(Part 2) Top products from r/NoFapChristians

> How would you suggest I go about striving to live a Christ-like life while at the same time remembering that my salvation is through grace?

How would you suggest I go about striving to live a Christ-like life while at the same time remembering that my salvation is through grace?

Trying to earn God's love is THE problem. EVERY Christian I have ever known has had to struggle with this, and I do everyday. It was the problem of the pharisees, and according to Spurgeon, popery. Christianity is all about the heart. As your heart has already been changed and is sensitive to the things of God thus your desire to be Christ-like and Christ pleasing the following is for you. For those who are not in a saving relationship with Jesus, the following will not apply.

There is a Martin Luther quote that I can't find right now (ugh!) that goes something like this: "What makes us so arrogant as to think there is something we can do to add to the sufficiency of the blood of God's own Son!"

There are a few different fronts to the war. One is that you have to get a working definition of what Christian freedom means, and specifically what it means to you and what it looks like in your life. Hint: Do you have the freedom to sin and still be loved? Does God’s grace cover first degree, premeditated sin, or not?

I firmly believe until one understands grace and forgiveness in the forensic (law language) sense, you can’t get a whole lot better. It’s the doctrines of freedom that become the places you can stand when it gets dark. Dark, like when you have blown it so bad that you begin to doubt your salvation.This, as an aside, is an excellent reason to get baptized. It gives us another place to stand.

I find that if we obsess about our sin we sin more. If we obsess about Jesus and His UNCONDITIONAL love for us we may or may not get better... but we will find out getting better wasn’t the point... EVER. Being His is the point.

Front Two: I suggest studying your identity in Christ. These guys are really good at this

https://www.ficm.org/

“Victory over the Darkness” is from them and is very helpful in obtaining freedom from all sorts of spiritual bondage, but for me it is only part of the equation. It gave me some of the the keys to understanding myself and even my relationship with God, but it didn’t explain God as well as I needed. Some, probably most of my issues with trying to earn God’s love are rooted in the conditional nature of the love I received from my dad growing up. I came from a fairly dysfunctional background. Therefore, the ideas and concepts I projected on God were from my relationship with my dad and it messed up my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

I found this book to give me great insights into who God really is. Check it out and tell me what you think.
(In case the embedded link is inop.
http://www.amazon.com/Delighting-Trinity-Introduction-Christian-Faith/dp/0830839836)

Front Three: For me is learning to recognize and accept God’s love.

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Christianity-Christian-Living-1401/accept-Gods-love.htm
The worksheet referenced in that article is available at https://www.ficm.org/ also under “free stuff”.

Once again, for me, I found that I really needed to understand love. I had to learn what love was, what it looked like, what being loved felt like... pretty much everything. I had walled off my emotional self so far, in an effort at self protection, that I was pretty much isolated. The isolation causes pain and numbing agents abound. Alcohol. porn, false persona(s) etc. Anything to keep me from having to spend time with myself as I fell into the trap of rejection made worse by self rejection. Enter another of my favorite quotes,

“I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.

After that I liked jazz music.

Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.

I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened.”
― Donald Miller
Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

I had to look at the cross and see God love me. I had to watch others love and affirm me, because I didn’t know how to love myself. I had to read about what a loving relationship with Jesus looks like (see Brennan Manning’s Abba’s Child and Ragamuffin Gospel, Henri Nouwen's Life of the Beloved).

I also had to find out what a man is supposed to be and be about. I’m sure you are familiar with John Eldredge. While Wild at Heart is a classic, his, Way of the Wild Heart really helped me and still does.

So, that’s it really. Run to Jesus! Get loved, in real and meaningful ways and then take that into the world and just be who you are... a wounded healer. Your walk will be in freedom and you will be like Christ. In more ways than you can possibly imagine now. Your wounds even when healed will be a place of strength though now they are a weakness. Gee, I wonder where we heard that before? Oh, and don’t worry, when your story is one of recovery.. it keeps you humble.

Numbers 6:24-26
New King James Version (NKJV)
24 “The Lord bless you and keep you;
25 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’


Blessings to you my Brother

Read your Bible and pray daily. I know that might not sound cool or whatever, but it is a habit that you'll need for the rest of your life.

As far as being fed...a local church is vital to the Christian life. But also may big time preachers have either audio or video sermons online. For far too many reasons to list here, I would recommend conservative preachers. Check out David Jeremiah, Tony Evans, Charles Swindoll, John Piper, and Alistair Begg. Also if you do a search for Martin Lloyd Jones there is a trust with his sermons. Again, ain't no school like old school.

