(Part 2) Top products from r/OCD

This is very unlikely to be a symptom of OCD. With OCD, there's usually a significant component of guilt, fear or anxiety - it's not really a known thing for people to have full-blown OCD obsession over things they actually enjoy. I mean, yes, we can be a little more obsessive than the average person over relationships and hobbies, but still...if you're researching something because you like it rather than because you're terrified of something bad happening, it's not really OCD.

What it sometimes can be, however, is a sign that someone's on the autistic spectrum. And people who already have OCD are already at a statistically higher chance of being diagnosed autistic. I'm currently being checked out by my doctor for what seems to be high-functioning autism (just got one more test to do in a few months' time...ugh, waiting lists!), and I had terrible OCD. A lot of people go undiagnosed, especially if you're female or you only have it very mildly, because there's misconceptions that everyone autistic is like in the Rain Man or Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, when really the symptoms can be more complex. This article is quite good for explaining the difference between autism-style 'special interests' (apparently that's the word they use to describe an obsessive hobby) vs OCD symptoms : https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/understanding-autism/behaviour/obsessions-and-special-interests

I have a lot of sympathy for you in this respect because I too tend to devote more time than I should to my special interests, when I should be doing other things. The autistic communities online have a lot of good advice on dealing with this; for me so far I've either tried to relate the thing I'm supposed to be doing to the interest I'm obsessing over (like, when I'm studying and writing papers, if I can use examples in the paper from one of my other interests, or use a theory that works in both fields, that helps). Or turning an obsessive interest into something I do practically/for a living/ to benefit others. One of my obsessive special interests was creative writing on a certain topic...and I've just a few days ago been invited to show a literary agent the full manuscript of my new novel. So it kinda worked out, just turning my special interest into something useful!

Alternatively, there's nothing diagnosably wrong here, but you might benefit from improving your willpower and ability to resist random urges to procrastinate. I've had to do some work on this, because having two disorders that affect your self-control and concentration can screw with you a bit. This book was quite handy for explaining how the mind works here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Willpower-Why-Self-Control-Secret-Success/dp/0141049480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492677569&sr=8-1&keywords=willpower

I was reading an interview with Maria Bamford where she name dropped the book "Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals". I was fully compelled to buy it once I found out that the author of it also suffers from OCD, and it shows in how he writes the book. He writes from the perspective of a couple of case studies, always keeping things interesting, and it's a great read. I'd definitely reccomend it. It also covers a bit of the history of ocd, some of which is about religious figures (scrupulosity was VERY prominent in certain famous Christian figures) and the various theories of what causes ocd.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0440508479/ref=redir_mdp_mobile

I'd also reccomend a funny memoir written by a college-age sufferer, it's just an enjoyable read. He details his bout with ocd in college and it's very witty.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0312622104/ref=pd_aw_sims_5?pi=SY115&simLd=1

And lastly, this may be a bit off topic, but I'd reccomend Nikola Tesla's memoirs. They are a series of 3 or so articles he wrote for an engineering magazine, and in it he gives vivid details of how his obsessive thoughts inspired him to become an abstract thinker who could, essentially, build a machine in his head. He clearly suffered from OCD, probably Pure-O and social anxiety. He talks about having intrusive thoughts, and I found it so fascinating that I had many of the same daydreams that he has (he talks about wanting to project his mental images on a screen, I feel like OCD caused me to have the same wish), and it was awesome and startling.

This is the version I got. Found it in Barnes and Noble. Make sure to check that the one you get has the original text, some books use altered text and have spelling mistakes. I've found that this version of the memoirs has original text with a nice intro, though it also does not include the diagrams from the original articles (though they're all online anyways). I'd reccomend this version for sure.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143106619?cache=01fd22648c4f493c36b2eaf0e89ced91&pi=SY200_QL40&qid=1408880250&sr=1-2#ref=mp_s_a_1_2

Here are two quotes from it I love:
"I am credited with being one of the hardest workers and perhaps I am, if thought is the equivalent of labour, for I have devoted to it almost all of my waking hours. But if work is interpreted to be a definite performance in a specified time according to a rigid rule, then I may be the worst of idlers."

"Every effort under compulsion demands a sacrifice of energy. I never paid such a price."

Happy Reading!

