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I feel like they used to use this to diagnose women with a disorder when its a natural response to monogamy and/or monotony. A recent issue of psychology today talked about it, but I can't find the article I'm thinking of. I found a similar one that came out earlier. It talks about the drug Addyi and its long path to FDA approval.

"Opponents also pointed out that 'female hypoactive sexual desire disorder' no longer reflects sexological thinking. In men, desire precedes sex. Men want sex and go after it. Until recently, sexologists assumed the same was true for women. However, over the last 20 years, considerable research has shown that many, perhaps most women engage in sex for reasons other than desire, notably to affirm the relationship. These women often experience desire as the result of enjoyable sex. In other words, in men, desire leads to sex while in many women, sex leads to desire. This means that chemically piquing desire in women puts the erotic cart before the horse. The latest edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5) reflects this conceptual evolution. It no longer lists female hypoactive sexual desire disorder as a discreet ailment."

They recommend only resorting to Addyi after trying self-help or working with a sex-therapist who will:

• "Promote positive feelings about self and sex.

• Mediate the relationship conflicts low libido typically engenders.

• Urge scheduled sex, not waiting for 'the mood' to strike.

• Encourage a more sensual, leisurely, playful approach to lovemaking.

• And offer suggestions to keep sex fresh, for example, sex toys and mutual whole-body massage."

They also point out research comparing Addyi to other interventions, concluding: "Self-help works. Researchers surveyed 45 women complaining of low libido. Half worked through the program in A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex (2009) by Laurie B. Mintz, Ph.D.. Among those who did not use the program, 5 percent reported increased desire, but among those who did, desire increased in 54 percent—results much better than treatment with Addyi." Whereas "Only 10 to 20 percent of Addyi users reported any libido increase, and women taking Addyi reported only a slight increase in satisfying sex, at most one additional interlude per month." Not to mention the side effects like dizziness and sedation that get worse when you take birth control or drink.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201510/desire-in-pill-women-low-libido

They don't mention adding new sexual partners to keep sex fresh; in my experience that can help, but it's also difficult to juggle more than one partner effectively.

I'm not intending to put a damper on your mood after you expressed finding a new source of hope. Learning about the differences in men and women's sexuality has helped me accept myself instead of thinking I was defective, and that's where I began to have hope again. I'm still not where I'd like to be, but at least now I feel like there are empowering tools within reach.

There is a lot of crap erotica out there, for sure. Finding good ones are hit or miss.

I tried a regency romance once. Super cheesy and cliche. Not for me.

I like Literotica because there are lots of stories to browse. There good stories and there are a lot of bad stories. Sometimes I will open a story, read a paragraph or two, and go right back to searching for a new one.

I've been trying to find good erotica books and series. Every other book is a Shades of grey clone. There are times in most of them where I end up rolling my eyes at some of the dialogue and descriptions. Sometimes, I will skip over parts if I'm just not into it.

A lot of erotica on Amazon for the kindle is free. It will often be the first book in a series to try to convince you to continue reading the rest. I read lots of these free ones and if I like the author/style then I will consider reading more. I haven't found any I like enough yet but I keep trying. Sometimes I can read enough of a bad erotica to do the trick. There are definitely some that I just quit reading.

Not erotica but I will also /r/gonewildstories. Nothing like stories that can actually happen.

The best erotica I have read is the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A. N. Roquelaure, which is a pseudonym for for Anne Rice. But be warned, this is very, very heavy BDSM. It might be too much for many and at times it was a little heavy for me and I consider myself to be relatively kinky.

The best romance novel I have read was Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. It is a time-travel, historical romance to be exact. From what I remember it was actually a pretty good read. If you are going to read a romance, I think this is a good one to start with.

Though not erotica, Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey is a fantasy novel with some romance/erotic elements. I read it several years ago before my libido bottomed out but I'm pretty sure it turned me on. Interesting read as well. Definitely has a theme of sado-masochism, but compared to the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy it is nothing. If you already enjoy fantasy novels you should give it a go.

Hope that helps. You really have to dig to find anything good. That being said, often the act of searching alone is enough to get my engines revving.

I'm in a similar boat. I found this book helpful to explain why I'm not broken. She talks about responsive desire as opposed to spontaneous desire, and that it's quite common in women. I would recommend reading it. come as you are

Not that I have any answers but I have two books that might help some:
Intimacy and Desire - http://www.amazon.com/Intimacy-Desire-Awaken-Passion-Relationship/dp/0825305675/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1426091676&sr=1-1&keywords=intimacy+and+desire

This books first chapter talks about no matter what in a relationship there is always a High Need person and a low need person and the low need person will always control the sex. No matter what that is how it is. Now here is what to do about it.

The other is Come as you are - http://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1426091799&sr=1-1&keywords=come+as+you+are+emily+nagoski

This on goes into the science of how your body works and letting you know that you are normal and explaining how things work.

Good Luck

Big cup of coffee in the morning, followed by a little bit of L-theanine powder. If you are someone who gets a little too wired on caffeine, I totally recommend L-theanine. It lets you keep the awakeness and concentration improvement of the caffeine without the shakes or anxiety.

Read Come As You Are as a a starting point.

u/closingbelle asked me to post my list of rape recovery and sexual abuse recovery self-help books. I'm also adding some of the precious few books for male victims, as well.

The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault by Aphrodite Matsakis

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The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

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Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

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The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Laura Davis & Ellen Bass

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Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child Laura Davis

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Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect by Ruth Cohn

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

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Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew

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Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuseby Mic Hunter

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Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys by Michel Dorais