(Part 2) Top products from r/BDSMcommunity

Ok, that's better.

First, don't put too much weight on yourself. The fact that she cannot have an orgasm with you right now doesn't necessarily mean that you suck (ha !) at sex. That's what i feel from your post, so don't. Maybe she's not too sure about her fantasies, feel guilty of having those, or anything. From what i know of woman, if you put some guilt, self doubt, image issue whatever in the mix, and you can block the whole thing. So be supportive, listen to her, reassure her but you need to relax on her inability to orgasm yet. Most of the time, trust and comfort will help her relax and be more in sync with you. Maybe some woman could give you more insight on that point.

For the mental part. Think of BDSM like a play with characters. Imagine the man who symbolize for you the ideal dominant (mine is robert downey jr by example) and take that as a role model. What would he do, what would he say, his posture, his look etc ... BDSM is a lot about how you project things and how other perceive that. So first rule, if you doubt of your dominance, other will feel it. When a dom order his sub, he doesn't let her have any other choice but to obey. What can helps you with that (at least it helped me) is think one move ahead, you'll seem assertive because your order will feel like one small part of something bigger. Imagine a boss telling you to finish the report for Monday and put it on his desk first hour. There is no negotiation, and doesn't have any interest in the fact you have tennis that day, the only thing he cares about is if you understood correctly what he wants. Some wisdom from the joker "Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying". Basically, if you seems to know what you do, people who trust you will follow. Be casual when you order your sub around, screaming sound like overcompensation when people don't listen to you. When I order my sub around, i talk slowly and calmly. I know that' she's listening, so i just explain to her what's going to happen.

Now for the expectation part. I was in the same place as you some years ago. My sub was very experienced (several years with a Master with decades of experience) and I was very inexperienced. First step, accept that you're inexperienced. You're not broken or whatever, you just don't know yet. It's ok. If you have a good communication, she already know that maybe you'll be awkward, clumsy, breaking character the first time, again it's ok. Don't worry about it. Things became awkward when you let them be awkward. One time i remember, i was pouring hot wax on her, all domy and stuff, I move her on the table to change position, and i put the candle on the table. The only thing that could have happened, happened. The candle fell on my foot, and you bet your ass I screamed and run like a little girl across the room... I was just surprised and honestly lots of anxiety didn't help. We stopped, had a good laugh, a good fuck and just went to sleep. Did that event hurt in any way our relationship ? Not at all, actually it's good and fun memories. So don't worry, screwing up isn't an option, what you can choose is how you decide to own your mistakes. Furthermore, you have to remember that we talk about sexual stuff here, sex is fun, if you don't have fun, you're doing something wrong.

i can guarantee you that a simple slap across the face (again discuss that before) or a simple over the knee spanking with the right attitude, look, voice and all will have ten times more effects than trying to act a very complex suspension scene you're not familiar with. So stay "in your league" and advance slowly, one step at the time. Going slow will also allow you to build a dominant character because it doesn't happen overnight. What makes all the BDSM plays possible can be reduced at how credible your character is. There are lots of dom archetypes, some are nice, some are mean, other have high protocol, other are more casual, some are more physical, other more mental and psychological. You need to find the one you want to be, and start to act (in play of course) like him. Your final dynamic is the mix of your wants and her needs and wants. There is no two person on earth who will enjoy an identical set of kinks. Just imagine, a checklist have hundred of entry each can be noted from 0 to 5 for how much you enjoy it and 0 to 5 for how difficult is that for you. That's an infinite amount of possible combinations. So every relationship need to negotiate all the time, to find a common ground. That's why we value communication so much and advice new comers to first establish an open, clear and non judgmental like of communication. Lots of people think they have an unbiased and perfect communication, but when you think that's the case, it's just the start really. Those level of communication need a very high level of trust in your partner.

To summarize :

• Talk to her, never assume
  
• Accept that you're learning
  
• Relax on her inability to cum with you. You'll see how that goes when you introduce new concept in your relationship with her.
  
• Spank that ass with your hand and your mind ! =)
  
  Now some homework !
  
  Read that. Maybe not especially for you but i give the link to all new dom, so ...
  
  BDSM checklist for her. Something that could help with shy people is make them write a fantasy. Writing can help express thing you cannot say out loud (for your con non-con suspicion)
  
  There are several books linked in the resource section of /r/bdsmfaq . Screw the roses, send me the thorns is one of my favorite.
  
  For the mental aspect, you can read the Control Book by Masters. Also the New topping (and bottoming) book. In terms of books about psychological aspect of BDSM you have a very wide range of available book because you can learn from dog traning book to old "Good wife guide" kind of book (for 50's household), field manual for prisoners interrogation (i'm into interrogation play). Magic tricks book (for mindfuck). It really depends on what play you're interested in.
  
  Take care, and have fun.

How much experience do you have in real life? As vanilla as she sounds CFNM parties will probably spook her and BDSM culture is not like porn tries to say it is. You both might want to look at this book: https://www.amazon.com/Playing-Well-Others-Discovering-Communities-ebook/dp/B009DP5P26

Good intro as to how/why people get safely into kink and the differences of a sex club, leather bar, kink club, fetish night etc. Chart in the back to map out your limit and experience levels with a bunch more types of kinks.

My standard intro:

BDSM is what you make of it. There's hundreds of kinks and you have to find what works for you. I'll post my intro for you both to read as well:

Now my own rundown, both of you read through it for ideas and what you do and don't like the sound of: Now a few terms from me that you should know: Look up the safety and video tutorials of everything you try with risk, (not porn), even 'light' bondage or cuffs could cause nerve damage if tied wrong or left too long. Recommend getting safety shears. Never leave a tied person alone or try to sleep like that. Feeling numbness or tingling get free immediately.

Start small, maybe each type out an ideal 500 word fantasy for the two of you and go from there. As for the rest, roll with it and laugh it sounds like a bad porn script or is weird.

Top: Person performing an action in a scene.

Bottom: Person receiving an action in a scene.

Dominant-Dom (Domme/Domina for females): Person who has agreed to take control of the scene and commanding the sub within limits of both people. More mental then physical though both are important.

