(Part 2) Top products from r/DecidingToBeBetter
We found 38 product mentions on r/DecidingToBeBetter. We ranked the 282 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 21-40. You can also go back to the previous section.
21. Can't Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 2
22. 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos
Sentiment score: 2
Number of reviews: 2
What does everyone in the modern world need to know? Renowned psychologist Jordan B. Peterson's answer to this most difficult of questions uniquely combines the hard-won truths of ancient tradit with the stunning revelations of cutting-edge scientific research.Humorous, surprising and informative, D...
23. A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
Sentiment score: 2
Number of reviews: 2
24. Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity
Sentiment score: 2
Number of reviews: 2
Getting Things Done The Art of Stress Free Productivity
25. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (Mark Manson Collection Book 1)
Sentiment score: 0
Number of reviews: 2
26. The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger
Sentiment score: -1
Number of reviews: 2
The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger
27. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Sentiment score: 2
Number of reviews: 2
Avery Publishing Group
28. The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt
Sentiment score: -1
Number of reviews: 2
Used Book in Good Condition
29. Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction
Sentiment score: 2
Number of reviews: 2
Great product!
30. Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 2
Great product!
31. Face Your Fears: A Proven Plan to Beat Anxiety, Panic, Phobias, and Obsessions
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 2
32. There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate
Sentiment score: 0
Number of reviews: 2
There Is Nothing Wrong With You: Regardless of What You Were Taught to Believe
33. What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People
Sentiment score: 0
Number of reviews: 1
What Every Body Is Saying An Ex FBI Agent s Guide to Speed Reading People
34. Lysol Laundry Sanitizer Additive, Sport, 41oz, for Active wear, Athletic, Sweaty Workout, Sports Laundry
Sentiment score: 0
Number of reviews: 1
Specifically designed with innovative malodor control technology to eliminate tough odorsSuitable for sports, athletic, active wear, sweaty workout, gym clothes and safe for use on all types of fabricsKills 99.9% of odor-causing bacteria that laundry detergents leave behindContains 0% bleach & works...
35. Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You
36. Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
Vintage Books
37. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
Quiet The Power of Introverts in a World That Can t Stop Talking
38. Thank You for Arguing: What Aristotle, Lincoln, and Homer Simpson Can Teach Us About the Art of Persuasion
Sentiment score: 0
Number of reviews: 1
39. The Healthy Mind Toolkit: Simple Strategies to Get Out of Your Own Way and Enjoy Your Life
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
40. 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story
Sentiment score: 1
Number of reviews: 1
10 Happier How I Tamed the Voice in My Head Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge and Found Self Help That Actually Works A Tr
Just be careful, it's easy to fall down the rabbit hole of 'thinking you're being productive' but working ON things instead of "In" things. (Meta-procrastination is reading a book about getting organized instead of getting organized.) You should strive to have the simplest, most boring system that actually works for you. It's very easy to get caught up in the trap of researching the latest and greatest fad rather than actually doing the hard tasks that need to be done.
The 'classic' is "How to take control of your time and your life" by Lakein. This is the most generic, 1970s version of time management possible, but is helpful to understand as it is kind of 'responded to' by multiple other authors, even if they don't call him out by name.
Another frequently referenced work is "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Covey. This gets mentioned in a lot of places. It is a 'top down' style.
For a completely different perspective, try "Getting Things Done" by Allen. This will lead you to realize how many commitments that you have made. It is more 'bottom up'.
Finally, some of the most interesting stuff in this space that I have read is by Mark Forster. His latest book is here. And his blog is here.
At a high level, it is always useful to think about the utility of what you are doing - that is, making sure you are doing the right things, even if you are doing them slowly (working on your most important tasks), rather than doing low value tasks efficiently (man, I can read email quickly). Peter Drucker, Tim Ferriss (Four Hour Workweek), etc.
Other ideas/Books to research: JIT/Kanban, 80/20 'rule', "Eat that frog" by Brian Tracy. Smarter Faster Better by Duhigg, The Power of Habit also by Duhigg I also very much enjoyed. The Magic of Tidying up by Kondo might also give you some insight into cleaning out your commitments.
