(Part 2) Top products from r/Jokes

No, a Jasper Fforde fan.

> “Good. Item seven. The had had and that that problem. Lady Cavendish, weren’t you working on this?’

> Lady Cavendish stood up and gathered her thoughts. ‘Indeed. The uses of had had and that that have to be strictly controlled; they can interrupt the imaginotransference quite dramatically, causing readers to go back over the sentence in confusion, something we try to avoid.’

> ‘Go on.’

> ‘It’s mostly an unlicensed-usage problem. At the last count David Copperfield alone had had had had sixty three times, all but ten unapproved. Pilgrim’s Progress may also be a problem due to its had had/that that ratio.’

> ‘So what’s the problem in Progress?’

> ‘That that had that that ten times but had had had had only thrice. Increased had had usage had had to be overlooked, but not if the number exceeds that that that usage.’

> ‘Hmm,’ said the Bellman, ‘I thought had had had had TGC’s approval for use in Dickens? What’s the problem?’

> ‘Take the first had had and that that in the book by way of example,’ said Lady Cavendish. ‘You would have thought that that first had had had had good occasion to be seen as had, had you not? Had had had approval but had had had not; equally it is true to say that that that that had had approval but that that other that that had not.’

> ‘So the problem with that other that that was that…?’

> ‘That that other-other that that had had approval.’

> ‘Okay’ said the Bellman, whose head was in danger of falling apart like a chocolate orange, ‘let me get this straight: David Copperfield, unlike Pilgrim’s Progress, had had had, had had had had. Had had had had TGC’s approval?’

> There was a very long pause. ‘Right,’ said the Bellman with a sigh, ‘that’s it for the moment. I’ll be giving out assignments in ten minutes. Session’s over – and let’s be careful out there.”

> ― Jasper Fforde, The Well of Lost Plots

A Scotsman is visiting America and decides to go hunting. While in the woods a huge beast runs by and the Scotsman shoots, but misses. 'What was that!' yelled the Scot. 'It was a moose' replied his guide, to which the Scotsman replied: If that was a moose, I don't want to see what your rots look like!

The joke is originally from Issac Asimov (he has a really great joke book) so blame him for the accent!

I'm really not trying to rage against anything or break anything down. You just remind me of the French Academy, that stalwart defender of the French language which bans any "Anglicized" words from signs, and insists on people using the unwieldy "'courrier électronique" instead of "email." They're guided by the same principle you are: that there's some sort of "pure" form of the language.

I suggest reading Bill Bryson's excellent book The Mother Tongue: English and How it Got That Way". In it, Bryson explains that most of the sacred English "rules"- for example, not ending sentences with a preposition- were simply made up and decided upon by stodgy old men. These men weren't translating rules from the heavens- they were just being persnickety and officious.

Language adapts. It incorporates new ideas, it gets rid of old ones, it naturally discards of things which are no longer useful to its speakers.

Insisting on a "proper" way to speak is lingual facism, if you'll excuse my hyperbole.

If you'd like to read about it, this book is awesome

Interesting, I don't think I've ever seen "cussing" written in any but extremely informal contexts in the wild, and the chapter on vulgar words in Stephen pinker's Stuff of Thought definitely uses "swearing" throughout to describe the entire broad set of things you call "cussing" here, which is consistent with the usage I'm most used to otherwise

Super Smutty Sign Language.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1250026210/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1416721794&sr=8-1

Sorry if the link blows, I'm on mobile

You really need to read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Illusions-The-Adventures-Reluctant-Messiah/dp/0440204887 you'll seriously love it. Quite topical.

I honestly didn't know or see, I'm not usually a reader of r/funny or r/jokes. I read it in a very clever philosophy overview like 48 hours ago. Judging by the karma you got for your attempt, it would have been foolish on my part to steal from you. I thought it might be amusing to some, as I laughed out loud a little at the Starbucks I was reading it in.

Please tell me you're not picking fights over a meaningless and imaginary currency on a website that is designed for the discussion, not for the points. That'd be quite low and worthless.

In KING OF THE JEWS By Nick Tosches, the author, while appearing to write a biography of Jewish mobster Arnold Rothstein, offers the hypothesis that Jesus was just another Jewish false messiah.

http://www.amazon.com/King-Jews-Greatest-Story-Never/dp/0060936002/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1450136229&sr=8-10&keywords=nick+tosches

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_messiah_claimants

I don't know if the author's name is genuine or a play on the Yiddish word for backside.

This joke is so old, there's a book written about it: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Lynne-Truss/dp/0007329067

http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Teresa-Revised-Edition-Authorized/dp/0062026143

A non catholic author, contains both praise and criticism, and includes as source actual interviews with her. Balanced and reasonable.

The best way to rob a bank is to own one.

Relevant

There is a whole story built around this. I read it to my kids often.

https://www.amazon.com/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Commas-Difference/dp/0399244913/ref=pd_sbs_14_img_0/164-2233754-6065008?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=14CTXRBMKY9DKA09X72J

Found her

http://www.amazon.com/Lamb-Gospel-According-Christs-Childhood/dp/0380813815

Try it if you haven't already.

Here you go Not sure why this is relevant though?

Nope that's a Larry Ellison [book] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Difference-Between-Larry-Ellison/dp/0060008768) I can't accept that answer as a punchline.