Submissive (sub): Person who consents to not be equals in a scene and do what the dominant wants. Within established limits and agreed activities. Random surprises in a scene are not a good idea.

Switch: People who like to both Dom/Domme and sub depending on their mood and/or type of scene. Switching mid-scene is more rare but can be done with couples who know each other well.

Not all Tops are Doms/Dommes and not all subbing is from the bottom. For example a girlfriend could be a Domme but like to be spanked. In that case she would tell her boyfriend exactly when/where/with what/how hard/how often to spank her. The boyfriend is a Sadist Top, doing the spanking but only to obey her, the Masochist Domme. He might wear a leash she can pull on to remind him whose in charge.

Review/establish hard & soft limits and safewords protocols if you don't already have them. Red=Stop NOW! Yellow=Minor issue please pause to hear why. Green=Keep Going. Every once in a while check in especially if its a new activity by asking "Color?" Doms can safeword too if need be.

Hard limits are things you never want to even consider, both of you should respect the other one's and not bring it up again unless they do. Don't like mixing pee and sex? (Watersports), then hard limit it. if things change over time maybe bring it up but still respect the other person not being into it.

Soft limits are things you are nervous about but are willing to work your way up too. Never done anal before? Buy a butt plug and carefully wear it for 10 minutes each day, increasing the time as you get more comfortable. Then slowly take her yourself.

Aftercare: Snuggling and cuddling as normal people again after a scene to 'come down' after the intensity of a scene. Doms/Tops need it too. What is in it will vary from person to person. Blankets, water and chocolate are a good basic package. And praise for each other, a lot of it. Talk about a scene again after you are both restored to see what worked and what didn't. Aftercare is needed to prevent the dreaded Drop. (Subdrop but Doms can get it too).

Drop: All the fun chemicals in your brain going away from a scene. Negative emotions and thoughts like sadness and maybe even disgust might pop in your head but it's probably just the coming down effect in your mind. Communication and aftercare are needed with your partner to prevent this in both of you. Drop can sometimes hit a few days later so monitor yourself. Personal experience: first scenes on a Friday night, drop didn't hit until Monday night/Tuesday morning, I needed to sleep it off. Irritable for no reason and out of step with the rest of the world, felt like a bad day no matter where I went.

Let me be clear about punishments and funishments. Punishments are something the sub honestly hates that are done for breaking a rule/protocol. But they can STILL safeword out if they feel unsafe or the Dom isn't listening to why they broke the rules. Not all punishments are sexual it could be boring like writing lines 100 times. They are typically used if you have outside the bedroom aspects to D/s . NEVER use punishments out of genuine anger or resentment for obvious reasons.

FUNihsments are things the sub likes but pretends to break rules over to set up the scene. E.g. I didn't wear blue today so I deserve a spanking! Subs that like to tease or make the Dominant 'work' for obedience are Brats.

D/s could be attractive for many different reasons. Pleasure of being someone's lust toy, the trust that you can share a desire not to be equals with someone that some people will never understand, the power and control of another within limits, relaxing your mind and just doing what the Dominant wants, earning praise of someone you love etc.

Next part is written as female Domme and male sub but can be flipped around.

What kind of Domme do you want to be? What does he respond to best? Have safewords in place and review limits just in case.

Nurturing: "Be a good boy and lick my special spot, the lady juice just means your doing a good job!" "I'm so proud of you for making me cum!"

Mocking/Degrader: "If I was fingering myself I'd have cum twice by now! You think that little tongue wagging is going to get me wet? Harder and faster you dumbass!"

Sadist:"I'm going to spank your ass while your down there and it's going to turn bright red and bruised, whine all you want but don't stop licking or I make it worse." For every 10 minutes I don't cum that's 5 whacks with my hairbrush after on your ass."

Nurturing Sadist: "I know it hurts but it makes me so happy your taking so much in dedication to me. I'll give you a break for two minutes, then just 10 more spanks, I know you can do it! After I promise to rub the lotion on your bruises and kiss them better. I'm proud of you."

Tease and deny him: "I'm going to sit on your face while your hands are tied/cuffed! I'm going to keep jerking you off until I feel like stopping, don't care if your sensitive after you cum, it makes me wet so I'm going to make you squirm! For extra effect every time he cums, immediately drop your pussy in his face so he knows orgasm=your scent & taste. You can also make him give you oral for every time he cums after. Make him thank you after.

Rub him out while he's still in his underwear and make him stay all wet in them afterwards because he is so dirty and it amuses you to see him in nothing but wet underpants. (Shower after).

Dirty talk/ownership: This is where you belong isn't it? You belong to me. You have stress outside here but the people at work don't know this is who you really are right? This is what you crave inside, being covered in marks and lady juice from me isn't it? You like the smell/taste/warmth don't you? Tell me how much of a dirty boy you are. Admit it, you love being my living sex toy.

Sensory: Blindfolds, gags, earplugs to remove senses to heighten anticipation. Need a new way to safeword, i.e. dropping something noisy like a cat toy or gesture with his arms if they're not tied. Tickling. Ice and hot wax (check the safety) for temperature fun. Gags are not really for rookies until trust and alternate safeword ready.
Role play: This can take many forms. Its make-believe for adults. Nurse costumes, a leash, a teacher's ruler, whatever you need to set the scene. Laugh if you need too but once you hit yours and his scenario you'll know.

Body worship: Make him kneel on the floor naked and kiss your feet/heels/boots. Put them close together and tell him his lips are not allowed to leave your skin so he must drag them over from side to side as he shifts from foot to foot.

Whip cream/other such food on your feet/nipples. Not your crotch it causes UTI. Lemon juice if you want to make him squirm but he wants you in his mouth so bad he'll do it (within limits of course).

Forbid him from touching himself while doing this, make him beg to put any part of you in his mouth because he's so horny. If you can reach the top of his head, dig your nails in slightly and massage the scalp. Trust me he'll probably melt.