Hope this helps. I have read all of these so let me know if you have questions I guess...
Thanks, I'm glad it was helpful for you. I still have a lot of "baggage" to work through, a lot of issues to resolve and heal but this was a good start. Congratulations on your one year of sobriety! That reminds me of another book I've heard about. I'm in the middle of reading a book called Brain Over Binge written by a woman who overcame her binge eating disorder. I'm using it as a starting point in dealing with my own food and eating issues. In it she talks about reading the book called Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey, which is what helped her finally kick her binge eating problem after years of therapy doing nothing. It's actually a book about addiction recovery and just by chance she happened to try looking at books about addiction recovery in the bookstore instead of eating disorder books. This is the one she picked up. It talked about drugs and alcohol addiction but she just simply replaced that with the word "food" in her mind as she read it and it clicked for her. It talks about making a clear distinct separation in your mind and recognizing that the urge to engage in using the substance is coming from the primitive survival brain (same with things like anxiety which does have its place), but that it's the conscious human brain that is choosing to actually follow through and give in to the urge again. The primitive brain does not have the power to make you actually act. It's a bit more complex than that and she explained it better but she was able to take that knowledge and apply it to her eating disorder. I'm trying to use that and apply it to my anxiety.
Also, if you aren't familiar with this yet, you may want to try /r/raisedbynarcissists. I don't really have any experience dealing with that but it sounds like you're on the right track. You may also want to explore Childhood Emotional Neglect and what happens when we don't get that love and emotional support that we need as children as we are learning to navigate the world. It's about exploring emotional literacy and emotional intelligence, recognizing our feelings and knowing what to do with them in a healthy positive way (i.e. handling them properly instead of using drugs, sex, food, alcohol, things like that to cope). I'm slowly exploring that myself (for me it's food and learning how to communicate better). We need to work at connecting the dots with how we behave as adults to our past, recognizing that, understanding how that affects our behaviour, and resolving those feelings. Good luck!
I will try to help:
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with you. Speaking up in a group of people is hard unless you are comfortable with them and I don't believe that is the reason you struggle to develop relationships. Sure, if you're confident and witty, then it's a foot in the door, allowing you to start developing a relationship - if you are always on the edge of things then it becomes more difficult.
I was always on the edge of things in high school. I would sometimes try and insert a comment but it would be forced because I was desperately trying to get myself noticed. When you are in that frame of mind, you aren't relaxed and it becomes far harder to contribute to the conversation.
I used to think this was a fundamental flaw of mine until I got to university and developed a group of friends that actually valued me. I felt relaxed around them and my personality started to come through more.
There are a couple of books that I've read that have really clicked with me. You sound a lot like me, so I think they will help.
Hope this helps!
The best system I have ever found for keeping track of 100% everything is GTD:
https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0143126563
It is not easy to learn, but it does cover the entire A to Z spectrum of getting your act together. It requires a lot of studying from the book, setting things up, and adopting new habits. It boils down to a few core ideas:
I mean, that's all there really is to it, right? You get a task, you figure out what needs to be done, and then you remind yourself to do it. Simple example: you are running low on milk. You capture "buy milk" into your system (paper notebook, app, doesn't matter). When you do your sorting process (multiple times a day), you put that into your Shopping List. The next time you go to the store, you see "buy milk" on there and voila, you've completed that commitment. Applying this to everything in your life is literally life-changing. NOTHING ever again falls through the cracks, gets lost, or gets forgotten.
The system is also extremely clear about how you use a calendar. Calendars are considered sacred space. Only appointments go there, not to-do lists. Everything else is managed by context...stuff you do at work, stuff you do at home, stuff you do at the grocery store, and so on. That way, all of your commitments are not only clarified, but presented back to yourself as ready-to-act-on tasks in the appropriate context.
