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u/filmdude · 1 pointr/NoFap

I've been struggling with this addiction for 2 years with only ever being able to be clean for a week at most. Today is my 34th day in recovery. I still have a long way to go, but I will be happy to share with you what has helped me succeed so far.

  1. Not thinking in terms of "streaks." I don't even like to use that word anymore. This is a lifestyle change for me. One slip up is failure. I am human and can forgive myself for failing, but my absolute #1 goal is life is no more relapses. I am one hundred percent committed to recovery and will do anything to stay healthy.

  2. Therapy. I just accepted that there were things I wasn't "getting." It took a lot of time to find a therapist I was comfortable enough with to open up to. I spend an entire year just searching therapy sites before making a commitment. I'm happy I found someone who is helping me, but damn if I don't wish I hadn't waited so long. I've lost so much time I could have been progressing. Porn and masturbation addiction are HUGE problems and there are a lot of certified therapists that can help you through recovery. The two things to keep in mind when you choose a therapist are making sure they believe that porn and masturbation addiction is real. The second is that they are not committed to any single recovery method as being "the only way." There are a select few individuals who will connect with everything about a certain method, but most people draw from many different sources for strategies in their recovery. You want your therapist to help you explore different ideas and challenge you.. not to limit you.

  3. Definitive strategies. You need to start living healthy. You need to make positive changes in other areas of yourself. You need to love yourself and take care of yourself. Two things that I have done that have helped me and that I would not be to 34 days without them are... Firstly, making my bedroom a no-technology-zone. No laptops, cellphones, or tv. This is were I would relapse most and I just had to make this change to see any progress. Second thing I did was make a schedule for the next day every night before I go to bed. I am unemployed currently and so free time was a huge trigger for me. It was so easy for me to forget all of the things I had planned for the day and just numb out because I didn't think I had anything to do. Now I am amazed when I am making my schedule at how the past month almost every single day is FILLED with things to do in my life. Here are the basics that I would just neglect because I didn't schedule them into my life: gym and working out, doing dishes, cleaning apartment, reading a book at my favorite coffee shop, getting lunch with a friend, playing a video game with a friend, doing laundry, finishing that project I started last year, picking up some work supplies I need for when I go back to work... etc... There are currently about 50 things that I have completed this past month that I am almost certain would not be finished now or would only still be half done.

  4. Research. There are a lot of books out there that layout specific techniques to beating this addiction that you might have never heard of. Here are my top recommendations:

    http://www.sexualcontrol.com/The-Most-Personal-Addiction/

    There is a free PDF download on the website. I really like this book because it gives concrete strategies for overcoming porn and masturbation addiction. Read it all with a grain of salt. And approach everything in your initial recovery with skepticism. One of the most important things I have learned is that nearly every system says OUR WAY IS THE ONLY WAY. Seriously. 12 Steps says this. Zychik says it. Patrick Carnes, the leading sex addiction researcher says it. I really honestly think that there is NOT only one way. I am currently using ideas from a bunch of different people in my recovery and many of these things are directly warned against in other programs. If you finish reading and want to discuss any of the topics just message me... I would love to help.

    http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234

    This book is great for exploring yourself and finding acceptance and love within.

    http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Shadow-Starting-Relationship-Recovery/dp/0982650523

    I'm not a huge fan of Patrick Carnes because he seems to miss a basic idea about recovery that I think is important. But this book really is great for exploring your addiction. I would recommend it in small doses. It is highly interactive and it is sometimes very challenging to work with. This book is best used with the help of a therapist.

    Hope I've helped in some small way. Remember that you are stronger that this. You have the power within to make the correct choice. You have just been misguided by a fucked up society that worships sex and porn in a truly disturbing way. You are on the path to enlightenment. You are better than all of that garbage porn. I believe you have the power to change. It's obvious from your post that you want to change.

    Best of luck on your journey and never give up on trying. One day something you read will click and you will get this devil off your back.
u/MMeldrem · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Yes, I also have a minor case of Asperger's (now redefined as Autism on a severity scale). Sometimes I feel that there's nothing that can help Asperger's, but that's just if I'm letting myself be negative.

After 20 days or so, I definitely see a noticeable improvement in my openness with people, and my ability to express my true intentions when talking to people, even including complete strangers, to a degree. So keep at it.

However, one other major factor in my life right now is my practicing of mindfulness. Some people get into "meditation," and I quote it like that because I mean it as a formal meditation practice, where you physically sit down and do it, as compared to the meditation you can do in day to day life. I have done formal mediation sittings, and possibly I should make a point of getting back into those, but as long as you take time from your day and truly stop and do nothing, that can be considered the same thing.

Mindfulness, to me, is the process of taking a look at things from your heart instead of your mind. Letting things be and loving things exactly as they are (even if they are "bad"), so that you can then act out your life from your place of true intent, instead of from your reactive mind, which already confuses itself. I feel that being mindful of our actions and all things around us is one of the most useful ways of improving your happiness as an Aspie.

For example, if you are not where you "want to be" in your life, such as the conditions of no girlfriend, bad job situation, poor social life, etc., then the first step is to truly accept these conditions simply as they are! Whatever situation you are in, that is the exact place that you should start from since that is the only place that is reality. Just like if you wanted to travel to the other side of the world, at first it would seem like an daunting task, but if you lined up a car, plane ticket, hotel reservations, travel money, and a passport, then you could just take the steps one by one and go on your trip. The same is true with your life. You must start where you are, and with your life, "starting" from exactly where you are means accepting exactly where you are, deeply. From there you can take the next step openly and freely. If you don't accept where you are, your Autistic mind can easily get swept away in the "what-ifs" and the negativity. At least I know mine does if I'm not careful.

I know this isn't exactly what you asked, but it's what I can offer as advice as a fellow NoFapper/Aspie. I feel that mindfulness is extremely helpful with our condition. If you can do it right. There's no "right" way to be mindful, but I guess you can say there are wrong ways. At some point, if you can sift through the thoughts and sort out the ones that make you suffer from the ones that don't, then that is your answer. There are no right answers, there are only your answers.

Two books that have helped me on my journey are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which has been mentioned on NoFap before, and Loving What Is by Byron Katie (also mentioned before). The first is almost like one of the quintessential books on the topic, but can be a little more vague if you're not good at understanding "deep" stuff, although he does walk through some stuff in a pretty matter of fact way. The second is more practical look at things that utilizes a process known as "The Work" that helps you dissect negative thoughts and find out what is really true for you. And trust me, once you start acting out from a place of who you really are, and how you really feel, it's awesome!

It's not automatic. It's a work in progress. But it's great having another tool that goes with you. Whenever you have a "problem," you are in your mind, in your thoughts. Trust this. When something happens in the day, if you feel something's not right, you can apply some of the concepts, such as just coming back down to reality and feeling the energy in your body (Eckhart), or you can go through The Work and ask yourself, "Is that really true? Where would I be without that thought?" It's almost like you can be your own little Reddit, and answer questions for yourself! Lol.

tl;dr Mindfulness combined with NoFap can definitely help you see the improvements if you have Asperger's. It seems like mindfulness can help with NoFap, and vise versa. If you resist the urge, you are training yourself to be mindful, and if you can be mindful, you can resist the urge.

Here are links to those two books, if you are interested. If you'd like and can't afford, I'll buy them for you:

The Power of Now

Loving What Is

u/Imadeitforgood · -1 pointsr/NoFap

I personally think that you should appreciate women's beauty, however I feel that catcalling would be unnecessary i didn't see any approach done "right", i actually feel that people, specially men should learn some social dynamics specially towards talking to the opposite sex, and by this i don't mean learn pick up and fuck as many girls as possible and shit like that, but because I feel that its important to be able to connect with women in a way. I feel that a lot of rapes, and sexual frustration, and probably prostitution is because men want an easy way out, and don't want to put in the work to approach women, and now you could even go online dating if you don't like it but i think that men become more aware of how to deal with this certain situation, I am working on myself to be able to approach a girl and give her a genuine compliment and to mean it because I say it and say it because I mean it, not to get attention that just because by catcalling people I 'prove im manly' they come off as needy and shit.

