(Part 2) Top products from r/RPChristians

(continued from main post)

continue to use drugs and continue in my current way of life, or take the blessing He was graciously offering me and give up drugs and marry her – that was His plan for me. I decided it was time to quit, and knew God would help me. I only had 1 joint left (coincidence?), so I smoked it and went to bed high. I woke up the next day sober and got rid of all my drug paraphernalia. I had no cravings anymore; that part of my life was over by the grace of God!

She was very clear with me from the first date that she expected to wait until marriage to have sex, which at that point was my goal as well. Christ had really set me free from many of my old habits over the previous year, and I wanted to honor Him. Her first marriage was to an abusive, alcoholic man. He was the only man she had ever been with. They split up shortly after coming to America after he almost killed her, and it was just her and her son and daughter for 8 years. Her daughter moved out before we got married, and her son was 16 when we got together. He took a liking to me right away when he found out we like the same music. A couple years later God even used me to lead him to salvation!

We were married in 2008, after dating for exactly 40 days. Now I know why it is important and why God wants us to wait until marriage to have sex!!! We have a connection unlike anything I have ever experienced before. A couple weeks after we got married, I threw all my porn in the trash.

Sex between us has always been great. She was pretty shy and reserved when we got married, but I coaxed her out of her shell little by little. She now has no trouble doing all the things I like, and is very enthusiastic sexually. I made it clear before we got married that I would want a lot of sex, and if that was a problem for her she should move on. She said "If you marry me, it will never be a problem." And it never has been. I get as much sex as I want. I have absolutely no desire to cheat anymore since I got married, and have not slept with anyone but my current wife since 2007.

However, shortly after we got married she started giving me a difficult time over the boy I have guardianship for. She knew the situation when we got married and agreed to it, but gave me grief about it later. She tried to tell me that his birth mom needed to step up and raise him instead of us. She got angry because birth mom was not paying her court-ordered child support (this has since changed). She even accused me of sleeping with my stepdaughter, going so far as to pressure me to get a DNA test, which I did just to shut her up. I am NOT the father, but I have chosen to be his Dad and am perfectly happy doing so.

Also, a few months after we were married, my son's soccer coach asked me if I would be interested in doing a devotional for his team before practices. I said yes, and began giving a spiritual message to the kids before each practice. Then I saw a program on Christian tv called The Way of the Master. I was blown away by the strong, direct message and the technique they use to share the gospel! I began watching every week, and soon began to order cd's, dvd's and gospel tracts from them. Since then I have learned to share my faith Biblically using the Law of God. It is powerful, and I am no longer afraid to share my faith with anyone! Soon after that, another soccer coach who attended my church asked if I would include his team in the practice devotional, and I said yes. Through him I was soon offered an opportunity to teach a Bible study at my church to a 65 and older class. I taught that class from 2009-2014.

I developed a great friendship with her older son as he became a man. He had been lifting weights since he was 15, and is ripped. He got married a few years ago, and moved across the country with his wife. His example and encouragement to eat better and be healthier motivated me, and I finally got around to getting braces in 2012. This caused me to give up soda, and I started losing weight. I started intermittent fasting January of 2013, and dropped from 252 to 179 lbs. In 2015 I started working out on an old Bowflex I had bought after we first got married, and gained some muscle and tone.

Then in August of 2015, my elderly parents moved in with us because they needed help with daily care. We had talked about it over the previous year, and we both agreed it was ok and we would take care of them. I made sure to double check, because I didn't want any misunderstandings later. My wife was nice and welcoming when they got here, but she quickly became more argumentative with them and me. It came to a head the second weekend after they arrived when she started on all of us, yelling and arguing and being totally irrational. We actually had to leave the house for a couple hours to keep it from escalating any further. I didn’t speak to her for a few days, and it was during this time that I Googled “How to get my wife to respect me. This led me to the Married Red Pill subreddit, where I created a Reddit login and submitted my first post. Needless to say, I was blown away by the advice I received. I had been reading the sidebar steadily, but the feedback in the comments I received specific to my situation was exactly what I needed at the time.