And please do yourself a favor and start reading C. S. Lewis. There is another book I like to recommend by Philip Keller it isn't very expensive and is amazing https://www.amazon.com/Shepherd-Trilogy-Looks-23rd-Psalm/dp/0551030704

If your are up to reading more challenging stuff work on Dietrich Bonhoeffer. The Cost of Discipleship is amazing

Calvin inspired what today is known as Calvinism, which is a staple of Reformed churches. A lot of popular pastors & apologists are Calvinists (John Piper, R. C. Sproul, James White, Tim Keller, etc.). There are also many apologists & Christian leaders of other persuasions concerning God's providence (William Lane Craig, Nabeel Qureshi, & others).

Everyone accepts predestination, but the issue is whether we are determined or not. Are our actions fully determined by God? Do humans have libertarian free will? Or are the two not mutually exclusive (compatibilism)?

This has been a hot topic for centuries, & it seems to have a bit of influence on your present concerns. So, if you'd like to look more into it, I highly recommend "Four Views on Divine Providence".

My friend, that may be exactly why God hasn't led you to someone.

You know why I know this? Your description of why you want a relationship is nearly exactly what my husband's was. First, my husband's porn addiction nearly tore us apart. Then, as he was working through recovery, his passiveness in our marriage nearly broke us again. When we finally broke down the reasons why we got married his was as simple was, "I wanted a friend to share life with and someone to love that would always love me." Which sounds nice and Christian, right?

A relationship isn't about companionship or even the warm fuzzy feelings. Honestly, those are the bonuses. A Christian relationship is about sanctification and learning more about God. And it's really hard. This is a book I've waiting on to ship to me to read that maybe you should check out: http://smile.amazon.com/Sacred-Marriage-What-Designed-Happy/dp/0310242827/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1427478261&sr=8-2&keywords=marriage+is+for+holiness

Hey man love the quote and i've been meaning to get my hands on the book! If you are interested, another book that goes into depth even more than that one (just guessing here) is Breaking Free: Understanding Sexual Addiction & the Healing Power of Jesus. I would highly recommend it. SOOOO accurate with all of it's insights! you'll be incredibly surprised how great it is! I mentioned it and my accountability group in this post. hope this helps! good luck brother!

Everyone has their doubts from time to time. The book of Ecclesiastes, for instance, focuses exclusively on an existential crisis. The author determined that life was meaningless as everything would eventually pass away. If death is inevitable, what then is the point of living?

I'm in no means an expert in apologetics, but I do reccomend that you perhaps study the culturalal contect of the Scriptures. The NIV Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible may be of great help. Of course, there are other teachers online who should be just as capable of answering any questions that you may have.

Lastly, when I ever get discouraged, I usually listen to calming music. Two songs that I like in particular are from Tenth Avenue North. They are Beloved, which speaks of Christ's love for the church, and Hold My Heart, which conveys more of what you are experiencing right now.

Whatever you decide, peace be with you.

Interesting, I have a NIV Bible that has some factoids and pictures to it which I find helpful, I bought it from amazon. Imo, the pics help to bring the word alive and make it more understandable and enjoyable.

https://www.amazon.com/NIV-QuickView-Bible-Hardcover-Zondervan/dp/0310442303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483928248&sr=8-1&keywords=quick+view+bible

I also bought the related "most fascinating people, events and places from the Bible." Another picture and factoids booklet.

I take my sweet time reading as oposed to rushing, so i suggest taking it slow and if you dont understand a verse, search more info on it.

When I do finish a book from the Bible, I like to watch the youtube summaries from the Bible Project channel:

https://m.youtube.com/user/jointhebibleproject

They really do a great job, check them out!

All in all, it's important to read on God's word and I do agree that Leviticus-numbers-Deuteronomy are very confusing and were hard to get thru, lol. The New Testament is where we should focus the most (Jesus teachings) but its even better to know all of it, I'm currency on 1 Samuel and proverbs, so I take forever to read it, hehe.

Sure. I mean, instead of looking at the Big Bang, I'd direct your research to background radiation. There's some interesting books on cosmology you might tap into. <http://www.amazon.com/Microwave-Background-Radiation-Cambridge-Astrophysics/dp/0521358086> and <http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/astronomy/bigbang.html#evidence> and then <http://www.amazon.com/Cycles-Time-Extraordinary-View-Universe/dp/0307278468/ref=asap_B000AQ045A_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1412890592&sr=1-3>. The last book goes even deeper with patterns found within background radiation, Penrose taking this data as evidence that another universe existed before ours. It's really fascinating. I wish I had time to read Penrose's Road to Reality and then this Cycles of Time.

