help" It's written for families of loved ones suffering from mental health issues and it's about how to convince them to eventually seek help. Good luck!

First of all...congrats on coming this point.
You are admitting you have a problem and you know you need to address it.
How did I start the process....I told my family & friends, I was DONE drinking for LIFE. I told them WHY. This helped me be accountable.
YES you can sneak it....but you are only cheating yourself.
Then I got a book that I really connected with and started listening to podcasts which I also connected with. Both are the same guy..
https://www.amazon.com/Alcohol-Freedom-Powerful-Kickstart-Alcohol-Free/dp/1511611529/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1480913845&sr=1-6
Maybe you connect with him...maybe not. But find something you DO connect with and fuel that fire daily.
Lastly, I realized that I am not a "normal drinker"...I don't "just have one"...after that first one, I want them all. So I chose to have none.
So far, I have been a million times more productive and life is much better. I hope the same for you!

It's just a short article promoting her book, which does seem to have a Notes section with references: https://www.amazon.com/Unbroken-Brain-Revolutionary-Understanding-Addiction/dp/1250055822

I still don't understand him; he's too elliptical for me, but I understand those who explain him.

http://www.amazon.com/Kierkegaards-Philosophy-Deception-Cowardice-Present/dp/081919803X

Alcoholism is not the same thing as codependency

I'm not diagnosing you with either, but what I am saying is when my therapist had me read a book called codependent no more That really opened my consciousness to a lot of my behaviors that I'd never ever considered being something about which I even had a choice.

You might read it and learn something, if you want.

I'm not a doctor and I'm not a shrink, but I'm a guy who got his second DUI after rationalizing my drinking that led to my first DUI in terms of external factors: my divorce, financial problems, having a bad boss, etc. Except that by the time of my second DUI, I didn't really have any of those problems--new boss, over a decade since I'd separated from my wife, money problems taken care of, and so on. I wish I'd scanned one of my favorite John Callahan cartoons; Callahan was a recovering alcoholic who had been paralyzed after being in a drunk-driving accident, and some of his work deals with his addiction and recovery. (I'm pretty sure that it was in Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far On Foot, his autobiography, which is an excellent read, although he has some weird issues with lesbians.) In it, he's in a meeting, listening to others' excuses: "I drank because my childhood nickname was 'Corky'!" "I drank because my shoes were too tight!" "I drank because there's a machine strapped to my back that forces me to drink!" The real joke being, of course, that Callahan is a quadriplegic, which would be an excuse to drink if there was one, except that he'd been an alcoholic before the accident, and was sober for most of the time after it, until his death not too long ago.

I completely get social anxiety, and it was my excuse for a while, until after I sobered up and realized that I drank in no small part to avoid socializing; even though I drank in social situations, I also went to bars with a book to avoid having to talk to people. (It really wasn't just to read, although I rationalized it as such, because I couldn't remember big chunks of what I'd read; it was a big revelation to revisit some of those books and see how they made so much more sense.)

tl;dr--there's nothing wrong with talking to a counselor about social anxiety, but here's a little experiment that you can try at the same time: don't drink for a month. At all. Nothing with meals, nothing with family, with friends, alone, period. If you're just drinking it for the taste, then it shouldn't be a problem. (I like Indian food, but I haven't had any in a while, and I don't wake up in the middle of the night wondering if there are any Indian restaurants open.)

It is possible to do alone. I've been to (court mandated) AA and NA and I simply cannot stand it. One sob story or wild tale of drunken adventure after another, the same stories week after week...everyone with tears in their eyes, a good 40% of people in there saying they are sober when the reality is that they have just switched up to something else (weed or pills generally). All the God and Jesus bullshit. I hate everything about it, even the camaraderie/people pretending to care about you

I wanted to become sober and I have. books like these X † X help me put things into perspective and realize that there is much more that I want to do in life than get home and get wasted and then feel shitty the entire next day.

I was a monster...I'd do any drug under the sun, I'd drink a fifth of vodka every night and I was able to stop with my own willpower eventually