Since that post, I have slowly changed and molded myself into a strong RPChristian man. I took it slow, at my own pace, and am glad I didn’t try to change everything at once – small, steady changes with the frame to back it up. Frame took the longest for me, and the key to changing things was realizing that it was my emotional reaction to the things my wife said that was causing me the most problems. It took a long time to practice and internalize that my getting upset when my wife challenged me or said something I didn’t agree with stemmed from my subconscious view that SHE was the one in charge. Once I realized that it really was all up to me, and that I could make the decision and deal with the emotional frustration of her disagreeing, things really started changing for the better. This comment was a game changer for me in that respect. Because I was the classic Nice Guy ^^^TM, this part of my transformation took longer than anything else I did.

Now I take charge, showing leadership and making decisions. No more “I dunno, what do you want to do?” I decide. She can persuade me to change my mind if she wants. I have established clear boundaries, and although it took a while, she has come around and I get a lot more respect than I did in the past. I fix stuff around the house, maintain the cars, take responsibility for the bills and all things financial, have successfully completed a number of home-improvement projects around the house. I joined a gym in 2016, and have transformed my body. I had the advantage of working labor jobs for many years, so the muscle base was there, I just needed to shed the fat. My wife and son have since joined the gym as well, and we all go regularly.

These days, we go out into the community and hand out gospel tracts together and witness to people on the street, and both our sons can articulate and share their faith quite will. I minister online to others through Global Media Outreach, and answer questions online. I reach out on Facebook too. My wife reaches out to a very large Eastern European community here in our city. They are largely cultural Muslims, and my wife has an amazing gift of inviting others to our place to share the Gospel, as well as getting invited to others’ houses to share the gospel. The fact that she also speaks 5 different languages is a huge help in that endeavor, and I have had the opportunity to share the Gospel with many of them when they come over to our house on more than a few occasions.

I thank God for saving a wretched sinner like me, and am so thankful that He has chosen to use me for His glory! My life has become a witness to others, showing that even the worst and weakest can be changed by the power of Jesus Christ. In December of this year it will be 20 years since I gave my life to Christ. I could never have imagined 20 years ago that my life would be anything like it is today. My mess has become my message, and I have no problem sharing my past struggles and the change that has followed for the benefit of others. I have a long way to go yet, but God is faithful and I will get there by His grace!

In closing, here is the list of books that I have found to be the most helpful to me on my journey:

• The Bible
  
  
• No More Mr. Nice Guy (NMMNG)
  
  
• When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (WISNIFG)
  
  
• The Way of the Superior Man
  
  
• Married Man’s Sex Life Primer 2011 (MMSLP)
  
  
• Saving a Low Sex Marriage (SALSM) by u/bluepillprofessor
  
  
• The Book of Pook
  
  
• The Rational Male
  
  As well as almost all the posts on RPChristians, Married Red Pill and AskMRP.
  
  Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I pray you will be blessed and encouraged by it!
  
  And thanks to u/OsmiumZulu, whose post inspired this one.
  

OYS #13

Background/Stats: 34 y.o., 5'7", 187.6 lbs., 16.8% bodyfat (per Navy method). Married 9 years, wife is also 34, and we have 3 little kids.

Bench press PR is 285, deadlift PR is 440. Found this place spring of 2018.

Reading completed: RPC sidebar, MMSLP, Rational Male, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Biblical Masculinity Blueprint, SLSM by Bluepill Professor, The Game.

PHYSICAL: Ran 3x last week, once so far this week. Only one barbell lift since last week's post, but I’ve also done a couple of shorter kettlebell workouts. Barbell lift this weekend included bench press of 250 for 4 reps (failed halfway up on 5th rep) and 185 for 18 reps, and hex-bar deadlift of 375 for 5 (last week I failed on the 5th rep). Kettlebell workout yesterday was pretty fun. I did 50 clean and jerks using two 53-pound kettlebells. Double kettlebell clean and jerks usually make me feel really explosive and athletic.

