(Part 2) Top products from r/RedditForGrownups

> I’m not the grammar police except in my own head, and I don’t correct people (except my husband because I love him and don’t want others thinking he’s ignorant) but I do think less of them and I don’t like that about myself. [...] So I’ve written down that sentence from the advice column, and hope that if I see it several times every day, I will become less critical of others’ shortcomings and more gracious with people in general.

Something else that can help is to remember that just because we think we know something doesn't mean we're correct about what we know.

Quite a bit of the English "grammar" we learn in school has little to do with what's objectively grammatically correct in our language and much to do with who speaks certain ways. "I've never been there" and "I ain't never been there" are equally correct; the latter simply uses stigmatized forms. Every person speaks one or more dialects, and every dialect is a rule-governed system. But when rules conflict, the one that's seen as "right" in mainstream society is the one used by those with more societal power and prestige.

There are even completely artificial, nonexistent "rules" imposed on the language from the outside, purely for the purpose of signaling prestige. It's never incorrect, for example, to end a sentence with a preposition. This is and always has been grammatical in English, in any dialect—but for hundreds of years, as a completely arbitrary rule it's been a useful shibboleth for identifying who can afford a certain level of education.

If you're the autodidactic type and want to learn more about what we were incorrectly taught in school, a couple of books I highly recommend as primers are American English: Dialects and Variation by Walt Wolfram and Natalie Schilling and English with an Accent: Language, Ideology, and Discrimination in the United States by Rosina Lippi-Green. Both of these texts were fundamental to shattering and rebuilding my entire grammatical worldview during my first linguistics course in college, prior to which I'd considered myself quite the expert on what was "right" and "wrong" in English.

A lot of good suggestions here, but I recommend working on yourself from the ground up. Specifically, addressing your depression and low self-worth. Your parents have seemingly caused you a great deal of pain and muddied your self-perception and your perception of the world. Counseling is a no-brainer. But what I have found to help me most significantly is reading self-help books that help you work through the challenges of your toxic way of thinking. The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David D. Burns goes into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and teaches you to overcome the warped thoughts that plague many of us. Formal therapy can absolutely help, but for me self-education and working through the concepts described by CBT on my own were extremely beneficial to me in my 20s.

That is a tough question. Luck definitely plays a role, and it's easy to compare yourself to your peers. I would recommend the following:

https://b-ok.cc/?signAll=1

At the above website read free copy of mark manson's 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck'

Also have a look at this:

https://dailystoic.com/

And this:

Happy: Why More or Less Everything is Absolutely Fine https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0552172359/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_r0HPDbSS5P7GY

I think there's more to it than the lists posted here, but my boyfriend doesn't do any of the things listed. I'm finally in a happy relationship, although I don't know what the future holds or if he's The One. (I thought my ex-husband was The One so, my mileage varies.) Interestingly, many of the things on the lists in this post are things my mother does.......

When I was separated from my ex-husband I read a book called "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" and it helped me see that the relationship was not going to be saved.

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452275350/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_V7L4ybGY7WW94

Thanks! There's a great book on negotiating jobs and other important things I'd really suggest you read right now. It will give you a lot of tools for advocating for yourself. It was written by an FBI hostage negotiator who inspire the Denzel Washington movies proof of life and others. It's a great book and will help you not settle but get what you want out of any work transaction.

http://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805?ie=UTF8&psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00

Eighties John Hughes movies are the best - I read a book - You Couldn't Ignore Me If You Tried about him, his movies and the brat pack - great read!

Not as an argument for or against I highly recommend reading [Tom Friedman's - Thank you for Being Late] (https://www.amazon.com/Thank-You-Being-Late-Accelerations/dp/0374273537/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1496856420&sr=8-1&keywords=thank+you+for+being+late). This does take a historical look at how innovation has shaped our lives today. There is some speculation about where we will go next too. Then, of course, everyone thinks they can tell the future.

I don't know if this has been posted yet or not but this book is a good read for anyone, but especially someone feeling the way you are feeling.

This really seems like a soul searching sort of thing, the meaning of life type of question that you can only really answer for yourself. A lot of people struggle with this, those in their twentys and those in their fifties, my husband still struggles with it. The only thing I think is important to remember is that you if you don't pick something you will end up with nothing, and that is much worse, but it sounds like you know that so I will leave you with this book that seems really popular in addressing this issue http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385307888/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_8?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=A365C2XG0O7B0H

https://smile.amazon.com/Paul-Harveys-Rest-Story-Aurandt/dp/0385127685/ref=sr_1_1?crid=SGXIAR1EX3RZ&keywords=paul+harvey+the+rest+of+the+story&qid=1555366350&s=gateway&sprefix=paul+harvey%2Caps%2C171&sr=8-1 Here is a book with a bunch of the stories in it. I have a copy of it somewhere. I loved him!

Awesome. You should also see if you can get her to read The Jungle Effect. It can get her thinking in the right direction.

/u/sebwiers,

Like everyone else, I recommend a second opinion.

A few years ago I read a book called "How Doctors Think'. It was by an MD and a medical school professor who developed mysterious pains in his hands and who went through an ordeal to get correctly diagnosed and helped. He used his own story to illustrate how the system works and how communicating with doctors in different ways get different results.

One of the most important things the book had to say was when you get a second opinion, do NOT tell the second doctor what the first doctor said. Do not even tell them you visited anyone else.

I've also read and heard many stories of Dentist A saying X and Dentist B saying Y. No disrespect to anyone who is a dental professional but I have gotten the impression that opinions about what needs to be done can vary a lot between dentists.

If it turns out everything your dentist says is true, like someone else wrote, ask if there is a payment plan. If not, ask if the work can be spaced out over years to fit your insurance or if it all has to be done ASAP. Also, a different dentist may have a payment plan where yours does not.

As someone else mentioned it is possible to get cheaper dental work at dental schools.

It is also possible to do "dental tourism" and get cheaper dental work in foreign countries.

I haven't done either, so do you own research and use your own judgment.

Thanks for making me inadvertently feeling better. Due to a bad experience I've avoided dentists for a chunk of my early adult life. A few years ago I got up the balls to go see one. I escaped only needing a modest amount of work. However at my last visit I needed more. It was painful, humiliating, and expensive.

What you wrote showed me it could be much worse so I feel grateful for my circumstances.

Thank you.

No. you got out of shape. Start an exercise program, even if it's just walking everyday. try reading younger Next year, great book for us old farts. they also have a couple of exercise books in the series.

I recommend "Crucial Conversations" (Amazon). This is one of the books we used at work for management training.

I highly recommend the book A Grief Out of Season.

It's so weird as an adult... and I would get so angry when people would say, "At least it didn't happen when you were a kid."

Also, I lived far away, so it was so weird for me to come home for the holidays and everything was just so different. I was so not prepared for it.

There's a good book called I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was. It doesn't just address how to find a career path - it also addresses (very well) what might be keeping you stuck.

I'm not sure about those "poor results"?

Violence is lower than ever. Unless you count exceptions like Baltimore, which we are not allowed to talk about.

I think abortion should be legal and widely available. But it's at an all time low. Birth control is getting better.

It is acceding to Mark Mason’s research

Have you done any reading on trauma healing? I found Judith Lewis Herman and Bessel van der Kolk very helpful. It took a couple years, but I had more backed-up years of trauma effects than you do. Six months could be enough time for meaningful progress.

Counsellors and therapists never helped me, either, and I've been to quite a few, none great. I agree with you no one really wants to hear about the trauma and those that are willing to listen at all are few and tend not to stick around. Just my personal experience.

I'm not a minority. I'm a culture of one. I have an inkling of your pain.