Although I feel that people, specially women, if you learned some pick up or rather some more sociability they see that as ungenuine and even more chumpy, but the counter argument i would say is they are not being genuine either, they use make up and they are manipulating their appearance to look more attractive and in a way is manipulating me to think better of them, I am against some of the principles of pick up but the dating science isn't wrong, but its on the right path. I personally think that, like in my case, if you know you suck with women, and you don't want to be in a path of crappiness and neediness, via using prostitution to get laid or roofing people to get laid or rather rape girls, or vast usage of porn, I would say that its good.

I personally would recommend reading Models by Mark Manson because the book is really fucking awesome and it would make you a better man, and perhaps reading the 'further reading' books from that book help you understand the mating system of humans, and to become a better man. I think the book itself is actually really good because it states more than just to get laid is to find quality women to be fullfillled and be more happier with women, and in a way is actually attacking the dating science in a way by attacking The Mystery Method which all pick up could be summed up by that single book. In a way I would recommend both and take the best from both because neither of them is 'wrong' but niether one of them is 'right'. I do agree with Manson's idea of confidence and working in yourself more than in women and being sexualy fulllfilled doesn't require large amounts of women, while I also agree with Mystery's focus on competence vs. confidence because he says that you can't quantify confidence and rather focus on number of approaches and really statistics because that shows competence and successful competence breeds confidence eventually but in a way Manson's idea is better, because he is coming from a place of abundance of women and general happiness, is like saying being 'good' with women is something you are and not do and your looks, money demographics and ect does matter in the equation, over mystery's idea which is coming from neediness, because he refers as girls having 'high value' and by that you are infering that you aren't enough for her so you have to in a way manipulate yourself into making her thinking you are 'good enough' so that it doesn't matter if you look like a fucking troll no matter what if your 'game' is 'tight' it doesn't matter what even if the girl is married or anything really, she will sleep with you and that isn't the case, because mysetery uses a lot of indirect and 'fool proof' tactics that are more convoluted than just expressing your intent and if it doesn't work out move on asap, I'd say that take the best they both are right, and both concepts are correct but im leaning more the natural no scripts type of things and just being freeforming it.
I'd recommend both people getting those two books and they will change your life or at least make you think better and be more aware of how to flirt better. And perhaps reading Double your Dating by David DeAngelo, this one focuses more on dating girls and setting up and getting exposure to women over, is focused on both competence and confidence, and in a more natural way. I'd say get them, you can torrent them if you are so cheap, but defenitely read up on them and see what comes out of it.

So defenitely get Models by mark manson and Mystery Method because you can get a really clear picture on the subject of picking up women, and Double your Dating by David D just the simple ebook don't dig too much into it.

other books, I heard of them, and read some reviews on amazon and they seem to have really good reviews but I haven't gotten them or read them but they seem legit too.

Bang by roosh V

Day bang by roosh v

The manual by W. Anton

the Natural by richard la ruina

Get inside her by Marni Kinrys

they all seem like good resources to start and move on from there... and work on specific sticking point, but i'd say don't believe everything use them as guidelines and not as rules, and take them with a pinch of salt. the reason for this was because when I read the Mystery Method, it was well argued and every contingency is planned for, that I couldn't really find fault with the method, And so I believed all the "high value" bullshit that i fucking felt that i needed to one up everybody and that isn't the case, i was able to rescue myself from that mindset by Models, and I really thought it was genuine and it doesn't rely on too much bullshit and is more natural there is no one upping bullshit. I am not preching seduction community but i feel men should know what they are doing, specially if they suck like me, and be just more aware of things.

Perhaps i'd also reccomend
Gifts of Imperfection by Breene Brown since this book really digs somewhat on the self acceptance/self worth/self esteem part and what pick up artist would call 'inner game' ...
I'd say pick whatever books you want to BUT STOP reading too much into it, i became too paranoid and wanted to read every book on pick up out there and that is not the case guys, hope i helped.

TLDR--read books, become aware, know better, don't be a creep but don't be chump either, get informed guys know your shit,

u/plonk519 · 9 pointsr/NoFap

> My life has no point.

You're only 16, so the only point in your life right now is to get an education so that you can better understand the world, find a place and means to carve out a decent living, and discover your purpose in life by trying lots of different things.

> Gyms are full of mirrors, I need to look at my ugly face all the time, I can't get it out of my head.

Have you considered running outside? There are no mirrors out there, and if you run in the right places you might also get to enjoy the beauty of nature while you're at it. Trust me when I say that running is a great way to get all of these negative thoughts out of your mind, at least for a little while.

> All I do in a day is go to the gym, eat & sleep.

If you don't like your routine, change it. As I said, give outdoor running a try. Explore your music tastes and find that motivating song / album / artist to listen to while you run.

> Because I was born with an ugly face & shit bone structure, I have to suffer my whole life, I have no chance to be happy, to have a family or anything. I can only watch other people loving each other, while I'm dying inside.

I know people have said this already, but chances are strong that you're not actually ugly. Depression can make you think that you are, but you probably are not. However, let's assume for a moment that you are horrendously butt-ugly. That shouldn't stop you from being able to be happy and to have a family. Look around you - there are TONS of hideous people out there who somehow still manage to find someone to spend the rest of their lives with and be happy together. There is more to being attractive than just looks. Someone who is confident and happy with himself is more attractive than someone who is depressed and frowning all the time, even if the happy person is slightly less physically good-looking.

> I don't know what the hell am I going to do with my life, I can't talk to anyone, I can't hold eye contact, I'm frowning all the time, I feel like I have no soul.

Believe it or not, these are things that virtually EVERYONE goes through at some point in their lives. These are all things that you can change, because unlike your physical appearance, they are all inside your head. I've been down in the dumps before, and I know that it feels impossible to ever get out of the self-made pit you find yourself in. Still, IT CAN BE DONE. You should consider reading the book Feeling Good by David Burns - it offers concrete strategies for lifting yourself out of depression through the use of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

> Everywhere I look, people are enjoying themselves, whether it's the TV or outside, everyone is happy, talking to friends/partners, kissing themselves, while me, I'm just here, but it's like I don't even exist.

I've had these thoughts before about my friends and acquaintances at college, but the reality is that nobody is ever as happy as they appear in their Facebook pictures. I've spoken with enough people at school to realize that many people are actually miserable but happen to be really good at putting up a happy front for everyone else to see. The world is a competitive place, and so everyone is constantly trying to one-up one another by pursuing wealth, better looks, etc.

I'm currently single, and the thought that I will die alone frequently crosses my mind, even though this time last year I was happy as a clam because I had an awesome girlfriend. I felt forever alone just days before she walked into my life, and just days after she walked out of it. Life is unpredictable, so just keep in mind that those "happy" people you see around you WILL experience tragedy, misery, and maybe even depression at some point in their lives. You can't truly experience happiness without also experiencing sadness - that's why the bad moments in our lives exist, to make the good ones better.

> Before, I was fat, playing video games all day. I changed a lot in past 2 years, I lost weight, got muscle, haircut, better clothes, did everything I could.

This is something to be proud of. Not many people can say that they went from being fat to being muscular and physically fit. Look at the world around you - America is full of grossly obese people who just don't give a shit. Would you rather be "happy" and slowly drowning in your own fat and filth?

> Why are all the bad things happening to me? Why do I always have to be the worst, why is everyone always at a better position than me?

Do you have a roof over your head? Food and water? A computer from which you're posting this? Do you live in a wealthy first-world country? These are things that a large percentage of the world's population does not have access to, so consider yourself lucky. Happiness is not about material comforts - there are probably plenty of happy people living in third-world countries and fighting for survival each day. In fact, people in the Western world tend to be unhappier for some reason. It's not that they're ungrateful, but they're constantly comparing themselves to the people who are better than them and feeling worthless when they fall short of such impossibly high standards.

> I need to change my life, I want to change my life, but I don't know what to do.