On the downside, I woke up with a cold this morning. Nothing big, just a regular cold, but it slowed me down enough to not workout this morning (I might do something light tonight). I felt it coming, went to bed early and got great sleep, so hopefully it won’t last that long.

Also, my weight was up slightly today to 187.6 (from 187.0 last Wednesday). However, my waist size was also down slightly (around 1/8 of an inch). I think last night's dinner was just high in sodium, because I was under 186 the past couple days. I expect my weight to be back down again tomorrow.

MENTAL/SEX: Sex 2x since last week. I caught my cold from my wife, and being sick slowed things down in that department. However, both times were good, and she initiated the second time.

This has been something I’ve mentioned a couple of times here on OYS, but RPC has helped my relationship in a lot of ways that aren’t directly sexual. For example, as I’ve said before, I now act as my family’s leader. My wife and kids were sick this weekend, so I made pancakes, got out the running stroller and took my older two kids with me on two runs, grilled some burgers, got some groceries, and watched a couple of children’s movies with my family. In general, I actively took care of my family. My sick wife was verbally appreciative and (once she started to feel better) very physically affectionate. When I went to work on Monday, she texted me, “I really love you so much.”

This is not an endorsement for “choreplay.” (Link to study showing that doesn’t work: https://www.asanet.org/sites/default/files/savvy/journals/ASR/Feb13ASRFeature.pdf). In fact, while I might have done all those things pre-red pill, if I did, they would likely have been taken for granted.

I think the difference is largely due to a shift in mindset that I learned from RPC. Now I don’t do good things for my family because I’m trying to please my wife, in the way that a little boy wants to please his mother. Instead, I do them because it’s my Biblical responsibility to lead my family. I’m not saying that I don’t still slip up and do things to get validation or approval from my wife, but on the whole, that’s no longer the motivation behind most of my actions. And I owe that in large part to RPC.

Another reason that these actions are no longer taken for granted is that once you become more attractive, the things you do tend to be better received. u/Deep_Strength has a post that explains this dynamic: “The creep and romantic dynamic is thus: If an unattractive man gives a woman flowers, he is a creep. If an attractive man gives a woman flowers, he is romantic.” Link: https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2019/11/01/on-creeps-and-romantics-and-obedience-to-god/. Losing 4 inches around my waist, a better hairstyle, updated clothes, acting like I’m an attractive man – all of these things increase the value (in my wife’s eyes) of any acts of service that I perform. So thank you to RPC and the mods for helping me make this change. Now all I have to do is keep doing this stuff for the rest of my life, haha.

Another area where I'm starting to see some positive change is that my wife has expressed a desire to start working out again and to look better. She's still relatively slender and can look very attractive when she puts in effort, but she has been in "mommy mode" for the past few years and stopped paying much attention to her looks. I certainly appreciate her concern for our kids, but a future of mom jeans, baggy sweatshirts, and granny panties is not very exciting. She told me recently that she wants to start working out and looking better so that I will still want to have sex with her as we get older. Better yet, she actually worked out with me yesterday and scheduled a hair appointment for later this week. I've been working on my MAP for a year and a half, so seeing her finally take some steps in this direction is encouraging.

SPIRITUAL: I’m current on my Bible reading plan (actually several days ahead). We skipped church this week because my wife and kids were sick. Instead, we watched a children’s video about the birth of Christ.

The buddy from work that I’ve been reading Purpose Driven Life with has also been out sick, so no progress there. I’m thinking about reading The Biblical Masculinity Blueprint with him as our next book.

I’m listening to No More Christian Nice Guy on Audible. Link: https://www.amazon.com/More-Christian-Nice-Guy-Nice-Instead/dp/076420369X. So far, it’s been good. It may have flaws from an RPC perspective, but it talks a lot about the more rugged side of Jesus and about many of the “churchianity” issues discussed here.

GOALS for EOY 2019: Specific outcome goals and progress:

• Be current on my Bible reading plan. Currently 10 days ahead (this plan has me reading 1 chapter per day, and you finish the entire Bible in 3 years).
  