Service subbing: More outside the bedroom, doing household chores to earn praise of the dominant. Get him naked to vacuum while you 'ignore' him clothed while reading on the sofa. He cooks for you and eats at your feet during meals alone at home, etc.

A little subtle outside the bedroom game to signal/turn you both on, (written as male Dom and female sub):when you as sub wear sandals to go out, the Dom expects at some point that she will 'casually' slip both feet out and be barefoot in front of others briefly as a symbol of the Dom's control even when others don't know; and a symbol the sub is horny and will be ready to be barefoot and naked at home whenever the Dom orders. Bonus if the sub's toenails are painted a color the Dom ordered, fingers too. A little game to let him know you are still attracted to him and feel up to sex when you set that up.

Have fun and stay safe, sane and consensual!

P.S. https://www.reddit.com/r/Femdom/comments/3xcypp/femdom_in_the_real_world_married_mf_xpost_from/?st=itxsjhri&sh=ddcd782e

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/comments/5lgs9o/a_year_in_review_a_new_males_subs_reflections_and/?st=ixjuo9of&sh=435101c1

Remote Vibe First one was DOA, but the replacement worked wonders.

Also just in case you're curious, here's a bunch of other things I've bought off of Amazon:

Rabbit Vibe: NO, breaks too easily

Dual Bullet: Great while it lasts, but sadly breaks after a few sessions

Scissors If you don't have some GET SOME

Two Knotty Boys I highly recommend if you need some knot help

Condoms More are always useful to have

Weighted Nipple Clamps LOVE THESE, your sub might not though

Whip Going strong for two years

Bullet Held out for a while but ultimately broke after a few months

Numb Throat Spray doesn't work

Anal Trainer Set good for training but the middle to biggest is a bit of a jump

Lube Great stuff, lasts a while too

Blindfold Very comfy and durable

Bondage Tape Works well for hte purpose, doesn't adhere like Duct Tape, perfect

Vibe Fantastic Vibe

Rose Petals Show your girl a good, romantic time

Suction Dildo Get it and make her fuck herself on the floor, highly recommend

Butt Plug A good intermediary between the large and medium from before

Mouth Wash Make sure your breath smells clean for sex

Pillows Sleep better

Mini Massager Works reasonably well

Rose Gold Heart Necklace Classy way to show ownership out and about

Rose Gold Heart Bracelet Sams as above but for alternating days

Okay that's a quick overview, let me know for more detail on any, yes I have have bought all of these on Amazon, Dear God I did not realize how much I bought there before now.

Also here's a fun list of tasks and punishments

Fur further ideas just look over this sex map and for a bit more utilitarian, check out this list of Limits I made (pdf version or .xlsx version i.e. excel). For some fun orders steal some from the Contract I wrote (Word Version or pdf)

Absolutely. You are definitely not alone.

Join Fetlife and you will start to see what resources are available. It is recommended that you find local bdsm groups called munches so you get a feel for the community and get to learn, meet people in public. (Look up your area groups on fetlife). Just be careful about meeting people you don’t know and learn about tips on how to (more) safely start a relationship and eventually meet up with someone IRL.

If you have an openly bdsm club in an area that is accessible to you (big cities, etc.) many clubs have a Dungeon 101 class. There are EVEN kink/fetish/bdsm groups on meetup.com depending on where you live!

Many dating sites, I’ve heard good things about OKCupid for this, are good forums to meet people and you can state exactly what type of relationships you are looking for!

A good starter book would be SM101: A Realistic Introduction, by Jay Wiseman.

https://www.amazon.com/101-Realistic-Introductoin-Jay-Wiseman-ebook/dp/B006T2UJQ8

This is a bit dated but has a great PRACTICAL intro on tons of kink practices, PLUS REALLY good tips for safer meeting of people for “playdates.” 😏😏😏

Playing Well with Others by Lee Harrington is supposed to be helpful re venturing into the kink community, I own it but haven’t read it but it sounds like it would be a good fit for you. (Plus it is $1.99 on Kindle!).

https://www.amazon.com/Playing-Well-Others-Discovering-Communities-ebook/dp/B009DP5P26

The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton are also very good.

Good luck, stay safe and have fun!

Dominance is 1) comfort with yourself, 2) ability to set realistic expectations, and 3) willingness give honest feedback.

It's important, whether you're new or a veteran, to stick to the things you actually care about when setting expectations, because you'll have the expertise/perception, and your heart will be in it when you give feedback.

For example, your sub might have two duties: making coffee and hanging up your pants. If you are serious about your standards for how those get done, and you are genuinely rewarded when they're done well, and can teach her how to do them, giving feedback and praise, and if you won't let it go when it's forgotten.. that's dominance.

Exercise of dominance doesn't have to be around kink or sexuality -- it just has to be about something that truly matters to you, so that they can see you're actually happier when they do it (correctly).

Read the book "Real Service" for more.

Anyway, just so I get this of my chest given that I don't know how much experience OP has, a short safety message: Rope Bondage is edge play (you can get seriously hurt), please don't go and do something that you've seen once on the web, practice first on a pillow/log/broom/teddy/yourself and get comfortable with knots and the rope you want to use. Have EMT safety scissors with reach at all times when you actually tie someone up, because rope is cheap in comparison to anyones well-being.
/EndSafetyRant

Get on FetLife(Interesting that not allot of people advertise the awesome site, subscribe to the rope bondage forum and read the stuff from there, you can also try to see if you have someone in your area that has some experience using FetLife, though I understand that smaller communities tend to have less kinksters in them.
Other Reasources:

• Totally agree with Heimdall33 and to add pic 1 and two are using nylon, while 3 is using a cotton rope (commonly know as laundry line).
  
• Two Knotty Boys are good and have free videos
  
• Some Hogtied educational vids
  
• Know your knots and more of the same
  
  Have fun, take it slow, grow and learn how awesome it really is! :)

/u/fad_gadget89 is dead on, but there's also something really important here - there is no one true way to do this! A training program created by someone else is more than likely going to promote their ways of doing things, which may or may not be yours. Do you want your sub to be chatty or quiet? Bratty or obedient? A skilled cook or do you enjoy being in the kitchen? Should they know how to care for leather or do you not even own a pair of boots?

