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I have PTSD from an abusive childhood, and formally diagnosed ADHD which I take medication for. Here are some things that helped me the most:

• The book "Complex PTSD" by Pete Walker
  (Literally can't recommend this book enough. I think it will help you to read it too.)
  https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492871842/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_i_jMhVDbRZRTVAE
  
  
• Pete Walker's Website, with free excerpts of the book
  http://pete-walker.com/
  
  
• Psychology Today: If you're in the U.S., this website is fantastic for finding a therapist. You can filter by insurance, specialty, gender, religious affiliation, LGBT+ friendly, etc. This is how I found my current therapist.
  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
  
  
• /r/cptsd is painful to read, but has a lot of useful insights and recommendations. I recommend crossposting this there.
  
  
• My ADHD affects my PTSD a lot, so treating the ADHD (which it sounds like you guys doing, which is awesome) is super important for making progress with PTSD. I found this explanation of ADHD really insightful.
  https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/azsvcd/complete_transcript_for_this_is_how_you_treat/
  
  
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has been life changing for me. There are many other types of therapies, but I'm partial to this. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and EMDR are a couple of other popular ones for PTSD.
  
  
• Try to find out if he has any form of Sensory Processing disorder or sensitivity, since it's common with both PTSD and adhd. I only discovered that I had it very recently, but the awareness has been super helpful in regulating my moods. Earplugs for sleep and noisy times of day reduce my nightmares and flashbacks in general. Soft, nonrestrictive clothing helps me feel safe and less stressed. https://www.spdstar.org/basic/symptoms-checklist
  
  
• The book "Who's Pulling Your Strings?" by Dr. Harriet Braiker
  This bookhelped me recognize the ways in which I still volunteer myself as a scapegoat, and figure out where I needed to create my boundaries.
  https://www.amazon.com/dp/0071446729/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_i_v5hVDbJDTYSDK
  
  You did the right thing by putting your foot down. Just so you know, his past and mental illness are never a valid excuse for treating you badly, and its healthy for him for you to set the boundaries you need. Caregiver fatigue is real, and you can only help him if your needs are met too.
  
  I hope this helps! Please pm me if you have specific questions or would like to talk more about PTSD/ADHD stuff!.
  
  Edit: formatting

Books:

Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child By Mike Lew

The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis

Ramadan is from May 5th until June 4th this year per Google.

Add a door brace or door stops for when you are in your room.

Is getting a hotel or airbnb for a couple of nights a week an option?

I love how clear headed you are in the middle of this, and I can't scream from the rooftops harder about everything in a marriage being "Us vs. Problem".

I actually showed my husband this video, because his father is a replica of the man showcased in that video. After DH watched that, he said it's like his entire life and all of his anger made sense, and he was able to j instantly pull himself out of the fog and chose to cut contact with his father until he stopped being hateful and toxic. I'm not sure if it applies to anyone else, but it's really helped our family put things into context.