Do something. Do ANYTHING. At such a young age, you have a lot of potential for personal change and self-discovery, so take advantage of it.

Grab life by the balls and make it your bitch.

u/stopped_orgasming · 1 pointr/NoFap

How people treat you only reflects how they are feeling, people who are happy don't want to harm other people in any way.

Be sure not to miss the real benefits, ditching dopamine rushes is just one part of the whole truth. I think everybody can get there intuitively once they recover (which is 2-3 weeks for me and others, it's safe to say it's universal) but feeling real unselfish love and kindness is the true source of happiness. If you don't get into habit of love and kindness you won't feel as good as you can. It's worth trying however long it takes, you're not missing out on anything! Hang in there. And beware of wet dreams, you most probably will need to restart countdown to bliss again... I personally don't use alcohol, nicotine and caffeine or any other drugs that can mess with dopamine.

u/wotsthestory · 2 pointsr/NoFap

I know it can feel like you're trapped when you fall into a depression. Have you sought help from a psychologist? CBT is very effective for anxiety and depression.

If that's too much at this stage, you could start with a couple of excellent books. This first one shows you how to take control of the negative thought and emotional patterns that usually precede depression, and it helped me a lot:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindful-Way-Through-Depression/dp/1593851286

The second one is an awesome guide to increasing self-control, based on current psychological research:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583334386

(By the way, both books recommend meditation, and I've found meditation to be a very powerful way to master thoughts and emotions, leading to better self-control and a more peaceful form of happiness which isn't subject to the ups and downs of everyday life.)

I know it's tough, but it's important to make an effort to add a range of rewarding activities to your life; this will decrease the urges to fap. The second book by Kelly McGonigal provides a helpful list of rewarding and stress-relieving activities, which I've copied here:

Exercising/playing sports;
Praying or attending a religious service;
Reading;
Listening to music;
Spending time with friends or family;
Getting a massage;
Going outside for a walk;
Meditating or doing yoga;
Spending time with a creative hobby.

All the best.

u/brant_1 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

For meditation, I would read Mindfulness in Plain English and try a guided meditation like the one Sam Harris has on his site (his podcast is also great if you've never checked it out) and maybe think about something like headspace (there are also free online guided meditation services but I am not aware of any to recommend).

===

Also definitely stay away from porn, it will do nothing except to damage you. Can't emphasize how crucial this is if you want to see the true benefits of nofap and regain/maintain a natural perspective on sex and women. Something that may help is to tell yourself "okay, I will watch porn, but only after I do x", where x is a cold shower or workout or something else productive (I think change of environment is essential to it being as effective as possible). Once you have finished, you probably will not want to watch porn. I would also look at your diet (it really helps): try to minimize processed foods and high fat items, and replace them with fresh fruit and veggies. Frozen wild blueberries are great for your health and I make a smoothie with them every day.

u/europeanfapstronaut · 1 pointr/NoFap

Oh man, also thanks for your reply.

Looks like our stories are remarkably similar - I also wasn't able to get off half the time, her self esteem was tanking, we started having issues, arguing about stupid stuff. Also had similar problems with keeping interest in girls - the chase is all cool and exciting, then you do the right things, you close, the girl starts getting attached and I freak out since I lose interest.

I thought ton of it has been due to my interest in PUA after I was introduced to it by a buddy of mine (and he had similar loss-of-interest issues) but I stopped being a player and started being more honest/genuine, but my interest in girls went down very quickly after closing with them.

So I adapted a different approach, I basically have "receptive girls" all over the world, we're on friendly terms and whenever I'm in town or they are in town, we'd sleep together. That way I didn't need to keep commitment and relationship and would still have sex fairly frequently.

Now that I'm on my 40th day and feeling the reboot a bit, I feel more in control of myself and am less afraid of commitment. I want to get to know a cool girl and spend time with her and if things don't work, so what, there are many cool girls out there.

I recently read Mark Manson's Models (http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358), it was a fairly important book for me to read and help me on my NoFap quest.

Likewise good luck!

u/JimmieJ209 · 1 pointr/NoFap

Fantastic post. Your concept of “gas” has actually been written about in great detail by one of my all time favorite books.

https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

The premise is that “willpower” is a muscle that can be strengthened and also depleted by “life”

You only have so much willpower each day. Eating certain foods can replenish willpower, sort of like refueling a gas tank.

Concepts such as “autopilot” are discussed in great detail.

A main point that I particularly related to was how to utilize willpower efficiently. This is done by using willpower to break bad habits and using it to form new ones. Crafting this habits until they feel natural.

AKA replacing pornography with healthy activities such as basketball.

A highly recommend this book to everyone here who is straining their willpower by pursuing no fap. If anyone has read it, please chime in with some of your favorite parts of the book.

Good luck boys!

u/tecca_moba · 8 pointsr/NoFap

I feel like this should be considered normal for a heterosexual male. Tight leggings naturally draw your eyes to them. I recommend not to surpress the attraction but instead to let it flow over you, without letting it consume you. Just observe it and be thankful for the extra feeling of energy that it gives you. Maybe think about what attracts you to your gf, I suspect it is more than just her body.
In general, I have come to be thankful of the energy that emerges from attraction to the female. For me, the book Way of the Superior Man helped a lot here.

u/[deleted] · 2 pointsr/NoFap

NoFap isn't a cure-all, and it's not something you should use as a "treatment" for depression. Furthermore, don't let what other people do on this subreddit become your model of the right way to live. If you don't want to take cold showers or go to the gym, then don't. I do pushups at home to stay in shape but not to an intense degree; I don't have time to lift and I won't until I complete about 100 other side projects I'm more interested in. If girls won't like me unless I lift (and I'm in decent shape, even with a little muscle), well then, fuck it, I guess. But don't take your life model from me, either; decide your own priorities.

I don't know what you mean by "I've never had depression before in my life." If you mean before starting NoFap, and that's the honest truth, I might suggest you take a break from NoFap (the subreddit and the challenge) for at least a couple months if you think that's what's causing your new depression (if you're not sure though don't just fap because you just might feel guilty and even worse afterwards). If you mean that you're not sure if you're depressed now, I'd say it definitely sounds like it. I've been struggling with depression (not NoFap related) for almost two years now. Depression is characterized by apathy and not really taking enjoyment out of daily life, especially things which you used to enjoy previously. I have definitely not tried everything -- I have not gotten professional help (though I will ask my physician for recommendations at my upcoming doctor's appointment -- I also haven't had a doctor's appointment in almost two years, due to leaving my pediatrician and being generally too lazy to schedule an appointment with a new doctor), nor have I read Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, which is supposedly one of the best books for helping with depression.

I have tried meditation and I never really got that much out of it, to be honest. Books will explain how to do it, and I would be relaxed and comfortable while doing it, but I have to focus on things other than breathing during the normal course of a day. I can easily bring myself to meditate, but after a month of doing so quite frequently, I was just left with an "OK, so what?" feeling, not some magical inner peace. YMMV on this one, but I don't want you to feel like the only one if it doesn't help you. I've actually come to enjoy cold showers, and those I still take pretty much every day, but once again I didn't really see an improvement in depression or in my general life circumstances as a result of taking them.

What has helped me in combating my depression is a stubborn attitude that I'll overcome it no matter what, and also strong friends upon whom I can lean. I'd probably recommend professional help most of all, though. Depression sucks but plenty of people have been able to overcome it. I won't guarantee that it's possible, because I'm not a medical professional and I haven't even yet completely overcome it myself, but even in the midst of being depressed I have plenty of happy moments, and to me those are totally worth it. I've never even kissed a girl outside of my own family before and I'm almost 21 years old, so don't worry if you feel alone in that sort of thing either. So good luck and if you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

u/Myst--19 · 17 pointsr/NoFap

You're taking the wrong lessons out of this book. Yes, you should care about yourself and your values more than others. However, what you're talking about is not caring about others in the slightest. That's insane!

You're going from one extreme to the next. But you will still have the same insecurity at heart.