Btw, i'm proud you have left this new-earth Christianity. Of course, you're welcome to believe whatever you want to, but I think we can have more mature discussions since we both appreciate evidence. And also, thank you for not getting defensive about the Big Bang and Evolution. It's really hard to have conversations with Christians about anything related to science! At least for me.

I'd have to agree with others in this. Praying the Rosary helps tremendously. I read David N. Calvillo's Real Men Pray the Rosary and took his 33 day challenge of praying the Rosary daily for 33 days. An incredible experience to say the least. Daily time spent with God is a wonderful defense against PMO. And also confession. You can never go enough lol. God speed.

There is a good, very short, book by J.I. Packer called Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God.

https://www.amazon.com/Evangelism-Sovereignty-God-J-Packer/dp/083083799X

It's a great read for understanding how those who believe in sovereignty and predestination still work hard at evangelism.

C.S. Lewis, a well known Christian author, was once an adamant atheist. He described himself as "the most reluctant convert to Christianity"

From http://www.cslewisinstitute.org/node/48:
"Once, before embarking on a long train ride, Lewis purchased a copy of George MacDonald's book Phantastes. He was surprised by what happened during his reading. Something came off the pages and "baptized his imagination." Although he couldn't put this quality into words at that time, he later came to describe it as holiness."

God does work in these ways to call those he wants to believe in him.

As a Christian who has struggled with atheistic / agnostic ideas in the past, I'd highly recommend Timothy Keller's book "The Reason for God". It calmly and rationally shows that it isn't unreasonable to believe in the Christian God.

https://www.amazon.com/Reason-God-Belief-Age-Skepticism/dp/1594483493/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520121396&sr=8-1&keywords=reason+for+god

Orthodox Study bible includes teachings from the church father's in the footnotes and explains the significance behind many biblical events (in particular does a great job of explaining and connecting OT and NT) .
Also has exactly what your looking for before each book explains author and context of the book.
https://www.amazon.com/Orthodox-Study-Bible-Hardcover-Christianity/dp/0718003594/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495418923&sr=8-1&keywords=orthodox+study+bible

Fill These Hearts: God, Sex, and the Universal Longing https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0307987159/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_4oZWDb9PMRV31

Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1631466720/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_aNmUDbFFFZWKZ

This book has changed many lives and including mine. It is my most recommended book.

The Practice of the Presence of God https://www.amazon.com/dp/0883681056/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_02RxybXGJGTY1

Act Like Men: 40 Days to Biblical Manhood
https://www.amazon.com/Act-Like-Men-Biblical-Manhood/dp/0802457193

Isn't it funny how this disease can twist the way we perceive, interpret, and feel about people around us?

If I may suggest, there are people at church suffering as well. Pastor Ted Robert's book, "Pure Desire", touches on this and other aspects of sex- and porn addiction.

Heh cool, i'm a snow boarder myself.

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First, I do not think it's the weight of your sins that you're feeling. I think if any of us really felt the weight of even a single sin it would kill us immediately. Christ took those burdens for us on the cross and his work is finished...

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I'm gonna para-quote Thomas Keating a semi-modern contemplative scholar, some will disagree with this... "If you feel bad for a sin that isn't on the level of murder, for more than a minute, it's neurotic sin guilt and it's not from God..."

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Personally, I agree with this. Because guilt never produces fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22). In fact a huge part of overcoming fap isn't never fapping, it's not being so hard on yourself when you do... Because we fap in my presumption, when we're low in general, to falsely medicate our own every day mental health issues. Guilt never builds up, it only tears down, makes it harder to move forward again.

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This is why when i was in the throes of it, i would binge. If i gave in once it was gonna be a 3xer in a single sitting type deal. This is why out the end of the week when i was exhausted and fighting with my girlfriend and stressed with work I didn't stand a chance.... Crash.... fap... Then i wouldn't wanna meditate or pray because i'd only have images of what I had watched and done in my mind. This is the act of sin-guilt creating EVEN MORE distance between myself and God... ugh...