Self-diagnosis can lead to trouble, but these are good interim practices: self-educating (so long as it's not distressing to you) and self-treatment (to the extent of journaling to identify OCD triggers, experimenting with herbal supplements, exercising regimens to relieve stress, and establishing a solid schedule for the sake of keeping your mind/body busy and confident about what's going to happen next). The book I'd recommend for you is The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing. Despite the misleading title (the book is actually a collection of brief memoirs from people with different types of OCD followed by medical commentary), it's actually one of the best books I've read for explaining OCD - "the doubting disease" - "the epistemic illness".

Question (feel free to PM your response, if you'd prefer): Are you more upset about what could be going on inside your head or what is going on in there? In my case, what helped me cope with the "not knowing" was imagining worse-case scenarios (usually because I couldn't help it, to be honest) and slowly, slooowly adopting an understanding that their implications in my mind, however real they felt, couldn't affect my real life. It was a kind of self-correcting Rational Emotive Therapy and I'm still an overly-critical perfectionist at times, but I don't stress about hypothetical scenarios anymore. I'd also strongly recommend reading the first few pages of Lee Baer's The Imp of the Mind, which can be found for free here.

The urge to balance out sensations is called somatic symmetry and most people don't find this too distressing on the whole - usually just distracting or embarrassing if there's no way to do it without being obvious. That said, if a person's been burned, pricked, etc, and feels the need to recreate the sensation on the other side of his/her body, that can obviously cause distress. The last time that happened to me, I quickly removed myself from the environment I was in to weaken the temptation to reproduce the sensation. You'll see this exact thing depicted in TV shows like Monk. One insight that may help you understand somatic symmetry is that OCD and Tourette Syndrome are neurologically associated comorbid conditions. In fact, people with both (as well as their clinicians) frequently report being unable to tell the difference between an obsessive-compulsive urge for a compulsion vs. a Tourettic urge for a tic. When the sensations are so similar, some clinicians refer to the symptoms as Tourettic OCD (TOCD) and you can read about it here. In any case (OCD, TS, or TOCD), phenomenological descriptions (how it feels) typically cite the sensation of something like needing to clear your throat or an "itch" that needs to be scratched. Like if I'm asking someone to scratch a certain spot on my back, they need to get the right spot, pressure, and duration or the itch won't go away. If you do a lot of reading about OCD subtypes, though, and still don't understand it all, don't sweat it. Even the people who've published scientific journal articles on TOCD don't entirely understand it. We all just have to do our best.

Asperger's is often associated with single-minded, obsessive, and analytical thinking. But so is OCD. The difference tends to be that in Asperger's, the things obsessed about aren't necessarily associated with the condition directly and don't necessarily cause distress: e.g., A person with Asperger's may be intensely interested in studying law, or building cars, or Chess, and find that these preoccupations don't cause any distress whatsoever. In OCD, the rule is that the preoccupation must cause you distress or it's not strictly speaking an obsession. A distinguishing question will be this: Do you have frequent trouble empathizing with others and understanding why they have the emotional reactions they do? If not, Asperger's becomes less likely.

This is all I have time to write for now, but I wish you the best of luck in learning about your stressors and finding relief.

Treat the good people around you very kindly and respect their (limited) ability to handle you. Give them a break. Be careful who you choose to unload your problems on (I had trouble with this). They can't cure you but they can listen when you're hurting. Remind them they don't have to fix you but it's nice to have someone willing to listen sometimes.

Sometimes you don't need to be cured, you just need a shift in perspective. Keep going to therapy and reading up on CBT for OCD. Pick a workbook and go through it for half an hour a night as your homework. Become an expert in how OCD works and what your particular sensitivities are. I like to say "keep turning the Rubik's cube" until you figure it out.

> shame from things I’ve done in my past and things not so long ago

Remember this is also part of OCD. Keep at that homework. Learn to forgive others but also yourself. Reach out into the future and pick a vision of who you would like to be. And make a plan, even a small plan, one or two sentences, that state how you will get there. And just take one day at a time.

> "perfectionist" attitude sends me spiraling.

Also OCD. Right? :) Be kind to yourself. Soften the self-loathing and shame (such a man's emotion! I have a lot of it too). My parents wanted me to be a lawyer. Let's just say that didn't happen. But they can't live my life, I have to. I have to want to.