How do I know? I've been there. I was that nice guy that helped everyone out when they needed and didn't get anything back in return, or refused to take back. Then one day, I had enough. I became a raging dick to everyone, my friends, family, housemates. I'm still suffering from the fallout of what I did, 3 years on.

Change is good. And I'm glad you're taking action to change. But becoming obsessively narcisstic is not the best path. You'll get some of what you want but lose the things you loved.

Focus on yourself first, and then care about those around you next. Don't go full throttle on the former. Check out this, it talks about exactly what you're going through --> Models: Attract Women through Honesty

And here is an exerpt --> The Power in Vulnerability

At the end of the day, do what you want to do. I wish you the best of luck.

edit: Spelling, added 1 sentence.

u/YahwehTheDevil · 5 pointsr/NoFap

Marnia Robinson advocates for karezza, which is affectionate sex without orgasm, and there seems to be some science behind it:

>It seems like a "no-brainer" that more orgasms and more intense orgasms will satisfy more. However, the "I'm done!" feeling after orgasm delivers a powerful subconscious signal to the limbic brain, which can create restlessness down the road

>A series of studies showed that orgasm in humans induces pronounced and long-lasting secretion of peripheral PRL [prolactin] with significantly higher levels of PRL in females... The magnitude of the PRL increase following intercourse was 400% greater than following masturbation, which may indicate the biological significance of cervicovaginal stimulation and/or physical contact with a partner....The inhibitory effects of PRL on sexual appetence in humans are well known....and [deserve] further investigation

I recently bought and read her book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow on the subject. Although it has several references to new-age woo, which put a bad taste in my mouth, the overall message is quite comforting at explaining why we feel down after sex. I often get the "I need to get away right now" feel after cumming, and I'm happy to know both that this is completely normal and that we can do things to eliminate those feelings and pursue healthy long-term relationships.

u/Braffe · 2 pointsr/NoFap

An issue is that PMO is still an option and it messes with your head. Also, you need to understand what porn exactly is.

My advice is:

  • to educate yourself (make sure you read them all if you want to move forward) -> YBOP and Breaking the Cycle are excellent books + these two articles are amazing in recovery: 1st and 2nd

  • continue meditating at least 10min a day (best in morning, https://insighttimer.com/ is great), learn to see patterns in your thoughts. What I mean...find what urge exactly means*** and understand that you don't have to act on it. It takes time and patience of meditation until you start seeing urges in this way. Then it's easier to tell you brain to shut up.

  • start daily discipline and be strict about not skipping it. Like cold showers every morning. Working out regularly. Reading great books that will help you grow. Etc. When you slip up in a discipline with small daily activities you will relapse. Guaranteed. But this will help you grow your willpower and confidence in yourself.

  • Find a role model. Mine is Jocko Willink.

  • protect yourself. Right now I have 4 porn blockers (!) installed on top of each other on my chrome browser + addon for hiding images + uninstalled Internet Explorer + safe browser on my android. This way it is really hard to see porn. This will give you some margin between you and arousing triggers.

  • [Advanced and Controversial] In Breaking the Cycle author (ex-addict) encourages to take stand against addiction rather than running from it. I know it from my own experience. I had 260 day hardmode streak, but I was still running from porn. Porn still attracted me and relapse was inevitable. Such as pissing at Playboy magazine, spitting before the door of an erotic shop, telling the receptionist that you won't come back ever again helps a lot. An issue is that porn is everywhere and it is only digital and that's why my method is controversial. But since I have started my current streak with this experiment I have no urges to seek porn and I feel free from my addiction!

    -> When you will feel confident in staying away from porn on your computer and in your thoughts and become good at meditation (say, 90 days?) you can start breaking down the power that porn has over you. On one morning when you feel energized and fresh, take a deep breath and quickly download some porn images to your computer. Then, turn on add-ons back, shut down the computer, take a cold shower and walk into the morning air. Start with the most disgusting porn that will make you question "Why the heck should I masturbate to it?!" (I started with this sick subreddit that shows images of humiliated and abused women that started crying during porn session due to pain and or abuse to start seeing actors as human beings that have feelings too.) But it will still attract your lizard brain and that's what we are after.
    In next morning, when you feel strong and discipline (that's important, don't do it when you feel tired or aroused....it's important to train yourself under a good conditions) quickly look over the pictures, close them off and meditate on them for 10min. See how urges are popping up and how the brain is desperately trying to make you PMO. See actors as human beings. Zoom into their pixelated eyes to see that they are fake on your computer, but still suffering somewhere. Imagine that they are not looking at you, but onto the camera that some pervert is holding in that room.
    Then walk away, take a cold shower and continue with your day.

    -> Do this everyday (when you feel strong) and you will quickly start to feel less aroused by porn. You will start to feel sorry for them. See them as humans and not objects. After a while, you can transition to the more appealing type of porn of your taste and start breaking it down too.

    -> As I said...this is controversial and you might not want to do that. But honestly, this is doing wonders with my current streak! Thank God that I finally feel free from addiction.


    ___
    ***What urge means you may ask?
    It is a push that brain gives you in form of combination made from:

  • Image - Every time you have an urge you "see" in your head some fantasy image that shows some porn scene or suggestion of activity that you could do.

  • Description - An explanation of what that scene or activity means and how awesome you'll feel when you do it right now.

  • Dopamine - Release of chemical that makes you wanting to do things.
u/truthdemon · 1 pointr/NoFap

Just a note of advice for any who PE - try reading "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. It's an excellent well written book that goes into how to make a woman come with your tongue, which really helps to take the pressure off lasting - as well as dealing with any type of performance anxiety, as we all have tongues ;)

I haven't had a chance to try it out yet, so it's only speculative but I really think it can help. It has loads of positive reviews and is probably the best authority on the subject. However reading it could lead to triggers - I read it before I discovered NoFap.

u/vanish619 · 1 pointr/NoFap

We're under no obligation to be the same person we were yesterday"

---

Hello, traveller!

I've read Models by Mark Manson, but haven't gotten to "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" yet.

During my journey here, I read 2 additional books that may be good for you since they stemmed from some of those teachings


No more mr. Nice guy (Glover)

The road less traveled (Peck).


I was also having issues with an obstacle but reading your post made me realise what i have overlooked and may be beneficial in aiding me in my own journey as well.

Thank you for sharing, I appreciate it.

u/backslashed · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Congratulations my friend! This is where relapse starts. I have also found this to be true.

I tend to go as far as to say that we fantasize in order to pleasure ourselves using our imagination - which is a kind of masturbation isn't it? :) Getting ourselves horny using imagery. Obviously there is no need, neither any benefit to that. That is what I am working on as well at the moment. I'm pretty sure that after all this porn we even fantasize unconsciously.

Objectively speaking, I also think it's the perfect definition to objectifying women. I don't want anything to get me horny except a living breathing woman who has the kind intent of doing so!

Good job! Keep working at this! I'm really happy that you have made this discovery! All the best!

If you are interested in learning more about how porn has affected our minds, I really enjoy reading William Struther's book called "Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography hijacks the male brain". He is a brain scientist and a Christian. He approaches the matter both scientifically and spiritually. I would say it is a very good read even you're not a Christian (I'm not either). Link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0830837000/ref=ox_ya_os_product

I would even go further than that as to say that masturbation IS in fact fantasizing (as opposed to being imaginative with a lover), and touching your ding-dong is nothing but a consequence of that - given that you are getting yourself so horny using your mind that you are not able to contain it anymore.

u/Bman331 · 1 pointr/NoFap

Thanks guys. I'm INTP on the MBTI assessment. I always score incredibly highly on introversion, but that doesn't really play out in real life, I always seem to be out doing things. I think that may be because I work from home so I get to recharge a lot of energy before meeting other people, but I do enjoy being social, just not all the time.