If you really want help with developing a training program, looking at books like Erotic Slavehood, Real Service or even some of the books by Bob Rubel which outline very specific protocols for a few different types of dynamics.

You could also investigate things like MTTA, which is a weekend intensive designed to explore this stuff. I've never done that program, but know folks who have. It tends to be as much learning about yourself as it is learning how to submit or particular skills.

I compiled a list of some of my favorites for my TNG group. Which I'll past here, hopefully the formatting is right.

Ties that Bind
A very easy to read collection of essays about BDSM, Leather and relationships. There is a lot of good general advice in this book and a lot about Leather. If your interested in Leather and incorporating BDSM into a relationship. I would recommend this book.

Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices
Probably one of my favorite books, this is all about Master/slavery and what those words and that type of relationship mean. Keep in mind that this is just one of many different ways to do M/s and this book is just one of many. If your interested in Master/slave relationships I highly recommend this. (Note: This is the updated version which I haven't read. But I really enjoyed the original.)

SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude--Principles, Skills and Tools
A book about slavery from a slave's perspective. Very easy to read and very informative. I highly recommend anyone interested in dominance or submission. Especially people who are interested in being a slave.

Hell on Wheels:Disabled Dominants
Mastering Mind: Dominants with Mental Illness and Neurological Dysfunction
Kneeling in Spirit:Disabled Submissives
Broken Toys: Submissives with Mental Illness and Neurological Dysfunction
Master Raven Kaldera's series on Dominance and Submission with Mental Illness and physical disabilities.

Dark Moon Rising: Pagan BDSM and the Ordeal Path
Another book by Master Raven Kaldera (all of his books should probably be on this list. Spirtuality and BDSM are usually not discussed a lot and this book goes into a lot of ways that BDSM can be used in Pagan/spiritual practices. I found this book very enjoyable

I have stolen this from user /u/wizfrk who also has a tumblr page which can be found here.

Social Sites:

Fetlife (Facebook for Kinksters)

Fetlife Novices & Newbies Group

House of Tanos - BDSM Blog, Slave/Master stuff

Informed Consent (UK)

Datenschlag (DE)

Readings/Electronic Resources:

BDSM Identities

Darr_Syn's Post Dump

BDSM-Chicago Tutorials

NLA Columbus SM101

BDSM for Nice Guys

Restrained Elegance - Slave Position Lexicon (nice pictures)

Rope Related:

Be Knotty - Wiki

How to Tie a Karada

Rope & Knots

Animated Knots

Shibari Nation Tutorial on Rope

Wiki Article on Shibari

Books:

"How to Be Kinky: A Beginner's Guide to BDSM"

"How to Be Kinkier: More Adventures in Adult Playtime"

"Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns"

"The New Topping Book"

"The New Bottoming Book"

"The Better Built Bondage Book"

"On the Safe Edge"

Rope Related:

"Rope Bondage 101 -Free PDF via kinkfriendly.com"

"Complete Shibari, Volume 1: Land"

"Complete Shibari, Volume 2: Sky"

"Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes"

"Two Knotty Boys Back on the Ropes"

"Shíbarí You Can Use"

"Bondage for Sex, Volume 1"

Videos:

KinkAcademy - Free Video's (paysite)

Pleasure Shop Collection

Rope Related:

Two Knotty Boy Collection

How to Tie a Shibari-Style Rope Shackle

Twisted Monk Collection

Hogtied Education Series


Rope Related:

EMT Shears

Aja Rope Hemp, MFP, paracord

Arizona Bound Cotton, Hemp, Linen, Jute

Beautiful Bondage (UK) Hemp, synthetic hemp, cotton, accessories, bulk orders

BindMe.nl (NL) Hemp, jute

Boss Bondage Hemp, accessories

Erin Houdini Nylon specialist, UV reactive colors

Esinem (UK) Hemp, jute, linen

HandmadeRope (CA) Variety of handmade rope

*HempTraders

Jade Rope (UK)(US) Variety of natural and synthetic fibers, accessories

Jakara Shibari (UK) Jute specialist

Jaoman (CA) Hemp

KinkyRopes Specialty ropes, jute, flax, hemp, rope toys

KnottyBound Hemp, jute, bamboo, bulk orders

Madame Butterfly Silk specialist

Maui Kink Hemp, jute, variety of exotic natural fibers, accessories, bulk orders

McHurt (DE) Hemp, general bdsm

Naturally Twisted (AU) Jute, accessories

Omega Jute Jute

Ouchy (NL) Hemp, jute, synthetic hemp

*Rawganique hemp, products

Ravenesque Rope nylon, nylon/polyester blend

Renaissance Rope Hemp, jute, bamboo

Rope Extremes Hemp, MFP, nylon, synthetic hemp, paracord

Shibari Ropes Hemp, jute, suspension rings

TwistedMonk Hemp, accessories

Venus Ropes Hemp, MFP, nylon, accessories

Vintage Rope Hemp, cotton, MFP, accessories

*not treated

Personalities/Events:

Lord Morpheous

Two Knotty Boys

Midori

Fred aka ShibariK - French Fetish Photographer

Serenity9

Shibaricon

Bondage Radio

Fun/Fiction/Entertainment:

KinkForKindle - Free Kink Ebooks

Cherise Sinclair - Great BDSM Fiction Writer

Nana to Kaoru - Cute BDSM Manga

Extra:

Please Punish Me! - Punishment Generator

Slave Contract Generator

BDSM Checklist & MojoUpgrade - Discover your kink Questioner


DS

I can help with some of this stuff...

Magic Wand, if you're looking for the original HV-260 by Vibratex (Formerly Hitachi) Then you can order one from these places. I've bought mine from Amazon, but right now most retail places are about the same price, so you can be sure you're getting the real deal.

I know many people with the Lovense Lush and are happy with them.

