(Part 2) Top products from r/ForeverAlone

Here's what I'm doing:

• Board game night at local game shop
  
• Meetups
  
• Therapy (probably has made the most difference in my social skills, but the least in my relationships. I expect a big payoff when I finally do start to date, though)
  
  
• Books. I would recommend finding some books on relationships written by credible sources. Find something that has a score of 4 or 5 stars on Amazon, is written by someone with a Ph.D and has more than 30 pages of endnotes. It's probably not written by a looney. If you find a good one, let us know!
  
• My book list: Loneliness (about the condition of loneliness, not relationships, but good nonetheless), The 5 Love Languages (not written by an expert, but decent for starting a conversation with someone about a relationship that you are looking to improve), and I'm about to start Marriage, A History, which is about the tradition of marriage and how love matches became the dominant factor in marriage.
  
  Things that I have tried that do not work:
  
  
• Religious studies groups (be fair, I joined it for casual friendships, and that's what I got out of it)
  
• Gym (I don't have the energy to get out to a gym, but I can exercise indoors)
  
• Ballroom Dance classes (you'll have fun dancing, but no one will follow you out of the class. I think it's true for other types of dance as well)

The trick is to not take the silences and whatnot personally. It's hard, but that's the trick.

So, I know this is going to sound cliche, but the book that helped me quite a bit is How to Succeed with Women. I would highly recommend it, as it not only helps with talking to women, it also is really good at teaching you to gain confidence by re-evaluating rejection as a good thing, instead of bad.

From fiction what about Sherlock Holmes? In the original books he is portrayed as the King of the FAs.

What about examples from real life? Leonardo DaVinci, Nikola Tesla, and George Eastman qualify. Charles XII of Sweden is probably the greatest general most people have never heard of, and despite being handsome, athletic, and a king, he was probably FA.

Winston Churchill was about the geekiest FA on the planet and goes on live a rich fulfilling life. Yes, he eventually marries, but he basically marries his first and only serious girlfriend at almost 34 years old.

To me that qualifies and because you mentioned books I suggest you read Manchester's biography. It is stone cold brilliant: https://www.amazon.com/Last-Lion-Winston-Churchill-1874-1932/dp/0385313489

Okay understood especially if she seemed to be chasing something for the wrong reasons. The Carl Hart book and his podcast appearances definitely (check the Joe Rogan ones) provide an alternative perspective on drugs (including the comparison with the damage of alcohol) thats worth consideration. Looking back I wish I would have been a lot more open minded in high school as I would have probably had a bit more of a positive experience overall (zero social life lol).

Micheal Pollan is worth a check as well https://smile.amazon.com/Change-Your-Mind-Consciousness-Transcendence-ebook/dp/B076GPJXWZ. His Joe Rogan podcast was pretty informative too.

From what I've heard (59 seconds) that is the way to go, basically when talking to an eventual mate it's good to bring up weird stuff. Then you can quickly tell if you connect, or something like that.
Hope that helps.

I recommend you read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_q2OOBbCWPWEER

(You can get the PDF from b-ok)

Especially Chapter 5.

Good luck mate.

Well, that's the part where you say something like "hey, we should hang out sometime, maybe get coffee/dinner".

Try reading a book about connecting with people and making conversations like these:
http://www.amazon.com/Reaching-Out-Interpersonal-Effectiveness-Self-Actualization/dp/0205578640/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1322092173&sr=8-3

http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322092232&sr=1-1

Have you tried reading non-fiction books? They usually stay pretty focused on the title topic. That's what I do, anyway.

Here's one if you need a recommendation -
http://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555/

LOL

maybe instead of watchin netflix u should read a book

http://amzn.com/0448445492

Alone Together. It's an interesting read.

No, this is false: http://www.amazon.com/War-Before-Civilization-Peaceful-Savage/dp/0195119126

It's the romanticisation and pacification of history. The myth has been promoted a long time and backlash was relatively recent.

book to read

Previously I had been to psychologists for talk therapy and psychiatrists, etc... None of that was productive until I discovered Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). There are aspects of it that I think were adapted or influenced by CBT. I see a doctor of psychology, but there are many others without doctorates who are licensed to perform EMDR.

Check out this book, it was written by the woman who discovered and developed it.

Also, the wikipedia article is decent.