I'm only here because of the course which I bought online. There was a bonus on Erectile Dysfunction which led me to yourbrainonporn.com and here. I purchased it online, it does a lot of tantric stuff mixed with some psychology about sexual shame. I think a lot of technical details are taken from Mantak Chia's Multi-orgasmic Man - http://www.amazon.com/The-Multi-Orgasmic-Man-Sexual-Secrets/dp/0062513362. I've seen other people here recommend it and I know it's cheaper than the online course, but my guess is that it's not as complete.

This is the main page for my course - http://www.jimbenson.net/becoming-a-multi-orgasmic-lover/

and this is the video just in case you have trouble finding the order link - http://multiorgasmiclover.com/?hop=bensnblest

Costs $67 I think. I would recommend it, though it may be best to wait until you allow yourself to masturbate again. Interestingly the course has a very different type of masturbation to what we're typically used to. It is referred to as self-pleasuring, done to no porn and no fantasy, just focusing on the pleasure, and trying not to ejaculate, so it is edging. Which many people here have advised against, which is why I'm waiting the 90 days before actually doing that part of the course.

u/WhatsUpWithTheKnicks · 1 pointr/NoFap

For those of you who want to quit smoking:

  • Why is it so easy to quit smoking cigarettes, but so hard to not start again?


  • The problem is NOT nicotine!


    Fact: nicotine addiction is one of the easiest to overcome. Every smoker knows that: you are in a situation were you can't smoke for a couple of hours. What happens? You take it easily. Yes, you are happy when you finally can light one up again, but during the period you experience no greater troubles. (For example sitting in an airplain or in a hours long meeting.) Compare this to a heroin junky or an alcoholic, who would get serious withdrawal symptoms after s short amount of time without her drug.


  • So what is the trouble?

    Not so much the nicotine-addiction, you can kill that of in a matter of days or weeks. But the thoughts! All the time during such a smoke-free period (like I alluded to in the prior paragraph), you may not suffer physiological withdrawal so much as psychological one!

    Constantly thinking about the next opportunity to smoke.

    The pain is in thought.

    The tobacco industry is very successful in implanting mental structures in the smoker's brain.

  • This keeps smokers to return to cigs again and again.


    I learned all this by experience, I smoked for years and I am free since nearly a decade. Without any mind games left.

    I learned the theory by reading the book that gets recommended in every major quit-smoking reddit thread.

    I suggest reading it twice. Once to get the basic picture. And the second time to really get it, which will undo the brain-damage the tobacco industry instilled in our brains in the first place.

    It just works. The author is a genius who just explaines to you in a clear manner what's going on. After you groked that, you will just not want to smoke any longer. Hence: easy way out.


    Hope that helps!





u/Magorkus · 2 pointsr/NoFap

/u/whitehat511 has no clue what he's talking about. Seriously. Is there PUA material that is unethical and douchey? Of course. Is there a bunch of material that helps you get better at attracting and dating women that is completely on the level morally and ethically? Absolutely yes. For those looking for the least sketchy stuff the best place to start is Models: Attract Women Through Honesty. It is truly phenomenal. From there you can pick and choose other material based on what you want your love life and social life to be.

u/Fapallo13 · 3 pointsr/NoFap

Great advice, though you should probably give credit to the book you got it all from.

The Willpower Instinct

Definitely a helpful book for getting through NoFap. Or if you dont want to buy the book, orsz gave a pretty good summary of each chapter.

u/Blittster · 2 pointsr/NoFap

The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. It's an amazing book that I heard about on /NoFap a few months ago. Great reviews on Amazon. It definitely gave me hope for a stronger mindset.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1583334386

u/MatthewASobol · 30 pointsr/NoFap

> I have practically no social connections. Never kissed, never dated.

Join clubs (sporting, coding clubs, chess, gaming - whatever). They are a great way to meet new people and you don't have to keep going if you don't want to. Nothing to lose.

> My dad said if I didn't get a job soon, he'd kick me out. ... I applied to Safeway, McDonalds, Burger King, Dairy Queen and Taco Bell. NONE of them hired me.

Volunteer for charity organisations. It will get you back out into a working environment, fill a gap in the resume and may provide some character references. Working with other people should also improve your self esteem.

> I don't like going on Facebook because I get to see how successful all my friends are, and how they all grew up, doing all these extraordinary things.

That should be your motivation. When you see those pictures and status updates, you should be thinking - I want that. What can I do right now to get me closer to that?

> I posted to 4chan about my pathetic life and they all told me to kill myself.

Don't post (or read) 4chan. It's a cesspool of human suffering.

> I always dreamed of being a successful game programmer but I am too lazy to even do that.

Have you done much programming? if not - /r/learnprogramming

> I don't know what else to do.

  • Start. Write a list of long-term goals and break them down into short-term goals. Keep doing this until the first step seems so incredibly easy that you can start straight away. Re-assess often.

  • Cultivate discipline. Here's a great post to have a read of: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/49gfmc/when_did_you_realize_you_had_to_change_a_part_of/d0rv7z8/

  • The way you think about yourself is terrible for you. Once you are ready, I think reading this book might do you some good: Feeling Good

    At the moment, you seem to be in a stage of self-pity. Stop. It's not going to help. So, you didn't get hired by McDonalds. Big whoop! Look at where you are and do what you can right now. You don't want to be looking back in one, two, five years time thinking "if only I had started earlier".

    Finally, good luck. Life can be tough. Don't let it pass you by.



u/kodemizer · 1 pointr/NoFap

I've been practicing this for years on and off. Still haven't entirely gotten the hang of it, but just being a little aware of how you "direct" and "transmute" your sexual energy can be really awesome.

One of the most fantastic books about this practice that I've found is the Multi-Orgasmic Man: http://www.amazon.com/The-Multi-Orgasmic-Man-Sexual-Secrets/dp/0062513362

u/KumquatRevenge · 3 pointsr/NoFap

I'm having a lot of difficulty getting past 2-3 days at the moment. Internet hug for you!

If you feel like you want to speak to a counsellor go ahead. It likely can't do any harm and could help a lot. If you feel like there's anything you want to talk about but don't feel like a counsellor post it here. Or send a PM. We're always here.

Another thing I find useful are books. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396462581&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good is wonderful.

u/rollingstone__ · 1 pointr/NoFap

I definitely see your point of view as I'm in a similar boat. Overall, I'm generally where I want to be in life; living in a major city, doing a job that genuinely interests me, and surrounded by lovely people. The reason I'm quitting porn is that I don't have a girlfriend due to constantly achieving virtual sexual release, plus I agree with UberTacoMan; it's just not natural. I think it's generally a bad habit, and I'm definitely improving as a person for giving it up.

As Gary Wilson said in Your Brain On Porn, it doesn't hurt to try abstinence. In the grand scheme of things, do you really have anything to lose?

u/EinarrPorketill · 1 pointr/NoFap

I agree that gimmicky PUA shit isn't the way to go. I've read Mark Manson's book and it was helpful, but it's definitely helpful to get info from additional sources. These books are pretty essential IMO:

https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365/

https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034/

https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294

u/clickyclacky · 1 pointr/NoFap

Yes, the supernormal stimuli concept is very helpful. Link didn't work. If you mean Barrett's book by that name, I thought it did a very smug (and poor) job with respect to porn. This book does a better job vis a vis porn: http://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction-ebook/dp/B00N2AH8NW

u/Marton_Csikosfalvi · 1 pointr/NoFap

I don't know how much do you like books or like reading but I can recommend you the book called Cupid's Poisoned Arrow if you haven't read it yet.
(https://www.amazon.com/Cupids-Poisoned-Arrow-Harmony-Relationships/dp/1556438095)
I started this whole fight 2 months ago and I didn't get further than 4 days. After I started reading this book I realized that for me this whole nofap thing is much easier and now if I don't relapse for 5 hour I will be on 5 day streak ( wish me luck :D )

u/gre3nrain · 1 pointr/NoFap

Yes it does, because doing NoFap rewires your brain to remove sex (and therefore fetishes) as a major object of your life. And if you constrain yourself (at a later date) to only sex with real women and masturbation with no fantasy (proceed with caution) then you will weaken the connection between sex and your fetish.