Not sure about the anal hook, if such a thing exists. Lovense does make a remote controlled buttplug

Handcuffs? Like metal police-style ones? Not recommended. Process that rope and use that, or get something in leather or neoprene

For nipple clamps, something adjustable is good for beginners. I tend to use good old-fashioned clothespins mostly. I do have a pair of clover clamps and they hurt like hell, most people I play with cant have them on long.

Did you watch that WykD Dave video I linked before? Processing rope isn't hard. I was hesitant too my first time, once I got one down and saw how easy it was, the rest was smooth sailing. Like I also mentioned at the time, butcher block conditioner is easy to use, warm the bottle for a while in warm water to melt any solids in there, apply it to a rag, then rub down the rope with it. It doesn't take much, I used just under half a bottle to do my whole rope kit (the same one I linked you).

Edit: My next wand purchase, if I ever get to the point where I can afford to drop this kind of cash on one, will be the Doxy Die Cast which is 150% more powerful than the Hitachi and has a silicone head so it's more body-safe.

Edit2: Mineral oil or jojoba oil without wax can also be used to treat rope.

Another book to check out is Better Bondage for Every Body. It goes over in great and glorious detail about safety, placement, importance of tension, etc and has a lot of great resources. I also highly suggest anyone who lives in a major city or a city with a rope group at all to seriously consider joining it. It was a great experience with a lot of wonderful and accepting people that are there to have fun and learn a new skill, just like you. Your skill level will advance drastically when you have someone there to give you advice on tension, placement, and other techniques. Not only is it sexy, but its super fun and the people are very inclusive.

Hypnosis is not really something one should "fool around" with. The hypnotised person is in an incredibly vulnerable state. It requires a lot of trust and communication to do safely. The person doing the hypnotising needs to be very aware of the other person's boundaries and and needs.

I suggest you both talk talk talk, and do lots and lots of research and reading (I've seen this book recommended) before trying again. If you're sure he truly is aware of the mistake he made (and isn't just sorry because you got upset), then with more care, this is something you can probably forgive. Blunders do happen, though when it comes to kink and the vulnerabilities that come with it, the blunders can be more harmful, which is why more care is required.

So, accept that what you're feeling is expected and fine. Talk to him, make sure you understand each other, and make sure he understands better how consent boundaries were crossed and how important it is to never do that again. And then you guys can look into moving forward and see if it's something you want to continue exploring.

Sounds hot :)

(I'm sorry if you've already found this information. Just trying to give you some tips I received when I started experimenting more with BDSM.) If you're researching, you might want to check out some of Dossie Eaton and Janet W. Hardy's (old pseudonym is Catherine Listz) books. The Ethical Slut focuses on Poly, but it has a lot of good info about communication that's pretty applicable to all forms of kink and any other relationships. Both the New Bottoming Book and the New Topping Book are awesome. SM101 by Jay Wiseman is a great read too. These helped me a lot with navigating communication, wants, and needs.

The first thing to do is to disabuse yourself of the notion that real BDSM is anything like 50 Shades. Most of us hate that book, and with good reason - Christian and Ana's relationship is neither realistic nor healthy. If you come in looking for that kind of storybook experience, you will likely be disappointed.

If you're looking for reading on the Dom side, I'd recommend the following:

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns

Playing Well With Others

The Loving Dominant

The New Topping Book

Also check out the link to r/bdsmfaq posted in this thread. It also might be worthwhile to take the test on bdsmtest.org - it will help you find specifically what you're into, which you can communicate to others.

(A caveat - those books, and most books about bdsm unfortunately, focus on male dom/top/d-type, female sub/bottom/s-type. I'm guessing based on your username you are female-identified. Good news - female doms are in very high demand! Bad news- while there are certainly resources for you, and you can certainly get good stuff out of those books, applicable material may be harder to find - as a bi guy myself, I'm often annoyed at how many rope tutorials involve knots that, ehem, would be uncomfortable for guys.)

From there, I'd look up munches in your area and go to a few. Don't expect any action, you'll just be getting to know people in the community. Maybe you'll find partners quickly, maybe it will take some time - there's a catch-22 for new doms, which is that people prefer to play with experienced doms, but you need to play with people to get experience. But by and large, most communities are very welcoming to newcomers. From there, the world is your oyster - have fun and be safe!

This might be off topic somewhat but I would highly recommend learning some basic hypnosis. I think your friend would absolutely love it. That sort of mental domination is a huge trope with vampires and you can easily put in suggestions that your bites are much more intense or authentic than they actually are. You could even leave a lingering pain from the 'puncture' until you lick away the wound. Here is a great starting point if you're interested in learning.

I think Amazon has a great selection of sex & BDSM stuff, but the website makes it hard to find the good stuff. I'm convinced it's designed to lure buyers to buy specific products from certain vendors, so window shopping might be difficult and lead the buyer to cheaper products.

The way I shop on amazon for kinky stuff, is I find a really good pro domme's Amazon wishlist and go from there. Seriously, you find some REAL gems that amazon never suggests (or even shows up in feed).

That's how I discovered this. With the rest, this isn't a bad crop IMHO and this guy is fun and simple.

This isn't trouble! There is nothing wrong with you! Most women do not come from vaginal penetration alone. You are not defective! (And it's possible some of those other women were faking orgasm, which is a thing some women do, you know?)

I'm sure you all can have a lot of fun exploring this, but it needs to start from loving yourself, and your husband loving you, not from a place of thinking there's something wrong with you.

A few books that might help you learn to love your body and your sexuality:

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

Woman: An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier

It sounds like you might form "anxious" attachments to people. I do too! I hate it, but it's not something you can just turn off, otherwise neither of us would put ourselves through all the unhappiness that comes with it. However, I can offer you some resources for learning more about attachment theory.

One of my favorite bloggers, Dr. Emily Nagoski, has written a bit about attachment. Here's a good starting point on her blog: http://www.thedirtynormal.com/blog/2010/06/21/attachment-styles-a-primer/

Also, because I feel my anxious attachment style is holding me back, I just started reading this book (not an affiliate link). I picked it up from my city's library, and it's really interesting so far. I can't vouch for its ability to help me or others who don't form secure attachments, but it's been recommended to me by multiple people.