• Weigh under 180 pounds or waist size under 34 inches. Up 0.6 pounds from last week, but waist size is down to 35 flat. I think the weight thing is just temporary (see above).
  
• Bench press 285 pounds for 1 rep. Completed.
  
• Run a 5k under 26:00. Signed up for 5k on Jan. 1, 2020. Jogged 3x last week. Jogged 1x so far this week.
  
• Whiten my teeth. Whitening toothpaste is working pretty well.
  
• Earn another bonus. Doing my best, but struggling to stay focused with minor sickness (common cold). Currently assigned a project that could payoff big long-term, but probably won’t see any benefit before EOY.
  
• Finish reading 2 books to help me grow professionally. No progress here. Need to start doing professional reading first thing when I get to work, or buying books on Audible.
  
• Finish reading SGM, re-read NMMNG, and read "No More Christian Nice Guy." Finished NMMNG. Listening to No More Christian Nice Guy on Audible.

Thank you for your reply and the links. I debated whether to share some thoughts with you and any other readers, but I think I will.

The trouble with the internet is the inability to hear tone - often one has to choose between sounding aggressive or coming off as condescending. I want to graciously raise some concerns, at the same time I’m not trying to communicate an attitude of superiority and judgment, so I ask that you would hear it as such.

OP wrote: “Why let women with the heart, self discipline and solipsism of a kid to have that powerful dynamite called voting in their hands.” There is an assumed theological proposition in that statement: Namely that women have an immature and relatively underdeveloped character with regard to self-discipline and preferring others. With regard to his statement on the “heart... of a kid” I’m not sure if he implies courage or overall emotional stability.

Either way, this statement is a profound anthropological claim which has been wholly overlooked in all of the comments presently on this post. Inasmuch as it claims that women have a naturally deficient (I’m guessing based on the argument, this claimed deficiency is not relative to God’s perfection, but to males) morality, it implies that there is a greater barrier between a woman because of her femininity and God, because self-discipline and pursuing the interest of others as greater than our own are all vital to having the mind of Christ (see Phil 2:1-12).

This explains my original question as to whether this theology (consult any systematic theology as to the place of anthropology within the greater study of theology - 1 2 ) is representative of the thinking here. It was encouraging to read u/Deep_Strength say “No.”, but he didn’t address the the the anthropological issue at all.

Honestly concerning were the responses from yourself, and u/Whitified who failed to see that there was any theological issue at play here. You said “This post has nothing to do with theology, in fact there is no Scripture quoted at all,” but I hope you understand that without quoting Scripture, if I should say, “God exists in three persons, all God in essence yet distinct in personhood,” I have made a deeply theological statement. In the same way then, OPs statement is quite theological without quoting any Scripture, which perhaps is another measure of the theology, but of course it is ok to summarize at times.

So why do I even care? Look, I think there are a lot of guys here trying to do a good thing, which is to find out what God requires of us as men and not just be the best human we can, but be the best man as God defines manhood. But remember that God expects men to be wise (even as we are to be like Christ who is wise Luke 2:52), and we are to defend the weak like Christ defended the weak (Matt 19:14).

You said this subreddit “exists to provide a safe place for Christians to discuss problems, solutions and insights on relationships, sex, and biblical masculinity according to biblical principles.” But is a place where a Christian woman is considered naturally deficient morally just as a woman a safe place for her to discuss? Is this considered, “good, healthy discussion”, and “civil”? Especially when those is charge of maintaining this civil environment do not recognized the issues at stake in the discussion?

It is good that we push back on feminist agenda and unbiblical ideas in the culture that infect our society. But we should also be mindful of our own folly and weaknesses of our own positions, lest we create a new culture of unbiblical ideas to infect the culture. To do so is not beta, but Christ-like and manly.