If you want some solid reading on the plasticity of the brain and how porn rewires it (often to things we wouldn't expect ourselves to be into) buy The Brain That Changes Itself or find it in a library and read the chapter on sexuality and pornography. It's very interesting and is a relief if you are struggling with fetishes you really dislike.

The very best of luck to you, my friend!

u/flashbang123 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Read No More Mr Nice Guy & Models.

Just remember, confidence is sexy. At the end of the day, it's all on you. Browse r/seduction...just take everything you read with a grain of salt.

*****

Here is some inspiration for you:

Tupac about Women and Bitches

Old School Star Wars

Dr. Cox from Scrubs & more

Sean Connery interview with Barbara Walters

Wolf of Wall Street - "There Is No Nobility in Poverty."

Clint Eastwood

*


...not really to do with anything but still good advice:

Rocky's speech to his son

u/TheW4y · 1 pointr/NoFap

It is not your fault that you modify your opinions to to match that of others, in the sense that you can control it.

I think it is a result of your life so far (which is out of your control especially at a young age where you start to develop these issues).

I also think this can be changed it would just require time, and a strong foundation in terms of your personality and individuality.

Following /u/markcotter's advice, compiling varied experiences, and building a life that you enjoy and love, is a platform that gives and supports your confidence. Eventually you will come to a point where you will start to diffirientiate annoying people from great ones. That is when you will cease to modify your opinions all the time, as you wont have a need to do so. (Haha I think NoFap is a shortcut to that. Especially with girls you will start to say "Fuck off, I don't care about you and what you think of me" )

Other than that have you tried mindfulness it is a great way to start dealing with your issues, and how you react to life Here is a good resource. There is also a book that deals with this, I haven't read all of it though.

BTW to get a sense of where I am coming from. I have a similar problem as you. Although I don't modify my opinion, my problem is seek others attention, approval, company in an extreme manner. I would give more priority to others time and company, and interact in their terms.

Hard to explain properly, but it is something I am trying to deal with.

u/thuanale · 1 pointr/NoFap

Awesome. This maybe the psychological aspect of the porn addiction. I am reading Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction book which traces physiological causes and mostly focuses on the relationship between The Internet porn and human brain.
Hope you find it interesting.

u/DevilTheGod · 1 pointr/NoFap

Here's a possible solution to the "sex" thing but the relationship thing that's on the two of you and the type of people you are...There are sexual practices that involve full on sex without ejaculation, you can pleasure her more then you've ever had and retain your semen =P

https://www.amazon.com/Multi-Orgasmic-Man-Sexual-Secrets-Should/dp/0062513362

u/LordCodeSmith · 1 pointr/NoFap

I know this way too good... women love to play with men.
The thing is: you gotta decide if you want to play a little bit along or she can fuck off..

btw.. I'm currently reading this book. Great Author many truth :D

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

u/_charles_ · 1 pointr/NoFap

I've been there! Still recovering but here's what's helped:

  • Reading this book has been really helpful.

  • OpenDNS and K9.

  • I told some friends and have one whose doing NoFap November too. We check up on each other.

  • posting on nofap daily
u/paulmattheww · 1 pointr/NoFap

This is the one I read last year... it was pretty authoritative on the subject. Good luck!

https://www.amazon.com/Taoist-Secrets-Love-Cultivating-Sexual/dp/0943358191

u/farmergregor · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Read "Feeling Good" and "Intimate Connections" by David D. Burns.

I studied these books, and they greatly helped me overcome my loneliness/depression. They aren't bullshit pseudoscience hippie self-help books. The advice they give is simple, and I can pretty much guarantee your life will improve if you follow them.

u/pubgandbaseball · 5 pointsr/NoFap

Take the “try to stop global warming” approach. Worst case scenario, the earth is a little cleaner but nothing else changed, best case scenario, the earth is cleaner AND we’ve averted disaster.

In other words - go with being the best version of yourself - worst case scenario, you are living a richer and more fulfilling life, but still no girlfriend. Best case scenario, you are living a richer and more fulfilling life and you’ve got a girlfriend. More on this approach here: https://web.archive.org/web/20170910035757/http://www.drglover.com/blog/x_post/is-living-a-great-life-demeaning-to-a-woman-00058.html

Being the best version of what woman want is the path to ruin for you and your relationship. There is a whole book written about this, where guys try to be the person they think women want in order to get what they want, and what the consequences are - https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 .

Also, big girls are awesome- don’t hate.

u/FapFreeJack · 2 pointsr/NoFap

You have to learn that you, in this present moment, are beautiful.
We're all in a low place at some point in our lives. But life is a wave, & when we reach that crest we will cherish it more than anyone who's never been to the depths we have
This book is a must read :)
http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/product-reviews/0757303234

u/superphotonerd · 2 pointsr/NoFap

There definitely is a correlation between smoking and erectile dysfunction... get on over to /r/stopsmoking, and check out Allen Carr's book. But you have to want to quit, once you know that, take those steps. Your body and your lungs will thank you.

EDIT: I quit smoking almost a month ago, and I can safely say as an ex smoker, there is never a 'right' time to quit, the time is now.

u/giggleshmack · 1 pointr/NoFap

I recommend buying a book on meditation, reading it daily, and meditating right afterwards. Your meditation routine will change and improve as you read the book. I started with "Mindfulness in Plain English" by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana (http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Plain-English-20th-Anniversary/dp/0861719069/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418423257&sr=8-1&keywords=mindfulness+in+plain+english) and I'm on my third meditation book now. :)

u/reinventingmyself2 · 1 pointr/NoFap

I discovered this book a long time ago in this community, and now I'll pass it forward to you: http://www.amazon.com/Tantric-Sex-Men-Making-Meditation/dp/1594773114

It talks a lot about PE and anxiety, and the benefits of cooling the sex down. Our view of sex is a rock hard penis hammering a vagina. The author of the book defends that the penis is most sensitive on a semi-flacid state.

Personally I still couldn't practice everything the book preaches, but it's a great reading and have a lot of new concepts that I would never have imagined.

u/martin_malin · 2 pointsr/NoFap

I also thought I was crazy at one point lol. The good news is if you think you are crazy, you're not. I promise you that you are just fine bro, it's your mind that is sick...that's all, no big deal. You really have to understand that you are not your mind. Thoughts are just thoughts.

You said you like spirituality? Then order this book: https://www.amazon.ca/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808

It changed my life and can change yours. PEACE.

u/Totec · 1 pointr/NoFap

The Brain That Changes Itself is all about Neuroplasticity and how while your brain can get messed up on everything from addictions to seizures, it is plastic. Meaning, it can reform itself. The 90day milestone is encouraged to let this process happen.

I recommend the book to any NoFapper interested in the brain and porn as well as general neuroscience. Its stories have given hope to someone with a crushing near daily habit for 10-12 years. I found out about nofap in 2012 and my longest streaks are 7-14 days. Haven't had one over 5 in months, and the relapses are now daily. This willpower thing really isn't working for me.

u/avelsdjur · 6 pointsr/NoFap

Don't disappoint your gf by going celibat if you don't need to. You can always go back to hardmode when you gf is not around. I mean, quitting porn and not fapping should be just as easy when having a gf(sex included) and without having a gf. Eighter way, if you decide on hardmode there are always other ways to succeed without using your penis.

u/apoetindisguise · 1 pointr/NoFap

Yeah, it's lingering in your subconscious. But you can definitely rewire the aspects of your brain to get over it. Don't lose hope, dude.

https://www.amazon.com/Brain-That-Changes-Itself-Frontiers/dp/0143113100/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1486588708&sr=8-2&keywords=brain+neuroplasticity

Just continue to educate yourself and treat your mind and body right.

u/shredwarlock · 1 pointr/NoFap

Haha, unfortunately, what I meant when I said "tantra" is probably the thing that every person who is serious about tantra hates having to patiently explain over and over and over. "No, it's more than just having sex for a really long time." I'm familiar with Asian philosophy in general terms (community college class on it 7 years ago!!!) but as far as tantra, I meant more like non-ejaculatory orgasms and sexual energy practices. The writing in this book is cringe worthy at times (the author thought "sexual Kung Fu" was a better term than "tantra") but the edging techniques and approach to orgasm and ejaculation as different things is revolutionary for those who are new to these concepts. http://www.amazon.com/The-Multi-Orgasmic-Man-Sexual-Secrets/dp/0062513362

u/DjiboHat-Wearer · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Talk to your girlfriend about this. Ask her if she'd like to try anything different in bed.

