(Part 2) Top products from r/IncelTears

Some basic recommendations:

https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions/dp/0553804723/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ll1&linkId=bd2c9af18031113249e398f82105631e&tag=mysoccom-20

Understanding body language is extremely important. Being able to read other people will give you a tremendous advantage in communication. It can also help you to police your own body language so you're not doing stuff that puts people off, and also so that you communicate in ways that makes them feel comfortable.

As for direct communication... Honestly, I learned most of that from a very good teacher of speech (as in, giving speeches) and from a friend who is quite ugly but does extremely well with women. Self-perception is a lot more important than people think. How you perceive yourself translates into you how present yourself. That takes more work, of course, but knowing this is a good place to start with that.

I also got a great deal from a book on emotional intelligence, but I can't remember what it was called and it was a library loan, so I don't even have it on my bookself to look it up. But I'd say look for books on that topic, as well. I did a quick look and found this one is highly recommended:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0974320625/ref=sspa_dk_detail_1?psc=1

As for websites, there's a lot out there. I'd just Google and see what strikes your fancy.

Good luck with it. In my personal estimation, the body language was the single most helpful thing I've studied. I use it constantly now, and it's just second nature to "read" people.

>no one tried to tell my that my thinking is wrong

It's a difficult task, because the way our brains work makes personal experience supersede external information that contradict it, even when scientifically, objectively, our experience is... not "wrong" per se, but so incomplete that it veers into "wrong" teritory. I teach people how to get along with people, which is mainly applied psichology and neurology (specifically social neurology), so I come against this feature (it's not a bug, it's a feature) every time. For reference: Daniel Kahnemann's work. For reference: Chris Niebauer's book.

Your brain dupes you (it meakes you wrong, giving you the impression you're right) in several key areas relevant to our discussion here:

1. What You See Is All There Is: our brains operate on the assupmtion they have all the info needed to make good decisions and reach true conclusions, neglecting that there are swathes of information that might be / are relevant and that finally change the outlook completely.
   
2. Our Left-Brain Intepreter has the task to keep the story in our heads logically consistent, not correct. As such, it will gladly add to reality, or substract from it, only to keep the story. Please see this and this.
   
3. To accomplish this task, the LBI resorts to cognitive biases like overgeneralization, personalization, confirmation bias etc.
   
4. Its work is so powerful and so well hidden from conscience that most people, when confronted with science, will readily deny science ("well, that might be true but not for me") than accepting our thinking might be flawed.
   
   In your case, in order to examine what biases are in play and what is their result, I'd start questioning the hidden meaning of your use of notions like "chad", "betabux" and such. It speaks to overgeneralization (with a heavy serving of dehumanization) and confirmation bias.
   
   Humans are unique. There are, of course, trends (sociology doesn't exist for nothing) but so far no human being looks and act exactly like another human being always and in all aspects; more, humans change over time: experience, opinions, world views and behavior shift as time passes. That would be the first step I'd take if I were you: stop working with archetypes and start looking for tiny differences. The world will get extremely rich if you do that.
   
   TL;DR: you're wrong, but your brains won't let you see that and you have to voluntarily challenge it to improve your life quality.
   
   Edited to add: and I didn't even touch the issue of cultural and social norms and conditioning, learned helplesness and many other phenomena that interfere and change all the stuff above.

Well, this may be more niche, but drnerdlove.com helped me with a bunch of mental hurdles.

https://www.amazon.com/What-Women-Want-Tucker-Max/dp/0316375330?SubscriptionId=AKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY6Q&tag=duckduckgo-d-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=0316375330

This guy was on the Joe Rogan podcast not too long ago, and he mentioned this book. The doctor definitely impressed me, and the premise for this book would be something I would have snapped up back in my formative years. There's plenty of books of a similar type as well.

Honestly, if you were to ask me your appearance is completely fine, but you are pretty young and inexperienced. Fortunately, it just means you have a lot to gain from resources like these.

One thing that does have me worried is your negative perspective towards your appearance. I've had similar issues, and I've reconciled it with a type of body dysmorphia. Is it possible you can have something similar?

Actually, it's true. It's not saying "women get fat" and "men get ripped", but rather men naturally start packing on muscle as school-age kids before and after they hit puberty while women start naturally holding onto fat a bit easier. This doesn't mean that every boy will become the Hulk and every woman a whale, but that they bodies are naturally growing to fit the needs of their sex. I have my materials from Developmental if you want to take a look at them. Here's the book I used and I can give you all the presentations and notes I've accumulated through my time in class.