> it tells me that I don’t deserve to be happy

This is the hardest one for me too. I feel all the time, especially when something great happens, I downplay it. I don't deserve to celebrate "that" because I have "all this stuff over here" (that's just all in my head of course." Still working on that but after doing homework for a couple years it's not so dire. I do hope to find an answer to that question though. I try to use Stoic philosophy. Most of the time it works, the problem is I forget it. I think that's my biggest challenge is finding a way to remind myself to keep looking at my inspirations, whatever they are. Sometimes it's just Groundhog Day Hang in there!

at the program i worked at, we considered perfectionism a form of ocd. not that all perfectionism is ocd, but it can certainly escalate to that point of disorder. luckily, all the same treatment applies - learning to reframe your thinking (perfect is a fantasy, not reality; there are more options than perfect & failure - lots of things can be "good enough") and practicing exposure to do things imperfectly on purpose and letting the discomfort rise then fall.

if you want a qualified therapist to work on this, check out the directory at www.ocfoundation.org.

there's also a good book written by one of the top ocd/anxiety therapists and researchers in the U.S. -

http://www.amazon.com/The-Perfectionists-Handbook-Criticism-Mistakes/dp/0470923369

good luck!

Disclaimer Although I am a licensed, professional counselor, there are limitations as to what types of services I can provide in an online context. I am participating here as a counseling professional to help answer general questions regarding symptoms and treatment options based on my years of experience in the field. Comments made here are not a substitute for an in-person meeting with a mental health provider in order to get either an official diagnosis and/or on-going therapy. Any answers given by myself are meant as guidance to appropriate services and to better inform those feeling confused about themselves, their symptoms, and starting to navigate the mental health process. They are my opinions and I do not speak for any current/former employers. If your problems are of an URGENT nature or you feel you may be a DANGER TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS, PLEASE IMMEDIATELY CALL 911 or go directly to a hospital ER unit.

> I want to be a genuinely good person with a clear mind that doesn't think these horribly themed

This is a fantasy you need to let go of. Not because it's not a noble pursuit, but because the brain will always generate thoughts you don't like/agree with even in people without OCD. Don't hold onto a fantasy that doesn't exist.

That being said, the best way to let go of the past is to simply live here in the present, right here, right now. The best way to practice that is with meditation and mindfulness. Try reading this book it will help you A LOT: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BBXJH2C/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1#nav-subnav

Also apathy is your friend. If you have a thought that bothers you, just say (in the voice of a bratty teenage girl) "Who cares?" or "Yeah, so what?" and then the thoughts just go. Random thoughts happen day in, day out to every human being on the planet... you're not a bad person and you didn't do anything wrong.

It might help if your deficient in Tryptophan but your body has systems in place that prevents excess 5-HTP and Tryptophan from unnaturally raising serotonin to high. This is why studies are so mixed on the effectiveness of supplements.

SSRI and other drugs, bypass the bodies natural limiting system and raises levels of serotonin artifically, However, SSRI and other prescription drugs also have a lot of side effect because SSRI raise serotonin higher than the body would normally regulate.

Supplements (like 5-HTP) typically have less side effects (but they can to have side effects).


There was an interesting NPR on supplementing with probiotics and reducing anxiety in mice
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/11/18/244526773/gut-bacteria-might-guide-the-workings-of-our-minds

Also look up the supplement NAC, I've had some results with it.
Inositol is another supplement they may help with OCD, but it give me insomnia.

Go to the Library and read
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Food-Chemicals-Thoughts/dp/0195388542

It really helps explain how supplements, drugs, and foods effect the brain. It also helped explain for me why Drugs have so many unintended side effects.

Some other natural ways of improving brain health.

Mindfulness Meditation has been shown to raise levels of Serotonin, GABA, and Dompamine while lower Cortisol (Stress Hormone)
Ditto for Exercise

Thanks a lot for your input.

I've heard about Brain Lock from several sources. I just might have to pick it up, as my therapist even recommended that I do some reading. I've never really been much on self-help books, but some of the insights I've obtained by reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy has helped in several ways (though not nearly enough).

The steps that you outlined seems very rooted in CBT, and re-reading them sounds almost too simple and good to be true. However, my therapist gave me a handout that outlined almost identically what you have mentioned. Thanks again for that, and I might start practicing that (along with mindfulness).

I'll start of by relating a bit about myself, not in an attempt at vanity, but because it'll explain what I"m trying to communicated. I have had OCD for quite a long time, though there was a lul inbetween two major outbreaks. The first wave of my OCD began shortly after my grandfather died. After a few years it largely decreased, but than it became extremely severe when, on last minutes notice, I had to move from California to Virginia where I began law school, whcih was very difficult, and had no money (and stress from not having money) and was unable to make any friends. My OCD quickly and severely manfiested. I had not been to a doctor yet, but when I went, the doctor told me that OCD, while remaining fairly insignificant for a large portion of your life, can begin to manifest excessively when certain large events occur in your life to trigger it.