I say this because I think my girlfriend would be pretty awkward sexually if she didn't get to play a submissive role. I'm not saying your girlfriend is hiding a secret like that, but maybe think about it. Even a small amount of power exchange during sex could bring you closer by reinforcing trust.

Also: http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1370904054&sr=1-1&keywords=she+comes+first

u/freshrpince · 1 pointr/NoFap

Snarf55555 suggested karezza in another thread which made me very curious about this topic. I found this introductory article about it and told my girlfriend. She was very interested and now we ordered Cupid's Poisoned Arrow to read it together.

Since I started nofap we didn't have intercourse together but cuddled a lot and karezza is more or less the next step into that direction. Now I can really enjoy being close with her because I don't have to worry about my orgasm which usually ended our closeness because she wouldn't want to continue then. Maybe this could also help your girlfriend with her pain.

I say give it a try and maybe it's something for you.

u/StellarMe · 1 pointr/NoFap

I’m in.

Doing hard mode because I have to.

I’m aiming for 30 days but if all is well, I’m going to shoot for 90 days.

Life is beginning to have color and meaning again. My Lexapro is starting to finally do its job. And I don’t fantasize about killing myself as often. My meditation practice is progressing nicely. I’ve started reading a lot of different books that interest me. One of the books I’m reading is your brain on porn. For anyone seriously trying to quit porn, this book is a must. The knowledge I gained is making this streak much easier.

u/kindaAnonymous · 1 pointr/NoFap

As I've said here before, NoFap isn't a cure for depression. Try Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. I started reading it and it has helped me.

For me, things tend to start getting much better around 1 month and on. I say this despite the fact that I've never kissed or had sex with a girl (or guy, for that matter).

u/ColdWaterOtter · 1 pointr/NoFap

ok, well... I've had to unlearn a lot of the same nice guy horseshit you seem also to have been indoctrinated into. Read this: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

It's not PUA and not really self help. It's basically a man-to-man kick in the ass about being a lion with a steel backbone instead of a jellyfish. One of the best books I've ever read.

As far as the virginity thing, don't you worry. I was mid 20s til my first kiss and 30 til I lost the v-card. It'll happen, just STICK WITH NOFAP. Now that said, there are guys on here who'll tell you sex is no big deal. Ha, funny. I couldn't disagree more... I finally took nofap serious as I had a broken dick on several attempts to finally do the dirt. Had a 45 then 25 day streak... did tons of pushups, cold showers and meditated, then found a pretty gal and smashed: it tripled my confidence. Why? The girl didn't give me confidence, no. Neither did the sex per se. It was the scent of victory; fighting for and achieving a goal. And boy oh boy, after three decades of listless waiting, hot damn was it pleasurable!

____

Real lust & romance is worth every ounce of pain this battle can throw at you.

Stay strong and soldier on.

u/anon1111111111111111 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

So I read this book Willpower, which I think is a pretty neat book. One of the chapters is about David Blaine and how he trains for his endurance acts (seemingly godlike displays of willpower).

However anecdotal (n=1), the book elucidates that when he is training for his next endurance feat Blaine will be very focused not just on the endurance act itself, but in all aspects of his life. He is more apt to working out hard, eating healthier, etc.

Personally this is my longest nofap streak that I attribute to focus in all aspects of my life. Lifting heavy, eating proper, studying hard in school, partying hard on the weekends (just being social, not necessarily getting bombed). Where the shower comes in is that I think it is just another involvement of an act that requires a degree of discipline. It's kind of like a 'healthy diet' for ones skin. Self denial.

Anyhow I'm done rambling keep it up guize.

u/steed_jacob · 1 pointr/NoFap

see a therapist, be active in this sub, start reading books about porn addiction (i'm reading your brain on porn right now), get an accountability partner, be open about your addiction with people you trust

u/GenghisKhanSpermShot · 2 pointsr/NoFap

This is the book I'm reading now, I just started so I can't confirm how well it works but it has good reviews and someone here recommended it https://www.amazon.com/Taoist-Secrets-Love-Cultivating-Sexual/dp/0943358191

u/heycharles · 1 pointr/NoFap

Before nofap, every time i would have sex, with my girlfriend (and ex-girlfriends) i never felt a bit nervous, i've felt EXTREMELY nervous. I suffered a lot PE and after nofap i am much better now.
One things that really helps is to control you expiration and inspiration to be slow and deep instead of fast and short.
I will suggest to read this book, they have this tip about you respiration and other exercise to know more yourself. It worked for me.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Multi-Orgasmic-Man-Sexual-Secrets/dp/0062513362/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370373963&sr=8-1&keywords=man+multiple+orgasm

(they have a kindle edition, wich is great because the title is a little bit controversial and people can make judgement. I'm saying that because i live with my parents and i have the book edition and so the book needs to be well hidden to avoid unnecessary explanations)

u/dayone_27 · 1 pointr/NoFap

Rather donate to charity after a long streak since donating is something you should only do when you feel good, not after a relapse.

I suggest you put your money towards something more specific to your cause and that may give you an actual return.

Book examples
https://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction-ebook/dp/B00N2AH8NW

Software:
http://www.covenanteyes.com/services

u/evergreenlight · 2 pointsr/NoFap

This is a good, short book that came out last year, so it's pretty much up to date and the author would probably help you with the recent research. He runs the YourBrainOnPorn website.

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction/dp/099316160X

u/johnblend · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Kegel exercises!!!

There are books on this subject. I have heard positive things about taoist lovemaking books. Its all about having long sessions without having the physical release.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Multi-Orgasmic-Man-Sexual-Secrets/dp/0062513362

u/akthero · 0 pointsr/NoFap

What? You think the point of sex is ejaculation?! That's crazy, I suggest you look into seminal retention, there are some great books explaining it. Here's a start:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Way-Superior-Man-David-Deida/dp/1591792576/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377202194&sr=8-1&keywords=the+way+of+the+superior+man

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Taoist-Secrets-Love-Cultivating-Sexual/dp/0943358191/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377202236&sr=8-1&keywords=cultivation+of+male+sexual+energy

Seriously, this shit is powerful. Sex becomes so much better in every way (pleasure, intimacy, duration) once you learn to harness and control your sexual energy. Ejaculation for any other purpose than reproduction is a waste.

u/Nofap_12 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Yes. It is typically referred to as Karezza and it can be read about in the eye-opening book "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships" by Marnia Robinson. I'm on the last chapter now and although I don't plan on doing everything described in the book its good to understand how orgasms can affect the brain in various ways that we don't fully understand yet.

u/bluebox1 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Everyone needs to pick a new hobby. New skill you learn engages brain in a good way. I read this in 'The brain that changes itself'

u/ocean_spray · 1 pointr/NoFap

I smoked for 10 years and if you got a few hours to read Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking, I'd really recommend it. I quit cold turkey 2.5 years ago and haven't looked back after reading that book.

u/pushabloom · 2 pointsr/NoFap

I would also recommend these two books. They are both great in that neither one is a 'self-help' book but rather the most up to date science about (resisting) addictive behaviors.

http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231/ - Willpower is like a gas tank. A lot of the 'side effect' reboot stories you get here are explained by this book.

http://www.amazon.com/End-Overeating-Insatiable-American-Appetite/dp/1605294578/ - I read this one twice while I lost 60 pounds. Most of the things said about food and methods to avoid breaking from one's diet apply equally well to nofap.

u/DesertScrubKing · 1 pointr/NoFap

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

Read this. The best 8 bucks I've spent to help me out of anxiety and depression. It uses logical reasoning to help you with your mindset.