This is from my experience as a sub within an already established marriage. I have always had a hard time orgasming, and overall had a rough relationship with my sexuality, low libido, and a lot of anxiety about satisfying my husband. After a few health changes over the last few years, things got better in those departments and one thing we found works pretty well is for me to masturbate for him. As we began to integrate D/s into our sex life (which also helps my anxiety greatly for several reasons), he tells me when he wants me to make myself orgasm, which I can now fairly reliably do. Another thing that has helped is his genuine acceptance of my telling him that pleasing him makes me very very happy and I truly don't fret about orgasming for myself within the context of our sexual experience.

Also, check out Emily Nagoski's book Come As You Are. It helped me learn a lot about anxiety, drive, and inhibition.

• Vet Wrap (like bondage tape, but more breathable and flexible)
  
  
• Bondage Tape
  
  
• High-quality cotton rope
  
  
• Spreader bar with removable cuffs
  
  
• Breeder bar
  
  
• Low-temperature candles for hot wax play (great for sensory deprivation scenes!)
  
  
• Adjustable silicone (tasteless!) ball gag (no nasty latex/rubber taste, yuck)
  
  
• Cute, glittery butt candy
  
  
• Japanese clover clamps
  
  
• 10-speed off-brand Hitachi wand
  
  Just some examples of good purchases for cheap. You're better off buying toys like cuffs, collars, impact toys, etc. from specialty shops, preferable in person, but these are some good all-around useful toys that you don't need to break the bank on.
  
  EDIT I can't believe I didn't think of this, but LUBE! If you go through lube like crazy (I do) it's better to buy in bulk from Amazon and a lot less embarrassing than going through the check out at Walmart with a cart full of Astroglide.

• Most of the TENS equipment out there is basically garbage. I know it's expensive, but the stuff made by Erostek is totally worth it. They have figured out the proper types of electrical signals that actually will make you cum.
  
  
• There are a lot of garbage violet wands out there that just aren't strong enough. There are a few name brands that are much better such as Dr Clockwork, though he isn't the only one that makes a good product.
  
  
• As for other electrical toys, I really like the Electreat which is the original quack medical product. It has no beneficial medical effects, but it feels good and I have managed to get a hands free orgasm from it before. They don't make them any more so you have to find one on ebay or such. If you are lucky you can get one for less than $25, making this a great way to start off.
  
  
• If you want something a bit more painful there are a lot of toys that will give a painful zap of current. One popular toy is the Tazapper, though there is little difference between it at $40 and an electric fly swatter for less than $5. just remove the swatter part and make a tip resembling the Tazapper out of the leads coming out of the handle. This is also a great way to get started cheaply.
  
  
• If that's not enough pain you could go for a stun gun or a cattle prod which hurts like a son of a bitch.
  
  
• Finally, if you want a LOT of pain and want to cum from it, there is the Bailey Ejaculator for Rams and Goats which will painfully shock your prostate until it convulses and forces you to cum.

35 feet is honestly long for rope stuff, even for people who do a lot of rope stuff.

Most ropes come in 30 feet pieces and are doubled over to create more surface are, for a total of 15 feet of working length.

Many people prefer even shorter lengths, in the 23 foot range, again doubled over for more like 11 feet of working length.

Some rope packages come with 5 lengths of 30 and 2 lengths of 15. The lengths of 30 are used for complex ties, while the 15 are used for smaller ties or finishing longer ones where you need just a little more rope.

The 15 foot lengths are again doubled over for a very manageable length of 7.5 feet.

You could cut it into 3 pieces. Two 10 foot lengths and one length of 15. Knot the ends off, or use tape if you do not intend on washing it. This would give you enough for say-

• hands together, feet together
  
• hands together, feet at each corner of foot board
  
• wrists to thighs
  
• wrists to crotch
  
  Very helpful video for learning rope.
  
  Another helpful rope tutorial.
  
  Have you got safety shears?

Yeah! To start you can play with clothespins. I also would recommend your first pair of clamps be adjustable bull nose. They are affordable and are more manageable for beginners. On the loosest setting they should be tolerable and might barely stay on if they get jostled at all. Adjust as desired. You can always put them on their tightest setting, leave them on longer, pull on them, add heat or ice, or whatever to make it more intense.

Bull Nose Nipple Clamps https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004QIWRTO/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_hoGTAbSEFGHBP

If you want more intense, go tweezer or clover (clover are real strong, and close tighter as you pull on them!)

The local Home Despot is the best place to get started.
You want the kind or rope without a core like
twisted nylon

There are some good resources online for how to do ties. Start with twisted monk

And buy a set of EMT shears
Important in case of emergency either physical or mental.


Very important, it's ok to tap out and stop right in the middle, by either side. Set up a safe word.

After that spend a bunch of time talking about it. What you both liked, didn't like, want to try..

Nice job! This is not bad at all. Maybe explain how you did it? What materials? If others want to do it themselves.

What I like is that this is velcro so it would be super easy to pull on/off rather than have to unbuckle a cuff. Can switch positions quickly with more fluidity than having to uncuff then cuff again. And customized perfect for the wife!

What I would like to point out is that, you said it was super expensive but there are stuff that aren't. Amazon 4 Cuffs and 4 belts for $16. If the inside is uncomfortable you can add extra felt since you can DIY =P

It's totally normal to go to events alone. Plenty of people do, and I have several times. You can simply spectate, you can talk to others, or...if you choose to and the opportunity comes up...you can play with people.

I found the book "Playing Well with Others" to be an exceptionally good guide to kink events and kink etiquette, and I highly recommend it: https://www.amazon.com/Playing-Well-Others-Discovering-Communities-ebook/dp/B009DP5P26/

We use this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N8C14WU/

It's inexpensive and it gets the job done. The cuffs are pretty comfortable, but the best thing is that they're detachable, so at some point if you want a different style of cuffs (we use leather) you can just swap them out.

I highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/product-description/1585429139

It's cheap, a short easy read, and has a lot of very helpful practical tips to help you and your partner deal better with anxiety and abandonment issues. My therapist recommended it to me.