The recent metaphor I've been using is that it's equivalent to surfing: the ocean of "stuff" is going to be pounding waves on you relentless until you die. You can either get pummeled by those waves, or you can effortlessly ride the crest of the wave & stay on top of things on a daily basis. And once you've really, truly learned how GTD works, even if you "fall off the board", you can easily get back on and get back to staying on top of things, so even if you have an off day or take vacation or just get burned out, it's not a hopeless cause.
Again, be warned, it is a hefty system to adopt. Lots of new habits & things to learn, and it takes awhile to really "get" the whole entire picture, but once you do, it's so awesome & so simple that you'll wonder how you ever lived without it. That's just from my experience, growing up under-achieving & struggling with undiagnosed ADHD. It is possible to get on top of things & stay on top of them, and also get back into things when you fall off the wagon. David Allen has it figured out!
I've read some of them. Those that I read are indeed good.
However, in the context of deciding to be better, I'd recommend to drop Pinker's "Blank Slate". It's a good book, but it's mostly about an academic and political debate. If you already accept that genes affect the mind, there's a better way to spend your time.
I'd also recommend to replace Kahneman's "Thinking, Fast and Slow", and Ariely's "Predictably Irrational" with "The invisible Gorilla" by Charbis and Simmons. The latter book covers a similar ground to the first two, but it does so with less personal anecdotes.
I'd also recommend to replace the books from Oliver Sacks with Eagleman's "Incognito. The Secret Lives of the Brain." Eagleman is also funny, he covers similar ground, but his book is a bit more systematic.
This is a great suggestion and worth looking into. I hope there is less stigma about mental health, and if anyone reading this feels embarrassed by the thought of needing help I hope they take another look at their feelings to see if it's not just old fashioned attitudes they were taught when they were younger.
I like self help books, I got a copy of "The Healthy Mind Toolkit" by Alice Boyes, PhD Link to Amazon. From the blurb: Blending scientific research with techniques from cognitive behavioral therapy, this engaging book will take you through the steps to address this overarching problem, including how to:
• Identify the specific ways you're hurting your success in all aspects of your life
• Capitalize on the positive aspects of your extreme traits instead of the negatives
• Find creative solutions to curb your self-defeating patterns
• Practice self-care as a problem-solving strategy
I'm going to go through it and take the quizzes and see if it helps. I tried meditation before but it just didn't stick, but I think I'll try it again.
I believe that educating yourself about shame is the best thing you can do for yourself and ultimately others. Read (or listen to) "Daring Greatly" and "Neurosis And Human Growth". These books have lead to discovery which has lead to understanding which has lead to peace, for me. 100% chance they will help you too. :)
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https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=daring+greatly&qid=1567279095&s=gateway&sr=8-3
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https://www.amazon.com/Neurosis-Human-Growth-Struggle-Self-Realization/dp/0393307751/ref=sr_1_1?crid=EQAV5UKFJ9YP&keywords=neurosis+and+human+growth+karen+horney&qid=1567279160&s=gateway&sprefix=neurosis+%2Caps%2C197&sr=8-1
Thanks to /r/stopdrinking and this book, I have been sober now for 173 days. Each day now is a new record.
If you want to be sober, you can be! This has been one of the best decisions I've made in my life.
Good luck if you decide you've have enough and take steps to quit.
I will recommend 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson (https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/0345816021/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=12+rules+for+life&link_code=qs&qid=1565288435&s=gateway&sr=8-1)
He connects the mythical the ancient with the modern in such an interesting way. Just 10 pages in you will feel like the hero of your life and you will search for responsibility and mature in the process.
This description of mine probably doesn't do it justice. I can't recommend it enough.
https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3MBPZTFM5WMT8VNW4YPX
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author did an incredibly popular ted talk which is the very short version of this book. I highly recommend this book to EVERYONE.
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https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en
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\^36 million views and counting.
Check out the book "10% Happier", it's very well written and explains it clearly.
Non affiliated Amazon link
Read Getting Things Done by David Allen. The things I like about the GTD system:
First, if this is clinically severe, I'd earnestly suggest that you find an appropriate Cognitive Behavioral Therapy practitioner to help you. Specifically, look for someone who's familiar with "exposure therapy", as described in Face Your Fears by Tolin
Exposure therapy is incrementally facing your fear while not engaging in avoidance behaviors. Impressively, doing this in your imagination seems to be almost as effective as doing it in real life.