I would say that you really need to focus on when you use "negative" talk.

Focus on what it is, realize that when you use negative talk, you are over-emphasizing whatever it is you are feeling bad about, and then correct it with a positive statement. I think the really important thing is to write this shit down, otherwise you just turn your wheels in your head.

Google "David Burns Work Sheets" for some good cognitive therapy related stuff that will really make you think, this is of course if you have a basic understanding of what cognitive therapy is, if you read at least 25% of the book i suggested or something like it.

u/Comodore · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Mantak Chia is very good. I read his previous book (http://www.amazon.com/Taoist-Secrets-Love-Cultivating-Sexual/dp/0943358191/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1412790017&sr=8-4&keywords=mantak+chia)

This one looks more detailed on some topics and maybe more straightforward.

u/boodthedude · 1 pointr/NoFap

Your brain has acclimated to the massive amount of dopamine that is released when you edge to porn. There's no easy way to undo these changes, especially if you started masturbating to porn during puberty. Learn to love the flatline and realize it is a step towards recovery. I'm 25yo and still experiencing flatline after 50 days of reboot (I've had slipups). Practice mindfulness (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness), especially during depressive bouts and cravings. Let it pass. Tell yourself you will recover. Read the posts here. And read this book (https://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction-ebook/dp/B00N2AH8NW) for more of the biological basis of the phenomenon you are experiencing.

u/nomorelapse · 1 pointr/NoFap

This resource is from one of the contributors of this article. It is dope. If you liked this article you should check out the book. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0830837000/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/189-1305514-4761630

u/ceramicfiver · 3 pointsr/NoFap

"Only downvote things that are abusive and/or off-topic."

>This man is similar to the mold that grows on the backside of a toilet which has not been cleaned in years.

How respectful of you.

>I'm not trying to diss the fellow, that's just what he is.

So you give yourself an excuse to diss him because he is supposedly dissing himself? I swear I've heard the same argument come from homophobes.

This is why I downvoted you, and the final straw of why I'm unsubscribing from this sub.

Clearly, you are extrapolating far too much about a person from a single image, only to carry out your own narrative about masturbation being inherently bad. I'm well aware that "not judging" somebody is effectively impossible but we can at least take steps to THINK about what we say before we say it. And by submitting your comment you're continuing the culture of religious fanaticism that this subreddit has decayed into. This is not 17th century Puritan New England and doesn't have to be. Just because we find masturbation as unhealthy for our personal well-being doesn't mean the rest of the world shouldn't do it.

To continue the religion metaphor, this subreddit is a giant circle jerk over the Your Brain On Porn series like Christian Fundamentalists obsess over the Bible. /r/NoFap offers few other venues for help although there are many out there like Carnes, Collins, Keystone Center and similar in-patient programs, and simply studying human sexuality to gain a better understanding of it. A peek at what the scientific data have to say about our particular issues can tell us why we're going through what we are rather than what to do about it. I may not believe in free will, but I’m a firm believer that knowledge changes perspective, and perspective changes absolutely everything. Once you have that, you don’t need anyone else’s advice.

Meanwhile, I've seen posts and comments here hyping up ridiculous claims of pseudo-scientific "energy" that you get from not masturbating. You will not save the world or cure cancer and glorifying and idolizing each other like this is a disservice to what the actual science suggests.

I'm also sick of the "only doing it for attention" meme. Just because he has your attention doesn't mean he's after it. People labeled as attention grabbers often are simply expressing their individual differences for the sake of fun yet people like you and Flatbar hammer him down as a bent nail rebelling against conformity.

Furthermore, the rampant sexism in this sub from men thinking they deserve women after so many days without masturbating is sickening. Posts and comments in /r/nofap have simplified women into false dichotomies and ridiculed them for enticing the supposed male brain, blaming women for fapstronauts' own problems.

All this and more has continued despite being called out many times since I first subscribed a year-and-a-half ago yet the moderators have done effectively nothing to curtail it besides listing various rules on the sidebar and rarely enforcing them. This has gone so far down hill that /r/nofapcirclejerk has sprouted into existence. When a circlejerk of a sub appears you know the original sub has decayed. Not to mention citing SAA as a worthwhile alternative is just as off the line since the 12-step program has effectively a zero success rate as most people who attempt it fail to find success and it continues to discriminate against non-believers.

Goodbye, /r/NoFap

u/baronfel66 · 1 pointr/NoFap



>I also notice after I have sex with a girl, my urges to watch porn increase tremendously and I usually wind up relapsing. Anyone have any input?

This is very common, we call it the chaser effect. Increased cravings after sex, particularly sex with orgasm. Be aware of it so it doesn't take you by surprise.

You can reduce it greatly by not orgasming during sex, but this is easier said than done. Check out this book for techniques
https://www.amazon.com/Multi-Orgasmic-Man-Sexual-Secrets-Should/dp/0062513362

u/ragnarson55 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

I wish I had started at 16, I'm 21 now. If I could go back and tell my 16 year old self one thing, it would probably be to read this book. https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358 it has changed my life and it will change yours.

u/kookiedookie · 0 pointsr/NoFap

Read this to stop smoking: Easyway to Stop Smoking - Allen Carr (www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0615482155)

Really effective. I had been a heavy smoker for 2 years, and this book helped me to quit cold turkey. Last cigarette on November last year, havent smoked since

u/chorizobisque · 6 pointsr/NoFap

I don't know why people are attacking you. Empathizing with my wife is one of the main reasons I don't want to watch porn. What you are asking for is totally fair and reasonable. Granted, this came off as a rather accusatory post considering this sub is made up of people who know they have a problem and are trying to fix it.


As a mom, you and your kids are living with an addict. Eventually this behavior will come to control his life, but it sounds like maybe it is already to that point. He refuses to admit his addiction. It won't just hurt you, it will hurt the entire family. I don't understand how people are finding fault with you here. Now you have to make a hard decision. Addiction to porn isn't victimless. Aside from him, you and your kids are the most obvious victims. It sucks that you are here.



If he were addicted to alcohol, meth, heroin, etc... you would have to leave him so you and your family could live better lives. Eventually, addicts have to decide themselves that they want to get clean. You can't force them to. Maybe you peacing out will be the motivation he needs.

But I do sympathize with your husbands addiction. If he has watched a lot of porn, which is sounds like he has, his brain is different than someones brain who hasn't watched a lot porn. The mind physically changes after years of exposure to porn and masturbation. He needs real help but he also has to see what this addiction has cost him. It sounds like he refuses counseling or to even acknowledge he has a problem. He does have a problem.

Try to get him to read a book about it. Maybe it will help maybe not. You should read it too it will give you some perspective from the side of the addict.

u/MuddyMudSkipper1 · 1 pointr/NoFap

Just don't watch porn when you masturbate then. Gary Wilson's main point is the problem is porn, not masturbation.

What about masturbation without porn? http://yourbrainonporn.com/book/export/html/108

Read Gary Wilson's book

Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction https://www.amazon.com/dp/099316160X/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_SmuKybJSP9M8E

If you are to get to where you can masturbate without watching porn, you will be way better off, you just won't masturbate as much. As the article said too, don't use the death grip.

u/palwhan · 3 pointsr/NoFap

You should definitely check out Mindfulness in Plain English, by Bhante Gunaratana http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Plain-English-Anniversary-Edition/dp/0861719069/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369080789&sr=8-1&keywords=mindfulness+in+plain+english

I had the same questions, as to where exactly to start, but this book introduces you to one of the main schools of meditation in a very simple jargon-free and PRACTICAL way, as opposed to theory.

u/steelmaner · 1 pointr/NoFap

Actually on the YBOP website, it says they've published a book recently. It can be bought as an ebook on amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction-ebook/dp/B00N2AH8NW/

Also, I have found another book that deals with pornography, it is called Wired for intimacy.

http://www.amazon.com/Wired-Intimacy-Pornography-Hijacks-Brain/dp/0830837000/