You can also do some research if you want on your own. If you find anything else that contradicts what my information is telling me, I'll gladly look into it and see if it is based in the realm of science and from a reputable source. If it is, then I'll definitely remember it and take it with me as new information.

That's going to help tremendously. If you're interested in Buddhism in general and want a great teacher (albeit one who is obviously Asian so doesn't always understand or incorporate a Western perspective on some things, that's normal): Thich Nhat Hanh. His books are fairly short, on specific topics. One of them deals with this emotion:

Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames (warning, obviously an Amazon link, this book is of course available in libraries)

Women are not a monolith. Are you attracted to the same qualities in people as everyone else? Nope. Are there women out there who go for those kind of guys. Yeah. Are there women out there who would be turned off by that kind of behavior? Yep. You seem to already know why you are using these ridiculous tactics, and it's not because you think they work. It's because you don't feel valuable enough to "deserve" attention and you need to pretend to be something you're not. I promise you there are people out there who will enjoy you for you. Aside from therapy, I recommend this. Best of luck.

Yeah, I think I do have a dysmorphia. I want to try to treat this myself before going through some kind of therapy though, and I think that's mostly because I don't have any health insurance and don't really have any experience with therapy.

Thinking about reading this,

https://www.amazon.com/Broken-Mirror-Understanding-Treating-Dysmorphic/dp/0195167198/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1526973118&sr=8-2&keywords=bdd

might help me. Thanks for the input.

There are logical arguments, but I don't have time or inclination to write them here. You might want to read some moral philosophy, or take a class. This is a pretty good overview.
https://www.amazon.com/Ethics-Pluralistic-Approach-Moral-Theory/dp/0495006742/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
I think his section on virtue ethics is a little weak, but that is my area.

Check out this book. I had a similar experience with the mental health system, a friend recommended this book, and it put me on the track to recovery. There are copies floating around the internet as well.

Allow me to clarify on my first point: There are no behavioural differences between men and women that cannot be explained by nurture.

I'd direct you towards Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine:
https://www.amazon.com/Delusions-Gender-Society-Neurosexism-Difference/dp/0393340244

When I was far younger, I was convince by books like The Male Brain, The Female Brain, Why Gender Matters, Boys Adrift, and Girls on the Edge that sex played an enormous role in behavior and function. I am now very skeptical of that notion. You linked three articles within your earlier post; I read the meta-analysis and the abstracts of the other two and agreed with their findings for the most part: There are substantive physical differences between a male and a female brain. However, this proves little towards behavior. Two brains can have different structure yet function at the same level, accomplish the same goal.

My argument is: Just because a male and female brain have different structure, it does not follow that their functionality is different. That leads to the dangerous psuedoscientific thought that men and women must be better at different things, and thus maintain different spheres, so on and so on. It's the sort of justification scientifically backed sexism uses.

If you want to actually prove to me that the differing structure of male and female brains is a significant cause of behavioral differences, you'll have to do a bit more digging. I would posit that the reason men and women bear behavioral differences is because of the differences in their bodies, which have led to different treatment and power dynamics throughout history.

When the sex-equals-brain-function argument really gets me going is when it starts to suggest that men aren't capable of empathy, or women aren't capable of complex problem solving. That's patently untrue, and it dehumanizes each.

ha! Tanith Lee wrote a sci-fi novel on this very subject, "The Silver Metal Lover," in 1981. It's now a trilogy.

Easy.

• Read Jordanetics: https://www.amazon.com/Jordanetics-Journey-Humanitys-Greatest-Thinker-ebook/dp/B07JY9XV38
  
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7u3Lu-kzgg
  
  If you think Jordan Peterson is not a stupid leftist (he is not a Christian, either) then you do not know anything about him except news headlines.

I really recommend the annotated version

It might not be what you're asking about, but I think it's related: There's a number of folks who are incel/ForeverAlone/etc. who cite Norah Vincent's book, "Self Made Man" as evidence that dating really is that much tougher for men than women.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

It's incredible how incels manage to accuse women of being "useless" while simultaneously throwing a pity party for themselves because they are expected to work and take care of basic household responsibilities - something women have been doing without complaint for hundreds of years.


Also, even according to contemporary sources, more than a third of Puritan brides were pregnant on their wedding day. Keep crying, incels, you are mourning a past that never existed.