I hope these words encourage some of you men here. Grace and Peace.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1932455302

“Bilingual edition: In English and in Greek. It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35). When you receive, your hands are filled but when you give, your soul is filled. When you swear for someone else, your body is getting tired but your soul is at rest. Life means "offering". Marriage is also an offering. It is a source of life and of joy. A candle will not illuminate a room if it does not melt. Incense doesn't become fragrant if it doesn't melt. The same is true of spouses. If they do not "melt" into their obligations, they will not illumine in their marriage or become fragrant. Every husband and wife can become light and incense as long as they desire to do so, as long as they try and struggle to "melt" while fulfilling their spousal obligations. This book is a guide to a good and successful marriage. Hopefully, it will help our brothers and sisters in Christ view their marriage as a spiritual struggle, which can "elevate" them to Heaven. Amen. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Δίγλωσση Έκδοση: Αγγλικά και Ελληνικά. Τό βιβλίο εἶναι εἶναι ἕνας ὁδηγός γιά μιά ὡραία συζυγία· γιά ἕναν ὄμορφο καί πετυ- χημένο Γάμο! Μακάρι νά βοηθήσει τούς ἐν Χριστῷ ἀδελφούς μας, ἄνδρες καί γυναίκες, ὥστε νά ἰδοῦν τή συζυγία τους σάν ἕνα πνευματικό ἀγώνισμα πού θά τούς ἀνεβάσει ψηλά, πολύ ψηλά στόν Οὐρανό! Ἀμήν.”

Great stuff. thanks for puting this all together. I know it took a while to get this all out on here. Keep up the good work.

We are going through a similar series here in our local group. This idea of vetting a woman can be tricky stuff.

One of the things that we teach is to learn about attachment styles. Attachment styles are crucial because some personality types can go undetected during even the longest of dating periods.

For example, a covert narcissist is skilled at hiding and obfuscating and has in fact built their whole life around covert behaviors and gas-lighting manipulative behaviors. These types of behaviors are never talked about or trained, etc.

They can ruin relationships of all types...especially marriages.

A nice intro book into Attachment Styles is Amir Levine's book:

https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=attached&qid=1551372762&s=gateway&sr=8-1

Anyway, keep up the great work in helping guys learn how to better vet women.

Compassionate Alpha

>I’ve had a pastor at my church admit that if he spoke out against Marxism, the church would only retain 1/5 of if it’s members.

Hmm, wasn't the early Church Marxist in nature, in that members apparently pooled their resources? (Incidentally it doesn't seem that it worked very well for them; hence Paul's admonition that people who don't work shouldn't be able to eat, etc.). The Pilgrims were inspired by the Gospel to attempt communal farming -- again, it failed and they nearly starved before adopting an "every family for itself" model. OTOH, there were a number of religious communistic societies in 18th-century America that fared quite well for a time. The Shakers are probably the best-known, but there were others as well, such as the Amana colonies and Harmony Society. An interesting read: https://www.amazon.com/Communistic-Societies-United-States/dp/1406550418#customerReviews

(In short while I think socialism/communism may be impractical, I wouldn't consider it necessarily ungodly.)

Good question. I’m surprised this hasn’t been covered in the sidebar yet.

So compression shorts don’t really work and the guys I know who have tried them still end up unwittingly waving their willies.

The way most guys who want to ensure their manhood isn’t put on display go with is Big Devil Fly Paper Nothing keeps your “big devil” down in your trousers quite like a piece of heavy duty adhesive keeping it trapped against your thigh.

As a bonus, if your self control fails you and you attempt to cross boundaries with her, your penis will be too raw from the painful extraction from the paper to be used indecently; a win win!

Ignoring some of the how women work commentary he makes, I highly recommend Wild At Heart by John Eldridge.

https://www.amazon.com/Wild-Heart-Revised-Updated-Discovering/dp/1400200393/

Look up the book Boundries by Cloud and Townsend - Scripture based, very good, helped me solidify my frame.

Let me share something back: https://www.amazon.com/Closet-Vatican-Power-Homosexuality-Hypocrisy/dp/1472966147

Iron John by Robert Bly.

He talks a lot about what it means in different cultures to transition from boyhood to manhood and how we've lost that initiation concept. He covers a ton in that book. Some ephemeral. Some concrete. It's kind of like a David Dieda conversation he has with the reader about manhood.