You might also find some cognitive distancing techniques appropriate, especially if you use them to distance yourself from your anxieties while you engage in the activities you know you need to do. This ACT meditation is my favorite
Cognitive Distancing
Book recommendation: "There Is Nothing Wrong With You" by Cheri Huber. It's a very accessible "self help" style book about Zen meditation and awareness practice. Huge breakthrough moment for me with regards to combating shame/self-hate/self-doubt. I had it on a wish-list for years and failed to buy it because my brain was like "Clearly there is something wrong with you" but it ended up being the first meditation guide I found that felt possible/do-able for me. Worth a shot yo.
https://www.amazon.ca/There-Nothing-Wrong-You-Self-Hate/dp/0971030901
Here are some books that I have read and have found to be helpful. Check to see if your library has them.
Toxic Parents
Emotional Blackmail
Running on Empty
"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" by Mark Manson makes some good points.
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B019MMUA8S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_88RBzb7SBNFRB
I'd suggest adult education courses and work towards your highschool diploma.
Also just finished reading this book... Might give you some motivation https://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hurt-Me-Master-Your/dp/1544512287
Can't Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds by David Goggins is a book that is VERY highly touted. Its about mental toughness, discipline, work ethics, etc. I havent read it yet, but just look at the amazon reviews, I dont think I have EVER seen a book with over 3000 reviews maintain a 4.8 rating!
https://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hurt-Me-Master-Your/dp/1544512287/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Can%27t+Hurt+Me%3A+Master+Your+Mind+and+Defy+the+Odds&qid=1564364652&s=gateway&sr=8-1
Stress Inoculation Training and Exposure Therapy are both very effective. This book provides a self-help based approach.
You may want to find a therapist who specializes in this.
The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt https://www.amazon.com/dp/1590309235/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_n13KAbNAFB57T
I’ve figured this out : laundry sanitizer !!! I didn’t even know it existed. Behold :
Lysol Laundry Additive Sanitizer, 41 Ounce https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QCQFGY4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_62itDb18K6KA4
http://www.amazon.com/The-Cow-Parking-Lot-Overcoming/dp/0761158154
Peterson - 12 Rules for Life
https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/0345816021
Thank You For Arguing
Read this book, Getting Things Done.
Some ideas in 4 categories:
Body Language:
Speed Reading:
Evolutionary Psych / Behavior:
PUA / Attraction:
The Subtle Art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson
Many of the books mentioned in this thread borrow from the basic tenets of Stoicism. Mark Manson's book is almost a distillation of the idea of "How to be a stoic" and his writing is very relatable.
Check out the philosophy of Stoicism (the ancient philosophy, not the recent definition of not feeling things). Great book I read is http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1421395654&sr=8-1&keywords=stoicism&pebp=1421395657967&peasin=195374614
I would suggest it's a perception problem. Anger is normal, AND you don't have to see things in the same way you have. Here's a book that helped immensely. If you see things from a pov of what you don't have/didn't get, you'll always be mired in anger. This book would help you see things a little differently and, hopefully, release some of this.
There is nothing wrong with you. Let me say this again, there is nothing wrong with you. Now repeat this to yourself: "There is nothing wrong with me."
Modern society raises us with this idea in our heads that we're constantly, yet subtly told that there is something wrong with us. It's simply not true. When I get down on myself, as you're struggling with I read this book and remind myself "There is nothing wrong with you".
Sorry for asking, but are you experiencing lots of stress? are you the highly neurotic type?
Before determining that you need willpower to control and suppress these actions I think it might help to find out why you are doing these things first. Find the root of cause, address them, and acknowledge them.
Book wise I would recommend [The Confidence Gap]{https://www.amazon.com/Confidence-Gap-Guide-Overcoming-Self-Doubt/dp/1590309235/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521352956&sr=8-1&keywords=the+confidence+gap} as this really brings me to a new perspective and changed how I do things in some ways.
Edit: spelling