(Part 2) Top products from r/Anger

Were you seeing a therapist for anger before? It's great that you are going back again. Remember, if you don't like the therapist for any reason you can switch to another one. Just keep going when you know you have work to do and the work isn't just in the therapist's office.

You have to do your homework too which is monitoring your behavior and thoughts, feelings, emotions. Writing things down helps a lot because it makes situations more obvious.

You have already evaluated the situation at the grocery store, that's great! But it's also the little, tiny things throughout the day. Like how do you talk to yourself? If you're always complaining about yourself and beating yourself up for small mistakes thats' called "negative self-talk". And you want to nip that in the bud. For the next two weeks for example you can watch closely for that kind of self-talk and pause for a second and say clearly to yourself - "that's not true, I'm being overly critical." But don't spend too much time debating yourself. Just shut that kind of talk down by ignoring it. Watch for cursing and raising your voice as well. They signal agitation, frustration - things that can immediately lead up to anger and lashing out.

If you get a journal and track things like this you can take it with you to your therapy sessions to keep the conversation focused on what's immediate and relevant to your personal mental state. I recommend getting a Bullet Journal (like bullet points - fast journaling of only the necessary info you need). Once you learn how to use it, you can buy any journal, much less costly. You can get a bullet journal at Barnes & Noble next to the other journals or Amazon of course. Ask for one for Christmas! :)

We live in a highly racially charged time. Even more so now than just a few years ago because of you-know-who. You have every reason to have fear or be angry. But you can't lash out at innocent bystanders. There are plenty of leaders out there we can pick as our personal guides. They show us how to act. The most obvious one to me is Michelle's "When they go low, we go high." And remember there are really smart people out there dealing with the same things you are and they haven't figured it all out yet either but can still offer advice.

And we also live in the age of social media. So you are lucky the cashier or someone standing nearby didn't take a video of it and post it all over Facebook, Twitter, etc. That kind of thing can truly end, not just your career, but your life in that town. After events like that people move to a different city to get away from the hate the locals have for them.

When you are a manager you have two core things you can focus on, responsibility and opportunity. You're responsible for people and budgets. But you have opportunity to hire and raise good people up, and the opportunity to grow yourself. Being a manager isn't easy. Have you taken any management training classes? Use the chance to build on your toolkit of business skills. Doing well on the job isn't just 9-5. The things you learn at work, being sincere, considering the customer's opinion, active listening, being warm and welcoming - these all apply to family and friends - and strangers too. Expand your application of your toolkit. Practice engaging and listening to people. Not sharpening your knives on them.

Do you get exercise? It really does help to exercise three or for times a week. Doesn't matter what it is, just 30 minutes a couple times a week.

Road rage? Leave the house 20 minutes early for everything. No excuses. Drive boring and safely. And DO NOT engage other drivers. Ever. That's it.

Personal finances can be the most brutal influence on our lives and negatively affect our daily mood. You definitely could feel better if you had your finances under control. What gratification does spending give you? Is it wearing new clothes or just the act of paying for things and throwing money around? That's something you can focus on with the therapist too. If you don't have emergency funds of 3 months room and board (rent and food, etc), that should be your first savings project, in addition to paying off credit or other debt. Second should be a true nest egg for a down payment on a house or retirement. How could you retire at 55? Set some short and long term goals. Personally I think it's ok to become addicted to sites like Fool dot com's financial forums but don't get caught up in buying stocks. Focus on the savings and long-term investing advice.

Women. Here's the thing. Calling them bad names is just like you being called terrible racial slurs. It's hurtful, demeaning, causes us to be fearful, makes us feel unwanted and unsafe. When you use those words and attitude with co-workers behind a woman's back you are extending and perpetually creating a bad atmosphere - you're making it ok for other men to act that way too. You want to be careful you don't empower someone who is even worse than you! But if you want to turn the current environment around, you can consciously choose the other side. To be compassionate, welcoming, protective. Our friend Gandhi's "Be the change you wish to see the world" couldn't be more true today. One person at a time, treat them with respect and compassion. You can set the example for new employees - when you hear them speaking that way let them know (in private - pull them aside - not as a power trip) that it's not ok. As a manager you are already a leader whether you like it or not. But you have the power to choose what kind of a leader you will be. And as cliche as it sounds, you can start right now.

When all else fails and you can't remember anything else in the moment try to remember, "Gender and race are on the same team."

Let people make mistakes. Automatically forgive them without asking for an apology. Offer the acceptance and forgiveness you never received. I don't know your spirituality but if you can pick one symbol you can believe in, put it on your dresser and every morning look at it and say something to yourself that will help you be more compassionate not only to yourself but to everyone around you. There's no greater religion than that. Even atheists pick certain aspects of Buddhism, Christianity, etc to apply to their own lives. Choose your virtues clearly. Be especially kind to yourself for the next several weeks while you're working on it! Hang in there. (edit: sorry for writing a book)

Awesome self-awareness and an important first step toward greater overall peace and contentment. But you probably don't have to look anywhere for happiness, though growth and change are likely to be part of the process. I enjoyed A New Earth and it was a very popular framing of the sort of inner work that goes into overcoming many of our misconceptions about who we are and what's really important. All the best with your process!

You're not alone, and to tell you the truth, I have no idea how to get rid of it. My repressed anger comes out in such childish ways, that when I try to talk about it, I feel embarrassed that it even happened. My way of letting it all go are those Wrist grip things on Amazon. Good luck, and hopefully you find your peace, whatever it may be :)

I used to have much worse anger than I have now, here's some things I was living with that made me lash out.

• My diet was horrible and I could polish off a case of mountain dew a week
  
• I was "stuck" in a repetitive job that made me love that NiN song "every day is exactly the same"
  
• I tried to do the /r/NoFap thing to improve my productivity and blah blah, without working things out with my gf first. Non regular sex + no beating off = anger
  
• I was a beta pleaser to my girlfriend, who was stuck in this phase of writing covert contracts with others - basically I did nice things for people until it hurt, and wondered why they didn't reciprocate, and then got angry when they kept on taking. People will take if you are giving, that's just the nature of the world.
  
• I let my health slip until I hated my body, which further fueled the anger.
  
• I was a part time beta orbiter to a female friend who I never approached and resented as she rode the cock carousel - basically another "covert contract".
  
  Over the space of a year or two I cleaned up my diet, reached for better opportunities at work and began to try and show my eagerness for advancement (ie: instead of asking for a raise I asked to be part of projects that would get me noticed)
  
  
  I fapped when i wanted to, which took the stress off of times when my girlfriend wasn't in the mood and made things overall more light hearted when she was in the mood.
  
  I started to reward good behavior and ignore/punish the bad in every aspect of my dealings with other people. I stopped believing that the world owed me something, and instead realized that it's a dog eat dog world, and if you do good things for yourself, the rest of the world respects you more than if you do good things for them.
  
  Went to the doctor, he told me that I had to lose weight, and I did - dropped 40 pounds.
  
  I laid off on my friend who I was covertly coveting, and just let life go on it's own path for both of us. I stopped trying to be someone else, and just realized that real friends are friends naturally.
  
  I also read books like "the 48 laws of power" and checked out subreddits that are about men empowerment like /r/TheRedPill and /r/MGTOW
  
  tl;dr: self improvement made anger not necessary.