(Part 2) Top products from r/MomForAMinute

Oh my precious daughter, I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. I wish I could fix all your problems and make everything OK. Let me hold you for a while, in a long mom-hug. We can just sit down for a while and you can rest in my arms. I so want to be able to give you some peace.
Most of the time abnormal cells from a pap smear is just the HPV virus. It's not nothing, but you will probably still be ok, baby.
Make sure you get lots of sleep, drink lots of water and eat nutritious foods. Watch some comedies. A big pot of chicken noodle soup sounds like a good idea right now.
Maybe read something that will help. I like this book.. https://smile.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/1611803438/
but you can look for something that suits you if this is not your cup of tea.
Take care, sweetheart. It's going to be OK.

It is so hard when you lose your mom. I lost mine at 20. I still miss her everyday. But, I also realize that I have a pretty great life, and I can do this without her (because I have to). When I miss her, I try to imagine what she might say to me. I've also found that talking to my Dad about what she might have said is helpful too.

If none of that floats your boat, try to find other "mom figures" that you can go to for advice. That might be a grandparent, aunt/uncle, older sister/brother, older cousin, co-worker, friend, etc. I have several different people that I go to for mom-like advice when I need it. Some are women, some are not. Some are older than me, some are not. But I know what I can go to each one for (some are good for kid stuff, others are great for job stuff, etc).

You will always miss your mom. No one will ever love you the way your mom loved you. But, life goes on and you can go on and be happy and healthy. Everyone has sorrows in their life. Some people have moms that died. Others have moms that left for one reason or another. Others have moms that just aren't great moms (see many posts in this sub). You can do it.

P.S. It might help you to read the book Motherless Daughters. I found it helpful to hear stories of other women who had lost their moms. You are not alone. You are loved. You can do this!

This is the workbook I mentioned. It might sound and feel silly going through the exercises (even the author says as much in the intro), but it's a really good introduction to and starting point for using evidence-based ACT approaches to respond to the uncomfortable situations we've both found ourselves in.

Also, just keep hanging in there, man. One thing that's helped me is meeting and hanging out with some other dudes who are also going through, or have gone through, divorces. Those guys have been a source of all sorts of support, not just commiseration in the moment but also seeing people who are further along than I am/we are. People who've come out the other end of feeling like this who can look back and say, yeah man, that was a rough year or two. Almost everyone talks about this process like discovering a new version of themselves. Steel annealed and transformed into something stronger and more self-aware by the heat and intensity of difficult circumstances. You're clearly thinking about yourself and how to move forward, and that is a great thing. A comment that I heard early on in my process that rings truer every day: the pain will always be with you, but over time it becomes a memory of pain and not just the raw sensation of hurting. In an ideal world, you'll take the lessons learned about yourself, your attachment styles, and your values, and you'll find yourself waking up in a but of a new skin. One that treats people (including yourself) with more care and consideration than every before.

The fact that you're trying to mend it makes all the difference and makes you a bigger person. You're awesome! And you are a good boy. I'm proud of you. You're doing great.

If you're a reader I recommend Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. Helped me a lot.
https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407

Sending love your way xx

By all means take notes! I'm glad I can help :)

This book might also be helpful for you. My husband read it and said it matched a lot of what he's learned in our 16 years together.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Bipolar-Disorder-Understanding/dp/1608822192

I second everything this Mom says. I also wanted to add that I found this book really helpful after I had my kiddo, having suffered from prenatal and postpartum anxiety myself. And if you ever need a sounding board or some mom-ly thoughts about any moment of your parenting, please feel free to send a PM! This sub tends to be full of a lot of helpful, non-bonkers moms, which sometimes seems rare on the internet :)

It sounds like, in the least, you should read this: How To Survive The Loss Of A Love It's good for grief management.

In order to support others, you need to build yourself as a strong base first.

I know it’s depression and not alcoholism, but I’ve found this really helpful in my life and it may help you too: https://al-anon.org/pdf/S19.pdf

I’d strongly recommend reading the book “codependent no more” https://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025