Relevent: The Better Built Bondage Book. Highly recommend. Lots of great ideas.

http://www.amazon.com/Better-Built-Bondage-Book-Furniture/dp/0973668806/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266136921&sr=8-1

Yes. Yes I am.

For those curious, this is what I've got in there:
Plug, Dong.

It's sooooooo good :D

My required reading list:

Ties that Bind by Guy Baldwin

SlaveCraft by Guy Baldwin

Urban Aboriginals by Geoff Mains

Two Knotty Boys Back on the Ropes

The SMTech educational series are pretty good, Lolita Wolf's are some of my favorites.

Get a pair of these: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004NG8V9E/

If you end up using neckties you absolutely positively need a pair.

They're cheaper, safer, and better than anything you may have hanging around already.

Scarfs are not a good choice. They probably stretch way beyond what any decent cotton rope would. The lessons you learn tying with a scarf will probably not serve you at all if you ever want to tie with rope. Plus all of the tutorials are going to assume you have actual rope.

Cotton clothesline rope should be extremely cheap and available at home improvement or department stores anyway. However, I recommend you buy some from twistedmonk (30ft, 6mm hemp or cotton). They have sample packs that include an instructional DVD but those are a bit pricier.

• Do not be an idiot and try to put yourself in self-bondage.
  
• Do not tie anything around your neck.
  
• Do not try to suspend yourself or anyone else.
  
• Do not tie anything really tight just to see how it feels. The knot could "jam" and you could end up giving yourself nerve damage.
  
• Always have EMT shears.
  
  Read this, including the FAQ (this should give you enough of a vocabulary that you can search for newbie guides on your own): https://www.twistedmonk.com/pages/where-should-i-start
  
  Here are two instructional video playlists:
  
  https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLGmYMyo1XjdpmMGxDOdOkWgcIzUbp-MeL
  
  https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLGmYMyo1XjdrjXG3a19QbFoexiWd58a_g
  
  And these books are very good for learning from the ground up:
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Shibari-You-Can-Use-Japanese/dp/0977872726/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1482364828&sr=8-4&keywords=shibari
  
  https://www.amazon.com/More-Shibari-You-Can-Use/dp/0977872750/ref=pd_sim_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=B4GHP4Q20GYE1R1BYTDT
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Jay-Wisemans-Erotic-Bondage-Handbook-ebook/dp/B005HZ6G8I/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482365194&sr=1-1&keywords=Erotic+bondage+handbook

Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Navigating and Exploring the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities

10/10 would recommend to anyone interested in or already experienced in BDSM/kink

https://www.amazon.com/Playing-Well-Others-Discovering-Communities/dp/0937609587

Spread eagle where her arms and legs are tied to the bed frame in an X position is going to be the easiest. Doggy style will give you good access to her as well but the rope work is a little trickier.

I have had this restraint set for years. It’s very basic but it works.

Also this could be a great opportunity to play around with forced orgasms. Once you finally let her cum don’t stop. As she continues to orgasm her clit will become more sensitive to the point it can be overwhelming. Imagine vigorously rubbing the tip of you cock right after you cum. You can then make her beg you to stop. Also telling her she is your little fuck toy and you can do what you want with her can set a fun mindset for both of you.

I always recommend Lee Harrington's book Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Navigating and Exploring the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities. It's only $2 for an ebook on Amazon (you can read it on your phone or browser) and I really wish I had read it when I first entered the scene.

You may be more of a service-oriented sub. There are a lot of us! And I'm a service-type Domme, too-- my boy comes and cleans and makes it generally easier for me to get done the things that I need to do. In exchange I give him rules, structure, expectations, and consistency. And I get to use him for my own devious purposes.

If this sounds interesting, I recommend this book on service.

Don't be discouraged, kinksters are as diverse as everyone.

Sure, be happy to. We are the authors of Living M/s and national presenters on the topic

I'm a big fan of Lee Harrington. Have you read his new book, "Playing Well With Others?

http://www.amazon.com/Better-Built-Bondage-Book-Furniture/dp/0973668806 My gf got me this book for christmas. AMAZING.

I like this style of adjustable nipple clamps, although I find that they stay on some nipples better than others.

"Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back"

Apparently I should buy that book. Thank you internet stranger!

Douglas Kent, Lee Harrington, and Midori are three well respected resources.

I've had one used on me because I want to get one and needed to see what it felt like and yeah it has quite a kick to it! I would use it like I use my stun gun and that's on the ass, thighs, calves. But not on testicles...stun gun is ok but not the cattle prod!
Get the red one on Amazon
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000LF652Q/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_zj-nxb6EN9R2K

https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Play-Mark-Wiseman-ebook/dp/B00DTIVTDM/ is excellent.

It's very exciting, isn't it? It's almost NRE (New Relationship Energy) to begin a relationship anew. I've been through the same journey - most of us here have. If someone had told me a year ago that I like pain, I'd have thought them bonkers - now I love it.

The first thing to say is that no activity, consented to by informed adults, causing no permanent harm, is the business of anyone else other than you and your partner. There's no need for fear or shame. Also that spanking is, frankly, extremely, extremely common among non-scene people. It's entirely normal.

There's a saying "It's only kinky the first time". You might even find that after a month, or 20 years, of introducing spanking into your love life, that you turn round one day and go "Meh, we've done that now". And it won't even seem kinky.

As long as you communicate your needs to your partner, and he's happy to do this with you, then just go for it.

If you want to look further into BDSM as a sub, you might find The New Bottoming Book helpful, and The Submissive Guide - (a massive resource, generally) also has lots of good info on spanking.

There are lots of ways to be spanked, either simply for the enjoyment of pain, or for the eroticism. Obviously there's the option of feeling totally out of control and in pleasant agony from heavy, irregular spanking. But for some women, a constant, unchanging, medium-intensity spank for a long period low on the buttocks can bring orgasm from the impact alone.

I'll echo the opinion that you should learn shibari in person. Not only is it awesome to watch other people tie, there's a lot of safety information you might miss out on by just reading books.