Oi, britfags http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0572021518/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/279-0070598-0125845

No real author since it's a journal. Here's a cheap link

I read a lot. After work I sit by the pool, dip my legs in the water, and read for a few hours. I'm currently fighting with Gödel, Escher, Bach, but it's kicking my brain's ass.

Obviously you can run wherever, and as far as lifting goes, there are a bunch of bodyweight exercises you can do at home (see e.g. this book.

But honestly, lifting at the gym is best. If your anxiety affects you going out anyplace, not much to say. But there's really nothing special about the gym. You sometimes see e.g. overweight girls talking about not wanting to go to the gym out of worry over being ridiculed, but that just doesn't happen. People pretty much worry about themselves -- no one pays that much attention to other people working out.

I would not have spent the time typing that out just to troll. THIS. Your cynicism is probably a bigger issue than any of the stuff you believe to be your problem. You can change your mindset http://www.amazon.com/Rewire-Your-Brain-Think-Better/dp/0470487291 This is an easy to read, easy to understand book. It's technically self-help but it's not really self-help as it is written (and is) in a more scientific manner. Also everything in it is empirically true and it lays out step by step how to go about following the methods. But you believe what you want to believe. It's your loss. You are this way because you want to be this way http://www.amazon.com/Choice-Theory-Psychology-Personal-Freedom/dp/0060930144/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1462798234&sr=1-1&keywords=choice+theory It's easier, you don't have to do anything, you don't have to challenge yourself, you don't have to risk anything. You want to avoid pain, you want to avoid hardship, but the truth is, those things are unavoidable, you are only fooling yourself. Change isn't always easy, I won't say it is, there will be moments of pain, but there is an alternative if you choose to take it.

Some of them, the high functioning ones, can be pretty damn good at masking their anxiety. I've been reading this book, My Age of Anxiety by Scott Stossel. He is the editor of Atlantic magazine but holy crap is he messed up. I only have mild anxiety issues but reading about his life long struggle with severe anxiety problems...Jeez.

Here's an article he wrote as a sample of what the book is like: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/01/surviving_anxiety/355741/

It's super fascinating and I'm really enjoying the book. I'm just amazed that a man with his kind of debilitating problems has managed to be so successful in life. He has multiple straight up phobias -- enclosed spaces (claustrophobia); heights (acrophobia); fainting (asthenophobia); being trapped far from home (a species of agoraphobia); germs (bacillophobia); cheese (turophobia); flying (aerophobia); vomiting (emetophobia); and, naturally, vomiting while flying (aeronausiphobia).

He's been on meds and therapy for a long time and so much of life just fills him with constant dread. That's what living with severe anxiety is like. You can then extrapolate what it's like to have milder forms of anxiety.

I have mild anxiety -- I can sometimes be crippled with worry about my marks at school; I berate myself hours later or days later about "stupid" things I've said to people (even though in reality they've probably forgotten about it or didn't notice it); I remember a lot of "stupid" things I've done in the past at random times, things that might have happened 10 years ago; I get anxious making phone calls sometimes, especially when calling places like banks or institutions where I need a service; I procrastinate on doing things (sometimes months and months, even years) when I've managed to convince myself only the worst case scenario will happen (and when I finally get around to doing the thing, nothing bad actually happens); and so on.

I used to have social anxiety but I managed to "beat" it and now I just have mild generalized anxiety. My social anxiety though used to cause me to avoid going to parties or social events because I was constantly worried about making an ass of myself; I was convinced nobody liked me or that no one could like me; I felt I didn't have anything to contribute to conversations and I was too weird; I could have panic attacks and run away to a quiet place to get away from people for a moment (I have literally RUN out of a room mid-conversation before, and tried to find my shoes and get out of the house); I was scared to talk to people; and just had poor self-esteem in general.

But I got over it...by realizing people like me and wanted to be my friend. They weren't just faking it to be polite or to uphold basic social niceties. They really genuinely liked me. I also HAD to talk to people at work or school. You can't hide from everyone. It really built up my confidence and it took years to get to where I am now.

I worry a lot more than average about shit that normal people are relaxed about. That's basically what anxiety is like. Most people would NEVER guess I have anxiety issues. They think I'm normal but I'm pretty high-functioning when it comes to my anxiety and depression problems.