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9/10 Christian here worries about presuming forgiveness which is exactly what evil twists to it's advantage. Beating fap is about building oneself up, living a healthier and less stressful life in general. Taking good care of mind, body, and spirit. Guilt is not a part of this. We shouldn't fap because we know we're forgiven, that is presumption. But in an honest effort to quit it is indeed a chemical addiction, make no mistake. Chemical addictions take time to break and the guilt i think comes more from our upbringing and the stigma of society.

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Yes it can twist into something truly devious in ways other sins may not, although all sin is completely destructive in the end.. But even St Augustine, inventor of concepts like original sin and The Trinity struggled with lust far into his old age, and is famous for praying ~"Lord make me chaste, but not yet"

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We cannot make ourselves clean. Even when we beat fap we still have other sinful habits... anger, gossip, spiritual superiority, etc... So we will never be sin free and if you're guilty of a single sin, you're guilty of all (James 2:10). I'm not condemning you with this comment but for all of us, when we feel guilty it's faithlessness in our assured salvation in Christ.

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So... There's what you're feeling and there's what to do about it... I learned the hard way when they say, don't meditate without a coach or advisor. This is because meditation can lead you into worse depression and even to suicide. And I was definitely headed in that direction.

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Almost two years later I have yet to meet another Christian who really understands what it means to meditate and pray contemplatively. It's so sad because it was such a huge part of Christianity for so long but was seemingly lost as monasteries were shut down. The reformation went way to far in terms of nullifying experiential spirituality and the result is a bunch of people who don't know how to pray but they can quote theology with the best of them.

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And now where are we, secular meditation apps abound and big tech is rolling out mindful meditation programs to their hordes of workers.

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There are two tracks kind of... Western contemplative meditation coming from the Catholic church and from the Eastern orthodox we have instruction for constant prayer. Two sides of the same coin really, the literature written down throughout the last 2000 years is amazing. These studies is literally the study of psychology in a spiritual context, i've had a leading research psychologist / neuroscientist at a huge university, who was actually Buddhist, confirm this for me.

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Interestingly enough, the Christians who championed meditation and prayer are known as Desert Christians. Why is this? Because before monasteries were a thing, they wondered around in the desert to model Christ. And these old crusty dudes have all of us sized up to a T when it comes to human suffering, passions, desires, motivation, ego, etc...

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Some further historical context, the ancient hebrews and many other religions believed the deserts were where evil spirits live. Why did they think this? In my estimation it's because there's nothing to distract you from your own thoughts... whoa .... (lol)

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So you can see if I've pieced it together well enough, meditating IS entering the desert. IT is the literal practice of facing down the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that people work so hard normally to avoid. And if you don't have coaching, practice, and guidance you'll get annihilated by them. I had all kinds of memories come back to me throughout my life and realized at each step how I had been wounded, taken on additional burden, not received support from my parents, etc... It was overwhelming and i had no idea what to do with myself.

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But somehow I did persist and came out better on the other side although I wish I could find an advisor for myself. And when you get done facing your demons in the desert is when God can use you the most.

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I still get anxiety and angry etc... But before it was an unfair fight i didn't know i was fighting... And would just get my butt kicked... Then it became a fair fight... And now by God's grace alone i'm on top gound n pound style (if you're the UFC as well).... When you can be at peace in the desert is when you can beat fap once and for all but in my opinion and much more importantly, become the person God made you to be.

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So be careful. If this is your path, and all literature would say based on your curiousity it is, then commit to it. Doesn't mean you have to join a monastery but it should be a daily thing for you (takes time to develop of course), and you should always be pursuing further knowledge in the area.

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I'll suggest a starter book each for tradition... and if you wanna keep in touch now or in the future i'd be down not cause i'm some yoda-dude but if you don't have anyone else, even an untrained pastor, then me just being a sounding board for what experiencing could be really beneficial to you and for me... Maybe i'd finally have a meditation buddy to chew the fat with:)

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If not, i would totally understand as well!

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Western: https://www.audible.com/pd/Into-the-Silent-Land-Audiobook/B00FPUZHQM?qid=1556390754&sr=1-1&ref=a_search_c3_lProduct_1_1&pf_rd_p=e81b7c27-6880-467a-b5a7-13cef5d729fe&pf_rd_r=K1GE3VFBJ20CMQEFNT7E

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Eastern: https://www.amazon.com/Way-Pilgrim-Continues-His/dp/0385468148/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=the+way+of+the+pilgrim&qid=1556390778&s=gateway&sr=8-2

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Scriptural references: Exodus 14:14, psalm 46:10, Jeremiah 33:3, Psalm 23:2-3

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Cheers!