I can't think of any single tie that works as a full-body restraint, other than the corset/gauntlet weave. It's more aesthetic than functional, but otherwise you're looking at multiple ties in order to restrain the entire body.

Some more resources:
Lee Harrington's books Shibari You Can Use and More Shibari You Can Use

Kinky Clover's Guide for Rope Bottoms

Giotto's videos on traditional shibari

Esinem's video dojo. He's one of the finest rope instructors and riggers in the world. There's a small paywall, but it's worth it.

Because I'm feeling relatively lazy, try looking up Ravix on Fetlife. He's one of the teachers local to me and he has a crapton of resources listed on his page.

I've not tried it, but I like his bondage books:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Better-Built-Bondage-Book/dp/0973668806

you know...

http://www.amazon.com/The-Better-Built-Bondage-Book/dp/0973668806

maybe get a book about how to build your own toys :) it is a moderate upfront cost (30 dollars) and then you can build everything else you need

Slavecraft. It definitely is aimed at the TPE Ms dynamic, but I think it has to value even if you're interested in something slightly different. I read it when I first pursued slavery with Master and it made a big difference to me. I re read it occasionally. It is a short, quick read packed with LOTS of stuff worth looking over more than once, in my opinion.

I would suggest Living M/s , it has a lot of good real life examples and essays.

The Better Built Bondage Book by Douglas Kent

Bought, here's something very much like what we have https://www.amazon.com/Utimi-Fetish-Restraint-Bondage-Collection/dp/B00N8C14WU/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_121_bs_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3NV5WVFE30DG5N60GAKX

Yep:

https://www.amazon.com/Essence-Shibari-Kinbaku-Japanese-Bondage/dp/1942733852/

https://www.amazon.com/Shibari-You-Can-Use-Japanese/dp/0977872726/

https://www.amazon.com/dp/193116049X/

Are their certain ties that make it worse? You may need to adjust the tie and do it a bit differently or try a different tie.
I've heard really good things about this book. https://www.amazon.com/Better-Bondage-Every-Body-Experts/dp/153315211X

Do you have the controller?

http://www.amazon.com/Wand-Massager-Speed-Controller-Hitachi/dp/B001TJ6MWQ/ref=sr_1_11

Gives you a LOT more control.

Not to mention the several dozen attachments for it.

The company now makes something that doesn't require home electronics. http://www.amazon.com/Wand-Massager-Speed-Controller-Hitachi/dp/B001TJ6MWQ

I'd take that over a homebrew switch any day. I want something to be electrifying in the rhetorical sense.

There's an entire stretching routine in Better Bondage for Every Body by Evie Vane. You might want to check that out.

http://www.amazon.com/BDSM-Candles-Temperature-Sensual-Candle/dp/B00AT97O1K/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

A fairly decent place to start is The Leatherboy Handbook - Amazon.com by boy vince

BTW don't get hung up on the word "boy" it is very much a Leather term in this context.

The other book I thought of is Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude, Principles, Skills and Tools - Amazon it is a partnership between a slave and Guy Baldwin.

I believe this is the one that is used in many BDSM films : https://www.amazon.com/Miller-Shot-Sabre-Stock-Prod/dp/B000LF652Q/

ems shears for all.

Found it: http://www.amazon.com/Real-Service-Joshua-Tenpenny/dp/0982879431/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1450749493&sr=8-2&keywords=real+service

Check out Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are for some really insightful information about the differences between physical and mental arousal in female bodied people.

We must be talking about different models. I've been hit multiple times without issue by a couple variations of this model
https://www.amazon.com/Shot-Sabre-Stock-Prod-Carded/dp/B000LF652Q

Hypnosis! All sorts of fun shit is possible with a willing subject. Mind Play by Mark Wiseman is a decent introduction although he has some weird opinions about trans people in there :/

Male, bisexual, very well hung, solo, no limits other than no scat/blood/piss - Must be indoors
I'm capable of orgasm within 1 minute of a previous orgasm, pretty close to multi-orgasmic.

Tools on hand:
Gum Drop Double Buttplug | Trinity Anal Beads (these are too hard and they hurt) | Doc Johnson Classic B-Plug (2 of these) | Vibrating Anal T | Vibrating Inflatable Plug | Gold Dog Collar | Matching Gold Leash | Anal Lube | Tenga Egg Sleeve | Hand-cuffs | Anal Douche | Feeldoe More 2-way strapon | Plenty of other objects and things too | Also have various men's lingerie (thongs) and women's panties/clothing.

Punishments I truly don't like:

• Eating my own cum
  
• Ice cube inserted in ass
  
• Forced to watch gay porn (I'm only bi in MMF 3some+ settings)
  

Amazon does too.

My Master owns this one

It's brutal. It definitely qualifies as far as making me jump with no shock at all.

I would recommend something like this for hot wax play. The wax won't gather in a pool like with tea lights, and these are made from a soft wax with a low melting point, which means you'll get the heat but none of the possible damage. It's not the pain that's the problem, it's what the wax can do to you. (Hence why no beeswax.)

Actually I was looking at this set that is similar.

http://www.amazon.com/Fetish-Restraint-Bondage-Collection-Female/dp/B00N8C14WU?ie=UTF8&qid=1465457966&ref_=sr_1_1_s_it&s=hpc&sr=1-1

I might do some looking on Etsy some more or Fetlife to see if I can find an inexpensive set I would like better. Unless of course anyone has a better suggestion.

And yes, as the Dom I am the one in charge and it is my responsibility to ensure the health, safety, and care of my submissive at all times. This goes double if she willingly allows me to place her in a helpless situation. I've seen a lot of those reckless posts myself in the last few weeks and they enrage me. Yes this is a game but it is one that can have severe life long repercussions if something goes wrong.

As I mentioned in another reply I cannot tolerate the thought of women being hurt. Not because I think they are weak or anything but because I think they are the greatest gift God has given us and should be treated as such. If I ever actually managed to harm my partner, even by accident, I am not sure how I would take it beyond very very badly. So I must always ensure that there are no mistakes or injuries for both of our health.