The stress from the abrupt break up with your boyfriend (which I'm assuming was unexpected) is probably a trigger event for you. An important first step is understanding why this event triggered, and accepting why you need to let go of your pain (of course easier said than done).

One important thing is to not think of your OCD as something you will conquer. OCD is a chronic illness, and it cannot be defeated; however, it can be very well managed, to the point where it is as if its is nonexistent. Resist the temptation to tell yourself that your just being irrational and should stop, or that your ridiculous, because OCD is inherently irrational disorder and thus does not require rationality to operate. Instead, work on identifying improper behavior when it occurs, and disassociating that behavior from who you are and what you want to do. In other words, think of OCD as a pestering bully who keeps yelling taunts at you; don't try to fight it, as it will just encourage it and make it stronger. Instead, recognize that it is a bully, and ignore it. It will continue to taunt you at first, but it will not have your attention as fuel, and will die down. If you don't allow OCD to suck you in, it will be less able to suck you in in the future.

Here's one tip. When you face a manifestation of your OCD-i.e. when your obsessions start and/or you feel compelled to take a certain action, try to link it in your mind to this stress as an indicator that this is an external event. Disassociate from it, and take a step back. One technique that I have found helpful when faced with a bizarre thought is to, instead of saying "oh this is irrational and I"m being crazy," try to convince yourself of the opposite. For instance, when I think "if I don't start clicking my mouse repeatedly, my sister is going to die," I tell myself "no, actually, if I do start click my mouse repeatedly, than my sister is going to die, but if I do nothing, than she will be fine." I usually than contemplate how the potential outcomes are infinite, and there's thus no reason to believe the OCD thought anymore than I believe the exact opposite thought. I do realize that this seems sort of unalligned with my previous advice that OCD shouldn't be conquered; its a subtle distinction, I find. Of course I am no doctor. However, I find this helpful. Basically, I think it works by giving your mind a lot to think of, and thus serving to minimize the size of the OCD voice, by crowding it out. I should make one note of caution; while I find this technique very helpful, it can lead to great distress about the uncertainty of life (though I'd also note that my OCD manifestations often deal with existential questions, so existential fears are a bigger problem for me). However, the tactic can be effective. Based off what you have said, it seems like you may be in a situation where you don't necessarily contemplate directly "oh this is what I have to do and for this reason." If that's the case, try to vocalize it. Sometimes, just hearing it can help expose the ridiculousness of it (although, OCD is ultimately a disorder where peoples symptoms continue to occur despite the fact that they realize their fears are unbased).

Therapy is a very helpful thing, but I understand that it may not be an option. There are alternatives, however. While my therapy expereince has generally been bad, the one good therapist I had (I lost him due to an insurance change) recommended that I do exercises out of a book, and suggested that this would help me. Now, admittedly, I never followed through, so I can't say reliably how helpful it is; however, the therapist I had was a very smart, good man, and I trust his opinion (additionally, the book is well ranked by users on amazon, with 69 people giving it a five star ranking and 12 people giving it a 4 star ranking, while only 4 people gave it a 3 star ranking, 4 people a 2 star, and 3 people a 1 star). You can find the book here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572245131/ref=oh_details_o02_s00_i00

Another helpful thing I have found is to educate yourself on what OCD is. Knowledge can be very soothing, and you'll realize that this is just a behavioral problem, not "craziness."

Finally, while its hard to open up to friends, and your certainly going to expose yourself to some lack of understanding, its very important to have a support system. One of the reasons that my OCD became so bad in Virginia was because I had no support system, and no way to release my feelings. The awkardness of telling your friends is far less painful than having years of OCD. It will not cure the OCD, but it will help. If you still feel like you can't, perhaps try reaching out on reddit more, like you're doing now. Reddit is a wonderful place where you can feel the sympathy and support of a friend while at the same time having the anyonmity that allows you to fully express you problems without having to fear looking bad in front of people. People here are here to help.

I apologize for the length of this post, and do hope it proves helpful.

Thankfully intrusive thoughts are just thoughts but this also means that your thoughts "that this is the last time" are also just thoughts. In particular, this is self reassurance aimed at seeking safety and may contribute to maintaining your OCD.

I personally recommend reading this book if you'd like to empower yourself with the knowledge and tools to enable you to kick OCD out of your life :).

Honestly just talking feels good. Say that everyone has messed-up thoughts sometimes, and that thoughts are ghosts and can't hurt you and to just stay in the moment. Also as mentioned just do something fun to take his mind off it.

Also you could get him this book. Tell him a guy on reddit said it was the most helpful thing he's read

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BBXJH2C/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1#nav-subnav

I am new to this forum but thought you might find this short eBook helpful. It is probably aimed at kids a bit younger than yourself but I really think the strategies and advice could be useful to anybody of any age. It is occasionally free so look out for that.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Y17NMBZ

Buy a CBT or DBT workbook this is a good one. It will teach you how to rewire your thinking so that you can go from thinking "I can't do it" to "I can do it but it will make me uncomfortable" to "I will do it because I can cope with being uncomfortable"........i'm really really hoping the formatting turns out right for that link.
edit: success!

There's a book called Kissing Doorknobs by Terry Spencer Hesser that follows a pre-teen/teenage girl as she develops and manages her OCD symptoms. It also features another character with OCD who helps her (and she helps him in turn). Good read.

Dont use medicine. You dont want stuff messing with ur brain. What u need is CBT as that is the permanent solution.
Read this book: its amazing

https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening-ebook/dp/B01LWA5RQU/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1526021234&sr=8-4&keywords=ocd

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Reasonable-Doubt-Reasoning-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/0470868775/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1449694000&sr=8-12&keywords=beyond+reasonable+doubt
This is the book I mentioned, I'm currently reading. It is expensive but you can probably email the authors (met them, very nice people) to get a copy. Their approach seems intuitively more right to me than others I've seen. But that would be too long to explain here. Will make a post. Google inference based approach

Yes, confronting your fears will cause stress and sadness.

But: keep the long term goal in mind. You are working on improving yourself, and facing your fears is a huge part of this. You will come out stronger in the end.

As mentioned here, get help from a therapist. And read this book, it is very accessible and helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Control-Overcoming-Obsessions-Compulsions/dp/0452297850

DM if you want to.

I know you have already tried many things, and therapy. But here are my 2 cents. Try this book, Overcoming OCD by David Veale. Its fantastic. It is the core book used by therapists who are leaders in the field. So if you cant afford the fancy OCD programs, try this book. They literally use it in their own treatment programs.

https://www.amazon.ca/Overcoming-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Behavioral/dp/046501108X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483455743&sr=8-1&keywords=Overcoming+Obsessive+Compulsive+Disorder

Different methods work for different people, but I find a good combo is using SSRI meds to bring the anxiety/OCD down to manageable levels and then using CBT such as Exposure Response Prevention to then treat the OCD, and then keep going and slowly reduce the medication, to the point where you no longer need the meds, and the CBT is what is keeping the OCD at bay. Using this approach I have seen OCD virtually disappear but you need to keep a wary eye to the signs and symptoms and fight it quickly if it ever creeps back.

My therapist gave me his therapists guide to ERP to read. It was a decent read and gave me a lot of insight into treating ocd. This is the book and you can also get a workbook with it, but I haven't looked at the workbook.

It's called body dysmorphic disorder. Read The Broken Mirror

Yes, I can relate to this. I haven’t read this yet, but it is on my list. It may be of interest to you.

Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death https://www.amazon.com/dp/0470401818/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_coPIBbRGEJ994

That's a hard one. I felt such shame at first I could barely stand it. I thought for sure I'd end up in prison having done these awful things, alone and abandoned. I saw myself there and felt all the feelings of being there as if it were 100% real. It was a waking nightmare.

The more I read and researched the more I convinced myself that it wasn't me; it was my anxiety/OCD. Mine attacks everything I love and cherish too. It can also feel like "urges" to grab that knife or do that whatever. That was most unsettling to me but it's part of the anxiety process. You have to just keep telling yourself that it isn't you, it's your OCD. You won't FEEL like this is true at first, but over time you will if you keep repeating this to yourself.

I think a large part of recovery is just doing anything healthy you can to make it through this: read books, go for walks/exercise, journal, talk to supportive people, engage in activities to get your mind off it, etc.

Try to find as much support as you can. Don't run and hide from it either as that will only make it worse. But do take breaks. That's something I never did. I wanted to get through it as fast as I could so I exposed myself nearly 24x7. That was NOT good. This stuff takes time to recover from.

These are some of the books that helped me:

Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast

Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts

The Imp of the Mind: Exploring the Silent Epidemic of Obsessive Bad Thoughts

Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior

Good luck to you.